Chapter 45: The Builder

Last season on Midnight Burger, rolling along, singing a song side by, SWAT THEM! The Diner finds itself under attack. A game, but by who? Turns out, it's this guy, who has an entire evil empire of these guys. Croc, the propagator, is his name and universal domination is his game, and his plan all starts in Criptesia, a galaxy that he has populated with planet after planet of lab-grown earthlings, where he tests out the best way to control the minds of everyone he dominates. Like Fiona. Hi there! Also wrapped up in it all are Croc's three daughters. My name is Cazie. That was my sister Tita. She's about to get our other sister, Lubusa. They're pretty intense. All of our people are prisoners. We don't know where they are. I let them all hear. They're all trapped out there because of me. You should come up to my lab sometime, Casper. I'll grow you a fucking spy. Heads up! Edible arrangements? This is a fucking robber! After an intense game of cat and mouse across Criptesia, the Diner finds itself in the clutches of Croc. God damn it. This guy absolutely fucked us. It's like he knows the Diner better than we do. And in a move that some have called banana pans crazy town nutso, Gloria, Eva, Casper, and Lave sacrifice themselves so that others may continue the fight. Lave! Sorry, pal. What the fuck are you? Now, separated by the vastness of the multiverse, how will our heroes find their way back to the fight against Croc? Top off your coffee and feed the cat. Season 5 of Midnight Burger is here. Let's start the shift. Once upon a time. There was a builder. The builder had lost his workshop, lost his tools, lost his way. He wandered on icy plains on a distant plant. Oh. Oh, I had to be a fucking ice giant, huh? There is death by fire and death by ice. Both are merciless, but at least fire is quick. Ice takes its time. Ice slowly creeps in. Ice gives you time. Time to regret. Time to fear. And the worst of it. Time to hope. The builder had no choice but to hope. Okay, Lave. At least get out of the wind! It was a strange magic that brought him to this frozen land. He had been banished, but his banishment could only occur in a place he had touched in the past. For all of us, how many places could that be? So few of us moved from place to place all our lives. But for the builder, there were few stars in the sky he hadn't touched at least once. As far as he knew, he could be anywhere. The builder took shelter in the shadow of a cliff by an icy sea. Shelter from the wind would postpone his death, but extend his misery. Hmm. Really regretting my decision to have visited so many shitty planets over the course of my life. Casper probably landed in Baker's Field. I give my right long to be in fucking Baker's Field right now. Okay. Okay. Where are we, Lave? Let's think back. Ize giants I have known. Castro? Celestiani? Your only is lost as your mind allows you. The builder had spent a life among the stars and new clusters of dust like one would occur in an ancient road. He searched the night sky to see what it could tell him. Hmm. A Quilandus. Of course it's Quilandus. Wouldn't be poetic if it wasn't Quilandus. I hate poetry. The builder realized he at once made his home here. A long time ago, when all hope was lost, he crawled into a hole between two mountains and waited for the end to come. A long time ago, when he finally left, he hoped he'd never see it again. All right. There's only one ocean on Quilandus. I lived about 30 kilometers from it. There. If I hide out here, it'll be between those two mountains. 30 kilometers. If I try to walk 30 kilometers, I'll die. If I stay here, I'll die. Fuck! What is a night without his sword? What is a farmer without his field? What is a builder without his tools? The builder tried to remind himself of the first rule he ever learned. There is only one tool. Inventory. H2O, Matterstate, solid. H2O mixed with sodium chloride. Matterstate, liquid. Water and salt water. That's all I've got to work with. That is not going to do it. I'm fucked. Maybe I try and huff it. I did 35 seconds in the void of space one time. I can do 30 kilometers in, I'm guessing, negative 10 Celsius without any protective clothing. Sure, sure I could. No, I can't. Fuck! Tools are relevant without materials. The builder had taken stock of his materials. And as far as his eyes could see, he saw only ice, water, and salt. It wasn't enough. What? What can I do with you? Nothing. You saved my life and you're totally useless right now. I hope it's going better for you guys out there. Where'd you wind up, Gloria? Back at Chack in the Box? Ha! Ava, you probably landed in some high-armed leather chairs surrounded by dudes with elbow pads. Not me. No. I get the fucking ice planet. No shit! Jesus! Hello there! Nice to have some company. What's your name? I'm Lave. I'm going to be dead soon. Of course I could. Try and kill you and live inside your body, Han Solo style. But you are 12 feet of blubber and I just have a space page. Wait, wait. Secret handshake. 50,000 volts is just going to make you mad, isn't it? Oh. Fuck. Oh. Nice to meet you anyway. Oh my god! God! Seriously? Come on man! God, the smell! So excited that this will be the last thing I ever smell. It's odd the builder thought. How anything could be a gift if it's given at the right time. Hang on. Water, sodium chloride and now methane. Iron, copper depending on what you ate today. Methane gas could ignite. Well, night sure, but that's one big flash. The hand moisture content of the fuel source makes a continuous burn pretty tricky. Huh? Oh god, god. Oh man, you're really missing out guys. I'm trying to save my life by lighting a gigantic pile of shit on fire. There's a metaphor in there somewhere. Okay. Humongous shit pile. How do I like to light fire? In one hand, I have a space page. Looks like paradise life made this thing pretty efficient so I won't get much juice out of it. But in the other hand, I have the secret handshake. Can deliver a quick burst of 50,000 volts, but low wattage. Going to need sustained heat. Environmental concerns. Fuel source, aka shit pile, is steaming right now, but I imagine we'll be frozen within an hour. Whatever I do, I'll need to be ready to do it by the time the next guy wants to take a dump on the beach. Sustained heat. Sustained heat. When the solution finally came to him, it didn't arrive as good tidings. Like any escape from certain death, this solution would require a sacrifice. Sunrise in about four hours. Let's get to work. The builder needed one tool to live, but that tool was buried in the wall of ice before him. He kicked and kicked out the wall as the shards and ice fell around him. He was finally surrounded by fragments of ice, large and small. Oh, okay. Several hunk of ice. Which one of you is the lucky winner? It needs you to be the size of a dinner plate. Any takers? You there? You look like you're up for the job. Okay. Okay. Big piece of ice. I'm about to turn you into something beautiful. It's going to cost me, but all beauty comes at a price, am I right? All beauty comes at a price. The sculptor blinded by marble dust. The painter driven mad by the poison in their paint. And now the builder. Using the warmth of his hand, he would slowly melt and shape the fragment of ice. He was careful to only use his left hand. Then after his hand was too cold, his left arm. And back again to his hand. Over and over again, smoothing the edges, slowly shaping it into the only tool that could save him. Mr. Torvaldson, I've dealt with prodigies before, and I will say to you what I've said to all of them. No amount of intelligence will make up for flawed optics. Clean your optics every morning, Mr. Torvaldson. Fuck! No, let's go. No, god damn it. Keep going, life. Into the morning, he shaped the ice to his will. As the sun rose, it offered little comfort. The star was distant and cold. But he did not need the sun for its warmth. Okay. Ideal angle is 17 degrees above the horizon. Life? You're going to need both of your arms for this part. You can't feel one of your arms right now, but it'll still respond. I think two minutes will do the trick. Two minutes is all we need. Okay. Just waiting for the guest of honor now. He waited in the frigid morning for the last phase of his plan. One arm numb, the rest of him not far off. The only thing left was a little bit of luck. Oh, hello, gorgeous. Come on. Come on. You know that's why you came here. Prankward, pal. Hmm. Two minutes, life. The builder raised his new creation above his head. It was a massive lens. All night long, he had used his own hands to make a lens made entirely of the ice that was trying to kill him. The lens would gather the rays of the sun into a beam. And with enough time, the builder would make five from ice. Come on. Come on. Hold it steady. Ah. Fucking fire, baby. No. God, that smells like a chemical plant. But the heat is glorious. Fuck you. I made fire. God. You're still sucking in air, Lief. The builder fell into a deep sleep next to his fire made from ice. His dreams were strange dreams of warmth, an endless celebration by a crystalline ocean, an argument with a friend on a train, a warm body in a warm bed. That bright white sharp teeth in the darkness whisper. I love you. Oh! Oh! Hey there! Pretty great, right? Mmm, it's fire. It's one of the things that separates me from you! One of the many things. I, uh... I have no idea what your kind is called, so I'm just going to call you Jay Schmo. Okay? Ah! Oh! Fuck! Woo! Mr. Schmo, if you could remind me not to touch my left arm, I'd really appreciate it. Jesus Christ! I can't believe I lived! Barely! Sadly, uh... This isn't going to do it Jay. This is a... temporary situation. 30 kilometers. 30 kilometers inland. That's the next step. How am I going to pull that off? Whoooo! Sun's going down. If I don't have a plan by tomorrow, I'm dead. No any campfire songs? All through the night, the builder tried to convince himself that he didn't already know the plan. The plan came to him almost instantly as soon as he woke. All through the night, he tried to think of any other plan. Anything that could keep him from doing what he would have to do next. Nothing came. Whoooo! What? Oh, all this? Well, believe it or not, my blubbery friend. This is the plan. I have here in my arms several pieces of your frozen shit. I will... now... sit down by the fire... and take my boots off. Whoooo! You're right. It does sound crazy. But I'm afraid that's all we're left with. Take a moment and... warm my feet by the fire and then... I take my right boot and... fill it with frozen pieces of your... incredibly stinktastic shit. Mr. J. Schmo. I fill it all the way to the top of my boot. Now... I have... one boot full of shit. One empty boot. And two socks. I take two socks... and put them... on my right foot. And then I take the empty boot and put it... on my left foot. I lean the shit boot up against the fire... and I wait for it to thaw enough... that it catches on fire. I knew this guy back home. Lenny. Lenny Harris. Cool guy. I was packing up my stuff, heading off to Berkeley. I told him I would fix his bike for him. So of course... I added a motor to it because I can't fucking help myself. I'm finally going to get out of here, he said. Oh yeah? Where are you going Lenny? He said... Micronesia. Micronesia. What the hell for? They'll never find me there, he said. This is a 17 year old kid talking like he was on the run from the feds. You know, Lenny the problem with nobody being able to find you is... that nobody's able to find you. Should have taken my own advice. Here we go. I have turned my boot into a torch. The fire will burn at the top and slowly thaw the fuel underneath and then use that to keep burning. Should be enough heat to keep me from dying at least. Times of wasting. J. Schwamm, my friend. Enjoy the fight. Theoretically if you keep coming ashore and shitting on it, you can always have a fire up here. An eternal flame. A memorial. 30 kilometers. Peace cake. With a torch and only one boot on, the builder made his way across the land of ice. The wind was constant and relentless. Even when the sun was at its highest, it was as though it burned cold. It wasn't long into the journey that time became irrelevant. He could have been walking for minutes. He could have been walking for years. There was only one way he found to motivate himself. He thought of his death. If he were to die here, his body would never decompose and become part of the earth. He would be frozen, trapped forever. Wide, dead eyes gazing at the sun rise for eons until even the sun burned out. If he died, he would never be free. The emergency medical bed deployed. Diagnosis request. Format is scared. Conducting full scan, please remain still. Oh, shit! Dehydration level 4. Please remain still for electromagnetic injection. Triage report available. After left appendage and lower right extremity experiencing level 7 necrosis. Treatment recommendations. He was careful to only use his left hand. Do it. Administering anesthesia. Procedure will commence in two minutes. As he waited there for the machine to change his body forever. He heard an old familiar voice. So, losing your arm in the Justine Burbank system, huh? Sounds a little familiar to me. I'm aware. And watch yourself, Buster. Everybody loves the freewheeling old man. But all I was ever meant to be was a cautionary tale. I'm aware. With certain death narrowly avoided. The builder changed his focus as the chemicals seeped into his body. He thought of those that sent him here. His enemies. The ones that took his friends from him. The ones that condemned him to an icy death. As he thought of them, he issued a promise to the empty air. I'm going to kill every single fucking one of you. The builder had become the destroyer. As every builder does from time to time. The key is knowing when the destruction must stop. Sometimes, it never feels like enough. I'm going to kill every single one of you. Reviving patients in 5, 4, 3, 2. I'm going to kill every single one of you. Report. Recommend replacement of removed appendages with cybernetics or live grafts. Would you like me to connect you with local vendors? No. Deep reef regarding psychological trauma or PLP. No. Remember nearly all patients who have an amputation performed have some form of phantom pain or discomfort. Would you shut up, please? Deploying assistive device. Home sweet home. Yeah. Hello, Nancy. At least you won't have to walk out of here. Looks like she's in pretty good shape. One problem though. If my ship's here. Where am I? The builder stood over his own slain body. An echo of himself. Gunged down and left for dead. A sheen of ice covering his skin. So many of us are plagued by the road not taken. Few of us come face to face with it. Who do you think got it? Well, the tens would have captured you. A few different plasma burns on the rocks. Looks like some rim runners just got lucky. Cut you on a wears. So effective reminder that it could be worse. Yeah. Sorry, Lafe. Sorry, Lafe. Let's get the fuck out of here. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. Welcome to the selling wizard. What can I get you? Lafe? Brails above? I thought you're supposed to be dead. Surprise. You can't be here right now. I'm exactly where I want to be. Well, what do we have here, Bugaboo? Do my eyes deceive me, Battle Pope? We're looking at a dead man, Bugaboo. Or at least he looks like one, Battle Pope. Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Is there a shitty criminal's conference in town or something? What was I saying just the other day, Bugaboo? I believe you were saying, he wished we'd kill them, Battle Pope. And now here we are, Bugaboo. You know, they swore to us up and down, Battle Pope. You never trust the word of a rim runner, Bugaboo. So what's worse, Ley? Being dead? Or knowing you're about to be killed? Talking to you two is worse than both. What kind of idiot escapes getting deleted? And then walks into the unselling wizard like it's nothing, Bugaboo. Well, this kind of idiot, Battle Pope. Well, if you want something done, write Bugaboo. Guys, guys, guys, listen. I realize there's a bit of bad blood between the three of us, but trust me, I'm here to make amends. Is that right? Of course. Here. Take these. This is my way of saying I'm sorry. What the hell are these, Battle Pope? I'm just a quick... Oh. Oh, fuck. It's crazy, right? I hand them to people and they just take them. So trusting. Hey, guys. Long time no see. Let me guess. You thought I was dead? Right? Honestly, me too. So don't feel bad. Uh-oh. You know, I thought a couple of secret handshakes might not be enough for a situation like this. So, of course I made more. I'd like some credit for developing non-lethal technology in a hostile marketplace. Oh, shit. Hey, Brails above. What's that drink you make that I like so much? He, uh, a barbarian bloodbath? That's the one. I'll have one of those. You know, once upon a time, I wanted to be that guy who walks into a bar and everybody notices. But now that that's happened, I don't know. Not all it's cracked up to be. What happened to the guy who walked into a bar and he was like, I don't know. I don't know. What, what happened to the arm? Slipped on a banana peel. Uh, lafe. I'm just a pot and a, okay? Nobody's ever one thing, Brails above. Lafe, I swear. Just stop talking, Brails above. Now. You're going to walk me into the back and you're going to get me in to see the potion, Maestro. If you don't, I'll show you what else I have in this bag of mine. Who is it? You have a new patient. I don't have a patient on my schedule. It's, uh, it's urgent. I don't have a patient on my schedule. It's, uh, it's urgent. I don't have a patient on my schedule. It's urgent. Very well. This had better be an emergency. It is for me, but, you know, everything's relative. Lafe. Yeah, yeah, you thought I was dead. Do me a favor and don't make any sudden movements, Maestro. I've managed to go all day without killing anyone. Respect the streak. I saw your body. The image was locked. It couldn't have been faked. This is a missed opportunity on my part. I could make up a great story about how I avoided death, huge myth-making opportunity. How about this? There's infinite lafes out there. You can kill one of us, but another one's just going to show up to take his place. We're like fucking herpes. Pretty good, right? People love a good story. Like, the story you told me one time, about how 60% of your body is metallic. What did you just put on my wall? Don't worry. It's not a bomb. Ah! What? Are you doing? I've just magnetized you to the wall. If it's a metal to act like a magnet is much easier than you would think. What do you... WHAT? Do I have your undivided attention, Maestro? Yes? Great. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm missing one arm and one foot. I'm going to need you to look through your God-for-saken inventory and find me a replacement. Of course. Of course, no problem. I just got a shipment of Sherbert's 17-890s. You and I both know Sherbert's can be tracked. Okay, okay, no problem. Ugh. Maestro, this magnet's about to crush your pseudo skeleton. I think a little quicker if I were you. David Boyz! I got David Boyz 7-11s in the back! Fantastic. Can you turn off the magnet now, please? One more second. I'm attaching a bomb to your arm. Your real arm. Not the one you can remove. I'm going to set the timer for two hours. So if I'm not awake with my new arm in two hours, then Bippity-Boppity Boom! They're going to be cleaning your guts and parts off this room for weeks. Not that you do a lot of cleaning around here. Are we clear? Yes! Okay. I look forward to working with you. We're never truly done with the darkness in us. You can come to terms with it, hide it away, even send it into a lifelong slumber. But it's never eliminated. The darkness never leaves you. And at times when you're backed against a wall by your circumstances, you can reach deep down into yourself and rouse it back to life. You can use the darkness within you to survive. But there's a trick to it. If you use the darkness, the darkness may use you. You may never get control again if you let it out. Seems like changes to the laser torch isn't a priority right now. I don't know what universe I'm in. I need to do a CNB scan and I don't want to spend time making another interferometer. So we are parked on the outskirts of the Harbinger Pulsar, where there are a group of decommissioned mirror satellites. I use the laser on the mirrors and bounce the signal back to me. I use the interference to make the CNB map. Nice. Doing it in space cuts out the atmospheric interference. So you figure out where you are in the multiverse and then what? I don't know. The figure getting my bearings was the next step after getting all my appendages back. How's the new arm? It's a piece of shit, but it'll do. What was yours again? A noble barrel, but I made some changes. Okay, we're good. We'll give that a few minutes. In the meantime, let's see what dead lafe has left us with. Pack of Skrysels. Leopard Donuts Jesus. I was not taking care of myself. An errant popsicle stick. Thanks, dead lafe. Hey. Now we're talking. Ladeless drones. Silent, but deadly. These will come in handy. Let's get these charged up. Here we go. Holy shit. I'm still in the same universe. And it changed universes. I'm still where I was when I shot myself. I'm in Crocs universe. Still where you were? Yeah. Only several years in the past and two and a half million light years away. Hey, could be farther. Distance like that. You might as well be nine universes to the left. Maybe. I know you hate this kid. What are you talking about? That mind of ours. How it acts in times like this. Most people, when they hit the skids, they've got to practice a healthy dose of acceptance. There's only so much you can do about the situation that you're in. Your mind, on the other hand, it gives you a few more options than the average bear. What's wrong with that? The options that your brain gives you in times like these are pretty fucking dark, buster. You're thinking about building it again. You promised you wouldn't. What do you want me to do? Wave a white flag? You've got more options than waving a white flag. This isn't Clementine. This isn't going to be solved with a heartfelt talking to you. Don't do it, life. I'm several years and several million light years away. Can you think of another option? You can think of another option. Yeah. Well, I just lost an arm, a foot, and my friends. I'm exploring any option I can, right? This wasn't glorious plan. It wasn't a plan. It was a panic button. Building a weapon and using it against the bad guys, that's a plan. Kid, you promised you'd never make it. What if we can't stop it? What if we can't stop him because nobody's willing to make a tough call? I'm not here to be Einstein to your open,heimer, buster. Well, why the hell are you here? I'm not, life. It's just you. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Hey, Han. Yeah? I found that missing harvest, right? Uh-oh. How's it doing? So, trying its best, but its best is not enough. Be sure and give it high marks for effort. Uh, you need to stop treating the droids like there are children. But they're trying so hard, honey. Well, I'm about to take this child of ours into my workshop and take it apart piece by piece. How do you feel about that? Yeah, the analogy kind of breaks down at that point, doesn't it? It does! How are you guys doing up there? She still hates the new visor. Does she understand that her only other option is blindness? She does. That doesn't keep her from complaining about it. Has she tried to make you a deal yet? Of course she has. She says she'll double her chores if she can wear her old visor. Her old visor doesn't even fit her. She doesn't seem to care. Ooh, suddenly repairing this droid all afternoon doesn't sound so bad. She's a menace, this daughter of yours. Okay, why is she called my daughter when she's being a menace? You're the scientist. Do the math. You're the most powerful scientist. Doesn't feel like it right now. I promise tomorrow I'll let you do robot repair all day long while I negotiate with the menace. Thank you. Huh? Yeah? Have you seen any weird drones lately? Weird how? Weird like you've never seen them before. No. Is our neighbor being weird again? Maybe. Whoa. Huh? Whoa. Oh, what the hell? Hello? Hello? Sorry about the drones. It's my first time on this planet. I don't know where I'm going. No problem. Can I point you in the right direction? Um... Town? Town? You're on a colony candidate right now. You're not going to find a lot of towns. Oh yeah? Yeah, if you're looking for a town you may want to wait to... ...generation or two? Okay. Sorry to trouble you. Excuse me. Are you an Earthling? Oh, uh... Yeah, I am. Right? I've never met an Earthling before. How did you get all the way out of here? Long story. Where am I? You're on D'Arielle. It's a colony candidate in the edge of Triangulum. Okay. Just uh... Doing some sightseeing? Uh... I'm actually trying to finish a game of Zomcom. Zomcom? Yeah. I started one with a friend a while back and then we lost touch. Is that you side my shovel? Do you pull her cap? Surprise. You're an Earthling? I am. How the hell did you find me? Chat threads on Tangle Games are not nearly as anonymous as you think they are. Huh. It's really you. It's really me. What happened to you? It's been ages. I got a little sidetracked. You know. Life stuff. And you just decided to show up at my farm all of a sudden? Are you still working on it? I am. You? Yeah. In fact, I think I solved one of our biggest problems. That's why I'm here in person, actually. Anything from this point on shouldn't have a text thread attached to it. Wow, you're serious? Yeah. All right. An Earthling? An Earthling? Ugh. Well, it's nice to finally meet you. You too. You better come inside. Good morning, colonists. Here's the weather report for Colony Canada 1.2-12. Region 118. Light wind will continue throughout the day with a 13% chance of precipitation in the next three days. You are projected 57 days from optimal conditions. As always, please report any deviations from standard predictions to your Colony Canada 1.2-12. I'll see you in the next one. Have a wonderful day. Turwin? Turwin, come eat food, please. I'm not hungry. Sure you are. I'm not. Sweetie, a hunger strike is not going to get me to change my mind about the visor. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay? Hello? Aren't you supposed to be fixing a robot? You're not going to believe this, but we've got company. Company? Yes. You mean I'm actually going to have a conversation with someone who's not my husband or my daughter? Can you believe it? Hello there. Hey, this is... Holy shit, I don't know your real name. Right, I don't know yours either. I'm Jeremy. Jeremy Imsen, I'm Harness. This is Cat Cat. I... Wait. What's going on? Honey, this is... This is two polar cats. Holy shit, really? Yes! How the hell did you find us? It's okay if she knows everything. Me and your husband were comparing notes back and forth on the chat thread for a private game of ZomCon. Right. It's a cheap and dirty way to have a private conversation through a comms node, but it gets to a point when you've got to take the next step. I see. And this is the next step. It is. You're an Earthling? I am. So... I know. You're telling me that you and my husband are on the brink of a scientific breakthrough? I think so. Yes. And you're an Earthling. We're not known for our scientific breakthroughs. You're not. I'm a bit of an outlier. In... Several ways. In several ways. I told you you could be tracked through those games. I know you did. We could have had someone much worse than Jeremy showing up at our door. I know that now. Who's out there? Turwin, we've got... company! Why don't you come out of your room? Who is it? I'm not having a conversation through a... Give me a hint. That's our daughter, Turwin. She's going to be the president of something one day, but right now she's just a pain in the ass. Hello there. Hello, I'm Turwin. Hey. I'm Jeremy. It's nice to meet you. Jeremy. Jeremy, don't you agree that this visor I'm wearing is too big for my face? It makes me look ridiculous. I'm sure you'll grow into it. But, Jeremy. Don't you agree? It makes more sense for me to wear my adolescent visor, which fits me much better. I think you should probably do whatever your mom says, Turwin. I'm going to need a better answer than that. Jeremy. Okay. How about the fact that you appear to be a crimson nixite? And if you don't wear that visor, you'll be blind. I'm granted. But I offer a counterpoint. How old are you? I'm a bad less than visor. It fits me much better. Why should I be forced to wear the visor? I don't like. Because your parents told you to. I see. So, where to be enemies? You and I. Wow. Turwin, don't drag Jeremy into your personal crusades, please. I look like I'm wearing a spacecraft on my face, Dad. You don't look like that at all. Jeremy. You're an Earthling. Yep. How did you get here? It's a very long story. Really? Well, you're in luck, Jeremy. Why is that? Because when my parents informed me that I was going to have to wear a visor on my face that was roughly the size of a planetoid, they also told me that I was now going to be spoken to like an adult in the house. Mom, can you confirm that, please? I did say that, yes. Okay, then. Let's hear it, Jeremy. Actually, Winnie. I think we all want to hear this story. How about we set up the table for all of us and Jeremy can tell us a story? Okay. Honest, can you put some music on, please? Hell yeah. Anyways, so there we were at the top of the mind with a cadre of Ted's waiting for us. They said what we created was too much, too soon for the human race, and that they would like to make us all a deal. A deal? Yeah. In exchange for what? In exchange for pretending like we didn't discover something. Get the fuck out of here. No, it's true. What did you discover? Dark matter. Earthlings haven't discovered dark matter? This Earthling did. But they wanted you to keep it a secret. They did. And you just said, okay. I mean, it was a long time ago. I was a kid and suddenly I'm confronted by not just an alien race, but confirmation that there were aliens to begin with. A discovery like that would have transformed your planet. What did have? An unlimited energy source for a planet that's still primarily run by hydrocarbons? Of course it would have. Has it changed anything out here? It's not like once you leave Earth, there's suddenly no crime or poverty or injustice, right? The Ted still exists. There's still pirates. The Iron Quadrant is still poor. The original coalition is still rich. I guess I've never seen technology change people. People change or they don't. Whether they're holding a tangle or a club. Can I get a tangle? No. How long have the Ted's been doing things like this? The Ted's messing with Earth is one of the worst kept secrets in the Triad. Yeah, I don't think it would come as a surprise to anyone. Do they do this with other planets? Just us. That's curious. It is a little curious. But another Earthly Night Met out here was this Australian guy. Australia is a part of Earth. Yeah, kangaroos. That's right. That's where kangaroos are. He had this theory that's always stuck in my head. He said that if any group has cultural power, there will be a concerted effort to keep them away from political power. Because a combination of political power and cultural power would be unstoppable. What are we listening to right now? It's Mozart. Right. A piece of music written hundreds of years ago on my planet is being played light years away. If that's not cultural dominance, I don't know what is. We're speaking English right now from my planet. Because everyone loves our movies and TV and books. If you somehow added technology and some political power to that, the Ted's would be cooked. So they try and keep us as dumb as they can. Turwin, how am I doing? Do you feel like I'm talking to you like an adult? What happened to your arm? Winnie! No, it's fine. I was working in core design for a while. One of the drives became unstable and there was an explosion. Did it hurt? Mercifully, I don't remember it happening. I just woke up and post-op. What does it feel like now? It takes some getting used to. It's better than having no arm, but it's no replacement for the real thing. If I poke you, will you feel it? Kind of. Okay. We're bombarding Jeremy questions. Jeremy, it's your turn. Well, honest, you're from Sepsu, I'm assuming. That's right. Sepsu, see how you cat-cat? You're from Sidious, obviously. And you, with the brand new visor, you're a crimson nixie. I am. One family. Three races. What's going on there? There's an adoption lottery on my planet for couples who aren't genetically compatible. That's how we got Turwin. Nobody wants kids from my planet, but they adopted me anyway. Turwin, don't say things like that. It's true, Jeremy. Nobody wants to deal with a kid who has to wear a red visor everywhere. Frankly, I know how they feel right now. Where do you hear these things? One of my study partners told me. Well, your study partner is an idiot. You can't say that about other kids, Dad. Sure I can. Call him right now, I'll tell him to his face. I can't call him. I don't have a tangle. I have a friend from Nix. She's one of the smartest people I've ever met. Really? Yes. Her name's LaBouza. She's a flaxie and Nixie, and she's a friggin genius. You should tell your friend. Uh-oh. Lunch break is over. Back to school. You can't call it school if it's just my room. It's the closest thing we've got here in the C.C.'s. Kitto, get in there. How long are you staying, Jeremy? I'm not sure yet. Well, it would be rude of you to leave without saying goodbye. I'll be sure and say goodbye then. Thank you. Mom, I'm about to be laughed at by other children because I'm wearing a grain silo on my face. How do you feel about that? I'd feel worse about it if I didn't know you were exaggerating for a fact. Goodbye. See you at dinner. She's great. I feel like, honest, and I are doing a great job, but she has the distinct ability to make it feel like we're constantly failing her. Take it from me. You guys are doing great. I wanted to leave home so bad I left the planet and the galaxy. Yeah. How does that work exactly? You can't really tell mom and dad you've gone to space, right? For me, it wasn't much of an issue. Some people on Earth decide to leave society behind and go live in the woods. My parents were those people. My dad hates technology, and my mother is literally allergic to it. So it's not like I'd be able to call them. Lastly, heard from me, I was on a research station on the other side of the planet. Wait, humans can be allergic to technology? No, actually. Some of them think that electromagnetic fields make them sick. There's no proof that's true, but that doesn't stop some earthlings from feeling that way. But you're an engineer. Yeah. So the things you would make made your mom sick? Yeah, it wasn't great. That on top of having a dad who was a pretty big asshole made leaving pretty easy. So like I said, you guys are doing a great job. Okay, well, onto other business. I'm going to open up a bottle of festin' lye. Oh, really? What's the special occasion? We're all going to have a glass, and you two are going to tell me what the fuck is going on. I see. I hope I haven't gotten anyone in trouble. You haven't. I'll be the judge of that. Okay. Why don't you tell me what you know, and I'll fill in the rest. Okay. So I know that we had to leave the Coalition Planets behind so that Hanna could continue his research. I know that he had an anonymous little helper that up and vanished a while back. I now know that that anonymous little helper is somehow an earthling. And you know what his research is about? I'm assuming. She knows. Now, when we first started seeing each other and he finally confessed to me that his pet project was a Doomsday device, I strongly questioned my taste in potential partners. Understandable. But then he finally convinced me that he was researching it so that he could prevent it from ever being built. Well, the idea was if we can come up with a viable model for this Doomsday device, it meant someone else could too, which would mean someone needs to come up with a way to defend against it. Our own plan is what nothing to do with this research, which is why we had to leave so I could keep working. What else would you like to know? This is actually when she decides she doesn't want to hear any more about it, which I get. He told me you had a cute little name for this thing. A cow catcher. Uh-huh. How does it work? You're sure you want to know this cap? Sweetie Jeremy hasn't shown up because he's on vacation. You had a breakthrough? I'm assuming? Yeah, I have. So, how does it work? Okay. Imagine a missile that travels faster than the speed of light. If you're traveling faster than light, one of the many potential problems is photon collection. We now travel faster than photons, which means some of them may collect on your hull. A cow catcher is designed to collect as many photons as possible as it travels faster than light. When a cow catcher arrives at its target, it doesn't blow up or anything. It just stops. And every single photon that's collected is suddenly released at the speed of light. If you've traveled faster than the speed of light for long enough, when a cow catcher stops, could potentially release enough energy to obliterate an entire solar system? Fuck. Yeah. It's like dropping a supernova in your enemy's backyard. Feeling pretty justified and not asking about your work, honey. I know. I'm sorry. So. Mmm. What's the verdict? Am I going to be staying up night to afraid that we are suddenly going to be atomized? I was hoping at some point your husband and I could compare notes so we could see how much sleep you have to lose. Oh, well. I'm glad I started drinking early. So here's the visualization of the warp bubble. As you can see in front of the bubble, space time contracts and at the back of the bubble it expands. The weapon technically stays still while the warp bubble it's contained in travels faster than light. The most unexpected thing I found is that assuming the power source is consistent, acceleration can be infinite. Really? So not only would this theoretically go faster than light, it can go several times faster. Nice. As you might be able to tell, I just took the basic ideas from an inertial dampener and I kept expanding the idea. It was way too unruly at first, but if I modify the bubble geometry to make the walls of the bubble thicker, it gets much more stable. Okay. There it is. Yeah. It's possible for sure. And I think with this new bubble construction, it will require a lot less power, but it will still need a very powerful engine, something more powerful than anything out there. And that's where I come in. How have things been going on your end? Hang on. Let me connect to my ship's drive. Can you imagine if the Ted's got a hold of something like this? They could end a rebellion at the drop of a hat with one of these. That could. But the Ted's are just as dependent on the triad as we are on them. They start blowing up star systems and they're ending their lifeline of natural resources. Also, they religiously ban any research on faster than light travel since it would be a direct competitor to their warp kits. I don't worry about the Ted's. I worry about bad actors. I worry about pirates, terrorists. Then past that, I worry about proliferation. Suddenly, we're living in a world where three galaxies all have a gun pointed at each other. Okay. This is Uncle Rogue. It's a dark matter engine. A dark matter engine isn't the kind of power signature that we're looking for, but if I keep the basic idea intact but flip it on its head, it can harvest dark energy instead of dark matter. So the fuel source has negative energy density. Exactly. So I've got my simulation now plugged into your simulation. Let's see what happens. Holy shit. It works. Hammer of the fucking gods. How fast is it going? 1.3 times the speed of light. But watch what happens when I speed up the timeline. 1.4. 1.5, it's getting faster. Just like you said. Looks like forgive the Earth metric. But after traveling for a year, it'll be going 5.7 times faster than the speed of light. And it'll just keep going. Until it hits its target. This is amazing. Yes, it's also very bad. Also that. Oh, this is a very strange feeling. Because it's an amazing breakthrough and also the most destructive weapon ever created. Yes, this may help. Okay. I've zoomed out on the simulation. Look at the energy wake. It's emitting something. Yeah. It's emitting waves forward. It is. How can it send anything forward when it's going faster than anything in the universe? Those are gravity waves. And because of the gravitational distortion, it's sending gravity waves forward in time. That's right. If you can keep an eye out for this very specific frequency of gravity waves, you can detect this thing before it's even launched. I know I've studied this my entire life, but physics is so fucked up, man. Right? So yes, this is the most dangerous weapon ever created, but it's got an early warning system built into it. Yes, which, look, it would be great if it didn't work at all. But at least you can see it coming. If you can see it coming, you can figure out how to stop it. But only if people know about it. We need to tell someone, yes. Even making this simulation is highly illegal. Who do we tell? There's someone on Sidious you can talk to. Her name's Wayla. She's the mom of a friend of mine. She'll know what to do. Okay. There's something we have to do first. What? Get real drunk. Fuck yeah, we do. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. Engine's on. Flight path calculation parameters. Quadrant search for unstable unicorn. Hi. Oh shit. Hey, Terwin. I said leaving without saying goodbye would be very rude. You did say that? I'm sorry. Where are you going? I've got some work to do. What kind of work? I'm a freelance engineer, so I go where the work is. Your work is on an unstable unicorn. Ah. Kind of. What I'm doing is called a build order. I'm making something from the ground up, so it's nice to have enough space. I have a tendency to settle down on an unstable unicorn for a while and do most of the work there. No distractions. No danger of studying the neighbor's house on fire. What are you building? Nothing too exciting. Water harvester for a dry planet. Okay. So it's just you and your folks out here, huh? Yeah. You don't get to hang out with kids your age? School is just a monitor screen for me. Once a month we all take a field trip together. Well, that must be fun. Kids my age are pretty annoying. Okay. But they're fine. How did you know you wanted to be an engineer? I couldn't help myself really. Even when I was younger than you, I kept making stuff, taking stuff apart, putting it back together. How about you? What do you want to be? I don't know. Is it true that everyone on my planet is a lawyer? Nicks? On the crimson side of the planet, sure. Lawyers, deal makers. Usually if there's a deal to be made in the triad, there's a crimson nicksite involved somehow. But not on the other side? No. On the flaxie inside you'll get a lot of astronomers and musicians. Okay. I don't think I want to do any of that. That's fine. And I don't know how to figure out what to do with my life. Are you asking me for life advice, Tarwin? I don't talk to a lot of other adults, other than my parents. I'm taking advantage of the situation. I see. Anytime now, you're going to do something. And for some inexplicable reason, you're going to be better at it than the other kids. Listen to those moments. That's pretty vague. Sorry. Crap, don't tell my mom. What? Oh. Hey. Hey. Judging by how drunk Honest was when he went to sleep, the two of you had a pretty big night. Yeah. Yeah, we did. Really? Really? I'm going to have a drink. Okay. You? No, I'm good. You know, two guys coming up with a working model for a doomsday device does not seem like a good reason to do some heavy drinking. Or maybe it does, depending on your perspective. I'm sure it seems pretty weird, but it was a serious breakthrough. So he's going to be able to go to Sidious and show them this doomsday device. And they'll start to take it seriously? Absolutely. It can really destroy an entire solar system? Yeah. Yeah, it can. I'm a scientist, too, you know? Oh, yeah. Not as fancy as a theoretical physicist. I think Irflings call me a limb-knowledgeist. I'm not familiar. Lakes and rivers, freshwater systems. That's cool. You know what? Jeremy, it is cool. Thank you for saying so. I convinced Honest that we should come out here to the colony candidate so that I could study the freshwater systems of all these untouched planets. But really, things were getting a little scary in the triad. Have you noticed that? Sure. I wanted to get away from it all. Go somewhere where I didn't have to worry about inner system politics or the Ted's or... Doomsday machines? Yes. I really do mean it when I call this good news. Sidious is an amazing place and it's an amazing example to other planets. But they've got to get their heads out of the sand on this. They're... they're heads out of the sand? Sorry, it's an earth thing. There's this bird called an ostrich. Never mind. It's not enough for Sidious to just take care of its own business. It's got to take the lead on things like this. I know. I know where you're coming from. The desire to escape is something I'm very familiar with. But it always comes for you. In the end, there's no safe place. And on that tranquil note, I'm off to bed. Sorry. It's okay. I understand where you're coming from, Jeremy. I'm glad you showed up. He was starting to consider taking farming more seriously. Gross. Right? Thanks for not saying anything. So you get spoken to like an adult, but you still have a mandatory bedtime. It's a little contradictory around here, Jeremy. Okay. You lied to us earlier. I did. You said that you knew someone from my planet named Labusa. That's right. I don't remember my planet, so I read about it sometimes. No one is allowed to be named that on my planet. It's a sacred name. Really? A long time ago, there was someone named Labusa on my planet. She's famous for being the daughter of this like warlord guy. So unless you were alive a long time ago, you were lying to us. Sorry. I must have heard the name somewhere and I guess I was trying to make you feel better. You don't have to do that. Okay. I hate this visor, Jeremy. Really? I hadn't heard. I'm the only kid in my class that has one. That doesn't make you feel cool? Do I look cool to you? Kind of. I look like a raxian riot cop. I'll tell you what. I can make that visor cool real quick, but you can't tell your parents. How? Can you give it to me? Okay. Thank you. What are you doing? Don't panic. But the sound you're about to hear is the sound of me cracking open the data center for your visor. I don't think you're supposed to do that. I'm definitely not. Hang on. See, they wanted to sell visors with upgrades on them. But they found it was cheaper to sell everyone the same visor with the upgrades locked away. And you can pay to have them unlocked. Upgrades? There we go. Okay. Put it back on. Okay. It looks the same. So, that button on the side that doesn't do anything? Give it a try. Whoa. That's a low light filter. It looks like it's the middle of the day. I know. That is cool. What did I tell you? Press it again. Okay. What is this? That's the Ranger setting. It'll give you a compass, sunrise sunset, topographical map in the corner. Okay. Can I see through walls? Kind of. Press it again. You're a big red blob. Thermal imaging. Hmm. Look at the wall. There are two more red blobs. That's your parents sleeping in the next room. Whoa. This is amazing. See? I'm going to use this all the time. Good. Just don't get me in trouble. Look at them. I can see them sleeping through the wall. You're always going to know where they are. And they're really going to hate that. My parents are now a couple of blobs. Did you know your parents? My parents? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I did. I do. Do you still talk to them? No, it's a... It's a little hard to stay in contact when I'm out here. Do you think they miss you? I think my mom probably does. My dad. Hmm. That's a little more complicated. Are you glad you knew them? Yeah. I am. Family is a funny word, turwin. Why is it a funny word? Family is the word you use for the people that give birth to you and who were born with you. That's how most people use the word. And then... One day you find yourself thrown together with a bunch of people you didn't choose and didn't choose you. And after a while, you turn around one day and you realize this collection of strangers you've stumbled into. But if anyone tried to hurt them or take them away from you, that you'd burn the whole world down to stop them. But you're not supposed to call them family. What do you call them? Well, there's not a word for it in my language. Your dad had a big day today, turwin. You should be proud of him. They're proud of you too. How do you know that? Because I know what it looks like when parents are disappointed. Erslings are interesting. Thanks. I wish you didn't have to go. Me too. But there's something I have to do. Okay. Can I tell my parents about the visor? Yes, but you have to wait until I'm gone. Okay. Goodbye, Jeremy. Goodbye. Begin pre-flight. Let's get out of here. It would take a full turn around a star, but the builder would finally make his weapon. A weapon that used dark ideas to harness dark forces. The builder faced a cursed god, and the weapon he would use to defeat him would be equally cursed. The ones he loved would find it abhorrent, but the ones he loved were nowhere to be found. The builder was alone. And when we are alone, we go to the darkest places. Status. Fuel enrichment at 95%. Alert me at 100%. Works almost done, old man. It's mounted on the hull, and it'll be ready to launch any minute now. Fine. Hello, this is Harness Illmozakia. You've reached my combs node. I'm currently residing in the Sidious Colony candidates, and these messages may take a while to reach me. Please be patient. Hey, Harness. I imagine after I disappeared on you, you got real worried I had some nefarious purposes. I wanted to leave you this message to let you know that I don't have any dark designs. Okay? Playing this out in my head, you probably approach Sidious with our design, and they probably had a nice big Sidgian freak out. If there was one particular Sidgian involved in the conversation, it may have been revealed who it really was that visited your house a while back. So my name is Lafe. If you check the Ted's Top 10 most wanted list, actually you won't find me there because they think I'm dead. I am dead. But also not. It's complicated. Full disclosure, Harness. I built it. There is currently a fully operational cow catcher attached to the hull of my ship right now, and it's almost a full fuel enrichment. And yes, I am going to fire it. But my target isn't in the triad. It's much farther away. It's headed toward Criptesia. A place called the Egg. Ask a pirate. They'll tell you all about it. I'll launch it in just a few minutes. It will travel up out of the system and head towards Criptesia. It'll reach the speed of light within the first day of travel. After that, it will increase its speed for years. By my estimation, it'll take about six and a half earth years to get there. By the time it reaches its target, it will be going faster than maybe anything in the universe has ever traveled. Pretty amazing accomplishment. Too bad it's a weapon. I'm not going to attempt to tell you why I'm doing this. You're going to have to trust me. Yes, I realize how laughable that is. You've got a great family, Harness. I'm trying to protect them. Full enrichment at 100%. OK. Showtime. Launch beginning launch sequence. Each shit crock. Launch successful. I'm going to drink myself to sleep. Center proximity alarm at 0.5 parsecs. His creation unleashed the builder dwelt in darkness now. There is comfort there in the darkest places. Despite the absence of light, we know our dark place as well. They are with us always, tempting us away from the sunrise, away from the laughter, away from what could be. Jesus Christ, what? I identify ship in proximity boundary. Great. Nice work. I'm going back to sleep. What the fuck is that? Full range scan for vessels. Full range scan. No vessel detected. Then what is that sound? Bring up external cameras. Nothing. The fuck is that sound? I don't recognize that sound. Felt plasma from thrusters 2 and 4. Fencing plasma. What the fuck? How do you lose the arm? Honestly, he hasn't been coherent since the gate shock said in. He doesn't get gate shock. That doesn't make any sense. Gate shock is the only term I have for what he's going through. I don't really know what's happened to him. His foot too. But it's curious I have no idea where they came from. I can't identify the manufacturer or the technology. They're more elegant than anything available in the triad. Could he have made it himself? That's all. He always had an aversion to biological interfaces. Rough crossing. How did I get here? Sit down. A long time ago, I got a message from you. At least, I think it was you. You told me about a nice quiet place on a mountain, and I thought to myself, this is not the man I knew. Who is this person? I ignored it first. I'm not sure what to do. My life is complicated. I don't have time for mystery. I get on with things. It sits there in my inbox for a very long time. One day, news breaks across the triad, something called Midnight Burger, Chris crossing the triad, riling up the locals, and there you are. This is also not the man I knew. It wasn't the man in the message. It wasn't the man that you know. So, who the fuck am I talking to right now? It's me. I know it's you, idiot, but who are you? I can't stay on earth. That'll just make it worse. I'll get out of here and hitch a ride somehow. I didn't come here on purpose. Earth, huh? Yes. What? Come outside. Why? Get up and come outside. What are we doing? You remember that sexy thing you used to do where you'd look up the sky and you could tell exactly where you were just by looking at the stars? No instruments or anything, just that for any years. Remember that? I guess. Look up. What? What the fuck? Where the fuck am I? Welcome to the horizon. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. I'm going to the sea. Are we listening to nothing? Are you listening to that music again? No. We're forbidden from listening to sweary and singing. I wasn't listening to swear dancing. Anything on the scans? No. Not yet. The pole is the ship disappearing this nebula. It has to be somewhere. Maybe we're in the wrong nebula. Is it the Kylo Ren Nebula? It's the Kylo Ren Nebula. Then we're in the right nebula. It just looks like purple mist everywhere. We'll find you. Our sensors don't work very well here. Then let's go home and tell them we gave up. What'd you like to do there? I'm just saying it's going to take a long time. Then it takes a long time. These are our orders. Okay. Fine. We're going to listen to sweary dancing. Yes. You're going to get his pole sent back to process me. I can't help it. You can't help it. You want to hear it? Okay. Put it on. Okay. Turn it off. There. I can see it. There's our missing ship. Hailey. Arms are working. It looks like it's drifting. Get closer. Okay. It's definitely drifting. What do you think happened to them? Is that... Is something written on the side of the hole? Right here. Zoom in. Okay. Your dog hates their clothes. What does that even mean? What is that? We're being bored. Some went out on the sea in ships. Bay were merchants on the mighty waters. Bay saw the works of the Lord. His wonderful deeds in the deep. We need to get to the armory. What was that? Oh no. Evening Jents. How about I give you all a half a minute to repit your sins? Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure to tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide royale you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters Wilson, Billy, Bert Bert, Bethany, Second Bethany. Cowboy and Sasquatch hunt Bethany's. Bethany the Lone Star edition. Joji the Bert Watcher disguised as a Bethany. Aunt Buffy and her uncle Denzo have agreed to help de-escalate the Bethany crisis. Bailey Bethany Burr, the Bethany of Bethany's. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey spit. Anomalous Bethany. I pushed her. Bethany that is. Bethany in a random place. Son Lohawk has brought Laguteen to assist the Bethany's in their survival war. Viva la la revolution. Bethany II, Electric Bougaloo. Wandering Bethany Biscuit. Jalen Lenerys, Secretly in Enbi Bethany. Wilbur Winklewright, Ristwatch Wrangler of West Wustesher. Bamboo zled by the Bigillions of Bustling, Bethany's, Bethany's. Beligerently blocking the sight of the devious Red Nell. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright. Ristwatch Wrangler of West Wustesher. Bethany, hold the Beth. Bethany has banana breath. Risi Ponte still won't choose sides in the Bethany Wars. Aris, Goddess of Bethany's. Oopshnark the probability demolition expert will now perform his new spoken word jazz opera, a baffling biography of the brilliant battles of the bold and belligerent Bethany's. Alphonse Superson, Knight of the Order of Bethany's. But Bethany, I made biscuits. Green Mountain Hermit might be allergic to Bethany's stew. Arnold Rumsbringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Whom what when, where, why, and Billy Rose would like to be? Rose would like to be at the beginning to say hello to all the Bethany's no matter the disputes. Billy Rose stole my Bethany's. Byro the mother vug and dragon is willing to solve the Bethany crisis with Yatzi. The Julius Bohannant Foundation, the coalition of patrons named Bethany, and contributions to your Ted Station from viewers like you. Glorbnar 7. Now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Hicks Bethany mates. Still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with the Quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. I'm Ava's evil twin sister Bethany. Bethany the 23rd stares their spring brew with an errant popsicle stick. My hot wife Bethany calls this show space burger all the time. Tibbled the Bethany. There are only 105 MB fan fiction and no Bethany. Dr. D. Bertbert Law and D. Bertbert Duway have joined the peacekeeping force and believe peace in the Bethany conflict is possible. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the horrendous, secret co-conspirator behind the long ongoing Bethany War. If war is your game, Bethany is your name. Bethany wandering in a green field. My milkshake brings all the Bethanese to the diner. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Wufy McFluffenberger, MD-PhD-Squire did not get the memo about our new policy for 128 character usernames. Please contact our office doctor. Chase and her army of turtles joined the Bethany War. CJ's Big Barbecue Beastro for Bethany's. In-Be Bethany's cut your car in half with the laser saw. Zachary DeFail, Kevin Wylin's, Marlon C. Rene Paris, Aurora Blue, Cherish Hellfire, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, the Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Dave Sadler, Alary Hamilton, Max and Nia and Ivonne's Mark. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, misty dawn Mitchell Jr., Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon writer. We will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free. Kaylee Heights, Radio Ghoul, Nissie's Mom, Hokies Blort, Joseph J. Pierce, Zeffer Vitriol, Altrian, Riley Flynn, Spayrials, William Lemoine, Jen and Brit. Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is gay, the Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair, unpaid intern that can barely afford the $10 a month but fuck it you guys earned it. Crushable Hale 53, Joey B, Dustin Watson, Nat Berskin and the Cosmic Power, the only Ragnacon, Mistress Roxy Mornet, Avalon, it's just Tyson now. Andrea Owens, the Tooth Fairy, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn Podcast lawyer, Chris Hytry, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Hobbs Deco, Ashton James, Alex the Eldritch Escort and the trio of Space Hookers, Sly Fox, Nicole 23, Nicolette Williams, Patricia who's always late but somehow on time. DC Squirrel, Ryan, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gayle Friend, Dan Remus, Clover the Clown, Prop the Croca Gator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cride Fricken, Renee N, Sleep is for Wimps, Catherine Beach, Isaiah Garcia, RIP, Eloise Waffles, the Fluff Wrangler, Ockie the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TTRPG Dice, K8 is Curiouser, Moxie, Lil'Burge, and her beaches, Jason H. Vaktech for the diner's deep freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow the first of his name, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr Foxworth, Ted Ted and Teddy, Maryface Aviation, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl the Interdimensional Space and T-Time Witch, Ashley Brown, the Cashier at the Time Spanning Interdimensional Aldi, Banjo Buskello, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Fistiva, Brandon Wright, Imdus Boot, this is for you, Mark Scott, Rosie Mom, Sloth, Glitter Morales, Big Willow the Replacement Proctologist for the Justine Burbank System, Max Powers, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Steven Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, the Great Goblin O, Low Oxygen, Michelle Hopper, Nye, Lilac Marchella, the pressure to come up with a clever username has kept me from subscribing for too long, so fuck it! Your Majest, Stealth, Temporal Hasbro, Diane Brown, Mags, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley Piece, Snaught Grass III, The Shreveport Bohannins, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch, Din, Mal, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogest and Huss Fest, Ashley Davis, Mousy, Leaf is a silly goo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo officially extra judicially municipality of trying to make Joe run out of breath or flub his words Marco Montano, shiny fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, All-Ainus Morissette, Dana Fluffer, Pulse-Afer, The Paulist of Paulism, Spencer F, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, The Sorcerer Sanguin and the pretty one with the face, Bex 823, Ante-Cripted, Barry Heep, Gasmask Penguin, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Uguay, Barry, Dilly is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, futile screaming at the ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Karoney, Peter Vomisdom, Penny Sparkles, Slider, Dmitry, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emile, The Gast Library Janitor in Indiana, Life Sharts Waffles Now, Physic the Good Bush, Scout Mistress and her fail-anks of intergalactic eagle scouts, Ted Talks, Ted Talks at Noon Day Burger, Vapus Tens Big Black Gaping Hole, Gubrius, Bruce, Jessica Gaiogama, Scott Dickinson, Torekul, Ginny the Bear, Gurgh, Delringer, Ser Dean Thorn, Treetch, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Hoat Potato, Dr. Mojo Tinker Gastalt, I Skip Leg Days, Shane Burke, L.A. Woman in PDX, The Secret Recipe, Dorothy Graves, Miss Luan, A British Woman with Cute Dogs, Cup of Noodles, Is, Killjoy and Lovebug, Nicholas Griffith, Mark Jackson, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smallen, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, The Name's Night with K, Astral Sea, Ikelmi Pickle Me, Tickle Me 2, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Bagel Knife, In Melda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Oathheimer, Nate, Forklift, Lyfts Forks for Cliff, Vince M, Brick Brick, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Amanda Naskarella, Violin Loves Bitty, Joanna Banks, Brian Pasley, Sue Bassa, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Retro Dagwood, Josh from Accounting, Sat Summa, Siliest Goose, ICX, Shane, Cassad, Norwin Mergler, The Starset Messages, The passengers want to know how that vanilla flavor is treating you. Gupertin, Weebie Chopin, Brocka Leie, Kyle, The Hacker Known as Ivy DeBurb, Edward McDonald, A Fisties Chigady, Pultree Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny The Cryptid Paladin, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in their T, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsley, Yeyeye, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovely Beed, Zoe, Professor Freida, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack The Sleepy, Garrett, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snell Grove, Casper's Cult, Sam Alema Dingong, Sarah, That's It, Just Sarah, Ricardo Glambo, Cari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Weeweevam of Gossamer, Hanodon, Deeringer, Penny The Wonder Dog, and Bucky Von Buck Buck, Ken Tex O'Ridium, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare, Extra Toasted Bun, Sassy Caesar, Belt, Unemployed Assassin, Snowplow, Mick J67, Ava's Favorite My Little Pony Pencil, Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, Taran, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Buck Buck Motherfucker, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splachy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Alissa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Culls for Aid, Muscle's Fattits, Territopsis, Kitty McScoll, Ravenstrom Dans, Hapless Novelest Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incotinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eid Profit, Tessacreg, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Felix Sullivan, Big Junk, Gideads, Sasha The Wondering Chaos God, and his peculiar Posse, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real Mwaddeeb please stand up? Kitty Cat and Lollipop can't get enough of this, you don't. Tracy Baby, Leia, Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, I am the lizard frantically firing fleshet guns. Bumble Fay, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long Haired Matt, Lenny Harris, Robert W, Reels Above, Cresimira, Jessalarin, Mayday Hoops, Tell Tale Raven, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Muffle Wains, Lululu Louise, Dullio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Jeffrey George, Even Older Wimsy, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsy, Elab, The Wizard Moose's Holds Out Their Cat for You to Pet, Grim Lore, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Wabum, Im Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Capy, Jack Spiders Mom, Tyler Edwards, Lama Fresh, Jair The Benevolence, Avalent Destroyer, Val-T-L Heller, Raven the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Correra the Twelfth, Shhh, Just Listen, Damien Fletter-John, Zam Khan, Welcome to the Quand Pound, Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen, Mr. Muchacho Kizer Schnitzel, Leader of the Truffle Plus Fight Club, The Wolves in the Deep Freeze Say, A-Woo, Julie Hammond, San Shawari Moons No. 2 Fans, Simpson, Jason DeVries, Alice Lewis, Aster, Amy Burkett, Even Older Liz, Mick Burkett, Astro Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For You, Grandma Panty, J.S., Eldritch Ender, Artist Dragonborn, Big Begarage, Shaloma, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Hamenez, Muffins, Spacewives, Chad Hatter, Captain Jack Harkness Once Peter the Robot, Oreo, Oreo, No Wait, Pineapple, Actually Never Mind, Oreo, Banana Menaes, A Corgi Cold Kibble, Cuddly Cracken, Wife's a load studio and his wife, Meganeater, The Game, Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Seminity, Tim, L.L. Cool Mint, James, The Other Original, Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, J.S. Umbra, Millie was taken, Pannas, Ben Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma, Camillion, Kinran, Wabajak, Zoe in her Army of Dice, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Dr. Boudiologist the Glutes Doctor, Hood's Pocket Tourism Association reminds you that loner pants can be found outside City Hall, enjoy your stay, Tobias Ewing. Thank you for passing to your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Serly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved, Ben Nightburger, Adam Toke Love, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, The Size Two Fish You've Been Looking For, Yokai, Borja, Natasha Without Boris, Spiders are Cuddly, Lafayette LaZanya Lovers One, Main Immortal Billy Rose that has all the corn dogs, Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywag, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits. Mikaela White, Professor Thaddeus Snookham's the Eighth, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, True Trans Traveler, This Moment of Silence So Joe Can Catch His Breath is Brought to You by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, Cheapconn, Yeah you heard me Greg Laramie and drop, Cheapconn, Funch Brungland, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Dirty Dipper Fuss Butt, and the Piggy Runt, Gromine, Pronounced Bro, Mine, Main Habdinga, Mother of Pearl, Elchingone, Sealface, Rigger Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Shiny Fields, Magical Maggie, Trebex Reject, Profit of the God of the Mucleweins, Matthew with two T's, The First T is Silent, Ignis Burp, Darth Ox, This Brief Pause is Brought to You by Michelle Case Wish for Joe to Catch His Breath, Aaron Arnold, Mama Mander B. Ross and Slunt Master J, Valon Rial, All aboard the Struggled Bus, Choo Choo, Elliott Paints, Undead Akira, Brumgottas, The Lord Revrent, Porgato's Packs, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10-10-10-Bress-10-Staffle-Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. Ladies for your pleasure, Chuck, Naked, The Lovely Lara Lovely, Dariel, Jeremy The Ruler, Goat G, Hair Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, Flash Witch, Scrubs, Just Some Guy from Adelaide, Name Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beard O'The Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye peers the German short-haired pointer from Nashville wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Wolf, Whispered, Randy Spears, Marissa the Ghost, Local snow plows in your area are dying to meet you. Brotherford B. Chesterfield and his Dapper Companion Winchester, Chesher Corgi, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zeldia, Dizzy Flame, Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana, Sasha, Bath and Ellen Van Gillis, Langston North, Brought to you by Communism, Timothy Aiodis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolf Stark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yinn, Mooby the Golden Caff, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Cain Arconics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba 485, A.K. A. Shimblebock, The Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvus, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peter's, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh, Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Mr. Steam Wave, my friend Rhino says, Be nice! Dream founder, Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster, and her dear darling Duke, Gus, Coco Yumi is painting ponies, Hugga Muthin, Bigfoot of Doom, DL, Annie Atkins, Candyman the Pug Whisperer, Garot, Nick Gomez, Arquatsd said to tell you, Meow, Bag of Oats, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog Presidents, Pop Rock Quick Sand, The Bene Yapper, Abynasso, Trina Ward, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's from your local dimension, Exeve your killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Mimetic Hygenist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star, Claude DeClaus, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Elfridge, The Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kaye, another monster, PetaBite Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Kim, Chibs-1012, King Felix Blaise of the Galactic Third Street Saints, Byrotron95, Ice Heart on Fire, Dan's Granted Clemence by his Overlord Parents, Speekoo, the Bracken System in its homeworld Ren, Simply Tony, Gabrielle Castillon, Jamie the Goblin of Chaos, Nico DeGio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloi Jackal, Must Be a Witch, Cat with the Kay, Miss Shan Frizzle, Squirrels all the way up, Stumpenstein El Moustacheo, Lucifer Hezekile, Lachewawa Brava, Adeland Peats, C.C. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of Milf, Scout and Fox Gloves says the Flora's Lava, Cardamski, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet D'Aleche, Ginn Adam Mabouth, Bug, Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlyle, Larry Fisherman, Anna Kerney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Fork Shnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzuki Okie, Spotted Rhino, Red Mafia Panda, Jean-Luc Gabo, Lonely Isle, Henkel, Pike Man Stover, Fondelist Stover, Pike Man Stover's wife, Alexander the Boss, Scrizzles, Flop, Giddy Giddy, The Fire Keeper, The End is Nigh! Jeremiah the Canceled, Spike and Fey, Johnny Allen West the Sketch of Otaku Gang, Wolf, Hermes Paradoxons, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Long Blades short-sword, Impatiently Waiting for the Tartus, Forget Normal, Updiam, CJ Johnson, Heiserhead 505, A Dragon Sitting on his Horde of Dice, Windle Whitaker, Fika Chu, Smaivi, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, The Soup Witch, Fedashini Alfredo, Amalgamus Pax, Pebbles, Princess VV, Effie Rollings, Megan Hazen, Philip your dad is not your dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Blummer, Mr. Cherry loves Babybuck Joy, Happy Anniversary, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wine Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omigracy, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, The What Weekly Media Database, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Yeet McBoy, 46 Toolshed 2, and Elmerie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Lexicon, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt, Missed Everyone, A round of Yards on the House, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Lil' Kiv, Cosamine, Jonathan Burton, Mr. Man and Lady, Lucas Barding, DJK, DJK, Terran Says Hey, Oreos Are Rabbit, Sandal Wood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry, Wimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Hey, it's me again, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit more into you, I'm just a little bit Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw, I'm not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Kaberant, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Shatto, Colorado Beekeeper, Frutecake, Anatha, Xandria, Jennifer Macolkins, Gwaka Moleo, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, Throat Gôte 666, Princess Leia, Prime Freek, they call me Pie Guy, Imperial Grand Pubba of the Burger Vers, Droid Pirate Fendley and his Rubanesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Fendley and his Rubanesque parent stuck in a pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, gicks the Norwegian Viking impersonator, deflator mouse, Tony Piacarski, Adrian R, Kimberdurpe, Sandy the Bobandy, Crazy Thadley, the Harbinger Pulsar, Cremulus is just happy to be here, the twisted Twixter, the rural juror is a massive fan, Fake Queen, Showtime, CR Iptid, For My Mother, Homer are we doing crimes? CTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studiozo. I recommend you sign my shovel. K the unsecured penguin is not to blame for the helicopter crash in South Africa. Truck stop sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Momma, Castro, Ames affection for internet protection, Retro MG, Night script, The Gainsville Fear Garden, Happy Birthday Lana Banana, Utreed and Roses Viking Void Vittles fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing, Lea Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Writer, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glynnis Thompson, Betty Whitey 13, Good grief people I need to breathe, Laramie Wall, Starscribe, Lucy and Thunderstruck. Momma, Droughtbreaker, Doosr 8th Corn Dogs and Blamed It on Billy Rose, The Other Adel, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC needs fresh towels in room 3 at the horizon, Sierra not from Arkansas, Zee-ko, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle, Esquire, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Mi-Pod, a cat named M, Potito Patto, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I am Annie I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Mrs. White in the Hall with a laser saw, Celivia, Juicitton, Apeetose, Boom Hauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, Proof to me that orange cats aren't gods. Brrrr it words, Ashley Soros, Momma's Mama, Hold My Yarg, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Murtle, Caitlin Leater of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the Thirteenth Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Dixie Dyna, River Waters, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering Winjo, painted Oany, Q Del, Farrell, Betty Hayes in the B Team, Emily with two E's, Space Man Nathan, Ramsley's Nibblic the Third, Kerplunk or Plunk, whoops, wears my Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Strega, D. Gritzler, a Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Skarockio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Puffy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stilo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilyby, Buffy's Daughter, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. Bufardee's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lellick, Kennedy Allison Farmer, Tristan Stolls, Dalyne Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, just a regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the Black people in North Carolina, just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Sigeradash, Tim Lynch, Boysenberry, AKA the Boys, A. Zeus, and a Philaxis, Scav with Contacts, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, the Kells, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Erochill, Amy Perry, Kristoffer Kai, Source Decay, Skexus, Randy Zamego, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Norman Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Ney and Xerino, Frankentenner, Nordal Bash, Jordan, R1X Blasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Hite, Medium Ridge, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Haifa Vyson, Monica and Mason K, Tony wants to be life, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Harold of the Stars, Pastachio Inc, Ariane Cant-Maddenge Normal, Ryan Bredette, the joyful nihilist, the Temet Ghost 23, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, growing into my farmboots, Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Co-Sign, Uncivil Nomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Wynnlin Jr., Bebop Bidaba Duwap, Warped Echoes, Slabs Bic Terps, Robeiro Otardis, he's bigger on the inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, so we made it, Cody McClure, MC Hadley, Eternal Champion, Jingalos, Hasmatilda, Dirty Bay, Dr. Average Reese, Kyle Church, I am a Lave on the Wind, Static Ego, some fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Sean C, How did I get here, oh God is that the soup? Going to be lit, I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Frank and a Field, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nielix Tiny Wolf, Ashre the Raven, Christina Senet is teleporting, BRB, Shane R, The Wandering Welchman, whatever tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tulkachev, Capotha Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrow's BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana-Dana Bobana, Fee-Fo-Fana, Dad and Aubrey the Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up a Goose, Dammar in the Space Goblin, Isopail, Oh no, a beeeeeee! I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar? Pocket Ghost Max, Nate the Milkman, Max the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it, My Cat's Name is Beef, Eric, Katie Kate, Kitcher Colonynoscopy, Victor Cassados, Emily Schmemely, Work from Elvis, Bo Ho Go, Bye Bye for JoJo, Po Go, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Ty Bo, Miss Nixie, Karen Gallagher, Kyle Perino, Ok Ladies Wear, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priyagondi, Wandering Mermaid, understands the assignment, Little Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat, Carl the Teller of Dad Jokes, Sky Labs Multidimensional Multiphasic Intercollactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Daniel Nits, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Swasion, Banjo Cat, Too Many Jans, Cat Chot, Pamela Rose Elchiera, then Stena says, Thug Tweed, Nicole DG, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodion Caution, Love Is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, Casper Need to Hug, Joe is the Writers Room, Awkward Heretic, Devon 7777, Troy Acker, Mandy Kane, North Ali Kebler, Lost Besan, Kim Cell, Silly Goose, Hong Kong, Admatha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, the Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweet's Martinez, Sharnobel 610, Meer Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Ben Barr, Sven the unlikely Cognito Hazard Exponge, Ted Wasanossan, Vyrestria, Spooples, Nicole I Love You, But I Will Name Kid Two, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Horn Swagland Daniel Arthur, Mike Lucluzzi, It's A Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Yoduleh, King Humble, We Better Ask Dave, Wind Shimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welch, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexa Kahabanyara, Code Stranger, Unbatty Bat, Matt N, Julia Kringlen, Monad Nick, Frelpe, M. Lynn, Feed Me Fish, J.R.R. on S.F.P. Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, J.S. Barc, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Lepard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Bandstand, Him Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorz, Fresh Squeeze, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now, Hitted, Had it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okiyo, Vicky A.Bare, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Light Bow, Turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Crazed Bear, Dr. Latest Trash Angel, Writing Past You on a Bike, Smirred Head to Toe and Black Barries, Crafty Lizard Quilts, Noble Barrel, Andy Crafth, Yes My Brain is Weird, Thank You, Bipity Boppery Boom, Megan The Mag Young, Baby Bears Love the Diner, Corey Marose, Russell Money, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Airenetta, Bacon, Nicole Studiozo, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jimmy Snims, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and her Prismatic Chickens, Crittle, Twillow, Heidel Birdie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkotash, Muklump, Azana the Leather Smith, Rad Dolls, Bird with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest, Garin, Elisando, Terrified Toddler, Sir Schits a lot Strix again, Dam Animal, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin B Anthony, J. Way Mythical, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Ali Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tittmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Fond Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Broula, The Singing Loan, Zuzanna, Celeste Yose, I'm So When Tigany Faden, Noah and Katie, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvoldo Simioni, Shavon Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definition of Teds, Karine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzle Butt, K. Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomaly, Charmey, The Wonderous Methasophon, Post Turtle Evacuation Squad, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finneged Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Siri Darling, Ambient Drifting Man, 80, Chris Hancock, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Insuligan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitsilu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the God Damn Time Lawyer, All My Homies Hate Croc the Propagator, Mack Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronoweeb, Magno's the Civil Noam, Ghostblade Hydealon, Starlight David P. Arrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Brett Zimmerman, Blaine Vitavitch, Nia Venturi, Luke of Vichito, Kalatirina, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Elijah Sharp, Elizabeth Cells, Robert Savat, Rosemary Prem, Michelle Myers, Richard Ryan Moshell, Glenn Morris, Lauren Mayer, Snorp, Brit Little Fair, Anthony Laky, Bootscoot and Dave, Josie Jones, Meredith Jester, Jake The Cook, V Greenly, D. Flower, Jessica Angola, Kevin Dottry, Martin Deers, Andrea Crowther, Entropy Eigen Basis, Stephanie Booc, Lauren Benner, Drinksbiller, Thomas Adams, Ryan Abbey, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Steven Duro, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, a bug named Matt, C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Magic Pony, Robert Olavery, Dan Bowman, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr. Punkusher Esquire fears that every day now is the cat's bother dad Friday, creator 67, But Joe Lath, Leafs One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Inc. Ross, Debra Whales, SCRB Mark 11, Courtney DePona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, three legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A. Captain Blep, EV power, your favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says what? Danielle L, Fear Now doesn't polish the shiny melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Braden, Tonight at 11, Lauraq the Barbarian S, Zellis Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's just Blake, Alice Melis asks how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Denke, Air in the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashrah, Lucretia, Tamara Oliver, the real dirt fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava the one with the, Grim says trans rights y'all, Zekinat, Spizarinctum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Brune Maicellille, Grelix and Terabang, late indeed again, Theron Pyralus, Omevega, Dances with Burritos, original recipe, Air in Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Malloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Colmiesen, Calibri, Mel Momburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, India Holbert, Uzash the Pirat, Fred Fred Borger, What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVoris, Nea DeRusso, Peaches Etouichi, Inc. of the crack in Azula the Brave and their ever-flatful Squire Grab Thar, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Start the recording. And now we're not going to say anything funny. Nope. Not a single funny thing, J.R. I'm going to tell you all of the butt stuff that we were just talking about. So much butt stuff. I'm not going to tell you about my professor who told me to wear a thong underwear. Nope, not talking about that. We're not talking about pushing out your noise. I think it was powering out your noise. Power out your noise. It's so fucking good, dude. I'm sad we didn't catch it. Power out your noise. It's like it's funny when we talk about something that happened versus the thing happening. Right? Too bad. Sorry, everybody. It's telling your friend about a very funny thing and it's just not as funny when you tell them because it's not a funny thing. It's like, oh my god, I had this dream. Instantly don't care. It's never, it's I totally understand that people have fun dreams. They don't translate. They are suddenly the most boring thing in the world as soon as somebody tries to tell me about them. Yeah, they don't translate. Okay, if you're going to tell me about a dream, just tell me like a single funny thing, like a single less than 10 second funny thing about your dream. Like it's got to be sub 10 seconds or I'm checking out. Exactly right. I once had a dream in college that I beat a friend of mine to death. See that was sub 10 seconds at that position. And it fucked me up, right? Because like I went to class and I saw this guy and like we were friends, but there's no reason for me to dream that I literally beat him and kicked him to death in my sleep the night before. Oh my god. I'm about to and he thought it was the funniest thing you'd ever heard. Honestly, I would probably think that's funny too. If someone told me that they had a dream, they beat me to death. Like I was distraught. I was like, I don't know how to look at you. I don't know what to do. And he's like that hilarious. How about your noise? Ice gives you time. That's it. Better? Okay. Yes. Joseph used that take please. He's going to have such a fun time editing this. You probably not even get a listen to my track. It's just going to be jelly. He's going to be like, why is she saying this word? This is one line over and over. Helen, Finley says he has the last take. Finley says he's the last take, though. Thank you. Okay. That was perfect. So nice. Power up yourself. That's great. That's great. Where that song? Huh. Okay. Where the hell out of that phone? Laney McBeth. Woo. I'm being so fucking theater school. I've cracked right now. I hate myself. No, this is good. This is good. Everything I hated about undergrad school. Okay. No, this is good for me. I literally have a keychain that says tummy troubles club. Just like we're like the whole thing is going to go. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. It's not just his hand that comes off. It's a little fucking unreal. You're gonna run out of time. You're gonna run out of time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Word. Power out your noise. Um. So losing your arm in the Justine Perpink system, huh? So when are we going to get even older Ava? I didn't know something I wanted until right now. I'd watch yourself, Buster. Okay. As he thought of them, he issued a promise to the empty air. I'm gonna kill every single fucking one of you. You did it. I did it. Oh, it's so good. I hope Joe agrees because if he does, I hope so. He is incorrect. So let's get started. Ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify, especially designed to help you start, run, and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand. Marketing tools that get your products out there. Integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time. From startups to scale-ups, online, in-person, and on-the-go. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup.