EP 79: From Addict to Comic, Sobriety with a Side of Sarcasm with Matt Ross

and spirituality and all this like random. He like, I was just listening to one of, I listened every once in a while, I listened to an old one where they have the rapper screela on. Yeah. Because Matt went on the screela dive of, he went on this like deep dive of like Kensington rappers and like shit like that. And, and, and he's on the podcast. And it's like, that's not something that Shane's ever going to bring up, but yeah, it works out perfect. And Shane will just be like, you'll let him do all it. What are you gay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're super cool. I love, I've always watched the, they don't have a lot of them, but they have the Saturn at night, the SNLs, which Shane where he's doing the news. Yeah. And it's like two white people, two black people, and there are people who are on fucking, oh yeah. Yeah. I can watch those over and over and over again and just fucking laugh knowing like what's coming. Shane's sketch comedy is like better than anything you'll see on SNL, dude. Yeah. So fucking fucking dude. Absolutely. You need a clap. No. You sure? Well, I'm going to do it anyway. All right. We love the clap. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we're back to another episode of two addicts in a moron. Ladies and gentlemen. Matt Ross, everybody. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I'm happy to be here. I wasn't sure who the moron was. I was just kidding. Yeah. I've, I've, I think, I didn't know if you always had an addict on and then one of you was the moron and then he showed up and I thought, I thought this guy could be the moron. No, no, no. No, no. No, it's not me. It would be funny if your guest was the moron. Yeah. It's not. He was never said anything to him about it. Yeah. And at the end he's like, they were both, wait, am I the fucking moron? Yeah. Well, thank you guys for having me. No, thank you. Appreciate you for coming. So I'll be sure you watched a little bit of us. I watched quite a bit of you just to kind of try and get acquainted with the personality that was coming on. Cool. You are a comedian. I am. Yeah. Stand up comedian. Yeah, dude. And, and sober. Yes. So I want to talk about that in a minute. Sure. But before we get started, how long you've been sober? Um, October was nine years. Damn. Been at it a little while. Yeah. And, uh, what are you doing? I'm 32. I just turned 32. So I got sober. I turned, I turned 23 while I was in treatment. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I was a young guy. That always blows my mind when people get sober at such a young age. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm grateful. I, you know, I mean, I have so many friends who are, you know, your age, you know, in their forties and, and they're like my buddies. And they've been sober the same amount of time as me. They always express the same thing with, like, I just couldn't have imagined doing a young, but a couple people on, man, they were like eight. Uh, Nat, you brought her up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's super young when you're in sober. Yeah. And, uh, kind of the foresight. And, you know, here in one of the guys that came on Sean, he, he got sober when he was like 20. And he was like, look, man, you can find your bottom or you can find you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, I, I don't feel like it's like a point of pride that like, yeah, I like, I was smart enough to realize this was like a, a bad path. I was going down. It's like, I was just like, I mean, I was, I was put to the point where there was like no other option. Yeah. Which was, I'm grateful for, but, you know, hurt a lot, you know. Yeah. Um, and then when I did finally decide, like, I'll do what everybody's been asking me to, I'll do a treatment and I'll do all the stuff. I was also met with like a very, uh, a very good message and a very like kind of like, no ifans or butts kind of thing of like, if you want to get better, this is kind of what, this is what you can do. And, uh, there were a lot of great examples of that around me of people who did get better doing that. Yeah. So then it made it easy, you know, was that your first time ever in treatment? It was my first time in inpatient. Okay. I had done IOPs and I did like the suboxin and the therapy that comes with suboxin for a while and other therapy, you know, just showing up fucking nodded out to a therapist. Yeah. Just, just, just, just hit mom and dad. Oh, dude, I mean, the amount of times I showed up and then like my mom would come with me and I remember just like, it was funny because like now my mom will be like, I just, she was like, I just paid for you to go to therapy. And then the whole time it would just end up being me doing therapy with you in the corner and you're like, you're welcome. Yeah. I hope it was helpful. And I'm glad you got your money's worth, you know? Yeah. So I, I mean, I tried, you know, I tried a lot of stuff half-assed. I tried a couple things like, like really earnestly. And then I always really thought like I could do it. And also, I also always thought that I could just dial it back. Yeah. That was a big thing, especially being a young person. It's hard to imagine when like your life kind of is surrounded. It's like, it's like, you know, I go out to the bar with my friends and I, I, you know, smoke weed with my buddies before we do this or whatever. Yeah. By the time I got sober, all of that was long gone. Like my friend didn't invite me out, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Matt's great. He'll show up on Six Annex and get kicked out immediately and we'll all have to leave because of him. He's going, man, he's going, fuck it. We're not going to. I don't want to have to hold on to my purse the whole night. You know, like, so, but, uh, but yeah, so then I just always kind of thought like, yeah, I'll just like always smoke a little bit of weed or what you know. Yeah. And then watch that not work over and over again. I'd eventually go, all right, well, maybe there's something else going on, you know? Yeah. So what was the DOC heroin? Yeah. Opia, it's in general. Yeah. I mean, even when I was doing heroin, I preferred oxy. Yeah. You can't afford it eventually. Yeah. You know, it's, you know, it's expensive. Yeah. Or you can't find it. Yeah, you can't find it. And then I just barely made it out in time where they were pressing pills and everything was fitting all of it. Right. Like so, yeah, you can't find it. You can't afford it. Eventually you stop even looking for it because you got this other thing. So, but that was, that was the opiates heroin was the number one. I really liked Xanax with it if I could and then Coke to keep, keep things going. Yeah. You know, very rare. Very rare. Yeah, very rare. I could afford all three, but we did our best. Yeah. We tried. We gave it hell. We gave it a good ol' call. It's tried, you know what I mean? You know what's funny is now that I'm sober like when I don't have money to do shit, I'll tell Destiny, well, fuck, we kind of broke right now. We can't really do it. But during my addiction, I never said, I don't have enough money to get drugs. I'm going to find them somewhere. Yeah. Like my electricity might be turned off, my water, but I'm going to find some dope today. Yeah, exactly. It's insane. Yeah. It is when you stop, when you stop sacrificing other people's well-being for your money, it's amazing how often you go, yeah, I just don't have the money right now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because everyone, I get that, oh, I'll get that, that brain sometimes. I had it today. It's such a crazy thought I went to my buddy Josh's house who I do the podcast with and shoot the sketches with and we were filming something and we've got, he's got, I think it's actually a bigger boy than these cameras. Like it's a, it's like a $5,000 camera. Yeah. And then as I was leaving their apartment, I remember thinking like, oh, like the doors are all on the inside, there's a code to get into the, like this is pretty safe. And then I had the thought of like, well, but they got a balcony. And then the flash of my mind thought like, if you were on dope, you could get in here and climb up to that balcony and steal this can't like, what shall we never do? Yeah. Right. But just you get that thought of like, how would I do it if I could like, you know what I mean? 100%. All of that and like the matter of two seconds leaving his apartment complex where I was like, I could steal that camera if I needed to. Yeah. What the, the, like the beautiful thing about addicts, specifically recovered ones is you guys will go through whatever to get the drug, right? But then now you're sober. That doesn't really go away. Now it's just being channeled like the ingenuity that you get from being an addict that carries over into. Yeah. Like your real life whenever you are sober. Yeah. Once you can turn that off and put it into something good use. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It really is like all the things that were once like defects kind of can become assets that kind of idea. And then like I do I get, I get, I still have the like fixation on things that like bring me like relief and joy. And some of those in sobriety are like neck, some of them can be negative or hurtful things. You know, I got, I got 50 bucks on the spread tonight for the playoff game. Yeah. I love, I'm not, you know, I'm not, I'm not whittling away, you know, my entire check for the month. But you know, like little things like that. But then also like doing comedy like, like, like, I have like two thoughts of like, like how stand up feels to me where there's the very like addict side of it where there, it's like the payoff of performing really well in that lap. Like, like basically like controlling a room and just like going, this is when you should laugh and you get that big laugh. And then when you're done with your set and you get off stage, like you can feel the adrenaline like coursing through and that's such a good feeling. It's such a good feeling. But then there's the other side of it, the more like recovered side of it where it's like, um, this is kind of like for a lack of better term, like a, like just like a gift that I was give. I don't know why I do or don't have it or why I found it or whatever. But um, I remember being a young person and like being like fucked up and like comedy was something I found relief in. Like I really liked watching it. I thought it was really funny and like the feeling of being at a show and just laughing for an hour straight is like a really and that's like a very cool gift that when I'm in the right mindset. I'm like, this is like even if it's just for one person who really enjoys me. Right. I go, that's a beautiful thing to be able to give. Yeah. So you get that mindset where you're just like, this feels like I'm doing something here. You know, I did a couple of open mics when I was a teenager. Like why was like 17? Oh, yeah. And the worst thing that ever happened to me probably was killing my very first time. Sure. And back when I'm a, I'm 40 something now. So back cap city was, oh yeah. And I was like, they were like, you can come back. I lied about how much material I had. Sure. Like I'll just come back and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm going to be a professional comedian now. Yeah. And I ate so many dicks the next time. So it was like the kind of what you're talking about. Like the high, I've never felt that good. Sorry, I have two kids. I didn't feel that good. But, but the bad that I felt, it's very brutal. I mean, the, I had a very similar first experience where like I decided I was going to do comedy. And I knew all day that I was going to go to the open mic that night and I had to like, pit in my stomach. I mean, I felt like sick all day thinking about it. And then I did it and I had a great set. At least that's how I felt. Like at the time without having the like, barometer I have now, because I have the recording. I've recorded, like audio recorded almost every set I've ever done. And I can't bring myself to listen to it now. But I have listened back and I can, there was one person in the crowd. The whole crowd was other comics who were going to go up at the open mic, which is shitty, but that's just how open mics are for the most part. And it was just one girl who was very, very easy to crack. I made one person laugh and I thought, I'm a murderer. Yeah, dude. This is I'm in the world. God chose me to make people laugh. And that's what I meant to do. And then I did it the next week at a different place. And I bombed so unbelievably hard. Like, and I remember like, I remember like trying to do crowd work with a guy. And then he went up like two comics later. And I like, so I felt like I bombed and I was like pretty demoralized about that. And then I was embarrassed that I tried to do crowd work with another comic, who I just didn't know. And then like, I mean, just the highs and lows. And I still feel it now. Like I mean, the mental gymnastics and just like the highs and the lows of comedy are tough. It's tough. It's a lot. As I was 19, I think 18, 19. So I feel like there's a lot more support for like younger guys. Sure. Yeah. You know, then there was back then, back then it was just like a bunch of crotchety old comics like try to make it at the time. And even after I did, they were like, you're right. Yeah. Right. Well, and the thing about this is now that I've been doing it for a while, you can, you can watch somebody have a good set and go, they suck. Yeah. Because you know they suck. Yeah. And they're like, I'm proud like that are they said this or whatever or like, I've seen people have like meat and mediocre just kind of like they people. There was a small rumble of laughter at every joke. But when you, when you like get to the point where you can kill or you like, I have friends who are just like some of the funniest people in the world. Yeah. And you watch them kill. You go, that is like, yeah, that's a, that's the thing. So being a young person, like, I mean, I think back to sets that I've, I had, you know, in the first couple of years where I remember feeling like, wow, that was good. And then I think about it. And I'm like, that probably sucked. Yeah. It was probably just where I was at. But you need, you need that lack of perspective. Yeah. So that you can, so that you can keep going ignorance is bliss. It's kind of like, it's honestly, it's a lot like when you get sober at the beginning and you just get these little, you got a job at the UPS to repay me $9 now. I'm like, how fucking sick is this? Yeah. I'm got a good paycheck, my car's running. My halfway house bills are paid like I, it's like, and I'm like, this is great. I met a girl who will fuck me. This is rocks. Like, this is great. And then I look back, back at that now and I go like, from where I am now, then I go, that was kind of a shitty life. But luckily, I didn't have the perspective to see. I was just so grateful to have that. Yeah. You know, that, you know, it is. It's blissful ignorance. Yeah, dude. Yeah. So when did your addiction start? I was like, like when I realized it was problematic, it was probably like 19, something like that. But I was very much always the like, I mean, I played sports. So that was like my big identity as a basketball player. But I was also very much like with my friends, like, I'm the guy who's going to like drink 15 beers. I'm the guy who, I went to like a private Catholic school. So like, I'm the guy who smokes weed, even though I know we're going to get drug tested. Or I had a K2 phase. I don't know if you guys. Oh, yeah. I heard of it. That shit's scary too. That shit's terrible, bro. But like, I was, I was always that. And that was kind of how I, you know, found my, that was kind of always how I found my people is like, you know, who thinks I'm cool for doing this? Who is also doing this? Yeah. And then when I went, I went to college to play basketball and then that, that didn't work out. I mean, I never even saw the court. And once I lost that, that's when things started to pick up. And then at the same time that that happened, I had a girlfriend who was once a good friend of mine. And then we started dating and went to the same college. And she got diagnosed with cancer. And so, you know, being a young kid and, and dealing with the turmoil of like losing my identity as a basketball player is like, you know, you know, since I was in third grade, it was the only thing that I ever did, basically. And then dealing with this thing that nobody, I mean, nobody is prepared to deal with, but much less like an 18 year old who's like, I'm out of the house for the first time. I've, you know, I'm at college. I'm trying to, you know, nobody's making you go to class and call, like I'm just like grappling with all these things. And it started picking up then, you know, you sell weed. And then that attracts the people that are around you. It's start to change and shift. And what they want from you and what you want from them starts to shift. And then about eight months after she was diagnosed, she passed away. And it was just, it, this is, I do, I don't really talk about this all that often, but when I do, it is important to know that like that is not, that's not the reason that I'm an addict. But it was this thing that made it very clear in my head that like drugs do help the, with every, it makes everything okay. Yeah. You know, which was something that now that I have, you know, now in hindsight, I can look back at. I was using them far before that to deal with the social anxiety, the lack of, the lack of like meaningful friendships, like all the things that I just kind of felt were right with me was always, it was always a cure for that. But then when you have this big thing that is like really obviously a problem and you can make it all go away with like a couple of rock sees or, you know, a handful of Xanax bars and stuff like that. It really sent me on this like, you know, nothing mattered. And also I had an excuse. You know, it's like, what are you going to tell me shit? Like I just, I lost basketball and my girlfriend died. Like what do you want from, you know what I mean? So then you just kind of down this path where, yeah, I would say by the time I was like turning 20, it was like a, it was a very problematic thing. Yeah. Yeah. And that probably like people that were around you, it probably like, I mean, what do you say to somebody like that? Like you got to stop fucking it. Well, I just lost my girlfriend. Right. Yeah. Exactly. And it's almost like I would almost give you a pass just because, like I don't even know what he's going through. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And then you also start to, you know, seek out the friends who are doing that stuff with you. Right. You know, and I have a lot of friends I can look back at now who are like doing stuff with me and then they, they, you know, snapped out of it and then they were like, oh, right. This is, we shouldn't be smoking oxy off of foil. And then they, you're an hour, they got a promotion and then they kind of got out and then they, and now they're like normal people. Yeah. Right. You know, and then I have some friends who's, that's very much like not their path. But when you're around the people, you start to carefully and not even like consciously, like surround yourself with people who are okay with what you're doing. Well, sure. Because you start, you know, it's wrong. I mean, you know, it's not the right thing to do. Right. Like, when you're just surrounded by people who are in that with you, that becomes a, I would imagine that's a big part of it is just, these are my people. Like I said, I can crack open a beer right now and nobody's gonna think anything of it. Right. But you can't bus out of fucking, or oxy on a piece of wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are we doing? What the fuck are we doing? I do it. Yeah. Yeah, so. Or they just got real. Yeah, seriously, seriously. So, speeding up to like when you decided to get sober, was that your decision? Or when did you take a step in that? I know you said you did. Yeah, I mean, I did a lot of things on the way. So my parents were always like fairly involved with my life. And, you know, I never really got to the point with my relationship with them where they were just kind of like, he's beyond it, like fuck it, just like let him go, which I know a lot of people get to. Yeah. I mean, I have friends who have been homeless on Skid Row. I'm sure their parents were calling them, you know? So I, because of that, and because I did want to make them happy, I did want our relationship to be good. I did want to like not live the way that I lived. I did try like a lot of stuff along the way. But I knew long before I made the decision to actually like go to impatient treatment and like do all the stuff that I knew I needed to get better. I just didn't really know how, because in my head I felt like I've done the stuff. I've gone to therapy. I've done Suboxone. I did the IOP thing for a while. You know, I tried the suggestions. I've my, you know, my uncle, he's a doctor and he would talk to me about like, he was a doctor in the ER at the time and he would tell me all the like awful shit that he see. I mean, like, like, gnarly stuff. Like stuff that it being is like, it was just like insane. And that never really scared me straight. And then, you know, we have, you know, my therapist who he himself used to be an addict. But it's, but it was just kind of this thing that was like always missing. And so I had like a series of events that really just kind of like put me where it was like, you've got to make a decision. I just, you know, I like, I told him another car. I get fired from my job. And then I had a day where I was, my best friend growing up, his dad had passed away. From drugs as well. I mean, it was, it was, it was one of those things where he, it wasn't like, he, it wasn't like an overdose, but it was, you know when somebody's bad off and they die, but you just, kind of, you go, we're not ever going to know, but it's probably because you, it was one of those. Yeah. And you kind of assume. And like his, his kid, my friend had kind of started getting bad off. His mom had also like at one point was like buying like my ADHD meds from me. Like it was like things that got weird. My mind was so skewed. I didn't even really get it. But like when that happened, there was, it was the day of his funeral and I was obviously going to go and I went out and got high in the morning and I, I came home and I had like my syringes and like the rest of my dope in the car. And my parents were there because they were like, we got to get ready to go. And but they knew that I had just gone and gotten high. So my dad, you know, like rummages through my car, he finds the syringes, he finds the, he, you know, stomps the dope into the driveway, like breaks all the syringes. And so I start freaking out obviously. I mean, and it was at this point, they were so on my ass and so was my girlfriend at the time who I did meet at IOP, classic, of course. They were so on my ass that it was like really hard for me to leave and get high and get. So when, when I watched him like stomped the, the rest of my, I mean, I freaked out. I freaked out. My girlfriend had hit all of her cash that we had from like, selling weed. My mom took like whatever amount was in my bank account out. And it was just like this like spontaneous intervention where like all of this, and then in anger, I threw and broke my phone. So now I'm a drug addict with no drugs, no money, no phone, no car. And I'm like, I don't know what to, I'm not that, I'm not that resourceful at this moment. And so I just start like, I mean, I start freaking out. I'm tearing apart my place, you know, the details are fuzzy. I don't remember if they went to the funeral and came back, whatever. All I know is that at a certain point, I was so angry and like just like losing my mind that I like threatened to kill myself. I threatened to kill my mom. I had like fractured my heel from like like a child stomping into the ground out of anger. So I'm like limping around my own house that I've torn to shreds. I've got nothing, you know, my girlfriend's crying, my mom's crying. And then the police showed up to, you know, take me to Baker, act me basically, take me to the psych ward. And that moment of like being walked out in front of my neighbors in like handcuffs and like my girlfriend coming over to the car and like, you know, giving me a kiss through the crack in the window. And like all of that was like such a crazy experience. But I was also just so angry at my parents and my girlfriend for like, ranting on me. Like I was just so like, I mean, I remember they take you to the hospital. They get you checked out. Then they take you to the psych ward and they gave me a phone call. So I call my mom and I'm just like bitching her out. Like I'm like yelling at her to the point where the guy hung the phone up. Yeah. And I spent, I spent one night. It wasn't a 72 hour hold, but I spent one night in the, you know, psych ward in the south side of Oklahoma city, which is like not a great spot. Yeah. And I got out and I remember having the thought while I was in there, I was like, all right, you did it. This is it. This is like, you've lost jobs. You've told cars, you've ruined relationships, but this is like the thing like you're done. And then I got out like early the next morning and by the end of the day, I was high again. And I was just like so like, yeah, defeated. It was like really like the, it was really the time where I truly felt like I was like using against my own will, where I was just like, I really don't want to do this. But like opportunity presented itself where like my girlfriend fell asleep with her purse that had 20 bucks in it and her car keys. And so I left. And I got high. And you felt like a prisoner to it. I truly did. Yeah. And the fucked up thing too is like, I had used drugs for so long. Like I kind of like I said to like feel okay. Like it wasn't even always about like the high. It was just about like the, the soothing of my soul that it gave me. This is what I do. Yeah. This is just what I do. This is just what helps. This is what works. And I don't know what else would work. And but it stopped. Like it wasn't making thing. It wasn't making me okay anymore. The high was dull. The the spiritual soothing was like non-existent. Yeah. But I still couldn't stop. And so having that moment where I thought was kind of like a come to God moment in the psych ward. And then being high like less than 24 hours later was really like. It was like it was truly the like hopeless feeling of just like if that doesn't do it like what else? Like the fear of like what else will it take was like really scary too. And then a couple days later my mom was like I found a place. Would you go and I was like yeah, you know, I'll do it. And I didn't even think in that moment that I was going to get like so or so. But I just thought I was going to get everything under control. Yeah. You know, but that was what led me to being like yeah, I'll go wherever you guys want me to go. I'm going to go big up to your mom though too for like saving my life. Well, so many times I'm sure. But in that moment, it wasn't like you're going. It was like she kind of was like would you go if yeah, and you were like, yeah, so it was more like your choice. Yeah, no. And it was. And like the thing is is like she, she had a little bit of will over me. Like we had finagled about my way and our way into a duplex that they owned and then basically squatted in it. We didn't pay any rent or anything like that. You know what I mean? Like like so she had some stuff if she wanted to be like, yo, like you're going to go or like we're going to like evict you like we're going to like we're going to like have people show up and forcibly. Like she had things that could have really put me out on my ass. But yeah, I get you know, that's funny. I'd never really thought about that. The fact that it really wasn't like this thing of like you are going or else. Yeah. I because I do I really I remember her being like I remember her being like will you go? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was like. Yeah. I think that so. And I think that's so important thing that she did. I think it's a huge moment. Yeah. Because we've had many people come in here that say they've been to 13, 15, 24 rehab. Sure. And every not many of them they were willing to go to. They were forcibly gone. They were forced to go. And I know for my own recovery, if I would have been forced to go, because I was forced to go when the company sent me to inpatient was inpatient. Yeah. You sort of were, but you kind of the same thing. You were well, the first time when I went to outpatient. Yeah. At the company forced me to go and I was like, all right, all fucking go. Right. But I had no intentions on changing. I was just going to a piece people. And then whenever I went the last time where I got sober, it was brought to my attention that I had a problem. Yeah. And I fucking, but not, you know, I didn't know I had one. And then everything lined up to where it was at first. It was like, I'm not fucking going. I'm not going. And then it was like, you know what? I need to go. Yeah. And it saved my life. Yeah. But I was in the same spot you was. I didn't know if I could get sober. Yeah. And I didn't know if this would work. Sure. And I didn't like, I wanted to stop using for a long time. Because something you said work was the same for me. The drug stopped working. They fucking stopped me. And as good as they were when I first started and they wasn't filling the void anymore, I was literally like, I watch people smoke cigarettes. And I don't even think they get hot. They get anything from smoke. They just do it because they're always doing it. Yeah. That's the way that I didn't met. I was just like, I'm because I have met in like, I would wake up in the middle of the night to take a piss and I'd smoke a bowl of meth and go back to sleep. Just because that makes no sense. Crazy. But that's just what I knew. And so I didn't know that it would work. I was just, but if I would have been forced that time, I don't think I would have. I think that's really important that your mom didn't force you. Yeah. She's like, Hey, will you? Yeah. And it was, yeah, because you know, then years later, I end up working in treatment, you know, very common, very common, a great job around. Yeah. And the pyramid scheme. Yeah. And you see it a lot, you know, we get these people who are like March, like court ordered to have these people never get better. I mean, almost never. You know, it really does have to, it does have to come from within. It has to be like a decision that you make to like start the process. And I'm, yeah, I am grateful for that. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. That was, yeah, I never really thought about it like that. I guess, you know, you know, I'm a moron, but yeah, I'm smart. You're the only one. Do you want to, do you need to move that at all? No, no, no, it's great. I know it's great. Like six foot seven. No, no, no, no, we're good. We're good. Um, my daughter, we hit that on the six, seven. I hate that. I hate that. I was talking to a customer the other days, 82 years old, and he's dry as fuck. And I was telling him my phone numbers, eight, one, eight hundred eight six, seven, he said, six, seven, and I was like, what the fuck? And he's like, I got grandkids and great grandkids. But only time he was cool, the whole conversation, six, seven, I was laughing my ass off. That's not 82 year old. That's awesome. That's ruining all of us. Social media, man. Uh huh. We need it. I need it. Hey, we've got to have it. Yeah, but I hate it. I don't want it. Yeah. Exactly. So, um, how'd you be, how did you bridge your way into becoming a comedian? After the pyramid scheme of you were, yeah. Like, uh, were you always funny? Uh, yeah. Like, I was always like, well, not, not necessarily the class clown who was like doing like crazy stuff all the time. I was mostly like a ADHD child. Yeah. Like always fucking tap in and, like, getting kicked out of class and yapping and shit like that. I was saying that I was always very witty as a young kid. Like I always had like a little like quip or come back. And then also, you know, after, you know, the therapy that comes with sobriety at times, you also start to realize like, like, uh, my sense of humor was very much like a defense mechanism for, for a lot of things. I mean, and I'm not unique in that way at all, but it is very, it is very true. It keeps people at arms length to make fun of stuff, yeah. You know, rather than let them in. But yeah, and you know, when I was young, I was always really into, I watched comedy central all the time and I'd watch, you know, all their specials and stuff like that. But then when I was, when I was getting high, I kind of, I remember, I remember a phase of like my addiction where I lived at my parents house when they still allowed that. And I would just get high and watch standup all the time. But eventually I just kind of got away for, I didn't watch it. And, um, you know, I ended up getting sober and I was living with this, I was living with this guy who I met in a halfway and he showed me a Tom Sagerra special. And one of one of his old, it was either completely normal or mostly stories, which are some of my favorite comedy specials to date. They're so, I mean, so good, so many quotable jokes. And it made me fall back in love with it because I remembered like, oh, fuck, like I really liked this thing. And then I went on a date with a girl who had a tickets to the improv. So he went and saw my first live comedy show. And I would go to this meeting every Friday. We go out, it was a mince meeting and we go out to eat after it would be like, you know, 10, 20 dudes at a table at Chili's. And I'd be like cracking jokes and telling stories. And like to the point where like, I remember like, I would tell a story. And then I would, I would like write down the way that I told it. Not thinking like, I'm going to do standup, but just thinking like that was like funny. Cause I started, I think the idea started to get into my mind. And then, yeah, I was like working in treatment. And I got to this point a couple of years into sobriety. I think it was like two or three years where I was kind of like, okay, I've got like a firm footing on life. I've had jobs, I work in treatment. But like what I got to do, like you got to do something. I'm not, I don't, I'd never had the aspiration of just like working in treatment or like, you know, climbing my way up that ladder. Right. And so I thought about going back to school to the point where I had my transcripts sent to me from like the one year I did in college and they were bad. I forgot how bad I was. It's so hard to do college on the Xanax. It's insane. And like, and so I, I remember like looking at that. And that was around the time I got the idea to do standup. And I had been going to a lot of shows. And I recognized in the, I was in the lobby after a show, get in line to take a picture with the guy I had just seen, Emo Phillips, who's like an alt comedy like God and like an absolute weirdo. But I was in line to, and I recognized somebody in the line behind us. And I knew she was a comment because I had seen her open for somebody else. And so later I went to like the, like the geo tag, like the location tag for the Palm Beach improv. And I went through all the pictures thinking like, well, if she's took a picture, she probably posted it. And she did. So I found her Instagram and I followed her. And then there was another comic in the picture and I followed him. And then later that week, I saw on one of their stories that they were at like an open mic. So I messaged both of them like, hey, like what the details about this. Yeah. Then I went the next week and I just watched. I just sat there and watched because I was so scared. Yeah. And then my buddy Andrew came with me. And then the next week he came with me again. And that was the day that I decided I'm going to do it. And the rest is history. That's awesome. No college for me. No, sorry. No physical therapy college for me. Yeah. So what's it like being sober in that world, man? Because that's got to be, uh, it's interesting. That's, I didn't want to say tough, but that's a good way to put it. Yeah. I'm really grateful with like the, the strong sobriety that I, like not even necessarily like like, I'm just really happy with like the, the message of sobriety that was given to me, which is this idea of like, like freedom from it. Like freedom from drugs and alcohol, not, um, not like avoiding, avoiding temptation and like, um, you know, staying away from like your triggers and stuff like that because that is kind of like a weirdly futile life to have. Like I remember in IOP, um, before I got sober, sober, we were going over triggers one day. And I remember, um, uh, a sunny day was triggering for me. And I was like, well, fuck, I live in Florida. Like, you know, like, that's not alive. That's not a life that I could have, I could have lived, you know, um, so because of the, um, program that was given to me and that I worked, um, I was kind of taught like we can go, we can go anywhere and do anything. So long as like we're spiritually fit and have a good reason to be there. Right. And so like, yeah, like I might be working a program, but I'm probably not going to go just hang out at a bar because I'm going to pick up a, like, chicks there. Like I don't think that's a good reason. Right. But like the pursuing this, like dream of mine, say, is a pretty good reason. So it is interesting. Like I don't feel the, I don't feel the temptation. I don't feel like the urge. I don't mind being around it. There is always a time of the night where I go, I'm leaving. Yeah. Cause common, I mean, comics go hard. Dude, like, they get ass. I, they really, really do. And I think it might be a little different than it might have used to, but you know, you hear stories about like the, like the guys like Sam Kennis and, like those dudes who are just like doing blow every, like they're living like rock stars. I'm like, I only really know a couple of guys like that who like really fucking get down. But it's an interesting, is an interesting thing to be around as a sober person. But it is also, it's kind of like a, it makes me really grateful. Yeah. I, I see a lot of comics who I don't think are reaching their potential because they are having six beers every night. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, and, and a lot of the guys that I look up to and comics that I really like, my buddy Dan Sotar is a great example. Like he was like a pretty savage alcoholic. Yeah. And he quit drinking and, like, you know, now he's like the man. Like he's, you know, he's, he's, he's on theaters. And like Joe List is another great example. If you're a common, he's an, he's an insanely underrated, but like beloved and absolutely hilarious. And he was like a true real deal alcoholic. And then you see you can almost like trace like he stopped drinking and it makes for, for a thing that relies so much on your mind to be putting that stuff in it constantly. It makes it like hard to be sharp. Yeah. You know, so I'm, I'm really great. I'm really grateful. I could never have done stand up if I was getting fucked up. Yeah. Not the way I get fucked up at least, you know, well, I think a lot of people too, man. Like some of the guys one night when I, I worked at a tire shop right by the old cap city, comedy club, I would walk over there a lot like after work kind of the same thing. And I got to see a head bird, Mitch had that sick. Yeah. Like I was a young kid and it had to be right before he died. Yeah. Right. Somewhere around it. And you hear stories about him going hard on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was that's, yeah, that's a thing I can't even imagine trying to do though. You know, it's crazy is I know whenever I got sober and I went back to work, I didn't know if I could still do the job anymore because I'd been hide doing it for so long. Right. So I bet as a comedian, when you mentioned that you're some of your buddies that stopped drinking, I wonder if that was something in their mind that was like that had to be scary as fuck. Like I've been doing this for so long. Yeah. Like if I don't drink, how the fuck am I going to, you know, are I can't even do that? I've had the same thoughts so many times. I can't even imagine what it would be like because you eventually, I'm sure you learned to rely. I have a lot of friends who, you know, not alcoholics at all, but they, you know, they'll talk about that sweet spot. They're like three beers before a set. Yeah. You're just so loose. You're not drunk, but you're loose or whatever. And like, but then like that's where my mind goes when I hear stuff like that, I go, yeah, but what if you don't have three beer? What if you get to the venue and they don't have or, or, you know, for some reason, you can't or whatever, then what's that like, you know, or what if the three beers turns into six because you get bumped or whatever. Uh huh. You know, then I've seen that. I've had friends who nervously had a few too many or the night went, the night went a little longer than they thought. And then when they got on stage, they were bombed. Yeah. And it was not good. Yeah. Yeah. That's a bummer, dude. Yeah. It's weird. It's, it's, it's, it's kind of a part of the game, though, I guess, you know? I guess, but I mean, you're kind of living proof that it doesn't have to be sure. Yeah. Yeah. And I've heard, uh, Bert, um, right, sure. Yeah. He talks about like, I mean, pretty openly about how he's kind of scared to not drink at this point because it's kind of like part of his stick, right? Like I saw him on Steve Vos podcast, I guess. One time him talking about it and Steve O is ultra sober now, but when ultra hard, he would, you could tell he just wanted to look and wrap his hands around him. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you do have, you do have friends like that. So I mean, like, listen, I mean, Bert is selling out like, you know, arenas. So it's like, you know, but, but then there also does come the time where you go. Like, I just want it for like, for you as a person, you know, to feel better and like, not have, yeah, creativity and like drugs and alcohol get wrapped in or intertwined with people where they think they can't be one without the other, you know? Yeah. And I don't know if that I don't know or I don't, I don't, I don't believe that that's true. You know, I think like many things that I used to believe that I know aren't true. Like, you really believe those things though, you know? Yeah. And then the fear keeps you paralyzed in that thought process. Yeah. That fear is a big deal. Yeah. It's a big, big deal. 100%. When Travis sleeper, he's a, does tattoos here in Austin, really good tattooist tattoo artist. He said like when he used to get high compared to now, like the work that he does now, he's like, I don't even know how I was fucking tattooing people being high. Like it, you know, he said in the work that he does now. So yeah. But I'm sure there again, that was probably scariest fuck to say, you know, I'm not going to get high anymore. I'm just going to do this over. But you doing it, you going into it sober. Also really scary. Yeah. Nothing to take that edge off of your sitting in the back of the open mic with your, not your, you think about that too when you first got on open mic, did you think? Fuck. It'd be, it'd be nice to fucking take the edge off for it. Did you just say, fuck it? You know what? When I first started, it wasn't really a thought. It was less taking the edge off before and more like the come down of a long night of doing comedy where I go, man, it must, it must be nice just to like, like after a long night, you know, you drive to the venue, you sit around, you do your set, the adrenaline of that, you meet people, whatever. Like I think about it sometimes like when I'm on the road now, you get back to the hotel I go, man, I bet it would be nice to just like smoke a bowl. Yeah. I smoke a bowl, watch fucking YouTube golf videos on my hotel, fucking, that would be great. But I don't have that. It is funny. The difference between the thoughts and like the, like the feelings of it all where it's like. It really is just the thought of like, I bet that would be great. Yeah. And it's about the end of it goes with the camera, huh? It's the thought of stealing the camera. Yeah. It's like I could do that. But I'm obviously not going to do that. Yeah. I keep my daughter home from school Friday. And I told her her mom, I said, hell, get her a doctor's note. Well, I'm not brainer of the fucking doctor. So I made a fake one, of course. So I send this doctor's note to her teacher and her principal. And then my, my daughter's mom sends me a text message with the screenshot of the doctor's note. She said, what the fuck is this? Says the doctor's note. And she said, is it real? I said, fuck no. Why would it be real? I said, it's, it's, it's, she's in fifth grade. It's not that big of a deal. She said, it is a big deal. The fucking school just called because you sent this motherfucker in it. It looks like shit. Yeah. That's so funny. This school called asking where the fuck this dog is. You know, like we got a couple people watching this now. Yeah. That's probably not the best thing to be honest. That's so funny. But, but that's, it's the, it's the same mentality. Like I tell people all the time, I still have a drug addict mentality. A lot of things because for so long, I was a drug addict. Yeah. And yes, there's a lot of times where I still use that same drug addict mentality to do this and this. And then sometimes I can catch myself and say, what the fuck? Well, like, why did I make her a fucking fake doctor's note? I'm a hurt man. I should have just wrote her a fucking notes. And she was sick. Yeah. And just been done with them. Yeah. Now I'm going to get on fucking Photoshop and photo. Oh, yeah. All the way. I find myself, I remember having the realization in, it was in 2020 during COVID. It was a, like, it was a very minor spiritual experience that I had where I was playing in Call of Duty. I was playing Warzone with the boys during COVID, which might have been one of the greatest times in my life. Yeah. I mean, truly so awesome. But I would be talking, like I, you know, play around while I was waiting for my boys to get online. And let's say I would say I had four kills in that round. And then I, you know, get into the lobby with my buddy Sean and we'd be cha-chatting. I'd be like, yeah, I'd just play it. We got to it. We didn't win whatever. And he'd be like, yeah, how many kills you get? And I'd be like, five. I'd lie by one. Yeah. Yeah. I'd lie by one. Uh-huh. And then I did that a couple of times. Then one point I was sitting there talking to him on the headset. And I was like, that was a lie. Yeah. I actually, I told you I had seven kills. I had five. Yeah. And he's, he's, I mean, Sean is an older guy. And like one of my best friends and like a pretty shining example of like sobriety. And he would just like, he's laughing. And it's like, why would you lie about that? Yeah. And I was like, I don't know. But there is just something still that's in there that is like lie about that. As if, as if the way my friend feels about me is reliant on how many on what my KD is for my, my, my round of war zone, like he gives a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had that. And I was like, man, I do that. And I found myself being more observant of that and doing that a lot. Or I was like, why am I telling these lies that mean nothing hurt, hurt no one. No, right. But, but, but still, yeah, still, right? Yeah. It's like, nobody was hurt by you making the fake, you know, I mean, it might have been embarrassing for, you know, your daughter's mom or whatever your daughter. But like, but it's also like, why did you do it? Yeah. I don't know. It's just that thing. Yeah. It's because yeah, it's, but at work one day, our supervisor called us in Ramon. He called me and he asked me something. And I, I'm like a year and a half sober. And I just boldface lied to him about something. Something so stupid. And I walked out of his office and you know how they teach you like fucking running on it. Keep it, do it on his program. Yeah. I walked out of his office made like two steps. And I was like, fuck, yeah, turn around and walk back in his office and said, hey, I just fucking lied right to your face. Yep. See, he said it wasn't the drugs. You're just a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. He said, well, the fuck would you lie about that? I said, I don't know. Yeah. I did. I do shit like I have no clue. I do shit like that now. I'll not lying necessarily, but I'll spaz on somebody in public like a stranger. Like I'll like fucking just go for one time. I was waiting in line for a coffee. It was a Saturday morning. The line was forever long. And I'm just like, huffing and puffing and I'm like, oh, what the fuck, man, this takes fucking forever. Like out loud like that to myself. There's people around, but I'm just like, huffing and puffing about it. And then these people take their order and I watch them take their order and then they sat and talk to the barista for like a couple of years. And I'm like, hey, I literally am talking out loud. And I'm like, you guys can have this conversation other fucking time. Other people need their call. Like what the fuck? Yeah. And then the girl in front of me turns around and goes, you know, complaining is not going to make it any better and we don't really want to have to listen to you. And I went, well, good thing I wasn't fucking talking to you. Turn around. Like, and then, and then she was just like, I was just saying, I was like, who's just saying I'm gonna fuck? Yeah. Who the fuck are you? Turn around. And mind you, like she's like a five and a half foot. I'm a huge guy. Just like yelling at the back of her head now. And then of course, as it would be, I get to the front of the line. I order my coffee and I breeze to his. He's being, no, he's being so, he was like, dude, I'm sorry. One of our guys called in sick. It's two of us instead of three of us. So sorry about the wait, but what can I get you? And I'm like, of course, I like of course. So then I order my coffee and I get it and then I see the lady walking off and I walk up to her and I'm like, excuse me. And she's like, no, no, no, like she's scared. I can see that she's scared. She's like, no, no, that's okay. That's okay. And I said, no, I want to apologize. And I watched her kind of like, like, okay. And then I, you know, told her that she was right and that I had no reason to talk to her like that and all that. And then, and then it's amazing how quickly she went, I know, we all have, that line took forever and we all have bad days. I totally get it. And it's like just like that. So I, I, I'll fucking spaz on somebody and then I'm sorry. I was wrong for that. And it's like, there's weird like spiritual karma where I'm like, I know it's the right thing to do, but I still did the wrong thing. But it's like, rather, rather do the wrong thing and then make it right, then do the wrong thing and leave and think about this lady who I'll never see again. Yeah. Who I just like affected her day negatively, you know, it's crazy. I hope she sees you on my fucking TikTok. I think about shit like that all the time. There's that fucking ass. I think about shit like that constantly because like, I've, I've like yelled at people in traffic and there's not enough time to make amends. Yeah. And then I wonder, there's a part of me that wonders if one day they're scrolling through and they go, that's the guy called me a retard. I'm like, I'm like, fuck, you know, I don't ever get the redemption for that. I definitely don't get a follow out of it. You know, where you might, yeah, maybe, maybe, I like that. That follow counts as two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So your sports guy. I've gotten more into it this last year. I grew up playing sports. I'm not the biggest, biggest, but I am, well, you said you had money on a game. I got money on the game. So like, here's what I want to say. Where sports guys? Okay. You got to know how important it was for you to come on because we are having you on when the game is on right now. Wow. Yeah. That's a great point. Yeah. That's a great point. And as a matter of fact, we rescheduled this. I was going to have you on while the Patriots were playing, which is fucking insane. I'm like, you're a Pat, you're a Pat's guy. Who are you? Niners. Oh, what a day for you. Yeah. I also, I like, I don't have an NFL team that I'm passionate about growing up in Oklahoma by proxy. People are Cowboys fans, but I don't really know. It's also like, I'm going to be a fan of the team that's closest, but they also suck my entire life. Yeah. Like, it's like, now I'm okay. So I love rooting for the Niners. I love rooting for the Chiefs, one of my best friends is a Chiefs fan and the Rams. Well, Soda. Yeah, Soda's a huge time. I was texting him yesterday. Yeah, oh, dude. He's like, fuck the Eagles. He's like, fuck the Soda. I think I like him more than I would have, only because I know he's a Niners fan. I'm like, yeah, he's got his guys. What about basketball? You guys about it? Cause I, I watch the Celtics now with the Thunder. I mean, a lot of pride there. Yeah. A lot of pride there. See, I personally hate the words, but I get it. We are, we collect football, baseball, basketball cards. Oh, shit for real. So in 2018, when that NBA draft class came out when Shay came out and Luca and fucking Tray Young, I mean, you just name them, fucking everybody came out that year. I bought a ton of Shay's cards. That's when he was with the Clippers. And I bought a shit ton of his cards, really good cards. And he wasn't even really expected to do a whole lot. And then, but I seen how good I thought he was going to be fucking great. And then when they traded him to OKC, Lou Williams is one of my favorite players. And Lou Williams was talking about how good Shay was as a rookie and how it sucks. So when they got Paul George over there, how bad it sucked letting that they had to give up Shay to get him over there because Shay was going to be so fucking good. Yeah. Yeah. I never saw it coming. We had so many years where Sam, Sam Prestier GM, it was, it was, we're rebuilding, we're rebuilding. And eventually you go, all right, we won fucking 20 games last year. So when are we going to, when is the, we built it happen? And then not out of nowhere, but seemingly out of nowhere. We're like, arguably one of the best teams that's ever played. Yeah. Like just like that, you go, I see the vision now. Yeah. I see the vision now. This was all in the works the whole time. I had no idea who Shay was when we got him. Yeah. No clue. Yeah. Look at him now. So I'm, lawyers, fan, I grew up in the Bay. So like, you got him. Sam Prestier just go, John. Of course. I grew up rooting for the lawyers when they were trapped. Yeah. So you had your moment. Yeah. So I had to earn it a little bit. Yeah. 100%. That's how I feel as a thunder fan. Yeah. We had, because we had our moments where it was like, oh, we're good. And then, and then we squandered them and then Katie laughed. You're then all that. Yeah. And then we were so bad for so long. And then now we're having our moment. Yeah. Nice to have a thing. So we have your 50 bucks on tonight. I got my money on the Houston's to cover the spread. OK. I just don't, I don't see unless you know, but one of my favorite things is this perk Rogers though. Yeah. If they get, if they get Aaron Rogers on a couple perks out there, you might throw for 400 more. Rogers. Well, those are some of my favorite videos of him just like obviously, Zooted at the end of a game. Just like pinned eyes glass. He just like, yeah, yeah, just second. It's good to win. I like smiling. I'm like, this guy's high out of his fucking mind. Yeah. Awesome. And watching this thing, he's like fucking doing eye at wasca. Like, yeah, dude, he's out there. He's this guy. I mean, he's an absolute psycho. Yeah. But that is like, if you're going to be one of the greatest, you have to be a psycho. A complete psycho. Yeah, Michael Jordan is just like a bad guy. Yeah. You know, you know what I mean? Like, like, he, like, I watched like watching that documentary about him. The last dance. Yeah, he's like a bad guy. He's like, you know, arguably the goat, depending on who you want, you know, but like, I mean, just a, just a, just a not good guy. Yeah. Yeah. Just like really, really a gambler and just like a psycho. If you're ever going to be a genius, I feel like there's got to be a level to you. That's just kind of a thrown off a little bit. You know, there is a level of that. And that's why I'm waiting for whatever LeBron, his, whatever his thing is to come out. I don't know. Because he doesn't seem to have like a thing that's like, he's been in the league for so long. And it's just like, he's, there's not like a thing like Kobe had like, you know, he was a psycho. Yeah. He was that mob of mentality, right? Same with MJ was just like the head games and things like that. LeBron is just seems to be just like a freak who like sleeps in hyperburet chambers. But to be like the third or fourth best guy and the league ever, I mean, does that really make you, you know, because that's where I put LeBron. I'm putting him that's crazy. We're from three to five. Well, who's, who, if he's three, who are the two above me? Have Kobe and MJ? I have Kobe MJ and then I would take Shaq above them. Okay. That's a great argument. I would take a shot over him. I'm a bird fan. I felt a bird underneath LeBron. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also a psycho. The bird was a fucking. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They think we're talking more shit than anybody. Oh, yeah. He like, he talked more shit than anybody. Yeah, dude. But I didn't give a fuck. But I'm LeBron's. It's amazing that he's still playing at the level that he is. Yeah. That's fucking well, what does he spend like a million something dollars on his recovery stuff like every year? You know, it's crazy. I was watching Tom Brady was talking to Shaq the other day on a podcast. I don't know whose podcast it was. Everybody of the fucking podcast. Yeah, everybody does. And look at us. Look at us. And they were asking him the person that was doing the podcast asked Tom if he could still play. And he said, I could fucking go out there right now and dominate. He said, I don't want to. He said, the thing he said, if someone called me during the playoffs and said, come play for the playoffs, the libravers fucking all day. I'm in. He said, but going through the whole season and all that shit. He said, but I've taken such good care of my body. But I could go out there and play right now. He said, I was playing better when I was 42 and 43 than when I was 30. Yeah. I know he he talked about before he started doing that TB 12 with his with his trainer, that he was going to read. He was thinking about retiring when he was like 30 because his shoulder and his arm was hurting so much. Yeah. And then he starts to recover. Yeah. Doing all that other shit. That is a thing that's happening now. And so these guys are all taking like the things that they do to take care of themselves. It's crazy. Yeah. That's a thing that I've really enjoyed about being sober is like love like a cold plunge. Yeah. Yeah. Love stretching. Yeah. Hidden a sauna. Like I just like shit that I'm not a cold plunge and do you really? That's so sick. Yeah. Yeah. You have one here. Mm-hmm. You've never fucking told me that. Like I've known this guy forever. Yeah. I have no idea that you had a sauna and a cold plunge here. It's in this fucking. Yeah. You can have the cold plunge. You can take it with you. What is the plant? Is it just a top like a tub that you can fill up? It's a tub that you can fill up. Yeah. It came with the sauna for free. Oh nice. That was cool. All right. I guess I'll tell you. Is it one of the inflatable solvers? Yeah. No, no, no. No, that one's not inflatable. That one I had to put together. I had my nephew came over and I was at work and he was he's in and out of recovery. Mm-hmm. So I was like, hey, go ahead and will you put this together for me? He said, yeah. So he put my furniture and the back patio together. No problem. And then he starts putting this sauna together in my wife calls and says, hey, I don't know what the fuck's going on with him. But like he's got shit that doesn't go there. And this and that will fucking then he was nodding out doing the nut now. Yeah. And then sure enough, we found out that we I had to tell him he couldn't stay here for that. We cannot get in my hotel room. And then we found his fucking little little dappin. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Not now. Turn him down. Not gonna rush on a dude. Yeah. I do love catching a good sober nod. Just being tired enough on the couch where like the weight of my head falling wakes me up. I'm like, nice. Yeah. So sick. It's the best dude. She don't get him anymore, man. Yeah. Get him. I used to nod. So I was the king of like, I would nod. My friends would be like, Matt, I'd be like, I wasn't asleep. That's every time I come back to I wasn't asleep. Yeah. Rest of my eyes. Yeah. It's insane because I would drive and I would fucking nod out. Yeah. And then I would wake up before hitting people. It was like something was built in. Did you ever do that? I had so many. Neural thoughts. Neural thoughts. While I'm driving. Yeah. Yank the wheel back and like hit the brakes kind of stuff. Yeah. I also had so, dude, I had so many close calls with like, car wrecks and like, I remember one time. I don't actually, I don't remember it. My mom remembers it. I was blacked out on Xanax. And at some point I had popped both of my tires on the right side. And my mom, for some reason was at my place. So my place was off of this like little road in Oklahoma where sometimes they would shut it down and they'd do like a festival, like a German festival, whatever shit like that, like a October fest kind of stuff. And so my block would fill with cars parked from on the street. And where it was like, you don't really have a lot of room. And I was, she said, she was out in my front yard and she saw me coming down just because I have the flat tire. She could hear it. There's a cop behind me. There's a police officer behind me. And this is, dude, my mom is such a G. She got in her car and reversed out of my driveway to the driveway across the street. I pulled in this big old Pontiac Bonneville. So big body fucking. And she was like, she was like the most miraculous thing is that you didn't hit another car, especially turning in because there was like no room. So I turn into my driveway and go up it and she pulls out in front of the cop and then plays like, you know, little lady kind of like, oh, I'm so sorry. Pulls up behind me and then gets out and the cop is like, I just wanted to check. He's both of his tires are flat, whatever. And he's like, she was like, yeah, he told me his dad's on the way. We're going to get it fixed right now, blah, blah. And like she told me she was thinking like, Matt, don't get out of the car. Don't get out of the car. And so he was just like, oh, all right. And then he drove off. And apparently I tried to get out of the car. And it was like, you know, the scene from Wolf of Wall Street, where's it crawling in? Oh, yeah. She was like, you couldn't stand. We had to, like my girlfriend came out and they had to like, like carry me inside. Yeah. And like that, that close. So many times that like little things like that, that close. It's insane. Yeah, your mom's G dude. She's like, mom is such a fucking G. It's insane. She's saved my ass so many fucking times from the cops and all sorts of shit. And not even just like bailing me out, but just like having like the instinct of just like, just like a little like a momentary thought of just being like, I got to do this. And completely say, they when I was in college, when I had my first place, my, I was, I was selling weed. And I think they kind of picked up on it. I really know what, but like, I was gone one night. And I was at their house. And so my mom left and went to my apartment and found, you know, whatever. It's like a couple of ounces of weed, whatever they took all of it. And then two nights later, the cops pulled my roommate over parking in our apartment complex like right. And they went through his car. They found like a like, like a little leaf of pot. And they were basically like, you can either let us in the apartment or we're going to arrest you here right now for possession. And he let them into the apartment and they went through everything. And he told me he was like the whole time they were going, where is it? We know there's more because he had like an eighth and like some pipes. And they were like, we know there's more in here. We've been watching you guys. We know there's more in here. Where is it? And it was all gone because my mom had gone and gotten all of it two days before. It's like the fucking spidey senses of this woman. Saved like me and him probably like a like a serious charge. Yeah. It's crazy. I was in a round rock one time getting high. This dancer that I knew, I'll call her a dancer. We all find a dancer that we know when we're getting high. But this dancer that I knew, she called me. She was coming in from San Antonio and she's like, hey, I don't feel like working tonight. Can I just hang out with you? And I was like, well, I'm staying at a hotel room because my air condition went out. She's like, cool. I'll come stay with you. I'm like, cool. So she comes and stays with me. Well, I bought like an eight ball and we're just fucking blazing it up. And she all of a sudden I didn't pick up on it, but she's trying to get me to leave. Like, hey, let's go out. Let's go out. And I'm like, now I'm not going out tonight. I already told you like I'm staying here. But long story short, she was trying, she was trying to get me robbed is what it was. Yeah. So I had my phone died. So I went downstairs to my car to get my fucking charger. And when I was down there, these two guys come up and try to rob me. Why didn't give them anything? Right. And they ended up leaving, right? So the cops got called the fucking cops get there and they're harassing me, right? Because they knew I was high. Yeah. So of course, like they're getting in my car about to start searching my car. And I'm like, if I knew that if they got in my car, they're going to get upstairs where all the shit is. Yeah. So when the cop, the lady cop was there and she's like, who's upstairs in your room? The girl had already came down at that time. And she was like, how do you know this girl? So well, she's a dancer. I know her pretty well. And she's like, you don't think that she was trying to get you robbed. And I really didn't think about that. And so she brought it to my attention. And then I was like, holy shit, I said, does that happen? And she's like, all the fucking time. I was like, damn, I just thought she was trying to fuck. So they're a little, little, little, little, little fuck. So anyways, I knew that if I needed to get to the upstairs room before they did. So when the lady told me that I started pretending like I had asthma, now how I was having a fucking panic attack. And she was like, or the cop was like, are you okay? Are you okay? I said, yes. I have asthma. I said, I need my inhaler. And she said, oh, go get it. Go get it. So I ran upstairs and fucking, I didn't flush anything. This is how stupid I am in my drugs. I can't get rid of it. I just got it. You just got it. So I knew I hit it really well in the room. And then I come back down now and then I had a pipe and shit, I hit just hit everything. So I come back downstairs and by that, by the time I came downstairs, the girl already told the other cop that we were up there smoking meth, right? So now they're in my car and now they're going up to the fucking room. They get up to the room. They don't find anything on the first go. So then they say, we're going to get the dogs. Let's get the dogs in here. So I just said, hey, you know what? You're not going to find anything because I already came up here and threw it away. And they were like, when the fuck did you do that? And I said, when I pretended like I had asthma, I don't fucking have asthma. I came up here. And I just, I came up here and threw it away. You aren't going to find shit. So what about the pipe? I said, I flushed everything down the toilet. They aren't going to find shit. So for like an hour, that, that female cop looks so stupid because she let me go up to the room and fucking throw the shit away. What's crazy is the girl that tried to get me robbed. They checked her purse and found Xanax on her. So they arrested her. And she was like, are you going to come get me? I'm like, fuck you. Of course not. And then did they not even do the second search because you said that it was going to be? Yeah, because I told them I said, you're a waste of time. I'm already flushed everything. And now they, and they can't arrest you for destroying that stuff, I guess. What? They can't, I guess they can't really. They didn't have it because, yeah, they didn't. They never seen it. All they, all they knew was the girl said, we were up there smoking meth. I don't know why the fuck she was telling that, but she did. It's amazing. Yeah. But that intuition, just me pretending like I had asthma to get up there. Yeah. It's fucking brilliant. Yeah. That cup for like the next hour, she's like, I noticed you had a car seat in your car. You're a dad. I'm going to get a CPS over here to take your kids and shit. I'm like, my kid's not even with me. Like my kids are here. Yeah. I think my kids are here at the stripper hotel. Maybe my best stripper hotel, but whatever. Yeah. I don't know, dude. I mean, I used to, I used to, I used to buy weed from this dude and his girl would come give it to me every once in a while. And I got in their back seat one time. And I accidentally sat on their baby. It was just like, no, no, no, no car seat. Nothing. Just a little baby and fucking tiny little Jordan's just laying there. I sat and I was like, oh, fucking. She was like, oh, yeah. Oh, right. And then she like reads back and grabbed the baby and gave me the weed. I was like, holy shit, dude. The fuck is this? Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming aboard. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Yeah. This was super fun. Yeah. I mean, people find you. Matt Ross comic on Instagram. All right. That's the best way. I have a podcast, friendly fire podcast. We do it every week, every Thursday on YouTube. But yeah, check out my Instagram, follow my Instagram, come see me on tour. Yeah. You're here in Austin all the time, right? Yeah, I'm here in Austin pretty regularly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Be around. Well, cool, dude. Maybe we'll wear some of our shit and go out and see you. Fuck yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, make sure you wear your eye. Got my clip here. It's a clear shirt. Yeah. Yeah. My wife bought me all these shirts for Christmas for the podcast. I'm normally just wear two addicts in the moron. So she bought me all these different ones. And this was the one she's like, he's a comic. He'll understand it. Yeah. Fucking wear that. I like it. Oh, yeah, guys. Well, appreciate you, brother. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. I just like, I extend it to everyone, man. But if you ever want to come back, we will definitely go to reach out. Yeah, I would love to. If you need us for anything, you want to show up or a sober event or a fucking movie show or whatever, or fucking, we'll be there. Sick. All right. Hell yeah. All right, guys. Well, thank you for coming, brother. Awesome. Two addicts in moron. Peace out. Fucking out of here. Yeah, boys. That's great. Yeah.