The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 12

Previously on Taz Royale. We think it would actually be a great idea for the three of us to team up against the Titanic. That sounds great. Oh, yeah, I was cursed. I was cursed. Sorry, I got it. Yeah, I was cursed by death. But it seems cool now because I fed it. Uh. Right now we're fighting for second place, third place. I say we turn our attacks on the tree. Yeah, sorry about this, Hasty Jane. It's like, it's purely a strategic, because it's like you hit us with needles too. Sorry. And everything goes dark. And then a second later, you four are standing on the steps of the Ziggurat. Congratulations, aspirants. You have survived the trial of evocation. Welcome back to Taz Royale. Our winner take all Battle Royale season of the adventure zone. When last you joined us, I don't actually know when last you joined us. That's not really how a pie gets. It was a Tuesday. It was a Tuesday for you. For us, it was just Tuesday also. Yes, it's really, we ever ugly, equivalently human experiences. You all completed, survived the trial of evocation. Uh, a third place finish, but boy, that sure beats fourth place. The prize for fourth place is you're fired. Is death from life? It is death. Um, so the trial wraps up the rest of the day, sort of unfolds in a days as you all get used to being back in your own, uh, non swampy bodies again. Uh, that is a gross way of saying that. Also, you don't know what the humidity is like on this island. I do. Check this out. Oh, right. It's quite dry. Oh, it's a dry. Yeah, you're up high. You're floating in the air. And it's drier up here. Uh, you all watch as I'm reading a romantic novel right now where at the beginning, they're like the weather in this kingdom is so unpredictable. One day, it would be so cold the next day is freezing and then it's sunny and it's like, okay, I mean, just say you didn't want to keep track of what the weather is like. Just say, just say whatever crazy crap I write here makes sense because it's like a wild weather for you. Yeah. So you all watch from the safety and comfort of the Ziggurat as two more groups of 16 aspirants for teams of four take on this trial of evocation. And from sort of the, the, the Ziggurat in the center of the island, you have sort of a hard time following the proceedings. So as the sun sets and the last of the elementals falls, aspirants file into the grandfather of the Ziggurat with its many tiered fountains and holographic projections of the fallen aspirants. It is not until now that you get sort of an idea of who's gone. There is a chime of a pleasant sounding bell and 12 more holographic busts materialize around the room. Obviously, the American magical gladiators, Hayes Days Blazing Rays, who rictus dispatched when you were in your elemental form, they get their holograms appear. And you all sort of get lulled into a sense of security as the other faces that appear are unfamiliar to you. There's a stage performer presto Jones, dwarven strong man, storm brother Watts, Icora the witch, the ice clowns, Zach Frost, pairing down our list of almost identical ice based wizards, the straight jacket wearing Mr. Mr. Hellgram, you see two Thray Keen join join the memorial. There's the egg sack wielding brood and the imposing cricket man hopper. None of these faces are belong to people that you have become particularly close to on the island so far, at least not in the recorded bycast. But the last face that appears catches you all by surprise, especially you, Lord of Earth. You see in the last of these alcoves a hologram of the masked countenance of absolute zero, the icy ninja who accompanied you in the previous trial. Proceed the one that went into the eggs. He is the one who went into one of the eggs, yeah. It strikes you all that the crowd assembled here is nearly half of the first assembly that you had sort of surrounding the Ziggurat. 28 wizards have fallen in total and 36 remain. Griffin? Yeah. Do you have wizards that have died that you didn't get to like do stuff? Is there other ones that like we could say goodbye to that you didn't get a chance to like that didn't get a chance to live? Oh, you're asking like is it I'm just wondering if we could like yeah. Here's one thing you want to tell us about your real proud. Griffin, here's what I'd like to ask you, right? I want this guy to talk about some of the ones that we lost in like an immemorial one in an immemorial sort of vibe. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just talking about the ones that we didn't really get to like spin enough time with for some reason our narrative doesn't overlap with the ones that were important enough in the school to be. It's funny you say that, choose because at this exact moment trace appears as the the octave appears in their their different fountains around the room and trace a clear sure throw she says, I've prepared a brief immemorial segment for the aspirants that we've lost thus far and some gentle piano music starts playing go rest high on that mountain by Vince Kill. No, no, no, you can't actually be violating my maniac. It's Taylor Swift's mean it starts but no, no, it is a gentle and extremely public domain it's jingle bells. It's playing as you see a hologram appear over the central fountain of Bobby dazzler hitting Bobby, Bobby rolls. That's what he called them. God I miss him so much. You see Bill Shredley appear with his big guitar playing a play in a sweet tune. You see Betty Fortuna appear and start to be like really problematic and racist because that's what Justin said she was and then they kind of cut that one off really quick. You see powder keg Kelly the first goblin to fall first the first death as he goes to help out at the orphanage soup kitchen. It's a special soup kitchen just for orphans. Wow. To work out or to. No, that's that's their specialty that they serve. Do you like orphan soup? Yeah, come on down. It doesn't have orphans in it. It's just the name of the soup. It's a it's a legume base. You used to have orphans in it but then the FDA got all whatever now. Powder keg Kelly would never he's a sweetheart. So the presentation ends and you look around the room. It is a mix of teriiide aspirants and people looking pretty confused because they didn't really know much of anybody. So trace sort of clears her throat wipes her eyes, takes off her coke bottle glasses and cleans her eyes and says, ah. So you all survived. You've proven your mastery of the elements and past this third trial. You are all one step closer to deification while I know the terror and sorrows of this ordeal are a lot to bear. The eight of us can assure you the surprise is worth it. Now you will have the rest of today and tomorrow to recover before we reconvene for our next trial. Please rest, recover, study and prepare yourselves. A reminder of the ground rules you must never remove your grimoire. Doing so will mark your immediate disqualification from the concave. You may not attack Ingel or bring direct harm to another aspirant and you are prohibited still from approaching the crystallarium at the islands northern rim. I know that today was a strange. I know that perhaps you are not prepared for this sort of out-of-body experience that we thrust you all into, but you have proven yourselves capable group of wizards and we are honored that one of you will join our ranks upon this concave's finish. Excuse me. Yes, Lord. Lord, we're going to one question. Yes. Who gets the things? Sorry. Who gets their things? The things of personal possessions we've lost half our number. I'm just curious if they're thinking if it's a dibs. Are you? No, if it's a dibs or... Are you under the impression that this concave is some sort of treasure hunting opportunity? Nobody brought things with them. They will be leading them that I'd rather than I'd wonder if they have some things. If your aspirants, your friends I suppose have fallen have bequeathed unto you and you want the things to go to use. I know I'd want. Here's an announcement. I'm making a formal announcement. Should've fake before me an untaught rise before my time. Use my things. They are good things. Many were made for me by my uncle, Renifold. He's a good man, a good craftsman. Please put my things to use. Should I die? Yeah, I like to think many before we would have shared this same sentiment. I, yeah, it rictus races his hand. Yes, my dear friend Presto Jones said I could have his stuff. Presto, Joe, I doubt very much that she gave you permission to take her stuff. I don't, yes, I don't want. I can tell you are very close friends. Yes, sorry. I bet he said that I could have a super-convether at the flag. It's like a regular Confederate flag, but it's got four lines instead of two. We burn that pretty fast, actually. That makes sense, yeah, no tricks. That's what I was going to do with this. That's fine. All right. That's great man. One of me to have his coasters. He had a set of coasters with the faces of characters from tales long ago. Who's, who's, who's come to the man? Burger man clears his throat. I'm, I'm still here. I didn't die. Well, and I didn't say anything like that. Can you imagine the internal identity of being dead while Burger man lives? Yeah, there's a lot of names on here that have beaten the odds. Don't go into the burger man. The gunk is still repping this set, and that's incredible. Gunk is the survivor good. The Duber Sweatleaf is Duber still around. I can't wait for you guys to meet Duber Sweatleaf. Breaks my heart. You haven't met Duber Sweatleaf yet. Or for Magio Bucatini, you guys need to, you need to fucking get out there glad. We got to bring it out. I just want to establish the memorial segment in case something does happen to one of them. Yeah, sure. Before you get your chance. Absolutely. Trace looks around. More hands start to go up. She says, we simply can't keep doing this. If you have questions, please direct them to the crystal in your grimoire, your personal assistant. We're very busy. We're the eight sort of sions of all magic in the fold. So we've got to get back to doing that. But rest up and we will proceed with the next trial in the two sunrises. Hence, that sounded weird. Bye. Um, Rickdus turns to Loriveth and to hellgram it. So this, um, hey, I need you guys to come over to my place after sundown to my, I have something really important. I need to ask you. Hmm. Okay, I'll see you then. Thanks for the two. I swear if he says, have you heard the word of God today and tries to give us a pamphlet? Okay, you head out, Rickdus. Uh, do you similarly head back, Loriveth and hellgram it? Yeah. I'm exhausted. I'm going to give us a chance to kind of talk together and get to know each other a bit. Is that something you're even remotely interested in doing, Loriveth? No, but there is a walk back. Yeah. I mean, I can't avoid that. Sure. And I'm too tired to run. So here we are. Okay, uh, you all, uh, the two of you walk back to your, uh, to your respective houses. I'm really bad. That burger man burns me up. I, what is your obsession with the burger man? I'm a coach. I'm a manager. Even as I ask it. Ah, have you seen him when he does his grease thing? Uh, oh, he's that. Oh. I was, I, to be honest, bug man. I thought I'd dreamed it. No, no, he shoots grease out. Can you imagine how helpful that would be to us in our endeavors to crush these other peons and take over the entire competition and win it for myself, ourselves? Oh, man. You feel you can trust this burger man? No. No, that's where I want him gone. Don't we inherit the powers of those who die? Isn't that? I thought that was the gig. I, I'm not sure I want that kind of pressure. I'm not sure these things work. I don't want to get to a point where I flick my wrist the wrong way and grease start shooting out. Well, that's an excellent point. I guess you don't have to be very, very, very, very deliberate. So, uh, you're looking for that brand deliberate. Deliberate. Yes. I, I just take so much from you. I am learning much from you. Give me a perception check both of you. Why? You're funny. I'll see you for learning from each other. I'll tell me why. Uh, uh, thanks. It was, uh, is it? It's a, lucky seven. Okay, both. Adam, together, it's 37. Hell, yeah, man. Wow. Both of you are completely oblivious to the fact that Burger Man is traipsing back to his tent basically right behind you And he just kind of like brushes past the two of you between His greasy tears splash to the ground leaving a trail of and now you both need to make a dexterity saving throw It's not it's not a cartoonish spray Travis. This is real shit Okay, I mean I Don't you stepping on it trivialize you're crying Burger Man scene. Oh, okay seeing that Yeah, maybe I'm not quite so jealous. Yeah, right I feel like that's the clip we're gonna sit in the Jared letter where we ask him to play burger man He said pickles dead pickles to everybody he was gross It'd be great if you filled the hot tub with mustard to getting character He kept saying I'm he kept saying I'm flipping out as like a joke, but that really was yeah You would say it and then wait a really long time to see if we laugh We're so weird and then he hopped on his lights like going road away It would be so kick ass if everyone got to the end of the taz royale movie and we're like I love that burger man's performance, but then he takes his head off of it feeling It's been Jared led at the whole time and he's like he looks right in the camera says yeah, I bet this is confusing for you You like one of my movies finally got you let oh rip we did it Hollywood You as you are walking back to your respective places of residence Lord of it you see Grycon waiting by the entrance to his you know his palatial estate he survived the last trial and And he he looks a little bit down and as you come by he says look Lord of it How did you find this last trial? Carl I'll be All this with you. I found rather unnerving to be sharing my consciousness with Some of the other members of my of my team would have you yes, I Same which was you know you ask life fiercely individual being forced into that against my With it without my agreement filter felt a bit of a trespass. Yes Yes, that rictus he is just a bog full of worms up there is the knee. Okay. I'm sorry, Elgrimad I didn't see you there. You're such a nice light Am I intruding? I thought we know I just wanted to Check in to see how you were finding the The contest. Yes, I enjoyed that I enjoyed the bean inside somebody else's skin. I thought that was you are Usually upsetting To speak with very opening eye opening to me That's a shame give me an insight check Lord of it. Hellgram. You can do one two if you'd like 13 okay One that one This is crazy Helgramad thinks that Gricot is loving this yeah, Lord of it with a 13 you have competed with Gricon I mean dozens if not hundreds of times it is sort of he is he is your Your rival and that is a sort of important role in this like competitive Goliath society you came up in You can tell that like the thrill the glory of battle that you have seen kind of like Emblazing to cross his face is not is just not there he is he is You're familiar enough with your your culture and with Gricon that you know that he is not Is it is Is it is it really I don't know what team he was on or like how they did is it related to the He was on one of the later teams you didn't compete directly against him You can see he is holding a the same kind of like little small leather sack With a gold class but around it so like his team won like you can tell is his team won they did great It is just a I don't know he seems he seems to not have that kind of post glorious battle glow that you have You know seen him exhibit especially when he when he conquers a a foe as he's done here today He says I'm sorry to keep you How do you plan to spend your your intermediary time? Gricon if you don't mind me asking why are you See month settle is the contest Proving to be too much for you He looks down at your your own prize bag and says it would appear that I performed much much better than you did in the last trial It is not a question of performance it is a question of Satisfaction it's this I Came here Not to see his guard who knew but because this is supposed to be the greatest competition that a magic user can aspire to but the thrill isn't There lower with something something feels wrong Do you not share this feeling? I Gervin I want it can I do an insight check on myself sure? Little a bit of it, but yeah, if only we're that easy IRL I know 15 okay, yeah 15 good role It is tough. I do not want to tell you what your character is feeling. I think I can tell you that You are also familiar with the spirit of competition. You are familiar with the feeling of of competition and what is always so exciting when you are competing especially in a life or death sort of endeavor as this is is the kind of like how unexpected it is how anything could happen the dynamic sort of nature of a high stakes contest and For as much sort of peril as you have been put into there is something about what Gregon is saying that kind of resonates with you where this doesn't it hasn't felt like a War it hasn't felt like a duel to the death something does feel Here's Gervin if I could ask a wait. I'm pretty used to the the circle of preparation combat right after My feeling right now how and I know that that normal feeling of like Satisfaction and there's I think for him. There's normally like a bit of calm after competition where it's like he feels like he he can rest for a little bit And the next one and he feels that sort of like balance I think Okay Yeah typical that's the usual that is the usual and is that what you're feeling now? This is what I'm asking you right so I'm asking you right now. That's what I would normally be right how does how does my mental state that the mental state that he's experiencing that that is being alluded to by right okay I will say this with a With a 15 you understand what Gregon is saying there is something there is something that has felt off about these victories There is something that has felt a little bit a little bit off And I don't know how how Lord of it would feel about that but with this insight check into yourself There is something inside you that kind of understands what what he is saying Well, Gregon there's nothing inside me that understands what you're saying Unfortunately, none of it resonates with me whatsoever rest well. He he that kind of like shakes him out of it He smiles and says yes you the end you as well and you bug then I Sorry for sort of ignoring you you have made it as far you deserve my Respect oh well. Oh, yeah, well, I agree I take it back immediately there is nothing respectable about what just happened good evening and he goes inside of his house to rest You think he likes me he opens the door. No, not really. No, I was talking to Lord of it. You said it normal Shots historic You've got to remember human hearing so much better than bug hearing you're like 30% vibrations That I know and when people speak of that low register I can pick up a damn thing. I think it's mostly smell for you Right a lot of smell yeah, which is tough that stuff Let's jump forward into the evening. I'll give you guys time to you know pursue your own extracurricular activities here But I do want to resolve what Richtus has set up Elgram and Loravath you Make your way to Loravath or you would Loravath here in one of the nice houses. Yeah, or Richtus is in one of the nice I was one of the nice houses. Yes. I misspoke Richtus is in a nice house. Loravath and Helgram it. Do you make your way to Richtus is? You know somewhat palatial estate. Yeah, okay well after You said we have some free time. I'm going to the cliff to go to sleep. I'm going to level up Oh, that's wasn't an option, but okay, it will be Yeah, yes, we will be leveling up today, but in this moment so Loravath you are you are not going you are going to sleep No, we should have a conversation. Yes. Okay fine. Okay, you know what here's what happened I got distracted by the conversation that I was having with them and I walked over there before I realized what I was doing. Okay, cool. You all make your way to Richtus's place Richtus you open the door in there. Yeah, come in. Come in. Please Do you guys want something to drink? I've got Sylve Young Grunk and some throx hard lemonade No, thank you. I just got to call for it. Okay I would like I'll try the the thing the grunk thing the Sylve Young Grunk. Okay All I'm able to get up here is like org Alcohol stuff. Sorry guys. Um, can I mean I Sure, well, we'll accept to orcahull. Yeah, orcahull That was sorry. That was not in world because him saying that would Make it and well, so I just some aggro is asking you If orcahull is permissible. Yeah, it's good. It's good and great Um, I have two things I want to talk to you guys about first of all What do you think about thunder dogs? Oh my god, it's a scud light Sorry, yeah, I had one of those I had a scud light in years you want a scud light? Yeah, that was scud light Here you go. Um, what do you think about thunder dogs? Um, okay that that will that be fine Like for a team no, like a team no like a team name because like you might think we're underdogs But we're actually thunder dogs Oh team name oh Thunder dog I like it thunder dog and then we can like call my house like the den or the can or something What do you think dog den wolf wolf like a wolf den? Yeah, I guess pack Pack is good their house. This is my house Why do we call it So we don't lose track Okay, it's just like my stuff is here. I'm right naming rights. I feel like we're making with me Okay, I think law this place is a fight name Okay, generations That's not I mean that's just something that's been sucking me head for a while, but the reason I asked you guys here um, you know, I came here Because like I want to prove that like necromancy isn't just like evil and there's other uses for it But since I've been here man, it's just been like one thing after another and it just starting to feel Really dark and kind of heavy and I need your guys help performing It's it's an old raven wood kind of right Um, a ritual if you will and I need your guys help To put a bag of dog poop on the gentleman's front doorstep and light it on fire and watch from the bushes as he stamps it out and gets poop all over his shoe Oh The boy this necromancy stuff is dark though. That's dark I think it'll really help kind of clear the darkness around us and kind of transfer it to him Um, I would like to do a Religion check awesome to see if this is a if he's kidding Or if it's a prank right or if it's real There's three things it could be yeah Well, I guess we'll decide oh my god. Yeah Yeah, that is a natural 20 that's a natural 20 Natural 20 I mean Travis You're the one who can answer this question with my natural 20 no lies no bullshit. He got a nat 20 dude He has been told okay, where this has been told by his the ghost of his great-great-grandfather Yeah, that this is totally a real right and ritual of the raven wood family But it exists in no religion ever. Okay, cool. Yeah, no, you're we haven't seen him in a while. You're tiny tiny tiny great-great-great-grandfather goes Up heers with this 20 I think I can speak to him for a shoulder. Yeah, with a 20 you can see him You can see the ghost of his great-great-great-grandfather. You're so little and he says that's right Fantastic explain you explain you a vendacity. I'm sorry. This is Richter's raven with the first Yes, I mean it's great great-great-great-great-great-grandpa. There's a number of greats in there I can't keep them straight But this is with we love doing this kind of stuffed out at the crossroads Making a skeleton step and didn't shit Ghost man. Ghost man. Is it magic? I? Yes, Ghost man We you speak plain to me now is this magic You're in the middle of the world's most sort of premier magic using contest. So yes, this is a man I rolled a 20 Do you just like slinging poo on people's watches? Or is it an arcade art? You don't understand that Remantic and really really well. I understand everything about that. Remency on roll the 20 Yes, but still then you know you know the darkness that can fess your heart It's you have to let it loose a little bit and cut it up and get silly No, I know that I know that whatever dark magic I do on others is resisted on me three times over That's what I know there. There is a heavy knock at the front door. I'll get it Helper Helper met you open the front program who's been having a very confusing few minutes up. Yeah, I have He has an understanding that who you were talking to you open the You open the front door to the house and you see Standing there at the front door mat Sorry, give me one second Open the front door standing there uh on the door mat leading inside is an orangutan and the orangutan he is holding a small brown paper bag. He looks at you Helgram. It kind of curiously Then he looks over your shoulder over at you Richtus and he holds up the brown paper bag kind of like nods. I hand him yeah, I hand him to throx hard lemonade's his payment Yeah, he hands you the brown paper bag He's grab hub He says He smiles we're speaking of this all claps He claps his hands and then cracks one of the the brusquies just drains it right there and then sort of scampers back Shampers back to his house Which is easier neighbor actually he's in a gold house as well Scampers over to his his name Clyde his name is no, that's Franklin and this this brown paper sack Helgram it and Lord if you can it smells so bad and it is a bag of shit and he's just delivered to you Richtus So the hard parts done really Well it depends on how much fiber he had in his diet He only eats bananas and I don't know How that translates I can't believe you just said that Is it wrong? You just said the Franklin leads bananas. 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That's rocket money.com slash adventure one last time rocket money.com slash adventure Got a few announcements before you get back to the rest of the episode We got some new merch up in the Mcroy merch store over at Mcroy merch.com New t-shirt with a helping is a always a free action design on it There's a 20 make it stick and namel pins on there Lots of really really great stuff this month and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to border angels whose services include educational programs water drops in the desert day laborer outreach Familius reunite us immigration bond fund program and shelter aid support into you want to to aid migrants and asylum seekers in need I also want to let you know that I have a book coming up very soon. It's a choose your own adventure book It's called the stowaway. It's appropriate for middle grade readers But I think it's a rollicking adventure a survival tale set in outer space that that anyone would get a thrill or two out of There's entry there's action. There's stunts. There's everything that a book can't have I think those are the three right I said action and stunts right? Yeah, no, that's all of it So you can pre-order that now at bit.ly slash Griffin stowaway And it would be gosh just a huge help to me if you would consider doing that the book is $10 And it comes out again on March 10th. So don't wait go ahead and secure your copy today That's it enjoy the rest of the episode we will be back with a new one in two weeks. So talk to you then bye Hey, it's tv chef fantasy league, you know the podcast where we watch cooking competition shows and we treat them like fantasy sports Right now we're getting ready for top chef Carolinas We spend all year covering these competitions, but now it's time for the main event the apex predator of competitive cooking Television shows tune in for after team and play along with your hosts. Sierra Kato Mike Gabelon and if you want to wait New episodes every week at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts Wonderful is a podcast where we talk about things we like that's hard to sell in a promo like this So we've enlisted the help of piano rock superstar Billy Joel to tell you about some of the topics we've covered Take it away real Billy Joel Actually did that was Listen to wonderful every Wednesday on maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks real Billy Joel. No problem Griffin You Fast forward dusk is settled. It is fully dark of nighttime now and the three of you are about to About to do a pretty good prank. I bet. Let's talk me to talk me through it right just So here's here's what I'm thinking right Hellgrain it you've got that camouflage carapels right? We are thinking like my brother. Yeah And so you go over you sneak over you pop that bagger on there, right? Yeah, yeah, and then Loreveth what kind of fire stuff do you have? Hmm I have the Little little lightning Okay, here's okay. I can all use chromatic orb right and send a fire thing as unpredictable over Yeah, now I'll set I'll set the back on fire and then you like throw some rocks to knock on the door Right and we hide and then we'll watch as he like goes to stamp it out But it's poop right and then you'll get a good ball for sure. Did I cast lightning lash on the back of turrets? No, no, no, no You're you're hurling rocks and stuff to knock on the door How did it catch a flame? I I'm gonna use chromatic orb Uh and shoot like a fire a little fireball out of it I thought chromatic orb was just color the whole time. No My understanding now Mike My cousin cast chromatic orb that was his whole thing and my understanding was it was just color balls So you tell him is more useful than that. Yeah, it's different elements and stuff No, are you serious? Yeah, I would have been nicer to him. Okay All right, I thought he was just a decorative kind of guy All right, let's get the stealth Now it makes sense when I used to ask him for help decorating for parties That's so offended it makes much more sense Elgrablet let's get a stealth check with advantage using your chameleon carapace as you creep up to the door to deliver the bass So good That's uh 13 and That's Another whopping seven Yeah, with a 13. I mean this is a this is a closed door dead of night You have no reason to expect that the gentleman is uh is you know awake or looking out of his windows as you sneak up with your chameleon carapace Activated you are able to deposit the the brown bag that Franklin gave you all and retreat back to the bushes Or the other two are hiding Yeah, okay, be chill me come on I can't wait You can't say prank him yet bug man. I got to get in there before come on man All right chromatic orb is just a range to text spell Okay, I assume you're using fire Not 20 holy fucking shit. I don't know Travis. I'm so tempted in this moment to just you obliterate No, with a nads 20 it should have an exactly as I wanted to I mean with a nads 20 you're gonna roll double damage double fire damage But I don't want to do double fire damage. You shouldn't roll the nads 20 my man, but I get to decide what happens You don't do nads way trust me. This will be great double fire damage Jesus Christ alive 31 points of fire damage Travis You try that poop doesn't stand a chance, but it's still totally worth a 31 you send this chromatic orb flying at the front stoop of the house It touches the bag and there is a humongous explosion of fire Uh that implodes in on itself. It's it's a very controlled sort of spell. I will give you that with this nads 20 there is a Ashy black spot on his stoop where the bag was and As you look at the sort of like destruction you have wrought you here Oh, and behind you Franklin hands you another bag of shit Thank you, and he kind of like shakes his head at you like that was too much fire man. Okay, that was way too strong, dude Okay, round two Okay, so yeah, thank you, Franklin and I hand him two more throx hard livinates Oh Kind of gives you an eye and then wonders back off to his his house. Okay, this time. Let's try a lighter Lighter yeah, I hand I hand uh hell gram the new bag and a lighter Okay, oh All on me so you put it there and then like the bag and then run back here Right, okay, got you okay. All right, give me another stealth check with advantage. Please Oh It's an that one The other one See now ones on advantage they said it couldn't be done. I dropped the bag and to step in it. I'm gonna need I need like step our math forward listeners. Yeah, you know who you are. I need to know What are the odds of I think it's one in four hundred juice genuinely. I think it's you would do 20 times 20 I think it's one in four hundred for this to be the moment for this to be a meaningful role like I have to find a way to punish this in an enormous Yeah, I really need to take like 30 seconds because it's got to have like a narrative. Yeah, it's got to be powerful man Like a long lasting like a huge long lasting It's as big as fuck up and my man is fucked up in some way. Yeah, no, it's truly catastrophic Yeah, sorry to be clear dad's biggest D&D related right yeah, right This does come close to real life ones. I have a suggestion How about if he's giggling gets out of control and it gives him away But we're looking for like dad you giggle so hard that your ass falls off all your ass falls off in the ziggurat Island falls to the ground and destroys the world Like a one in four hundred fuck up is like so big my man And it's like a huge opportunity for narrative growth. I have spare arms if you want to do that bit again Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome Okay not one that one you creep up towards the door and Hellgram it you scuttle up to the front door and you deposit this bag Right on top of these sort of like black and the ashy spot where the other bag was destroyed and you get the lighter out and begin to flick it trying to trying to light this bag you struggle to do so and It seems like it's not lighting and you're like trying to check out exactly what's going on with this lighter trying to troubleshoot it and it it burns your your kindness thumb and you you drop it into the ground and it sort of like slides off of the porch into the bushes in front of the gentleman's home and Rick this is like standing off in the bushes with his arms raised like big guys like Yes, not the same bushes that he just dropped the lighter into different different hide and hide in bushes a few seconds go by and before you can locate this lighter into the in the bushes where you dropped it smoke begins to pour upwards from these bushes as very quickly a conflagration appears in in front of the gentleman's house. What do you do? I guess hellgram it what do you do first since you're right up on it? Hellgram it is going to use frost fingers to try to put the fire out. Okay Frost fingers is an attack roll I believe um yeah Okay, actually uh constitution saving throughout taking 2d8 cold damage on a field save or half as much damage on a successful one Why don't you will say this you're gonna roll damage and if you can hit a certain damage threshold obviously the fire can't dodge this is a question of like is this enough kind of like ice so roll 2d8 and if you can beat a uh an 11 with your damage this will this will put the fire out. You realize I have a chance of rolling four ones in a row here 2d8 why invoke that I just I okay here we go a one and a six so that's seven with a seven is insufficient you blast one of the bushes freezing it solid but the fire at this point has spread uh and has begun to sort of flames are beginning to lick at the uh the windows uh of of the gentleman's house. That was fire. Fire. Help here fire. I'm in the cast chromatic war begin but this time sorry this time it's water. Okay um so a ranged attack that's a nat one uh okay yeah the orb goes wide and tall it actually goes up way above where the bushes are uh into uh one of the windows of the house smashing out the window and inside of the house you hear a good bluish and you hear well what the what's going on here uh and you hear footsteps beginning to uh run towards the the front of the home. Thunder dogs run! At this point the fire uh has spread it is now uh it is now like the house is on fire the home is the home is ablaze you can see like the front paneling of this uh of the the very nice residence uh has begun to uh blacken and uh and smoke and uh are you going to run? uh I believe that's what I said Griffith. Okay uh I mean that's easy enough for you and Lord of If uh if you want to just get away you are you know not not close to the house uh hellgram it if that is your plan you're I'm gonna need a a roll for. Just to be clear I was kind of at it. Lord of this is kind of at a distance where if he took like five steps away he could act like he was not he was he was involved in a different scene yeah for sure. He's like he's so on the br- I haven't spoken for ten minutes he's so on the briefer of this I can't be cleared up. I I don't think I can get it. Hellgram is gonna cast frostfingers again but this time he's gonna do it properly because what he should have done before which roll three d8s. Oh you're gonna cast it. Okay now it's time to say the fire has spread. We're gonna need a we're gonna need a higher roll here uh with 3d8 I think a 14 14 or higher. Okay come on baby come on baby. A four a two and a six that's 12. That is a 12 uh with a 12 you are actively blasting the front of his house with icy magic uh sort of ineffectually as the front door of the house opens and there in his uh robe and sleeping cap you see the gentleman from Whizbury uh standing there looking at you a gased he says what do I know I think you're doing I saw your house was out fire I'm trying to help but my magic is not very powerful I'm sorry but my heart is pure. Rictus comes running out from a distance out of breath yeah I tried to chase him but Dr. Woo-Koom got away sorry Whizbury yeah uh we saw him he was he put a bag of poop on your step it was trying to let it on fire and we came across him and I tried to get him huh. Time's wasted let's get this fire out boys. I'm gonna need a deception roll from uh both of you uh uh insight uh he got a 16 on his insight roll oh boy. Well Griffin I got an eight total uh he looks at both of you looks at his house as it begins to go up in flames uh and uh both of you make a wisdom saving through please okay 18 plus 4 22 10 plus 2 12 all right this is the first time rictus that you have resisted the effect of his time stopping power you see the world slow down you see the flames uh as they begin to lick uh up to the roof of the house grow to a near standstill uh and you can see uh oh give me a stealth check okay 17 plus 2 19 fuck yes he doesn't realize that you are not stopped you can see him look at you and at hell gram it and for uh it's not a flash he thinks the world is frozen a look of deranged malice appears on his face and this sort of like nice fancy gentleman demeanor that he has uh stops he first walks over to hell gram it uh and you can see him put his uh hands sort of like under hell gram its armpits and lift him in a sort of like unnatural way uh here in this like frozen time moment uh like physics seems to be behaving a little bit differently uh as he now begins to pull him backward into uh into his house um he does so he pulls him into deep into the kitchen uh you can see him walk to the back door and uh turn the lock with some effort uh and then he walks back outside of the house up to you uh and he begins to grab you sort of similarly under the armpits to drag you into his flaming home as he walks uh to me driven i'm gonna sweep the legs so he falls into the fire oh shit okay give me an attack roll please uh 13 would i have advantage this is a surprise attack for sure this is a surprise attack attack i will for sure grant that please give me uh okay the 13 is what i got that's the highest one uh a 13 does not hit uh however you do sort of i mean you shock him right you you go to sweep the leg out he has a little bit more use things it's like moving through molasses you are still not quite used to like moving in this space but seeing you moving and resisting this effect he makes a face that suggests that perhaps this has never happened before as that happens he breaks concentration the spell ends hell gram it you are now in the middle of this flaming building uh because of rictus uh you know the gentleman didn't finish doing whatever it was he was going to do um and so uh things are not so desperate for you but if you remain in this house they they will become desperate very quickly uh the gentleman looks at you rictus and says how on earth did you do that oh uh it's because i'm smarter and better than you piss berry uh what do you do hellgram it and law of it i guess you're still kind of seeing this unfold can i unlock the kitchen door yeah i think oh hellgram is going to unlock the kitchen door try to get out of it yeah it is i mean it's not hard for you to do so right you're on the inside of the door you can unlatch the deadbolt and uh and and make it out um and as you do so like a beam from the ceiling falls and crashes down into the kitchen uh where you were standing if if this had gone differently uh you all definitely would have been trapped inside of a burning building but you are able to make your way outside uh relatively quickly um as you do that uh an alarm sounds just a allowed ringing clacks on from the center of the island and you see a uh a dozen sort of buckets of water floating in a line sort of uh fantasia style uh as a bunch of unseen servants come and begin to uh douse the flames uh a lot of the other aspirants have come out to uh see what's going on obviously this is a pretty tight tight hold time the whole time this is happening driven i rictus is like holding the gentleman's eye like staring at each other because rictus wants the gentleman to know that he saw him doing what he did okay cool uh i love that you are locked in with the uh with the gentleman uh just sort of staring each other down as the fires uh sub side and smoke begins to pour out of uh the gentleman's room and house um and as that happens you see uh osham and he actually materializes uh in like a little floating uh like crystal ball a sphere of of glass that just kind of floats over you see an image of osham saying what has happened here please uh who who was the cause of this blaze the gentleman looks at you and then looks over at the ball and says i was smoking a pipe and i was being careless my apologies i've seen you repair greater damage to this island hopefully you can get my domiciled back to a respectable state without much effort uh he's continuing to lock in on you rictus yeah you'll have to be more careful in the future huh osham says yes uh we will repair your place please uh gentleman you can rest in uh one of the houses of one of the fallen aspirants for the evening as we repair your home um everyone back to bed you oh have a what ain't gonna set no the noise of this whole calamity had a woken me I briefly honed over to see what the danger was but it looked too perilous so i kept a good distance give me a deception check please lore of it it's i think it's only half deception but i will i will grant you that good moron fall asleep no i've been pretty vocal about he's been sort of like play lay it back a little bit i'm sure of this whole i really let you guys have your move if you remember i was trying to walk to bed and have been for 30 minutes right so okay so i roll a 13 uh okay yeah with a 13 no one here has any reason to think you're lying i think that johnman looks up at you for like a second then quickly comes back to you rictus uh and he says i pride myself on my ability to get along with just about everyone rictus but it would appear that you and i are oil and water and we are going to have to solve this sooner rather than later i think yeah and he walks off he gives you a dirty look uh hell gram it as you kind of like hell gram actually what are you doing you made it safely out of the back of the house uh are you do you is the fire is the fire out the fire is out the unseen servants have put it out the house is ruined and you can tell like looking in through the back windows like some of his stuff got pretty burned up in there so uh and you're not sure if that's going to be repaired um as easily um i think uh um hell gram it turns to the uh to the mysterious gentleman the gentleman from was very gentleman from wasbury and says uh um so no arm done uh could we have our lighter back uh uh uh you can see actually one of the unseen servants finds uh finds the lighter uh in the bushes and kind of like it i mean he's an unseen so you can't tell exactly hell no that doesn't make any fucking sense he says no no you may not okay uh yeah i'll come back later that's fine that's cool uh rictus goes over to join law of ethin calls hell gram and over and says like okay so now that our first thunder dog's mission is complete i have a few notes and what a success it was well i'm gonna say c-minus yeah well blame the dice um pranklyn walks back up to you on his fists and looks up at you rictus and there's like a tear in his eye and you you i think at first you think he's sad because you fucked up so bad but it's a tear pride and then you think like maybe pranklyn's in this pretty fucked up stuff yeah man maybe pranklyn's idea of a prank is arson and he's actually smiles and nods up and down and no no pranklyn that wasn't that wasn't no it wasn't the intention uh you translate what he just said in abyssal loosely to uh you get it now huh and he uh pranked pranklyn no he holds up another bag another brown bag and nods he points at another house oh franklyn no he points at his he points at his own house and shrugs no wait like Sharon's fraud now you said it you're rooting you maximum fun a work road network of artist own shows supported directly by you