Janet's Reverse Apology Tour: A The Valley Recap

This is an ad from BetterHelp. Am I forgetting something? Did I reply to that email? What am I doing? Ever feel like your mind has an inbox that never stops filling? Don't forget to reply. Some days it's not just messages. It's pressure. Did I say the wrong thing? It's doubt. Do you think they like me? It's everything at once. Therapy with BetterHelp can give you space to unpack what's weighing on you, one message at a time. Get matched with a qualified therapist and start clearing your mental inbox today at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. Gosh, babe, focus on what's most important. All the love making on the calendar that I started putting together. Yeah. Hey, y'all. Welcome back to another episode here at Everyone's Business. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. I'm going to be back in a minute. Kristen's telling Luke, I cannot believe I have to go to another party. This one is LaLa's second sosa's, her second daughter sosa's first birthday party. LaLa told Kristen, Janet has been invited, but she tells Luke, I have no interest in conversing with her. It's a one-year-old's birthday party. It's going to be the wrong place, wrong time. So then Luke is like, yeah, whatever, whatever you said. You know, I'm really patient and I don't wanna push it, but I'm going to. I just feel like we've been neglecting our relationship and haven't really had time for us without her around the baby. So would you, I don't know, rather have a night in, maybe she can go to Brittany's house or we can get a babysitter, go out, just the two of us, Kristen immediately is like, no, no. Luke, my fourth trimester just ended two days ago. I'm not ready for date night. I'm not ready for life to go back to normal. So then he says, well, intimacy has been an issue. I'd really start, like, I'd really love to start moving in the direction of our old sex life. Now, Kristen said, last week, they haven't had sex in three months, but that is including the six weeks that they are medically not clear to have sex. So at this point, I care as calculators, only calculating six weeks of not fucking, that you've physically been able to, which is nothing. And I feel like Kristen is being a very clear communicator on how she feels and looks like, okay, but my dick, Kristen, do you remember it? Cause it misses you. And it really needs to be attended to, okay? Strap the baby in a little gray coat, have her go up to Chuckle's house and let's get to fucking. So then Kristen looks at him and says, do you want me to be honest? I hate the idea. And she starts tearing up and she says, I still feel really attached to the baby. And then she says in a confessional, I absolutely understand Luke's needs. And my therapist did tell me, like what's 15 minutes out of your day? But the thought of actually having sex, like I just pushed a baby out of my vagina, my head's just not there. And I'm wondering, therapists, listen, I've always been wondering, who the hell is Kristen Dodie's therapist? That has been a constant thought of mine. But this, I mean, listen, I understand that like maybe some people need to be like, you know, just a little gentle nudge, a little push out of their funk. And then they realize, okay, it really wasn't that bad. It's just like something I built up in my head. But telling, I mean, and I'm not a therapist, but like telling, I just can't imagine that Kristen isn't honest with everybody about her feelings. We've seen a history of that. And so the idea that her therapist will then be like, well, what's 15 minutes? I don't know, it sounds a little insensitive to me, given the timeline, given how short she is out of this. Okay, six months. Okay, maybe we're like, okay, girl, like, is there more to this? Like what's going on here? But like at this point, I just feel like, why is she not getting a bit of a pass? So then Luke tries one more little angle and he says, well, I think we should try to get back to it because happy parents make happy babies. Like, okay, so now I gotta fuck you to make our baby happy. All right. Kristen says, at this point, it would just feel like me shipping my kids off to a friend's house to fuck. I just can't like really reconcile that. So then we go over to Brittany's house and Brittany's in Sweet Little Cruises sensory room. He's on the spectrum. So she turned his playroom into like an occupational therapy dream. He's got all sorts of things he can touch, he could play with. Great. That comes over. He looks around, gives a little tour of the sensory room and he goes, oh, I would love this if I was drunk. Little touch pads on the wall. Oh yeah, that's all me. Sorry, Cruz, let me have this. I, oh, this scene where we see Cruz made me wanna cry. You know how people say like, you talk out of both sides of your mouth? I wanted to cry out of both sides of my eyes. I wanted to cry seeing how much better he seems. He seems like a kid who's just like fun and light and playing as he should be. And then they go over to the living room. Cruz comes, it's the Uncle Zach. He says his name and you could tell that like, he has not said his name before. And Brittany's trying to do that thing that parents do when, you know, nonverbal kids find their words. Like they tell you not to like get too excited, but you could tell she's like, oh my God. Did you just say his name? And then it sounds like Cruz said, I did. As in I did just say Zach. And it just made me wanna cry because he seems to be really happy and thriving. And then it makes me wanna cry, sad tears. Because the last time we saw him with his father, he ran in the other opposite direction and like did not. He like, he completely climbed up. It was completely the opposite of this child that we see now. I'm so happy that things are good for him now, but it just really be so sad for the way things were. You know, Brittany straight up says, a lot of the reason why Cruz is thriving now is because Jack's negative energy is not around. And I also saw an interview that Zach did, you know, as promo for the show and they were asking about what the hell's going on with Jack's. And he's like, he might be a little bit better in some ways, but in other ways, like the rest of them, he's exactly how we all expect him to be, even as of this morning. And that interview was as of last week. So sounds like Jack's is just quiet, not different. Then Brittany and Zach switched subjects to Zach's boyfriend, Benji, and what's going on in their relationship. And Zach just loves Benji real bad. Like he allows Zach to be himself and, you know, loves his wig. I have not been calling Zach wig all season, all two episodes. Something has changed within me, completely forgot. You're no longer wig. Here you are, Zach. Brittany then asked, do y'all wanna have kids? And Zach says that's actually a non-negotiable for Benji. He's already calling agencies, trying to get a surrogacy going, but it's like $200,000 or something. Zach is more of the, I don't not want kids. I just never really saw myself having them, which feels a little bit like I don't really want them. But he seems neutral to it now. So then they ask Zach in a confessional, do you like babies? And he says, some of them are kind of cute. Then Zach tells Brittany, I know you just got back from Cabo. I know you're so happy. I haven't met this guy Brandon yet. And I'm really happy that you're happy, but you know, I'm also really happy that you're sexually satisfied. But I do feel like it's moving way too fast. Brittany says, well, I think it just feels that way because I knew him from before. And it just kind of feel like we picked up from years ago. But I'm really just focusing on me, Zach. Now Zach, despite the fact that you don't know this man, you seem to know a lot about him. Brittany, he's got two baby mamas. Don't you see any similarities with Zach? Like, well, is that the criteria? Then shockingly no. Surprisingly no. Is there something else going on? Brittany says, well, he's not really confrontational like Jack's. So no, I don't really see a big similarity. And then Zach starts getting frustrated. And he says in a confessional, he's got three kids by two baby mamas. There's drama with both of them. He doesn't even live here. Why can't you just see the writing on the wall? So Zach tells Brittany, I just worry that he's got the type of personality that's like gonna pull you in, get what he wants, and then move on. But Brittany tells Zach, he did ask me to be his girlfriend in Cabo, and I told him I'm not ready for that just yet. Brittany then tries to claim that she's been single for two years and Zach is like, bull shit, girl. You've been rebounded this whole time. I think you are still in your rebound era and you're missing a lot of shots. So Brittany's like, okay, Zach, and she tells us, I appreciate that he cares, but just like back off, let me leave. So then we head over to Sosa's birthday party. Lala hired a lifeguard. He happens to be a black man. So of course she's like, oh, mama wants some of that. Let me get your number. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. We're never gonna see this man. Okay. Lala, you gotta let this go. You lusting after any black man that you are on camera with. Stop it, because we saw who you chose to have a baby with. So stop it, please. Until I actually see you publicly date somebody that you have claimed all these years of the various shows is actually your physical type, I don't want to hear it. Thank you. We've seen Brittany in more relationships with black men than Lala has. Let that sink in, because Brittany was married for a good chunk of those years. So I think at one point we all realized, oh, Jack's is the outlier in your relationship history. Oh, okay. Had there been a black person on the cast of Antipope Rules, you know, who knows what had happened? We'd probably be on a completely different timeline anyway. J and it shows up deeply nervous. I just can't imagine living such a life in a way which you are concerned about getting into an argument another child's birthday. Like every child's birthday, you got to protect your neck girl. This can't be the way. How to stand around, look awkward, why all these new moms are taking a group photo. Shout out to my friend Meredith who was in the group photo. It tickles me every time I see my actual friends on these shows. Deeply funny. Nia says in a confessional, if there's tension in the room, I don't notice it. I'm not thinking about Janet. Schwartz pretends like he's interested in actively dating Michelle again. He says, you know, going to events like this, a child's birthday thing that I would likely never go to and it not be for the show. Yeah, you know, I do think it's very sad for you to be a single man. But Jack's to me is like a West Coast ship in a way. I said Jack's. Schwartz to me is like West Coast ship. In the sense that like, yeah, he's like, oh, you know, like misty water colored memories about what could be the wife, the kids. And even though Schwartz had a kid, he or a wife, he was still sort of like misty and water colored about the prospect of being married. But then really like, nothing has really come of this. And at some point it's like, you really have to wonder how many conversations do we need to hear about you maybe wanting to kid? Or thinking about having a kid? Or in my future, I see having children. You could both of you very easily make this happen. If you were intentional about dating women who wanted that and also you wanted that, but that's not happening. So I just be like, give it up. And Schwartz, I know that you can't give this narrative up because now you're on the show. Cause what the hell else would you be on the show for? If like your story line wasn't kind of like, well, I want this lifestyle. And I like hanging around my friends who have it. What else would he be saying? I don't know. We'd still be playing hide the 20 year old girlfriend on camera and then acting like, I don't know. Schwartz didn't need to be here and neither did Lala. I mean, that's my larger point. We have so much tension with the other cast members throwing them in, I don't really get it. Lala makes more sense because she has young children and is sort of like in this sort of phase of life. Schwartz don't make no sense. They threw Schwartz on here because they're like, oh, I don't know. He's like a Bravo darling in some regards. And other than my conspiracy theory that Tom Schwartz's life is just made to fail upwards. I don't really get it, but it's like, yeah, let's, he can go to the Hamptons, he can go to Winterhouse, he can be on Vanderpump. Let's take him over to the Valley. Okay, he's like the Cynthia Bailey of the kid shows. Just bopping around. But here we are. I don't really get it. Unlike Cynthia, I'm like, every time I see Cynthia, I'm like, oh, there she is again. Our girl. But anyway, Schwartz asked Danny how he and Nia met. Now Schwartz, Danny and Nia are standing right there. Danny's telling Schwartz, oh, I met her at church. You know, deep down in my heart, I'm a man of faith. And I love to serve. And I said, that's what I got to start doing. And I need to find somebody with the same heart. This is like Christian, this is church rhetoric. And she's gorgeous and she's a freak in the sheets. And yeah, I got her. I'm like, okay. Brittany tells Kristen about Zach's concerns with her not quite man yet. But she's telling her like, hello, I've been through the ringer with Jax. I know a red flag when I see one now. I know how to check the science. So Janet starts her apology tour. I would just like to be clear. As we know, usually apology tours involve you apologizing to a group of people, a bunch of people individually. Janet's apology tour involves her asking people if they would like to apologize to her. So starting off with Jasmine. Jasmine's trying to enjoy herself a little taco or something. And she says, hey girl, I know we have not been a hundred percent great. I just wanted to apologize for speaking on stuff that I wasn't involved in. This has been my biggest gripe with Janet, especially in terms of last year, is that I think reasonably minded people can watch this situation and see it for what it is. Danny clearly did something weird as hell to Jasmine and fiance Melissa. But then Janet, in order to make her point about Danny, kept bringing up the situation between Danny, Jasmine and Melissa, which was not hers to bring up. Jasmine and Melissa chose to forgive him. They chose to have their thing. None of this ever had anything to do with Janet. So yeah, Janet really should have kept her mouth shut on that. So thank you for apologizing for speaking on stuff that you weren't involved in. So Jasmine says, thank you. I'm not sure if this is the time, but I do think there's a larger conversation that we need to have. Janet says, I didn't even realize why I was so mad at that time. Thank God I've just recently started therapy and I just feel really unresolved and bothered by the situation because you've always been awesome. Jasmine says, okay. Janet says in a confessional, therapy's been a lot of help. One thing I realized last year is that I was using a lot of words and the intention was to hurt. And so I've been like diving into that, using my therapist to try to work through how to express myself without using hurtful language. So then, Jasmine tells her, honestly, Janet, I kind of thought that our friendship was like dead and done. I had a whole funeral for you in my mind. And even before, I would have thought you would have been my wedding. And I'm like now, like, damn, that's crazy. This is an ad from BetterHelp. Some days it feels like you're carrying something no one else can see. Stress, grief, responsibility, the kind of heaviness that doesn't show up in photos but follows you everywhere. You don't have to hold it alone. With BetterHelp, you can talk to someone who helps lighten what you've been carrying for far too long. Take the weight off. Start therapy anytime from anywhere online with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. So then Jasmine says, one thing I wanna say is I was hoping we could have some resolution. About our conversation on the beach. You know, that was really tough. Jasmine was getting into it with Janet and Jason. At one point, Jasmine calls Janet a vibe killer and says that she gives Karen energy. A thing we have to remind ourselves. She told Jasmine later, you know, I looked up at Karen and I do think that I might be one. You weren't wrong about that. But then Janet says, now Jasmine, do you have any understanding that an apology might be nice for all the shit that you called me that day? And Jasmine says, well, I was heated that day because it felt like two on one. Like you and Jason against me. And Janet says, well, I guess I was heated when I blocked you and everything. Like, I don't know. So maybe some space is good, actually. I'm gonna let you enjoy your tacos. Bye, Jasmine. And Jasmine's like, I'm actually already done. Bye, Janet. So we briefly pop out of Lala's birthday party, baby's birthday party, because Jesse and Zach get together at some sort of airplane themed bar. Like you're sitting in airplane seats. It looks like they open up an airplane and you're just sitting there. I don't know. I was like, on the one hand, that would sort of be, like if I were in LA, that would be like, oh, maybe we could do that and that would be fun. But now Jesse's been there and I have to be like, no. I just can't imagine indulging in anything. Jesse Lally's trying to get down. Except to be honest with you, I haven't been to the Chateau Marmont. And as a millennial who has practically lived on those grounds, seeing Lindsay there all the time, I feel like I should make a sojourn at some point. Maybe I'll go next time. But anyway, I don't really want to be anywhere that Jesse Lally is. That was my larger point. Anyway, Jesse and Zach, I guess, didn't get invited to Sosa's first birthday party. And Zach tells Jesse, Jasmine called me last night to say, Lala invited me to the birthday. And Jesse's like, oh, so we're not good enough. But Lala is. Like, what beef do you have with Jasmine? This then turns into Jesse talking about Lacey, his not so new girlfriend and how they used to talk back when she was 23, he was 37 or whatever. They would be texting all the time, but then he met Michelle and now that they're like, joined back together, it's the most in the moment relationship he's ever been in. Jesse then feels the need to say in a confessional that he feels like he and Lacey are equals. And he meant intellectually. He straight up says, when it comes to intellect, Michelle just wasn't really participating. She was more there for the ride. Okay, well, here's my thing. It's like, let's not, you were fine with that, okay? You were fine with her being like a piece of melbotos, boring as hell. You were totally fine with that. You married her. I just don't like the post game rewriting of history when it comes to relationships. If you wanna be like, okay, Brittany, fair enough. Brittany, if you wanna say, we, me and Jackson, not have a good sex life and honestly, like, on a good day, it was a six. Usually it was less than that. Okay, if you wanna speak plainly about it, fair. I could tether myself to that, but you were married to that stupid woman. I'm not saying that Michelle's stupid. I'm saying you're now acting like she was intellectually non-participatory. Okay, well, you wanted to marry that intellectually non-participatory woman. You were fine with that kind of. Honestly, I'm not really sure when Michelle and Jesse were ever happy, but I, just in general, maybe Jesse's not the greatest example of this, but I feel like there are people who try to be like, oh, he had a small dig, you know, like her pussy was trash or whatever, but it's like you were fine with that until you weren't. So you just be fine with that, okay? You don't get to say like, oh, I wasn't attracted to her. Well, don't be in a relationship with somebody that you are not attracted to. That's not her fault. If you think she's stupid, that's not her fault because you chose to be in a relationship with her. So you're in the dummy den as well. Let's head back to Lala. That was something that I hate to have to say. At the party, Luke tells Schwartz, he and Kristen hooked up for the first time right before this party, since Kristen gave birth. Now, how is it that Schwartz seems to be more understanding of a woman postpartum than their own partner? He says, I don't know, I'm not a woman, but from what I hear, they're not comfortable in their own skin after having kids, and you're like postmortem and all that stuff. It looks like postmortem. Postpartum, sir. That being said, he still had more understanding about Kristen than you did. Postmortem, postpartum or not, he still got it. Lala then tries to get Nia to talk to Janet, but Nia does not want any parts. She says, I don't know if Janet has actually changed her mind or does she just wanna do it for her own benefit, AKA to remain on the show. Lala goes inside, tells Janet, I got Nia outside. She's willing to build a bridge, just hear her out. She's at a high top table, just be nice to her. So Janet goes to that high top table and says, I know today's been awkward, but if there's anything that you wanna say or get off your chest, I'm happy to listen. Janet. Janet, this is not the way, and it's also so entertaining. Here's the thing, Janet's not wrong about Danny. We have to be honest about that. Danny does seem like a creep. Danny does seem like he needs to get his drinking in line, in order, intact, in formation, okay? But to expect anything from his wife in terms of admitting to Danny's wrongdoings, like do you understand, like this girl, not girl, this woman, is not going to be leaving her husband. She's not going to give you the big moment in which she's like, you know what, Janet? You're right. My husband is a little drunk creep who's creeping around the clubs, being a creep and having people call him daddy. You're right. What is she gonna do? She just had her fourth child with this man. What is the expectation, Janet? Like, what do you want from her? Wrong road, baby. You're right about Danny, but trying to go to his wife for this is crazy. So in this moment, Nia Sanchez chooses to do the absolute funniest thing, and this is what she says. That was my impression of Nia not saying anything. She just shook her head no at Janet. So Janet just has to stand there and be like, well, congratulations again. I'll talk to you soon. And Nia says, thank you, okay. Now Nia says in a confessional, normally Janet's MO was to walk away when things get tough, but nothing was even happening. So I'm not really sure why she walked away from the conversation. Lala comes out, she's legitimately confused, like Nia, what just happened? Nia says, Janet said congratulations, and then she walked away. So Lala was like, but what happened? That's exactly what happened, Lala. I don't know what to tell you. So Janet goes inside to go talk to her friend, Jared. She takes Jared into a bathroom, where we all know great moments in Bravo always happen. He got his dick sucked at the roundup, and you know, I know the boys who did it. We just see the Lisa Barlow, I'm richer than all of you people, great moments behind bathroom doors. So we just see the caption on the bottom, where Janet is telling Jared, Lala just pulled me to talk to Nia, and I said, well, this is awkward, but congratulations on the home and the baby. If you have anything you wanna say to me, and she was just staring at me, nodding her head. But if we don't go below the surface, Nia doesn't wanna talk about what happened. So while Jared and Janet are in the bathroom, Nia's actually like, I have to go pump. I gotta go to a room to go feed the baby. She opens the same door that Janet and Jared are. She goes, oops, wrong spot, sorry. Janet says in a confessional, I should apologize to Nia for using words that caused her pain. She's innocent in some ways, but also defending the behavior is kind of a tough one. Like, yeah, I get it, but again, wife, y'all know what kind of relationship Danny and Nia are in. They're in that highly Christian, we gotta procreate, we look very beautiful on the outside, but we lean conservative and we just smile. Well, we take your rights away kind of thing. We don't hate gay people. Look over there. But again, that's her husband. Janet, you just can't be right in this incident. Like you are correct, but in terms of like you versus Nia, you're never going to be right. There's no resolution to be had there with you two because you keep wanting her to admit to the world that her husband's a Jack Nasty and she just can't do that. She's not in that position, girl. But I look forward to an entire season where Janet probably likely does not figure that out. She probably doesn't come out on the other side of this and I can't wait to watch her journey to nowhere. So after this, Zach and Danny go to Danny's Urologist, which I guess is what two bros do, I don't know. They're hanging out at the doctor's office and Zach asked Danny, whose decision was it to do the ball snipping? Was it you or was it Nia? So of course we know this man is four under four, let's do one more and Nia's like, no, babe, I already got you an appointment to get a vasectomy. Now Danny says the vasectomy, the thought of a vasectomy never even crossed his mind. And I guess birth controls out too because Zach says, what are you gonna do? Just like use condoms for the rest of your life? And Danny's like, no, it's called pull and pray. You got four kids. This lady's been pregnant. And then he says, the thing is it just kills me as like Asher, my son wouldn't have a brother to grow up with. This is an ad from BetterHelp. Some days it feels like you're carrying something no one else can see. Stress, grief, responsibility, the kind of heaviness that doesn't show up in photos but follows you everywhere. You don't have to hold it alone. With BetterHelp, you can talk to someone who helps lighten what you've been carrying for far too long. Take the weight off. Start therapy anytime from anywhere online with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. Okay, oh no, he's gonna have three sisters. What a tragedy. He'll never be able to be a man. And then he says, a lot of people are saying it's a pretty ballsy procedure. Ha ha ha ha. He's looking over at Zach. Zach's not laughing. The wig's not shaking. Danny's urologist pulls out a model penis to kind of show him how the procedure would go. And Danny's like, well, and even Zach is like, all right, you have to grow up. Like you have a penis, you can look at a model version of one. I also noticed that the urologist had a cup of tea on his desk and the mug said, you've made a vast difference in my life. Now, if Danny knew what that was, I bet he would think that was really, really funny with these corny jokes. Danny wants to know, is this like a dog neutering thing? And his urologist is like, no, that would be when we take your testicles out and now we're not gonna be doing that with you. So he gives him the little run through of like post play. No exercise, five, six days. You'll probably be fertile for about three to four months, you know, 35 ejaculations worth before the clips really, you know, empty. So Danny's like, well, who's gonna take care of my wife when she's in a wheelchair after 35? And then he laughs so hard, he starts slamming his hand on the desk. And Zach is like, oh. And he says to the confessional, I don't find any of that funny, but Danny sure finds himself hilarious. And then very quickly, Danny and the doctor go into a little room and Danny drops trowels. So we get to see his little butt cheeks. And then Zach's on the other side of the door, he's in the hall and the doctor's like, yeah, you've got really big balls, Danny and Zach saying from the other side of the door, shut up. Stop lying, doctor. Don't get him to get you to force to say something. So then we see Jesse and Lacey on a date and she tells, the makeup is so much better. The makeup is a lot better than what we first saw. Not great, but she looked a lot less unhinged. Lacey tells Jesse, I just have to tell you, I was like stalked and accosted by a psychic named Lola outside, she said something, she said that she had to tell me something and that it was immediate. Now I've heard some things about Lacey that I'm really not sure like where I'm supposed to land on one way or the other, because I do feel very strongly that what we've seen of Lacey or what we've experienced about Lacey, cause we haven't seen her seems very odd. I think there are rumors that maybe the reason why Lacey tried to put that season to assist out on Michelle was because Michelle was trying to say shit that was potentially going to fuck up Lacey's custody with her child and that's why she did it. But I don't really know. It's like, I don't trust Jesse Lally. I don't really trust a woman that he would be with and that includes Michelle, but Michelle's free now. And it has been very clear that Michelle has been tortured by this man through the divorce, through the loss of her mother, happening at the same time. And she was right. Like I'm going through similar things as Brittany and people like Jesse, so they just don't care. And that's really hard for me to adjust to. Y'all, Jesse's got his fandom of Lollipops. I don't get it. I've never gotten it. I'm not sure that I'm ever gonna get it because to me he seems just as mean as Jack's was. And I don't really see, I don't see it. I just don't see it. And I don't even want to see what is likable about this man. I don't care. But anyway, they're having this little date night conversation and they asked Jesse in a confessional, describe Lacey. And one word that he uses is bougie. But then she says in a little double confessional of Jesse, I don't want to be bougie. I'm always trying to reverse the bougie card. Like when we're out, I'm always trying to be more relatable. And it shows a video of her at like an outdoor party, doing a cartwheel in a baby blue gown. And then she says, I do have bleach bond extensions. So I understand that I get off, give off that look, but I'm not bougie. I only wear jeans from Zara's. Okay. But she's your intellectual equal. So they start talking about Lacey having a four bedroom, five bathroom in Orange County. We see a drone shot of this house. It looks very nice. It's on the cliff, very cute. But she tells Jesse, I'm never gonna like live with a man again. But then Jesse's like, oh, it's like true, like Barbie and Ken. There's a house next door, the right next door to you that's up for rent. And Lacey goes, that's out of your price range. Now they do tell Lacey in her own confessional, it kind of sounds like you made out pretty well in your divorce. And she goes, I did as every woman should. You ain't said nothing but a lie on that one girl. So Jesse then is like, well, if you think that I can't afford to live next door to you, would you consider moving to LA? Not in a million years. My daughter's in the best school. She's got her family there. Why would I take her out of her environment? I feel like Jesse really likes this woman or he's doing a decent enough job of appearing like he likes her. I don't really know what it looks like for Jesse to really appreciate and respect women. I don't think we've ever seen that, but this is close-ish, I think. He starts going down a list of the things that he's gonna stop doing. I'm gonna start talking down to you. I'm gonna stop complaining, stop my defensiveness, stop my stupidity. So I thought we were presented through Jesse that this was a brand new bitch. He was in a whole new world, different relationship, out of that misery with Michelle. And it sounds like you were doing the same things. To be now on camera making promises that you're going to stop talking down to a woman and stop complaining in your relationship, stop being defensive and stupid is interesting to me. Then the topic of Lacey freezing her eggs comes up and I feel like they're having two different conversations because it seems like Jesse thinks this is our future that Lacey's trying to secure. And I heard Lacey be like, no, this is my future that I'm trying to secure. We're not making embryos. I'm freezing my eggs, mine. So then Jesse says, I love you very much. Thank you. I swear I'm really nice and loving. And then Jesse says, I love you again. Thank you. And he's like, oh, you won't give it to me. I love that about you. He thinks that this is like just a fun little quirk. Every time I say I love you, she never says it back. Can you believe I love her? After this, Michelle and Schwartz go on what he called a date, but she was like, it's not a date. They were in one of those salt caves with the cheap beach chairs. And I always feel like it's a scam, but they have a little sound bath on top of just sitting in those beach chairs. Michelle says, I really like this. She's a woo-woo kind of girl. She tells Schwartz, I'm coming out of grieving my mother's death. She just recently passed away. And then Tom tells her, I'm at the tail end of a few pretty dramatic years, but it's been pretty peaceful lately. Tom Penn says, when they do the sound bath, I can see in my mind, I'm hallucinating. I could see a screaming emerald eagle, but it almost feels biblical. So when they're done, Michelle tells Tom, this whole sound bath salt thing is pretty normal for her because she grew up super spiritual. Tom says, right now my family is in complete disarray. My dad's living by himself. He's really started deteriorating over the last few years and he fell, had another brain bleed, another one. The darkness that is going on within Tom Schwartz's family is something that we never talk about. I don't have time to unpack it now, but I mean, it's really a wonder. It's really a wonder. Somehow this leads to Michelle and Tom kind of planning a trip to San Diego for the group that somehow leads to Tom asking about whether or not his sex drive should be higher. Why would Michelle know that? Katie Maloney redeemed once again for exposing that Tom's dick didn't work all those years ago because he's like, yeah, I can't do it. 15 minutes taps in and out. Like, not that I can't go longer, but after 15 minutes, I just wanna eat a bolachirias. Right. So for all the 20-somethings that are hearing this, thinking I'm about to get some good mature dick out of Tom Schwartz, you're not. You got about 13 minutes before that man starts thinking about cereal and 14 before he's headed for the kitchen. And then Tom talks about how he's ready to put himself out there. Sir, you have been doing that this whole time. You had a whole girlfriend who you went on to every outlet and were like, I'm in love, this is for real. But now you're ready to put yourself out there. He's already got a new girlfriend. So at the end of the episode, we're with Danny and Nia at their new house all the way in Santa Clarita. They still haven't fully unpacked. There's boxes in corners, kids around, we're putting them down for bed, and then have a little mommy and daddy conversation. So Danny tells Nia about his appointment and he says, well, I really love the doctor, but for the procedure, you have to ejaculate 35 times before all the swimmers are out. And Nia's like, oh, that's great. And he's like, yeah, it's great for you. And then he says, the doctor also told me that I had to be bedridden for 10 days. I can't pick the kids up. I can't help around the house. And Nia's like, no, you just sit down with some ice on your balls for a few hours and you're fine. If a woman couldn't have a C-section and cut through seven layers of her body and walk around the same day, you'll be fine, Danny. And so Danny's like, okay, fine. Women are stronger than men, Nia. Are you happy? Girl, Nia then starts talking about how hard her day was and how it took her two hours to get home. She had to stop to try to breastfeed the baby. I guess she's having milk supply issues. The baby started crying, she started crying. It's the whole thing. Nia says in a confessional, I love my home in Santa Clarita. No, you don't. No, you don't. Every time we've met you, been with you, girl. For the last few years, your hardest stance has been, I don't want to move to Santa Clarita. I'm sure you love the house, but you don't want it to be in Santa Clarita. You want it to be anywhere else, it seems like. But she says, I'm feeling isolated from my friends and feeling very removed. And then she tells Danny, I've been stressed in my life before, but this is like a whole other level. Like I want to give my all to these three toddlers when I have a newborn that I have to be present for. And it's like completely new to me that this child's not taking a bottle. And then I just feel so bad for Nia because it feels like Danny is not helping her, not one moment. Like they're having two completely different days and she has to like come down and tell him, or he comes down and he's full of energy and she's completely depleted of it. And he's just like, yeah, well, well, you're gonna be bed ridden, I'm gonna be bed ridden for all the fucking that I have to do because you're making me get a vasectomy. Oh God. And then she says, I know I should be grateful, but this house is a mess. My nervous system is shot. Also, they don't, well, they mentioned this. She says, well, I have to take the girls to work and then I have to work. But if y'all didn't know the girls, her twin daughters, they work, I think on Young Sheldon, they're like the kids on Young Sheldon. So, but I don't think they've talked about this on the show. So then Danny hears all of this and he says, my gosh, babe, you should focus on what's most important, which is all the love making on the calendar that I started putting together. I have a list as long as my arm, my short arms that I'm never gonna get to, but it just says what it is. Like, well, what's on your list compared to Nia saying, I'm trying to provide milk for our newborn baby, and I'm also trying to parent the other children at the same time. And they're at different age and development levels and I'm really having a hard time balancing it all. What's on your list, Danny, quickly? Nia then is like, but I'm on the verge of a burnout. And then she says in a confessional, Danny and I aren't, you know, as connected as I would like us to be. I'm overwhelmed, I need help, and I'm kind of feeling like a failure. Girl, girl, prayers up that this man puts a lock box on that penis of his so that you can have some time to get out from under. For once. These men, these men. Y'all, thank you so much for listening. Thank me for speaking. Love you, bye.