Fiancee GHOSTED Me Before Our Wedding, Now 16 Years Later She Wants To Talk It Over r/Relationships

Hey guys, it's Beatrice, Tammy and Sharon from our podcast Uncut and we're currently sponsored by the Department for Work and Pensions. Lives busy and admin gets forgotten but if your claiming benefits, listen up. If something changes, you need to tell DWP otherwise you could face a penalty. That could be a partner moving in even if they keep their own place or if a car doubles up as a taxi and family car, you should only report work related costs or forgotten savings like premium bonds. To find out if you need to report a change, search tell DWP. Hello, it's Emily Dean from Walking the Dog here and this podcast is sponsored by the Woodland Trust. Walking in the woods with my dog Ray has become one of my favourite ways to clear my head. There's something about being around trees that makes the whole world feel a bit more peaceful. That's why I love the work of the Woodland Trust who protect and restore our precious woodlands and you can support that work in such a lovely personal way by dedicating a tree, bench, post or area of woodland to someone special. From a suggested donation of just £20, it's a thoughtful lasting gift that helps woods and wildlife thrive. Visit woodlandtrust.org.uk slash walkingthedog to start your dedication. All tees and seas apply. Thanks for watching. I hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe and that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it says my 38 female ex fiance ghosted me 39 male before our wedding. It's been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds? It starts. I was never given an explanation. She just left and told nobody. It was literally right before our big wedding ceremony. She didn't leave a note, nothing, just left. Even her family were left baffled. She just up and left. We're dated all through high school and all through college. She eventually returned but not to me. Had to learn via third party, her parents. She had no intentions of coming home. She wanted nothing to do with me and told her parents to avoid having me around. I never got a chance in the matter. I respected her wishes. I never understood why she did it. My only guess was she had a mental breakdown because she cut off all contact with everyone. We were both young and still growing. I don't know but I've struggled with it since. Out of the blue she DMs me on Facebook after all these years and wants to meet up. I'm an influx of emotions right now. Angry, nervous, hopeful, sad. I still have feelings for her. I don't know if I could take her back but looking at her Facebook makes me miss her. She's even better looking than she was before and single. I'm conflicted. She won't talk about anything as to why she left. She said it's best to do so in person. The only thing I can tell is from her Facebook is a bunch of stuff about her being weak and living a life full of shame and regret and being lonely. This is dumb. She ghosted me and I should want nothing to do with her but damn it I have feelings for her. I never stopped thinking about her. What should I do? Ghost her in return, call her out, see where this date takes us. The first commenter with a response from OP said first off, damn OP that's rough. 16 years is a long time. Would meeting up with her set you back in the time you spent getting over this or will it give you the closure you never found? OP says I don't know. I just want closure. For the longest time I thought she'd cheated on me. But then only things I've been told from her family and the few friends she didn't cut off. It's more like a mental breakdown. I know she was scared to death about the wedding and her looming finals in her career. She was beyond stressed. She ghosted everyone. She eventually came back but I was never involved. I've never stopped thinking of her. One's like this where people come back into your life because they need closure. It's always a very personal thing I think. For me, I always say this. For me, that I'm a curious person, I would want to know. I would probably meet up with that person just to get some answers, just to get that closure. But for anyone else or if you think it would affect you in a negative way that simply don't do it because after 16 years with zero explanation and she suddenly turns up wanting closure on her timeline, of course that's going to fuck you up a bit. I think if you need that closure, meet her but go into it protecting your own heart because it's already broken once without any explanation and not allowing those old feelings to cloud your thinking here. Another commenter said, I was thinking talk to her, get some closure right up until this. Then quoted, she's even better looking than she was before and single. Then says, this is not going to have a happy ending. Another commenter says, I've been in your situation. Although she returned after a year, edit I think it was two years and try to make things like they used to be. I'm going to tell you something very important. Her explanation will not be enough and it will not be closure. You're probably a stronger, better person these days, I hope. So meeting with her might not set you back. It'll probably upset you because nobody should ever be ghosted like you were. There's no excuse. The weeks, months, maybe even years where you were left wondering her over. They don't matter. You lived on just fine after a while and nothing she says will change that. Meet her if you want but she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of, at least I told him, without being told off for it. Best of luck. Another commenter says, she had a lot of opportunities to explain. One, before the wedding, two, after she left, three, when she went back to town. Four, when she talked to her parents. Five, right there when she sent her Facebook message. She has avoided all of these for 16 years and even told her parents that she didn't want anything to do with you. Now that she only wants to explain in person, I think she just wants to use it as a hook to make you agree to personally see her. An opportunity to push a new agenda while you're vulnerable. Love yourself and do not go back to this horrible and selfish person. Not like she was kidnapped or something. Another one says she ghosted you for 16 years. I wouldn't even respond. It seems like you need closure but as everyone else says, 16 years is a long time and you yourself have probably changed quite a bit as well. I would go into this meeting with the intent for closure but nothing else. Remember, she ghosted you before your wedding for 16 years. And one more which says, are you single? Closure can only be found within yourself. If you have not moved on in 16 years, therapy will help you more than meeting her. You two were barely even adults when she abandoned you. She is now approaching midlife crisis age and trying to go back to when she was a kid with you because she hasn't managed to grow and mature into a person she is satisfied with. It sounds like you have been similarly stunted. Cut contact and find therapy. The more of these comments that are coming along, the more I'm virgin on the edge of like maybe he shouldn't meet up with her at all. But especially like some of the comments about her being single. It sounds like he's hoping for potentially more but I don't know. So OP did come back in with an update and says well that was something. I got closure at least. We met at a cafe and sat and talked outside. The first thing I noticed was how badly scarred her arms were and how much pain was in her face. Long story short she wanted to break up long before the wedding. She was too weak and cowardly to speak up for herself. She had a complete nervous breakdown over everything. She had been tired of being forced into doing things she never wanted to do and never having the guts to stand up for herself. She was mad at her family pressuring her to get married and pump out kids. She was mad at them for forcing her into a degree that she didn't want. She was mad at herself for not being able to speak up. Nothing she did was justified which we agreed on. When I first proposed to her I did it in a public area. I'd put her on the spot and she wanted to say no but she couldn't bear to see me hurt. She was right. I made all the choices for her. I was a very different person back then and she was very meek. As in she just went with a flow and had no backbone. I drowned her voice out often and often never gave her the chance to grow to be a person. Back then I was often focused only on myself. While everything came to a climax and she had a complete mental breakdown. She ran away from her problems at the behest of her best friend and only person in the world she ever trusted. As she said it's the only thing she knows how to do. Run. She never had the spine to speak up. Her life just spiraled downwards. She did a few years homeless after her best friend's husband kicked her to the curb. The rest of that time was spent in prison. Which she didn't specify what she did. She was released about a year ago and has been turning her life around. She has a job, she's reconnected with her parents and she's finally reconnecting with me. She never stopped trying to get in touch with me. As for our future, we have none. We both agree to end things and go our separate ways. We both are changed. Two different people. We have nothing in common and don't live near each other. She doesn't justify what she did nor does she want to be forgiven. She thinks it's repulsive and is ashamed of her actions. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't. I just forgave her. With that we shook hands, said our goodbyes and that will likely be the last time we ever see one another. It's bittersweet. I got the closure I wanted. We both did. It feels like a burden was released. I know now we never had a future together and never will. But on the other hand I'm sad because it's over. All these years maybe hoping something would happen or for naught. But in the end this isn't ending and I finally have closure. Not many get to say that. Do I believe her story? Yes. I do and even if she's full of shit at this point, it doesn't even matter. I've always known her to be very weak-willed and meek. She often just does what everyone tells her to do and often runs when things get too difficult. She avoids her problems because she was too weak to stand up to them. I mean it makes sense why a family would not talk to me about her. They were the typical tiger parents that disowned their problem child. One of the commenters was blaming the friend a lot and Opie said her friend was an enabler. We all were. Her friend was the one who encouraged her to run. Of course nobody forced her to. It was all her. If I hadn't ignored her problems, if I actually been a part of her life I might have seen. It is what it is though. Opie quotes someone saying the proposal shouldn't be the surprise when it happens should. You should know 100% before you do it. As in discussed it is what you both want at some point. Dropping it at random does a huge amount of pressure on the other person if they're not quite there. Then says truth is she was right. I dropped the proposal on her on purpose in public to ensure she wouldn't say no. I was only thinking about myself. Never occurred to me that she was unhappy. Never occurred to me that she was very uncomfortable with a public proposal. Opie when told his ex was bullied by a lot of people leading to the jolting. And Opie said I abused her. There I said it. I neglected her needs in favour of mine and forced into a marriage. I'm no better than her mum and dad really. It pisses me off all these years I never realised how rotten I was. And on the back of the comments after this one people were speculating a lot about missing reasons because of this and maybe if the ex-fiancee was to give her side of the story things might be a lot different. But many people just pointing out that they can see missing reasons within this story. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Hey guys it's Beatrice, Tammy and Sharon from our podcast Uncut and we're currently sponsored by the Department for Work and Pensions. Lives busy and admin gets forgotten but if your claiming benefits listen up. If something changes you need to tell DWP otherwise you could face a penalty. That could be a partner moving in even if they keep their own place or if a car doubles up as a taxi and family car you should only report work related costs or forgotten savings like premium bonds. To find out if you need to report a change search tell DWP. Crisp, vibrant and bursting with citrus. Villamiria's New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is the perfect wine made to be enjoyed on every occasion. Whether you're soaking up the sun in your garden, hosting a backyard barbecue or unwinding after a long day, the zesty lime and lush tropical fruits are always delicious. Try Villamiria Sauvignon Blanc, a vibrant New Zealand wine that's perfect for every occasion. Available at all good wine retailers. Now our next story comes from the true of my chest subreddit and says my wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off but really I quit so I can make a go at being a Twitch streamer full time. Oof. My wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch or video games at all. She doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry I used to work in. She's a paramedic so she works different shifts and does not know I stream at times when she is not home. Her salary is enough to cover our bills although things will be a bit tighter until I start making money on my stream. I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm bringing in enough money that I can do it full time. I've never been happier and not stressed as I am now. It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say I'm networking and job hunting when I'm really streaming if my wife and slash or my three year old is home. If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare it's harder but I make it work. I feel a bit guilty for lying but I have wanted to do this for a long time. No one that I know in real life knows. Obviously posting this with a throwaway. Oof that is absolutely awful. This guy is trying to build some kind of streaming career which I can't state how difficult that is in itself. I mean how many people are trying to do it these days as well. While his paramedic wife thinks they're in some sort of financial crisis and just trying to grind to keep their family afloat. And she unknowingly bankrolls your career switch if you like. People can make full time out of streaming but and it can pay off but let's face it the odds are extremely stacked against you especially if you're just coming from nothing and whilst doing this he's betting his family's stability without even giving his wife any heads up any vote on it. And it's the deception that's the issue here not his career choice. I mean if she agreed to it then absolutely go for it but you know she hasn't even had a say in the matter. And there's no way you're going to be able to continue to hide this like saying that you're going to your office to do you know look for jobs or whatever while you're streaming that is just not going to work. Come what it says to OP you are being a really really bad husband. If I was your wife I would not care if you started making money doing this because I would be heartbroken that you lied and deceived me. And not over something small over quitting your job. Entire financial burden is now on her and she doesn't even know. What if she decided to quit or gets fired. You guys would be up shit creek without a paddle not being dramatic but I would leave you over this. This is insanity. Liadark says not only you're not contributing financially but also completely ignoring your household and parenting responsibilities and shamelessly lying to your partner for a foolish dream which I don't even think you yourself believe it. You just want an excuse to sit on your ass in game all day. Open your eyes pal very few streamers actually make it. You have to be extremely lucky plus make extraordinary slash unique content to even start earning something and it will not be enough to support your family and even yourself and even yourself for a very long time if ever. Stop lying to your wife stop lying to yourself before it's too late. Get a grip find a job start being a fucking father to your daughter. I swear the guy probably came here just to have people enable his shitty behavior. Puzzleheaded ad says there it is the dumbest thing I've read all day. Sad split says she's going to find out and leave you. An OP updated and says I know I'll probably get flamed but I get it. I understand that I am the one who ruined my life and my marriage. My divorce was finalized a year ago. She found out about six months after I posted. I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up. I regret my stupidity so much. She left our flat with our daughter and went to live with her sister and hired a solicitor and that was it. Don't be stupid like me. We've been divorced for a year and I found out that she just started dating again. I'm gutted. I miss her. I miss my daughter because she only lives with me half the time. Whenever I see my wife's sister or other members of her family they give me the stink eye. I can't believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic. I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. I know I get judged either way but I'm posting in case anyone understands what I'm going through and being gutted when your ex starts dating again. And the two top comments on this one says I read your original post and the funny thing is that everyone told you this was going to happen and it did. Georgie Porgy says honestly I was with him for a moment there. Thought he had seen the error of his ways. Then he dropped in case anyone understands what I'm going through and then says and realized he's still the victim in his head. I mean that was a predictable outcome at the very end there wasn't it and the guy just needs to move on in the end because that's what she's doing. When in that first part of the post when he said you know just quit his job to just try and stream I was just like rubbing my forehead it's I know I don't stream I do videos but like it just seems inconceivable to go down that road. I didn't quit my full-time job until I was at least had enough money backed up to cover myself for a long period of time because you never know when this is going to end it can it could end today for all I know. It's just all so unstable which you know just makes me appreciate you guys even more so thank you once again but what do you guys make of this one and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from chicken wing priest who says I'm either asshole here for going off on my friend for getting mad at me because I won't hang out with his cheetah girlfriend. I was asked by a friend of mine to stop by his place and grab some stuff one day a few months ago since I had a spare key. Nobody was supposed to be there since his girlfriend works at the time but when I got there her car and a truck I didn't recognize were in the driveway. Immediately assumed the worst and was right. Took a few pictures of the truck and car in the driveway then went to confront her and she was half naked on the couch with another guy. Snapped a few pics and left before she'd get dressed and chase me down. Immediately called my friend and let him know what I saw. Met up and showed him the pictures. It was heartbroken but said he'd started to suspect things a few weeks prior so he wasn't too surprised. He confronts her and she gives the usual cheetah bs. It was a mistake only happened once. I love you he meant nothing. However she couldn't keep up the lie and was forced to admit she'd done it with another guy a few months previously and that same guy I caught here with the night before when she was staying later at work but was actually at her side piece's house. He broke up with her and kicked her out of his place. Seemed to be doing better until a couple of weeks later he gets lonely and takes her back. Now they are together again and I stop hanging out when she's around so I don't see him as much anymore. We had the following exchange when we met up for lunch and wondering if I was too harsh. This isn't word for word but it's the best I can pull from memory. He said why didn't you come over anymore? We barely hang out. Opie said you know why I'm not hanging out with or around your girl. She's a cheetah and I don't hang out with cheetahs. Also she fucking hates me because I'm the one that caught her stepping out on you remember? He said she doesn't hate you. I forgave her it's fine so just come over tonight me can hang out. She wants you over there too. I said it's not happening. I hope you're happy with her but I think she's trash and I'd rather sit in a room by myself than pretend she's not a total piece of shit just so you can act like everything is okay. He said why the hell do you care? She didn't cheat on you. He was getting visibly worked up at this point and I was probably looking about the same. I said look if you want to sweep this shit under the rug and keep pretending things are fine. Well she figures out how to get some side dick again. Without getting caught that's your choice but I can never pretend that I didn't walk in on her half naked with another man and I can't pretend that you aren't an idiot for taking her back when she obviously is going to cheat again and has no respect for you. Hell have less respect for you for taking her back. We sat in angry silence for a minute before I left and since then it's been mostly quiet. Got a text asking if I really think she's a horrible person and I replied yes she's a horrible person and I hate her and I hope one day you're smart enough to leave her but until then I'd be keeping my distance from you as well. And that's been about it. A few of our mutual friends hung out with them recently and they say it's super awkward. My friend tries to get them to interact with her but they also don't like her. They're just too polite to say anything to his face about it. So getting to the judgement I need. Have I been too harsh here? Was I an asshole for snapping in him like that after everything that happened? Should I have just played nice and just made excuses not to hang out instead? I think it's one of those ones where you know some of that stuff that was said could come across as harsh but it's one of those ones where it sounds like you're just being a good friend and he needed to hear that. He needs to hear it. I'd feel exactly the same as Opie in this situation. I wouldn't want to be around someone who's hurt my friend in the past and is potentially going to hurt them again in the future. They're just untrustworthy and I don't hang around with untrustworthy people. But when confusion says not the asshole, cheaters are disgusting and frankly I'd be the same. If he wants to forgive her that's fine but you don't have to. You don't have to hang around anyone you don't want to hang around with and nobody can tell you or not tell you who to be around. Opie says for the record I understand that I'm not an asshole for wanting to distance myself from his girlfriend. I'm mostly worried about how harsh I was when we met up and got into our argument. That's where I think I might have crossed the line. Pismo says no, you were a true friend. Frankly he's lucky to have you. We all need someone who will have our back even if having their back means giving them the harsh truth. No true friend would let their friend continue to be a doormat. Just don't give up on the guy when he eventually catches her cheating again or she dumps him. He'll need his friends because she obviously has some kind of hold on him. Wynn says not the asshole for being harsh to your friend. Is it possible she's changed? Not without putting in the hard work of therapy and redemption. She didn't do any of that. Your friend and his third leg got lonely but he decided getting his third leg a workout was more important and his pride and self-respect. Opie does update the post around a month later. He says a month ago I came here to get some perspective on a potential falling out with a friend of mine over him getting back with his girlfriend after I caught her cheating on him and she admitted to doing it multiple times. I stopped hanging out with him after we got into an argument over me not wanting to hang out with his cheetah girlfriend. Things played out almost exactly how I figured they were and I'm pretty validated in my disdain for his now ex. After our fight my friend and I barely spoke to each other outside of a few texts and I got a call from him yesterday letting me know he kicked her out. He told me he'd only taken her back after several weeks of her begging and promising to do whatever it took to win his trust back. One of the conditions of him taking her back was full access to her phone, laptop and game console without complaint. He said at first she was happy to comply but after a few weeks he noticed her acting suspicious and when he went to check her phone she'd changed the passcode from the one they'd agreed on for him to get in. When confronted she started screaming at him and telling him she'd done enough to prove herself so he needed to back off. He immediately dumped her and kicked her out, said she immediately backtracked and tried to hand her phone over when she realized he was serious but the damage was done. Thirdly was almost relieved she acted like this because it made the decision easier. I came over and helped him move all of her stuff into boxes for her to pick up. I wasn't there when she came to get everything but his sister was there and had to get between them because his ex kept trying to kiss him one last time while awkwardly dragging boxes of her stuff out to her car. I'm sad I didn't get to be there. Apparently she ugly cried most of the time. I'm going to head over to his place after work to drink and play video games to get his mind off things. He's a dumbass but I think he's finally learned his lesson about her. I just hope his next girl is loyal and doesn't talk so much during movies. He's too hard to look her in the face while she's destroying your friend. He came back and knows you're a good friend. Opie says more importantly he knows he's a dumbass but he's a lovable dumbass. Nerd as a verb says he has such low self-esteem that he accepts cheating and emotional abuse to the extent it damages his relationship with his friends. He needs help like professional help at this point. Lisa Lev says not they are soul. You shouldn't be forced to hang out with people you don't like or respect and I'm glad he finally has the blinders off. You sound like a good friend he was watching his back but sometimes people in love or lust are really dumb and you just have to be there to pick up the pieces but the fact that she talks during movies would have been a deal breaker. That's just wrong. Opie says if there weren't explosions and fight scenes on the screen she'd immediately get bored and try to talk to people about random stuff. It was so bizarre. She'd even do it with movies she picked. MCA says I usually pause the TV if someone is talking or if I have something to say. It drives my daughter nuts but I find it annoying trying to watch a show with someone talking. I'm glad your friend finally saw the light. Sometimes dumbasses take longer to see the light. That's why they are called dumbasses. Opie says that sounds like a much more efficient method than my solution. I just waited until she blew up the relationship a second time and removed herself more permanently. I'm honestly looking forward to the movie nights again. Comedia says you're a damn good friend. I hope he appreciates you. Opie says I'm splurging on the good pizza and beer tonight. He'd better appreciate it. Her says nice can we be friends too. Opie says only if you stay away from your cheating ex and don't stomp us too bad at Smash Bros. Her says you got it buddy. And Opie does sound like an absolutely amazing friend. Turning up with pizza and beer after that as well and understanding that his friend has just made some poor choices. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Oh you just don't care. No no no you just don't just don't care. With LV I can get my car insurance from just £299. Just the price I'm after right now. 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