Angela Kinsey asks about wisdom teeth

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that your chessboard has all 32 pieces? Girl, you'll never get checkmate without coming prepared. Checkers just isn't scratching my board game itch. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your handsome hosts, Mae Martin, joined by... Tig Notaro. And Fortune Feams Day. hi you guys how do you do where is i know where everyone is but what are you up to what on earth are you both up to well first can we address the professor tigg is with us you look so smart you're wearing a nice blazer sensible blazer i am wearing a sensible blazer with a sensible denim shirt i'm in between uh little oscar activities which i yeah i'm i uh i'm curious what my old life used to be like oh yeah we're in the home stretch it's almost yeah we're taping this a couple weeks before pre-oscars yeah um are we we're a couple of days before oh yeah we're a couple of days yes oh my gosh yeah sorry i'm only three days three days i've only had three hours of sleep so oh boy okay what's going on with you yeah why are you up all night yeah we've been filming nights for the last week and a half oh how's that these bags are real um it's the movie's super fun it's just nights are so hard yeah you work so hard i want one day we log in you're like i barely slept and we're like why are you working and you're like I've been raving just partying like that would be the best. But yeah, nights are brutal. Yeah. We wrapped at 6 a.m. and I got on a plane at 7 a.m. And flew back home and just was only able to sleep a couple hours. But it's all right. There's only a couple of things left to do. And then that's it. And then you did it. And then I did it. And then you did it. And you know what else we did? We won a GLAAD award. That's right. Yeah, we did. We won Outstanding Podcast at the GLAAD Awards. We sure did. And then May, you won for Wayward. Yeah. What was your category? Limited Series. That makes sense. That makes sense. I was on the tour bus getting notifications and then watching your speech take. Yeah. And Come See Me in the Good Light won for Best Documentary. We just were like, we'll take this, this, and that. Look at that. I wish we could have been there. I know. And I was so embarrassed that I didn't thank Thomas or HeadGum. And I feel thankful to both. And, yeah, so my apologies, Thomas. I hope that you can forgive me. Did you get nervous? Is that what happened? I was nervous. I know you're not used to being in front of a crowd. Yeah, you were trembling. I'll be honest. I was still patching together my speech, and then it was the first category. Oh, my God. It was the first one, really? Yes. And I was like, oh, my God. And Stephanie was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I did not think in a million years that this would be the first category. It was funny watching your speech because you were just kind of like, well, thank you. thank you for letting us do our nonsense yeah yeah yeah and then i was like may and fortune are dropping their jokes off and then i was like and then i walked away going i don't even think fortune's on tour right now like i was i was filming nights i know i was very scrambled and um but first up is jarring you're not really settled in yeah but yes you people could blame I really can't express enough like my morning to night Oscar stuff that's going on. Yeah. And you would think like, oh, you've had time to. And I thought, well, I will. And I'm going to put this together while we're sitting there during, you know, the ceremony. Yeah. Yeah. And but also when you're so used to you've been having all these talking points about come see me in the good light. You're fluent with that right now. Yeah. I had the same. I just went to the Queer Tea Awards for the first time. Have you been to those? No, I have not. They were I was under prepared and they I was like, what's the Queer Tea Awards? And then I went and yeah, I was like, I'll just wing something. And I got this award. And first of all, like it was all the most stylish gay men and drag queens. And everyone's in like these tank tops and like three piece suits and stuff. And I was dressed like one of the guys on Love is Blind. like a kind of Ohio straight guy. I'm going to look up what you were dressed like. Ohio straight guy. What does that look like? Because I know straight guys that live in Ohio. Like a white t-shirt and a blue blazer. And I tried to dye my hair that day, like tone it. And what happened was it went sort of gray on top. Anyway, I got up and just. Why do you look gray? You're in a suit? I'm in a suit, but I don't know. But an Ohio suit. No. No one in Ohio is dressed like, well, they're very stylish people in Ohio. People were making these beautiful speeches. Not the people in Ohio that I am close with. You guys, I love Ohio. I love Ohio. I'm a big Chrissy Hynde fan. But May looks very stylish. May always looks great. You're being too hard on yourself, my friend. I have been out and proud about my love for Ohio since the day I got into Chrissy Hine from The Pretenders, who is from Akron, Ohio. Ohio, great comedy state. Truly. And I moved to Ohio because my first girlfriend is from there and I lived there. Well, now you don't. Now you're overkill. Now you're doing too much. It's all true. It's all true. But I'm telling you, the straight guys I know from Ohio don't have that suit. No, I specifically mean the toxic guys on this season of Love is Blind, which I just watched the reunion. I was in the bath just now watching the reunion. It's so insane. Oh, me time? Yeah. May time? 5.30 p.m. I had my bath salts in there, and yeah, that's what I felt like. And do you have a TV in your wall? No, I put my laptop. Oh, you have a laptop, yeah. Balanced it on the counter. And do you watch TV often in the tub? No, this was a weird choice and it just happened. And I turned off the light in the bathroom. So it was dark. Oh, romantic. Yeah, it was nice. Party of one. I watched these poor women confronting these guys. This season of Love is Blind is so, so toxic. They're all kind of MAGA guys and I love it. You can't stop watching. Yeah, but everyone is asking me about you guys at the Queer Tees. And on tour, everyone's just sending so much love. The Queer Tees asked me to present you your award. They did? Yes. And you said absolutely not. I said I will not come down there. No, I had my, you know, I'm in Oscar land for. I must have been the second one asked, and I was then also asked to. You were too. To do it, but I've been filming nights. Yeah, that's fair. No, they ended up flying in my co-star from Wayward. Sarah Gadden came in. Oh, look at that. Yeah, but Margaret Cho had just gone up and done this like rousing speech, like call to arms, like protect trans youth. Everyone's like cheering. And then I go up and I'm like, well, what a cool party, guys. I don't know what I said. I was like, everyone looks great. I hope I get to party after. Anyway, it was so weird. Did you say that Tig and I were dropping off jokes in other cities? Can I just take a moment and talk about how just endlessly relevant Margaret stays, what a solid stand up she has remained. Yeah. And and she's one of those true, true comedians that just has that like she has her point of view. Yeah. She never stops writing. She never stops performing. And she didn't she didn't care if it's an open mic or a sold out theater. She is there working out her stand up and like responding to current events like on the day. Like I see her at Largo and she's like talking about something that happened that day and just crushing it. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's real. It's something I was on a show with her the other night and I was like, it's, it's, she's a badass. Yeah. It's, she just is. And she has a little chihuahua that she brings. Oh my God. Everywhere. She loves that doggy. To see when you're on a red carpet and you're overstimulated and then you see, it's like a lighthouse in a storm. That little chihuahua is there. Aw. Look at that. Lucia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And couldn't be a happier pup either. Yeah. well taken care of pub yes yeah what what's this new piece of furniture in your background may is that a game or is it a trophy oh oh well the long thing oh yeah it's a bit of a situation i'm glad you asked i that is what my desk used to be and then i got impulsively i thought i needed a new desk with like drawers so i ordered this desk that it looks like a little girl's bedroom like a doll's house and i didn't let me show you it did not look like this online it's got these like scalp like oh it looks like ikea i gotta get rid of it it's a bookshelf it's like a bookshelf in one desk it's made i thought you said it first a butch shelf a butch shelf got a butch shelf for all my butch things it couldn't be less butch it's it's like made of plywood falling apart and I got a perfectly good desk right there. I don't know what I panicked. Wow. Wow. I can't imagine you in a panic. I thought it was like, I thought your desk was like one of those shuffleboard things at first. And I was really pumped about that for you. Well, I'm glad you said that too, because I have looked into and I'm about to purchase a ski ball game. You know, you roll the ball and it goes, so not a motorized one, but just a wooden one. going to put it outside. Wow. The arcade is growing. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Pretty cool, May. Thanks, Owen Wilson. Pretty. Hey, man. Hey, wow. It's pretty cool. Hey, that's good, Fortune. I mean, I'm not known for my impressions. No, you're not. But Fortune, when, I can't remember, do you know when your movie comes out yet? The movie will be a minute. sometime next year, but they just announced that the golf show I did with Will that is now called The Hawk, and it will be out this summer. Date TBD. Why is it The Hawk? His character's name is Lonnie Hawkins. Okay. His golf fan base calls him The Hawk. Okay. Like it. Lonnie Hawkins is such a great Will Ferrell comedy character name. Oh my god, Mae, you look gorgeous right now The lighting Oh my god Is it Marilyn Monroe? Something's happening, but like the lighting I've never seen you look so You also look young Oh my god, you guys Can you take a screen grab? I think you'll be very happy With what you see I would think you were like 28 right now I would think 18 Thank you, I'm the one that has to look at it I had to But I has to gets to oh my gosh you need to remember this lighting this time of day whatever that that kind of shadow over your face but then there's also a little bit of light coming a little marilyn monroe coming down and then i if i move like slightly to the left it's ruined it's horrendous yeah it's really bad old witch yeah fortune you look beautiful what i get a little fortune fortune what are you 12 years old did you just happen to notice me too you're glowing you really are i've never seen oh my god how do i look speaking of one eye closed my eye surgery is postponed oh no sorry girls why well um just some things with My doctor has to just check some stuff. Like, you know, just things. You just want to drag this on. So we'll always be like, how's your eye? How's the Popeye I make? How's the eye again, Tate? You look so good. Are you serious? Oh, my God. It's horny for you tonight. Don't you see it? Fortune? You know what? I think I'm glowing from... They look fantastic. I'm glowing from inside because I feel good right now. Mm-hmm. Why do you feel so good? Well, I'm resting from tour, but I'm excited to go back out. Yeah, I've just got some, you know, I'm feeling good. Oh, I know. You got laid. Is there some romance? Well, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Wow. That definitely was a, Mae's been busy in the bedroom smile. You know what? I think it's the bath I just took with the bath salts and the. no is your um bed visitor at your house right now no she's not your party kisser no oh my god when i do these meet and greets on tour people are rocking the merch and people are talking about party kissers and a party kisser shirt and hat i believe right yeah they're loving are we doing merch plugs right now i mean no purpose it just came out Naturally. Yeah. Mays getting kissed at parties right now. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance, and that's smart. Not checking that your phone is on silent before your favorite musician plays an acoustic set. Very alarming. Literally alarming because your alarm is going off in the middle of the saddest, slowest song you've ever heard. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate, North American Insurance Company, and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome is sponsored by Honeylove. Honeylove sent me one of their crossover bras to try, and it's my new fave. There's no underwire, but it still magically lifts and supports me. There's no digging, no pinching, and no red lines when I take it off. But here's the thing. It's so comfortable. 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Take proactive care of your health and head to opositive.com slash handsome or enter handsome at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I-V dot com slash handsome for 25% off. Guys, I found something and I sent it to Thomas. I said, I got to tell Tegan Fortune about this. Tell us. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it from my... Tell us, you party kisser. Okay. These are Victorian slang words that need to make a comeback. And I thought maybe... Well, I want to bring them back and popularize them. Okay. Why don't you send them to Thomas? I said... Thomas, I must run these by Thomas first. Sometimes I send stuff to him to be like, can you remind me this? I want to tell Tegan Fortune. Oh, okay. That's a smart idea. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that. Don't forget to do that Victorian slang. Oh, thank you so much for the reminder. It worked. Yeah, perfect. And meanwhile, I didn't even thank Thomas for our GLAAD award. I know, and he's doing the Lord's work. I know. You did go. It was funny, too, when you first started, you went, girl. Oh, yeah. Which, by the way. And you said, we say that in our podcast. Well, somebody yelled out, girl. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. somebody was like girl yeah and then i was like girl and i was like oh we we say that on our which i have to say like so many of the people in the audiences at my shows are handsome listeners and i do just want to say for for the record i i i love girl i love you guys calling me girl it brings me one so much joy in my life uh i am trans i need to remind people Like on the tour, everyone's just like, she's so, she's so her. She's so her. And they're all like, girl. And I don't mind girl because I think it's hilarious. But I just want to remind people. We call Thomas girl too. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. These are the expressions. Ready? Temporary sadness. That's not the expression. If you have temporary sadness, you say, I got the morbs. Okay. Like morbid. They said that? Yeah, that was. In Victorian days. That sounds so current. Gen Z. I know. I got the morbs. Like what is, so like they get, you know. It's an abbreviated situation, which you like to do. Can you imagine they've like got, yeah, some Victorian plague and they're like, oh, got the morbs because, yeah. Okay. If you're not feeling well, you say, I'm not up to dick. Up to dick. I'm definitely not up to dick. Well, you famously. And I'm sorry. Famously, I'm not up to Dick. Neither is Tig. You're not even up to a hot flute. Mm-mm. Okay, so what does this mean? This is, if you're not, if I go, you want to come out tonight? You go, I'm not up to Dick. Okay. Which is relevant. This, I thought you guys. You're just not in the mood for Dick. Yeah, exactly. I thought you'd really like this one. This is what they would call women's breasts. Jugs. Cupid's kettle drums. They seriously were saying this in Victorian time. I would use that now, Cupid's kettle drums. How do you have confirmation on this? This feels a little murky. This was an Instagram thing, so it must be from Charles Dickens. It must be true. Nay, I think you should read the slang and make them guess. Oh, yeah, totally. Tight as a boiled owl. What do you think that means? Butt type butthole. Drunk. drunk is it drunk? yeah it's drunk yeah yeah I remember that my mother used to say that she'd be like oh he's tight yeah tight as a boiled owl no but she would just say oh he's tight I like that yeah she's tight what do you think this means? bitch the pot bitch the pot pour the water out pour the tea bitch the pot I love May's delivery bitch the pot bitch the pot Bitch the pot yes that's exactly What it is it is bitch the pot Bitch in the pot Bitch in the pot Girl I'm bitch in the pot The tea gets poured out Bitch in the pot Yeah okay This is the kind of reaction I wanted yes okay Giggle mug Alcohol Giggle mug is your smile It's if you're always smiling then you're a giggle mug wow i keep smiling keep shining no no deon warwick stevie wonder is that it both of them do a duet no it's deon warwick yeah and stevie wonder together he's singing too thomas who's singing um that's what friends uh for I don't remember who sang it but I thought I know the harmonica was involved in this Tig the way you sang it there sort of like breathy it sounded like in a movie where someone sort of trying to stay alive in the cold and they're getting hypothermia and they're going keep smiling and in Victorian times when you got breathy they called it juggle juggle boobs you can get theirs It was Dion, Warwick, Elton John, Gladys Knight, and Stevie Wonder. I can't believe I forgot Elton and Gladys. Yes, it was a group. It was basically like a soulful traveling wolverine. That's what friends are for. I guess. Gladys Knight is where it's at. I saw her in concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Lucky you. Nice legs, Gladys. What else does Gladys Knight sing? Well, Midnight Train to Georgia Oh, yeah LA proved too much for the man Too much for the man That's the pips He couldn't take it So he's living alive He's come to know He's leaving Leaving Thank you On the Midnight Train to Georgia Living on the Midnight Train to Georgia. Woo woo. You guys would rather live in his world than live without him in my house. The Pips is almost, the Pips is equally as good in that song. I used to do a little comedy routine about that song where I would act like I was, I'd have them play the song, the sound booth, they'd play the song and then I would lip sync to Gladys' part and then I would pretend like the pips were in the back seat and so i was like singing and then they chime in and i and i'd i'd uh turn around like what the hell like i got this you know and so it was just it was just a fun little time um it always it's always funnier when you explain it on a podcast well funny enough i did a bit once at the grillings where i had someone play linda ronstadt singing you're no good you're You're no good, you're no good, baby, you're no good. And we played her, me and my friend played her backup singers, and we kept trying to sing over her. When my brother was 10, he really seriously went up to my mom and said, Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to marry Linda Ronstadt. Fair enough. And what happened? Yeah, what happened? He did. That's amazing. Linda Martin, that's right. Her name changed. Right. Linda Martin. Linda Martin. Living in the suburbs of Toronto now. Linda Ronstadt Martin. I think Giggle Mug really suits fortune. Oh, we're back on that. Giggle Mug. Well, I thought we moved on too quickly. Yeah, no, let's go back. Let's round the back. We're not done with these words. No, we are. That was it. Oh, that was it? Well, there's one more, which is poked up. Poked up. Poked up. You're horny. Embarrassed, weirdly. Poked up. that really ended on a bummer i know i say i know way to ruin the podcast may let's go back i got the morbs now it was great yeah this is the problem whatever i'm like i should do a little i'll prepare a little segment i'll prepare a little joke and it's all it's never good it's always better just to talk prepare a little something for the pod i there are a lot of people out here listening right now who are like so happy they learned all those phrases yeah but then they'll come drinking water because i was in vegas all week oh what is that and that's the only reason you're drinking water yeah what's the connection i'm drinking water and i've just been home because i'm hydrating i was in the desert gotta hydrate from the inside yeah yeah Yeah. So I'm drinking my agua. The other night I went into my sauna and I did a weird thing where I took a bag of bath salts and I poured it into like a baking tray. And then I brought it into the sauna and I put my bare feet in the Epsom salts. Oh. I don't know why, but I felt like it would be good for me to feel the salt on my feet. I must have read it somewhere. And how did it go? Or is that all you're going to tell us? It was kind of a mess. It was like, and I left the tray in there. It's like standing on Pop Rocks. That's, yeah, yeah. And they don't dissolve, right? They didn't dissolve. With no water. No, they just felt kind of crunchy. And I think I thought it was going to like detox me from my feet. I think I must have read that. Interesting. Are you still using your foot massager? Hell yeah. And I got a new thing next time we record in person. I'm not using whatever this new thing is. You are, you are. I'm not using that I almost ended up in a wheelchair yeah now what scent do you eucalyptus yeah that's what I do that's a good one that goes in my tub every single time yeah same are you tubbing a lot too Tig? yeah I tub when you're on the road are you tubbing? we're a tubbing pod tits out tub oh my tits are flopped out every which way on each side of the tub. Oh my God. I have to find a place to put them. You know, if the tub can... You just balance them on the soap dish. That's how I decide. If there is a tub big enough to support... Your tits out tub time. Merch alert, tits out tub time. Yeah, I do love a tub. I like a hot, full of eucalyptus scent. Do you listen to someone in the tub or read, or do you just bliss out? Paint us a picture. Yeah, paint us a picture. You take your blazer off. No, I put my blazer on. It's a sophisticated tub. You Donald Duckett, naked from the waist down, blazer. Yeah, everywhere I go, I'm naked from the waist down. But there's a nice little window right by my tub. And if I can see over my big tit, I like looking up into the sky. And then there's a tree in our backyard that I look at the squirrels, the birds and whatever. And usually our cats are in the bathroom kind of lounging around. And so I talk a lot to them and I tell them, you know, how much I love them. And, you know, it's just that's basically my. I love you, Chitties. Yeah, I'm like, you are my sweet little precious animal. My little peties, I love you. Yes. Yeah. So that's what I do with my bath time. I like this. Yeah. I like that we're practicing self-care on the handsome pot. Well, we're teeing ourselves up for wellness weekend. Oh, my God. Name the date. As soon as Fortune finishes filming and I'm out of the Oscar loop and you're back from tour, we are going to have wellness weekend. Great. We're going to drag fortune kicking and screaming. And screaming. Making me wake up at the ass crack of dawn. You're the one that's up all night. You love it so much. I drove all night. I love that song. Was that all right? That's such a great line. I love that she has permission after she is there. Is that all right? Or is it weird that I'm here? Of course it's weird. You drove all night. Is that all right? You're asking me now? Yeah. That's your new closer. For wellness weekend, are we renting an Airbnb somewhere in nature? Are we at your house? No, we're going to go to my office. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. We're going to go to my office because we got, you know, nature. Well, you've been there. Yeah. You don't like it. You don't like it. I like it a lot. Oh, you were thinking like going to the woods somewhere. Yeah. oh it is kind of woodsy yeah yeah yeah i guess as long as long as we could be in nature at your office oh haven't you seen the backyard is there a hot tub uh yes is there yeah oh great i'm listening yeah and are we gonna get naked and go in the hot tub and max and finn's um got excuse me we're doing tits out tub time together oh yes indeed i mean imagine if we had a selfie of the three of us naked in a tits out i'm like having to lift my big tiggo biddies up and cover them while y'all are just like now i have to tell you max and finn's godparents do rent out the guest house. Oh, God. This ruins everything. But we just have to make sure they're out of town because they do travel a bit. I didn't know that there was a guest house there. Well, now you know. Look at you. Any hoodles. Any hoodle doodles Should we get to our question We should Oh baby fortune It a candy question Isn it nap time almost baby fortune Yeah, baby fortune is tired. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You guys were into it. We were into it. 15 seconds ago. I know, and then we turned on you. Yeah, we were egging you on, and then we were like, oh. I know, and then you're like, oh, now it's creepy. Wow, fortune talks like a baby. Wow. handsome is brought to you by squarespace we use squarespace to design our own highly handsome website and we're confident you can do the same squarespace is the all-in-one website platform that can help you stand out and succeed online with a beautiful functional site but it doesn't stop there squarespace also gives you tools to add all sorts of online offerings from scheduling appointments to email marketing to stunning video libraries and content monetization. With Squarespace, your site design is flexible to suit your needs with intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects, on-brand content, and more ways to list what you offer. No experience required. With Squarespace's SEO tools, every site is indexed with meta descriptions and an auto-generated sitemap, so you show up more often in search results and find more of your ideal audience and customers. What are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com slash handsome for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. It's Wayday at Wayfair from April 25th through the 27th. You can score the best deals in home, like up to 80% off with free shipping on everything Wayfair's got. With Wayfair, it's easy to find exactly what fits your style and needs from furniture to decor to all your outdoor essentials. All of it is on sale during Wayday. Upgrade your space with quality pieces that work within your budget. And the best part, everything ships fast and free during Wayday. I'm still decorating my new house and I really enjoy discovering a new aesthetic that fits the space. Every home is a little different. So browsing Wayfair gives me inspiration. I actually just bought a really unique accent chair on there that I'm really excited to try in my living room. Wayday is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80% off with fast and free shipping on everything. Head to Wayfair.com April 25th through the 27th to shop Wayday. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Fortune. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk about our spring travel plans. Well, we're both on tour and when I'm on tour, I tend to not think about booking additional travel. Except here's an idea that I had. What if we make the handsome wellness weekend we've been talking about into a staycation and book a home on Airbnb? Oh, I love that idea. Okay, that's good. What are we going to need? Obviously, we're going to need outdoor space for meditating. I feel like we need a pool to tread water in. Mm-hmm. And don't forget a hot tub that's big enough for the three of us. And it's got to be a deep one too, all right? None of that shallow stuff. And inside the house, maybe like a nice kitchen so we can make some smoothies. Okay, this is going to be amazing. I'm going to start looking on Airbnb right away. Well, I'll see you in the tub, my friend, with a green juice in hand. We're going to find the perfect spot on Airbnb. Cheers. Today's question asker is best known for playing Angela on The Office. She's also starred in movies like Tall Girl and other shows like AP Bio and Deliciousness. She co-hosts the hit podcast Office ladies. Angela Kinsey is asking today's question. Hello, handsome podcast folks. Okay, here's my question. And maybe it's a weird one. And I think it's on my mind because my teenagers just had their wisdom teeth out. But here it is. How old were you when you got your wisdom teeth out? Where were you? how many wisdom teeth did you have did you have to be put under were you awake for it did you do anything weird or loopy afterwards there you go all right boy do i have a story oh do you now you got this locked and loaded yes i do it's part of my uh stand-up and it's on my uh if anybody wants to watch my HBO special Drawn. It's an animated special. And years ago, when I lived in Colorado, I was in a relationship. And, you know, we were not a match. We're not still together. But wish her the best. And I had to get my wisdom teeth out. And I asked her if she would drive me because you have to have somebody drive you. For sure. Yeah, okay. Because you go pretty under where you're loopy-doopy. Yes, indeed. And I was like, yeah, I need somebody to drop me off and then pick me up and drive me home. And she was like, well, I have to work that day. And she said, so I can drop you off. And I said, well, can you just sign that you're going to drive me home as well? Because this was pre-Ubers for the youngins last night. And I guess I could have taken a cab, But I don't think I was at a place where I could even take a cab. And so I said, will you just come in with me and sign that you're going to drop me off and pick me up. And then I'll just follow you in my car to the hospital. And then I'll just run out of the hospital and drive myself home. Oh, my God. And she's like, sounds good. Wait, what? Okay. So she signs me in. She leaves. I get my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm like fully under. I had all four surgically removed from my beak. And so I wake up and I remember that I don't have a ride home. And I was like, and I was so out of my mind, like out of my mind. Oh my God. And I got up off of that gurney and I just hauled ass out of the hospital. and I was just like slamming into walls kind of thing, like really out of it. This is so not okay what I did. I get in the car. No. May. The good news is clearly I lived. I'm here to tell. I drive home. Oof. You guys? They shouldn't have let you out of their sight. They didn't. They didn't expect some lunatic to run out of the house. You just bolted out of there? I bolted. No one can even stop you. I bolted. like oh like that okay this is quite a story that happened i wake up because i rear-ended another car no i had fallen asleep at a light and i think my foot just slid off the brake and it wasn't like a rear-end crash but like i bumped the guy's car and he comes up and he's yelling at me and i'm like i'm sorry i'm so sorry and uh he thinks you're inebriated right which i was essentially no need to call cops or to exchange insurance but he was like watch where you go that guy i'm so sorry he gets in his car he leaves i get home my very dear friend lives below me I feel like you got home in one piece. I know. Okay. My friend lives below me. By the time I get home, I'm in so much pain. Mm-hmm. I'm like the numbing, the numbness is wearing off. And I go knock on my friend's door. Good. No answer. And I'm just, her name's Leslie. And I'm like, Leslie. Leslie. Leslie. And I'm banging on the door and there's no response. So I walked down to the front of the building to look up and yell at the front of the building. And there is a new neighbor. This is an old Victorian. Talk about Victorian. An old Victorian home that's split into like five different apartments. A new neighbor had just moved in and was sunbathing in the front. And I come around the corner and I was like. When I come around the corner, she's like, and I said, hi. I said, you know, it's lovely home. I'm in so much pain. And she's like, I mean, she's like, no, I don't know. Was she topless? No, no, I'm sorry. Tits in. Okay. And so I'm like, okay. I go back up to Leslie's door and I see a trail of blood leading to her door. I'm like oh my god and I'm like banging on her door not realizing it's my blood and the woman in the front of the house had I'm like I was bleeding and I couldn't feel it because I was numb and it was running out of my mouth down my shirt and she didn't even ask like are you okay what happened nothing she was like i don't want to engage because you're ruining her her sunbathing time but i needed leslie to drive me back to the hospital to get my medication yeah you just booked it out of there yeah so i didn't have my medication and so that is my um my wisdom tooth story so yeah i have a wisdom tooth story and if again you want to see it check it out on hbo i can't believe you drove yourself because i was in my early 20s i mean of course you would never do it now but no i was i just remember being so out of it after my i got my wisdom teeth pulled when i was 18 um and i didn't necessarily need them pulled at that moment but i was about to something like i was about to go off my mom's insurance and so she was just like let's get these puppies out yeah um so i had four extracted and uh it was it was when my grandmother was sick so I was in it was like a weird time and um they pulled him out and I do remember sitting there after surgery thinking when are you guys gonna start this surgery um because you didn't realize it had happened no because you're like laying there and they're going I'm gonna count to three backwards or five backwards yeah And they're like, five, four. And then you're like, yeah. Yeah. And then when I woke up, you really do think that the last time you were awake was, you know, at five, four. And then you're like, are you guys doing this or not? And then I think I was mumbling and saying they were laughing at stuff I was saying. And I wasn't trying to be funny. It feels like those drugs are kind of like a truth serum. and people they tap into like people i see the videos of people and they always seem like overwhelmed by like the beauty or gratitude like like when they're like i'm your boyfriend and they're like i have a boyfriend and they're like i'm so lucky like i or they're like i have a mom who loves me like they get so it's really beautiful i love take because mainly people are like i like that you got up and you're like i'm out of here like bolted out oh my god i would have been with enough to even remember I didn't have a ride. Yeah. Well, I clearly wasn't fully with it because I fell asleep at the light. Oh my God. I do. I do remember getting home and being like, it is super painful. And, um, I remember wanting a milkshake. You have four gaping holes in your mouth. My mom's like, got me a milkshake and she, I see the spoon kind of coming towards me, but I can't taste anything or feel anything. I'm like, when is this happening? She said, I just had a milkshake running down my face. And you were how old? 18? 18. Milkshake down my face. Couldn't feel any of it. But then I kind of just remember sleeping for a couple of days. But then my grandmother and like a week later passed away and I had to be at her funeral with the like um the dry sockets and um it is so painful getting i can't remember what leads to getting them um but i got i had dry sockets it was like my face felt like it was just like on fire and i was at the funeral like having to smile a lot and just the act of smiling smiling at the funeral yeah why'd you have to smile at the funeral that's a southern thing even when you're sad you gotta act like you're okay really yeah and i just was like i that i i don't think my face has ever been in that much pain before in my life so what did they do before even when you've had giggle mug even during my giggle mug times yeah i was painful as wisdom teeth but like what happens if you don't have them removed like in history they wouldn't have you had yours no you're not gonna believe this am i never grew in i don't have any oh little baby may yeah i have lucky because it sucks i know i'm so lucky not don't drive are there people that in general no after your if they do come in and you get them out don't drive they better not come in now that would be yeah which by the way though speaking of your rear ending I did smash my tail light no it was how well when I went on tour I parked in my driveway which is really steep usually I parked your bus no my my uh car like to leave so I go into like I fly back and then um and then I was reversing out of my own driveway and I smashed into the gate and because it's really tight and really steep and um i couldn't believe it so i gotta get my taillight fixed because it just felt like a little tap but it's fully but that's my i'm just glad it wasn't on the street it was in a safe driveway and i but i feel like i got it out of the way now my first like oh good for you good for you a little cowboy yeah a little bumpy bump yeah tell light won't be too hard to replace oh yeah do i have to do it myself no i'll go somewhere we're not gonna make you do anything thank you also that my my car keeps telling me my tire pressure is low in one of my tires what do i do about that you just ignore it it's fine no don't do that may um you can go to sometimes i'll go to one of those service places and i'll tip them if they'll put air in it. Other people learn how to read a gauge and do it themselves. Read a gauge? You know at the gas stations with the little air machines? I never used it. Then you probably need to go to a tire place and just pay them a little tip. Tire place, can you hold? Tire place, can you put air in my tires and just tip the guy? Or a girl. Or a girl. Oh a pretty old lady or theydy Yeah Who knows I think there is like a famous lesbian auto shop somewhere Really I think it maybe it in Toronto That's like just hot lesbians in their kind of greasy overalls. And it's kind of people go just to kind of flirt. They fix your car. Well, what's hot though? I mean, everyone's got a different idea. What's hot? Yeah. Well, but it's sort of like that picture of you fixing the car. Yeah. You know, when your hair is long and it's hot. Yeah, it's hot. People doing things with their hands. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Dyke. Should we hear Angela's answer? Yeah. Yeah, we should. I was in my early 20s living in New York City, interning on the Conan O'Brien show. Oh. And my tooth started hurting me. I went to a dentist. Someone recommended me. And they were like, you got to have your wisdom teeth out. Guess what? You only have three. You don't have four. you only have three and then the guy did not put me under one of them was impacted he couldn't get it out oh he had to put he literally put a knee on my chest and I yanked it out oh my gosh it was painful um and then I was loopy and I left and I flagged a cab a New York City cab all loopy stuffed with cotton sore because the man had to put his knee on my chest on her hot tub titties I took that cab to a friend of mine's apartment who was out of town and I was apartment sitting because my apartment was like crappy McCrappies. So I stayed at his nice apartment and he left me a stack of DVDs to watch post Wisdom Teeth coming out. And I was on Vicodin and I watched Apocalypse Now for the first time. Oh my God. That's my Wisdom Teeth story. all right what's your oh my god the thought of having that surgery with no i don't understand going under that's like torture that's torture what does she mean there's only three why did my why did i think i had four removed thomas google it up for four removed i'm sure she looks like how may had none some people don't have oh i thought she said i thought she was saying and you only have three meaning humans only have no she somehow only had three i was like then he overcharged me the knee on the chest feels really crazy oh my god oh my god and to be aware that that's happening i mean just my nightmare right there if you're under the influence of any substance and you're like trying to calm down picking what movie to watch is really crucial and apocalypse now is not a good idea. I guess I don't understand why there was no... Why they didn't put her under? Yeah. Well, I think they numbed her and stuff. It could have been a money thing. Sometimes your insurance doesn't cover part of it and maybe she was... But that is... That's like... Yeah, it happens though. For sure. When I had top surgery and then I came to... I think I've told you this. And I stayed over... I was, I was, that's the only time I've been under and had that out of it feeling. And I stayed overnight in the clinic and, um, I kind of came to, and the TV in the room was playing Richie Rich with Macaulay Culkin, the movie. And I thought, well, first I was like, did they model me after him? Like I look like this now. Fair question. Yeah. I look like an 11 year old. And then, uh, so the nurse came in and I was like, oh yeah, thanks so much for putting Richie Rich on. And she goes, no, you've requested that. no memory of i have what i must have she must have been scrolling through and i'm like yeah no i'm not yeah i liked it when i might have seen it once when i was a kid but how weird that i was like that one that's the movie i need to watch yeah and i had no memory of doing that by the way i watched a movie the other night and uh it was my first time to see and this will surprise you Forrest Gump. You've never seen it before? Don't yell at me. I have never seen it. Stephanie has told me our entire relationship that I remind her of Forrest Gump. I see it. I see it. Oh, my God. And I've always been like, what are you talking about? And so when we're watching it and then it finishes, I'm like, how am I like Forrest Gump? And she's like, you love to sit in trees. You like to sit on a front porch. um she was a little chocolate vegan chocolate but she was like and then um you know he's in Alabama you're from Mississippi um she said that um oh and like when Andrea died and I had left Boulder I had all of this crazy energy in me and um and we were like four hours away we were staying four hours away. And when I got back to her, I was like, I just feel like I need to go back to Andrea and Meg's house. And, and I said, I think I might want to walk. And I said, I put it in my GPS and it's four days and like 16 minutes. And she was like, TIG, she was like, you can't walk back to Boulder. And I was like, no, I like have this crazy energy right now. And she was like, where are you going to sleep? And I said, like, on the side of the river. And she was like, what are you going to eat? And I was like, I'll bring some stuff. And she was like, oh my God, Forrest Gump. She was like, that's so Forrest Gump of you. And then I also love her very, very deeply. And yeah, so anyway. Oh, she said also the fact that the Pope invited you to the Vatican and now you're like nominated for an Oscar. She said, I feel like you're just open like the feather that's floating through the air and you just kind of say yes and end up in situations and with people that she was like i don't know she said you just are forced gump to me yeah i get the purity with which he loves the short haircut the short haircut what's the name of his girlfriend in it rob jenny jenny yeah yeah yeah yeah that's sort of you and stephanie And I saw Rita Wilson yesterday and I told her I and it was like a women's lunch thing. And I said, will you tell Tom that I just saw Forrest Gump and that Stephanie thinks that I'm like Forrest Gump? She was like, what is she talking about? And then I went through all of those things. And by the end, she was doubled over laughing and she's like, OK, I see it. I see it. Anyway, I love the idea of you wanting to walk for four days but i get that feeling like it was so intense had i not told you that that i wanted to walk back to as soon as i got back to stephanie and max and finn i was like i don't it didn't make sense for me to not be at that house or around those people anymore and um it probably is confusing to hear that after witnessing somebody dying that it would give it was like a an energy of searching and awakeness and aliveness that I just, I can't really explain it, but I really felt like it seemed like no problem. I could walk for four days and it would feel invigorating to walk through the mountains and sleep by the river and live off of berries. But yeah, she was like, you can't do that and i was like okay but i really i think if she wasn't with me i might have done that yeah i mean like as you're talking about it it's making me want to do it like that is such a like my side of the mountain kind of fantasy one no i really know there is a there is a hike in colorado that takes like six to eight hours to do and um it's it's my goal this summer yeah to to to do a very long intense hike um potentially with max and finn's godparents oh that'd be nice i don't think stephanie's gonna join no i want to do yosemite and i want to do the camino de Santiago and I want to do that. I want to do that desperately. I want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. My friend did it and she had a system where if she got to like a fork in the road, she had a rock and like if it was, if she flipped it and it was black, she'd go left. And if it was gray, she'd go right. And I love that. Yeah. She's fun. I mean, it took her twice as long to do the hike. Well, maybe on our wellness weekend, we can hike around my backyard. Yeah. Great. When Stephanie and I first got together i was gonna take a walk and she goes um she goes tig it is so late why don't you can't you just walk around in our backyard and i was like no i was like i'm a grown woman it's the same thing right like i'm not gonna just walk around in circles walk in a circle in the backyard like an elephant at the zoo just pacing a caged lesbian yeah must go hike well that was a fun episode you guys yes i will say i'm so glad we got our wisdom teeth out and it's done and we never have to do that again and i'm so glad we can be there for may when there's uh grow in when they realizes they actually do have wisdom teeth yeah and they've been giving Some people just don't have them. I have heard that. Yeah. It's like women that don't go through menopause. Is that a thing? Mm-hmm. That would be, I mean. Well, I mean, I'm sure they do, but what I meant to say, they don't have symptoms. Right, right, right. Yeah. I have perimenopause itchy ear. No. What are you talking about? Is that a thing? It's a thing. I started in the last year having an itchy ear, but like where you couldn't get to it. And I started to worry, like, do I have a brain worm? Okay, RFK Jr. I know. And I was like, and you would scratch it and it would not relieve it. You couldn't get to the itch. That's the brain worm, man. And then I was watching something on TikTok and I found myself in a perimenopause algorithm loophole. and it said itchy ear is one of the perimenopause that's insane we i mean there's been so little research into women's health that like if that was a men's thing they'd be like oh of course the itchy ear for these reasons but we're just like man i guess you get an itchy ear no way i'll just be like whoa what a crap well let's hope that's the only thing that you have because good lord the rest of the list is not fun yeah any who Perry Metaboss what a podcast girl girls what a podcast what a podcast we mentioned it earlier we do have some fun new merch for sale and we also have our live handsome show oh on May 4th Netflix is a joke. May the 4th be with us. In Los Angeles at the Wiltern. Make sure you get your tickets. It's going to be so fun. And we are not live streaming that. So it's for the folks that live in LA. Yeah, you have got to come on out. Portland, Maine. I'll be there April 25th. There's a late show that night. Late show in Newtown, Connecticut on April 24th. June 4th, Albany, New York. A late show was added. Rochester, New York, June 7th. And then also Spokane, Washington, June 12th. Eugene, Oregon, June 14th. Go to tignotaro.com for all show information. And also check out Come See Me in the Good Light on Apple TV if you haven't seen it yet. Can I say my tour dates? Yeah. Just there's a couple that there's still lots of tickets for on April 5th. I'm in Ottawa in Ontario, April 7th, Portland, Maine, April 8th. I just added an extra show in Boston at the Wilbur, April 9th in Concord, April 10th, Poughkeepsie, then Washington. Anyway, go to maymartin.net and there's a, see if I'm coming to your city. There's, I'm on tour forever. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I finally wrapped up my acting for a bit and I'm back on tour, baby. Yeah. So it kicks back off April 2nd, Oklahoma City, and then Fayetteville and Little Rock, Arkansas, San Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Des Moines, we've added a show, and Toronto. And I'm going to Europe. So for any of our European fans, I'll be in Amsterdam on April 9th and then going back to Europe to do Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London, and Dublin. those are all at the end of May and early June and then yeah Portland, Maine, Detroit, Omaha, Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Rochester, Minnesota we're everywhere you guys come check out the handsome pod if you want to have a great fun night oh my gosh what if we did a full-on arena tour the three i'd love it i would you i mean i don't know if i'm i'm i'm into arena tours it feels like it loses a little bit of the vibe you're right but um but it still could be um yeah never mind we're not gonna do an arena tour no but we should do more together we're having a hard time booking one or two shows yeah but like if we each went on stage for like 40 minutes or something 30 minutes That'd be fun. Yeah. We'll see. One day. You never know. You never, ever know. You never know. But definitely share the podcast with people that you would love to join our handsome community. Send them your favorite one. How about this one? And also rate, review, and subscribe. Stop what you're doing. Stop what you're doing right now. Not you, Fortune. Our listeners, rate, review, and subscribe. Also check us out on YouTube. look at Mae's gorgeous face and see the circus that is Fortune Feimster and until next time I haven't had any sleep alright until when? next time keep it handsome handsome is hosted by me Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster the show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that your podcast co-hosts know the lyrics before bursting in the song? A little awkward. I'm happy to take a solo. 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