281 - Witnesses

Howdy, it is Jeffrey Cranor telling you that Welcome to Night Vale is coming to Europe. Specifically, we will be in Edinburgh on May 27th, 2026, Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May 30th. Those tickets are on sale right now, so go get them and come see our newest live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest, that last week of May of 2026. Murder Night in Blood Forest is maybe the funniest, wildest show we've done for a live show tour, so I really hope you all can come check it out. Tickets are available at welcometonightmail.com slash live. And hey, if you like other things that we make, you can check out some other podcasts like Random Horror 9, where Cecil Baldwin and I talk horror movies, or Best Worst, where Joseph Fink and Meg Bashwinter discuss the IMDb-rated best and worst episodes of important television shows. And of course, Alice Isn't Dead is returning April the 13th, so make sure you are subscribed to that. Okay, and now on to your Night Vale episode, and hey, thanks. Have you tried unplugging it and then not plugging it back in? Welcome to Night Vale. We have some big developments in our town-wide murder mystery. A witness has been discovered in the killing of local angel and billionaire Marcus Vanston. The witness is a man named Ace of Base. No relation. Ace likes to sit in the corner booth at the Moonlight All Night Diner, watching the world through the smudged windows. He likes old hardware stores, how they smell, how idiosyncratic their organization is. He likes to go to an old hardware store with a specific item in mind, and then try to find it without asking anyone. It's a pleasant way to pass an afternoon. And he likes to take drives at night. It was during one of these drives that he saw what he saw. He reached out anonymously to our station, and we promised we would be very discreet about the information, which is why Dana Cardinal, in her role as unofficial investigator of this crime, went over to Ace's house at 1717 Insectarium Lane to take his statement. Dana reports that Asa Base reluctantly let her into his kitchen, which she said smelled like orange peels and rat poison. What did you see? Dana asked him. Not much, he said unhappily. I saw Marcus through the window. He was having an argument with someone. I think he was crying. Marcus Vanston crying, Dana said, frowning. Marcus was well known to be an unfeeling guy, and so this was surprising. I didn't see anything else, Ace of Base said, only a glance through the window as I drove past. You don't see much while driving, or I try not to, anyway. Do you have any idea who killed him? Dana asked. God knows, Ace of Base muttered, and escorted her back out onto his lawn, wishing her well with the sound of a slamming door. And now a word from our sponsors. Far down the coastline from any place where anyone lives is a village. Only a few people are left in this village. It is more a memory than a community now. In the village, there is a house. The house has seen generations of a family, but now there is only an old man. He is the last one who will live in this house, and once he dies, it will no longer be a house, but a kind of echo of a house. A thing that looks like a house, but will never again serve that function. Every morning, the old man walks down to the beach, and he looks around in the sand. He has never told anyone what he is looking for. Some mornings, even he can't remember. But he knows it is there, and if only he could find it, then maybe this all could be different. But he can't find it, and none of this can be different. Samsung. We make phones. This has been a word from our sponsors. Dana has located another witness in the murder of Marcus Vanston. Lakshmi Mahala had been shooting a student film on Marcus's front lawn at the time of the murder. She's enrolled at Night Vale Community College's prestigious film program. after being raised with her parents running the VHS rental annex at the Ralphs. She found that Marcus's front lawn was an ideal place to film her work, as he often had armed security come and start chasing her actors, which elicited some really authentic and exciting emotional work out of them. Dana met Lakshmi at Grove Park, where she was shooting the climactic confrontation of her latest short film. The two actors were directed to run at each other from a distance of about 30 feet. Try to get up some speed, Lakshmi told them, and no matter what, don't slow down or stop. Then she called action and the actors dutifully followed her instructions. As the actors were loaded into an ambulance, Dana interviewed Lakshmi. I remember seeing him pacing around his library, Lakshmi said. He seemed worried like there was something really important that he had forgotten or like he had a job interview and thought he might screw it up. Marcus Vanston was a billionaire, so never had a real job in his life Dana said That true said Lakshmi who had worked at her parents rental annex starting at age 10 She continued The next time I looked up at the window he was gone I figure he had left to call security on us, and I was setting up my camera to get some good shots of them beating up my actors. But the security never came. The day was kind of a bust, honestly. Dana wished Lakshmi well on her movie. Thank you, said Lakshmi. I endeavor to capture human pain. Oh, said Dana casually as she got up to leave. Long shot, but do you know who killed Marcus Vanston? Lakshmi shrugged. God knows, she said, and frowned as she examined a playback of the bodies colliding. And now for the community calendar. Monday is the Junior Scientist Fair at the Rec Center. Some of the exhibits from the children will include simple machines, constructing a basic circuit, and using mRNA to cure cancer. It seems all other scientific organizations in the country have been defunded by people who like cancer. So it's up to some plucky kids to continue the research. As someone who, unpopular opinion, I know, doesn't like cancer, I disagree with the political party that is pro-cancer and is trying to help cancer kill us. Tuesday is... no, hold on, hold on. I just... I... can I just... can I just say again that there is a political party in this country that is fighting the war on cancer on the side of cancer. That is the position they've staked out. That's what they want their neighbors and friends to know them for. And we do. We know who you really are now. Anyway, Tuesday, there's a shoe sale at Big Five Shoes. Wednesday, there will be road work on every single road simultaneously. We thought it would be more efficient this way, so plan for every single road to be closed. We don't quite have enough workers to cover all of the roads, so expect these closures to last no more than 8 to 15 years. Thursday is a fundraiser for the Merriam McDonald Memorial Fund. Fund president, Leah Shapiro, says to expect a raffle, a silent auction, and a ransom-based kidnapping situation. Leah added, I wish I could raise the money with normal stuff like big sales and extortion, but it's just not enough money to cover our costs. And so we will be kidnapping no more than 80 people, 100 maximum, and holding them for ransom. Don't worry, Leah continued, no one will be harmed as long as you pay up. If you don't pay up, buddy, people are going to be harmed. Friday is an open house at the Diego and Diego and Diego and Diego and Diego funeral home, the one owned by those nice quintuplets. Their saleswoman, Amber Aquini, will be showing off some of the services of the funeral home, including the two chapels, the grief lounge, and a fun demonstration of what it's like to be buried. Only the first 15 customers can be buried, she said, so try to get there early. Saturday and Sunday are taking the weekend off, so don't bother them. This has been the Community Calendar. A third witness has been discovered in the murder of Marcus Vanston, in what many are now calling maybe the most witnessed locked-room mystery of all time. This witness is Reggie, who lives in a tent under the Route 900 highway bridge. He used to live in a house in the weary chambermaid gated community, but one day he saw something while on one of his brisk morning hikes. I was hitting mile five and feeling strong, he told Dana, almost beating my personal best when I looked up and I saw the truth of the universe. There are dotted lines and arrows in the sky, you know. Dana told him that was interesting, but she was more interested in what he saw concerning the murder of Marcus Vanston. Oh, right, he said, that. His hands fiddled with some small device that's purpose was obscure, but that he held close to him as though it might be taken at any moment by malevolent forces. Yeah, yeah, I saw the murder. Dana leaned toward him. Now she was really getting somewhere, a witness that saw the moment when it happened. Tell me, she said. Yeah, I saw while sitting right here, he said. Here, she said, indicating the underpass. But we're miles from where the murder took place. Yes, it was in a dream, he told her as though explaining something to a small child. Ah, said Dana, starting to pack up her things. I saw Marcus Vanston, and I saw the sky open up for him. And a great voice spoke, and a thousand heads bowed. Interesting, Dana said, getting up and putting her bag on her shoulder. and then I looked down and realized I was naked in front of the thousand bowing people and I knew I was supposed to give a speech but I didn't know what the speech was supposed to be about and I hadn't prepared anything and then I woke up said Reggie. Anyway that's what happened hopefully it's helpful to you. Mm-hmm said Dana as she left. She did not ask him who killed Marcus Vanston because she didn't care to hear his answer. One final witness has come forward. Dana is on the way to speak to him now, though this is the one person in town who she is truly afraid to talk to. While we wait for her to nervously drive across town, let take a look at today weather Thank you Well I just a little optimistic and a little too much to take When I walked into this bar and caught a glimpse of your pretty face You were dancing with a man that smelled like money and champagne And when you caught my eye, I knew that I would never be the same Cause I'm a small town boy with big city dreams And you're a bright-eyed girl that was torn at the same By a world that told you you were nothing more than what your parents thought you should be But I say, sing out if you wanna sing And I'll sing along with you But tell me, would you take my hand if I have the nerve to ask you to dance with me? Cause I'm not like the other boys And you're not another girl Who's doomed to live behind a mask And never see the sun I have a pretty low opinion of myself and those around me I dance my way through every day And dream of other things I feel the weight of your attention Like a mirror on a crowded street Don't give me lies like other guys You only want me cause I'm out of reach Cause you're another boy who sees the disguise Of a beautiful girl with come save me eyes But the secret that I wish you'd see Is there's so much more to me but you say Sing out if you wanna sing And I'll sing along with you But tell me would you take my hand If I have the nerve to ask you to dance with me Cause I'm not like the other boys You're not another girl Was doomed to live behind a mask And never see the sun Sing for me one more time Before it's time for me to go You put your hand in mine But that was far too long ago You had me on my knees And then you walked away from me You do just as you please And I was just too blind to see You sing when you wanna sing And I'd sing along with you But you would never take my hand If I had the nerve to ask you to dance with me Cause I'm only another boy And you're just another girl Who's doomed to live behind a mask And never see the sun Sing out if you wanna sing And I'll sing along with you But tell me would you take my hand If I had the nerve to ask you to dance with me Cause I'm not like the other boys You're not another girl It's doomed to live behind the mask And never see the sun Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run. 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll, of course, have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now. Dana has arrived at the house of the final witness. It is her brother, Ethan Cardinal. They don't talk much, Ethan and Dana. They live very different lives. She was always driven. The future was a constant horizon she was moving toward. In school, she followed the rules and did all the tricks you need to do to get the grades, to get the college, to get the jobs, to get some version of success. It's a game, and she was naturally good at playing it. Ethan was not naturally good at playing the game. He was smart, but had trouble funneling his wits into the exact container his teachers wished him to. He too easily floated away onto other interests that drew him more. By 15, he was making little remote-control cars from scratch. The combination of electric work and the physics of making a car that not only could drive, but that was fun to drive. He could spend hours at that. And he did. Sometimes when he was supposed to be in class. He got in trouble a lot. Dana never got into trouble. Until she did. And as a result, many years later, a grim visitor came from another universe to get her revenge on Dana. and mutilated their mother in front of Ethan. This terrifying visitor had the same face as Dana, and now Ethan can't look at his sister without seeing it. The pain on his mother's face. The blood. Their mother is fine now. She has fully forgiven Dana, but Ethan hasn't forgiven Dana. For that matter, Dana hasn't forgiven Dana. They both resent her for the disaster she brought on her family. So, the siblings have that in common. Ethan lives in a small apartment complex on Quicksand Way, out near the airport. When a plane lands, the bones of the building shake, but fortunately, very few planes land in Night Vale. It is not a nice apartment, but it is an apartment that Ethan can afford. He works at the power plant. Despite his poor grades, he had a good understanding of electrical work and so was able to get a job there First as a low operator and now as a safety supervisor He proud of that He proud of what he managed to do despite his difficulties with the world His apartment still looks like he recently moved in There is a placeholder nature to the furniture and the few decorations on the wall. A sense of, oh, this is only until my real possessions arrive. He has lived in this apartment for five years. Come in, he tells his sister, and she does. She sits in a chair at the kitchen table. It does not match any of the other chairs. What do you want, he asks. You saw what happened to Marcus Vanston, she says. I don't know what I saw, he mutters, but he did. They both know that he did. I need you to set aside any bad feelings you have about me, Dana says. And Ethan shouts, I don't have any bad feelings about you. Then they're both silent for a few moments. I was taking a run, he says. Oh, I didn't know you were running, says Dana. That's great. Why is it great, he asks. Was I lazy before? No, that's not what I... Dana starts, then waves the words away. Never mind. Go ahead. I was taking a run, and I passed Marcus Vanson's house. Despite how nice it is, it's surprisingly near the airport. When a plane lands, it must be pretty loud there, too. Do planes ever actually land here? Dana asks, and Ethan shrugs. He continues. I saw. Marcus Vanston. He looked angry. He was shouting, and then he looked scared. I saw a shadow move toward him. I saw his mouth open. I saw his mouth close. I saw him fall. Dana leans forward. Did you see who murdered him? And please don't tell me who can say, or God knows, or anything like that. Just yes or no. Did you see? Ethan looks her in the eye for the first time since she arrived. Yes, he says. Okay, Dana is excited now. The case is about to be closed. Who was it? I can't say. I am trying to catch a dangerous killer, and you need to tell me who it is, Dana says, standing from her chair. Ethan shakes his head sadly. No, I can't say. My mouth will not form the words. I can't even describe them. But Dana, Ethan stands too. They face each other across the table. But Dana, I do love you. You are my sister, and I love you, and I need you to be careful, because this is not a mystery you should solve. I don't want you to be hurt. Maybe you don't believe me, but I truly don't want that. He touches her hand, the first physical contact they've had in years. Please, Dana, give this case up. Dana feels a thousand things at once. She steps around the table and pulls him into a hug, and he reluctantly allows it. As they hug, she whispers in his ear, I'm sorry, but I can't. The building shakes as a plane comes in to land. at the airport. Good night, Night Vale. Good night. Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by Disparition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather was Cabaret by Kid Romantic, featuring Jessica Wells. Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Night Vale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Night Vale Official. Or don't do that stuff. I don't care. But mainly, check out welcometonightvale.com, where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up-to-date directly from us to you. This is how we defeat the billionaires, by connecting directly with each other. Today's proverb. Today is talk like a pirate day. I'll go first. 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