EP 54: Chasing Dreams With Skyler Ray

Disclaimer. At Two Addicts in the Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. Oh, all right. And we are back for another episode of Two Addicts in the Moron and sober South by week. Been a busy week. We've been filming podcasts. We're filming multiple podcasts in a day. This is great. This is great. Yeah. And look, we got a very special guest in the house, man. Mr. Skyler Ray, everybody. Thanks for having me on. It's truly an honor. I appreciate it. You may not be able to see this right now, but like my feet are not touching the ground. But here I am as a man on your podcast. No, it's honestly really cool. I'm glad we got connected. I just got off the flight. I know. And so the fact that this was lined up, it was really cool. And it was kind of like last moment. Yo, just super, super duper. It's an honor, man. I'm really excited to be a part of this. So thank you. Well, because of the last moment and I know how busy you are and what you're here to do. Yeah. It's the pleasure and the honor is all ours. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on. We had a conversation about a month ago, maybe a little less than that when we were talking about doing this. And I listened to your music and it's good. Thank you, man. It's really good. Thank you. And I'm not just saying that because you're sitting there right now. I really enjoyed it. It's very, very good. So people need to listen to you. I appreciate it, man. It's come a long way. It truly has. Man, I couldn't rap on beat for like 18 years, but I always loved it. I always loved it. I knew I wanted to make music since nine years old. I was a year late on Eminem. So I caught the Marshall Mellor's LP when it dropped in 2000. And the way I felt with the music, I was like, yo, this is it. Like, you know, even if I didn't understand like all the rage and everything, but I was like the way he made me feel. I knew I wanted to make others feel like that. And so I started doing music at 11 years old and like I couldn't even. No one told me like I had friends. Yes, man. They were like, oh, that's fire. That's dope. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure a lot of them couldn't hear it because obviously I couldn't hear it, but to be off beat and not know it. And then I met Kayla, uh, my other half Kayla Mulcahy. And you know, she was the first person to tell me like, Hey, like it's good, but like you're off beat. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm in between the claps. And she's like, I don't know what that means, but I was like, but that's all I'm gonna be. It's like this term between the claps. You know, and so with that, she showed me how and we made our first album together, uh, spotlight. Okay. And with that, uh, you know, she would move and move each phrase in the beat in the pocket. And from there, we did about 20, 30 shows with that album. And when I came back to record in, I went to lay something down. I was like, oh, that's, that sounds off. And I'm like, oh, I'm not on beat. Hold on. Let me, you know. And so I learned the difference of also being on beat. There's a difference between being on beat and writing the beat. Yeah. You know, so I owe a lot of it to Kayla since then. Like we've grown hundreds of thousands of followers, tens of millions of plays, uh, been booked like crazy. And, you know, I owe it to her truly. You know, I, it was the first person that I trusted that she was telling me cause I've had people tell me before some stuff. And I was like, oh, they're just hating. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it was about to say. Yeah. It's like, she tells you, you're a little off beat. How dare you? Yeah. Well, I was like, at first I was embarrassed. I automatically went to embarrassed cause I was like, how I can't even do what I've always loved. Yeah. Like, what do you mean? Like this is embarrassing. So like a little bit of anger, irritation, a little sadness. Yeah. Offended. I like recoiled and like shrunk. Yeah. And I was like, uh, okay. But I also trusted her heart. Yeah. Right. I was like, well, why would this, this girl tell me this like this early on our relationship? Like obviously. And I respected her as an artist. So yeah. Well, that's a big deal. So I'm like, I know she's like, she's powerful when it comes to music. She knows what is up. Yes. Classically trained, studied music theory, all this different stuff like background and opera. Like she's the real deal. You know, and so I was like, well, maybe she knows what she's talking about. And like sure enough, like now it's taken off and I'm like, wow, the power of rapping on beat. So thank you so much. Cause I felt like I've sucked for like 20 years. Well, so you told, you told me to stay away from the earlier stuff when we were like, Hey, listen to the newer stuff cause it's like so much better. But now I kind of want to go back and listen to the old stuff. You can, you can. I, you know, if anybody's curious, I'm always trying to be like, no, don't do it. No. So I fixed them. I try to be very upfront and honest because I want people to understand the journey. Yeah. Right. Because like people think that like either you got it or you don't. And that's kind of true, but there is a way to get there. Right. And so like the process. And so I try to always, because I think it's inspiring. There's people out there that maybe want to try it and they don't think they're good. And I want to let people know like you can be trash and like you can get pretty decent, you know, so you could go the older stuff. I used to go by young schizo. Um, you know, so if anybody wants to look that up, you guys will see the progress. I mean, like I said, I've been making music since 11. I probably have stuff that's like 16, 17 years on a whole different profile under there. So you will see, you will see. I used to rap about stuff. I wasn't living. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like like guns, violence, threesomes in the back of the club, chains, all this stuff. While I'm taking a bus to school. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? If my dad would give me a bong before I leave out the door because I don't got anything, you know, but I'm this tough guy pistol packing. You got all these ladies and drive a Lamborghini. But once I actually lived a real life experience. Uh huh. Uh, and then I got sober and I was like, well, I don't want to rap about selling drugs. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't want to like glorify it because like I've seen the wreckage that has done to me and I don't want to do that to my people. Yeah. So it's been a journey, but I'm very proud of where I'm at now musically and I'm leagues above anything that I ever dreamed of. Talent wise. Now I actually throw on my music and I'm like, damn, that's that's actually that's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah, that's awesome. So thank you. So let's rewind the clock a little bit. Yeah. I do want to talk more about the music. Of course. I have some questions about that, but we talked about a little bit before, but for those who are listening, what was your DOC? Uh, meth. Okay. Yeah, meth. If it ain't the chemicals underneath the sink, I don't want to. Yeah, I had a boy. And, um, and how, how long have you been sober? Uh, a little over six years. Uh, December 6, 2018. Let's go, dude. Let's go. Congrats, brother. Thank you. Thank you so much. So did you meet her? Did you meet Kayla when you got sober? Yeah. And I'm glad I did because I've wrecked everything before I got sober. Yeah, yeah. Um, it's crazy because like our paths might have crossed and we didn't know it. So I got out at a halfway house. Um, central city concerns, shout out to them. Um, but there's a place right next to the rescue mission downtown, um, called the shoreline. And that's where people go when they get out of prison. If they have nowhere to go. Mind you, I was homeless when I went in. So I had nowhere to go. Yeah. You know, um, but getting out, I, I met her and we connected and I ended up staying with her shortly afterwards. But it's crazy because she lived on this place on 21st downtown, right? And I used to sell dope to the neighbor two doors down. And so I used to always park in the cul-de-sac right in front of the house she was living. And so it's like, we might have seen each other, but I am so glad that our cross didn't pass because like I said, I wrecked everything. Yeah. So, yeah. Well, that's good, man. Um, so talk to me a little bit about how your journey started. Absolutely. The recovery journey? Well, no, I want to talk about the journey into addiction. Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, you know, a lot of it, I think stems back, um, you know, I think the truth is always important. I always feel bad because my mom always takes it hard, but I never blame her or never hold a grudge. So my mom and my dad split up. She packed up me and my brother. I got older brotherly is four years older than me. And, um, you know, things were going wrong. She, she deals with some mental health issues and things like that. Me and my brother are a lot like a lot of kids fighting. You know, I, I would start the crap. My brother had beat me up. I'd go cry and tattle tail. Uh, you know, normal stuff, right? And so it was a lot for her. And, uh, one day she said she was going somewhere and she never came back. And so we're out in front of the shelter. The police come pick us up. They separate me and my brother. Uh, we go into different foster homes. And I think from there I developed, uh, abandonment issues. Um, and you know, I didn't know this till I started doing step work the first time I got cleaned in my twenties and every single problem stems back to this. You know, um, it's, it's, it's the need to feel love, the need to feel accepted, the need to feel popular, cool, uh, what it caused me to do, uh, what's eventually led to the drugs. Don't get me wrong. I chose the drugs because I like the drugs and I had fun. But the thing is with that is, um, you know, I was that kid, that class clown that would crack jokes for a laugh. And then when I see people laughing, I didn't know how to read the room when I became annoying. So I'd keep cracking jokes, had a problem with authority, like teachers say, hey, quiet down. I'm like, shut up, crack it more jokes. Like I elicited. And then someone would call me out like I'm annoying or say something to me. Um, and if I knew I could beat them up or take them, I would instigate the fight. So you know what I'm saying? I was that kid that was always down for everything. I was that kid that will do anything. I was that kid that was like, so what's led me to get experience? What led me to get expelled a lot, you know, led me to try to, you know, little, uh, push a little weed here and there, try to be popular, wanted to be the rapper. You know what I'm saying? I put on this whole image because I wanted to fit in and like them be accepted. And so, you know, that caused me a lot of trouble. Um, you know, I got out of foster care, moved my mom for a little bit, then ended up with my dad back in Portland, Oregon. And then with that, at 18, I found myself homeless. You know, and from there, it kind of got out of control. At that point, I basically tried every drug that I knew at the time, whatever, right? Yeah. But, you know, I did met the few times and I enjoyed it. My older brother's drug of choice is met. You know what I'm saying? Prayers for him, he's still out there right now, you know? Yeah. But that was his drug of choice. And so, you know, like I tried it a few times, I was like, oh, that's really fun. But I never really got into it, you know? And so with that, at the time I was 18, I remember when I first was homeless, we were downtown and I would be smoking and drinking. A bunch of, there's so much homeless in Portland, Oregon. And we would go tear up the local Safeway. It's crazy, really. Yeah, it really is. And we would go tear up the local Safeways. Everybody would go in there like five, 10 minutes before closing like 10, 15 of us and just double fist the 24 pack. Go back to the doorways, drink it up, things like that. And then I remember one time somebody was like, oh, I got some meth, you wanna get high. And I was like, well, I've tried meth before and I was like, we're not gonna do it right here, right? At then I had standards, right? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm not about to be out here tweaking and deke it. I'm homeless, like, you know what I'm saying? Like people are gonna see me, you know? And so I remember like quite a bit of us went to this abandoned house over on MLK downtown Portland, Oregon. And I remember we're in there and I remember we were smoking out of a light bulb, getting high. And for some reason it just gripped me different. I don't know if it was the vibe of hanging out with everybody, being with your buddies. I was like, I feel like these are my friends, this is what we're doing. And it's crazy what they say about statistics because there was like seven of us, eight of us, right? And like three or four of us afterwards wanted to go find some more. The other ones didn't do it anymore. I was like a one time done thing. But like the three or four of us went to go find some more. So now I'm homeless on meth and we're sitting there and I remember someone approached me one day and they're like, would you like to sell some meth? And I sell some dope. You know what I'm saying? And I thought to myself, I'm like, yo, that sounds like the perfect idea. Cause for one, I could get high on my own supply. I don't have to beg. I don't have to try to boost. I don't have to do any of this stuff. And on two, my whole friend list changed. My circle is all meth addicts. You know what I'm saying? Not no drinkers, not no weed smokers. I'm talking meth addicts. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, so get high on my own supply and everybody I hang out with buys dope. And now I'm gonna be popular. You know what I'm saying? And yes, and that's why I was getting to it. It fed into the abandonment issues. The power that you feel being a drug dealer is incredible. You know the love is fake, at least I did, but it still felt good to be them. It is the power, the respect. When you pull up on the block and you're the most important person, every guy wants to hang out with you. All the girls are flirting with you, trying to get with you. Everybody's trading, you're trying to sell you their iPads and traded in for dope that they just stole from their homeboy. You know what I'm saying? All this different things and the power that came with it that fed into those insecurities and abandonment issues. So I kept getting and getting locked up, getting in jail, constantly in and out. I mean, there was times I would do six months, get out for three days, go do nine months, get out for six days, go do another nine months. I would literally last as long as it took for the warrant to go out. You're homeless. I know where to find you. You know what I'm saying? Either way, no hiding. They would literally pull up to the block and be like, okay, we got Mr. Davis, we got John. Oh, Billy, okay, no, he don't. Oh, Michael's over there. Yep, he got a warrant. And they would come over and call back, have been pulled like three, four deep and be like, all right, Davis, da, da, da, da, get up, put your hands behind your back. They knew what time it was. You know what I'm saying? So like, I would sometimes only last like a week and I'm grateful because I got my teeth. Still? Yeah. I took out my teeth. You know what I'm saying? I am thankful for that. And my mind fires off pretty normal. So that led me through all that, but also like, we talked before going on, I don't drink because I didn't find out I was an alcoholic until I had a little bit of clean time. And I told myself, everybody's drinking at the office. It's so socially acceptable. People are like, what do you do after like a busy week or a long week or a hard day? Like you guys want to go grab some drinks? Yeah. It's normal there. You see the Super Bowl, you see commercials, there's everywhere. So like, if you're over 21, you're not doing anything wrong. And I thought to myself, well, I could go have a drink. I had almost a year clean. I was like, I could have a year, I'll go have a drink because I'm addicted to meth. I'm not an alcoholic. And it turns out I am an alcoholic. I can't have no drinks. You can't do shit. You can't do shit. And I know that because all my morals and principles went out the window. Not only was I blacking out, not knowing how I got home, I was spending my checks $200, $300 a night, ending up broke real fast. You know what I'm saying? Three days in, you're like, shit, I gotta wait till Friday to get paid again. And then it's like, I went through a breakup. The girl was dating at the time. And we're in sales. And so you know there's cocaine going around the office. You know what I'm saying? And I thought to myself, I told myself, well, I can do cocaine because I'm a meth addict. You know what I'm saying? And it finds out even if I could do cocaine, I couldn't afford it for very long. And so I go broke off of cocaine and I spent everything because those abandonment issues and the need to be loved, I would pull up, we'd be partying. And I would invite like 10, 15 people and you guys want to do lines. And I'm getting lines for everybody. I was like, oh, Skyler, you're so cool. Can I come like, get out of here? Can my friend come bring me in here? Call your friends. And so we're doing lines. We're like, oh, we're out. And I'm like, call your guy, call your guy. Here's $300. Go get a ball, whatever. You know what I'm saying? And I'd keep the party going, but I'd be broke overnight. Get paid Friday and I'm broke Saturday morning rolling out the house. And so I told myself, well, now I'm starting to like getting high again, but I can't afford coke. What am I going to do? And so I was like, well, I can go get a 20 bag of some meth and I could be up for a few days and I don't have to share. I'll just be more greedy with my stash. And so I did that. And next thing you know, that turned back into shooting dope. Horrible idea. So it all stemmed from thinking I can drink. And now I don't, you know, but it turns out I'm alcoholic. So that's where my life has led me through addiction. Yeah. So yeah. That's a common tale though. I mean, we hear it a lot is the, that I forget to guess, man. I hate when I do that. But he was like, yeah, I mean, that's cool that you can have a drink, but I have a drink and it's going to end with me if I can stick in a needle in my neck like it. Yeah. I don't know if it's three days later or a week later, but that's just where it goes. Absolutely. And we hear so many tales of people that are, okay, I'm in rehab for meth or coke or heroin. And I get out and it's like, I wasn't in there for booze. Like, so like I'm going to go ahead and have a white claw, have a Chardonnay, like, and then boom, you're back in there like, you know, with a quickness, right? Yes. I know that's not the tale for everyone necessarily, but it is a, it's a common theme. And that's why I always tell people, you got to understand who you are, take the time to learn yourself. I think that's a big thing with recovery, right? You got to understand, like, if you really can't handle it, like you need to be upfront and honest with yourself and be accountable. Like I know homeboys that used to shoot dope and now they smoke their weed and they drink. You know, I don't judge nobody's recovery. You know what I'm saying? I just worry about my own. And they're like, oh, da, da, da. And I see people put him down and I'm like, yo, but he's paying his bills. He's got his kids. He goes to work every day. He's not shooting dope. He's not homeless. He's not robbing people. He's a taxpayer. Like, you know what I'm saying? You might have not have known him when he was shooting dope. He's doing real good. I'll tell you that right now. So that is kids' birthdays, sports games. And I'm like, that's why it's like, I tell people don't judge people's recovery. Worry about your own. You know, me personally, I can't have a drink. I would love to have a drink. I would love to do some meth. Unfortunately, I just can't party. I'm not. Can't do it. Factory settings don't allow it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Factory settings in the life circumstances now. I got a buddy that always says you gotta find your own sober. You have to. Find your own sober. If that means that you can't do shit, you can't do shit. If that means you can drink a little bit, drink a little bit. If that means you can smoke a little weed, smoke a little weed. Yeah. But that's something like, I've struggled with, I know that I'm not an alcoholic. I know that I can drink. And I don't ever identify as an alcoholic. I identify as a drug addict. Of course. Recovery drug addict. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So, you know, if it's a special event, if it's someone's wedding or a toast or some shit, I'm not gonna tell them no. Because I know it's not gonna send me out here, out there or anything like that. I was never, I was always on meth before I went out to the club anyways. Yeah. I only drank because I could drink so much more on meth. It never affected me at all. You could do so much everything on meth. I'm like fucking taking 10 shots and like, you're not fucked up yet? Not even, I don't even care. It's crazy, you don't feel anything. I don't feel shit. You don't feel anything. If anything, you just need more meth. It's insane. So a little bit of like, just my experience with it, I like to drink, right? And on occasion, I'll get hammered a little bit. You know, it'll happen. But I'm good with that. I'll deal with it. But I remember back in the day when I was hanging out with guys who were doing Coke, I was like, all right, give it a shot, see what's going on. And I remember instantly not liking it because it ruined my buzz. I was like, I like being kind of drunk and this just ruined it. Now I gotta go back to the fucking starting line, right? But there are some people that are just like, no, this is great. Like I can drink more, I can stay up longer. I was like, no man, I like to go to bed. I like to... You know, I like sleep now that I'm sober. But back then it was like, how much money can I get? What's up? What can I collect by the end of the night? You know, how many laptops, how many food stands? Nothing. Yeah, you know. I'm sitting there just puffing on a pack of cigarettes on the clock, you know? Yeah, no. And it's crazy you say that because I remember during the time period that I got actually started, like hooked on meth, you know? And that's why I said, if it ain't the chemicals under the sink, I don't want it. Because, you know, I remember like, I was such like a weed smoker, like always weed. Like wake up middle of the night to go pee, I'm taking a bong head or like a rip off the pipe. Like that was always me. I was getting stoned for everything. But once I actually like got on the meth, I remember being high and like after we left that halfway, I was, I went back and I remember being at the park and someone passed me the pipe and I hit it once and I was like, fuck no. I was like, no, you can't have it. I didn't do anything else, just meth. I was like, no, we're good. I don't want to pollute my eye. I don't want to pollute it. We'd always made me fucking really paranoid. It like puts me in a place where I'm not comfortable. I'm scared and it's like I'm on an acid trip. So I don't like weed. I've never liked weed. You know, I've experienced that. So I never had that trip. I used to think people were just crazy when they used to say that, right? And then I stopped smoking weed around like 18 because that's when I was like on the meth, you know? And then I got sober for like that year or whatever. And when I started drinking, I smoked a couple of times and I'll tell you what, that weed is too strong nowadays. It was different. I was paranoid. I was scared. I was like in my house. I thought I kept hearing like, you know, people that were like in my recovery circle knocking on the door and stuff. I'm like, putting pipes away and I'm like, open up the door, no one's here. I'm like, open in the door. And I was like, yo, I'm super paranoid. Like I'm so scared right now. Never experienced that before. It was always terrible for me. Like weed was always terrible. And I would do it all the time as you know, youngster, teenager all the way up. And I started to realize that I was only doing it because it was around, right? And then so I remember probably mid-20s last, not the last time I smoked weed, but like I remember there was this moment where I smoked it and I was sitting there and I'll never forget it. I was watching fucking cast away. Tom Hanks, there's like zero dialogue in the movie for like an hour. And I was just like sitting there and I'm like, I hate the way that I feel right now. And then this weird crazy reflection happened and I was like, I never liked the way this made me feel. Like I'm not gonna do this a whole lot anymore. Like fuck that. So I don't know. Well, I don't know what they're putting in it these days. Every time. Oh, it's so scary. I'm like, I'm so scared. I'm like, I wanna go to bed. I'm questioning what kind of father I am. I'm like, dude, this weird paradigm is happening. You can't eat some gummies, what's happening? I'm like, dude, I just smoked a little weed. It's like, you're a bad father. And I'm like, I'm not a bad father. I'm not a bad father. I swear to God, I'm not. But yeah, dude, it's fucking wild. I feel like the weed just, I feel like it was stronger than meth the last time I tried it. Because have you guys ever done dabs? Yeah, it made me lose my meth high. That's how strong it was. Like we went to a club and this dancer was like, hey, you wanna go smoke with me? And I'm never gonna say no to smoking with a dancer. I'm like, I'll go smoke with you. But I always used to know like, I'm not going to get lucky with you if I smoke weed with you because it's gonna be so uncomfortable. Like I'm gonna fuck this whole thing up for me, right? And of course I did. She came back to the house, we smoked. She's like, huh, I gotta go. And I'm just sitting in my kitchen and I'm just sitting there for like three hours. And my buddies call me and I'm like, hello? And they're like, hey, where the fuck are you at? I'm like, I'm in my kitchen. Are you coming back to pick us up? I left them at the club. I forgot I even brought them there. I'm like, did I bring you all there? Yeah, you fucking left it. You left with that chick and you never came back. So I had to get in my car like at 3.30 and go pick these motherfuckers up. I don't even remember bringing them there. I was like, dude, this is terrible. You get teleported, dude. Like, who framed Roger Rabbit? You remember that? Yeah, I love that. Like where the real guy drives into Toontown? It's like, that's what weed is. Like you're going into Toontown. Like there's like little birds and I'm like, ah. It is crazy. I remember I did, I was off a few margaritas and my buddy is always doing dabs. And he's like, you wanna come back to the house and do a dab with me? That shit's. And I've never, mind you, I've only like smoked once twice and it was too strong since I was like 18. I was like 24, 25, whatever, right? Dabs. And I was like, yeah, what is it? And he's like, oh, it's like 90% or whatever. And I was like, all right, well, let me get a hit. So he served me up. And it's funny because I called the Uber beforehand. I was like, yeah, let me get it. I'll go do an Uber and I'll do this hit. So I do a hit and I'm like, dude, I'm like cooked. And he's like, you want one more? And I don't know why I said yes. Definitely the addict in me. Like Max, like hell yeah. And I'm already not operatable. You know what I'm saying? My body doesn't work. And I remember being there and I did one more hit and I was so gone. Like I've never been this high off a meth. I've never been like, I was so cooked. I remember the Uber was texting me and the girl at the time, she's like, are you coming home? I couldn't get into my phone. I didn't know my password. And I'm sitting there and like the Uber's like, I'm out front. And bro, my buddy literally had to hold my arm and walk me down the stairs. I get in the car, this Uber and he's taken me literally from a place in Portland to another place in Portland. You know what I'm saying? And I don't know where I'm at. I felt like it took forever. And I'm looking at road sign and saying like Salem, Eugene, I'm like, that's an hour south. What is happening? And I'm paranoid and I'm looking at my phone. Like I finally get into it and I see like surge prices. And I was like, oh, he's running up this Uber ride. And I was like, yo bro, where are we going? And he's like, the address you put in. And I'm like, okay. I was like my house and he's like this address. And I'm like, dude, that I don't know like what my address is. This makes no sense. And he's like, do you not live here? And I was like, I don't know. Like what address did I give you? And he's like this one. I'm like, why are we in Salem? He's like, we're not. We're like in Portland on division. And he pulls over and he's showing me the street signs because I'm tripping. You know what I'm saying? He must have noticed. So he's like, show me street signs. He's like, look division, you live on division. I was like, bro, I could read the sign, but that makes no sense to me. What division is? I was like, I don't get it. Bro, he pulled over like two, three times to show me street signs and show me this. Cause I'm tripping. I'm like, at the time I had a song with like bizarre from D12 and like another rapper. And I was like, I was like, you know, you know Eminem? And he's like, he's like, yeah, I've heard Eminem. I was like, you know, bizarre the fat one with the shit. I was like, that's my buddy, man. I was like, I'm doing music. I was like, please don't kidnap me. I was like, get me home, bro. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, we'll stay in touch. If I blow up, bro, I got you. And I'm making all these empty promises cause I'm just trying to make sure I don't get kidnapped. I'm so scared. Like I'm literally a blocks from the house and I don't recognize anything. I'm like, I don't mean, I don't know what Burnside means. I'm like, what is that? He's like, it's right over there. I was like, I don't get it. So that is why like I would never, it's just too strong. I've never been that messed up off in dope. Yeah. You know, even like the biggest shots I've ever done have never wrecked me like a shot of dabs or a hit of dab. Yeah. Oh, too much. Yeah. So talk to me a little bit about your recovery, man. Like, how did the recovery process go for you? You know, it's crazy. I didn't get into recovery to be in recovery. Yeah. I thought it was corny. I thought it was cliche. I didn't want to be like those people. Damn, sure as hell, wasn't going to a meeting. I'll tell you that. That was pushed on me and that was a punishment. You don't go to a meeting, you go to jail. You know what I'm saying? I don't sound like no fun. It's like a chore or punishment. Why would I do that for fun? Right. But I was sitting there on my prison bunk and I'm having a conversation with myself and it's just me in there, right? So there's no need to show up. There's no need not to be honest. And I started playing the tape for it and I started thinking, you know, I stayed sober the whole time I was in there or clean this over the whole time I was in there just because that was my first time doing some real time. I got to like nine months, six months a year, whatever, right? And I thought to myself, I stayed out of trouble because I would qualify for like three months, Transleave like four months, good time. And I was like, yo, I'm not going to mess up this six, seven months. Like I'm staying out of trouble. I had gate clearance. So it was like why everybody else in the van was like drinking the booze from the homeless camps. Or, you know, I had people that were finding rigs full of stuff and do shots, whatever, like you're in prison. There's drugs, you know what I'm saying? But like all I did was smoke my tobacco because I was a write up and you get put on the bunk. That was nothing, you know what I'm saying? And so I'm in there and I asked myself, I'm talking to myself. And I was like, what do I want to do with my life? You know, I'm 27. I'm going to get out two days after my 28th birthday. And I thought to myself, what do I want to do? And that was a quick question. It was the answer came so fast music. Yeah, all I ever wanted. It was the only light that's ever shined in the darkness. Without a doubt, I've never doubted what I want to do since nine years old. And so I'm sitting there and I thought to myself, well, what's my best chance of making it with music? And I thought to myself, it has to be something I've never done. I've never done music sober. You know what I'm saying? I've never done it, you know, not under the influence. Even at 13 years old, all that stuff. I was drinking and smoking and getting brought to the side of the clubs to perform and things like that. And so it was like, that's my best chance. So I told myself, if I'm going to do it, there's no half ass in it. I have to be all the way in, you know, because I know I can't just drink or can't whatever. Like there's no like, okay, I'm going to do this sober. And then on the weekend, I'm going to go have a drink or go get high. And so like that's what got me into music. So my logo, I do have the Weed to Recover brand, everything like that. But like my logo is a microphone with wings because it reflects back to that conversation in prison. And the reason for that, it's kind of like my Batman symbol, if that makes sense, right? Because, you know, I got clean and sober and made that promise to myself for the hopes of living music, doing music and making these dreams happen. And so I got clean and sober for music. But nowadays I stay clean and sober because of the life that that recovery has provided. I refuse to give up. You know what I'm saying? So if it wasn't for music, I may have never found recovery. And therefore it's a microphone with wings because it's my guardian angel literally saved my life. And so that's how my recovery journey started. You know, after you get out and you're moving and grooving out there and you're like, oh, shit's actually working. Like I'm being successful. I'm finding cool stuff. Like I like the stuff I have in my life. I'm not like in jeopardy of losing anything. It's just going up and up and up. And it's like, well, what's the difference? Yeah. Oh, I'm not on drugs. I'm out of second. Yeah. Yeah. You know, let me ask you this. Because yeah, when two things, the other thing is whenever you get to go that clean and recovered way, for me, someone asked me, like, what's the best feeling about that now? And I said, I don't have to look over my shoulder anymore. Yes. Right. I don't have to worry about what I did to this person or this person. Or I don't have to remember what lie. I just told you because I'm going to have to tell it to you again. But you had always done music. Yeah. Being high. Yes. Were you scared to do music being sober? And did you think that you could do music being sober? Because whenever I got sober, I'm in sales too. OK. And I had always sold being high. Yeah. I like if I didn't have a cell, I must sip a little GHB or go smoke some meth in the bathroom and I'll come back and then the sales would pop. And I did. That's what it is. You feel good. Come on. That just needs to open me. Yeah. But whenever I went to rehab, I literally questioned that when I get out, am I still going to be able to sell? Yeah. Or am I going to have to find a different career? Right. And it was scary. Yeah. And it was something where I had to really reflect. And the first few months were real hard because I didn't have that same fucking that, you know, meth gives you a lot of fire and off. Yeah. It didn't. So did you have that with music where you scared that, man, I might not be able to do this. You know, I was never scared that I wouldn't be able to do this because I love music so much. It's my passion. It's all I wanted. So I would make it work. But my my fear, the first time performing sober, I was 28 years old. And I realized I have stage fright. Yeah, I have never felt that. Like I've been uncomfortable, but I wasn't able to identify it. You know what I'm saying? Because you're like, oh, this I'm a little nervous. Like, you know, do I know my songs? And I'm like, I'm just drinking a party and didn't matter. Like I mess up. Like I got everybody with me. We're Bob and we're rapping. It didn't matter. You know what I'm saying? But I got up there sober, like not under the influence all whatsoever. And I was up there and I was like, this is scary shit. Like I'm talking stomach twisted, yeah, me shaky, scared. You know what I'm saying? Sweaty, afraid. I couldn't even I can't even think and it still happens to me. Like when we stopped tour and I go back on tour, the first few shows are terrifying. You know what I'm saying? Because you had a few months off. Once you rock 20, 30 shows in like a month, you're like, OK, I know my shit. Let's go. Let's go. But, you know, yeah, when I first got first new into recovering, got up there, terrified, so scared. And, you know, I was like, I have stage fright. I'm nervous. Like I can't even remember a line of my song. There would be times I'd write down like, so I was like, well, maybe if I just know like the first like how the verse starts. I'm sure it'll just click. And I remember I'd write like the first line or the first couple words of like a verse on my song and trying to like break it. And then I realized that that's never going to go away. Yeah. That's never going to go away. I'm always going to be afraid. I'm afraid because I care. Yeah. Like I get booked for keynote speaking. I do speaking and fly around things like that. Right. And I go up there. I don't rehearse. I don't write anything down. It don't matter how many people there. And I get great feedback and I feel good about it. Like I literally go off the top about anything. Right. Speaking. Right. Because like I'm just telling you about my life. I know my life. You know what I'm saying? But when it comes to music, that is my real everything. And so when I get up there, I actually want people to like me. I actually care about it. They think I'm dope. You know what I'm saying? And so like it is so nerve wrecking. I get so scared. There's times like we we so always start to our out at this middle school and because they make you feel like the Beatles. I'm telling you, you go up there. They're throwing shoes up there. They want sign. I have videos of like rushing the crowd like you gotta tell me. Calm down. Because I'm trying to stop the. You know, but it gets insane with these kids and they're absolutely in love. They want arms, everything signed like, you know, and like you. I'm I always hop off stage. So I run through the crowd and like they'll touch and like, yeah. You know what I'm saying? These kids, they think you're like some famous person, you know. But I always start there. But even when I start, there's times I'm behind like behind the curtain. I'm like, Kayla, can we can we skip this song or can we do this? And I'm literally just shaking. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, but I just got done speaking and that was easy. But when I go behind to push play on the music, I'm like scared. I'm like, can we skip this? Let's just do it, babe. Yeah, makes sense, man. That makes all the sense in the world, dude. Like, I mean, well, it's great. You have her in your corner too. She gives me all my confidence. Yeah, I've been we I remember we're rocking arena. Spokane arena opened up for Kevin Gates and I'm up there and I forgot my words. And when you're scared and nervous, like it's crazy because I was actually, believe it or not, that was the first time I hopped on stage and I had no nerves. And I was like, let's go on that music hit and I was turned up. That was one of the first shows I never went through like the scaredness going on stage and it's crazy because it's arena, right? But it felt like I was meant to do that. And then I forget my words and I'm out of breath because I'm a runner around stage. Well, this stage is three, four times bigger than what I'm used to. So I'm like, gasp. I'm like, I'm going to take a breath. And I was like, wait, what? Where am I on the song? And even though it only took like a second or two, like I only missed like a line and a half. Yeah, I'm looking around. I'm looking at people. I'm like, oh my God, they think I suck. And I'm looking over there. I'm like, oh, they definitely hit me. And I'm looking over there like, oh God, you know, and I look across and here comes Kayla, like coming at me and she's mouthing my words. And I'm like, oh, that's where I'm at. You know what I'm saying? Because I can see it. And so she gives me the confidence because I know at the end of the day I can go up there and I could totally just shit the bed. Yeah. And at the end of the day, they're going to be like, yo, she could sing, right? Yeah. And Homeboy had a cool story. He's pretty cool. You know what I'm saying? He's authentic, you know? And so like at the end of the day, no matter how bad I do, as long as she's with me, I know there's a 50-50 chance. I loved it and we're getting booked again. Yeah, there you go. Hey, man, that's great. Yeah, that's that's awesome. But I think stage fright is natural. If you don't have stage fright and you're up in front of a big group of people or a crowd of people and you don't get nervous, yeah, probably something wrong with you. Right. I mean, I got it. You don't care about it or you're not prepared. Yeah, or something, you know, there's no for sure. Or maybe you think you didn't and you'll get over it in a minute because you know, you did put in the work, you know, you did prepare. You know, you did all that stuff. But there's that fleeting moment where if you don't have some butterflies in your stomach or a knot in there, I'm so scared. I'm scared, like I'm shaking and sweaty and I feel like I got to use the bathroom. Yeah, you know, but one thing that helps seriously and that truly helps is knowing that I put the work in prepared. So I tell myself because I still get up there sometimes and I can't remember how a song starts or what a line is and I get it in my head and I'm looking around and I'm like, man, I just want people to like think I'm dope. You know what I'm saying? And I tell myself, Skyler, you put in the work. You literally ran through this song 20 times on the way here and knew every single word. You know, your shit. And when the music plays, you just got to trust yourself because when that music comes on, I'm on like 90, 95 percent of the time. Like I'm getting it. Like I'm actually proud of the shows I do. I'm like, bro, I tore that shit up. But it's like in the next day, I'll be nervous. And I'm like, bro, just just I got to remind myself to calm down. I get that you're scared. This will never disappear. You're always going to be afraid. That's because your dreams are so big. They're scary. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But remember, you did prepare for this. Yeah. Trust yourself. Even if you can't remember a lyric, even if you can't remember how it goes, trust yourself, you put in the work. Such is life. Yeah. Such is life, man. Yeah. That's awesome. So now let's break down the music a little bit. I'm always curious with musicians. Yeah. And a couple of weeks ago, somebody you've worked with, I am Creechy. I love him. Yeah. He's set out to Creechy. He's become a really good friend and a friend of the podcast and a friend of ours personally. But who are your musical influence? So hold on a second. You're wearing you're wearing an Eminem hat. So I can't. I got to have you eliminate that. All right. Because that's that's weird. So I want you to talk a little bit about your musical influences. Yeah. Of course, if you don't put Eminem aside, that's obvious. Yeah. You know, I would say my in order, I would say, you know, after Eminem, I love Lil Wayne. OK. You know what I'm saying? When I was a teenager, I'm 34 now. So we're talking back in the mixtape days and everything like that. Carter to Carter three, you know, things like that. But here's the thing is, you know, I love lyrics. I love lyrics and like Lil Wayne made me laugh out loud and he was so clever. You know what I'm saying? And so I also dig like the the T.I. The young GZ young GZ wanted me to sell dope before I even sold dope. Like I listened to it and I was thugging. You know, my head up. I am. Yeah, we trapped. Yeah. I remember my old Adelaide. I used to always do it back in the schizo days was yeah. It's a copycat, but that was always my thing. It was just like more lazy and white. You know what I mean? But that was what I did. But I'll tell you what. So one of my favorite artists right now is been for years is Kevin Gates. Absolutely love Kevin Gates. I feel good when I listen to Kevin Gates. Like there's something about his voice and everything. I love that he could rap. He could do melodies, you know, everything. Right. And so like Kevin Gates is like Eminem's. Of course, my all time high. He'll never be no one will be above him. Right. But Kevin Gates is definitely my favorite rapper and has been for the last, I don't know, since like 25. So almost 10 years. You know what I'm saying? A little bit before out the mud and two phones. A little bit before that. You know what I'm saying? And I was catching on right. He was blowing up. But I'll tell you before all that stuff, all that. I was listening. I have about 700 of his songs. I love Kevin Gates. I've got every song he's probably ever been a part of. We're always slumping. Gates, because of me. I'm like, I don't get it. I listen to song like I turn when people tell me they're like Kevin Gates. I'm like, let me let you hear this. And I've never heard this. Yeah. And it's because it's from so far back. So far back. But I was listening to him in like 2012, 2013. Yeah. Like when he was selling his own mixtapes. That's when I was listening to it. Yeah. And his music, especially when through my addiction. Yeah. Oh, oh, my God. Every song that was my like, fuck. Even my drinking stage. We can be best friends. Like he understands what I'm going through. Perfect imperfection, all that stuff. You drink in and you know what I'm saying? I remember how many times I've walked and just with some four locals and blacked out, listening to him when I wake up. I don't know where I'm at. I was like, two thirty. I got to be in a suit network and like three hours. What's happening? You know? And then when I watched his interviews and how like, how smart he is. Yeah. Yeah. Like he is a philosopher. He is. He is. And the way that he can articulate and the way that he can talk and how educated he is. Yeah. Like it's on the outside looking in, you would think, oh, he's just a rapper. He's not fucking. He's not any of those things. Yeah. But when you hear him talk and you hear how he understands life, it's like, holy shit, this dude is on a different level. I'm a huge Kevin Gates fan. That's why like open up for him was like a dream come true. You know, but I will tell you. When it comes to music, there's some things I try to do that like on the Kevin Gates thing, not necessarily like the topics, but like certain vibes where I'll try to put things together. But it never works out. Yeah. I listen to it. Oh, my God. But also because I know I was trying to create it like Kevin Gates. Yeah. When I hear him, like a trance for scrapping this, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But I would say big time musical influences. And what I do really like this artist is Macklemore. Yeah. Because his epic songs, like me and her always try to create that. Those songs that like are just so timeless. Yeah. You know, and I was like, that's so realistic. What I think I could create, get a little bit more confidence in my flow, get this, like, because he always has like a singer on it. Yeah. And that's what Kayla is. And I was like, yo, I really think we could make some Macklemore hits. And that's what we've been trying to do. Yeah. And so I there's a lot of Macklemore that I try to emulate because I think that's realistic and it's very much fitting to who I am as a person. So that's definitely a big musical inspiration, but like favorite artists like Kevin Gates hands down. Yeah. You know, so I just can't really emulate it. That's OK. I mean, that's OK. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you part of what makes anything that you're doing in art. Yeah. I feel like it's like the authenticity. Yes. It bleeds through. It does. We talked about this with Creechy one time, but it was like he brought it up, but it was like, you know, that song once I was seven years old, yeah, love it. I mean, like, but how can you not? Because you feel like that dude is like you feel that in your soul. He felt what he was saying. Right. And it and it's authenticity in any song. I don't care what genre you're listening to, whether it's country or blues or it. If it's if it's them. Yeah. And it's just like, I mean, let me open my vein right here and just show you my my favorite song, Lily, Mayona. I can never say her name. Mayola is called Daydream. OK. And it's a song about dreams, right? And it's like, that's why I always get I always say it. Like if your dreams aren't big enough or if your dreams don't scare you, they're probably not big enough. I always say that because that's like a line in the song. But I am telling you, I have cried to that song so many. See, I get a month. Yeah. You don't understand. I think about it, but like that's that song so real. And I love that song, bro. And I sing it. It's it's a girl singing, but like, man, it's about dreams and like, don't let them pass you by. And I'm so big about dreams and recovery. That is my thing is like, you have to dream. You have to be who you're meant to be. Yeah. You get one life and it's like, you have to go there and you have to reach it. So that song, man, I'm telling you that I love it. That's my favorite song of all time. And I will sing it just my heart out way off key. You know, it plays. I'm dancing. Yeah. You know, Daydream. Go check it out. They dream. Why? All right. I'm gonna check it out. I've never heard of it. Oh my God. The whole thing probably heard of it. Destiny sends me all kinds of crazy songs and fucking like some of her songs are fucking great and I've never even heard of them. I don't know how she finds them. But she's younger than me. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I mean, it's a great song. The whole song is about, you know, getting too old, like astronauts. You're like pretending to play with rockets, all this different stuff as a kid. No one tells you to stop it. And then as you get older, they tell you it's unrealistic and like stop dreaming. Get that job, settle. And so like I always tell people like I don't really, I've done meetings. I really don't do meetings. You know, I'm trying to push myself more into it to try to change my perspective. But it's like I've done a stepwork once. You know what I'm saying? I haven't done it since. And I recommend people do that because I know it works. Go to the big book. Go to meetings because it's worked for a lot of people. That is literally like this is the path, right? But my thing is I also like to show people that there is another way. It's a different way. And mine is dreams. And that's why that song hits me so hard because it's like that's what I always tell people like we get people relapse and stuff because they get bored and they settle for that job and they're trying to figure out who they are. And they just take stuff to try to like get the probation off their back. And I'm part of society. I got a job. I got my kid and I got, I got a girlfriend. And you know what I'm saying? And it's like that's not who they're meant to be necessarily, but it's like they settled. Right. You know what I'm saying? And like, you know, you have to go after it. You have to remember what it was like before the drugs came in. What did you want to be? Did you want to be a fireman, a police officer? You like the Klex shit? Are you a gamer? You know what I'm saying? Who do you want to be? I've known I want to do music since nine years old. And so that's that's part of who I am. Dream big, man. That's awesome. That's the amazing thing about like little kids. Like, you know, when we were little kids, like, what did you want to be a baseball player? Yeah. Sports players. You wanted to fucking do whatever you, what it, it didn't matter what it was. No. You had no limitations to what you could be. No. And throughout life, people tell you that's not realistic. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't. And then you start creating that own self doubt, even as a kid. And then as you get a little ball or it's like, well, fucking, maybe that's not realistic. Maybe I'm fucking have to do this or do that. Go get that job. You got to have a backup plan. You got to do this. You can't always be chasing those silly dreams. Go to college. You won't ever make it if you be flipping burgers forever. You know, it is like, it's crazy because like, you got a dream. You got a dream. You got to be who you're meant to be. And, and that's why it's so important. And I feel like that's, that's what we're put on this earth to be. Whatever you want to be. Yeah. It's like sub genres of like, I feel like sub genres of music, right? Like, I mean, hip hop started with hip hop. Like you start listening to that. And then off of that comes gangster rap. And then you, all these sub genres. I feel like sobriety is a lot of the same way. Like if in some form or fashion, somebody's doing the step work, most of the time, not all of the time, but most of the time. So if you do that step work, then, you know, you figure it out, then create your own sub genre of your sobriety, right? And you're doing, people are doing step work without actually like writing it down or sharing stuff like they're eternalizing it. They're realizing all their problems. And I tell people identify your character or your character defects. You got to figure out what you're weak at. You got to sit in the uncomfortable moment. You got to realize like, oh, shit, this triggers me. This pisses me off. I can't do this. Maybe I should stay away from that. Right. Because just because you have character defects, don't mean they have to become your shortcomings. Right. And so it's like, figure out who you are. There's that saying where strong is our weakest link. Yeah. Well, what's the weak link inside of you? Yeah. Identify that shit and become well rounded. Yeah. So well said. I always like to identify it in other people, but not myself. For sure. It's always easier to do that. I agree. I can point out everybody who flies, but I'm a little. Me and my chick just went through some problems and she was like, well, you do this and you do this and you do this. And I do not. Like if you're in the house, I'm going to argue with you. Yeah. But since you packed up and left, I'm like, now I got to sit in it and I've got to like, she's fucking right. Yeah. You know, now I had to reflect on the shit. And then, you know, I had to start opening up my character defects again. And start fucking identifying them and saying, you know, I know that I have that problem, but then I get a little bit of recovery in me and I get a little bit of fucking good graces and everything. And I think that that's not my problem anymore. Yeah. But, you know, but I always say, if you, you know, to fix a problem, you got to identify it first. You have to, you have to. It's just like with a car, right? If you don't identify it, it's the, the engine or the transmission. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, how are you going to fix? So sure. Well, the birds I view on yourself is difficult. Like, well, I mean, it's, I can make an argument. It's damn near impossible. Yeah. You know, unless, but birds I view for a friend or somebody that's like, oh, dude, that, that this, this, this, this and this, like, you don't see why this is happening. Like, come on. And then you go home and you're like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Yeah. Like, yeah. The birds I view for oneself. And then someone points that I like it ain't that bad. I mean, I like that. I wrap on me. I wrap on me. I wrap on you. So you're nothing. Bro, when, when people used to tell me like, when I was in my addiction and they be like, are you, do you still use as much as I've cut back? Like I knew in my heart, like I'm doing an eight ball every single day. Yeah. But I, to you, I would say, no, I've slowed down a lot. Like, I don't really have that problem anymore. Just here and there. One shot a day. Yeah. Not often. You know, just when I have it, not a big deal. But yeah, I never want to identify my own shit. Yeah. You know, it's hard. I come up with people always like, man, you're so smart. And like, you really know how to do things. And like, I can make so many quotes out of your, out of your sayings. And it's like, I know all the route. A lot of it. I don't know all the right answers, right? Obviously, but I know a lot of the right answers and the shit you're supposed to be doing, but it's a lot harder to do it. But I can tell you all day what you're supposed to not supposed to be doing. And like, no, that's wrong. Don't do this. That's, that's silly. Why would you do that? Yeah. But then I go ahead and do it myself. Right. Right. You know, so. It's hard. It really is. Yeah. With like, Creechy was on and, you know, he's gotten a lot more like self, not self-involved, but he just had a new baby. Yes. Yeah. He's got, he's got another small child at the house. And it's like, he's like, I'm working this last year on just being present. Yeah. And being like in the moment with my kids and doing that. I'm kind of putting music, not on the back burner, but, and then. There's pride. You could tell you there was like a little bit of him like feeling a little bad or maybe guilty about that. And I was like, brother, you're, you're an artist. Yeah. Like you're a lyricist. Yeah. The music doesn't stop. It doesn't. It will never stop. Like it might change you having a child or whatever, but it's never going to go away. Right. Like you're, you're going to be in the shower and it's like, you're just going to, you're going to start doing shit in there. Hey. Take it. Taking a shit right now. How? There it is. Like it's so don't feel bad, man. Like you're just, you're still writing right now. You're still, you're still putting it in. It's just not, it's all going to come later. Just make sure you're keeping it organized. Right. I agree. And so I mean, I would make the argument for someone like yourself or Kayla or anybody else. It's like, you're never going to stop. You're never, it's never going to end. It's just, you know, part of you. It really is. It truly is, you know, especially music. It's, it's always going to be a part of me. That's, you know, I would do music for free for the rest of my life. I'm just lucky now I'm getting paid to make the living. Oh, sure. I'm grateful because I do this shit for free. Don't tell no one. But it's like, yeah. My man. But that's how much I love making music. You know, that's why I'm just so grateful. I'm like, oh, you want to pay me and I get, I don't got to do anything else. You just want me to rap? Okay. You know, but no, it's the same thing with like any problems. I truly believe, you know, being in prison changed my life. Because I wasn't doing any, I wasn't drinking. I wasn't using any drugs. So it gave me basically two years of recovery before I even started. So I did restart my clean date when I got out because I had a drink. Which I can talk about in a second. But it's like, you know, being into the whole time, I thought about it. Like I feel like I'm a good person. I have a big heart. I, I cry during commercials. I want to see people win. Like I cry when people win money on game shows because I know they have like kids or family. I'm such a big emotional sobby crier. Right. You know, I see Kayla killing it like on our release. I'm balling on stage. Like I balled at shows for like five minutes getting clean next. Coming out like in the middle of shows. I ever there's that treatment center. People are just looking at me. Somebody asked me a question about my life and I answered and I broke down. Like that's who I am. You know what I'm saying? I'm a crybaby. Like I, I, I'm very emotional. Yeah. You know, and so it's like with that, it's like it gave me a chance to reflect in jail. And I would thought about all the mean shit I used to do. I used to pick on people and I would, I would pick on my friends or point out their insecurities for a cheap laugh to strangers. Yeah. You know what I was saying? Like this is my homeboy and I'm like making fun of his shoes or making fun of this just for these three random people that happen to be sitting in the room. I don't even know them. They were gone 10 minutes later. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I'm buddy buddy and back up to him, but it's like I was such a bully. I was mean. I was, I wasn't faithful in relationships. I treated people like, like dog shit. You know what I'm saying? And I was like, that affected me because that's not who I am. It was all an act. It was all to try to like attention. You know what I'm saying? And so sitting there and my recovery, my own recovery while I was in there, I was like, yo, that's not who you are, why you do this? And it gave me a chance to really reflect and get my neurons back to fire and off in the right place when no drugs involved, anything like that. And so that helped me. You know what I'm saying? It shaped me to who I am. It made me, I believe I was one of the few, like I want to say few, but people that rehabilitated in prison, I got that about my actions. I was like, that's not what I want. You know, I want to be a good person. Well, any situation is going to be what you make it. That's true. I mean, no, a hundred percent is what it is. There's a silver lining and absolutely everything I believe. I believe in perspective. It's huge. Yeah. I mean, that's just it. Is it's what are you going to use that bid as? I use it as fuel. And that's that's fuel. And look at you now, dude. You're coming to Austin. You're touring all over the place. I forgot I was in Austin. I'm so comfortable right now. You just sat there and jerked me out. I was like, I am in a section. I'm in Portland. I feel like I'm just kicking it with homeboys right now. I did a dab again. I did a dab again. Where are we at? Well, that also speaks to how comfortable you are too. Yeah. Like even right when you walked in, like we fight, you would think that we've known each other for fucking a minute. Yeah, absolutely. And you sat down like, I love the way that you are. Thank you. Like there, there. I should. I can't say like who my favorite guest has not fair. Yeah. But I'll tell you, I can already tell this is going to be one of my favorite episodes that we've ever done. Let's go. Because the energy and the love that you bring and like, like you're easy to fuck with. Thank you, man. And I can see like, I don't even I've listened to some of your songs. Yeah. I'd love to come watch you perform because I guarantee you bring that same energy. Yeah. And then and that's what you know, you're somebody that people gravitate to. Thank you, man. And you're somebody that people need to hear your story. Yeah. Because there's so many, there's other Skyler Reys out there that don't know that they can be Skyler Ray. 100% you know what I'm saying? And when they hear somebody like you, that's why it's so important. In my opinion, when we get recovered, that we don't just fucking run off into the sunset and fucking just leave that life behind. Yes. We leave that life behind, but we still tell our story so we can tell other people, Hey, this was me. Yeah. And this is how bad it was for me. And I was able to get through it. I promise you, you can too. That's because what is it about? That's all that's what that's what God put us here for. Absolutely. It wasn't so we can prosper and fucking run off. You can't do life by yourself. No, no, no, we weren't meant to do this by ourselves. Yeah. We're meant to fucking do this together. It takes a village. It does. It does. It takes a village. It does. And that, you know, I always, one of my favorite quotes that I always say is like God didn't pull me out of the fire so I could run off. It's he pulled me out of the fire because he knew the person that I am. I'm going to go back in the fire and start pulling out of the motherfucker. Yes. Come with me. Come with me. Come with me. And that's the type of person that you are. And I've only known you for an hour. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. It means a lot. It means a lot. And I'm glad. Down ass chick. I can tell that. Bro, she is a superstar. If you think I'm talented, like she is next level and she's so kind hearted, so good, and she dares me to dream and she lets me know. Take that leap, even if you're scared, because if you fell, I'm right here to catch you at a boy. And so it's important. She's your biggest fan. It is. I mean, I'm a big fan. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And I'm glad I'm happy that you say that because, you know, that's what I try to walk in as basically like, I try to always be myself. I try to always be authentic and as clear as possible because, you know, it's not about necessarily where I'm at, but it's to show people that it's possible for them to make that journey as well. And that's why like we do our road to recovery tour. Uh, last year we hit 86 stops around the country. Uh, it's a tour we started ourselves. You know what I'm saying? We get into treatment centers, these rehabs, these jails, these prisons. And I go in there and I speak and we perform music. But in, and I'm very, that's why I told you, man, if you want to look it up, young skiz, or you'll see. Garbage boy. But I keep everything because it's like, it, it shows you that you just don't have to be like naturally talented or the best. If there's a will, there's a way, you know, and I like to be able to show people the progress, like look how many times like I put myself back in the fire, knock myself down. Like I did that shit to myself, but look, I came up and against all odds. I made something happen. You know, and I think that's very important because a lot of people doubt themselves, a lot of people believe these lies that they tell themselves. Cause for so long people were like, you're a scumbag and we're like, huh, I'm doing scumbag shit. Best believe I am. Oh boy. And then it's like, okay, but you could flip the narrative and you could change your perspective. And that's why I told you all that doubt, all that. And like I said, when I, when I walk into a room of artists, like I'm confident at home, that's why I love that you guys do it here. Because I record everything at home. That's where I feel like I have my chest out and I'm like, I'm dope. But when I get into like a studio and there's like other artists, I'm like, oh, he's good. Oh God damn, he's good. And I get up there and I feel so little and I have no confidence. I'm like, can I, can I get that again? Let me, you know what I'm saying? I lose all confidence, but it's like I use that stuff as fuel. I have to, you know what I'm saying? The drug addict, the person I wasn't going to make it, the kid that couldn't rap on beat for 18, 19 years, literally almost two decades, couldn't rap on beat. Look at me now. I could proudly throw some shit on it and be like, that go. Yeah, that go. That's me. Yeah, I call those cookie jar memories. Yeah. Right. You it's like those things I always say, like, especially when you get in recovery. Yeah. The smallest little accomplishments that you get, if it's your 30 day ship, fucking wear that shit on you. That's a big fucking deal. Right. Getting your first spon. See where that shit. That's a big deal. And you store all those little cookie jar memories away. So on those days where the doubt creeps in, you can go back and say, man, I remember when I felt this way before and I overcame that shit. Yeah. I remember when I was on stage before and I fucking got nervous and fucking forgot my, but I got through that shit. Yes. Right. I remember this. I, and you can just pull out of those cookie jar memories and say, I've done this before I've been here and trust yourself. I've done here. I've done this. Yes. This is shit. Absolutely. And I'm going to get through this one too. Yes. And at the end of the day, my chick's still going to love me. Let's go. Let's go. I got me a little 30, 34, 35. She might be 36. She been eating. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My English bulldog 35, 36 pounds. I got a beautiful English bulldog named pound cake. We call her cakes for short, but she goes by mama. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? She a little snaggle to beauty. Oh, I love her to death. And I got my lady. So like at the end of the day, all else could fail. It is like, I'm a happy man. You know, I'm a happy man. And like, I'm telling you when she was, when Kayla was growing up and, you know, she had her hairbrush wanting to be Mariah Carey, you know, singing and having these music dreams, I was, I was in front of that mirror thinking I was Eminem. Yeah. So it just makes sense. You know what I'm saying? And Kayla's just as crazy as I am. I'm like, so there's this thing happening. And she's like, okay, like what's the details? And I'm like, well, we really can't afford it. It's a lot. Like, I don't think it's going to work out. And she's like, let's do it. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, hell, yeah, I don't want to do it. Like that's why I brought it up so softly. I hope I can buy you in, you know. Yeah. And but of course, like logical size, like, I don't know. We should just like, we're just going to do it. Yeah. It's okay. And I'm like, well, it's we're probably going to lose all our money. It's not going to work out. And she's like, who cares? Fuck it. Who cares? This is what we're doing. This is our dreams. And I'm like, this is dope. Yeah. I've been in relationships before. Oh, yeah. That was like, I was saving up and I was like, I'm going to get this feature. Like this guy's only going to charge me a thousand or 500. And then I share that with the girl's data time. She's like, oh, I thought we were getting a new couch this weekend. That we're saving up for a house. And I'm like, okay. She's like, you just got a future like, like a couple of months ago. I'm like, yeah, but you know, this guy's like, yeah, but like the only thing we need that couch. And I'm like, all right. So I love her a lot. She's, she teaches me to dream. She's, and then it's going to be okay. It is going to be okay, brother. It will. Yeah. I can tell you're going to be just fucking fine. Thank you, man. And I am beyond honored that you came on here. And I want you to tell our cameras and our world how they find you. Yeah. So my name is Skyler Ray. What you have going on. Okay. Yeah. Absolutely. So my name is Skyler Ray, not Skyler Gray. It is spelled S-K-Y-L-E-R-R-A-Y. I always say that because everybody puts the A in Skyler. Okay. So Skyler Ray, you could find me. Every music platform. I don't have a sound cloud, but I have every other platform, Apple, all that stuff like that, Pandora, you'll find me on there. But also check out the amazing Kayla Mulcahy, K-A-L-A. There's no Y. So K-A-L-A and then Mulcahy is M-U-L-C-A-H-Y. Okay. And I have to throw that out there because she's my other half. Yeah. And everywhere I go, I rep so hard for her. 100%. So check us out. Every single streaming music platform. What we got going on is the road to recovery tour. Might be coming to a city to you right now. I think we've got about 14, 15 states in right now. I know we're going to be in Texas probably about two or three more times this year. So come out, come see us, find me on Skyler Ray. The page will be verified. You guys will see me. I would post in content and tour schedule. And if you guys are going through anything, please reach out. I answer every single message. I get flooded about 100 messages a day, but I promise you I always go through them. And if a couple of days pass where I don't answer, please send me another one. So you're back at the top. It don't matter if you just want to talk, if you're going through anything, I, it's absolutely safe zone. Nothing you say in my messages will ever be repeated without your permission. And just come flex on me with your sober accomplishments. Let's get it. Yeah. And I'll speak on that because before I met you, I reached out to you. Hey, you didn't know that I was part of this, right? No, I didn't. I just reached out to you and said, Hey man, I can't wait to meet you this weekend. Yeah. And you were like, is it for the podcast? And I was like, yeah, and he's like, fuck yeah. And then you add me, we follow each other. So, and you reached out, I did that like at 1130 at night. And you messaged me back the same night. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. That's, that's what it's about. I, I understand. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for my recovery, my other half. But like, you got to understand this is a nine year old kid living his dreams. And that's why it's everybody. I owe it to that nine year old boy to live his dreams or at least give it his best chance. Oh yeah. And so I am so lucky to have the platform I have, to have the success that I have. And I understand it's because of the community and it's because of my people. I don't like the term fans. I like friends. Yeah. But my, because of my friends, they lift me up. The recovery community and the music community gave me a career. And I will never forget that. I was that kid who wrapped off beat for 18 years. I will never forget that. And I will have time for anybody. You see me at shows, whatever I take pictures. I sign it. It's whatever I'm hanging out in the crowds. That's who I am. And that's who I forever want to be. We don't really do green rooms. I'd rather be out there. Yeah. People, you know what I'm saying? Because for so long, for decades, no one came to my shows. No one cared. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And so I got out and make a music at 28 years old. Like no one, I had 43,000 plays out of like 18 year career. And now I got tens of millions of plays and all this stuff like that. So please reach out. I'm always there. I will answer any single message. I love you guys. Thank you for everything. Brother. Yeah. Thank you. Of course. Thank you for coming on and good luck with everything. And your son in the wall, for sure. We're getting an autograph from you. Let's go. Let's go. We I extend this to everybody who comes on and sits in that chair. Once you sit in that chair, your family. Let's go. And we, if you ever need us for anything. Thank you. Yeah. Give us a call. I will come running and that door is going to always be open to you. That chair is always going to be open to you anytime you're in town, brother. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely I'll definitely be back. I think we I'm in the middle of working the Dallas, Austin, Houston. Might have another one in Houston as well. So I really might be out here three to five times this year. So you know what I'm saying? So I'll definitely go back by. Let us know. And if you stop back by more, welcome to sit in the chair back there. If you want. Yeah. I'm down for it. I'd prefer you to be sitting right there. I would love to be right here. This is a cool opportunity. So please, please keep us posted when you're in town. Really want to see both of you perform. Yes, please. And yes, and we would love the mob deep. Yeah. All the way to those shows. That would be that would be incredible. I would absolutely love that. And the extension goes to you guys. If you guys ever need anything, always make sure you reach out. I don't care if you got a call. I don't care if you got a text like I'm here. This is what it's for. I'm a lucky person and I like to be able to help out. So absolutely. Well, we got the number, man. We know how to find each other. Let's go, baby. So so just with that, get on to your to your South by stuff and have a good time. Get some rest. Take a nap. You guys just got off a plane. We'll nap tonight. Yeah, we're not tonight. There you go. We in the town, bro. Sleep enough when we do that is one thing when we pop up for like recovery events. I like to meet the community. I like to stop in the treatment centers. We like to speak to people because like people don't have to bring us out to places. Yeah. Like, you know what I'm saying? That's cool ass art of shit. You know what I'm saying? You let me do cool ass art of shit like what you need me for. Yeah. Let me meet your people. Yeah. You know, so. For sure. Well, thank you so much. Thank you so much. My brother and two addicts and a moron, man. Let's go, baby. We're out. Oh, I just put it together. Yeah. I was looking for the other host. Yeah. I'm the other addict. Let's go. Yeah. I was like, moron addict. I was like, I wonder if he's an addict. And like, that would make sense. He's the other addict. It's me.