The Engagement That Ended in Handcuffs

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support. Happy Dating Detectives Monday! Hello everybody! I'm so excited because we announced tour dates last week and people are already buying tickets! Can we just start this Monday with... We have live shows scheduled and I know you guys have been asking for that so we're so excited! It's a mini tour. We're going to Chicago, Tampa and Orlando. You guys, did you hear that? Tampa! I know some of... so we have a big listenership situation in Chicago but come to Tampa too! Let's go to Tampa! We're gonna hang out with Mackenzie. So check it out into show notes but anyways, always thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you to our Patreoners who pay money like the $5 tier or the $9 tier. $9 no ads! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. We are so grateful for you. Especially because you are the people who brought us our guests today. Our guest today is Erica and you tagged us in so many comments about her story. She was posting on TikTok her story. Her real name is Erica so she's going to be able to tell us her real story, her real name. And that's how we found her and then she was like, wait I have to get this out to more people and we were like, guess what? That's our whole thing. Yeah and so the thing is a little bit of a trigger warning with this one because it has to do a little bit with... it doesn't go into great detail about it but there is a minor situation involved. Yeah definitely some soliciting of a minor and some addiction stuff comes up but it's definitely... I mean she's a baddie and her story is ongoing so she'll hopefully be able to keep us in the loop but she's awesome. I love her. And just another great example of how when you share your story someone else sees it and they say, oh my gosh, me too. It's those me too moments that bring us together as a community and help us support one another. So keep sharing your story, email us, investigate at thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or just keep tagging us. Yeah keep tagging us in these stories. They're incredible so thank you guys so much. We really appreciate you. Send us the tea. Also one of you just sent me a playlist that was just called Trust Your Fem Tuition and you were like, music gets me through and I made this playlist and I was like, oh my gosh, me too. That's so sweet. You guys are the best. Share it with me. Where would it be? I'm going to. I literally just saw it this morning. I got you. Oh yeah, send it to me. I want it. I want it. Alright should we hand it over to Erica? Yeah, let's get into it. Erica, we're so glad you're here and we want to give you the floor. Will you please take us on your journey? Oh my gosh, yeah. I'm very excited to be here so thank you for having me. This is so exciting. I've never done anything like this before. We haven't either. We don't know what's going on. You're like, we're brand new at this actually. It's true and honestly our audience is part of the producing team because they're the ones that were like, wait, we saw the story. You guys need to have her on. Yep. I had so many of my followers had tagged you guys in the comments. I was like, okay, I have to reach out to them like it's meant to be. Yay. Well, we're glad you're here. Also not glad you're here, but also glad you're here. So. Right. Thank you. Right, right, right. Take us away girlfriend. Let us go on this journey with you. Okay, so essentially we're going to refer to him as ready. I matched with ready back in 2020 on Tinder. That's how we met with this by the way. Ready dirty little rat man. Yeah, yeah. So it's fresh out of college. So it's 22. I had moved in with my long distance college boyfriend. And unfortunately, I kind of realized it wasn't going to work. So you know when you are already mentally exiting the relationship before it's ended. Yes. So by the time it ended, I was like, totally fine, which kind of sounds really bad, but I wasn't grieving or anything. I had just moved to a new city. So I didn't know what kind of people my roommate at the time was like, get on Tinder. See what's out there. I'm like, I don't know. Okay, sure. So ratty was actually my third match. As soon as I met him, I was like, okay, period, like game over, delete the app. She's like, wait, no, that's not how it works. I was like, well, that's how it works for me. I don't want to be here. I know. It's like, I don't want to be on this app. So we matched on Tinder, got along great. I was 22. So he was 26. His Tinder profile said 24 though, which is kind of funny. Interesting. Did he address it or you found that out late? Yeah. No, he did address that. And he was like, by the way, like, I have to tell you something. I was like, Oh, no, I wonder if this guy like has kids or something or like a secret life. And he was just like, I'm 26, by the way. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's nothing like whatever. That's fine, I guess. So the first day, we had it planned out. But then keep in mind, I was very young at the time and my generation doesn't really talk on the phone, because there's a four year age gap. He was like, Oh, can I call you? And it was in it before of our date. I was like, half a bottle of wine in, I ran into my roommate's room and I was like, he wants to call me on the phone. Weird. And she's like, well, I guess just do it because they'll find out if he's a weirdo or not. Yeah, we were on the phone for almost two hours. I'd finished off my bottle of wine. So it's like, wait, we're vibing just come over tonight. And so he did. And that was our first quote unquote date. Okay, fun. So were you like, I'm not necessarily like, marry this guy. I'm just having a good time is Tinder. Yeah, definitely. But I definitely unfortunately for me deep down I am a lover girl. So when I get a crush on somebody, I'm like, you're gonna love me. Yes. Yes. So then I was like, wait, I do really like him. But I was kind of seeing a couple other people he was seeing some other people. And we made that aware to each other. So a couple months in, I would say probably around October, it was Halloween, we got a big group together went out and that's when I realized I was like, Oh, I really like him. Like this is going to be a problem for me. So we had a long talk and we decided over the next months to go exclusive more or less and just see where it takes us. Yeah. And what was he like? Like what's what did you like about him? He was very much everything I thought I was looking for he you know he had his own apartment. He was well established financially had a good job had a good friend group. Basically, he checked all of the boxes at first. He was very nice to me. Everybody seemed to really like him. He planned the dates took me on trips like my first so we matched on Tinder. September of 2020 my birthday was that January he took me to the beach for a whole week. And then all of my friends came into town that weekend. So that's when they all met him. They all really liked him like it was set up perfectly like things were great. I was like this is the man for me. He's perfect. So then a fast forward bought my house in June of 2021. We immediately start renovating. The things are great. He is working his job. I'm working my job. And then he decides that he wants to start his own business. So he was unhappy at his job. So he was like what if I do this full time and I was like, that's kind of scary because I just bought a house but you know why don't you do it now while you still have your full time job see how you do. Yeah. He was doing very well. He was making a ton of money. So I was like, you're so unhappy at your corporate job quit. Do that full time. That's exactly what he did. And he was so successful. He started hiring employees. So I ended up quitting my job at the beginning of 2022 to do that full time with him. And it was the most money that we had ever seen in our lives. And because I was young. He was not as young as me but I was young. I was like let's go on vacation. Let's do this. Let's do that. Hell yeah. So that's we were literally living our lives. We went to LA for a week. We were going to the beach. We're going here and there. It was so cool to say like, oh, we bought a house. Now we're running our own business. Very much egos were high. But in the beginning of 2023, things started to decline and then the economy wasn't doing that well. And we went from 14 clients to two in the span of two weeks. We were like, oh, God, okay, we're going to have to pivot. So we had to pivot very fast. And I think that was the start of the downward spiral of our relationship because it just it was a huge hit to his ego that he never really recovered from. And I was like, we got to spin this in a positive way. Like we're going to figure it out. 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Then 20% off for two months. That's code 50 dating detectives at green chef.com slash 50 dating detectives. So that's when I started pivoting more to social media because I had started posting about that and that's started getting traction. He ended up getting a really good job in cybersecurity and I told him I was like it was from your experience running your own company like picture it that way like you don't have a college degree. They took your experience running your own company implemented it into that. I feel like that's a great way to view this like it wasn't a failure. It was a stepping stone to get you here. But even with that mentality. It was just like he couldn't see the business other than the failure. I knew going into this relationship he had addiction issues. I struggled with that throughout the relationship but once the business failed it was just really just like no coming back from that. And I wish looking back I would have been like okay this isn't going to work for me but in my mind it was like I can't leave somebody when they're at the lowest point in their lives and struggling with addiction like he needs me. How could I leave somebody in this state you know what I mean. Yeah your empathy really came through. And you love them and you're human. But at the end of the day especially looking back at that time period it's like it's really hard to help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves. You kind of have to figure out what you're doing but at that point I was so young I had no experience in this and I was like I'm in love with them. We're going to get through this together. I would say the major turning point would be August of 2024. That's when things started to get. I would like to use the word bad but it was the fights and the incidents were so scattered. It was just always having a bad day. Always having a bad week. Like the relationship is fine. It's just like he's stressed out. But I was getting ready to go on a bachelor trip with one of my best friends I was her maid of honor. I drove everybody down to where we were going and we had me and Raddy had lots of conversations before this. I was like I'll keep you updated. You have my location texting you sending you photos. I have never done anything to betray your trust. I'm going to be in constant communication with you. We're going to be great. So it's the first night. Me and the girls are going out. We end up going to this bar that has this upstairs where the DJ is and it's just the DJ not thinking anything of it. I'd posted a couple photos on my Instagram story. I sent him a couple videos but I didn't send him anything with the DJ. I was like I don't want to trigger him. Yeah, should have triggered him. Is that something that had happened in the past? Like had he gotten jealous in the past? Oh yes, he was very jealous. Very much like projecting big issues. Anytime I went on a work trip it was constant screaming and yelling over the phone that I was going to cheat on him. Oh my gosh. Oh no. Oh no and had that been there the whole time or was it more this period? It was definitely more this period but I also had him in going on work trips previously. It started like in 2024 when I had started my part-time job and it was only twice a year and it would be like four days so it wasn't a super long trip. I was just like I don't understand why he's acting this way. I've never done anything to make him think I would cheat on him. I thought we had a great relationship. Like it just didn't make sense to me. So when I went on this bachelorette trip I was being very strategic. I was like well I don't know if being up near the DJ is going to trigger him even though I'm not doing anything wrong. But one of my girlfriends had posted a video and it had just caught the DJ and I just happened to be standing near the DJ and that was a huge blowout fight that night. Oh god, here we go. That's really, ugh, you end up just like moving through the world on eggshells constantly. Yeah, eggshells. If I brush shoulders with a guy. Yep. Oh, yeah. It was like if a guy looked at me it was like or if I was talking to one of my friends, boy friends too long he would pull me aside and be like you need to stop looking at him like that. Oh why? I don't even know how like I'm looking at him. I'm just looking at him because you know like what you're doing like you have those eyes and I was like should I talk to him? They're just my eyes. Should I close my eyes to have a conversation like I don't understand. Honestly. Oh honey, okay did you tell your friends at all about this? So it was the first night of the bachelorette trip. I had stepped outside everybody was sleeping and I didn't want this to be a thing. It's embarrassing. I didn't want to ruin anything. I don't want to be painted as the girl that's always fighting with her boyfriend when they're not together. Yeah. So that Friday night was fine. Then Saturday night. I can't even remember. Oh, it was I had borrowed one of my friend's dresses. It was a maxi dress. It wasn't super revealing. It was tight. But I was sending him photos to make him feel more comfortable and he just hated that dress. The bar I was at didn't have a good cell signal so I couldn't respond to every text he was sending and I got so stressed out so I started texting his cousin. I was like can you please tell him I don't have good signal but like I'm not ignoring him like you know whatever. So it goes on we get back to the Airbnb and it's just like a throw down screaming match and I couldn't hide it from the girls this time because everybody was still wide awake. So I was just doing this in the Airbnb and I was like I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. Obviously they were great. They were like it's fine. I eventually Like what was he saying to you on the phone? Honestly, I think he was just saying that I was dressing like a slut and I wanted attention and of course I'm doing this when he's not there on this Bachelorette trip and accusing me of things. Oh my God. I'm sorry that happened. Yeah, I mean at the time I guess I just didn't think it was that bad. But looking back I'm like wow that's really bad. Like I wouldn't even look at other men out in public. I would have caught a guy looking at me. I would immediately look away. My adrenaline would start going because I'm like oh my God like is he going to get mad at me. So after that that was like a big turning point in our relationship because I was like I don't know if this is going to work. So I got home the next day. We ended up going out to dinner which was kind of an odd move. I don't know why we just didn't stay home and talk. But we went out and we had like a long conversation and he didn't really take accountability for anything. He was still putting it all on me saying like I needed to apologize that I wasn't respecting him. Ew. Yeah. So that was September-ish of 2024. We actually got engaged that December. Oh. Things seem to be better. I was like I'll you know work on what you say I need to work on. You need to work on these things. And we weren't a pretty good place. But I remember even when we were heavily talking about getting engaged I'm like are we even in a place for that. But if he's talking about it you know maybe he's passed whatever issues he had before. Did you feel excited or were you anxious? I was excited because I wanted to marry him and we were in a better place than we were. But I think deep down I was anxious. But overall I was very excited. I was really clinging on to the first two years of like how good those were. And I was like we can get back to that. We just need to get through this rough patch. That's so common. Yeah. Because you're waiting to go back to where it was like good and you're like okay. And subconsciously I'm not saying you were like if I get engaged it's going to fix everything. But I do think subconsciously some kind of commitment like that. Yes. Makes you feel secure. Because I'm like once the rings on my finger he's nothing to worry about. There should be like no doubt in his mind like this is what I want like you know whatever. So we get engaged in December and everything's pretty good more or less. But what's funny is that following April I go on a work trip and this is the first work trip since we've been engaged and have had long conversations. And it was pretty good like he was level headed more or less. I had to stay on the phone with him when I was sleeping though which was like very annoying. I'm sorry. Wait hold on. He like was on speakerphone while you went to bed. Or FaceTime. All night. Okay. And it wasn't like a cutesy like I want to fall asleep with you. It was like I want to make sure you don't leave the hotel room. Yeah. So I would be I was in a big Airbnb with my co-workers. So that's what made him uncomfortable. And I tried to think about it from my perspective. And I was like I don't think I'd be that uncomfortable. But I guess I could see why because it's men and women. Yeah. I'm like everybody here is married and I'm engaged now. It really made no sense to me. But that possessiveness. Yeah. Like I'll just stay on FaceTime with you. Whatever. Not a big deal. How did it feel that he like didn't trust you? At the time it didn't feel like he didn't trust me. It was just more of like he needed that extra security because he loved me so much. Which sounds so stupid now. No but that's real. Yeah. And he had come from a relationship prior to ours that was really toxic. So I was like oh like he just needs the extra reassurance. But I also had that other voice in my head that's like we've been together so long and we're engaged. Why is this still going on? Yes. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So May is Mental Health Awareness Month. A reminder that whatever you're going through you don't have to go through it alone. I personally love BetterHelp and here's why. So life is a journey. Some days feel good. Other days feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night. It's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is no one has all the answers. You shouldn't go through it alone and BetterHelp gives you someone to listen, understand, support you and give you tools and resources to help work through those things. For me personally my son just turned 12. He's a pre-nager and let me tell you that keeps me up at night trying to understand his moods and what's aggravating him and just trying to navigate that and work and am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Am I overwhelming? And so those are the kinds of things that really helps when you have someone to listen to you. And that's why I love my therapist at BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists work according with a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. and they will match you to a therapist based on a questionnaire and you can always switch your therapist. So it'll always be someone that you're comfortable with and if not, you can find another one. They have over 30,000 and it's the world's largest online therapy platform. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash TDD. That's better help H-E-L-P betterH-E-L-P dot com slash T-D-D. Mackenzie, I have tried a lot of body care products like lotions and body oils and I feel like it's always too sticky for me. Same! I was going to say the same thing. Really? Yeah, I feel like so many of them. I'm just like, I don't want to put my PJs on after I just put this on. Yes. But Osea, I mean, I'm so into it and I'm not just saying that. Like the fact that we're advertising with them is so cool because we both used them before. I have the Osea Hyaluronic Body Serum. Yes. And when I tell you it is not sticky, but it's also not greasy. No. It's like a, it's a very hydrating and I don't feel that sticky. It's my favorite thing ever. I love that. And I do love the Undaria Algae. I don't know if I'm saying that right, but the body oil and I love that. Like, you know how after you shave, if you put lotion on your legs, it like sometimes gets a reaction? Doesn't happen. Yes. It does not happen. And that's one of their best sellers and it's a 2025 Allure Best of Beauty winner. They did a third party study of 53 women from 25 to 65 years old and 100% said that they felt softer and more supple, more moisturized and also had better skin elasticity. Get a spring worthy glow with clean, clinically tested skincare from Osea. And right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10% off your first order site-wide with code DATINGDETECTIVES at OseaMalibu.com. So it was the last night of the trip. Me and my coworkers were going out to get dinner and then we had gone to the bar too and so immediately that sent him over the edge. And that was a Friday. I was flying back that Saturday. We were having all of our friends come into town to do the bridesmaids and the group's men's proposals. So I prepped everything the week before. I'd been talking about it all week. And that night we got into a huge fight and he had texted me, maybe we should just cancel this weekend and really figure out what we're going to do. So he wanted to cancel the bridesmaids and the groom's men's proposals for the wedding. And I was like, and then we're just not leave us. Yeah. Are we canceling everything? Yeah. And then before I could respond to it, he edited the message to something totally different. But I had seen it before and I put my phone down because I was like, I don't want to say anything out of anger. Let me just take a minute. When I picked it back up, it was a totally different message. So it's like, it's funny that you edited that thinking I didn't see it. Also, can't you see when someone edits something like you can go back and see the original message? I think you can. Can't you? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't say like the person had edited the message, but I don't know if you could see the previous one. So you knew that he had said that. Did you confront him or move on? Yeah. I was like, I can't believe you just said that to me. Like, just a big fight. We ended up going through with the proposals, obviously, because I was like, I can't cancel at this point. People are literally coming tomorrow. I have a friend flying in from Texas. So again, I was just like, he's having a bad night, whatever. So we go through with the proposals and then all the wedding planning, all of that. So that takes us to the big incident in December. The big incident. Yes. So on December 11th of 2025, I was working on my laptop. I sit in front of a window and I see two unmarked police officers pull into the cold sack. And we've had some incidents with neighbors that have had to call the cops. So like, I didn't really think anything of it, but they get out of their car and they are looking at my house and taking pictures of my house. I was like, okay, that's really weird. Yeah. Yeah. And they start walking very fast to the front door and I was in the middle of a zoom call. So I immediately go off camera, go on mute and yell up to him, Hey, there's cops be lining for our door. And before he could get down the stairs because he had worked upstairs. He was in a call. They're banging on the front door. And I was like, normally if they're here to ask us just like a normal question, it's a normal knock. Yeah. They're like banging like there's something's in a murder. And they're begging someone's going to jail or someone. Yes. Exactly. So we're standing in the kitchen and I was like, we should probably answer the door and he was very clearly nervous. And I was like, I know you struggle with drug use, but you don't sell drugs. So realistically, there's no reason that they would be here to arrest you for that. Maybe your name got thrown into something it didn't belong in. You know, I don't know. And at this point they were banging on the window that I was sitting at. What? They had seen me. So they were banging on the window and the front door. And I was like, we need to answer the door. And he's like, they'll go away. They'll go away. Like, don't answer it. The hell? Yeah. So I was like, hmm. Okay. So I immediately like I am sweating my adrenaline's going. I was like, well, I need to go back to work and you need to go back to work. So I go into the room that I work in. I kid you not. And I wish I'd taken a photo. That went from two police cars to eight to 10. Oh, in that time. Who did a murder? Yeah. Parked horizontally in the road so nobody could go in or out of our road. And they were probably close to like two dozen cops just like wandering looking around and immediately in my gut. I was like something is very, very wrong. Yeah. And I had my dogs outside in the backyard. There was a cop kind of casing the fence line going to the neighbors behind me knocking on their door, asking them questions. I've never spoken to those neighbors before. So I was like, oh my God, what did he do? Because I haven't done anything. And I started thinking, I was like, well, there's like, there's two tolls I haven't paid, but I don't know why they'd be here. Oh, no. I know you go up here like, I'm so sorry. So he comes downstairs and he's like, basically, if they're here to arrest me, I might as well just go outside. So I was like, yeah, I think you should go outside. Also, what did you do? Yeah, like what is, how is he so calm? I don't know. So he goes outside. So they say, are you and call him by his last name, which I thought was kind of odd. He was like, yes, immediately come over and arrest him. But they weren't aggressive. It's not like they threw him on the ground. They just kind of handcuffed him, talked to him and they were starting to walk him into the cul-de-sac. So I fling the front door open and everybody's like a deer in headlights. So like, is anybody else in the house? Is it just you? And because I'm going to stay to panic, I'm like, oh, maybe they think we're like harboring a fugitive because like, what else? What do you do? What's going on? Yeah, like, why are they asking me if anybody else is in the house? And I'm like, no, it's just me. It's just me. So the two cops were like, can we come in? And I was like, you have searched warrant like, no, good for you. No, good for you. No, you cannot come in. Yeah, I was like, I've seen the movies. You're not going to ransack my house. Like, it just had my cleaners here. Absolutely not. They were like, no, like, they were like, we just want to talk to you. It's cold. You can either come outside or we can come inside. I was like, well, no, I let them come in because I was like, well, it is cold. Like, I'm not going to stay out there. Right, right. You're right. All right, come in. And were they like taking, you know, how people are like, man, we need to talk to you. Are they reading very serious? Are they being extreme? Like, what's the vibe? They were very calm and I don't think they knew I existed. So I think they were kind of shocked because of the charges, because the two cops came in, they were kind of giving me a good cop, bad cop vibe, but also they looked, they lost the color in their face because I was like, what is going on? Something is not right. Like this has to be a misunderstanding. And the one cop looked at me and said, is blank blank your fiance? And I was like, yes, we've been engaged for a year. We're getting married in four months. And he looks me dead in the eyes and goes, he's been soliciting a minor online. And we have been building this case early October. My stomach just fell into my butt. Shut up. Yes. What did you think in that moment? It was literally one of those movie scenes. Like my ears started to rang. I started getting tunnel vision and all I could formulate was no. I was like, no, no, no, no, like, no, like, no, that's not, that's not right. And so the other cop reached out and grabbed me because I think I started to pass out and like I caught myself and I was like, and they're asking me questions. I was like, I need a minute. Like, like you just blew up my whole life. This isn't happening. So they pull up this video and it is a video. It would be like if somebody snap chatted me and then somebody recorded that snapchat. That's a video they had. It was a video of him not nothing bad at all. Like it was a snapchat he could have sent his mother. So I was like, I don't understand. Like that's not bad. He could send that to anybody. They said that couldn't, they couldn't give me details. You know, they had just gotten enough evidence to arrest him today. He had a arrest warrant out in one city, which was a felony. And then he had another arrest warrant out in the county that we lived in with four misdemeanors. And that's all they could tell you. Yeah. And then they told me it was listening to minor online. They wouldn't tell me any other details. Mind you, our engagement party was in 48 hours. So he got arrested on a Thursday and we had people driving and flying in that Saturday. So they're telling me all this. They're like, who do you want to call? Like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, this is Pandora's box. If this is a misunderstanding and I tell somebody this, he doesn't go back inside. So I was like, I don't want to tell anybody. But then I was like, let me call his mom. So that's what I did. Obviously we're on the phone both for reeking out. Did she knows that she knew? Oh, well, no, I mean, not previously, but like I told her what was going on. You wrote the news to the mom. Yes. I had to break the news to her. Had you been close with the mom before? Like, did you guys have a pretty good relationship? Yeah, we had a decent relationship. We weren't like overly close over the previous like four months. We had gotten a lot closer. 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And the one cop that was escorting me outside basically was like we just ask that you don't put your hands on him and that you don't ask any questions about the case. And I was like and what happens if I do put my hands on him and what would happen to me. He goes well you know it is domestic violence. He starts laughing. I was like okay well figure that out. So you can't ask any questions about the case like I get it. But that's all I want to ask about. Yeah like what am I supposed to ask him then. So we're standing on the porch and one of the other police officers and the cul-de-sac yell over Hey he's asking for his cigarettes can she bring them over. No. So the three of us standing there look at me and I start yelling. I mean he's not going to get his damn cigarettes. Like are you kidding me. Yeah. No. No. Yeah. So they were like okay message your seat. Like no he's getting absolutely nothing from me. So we go into the cul-de-sac. I'm just devastated. I'm like what is happening. Like what did you do in the cups like he's asked for a lawyer. And he was just like I can't say anything and immediately I was like he's done something really really bad. I was going to ask you were you like in your mind like no I'm going to stand by this guy he didn't do it or. But this point I was like I got to stand by and there's no way he's done this. It just doesn't make any sense. So he gets taken away. I've stolen the phone with his mom trying to figure out what to do. I end up calling one of my best friends and she basically was like hey they don't just come and arrest somebody with these types of charges with no evidence. So even if it's maybe not as bad as we're thinking it's still really bad. Yeah. At that point I was like okay the engagement party needs to be canceled because he's not going to be getting out of jail within the next 48 hours. I end up calling my mom who calls my dad. He comes over. I'm going back and forth with my parents his mom my best friend. Where are you in that moment like going through all this and kind of sharing with your close people like how are you feeling. How does it feel to tell your parents. Oh yeah it was like shock and pure betrayal and sobbing like I was yeah it was absolutely heartbroken. It was really really hard break. I was that's what I was going to say the heartbreak. Yeah and of course both of my parents and my best friend were like you can't stay with him even if this isn't true. We don't know if he's going to have to register as a sex offender. We don't know like how bad this is even if it's a miscommunication or if something got misconstrued he's still done something and you can't be tied to that. Yes there's something there is something there. Yeah. You might not remember because I imagine you were like blacking out. Do you feel like people were surprised or was anybody kind of like. Yeah that's a good question. Yeah a lot everybody was shocked and a lot of people when we both went completely radio silent for like a week a lot of people thought it was drug related or maybe like a DUI nobody suspected. So I'm listening to mine or online. So the day passes he finally is able to call me that night but of course he's on a recorded line so he can't say anything. So I'm screaming yelling you know all of the emotions they have his arraignment the next morning. Was he real quick was he saying like no I didn't do this like was he saying no this didn't happen. Don't he was just saying it's not what it seems like this is like like I had I had no idea like it's not what it seems I promise you like I would have never done anything like this. But I'm like either way you cheated on me. I don't know to what extent but like yeah he did on me which has been overshadowed by all this other bullshit going on. Yeah yeah okay. So his arraignment next morning he is allowed it's called he can be let out on recognizance so he could be let out for yes for that specific county but because he had an active warrant in the other county and that arraignment wasn't until Tuesday he'd stay in jail for five days. So for five days I had literally had basically no idea what the truth was going on. So I think in retrospect I'm glad he stayed in jail because it let me really figure out and go through my own emotions without him right beside me saying like I love you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen you know whatever bullshit narcissist things he would feed me. But at the time it was horrible because I was like I don't know what's happening like the man I love is in jail and I don't know why. So did you own your house together or was it still just your house. It's just my house. Okay yeah that's good. Thank God. Thanks God. So the December 16th day that's the day he gets out of jail. So we were in December 16th of 2024 he's getting out of jail December 16th of 2025. You can't write this. He was like oh good. So I pick him up from jail. He tells me he went on a sugar baby website. What. Oh wait wait wait so you're picking him up by yourself. And then he gets in your car and like I want to hear this whole scene. I mean this is crazy. Oh I'm school. I have never screamed so loud. I think the veins in my forehead were busting through my Botox. Like I was screaming and yelling and shaking his arm. I was like like what the fuck did you do. I can't believe you've done this to us. And he was like I wasn't expecting to get out and you act like this. Like I thought you would be like missing me. I was like are you actually insane. How long had he been in there. He'd been there for five days. And he was like I wanted you to miss me and it's been no. It makes it happen already at home. Like yeah. I was like oh my god what I've so many questions. So that's when he tells me he was like it's way worse than anybody thinks it is. Like I went on a sugar baby website and was talking to this girl. Granted you have to legally be 18 to get on those sites. The girl was 17. So she lied about her age and her name which is very common. I feel like when you go on sugar baby websites you're not going to be like oh this is my government name. You're just going to talk about it. Yeah right exactly. I'm like screen name. So I don't know the exact timeline that he got on that website but they had added each other on Snapchat September 28th I believe. So I was like they had been talking long enough to feel comfortable enough to take it off that website. Go on Snapchat and be snapping whatever. He also told me that they were texting from some burner app like a fake phone number and when you refresh it it deletes all the messages and replaces the number so there's no way to track it essentially. So he was in his mind just cheating with someone of age is what he's telling you. Yeah and I was like and I don't know why. Sugar baby like does that mean that he's doing better financial. No but it's funny because so this is part of the story that's later on but he was always broke. So I was like that's funny that you're a sugar daddy with no sugar. Yeah. Like are you using my money. What the hell. So I don't know if he ever paid this girl. I will never know but I know in October I went on another work trip and it was the first work trip we never fought on. So it's like finally thank God we're finally past that. But funny that's the only trip we never fought on because I get a call in the middle of the day like I'm in a meeting and he never would call me in the middle of the day. So it's like something must be wrong. So I answered it and he sounded really weird. His car was getting repossessed. Oh my God. So I had to pay. I think it was but it was between a thousand and twelve hundred dollars to get his car of impound. Wait so this is after the whole arrest thing and like. So this is so this is before but it's part of the story. So this was in October and then the arresting happened in December. Oh OK. So you're on this trip and it gets repowed. Repowed and then come to find out that the week I was gone when his car got repossessed is also the week that they had met up in person. Right. So it's like oh so not only did your car get repossessed then you also decided to cheat on me like that's really great. And they had met up in a very public area in the city we live in and he claims allegedly all they did was make out in his car and to my car before it was I guess before it got repossessed or right when he got it back. I don't know. What a prince. So the county that they had met up in that was the felony charge and the charge online public information says proposal of sexual relations 15 plus year old seven plus year meaning like seven year age gap. He's about to be 32. Oh my God. So that charge ended up getting dismissed and then one of then he had the four misdemeanor charges in the county we lived in. And he pled guilty to one of them which is proposal of sexual activity you know 17 or 15 plus year old. Wait why did it get dismissed. Yeah. It was lack of evidence I think because the girl had lied about her age and her name and all of that and it was on this website and like they didn't have I assume in my opinion they probably didn't have enough evidence to pin against him legally especially since she was turned 18 during all of this. So she was an adult and she wasn't pressing charges. I have a feeling that she was falling for him. But what he had told me the whole reason why he even did this whole escapade was because he was looking for a third to have a three some less. Did you express your interest in that. No. I said and a third with who because the person was left out. I said a third with who fella. Wait that's so I still I am always surprised when we hear new excuses on the show because we've kind of heard every excuse in the book I thought but I have not heard somebody being like no I was just looking for a third. That was just interviewing. So annoying. I was like that's a very in-depth interview like. Yeah. He had claimed that the girl knew about me the whole time and that she had found me on social media and had found our address online and was pulling up to the grocery store up the street when he was there. And what's funny is during this whole time period which aligns perfectly because it was around Halloween which was the time that they had met up in person the same month. I was doing this like fun series on social media of dressing up as different characters and then scaring him when he would get home. And there was this one time that he left to go to the grocery store and didn't come back for like three hours. And I was like what the hell are you doing? I called him. I texted him. He was like sorry like I'm on the phone with one of my friends like just got caught up like on the way home. Oh no you're like waiting in costume for hours. Yes. Oh no. That's really weird. Yeah. And then I started getting these texts from random numbers saying very vulgar things like I'm effing your fiance. You're so ugly. You needed all of that plastic and Botox in your body. Like really like vulgar things. And that was in like October? Yeah. It was the beginning of November right when I posted our engagement photos and they were saying things that were very like specific to me. So I was like it's somebody that he's talked to about specific things. Yes. And I was like what are these texts? Like oh my god what's going on. And so at first the first couple texts I got I was like maybe my number just got leaked online and then I was like clearly this person's triggered by the engagement photos. So like they either know me or him or both of us and then they started talking about my mom. What? And like yeah something specific and me and his relationship. So I was like who is this person and so we got into a fight about it and he was like he was like I would never cheat on you. Maybe it's like one of your exes and I was like they're texting like a woman the things they're saying it's definitely coming. Yeah we know. We know. We've got our intuition for that sort of thing. Exactly but he just had his like fingers in my brain. I was like no like he's probably right. Like maybe it's maybe it's my college ex which makes absolutely no sense but that's what I had convinced myself and just moved on. And I was like I'll never know if it was that girl but the timing is impeccable for it to be that girl especially if she did allegedly know who I was the entire time. So the story just keeps nibbling so I pick him up from jail. Over the next months I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I knew deep down subconsciously it was over and done with but it's really hard to just kind of be like get out we're done with somebody that you were going to marry you spent five and a half years with. So he comes back home. Yeah he comes back home. It's the week before Christmas. I remember on December 21st I was like I need space. I need you to go somewhere else. That was the first time I was ever scared in a way. He started throwing things nothing crazy but he was throwing like a Christmas candle and screaming and yelling and I was like. I think throwing anything is crazy girl. I was about to say yeah that's crazy. Yeah and I know it's I mean not it's. Well it's funny that I'm still like justifying it to myself. I'm like oh like it could have been worse. We do that right. We do that. We do that. Yeah and I don't say that to make it more intense for you but I just want to validate. Yeah yeah I was like that's not okay. Yeah yeah. So he ends up leaving and he goes to a family member's house for a couple of days and then it's Christmas and I'm out of town to see my family and then it's New Year's. I'm out with friends up in a different area so we didn't spend a whole lot of time together during that period and then my birthday was the end of January so it was like I need you out by the end of January. This is your 30 day notice if you want to get legality terms introduced 30 days you need to figure out where you're going. Yeah how are you functioning like are you talking to friends therapy. Yeah so during this time we were more or less kind of just like playing house which it wasn't good but I was just trying to go through the motions. It was just so much easier to pretend everything was okay than to accept it for what it was especially since he's feeding me like I didn't know she was underage she was the only girl I ever talked to. It's so easy to believe those things when you want to believe them. But he wanted to stay with you. Oh yeah he was like we're going to work through this like this is not what it seems like we're going to get through this I'm going to prove to you that I'm not this guy I'm clean now I'm sober I'm going to AA I'm in therapy like doing all the things I've been asking him to do for three years essentially but I was like I think it's just too late like I like I think we can like come back from this yeah. So he leaves for my birthday weekend he gets the keys to his new place a bunch of my friends come down and because they're under the impression that I'm not really talking to him and he's not living together they were encouraging me they're like go out see you know see what's out there so like a guy came down and somehow Raddy found out about that and that Sunday is when I was actually really really scared so the birthday weekend wraps up he shows up to the house Sunday with my friends still at the house looking crazy sounding crazy very clearly had not slept screaming at me on the porch and screaming through the window at my friends like she's doing this because you're encouraging this behavior we're still technically together she's been lying to you and then just calling me every name in the book you know all of the things. How did he find out? I don't so I think maybe he just guessed I don't know. He didn't guess he was keeping tabs. Yeah I was like there must have been somebody that saw us out that told him I don't know. Yeah that's crazy. So he gets back in his car because he was supposed to come over later that day just to get all his stuff out and fully move out so he's sitting in his car mean my two girlfriends get in our cars to leave. I thought that he was just waiting there for a friend or his dad or somebody to come help move him out. I'm merging onto the highway on the phone with two of my girlfriends and here's somebody hunking at me and I'm like I can't go anywhere I'm merging look up it's him tailgating me onto the highway. That is so scary. Absolutely not. So I was going to go to my one friend's apartment downtown and I figured he knew where I was going because that's the direction I was going in so I get off the exit and do a big circle but I get stuck at a red light. He gets out of his car to come up to my driver's side window so I pull off and I just like cut across all four lanes of traffic and I'm going down this road and he's now parallel with me screaming at me through my window and what he was saying was actually kind of cringy now but he was just like you broke my heart I just want to talk to you. Please talk to me. I want to talk to you guys why I'm harassing you. Yeah like what? So I'm like okay I'm either going to go home and he's going to follow me home and it's just going to be us two. I'm going to pull into the public parking lot and we're just going to deal with this fair. So that's what I did. He gets up to my window I don't get like the doors are locked windows up and then he's screaming at me through it. He's like little do you know I've actually fucked six girls in the past six months. But then he goes I don't know why I said that. Like I didn't do that. I'm just kidding. JKLOL. Yeah. Let me edit my text. What? So he finally calms down and I was like I cannot do this. Like I need you fully out of the house. So either I'm going to call a cop to meet us at the house or you're going to do this really fast in and out because if I call the police you're going to do this. If I call the police you're going to prison because that's violating your parole or whatever. Yes. So we go back to the house which in retrospect was so dumb of me but I was just like whatever like I'll just be cordial it'll be fine. Yeah. About an hour or two past we're still fighting and at the very end of it I can't remember what was said but we were both standing in the kitchen and that's when he corners me and he jukes bucks whatever you want to call it like you know when you get ready to hit someone. Yeah. And I should fucking hit your ass. And that's when I was like I had a TJ Max bag in my hand. So I just flung it and hit him in the head and it knocked him into the door. And so I ran over to the front door and I was like I'm either going to call the police and they're going to come over here and send you to jail or I'm going to call my dad and I think you should be more scared of my dad. My dad. Yeah. And I was like my god secret third option you leave right now. So that's what he did. And that's what I realized that he's like a totally different person to me. This is somebody I don't even recognize. I thought at the end of the day if there was anything he would never threaten to hit me or hit me and then I was like gloves are off. You never know what a cage animal is going to do when they're cornered. So that's what I was like we need to really take a big step back and all of your stuff needs to be out of my house. So that was really scary. After that though things kind of calm down. There were a couple of times he showed up to my house drunk in the middle of the night wasn't aggressive just like I miss you like we can work through this. I was like no there's nothing to work through you need to leave. So we are really not in any communication at this point it's very much just like you owe me this amount of money. You know whatever it's just very minimal communication. I am driving up to DC for a work event and I checked my Instagram DMs and I had received a long DM from an anonymous account of this girl saying I met your fiance on this website described him to a T sent me a voicemail from him like all of these things saying that he was going to buy her this little Louis Vuitton cross body they had met up in this certain location described the location he had met up with the other girl with that described his car everything like she definitely was not lying. Oh my God and also you were going to buy the Louis Vuitton. Yeah. Yeah probably. Yeah. So it's like not only did he lie about that one girl being the only girl that he was like seeing there was all of these other women like I don't know how much that how many and the the girl was only 19. So it's like yeah she's legal but that's still just like really grimy and gross. You're a hundred years old. Stop it. Yeah. So I was like God knows how many other women what he did with them because she's like the only reason we didn't have sex was because he didn't have cash on him. Yep. No. Well thank God he didn't. Yeah. Yeah but you know there are other stories that we don't know about. Yep. So when I got that Instagram DM I was out of red lights to pull it over into a parking lot and I put him his mom and his dad in a group chat sent the screenshots and the voicemail with a long text saying I want nothing to do with him. If he contacts me again I'm getting restraining order. Good luck and good fucking riddance because this is disgusting and he's been lying to everybody. Oh hell yes. And then I just reblocked all three of them. Oh my goodness. I want nothing to do. He had his old car in my driveway. Had it run in like three years. So it's like if he doesn't get that out of my car by Monday night I'm towing it to a junkyard. Anything that's left in the house is getting thrown away. I want nothing to do with this. And then after that. Yeah after that I was like I know how unpredictable he is so I don't want him going off the rail so that's why I filed the protective order. But I was granted 30 days and then it got pushed. I have another court date at the end of May because he got a lawyer for what I don't know. But now we're going to have to go to court over that but. Oh God we. Okay so can you talk a little about that process though because we've had a lot of people try to navigate that. Sometimes it works great. Sometimes it doesn't. So I called the local jail and they said I can go to the magistrates office but the magistrate basically is like I can only file an emergency protective order. Meaning like if he had put his hands on you recently then yeah we could grant it but he hasn't. So go to this other it was like a different department in the actual courthouse. I can't remember I think it wasn't the clerk I can't remember the actual name. But I basically like pled my case and then I went before the judge. And he basically was like this is kind of a sticky situation with the charges and him not actually physically assaulting you. But because you are scared for your life more or less I can grant a two week protective order. And then you're going to have to come back to court and then he'll be there if he has been served and then you guys will basically go from there. So I was great in the two weeks. Yeah. Yep. And he was there with his lawyer and his mom. And then the judge and his lawyer decided to extend it for 30 days so his lawyer could get all the information he needed. So then we will be back in court at the end of May. And then yesterday. Oh no. So I had I saw my engagement ring so I was like maybe I could get some money that could help me pay for the lawyer fees. He had claimed that he had bought a three carat lab grown diamond. It's a gorgeous ring like I loved the ring. I go to a jeweler. They do a test and it is more tonight. Oh so it's worth like a couple hundred bucks maybe. Yeah if that and they were like we don't even purchase more tonight here we would just give you the melt value for the gold so we could give you $65. Oh my god. Oh that is so embarrassing for him. Yeah. So he literally lied about everything and I told him I was like if you if you get me more tonight. I'm fine because it's basically a diamond but he just lied about everything like everything. Everything. Yeah. Oh my god. And this happened yesterday. Yeah this happened yesterday. So what's the status did he leave you alone. Are you in contact with anyone. How are you. How are your friends and family. Yeah so I got my parents included on the protective order just because they live in the area and he knows where they live. He hasn't tried to contact me at all. I'm not sure he's locked by everyone on everything. The wedding was supposed to be four days ago. So we're we're past that luckily. And now I'm just kind of living my life honestly everything outside of that has gotten like really really good career wise. Personally I've seen how much I'm capable of and how much he was holding me back. So that's been like very refreshing to know like I've made the right decision. Do you feel like it's a little bit of a blessing and disguise even though it broke your heart. Definitely. Can I I don't know if you said this or not but where is he exactly in the legal process right now. Everything I believe got dismissed and then he just pled guilty to one charge. Of what. What is. Yeah. I don't have it pulled up but it was I think it is the sexual activity with a 17 year old because it's no longer at first it's a year and then it changed within like 24 hours of him being arrested to sexual activity with. So they only had it so they only had evidence for the one. Yeah but it just happened and the two counties which is why there are two warrants but yeah if there was any other girl that was underage there's no evidence as of now. And what's do we have a like verdict where's he going or we have a verdict but is he going to jail. He has community service or so I've been told is he got community service and that was it. It was more of like time served because of those five days it was like time served or whatever and then because he lost his fiance and he lost his job he lost everything it's like repercussions have been served or whatever. No I don't agree. Yeah. At first at first I was like OK I guess that's fair but then once I got those DMs. I was like he's just a lying narcissist not that any of this is OK but I was like now I want to stop in jail. So freaking awful that he can get away with so much. Can we talk about I know you kind of were saying he was projecting when he was being jealous throughout your relationship and that's kind of a classic trope of somebody cheating and then accusing you of cheating. But looking back now that you know everything going on are there other signs that you're like oh yeah. Totally checks out. So it's actually funny that you ask that because when we first moved into the house obviously he would leave you to the store I would leave to the store whatever but I got this DM from a girl and it was a fake account. It was a very normal Instagram account and she was like hey like I met your boyfriend at the grocery store I work there and I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me and flirting with me gave me his number. But at this time we were running the business so he would give his number out to people he thought would be good recruits or employees. So I was like oh do you mind sharing the text with me was he talking about XYZ business like maybe like recruiting you. But what he had said something like hey it's blank. Thank you again for the flowers my flower girl or something borderline very I mean it was very flirty. And she had told me that he said that he was buying the flowers for his grandma even though he's buying the flowers for me obviously. And he had lied about his last name but had realized who he was when she got a notification that he had viewed her. Tick tock account because you know how it'll show activity for certain people and then she found me. So I confronted him and I was like what is this and he was like oh no that was a big miscommunication. I thought should be a good fit for the business but then he was like but this is such a friendly reminder of what it would be like if I did lose you. I'm so sorry that this was misconstrued. That was the first time that I was like that was really weird. Yeah. Also I didn't know his phone password for the first two and a half years of our relationship but I'm very much like I don't go through my significant others phone. But it got to the point where I was like what happens if something happens to you and I need to get into your phone like I should know your password but he would never give it to me. So that was that's like definitely a red flag because we've been together for so long I should know your password to your phone. Yeah. I don't know. He was he's a very social person so I've seen him interact with men and women and I'm not really the jealous type per se so I never really thought that was an issue but who knows if I wasn't in the room what he was saying. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And it's so like the hypocrisy. That's a word. I'm so mad I'm making up words. Yeah. You're not allowed to even stand near a guy who's a DJ. Unbelievable. And you're right to. We can't diagnose anybody of anything but like there's something going on there. Yeah we can. Like the control the need for validation the need to be intimidating you. It's so crazy. How did sharing this story on social media. On TikTok. How was that reaction. It was actually very positive. I wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be and there was some negativity but overall everybody's just been so supportive and so gracious. But I've perceived probably thousands of messages from women saying I have a story similar. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. I've had women say I'm not sure what the reaction was going to be. Wow. I've had women say hearing your story has made me realize that I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. Yes. You helped me leave. Oh wow. Mom's saying I'm sending this to my daughter who's going through her first heartbreak so she feels less alone. Like it's actually been insane the response I've received. And like how many women are like thank you so much for coming out and talking about this because one it's scary and two I feel like a lot of people don't do it because of the backlash they could receive. that they could receive. Well, and the embarrassment and the shame. The shame, yeah. Yeah. That makes me feel so good because I hope that's what this does for people too. Yeah. I'm so grateful that you're sharing here. Well, that's what we've learned too, Erica. People like you that share their story, you let other women see that they're not alone. And so it's important to share this, but it really does, like, it's so vulnerable. And so we're just so grateful that you're sharing with us. So thank you. Yeah, of course. I mean, I was thinking about it. I was like, with all of this trauma, something good has to come out of it because otherwise that it's just trauma. Yeah. Otherwise it's just trauma. Yeah, so I was like, if sharing my story, if it helps one person, then I've done my job. But it's really snowballed. And I've coined Dirty Little Rap Man and I've started like a little merch line with that. And so it's kind of becoming the whole thing. So this one of the shirts. Wait, Dirty Little Rap, I was going to ask you about it. Where can we get this? Where can people follow you and keep up with you? Because you're amazing. Well, thank you. So the Instagram account is dirty little rap men. We are working on a big launch. Hopefully in the next couple of months, this was just kind of like a pop-up store. But we're going to go live with these designs one more time next week, I believe. But there's a link in my bio on Instagram and then also the dirty little rap man account as well. And what's your, if you want, yeah, what's your Instagram? It's underscore underscore erica merica. Well, you can post updated because I really want to know, like where you're at, how things are going. I'd love to be updated if you want to. I hope the court date is okay. And we'll be thinking of you. And I'm obsessed with your, yeah, it will. It will. And I'm obsessed with the merch and obsessed with you building something so beautiful based on something awful. Thank you again for sharing this because like you said, someone out there is going to be like, oh man, that's me, wait, like, and they're going to, so thank you. It's so brave of you and we really appreciate you. It's so nice to meet you too. I know. Thank you. It's nice to meet you guys too. This is so fun. Good. I'm glad, I'm glad. It's fun to vent. Exactly. Like we're beating the dead horse. We're beating the dead rat. The dead rat. Beating the dead rat. So ratatouille boy. Ratatouille, ratty, a dirty little rat. Let's not even ruin ratatouille. We're just going to stick to ratty. Yeah, ratatouille. Let's not insult him. I mean, by him, I mean the rat and ratatouille. Okay, so ratty is this guy that clearly just has no problems lying about the worst things ever. Never. How do you, it's so gross. I mean, there were so many green flags at first. I did want to like start by talking about addiction. We didn't really get into it with her, but I know that that was a thing for a lot of her dynamic with him. She specifically was like, how could I leave him when he was at such a low moment? And I know we talk about it in a lot of different contexts. Addiction does not equate to bad behavior. Addiction does not mean that you are a dogfish. Right. But it does come up in a lot of these stories. And I think that it's important to remember that you can care about someone deeply and still recognize that you can't save them. And love doesn't fix addiction, unfortunately. Addiction is something that person has to choose to address and staying isn't always the same thing as helping. And it's hard because when you love someone that much, you don't want to leave. Yeah. And it's hard to, it's hard to like, cause if you leave them, then you feel like you're a jerk for like leaving them. It's hard. It's hard. And you can leave and still care about someone. You can leave and still help someone. You always, what do you say? You can't light yourself on fire to keep somebody warm? Mm-mm. So good. But we, but oftentimes we light ourselves on fire because we feel like it's going to keep us warm. Like we'll stay even though we know it's a bad situation because we don't want to lose that familiarity and that comfort of that love that we've built with this person. Even though it's not the right thing to do. So it's hard. She is also, she is so young and was so young. So I think about myself around that age and just the stuff I was willing to put up with because I thought, I don't know, I just thought that that's what love was, that you cut off a limb for someone if they need it. Like that's, I remember that intensity. Yep. Absolutely. And you know what? We're all humans just doing the best we can with human experiences. And so, but there is a point like everybody has a point like they'll leave when they're ready. They'll start their weight loss journey when they're ready. They'll start whatever when they're ready. And it has to be when they're ready. But if someone stays, most of the time, they're just not ready to give that up yet. And that's totally relatable, right? I relate to it 100%. Totally. But if you relate to specifically navigating a relationship with someone going through a hard time, like just know that if you choose to put yourself first that only allows you to help them and others more. So let us remind you not to carry that guilt. You have to have, you can't pour from an empty cup, right? So you have to make sure your cup is filled. We are full of good little sayings today. We are full of some bumper stickers, y'all. Our cup is full of bumper stickers. I like it. I love it. He was so jealous and policed the shit out of her. Yeah. You know, so he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Like he wanted, but he also, I'm sorry, soliciting minors. Like I don't care if they're a day before 18, you know better. You know better. You know. But I guarantee that wasn't the only person that was, I don't even know the word. Like it doesn't, like minor or inappropriate. Like I bet there's so much more to this that we don't know. Yeah, he was, he was gross. He was just gross. I think he was really gross and probably really gross online and didn't consider anybody, anybody. No. Yeah. And the fact that he only got charged with what was included in the city is instead of the rest of it. And I was like, no. And only community service. And that's why it keeps happening. We need to take, this is not a victimless crime. Like these are children you're playing on. These are children. And even if she was quote unquote consenting, even if she was at an age that seems old enough, it's like, you can't, you just can't until you are old enough. Informed consent, I just don't think a minor can be informed in that way. And the power dynamic is something that I know we all hear, know about and talk about, but I think people are very still in the mindset of like, oh, well, she lied to me. So how was I supposed to know? It's like, you are an adult. That's how you're supposed to know. You're supposed to be responsible. You have to, and there's, if someone lies to you and you don't know, like I get it, but also, come on, like you stop it. I just don't, I don't buy it, Hannah. I don't buy it either. And I think it's pretty annoying that he, the excuses he was giving her of like, I was just looking for a third. I was doing it for us. You guys said when he, that was, I forgot about that for her. He said, I was looking for a third. I was doing it for us, baby. I was looking for us and I was gonna loop you in. I was gonna loop you in. I just didn't want to waste your time until I found someone good enough for you. Can you even imagine? I would laugh in someone's face if they said that to me. Yeah. Also, how many interviews did you have to conduct? Right? It seems like a lot. That's not an interview. That's a, that's a, not an interview. No, I don't know if you know that. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, disgusting, absolutely disgusting. And also the fact that he was on a sugar daddy site with no money is also hilarious. Oh, oh, that's what I was gonna say. So the sugar daddy thing, that's very specific for someone looking for a three-some. Like that's not, that's not. Yeah, you don't have to do that. You can, it's not that hard. I don't know. I mean, we all know he was bullshit, ratty little liar. So, even sure it matters. I mean, whatever. I was scared for her at some points and I'm glad that she's okay. And she talked about like that near miss with domestic violence and reactive. Yep. I was glad that he didn't, cause she, you know, kind of hit him to get out of the way, which is defense, like that's self-defense. And I'm glad that that didn't turn into something bigger. No, same. And it's hard when it gets to the violence cause you never know how far that could go. So it's dangerous and it's scary. And I was just real, not, I wasn't shocked, but when she said that he, like all of these things came up and then she was still with him. And then the dates every December. Oh, I know. That was wild. That was weird, right? Like I feel like that was like a sign or something. Very weird. I think she should have like a girl's night every December 16th or whatever day it was. She should have like, she should have like a lovely single party. Yes. Oh my God, that would be so fun. I hope we get in there. Yeah, I hope so too. Well, maybe we will, cause she's got a cool dirty little rat man. No, at dirty little rat men is her new line of merch based on this story. Her shirt was so cool. You have to go look. And also her Instagram is underscore underscore Erica Merica and that's TikTok too. So if you want to go see her telling the story, you know, it's a shorter version. We have a lot of questions to ask, but she's also selling merch. Yeah. So go check it out. And also if you have a story to share, we would love to hear from you. Email us, investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. Thank you to Erica for coming on and sharing the story. Thank you to our listeners for like tagging, Introducing us. Tagging us and introducing us. And we love when you guys do that. So thank you. Social media really helps us stay connected. So thank you for always sharing on your socials. And again, for the Patreoners. The chats and Patreon. Oh yeah, we really appreciate and love you guys. So thank you. I hate, I hate this story that the consequences aren't severe enough. I hope that the 17 year old. It pisses me off. Moves forward and is okay and gets support that she needs. And I hope that Erica continues to inspire other people with her story and I think she will. I think she will too, because she's got a mouthpiece. She's beautiful. She is very well spoken. She's a scientist. She's a scientist. What a badass. So like, hello, that's so cool. I love that. Ugh, I love her. I love you guys. Don't forget to buy your tickets for the live show for some never before heard McKenzie Undercover story. Yeah, we're gonna have a lot of surprises for you. Yeah, lots of surprises. And I hope someone comes dressed as a dogfish again and tend to wink wink. That happened in LA and it was the best day of my life. It was amazing. So we hope to see you guys here. And we love you. We love you as always. Trust your intuition.