Ep 269: Adam Ray

are we fucking rolling rolling look at that big reiner double r oh fuck tim dillon oh we're cooking uh yeah hungover inderson he just made the wall yeah what took so long got bumped uh burp wait wait what we left bernie well yeah we can go higher oh that's out of shot what if we move on to yeah we'll figure it out all right it's a bunch of dead people i'm fucking hurting dude i'm like i what was last night santino in town we were hanging at the cellar not the hottest crowd we were both a little annoyed yeah i was like you at a bar and i was like yeah we hit a fucking village haunt we get smashed nice good times yeah well the the last night was a rough night was the coldest day of the year so like half my shows got canceled it was crazy and and we just we're just getting lit up and it's like i tried to get normaned out i just oh yeah that's just missed me i was already over the bridge because you were on the bridge already i was like come on come join us but we yeah we were getting hammered some girl was on a date and she was next to us and she was trying she was chatting us like while on the date and she's like making out with some swedish guy and then she wouldn't go home with him so she just like was hanging with us and we were just like crazy she was bombed wow how was the sex i'll tell you after a few drinks she did look pretty good but so did santino you like a redhead man uh she was hilarious she was just telling a story she's like we were like why didn't you go home with him she's like because i got my brazilian tomorrow and and we're like yeah no guy gives a shit no i mean you could be on your period i'll still go down to you i don't give a shit exactly bloody mary yeah yeah my wife told me i wish i had known this she's like girls only want to have sex when they feel hot which is so weird i guess first impressions matter but i said if you really liked him you would have gone home with him and then you could tell she didn't really like him She's like, but he's so nice. And we were like, nice. And then I was like, let me guess, you banged a fucking jerk off like two weeks ago. And she's like, I did. She banged an asshole. I was like, nice guys finish less. They really do. They really do. Well, that guy finished first alone by himself. But yeah, they really do. It's sad. But the women want a nice guy, but they don't want to bang him. It's a horrible world. We got smashed. And they're giving us these like, you know, like when we were at the bar the other night, Analog, which is going to serve, Analog and the Village are going to serve Bodega Cat. Cool little swanky bar. and Mark and I go in there and they're making us like peanut butter whiskey drinks. It's like a PB&J but it's with our whiskey. Unreal. But that's the problem. They were making a shit like that at Sip and Guzzle last night and it's so good and you're just like oh man. Well they're like you know this is so good and they're like yeah we're not supposed to have seven of them. I'm like well then it'll make it taste like fucking peanut butter and jelly dude. I know of course. It's delicious. Yeah well the booze business is down so they gotta get creative. They're getting real. Kids are gonna start drinking with these tasty flavors. Well you hear what everyone's saying now. out there and drink. Yes. A lot of health experts are like, it's not worth the lack of isolation. Exactly. To be social, which I don't know if your body knows the difference. Right, right, right. But still, you meet people, you get laid, you make mistakes, you have fun, you have an adventure, you're living life. Speaking of drinking, you finally watched my Rex, Alicus. Well, I watched the first half like six months ago and then I put you off six months ago. And then you had to go get a Brazilian wax to finish it. And because I was like, this movie is not... Is that your review? I'm listening. Yeah, and I was like, it just doesn't do it for me. And then you're like, just finish the scene you're on. And I did, and I was like, this movie kicked into like six gear. Yes, it has everything. It's got the wife stuff, and then the fun with the friends, but then the trauma. It's got it all. It is a realistic look at how fun drinking can be and how sad drinking can be. Yes, exactly. And that ending, dude? Fuck. Heavy, heavy. Love a crazy ending, dude. That's a great movie. what is it, Dutch? I think, is it Danish or Norwegian? I don't know. It's Danish, but... I don't know the difference between the two, to be honest. It's too fun to be Norwegian. Or Denmark and Norway. Norway, that's the one that Simonson's from. It's the other one. Denmark. All right, that's what I did. There we go. Yeah, well, Mads Mikkelsen is such a good fucking actor, too. That guy rules. And also, this guy did another movie, Thomas Vinterberg, he did two other great movies. One's called The Celebration. Oh, my God. You seen that? I didn't know it was the same guy. Dude, so that movie, the same actor, The guy who's a racist brother is the friend in this. Holy shit. So the celebration is basically, this is the premise. It's a rich family. It's the dad's 60th birthday. And it's this big, fancy event. And the son gives his toast. And he goes, I'd like to thank everyone for being here. Specifically, you know, my dad, who fucked me and my sister when we were six years old. And that's how it starts. And you're like, how is this birthday going to get crazy? It's a weird-ass, dark movie. It's great. Like documentary style. Yeah. It's like the Dogma 95 guys who were just like, no hair, no makeup, no lighting. Just go. If you like a dog. I mean, funny in parts, too. So dark in some parts, obviously. He did another one called The Hunt. This director's sick. Wow. He's great. And Mads Mikkelsen's in The Hunt also. That's like a kind of like cancel culture type movie. Got it. About a teacher who gets wrongfully accused of sleeping with a student. Whoa. That one's pretty dark. But they're all fucking good, man. I'm hooked. The Celebration. I watched that this weekend. It's a fucking good flick. Where do you go from there? I mean... It's the full Menendez Brothers in the first two minutes. Yeah. No, I mean, that's kind of... I don't want to give it away. Okay. I want people to watch. It's great. Holy moly. But you were telling me about this. We were talking about another round. You were telling me about the director. Yeah. Winterberg. He based the son character after his daughter. Right. Who was, like, doing a lot of heavy drinking in college. And do you know the rest of the story? She died. Yeah. She died four weeks before filming. Oh. So it's like an emotional movie for sure. It's terrible, but yeah, dude, the movie is incredible. It's funny how emotion helps art. I think the Fleetwood Mac Rumors is one of the best albums of all time, and they were all fucking each other, breaking up, hating each other, loving each other. I think that's added to the album. Yeah, we should have fucked Godfrey. It would have been a better episode. Yeah, he'll talk dirty to you a lot. You know who else is a fan of fucking me? Yeah. Daryl Hammond said that was the best fuck he ever had. All right. Speaking of... But no, we love Godfrey. Speaking of the album Rumors, I've looked at this album maybe a thousand times. Did anyone notice those balls hanging on them? Oh, shit. Look at those, like truck nuts. Damn. It looks like the cherries at a slot machine. That's always been there. Huh. Yeah. I'm getting to the age where that looks pretty realistic. You sit down, you're like, oof. Yeah. The good days are over. I know, I know. The only time your balls feel tight anymore is when it's this cold out. That's true. Then I get a cold plunge. Oh, I love the cold plunge. I miss it. I can't do it in the winter, man. No, it's crazy. This is fucking crazy. It's good when you're drinking, though. When you're out drunk and the cold air hits you, it's kind of nice. Dude, you want to hear a crazy road story that happened to me this weekend? Mm-hmm. I'm at the DC Improv. I check into this hotel. Vitor arrives before me, so he already checks in. And I'm checking in, and they were like, yeah, you already checked in. I was like, no, no, this is my friend. They're like, all right, whatever. They just give me the key. veter and i are going to get lunch so he just walks to the room with me we open the door it's a husband and wife in the room and the guy goes what the fuck and i was like oh shit i'm sorry man i got the key right here and uh were they you know decent yeah they were decent but it was still uh it's still like weird you know it's intrusive and you're like oh shit and then he goes you're that comedian i was like oh shit i'm sorry man oh wow so we i'm like and he was like he laughed it And then we go to the front desk and we're like, oh, this happened. They weren't even like that nice about it. They were like, all right, whatever. And we were like, that's kind of weird. Yeah. You fucked me. I could have gotten shot and walked into the wrong room. And you just look like a dick. And they were like, all right, here's your new key. It's like, are we good? And I was like, Vito and I looked at each other. I told Vito, I felt like we were on like a hidden camera Jew show. Do they haggle? And we were like, we were looking at each other like, there should be a lunch. Yeah. They should have offered a free lunch. although even when they do Vitor always says it doesn't feel as good as when you pay for it but the hidden camera usually would be too sad here we are on Bondi Beach and you're like no dude then we we go to the we go to the room and Vitor's like there should have been a lunch they should have offered breakfast so I'm like so I'm like checking in I just hear him on the phone haggling they offer a lunch and then we go downstairs and we're eating lunch and like three people come over to apologize. And I was like, that's weird. They were not that apologetic at first. And three people come over. They couldn't be nicer. And one guy goes, here's your new room. It's the presidential suite. Wow. Fucking upgrade. See, the squeaky wheel. It gets the grease. The theater's good. Although I will say, while he was on the phone, he was talking a lot of shit, and he was pretending to be me. So when he was like, you know, this is Samorell. This is really unexpected. I'm like, dude, you're making me sound like a fucking asshole now. Was he like, yo. Oh. Did he go all the way? And the irony is they're trying to keep it out of the act, and here it is in the act already. Well, but they were nice in the end. Okay. And I was like, this is unnecessary. They're like, no, we insist. And I was like, all right. Interesting. And then you're in that big room alone. You're like, well, this is kind of sad. It's a nice view. Great view, but those suites are, because there's like three rooms. You can't even use them all. I know. You're just like, what am I doing? But, you know, it's kind of fun. Vito and I, he's like, we should watch a movie in here. He's like, yeah, man, we'll watch a movie. Yeah, go full home alone. Get the candy out. It was fun. Yeah, man, where were you this weekend? You were Brea, right? Brea. I did Edelman's Pod. Yeah, we had a great time. I'm in Edelman. We've got to get him back on here. Yeah, so fun. It's the nut house. Yeah, great house. Great time. The problem is with Brea, you're like, I'm in L.A., but it's an hour and a half away. So you drive in to do Edelman's Pod, then you drive out, and you're like, now I'm in three hours of traffic. Did you stay in L.A.? No. You stayed in Brea. I stayed in boring-ass, sleepy Brea. Yeah. Which was probably for the best. I had a few drinks at the club, and then I'd go to bed. That's tough. I'll tell you the thing. After the show, there's no traffic. That's true. That's true. And the ride to the airport at 5 a.m. on Sunday, because you've got to return the rental car, was 34 minutes to the airport, whereas it was like three hours during the week. God damn. By the way, here's a wreck. Sixth. Sixth rental? Super cool. You ever done six rentals? You don't really drive. No, I haven't. Yeah. Well, there's Budget. There's Avis. There's a dollar. But Sixth is crazy. It's regular prices, but you get Beamers, Porsches. Whoa. All these upgraded Mercedes. You could have owned comedians in cars out there. I know. Totally. But my manager set me up with this. I was like, what the hell, Sixth? I've never heard of this bullshit. I've got to fire this guy. And then they throw you the keys. It was super easy. What were you driving? I was in this crazy-ass Beamer M-Series, whatever, crystal blue, crazy nav system, leather seats. I had the NOS. I had all kinds of shit. And I was whizzing and whizzing and all. That was it. I had that one. Ooh, that's nice. It was a sexy Beamer. And boy, it was fun. Wow. It's only $700 a month. A month? Yeah. A month, Jerry. That's what it is for a week. I know. It's a great little hack. So is Vitor. So are we. But yeah, go to 6th. I'm a fan now, and they're not paying me. Dude, how are the shows? That's a good club. You know what sucks? Thursday, I had the weakest crowd. One show Thursday, two Friday, three Saturday. Oh, you went, that's a weird order. Yeah. I don't like flying in and doing two at night, but I would much rather two at night. The three shows on one night. It's a nightmare. It's tough. You're on autopilot. I know. But Thursday, the managers come out. The agent comes out because you're in Brea. They all live out in L.A. And I had the worst show of the weekend. So they were all like, okay, good to see you. Take it easy. Maybe we should drop this guy. You're doing a lot of new shit. A lot of new. But then the rest of the weekend, I'm cooking. So that was a bummer. It's also fun when you get that crowd that embraces the new, man. Yes, yes. They want the new. That's why the clubs are the best, man. I know. I'm getting a lot of work done. Clubs, I'm having so much fun. I love clubs. We're both doing L.A. in May. Yeah, the fest. I thought we were booked the same night for a second. I almost called my agent, and he was like, no, no, you're the next night. I was like, thank God. Oh, hell yeah. You're doing the sixth? I think I'm doing the seventh. Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm doing a thing with Jordan Jensen, Joe List, and Rachel. It should be fun. Oh, that's a fun lineup. That's going to be a blast, but it's going to be a fight for who's going first on that one. Are we going to do a pod out there? I think we should. We should, yeah. Let's get some Paul Rudds or some Michael Mann or some John Hams. Let's see if you'll whip it out, dude. Yeah. Let's see that ham bone. But yeah, so let's do L.A. We'll do it up. It'll be nice to have some New York people in L.A. Take the L.A. out of L.A. a little bit. Yeah. How long do you think you're going to stay out? Three days. Jesus, what a fucking honker. That's soft. I know. What has this podcast become? I don't know. We're in this intellectual film discussion. They're like, check out his dick, dude. That's soft. Why don't you go home and watch Heated Rivalry, Sal? Ha ha ha ha ha. This show, that show's awful. It's awful. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of hearing about it. It's just a gay porn with a little bit of hockey. Yeah, no, like, it's got, it's sports. You like sports. I'm like, yeah, you know what? I don't like all the butt-fucking the whole time. I know. And I'm not homophobic. It's bad writing. It's bad writing. Maybe I'm a little homophobic. But it's bad writing. No, it's, oh, God. Speaking of. Oh, here we go. No, I love Brokeback. That was great. Brokeback was great. Wow. Why am I the girl here? Look at that. I'm taller than you. You're kissing down on me. What the fuck is that? Oh, yeah. I'm kissing you up. I may as well kick my heel out. What the hell's happening? Mark's saying, do you want to kiss me? I think he's saying that. Oh, boy. My hair is straight in the back, too. That's what comes from doing Lesion of Skanks. Yeah, that's true. That fucking fan base. We got off easy. We did. Literally. Oh, good times. That was a hot ep, that skank. Was it? Yeah, we were rolling. We were drinking. I was watching your glass. I'm like, you better fucking keep it. I showed up drunk. You showed up drunk, and I had about half left, and you gave me a full four. Yeah, I was like, get the fuck in there. Because I'm pounding these. Because when you're already drinking, you start drinking a little quickly. Yeah. Let's keep this fucking buzz going. And I was eyeballing Marks. Like, you better fucking stay with me, dude. I'm calling right now. This is going to be a fun year. I can feel it. 2026. We're already in January. We're already having a great time. I mean, the Knicks are struggling. But other than that. I was at that game. That's why I was drunk. Oh, yeah. What are you going to do? Santino's in town. You're at Swallows and Gurgles or whatever bar. Sip and Guzzle. Sip and Guzzle. We're having a great time. You're a good time. Cool little bar. I never heard of it. How did I have this? Yeah, a little cool cocktail spot. Mmm. I love a cool cocktail spot. Love a good cock. Whoa, wait a minute. Pale. Eat a rivalry. Love a good cock. Oh, God. It just shows that, like, no one's ever... Oh, okay. Well, no one's ever done a gay hockey show, so they're like, we'll do this, and then everybody loves it. It's just the new thing. Yeah, but it's also, like, poorly lit. It's horrible. And it's, like, the writing's bad. And it's, like... And where are the gays? They're supposed to be great with lighting and decorations. I know. It was low budget. There's only so much you could do, probably. I think... I'm sure... But if this were season two, it's probably going to be, like, insane. Yeah. Well, here's a question. Are the actors all gay? I don't know. Or are they acting? I think they're gay. What do you think the Rotten Tomatoes? That dude's definitely gay. What do you think the Rotten Tomatoes scores? I don't know. Pull it up. I don't know. Oh, my God. What? All right. What do you think? I'm going to say like 50%. Are we talking audience or critic? I'll give you both. And they're pretty close. Audience, I bet, is like 92 or something. Nailed it. Oh. I knew it would be in the 90s. You're gay. Fuck. That's the test. Wait. What's the critic score? 98. Wow. 98. 98. That's a perfect score almost. That's insane. Because critics love to just be like, you know what? It's self-referential. It's inclusive. It's aware of what it is. Is it aware or is it just a bad show that caught on? It's not good. No. Especially if you're a hockey fan. It's horrible. You're like, this is zero hockey. Yeah. It's just them on the ice looking at each other like, how long are they in timeout? And it's just not realistic. The first and second pick, statistically, it's not even possible. Yeah. We gotta make a hetero hockey called Penalty Box. Hey. Alright. It's just dudes running a train on chicks together. Like, we're not gay. We just fuck a lot of chicks together. Yeah. I don't know why these women are on the ice, but fuck it. Apparently, we're getting threesome opportunities, but they're fucking, yeah, threesome counter here, but they're all fucking... A double-teamer. Oh, they're asking for you both? Yeah. They want the devil threesome. Patreon. Patreon. But the girl's name is Sammy, So I was like, this is going to confuse me because I'm going to be yelling your name. But he's never called me Sammy, so I won't be confused. No, that's true. He calls me Sam. Yeah, that's true. But, dude, that would. She's not bad. Why is she good? She's pretty. I mean, the face is very pretty. All right. I got a screenshot of her coming up. Actually, I don't know if we should do that. Don't put that up on here. She's a knockout, though. Very pretty. It's been late in years. I bet if you bring her to Analog and you go, Norman's on the way, you could probably hook up with her and I'll just not show up. That's a great move. But that's not the threesome. Yeah, but you can blame it on me. He didn't show up. The guy's a fucking flake piece of shit. Oh, what a piece of shit. I've been home watching Heated Rivalry alone. He's not here. I mean, men don't show up. Maybe we need a woman. Oh. And then we peek around. Call, what's her face, the other lady who was bartending. Hannah? Heidi? I don't know. Mandy? Maddie! Not even close. Not even close. Well, she'll never come back. Nicolas Cage movie. Maddie? Mandy. Oh, Mandy. It's a fucking mess. Is it good? It's weird. It's like a revenge movie. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Yeah. Oh, I don't remember Mandy. Nicolas Cage. He was in deep debt, and he had to make a lot of shit to make that money back. I think he's been married like five times. Yeah. You've got to not. Don't you have an accountant who's like, what do you? Just be with them. Why do you have to sign papers? You know what? I bet really artistic dudes like that are like, no, man. And I got to go all in on everything. Yeah. And they just fucked their life up. Yeah, he's living. What? He's living, goddammit. He's living. You could live with a lawyer. Yeah, and not a wife. Same with dudes who just raw dog everyone. They're just like, I'll just have a bunch of kids. And you're like, those are usually creative types. Yeah, that's true. Nothing's holding them down. Nothing's stifling them. Right. That's true. Yeah, they just have Nick Cannon. These guys are just... Yeah, one of the greats, for sure. Great writer, great thinker. I know. Or Denzel, for sure. Great comic. He did it all. Good coxman. I mean, he's got 11 kids. Oh, the lady's 11. 13, I think. 13 kids. Wow. Are you a coxman? I feel like a coxman is strictly a person who pulls it off without all the baggage. That's true. I'm not calling a guy who nuts that much with the consequence a coxman. Especially with that many different mothers. That's work. That's child abuse is what it is. It kind of is. Completely. He's not hanging out with all these kids and getting to know them. Twelve children. I'm sure he's paying for them. Twelve kids. All right. Six moms. Twelve kids. Wow, a dozen. That's crazy. Zion, Zillin. Is that more than Musk? Musk is 13, I think. Wow, these African Americans are out of control. But yeah, Musk is, he's trying to populate the planet, I think. Well, that's where the rich and the poor intersect, is they will nut at anything. Hear, hear. So true. I think rich people are like, well, there's no consequence. I'll just keep nutting and stuff. And poor people are like, well, it feels good. I deserve something that feels good. Yeah, yeah. And Rich Bure, like, I can take care of these people. I got all the money in the world. Yeah. So. You came in hot. Oh, sorry. You came in hot talking about peeves. Oh. I got some peeves. That's good. I figured I'd save some for a guest. When is he showing up? He said he's 10 minutes late, so any minute. Okay, got it. Is he here? I think so. Oh, sorry. You don't have to get up, but shit, I forgot what I was going to say. Damn, I'm bummed I missed that bar hang. Oh, my God. It was fucking crazy. Damn. A lot of rando, a lot of bar creatures, too. I like a bar hang that turns into a whole thing where everyone starts chiming in. Yeah, yeah. We met some people. We met the chef from that hot new restaurant, The 86. He was there. Wow. Have you heard of that restaurant? I've heard of it, yeah. I've heard of it, too. It's supposed to be very hard to get into. I believe we got on. He sent Santino and I two shots. Oh, nice. Yeah. Wow. Well, Santino is like, we're no slouches, but he's a very recognizable figure. For sure. The fiery red hair. Oh, yeah. He's on one of the biggest podcasts. Dave. Dave. They love the show. He was on Curb. He was good on Curb. Great on Curb. Great actor, too. Look at that. Really. Looks cool, right? It kind of looks like Musso and Franks a little bit. Oh, yeah. Remember Once Upon a Time in Hollywood this year? Yes. Very 30s. Very deco. I like a throwback. I love a throwback. I like when you feel a little transported, and then you walk outside the bar, and the fucking wind hits you in the face, and you're like, oh, it's fucking cold. Oh, look at that. And you went to a diner today alone. I did. I love a diner alone. I think that's a wreck. Go to a diner, especially hungover. You just pound coffee, eggs. This is how you beat it. Shout out to Selka, one of the best diners. Great, great. Ukrainian diner. Especially if you can get a booth alone, coffee, you get some people watching. Nothing better. It was dead. I love a dead diner. I love a dead diner. You feel bad because you're like, this can't be good for the business. No one wants a packed diner. No. That's the way you go. You go for the isolation. Well, we're big diner queefs, and we follow this diner guy, and he's like, I'm at this one in Park Slope, I'm at this one in Lower East Side, and we try to go to as many as we can, but they're dying. They're like Native Americans. There's like four left. Yeah, it's tough, man. It's tough. They're like Blockbuster. They used to be everywhere. Remember how many diners were in New York? Yeah, and then what sucks is the ones that survive have to just jack up the prices, and you're like, did I just spend $23 on an omelet? I know! It's ridiculous. It takes the charm away of the diner. Completely. It's supposed to be blue-collar, cheap shit. Coffee's supposed to be like 65 cents. Now it's like $4. 65 cents. I've been watching Mad Men. We used to go to a diner. You walk out of there, two meals, and it was like $18. You look at a diner like, this grilled cheese is supposed to be $1.35. Come here, toots. What's that black in here? But yeah, it's all changed. The diners are out of control. I love movies from the 70s where they'll eat a grilled cheese and a black coffee and then just leave change on the counter and walk out. Yeah. Just change. Crazy. It's fun to watch the menu in an old movie, too. You know, you're like, wow, ham and eggs were like 88 cents. Yeah, it's cool when you see, like, the menu hasn't really changed, and it's like, you know, just like fucking burger, fries. We eat all the same shit. I know, I know. Apparently, they say the food's gotten worse chemically, you know, process-wise, but yeah. Yeah, only now they're making crazy shit. You know, we were doing Negronis and shit last night, but then he'd be like, this is like a Wagyu, old-fashioned, whatever. Oh, Jesus Christ. We're just fucking hammered. Yeah. Just trying whatever. Sometimes I annoy those guys because I'm like, can I just get like a tequila soda? Because I don't want all the sugar, I don't want all the syrup a lot of times. I'm chock full of syrup. That's the hangover. How's our guest coming? Oh, all right. Something feels, what are you guys doing, a little secret thing? I see a backpack over there. Is he doing some kind of prank bullshit? Is there breakaway bottles in there? Yeah. We were doing that for a while. That was kind of fun. Oh, yeah. That was fun. Wait, wait, wait. Give me a menu price here. I'm looking. Is this in New York? No. That doesn't have price. Pork roll. That's got to be like Jersey, right? Yeah, that's Jersey. Fresh ham, sirloin steak. Hey! There he is. Oh, I like that sound excited, dude. 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Congrats on that Seahawks win Alright let me get right into it Is this coming out this weekend now then Oh alright well Fuck alright should we take it again Let's just do this then Yeah let's talk Seahawks Okay great Very fired up Darnold man We haven't been to the Superbowl in 13 years Let me ask a friend and comedian's perspective on something So you know first theater tour I'm on it right now You guys have both been The Who Is Me Theater Tour AdamRayCounty.com for tickets Or X-Videos or JambaJuice.com If you just want to get excited for something But yeah, I was doing the Moore And Sam texted me It was like, favorite venue It might be my favorite It was very sweet text, first of all I just said he posted it I was like, oh, I'm like Because usually you just text me You think you're better than me What's that? No, you're a Seattle kid So it's like, it's iconic It was, and Pearl Jam I think did Yes Some music video there back in the day Even flow Even flow, yes The rafters Yeah, I mean, if you just put your ear up to the walls You can hear Eddie Vedder being like You know, this is where a titty-fucked And so But that's all you hear It trails off It trails off Yeah, yeah He came Yeah, yeah, yeah But it was the acoustics you made a big point to say Were like I mean, three levels But everybody's right up on top That's my favorite And it just I don't know You want a theater I just, you know, we did the Wilbur this past weekend, and then we're like in Maine and Rhode Island and New Haven. Jealous. Best pizza in the country is in New Haven. Best pizza in New Haven. But even like this theater in Rhode Island was like 100 years old, and I just like a fucking old historic venue. Like, I don't know. It's cool to feel like, you know, that it's not some, you know, obviously brand new venues rule, but like the Beacon, for example, just feels like every show has, from Seinfeld to Bett to fucking Two Girls, One Cup, everything's been through there. And they always get the grip guy, like, you know, Chaplin played here. Yes. Like, whoa, Chaplin. Bro, the sound and the lights guys are like, I've seen everything from fucking, you know, Vertical Horizon to fucking Willie Nelson, man. And they both love the fucking party, you know? Yeah. Houdini levitated off the stage tonight. You did a queef joke. That was good stuff. Pretty much the same show. But what was I going to say? Oh, so I'm doing, you know, Town Hall this weekend, first time. Town Hall's epic. Great room. That's awesome. That's another where they're on top of you, you know. Okay, great. And all these are pretty close to being clean. Hell yeah. Troy is the, yeah, they've all been, there's maybe been two so far that have been, like Wilbur Late Show was maybe 1,000 out of 1,100. All right, all right. So 100, you know, you give or take. Yeah. But this Troy Savings Hall, Troy Banks, Albany's, yeah, that I was going to cancel because the NFC Championship game is Sunday now. And I've gotten to know the GM really well, John Schneider. I have a list of people now that I hit up when I go home where it's like my two best friends from elementary school, my mom, obviously, and now John Schneider, the Seahawks GM. He had me roast the Seahawks last year, so I got to know Mike McDonald, the coach, really well. I got him to do this video when I went on McAfee to come in. I did a first pitch for the Mariners and pretended to come up short with my pitch. and then I called the pen and Mike came out to throw his first pitch. And so everybody was like, please welcome the CFS coach. Mike Waddell, he's a cool-ass guy. He's like, yeah, you're my tie to the comedy world. And doing all these goofy bits is like, because he's kind of a pretty even-keeled, nerdy, plays Catan. Is that the game? It's like a strategy game. Chris Catan? Chris Catan, yeah. You play a street, you get pills. A lot of drugs in that game. Yeah, you get a lot of pills from him. And so, no, shout out. We love you, Chris. Yeah, man, go. But so I have all these ties now to the, and I've known Sammy since he got drafted. Catan, yeah. So I was like, I got to go back to the game because I sit in their suites and go to the field and party with them after when they win. But I got this – I think it was a sign from God, man. I get this Facebook message. I try to check all my shit in doses, and I get this message. Obviously, we all know how impactful comedy is now. Sometimes you see it more some days than others as far as a message or a meet and greet. somebody's like you know my wife just had her fucking 18th abortion and this is her first time out in two years you know you and it really it means a lot and it's like man she's been going out a lot yeah and so and so uh it got his message and it was just this guy like fucking tugging at my heartstrings and i was like i can't fucking like so my whole thing was i was going to cancel after uh we won on saturday against the niners we had the game on the big screen during the meet and greet on stage and so i'm just fucking taking shots with people and going nuts and i'm I mean, we won 41-6. It was awesome. Yeah. And everybody was like, oh, get to the team. Yeah. Get to fucking play. Totally. Wow. And so now we're playing the Rams, obviously, but everybody around me. The people I think of are you and Soder. Oh, for 49ers. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I'm like, one of my friends is going to be really fucking sad. Yeah. I know, dude. That's sports, though. But so I'm like, I'm definitely canceling Albany because I'm like, it's fucking Albany. I'm canceling. How many times do you get to go to the game and have this many connects? And then this kid's message, dude. And, like, I literally was like, I go, it's a sign from God. I can't fucking cancel. Are you with the egg? It's Troy Savings. Savings Bank. Savings Bank. That's bigger than the egg. Oh, nice. The egg is cool. Egg's awesome. Really? But it's like a thousand cents. And so then I'm going to drive back from Albany the next day to fly out. Yeah. I don't know. But I guess what I'm asking is, like, obviously canceling week of is, like, shitty. Like, I don't care how you slice it. Well, you also, you're talking about it on a podcast. You have to just be like, something happened. No, no. I was fully going to be like, I'm going to the game. Right. Dad? I was going to. But I just was like, that's such a, like, this is, we get to do so much cool shit. This is so many shows, which, again, you just don't think about it. And I guess I'm trying to shed a light on it. Dude, I did this during the Knicks playoffs because it's like, you know, it's so rare that we're in the mix. Yeah. And I'd use an alias of the seller and ask you, like, why do you always use an alias? I'd be like, because you get mad when I cancel and I use my name. Oh, wow. And the fucking Knicks, she's like, oh, I get it. She was like, she's totally got it. Yeah, but so cool. Did you ever think you'd be doing a theater tour, and then you go, hey, let me cancel that theater. I want to go to a game. Because I could go sit in the owner's suite or whatever. I mean, what a life you're living. Totally, yeah. But then that's why you just got to go. But if we go to the Super Bowl then, and this is what my sweet wife was breaking down. She was like, fuck, and you can't bail. She's like, if you win, it's like, we'll go to the, you know, I got some options there. And then also it's like, yeah, you fly. I'd have to take a 7 a.m. flight back. Would you go to the Super Bowl? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don't have a gig on the Super Bowl. I'm at the Mothership the Friday and Saturday, but I purposely canceled Sunday to also just watch the game. Because I was like, I don't want to be on stage during the Super Bowl. But I was just playing and watching it. You also don't know how good your team is going to be. So these gigs were booked 10 years ago. That's so cool. You've got the local sports team from your city. It's honestly the cool – I mean, I don't know how you guys are with athletes or musicians. I think we're probably – He's all over the athletes. Yeah. I know. I know. Sam's like, I got it. Great show. Wait, who? No. Wait, who? Peter Drabel. Hilarious. Yeah. No, yeah. I remember the first time we met at the comedy store hallway right in the original room, and we just started geeking out, and you were like, yeah, I've got to shine a Murray Stoudemire headband. Do I really? Wait, that sounds like something I would say. That laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you did. But we were geeking out NBA-wise, and I was like, dude. That's why I've met a lot of comics is just talking hoops. Totally. Totally. I mean, you were like, you're from Seattle, right? And I was like, yeah. And you're like, Sean Kim, Gary Payton. And I was like, dude. And then I go, dude, John Starks, Ron Harper. And you go, this guy knows his better. Derek Harper. Derek Harper. Oh, fuck, what'd I say? Ron Harper. Ron Harper. All right. I still play D like Ron Harper. I hand check. I'm dirty as fuck, dude. Ron Harper was, dude. Yeah, he just pretty much was trying to just, yeah. You guys have good tea. The Pelicans call me. I don't answer. You want to come in the box? You've adopted the Knicks. Yeah, yeah. The Knicks are all the way. Yeah, I don't get starstruck. often but i was the first time i met jalen brunson i was a bit of a bitch oh yeah i was a little bit like oh fuck i was like thank you so much for coming here and liz from the cellars with me she's like oh fuck she's like jumping and be like no he's like a really funny yeah yeah oh okay yeah yeah i did i was very bad on their podcast the uh they were on a three game losing streak they were not in the mood to pod and i'm just telling like bomb stories and they're not going they're like so you just so you're just not good i'm like no it's like a it's it's funny it went badly the So you just bomb all the time? No, it's self-deprecating. Funny story. It is tough. What do you think guys get more nervous about? That's a cool shot, actually. Holy shit. Stefano's friend Tommy the cop is about to break his fucking hand. He's really getting on that part. Don't high-five that guy. He benches like 400 pounds. Like a pickup line to a girl or an icebreaker to an athlete for a guy. What's more nerve-wracking? Because you're like, I went up to a girl and I told her if she needed help in the bathroom, I'd help her wife. I thought that'd be funny, but then I went up to Carl Anthony Towns, and I told him, how's the weather up there? Or I have your trading card. What's your opener to these guys when you meet them? Dude, I mean, yeah, I didn't have one. I sucked. I mean, it was bad. You end up just panicking. You're like, dude, basketball fucking rules, right? Well, I blew it with that guy in the lounge. What was that guy, that famous legendary basketball player? And I was like, hey, I'm Mark. Kyle Rittenhouse. you remember that we were at the we're sitting at the bar waiting to get a drink and some guy walked up and i made a joke and you were like and i was like hey what's up marbury oh cool i didn't know who it was always there well mark's like mark goes mark and he goes stefan i just shook my head i'm like we're at the garden oh yeah of course there's a uh you can find this picture i gotta see courtside the next game i thought it was seal holy shit dude we'll be right back he does he got kissed by something Yeah, the courtside thing I got to do once And I think the picture is online And I went and I was wearing a Sonics jersey Because they were playing, I think, OKC So my buddy and I, we sat down there to kind of taunt OKC This is like the Elaine Seifold episode Where she wears an Orioles hat Totally, and I think if it was me Here, actually, no So I go into the little private area And there was, you know how they give out bracelets Like in the bucket sometimes In that little courtside So they gave me, John McEnroe was there And I grabbed a bracelet and he was right there. And I go, hey, John, they told me that you wanted to be bracelet buddies. And he goes, who told you that? I go, no, but I just wanted to talk to you. And he goes, John, I go, Adam, you're great on Curb. And he goes, oh, thanks. And we just bullshitted for a minute. Oh, that's good. So we go down. Spike Lee's there. Rami Malek was there. And he was about, Bohemian Rhapsody had just come out. So he's like, and so there's a picture. If you type in Adam Ray, Spike Lee, Rami Malek, maybe courtside. Some guy got a picture of him. my Asian friend Dale Tan, who we call Bruce Lee, and then Rami and Spike Lee, and it looks, there it is to your far left. What a crew. So this is a mad list. So it looks like we're all best friends. By the way, we didn't talk the whole game. Are you in a KD Sonic jersey? Yeah, dude. I love it. And so Rami is, I mean, by the way, God bless him, but it's the most like, like, I was like, Emmett, I'm doing, he's like, so what do you do? And I go, oh, I'm a comedian. He goes, do shows and stuff. This is, by the way, a very heightened version of how he actually was. He was pretty chill. But he was a little, you know, uncomfy. Maybe it was courtside or everyone was looking at him. And I go, actually, Gotham this weekend, if you want to come. And he was like, can I bring my girlfriend? And I was like, dude, you can bring your girlfriend's girlfriend. You can hide your kids, hide your wives. Bring whoever you want. Yeah. And that's a fun picture. Holy moly. Who's the fat bitch? That's Kendall Gill, dude. No, who's the lady? It's him. Oh, my God. I thought that was Hannah Gansby. Welcome back to Hide Your Boner. Holy moly. That handhold is crazy. What is that handhold? That is me when I was playing Sharon from Poughkeepsie in the Lifetime original movie, Suck My Cunt. That was Rosie O'Donnell. Pretty close. Oh, my. What is that handhold, though? I mean, that's so elegant and dainty. And the boobs. I was with my mom by the boobs, yeah. You guys are dancing with you on Downton Abbey? Yeah. Shout out to my mom. She takes me down there. We're sitting up in the 300s, but she goes, let's go down. You can go down and get close to watch them warm up. And I go, Mr. Gill, Mr. Gill. And I was like, Mr. Gil. You were a young black child. And he was like, who's the hook? And he was like, who's the hot milf? Wow. I mean, even my haircut, dude. And my lips are all shiny and big. Full Delta Burke. Yeah. This is crazy. And so that pullover, by the way, like, what am I doing? And so I think I have nine shirts. When you're that fat, you're wearing so many shirts just so your tits don't ooze out. I mean, you're really layered. But I don't know if I put my hand out like that or he went like this. And then I slid my hand in there. Like, was he doing that? And I was like, you got it, you know? If he reached in, he better be on some lists. Because he was a hell of a player, dude. I posted this picture. Sadly, it's gotten more engagement on my IG than anything I've ever done. It's amazing. But I tagged him in it once, and he commented below, oh, shit. Did he say, may I have this dance? Yeah. He grabbed your hand? Yeah, he took me to the prom that night. Those warm-ups were fucking tight. They were, yeah. But so the courts, I think, we hadn't really talked a lot. So I invited him to the show. I got his email. We corresponded. Kendall Gill? No, Rami Malek. Oh. By the way, how many people are confusing Kendall Gill and Rami Malek right now? And Spike, something had happened, and Dale and I, my buddy Dale to the right is like, I mean, bro, if he was in here right now, he'd just be laughing hysterically. He's like the best friend, non-comic. He's laughing right there. Yes, man. You know, like everything. Sure. You can see material, dude. He just thinks you're the funniest person ever. I love it. And I've known him forever. And so. You must love your act. Yeah, yeah. So I did a Dikembe finger wave, and then I said something. I can't remember what I said, but in a Dikembe voice. And Spike laughed, and Romney was just like, didn't know what to do. But the guy got a shot of our one exchange. So I posted it being like, we're all best friends. We're going to Cabo next year. That's great. What a great snap. What a great shot, right? And I like that you represent with the hat. Sam's got his retard jersey on. You know what this actually is? This is the Roommates Podcast, Jalen and Josh. Oh, wow. You're both representing the one. I was like, what is this? And I was like, oh, shit. That's awesome. Can we hear you at Dikembe in 2026? What does it sound like? My Dikembe in 2026? Yeah. Well, he's passed away, right? Yeah. Did he? Dude, pull up my Dikembe Mutombo message to Sam Moreau. I paid for a cameo. I paid a cameo for a cameo. Well, let me do, I'll do what I think he said. I mean, I met him once at the NBA Awards, and I was like, Dikembe, dude. He's a classic guy. I go, man, I still, I'm a big Sonics fan. I haven't forgiven you, but, like, you're a legend. He's like, yeah. Well, can you do the message in his voice? Because I've never heard him talk, I don't think. No, it's like a cameo from him. Yeah. Just like look up. He's got a little cookie monster going on. A little cookie monster. This is fucking, he's so good at this. He knows impressions. He was in Coming to America? Two. No, he wasn't. Slow down. No, it's a cameo, dude. The second one, yeah. It's a cameo, and I typed in your name. It didn't come up. Yeah, maybe it's not there. Damn. You guys ever bought cameos for a friend? He got me a Sugar Ray. Cool. Mark McGrath? Yeah. Cool. I thought it would just be fun to be like a random band. He was like, Mark, we hear you're our biggest fan. A thousand percent. Yeah. He killed it. He was really funny. He did great. He sang a song or something. Okay. Tikembe. He can't find it. Yeah, it's probably not that good. That'd be great if Google just went like this. Call. You called it. Let's go. I got his autograph when I was a kid because I used to wait outside the garden for them to come out. Oh, yeah. Nick for a minute, and I had a blue jersey on, like a warm-up, whatever, and he just, I was like, Mr. Mutombo, and he, I was probably like too old to be asking for an autograph, but he just take out a blue Sharpie and rode in it, and it just didn't even come out. God damn it. That counts. I once followed, no, it's not that, dude, it's like, I don't know. I love that you did that, though, waiting outside the, that's a very like, yeah, you do get to a point as an adult where you're like, I should probably slow it down with the autographs, but as a kid, I think it's all fair game. My mom took me to a Mariners game. They were playing the Boston Red Sox. That's when they had Mo Vaughn, Wade Boggs. Wade Boggs. And the Red Sox are historically known for boozing in the clubhouse. Boggs is like the legend for them. Oh, totally. Especially in the early 90s. But even when they won the World Series, it sounds like they were all getting fucked up. And then obviously, you know, Yanks, David Wells and Doc Gooden, obviously. So they're all probably still doing fentanyl cupcakes, bumps and shit. Wells was hungover for the perfect game. Yeah. Really? That was a famous story. Yeah. Whoa. So I follow. I walk. Wade Boggs walks out and I give him my ball and he goes, walk with me. So I'm just like, walk with him. I turn around and my mom's like, I guess he's raising you now. And I'm walking down all the way to the... He held your hand like this? He goes, I saw the gill pick. And then, and he goes, don't make it weird. And we get, we walk to the Greyhound bus. He just keeps walking. He's in front of me. He walks on the bus. So I just like, you know, I'm nervous, but also I'm just like, fuck yeah, man. I could maybe get on a team bus. I'm like nine years old. Walk up. He's walking all the way down the aisleway of the bus. And so I just follow him down, and I see fucking Roger Clemens and Mo Vaughn and all these guys. And I'm just walking by. And they're all just minding their business. Some of them were looking up like, why is there a kid on the bus? But either it was normal or maybe they thought I was a make-a-wish. Or they're like, who's the lesbian that Kendall Gill knows? Or maybe Epstein's going to come pick him up. And so I get close to the end, and then Boggs sits down. And he goes, what's your name? And I go, Adam. And he goes, I wrote Alan. and then he handed me the ball. Whoa, that's cool. So he had signed it before and then still was just like, what's your name? And he's like, I fucked it up. Did he fix it or no? No, no, he just gave me the ball. He could add a little dick on the D, on the L there. That would make a D. I mean, look at this guy. He was a fucking badass, dude. I mean, that guy was just instant on base. Oh, really? He was such a hard out. Baseball's just... Him and Tony Gwynn. Oh, yeah. The 90s? The 90s were the shit. And the 80s. Baseball's the sport, too, where I think you can get away with the most... Boozing. Boozen, yeah. Yeah, but that's got to be, like, the stories he claims, I mean, it's fabricated, obviously, but he says, like, he drank 100 beers in a flight, which, like, there's no fucking... No, there's no way, dude. There's no way. For Chrysler hasn't drank 100 beers, right? And I feel like he may have. Yeah, that's an example. I've flown with him. He's scared of flying. He is, yeah. So he drinks extra on flights. We left the Super Bowl in New Orleans when we did a show there. I guess it was last year. And he did an arena show, and it was, you know, myself and Shane and Nicky and Tony and... Guy Fieri. Jeez. What a lineup. And so we're leaving on the, Bert got a plane with Howie Long and Howie bailed. So he's like, you guys want to come on my plane? And we're like, yeah, so it was my wife and buddy and I. And we had to get up though at seven and drive three hours to the airport. So I was literally like, in some private, outside of New Orleans. Oh, interesting. Is Lafayette? Yeah, that's about three hours. Great. That's where it was. There you go. Kids, you can't smoke weed and have a short term memory. There you go. Every time I remember somebody's name from the show and some crowd work and they come to the meet and greet and I go, Dave, right? And they're like, dude, how the fuck? I'm like, that gives me another two years of smoking pot. Yeah. Do you smoke a lot of weed? Not a lot, but enough to, at night. I can't smoke when I'm on, I can't be high or drunk when I'm on stage because I just, even if I'm not doing anything in the crowd, I just need to have my wits about me, you know? It blows me away. Like, I see Big Jay just smoke a joint and then he's so fucking quick. I know. Totally. Some people are born different, but I can't do it. It's all a personality thing. Like, some people take an Adderall and they feel calm. I take an Adderall and I'm like, you know, shellacking the roof. I'm buzzed up. I love those fucking pills. Yeah, well, but you're pretty ADD. Do you go up or down when you take it? I could just fucking listen. Wow. I mean, I'm not on it right now. I'm on it now, but like, which is exactly what a drug fiend would say. Show us your pockets. But no, but I love it. I mean, I'm locked in. You don't smoke at all? I don't like it, man. I don't like it either. I hate it. It's a paranormal. Edible fuck. I hate edible. I used to be the guy that was like when people would say that, I'd go, oh, you just haven't smoked with the right people. Yeah. Or like, you fucking, you probably took one hit. You say that it doesn't jam with you. But then I've also had the terrible edible experiences. I was once in my, I was in my room with Josh Wolfe. And Josh Wolfe would do like, I mean, he does shows where he does a Friday mushroom show. Jesus. And Josh is so funny and he tells these great stories. He performs on mushrooms. On all the mushrooms. And it's like, but he's another guy where he can still be locked in and people, it's advertise so people come to the show knowing he's shroomed out and so we did probably you know i'll do a 2.5 milligram edible we saw the show last night uh the all-out show with all the rotating cast of comics you know oh yeah yeah it was sarah silverman craig robinson heidi gardner and jason matzouk is super funny and uh and so a little edible for that to where i can still like be in control and like when i see craig after i'm not gonna be like what's up man like i'm like great you know because i don't want to you know embarrass myself but uh but i definitely took probably close to 80 milligrams with Josh, and he didn't tell me. And it was this big brownie. And so I get home to my apartment in L.A., and I start, like, having a freakout. And there's a game that sometimes when you smoke too much or ingest too much that you play, and potheads will know this, a little game called If I Do This, My Heart Won't Explode. And it's a real fun game where you just psych yourself out and have a fucking freakout on your patio. And so I was like, my heart was beating really fast. I was about to drive myself to Cedar Sinai, and I'd go out to the little, like, shitty patio I had in our apartment, and I, like, in my head, I was like, just fucking keep moving. Just keep moving. So I'm out there going like, just fucking like tap dancing. Yeah. And our apartment was set up like there was a pool in the middle, almost like Melrose Place. So there's apartments all the way around the pool. And so ours was looking across to another guy's apartment. And after about six minutes of fucking step ball changing on my patio, I hear this guy just go, hey, man, are you okay? Whoa. And I go, yeah, I'm just rehearsing. Because I like got nervous and like didn't want to be caught being high, even though I should have been reaching out for help. So I go, I'm just rehearsing, man. In L.A., that line works. In Kansas, you're getting your ass kicked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In L.A., everyone's like, oh, he's probably in the Nutcracker. And so I retrieved back to my inside and somewhat calmed down. And then I was like, I'm never doing it. About 80, which is crazy. That's fucking crazy. But Josh, there's some people that can just do that many and just be like, yeah, man. I remember the guy used to come to the cellar and just sell cookies, and you just would not know how much was in it. Oh, yeah. Was he dressed as a Girl Scout or no? No, it was a guy that was selling drugs. No, that was the thing. And I remember I'd see Nikki get it, and she's like, oh, you should get this really good. And I'd be like, oh, okay, cool. And then I got it. And I had three roommates at the time, a full-on panic attack. And they had people over. I was just rocking in a bed. I was like, this is crazy. It's a nightmare. I ate the whole cookie. I sold a show. You pitch a million shows. I finally sold a show. So they fly out to L.A. because once you sell it, you've got to pitch it to Netflix, Hulu, whatever. So they flew me out. This is a big deal. This is years ago. I did a show at the comedy store, Sam Tripoli's show. They just hand you a bag of weed. It's like gummies and cookies and joints and all this shit. And I go, I'm not a weed guy. Take the bag back. And he goes, well, at least take the CBD. And I go, oh, CBD. This will help me sleep. So I just guzzled the whole jar of it. It was THC. It was THC. Of course. I don't know how much it was, but it was a full jar. I was like, I'm going to sleep tonight. I'm not a great sleeper. I'm CBD-ing my ass out. And I get back to my hotel, and I was like, oh, my God. And it was like I fell asleep, and I woke up high. It was one of those. So I'm in a dark room like, ah. And I fell off the bed. I'm laying on the bed, and it felt like the room was vertical. It was. So I was holding on to the leg of the bed because I thought I was going to slide into hell. Oh, my God. You're in Titanic at the end. You're like, fuck, I'm falling. And then I made the worst mistake. I like army crawled to the bathroom, turned the light on, and I looked in the mirror. And when you look in the mirror and you're that high, it is just the Satan. No, you're like Tom Cruise and Vanilla Scott. Yeah, I was like, ah, I'm melting. Dude, it happened to me, too. I was on the road. I missed all the pitches. I was with him. I missed them all. My manager dropped me. No way Well he was threatened to drop me But he was like you crazy They flew you out first class I don know and i missed them all it was an accident or like yeah of course but he was like you fucked us that such a relatable accident though like that not like you just doing blow all night you fucked up tripling my dad did that he's uh 81 and he took uh uh by himself and he took about 81 yeah he took about uh now he's in a home but two years ago um he uh took about, yeah, 60 milligrams of THC because he thought it was CBD. Yeah. And I'm like, and he goes, I got stuck trying to take my hoodie off for four hours and I was going to die. And he's like, I watched Naked and Afraid is one of his favorite shows, so he just played on repeat. He's like, I got to listen to a bunch of new episodes I hadn't seen, but he was caught in his phone. So he couldn't call anybody. So he was caught in his hoodie freaking out high at 79, 80. I mean, that's terrifying. He was Naked and Afraid by the end of it. Geraldo used to always I remember he had a great bit about doing all the drugs later in life Oh, I love that bit When you're looking up with a hand of God that's when you want to be doing all the drugs PTA meetings that's when you want to be a little fucked up God, Geraldo was great Dude, yeah I had a full on panic attack I didn't understand anxiety I have anxiety but not to that level where you're having a panic attack You're going to die. Well, I was like, I'm dying. I'm going to die in a fucking Baltimore hotel room. You can control your, I think, your buzz with booze a little bit better. Totally. I think that's also what's going on. Well, yeah, we know what we're consuming. Yeah. And it feels like it ends when you're on edibles. You're like, am I going to be like this forever? Totally. Even when I took that two and a half before the show last night, I was like, that's probably fine. But it was a new brand of gummy. So I was like, I don't know that I'm not going to go up on stage right now and start talking to Craig. Like, you know, if I get inspired enough. You start heckling. is that fucking adam ray yeah jesus do something from the office so uh crazy question yeah so you're doing this stand-up tour i assume you got a hot hour cooking yeah yeah and you've always been an improv guy a character guy now you're full-on 100 stand-up selling out everywhere do you get people going do this so funny yeah that i mean i've been doing that's what's so funny even people that come out the show forever though probably yeah for 20 years even during the fill this is why i probably also stopped doing fills because i wasn't i didn't want to just if i was three years in and found dr phil you probably wouldn't have seen me again because i would have been like i found something bye-bye and it's a hit i'm gonna die in the wood cap but but um you know i'd say i don't know it was three four years into stand-up i was just like yeah i think i'm gonna the drug and the grind of it obviously hits you early but i just was like oh i'm never gonna not do this And then the Phil thing, it felt like a reward, honestly, because it was so different. I just needed something else always, like just doing stand-up all the time, even though shows are different, different cities, whatever. But that wouldn't have hit in three years, because the reason Phil worked to me is that you had the improv chops from the road. I've been honing all my skills for podcasting and interviewing and doing a modeling and the crowd work and being comfy to go into a 5,000 seat theater and just walk through the crowd and bucking man on the street shit or sing stuff with a band or whatever. But no, I've been doing, so like we had like during March, I think it was like we had like five Phil shows on a weekend, which was too many. And then literally the next weekend, five shows like at the Philly Punchline. And then the next weekend, four more Phil shows. So every time there was a free weekend, it was stand up. So every month would be like three or four Phil's and then three weekends of stand up. So there was no, so it was just, it was, you know, but again, no one's making me doing it. It was killing it. So that's why I never complain. It's like nobody said you better fucking get agents a little bit. Yeah, but you feel – and you also feel like I don't want to lose my fastball with stand-up either. Sure. That's exactly why. I didn't also want to go back to like any club and have – I wanted to feel like when I walked on stage, they're like, oh, cool. I'm still working on stuff, and this is what I – this is first. And that thing is just like a fun thing that's in addition to. But I also didn't want people – you know, for my – people are going to think what they think. And people finding me doing stand-up through Phil or whatever is great because however people come to your shows is awesome. But I didn't want to go to the clubs and have people being – I didn't want to not have anything to be working on and not to be still looked at as a stand-up because that's where I am first. So I didn't want people – but also you can't control. There's some people who just go, oh, yeah, the Dr. Phil thing. And you're still doing stand-up? I was like, obviously. It's another gear. But I don't take offense to that. It's another gear. It's another gear. To me, it was always just like another – But I think it's smart that you put it – because you're like, I don't want to only do this. And also we did for two and a half years. Like, I don't know. But it probably brought so many people who were like, I mean, we talk about this all the time. Like with us, we're like, so many people are like, you guys have a podcast together? I know. They just know us from stand-up. Or vice versa. Or vice versa, yeah. So it's like, yeah, you do other things too. And it really, the coolest thing is that like, you know, you just want like respect from your peers so much. And it's like being in L.A. and throwing so many darts. And then like, and you're just like, all right, you just got to at some point go control what you can control. You know, just trying to get up all the time, right, and just keep pushing yourself creatively. And so to find the coolest part of it, obviously all the joy that hopefully we, that people found from it, and the fun, obviously. Like, you guys both, thank God, you know, wanted to jam on it, which was just so fucking fun. But people that I've looked up to and am fans of, it was like something that I, you know, kind of did that put me on a level where people were like, oh cool like you did something that that we think is funny and fun yeah that was like because it you know and another reason to hang that wasn't i mean like shortly after that people that wanted me on their pods that uh that maybe hadn't asked before and it's like it wasn't it didn't feel like a too soon thing it was like yeah i've been doing this 20 years so like oh cool i can pop into a here or a rogan or wherever and be comfy to chit chat because it's not like well it's fun for us too because we get to do a different muscle to go on the show yeah totally because i know the i know i heard you and and joseph uh list talk about how uh you know i guess terrifying and i think the first one joe went on in milwaukee he was like yeah and phil's just up there talking about this and he said this and he's like and he said fucking you know fucking and then he said the n-word and then i said the n-word and i'm just like i don't know what's happening you know yeah yeah and but i was like i feel but he also you know i guess in the moment it does feel nerve-wracking because yeah it is a different muscle we rely on our act and then you're just like so but you guys are also such good funny people are funny people man i've bombed you wouldn't have said yes to it if you no i get i get nervous for sure i was pounding some booze backstage in the show you and corolla oh he had me in a fucking headlock at the end of the night oh yeah he was fucking tell me his life story i was like holy shit we're fucked up i didn't realize how much adam drank too oh yeah went to this little bar called carry-on in arizona yeah and it's uh oh it's the fly bar The plane bars. Yes. We got hijacked by these terrorists. And we went there. They kind of held it open for us after the show. And we were there until maybe 3. And, like, they just gave us everything. And so, and Adam, you know, I got there after a while after the meet and greet and everything. So I was like, oh, whoever's there will be there to say what's up to. But Sam was still there. And Adam and Ari. Well, I couldn't leave. He had a hold on me. I walked by Ari, Marty, and who else? Someone else. He's a strong guy. And I walked by. They were like, what was that? I'm like, I was enjoying talking to him, but I was pretty fucked up. Wow. He doesn't have the same hair. Oh, he looks like my illegitimate father. He does. He really does. Do you think when your kids are older, like Mark, for you, do you think you'll get into like the, I don't know, 60s, 70s and just be like, all right, I'm going to fucking turn things up a notch on the booze train because I've done my job with the kid. Yes. Right? Yeah. And I'm so good at drinking now. I'll only be better by then. I know, dude. And maybe there'll be some magic cure-all by then. There will be. you know no hangover pill whatever it is i want to ask you about the uh dr phil shows he was telling me sydney sweeney's at one of the shows who are some people that showed up that you were just like what the fuck are you doing here oh bro well city yeah so i with the met scooter braun at a show yeah bro wait i saw you guys talking about that and uh i do listen to you guys part all the time it's always really funny and you know i love too i just like like I don't know fun silly you guys going tangents oh you're goofy you're like you can talk about some serious shit but nothing's too ever heady but so uh yeah Scooter Braun I met doing a show with Schultz and and he was like yeah I showed uh Sidney uh she never seen I guess any stand-up uh Schultz she saw and then he showed her Dr. Phil and she's like I want to go see that live and he's so he came up he's like when's the next one I go the next one is the last one and so that was like in July and they marked it on the calendar and then a few days out he was like we're gonna come through is that cool and i was like for sure and then i was like she doesn't want to come up and do a bit does she she has two movies coming out he's like she just wants to watch i'm like that's cool she's so normal and little yeah you're like oh my god that's her this woman i've stared at movie star yeah she's just standing right there and you know when you see an nba game and there's like whores in the front uh whatever and they're like all right i gotta do a 360 dunk and a back flip my legs and they they kick it up i kicked it up a notch because she was there and i i totally got my head and i felt like i really struggled oh my god it was all because Get out of here. Let's fucking coos. She got in my head, this blonde bitch. With a Sweeney curse on you. Yeah, but very nice lady. She was sweet, yeah. So she got in my head, and I couldn't think of anything funny, and I was like, Sweeney's watching you fucking loser. All right, bro, I know. Yeah, trust me. Well, McConaughey was at our Austin show. We did the Bass Concert Hall, which is on the UT campus. So it was 3,000, packed with Big J, and Thomas Lennon flew out. Oh, I love Thomas Lennon. He flew out, and he's funny. He's so funny. dude yeah if he's ever around here you guys should bug me to have him come on here because he'd be he's a great so he hits me up and goes do you want lieutenant dangle and i go i wasn't even thinking that as an option but that would be awesome he's like yeah i'll bring the outfit and then you let me know last minute i was like short shorts bro it murdered he and we and we had did a whole surprise video when he came out and people went nuts and he murdered we had pete holmes and casey rocket and grace and so after the show i'm doing the meet and greet and somebody goes uh Hey, McConaughey was in the show. And I go, shut the fuck up. And they were with his family. He left about an hour and a half in. And I'm like, fuck. The show goes like somewhere in two and a half hours. Oh, okay. With his family? Yeah. And I'm like, so maybe his kids were. Dude, even 14, 15-year-olds are watching all our shit on YouTube. You can have Lieutenant Dangle around a bunch of kids. Dude, totally. I did so. But that was cool. And then I, like an asshole, got real fucked up that night and sent him a message on Instagram the next day being like, heard you at the show, blah, blah, blah. Thanks, man. Just left me on scene, baby. I got... At least he saw it. Well, he's mysterious. Yeah, he's a mysterious guy. I got wrecked after your... Because I felt bad about the bomb and Sweeney hating me. Oh, in LA. I got wrecked at that after party, which is a badass bar. He messaged Sidney Sweeney, you bitch. Yeah. You ruined me. You cut. But, yeah, we got fucked up at that bar. And I had a 7 a.m. flight. That was the worst flight of my life. I had a rock star, man. Did a great night. I mean, yeah, but, yeah, I mean, dude, you've... Yeah, man, the Chicago one you did was great. That was killer. with Chevy Chase. With Chevy come out. Yeah, that was crazy. Guy, he's had like so many opportunities to not be a cunt and he just can't help it. Oh, really? I haven't watched the doc. I mean, I just saw clips, but it's like, you know, there's a woman is like, she's editing it and he's like, you're an idiot. Yeah. And it's like, you're calling the person who's editing the thing. Like, you've been in showbiz, what, 80 years? I know. You don't know that maybe to be nice to the, I mean, to anyone, but to the fucking editor? It's like being mean to the chef. He's got a jizz in your shower. Exactly. Oh, you were asking Mark, too, about people screaming shit out. And, like, you know, look, I remember when I saw Chappelle, second season of Chappelle's show. I saw him in Vegas at Mandalay Bay at the House of Blues. And he paused the show because people were screaming out Rick James, bitch, so much. Oh, that's a nightmare. And it was just so, like, fucking up Flo, fucking whatever. And most of the crowd is upset at these people for doing that because you're like, dude, it's obvious. It's a show. Yeah, we're all here from that. But, like, stop. It's also not clever. You're breaking up all his. Totally. and so uh yeah i know it i wrote it exactly so i'm getting a little bit of that of like oh we'll be right back or whatever but like this past weekend in maine somebody just stood up one guy was like roast me and i was like what he's like fucking fucking roast roast me man fucking roast me man and uh and so then i just kind of took some time and talked through some stuff tried to gather some info and then and then ended up roasting him pretty good and then he stayed standing, so I just tried to ignore him. Usually I try to include the distraction to squash the distraction. That's kind of how I view it. You can't just sometimes ignore. You've got to welcome in and use him to go into a bit maybe about drinking or something. And then another guy was just like, dude, Biden face! And after I'd done a few bits about Biden, he was like, dude, Biden face! I go, you want me to do more? I got something. Don't worry. It's going to work. And I've done both sides of the coin where it's like, I try to now kill it with kindness not lose my cool because like I've done that and it's just nobody wins the crowd even people that are on your side in my eyes I'm like you want to keep them on your side as long as possible and so even though it might be justified to just be like dude shut the fuck up there's still a chunk of people that might be like well he was just trying to be a fan you kill him with kindness and then you keep the crowd on your side sometimes I just had my last Instagram there's a guy going I did a puzzle today So I'm doing the whole, like, is he autistic or is he a dick? And I had to, like, walk that line. That happened with me, too. Yo, favorite. And he was autistic. And he was kind of charming once I got to know him. Favorite clip of 2026 so far, dude. Oh, thanks. Oh, man. Yeah, you just, because you were so, like, everyone was, like, yeah, waiting for you with Beta Breath to, like, comment on what was happening. I had to. He was like, hello, hello, I did a puzzle. And I'm like, okay. He goes, can I get a cake now? And I'm like, oh, this guy is a half a tart. But you don't know if he's fucking with you. The Q-tip line, my buddy, speaking of Urkel, Julia White, sent me a video of that. Oh, good guy. Of that video. Oh, really? He goes, he goes, masterful. Oh, wow. Urkel. Shout out. Yeah, dude. The Q-tip line was so funny, dude. He sent me a video of Sidney Sweeney and wrote, masturbate. Here's a new internet show idea. The drunk heckle guy, film that, then find that guy two days later and have an interview with him. Wow. And go, what were you thinking? Let me show you what you were like in a blackout, ruining a show. Yeah, but you know what? They're either going to be a dick or they're just not going to be interested. It's like when Tosh did those web redemptions, right? Oh, yeah. Where people do something fucked up. But, yeah, those guys, most of the time when people... There's not a lot there. They always... Right. And then they usually end up, if they sober up... They're nice. They're like, man, it's either sorry or they double down and it's like, dude, I was just laughing. Yeah, yeah. And the security kicked me out. You should be able to handle it. You're a comedian. Yeah, totally. Professional comedian. Totally, dude. You should be able to handle me throwing a beer at you. I know. Yeah, I had a weird one in DC, too. It was just like, he was just like, he was just weird. He just kept like heckling. And I was like, oh, what's that? And he would just lie about everything. I'm like, all right. Jeez. I had a guy throw a wine glass at me once. I was into a brewery show. Maybe three years in the stand-up show. That's not a drink that should make you belligerent. Totally. All right. You're throwing shit from wine? It was in Paso Robles. And it was. Is that California? Yeah, like wine country. Like maybe, probably two, three hours, like northeast of LA. And a buddy of mine had worked up there. She was like, I want to produce a show up there. Upstairs, this brewery. I'm about three years in, so most of my material is about working at Universal Studios at the time, doing Wolverine and all that. Sure. And so I'm talking about that and how, like, you know, some of the jokes about how I didn't know shit about Marvel Comics. So kids would be like, you know, Wolverine, what's your favorite food? And I was like, potato salad. Fuck off, you know, and just dumb shit. And then there was a woman in the corner by herself, and I'm kind of, like, looking down and thinking about what I'm going to do next. And she's like, Kimberly, give me a kiss. And I was like, oh, should I give her a kiss? So I walk over, and she just licks the side of my face. And I just go, like, all right, what are the three most, like, aggressive STDs I can say she just gave me? So I'm like, oh, she just gave me gingivitis, herpes, and AIDS, you know? And everyone was like, yeah, dude, this guy's killing it. We're in a brewery. We don't know comedy. We don't get it. So this guy must be great. And then a few minutes later, I'm looking down, and I see in my peripheral vision her holding up her wine glass because everyone was laughing at me making fun of her. and I didn't have enough time to like clock like as I just see this and as I'm like in my head looking down I'm like she's picking up her wine glass and before I can like totally turn to look I just see that whoa and so I swear to god dude I just like I kind of put my hands up like that to go like no and the base of the wine glass I swear to god hits my palm and it's just sweaty enough from being hot up there to where like like the it it almost suction stuck for like hit my palm in the perfect way and i get probably 10 15 feet away to where it kind of like inside the inside of my fingers whatever it stuck just enough for me to wrap my fucking hand around it so i fucking palmed the wine glass out of midair and then when i did it i turn i look at it and then i just went and then i walked over set it on a table and i go i told you bitch i'm wolverine don't fuck with me and bro after that i get and i get off after that i probably had 10 more minutes But I was like, good night, Pastor Robles. I get off stage immediately, dude. Dude, shots, shots. Now I'm like a fucking local hero. Yeah. And like I'm getting shots and I haven't really yet like drank on the road. So this is my first taste of like, you know, having a good set. And then, you know, it's usually open mic. So I'm like, fuck, man. Like I did, you know, 15 minutes and like ended on that. And then I went down. This one couple was like, dude, you want to smoke weed? I was like, hell yeah. I go down. I'm in the back of their little like two-door sub or something. And I'm in the back. They get in a big fight. so I'm trying to like squeeze out but there was no extra door for me so they were fighting I'm in the back just high and drunk and he was like you fucking this is why I fucking hit you I mean he was just saying crazy shit he pulls the gun out you're like I'm trying to catch this bullet I'm trying to get out and I end up getting out and I go back to the I think we were at a Hilton Garden Inn and I was so fucked up and I grabbed like a couple Stover's lasagnas from the hotel snack lounge and I go upstairs and I was rooming with the other comic Will Clifton was his name and he was in the military and super funny dude and we're sharing a room and he was still out and I am so fucked up that I like get into the shower fully clothed because I was just like, it was a bad night where I was like, I need to just like maybe just get wet, but I didn't have the energy to take my clothes off, so I get in the shower and I'm leaning up against the shower like this, eyes closed I wake up with my legs getting undercut from the tub hitting my head on the ground, fell asleep standing up in the shower, Will at this point is in the fucking room and he's got this deep Kansas City accent And he goes, he goes, oh, shit, brother. What's going on there, man? And I go, and again, shame. Like I said from earlier, just like the guy catching me dancing on my patio. Instead of being like, I'm fucked up, come in and help me. I was like, I'm just shaving, man. And he goes, brother, there's water coming underneath the fucking door. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just shaving, man. Mind your business. He's like, all right, man. I get back in the shower, leaning up against the shower like I lost a big game. Fall asleep again. Fall out of the shower. I mean, dude, that probably could have been the enemy. Dude, yeah. That's how William Holden died, the actor from Sunset Boulevard. Hitting his head on the... He was a 60-year-old fucking drunk, and he just slipped on a rug, hit his head, and bled out. Oh! That's how they fucking... By the way, Huge Wreck, Billy Wilder, Cameron Crowe book. That's where I found that out. Oh, there you go. Incredible book. Wow. Yeah, dude. So that I fall out, and then I... That's dangerous as fuck. And then I get up, and then I open the door, sopping wet, just fall asleep. No, then I try to open one of the stovers. Microwave wouldn't work, so I just threw it against the window, cracked the window, so the window's cracked. And then I go down to the lobby the next morning, and I'm checking out. I'm like, hey, thanks a lot, guys. And then I go, by the way, shower's great, you know, whatever, just trying to make a comment. And then the guy goes, whoa, Mr. Ray, right? He goes, yeah, he goes, I need you to go ahead and pay for the Stouffers that you stole last night for a hotel snack on. I was like, oh, really? He's like, yeah, yeah. He's like, I don't know if you want to see the security footage of you walking in fucked up, just grabbing like nine lasagnas and going to your room. And then he goes, oh. Can we get that? And then he goes, and the window you're going to have to put a load deposit for. He's like, you threw your fucking casserole at the window. Oh, my Lord. Well, hopefully this story gets longer. That's fucking crazy. You must do long pauses trying to fill the dead air. And you kissed that fucking crazy woman. This night has so many beasts. I know. You have the best night of your life. That's what's weird about Kyle. You have this amazing night with the catch in the bottle, the drinking, and all you want to do is black out. Isn't that weird? You should be sitting there remembering it and enjoying it. Well, you're riding the wave, the adrenaline. There's nowhere for that to go. There's nowhere for that to go. You're like, I'll just keep fucking rocking. You're right. Yeah. That was my point with the, I know, it was a long story. I'm sorry. No. People probably tuned out as soon as I said, hey, guys, happy to be here. But no, but just my point was like getting, riding that high of like people, the adrenaline of people being like, you're the man. So then you're just like, dude, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it now. You want me to steal lasagna from the Hilton Garden? Well, as much as we bitch about content, you got to have clips and filming. Imagine if that was on tape. You'd be fluffy. Oh, catching the... Yeah, I did. You'd be the biggest comic in the world. That's some superhero shit. Yeah. Wild, dude. Yeah. That is bad. You know what's so funny? And then the yin and yang of it all is in like, you know, that was on a Saturday. And then Monday I'm back wearing the claws. Talking to some kid being like, you know, and he's like, you know, why do you have to wear fake abs, you know? It's funny that your superhero identity is the boring one. The real you is fucking catching wine. What was her reaction when you caught that? I mean, she was black out. Yeah. She was just black out. There's probably a picture of me in the Wolverine scene. She could have cut your face open. Have you ever had a bottle thrown at you on stage? I've had a beer mug, like a pint, but never a bottle. That comic Ariel. Yeah, yeah. Remember that? Yes, that was cool as fuck. Kimmel put her on shortly after that. Yeah. They threw a beer at her, and she picked it up and drank it. I was like, oh, I love that. That was pretty badass. Very cool. That went crazy by her. It's such a crazy thing to even still be in a time where, and I guess with the amount of wild shit that happens on a daily basis. Nothing should surprise anyone, but to be in a crowd and to throw... Unreal. I remember when I first started getting into sand, but the idea of, like, they'll throw a tomato at you or something, but to actually throw something from the crowd is crazy. To the person who's trying to entertain you on a show you paid for. Yeah. Psycho. But it's usually a heckler who's added responses in their shit face, and that's all they got left. Yeah. Damn. Will Smith, we're talking about you. Yeah. He's got a new show going out called, like, North Pole Hole or Plug My Butter. Oh, Pole to Pole. It's the gayest title of all time. The plug my butt is his wife's show. Hey, there it is. I can't tell if that was me or him. I got blended together. Look, he's got jizz in his mustache. Pole to Pole. He's just jumping with one guy to another. You're getting fucking old, dude. Look at Will Smith. I'm not a fan. I don't like seeing that. He's crazy. It happens. Do you know Will Smith? No. Seems like a guy you would know. No, I mean, I guess Neil Brennan knows him well. That's probably my closest connect. Yeah, yeah. He knows all the black people. Neil was at the store after the Oscar thing, and Neil was, like, telling stories about talking to him. I think he— Yeah. I remember exactly what he said, but he was just— Yeah, he was kind of—Will was kind of reaching out to Neil being like, did you see it? And, like, what do you think? Type thing. And Neil was like, very bad. Like, you—oops. Are you not hearing from anyone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good. And he loves Chris Rock, too. They're friends. Yeah, dude. Yeah, totally. And it's also, I mean, it does suck that, like, I remember pre-Oscar slap, too, he was, like, getting into YouTube a lot. I know. And he did a really cool thing, and he was having Alfonso Ribeiro, like, do a lot of things with him to where I was like, just as a fan, you're like, hell yeah, they should be fucking trying to jam on some content. And he did a thing where he bungee jumped into the Grand Canyon. Did you ever see that? No. Pull it up. And it was a whole live stream thing. Whoa. It was a big, and it was, but Will Smith was just so fucking fun and cool to where I was like, this isn't him doing, climbing the skyscraper with that guy's doing on Netflix, but it's. That's amazing. Well, that fucking Alfonso Rivera is one of the most talented guys ever. Yeah. He's so likable. So likable. Dancing, singing. He's a phenom, that kid. So he, like, he was, and just the fact that he was, yeah, I mean, this was his whole family here. And then, so now I just see a preview for Pole to Pole, and my head immediately goes to the Oscars, and I just kind of go like, yeah. You know. Yeah, poor guy. Well, he fucked up. Isn't that crazy? Like, what are you? I remember watching, and I know you probably talked about this. I was watching it live. You were watching it live? Yeah, with the wife, and we were like, what? You thought it was a joke, right? Remember, they tried to edit it and shit, but Twitter picked it up. Well, you know what's so funny? I was on speakerphone with my wife, and I was getting ready to go meet them, and I'm watching, and she goes, I go, wait, I go, can you just be quiet for one second? Chris rocks on, and this is the only part I really care about the show, because here's a comedian probably about to make jokes. Yeah. And so I'm on speakerphone with her and listening. And then it happened. And then I was like, huh, that's a weird bit. And then I was like, I think Will Smith just hit Chris Rocker. She goes, what? And I go, go online. She's like, I don't see anything. And then when it cut back to him and he was like screaming and like, you're what? My fucking mouth. Then I was like, oh, this is not a bit. This is probably. And then literally like 10 seconds later, she's like, oh, yeah, this is everywhere. Yeah. The speed of that, too. Isn't that crazy, dude? Crazy. And Schumer was hosting, and she went on after. She goes, did I miss something? It was something. She had some line. Did I kill? Oh, yeah. That's funny. That form is immaculate. It's a perfect slap. The slap and the follow-through. It was like royalty. Yeah. You know? I wonder if, you know how the way that we, whether it's on a podcast or a show, you second guess, and you're like, oh, I wish I had said this. Do you think Chris Rock definitely did that? Oh, yeah. Well, you know he got his comeuppance. when Dave Chappelle got tackled at the Hollywood Bowl by the trans guy, and he goes, was that Will Smith? And the place went nuts. Yeah, that's right. And he had a bunch of great jokes about it. Yeah, sure. When he said he wanted to watch that slavery movie with Will Smith again just to see his ass get whipped. That was hilarious. That was a great joke. That's fun. Poor guy. Poor guy, I know. Come on. He gave us so much to be happy about. What a bummer, dude. His tickets were, you know, it's like a $100 ticket to see Chris Rock, But after that, it was like $500. Right. It's also like, think about the things you have to do to go out of your way to fuck your image up. Like, Robert Downey Jr. only harmed himself. And so the comeback, I think, was warranted, right? Because he wasn't like doing pedophilia shit. He was just fucking himself up. And so people were rooting for him to come back. But it's like Will Smith. Maybe he would have had Alec Baldwin screaming at your daughter voicemail or a Hasselhoff burger on the floor. He just shoot a lady in the face. Don't forget about that. Bro. He's a nice. Another crazy story. Wow. That woman, so the apartment complex that I was telling you, with the pool and the thing, there's a girl who lived in my apartment who worked at the comedy store for a little bit. And after that happened, she goes, it's so crazy about that shooting, right? I go, yeah, it's fucking wild. She goes, yeah, we would see her every day. And I go what She goes we would see her every day I forget her name unfortunately Oh the Rust lady yes oh wow so her and then i go wait the woman and blah blah blah and i pretty sure i go with the little kid and the husband they were in the pool like every day so then i go i saw them for fucking five years every day tons of like hope you don't get shot by alcohol and you know like i know i wouldn't do that that's so fucked up but i would see her a lot and and i was like no fucking way like never They were wild. They were like the sweetest, like they had a little kid and always in the pool. Oh, man. I used to see Epstein jogging all around Manhattan. I'd be like, he's a nice man. Yeah, he's working out. That's not true. Do you think someone's got some stories like that? Dude, I once was at a Burger King, and they just ran out of Whoppers, and Epstein had two, and he gave me one. Do you think there's any of those going around? I saw Cosby at Sleepy's. He was trying to match. I mean, if it was a 12-year-old at Burger King, he might have given her a Whopper. You want to sing my crown? All right. Burger King came in hot with the crowns for a bit. McDonald's didn't have an answer. No. True. We can move on from this. All right. All right. I love it. Like, man, we've got three good improvisers here. What are they going to talk about? That Burger King crown. We've got to tackle that real quick. What have you guys not hit on the pod? We hit it all, baby. I did love that crown. Uh-oh, Salke's wants a direct. How about some peeves? Hey. I'll do a peeve. I've got a few. I've got some peeves. Please. Oh, you start us off then. Ooh. Pet peeve, man Well, this isn't This is probably one that's Pretty common and shared amongst most travelers But, hey man, getting off the plane If you're rows behind You wait your turn I literally just told a story about Vita with this The Vita story You get out by row I'm so with you, it's row nine In rest, there's a connect flight that they're gonna miss Then you give them the green light But now, I'm getting real sus And I was on a flight recently and a guy and a gal said they had to make a connection and they rushed off and I see him getting coffee right when I get off the line. And I walked by and I go, good luck making a connection. Good for you. And the guy turns around like this and I just went, I was like, I gotta do something. Citizens arrest, what am I gonna go up and go, hey man, that was fucked up. You pulled a fast one because you didn't think anyone was gonna call you out for it. It's also like, you did it for airport coffee? That's your fucking endgame? Yeah, fuck you. I have to stick my leg out in the aisle now because people are trying to come up quick, and you've got to stop them. You tripped an old lady. Yeah. Fuck her. Also, pet peeve, people that don't say thank you when you hold the door for them. That's a big one. That's a small one, but to me, it's like there's two types of people. Manners. People that say thanks and people that don't. Because then it's just like, even if you're on the phone, give me a, hey, you know, give me something. Or, you know, give me the fucking Kramer. Well, not the Kramer. Give me one of these. Give me the thank you. Yeah. Point at me. But it says a lot about you if you just think you were, I don't know, deserving of the door hold or whatever. I agree. But it's a small, it's also a quick way to just show your gratitude to another human being. It's easy. It's free. Kindness is free, dude. Yeah. Hear, hear. Where are you at with letting ladies out of the elevator first? I thought you were going to say vote. I think out of the elevator first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I do that too. And people kind of like, hmm, give me like side eye for it now. What? Yeah. ordering first at restaurants, I'm big on that too. I always want to show off what a chivalrous guy he was. I just, it's the type of guy I am. I let him off. Oh my God. I just let him off. What's ordering first? I don't know that. Letting the gals order first. Oh, ladies first. I order for a woman. That's what a gentleman is. Oh, there we go. I say, you'll have nothing. She'll have the ice cube. How about, here's a peeve. Oh, this one got me. The hotel check-in call. My do not disturb's up. I'm trying to nap. I get the call. How you doing? What are we, old friends? The W does that. Hello, hello. We just want to make sure everything's good for you. I'm trying to fucking sleep. Why don't you call me? Why don't you just assume it's fine, and if I call to complain, then we can go on the phone. I'm a Jew. You'll hear from me. Something's bad. I will say, I stayed in Miami at a hotel recently, and they would say, if you need anything, just text us. And you get these random texts, like whatever. And then you go, you know what? I need a towel. I need a coffee maker. And they would bring it right up. So the text wasn't bad, but it's not disturbing. Text is okay. Yeah. Dude, the landline. Because when's the last time any of us had a fucking landline? A hotel's the only time you have a landline. That's true, yeah. What do you guys ask for? Is there something crazy that you've asked for? You've called down for it? No, I just say, can you clean the room? It's crazy in here. I don't want to be disturbed. I want to just chill. Well, I just leave, I get coffee, and I go, can you clean the room? And they do it. Ooh, here's another peeve. It's a minor one. It's not that big a deal, but the hotel is where it takes two elevators to get out. Oh! I've got to go to three for the fucking front desk. They're going to take another one to get out. I'm like, what is this, a fucking escape room? You got to start singing at La Quinta Inns, man. It's just one floor. Yeah. A lot of fucking homeless. I like the name. I'm a stairs guy. I can do the stairs in a hotel. Love this. Who are you, Swartzen? Swartzen won't take elevators. If you're on the third floor, take the stairs. This is the 16th floor. Swartzen walked. He took the stairs. He's scared of elevators. He won't take elevators. No way. Yeah, it's hurt his career. All right, I got a peeve for you. the guy who suggests something in the moment and waits for you to do it. Like he's like the aggressive suggester. So I'm eating tortilla soup with a couple of people, and one guy goes, oh, dude, you know what's great with tortilla soup? You've got to put the sour cream, like a dollop, on the top. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm not a sour cream guy. And he's like, dude, it's so good. And I'm like, I like the soup. I'm good with the soup. And he's like, let's get some sour cream in here. And he gets like a cup of sour cream. And he's like, okay. And I'm like, what are we doing here? I don't want this sour cream. I'm trying to be nice. Like, oh, yeah, one day I'll try that. But he made me try it. So I had to go. You caved. I caved. I caved. You caved to this fucking pushy guy. It was getting awkward. I was like, okay. Yeah. How about you let me eat how I want to eat? I know. You got to try it like this. All right, yeah, maybe I will. And then he's like, no, no, no. You got to do it. And then he's waiting for me to be like, right? Right? I hated this guy. How about TSA going through your bag? Do you ever bring food on the plane or no? You guys get upset. Food? Yeah. What do you bring? Food? What kind of food do you bring? Rotisserie chicken? What are we talking about? Yeah, one of those bags from the grocery store. I love those. I'm saying those are terrible. Oh, is that right? I eat with the plastic bag. That's fucking good. Three of those a week. I love them. I love them. Every now and then, I'll bring a breakfast burrito if it's super early. Not like a tuna sandwich, I think. That's not too crazy, is it? That's not. Tuna's aggressive on a flight. Tuna's aggressive, but it was a burrito. And the guy opened my bag and held it up in the sack, and he's like, somebody's hungry. And I was just like, all right, dude, I know I was going to get fat shamed at fucking security checkpoint. Somebody's hungry. I think it's okay to bring a breakfast burrito. I mean, if you look like that still, you can't bring shit on a plane. You can get those lips. Yeah, the TSA is just like, let me walk you to your gate. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a question. Sure. You're a chosen one. Yeah. A heave, a Jew, a Jaime, whatever. Yep. maybe the most hidden of the comedian Jews. Well, Ray is not his Jewish sounding name. Wait, who? She's the most hidden. She was funny. She was good. We go, hey, hey, ding, ding, ding. We got one here. You know, other people, hey, Seinfeld, whatever. Obvious, David Tell. By the way, the worst game show of the Holocaust. Ding, ding, ding. Fuck. They got me. You win a train ride. Oh, man. But you kind of, you're from Seattle. Last name Ray. You're a big sports guy. You drink heavily. You hide it well. By the way, I'm all these things, too, except Seattle. Yeah, good point. Yeah, I don't know. Well, Ray's not... And your hair's straight. Yeah? Yeah, you're pretty well hidden. Ray's not... That's my dad's last name, and he's not a Jew. You could have Kaiser Associated your way out of a concentration camp. I think Josh Wolfe is up there as a hidden Jew. Yep, hidden Jew. Wow, great game show. But Wolfe is usually a Jewish man. Oh, is that right? Not always, but, I mean, Michelle Wolfe's not. Right, right. But he's got a trucker hat on and a country band shirt. I should probably be trying to use it more to my advantage. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying. You don't have to point like that when you use it. No, no. Jesus Christ. Who else is a hidden Jew? I love Mark being like, you haven't used it enough. Paul Rudd. Great one. Wow, yeah. Let's go. Galifianakis called him out. For being a hidden Jew as a joke. As a joke. Yeah, yeah. He didn't call the police. He said the Gestapo. Yeah. Just saying. Have you guys been to a bar mitzvah ever? Did you go to one growing up? Of course, I had one. Well, you had one. That's right. I've never been to one. I just went to my niece's a few weeks ago. It was fun, right? It was a party, yeah. Not a lot of chicks, though. No. They're all very young. Yeah. Yeah. I remember going to the first one. The one I had was fine. I remember my mom was like, you can't invite. Yeah, that was the kid. I mean, that kid's Asian. He looked Filipino. I don't know. Isn't that crazy? there was a girl named Jamie I'm going to say her full name Jamie Davidson and she wore she pressured me into inviting her my mom was like you can't invite everyone in the 6th grade class we had 3 6th grade classes and so I you know invited the people and there were 2 girls that made fun of me for being fat all the time and it turned into like this end of the year party it was like a big thing it was Adams Bar Mitzvah in the 6th grade because there was nothing going on and it was like right a week before school got out and everybody kind of wanted to we didn't have parties so it was like oh fucking party and bar mitzvah it was like we're going to this fucking Jew The rabbi's going to cut everyone's dick for free. And so these two girls got in front of me and were like, why aren't we going to your bar mitzvah? And I was like, you guys fucking make fun of me for being fat. And they were just like, we were joking. And I was like, well, I'm not about you coming. And they didn't go. And then Jamie Davidson, though, cornered me and was like, where's my invite? And I go, oh, it must have gotten lost. And she was so sweet and I think on the spectrum. And I said, you know, for sure. She showed up in a, this is a sixth grade, 95. Everyone's wearing, like, the guys are in these fucking cheap men's warehouse suits or fucking Timu or whatever. Are you wearing a suit to that? To a bar mitzvah, yeah. Oh, damn. Or at least a sport coat. And the girls were all, like, in, like, you know, just, like, hometown buffet dresses from the gift shop. Sure. And then Jamie Davidson shows up in a fucking Jessica Rabbit fucking, like, silky. And my Aunt Shirley, RIP, Shirley was a gangster. She goes, who invited the whore? Whoa. And I remember like, yeah, and she was out there dancing by herself a lot, ripping it up. And like a little like she was putting on a show. And like some of the dads probably were. Yeah, we had a caricature artist. But that was about the extent of the activities. And then I went to a bat mitzvah for a kid I met from a different temple in an area of Seattle where there was a lot more money. And, dude, I mean, they go. It was wild, dude. I mean, like it's like a sweet 16. Yeah, it was like that. Remember MTV Sweet 16? Oh, my God. It's like rich person, weird shit. Usher's there. What? Yeah, yeah. That was a great show. Wait, what did you say? No, not that. He made a joke. Well, dude, plug some fucking dates. Where are you going to be? So the theater tour's off and rocking and whenever this comes out, adamraycomedy.com for all the tickets, youtube.com slash adamraycomedy for all the Dr. Phil's and doing a little Netflix pod stuff is happening. I'm going to do like a 26 episode, I guess, Adam Ray, basically the Adam Ray show. but it's going to be characters and me doing pods. So I guess that'll be out soon. How did you get them to do the Dr. Phil? Who? Netflix? Because they're pretty tight-lipped. Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, I paid them. I mean, it happened very fast. It was like two weeks out, basically. Phil's son hit me up on Instagram and was like, hey, I'm Phil's son. Phil's my dad. And I was like, yeah, I got that from the first thing he said. And then he was like, my dad, we should get him on your show. and we went back and forth a bunch and then I was like, what about I just kept throwing him dates and I was almost like, fuck, we only have about five more on the calendar for the comedy store. I was like, what about September? And we had Fluffy and Jay Farrell and Pat Oswald for that and he was like, yeah, I think I can do that. So then we hit up Netflix and it was about two weeks out and we just quickly did the paperwork and got the cameras. Fluffy bailed out because I think it was just, you know, Netflix, I think maybe he wanted, because you just give like a whatever the pay is for that and he didn't want to do it. But Phil was super cool about it. I mean, to improvise the special, I guess, was wild. But I trusted myself enough to be able to hang with him. And he was a good sport. God bless him. I mean, he shows up and he's like, yeah, I've watched a lot of this on YouTube. It's pretty funny. He goes, now it's your show, but I'm going to fuck with you. And I go, well, I know you better than you know yourself, motherfucker. And he was just silly, dude. I mean, I've never even seen like a full, I've probably seen five minutes of an actual Phil episode. But everyone, I think what everybody, you know, overall probably like connected with it is like he's enough of a guy where you go, all right, I've seen him. Like he gives advice. He's a little abrasive. You know, he's got sound bites where it's like, you know, you're kind of a, I didn't come 90% of the way to get 10% of the information, Sam. He's got enough of those like there's two sides to a pancake. But then he's also kind of a twat where it's like he'll kind of like chop you out in front of your family and like embarrass you because you need to be humbled. So having that, I think, at the forefront, I think people were receptive to at least me fucking around. But he was a good sport, man. And they were nuts when he came out, which was like, that's the other thing, too. It's like, fuck, what if we get him out and everyone was just like, we thought it was going to be fluffy. What if he just phoned it in? You're like, yeah, I'm relying on him bringing the heat. What if this was his way of being like, I'm going to shut it down? He's going to come out and just be like, you think you're fucking funny, dude? Yeah, yeah. Hey, Adam, stop. We won't be right back. That would have been great, too. Yeah, yeah. Well, we like to see celebrities be able to take a joke. Man, that's the thing, too, is like, who was I talking to? It might have been Santino early on. He was like, yeah, dude, enjoy it. Like, I can't see this guy having a good sense of humor about it. And then, you know, thank God. Because, yeah, you don't fucking know. Like, there's – it's also he's not – this is a new thing. It's not like he's been parodied on, I think, like on SNL, MADtv, but not, you know, in a way like this. And in a way, you're hocking the book. You got the book on the school. Oh, bro. I would always go to, you know, it was like a running bit if somebody would say something like, you know. I think we did it on your episode, too. It was in Chicago. No, the first time you did the L.A. one with Pimple Popper and Burt. Yes. Where you thought the Pimple Popper was real and you walked off stage. Yeah, it was so gross. That was incredible, man. That was amazing. She was back there taking shots with everybody. She was super going pretty hot, actually. Come on, man. Yeah, save it. You know Pimple Popper? I don't know. Pull her up. Find that clip, actually, too. Tight scrubs. It was Pimple Popper on Phil, but it was Sandy Gantz. Can we pause this for one second? I'm going to fucking piss. Yeah, go, go, go. Sorry. Sorry, you guys are trying to wrap up. Uh-oh. I'm dying. Oh, you should add that to your impression. Beat, I'm dying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We just buzz real quick. I've got to fucking piss real quick. You make him full New York, like, tabby in the 80s. Well, here's the thing. It's like when someone's regular, his regular voice is just, you know, we went to the Knicks game. Well, Vita said, you know, there's a way just to talk, like, down the lane. but it's more fun to put a little more character-y. Sure, of course. We had the Knicks game, and we had a little bit of Rodney in there, too. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there it is. Do you mean this or the actual? Yeah, no, that was it. This is the scene, but we're talking about the lady, but yeah. Yeah. What's that guy's name again? Sandy Danto. Sandy Danto. Yeah, Mark. You were, bro. We were drinking hard. I mean, I was hungover. It was a crazy weekend. Bro, that fest, this was like, I think, towards the end or the middle of the fest. Yeah, two years ago. Look at your face. Yeah, look, you put the mic down. You're like, fuck it, I'm out. There's Bert. Mark walked off. I couldn't handle it. Yeah. Because the goo is what got me that pus. You didn't see this. Oh, come on. It was macaroni. Oh, macaroni. Yeah, yeah. What was the goo? Cheese? Yeast? I don't know. Yeah, it was something. Oh, man. Oh, that's a great... See, that's a comic right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Celebrate. Yeah, dude. Boy. The real feel can't kick like that. Yeah, dude. Yeah, he was slow moving when he came out, too. I think he was 74. Really? Whoa. Does that Dr. Pimple Popper, should take that from the Seinfeld reference? Is that who did? Oh, good question. That's in the Seinfeld episode. Probably. Good question. You guys are going to come out for the Netflix fest, right? Oh, hell yeah. We're all going. We're going to do some pods out there, try to get some real anglers. Wow, yeah, good call. Yeah, because there will be people out there that, I guess, I mean, that's the crapshoot of doing the pod, right? It's like trying to book and scheduling or whatever. But if you're out there for, hopefully you guys stay for a few weeks. Eh, a few weeks. A few days. What are you, crazy? I don't know. Try to get Letterman. Try to get Letterman, Jim Carrey or something like that. Oh, Letterman would be amazing. Rachel Ray, good call. Yeah, Paula Deen, who knows? Jim Carrey is like, I mean, when people always say, like, who did you want to fill? I mean, Conan and I tried so hard to get. His assistant, Sonia, I went to college with, so I had a direct line. You would love that. That's so shocking. It's just the timing. It was just every time I hit her with a date, it was like, he's got his own show or function or something, but like, yeah, the ultimate. But Jim Carrey, too. Or Sandler, fucking. Oh, yeah. Or Jamie Foxx. Or like, you know, just guys that are like. Great list. Bit guys, you know. What about you guys? Dream guests for the pod and then I'll go. Oh, we got Charlie Sheen we want. He hasn't done it. No. We'd love to get. We'd love to get. We'd love to get. Yeah, we just. I don't know how we missed that. He didn't do Theo's, did he? I don't know. Who? No, she, no. I think we scare a lot of people away with the title, whether like I'm sober. I don't want a drink on here. I don't know if you saw the documentary yet. Yeah. I'm not winning really anymore. That doc was wild, though. Wild. It was weird. You don't like it? It was entertaining, but part of me was like, I feel like it went a little soft on him. Yeah, that's the new way now. You wanted him to go harder on his what? Like the Eddie Murphy doc, they didn't bring up the trans hooker. Yeah, I feel like the docs, yeah, they're clearly produced by the people. Right, right, right, right. So the questions aren't as hard-hitting. Yeah. I thought, Denise Richards saved it, or stole it. She's a fucking, she's a cool lady. Classic. I like her. She's like, oh, these hookers are hungry. I'll make them sandwiches. We'll add a show in Stanford late Thursday, and we'll add a show in Providence late Thursday, and then I'm fucking, I'm done, dude. I'm keeping a special on fucking. Oh, yeah, Mazel. Oh, yeah, I'm doing Rosemont, and I think that's sold out. Maybe not, I don't know. And then I'm doing a special, Tampa Theater, February 27th, sold out. So please buy for February 26th. Oh, Tampa, baby. It's going to be fun. New special. Mark States. Hey, New Jersey. We're adding a show on Thursday. So come on out to that San Antonio, baby. LOL, almost sold out. Tulsa, never played there. Great club. Tulsa, shout out to the Bricktown. Yeah, great club. You're going to love it. You're going to rip. I'm pumped. It's got a great setup for all the shit. You're not jammed up. Cool green room. Oh, I can't wait. Great room. Flagstaff and Suarita. Thanks for the shout-out, Doug Stanhope. That was nice. Indianapolis, Buffalo, and Lexington, Kentucky, Providence, Rhode Island. All kinds of good stuff. MarkNormanCompany.com. Go to Punch Up. Get some Bodega Cat. Where are you Ray-Rating? When does this come up again? 25. This episode drops on Sunday? Yes, sir. Great. So, Albany, if you haven't come out to the show. Hey, thanks. All right, Seattle. I'm doing a show with Cal Rowley in Seattle You're the fucking sports guy out there I presented his Breakout star of the year I went to Vegas to present the Sports Illustrated Award for him And we just played blackjack and drank all night And I roasted the Mariners last year So I got to know him and some of the other guys And he was like, we gotta do a show You become their connection to the biz And so I hit up the 5th Ave in Seattle And we're gonna do that on Wednesday And it's all going to charity, but it's me and him And like I said, hopefully a few other music guys. Eddie Vedder might pop through. Whoa. Jesus. Which I think I said. And then, yeah, The Mothership. And then Detroit. And then Minnesota, February. And then we got South Carolina, North Carolina. Vegas, first time at a theater in Vegas. The win. The win is nice. Have you guys done it? Yes. Very sexy. Say what up to Dylan for me, man. Good dude. Let's go. And then, yeah, Chesterfield. Denver, Paramount, Carnegie, and Munhall, Pennsylvania. All these new spots. Man, you are cooking. A few clubs in between. Then doing some hard rocks in Florida in July. And then probably tape something around there, bro. Look at that summer. Gotta go, yeah. Wow. And then we got Australia. Australia and New Zealand is all June. Wow. And that's three fills and then a bunch of stand-up. And then... You gonna tape this puppy? We tape what? This hour at some point. Yeah, probably June or July. Okay, great. I'd like to see this stand-up. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's... And you post a ton, by the way. Your clips are great. The heckle stuff. Yeah. I mean, it's so funny. like the, you know, topical bits I'll maybe put up. Like, there was a moment when Caroline Levitt, you know, was saying, and it was, I guess, at the height of the Epstein files, too. So I was like, oh, if something pops up to, like, riff on, maybe put it out there. Or even just do. It's one thing I learned from Gerardo, too, when I hosted for him once at Irvine Improv. Favorite comic of all time. He's one of the best. And he was just so, I just was such a, I was always trying to get people on his stand-up train because everybody was just like, oh, great roast guy. And I was like, he's fucking brilliant. Yeah. And he was able to kind of just hit the right angle. He never got like pandering or preachy. It was joke. Yeah. Good joke. But he told me, he was like, I was like, do you have any like writing tips? He's like talking about how like he'd read the paper a lot and try to write topical stuff because he might have a shelf life, but it got him to form an opinion and a point of view quicker because he's like, oh, I read a new story and then go, oh, what do I think about this? Yes. Like he had that one joke that was kind of evergreen where he'd do the, you know, he's like, there's a new story. A guy fell off a cruise ship or a guy jumped off a cruise ship. He'd been struck by lightning 17 times, then got married, got in a fight with his wife, and jumped off the cruise ship. He goes, even God himself couldn't kill this man. And he was like, send in the experts. But it was like a joke that he could do all the time, but it was based on something that he really read. And so I definitely tried to apply that for a little bit. That's an evergreen. Yeah. I mean, that's, I think, from Good Day to Cross the River, which is one of my favorite albums. Oh, unbelievable. Yeah. But yeah, so putting up like crowd cooks, so that's the thing that always sucks, too, when I guess I got to find a little bit more of a balance between some bits and Croward because I'm just like, I don't want to burn the bit. I'm like, I'll just put the Croward clip up and come to the show. Some people are like, is this all you do? I'm like, no, come to the show to see the hour. I know, seriously. I was like, not giving it all away for free. Yeah. Come see the show. Yeah. Oh, I had another great Giraldo. Then we'll get out of here. He had that great bit. Another news story. He's like, I was reading a news story and they had a guy, he burned his genitals in the shower. He's like, hell of a way to test the water, huh? Yeah. Or was it, I was on the subway the other day, and this guy screams across the tracks, Yo, Monica! Yo, Monica! Yo, you got age, yo! He goes, wow, that's how they tell you? And then the tag, that Michael Moore is right. We really do have the worst health care in the fucking world. I love that you guys know that, dude. Oh, I was in the fucking front row of that taping. No way. Yeah, we loved Geraldo. I remember Mark and I were in the back of comics watching him headline ones, and we were just fucking high-fiving after the jokes. We were like young-ass comics. What would he be doing right now? Podcasts? Oh, he'd have the best political stuff. Right? He'd be going on all the shows and just ripping it. Oh, yeah. He was selling out theaters. Phenomenal comedy. He'd be on this pod. We wouldn't be able to keep up with him. Probably because he did so many pilots that I guess didn't work out. But now, because with pods and touring, that could maybe be enough for him, right? Oh, yeah. Definitely. He'd be a legend. He was a legend. But, you know, I think he would have just kept... He has that show. Remember that newsy kind of show with Louis Black? Or what was that show? Root of All Evil? No, it was Louis' show. Oh. He was just always on. Oh, he was always on. Okay. Yeah, he was great on that. Well, he was a lawyer, and you had to be a lawyer on that show. Yes, he had to debate. Yeah. Yeah, he was a beast. So we'll leave this on the table here before we go. Yeah. Have you been working on your Sam impression? Oh, good question. So I was just talking with Mark when you were off. I got to pee real quick. I just got to fucking pee. So the laugh I was doing that you guys. I have a little Mo from The Simpsons, I guess. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I was saying, like, your regular voice is so deep. So initially, I always wanted to take something and getting the voice perfect is fine or whatever, but if you can heighten it a little bit. So that's why my instinct is always to go a little bit like, yeah, I mean, I fuck it. Yeah, I'm a Jew. You want to see my cock? At least that's what I said. But the laugh, you have the... You've never heard that much in his life. You do do this. You do do this. You do do that, yeah. You go like this, you go, well, I mean, Carrot Top has never eaten a carrot. You do have like, but he was a pretty good Gary Vee. He is white. Gary Vee does have HPV. I wish Santino would break it right now. But the laugh I was doing, too, your laugh, I think your actual, you do have like the... That's dead on. But it is a little higher, I think, too, when it's a genuine like... Wow. like it's a little wow but it's a good laugh too I'm flattered it only stuck out because it's infectious when I was watching some episode and jerking off it was it was you know that's the thing too is like man you see pods and that's another reason you know last compliment but you guys are always like goofing and making each other laugh and that's you know and Mark is going oh man oh man whoa you know you're always fucking chint-chimmery-chew and then like leaning back and then ever since the Rizzlers been doing it that shit oh man That was so fucking funny when he sat on your lap. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah. Great comedy instinct there, Sal, with you sitting in the fucking studio shut down. Who suggested that? Fucking dipshit over here. Dude, of course he did. Hey, maybe get on his lap for a clip. Oh, man. I ran a Steve Fabricant outside Steve from the cellar, and he goes, that was a bad idea. Yeah, we know. Dude, Fitzsimmons looked like Billy Bush on Trump's bus when he said, grab him by the pussy. He was like, okay. I guess you can do that, you know. David Tell was unfazed. He's like, who the fuck is this? Oh, man. I saw him last night. We were talking about it. He goes, I want to bring him a basket of bread. What do you say? I want to bring him a... He goes, what's the next mountain to climb, Twizzler? When he was on your lap doing this, he goes, he's wrizzling. He's wrizzling. Just out, son. Oh, God. That was a warm buttocks. I'll say that right now. Don't say that right now. Buy some Bodega Cat. We love you. See Adam on the road. See you next week, guys. Love you, guys. Hell yeah, comedy. Sunday's the day for my next spender A bit of Pivoreck, you know the future's close I've had a little too much bourbon And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope And I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans This woman doesn't look like I remember her And I get down in the same way We might be drunk