Laser Stories (4/1/26)

I It's the radio segment that's bringing a new layer of fun to football stadiums. Okay, you've heard of cheerleaders Now they're adding beer leaders Posting up on the big screen which section has downed the most beers during the game. Oh like the actual leaders Yes, a competition like come on section 308 120 more Budweiser's will take the lead 309's passed out they won with the laser stories the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does except We've got a laser Those other beer leaders just don't this first laser story is out of a fan favorite, Florida Remember that Willy Wonka experience last year in Scotland. That was such a huge disappointment. It reduced kids to tears International news. Oh, yeah. Well, it kind of happened again But this time it was Barbie's good name that was dragged through the mud Dear they seriously, you know how hard she worked for everything. Yeah drag Ken not her Unless it's mud wrestling Barbie then she shouldn't be anywhere near the mud. It's not the point of Some folks paid up to $450 to attend the Barbie dream fest at Broward County Convention Center in Fort Lauderdale That is so much money. Yeah, yeah conventions are no joke But what they got instead was a total nightmare the massive space was filled with just a few vendors and Cheesy attractions like a 20 foot by 40 foot roller skating rink and the giant The giant Barbie interactive dream house was just a giant cardboard cutout I Know you're supposed to use your imagination when you play with Barbie, but Really downsized her dream house scenario to this is the smallest roller skating rink Plus all the speakers that were supposed to be there cancelled do a sickness where they ever really supposed to be there What they say people who attended Barbie dream fest are comparing it not only to the Wonka experience, but to firefest as well No dreams there just nightmares No word if the event organizers will refund disappointed attendees their money How could they not but it does give Mattel a new idea for their next doll scam Barbie Everyone's money in the shadiest way possible $1,000 This next laser story is out of Bob Bay For decades, there's been a chunk of carved limestone in a Dutch museum that looked like it could have been some kind of game board It's about 1700 years old So it's not like they could ask anybody how it would work Oh, yeah, like maybe put marbles in there. Yeah, like square with some all right They didn't know until now Oh, we don't have to play because a group of archaeologists and computer scientists fed it to AI and it came up with several possible Ideas, okay The main one that was suggested was a blocking game where one player tries to trap the other opponent's pieces until they can no longer move Yeah, where marks on the slab support this idea so scientists tried to replicate what AI said to do and they believe it's actually correct Oh It's true. This would be the earliest relic of connect for out there Just kidding, but it would be the earliest board game ever invented the other intriguing takeaway from this is Maybe we're getting to the point where scientists could walk through museums Showing AI a bunch of stuff in there that we don't understand yet And it would connect the dots in ways that humans haven't been able to you know what and even if AI was making it up We'd believe it anyway Better than not knowing let's go to your next laser story out of condiment corner Everyone in the world goes crazy for McDonald's for better for worse. Oh, yeah, but ranch dressing. That's just an American thing, right? I think I don't think they do ranch in other countries Oh, yeah, I say that cuz Hidden Valley Ranch is looking to hire ranch ambassadors to send over to Europe We're gonna spread the good word of ranch missionaries And they're gonna spend two months showing foreigners how ranch can complement all of their local favorites In Paris eating snails and dipping them in ranch Maydays is huge in that country It's not gonna be a big jump for them And it would it be two teams of two people doing the work You don't have to be a couple but you do have to be cool sharing housing and feeding each other salad Ranch rodeo All travel expenses are covered for you So if you're interested you can go to our insta stories at Brooke and Jeffrey click the link to their website fill out your application to become a Ranch ambassador All the ranch you can eat man. Let's go to your final laser story out of salutation central You've probably heard of the Irish goodbye. Yeah, where you leave a party without saying farewell to anybody Same as a French exit, right Sometimes you'll end up puking in a neighbor's bush, too But have you ever heard of the Midwest goodbye, oh is that where you stay for 80 minutes and say good-bye It's kind of the opposite of an Irish goodbye where you say so long to everybody at the party and it takes absolutely forever That's my dad. That's my husband and my kids are always dying No, my dad will hunt you down if we're at a barbecue like oh, I forgot to say goodbye to Christina one second like According to the Chicago Tribune most of it involves lingering in doorways Quote we spend so much time standing on a threshold one hand on a doorknob resisting leftovers hugging promising to return Resisting leftovers once again listening to just one more story being unable to extract ourselves That is the definition of a Midwest goodbye Everyone you're like should I just stay Which is completely different than an Australian how do you do You ever heard of that It starts out as a friendly hug where both people lean in at the same time But then somehow one of you ends up down under Nobody's mad about it. That's a good one means laser stories has come to an end for the day We'll do it again same time on Friday