Cinephobe Ep 300: Crossover - Part 2

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Or the jury that used a Ouija board to speak to a victim? If that made you pause, you need to listen to Morning Cup of Murder. I'm Karina B. Mr. Furfer, and every single day on Morning Cup of Murder, I tell one chilling true crime story tied to that exact day in history. With over 2,500 episodes to binge, you'll never run out of dark stories to start your morning with. Go listen to Morning Cup of Murder wherever you get your podcasts. And remember, stay safe. Previously on Cinevope. This makes Trippin' look like hoop dreams. That's the only excerpt I need for the cold open. Yeah. Right into the intro after that. This makes Trippin' look like hoop dreams. Maybe with the exception of maybe horrible bosses too. I don't think I've ever laughed that hard watching a Cinevope movie. The laughing cry that you sent the audio clip. Yeah. A Preston picture glides onto the screen. Preston? Preston Myers? What's going on, man? I need to get to some actual basketball. Please tell me that we're going to cut to Anthony Mackie shooting free throws in cargo shorts. Are those cargo shorts? Fuck yeah, they're cargo shorts. The big old pocket on the side. What are you talking about? His buddy is in a D-rag rebounding and hitting him with some trivia and Sankra Sank. Whizzing him? Yeah. Totally normal combo. How many times did the Lakers play against the Celtics in the finals? Ten. Which Nick became United States senator? Bill Bradley. I don't know what this is supposed to do. This is character development. What? What's the character? He loves basketball. What's the development? And he loves trivia because it's Sankra Sank. But why does it never comes up? This never matters. It's their thing. Is it their thing? They have rapport. I don't know. They don't really have rapport though. They do. This bingo is desperate to have a friend. Which one? Barrels that are on fire like it's Donkey Kong. I said, oh, we're in Detroit. It run the D, it run the D. It was 1919 at that point. Was that free throw now worth two? If you shoot a free throw and you have 19, it's worth two. So if you get fouled and you have 18 points, you can just score three points and win the fucking game. Oh. Or, or, or, or. They only played at 20. No, they played at 21. What about fouls, traveling and stuff like that? This is street football. God damn it. God damn it. Please pause. Because I know the next scene is going up and I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to fist. I'm going to fist. It's a cosmic mix of the action of the 90s combined with the exploitation films of the 70s. But with modern touches, it's hyperviolence, but it knows that it is. It's a little bit Tarantino. It's definitely a little bit Michael Madden. It's kind of a cosmic gumbo. It almost goes to the beat of jazz. White people are genetically inferior or they're culturally crippled or they're socially deprived. How come God couldn't make everyone one color? Like tan. I wish I'd fucked a black broad before I got married. I could really feel 400 years of oppression and anger in every pelvic crust. I can smell morning across an ocean. Not all women. Good for you, man. Good for you. Good for you. Just the hot ones. Hello Oprah. You're not allowed to go down on me for one month. No, Judy, please. Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges. I'm horny too, baby. Hey, Chalmin, come on down here. What do you want to exercise by dominant? Scaring. Get out of here. I'm getting a patriarchal urge. Look out for number one. Set your sights on the stars and the sun. Look out for number one. We've got a push on little heart. Push on little heart. Yeah. We've got a push on little heart. Yeah. We've got a push on little heart. We've got a push on little heart. We've got a push on little heart. We've got a push on little heart. Yeah. Don't mind me. Just keep doing what you're doing. We're a team. We work together. I don't know if you were paying attention. I wasn't. Please, goddammit! Just one more drink! I'll call your tents for the night, you bitch! Bye, whiskeys. That's breakfast on the river. Yo, you have to clip it, Maze. Clip what? A fucking tiger? What are you talking about? It's not that hard. Just chop, chop. Boom, out. Wow. Maze has a really hard job. This is going to be the worst episode we've ever done. My people don't get what they say. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. Maze has a really hard job. This is going to be the worst episode we've ever done. My people don't give a ding dong diddly about what flag fly over why. You bore me, Foogle. Where is the Mequo film? There's nothing but a bag of meat and a flesh and a tendon. Why didn't they just name him Spaghetti Lasagna? Fuck, this movie's two hours long? What the hell is this? This is like the John Grootin emails of movies. Do you like ducks? ducks or trench coat full of bees flying around like that would scare me. Imagine these are cool. No, I get it. Coolio. You're the devil's baby, mama. I didn't lie, Annie. I just didn't tell you certain things. Don't play no reindeer games with me. An American ninja? What are you talking about? There's no such thing. You've got a poor soul in the heart, a poor soul in the heart. Yeah. You've gotten rich off of the people in this town. You bet your ass I have. And I'm going to get richer. Couglins lore. Going through incredibly descriptive details of the story so we all know. Oh man, I wish I had better notes. Have you ever heard of such a pale of shape? Once I get a DVD player, I'm going to watch Gallowockers once a day. Come here and give me a squudge. You know what to do from here, Internet. All right, cool. Let me Google how to open QuickTime. Justice is blind. It's got space dementia. But it can be hurt. Time to find out exactly what this ooo's can do. Pull the fucking rabbit out of your dick and folk. I'm Temecula's newest heart-on dog. Hey, looky here. Why don't we eat us a few thousand beers? You can tell me what's buzzing the big bad sick. Come on, I hear you! Look out for numbers, boys. You gotta push a little hard. Push a little hard. Yeah! Yeah! Enough! It's not funny anymore. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. And fuck you, I'm out. Cut to the pool party! It's a pool. There's nobody there. It's just the four of them. He's like, I thought you said it was a pool party you were talking about. How many girls you done told this lie to? And he says, ain't nobody lying! This is Palmer Woods. This is my man, Bruce. This is Cripp. And the four of us can make a party. As long as they don't wake up his grandma. What are you doing? You fucking scaring the halls? But Nessa immediately jumps in with no time. Strips down. Jumps in. Calls Cruz Daddy. Come on, Daddy. Oh, Daddy. You're my man and I love you, but he's got me, Daddy. Was the plan to never be in the pool? I'm sorry. Yeah, this is against two Americas. Black people like to have a pool party where no one's actually in the pool. We're just around the pool. By the pool, no one's actually in the pool. Maxwell's a Malibu. Yeah. Even at night? Even at night, man. You got a girl, Mr. Cruz. You want a girl, Mr. Cruz? He liked that. You got a man and she's this little secret and I fucking died. That's a lie. Of course. That's a lie. You got this bottle glistening over your body and I'm like, the fuck are you doing? You're scaring the pussy. But again, she likes it. She's never been to California before. She's new in the D and never been to California before. That's big. Probably real romantic. With the right person. You just met. At least it looked like that in the music videos. They start making out. Camera pans out and the other two are just watching. This is the part where you guys say it's a high speed and I say it's not because she says you probably wish you hooked up with Vanessa. Huh. And he says, I didn't say that. Guys, they're not supposed to have chemistry. This is lowered expectations to the lowest degree because she says, I can't front. I'm feeling you. Look, Tag, I can't front. I'm feeling you. But I can't put what's about that. If you ain't going to be real with this. And I said, you guys just met today. Really? Not for you? I mean, I mean, it's possible that he's the sweet Annie. Oh, okay. It's not her. He's the sweet Annie. Hi, smart cookie. He says, sir, I can't speak on tomorrow or the day after. Hi, sweet man, Drew. But right here, right now, nobody would rather be within you. I'm like, that is the lowest possible bar that worked. It absolutely worked. They start making out. That's insane. Do you know why it worked? Because she's got the lowest bar. The low bar right there. Cut to them leave in cruises, feeling Vanessa. Boxers. Big ass boxers. Holy shit. And they're dry. Yeah. Well, fuck was just a pool. They're dry. Mackie Ward's that she used to be with. Hello, exposition. She with me now. We go together. Music changes. Cruz has to tell tech. He invited Vanessa to LA orientation. He sold his boy out on the LA trip. Yeah, there's only one ticket. That's crazy. So got you open like a freeway at four in the morning. What? Same no two more. Biss hit it like a home run in the bottom of the ninth inning. Tech's not mad. Gotta get his money right. Make it a double date to LA. What? Now who's open like a freeway at four in the morning? If a man wants something he never had before, he's got to do something he's never done before. What? And I said tension. Is he going to go suck dick for money? It sounds like it. Also, old cliches. That's not an old cliche. That's nothing. That's the oldest profession. It's all this cliche. Also, we get the exposition that there's no Wayne Brady games. At all. Season's over. The schedule of 40 teams is done. It's July. And there's nothing on the horizon. And that's his only way to make real money other than his foot locker job. So that was the championship game. Shut up, Zach. Don't be stupid. Next morning, radio exposition up is sleeping. Tech knocks at the door. He wants to play ball. Let's make it happen. Captain cut to some two on two. He's pretending to be drunk while he plays. Yeah. They cut to a brown bag of liquor under the hoop. And I said, huh? Is tech ass on pretending to be drunk? 100%. Although you'd never know it by how he dribbles. That was luck, sir, when he finally wins one. It was luck. Man, I just crossed your man AI style. What you talking about? AI? You serious? You lost four on the road. Your drunk ass was bound to get lucky once. Like that? It's G-Money from fucking New Jack City. All right. So why don't you and your man put your money where your mouth is? I bet me and four eyes over there can be. Tweet a D and tweet a dumb in a two on two. You talking about shorty right here with the glasses on? You know it. Up is pretending to be a nerd. So this is just a white man can't jump formula. Yes. Ups wearing glasses. They're running a con to hustle these guys. First play turnover. I said black man can't hoop. They're losing. Then they start scoring dunk after dunk on these eight foot rims. There's a play where Mackie misses a shot and G-Money flies in for the put back dunk off of Mackie's miss. I said, you got to take that back out, man. Oh, you got to clear that. They don't show any defense. All they show is them scoring until they win. Guys want double or nothing. Up says he has to go to the store and then that's the end. They get on the bus. They pulled the hustle off. They're filling a Jordan shoebox with cash. He says that one of the bills smells like Vivica Fox. Yeah. What? Ooh, Halle Berry montage of this hustle going on and on and the madding and counting more money. Meanwhile, this nigga Dr. Bingo is falling in love. Cruz is taking photos with Vanessa. Grandma's using an Olympus stylus epic film point and shoot with the opening slide on the front. I actually had this camera in high school guys. Oh, shit. This is one of the first cameras that they gave us in photography class and Ebony's helping tech study for the GED and then they're sitting in the park and he puts a book on his head and then runs away with it. Now they're hustling people at the same basketball court. Money in the shoebox. Vanessa and her underwear on Cruz. They hang out at the same basketball court and gone people. Cruz gets a Vanessa tattoo. Oh my God. Mistake. Cruz and Vanessa forever. Cruz letter N. Vanessa. Cruz and Cruzan. What does the N stand for? I love tech takes his GED test and he's making out with Ebony. More us linens shoebox fill it up cut to a nice restaurant. How do I know it's nice? Because Cruz says, Hey, this is nice. Yeah. Real nice. It's Vanessa's favorite place. He asks if there's something she wants to tell him. My friend hasn't come visit me this month. What? What friend? Period. My friend. He says what friend in the same tone as I'm from Indiana. Wow. Look, I love you. Whatever happens happens. Just want you to be a part of my life. So you're not mad. She's dashing. Never had much of a family. I only had Madeir since my mother died. I don't want to be like the other cats out there. He says cats a lot. Preston. If we're going to have a baby, I want to do it the right way. I want to get married. You proposing? Let's move to LA. I'll go to medical school. You just met. He's the smart one. Dr. Smart Cookie. A champagne bucket gets brought to the table. It's for Wayne Brady. Film on. They're in high school. Yeah. They're 18. Wayne Brady walks up and says, This is what the rest call a makeup call. And I laughed. To apologize for the other day, bro, we had a whole montage. She's pregnant. It's been a month. Cruz calls her his fiance and I need everybody to slow down. As he's trying to pitch him. Cruz brings up going pro. Why not ask Jules? Jules doesn't have what it takes. He's the king of the jungle, knows where he fits in, and doesn't have a problem with that. What? Takes out the cork of champagne. No pop. No pop. Ha ha. Flat. And pours himself pre-opened champagne. There are a lot of fruits in the jungle where he rumbles. Oh. Sweet ghetto queens. Monster trucks. Loads of bling bling. The boy shines like a light. The fuck does that mean? What the fuck is happening? It's the KG dog. But man, you've got this gift. The greatest game never seen. And that face, look at that clean cut endorsement friendly boy. He's gorgeous ain't he? Yeah, he is. Talk to me. May's Clipchair Company. Oh my god. What is she? He's gorgeous. Talk to me is what he yells at the dude and I'm like, whoa, tension? Wayne used to be a sports agent. No scouts can get Cruz into a camp. Three teams to choose from. All in climate friendly places. Okay. All I get is a suntan. Then what? Then what? What? There are 10 guaranteed contracts and five of them are open. What? Motherfucker, what? You can write your own ticket from there. The fuck are you talking about? So to be clear, this is how you go pro. As you go to a camp, there's three teams with 10 contracts, five are open. Well, these teams have five unsigned roster spots where they're given out guaranteed contracts. They're all in climate friendly places. I gotta assume that there's some unfriendly climate places that he's leaving off the list. Like the D? If he doesn't make any of these rosters, well then his career is over, right? No, no, no, no. What happens? No matter what, we put your name in the draft after that. Wait, hold on. Hold on. You're going to go to camp as an 18 year old. He might get a guaranteed deal, but if he doesn't, then he goes into the draft. The fuck are they talking about? God forbid he go to Cal ULA and do really well and then go pro. And then after that, I'm going to be playing pickup games at an old Kmart down in Atlanta. That's called run and shoot. I'm like, whoa, be careful. You watch your mouth, son. Run and shoot is an institution. Be fucking careful. Be very careful talking shit about running. Shoot. Be fucking careful about running. Shoot. Let's get some good runs down there, man. Yes. And some shooting too many. Yes. Too many babies. Thanks for no. Then he says, I like to stay, but you got a funny way of making me lose my appetite. Come on, baby. Vanessa was definitely not trying to leave. She did not want to leave. Let's tell me again more about these climate friendly shit. Cut the Mackie playing street ball against a very fat man. Massive. And then he does the Detroit shuffle. Is that anything like the North Pole shuffle? Wait a second. Why is Michael Bivens here? Same note to bro. He wants to play, but he wants to put up 20 per point. So I felt the same way I felt at the end of how to be a player. Am I supposed to know this is Michael Bivens? Right. But then the guy calls him heart attack. So at least he's got a character name. Sure. As opposed to my man for boys to men. Is he guy for boys to men? Or is he just a guy? Is he Michael Jones or is he Michael McCray? What is he? He says that's a lot of money. Michael Bivens says Friday night just got paid. Golden fucking dumpster. They're winning. Up goes between this dude's legs. Tech hits a jumper for game and he's singing. I didn't know making money could be this easy. And just then the guys from the first run, the first hustle from the beginning of the montage. You guys are unhustlable. They're there and they know that they got hustled. And Michael Bivens is super ass on in the background pointing. Of course. He was all right up until that point. I promise he wasn't Michael Bivens. Surprisingly good basketball player. I didn't think he'd be good. He's going against Anthony Mackie. He's better than Anthony Mackie. That's what I was going to say. Not a high bar low bar here. Cut at the low bar. Don't be ebony. So he throws the money in the air. They run off. They barely get on the bus and get away. Shout out to the bus driver who closes doors and starts driving. But up forgot his ball. We can buy another ball. You tossed our ends. Hundred singles looks like a lot more than what it is. And he still has a lot of cash. Haven't you been hustling all summer long? Yeah. You have a shoe box full of cash. You think you can't buy a $20 basketball? Well, that's not for up. But you could. That's to go to LA for the orientation ticket. Oh, that's right. For a double date. We're going to get to LA for her. We're just speaking LA. Touchdown in LA. Okay. Yeah. Southwest Blight. In the same office building that Wayne Brady dropped Nicky off a couple of hours ago. Oh, shit. Cruisin Vanessa went without them. Wait. No, they're right behind them. Tackin Aberdeen there too. She's got a G unit shirt. I've never seen people be more impressed with a hotel lobby than these four. Is that the Weston Bonaventure? But this is supposed to be the airport. Now they're at the hotel. I don't know. No, that's a hotel. You can see hotel room. I know you can see that it's a hotel room, but they've arrived. No, maze. You're being difficult right now. Oh, yeah. You're right. My bad. My bad for not understanding where the fuck we are. You also didn't think that we were at the Detroit airport earlier. Well, I know we weren't at the Detroit airport. I mean, there are people with roller bags. This is the Lewis Pinock looking good. Mr. Cruz feeling good. Mr. Tech and it's a reference trading places. Let's talk about having a forest and a lake inside a hotel. It's a nasty as fountain. Relax. Cut the Cal ULA. You got four dudes dancing with candy cans. Stepping. Frats use open spaces for stepping. What the fuck kind of tour is this also? It's a private tour. What is this Disneyland? It's got to be August by now, right? Yeah, because of the montage. Yeah. This guy's a tour guide and you can tell because he's got a clipboard. That's right. And the baggiest fucking jeans I've ever seen. Oh no, this is no two, man. Those were tight. That's a tight. He's a nerd. Yeah, those are tight. No two. You get us. No. Oh, the dork. The frats will want him to pledge because he'll be playing ball. That's not how that works. He won't join a frat. Cut the Sony pictures. Cut the Sony pictures. The Sony. Jesus Christ, man. This is a makeup trailer. Ebony's asking the girl about doing makeup for commercials. Works pretty steady once you join the union. He tells Ebony, chill with home chick while I go to the commercial. Commercial has him spinning with a, the rock basketball. That was a terrible man. Everything is desaturated except blue. Whatever they're trying to sell, his dribbling is not going to do it, but he's the dribbling stuntman. Yes. There's definitely a stuntman in there doing the dunks, the windmills, and a lot of dribbles whenever they know he's the stuntman. No, no, that's the great part about this in real life. They're using a stuntman to do the really cool shit. And then giving us a couple of closeups of him dribbling poorly. Face up to let us know face ups, generous. So then he leaves there. They walk out him and the PA, the PA is also this. Oh, I'm stunned. I'm stunned that you're skipping over the director. That has hair like me and sideburns that come all the way down to his chin. I thought for sure. All the way down. This was going to be in a mean stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Same. Look who mays. Yeah. Look who mays over here. And it reminded me of star burns and community. Yes. He did. That's a good point. It is like star burns. That's a wrap on tech. He sees another guy walking. I was like, wait, he's dressed like me. That dude got on the same clothes that I got. I'm from Indiana. Yeah. He's the actor that you're doubling for. Double. He's the guy in the commercial and you're his body double. Yeah. Nick Carville. He's a star. What a name. He's a star. He can't play ball. But with your help, he's going to look like Michael Jordan. You're in the ad. Yeah. Which means you're going to get paid for the ad. Right. No harm no foul. Well, Anthony Mackie does not take it that way. Yes. You know when they said that the crucial plot developments happened off screen, probably the meeting with the casting director where she sat him down and told him that he'd be in a national fucking commercial. Skipped over that because he's losing it. He thought this was his commercial and his big break. How many is this in the movie? They cast him because the real actor can't hoop. Yeah. And in real life, they cast someone to hoop because he's the real actor who can't hoop. This is an inception. He starts crying. You got paid. Why are you crying? He storms off to his trailer. He's pacing back and forth with his ass on his trailer has tech scribbled and sharpie on the metal bumper of the door. It sure does. They give the stunt double a fucking trailer. He destroys a fruit basket. Then he storms into the makeup trailer. We out swats analog notes out of the home chicks hand. Hey, be fucking respectful of those analog notes. She says, hold on. She's giving me the information. Swat the shit out of it. Swats the shit out of an open. First time he's played defense all movie. I said we out and then proceeds the Ike Turner, her ass out that trailer grabs her arm, makes her leave. A guy asks what he's doing. Some random white guy. He punches the dude. The dude goes, oh my nose. My nose. Although once he punches this dude, He punches them real high. This is the first time that Ebony's been ass off all movie because her reaction to his punch is perfect. She might have saved herself. She didn't. At John Lewis money, we know your home is more than an address. 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One thousand pounds, including the 80 saving on new car orders between 15 to 35 of May must be registered by 30 June, 20, 6 18 plus season C supply. Who's a Vanessa are getting campus lunch on trays? Outside. It's so serene. Cruz calls it quiet and serene. Weather sure does make a difference. Sean has to digging a pool. Well, it's Cal ULA. Now there's sunshine at Cal ULA. This is the perfect time to make it official and give Vanessa a ring. Now you have some carrots to go with that salad. His grandma helped him out. How much money does grandma have? Lots dude. The life insurance from his mom dying. Oh, stacking paper man. She lives in the nice part of town. She's got a pool and all that. Yeah. Bottom that crotch rocket. Well, she has a pool now. Vanessa wants him to go pro. You sound like that. Kat Von. She didn't know what he was talking about, but sounded like money. That's an incredible one. Yeah. I don't know what any of that meant, but it sounded like money. Yeah. Money. I don't know how much it costs to have a baby, but I do know it's more than we got. That's a good point. She is on a roll right now. I wonder if we could get some exposition or something about why it's not important. Hello exposition. Mommy talk. The sweetest kind of exposition. The night my mom died, there was an orderly there lazy fucking writing. What's lazy about this writing? Zach, there was an orderly there doing whatever he does or some shit. I don't know this dude won't shut the fuck up about going to medical school and he's some shit. I don't know what an orderly does. My mother is laying there dying and all he can talk to me about is scoring 40 points in the scheme of things. Basketball didn't seem that important. I'm a play ball. Walk out with a free degree. Go to medical school. That's why you don't want to play basketball. I could see you was playing ball and his mom died and he didn't know because is that the game? Right. He was at the game and then instead of doing whatever an orderly does, he wants to talk about the 40 point game, which I don't know how you would have known about at that point because not like it was social media that would have shared the results or anything, but maybe he's on streetball.com streetball.com. Yeah. That she says I'm on your team, you the captain and he said I'm the captain now. Mays clip it. Also, how does Vanessa know about him taking slash not taking money? Doesn't matter. They're on the same team. Yeah. I love how anti basketball he is, but everything he wants is dependent on him playing basketball for four years for Cal ULA. Does he ever practice? No. How does he get better? He's Mr. basketball. Oh, okay. Cut to the hotel. Tech is drinking his second beer and he's wasted. Is it alcoholic already? Just because I have one, two, maybe two drinks sometime. What am I alcoholic now? You didn't even get fired. You just stormed off. You dumb ass. And in the most incredible future callback, Ebony is reading the paper. Yes. That's why. Is that why? Are they setting up for the future callback? That can't be. It's in the fucking montage at the end. Not a montage. It is. Those are postcards. It's a postcard montage. Look, Tech, I know you're upset about the commercial. He barks at her. Play your role. She puts the paper down. Play my role. What role? Like you don't know, you girl latches on to ambitious young guy for free trip to LA. Cover formula. You think that's why I'm here? You tell me. You didn't even know I existed until I told you I was coming to LA. Then all of a sudden I became very special. Look, you really need to slow your role right now because you've been drinking a whole lot and you're talking real stupid right now. Oh, so now I'm stupid. Look, I don't need a GED to see the type of trick you in. I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I'm not one of these skanks that you didn't met after a pickup game. You think I need your shit in my life? Like your life was so special before you met me. A nail technician? I mean, what is that? I fucking lost it. Oh my god. You're a cashier. They both need to relax. They work two doors down at the mall. Ah, man, there's different tiers at the mall. Don't do that. Yeah, come on, man. You don't know what that's like. It's like a janitor calling himself a sanitation engineer. Custodian dick. She slaps him. He acts like he's going to hit her. She doesn't flinch. She does it. She's tough. She's from the D. Just because your dreams ain't coming to you doesn't mean you get the shit on mine. Oh, and for the record, I'm here because I actually like your sorry ass. If you wasn't so caught up in your own self pity, you recognize when the real sister got her man's back. Just because your dreams ain't coming to you doesn't mean you get the shit on mine. You got to be careful, man. You got to be careful. Oh my god. You're getting Louis Pinnock for sure. Can I get to the point that I'd be crying tears and that voice though? They're having this awful argument about how awful their lives are. Cruz walks in and I awarded him the nodule from Fat Balls. I'd be awarded. The perfect timing award? Yes. Only in LA, huh? I don't know if you checked out the bar rescue watch this week. There's a place called Fat Balls that John rescued. They're doing the stress test and shit is not going well. They're dumping out all these drinks into a bucket. The bucket's full. They haven't even gotten a lot of wasted food because they haven't been able to put food out. And so John is destroying this husband who owns the bar and then his wife, Najwa, walks in at the perfect time. I don't think this food looks right. Does this look right to you? And he's at his limit. Jesus Christ. He is at his absolute limit. Her timing was impeccable because the last thing I need right now is for someone to embarrass me in front of Taffer with something else gone wrong and she walks in right then. That's not even edited. That happens back to back. How'd the commercial go? When this motherfucker walked in and said, only in LA, I fucking lost my shit, man. Cruz asks, what's up? Text being very defensive. He flips that on Cruz. Mr. Perfect. Mr. I can do no wrong. Dr. Smart Cookie. Vanessa calls him jealous. It needs to be said. So I said it. Vanessa starts fucking shit up. Says he doesn't have the smarts or the talent. He's way nothing but a thug. That wish you had is life. Vanessa. Girl. She wouldn't have that life you admire so much if it wasn't for me. Uh-oh. Time for the real exposition to come out. The you owe me from the beginning of the movie. Hello, exposition. He'd be just another ex-con struggling to get his G.D. No. What is he talking about? Would you stay out of it? Go on. Tell her, know it. Tell your fiance of all the five minutes how I mortgage my future for yours. Hmm? Taking out a salt beef? Tell her about the party. Tell her about how you got drunk and you hit that rich kid. And I took the rap because I didn't want to break your grandmother's heart. That's not much of a backstory. Because I'm a thug like that. No, is that true? How racist is the rich kid? Yeah. Oh, black guy hit me. Yeah, that's what I'll do. To go to jail. They don't look anything alike. Well, to be fair, mild correctional facility. Oh, that's right. Thanks, friend. I'll find my own way back to Detroit. I thought you got your own ticket. Why does he have to tell him? I'll find my own way. You already have your own way. Great question. More Detroit B-roll. Sign that says welcome to Detroit. Hey, run the D. Hey, run the D. We're back at the mall. Put Locker Boss on the phone talking about his big bucket of chicken date. Oh, big date night. Big bucket of chicken and let's watch a movie. Ask Cruz if he saw any stars. It's real horny. Goes Gilbert Godfrey. California. Yeah, right. Did you see any stars? Did you see Halle Berry? Man, tell me you did not see Halle Berry. Because there's some things I want to do to that girl, man. Yo, man, I didn't see Halle Berry. What about a Gabriel union? She's hot, too. You find out tech doesn't work there anymore. Because he laughed and it was about the same dates where you were gone. So I had to let it go. You fired him. He fired himself. Good riddance. Always late anyway. Then he answers his phone. Sexual chocolate speaking. Reference. Cut to the nail technicians. Shit not, man. The hoes are gossiping. Woman at the nail salon. Complaining about a deadbeat watching daytime TV, playing video games, talking about he looking for a job. You said he was a good man. Good for nothing is more like it. Ah, I got his ass. Got his ass. Credit. So jacked up, got a cell phone in their four year old daughter's name. Vanessa's recounting of LA oranges growing on trees there. You could just pick them. She's ass off. And then she says they must be giving Mercedes out out there. Everybody and their mama got one. Is your man going to get you a Mercedes? But they may not move there. Your man not thinking about going to the league. I mean, probably, I don't know. You ain't heard that from me. My favorite part is I don't talk about my man's business. After all that shit. All you talk about. Ebony goes to the tax house. Up answers the door. Plays dumb. Why? As he's watching the house, make sure nobody steals it. Because now everybody steals the whole house. They don't steal stuff from it. Cool, midi. They scandalous. Text downstairs. And then he lets them know they know you down here. And then he says it again. Mays clip it because he does a voice. They know you down here. And that is your Louis Pinnock. Still think it's Mays. Plus like lying to people ain't really my steal up. Cut to a court. Mackie shooting around. Crew shows up on his motorcycle. He apologizes for what happened in LA. Why you have to do that? Man, I just apologize. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Why you got to be the bigger man? And I said, that's Mackie formula. A mean formula right there. That's what that is. Tech wants to be mad at Cruz because everything Vance said was true. Tech's jealous of Cruz because he's got the gift and tech wants it. But Cruz lost his scholarship because somebody off camera leaked. He played for money. What? It was in the paper. Revoked eligibility. Pulled to scholarship. Same what to? So now he's going to stay in Detroit and go to community college. What a fucking nerd. Whoa, bro. Tech had the same community college too. It's not about the schools, man. It's about the education. Message. Oh, that's the message. This is an insane life plan. This guy really needed a father figure. Everything he's doing, this is the product of, I guess, not a broken home. Just being raised by a grandma. I mean, we got damn, man. Wow. I mean, does not believe in grandma driven houses. Hey, man, don't propose to this girl. Hey, don't invite her to LA. Hey, don't fucking believe her when she says she's pregnant and it's yours. Grandma's just giving whatever he wants. And hey, don't go to community college when you can make millions of dollars and still go back to medical school and no less shit. No, he doesn't want it. I mean, tech is going. He passed the GD. He's headed to Vanessa to tell her about LA. Tech wants to play Jules again on Friday. Games are back on. Yeah. It's been two months. New season. And the same teams are playing again. Yeah. They'll beat him off together. Same note too. Tension. Cut the way and getting pulled over. Cops say his people wanted him to know they don't need this type of publicity. Wayne says he didn't have anything to do with it. What the fuck are y'all talking about? He handed him the paper. What? What does that have to do with it? He just told you the scandal, the story about the games. Cruise. What does that have to do with the people betting on it? People know about the underground games and money and shit. That was becoming known. Yeah. Oh, so now the games aren't underground anymore? Yeah. OK, got it. They're above ground. Cruise hasn't called Vanessa since LA needed space to think. She says, we're a team. Need to work through these things together. Now he can go pro. I'm not going pro. I'm going to community college. And she immediately cuts him off. Baby's not yours. What? I miscalculated it. I was at Jules before and he's the father. And then she says fast forwarding the exposition. Doesn't even give him a chance to ask questions. She was trying to say you got play. Yeah. I played you. I knew Jules was the father. But you come along with a chance to move to California and go pro. Why not? But now you ain't got nothing. So bye bye for you. Bye, Mr. Mayor. Bye, bye. I can stay here and do bad by myself. Cost is this ring down the stairs. And then my favorite part, he starts crying as she says. Go ahead, cry. Because you got to be stupid, a sick, a both to give up a chance to go pro. Golden dumpster who sadly rides off on his car. A truck. It looks so stupid and crashes into a car. I'm mad. I didn't take a picture of the accident. I tried because he lightly taps the car. It looks stupid. The more you freeze frame it. Yeah, it doesn't photograph well because the bike doesn't even the bike stops. Stop. Yeah, it's fine. The car is fine. The bike is fine, but he goes flying and over and flying. Golden dumpster tech rushes to the hospital. He finds grandma next to the gurney. He's consoling her and we get a time lapse of tech waiting in the hospital room. Until Cruz eventually wakes up like Jason Statham. He's gasping about Vanessa and the baby and beyond ass on tech goes to confront Vanessa at the nail salon. Why do you do it? This is crazy behavior. Oh, he's acting crazy. And then next thing I know, he's hemming her the fuck up. He's assaulting her. That is like Turner. He's there of leaking the story to the paper. He grabs her. They call security all of the reactions of all the other women at the nail salon are pretty hilarious. Cruz might not be able to play ball with a bad lung. Bad lung. That's his injury from this fucking motorcycle crash. It's a lung, but he can show us how to be a doctor. What? What? So you live with that. What? Wait, what the fuck is what are you talking about? Fuck you talking about. And then Epidene comes out of nowhere, calls Vanessa a bitch and shoves her into the chair. I laugh so hard. A lot of people don't watch these movies before we record this. So I just want to point out if you're wondering, does Cruz make a full recovery? We don't see that again for the rest of the movie. That's seeing him in the bed in the hospital. That's a wrap. That's the end of his work. Epidene and tech are sitting in a cab. He holds up 10 grand from the commercial. 10 G's. It seems like it worked out pretty good for you. You got paid 10 G's. How did he still get paid? He assaulted somebody. Yeah. Well, he left. He left immediately and they didn't know. Oh, okay. Barbershop, cigar, smoker sitting in the background. Ebony doesn't get it. Tech says, I got to do something. This is me doing something. What? Did he just pay for her to have sex with that old man? No. Because he walks in and the old man looks and gets up and he walks in. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I mean, normally I think that he's paying to have sex. You think that she's got to pay him 10 grand to have sex with him? Maybe he's a popular old man. It's the guy that paid Wayne Brady three grand in the beginning of the movie. Where the betting happens. And I assume he's betting on himself, AKA the Lincoln Hawk. Well, I can't assume anything in this movie. That's true. Cut to him on the court. Tech assembles his team who he hasn't talked to all movie. It's been a minute. And the way he's talking to them, it makes me think, wait a second. Did he bet on himself so that he could throw the game? Nope. And then bet against himself? He says, as an adult, I recognize a lot of people don't see the world the same way I do. My boy Cruz in the hospital and he can't play ball no more. I think something should be done about it. He's got medical bills. What? Does everybody's in one sentence doesn't go to the next one. Cruz has medical bills. Everybody's in. And here comes Wayne Brady driving out of the court like Gordon Bob Bay. That asphalt's going to crack just like the ice. Minnesota miracle man. He gets out. He tells tech, you think you slick, huh? He shoves tech down. I laugh so hard. 20 to one odds exactly the same odds as Lincoln Hawk. Damn that they would hold jewels to 11 points. So now streetball bets.com have adjusted lines. The prop bets. They're not going to honor this. This is John T Porter. Wayne tosses his money back. There's no betting. There's no game. Wayne tells me can't win. Jewels team hasn't lost a game in three years. In three years. What in the fucking mighty ducks is happening? Because you play one game every three months. Oh, okay. They're only 12 at oh what happened to the 40 team league? What happened to the website? They're not in the division that's winning 118 to 110 either. They're in a different division. Look, you made Vanessa do it. You went to Cruz and talked to it about it in front of her. Jesus. All right. You know what? I am sorry about what happened to your man and all, but I had nothing to do with that. Vanessa's from the D, man. Through and through. She was born with lost in the inner heart. What? Oh. That's the type of chick she is. You knew what was going to happen. Look, you put it out there. You planted the seed and washed it grow. This might be the most racist line in Cinephal Mystery. What? And that includes the wife from Carbon Copy and Keanu Reeves. That's the most racist line. She's from the D through and through. She was born with larceny in her heart. April in the D. April in the D. April in the D. April in the D. You got your tigers, your business, and your red wings, B. Everything you are right here in the D. Hardwood, Ice and so much grass. Slime shots, hips, and bottom to test plants. April in the D. April in the D. April in the D. D. Three teams. Three leagues. One tree. Okay. The bet is on midnight. What? Again? And then Tech hits a jumper. This is a coin toss. Tech wins the coin toss. This was the best transition of the movie, was the overhead shot of the hoop into a South Carolina quarter. Otto, I forgot that it's tradition in Street Ball that you don't shoot for it. You flip a coin. Yeah, you get a coin toss. Like maybe the third most bet on splitting event in- Not the World Series, not the NBA finals. No, no, no, no. Not that big. Not that big. So, Hotspot says you want to give me the ball for giving Vanessa to that jump cruise. Jesus. Bro, you are late. They already broke up. Tech pushes them. I said, forfeit. Didn't he just forfeit? Forfeit. Everything is exactly the same, except the cheerleaders have orange outfits now. Big man says, save it for the game. Tech says, I'm playing my game. You play yours. What? What? Get in the paint, big man. Get your ass down there. Shut the fuck up. This episode is brought to you by Expedia and Visit Scotland. Start your story in Scotland. Experience the pool of wide untamed landscapes and fresh cuisine that feels rooted in place. Discover castles steeped in legend and feel the genuine warmth from locals you meet in a place that will stay with you long after you leave. Start planning your own Scottish holiday. Today at Expedia, plan your own Scottish holiday. Today at Expedia.co.uk slash Visit Scotland. Tech steals the ball right away in... Dunks? Okay. Turns to Wayne in the crowd and says, that's one. After a montage of questionable editing, it's 10-6. There's no defense. Tells his team, D up. Roll them and fold them. What? They got... You never said that, Zach? If I was playing basketball, what if my teammate said, roll them and fold them? I would walk off the court. Is it a burrito? What are we talking about? I would walk out of there. I would walk out of that abandoned train station. That's cause you don't have what it takes. He's playing his game. I'm playing mine. Tech's team scores four straight points. We don't even see platinum with the ball. They finally get one. They trade baskets. All we see is the dunks. It's nine to six. They're taking a lot of jumpers. It's 12 to eight. Yeah. Tech double team someone dribbling back and forth at his own three point line. Takes the ball away. Easily scores 15 to nine. Wayne wonders what he's doing. Then we get this old man waiting for the ball like this. Oh man. That guy intercepted. That's my kid right there. Never take a step towards the ball. No, never go to the ball. I'll find you. Wait for that motherfucker to make its way to you eventually. First time all movie, platinum, Mrs. and Alliou. Yes. Off the back rim. A foul happens. Another foul. Game over. Orfit. 15 to nine foul on hot sauce. They walk all the way across the court. Yeah. From one end to the other. To shoot the free throws. Cheerleaders are chanting go tech. And as we know, the most valuable play in the game is the free throw. He's blowing kisses from the free throw line. While shooting free throws, he has flashbacks to cruise. He hits the first on the second free throw. The close up is him shooting with his left hand. Yep. Then when they cut back to farther back. Yep. He shoots with his right. Uh-huh. Sir. Cross over to Newity. That's the Michael Jordan against the Lakers of street ball right there. What the fuck? Hot sauce ass on shaking his head at Wayne 17 to nine. Hot sauce clears it out, gets a pick, knocks tech down, dunks it. He says clear it out and then immediately a screen comes. You know what? That's a good strategy. Yeah. Misdirection. Ebony gasps. At the top of the key, hot sauce picks up his dribble, looks to pass. Next thing we see him getting the ball as a screen is on the lower hash. And he goes up for a dunk. The fuck just happened? Teleportation. Up is dribbling. There's a flashback to him dribbling on the court by himself. He makes a pass, tech dunks. And that's when I realized that he's been wearing cruises jersey this whole game. They've known to I got so confused. I didn't even notice that because I'm like, is somebody else wearing cruises jersey? Do they not have enough jerseys? Nope. It's tech. I thought I gave it to the kid. No, he's got his own journey. This is up. And then I realized, nope, that's Mackie Jules dunks again. It's 18 to 11. Is this where the host are booing? Now this is my favorite basketball play of the whole thing. So tech does a crossover when he goes right to left, the left comes up above his ear. Sure does. He's got it up here. He runs right into somebody who shoves him to the ground. But as he's falling, he's in like a power squat. He throws it up, hits the shot and I go, oh, shit. And he just hit a day and one no foul. No, no foul. No foul. No fouls. When it goes in, he's lying on his back with his legs up in the air. Big man gets a steal. Up, throws it ahead to tech. He goes up for a layup and then throws it back to up at the three point line. That's called the Boris deal. When you get a wide open layup and then at the last minute, though that shit out to three point line. And it looks a ruining street ball. He shoots it and this is look at this photograph. Everyone's in the half court. Like it was a half court set once he shoots it. It was a fast break. Well, no, they all caught up. Oh, okay. But not enough to contest the shot. No. Well, there's one guy contesting. No, they all ran past him. Everyone was get your ass in the paint. Big man. He hits the jumper. They win. Hold Platten to 11. The crowd rushes the floor. We're going to people patting him on the back. They pat on the back and keep walking. They're very polite. Night over. He sits on the ball. Vanessa and Wayne are the last two to walk off the court as he's leaving. Walking past the raging barrel fires. Here comes Wayne Brady. They're not going to honor his bet. But then Wayne gives them 20 grand and I said, okay, why are we pointing Wayne as a bad guy? I don't know what his role is. No, no, no, no, no. All he's doing is paying these guys. No, no, look, he's trying to get that guy to the NBA. We're not going to honor your bet. You were going to make 200 grand. Yeah. We're not honoring it. They don't have to. He's a bookie. And he says winning was worth the price of admission, right? That's a very good positive attitude to have. Gives him 20 grand does not give him his 10 grand back. So he made 10 grand. Right. But he's also got to pay every member of his team two grand because they won. So really he made two grand. Yeah. So I'm your man now. Money talks bullshit runs a marathon and I ain't wearing track shoes. I'm taking this national. Oh, we're going on the road. Senator Tor. Stadiums of people chanting your name. See that you and me making so much money together because great minds think the way. See, that's where you're wrong. Great minds think for themselves. That's what Cruz taught him. Everyone wanted him to go pro as if an education and doctor not good enough. What? He's waiting to find him at the community college. No, no. You want to see me? I suggest you get a job at the community college. What the fuck? TGT. I don't know if you can call it that. TSCT. TSCT. There you go. The smart cookie time for a massive wrap it up. Where are they now? Montage complete with stills. Holy shit. I've got the stills for you guys. Vaughn that's Wayne Brady moved to Los Angeles. Married his girlfriend Nikki Rita said, okay, so turned out well for him. Currently selling pre-owned vehicles at Beverly Hills. Are they trying to shit on him? I think so, but you could probably also make a good living doing that in Beverly Hills. So let me get this right. He moves from Detroit to Los Angeles. Yes. He's married to a woman who is a partner in a law firm. Yes. And he sells pre-owned vehicles in Beverly Hills. That motherfucker won the jackpot. We've got the written description of what happens. We also have up narrating this. Narrating. Yes. And he says sold the club shut down the train station. And I said train station. Same note to Jules broke his ankle in a pickup game. So he opened a strip club cause and effect. Well, the slide says he's running a strip club, which doesn't mean he owns it. It just means he could be the manager. That's right. It's on the West side of Detroit though. Oh, okay. West side is capitalized. I don't know if that means something. And he's not Vanessa's baby daddy. Oh, there you go. Vanessa went on to have two more children and continues to work part time at the nail salon. It's part time, dick. And what does he say? Tricks are for kids, silly rabbit. Reference. I'm Mr. Sterling's right hand arm. Man. I'm Mr. Sterling everything. I'm his confidant, his best friend, his silly rabbit. His what? His silly rabbit. His silly rabbit. Yes. Is that what he calls you? No. Crews recovered from the accident and after graduating from community college with honor. With honors. Moved to the dirty south to finish his medical degree at More Howard. With honors. With honors and also you don't go from community college to medical school. Yeah, you do. What if you graduated with honors? That's a good point. Yeah. Ebony moved to New York and is working as a makeup artist while attending NYC. Yeah, New York College. Meadring. New York College. Broadcast journalism. Meadring and broadcast journalism. She can't fucking talk. Hold on. And her still shot is her sitting with the paper. With the paper. Even though I know what scene this is from. That's fine. Every time I look at it, it looks like she's taking a dump. Yeah, absolutely. And I think her and Tech's still kicking it. And you might wonder, how is that possible? Well, it's because Tech did his thing in the community college, got a shine on, a scout saw him play ball. Now he's on L Real Madrid. L Real Madrid. In the Euro league. Repping the D in a big way. So he's in Madrid and she's in New York and they're still kicking it. And the picture they have of him is him doing the Anthony Mackie face, which I don't know if you guys have seen online. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He takes a lot of pictures like this for some reason. Just weird duck face. Yeah. So he's doing it in this picture. And that got one last what for me? Which part? Yes. And then finally Korsky went on to play for Osborne High School. Oh, I didn't even fucking begin to write down what this bingo did. I could give a fuck. High school is spelled all one word H I G H S C H O O L. That's how you spell it. Where he earned honorable mention all Metro accolades in his sophomore year, as well as academic all city accolades at no point in time is this kid ever motivated by academia or what you talk about trivia. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. History. He's a history buff. Yes. Waiting to get my shine on my crossover. He shed it. He shed it. And it's coming, baby. Hollow back. I will not hollow back. Seat belts fastened. Trace hails in an upright position. Here we go. Calling. Go team. Wait. Let's call it. Calling. Calling. Pot lift off. Does it? Yes. Absolutely. When they go when? No. Meant stumped. Is it when tech calls in his favorite a cruise and says you owe me? No. Is it when tech bricks the jumper and loses the first game? No. Is it when Vanessa tells cruise she's pregnant? No. Is it when the story leaks and cruise loses his scholarship? Yes. That's plot lift off. That's plot lift off. That's the end of the fucking movie. Yeah. Well, it's a movie about. Not the food court scene? No. The plot lifts off when he loses his scholarship and then eventually finds out that she's not pregnant with his child. Well, let me see what the summary was again. Where's it when they go to LA? The lives of a gifted athlete and his best friend change when they take a fateful troop to LA. They talk about it the whole movie. Is it when he gets the acceptance letter? It's the acceptance letter itself. It's what he finds out he's a smart cookie brewing. Yeah. When he's a smart cookie brewing. Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened? Plot summary. Confusing. Wikipedia had this movie at 111 minutes. What? Pluto TV obviously adds 20 minutes of commercials. Pluto TV said it was an hour and 35. The runtime is 95. Yes. Three, two, one. We have tech who is a troubled individual and he is obsessed with playing basketball against this man. Hot sauce from the and one mixed tape tour who lives in Detroit and I guess we're in Detroit and he's going to use his man Cruz to come help him out as a kind of a ringer. And we find out later that Cruz is Mr. basketball in Michigan per the associated press. And so in this game, they actually end up losing because in street ball, as you all know, no flagrant fouls, no fouls at all. You foul, you forfeit the game. You fight, you forfeit the game. You argue with the reps before for the game. Classic street ball rules, get ball on a coin toss. And so this sends tech into a real obsession with trying to take down jewels and earn money. And all of the while Cruz is going to Cal, you LA and he's going to be a doctor. You give a fuck about basketball. All he wants to do is have sex and be a doctor. That's all he cares about. And so that's what he's focused in. They're going to go to LA for his orientation until they meet a couple of tootsies at the mall where they work, but not before, uh, Jules tries to 20 tries to shame him into not being able to do basic math. And this basically sends them into an abusive cycle. Look, Anthony, he's character needs some real therapy. It's not going well. They do end up eventually, I don't know, Cruz gets in a motorcycle accident. Then they win a basketball game. And then we find out that Vanessa been fucking everybody and big kids are everybody else's street ball. No, that's not what's the name of the movie crossover. He doesn't need therapy needs to go back to jail. Maybe not a mile. My old self facility. The media fucking habanero. Well, that really got away from me. All three baby one, two, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown or do the same countdown. We just do off of action. Just in your own time. Good. I'm not a rocket ship. Boy and Brady is a pretty decent dude paying people in the hood to play ball and take your bets on it. Real stand up guy, in my opinion. Anthony Mackie is a street balling, Ike Turner, who doesn't know the good things like doing math, but he takes a young course skied under his wings so they can practice NBA trivia. His hobby is this bingo who somehow is taking summer school but got into UCLA. Excuse me. Cool. Hot sauce is a local street ball legend who drives a big rig that seats six. They all play in this game at a train station where all the hose hang out apparently. But hot sauce team win while talking mad shit to Mackie. Mackie goes home to find the lights are off because he's poor and in the hood. Bingo tells him to come to Cali with them, but then they meet a couple of hos at a party. And Bingo sells his boy out for some ass forcing Mackie to have to hustle in the streets to raise money like a broke ass white man can't jump. Black men can't play hoops. Apparently bingo is going to med school on an academic scholarship and the whole tells him she pregnant even though they just had sex like the cheeky and don't be a menace. While in LA we find out Mackie thinks he's going to be in a commercial but really he's just a stunt double. This is all in the wild the fuck out. Wayne Brady offers bingo an invite to camp with the pro team but it doesn't work out. Then he can go into the draft. Huh? This thing is adamant he doesn't want to play in the NBA because in orderly talk about his 40-foot game the night his mom died that she conspires to make him go pro by leaking the youth in a pay-for-play game and the academic scholarship is revoked. Bingo finds out, confronts her, she let them know. He's wacky, stupid. She's a hoe. The kid ain't hers and everybody knows. His old man thinking stupid. He'd be like so. Ten. Bingo started crying and then gets hospitalized which is hilarious. We never see him again. Meanwhile Mackie can reach the sheikah. The nail salon gets violent as fuck. He pays 10k for an old man to fuck his girl. What? And he bet on the game which he wins. Wayne Brady quits to sell cars, hot sauce, owned a strip club. D'Cicchi has two more kids. Bingo graduates community college with honor. With honors. Three, two, one. Wayne Brady is a Detroit club owner that also runs an illegal gambling ring that's tied to a massive 40 team street ball league where all games are played in an abandoned train station. That also has a DJ and a dance team, but constant barrel trash fires burning 24 seven. Our story then completely shift gears and focuses in on two best friends from the D tech in ambitious poor ex con trying to get his GED and cruise a wannabe doctor with a basketball scholarship to Cal ULA. They play in a street ball game together and get paid which puts cruises scholarship in danger while working at the mall at a foot locker. They get invited to a tattoo party by two breezes and then they're going to take a trip to LA for cruises orientation. Q a montage cruise gets a girl pregnant. They go to LA 30 tech is in a commercial where he's making 10 grand, but he thought he was the star even though he's a random person from the D. So he flips a fuck out. He punches of assistant director in the face and leaves, but he still gets paid heads back to the D cruise finds out the baby's not his 10 drives his motorcycle angrily, injures his lung and is in the hospital for a long time. Tech wins the street ball championship and gets revenge, but then walks away and then a wrap up montage journalism degree broadcast journalism because she's going to end with NYC. Did they not know that NYC is also a common abbreviation for New York City? I think Preston knew that. I don't know what this motherfucker knows. Head to the coast in Abercrombie's latest summer drop. It's dress season for minis to maxis. There's a dress for every summer plan and Abercrombie's new linen blend matching sets are so light and breathable, perfect for brunch or rooftop happy hours. Dress like you're on holiday, shop Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores. Who cares if you lose the game? You got this off your chest. I mean, it's just one night of bar trivia. One night of bar trivia is Sankrasank toss. Trivia is Sankrasank at the end of the movie. It states that crews earned a medical degree from Morehouse College. Morehouse does not issue medical degrees. I got something on our auteur, Preston A. Whitmore, the second. After dropping out of high school, he enlisted in the Marine Corps where he acquired his GED and began taking college courses focusing on law enforcement and criminal procedure. And where's Preston A. Whitmore from? He's from the D. But after servicing the Marines, he settled in California and went to Los Angeles City College where he received an associates degree. He subsequently transferred to California State University Northridge where he received his bachelor of arts degree in political science. After graduating from CSUN, he attended University of Laverne College of Law where he won the American Jurisprudence Award for legal analysis and writing. Holy cow. He's a lawyer. Whitmore first entered the film industry, the entertainment industry, as a rapper and lyricist. What has this guy done? For Brian and Eddie Holland of Motown fame. And then he wrote Flood somewhere along the way. That's incredible. That's right. I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant, something that may benefit mankind. And if you would devise something that... Groundbreaking, I guarantee you A. A. in this course. Oh, hold on, man. You following me? You can't do that, Lionel. Look, man, if you don't want me to have a foreman job, I understand, but I need my fucking job, man. Lewis Pinock Accent Award. I had looking good, Mr. Cruz. Feeling good, Mr. Tech. I've got Mays reading all of Ebony's lines. I've got young Korskeet saying they know you're down here, but saying it in a particular kind of voice. What kind of voice is that? Oh, let's just say the kind of voice that someone with big ears would have. Because you know, God's cruel joke. Well, I can't put... Korskeet God's cruel joke in the award. Zach's going to die. I am. Yeah. This is going to be the podcast that kills Zach. Every thought of me Batman vs Superman, Don, a Justice Ultimate Edition, but here we are. At least I did something I love. Cross over. Cross over. Bury me with my DVD of crossover. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty weak category. Say that. What was yours, Mays? Oh, the training places. Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. Underput clock. Let's show them who the horsemen are, guys. Yeah, we got soul. Five horsemen. Trivia Sankersank. The D. What? Editing. And this is street ball. Slow motion. Cross over to Newity. Smart cookie. Smart cookie. There's a lot of smart cookies in this one. But Zach said it earlier, what is definitely over? To me, that's the horseman. What is the horseman? I did control F 27 times. What question mark in my notes? In all caps. Wow. That's almost as many times as Hall of Art fell down. That's right. The ultimate battle. What in all caps? You know what? If we had had more than two street ball games, maybe this is street ball could have been the fucking horseman. Well, they did have more street ball games, the two on two hustles. That's not street ball. Good grief. In through nose. Out the mouth. Ass on. Ass off. Teddy Rex. Moosey Teddy Rex. Teddy Rex. Moosey Teddy Rex. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Michael V in Memorial. Ass on award. Fuck. Alicia Fears as Ebony. Lil JJ as up. You can throw an Anthony Mackie. You can throw in Wesley Jonathan. Big man. Shut up and get in the paint, big man. Not my man. Big man. Big man was terrible. I'm going to go with Wesley Jonathan. Really? He's awful. He's really bad. He's awful. Yeah. I'm with it. Oh man. It's Alicia Fears, man. Look, she's right there. She's there, but she gave us. Give us one moment. She did give us the reaction. When he punched the guy. It's only because she didn't read the script that didn't know he was going to do that. And Wesley Jonathan gave us the seat in the hospital. There it is. It's back. That picture takes him ahead of her. Yeah. That other picture takes her further back. He's the winner. Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes. No it isn't. Yeah. Well, what are the chips? Universe. You've done it again. Carl Weathers Memorial Ass Off Award. I mean, not even a close. Had the mom. Lock it in. It's the mom. Oh, I had Wayne Brady as Vaughn. Wayne's good. Really? Well, for this movie? For this movie. I think Hot Sauce did great. Hot Sauce had his moments. He had his moments, man. The mom was phenomenal. Big Man's also ass off. He's ass on and ass off. He's ass off on the court when he's calling for the ball. And no one ever passes on the ball. Yeah. I think it's the mom. She had one scene, but she fucking crushed that scene. Oh, she killed it. And he says, I'm going to go over to Mrs. Watson's house. Yeah, you do that. Yeah. I'm going to bed. Linda Boston as Shirley. Yeah. Delroy Lindo ass off is what you're saying. Yes. 100%. Okay. You're good at keeping secrets. Absolutely. Because I've got a present for you. Secret present outside by the dumpster. Is it a baseball mitt? It fits you like a baseball mitt, like a glove. I hope. Golden dumpster nominees. Yikes. Cal ULA acceptance letter. All the favor. Go pinch that loaf dog. This ain't horseshoes. This is street ball tech crossover. It bounces up above his ear on the left hand. He runs into a guy. He gets shoved to the ground. But as he's falling, he throws it up and hits a shot. No foul. Michael Vivint Friday night just got paid. Tattoo party. Tech. Ike Turnering. Ebony out of the trailer. Sexual chocolate speaking. That whole scene with him. Ask my Halle Berry and Gebra Union. The manager at the foot locker. Oh, the manager could have been ass off too. Yeah. He's a candidate. He also could have been ass on Vanessa telling crews, go ahead and cry. The way he flips his motorcycle over the car, even though lightly touched the car, he fucking goes flying. Street ball bet.com and everything happening there. The standings of street ball bet.com. Let me know when I have a bad one sucker. Unquestioned. Since I saw this movie before I even knew what this podcast was, it is the scene where he mocks him for not being able to do math. Basic edition by far. Whenever I started rewatching this movie, I think it was a year or two ago. I can't remember when I would think I was texting you guys about it. I got to that scene. I stopped watching. I was like, no, I got to save this for xenophobic. This is too perfect. That scene kills me every time. Look, there's a lot of shit here. I got to go with the letter, man. The letter is incredible. Zach, your scene is fucking hilarious. I almost pissed myself. I actually had to pause the recording. Before that scene, because I was worried if we tried to do it, I was going to piss myself. But the last sentence of the letter, the run on sentence from the college, it's writing ever. And that's so they could extend it out to the second paragraph. Because otherwise it would just say you got in. Yep. I want to go with the one play that I've described in great detail and both this and look at this photograph, but I think I'm going to go with this is street ball. And then Wayne Brady explaining the rules to Nikki. This is not like the pros. Is it? This is not like that. It takes us so long to realize it. You said the barrels of fire didn't make it to you. You never caught that at the Staples Center. Look at barrels of fire to walk into. Because everything's worth one point. Three pointers worth one point. Free throws you get to. And explicably 19 last point is worth two to get to 21. No, they played a 20. And no matter what you do, you forfeit. But street ball. That's street ball. You think when he wrote it, he had heard of when by two and didn't understand the concept. God, that's a great fucking question. What do you mean when by two? Well, that actually makes me so angry. Because there's no other scenario where you could say the last shot counts for two. No, that would make sense. That's fucking nonsense. Someone told him, oh, yeah, some people play when by two, when by two. Yeah, like the last you have to be up by two. Like, oh, so the last shot counts for two. Preston Preston, a what more of the second? Oh, tour. You think the first is really disappointed in him? Of course. No, I got a lot of agree. You did turn his life around. Can you imagine this motherfucker in your law school class? This is GED motherfucker who wrote. Zach can't imagine a law school class. Let's stop you there. I couldn't imagine him in a Starbucks. Yes, you could. Zach got an order for Zach. You spend a lot of time in a coffee shop. I think you can paint a pretty vivid picture there. Who picked it? Who picked it, motherfucker? Motherfucker. I like that. I'm going to take credit for this. I picked a motherfucker. Popper file. It's a file. It's such a stupid movie. It's such a stupid movie. It's so dumb. It's arguably the dumbest movie we've ever done. And I love it so much. There is not a scene that makes sense for one to the next. There is not a line of dialogue that makes sense from one to the next. This is the worst basketball. This is worse basketball than catwoman. This motherfucker said to Vanessa, crews might not be able to play ball with a bad lung, but it can show us how to be a doctor. What? Look, I want scenes. It's a file, man. I will watch this movie so much. I can't wait for the rewatch. Whenever that, I say we do it next week. Before this episode comes out. Before it comes out. Yes. I can't wait. To drum up some interest. I fucking love this dumb old crossover movie. Dumb old crossover. This smart cookie movie. Maze. It's a phobe. What? This movie was horrendous. This should have been a green suite. No. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? So once the game we cross into, it's awful. It does nothing well. File. That's where you're at. Yes. No. It's so bad. The writing. The writing. Goes to the other side of the spectrum. Horrendous. The editing. It comes right back around. Gives you a conniption. It's on the spectrum. All right. All of the care, like JJ's character. I'm going to ask you trivia questions. What characters? Everybody being like California. Oh shit. You got it made. That's how it is in the D. We don't get that because we grew up in California. We're not from the D. They're from the D. Yes. That's what matters. So when you're from the D and you hear California. That's it. It run the D. It run the D. Call me gullible. When I see streetball bet.com and I see 40 teams in the divisions, I go, okay, we're going to see some fucking street ball. And then what happens is they play one game and it's awful. This is the bullshit you did with over the top. It's about more than just the sport. You could take all the street ball out of this movie. Both scenes. And you could make it simply a movie about two best friends who want to go to college. How do you get to 90? And I'd still fob it. It's a fob with street ball. It's a fob without street ball. Next. If you question my decision, Maze, you forfeit the game, Zach. So shut the fuck up and get in the paint, big man. Maze. This is not like the pros. Amin. I laughed a lot throughout the back. I said it before the episode. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard watching this to the film movie. Not even horrible bosses to the letter is not only a Hall of Famer. I don't give a shit what we watched for the rest of 20s, 26. That's a Hall of Famer. CT5 written works. But I think I might put it, we have to do the Hall of Fame of Hall of Famers. The letter might be Hall of Fame of Hall of Famers. Does it beat Gen O AC Yachts? Yes. In the first page of the novelization of the quest? Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. A smart cookie would not ask a name questions. Hey, you ask questions with the one and four. You probably wonder why our hours are so short. Well, legally we got to have them. How you LA formula. Hey, you like that suit I bought you. It's even funnier than that. Even though that shit was so funny, simply because it's from an institution higher learning. None of this movie makes sense. The guy who wrote it, I don't know if he's ever watched a movie before. He did. He wrote fled. He really? Yes. Gotta. Doesn't that make sense? Hold on. Now, hold on. It's starting to make sense. Problems with English language is one. Careful. We got a flood. Lawyer. Two. Fucking infatuation with motorcycles. Oh, that's right. Yeah. This guy loves him some motorcycles. Ducati. What are you doing 2016? Because every 10 years he makes a banger. This movie is terrible. What? It's awful. I can't. This should have been a fucking green sweep. It cannot be a green suit. You filed play date asshole. That was that was not that bad. That was pretty good. Yeah. Compared to this, which he also filed. This is ridiculous. I mean, what's your decision? This should have been a green sweep. I'll tell you what, Zach. If you can convince Mays to file it. No. I will go along with the file because I did have a good time laughing, but I was laughing at this movie. I wasn't laughing with it. There's not even a part of it that's even slightly in on the joke. So if you can convince Mays to file, I will change my thing to a file. Otherwise, it's a full. When Pluto TV year is done, when Hey man, year is done. I'm only going off the terrorist list. What have you been doing? Any shit compared to what I got coming. Play date. You better hope. Paul Blart. Hey man. Fucking qualifies. True memoirs. Every goddamn week. War of the worlds. What have you been doing? It's on a heater. Stop making threats. That's a light slap. Is that a play date, Zach? It's a light slap compared to what I got. None of that was light. I am furious. Seven. Send us your file. Your golden dumpster, your ass on, ass off. Your five horsemen. Lewis Pinnock. Plot lift off at talk hoops at Darth Amin at corn puzzle at Centipod pod at count the dings. Or leave it in the discord. But only between one and four. Yeah, only leave it between one and four. If you're a smart cookie, you won't. You know you shouldn't have to leave it at all. No a name. Golden dumpsters. Patreon.com slash count the dicks. Next time we make love. You introduce me to Chad. Okay, so I get to choose between Mack and Devin go to high school. And what was the other option? Senseless as curious as I am to how Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg could take a music video and turn it into an hour and 15 minute movie. I am going to go with senseless. Wow. Because I've never heard of it. What? And he's got a beaker in his hand. It does have a beaker. Do you know what the premise is at least? I know nothing. Do you want to know what the premise is? No, he's got a beaker in his hand. That's all he needs. Okay. And David Spade, I just saw him. So he's even more of a repeat offender now. So there you go. Senseless Pluto TV. Hey man. Hopefully my algorithm can give me an option next time. We've been putting in work on this. You're just catching up. I've watched all the same movies that you guys have. We go beyond that. We watch more. Are we doing homework? Yeah. We're getting our shots up in the middle of the night. We're graduating from community college with honors. We're wearing cargo fucking shorts. Telling me to get back in the paint. Big man. Or what are you doing right now? Yeah, get your ass in the paint, big man. Shut up. Shut up. Man, I'm going to cry about that. Getting bored of companies who spend 30 seconds listening to their awards. So are we. Here's what you actually need to know. Capital.com is rated 4.6 on trust pilots and 4.8 on trading view. That's based on real reviews by people just like you. Join over 750,000 plus traders who use capital.com. Capital.com. Trade with clarity. 62% of retail investor accounts lose money when trading spread bets and CFDs with this provider.