Cinephobe Ep 304: My Boss's Daughter

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What happens when two people who grew up in a very strange corner of Los Angeles look back and realize just how bizarre their upbringings really were? They start a podcast, of course. I'm Ashley Johnson. And I'm Taliesin Jaffe. Before we became the internet people we are today, we spent our childhoods as working actors, appearing in shows like Growing Pains and films like Mr. Mom. In our podcast Weird Kids, we're diving deep into our unique upbringings, our friendship with each other, and all the delightfully odd interests we still carry with us today. In each episode we get to share stories of our youth, the things that bring us joy, the problems that we face, and occasionally the friends we've collected along the way. If you're a misfit, an outcast, or just a weirdo who loves all things nostalgic and unconventional, come take a seat at our table. Each week we'll be releasing previously members-only episodes on YouTube and all major podcast platforms, with new episodes dropping exclusively and ad-free on Beacon.tv. This podcast contains mature content, explicit language, suggestive situations, and partial to full frontal nudity. Listener discretion is advised. Don't let your kids listen to this. Officially as of this taping Ramadan has started, so... The swear jar is back. For who? For me. Okay. For me. Thank you, that shit. What I'm gonna do this year is I'm going to donate the proceeds of the swear jar. To what? The bar when Ramadan's over? No, I'm gonna donate it to an actual charity. Okay. Is it a dollar a swear? A dollar a swear. I'm not made of money. I'm gonna keep a tally. Okay. Just be honest though. Analog? Analog, yeah, man. That's the only way we know it's real. Mean swear jar, underline. That's literally gonna be the most valuable page of the analog notes. No boy. Well, no, no, no, I'm doing... That's a lot of money. I'm not dead to get in the fucking part of my soon to be very completed and very expensive. Well, it's an insert now. It's an insert. It's a post-it. It's a post-it. Oh, wow. No respect. Look, I could do notepad from a hotel. Would you rather that? I think that would be more on par for this movie. That's better. Let's give it a quick test of the instruments. Ready to go? Could have helped ruin the movie watching experience for good. This is so bad. I would watch this every day. Buddy, I could not possibly be high enough to make this movie work. I realized that we're watching these movies in vastly different ways. Don't act like you're fucking disappointed. I am disappointed. Come on, let's go guys. I'm missing the Oscars. I'm still horny, so I'm not gonna fobe it. I didn't fucking understand anything. You leave this movie hyped as fuck and chittering. Copy, copy, copy, copy, copy, copy. I was thirsty. I'm thirsty. I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty as fuck. It went out my nose. I threw up and I almost peed on myself all at once. Forget about it. This is really beginning to get on my tits. Slap, yak, ma, beat. Fuck, what ya? The yaki problem? Hit the goal! Deceptive captions to say the least. Oh my god. Captions are way off. They lied, left and right. Wouldn't write horror if their life depended on it. Yeah. Don't worry, we took care of it, captions. Keep the language and show me some titties. Enough of this useless banter. Five million dollars of heroin? That's nurse work. Fucking Babe Ruth of terrorism. How the fuck did you get from me having one towel to Omaha Beach? I'm not gay. I just happen to have sex with men sometimes. Well, let's take that out of context and put that in the intro. Zach, stop talking. Stop fucking talking for a second. I have a vagina. Ha ha ha! Don't disappoint me, Derek. Why the low-raining, wonderblower? He's been getting dittled by two scoops McGee over there. Why would these guys lie, right? Why would you, dad? They know two more views. Welcome to CitiFo, the podcast. We break down the movies you're afraid to bitch. You love them, Zach. Harper, that's Amin El-Hassan. That's Anthony Mays. Fuck Ice. That's what I'll say. I agree. Frigum. Frigum. Long. Yeah. Spotify is where you can leave a comment. Frigum hard. Like on episode 300, part one for crossover. No poll coming next week. God, I love that. A lot of great reviews. People digging this episode. People are loving this episode. I got feedback both online and in person. Oh, also, like, no one likes my music. Who commented, I was dreading all caps this episode. I was so wrong. I couldn't stop laughing the entire episode from the cold open on. Don't remember the cold open. Wreck League MVP commented, this movie sucks. Unrelated. My wife just said, I need to find that song from Paul Blart Mall Cop. Which one? Same question to bro. Which song from the 80s? I don't want to overreact, but I think I should make her sleep on the couch tonight. Classic rock of the 70s, 80s and 90s. And then the Zodiac killer commented, What the fuck is a mean talking about having to brush your teeth before a shower? In the morning? Yeah. I brush my teeth before a shower in the morning. The first thing I do is brush my teeth. I brush my teeth first things first. I will also accept, I guess, brushing your teeth after a shower. Just brushing your teeth while you shower seems a little gross to me. I know a lot of people that do that though. In the shower? In the shower. I've known a lot of women that do that. Yeah. Where do they keep the toothbrush? It's in the regular spot. Yeah. But they put it on and then they get in the shower and then they brush, brush, brush while they're showering. I don't know. I think I know more women who have done that than haven't done it. You don't know any women. Women, women, women. Women. Women. Why isn't that on the sound board? What? You idiot. That's never making this sound. No. Speaking of sound board, it's frozen because I didn't hit my button. Oh, dope. Okay. Leave us a review. There it is. No, do leave us a review. Leave a comment. Make sure you're checking out CT5 episodes on the main feed. Leave us your CT5 suggestions and lists on social media or in the Discord by being a Patreon member, patreon.com. Slash count the dings. You get ad free episodes extended cold opens, rewatching live events past, present and future. Watching events of bar rescue episodes for here's the science, a bar rescue podcast with myself, Amin Elhassen. New episodes of bar rescue probably out now. Already season probably already over, but we've been doing new episodes. Yeah. You should have checked them out with Chelsea Reynolds and Colin Casper as well. You get episodes early access and discount on live show tickets, access to the discord and all of our extra content across the count the dings network. If you have submission submitted reminder needs to be 40% or lower on the rotten tomatoes, audience or critics score. We started this new century with crossover parts one and two for episode 300. Pluto TV took us from crossover to senseless by reminding us that any smart cookie can get an acceptance letter as long as you don't ask questions about what that means for your future because your friend literally can't add 125 plus 35 plus whatever a headband costs. Neither can you by the way, you remember he messed up the math too. Then it took us from senseless to Dickie Roberts, former child star. It was the only way we'd become a Wall Street big shot because our dad wasn't leaving us a bank to run and that meant we had to inject drugs into our ass to enhance our senses while our pin cushion Canadian roommate refused to jack and we couldn't even follow the right dosage so we could have a third act of recycling the same jokes as we always do. Dickie Roberts got us to Tommy boy because our life used to be knuck and futz. We were a child star, but the only way to find happiness is to learn how to have a childhood so we could be cast into a Rob Reiner movie. But we quickly learned that we really should just go for our paid adopted mom since we're not actually related and her husband's just going to do a partner swap with us without us having to do our own stunts from Tommy boy. Little TV has suggested the 2003 romantic comedy slapstick comedy romance by boss's daughter comedy, but you're not going to give us the Tommy boy. I do the next one. Are you changing up the okay? I've been doing it. Got it. I don't like it. Do you want me to come up with one right now? No, no, you can listen to last week's plus summary I thought this was a romcom going in when I watched it. I'm like, this is not a romcom. Yeah, I thought it was a calm going in and the title sets you up for a romcom. The cover Yes, sets you up for a romcom. This is a slapstick comedy. Okay. So I got this movie confused with two other movies. Me too. I mean the movies with both just married and are you thinking of guess who guess who that's the other one with Bernie Mac. What's the one where Ashton Kutcher's boss asked to marry him because he needs a green card or something like that. You're talking about the proposal. It's a Ryan Reynolds movie. The proposal. I don't think Ashton Kutcher's anywhere near it. I thought it was one of those. My boss's daughter stars Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid and Andy Richter. We welcome Ashton to the Five Timers Club now. Reindeer games, what happens in Vegas, Valentine's Day and Dude Where's My Car as previous offenses. I wish I knew how to quit you. Ashton Kutcher stars as Kelso from that 70s show. He had Texas Rangers in 2001. It's a movie not baseball team. This movie and just married in 2003 and the butterfly effect in 2004. That's another city full of original. It sure is. We talked about the butterfly effect for years. We thought about that a lot. Yeah. This is also right at the beginning of the punk era. Oh, that's right. God, that was a massive show. It's crazy that catapulted him into stardom. Right. And that's where Dax Shepard came from. And I got to go back and rewatch. But apparently that's where Andrew Santino came from too. Or he got some work in it as like uprankster. Yes. Someone no one knew. Yeah. Santino, Dax Shepard. Yeah. They have a great form system. They put out a lot of people. Tara is now a repeat offender with Van Wilder as previous offense. I wish I knew how to quit you. She had Van Wilder in 2002. Devils pond in this movie in 2003 and knots in 2004. Terry starts as terrorist position. There's going to be a new award by the end of this episode. Let me just say that right now. Andy Richter, three time repeat offender for Poojitang and semi pro as his previous appearances. I wish I knew how to quit you. He had 19 episodes of Andy controls the universe in 2002 and 2003. This movie in Elf in 2003 and New York minute in 2004 in which he plays Benny Bang, the chronically underutilized Andy Richter stars as Andy Richter, one of the funniest people. I'm trying to think of what the basketball equivalent of Andy Richter is. Who's a guy that you guys just used him to spot up and he could do so much more. This movie messed up his perfect xenophobic resume though. It sure did semi pro and Poojitang. Those are two bangers, man. Those are two bangers. This is not a banger. We haven't reviewed the movie yet guys. I watched it last night. It's not semi pro or Poojitang. Dude. Okay. All right. It's not good. Okay. It's fine. John Abraham's of the scary movie franchise and movie I wish was eligible nonstop. Fuck man. And house of wax. Oh, that's eligible. Right. That is eligible house of wax. House of wax is house of wax. I saw that in the theater. Zach's neighbors. They can do business is opening nonstop. Was that the train one or the plane one? Oh, it's the plane one. That's a 9 11 truth or movie. We did the train one. Remember sounds like you want Pluto TV to pick the community. There's another train one where it doesn't stop with Denzel. What was that one unstoppable? Unstoppable. Is that the one where the train's unstoppable? John Abrams stars as pep talk Paul. Oh Jesus Christ. He starts as a real piece of shit, but I'll do pep talk Paul as well. Molly Shannon, repeat offender from wet hot American summer. I wish I knew how to quit you. Superstar. Terrence Stamp, who was general Zod and Superman too. Neil before Zod. Oh God. Zod. I got him as Chancellor Valorum from Star Wars Episode one, the Phantom Menace. Oh, okay. The limey bow finger. Electra. Have we done like that? We haven't done it. Not yet. Michael Madson from kill bill yet. You're right. That hadn't come out yet. He's still in it. Michael Madsen starts as Mr. Blonde. Michael Madsen was the dad and free Willy. I did not remember that. No way. I don't remember that at all and free Willy too. What coke was this Cassie director on? Yo man, if you go from reservoir dogs to free Willy, you're living large in the nineties. Dude, he's done like 300 movies or stuff like that. Like he's been in a lot and species, man. Oh, species. God. That's a horny movie after a Ramadan. David Kekner, nine time repeat offender with semi pro drill bit Taylor, the goods dox of hazard, waiting out cold, ball of fury and dirty work. I wish I knew how to quit you. David Kekner starts a speed. I really enjoyed his character. I loved his character is everything three time repeat offender. Patrick Crenshaw, AKA blue MVP, most valuable primate and almost heroes. You're my boy. You're my boy. Carmen Electra from Good Burger. Carmen Electra and scary movie, Starsky and Hutch. We should really talk about the Carmen Electra scenes with it being Ramadan. I want to test. Maze, can you clip in from Starsky and Hutch? Let me ask you something. Which one do you like cause we're going to stick to this? Well, I've always had a thing for Blondes cause I'll take anything. Keenan Thompson, repeat offender from D2, Mighty Ducks and Master of Disguise. Ron Selmore, repeat offender from Blade Trinity, Mikey from the life to real commercials and then Jeffrey Tambor is now a repeat offender for the invention of lying. I wish I knew how to quit you George blues. We've also got Tyler Labine as spike from together Tucker and Dale versus evil AKA JD Vance and Dave Foley from kids in the hall news radio. Oh man. I love Dave Foley monkey bone and grind kids in the hall was so fucking funny. My boss's daughter was directed by David Zucker. The Zuck man is directed airplane naked gun, naked gun, two and a half basketball and repeat offender for scary movie three. I wish I knew how to quit you the Zucker brothers, Zucker brothers. They broke up like one of them died. There's probably still brothers. Why is David Zucker by himself? I mean, I feel like this best work happened with his brother. Seems like Zucker needed money. David Zucker. That'd be my guess. Written by David Dorfman. David has written anger management. That's it. After years of working as a script reader at William Morris, Dorfman finally broke through and sold his first major script to New Line, originally entitled the guest in 1998, which was eventually released in 2003 as this movie. So he wrote this movie first sold it, then made anger management. Wow. Huge hit. Then this movie got made. You think he ever has people call him the Dorfman? Do you think he ever runs in a Stephen Dorf man? And then says, Hey, he says, you're Dorf, but I'm the Dorfman. I'm Dorfman. Also, I mean, you're Dorfman. Jerry Zucker. Jay Z directed ghost in 1990. Jesus. Two careers and was nominated for an Oscar. Yeah. And so obviously he did not feel the need to come back to his brother after making a huge smash on his own. And which ones did both of them? They're both dead. That's why we can make fun of them. Oh, synopsis for my boss's daughter. After a man is asked to house sit for his boss, he becomes determined to get closer to the boss's daughter, but events keep unfolding that stop him from achieving his goal. Not after he was asked to house sit before he was asked to house. So he was trying to get closer to her. Both the Zuckers are alive. And well, good question. No bridges. Cause if they're not well, we can't make fun of them. Tagline. There are some things you just don't do real vague and that's so stupid. Not specific at all. Maybe the worst one we've had. Oh, I guess it's supposed to be Tara Reed is that thing that he's not supposed to do. My boss's daughter. There are some things you just don't do. He doesn't do her. That would make sense if one of the themes of the movie was the boss like, what are you trying to do with my daughter? No, he's just, what are you trying to do with my owl? My owl. Oh, maybe that's what it is. Give cocaine to an owl named OJ. Do you think if he had any kind of worries about Ashton Kutcher dating his daughter at some point, but Ashton said, Hey, don't worry. I'm an owl. I'm an owl. I'm like an ally. Thanks for taking us on that walk. You didn't like the Dorfman Dorfman. $14 million estimated budget grossed 15.5 us 18.1 worldwide and it was advertised quite a bit. Yes. Yeah. I was going to say, how did they spend 14 million? Pretty good cast. I guess it's the cast. It's a good cast. Yeah. Maybe the Bay naked ladies got a million dollars. Sure. They'd be rich. God, stupid fucking song. Before we jump into this movie and you list the rest of his podcast, of course, my boss's daughter is available on Pluto TV. My boss's daughter receives 7% on 73 critic reviews on rotten tomatoes and 23% from the audience at over 50,000 ratings. I mean, check the positive or the negative reviews. I am a toilet bowl half full of cocaine kind of guy. Give me the positives. Hey, John, that's weird. That glass looks half folded me. Wow. Now that you mentioned it, it is half full. Dustin Putman of thefilmfile.com. Bob Dredd putting on reds. This 90 minute diversion won't be sweeping any awards shows anytime soon, but it is utterly painless and actually quite sweet. They're right. Didn't even win any razzies. Wow. Sweet. I don't know if it's nominated. Yes. Nominated. Yeah. We'll get to it in the trivia. Kevin Crust of LA Times cut him off. Uncrusted, uncrustable. It is a genial youth comedy that serves Coucher well as a vehicle. That's it. That's all it tries to be. Dude, where's my vehicle? Ed Park of Village Voice. Pacticon have a job. What? I don't know. Have a giardia, would you say? Yeah, sure. Zucker orchestrates the gags with great relish lunging for the funny bone with sweetly idiotic characters, relentless slapstick and topping site gags. Oh, relentless. Absolutely. Urban cinephile critics of urban cinephile. Cowards. This cute and often surprising comedy is a brazen bid to clone meet the parents and it succeeds beyond this reviewer's worst fears. Don't think at all. It was trying to be like meet the parents. There was one time I thought of meet the parents involving an animal in a toilet. Sure. Yeah. Right. And meet the parents. That's right. Jinksy got nipples. I have nipples. Can you milk me? Swarcher. I can't say nipples. Not like that. David Duceir of real filver views. Not as bad as you might think. And then user the P five out of five stars redacted. I'm so glad I'm seeing this for the first time in 2024. As someone who grew up in the peak of corny over the time, it's so bad. It's good comedies. Prime Adam Sandler movies. And when they made spoofs of everything, this so brings me back to that era. This is such nostalgic nonsensical humor actually makes you laugh out loud at the absurdity. Just goofy. And I miss these character archetypes back when everyone looked original and felt like someone you know in your hometown. Have a couple of beers, smoke a J and put this one on with friends and just have a feel good time. Wow. That guy's having a nice evening. That guy has zero friends. 2024 after this movie that he put on for them or before before, but this would definitely kill it. You imagine getting together with your friends. Smoking a J. Smoking a J. Go guys. Let's put on my boss's daughter. Let's have a time life of the party. Hey man. Where's Darrell negative reviews? Stop being a pessimist. Richard propes of the independent film critic.com give this man has propes. Everything about this film stinks. Scott Weinberg of E film critic.com. Do the voice square jar. What sometimes genius David Zucker directs from a waffle screenplay jamming photogenic automatons, kutcher and read into a parade of limp physical comedy and uninspired gross out. It's a lot of like anti kutcher reviews. He wasn't beloved. Yeah. For a long time. And now after the Danny Masterson trial, still not beloved back to not being beloved. He had a moment when he was beloved. He had a moment. Heather Haverleski of salon.com. I'll have her less. She was she's having painfully awkward and out of sync from the first scene in which kutcher horribly miscast as a big dork swoones over terror read horribly miscast as a dreamy love interest. I don't know that they were miscast. That's what kutcher is a big dork. He's a dork in every role. I mean, in that 70s show, he's a himbo Kramer. He's a doofus. He's not a dork in what happens at Vegas. He's a cowboy in reindeer games. Yeah. That's right. Stoner and dude was my car, but he's like a doofus in all of these things of varying degrees of intelligence. I think she's saying that he's supposed to be a nerd, nerdy and awkward. Yeah. Like office nerd. I think he pulls off awkward. Well, I think you can. Yeah. Terror read on the other hand, Aaron Padole, ski of Metro times. Oh, I love him on the Warriors on his brand. That's put Chamsky. My boss's daughter is a stinker from start to endless finish. What a stinker. Get out of here, Aaron. Nel minnow of common sense media. This person felt like a swear. That sounds like a challenge. Kutcher comedy is crude, offensive and all around bad. It's a whole genre. Is it crude? Not his J.R. Jones of Chicago reader. I believe in a movie's right to die. Damn. Is that topical? Bill Villareal of Arizona Daily Star. Jack Kovorkian humor. Maybe you guy. My guy. Some of the worst acting in a movie in 2003. Well, come on. He's disagreed. Yeah. It really came out that year, man. Whoa. Hold on. Suck my dick.com. And then Kamal, the diva, Larsuel of three black chicks review away. Avoid it like the plague which Kamal has a lot of. What's that? Nothing. That's a dollar. No, I didn't say it. Yeah, that's a dollar. Yeah. He went away from the mic. We don't know what he said. I didn't say anything. I stopped myself. I said two words and I stopped. In other words were cuss words. You thought them though. The whole joke had no cuss words in it, but it was definitely super charged worthy. That's a dollar. A super charge is a dollar too. That's where we're at. A mental super charge. Yes. A mental super charge. Yep. I'm putting you down for one. I might as well say the joke then. No, how charitable do you want to be? That'd be another one. That'll be a two. You know what? Yeah. Name two, but it does. I said avoid it like the plague, which Kamal probably has a lot, a lot of experience doing. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Absolutely a dollar. Yeah. You get two right now. Well, now I said it of course. Yeah. We'll get a means first note, maze first note and my first note after these messages. Unless you're a patreon subscriber, patreon.com slash counseling, get it at free episode right meow. If you want to save a few quid, British gas have a way. You get half price lecky and it's called peak save on every Sunday. It's the smart thing to do if you're regular folk or furry and blue 11 till four. Let the good times begin. You could charge up the car or take the dryer for a spin. Half price electricity. What joy that brings with British gas, peak save. We're taking care of things. T's and C's apply eligible tabs and smart meter required. Isn't life grande and making it better just got easier with Starbucks new protein cold foam. A little something, something to take your favorite drinks up a notch with 15 grams of extra protein. Turn your usual iced caramel latte into a smooth iced caramel protein latte. Add a delicious swale on top of your drink just like that. Protein never tasted so good with Starbucks new protein cold foam subject to availability while stocks last. I mean, what is your first note? Either you ever dated your boss's daughter? No, I don't think I've ever even met a boss's daughter or the relative of someone who was high up in the company at the place where you work. No, I don't think so. Me neither. But it seems to be a trope that used to happen a lot. It used to be a big thing in the 90s movies, 80s movies. Yeah, for sure. They used to have that theme of like, oh, you better not. And like, oh, no, Mr. Gruthers. And then she's like a really flirtatious. She's like a Gruthers. Yeah. Then she's really flirtatious. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to get in trouble. And like, that was a big thing in TV shows and movies in the 20s. Or they make her like very, very promiscuous. Yeah. Flirtatious is what I said. Those are two very different words. What a dollar. I'm charging you. That's three. I haven't cursed yet. Come on, man. You mentally blocked yourself there. I can see it. Maze. What is your first note from the second highest combo score ever last week, Tommy boy, 130 to the lowest since war of the world. Wow. A 30% combo here. Yeah. DQ and war of the worlds was 24%. DQ is a double qualifiers act. It's Dairy Queen or Dairy Queen. We call them DQs on Cedophope. I'll let it go, but that's close to a dollar. Do the first time. Okay. There's the dollar. Yep. That's going my first note. I wish this movie was just married. I hope that qualifies and is suggested next. Oh man. When you were telling the story last night, you had so much detail. The detail was so rich. It was rich. Going through incredibly descriptive details of the story. So we all know. Oh, yes. Now it's time for the scenes. Here's what happened. We're starting it off with if I had a million dollars. If I had a million dollars. I hate that song. Ct5 Worst Songs. Well, I'd buy you a house. I would buy you a house. And if I had a million dollars. If I had a million dollars. Buy you furniture for your house. Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman. And if I had a million dollars. If I had a million dollars. Well, I'd buy you a cake car. A nice reliant automobile. And if I had a million dollars. I'd buy your love. If I had a million dollars. I'd fill the tree for an IR. If I had a million dollars. You could help it wouldn't be that hard. If I had a million dollars. Maybe we could put the little tiny fridge in there somewhere. We could just go up there and hang out. Like open the fridge and stuff. And there are always the foods laid out for us. Little pre-wrapped sausages and things. They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon. Well, can you blame them? Yeah. You don't like the 20CB singing voice? They didn't tend. No. This is how everybody sang in the 90s. I'm such a big bear cause the dolphins make me prayer. You can do any 90 song which just follows. I want everybody to pay for coffee. Everybody's not to see you. Oh, they go acoustic guitar. Yeah. I'm the guy at the party who's going to bust out his guitar. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, that's pep talk Paul later in the movie. That's right. Could you narrate position to start things off and everything happens for a reason. Well, I don't think that applies to me. Guys, I can't tell which city we're in. Does anybody know where this is? Oh, Zach, we're in Chicago. How do you know? Well, we got a nice shot of the Chicago river. We got a fierce tower. We've got the Chicago, the L train, I guess is what they call it. But I mean, I've never been to Chicago. So I don't know what any of those things are. Can you maybe clarify it for me? Well, there's a train that says CMT Chicago Metro transit on it. There's also a big truck that says Chicago Tribune. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I spend every morning, rushing to work, trying to catch the same subway to the same lousy job. What's the reason for that? See, I'm a researcher for one of the biggest publishing houses in Chicago, self-cobra formula, but where I really belong is creative. The problem is, is that my boss doesn't know it yet. So I'm totally frustrated. You know, maybe almost phobes this immediately. He goes, see, I'm a researcher. The C there. I fucking hate. That's bad writing. Horrible writing. Yeah. It's my first script kind of writing. We got to break down the script writing. We see Kutcher, or what we think is Kutcher rushing to the subway train and sticks his briefcase in the closing door. And I bet that stops the train and opens the doors, right? No. Oh, train takes off. The briefcase is stuck inside the train. My trivia briefcase. Yep. Fill the war. It's not Ashton. Ashton's already inside the train, sitting safely. Oh, how about that? And the guy that we thought was Ashton gets decked by a pillar and leaves his briefcase. He's dead. His arm is broken. He's in the hospital for sure. Definitely filling up gang signs like two. Concussion protocol for the next six weeks. Feels like one right? No, I think he, I think he skirted the line on that one. All right. But that's the lot. That was a toe tap. He's up to the line on that one for sure. He's figured out the line. Yes. Mhm. Okay. We're up here alive. Heptalk Paul, you got to be optimistic. You got to be positive. Today is going to be his lucky day because he got a briefcase. Why is he encouraging him to steal the briefcase? I wasn't going to steal it. It's a trivia briefcase, man. When one of those comes into your life, briefcases. It's a good omen. Everything that's in it's going to be good. It's kind of crazy. Briefcase. Yeah. Briefcase as recently as 2000. Hey man, I'm keeping it alive. I'm keeping the 20 CB going every month. I don't know. He just looks so retro kind of 20th century. Good old days. He's going to return the briefcase. Exposition that he wants to raise. He's been working there a year. Hello, exposition. I'd be pissed. Are you pissed? I'd be pissed. As pep talk, Paul. I'd be pissed. Yeah. I'm a little pissed. And then Paul says he's a little pissed. I've never seen you angry before. Neither has Foley Kutcher admits he doesn't get angry, but Paul says you keep a bottle up and then you show up to work one day with one of those machine guns. One of those, you know, what kind AK 47. And what does he do with it? Play it like a guitar? Yeah. You blow everybody away just to impress Jody Foster. Mow everyone down. Go postal Jody Foster. Kutcher says he'll do it on Paul's day off. Just then Tara Reid gets on the subway. I thought she's already in this movie. Yeah. I realized quickly. I've never seen this. There's only one train to work. Zach. Oh, okay. He sees her every day on the train, by the way. That's right. Yeah. Based on the exposition that she's the boss's daughter, but he never speaks to her. And so pep talk. Paul does the thing that I talked about in tripping that I hate, which is a go talk to her. Go, you should go. I'm not ready, man. Don't put me in that position. I don't know if you know this. I mean, Paul, he's the fast talking good time friend. I suspected as much, but then I said, not with that kind of slick back hair. Well, that's pushback. Oh, okay. Got clarification. They keep calling her Jody Foster is Dave fully making a taxi driver reference. Oh, well, the assassin is shot Reagan shot Reagan because he was trying to impress Jody Foster from taxi driver. Okay. That makes more sense. 20 CB. Yes. Very much. Peptock Paul wonders if he's going to be a loser his whole life. So Couch sits next to Tara Reed and she recognizes him from research. I swear to God, it was research. I swear to God. Not that kind of research. Tom Stansfield. He recognizes them with exposition. That's right. Full name. There's the last name. He decides he's going to stand up to introduce himself. And that's when the briefcase opens and boys CT five magazines. I can't wait to do CT five magazines. International man on man, all man action, all for you. Hot horny happening, happening, growing in every way, rough lovin bound for Bangkok. Are you man enough to take it? In this issue, men who take charge, exclamation point. Hey, let me tell you these two guys on the cover ass off, ass off. Yep. Oh my God. Having a time of their life in this shoot. I didn't see the international until later when I was looking at the look of this photographs. It ties the whole thing together with the Bangkok connection. Absolutely. David Zucker attention to detail. Cut the Paul and Ashton getting off the elevator. Paul says it's a growing sport. Ashton says no way. She thought it was a wrestling magazine. Golden dubster. It's midnight owl publishing and pep talk. Paul is living up to his name. Buy the dollar for every time a gay naked magazine fell out of my kidding. I'm just kidding. That a big deal for him to be humiliated. Peptalk. Paul. What is he fucking? Well, he's just, oh, wow. 45 minutes. What is he wearing? 20 CB French coat. French coat with like these big lapels. Chicago. The tie knot is massive. And then a urine yellow colored shirt. It's deep in winter. Right. Nope. 20 CB for these flat screen monitors. Rough. The ones that are still square. He's saying at least she knows who you are. Ashton thinks he has to leave the company, then freaks out that she's there. She walks through the office while he shanning comes for Ashton because Mr. Taylor wants to see him. Have you make up and a tit tattoo? Look at this photograph. Paul hyping him up says he'll pitch those book ideas. Ashton can't find his blue folder. Paul fast talks him some encouragement. You look good. You feel good? I feel like I'm going to throw up. That's good. I want you to use that. What? Whenever I got started talking, I just zone out. He gives him a light spank on the ass. Taylor is telling Foley. I did not dislike your ideas. I found them loathsome. You're dismissed from your office. Nice try. He walks by puts the blue folder in Kutcher's chest. Ass off to the disembodied voice. Sit down. Sit down. Okay. Taylor wants to know about Kutcher making threats to spray this place with an AK-47. It's funny to you killing everyone in this office? No, no, no, no. Paul said how I never get angry. And what about you making fun of? Oops. I never made fun of hopes. You said it would be fun to date one. This is funny to rest your drink on top of her head. I said, Oh, like Johnny be good. That's right. He denies it. Foley thinks he did. Says I've got a good sense of humor, but that's just plain sick. And then he scolds Molly Shannon for getting him the wrong file, once the right one and some donuts for him and Tom. Vampires kiss Nicholas Cage, explaining how filing works. How could somebody miss file something? What could be easier? It's all alphabetical. You just put it in the right file according to alphabetical order. You know, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z, H, that's all you have to do. Very good. You know your alphabet. I never miss filed anything. Not once, not work time. He knows Kutcher has been trying to schedule a meeting with him about some ideas. Hate that. Hate the way he says schedule. Tom makes a face because the coffee's a little bitter. Taylor's mad. He has Molly taste it. How would you rate that? Not that great. Not that great. Tom thinks it's shit. Audrey. Clip it. Audrey, are you rich? It's not a rhetorical question. Are you rich? No, no, no. Because a rich person can make a cup of coffee. Am I right, Tom? Oh, I don't, I don't really know much about the limitations of the handicapped. I do an employment agency that hires out rich people for four dollars an hour. So if making a cup of coffee is too difficult, it's too much for you to spend it. Perhaps you'll be good enough to let me know. Now contact this agency and give a rich person a job. He drops the R word so much. It's six in about 30 seconds. Yeah. Once she's gone. I wasn't too rough on her. Was I? She is new in town and never made a coffee before and all. Taylor explains he's trying to fill a position in creative. He can't seem to find one person responsible enough to earn his trust. Wants to know if he was out of line. Company's only as strong as its weakest link. Taylor agrees. So he brings Molly back in. He says, Couch convinced him he was too soft and he fires her immediately. Says to schedule an appointment with his new secretary to go over his new ideas. Secretary 20. As he walks out, Tara comes over and asks if Tom's okay. He comes out to give us exposition. He can tell that dad's on another one of his rampages. Damn. I was hoping to catch him in a good mood. No, too much emotion. Sorry. My bad. Then she exposes that she has a party to go to, but then she's got a babysit the bird. No exposition. Couch wonders why she can't live her own life and have a free weekend. No, it's not that. Wait, it is that. I should just go to that party. He agrees. He's going back to work. She asked if he has plans tonight. The way she frames it is Tom. I know this seems a little out of place because we barely know each other, but do you have plans tonight? This is concentrated exposition. The likes of which we've never seen from a lead character. Right. Usually there's a character who's there who's written just to be exposition, but she's the second billed person in this movie. We got to break down the script writing won't be home too late. Party starts at seven. You could be at my dad's house at six. Couch is wide open and doesn't see this coming at all. It's not confusing really in the slightest at no point. I wasn't confused with what she just said. Nope. No, I didn't know nothing about the movie. Didn't read any synopsis or I got to go to a party, but I have to babysit. Can you babysit the bird for me? It took me him getting to the house for me to realize this bingo thinks that she wants him to after the only interaction they've ever had was man on man. That's right. Cause she tops it off with hugging him. You're such a sweetheart. Thank you so much. I'm going to love you forever for this. You're not going to love someone forever for going to a party with you. No, we're doing a favor and then we get some forced physical comedy with him in his chair. Who's the man now? I'm a lady killer. Cut to the Taylor house. Taylor asks how the hell could he be so excited about house sitting? He's nice. Honda insight month is back. Yeah. Repeat offenders. Rob Reiner's car from Dickie Roberts. Most guys wouldn't offer to do that. Pop is worried about his bird. We'll check in at eight o'clock. The time lapse to coach driving up at night in his little BMW and he driving a jalopy. These checkoffs bear trap. Same note to check off is a horseman check off horseman big time. Yeah. But it'll come back. No shoes beyond the front door. Wait, what do you mean? It'll come back. That's what checkouts mean. Yeah. That's the point. That's a joke. Check out. Taylor opens the door for him. Bear trap is to keep the neighbors kids out of his yard. Tom is telling him how much he appreciates letting tonight happen. Means a lot to Lisa and he thinks he's doing the right thing. This bingo felt the party was at the house. I don't know what you're planning on, but your attitude is making me very nervous. He makes him put booties on his socks. He's giving him the low down and the controls for the panels for the TV and stuff. He says, them is this concept too complicated for you. I think you're going to have to call a certain employment agency. Oh, that's my note. Sorry. I'll let it go. Coach. Finally, realizes he's not going to the party with Tara Reed. Yeah. Don't touch the furniture. He takes him to the birds room. He's got his own room. I laughed. That's cool. It's a massive owl named OJ. OJ. Like the murder? No. Like a football player. OJ Simpson. Same note to bro. Goldie Dubster. This owl has his ass all the way off. Oh my God. Yes. Throughout. Wait to look at this photograph when it hasn't had its water. It was in the mice to feed him. OJ's favorites don't need to shut the cage door has been depressed since his mate died. He won't fly. He just sits there. Give it medication. One in the mouth in the trout. One up the ass. Fucking gremlin. You say one up the ass. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, no. That's that's two bucks. Two bucks. Check. Two bucks. Don't worry. It's not too unpleasant for him. He won't bite unless you taunt him. He needs a pint of water. Medication dries him out and he can't breathe. Foley is waiting for Taylor didn't fire him because his ideas were stupid. He's going to drive Taylor to the train station. Which can leave as soon as Lisa and Hans get back. Hans Hans. This is boyfriend. Tobra formula. Cockbra formula. He'll kill Tom. If anything's happened to the house, cut to Paul and Tom on the phone about this sucks. Talk to Paul. It's a test. If you have great ideas, you'll get that promotion. So he literally writes book ideas on a notepad. That's how you do it and underlines it and all. And then he stares at a look at this photograph of Tara. He turns the TV on. It's a home video with her at the beach with Hans watching home video like the cuck he is on the cuck chair. He sits. He wants Hans to put lotion on her. Cutch tilts his head sideways to look at the horizontal but put your face in comes Andy Richter and I immediately smiled. Am I interrupting something here? He's Jack's son. He let himself in the back. He clicks the sideways ass off the television. He notices red has his shoes on. Oh, your shoes. Nike. Listen, Tom, can you do me a favor? Plus with TV guys came over here to see if maybe my dad's got a copy of one yet. TV guys are a big time 20 CP. They look for it. This is his best friend. If he doesn't tell Lisa, he stopped by. Is there a problem when he finds it? He says bingo. See that right there? Chris. The alley. I dated her maid. Wow. That's really something that's something Zach would do. I would date Chris. The alleys made for sure. Not that part. Both of us dating her mate. Absolutely. That's the only reason he looked for the TV guy. They did little dickies interior designer. Did you? Yeah. There you go. Didn't I tell you as Tom for a favor? It's no big deal. Business associate of his dad's is going to come by and pick up this brown non-descript package and frozen stakes as a gift. It's not cold. Dad says that's the way the guy likes them. What are you going to do? Doorbell rings. Tom goes to answer it. Red hides in the bathroom with the package. It's Molly Shannon. Tom. I guess this makes sense. He's got you living with him now. We hear revving engines off camera. She wanted her job back. How can you fire someone for making a bad cup of coffee? Guy of the car. Oh my God. This embodied voice of the boyfriend is killing it on fire. This embodied voice is an absolute horseman. He got fired from her other job because he got caught making up with a customer, but it was her boyfriend. Let's get a move on saddlebags. He got fired his way to his last Friday and has now already been fired on the following Friday. So she's lost her second job in a month. She's flat broke. She's explaining that he became her boyfriend after the incident anyway. So last Friday, she's thirsty. She wants some water. She quickly changes to beer. Yeah. Miller lights labels out. I don't know if you guys notice the milk in the fridge is Parmalot. Oh wow. That's 20. I did not notice that that was huge. Parmalot. They were the ones that said, Oh, you can't brand milk. Watch this. And then I think they went out of business. They sure did. Yeah. He keeps asking her about booties on her shoes. She uses the counter to take off the top of the bottle. It's damaged the counter. Spike is shouting outside. Oh man. Spikes in a real mood. He's yelling at her. She says, hold your horses. 20 CB. Old cliche. Doorbell horseman Andy clog the toilet, flushing drugs. Spike comes in tracking mud and he belches right and cuts his face all black hat leather vest tank top with an American flag on it. This is who JD Vance thinks he is. He is white trash incarnate spike. Shake that tail baby. Molly's already halfway through making a sandwich. I did laugh at that. They both talk loudly in his face. Spike tells her to shut that sass trap. Spike grabs a beer and opens it with his eyeball. And ladies and gentlemen, I know people who can do that. I still don't understand the physics behind it. Are they all named spike? Kutcher says, I would appreciate it if you take this outside please. All right. Spike has some choice words in return. Mays clip it. I mean, one of those words. I would appreciate it if you go and buy yourself a bagel. Chewy. Chewy. I'm not Jewish. And I don't think that make me fun. He's ass off. Spike. Yes. Spike is absolutely ass off. Spike is ass off. Are you kidding me? Kutcher's ushering them out. Spike calls her a filthy little tramp. Molly makes him swear that he didn't bang some waitress. Hell woman, I ain't gonna swear on my mama's life. Why not if you're telling the truth? I think he's telling the truth. Then why won't you swear on your mama's life? Because I don't feel like I have the right to gamble with my mama's life. That's why. CT5 liar. But apparently you got nothing to worry about unless you're lying like a hunk of morgue meat. Okay. I ain't gonna sit here and get called a liar by no skankin' whore. Who you calling a whore? You shrimp dick bastard. You know you're just fokin' That's a full face lie and you know it. I'll whip it out right now. I'm gonna whip it out right now I'm gonna prove to you that she's a lying son. I'm lying. You're faking the freeway. You're faking the freeway. You're faking the freeway. You're faking the freeway. You're faking the freeway. You won't get any more. That ain't the guy. I don't care if you have a tiny shrimp dick. Or a giant whale dick, which that's good. She's probably. I'll whip it up right now. Golden dubster. Lock me in. You go get me a ruler. He grabs a decorative dish. He's gonna smash her face in. Cush intercepts. Spike hit her with an open hand off camera. Come here you little. Doesn't count if it's an open hand. Says who? Says anyone. Ask the. The argument is golden dubster. Please clip in. Frank Reynolds. Oh good. You're all here. Who invited the jewel lawyer? Not Jewish. And then clip in a meme calling Paul gay Paul. Amise just Paul. And that's a lot of clips. I know I'm sorry, but I think it will be great. She starts laying in the plan of how she's going to escalate with gay Paul. And I said, wait, is she trying to fuck gay Paul? Just Paul. Tom has had enough. They have to leave. Spike says she's not allowed in the double wide. She doesn't need this lousy trailer. She'll stay with Tom. Tom says they need to work this out. He hit me. He knocked me on my can. And Tom says it was with an open hand. Yeah. Relationships have their ups and downs. We hear OJ Shriek, the bird. He's on the graph. As off lock it in. OJ on the ground. Tom realizes it's the bird he runs in grabs OJ puts his head in the toilet seat comes down. It's drinking. Yeah. Molly is yelling you come back here. Tom's going to kick your ass. OJ is fine. It revives as spike is revving his car engine. Lisa calls to check in on him. Hasn't heard OJ squawking years. He calls the exposition to appreciate him helping her out tonight. She wants to crash at a friend's place tonight after the party. Would you think it was horrible if I asked you to stay the whole night tonight? My horrible boss's daughter, she is working him like a speed bag. She begs him and he's supposed to he can stay. She gets off the phone so quickly. Yeah. So she did. We're changing his mind. We've all been there. We hear Molly outside with the engine revving. She's not afraid of spike. Tom isn't either. He speeds off. She's still there. She asks if she can stay there tonight. Not even my house. The end of spike. I know. I was hoping for another round of spike. I thought spike was going to come back at some point. I sure as hell don't want any charity. It's not like you owe me anything. So I'm sorry about the whole office thing. I know you didn't mean to get me fired. Super Daisy chain to crossover. You owe me. Well, I guess I'll just go try to find an unhoused gentleman shelter then try to find a seven 11. Maybe someone will give me a cigarette. He caves and he's trying to open a safe kitchen's dust busting up dirt on the rug doorbell doorbell is awesome. Who could it be now? It's Michael Madsen. Vasquez sent him to pick up a package. Red told me he might be stopping by hell of a leather duster. He's got on in the background. Molly is bottoms up with a beer walking by Miller light commercial incarnate. What is this? Oprah? Just give me the goddamn package. That's funny. If it's not kosher, he's going to break his thumbs and Kutcher says by law it should be stamped on there because it's stakes confused walks away. We hear a loud opera music playing. OJ keeps squawking. That means it's dinnertime because the music he picks up the cage of mice like a waiter scrumptious buffet of mice kebabs. OJ scares him by flapping his wings. It freaks Tom out. He drops the cage. They scurry off. He's chasing one up the stairs. OJ comes flying in when Tom catches it swoops the mouse out of his hands. Tom goes falling over the railing and onto a table and OJ flies away. We see a shot of the mouse in the owls claw. I said looks like OJ is ready to kill again and he flies out the door past the pizza delivery boy from right now in the movie. Dude, that was cool. Molly runs over as if that was an owl. How's he flying? Well, he is a bird. I left gotta find him or he will lose his job. Molly has now added a giant bag of Cheetos. She sure has to her rotation as she walks around with that and a Miller light red says Tom relax. Relax. OJ's loose. This is no time. Tom, he's right over here. Right when some white chicks walk by in the background. Ass off. Kathy Bates Award. Ass off. Look at this photograph. I thought we're gonna keep getting that bit throughout the movie. Yeah. Would have been funnier. Yeah. Sure would have. We gotta break down the script writing. I don't feel like a fair shake right now. Shut up. Mr. Tommy boy. Mr. Fat boy. Oh, you're sort of fair shake. Molly points out OJ the driveway. He's just sitting there. Tom goes chasing after him and he flies off. He's crawling on the ground. Blues there with a gun. My boy blues. What is this property line? I was waiting for that bear trap and for some reason a white chick is on a rock climbing wall behind him. That's blues wife, man. That's right. You're respectful. Well, didn't know that at this point. I had no idea what was going on. Somehow there's a rock climbing gym next door. That's blues house. Blues pretty rich. I was just looking for. Yeah, yeah. I see what you're looking for. You got a thing for young girls, huh? No. Then why you keep buying my wife you perv. She calls for blue to be back soon. She needs him to spot her as soon as he looks back to say, give me a minute. Ashen snatches the gun. The way he goes, aw. Yeah. Please don't kill me. He offers up his most valued possession. You know what that is, don't you? Evander Holyfield's ear. Self-cobra formula reference. Blue carries it around in his chest pocket. And then in case you weren't sure, he's going to let you know that Mike Tyson bit it off, but it's white. So it'd be black. Well, if it's still on his head, sure. But anybody knows that a severed ear loses its color. Yes, Cheryl, what happens if an ear is severed from your head? It changes color. Duh. Then I guess she falls off camera and there's a thud. Well, you're a thud. She goes, ow, damn. Just a body voice is running away with this. Well, let towery get back in this movie. Yeah. Glad that coach has checkoffs gun now as he comes back to the house. Molly's in the kitchen with a smoking Kekner and Carmen. Electra. They are messing up this kitchen. Molly invited them over to help look for the owl. Darrell is sipping two different beers and he fixed the table in the hall. Carmen tosses a beer towards Darrell. He's already got two. So he doesn't catch it and a shatters air ball. I appreciate all your help, but can you make sure your friends stay outside the house? All of them are good. Zach, you clip it. I don't remember. I just wrote open. All of them are just a colored guy. No, no, all of them. Oh, that's smart. That way the color guy would take it first is golden duster. I was stunned by the amount of restraint considering the bingo parade earlier. Right. But I guess that word in 2003 letter rip 2003. Are you kidding? The miracle with the president wasn't using it on TV. They're all good people. Not going to steal nothing or drink too much like the table is fixed with a bunch of duct tape and Lisa gets back home. She doesn't want to get into it. Got in a huge fight with Hans. This bleephole says so it's over. You horrible. Paranauts. It's her own fault for dating a guy that likes. Yeah, but we're not going to find out what type of guy that is. Right. No, she's going to give us some Hans position. Top marketing exec, Harvard law with Jericho action Jackson. Good family top of the tennis ladder. Hello, exposition. So he's white, right? His name is Hans. Hold that thought. Busy routines can make it hard to focus on your health goals. But med express offers a simple way to explore weight management treatment online. Complete our short eligibility consultation with no need for face to face appointments or travel. If eligible, treatment is delivered discreetly with UK registered clinicians offering support along the way. Visit med express.co.uk slash podcast to get started today. While he wants to talk to him, Lisa sees that she's here, came to talk to dad. Tara's going to her room. He can stay if he wants or he could go. He says, maybe we could talk and she is closed the door. Everyone's back in the kitchen. Carmen's on a stool raiding the cabinets. They found the owl. Where is he? Well, he got away, popped into the bushes. Kekner is going to lure the bird with hamburger meat because they like burger meat. I don't know. Never had a bird, but most animals respond to meat. It's a fact. While he says the tell Tom about the Kennedy assassination, she gets so excited. Speed knows who killed JFK. Ask him, ask him if he's a fine who killed JFK, Desi Arnaz. And then as he walks away, Kekner says his life has changed about Kutcher. And he's swigs from a wine bottle in his hand. A mouse crawls in a Louis Vuitton bag, then up Kutcher's sleeve. Somehow it's in his pants now. So he's convulsing and he's also holding the panties from the Louis Vuitton bag. She walks in on him. It looks like he's jerking it. Cool, Medi. I had something in my pants. He seems very forgiving. She's just cool with it. I think she has a goldfish brain. Oh, I think she forgets things five seconds later. What did you think I meant? That's a dollar. No, look on your face. That's not. No, no, no, we're not. I don't know what you thought, but it was not legit. I'm a fair and impartial observer. It's a swear jar. What are you guys doing here? She spots it running out of the room. He crashes over the bed. She says they'll get it later. She's not worried about mice. She's pouring wine already. Where did the wine come from? Exactly. Great question. She's glad he stayed. She needed a good laugh. Could I make a bigger ass of myself? And then he notices a sign poster of Walter Payton. Yeah, sweetness. 85 bears only the greatest team ever to play the game. Shut up. Walter Payton, Jimmy Man, Mike Singletary. You may be the coolest girl ever. You like football? Yeah, I love it. I didn't know you guys like football. Yeah, no, me and Paul watch your game every Sunday. Paul too? Yeah. Football's position from Tara Reed. Because she's a cool chick. She's a cool chick, guys. Then she exposes about how she used to be an artist. Then she exposes about how art doesn't fit in with her father's vision of her future. Then she exposes about how this thing that broke was her brother's and how her brother has it restraining with everything she says. CT5 artists. CT5 exposition. Her Rocky Jr. The prostitute in heart condition because photography is an art. Something to consider down the road. Oh my God. CT5 artists. I love it. The dude figure drawings on an easel from the Van Wilder sketch class that she didn't take. Yeah. And she says, it's just something I used to do, but I couldn't get any more of my friends to pose nude. So I stopped. Would you be interested? You're blushing. I was just joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I just get read from time to time. She thinks he's funny. She spots the mouse. He runs out of the room right into a model ship. Don't worry. It's her brother's time to get more exposition on red. Oh my God. Oh, so dad told you about what? About the restraining order. Cobra formula. Not allowed within a hundred yards of Lisa pop or the house. Red's a freak. As they're talking somehow we've got speed up at the second balcony standing on Carmen Electors shoulders sitting on Molly shoulders. Who's on Darrell shoulders. Trying to get OJ off the roof of the house. Lisa's telling a rambling story about a party at the house. Puts redirects are inside. They miss OJ and they crash into a pool. That's got an art installation in it. Dangling Calder, Esk mobile in the middle of it. And then this was so Carmen Electra could come out of the water in slow mo with a wet T shirt. Sure was. And then David Kekner could come out of the water in slow mo with a wet T shirt. That's right. Kekner does it the exact same way she does it. You know that he did now they're drinking more wine talking about some movie up for an Oscar that never got mentioned. Which movie? Oh, we don't get that name. Some shit. I don't know. Okay. But he hated it. Maybe it was ghost. There's a shot of his brother. He's so different from how she is at work. What am I going to do? Walk around in my Walter Peyton jersey. Cool chicks can't wear sports jerseys to work. Oh, Jesus. Gotta play a role. She calls him the guy who would do anything for anybody. She exposes about Kutcher about him to him. She can talk to him about anything. She reaches across him the poor more wine a way that I've never seen anybody pour wine. Never. It's just so he can think he's about to get kissed. You don't hover your face right over someone's crotch while you pour wine. You guys never do that. That's after the one. Okay. Well, she pours the wine and then exposition is that there's no tension between them. Nice for you, Nanny. I guess it's because there's no attraction between us, you know? Yeah. You know, there's none of that sexual tension. It's like I'm with a girlfriend. It's great, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, maybe we could go to the mall sometime and go shopping. That would be fun. Wouldn't it be fun? Have to listen to the song. She needs someone to dance with. Okay. Is she on Amphetamines? Goldfish frame. If a woman was acting like this around me, I thought more of Elizabeth Berkeley and say by the bell. Oh, manic behavior. caffeine pills. Yeah. That's what's happening here. The song soundtrack exposition style is literally you make me feel like dancing and they dance like bingo. Holy shit. She can't dance. Neither of them can. He can't, but she really can't. He's going for it. It's a different level. He's dancing poorly on purpose. She's who knows. She's really. Coach does a spin and drops into the splits like Sean Jordan at football practice. We get a bones crack caption and he rips his groin, but then he's fine. I thought the pants were torn. Are we going to get called back to torn pants? It said bones crack. Sure. You have a boner. I don't know. I have the hugest boner. She gets on the bed, yells catch me. Catch me, Eddie. Swoop me. The nuts. The bridge mix. The bridge mix. She jumps on the bed. She jumps on him. He spins her around. He lays her down on the rug. He picks her up onto his lap. The song changes. She turns him into Blanton. She's going to try to flip another one. Her friend, Jenny, does a real wild stripper teen to it. It's super sexy. The exposition's a better friend. Even you'd appreciate it. What is happening? I wish I could be like her. She's so free. What? And then Kutcher gives us some more ash than Kutcher face. Is she wearing a button up white tank top a.k.a. in a button up? Put buttons on that. After she's done, she says, what do you think? He says it was very nice. She says, so if you weren't gay, this would turn you on. He says, gay. Who said I was gay? My father. Ah, homophobia. I laugh hard because I thought she was going to say, I saw the magazine in the briefcase. We got to break down the script writing. Nope. That would have been way better. No, it would have been more logical, Maze. I submit to you. It's way funnier. Her dad is just out here saying, yeah. Gay enough to go tell his daughter who also works at the company. That's technically an HR violation. He says, no, it's not true. And then an all-time ass on performance of God, I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe you'd let me do this. Yep. Why would he say I'm gay? Why would your dad buy with your boss dad? You are a little effeminate. He's offended. If he were gay, he wouldn't be offended. That's right. Lisa says Hans is too. She's over it. She's not that embarrassed. Kutcher asks what Hans did. So what did Hans do? Not just one thing, more about trust. Now she's expositioning about how she can't find a decent man sending out some kind of vibe. Can't attract a decent guy. I actually, did you hear that in the background? You heard a mean sending her a DM. You know what? What? That's another mark for you. Agree? I just hit the bell. I didn't say anything. That's not. It's a good joke. Strong joke. He says she'll find another guy so fast. Look at you. You're amazing. You really think so? Why do you think I'm here tonight? Oh God, Tom, you didn't know. You thought that that's my opening and then he just kisses her and then red peeks in the door and waves him over. That was not an invitation to kiss. There's a bunch of let's leap ahead, but not scenes just in a conversation. Yeah, within the conversation. So he's like, Oh, I have to go. I'll be right back. Tom, you don't have to lie to me. If you have to go to the bathroom, go take a crap and come back. What? You have to go to the bathroom to pinch the loaf. Is this cool chick behavior? Absolutely. What? Is she an idiot in the movie? No, she's a cool chick. Add both of them to the chat. Her for sure. Madsen walked by with an axe. Now he's downstairs tossing the place, going through drawers, ransacking, puts a switchblade and cuts his face. You boned Vasquez out of 20 grand or you bragged him as taffer would say. You think I work for Mrs. Fields. You think my boss likes to bake cookies. Have a good talk. That's a great line though. It is a great line. He stabs a ziplock of flower and shakes it all over the floor, then jumps on it. This is taking away Mrs. Fields. Another great spot at the mall. Oh, yeah. On the way back from Johnny Rockets. Yeah. You get to a warm one. Oh yeah. Paid half the time. That feels like a place where you could have a usual Zach. Oh, I had a huge one. It's not a Johnny Rockets. That's a sit down, but you get Johnny Rockets to go. I wouldn't sit there because remember, Maze, this is pre smartphone. Oh yeah. So I would get my lunch and then head back to the manager's office at Oakley. The desktop. So I get on the computer. The desktop. Got to. Why are you eating a sandwich? Absolutely. Or chili fries or whatever. Yeah. Click it. Click it on the mask. Fucking shoveling food into my mouth. Wonder, can I stretch this hour to an hour and 15 with nobody noticing? Oh, shit. Oh, this is Jack Taylor mixed up. Madsen was in the joint with the Jack Taylor had a horrible case of folliculitis on his ass. Coach wouldn't know about that. I thought you said he was your boss. He is. And you never saw his ass. Why would I see my boss's ass? Worked for a guy long enough sooner or later going to get a glimpse of his ass. I'm threatened to call cops and tell them what you drug deal went bad for being awesome. You're not going to call the cops. You wrap me out. I'm going to carve you up like a turkey and beat your kids with what's left of you. I don't have any kids. I can wait cell phone rings. He takes the call 20 CB ringtone classical music in that midi file. 60 minutes. So Vasquez collects his 20 grand or your gift wrap nuts. Cut to Tom walking in on red near the safe in a robe. How much going on here all wet? That's playing dumb. Probably had the wrong address. There's got to be a dozen Jack Taylor's Chicago. That's going to Jack's bedroom. Tell me if TJ shows up. You're not even supposed to be in this house. Says who? I know about the restraining order restraining. Shmaining. I mean, it's just a big misunderstanding. Something rhyme something. Shmunting. You know, like rhyming, shmining 20 CB. Yes. It was at this point when Molly's like, Hey, it's OJ. I started thinking, are we not getting a romantic comedy here at no point? He's going to spend the rest of the movie with Tara Reid. Well, at least she's in the house. Sure. Cause at one point I thought she was never coming back when she said, I'm so embarrassed. And then they make out. Is she in the house? Yeah. He kissed her and left to take a shit. And she's still on the hook waiting for him. Oh, that's true. There's so much happening in the house. That's loud. Yeah. And she never reacts or comes to investigate or anything. She's just going to wander in and out or deals with any of the chaos and damage until the end. He comes downstairs. Kenan Thompson is there. He's Hans. Is that so shocking? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Oh, what? Just because I'm a few pounds overweight. Very ass on joke. Noir. He tears up second day of a new diet. He gave up chocolate and I'm back in because all of that was at this body. I was out on Kenan. Then the disembodied voice say, just give up chocolate. I was like, we're back. Kush redirects towards a Miller light. And then he opens the middle light on the side of the counter and I laugh. There's a misunderstanding. Lisa left him. What happened? Seeing me naked from behind like that kind of shocked her. Tonight was the first time Hans hops up on the counter to reenact and he's throwing his leg up and he's grabbing ass and he says a handful of ass and a handful of this going into incredibly descriptive detail. And that's when Lisa walked in. Asher Kutcher puts together that you cheated on her and that's when Hans puts together that he cheated on her. I guess that was cheated. That's awful. Oh no. I've got to lost everything. Everyone he says, he kept telling him Hans reminds her of her dad. Hans, you got to realize that this is over and you got to put an end to it and move on. He says, I know what I have to do. Yes. This is goodbye. OJ flies by and coach takes off running. OJ goes in the window of a neighbor's house. An old lady calls him Julie's date thinks he's Albert. She's hard of hearing. So he shouts in comes this guy like a ton of bricks. Cool. A man in his way into the living room. What the fuck is this character? Harry killer according to grandma. A blind crippled deaf you named George comes rolling in in a motorized wheelchair. Cutch keeps shouting. Nice to meet you. I'm not deaf. Hey, you know what the advantage is being crippled. Can't say that I do. You don't really care much about what I have to say. Do you? Instantly offended. Cutch sits down. He says, sit down, Tom. Cutcher looks around and gets up and sits down again. You know what I gained by becoming a quad? What are you shaking your head? I can't see, you know. I'm sorry. Tell me what you gained. I no longer need my Viagra. Now I can maintain my arousal for hours. That's great. I guess things have a way of evening themselves out no longer. Not really. Do you know why? No. Because I am a blind quad freak you moron. What do you think women dig this? Golden dumpster. Stand by comes in, breaks it up. I mean you think women go, I'm gonna give that mutant freak my number. Get more house. I'm Julie's dad. Nice to meet you. Is George boring you with his self pitting tripod? No, not at all. I'm blind. I'm crippled. Leave the room. I want to talk to Albert alone for a second. I can stay if I want. Leave the room. Get out. Get out. Turn it. Turn it. Turn it. Oh for God's sake. He kicks his chair. He's barking at him. George crashes into a table. He breaks a vase. He keeps crashing. This embody voice. Tambor. Time for some. Hello exposition. Julie's self conscious about her appearance since the accident. Here she comes with a massive bandage on her head. Tambor is all in a day's work. No, he comes back. Yeah. The scene with everybody at the end had to have been a whole day. So I think it's two days. Yeah. It's the Dan Acroyd award. It's in the same set. I think they did that all at once. That whole scene though was a lot. That took all day. Too many people. Coach is not Albert. He's not her date. So Julie cries and runs away. This would happen. Tambor's ass off. She wasn't enough for you. Mr. GQ. Is that it? No, you don't understand. Oh, I understand. You think she bought your fairy tale, Mr. I'm too sexy for medical booties. He kicks him out of the house. Threads to kick his pretty boy ass to Kingdom gum. Molly's standing outside asking if she's interrupting something. They both see OJ fly off. Molly's got two things to talk about. She doesn't want to wear the booties anymore. And Tina thinks she's got cancer. Smash cut to Molly slapping Cooch's hand into Carmen Electra's giant popos. The look, right? I think so. Yeah. But look, I didn't say anything. It was an impure thought, but I don't think it's a swear. All right. Coocher should have returned his salary immediately. All right. Now it's gratis. Now it's back. Don't you feel anything? Yeah. I mean, no. Now he's comparing both their breasts. Molly Shannon ass off getting into it as he's doing like, oh, that feels kind of good. Yeah. This is time for Lisa to walk in. Oh man. This is what it looks like. He's got his arms crossed like Keen and Iver Wayne's holding guns and low down dirty shape. Same here too. She believed everything. All just a bunch of lines. He think I'm a complete idiot. Old cliches, expositioning about how she feels. I was just checking these girls for breast cancer. He's sick. She slams the door. He runs out. Then it's just him and Molly calmly walking down the stairs. Ask if it's the first time he cheated on her. Which gets flustered. I didn't cheat. You were there. I know you didn't cheat. I mean, you were a little grabby. Now Madsen is working on the safe with the crowbar and he started a cozy fire to do this. Coach pulls out blues checkoffs gun, put the crowbar down or I will blow your behind to Frig Town nailed it. We get the recurring bit of people trying the licorice and spitting it into the bowl. Yeah. A speed does in the background. Oh yeah. Speed is everything. Madsen unzips his fly. We both have guns. This is a move, man. It's a move and he's not drinking enough water folks because that urine is very, very golden yellow. Whatever he's drinking, Miller light. He's drinking a lot of it. A lot of it. I'm guessing he hasn't had water in weeks. Then he starts peeing on everything and that stream is strong like Matthew McConaughey as a child. He has this. He unzips his pants. What are you doing? We both have guns. Only difference is you don't have the guts to use yours. Bow wow formula because he unzips the pants. It's an action. It's not throwing something at him now or giving him something. Well, hold on. He should have started peeing first. Yeah. If he peed first and then said we both have guns, that'd be Bow wow formula. That's fair. He pisses on kutch. He pisses on the fire. Phone rings. It's Taylor calling to check in. He's still pissing. Might be coming home early. Fish tanks a little low. Luckily Madsen's already pissing in it. That stream is powerful. Wicked powerful. Madsen takes the gun, checks the chamber and then hands it back. He's tapped out. He wants something to drink. Maybe a Miller light speed comes in. Wonders of kutch had an accident. Might want to try a few kiggles. Tighten up down there. I'm doing them now and release. Well, one in Rome. He pisses too. Tom's in the bathroom washing something. Was that his pants in the sink? Dealing with the piss. You got peed on. Okay. But then his entire pants are never. Doesn't matter. He's there for a new exposition. Yep. Sees medicine for folliculitis. Molly walks in, thinks Tom pissed himself. He wants to stop the maniac downstairs. She has a sleeping pill. Powerful stuff. He goes to Madsen. Apologize for putting the gun on him earlier. Totally out of line. Madsen pours a drink. His name is TJ. They laugh about the piss prank. Then kutch with an expert. Hey, look over there. It's two. Oh no, there's a third blonde. They're going at it. It's these two twins. There's three of them. Can't hardly wait. Mr. Blonde says I was all psyched up for some. Oh my God. She is gorgeous. Looks like different action. Lesbians are very special. What's the sleeping pill pattern? The drink. Madsen pops a safe open, starts wobbling. He's pulling the curtain down. Then and finally, finally he goes head first into checkups. I said don't count that. You're not supposed to mix the pill with whiskey speed and Molly tell him. He's got a point. Everyone does know you're not supposed to make pills. The booze. That's right. He's seizing up. Molly calls him a human vibrator. Speed used to be a paramedic and he saw OJ. Kutch doesn't care and he takes the money from the open safe. Kutch gives speed the gun doorbell. It's Julie from next door. He's got a head bandage and she's actively bleeding and now how did she know he was there? No idea. They live next door, but he doesn't live there. All the owl. He's been there for maybe three hours. It's not hard to figure out Zach. All the shenanigans has been happening. Okay. We got to break down the script writing. He's trying to stick things behind her bleeding head so she doesn't get blood on stuff. Fully work out of control. Squelching. Andy Rickard comes in and starts hitting on her immediately. Oh my God. No one's ever been attracted to her. Even before the accident, about six months ago, she was hitchhiking and a trucker tried to rape her. That's it. Andy can't believe she never had a real boyfriend just once for six years and then he left. He does a getting stuck to the back of her head comedy. You got hit by a bus. That's not your fault. He really wanted out of the relationship. Which leaves Andy alone with the bleeder. He's reassuring her that she's attractive. What about the trucker? He was obviously pretty attracted to you. I think that trucker would have graved anyone. I doubt that. You're obviously very special. It's so sweet of you. I mean it. Golden dumpster cuts a Tom outside. Molly speed and Carmen are digging up the lawn. They had to bury TJ. Step brothers. Bearing you. You're waking the neighbors. No. You said he was going to be okay. You said you were a paramedic. I took a course. That's his intercal 911. That's for emergencies. What do you think this is? This guy's dead. 20 minutes. He'll still be dead. There's no sense of urgency here. I said Touche. Yeah. Tell them there was an accident. They might not see it that way. Tom, you did kill him. Touche. You gave me the pill. I didn't tell you to kill nobody. No, we have to call the cops and report it, but he didn't do it as someone who's merely exclaiming. You're not going to call the cops. He did it like someone trying to do a young Frank Dukes impression. Complete with the hand signals. Speed stops them from arguing. Tells them to spread around some leaves on the ground, make it look good. I'm not going to help you conceal a dead body. Molly wonders they should say some words like a burial. I don't know all the good things you know. Bob says to make it quick. Speed starts to talk. I didn't really know TJ. Molly says Tom knew him. Me. All I knew is the guy was a violent sadistic goon that was into lesbians. Amen. Amen. Lisa can't believe he's still here tonight was a big mistake. Red comes out of the bushes, eating an apple. Madsen's hands pop out of the dirt. Kutcher says, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? He comes out, he grabs Tara. He takes her hostage with the gun, pops out of the dirt like cliff and that man on campus. He's got the gun out. Kutcher pulls out his dick and says, looks like we both got guns. Call back. Kickers in the background, taking his head. No. This is after Kutcher dares Madsen to shoot. Go ahead. Waste the bitch. Yeah. Targets tossed aside. Andy knocks Madsen out with a shovel. Tara calls him so brave as he's saying the gun's not loaded. It shoots. Oh my God. Chekhov's blues gun went off. This embodied voice. What the hell is going on? I think that's my guy Mikey, but I'm not sure. Speed reloaded it. Darryl's back. He's asking about Jack Taylor, who wants to be picked up from the train station in 15 minutes or else he fired. What's that supposed to mean? I don't know. I ain't got a job. Don't worry. Tara says she'll take care of everything and maybe you should put his hog away because it's been out this entire time and it's time. Oh my God. For more montage there naked ladies. We're going to need a montage. Cleaning montage with Tara speed. Molly and Darryl. They all throws a trash bag on the roof. I wonder if that'll come back. Chekhov's trash bag on the roof. Oh, that's right. Molly picks up 500 millilights off the counter at once. Carbon spot welding the pool installation with Rockhard Nips. Yes. That's the only reason why they had that. Darryl is cleaning, looks at the bottom of cleaner, takes a swag and we get a slow zoom into him as he realizes, I kind of like this. Yes. I vote and speed finds the empty book ideas. Notepad Darryl takes a scoop of the dirt from the spotted plant eating dirt like dirty D and then attacks putty tank. Yeah. It's a dirt and discovers. He kind of likes it licking glue that he used to fix the table. The polish also on the banister golden dumpster. Taylor is talking about Thailand refueling in Hawaii. Coach has a mouse in his pocket. It crawls on his shoulder. Now OJ is flying alongside the car and the 20 CB window crank breaks off. Oh no. How will he close the window now? It's not a car to Jalopy mouse now on Taylor's shoulder. Tom does the movie theater wrap around. Taylor catches him tells him to concentrate on the driving as OJ is staring at the mouse on his shoulder ass off flying backwards with the car and staring at the mouse. I find backwards is funny. Hans walks in the house looking sad. He walks up the stairs. He takes the gun out of a trash bag. Good thing I found it. You can't throw away a gun. That's when the cops show up. They think he's TJ. They think he's got her hostage. They have reports of all kinds of stuff happening in the area. He starts giving away too much about possibly killing someone. I'm poisoning. Teddy Rexing exposition. Everything has happened. He backs into the house and Hans has hung himself with a thanks Tom sign. I laughed. I laughed. This sign is funny. Everyone screams, including Hans who falls crotch first on the speeds face. The chandelier comes crashing down. Oh no, the fixed table is broken again. The mouse is in Tom's lap as he drives OJ's in the car and he's attacking Tom. Jack sees it, steers the car to the sidewalk, then back across the road. It bounces making him look like he's going down on Tom for some reason. Comedy comedy. That's the reason he's going down on OJ. Paramedics checked on Hans. He's fine. Better than that chandelier. I'd hate to be here when the owners get back. You could say that again. 20 Cp. And then guys, the car crashes through the living room. Literally everybody from the movie converges into the living room except for blue. He's dead. Blue's wife is here, but not blue. Jeffrey Tambor. They're all blaming kutch. Molly hasn't bring Madsen's body back inside. That's funny. Taylor tells Tara to pack. She's coming to Thailand. Coach says no totally natural segue into talking about Jack's ass cream. Yeah. The publishing operation is a cover. Polyculitis. Taylor talk, tie, Taylor talk, tie very well. Taylor denies it. Maybe that's a meet the parents reference. Yeah. Coach says he has no choice as he rips an old man's pants off after bends him over first to do that. Yeah. Over the car. As double rips the pants off and then gets down eye level. Yes. They get in there and are inspected for himself. Tara says this is insane. It's fine. Taylor calls him a blithering idiot. Guys, the way that must have worked. That's funny. He gets cuffed and that's when Andy steps forward. My name is also, you know, Taylor, whatever Jack Taylor, junior pulls on his pants. It's all red from the flick. He lightest. That's why they call me red. Everyone's horrified. The cop in the background with Cheryl ass off. Look at this photograph. I didn't notice. And then maybe the line of the movie, the disembodied voice of Kenan saying, yeah, what's with this movie and ass cheeks? Yeah. I didn't catch that at all. Oh, you did. Oh my God. I lost my shit. They accuse Andy of dealing drugs. Andy and Sissos flower and that he dumped a kilo of the real stuff down the toilet. You should not run a pinkberry finish dealing for good. Coach realizes that OJ the owl got the coke toilet water cocaine bear owl. And that's when OJ flies back in for more coke toilet water. Taylor can't believe OJ is flying. We get real uplifting music. He flies all around the house and back outside. And then we hear off camera cars honking and tires screeching. Mr. Highway. No. He says good Tom out of his sight. My boy blues. He's got my ear. The Vander Holyfield ear. Holyfield's ear for God's sake. Oh, blue is here. Take him away boys. Hey, I'm the chief here. Take him away toys. What'd you say chief? Do it to kids. Tom turns around yells to Lisa cops force him out. It rained at night. We cut to the next morning. OJ's outside the window. Jack climbs into the tree. OJ goes to the roof. I can't believe Tara's going with him. She says he needs her. Jack is manipulating her. He's going to bail Tom out of jail. Drug money. No, I still this from dad's safe. Someone has to help Tom. This is a confusing message here. It's funny. The nicest guy in the world's the only one with enough balls to stand up to dad. Is that the point of the movie? All he wanted to do was to spend some time with you. Look what it gets him. Classic dad. I'm not allowed in the house. You're not allowed out of it. I don't care about us. I'm like that stupid bird. Can I tell you something? Sure. I know this is going to sound weird, but ever since I was a little kid, I used to always wish that I was that stupid bird. OJ's picking the trash bag open that's been on the roof the whole time. The check off's trash bag. The tree branch. Jack was on breaks. He pulls down the gutter sewage goes into his mouth. He's covered in it. She gives us one last ass on screen bottles, mice hit him in the face from the trash bag. He landed on the ground with his leg in the bear trap. What chocolate fountain amount of mud onto his face. Daisy chain mud face. Oh, Tommy boy. Okay. That's one for Maze. Yeah, you can charge me a dollar for that. That's fine. The one that knocked him down was a champagne bottle and yes, check out his bear trap from the beginning of the movie. They resolved the family drama. Right guys. So on to the next scene. Yeah. Cut to Van Nye's. I guess even though this was Chicago. Yeah, I think so. Private plan. Cutch and Andy comes sprinting in to find Lisa out of a jalopy rambling. Cutch exposition. This isn't what you want. It's what your father wants. Jack walks up behind him. Maybe they'll never work, but doesn't want her controlled by a ruthless tyrant. She's not going. He sees Jack behind him. She's not going. Is this whole concept too complicated for you? He smiles at Tom. No, what made you stay? She kisses him. That they finally had their long overdue talk. Taylor's had a long overdue talk. They're sending neck brace Hans to Thailand. Pep talk. Paul is over there giving him a pep talk. I don't want to go. I'm afraid nonsense. Everyone knows that Asian people are very into me by tall men, Canadians, Republicans, blacks. Oh, Henderson. Yes, sir. I wonder that kind of thinking in this company. There's no room for racism here. You're fine. He had the DS there. Fully's fired. Taylor wants Cutch to take over the creative department. He saw his ideas. Your theory on the JFK thing. Brilliant. And the moon landing, a hoax. Jade Hoy, you're hired. Jade Hoy Publisher. Gakner gives a thumbs up in the back. And then when he hears that his idea was brilliant, he goes, Jack figured anyone with the guts to piss on his Persian rug should have the job. He gets mad at Tom grabbing tears, ass while they kiss, making out and grabbing ass at the airport. Daisy chain. That's right. That's the best one. Wait, Rob Lowe and Bo Derek and Henderson is pissed at Jack's shoes and he needs water too because his shit is super yellow time for Tom to narrate to end it. It was his lucky day based on Lisa and Red's suggestions. I had a million dollars naked ladies. It restructure the company. Casual Friday every Friday, Henderson's 27 straight days without being fired. OJ is back off the drugs and only drinks beer. OJ Belches still has occasional flashbacks when he sees a toilet. Distortion effects. Molly got a job at a coffee shop. Everybody hates the coffee. Cue ensemble for that. I did not expect this group shot of everyone spewing vomit. Confusion joke about Hans and Thailand being sent to the back of the bus, but it's because he's smoking, not because he's black. Get it. I'm smoking Tom gets to write books based on his own experience, how to land the girl of your dreams in one night. The pickup artist and Lisa does the illustrations cause of the art in the beginning of the movie. Oh, and she's wearing her Walter Payton jersey. Remember that? I did not pick up on that. That's so stupid. You know what? I was kind of having a good time with this and I thought maybe I will file it. Nope. Fobit lock me in. Where do you think they shot the Thailand seats right outside the money plane? Hans finds a briefcase in Thailand, smiles at the fourth wall. The trivia briefcase for the beginning of the movie. Roll credits with couples dancing. A lot of dancing. Whole cast, bingo dances, dance some more. Everyone dance and have a good time. I had a million dollars. They had fun. They had fun making this movie. That's what that means. Andy hits the binocca and then he makes out with Julie. Yeah. We closed the deal. He didn't do his what up with that dance in Thailand. I'd be rich. Seat belts fastened. Trace tables in an upright position. Here we go. Here we go. What lift off? I'm going to say it's when we discovered that there's an agency that hires bingoes out for $4 an hour. That's the one. It's not when we realize that he's house sitting. It's when coach realizes that he's house sitting. I'm going to go. It's when she realizes that he thought that she was inviting him out. Oh, a real he said she said, yeah. Me when she realizes he's not gay. Yeah. Even though her father said that he was international man on man. A lot of caring terror. Rita then this movie, by the way, a lot of spinning her around in the end credits to like as an actor or no, that was in the whole movie. Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened? Plot summaries get to 90 seconds. Jesus. I picked this. So I will go first. Three, two, one. Ashton Kutcher works at a publishing company and he's crushing on Tara Reid. Who is the boss's daughter? She tricks him into house sitting for the boss dad while she goes to a party. Boss dad is obsessed with his owl named OJ after the football player, not the murderer. And as soon as he leaves a series of wacky misadventures unfold, boss dads deranged son orchestrates a drug deal with fake drugs. A fired secretary brings her white trash boyfriend over plus three random friends that probably met in an anonymous group and they drink a few thousand Miller lights. OJ, the owl gets hopped up on cocaine toilet water and flies out of the house. My boy blue and his rock climbing younger wife pull a gun on kutch. Tara Reid comes home and gives kutch a strip tease because she thinks he's gay. Turns out she's a cool chick who likes da bears and nude figure drawing 30. They accidentally kill the drug dealer and bury him in the backyard, but he comes back to life. There's a neighbor with a bleeding head wound. Kutch talks keen and into hanging himself. Boss dad comes back early in the middle of the night and kutch pulls his pants down in front of 30 people. Kutch gets arrested, but the brother bails him out of jail and somehow he gets the promotion he wants and Tara Reid. And in the end they all did just fine. Got my pen in my pad ready for me? All three baby one, two, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown before I do. Countdown. We'll just do off action. Just in your own time. Good. I'm not a rocket ship. Ashton Kutcher is Kelso from that 70s show and he lets us know that he's a real big uterus at work. His best friend is a real piece of bleep with his hair slicked back real good and he encourages him to hit on Tara Reid who's the boss' daughter. I almost said it, but of course gay porn falls right out as soon as he's about to hit on her. Good thing that won't come up at all. Back at the office he has a meeting with his boss chancellor Valerian from Star Wars who heard a rumor Kelso wanted to pull a Columbine. Maudesh had a superstar as a secretary. She gets fired for making horrible coffee, but not before Chancellor Valoriam from Star Wars calls her a bingo five times. Meanwhile Tara Reid exposes about our social life, relationship with her father, and how she doesn't know Kelso from that 70s show that well. Yeah, she asked him to house sit for I understood what she meant, but somehow this guy was probably hired by that employment agency that hires out bingos. Thought she meant that she wanted him to house sit with her. How? He doesn't figure this out until he shows up to the house and Valoriam asked him to look after an owl named OJ. Yes, he's named after that OJ. Kelso proceeds to goon the home video Tara who manages somehow text position on video as well. Gets called by Andy Richter who's Tara's brother. Shows a brother. Molly Shannon Superstar shows up to get her job back when she's accompanied by her domestic violence white trash boyfriend who pops open Miller lights with his eye socket. Now he's about his hog size. Mr. Blonde for Red Sox shows up and he's a mobster. OJ the owl goes free just like OJ the football player. My boy blue lives next door. Yada yada yada. Shenanigans may hem, but the one constant Terry cannot stop expositioning with every piece of dialogue. Oh yeah, there's a blind quad with an everlasting baby. But no woman digs it. Maze did leave two seconds on the board. So a lot of that. Let's see if you can get to the halfway point of this movie before 10 seconds left. Three, two, one. All right. Ashton Kutcher is a guy who works in research at a publishing company wants to be in creative wants to get this job from general Zod, but his daughter Tara Reed is someone that he also wants as well. He wants the job and he wants the boss's daughter. Oh, I almost said it. So we find out there's some confusion in that she has to house it and watch the dad's bird, but he's going to do it for her. And he thought, Oh, we're going to go to a party together, but they're not, she's going to party with her boyfriend Hans. And so he goes in there. He gets a bunch of rules. It's like a fucking gremlin. This goddamn owl OJ who's not the killer. He's the football player, as you guys said. And so now as he is taking care of this bird and trying to figure out how to take care of this house, boom doorbell, boom doorbell, boom doorbell, just constant doorbells. His characters show up, including Molly Shannon, who got fired earlier in the day. Red is the son of Jack Taylor, general Zod, who wants to do some drug dealing, maybe, but also flush the drugs almost immediately. So that's uncanny, unclear. Molly Shannon's boyfriend, JD Vance, who comes in there and just acts like a white trash piece of shit, but definitely wants you to know that his hog is of size that you would want. And so then, I don't know, they're chasing around the bird. They're trying to take care of the house. I really think this movie is just in the vehicle for Zucker to get Carmen Electra in a wet t-shirt and have her sit on a bed in a bra so that Ashton Kutcher can feel her. He did cast her in scary movies. So brought her back for more. See theory. Who cares if you lose the game, you got this off your chest. I mean, it's just one night of bar trivia. One night of bar trivia is Sankrasank toss trivia is Sankrasank. It was difficult to find trivia for this movie, but David Zucker believed he was in director jail after basketball flopped and he couldn't get hired to do anything before this movie. He said Ashton Kutcher was hired without auditioning based entirely on his performance in Dooders My Car. All I got for you is that the March 2001 draft of the screenplay list, David Zucker and Peter Tilden as writers. Tilden is not credited in the final film and only Zucker receives a directing credit. The film received three Razzie Award nominations, worst actor for Ashton Kutcher, but he was also nominated for chief provider, the dozen and just married. They lumped them all together. We're supporting actors for Tara Reed and worst screen couple for Kutcher and Tara Reed or Kutcher and Brittany Murphy because it just married. Oh, don't do that, but they lost to Ben Affleck for Daredevil, Gilean paycheck is Epic 2003. Demi Moore were supporting actress for Charlie's Angels full throttle. No, and suck my dick.com zone Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were screen couple for Gile over three ridiculous Tony. Tony Medley boys in the 1930s. There appeared in Hollywood a new genre called the screwball comedy created by people like writers Charles MacArthur, Ben Hect, Charles letter directors Frank Capra Preston Sturges, Leo McCary, Howard Hawks, Preston Myers, actors Carol Lombard, Kerry Grant, Catherine Hepburn, Irene Dune, William Powell and others of their ilk. So many names so far. That is a Tony Medley masterclass right there. My guy was in his bag. That's the first sentence. I know these people all were or became Hollywood legends as did their movies, which were cleverly written, brilliantly directed and acted. They were subtle and funny. There were lots of them and audiences adored them. They are still brilliantly funny and they had taste fast forward to the present. Now instead of clever scripts, we get the toilet humor of stuff like there's something about Mary and now my boss's daughter. Although there are some funny lines that had me laughing out loud, most of the humor is based on the groin. There are lots of urine shots. The film itself has absolutely no coherence. The concept is that Tom Stansfield works for a dictator like boss, Jack Taylor, and has a crush on his daughter, Lisa. Tom gets finagled into house sitting while Jack and Lisa go out. Jack gives him specific instructions that nobody's to set foot in the house. Naturally, as soon as Jack leaves the house is inundated with weird people who cause nothing but trouble. It's a different movie. What follows is in Bacillic. The ending is moronic. The film starts out with 10 very funny minutes. Then the scatological humor starts and the movie tanks. As far as I'm concerned, you know what was in the first 10 minutes. I mean, oh no, I just did the math, the bingo parade, the employment agency. The film is obsessed with the male groin. Not only does urine fall like rain when someone pulls a gun, his victim pulls his male member. Call me crazy. I don't find this funny. I don't write this at the bottom of the barrel because the film does have a few funny moments, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with the slightest inclination to good taste. I mean, what do you think he gave? Three out of 10. Two out of 10. Yeah. Close. Always went off. I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant, something that may benefit mankind. And if you would devise something that groundbreaking, I gown to you a A in this course. Hold on, man. You following me? You can't do that, Lionel. Look, man, if you don't want me to have a foreman job, I understand, but I need my fucking job, man. Lewis Pinnock acts an award. Do we have one? Is it Keenan? Well, is it Ashton? The scene? Just the hands? What hands? No, I don't think we have them. Is there any disembodied voice that would qualify? I don't think so. Oh, wait. Spike? Was Spike actually a Southern Accident guy? I think he's Canadian. He is Canadian. So let's give it to Spike. All right, Spike. Let's show him who the horseman are, guys. Yeah, we got soul. Five horsemen. Oh, ideas. Hoppy talk. Ideas. Doorbell. Mootler light. Disembodied. And check off bear trap. Check off gong. Check off trash bag. Check off gun. Check off trivia briefcase. That's right. Exposition also. Terrace position, actually. Terrace position, yeah. Disembodied voice had a ball this movie. It's gonna be hard to move me off of disembodied voice. Everybody had a line, I felt like. When Blue's wife falls, disembodied. That's my favorite. Well, no, the Han's one. What's with this movie, man? Yeah. I would have gone check off because I don't think we've ever had that many check off items in one movie. No, check off is a great one. Most check off items in one movie and boom history. Check off community. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. As on, as off. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Ass on. Fuck it. Ass off. Michael B. Memorial Ass on award. Come on. Dangerously close to renaming it. Oh, yeah. Hard read. Hold on. Hold on. Who timer? She's not worse than Emilio. Yes, she is. We're gonna have a new award. Oh, boy. The terror read exposition concentrate award. Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes. No, it isn't. Yeah. Well, what are the chips? Universe? You've done it again. Carl Weathers Memorial Ass off award. Andy Richter, David Kekner, Molly Shannon, but my guy, OJ the owl. OJ. Jeffrey Tambor, my guy, Darryl was ass off. He was great. Madsen was ass off. Madsen coasted a little bit. Pretty much everybody not terror read was ass off. Cutch is kind of splitting the difference. He's just coach. It's OJ. It's OJ. OJ the owl. The moment I saw him on the ground, sputtering. Balsam. No one's going to come get this. Gotta get a keeping secrets. Absolutely. Because I've got a present for you. Secret present outside by the dumpster. Is it a baseball mitt? It fits you like a baseball mitt, like a glove. I hope. Golden dumpster nominees. Holy shit. Got a lot of them. You go ahead then. It's a growing sport about, she's not going to believe it was a wrestling magazine. His name's OJ. Oh, like the murderer? No, like the football player. Frozen stakes. These aren't cold. That's the way the guy likes them. Spike demanding that Kutcher go get him a ruler to prove that his hog is not a shrimp. The argument about there's an open hand slap count as hitting someone. OJ is loose. This is no time to relax and the white women panicking. Blue going, aw, when Kutcher takes the gun away from them. I want you to press stay outside the house. All of them are just the colored guy. No, all of them. That's smart. That way the colored guy will take it personal. George, the blind cripple, all of George. Jeffrey Tamford telling him to turn it, turn it, turn it. Andy Richter, consoling Julie, letting her know what about the trucker? He was obviously attracted to you. Jesus Christ. What's with this movie and ass cheeks? And that's going to do it for all the nominees I have. My pick is my boy blue with a gun and a young wife on a rock climbing wall. Mine's going to be spiky. He'll whip it out right now. Go get a ruler, Tom. I'm going to go with, I left it off the board on purpose. Darrell tasting things and then slowly be like, oh shit, I kind of like this. That's another one. Oh yeah. What am I up to? 13. Yeah. $13. Well, Maze, you picked a motherfucker. Motherfucker. I like that. Over file. Man, what a fucking mess. This movie was so confusing. It was crazy to find out that this was the first script that this guy sold after years and years of reading other people's scripts. This is what he came up with. We got to break down the script, writing it's poorly executed. The setup, the whole point is to get in the house and have zany things happen in the doorbell. Keep it ringing. Even though I like most of the people that show up, I didn't laugh at a single thing that happened in this whole movie. Wow. I was experiencing my own get to 90. Wow. OJ flying backwards. Did make you laugh. I like OJ the owl. He's ass off OJ being thirsty. Let the pause the L not the employment agency. You named a whole bunch of golden dumpsters. I had one that should really explain all there is now. I mean, go ahead and file this after you phobed Tommy boy. Go ahead. Let me just reiterate. I phobed it. There was a point where I had a good time in the episode. I thought maybe I will file this and then you guys told me that she's doing the artwork for his book. It's a fucking phobe. Fuck this movie. I forgot about that. This movie is 1000 times funnier than Tommy boy. You're an idiot. I laughed so many more times. Get the fuck out of here. You're such an idiot. Is the story good? No, the story sucks. It's all contrived. Absolutely. Terri Reed is awfully ass on, but man, I laughed so many times. And part of it is because I thought it was a romcom midway through. I realized, oh, this isn't a romcom. This is more like there's something about Mary basically. Even that's more of a romcom than this. Not you and Tony medley on the same page. It's a slapstick comedy. It's a slapstick. It's not. It is. It's a slapstick comedy. Well, you know what? I'm slapping it. What? It's a file. That's another one. Well, I'm slapping it. What does that mean? Yeah, we're up to 15. Yeah. So and this was a good luck chuck level movie. Yeah. No. No way. Absolutely. No way. Yes. No way. Remember your man balls of theories in that movie. I laughed out loud legitimately so many times in this movie. I'm mad. I've never seen it before. I like it. Send us your faux or fraudulent file. Golden dumpster ass on ass off fraudulent. Five horsemen, Lewis Pinnock, plot lift off at talk. You heard me laugh at Darth of Mane at corn puzzle. We laughed out the whole episode. Yeah. Cause we're funny at Cinephobe pod at counter things or dropping the discord by being a patron member, page on dot com slash count the dings next time we make love. You introduced me to Chad. I mean, you're picking the next movie from the suggestions. Yeah. We all got Dicky Roberts, right? As one that I got to, I got a repeat suggestion, a very Brady sequel. Okay. And then I got getting even with dad saying that's the one I got. I got getting even with dad. My third pick was swingers. Me as well. So me and I had the exact same three, right? I don't grow them holding strong, man. I'm going to go with the movie that I think is going to give us more of an opportunity. One thing I didn't like about my boss's daughter is that it's one of those episodes. I feel like I was just pointing out funny things as opposed to I'm making fun of it. Right. There are funny things in this movie. Stop getting even with dad has a lot better of a chance of us making fun of it. I'm going to go getting even with dad. I'm Pluto. And to be clear, you're picking this. You're picking getting even with dad. Yes. Now I am. What do you mean now? No, last time I didn't. What? Last time I didn't. This one I picked. The fuck are you talking about? Last time there were three selections, only one of them qualified. That's not true. I didn't pick it. This is what happened. I didn't lie. Any you picked it, motherfucker. What happened? You said something about changing the algorithm. Yes, that's not my pick. You chose. I picked. You pick changing the algorithm. I'm doing it for the show. I'm not picking it. This is me picking it. So I'm going to say Dicky Roberts.