Doug Stanhope, Jason Mewes, & Aaron Berg - Skankfest New Orleans 2025: Day 1 - Episode 927

Fill her up! You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. the state. The natural-born killer leads in the stance. One, two, three, four. Welcome to Skankfest New Orleans, motherfuckers. It is an official. It has begun. It is the Legion of Skanks podcast coming to you from Skankfest New Orleans 2025. Holy shit. There's definitely one of our most retarded fans who's in Vegas right now. Yeah, no, without a doubt. Like, where is everyone? I'm so excited to be here. Look at this fucking venue. You guys, by the way, everyone that bitched about chairs, shut the fuck up. We couldn't have... Dude, I... And everybody in the back, get here earlier, you fat fucks. The only note that I gave them, I was like, guys, chairs. I can't keep on listening to these fat fucking idiots complain about not being able to sit down all day long The nerve of you to ever complain. You're a legion of skanks fan. You are garbage, okay? You will have nothing and you will love it. Sit in the dirt. Enjoy your feet while you got them. Oh shit, I thought I made Lewis laugh so hard and he like def jammed it. He's like, oh shit, Jay had it again. Sorry guys, I'm also producing a comedy festival while trying to be an entertainer. It's the fucking worst. Well, you're dressed more like an entertainer than anyone I should take orders from. Can't you see I'm taming lions? I can't deal with what's happening at the snack bar. I'm dressed like the drum set. What a crazy, crazy start to the festival. I'm excited. I'm going to sit down and relax in a minute. I'm making sure that everyone, you know. You're waiting for your butt plug to settle in? Ooh, you just have to sort of like loosen yourself up. You have to let your body accept it. Then you're fine. Well, that's the problem. Once it's in and you feel like you've let it accept it, then you feel like you're going to shit it out. So I can't get it out of my head. I feel like if I add on to that, they're going to start thinking we have butt plugs in. So whatever you say, dude. Dude, Legion of Skanks butt plugs next year, Skank Fest 2026. How about we give some official intros here, everybody? How about it for Davey Smith? Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. And I, Big J. Oakerson, and we are the legendary Legion of Skanks. I'm pretty sure they know. Shout out to, there's a lot of people here in attendance, but there are thousands and thousands watching right now live at home on Veeps, guys. Make them jealous, guys. How much money do you guys have in writing? We just opened the door. To the thousands. Ten thousands. Ten thousands. So here's what I'm... Can I tell you what I'm dealing with right now? Could you stop making us uncomfortable? Yeah, dude, I don't know. You've got to sit and we're all standing. I don't know. We have three guests on the show. We have three of us, five microphones, five chairs. I told them... By the way, it looks like you're telling us a magic trick right now. Three guests. Two are over here, one's here. Am I right? You guys see that. Correct, right? Did anybody else notice that Lewis just gave the most complicated formula to go, we're down a chair? Not just down a chair. We're short one chair. I went over to my production team. They're all sitting there. There's 85 fucking producers. If you had six chairs and you subtracted four chairs, how many chairs would be left? Or was the other chair here the whole time? Whoa. Oh. It's a dummy chair in the floor. There's three available chairs. Sit in one of them while we figure this out. I just asked them for another microphone, so you think that they would also deduce that we need another chair is my point. Good work, man. I know. We all got stopped at deduce. We had to make sure you used it right, and then we were like, yeah. I got to take a deduce right now. I did too much coke last night. Come on, folks. I got to take a deduce. Thank you, Alex. Alex, looking like a snack. That belly chain. Looking like a snack. And that snack is Slim Jim. Looking like a piece of Slim Jim, folks. Yeah, Alex, you look like mechanically separated chicken. We're going to get our guests up here in just a second. Shout out to Veeps for doing this live. Also, shout out to Tony's Tap Water. This is Tony Hinchcliffe's Tap Water that he sells in a can right now. Look, you guys hate it. They hate his tap water. That's not true. I want to taste it. Let's see. That's not what this is. Let me see. I swear to God it is. Tony's Tap Water. It's Tony Hinchcliffe's Tap Water. Shut up. I swear on my son's life. You've done that. I've lied. I have done that and lied. But it really is. Has anybody heard of Tony Hinchcliffe's Tap Water? Tony's Tap Water? Yeah, see? You know. Here, let me see. Let me taste it. Let me give my review. Oh, it's pure cum. Why would Tony do this? Tony's tap water featuring Tonkat Ali. Whoa, dude. Looks like you're stepping on your shit. It is fucking incredible. This is the best tap water that I've ever drank. It's just water, dude. These idiots will buy anything. Is my mic on? It tastes like retard tears. He just does this under all of his things. Cry for me. Cry. Well, look, I'm excited about our guests. Why don't we get them up here? Yeah, dude. I don't know who they are, so you introduce them. Really? I forgot completely. Are we allowed to smoke weed here? Are we allowed to smoke weed here? We're entertainers, I think, right? Is it illegal in New Orleans? It's cabaret. It's cabaret? Yeah, we're allowed to because we're doing this show. Yeah, like Chappelle. I get it. Yeah, we're like acting. ladies and gentlemen our first guest on this first show of skank fest uh part of the family i would say officially a member of the legion of skanks family one of the funniest people that i know ladies and gentlemen clapping up for aaron burr come on what's up everybody welcome to Escape as New Orleans. It is fucking crazy busy up here. It's wild, right? This is way bigger than it's ever been. All right, now, I have a question. Are you upset that you're not tall enough to ride the carnival rides outside? I'm not tall enough to see over this bucket. Nobody can see me because the fucking bear is there. Yeah, I can't ride any of those carnival rides at all. That would be so funny to see Bert just getting shot off of the roundup. they tried to sell me at one of the stuffed animal booths already i love these black ladies that work here they're so hot yeah see that's her that was them yeah yeah our second guest on the show uh another fucking living legend uh i'll tell you right now uh you know him uh just as a movie star and now a hilarious comedian clapping up for the one and only Jason Mewes. Come on. Hello, hello. Welcome back to Skank Fest, Jason. Thank you. I'm so excited. Yeah, dude. You're the man, dude. Vegas, New Orleans. Fuck. You had me traveling the world. We're trying to kill our fans. That is the goal is that this year somebody will die. And they're going to go to this tape if somebody does die. So don't die, actually. Please don't die. Don't die on premises. Don't die on premises or don't die on this trip. If you want to die next week, that's okay. Our final guest, a true living legend, one of the funniest comedians on the planet. And just once again, at this point, Skankfest family, clap it up for Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope. Thank you very much. Now I see how short you feel. Dude, how cool is it, by the way, that Doug was at the fucking first skank fest with like 40 people? and i i passed out in a giant bale of brooklyn trash in the daylight i was gonna let that part go and just mention that he was there legendary it is true right in front of the creek in the cave in a pile of garbage it's one of my favorite photos in skank fest history was doug sandope sleeping in a pile of garbage that's what just that's just what we called the greek in cave back then. By the way, I just want you to know I'm a last minute fill-in for someone who bailed out and this morning I got a call. Can you fill in? And I won't say who, but I will be Silent Doug. You get it? That's the guy you made the proof of the day. I did get that one. I didn't know I came in. I was like it's good to see you, Paul. Oh, wait. Yeah, what happened, dude? You guys didn't even notice. I actually didn't know myself. I brought a chair out. You guys weren't even looking. I put it next to you. Because Jay doesn't like cigarette smoke. Cigarette smoke. And I go, I want to be on the side where I can smoke with you guys. Oh, come sit over here. I already put a chair there. You're going over it. No, I'm not. I don't not like cigarette smoke. I went in the room and the door was closed. And it was this little box. And I walked in. I was like, my eyes started burning. So I just went into the other room and shit. But I'm not against anything, bro. I love crack. I love heroin. I love it all. Fuck, dude. I can't do it, but I'm telling you, I love it all. I just so. There's also no such thing as anyone who likes cigarette smoke. Like, even when I smoked cigarettes, I hated cigarette smoke. Yeah. If you're in a room, it starts to burn your eyes. That's all. So I just didn't want to sit in the room and I feel back because I don't want anyone to think, like, smoke around me, do whatever around me. but if it's in the room with a closed door, then I'm going to, you know, I might. Did Kevin Smith bail because you told him this story and he was like, I can't. Yeah, exactly. I was like, bro, if you go in the room, it's going to be real smoky. You're going to fucking hate it, bro. I didn't, you know, I don't know. I didn't find out myself till this morning. I think he's like, he got stuck in Atlanta for like two days and when he got home, he said he was feeling sick and he was going to still make it. And then this morning, like I found out. The lies of Kevin Smith. he wants to stand against this gang fest community we will show him what that means to us I'm writing Jersey Girl 2 I can't make it look at this I have all this room now and shit bottom of the pocket in the corner well look I'm very excited about gang fest we're doing a lot of things different here in New Orleans first of all New Orleans is wild we already had a fan that was robbed I was going to open with this that this is the skank fest I think is going to go tragically wrong like great white fires something is going to happen at this one New Orleans isn't like Vegas or Houston it's fucking weird and dark and you don't ask a lot of questions and I was going to open with that I called it but it's already happening all it takes is for one of these idiots to let a demon in and then we're all fucked who is doing voodoo voodoo's big here so is floods if a flood happened that would probably suck right local not for this though this event's too white oh so floods the flood here come from the blacks it's always a rebuilding season in new orleans dude fucking this guy uh so his his chick hits me up right and she's like yeah my husband's there alone like he came from canada and his name is his name is here is it where's he at lewis i guarantee you there's 30 people named fuck me the guy that got robbed this guy dude this story is so that's you pass a hat oh yes right there how much they robbed you for yeah you gotta ask how much the story is great he had fucking weird Canadian money on them. There's two coins missing. My maple syrup. They took my syrup. All my beaver petals are gone. My coonies. My donative wife is at home watching the farm. Should we get him up here? Come up here for a minute, guys. Come up here. Bring your cracker pussy robbed ass up on stage. You fucking loser. couldn't ward off four men with guns. This story is so funny. His wife hits me up and she writes me three paragraphs. I'm in Canada and I've never been fucked well by my husband. Come over here. He looks so Canadian. Look at his Medicare face. I'm from Canada too. Listen, dude. Thank you so much for coming out to the festival. I haven't ever met you or spoken words to you I would describe you as Robbable He's the most robbable person I've ever seen in my life While we're talking about it What size are them shoes dude? Get in that fucking shoe Excuse me Is this back alleyway taken? They probably Just asked him for change And he said take everything just don't hurt me Here's my bank info. I also have crypto. Look at my crypto. I come from a socialist country. You deserve what I've worked for. Oh, fuck. Did you charge him tariffs? Fucking Trump always sticking it to me and my family. So his wife hits me up and she writes me like three paragraphs and I almost didn't read it because it was just too much and I was like, alright, whatever. So she tells me this long story about how her husband's in at Skank Fest. This is on Wednesday. She's like, he got robbed last night before the festival even starts. And now he's thinking about going home because he's got no money. He's got no friends here. Explain what happened. Exactly. He was set. I don't think he's going to be a good broadcaster. Otherwise he would have been able to talk himself out of getting robbed. Tomorrow, Louis, your email is going to be flooded with people saying you were robbed. We were all robbed. This guy's going to make bank off of this appearance. and everyone's going to follow suit. Also, you got robbed in 2025 and now you're saying you have no money. What was it? Were you carrying traveler's checks? Go to the bank. Canada hasn't figured out a banking system that's compatible. No, you've got to go to a Western Union. You've got to go to 20 different Walgreens. They have money and they don't. Did they have a gun, a weapon? Tell exactly what happened. Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I felt bad. your wife, I said let me meet up with this guy, we smoked a blunt, I told his wife I gave him a golden ticket because he had the worst fucking star at the Skank Fest so he's fucking gets to watch whatever shows that he wants to watch, I'm glad you're here if you're at fucking Kim Fest right now, I'd punch you in the face if I saw you later but, so you told me the story, once you told me the story I started going something about this is not adding up and I couldn't take away your golden ticket at that point, so tell us what happened, just out tell us this bullshit story I went on a ghost tour having a good time then just all of a sudden nothing wake up in my hotel no phone no money no phone no money you just you were on a tour then you black out you wake up and your phone and your credit cards are all gone so here's what I think happened I think I'm in blue dust in your face you went on a spiritual journey. Listen, look at me. You are a spiritual. I think that if I was seeing a prostitute, no doubt, a medicine woman. A medicine woman. Did you forget to put a napkin over your drink? That's what happened. The drugging part. You think you got roofied, for real? You think you got roofied? I wasn't drinking that much, and all of a sudden, nothing. Did your butthole hurt a little bit? By the way, when you hear this story, something doesn't add up. Am I crazy? No, when you hear this story, you go, dude, you got to come up with something better to tell your wife. Like, that's just not good enough. The story's not, yeah. I don't know. Think it through, man. If you do it in front of this many people, your wife would buy it. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I told like 7,000 people. Honey, they came in and stole the jewelry and then spit all over my wiener. Yo, what? It was a classic two-man operation. One guy took the jewels and the other guy spit all over my wiener. That's how I got her, you dumb bitch. Why would you not trust me? Just hit the floor safe. I'm sorry. There's no way your wife is watching the live stream on Veeps right now. I just got straight up robbed. You got straight up robbed. See how it... Yeah, that doesn't sound like three paragraphs worth of story. Yeah, you say about three pair of his wife dude. I mean she just nods and then every time she hit me up She would write me another three paragraphs and I'm like I almost had a thought I was like if you keep on writing to me I gonna block you and I gonna have your husband removed from the festival It good call good call She writes so much You think that tough for you Imagine being this dude having to blow all your money on a New Orleans whore Yeah. So what are they going for? Let me take a minute to point out, because you did address the fact that you have to be entertainers and producers of this, and you're still checking fucking emails? That's quite a feat. He's literally on it right now. It's an Instagram DM she sent you? Yeah, I'm looking for it right now. What's your wife's name? Nice. Good lady? Oh, yeah. How long have you been married? Well, I don't know if you're a mess of a woman that we're married. She's my girlfriend. Oh, okay. How often do you cheat on her on the road? Never. This guy got to get pussy and have his chick feel bad for him about it. He ain't got a golden ticket, but... I'm saying, oh, baby, I lost all my money to, I guess, robbery? Do you believe that? oh my god i'll call them and get you a golden ticket that's the problem guys we don't think of the lie at all like he could have come up with a story but he just like you know what dude i just it disappeared i was there one minute on the ghost tour next minute everything's gone i have no other details of this story so how no i went drinking and then after the ghost tour went drinking and then just you should not you should punch yourself in the face a few times i mean he could have just lost. Oh, I have an idea. Let's do a role play. Aaron, you play his wife when he gets home after she sees this stream. Okay. Aaron, be a Canadian wife. Okay. Hey. How was your trip? Lewis, you be No, no, no. He's not doing a great job as now. You froze. Robbery. Robbery. You've never taken improv class before? All right. How was your trip? Not great. No shit. Saw you on the stream. Veep. Yeah, shout out Veep. So you just, you're really fucking lapping it up for a guy that got robbed and called me and said you were robbed and that you were fucking terrified. Then you're just having fun up there with Doug Stanhope and that guy that was in the movie with the guy that didn't show up. Real fucking rough weekend. You know what I was doing? Figuring I had to get amoxicillin for when you give me chlamydia from that whore you fucked. It's free up there, from what I understand. But we have to wait a year and a half. You have to wait. So, any explanation? Just got straight up robbed. Right. Dude, you don't even know if you got robbed. Your defense doesn't even make sense. You got robbed. Would you be willing to take a lie detector test on the Legion of Saints this weekend? This weekend? Because we always have a lie detector test on us. Do we have it? You can say no. You can deny it right now. You're not, you know, this isn't illegal. We'll let you out on Tuesday right now. You didn't just get robbed. We will not lie to you. I will preemptively tell you the question that I would ask. Is there more to this story that you're leaving out? No, man. And you would take a lie detector test? Yes. Wow. You were robbed. You were robbed the minute you agreed to go on a ghost tour. Yes. Yes, true. All right. Well, you missed the Toronto Maple Leafs game, and I'm going to smell your balls. That smells like gumbo whore. All right, guys, let's take a moment. Let's thank our sponsor for today's show, which is GLD. Buying jewelry can be a hassle, but not with GLD. 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It charges your phone as fast as it possibly can. And you have up to three full phone charges sitting right there in your pocket at all times. Oh, also, they do have different colors, too. So they have Matt Olive, Base Camp Orange. That's dope. I'm getting more into orange as I get older. And Matt Black, if you want to be cool. You're an orange guy. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. They come with an LED charge status indicator. It displays the battery and charge levels at a glance. It's so great. If you go right now and get Ridge's Power Bank, over at Ridge.com. You'll get 10% off if you use the code LOS10 at checkout. That's pretty good. One more time, it's Ridge.com. Use code LOS10 and you're all set for that 10% off. After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please tell them you heard about them on Legion of Skanks. That helps us out. Alright, let's get back into it. Wow. So here's the thing. The black people in New Orleans do not like us. I can tell already. You just chill. You're one of us now. You're the fucking man. Just hang tight, dude. You're the fucking man so this is very funny somebody sent me this on instagram this morning um there's a video i guess this i don't know if this is like an influence or whatever he's got a little bit of a following the guy who posted this video this is an older hilarious older black gentleman and i guess he saw us loading in for the joy theater last night and he posted a video that's getting traction so play the video look at that screen what'd you say Alex boo wow there we go oh wow is that clausticus that black guy is just lying what the fuck is that change that don't leave it like that was that the most racist glitch of all time what the fuck was that Is that your screen saver, G-Mike? That's the Kanye one. Bunch of fucking MC Escher fucking swastikas. Okay, so this is the video. Go ahead. And by the way, that's his Honda. Is that Juergens on the front dashboard? You need the audio. Yeah, it's pretty useless. Start it over again. Did you see the fucking lotion? if you don't have audio we could probably do some voiceover for it oh man all the white motherfuckers basically by the way what's going on with this dashboard look at these crackheads he's got jerkins on his dashboard i'm just trying to jerk my dick on these new orleans streets ain't no skags that's a bunch of white dudes these crackers all just lining up like a cracker barrel motherfucker. What the fuck was that, guys? Damn, they're this half-looking Spanish motherfucker with glasses on. Is everything sound okay to you guys? Is it good? It's a step up from Vegas? He's like, no. Some people were like, no. Oh, Leighton, by the way, you've been challenged by the other biggest loser to a boxing match. you be down to do it we're gonna talk about this lady you guys are gonna be hugging in 30 seconds i i have a challenge because on the questionnaire it said will you fight and last last year i did the goofy thing with yamanika but this time i said i'm not gonna fight i'm not in any condition but i challenge right now dave attell to a flight of stairs where the two old smokers emphysema. Right by the ring, there is a flight of stairs with a platform in the middle outside where we can rest for the second leg of the stairs. Four stairs, Doc. It's basically two flights with a break. And like the Tour de France, we could overnight on the platform in the middle. We got audio. We got audio. Go ahead. For our second lives, no tolerance for our culture is dangerous, but New Orleans welcomes the skank fence and ain't nothing but white people in the line. We gotta look at what's happening. How can our culture and our tendencies be criminalized when anything goes for white people? Look at this dude. This is... Wait, this is... Wait, is that... Why should our culture be criminalized? Because your culture is robbing people. That's why it's criminalized. It's You robbed our dear friend Here I'm assuming You think he was a black prostitute? He's a black ghost I think he's a strong conclusion He's a great citizen isn't he? You understand? There's an issue here That we have to address That anything black ain't no good And everything white is alright That's literally the mantra for the festival. I mean, yeah, that's on the sweatshirt I'm wearing the last time. Listen, for the record, I don't agree with that. But man, what a slogan, you know? Yeah. What was it? Everything black ain't no good. And everything is white is all right. Why did he say everything black is whack so it rhymes the whole way? Well, yeah, this was one take. And everything white is all right. That's an issue in a majority black city. White's all right. White's all right. White's all right. Jason Mears is like, I'm leaving right now. This guy's engines in hit the front of his car with him. By the way, is anyone from here, is that true? Is New Orleans a majority black city? I gotta go. You've never watched the same? We met without any issue. And we can't even sell each other a hamburger underneath the bridge. what we can't even sell each other a hamburger underneath the bridge wait i'm staying under the bridge there's no catering wait i'm sorry listen i'm not i don't know maybe some of you guys are from here and for the record if anyone knows anything about me i think that's bullshit if they don't let you sell a hamburger under the bridge okay you shouldn't need but is this is this the pressing issue in the black community out here yeah that was our go-to selling burgers to each other at the bridge. You're selling burgers under the bridge. You're stealing work from trolls. Yo, I'll fucking, I'll rage against that machine. I have a riddle three if you would like to eat this burger with cheese. I'm going to stand right in front of the town hall. Let them sell burgers. Burgers, lives matters. This guy fucking hates you guys. You get to find this feed and just agree with him. Just in mass. yeah it's absolutely right just make this guy feel like a hero write shit like you know with innuendo like we're coming to lynch you and but spell it l-i-n-c-h yeah yeah make a spelling mistake because you're dumb whiteys and other stuff like uh if this was years ago you'd be hanging out right stuff like that i like i like that idea just go there and keep going like Despicable, right? But all the things are going to be like, Skanks fan 42. Am I right? By the way, I feel bad. I feel like you're not enjoying the show. I'm watching you tremble and your lip is sweating right now. His lip is sweating. I'm not used to being in front of anybody. You can go watch it from the crowd if you want. If you're uncomfortable up here. Do you have a real job that you're going to lose when you get back? Oh, not really. Well, you're going to lose your family. Yeah, his face was twitching. he's drinking tap water he's drinking tap water he learned a lesson so is there a fund for him or something or is that it no no that's it he got a gold detector you know lie detector first maybe make a wager we can lie detector him tomorrow on skanks people are offering him money did we find out how much he got robbed for they took his credit card I just feel like Just agreed to take the lie detector test, and then we're just going to watch him walk to Canada. It doesn't stop. Babe, I missed you. I decided to come home. He seemed sadder leaving than he did coming. How much money did you lose? Three grand. Oh, that's a Canadian house. How much merch were you planning to buy with $3,000? You think he's lying about the amount, too? It was like six bottles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think B***h is a fucking liar. I don't believe anything he says. I liked him. He was a good kid. We smoked a blunt. We walked to the Joy Theater. But once he started telling me the story, it was like. If your story was I went on a fucking ghost tour and then vanished in my mind and woke up, you would never stop talking about that exclusively. If he wouldn't be here enjoying a show, he'd still be somewhere like. I think it's a little strange to me that the story is even I got robbed. like his story he has no the story it might be I don't have no money I might have spent it all at Rick's he could have gave all his shit to someone yeah he could have paid for gay sex with all of his money during his blackout and he has no idea that's a good question you might have bought a property you might own a condo for $3,000 in this shithole it's possible he bought in he already had a meeting with the condo board so he liked him oh shit uh well look i'm also excited other things i'm excited about is the carnival outside it was supposed to be a fucking gravitron christine and rebecca no no no no dude no this is you what it's called now these carnival rides as they're built by a toothless lunatics who travel the world with no love in their life um they they're named all different things probably for some kind a branding idea. So what this thing's called is the Gravity Zone. But I told you it was going to be a roundup. Hold on. I asked for a Gravitron. These, I know it's your chick, but these retarded bitches Well, they're your partners in this conversation. I like that the way Skankfest works is Louis just makes completely unreasonable demands and Rebecca and Louis just goes, I don't want any gravity at Skankfest this year. I want everyone floating around like an elephant. on the first night someone must rob a white canadian man it's a scavenger hunt um i'm telling you the roundup's better than the gravitron sure but that's not the point all right jay i asked for a gravitron why you want to get your ride these women went and just saw g-r-a-v and fucking said yes the helmet's got a gravy boat wait but do you trust the rides is that why you meant gravy Do you feel like other people who wordle were on? Also, Young Gravy almost came last night. I don't know who that is. Some people got pictures with him. Did he come? No, he was at the hotel or something. Young Gravy was hanging out? Oh, that's fun. Young Gravy, exactly. That's what I said. Who the fuck is Young Gravy? Can we play some Young Gravy? I have no idea. Are we allowed to on Veeps? Are they going to kick our stream? Oh, maybe. Well anyway we have a carnival outside Which is a lot of fun I'm going to get a carnival There's a Ferris wheel and a roundup It's awesome It's a carnival I think that If you were going to throw up anyway Get on the ride And you can blame the ride Drew Oh that ride is going to have puke on it by the night here Yeah Stupid fucking ride I'm going to ride that roundup 700 times Well I know which is crazy Because it's the worst ride ever You wouldn't go on with me at the gathering I went on I just kept going on I went on once and that's all an adult does. What? An adult doesn't go on over and over and over again. An adult doesn't wear that blazer either. Shut up, you're just a cool blazer. It was free. You could just keep going for free. Oh, free rides? I'll be there all day, I will. I get excited when I sit on a ride. Dude, I don't know why I just thought of this. I think we might have told this story back in the day, but I don't know why because I was thinking of how Jay is in a pool because he's the same way, like a forever child. But I'll never forget the one time me and Jay were on the road i don't remember where but it was nice weather there's a pool outside the hotel we were staying in and just minneapolis minnesota i got in the water and then jay comes to get in the water and it's just a funny visual of just watching your friend i just watch him walk down the stairs get in the water and go my phone and walk right wait wait dave do you not remember the thing you're not remembering slightly about this story is so funny is it was kind of cold but they said it was a heated pool and we were like i don't know if we should and we started getting in and I remember stepping my foot and I go ooh that is warm, that feels really good actually and I'm having such a good time and I went my phone, and it was a thing just watch his whole life fall apart oh yeah, it was a fucking rap on that phone rice doesn't work not after the pool not after a fucking pool yeah, well anyway look, we're always looking for ways to expand the festival and do fun things and I wanted to have carnival games right, and they were just expensive but then Rebecca and Christine were like no we can't have carnival games they're expensive it was like there's prizes i was like all right we could charge like five bucks for a carnival game and then uh we can make money on it and then i started going like check this out dude it like we can avoid t I was like you get like fucking ten people squirting the fucking water into the clown mouth They going to pay each That be people paying $50 for a t-shirt. And then I realized I was becoming a carny in real time. I stopped myself. I was like, oh, that's what it was. We could travel from market to market. Oh, my God. Lewis, you are dressed to introduce a bearded lady and a snake boy. We could do meth and fuck our sisters from town to town. Come on, come off. See the man with no legs, no arms. They're all here, by the way. I got so excited to fucking rip you guys off with carnival games, and my partners had to stop me from doing it. They were like, this is crazy. I was like, no, it's a perfect business model. Do you have any concern that our fat audience is going to defy gravity in the gravity zone? It's going to be all falling towards the middle of it? A spring breaks. It just rolls into the river. Dude, I would love to see a fucking, just a wheel of fucking skank fans just careening through the streets. Katrina 2 electric boogaloo oh please there's by the way a lot of people I don't know if it's a Zempic or the peptides but a lot of people look like they're in better shape than they have in the past few years the skank fest is more attractive every year yeah god bless it there was and I mean this four or five hot chicks here this year yeah so much more than that you son of a bitch a couple of them have already been eaten by the fat chicks yeah well that's day one shit these fat chicks they're so hungry yeah and they love feeding on hot chicks the hot chicks you guys are still into chicks that's so 2000 and late skank walk was a lot of fun dude this morning on the skank walk it was hot it was so hot i was wearing this jacket you're wearing a hoodie i was trying to catch up to you also no i i was running to get ahead of the band if you saw this this was like a blessing for maybe the 200 people that probably saw this i was running to try to catch up to the band and i don't know what i tripped over but i tripped over something and i'm talking about i tumbled head over feet onto the ground and i laid out and then people started trying to grab me to like pick me up and i got angry i was like get off me no i'm not an animal i'm not goddamn animal i'm a man i am a man this is all me this is mine you're in my empire hands off oh dude that's so funny i'm i'm just falling falling as a 43 year old man just for doing nothing just falling and rolling over you know you're gonna be sore for the rest of the weekend a little oh dude my knees hurt already yeah yeah dude my knees hurt just always like my knees hurt right now there's it's so funny because like i like i got little kids you watch them fall they fall and get up, it's no big deal. But there's like, when you fall in your 40s, you just, that ground got so much harder than it used to be. We are the most offensive podcast on earth. You'll remember them from 2008 when they had edge. Now they talk about their arthritis. I've been taking baby aspirin. Who likes their blood pressure meds? My hemoglobin's a little high. Jay's got to give blood or he's going to die. Aaron, your knees wouldn't hurt so much if you stopped lifting things. Like that cock into my mouth at the rest stop. All right. Too soon. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Aaron got robbed the other day. I woke up with something I didn't have before, though, and that was a mouthful of cum. Hot Louisiana Bayou crawfish cum. just old bae all right let's take a quick moment i think our brand new sponsor which is cheers health c-h-e-e-r-s health and uh i'll tell you right now drinking hits you harder as you age i was just out on vacation and i was getting drunk every single day and you know what kept me feeling good every single day cheers health they help uh with their restore after alcohol aid it uses a special compound called dhm to reduce inflammation support your brain and help protect your liver after consuming alcohol. You take just three capsules after your last drink or before bed, and you're going to wake up feeling like you had only one drink when you really only had two. It's not for binge drinking. Ten shots will still hurt in the morning, but two to four drinks will feel significantly better with Cheers. Same night out, way better morning with Cheers. For a limited time, Legion of Skanks fans are getting 20% off their entire order by using code SKANKS at cheershealth.com. Just head to cheershealth.com and use code skanks for 20% off. After you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Support the show. Tell them the Legion of Skanks sent you. All right, guys, let's take a second and thank our sponsor for today's show, which is Fume, a longtime sponsor of the Legion of Skanks podcast. And I got to say, a product I really love. Fume is a flavored air device to help quit vaping and smoking by breaking the hand-to-mouth pattern. It's simple, natural, genuinely fun to use. There's no nicotine, no batteries, no vapor. It's just a weighted fidget friendly tool to reach for when your cravings show up. Yeah, they come with cores that have 12 great flavors. New ones added all the time. Genuinely great product. You know, if you're used to vaping and you just wanted to fucking you have that oral fucking fixation, fume is a great way to break that. And it's genuinely just there's nothing except for air. You're just you're essentially just inhaling air, which is great. They've helped over 700,000 people take steps for better habits. And now it's your turn and you get a free gift with your journey pack. When you use the code skanks at try fume.com, that's T R Y F U M.com spelled like try fun, but it is try fume, try fume.com. Use that code skanks to claim your free gift today. All right, gentlemen, let's thank sheath for supporting the show. We love sheath best underwear in the goddamn game. If I was wearing underwear right now, they would be sheaths, but I am wearing my robe right now with no underwear underneath. 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Just go to sheathunderwear.com and use the code SKANKS20 to get 20% off your first order, plus Sheath's 100% money back guarantee. Once again, that is sheathunderwear.com use that promo code skanks20 for 20 off all right where were we i'm excited right after this we're going out and uh we're doing the first skank fights of the weekend which will well is it no it's not gonna be televised right no we're not it's not gonna be on the pay-per-view stream but i'm very excited because today's main event um and skank fights is our producer g mike fuck yeah he's taking on g mike come up here g mike is in fighting condition He's in fight shape right now. G. Mike looks good. Or he's got stage four brain cancer. G. Mike, you're making your debut skank fight today against your direct intern, your protege, Josh. How do you feel right now? I'm excited for it. I'm in the best shape of my adult life, and I'm going to kick his fucking ass. Fuck yeah! Josh, get up here. Fucking gay dude versus a big-headed fuck. Finally. Fucking Mike's stupid Jack Johnson mustache makes sense. And your opening line would be, you wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you? Josh, you took this fight four days ago. How have you been preparing for it? I have not been preparing at all because I know that I don't even need to. Even his shit talk is sweet. I don't think you're going to be friends anymore. I don't need to train because he knows he's going to get his fucking ass kicked. Fuck yeah. All right, G-Mike, now listen, I'll be honest with you. You're walking the line between effeminate and shit-talking. Yeah. The mustache is mad. Like a gamer would say that shit. So look, we're all... Talk to his hand because his face ain't even listening. I mean, this might be... You might be the two least intimidating people that I've ever met in my entire life. Like this fight is fucking crazy. We should put something on the line, though, because Josh works directly for you. Yeah. You told me recently that you want to get rid of one of the interns. There's too many interns on staff. Oh, I don't even get rid of him, get rid of him. Jesus Christ. We're going to kill him. So what I propose is, Josh, if you lose this, I say it's a loser leaves town match. If you lose this fight, you're no longer an intern for Gas Digital or for Legion of Skanks. He finds that out today? Today. He finds that out right now. He's a Leaf Skank. Wait, hold on. We have to helicopter him home, dude. He's got to be gone. If you're going to say the same thing to G. Mike, can we give it like a month and put a help wanted ad out? Because that is pretty important. No, G. Mike, we really need you on the show. You do a great job with the YouTube. But I would say if Josh wins. He gets your girlfriend. Does somebody just scream rape? Yeah, someone screamed rape. No, dude, he's just brainstorming. It's not a bad idea. That may not be it, but we're circling it. You shave the mustache. Your signature mustache. Oh, yeah. shave the mustache. He's going to lose his livelihood and he's going to lose a mustache. Internships aren't livelihoods. Shaved head, shaved mustache. Slice his wrist. Shave his mustache. You know how ugly he's going to be. Josh shaves his head, dude. It's going to be unnerving looking. Hills have eyes. What was that? End of days? Yeah, absolutely. By the way, we know that person Victor Bernardo If you shaved your head, you'd look so ugly You would look like our friend Victor Bernardo You would You would be that ugly There's a reason I've never shaved my head It would be awful So when you do this, for the weekend though If you lose, you shave your head If you lose, you shave your mustache Josh, you're going to look like a fucking ghoul A ghoul Mike, you're going to win. I've never used that word before. I'm so confident I'm going to win. If I lose, I will have produced my last episode of Legion of Skanks. Oh, Jesus Christ. These are the things. No, we're not giving up a producer. Hang on, Lewis. That might help us out a little bit on the back end, though. You know what I mean? We can renegotiate. You bring a new producer in, not give him as big of a cut? We rehire him at a better deal for us. You know what? this is sounding pretty sweet the more that we think about it. So you're going to put up your job. You're going to put up your job. Loser leaves town match today right after the Legion of Stakes podcast out in the body brain combat arena. Greyhound bus. Who thinks Josh is going to win the fight? Who thinks G-Mike is going to win the fight? G-Mike is the champ. He's out at the ground on his side. I always bet on blackish. one more time for these two warriors coming out today it's a lot of fucking alpha male on the stage with those two guys fucking aggressive man i felt the energy it was good we do have we do have more beautiful women at skank fest this year than we've ever had before and i will say we it is a mardi gras themed skank fest this year i think you ladies need to start showing a little more titties If I'm being honest, I don't even give a shit. I'm gay. But if you guys want to show your tits for these guys, that'd be pretty fucking cool. There's zero response to that. Or ass, and I'll throw anal beads. That's a great idea. Yeah. We got to get him in the ring, bro. 71 years old. Still got it. I don't know why it's worse when you do it than when Bert Kreischer does it. It bothers me more. Does it really? Yours isn't ironic. You want them to see what's up. Yeah, yeah. When I was 23, I got involved with the Russian mafia. We have a big contest happening on Sunday also. Yeah, I'm very excited about this. Me, Dave, and Louis have all mentored a crew member over here at Gistage or Legion of Skanks to do three minutes of comedy. And that will be our challenge this year to which one of our Padawans do the best. That's going to be Sunday right here in this room. Dave has been burning at both ends with Jake. Louis, I know you've been nuts deep with Alex. I've been working with Serafina. I feel pretty confident we're going to win this thing. Serafina? Yeah. No, I think Serafina is going to freak out and freeze. She's going to start stripping and screaming like Nell. Can I tell you something? It's coming up on Sunday, the contest. We haven't even written a joke yet. I'm getting her in the zone. The whole thing's about being zen and finding it in that moment. But we're going to have something prepared, and she's going to win easy when we get to it. Yeah. By the way, this is Jay's whole style of comedy. Yeah. He's been doing it 30 years. He hasn't written a joke yet. And he's like, but he's in the zone. What's your attack method, Dave? Oh, I haven't been helping at all. Oh. Dave. No. Jake's a dude. He's funnier than them. Yeah. Ah. If you're a dude, you do have an inherent advantage with just being a dude. The greatest line Norm MacDonald ever said was when he goes, Sarah Silverman's incredible. I mean, who's funnier than her? Except every guy. Can I please have some of that Bodega Cat? My favorite whiskey. We might be drunk. I got a glass, don't worry. I brought my own glass. I don't drink out of fucking plastic cups. even though this is plastic. You want it in there? Yes. Shout out to Bodega Cat, one of the great sponsors for the festival. You know what? Shout out to Yo Kratom who comes every fucking year. Yo Kratom! I do their ads now. They're great, dude. They come out and literally support this festival every year. Without them, a lot of you guys might be alive. No. It's not thirst strain. It's a different strain. Has anyone ever died at Skank Fest? Even like natural causes? No, no one's died i think a guy died at the creek in the cave once while we were doing things yeah while we were doing the podcast and he like it was like a older like oh big fat guy and he fell and then there were like emt guys there and then someone said later he died and you were filming no i felt bad but we were making a lot of jokes about it when we did uh but in our defense it was just a fat guy who fell we didn't know he was gonna die yeah that's always fun it's one of the funniest things on the planet in fact it is until right until it's a fat lady oh wait a minute i feel as the fat guy falling today. When we did Skank Fest South, not two miles away, several people died at Astroworld. Remember that? That was right down the street while we were doing Skank Fest South. So eight people died near Skank Fest. And everyone had new material. It did come up a lot the next day. Well, just the fact that they said eight people died at a festival in Houston, Texas, and it wasn't Skank Fest. It felt like a real dub. You know what I mean? Well, look, everyone's going to be very safe. A couple things they say. They say don't walk alone here in New Orleans. They say... Avoid ghost tours. Yeah. Shoot first, ask questions later, let God sort them out. Yeah, don't lie to your Canadian wife about fucking a hooker. That guy's not showing up for that lie detector. Speaking about walking alone, can you send one of your PAs to get me another pack of spirits? Because I'm running out. yeah of course wait till night time josh before you lose your job go get doug sandhub another pack of american spirits thank you he's going he's running guys you're gonna tire him out green i'm sure this neighborhood is full of the greens yeah hey josh jog and shadow box on the way to get that i mean do something yeah don't yeah guys play it smart out there if if anybody says anything to you for any reason in the streets of New Orleans, they're trying to rob you. Also, if you get taken in by an older couple who seem really friendly, they're trying to steal your body. Those are young people in old people's bodies. And if you guys are walking around the mall and someone's like, have you ever thought about doing model work? And then they're like, you just give us money for the pictures. They don't really think you look like a model. And if your house gets flooded, don't go live at the Superdome. this is all sound advice it is there was one guy who got me last time i was here with a solid like funny it wasn't a scam but it was like a funny bit and then i found out that like this is just a bit that every guy does here at a dumb tourist the shoes the shoes i knew it what is it the shoes he's like he's like he was like you know what he's like oh man those are great shoes he's like i he's like i bet you i could tell you exactly where you got those shoes and i'm like what and he's like i'll tell you he's like he's like okay you give me 20 dollars that you tell me exactly where you got those shoes. And I was like, there's no way you're going to be able to tell me exactly where you got these shoes. All right, challenge accepted. And thank you for the compliment. I was feeling pretty good about that myself. I don't have the time right now, my man. You go, impossible. And so then what does he say? He goes, and I was like, fine. I'll give you $20 to tell me where I got these shoes. He goes, you got those shoes on your feet. And I was like, ah! And I had to give him $20. You're retarded. Yeah. I would have fallen for it, but the person I was with said, from my feet. Yeah, he already knew. Oh, he ruined the bit? Yeah. Oh, that black guy hated your friends. Fucking, yeah. He's like, I got to work on New Crown. He's like yelling out the punchline. Yeah, like as a comic, don't you kind of feel like, ah, don't fucking. Let him get through the fuck. Yeah, let him do his thing, dude. What a dick move. You saw him at his last stop. All right, so now you're going to ruin that. You learn after a while, it's like, what's the best nation in the world? They go, donation. But you always let him hit it. You treat him like a retarded kid. You're like, go on. Here's a dollar, you weirdo. Has anybody else in the audience experienced any weirdness on the streets of New Orleans yet? A couple people? Yeah, I was talking to one chick. She said guys were, like, grabbing her and pulling her into, like, different directions. What? Lewis was talking to her while that happened. It was me doing it. You guys get it. I was like, come here, bitch. That's crazy that this is happening to you right here in New Orleans. This town. I have a show at two. but in between I'm going to fight Kevin Smith in the ring if you fucking if you man enough to meet me oh he not here Shit dude This was your chance to finally get him Oh man Jason, thank you for coming back to stage. Thank you. I'm never coming back now if you keep making fun of my friend. No, no. He's a great friend. I'm fucking kidding. I'm kidding. He's the man. You're not friends? No, no, no. I appreciate it, man. I really am. What are you looking forward to the most this weekend? Now the fight. I mean, you know, I want to see that fight. We're going to watch it happen. and it's going to be a wild time directly after this. I enjoyed last year I got to judge one of the roast battles. That was so much fun, the talent show. But again, I realize that I can't be as mean as you guys. You told me he pulled me aside during the talent show. He said, bro, bring out that jersey. You're too nice. Be mean. And I tried. I tried. You guys are talking about dudes' dicks, how small they are. That girl, remember, she came up with the ass, and you're like, fuck it, take those shoes. Anyway, I'm excited to be back. And again, it's... You are a very nice guy. It was kind of funny because that's not like the character you play. But I think there's a meanness in you. Be mean right now to Aaron Burr. Just let him have it. You bald piece of shit. I will fuck your mouth. Fucking give it to me, man. Come on, Jason. Come on, man. I'm fucking... Jason, you said you did heroin. Yes. Yes. you see that vein on Aaron Burk's head? Oh, dude, that would be good. Would you say, like, if you ran out of between the toes, would you shoot up in that fucking giant vein? I wouldn't even wait to lose the toes. Night crawler coming out of his head. That's, like, really close. It's immediate. Like, you go, nah, cat, you know. Fuck you. Stare at them babies and they bump like a vampire. Yeah, dude. No, thank you, though. Thanks for having me back. I appreciate it, man. This is my second year, so thank you. Are you here on the weekend? I'm not. I'm not. I leave tomorrow. I want it to be. I've been away. I was here. I've been gone for 10 days. I have a two-year-old at home and a 10-year-old. And my wife's like, I was like, I want to stay till Sunday. She's like, you're not. You can't. The Epstein list just got released. Exactly. Get home. Yeah. Well, look, this is a great way to start Skank Fest. We always started off with the Legion of Skanks at noon to kick off the festival. Fuck yeah. This year, we have so much fun shit. planned. And we work guys, we work extremely hard. Christina, Rebecca, I fuck around. Literally the two hardest working people I've ever met in my entire life. So give them some love. Driving themselves out of their fucking minds to bring this all to you guys. It's a year-long process to bring this to you guys and it's fucking really, really fun. And also just like all the fucking volunteer staff, dude, works so fucking hard every year here. So give it up for all of them and be nice to all of them because they're doing a lot of work. We're all sweaty and gross. It is the most impressive thing about the festival is the amount of volunteers that come out to make this shit work because I know you two couldn't do it alone. No, it would be impossible. Literally, it would be impossible. It's, I think, 250 people behind the scenes that make it all happen. They're the fucking best, guys. Thank you very much. So don't rob them. I wouldn't even know where to begin. We walked out and there was lasers. and I was like, nice touch. We have lasers? Yeah, who's our laser guy? I didn't know we had a laser guy. How much are you paying for lasers? Man, people in the back are walking out. I know, I'm just watching that fucking... Well, I guess when we started getting to the I'd like to thank my agent part. You know what? Hey, you know what? Fuck the volunteers. I'll fight any volunteer. And then people walk back in. Okay, okay, okay. There's no cruelty at the end of this show. I'm leaving. Everyone's rushed out to get their fight seats right now. By the way, the SDR show, myself and Ralph Sutton are running a contest tomorrow called Lights, Camera, Erection. If you enter in it and you win, you get to direct a porn scene tomorrow in the hotel. It's insane. Troy Duffy, the director of Boondock Saints 1 and 2, is the guest judge. Come on out. Try and direct these two ladies while they lap up pussy on Ralph's bed. Love it. That was so much info in, like, short time. It was great. Yeah. Wow. I had to get it in. It was great. Well, look, let's... I'm running a contest. Who wants to buy me and Bingo breakfast and not talk? Tomorrow. I'm having a contest called I'm fucking in the ass and plugging him while his wife watches on FaceTime. You're fucked. Do we have the lie detector test here? Do we have the lie detector test? Alex, do we have the lie detector test here? We can source one. Thank you, Alex. We have friends in the FBI. We have such a good one at home I hope it's a good one God I hope we ruin the life What a way What a way to Start Skankfest ruining one of our It's like a fun trajectory It's like he starts off a victim and you're like Hang on I don't think we have all the facts here And then we true crime it to he's a piece of shit What if it just turns out That he killed his girlfriend And he's been messaging Lewis this whole time Oh my god it's Albi stuff he's unaccounted for hours he killed her then texted you from her thing oh please give him a golden ticket dude he murdered his chick and got a golden ticket from you you dumb shit I was the perfect crime you're an accomplice you dummy hey here's my golden ticket since I filled in on this show early if you want to do my 8pm show I'll be a fucking wreck by then I'm already like six drinks in so if anyone wants to take 15 minutes at the 8 o'clock show. I don't know what venue. You'll find it. I don't know where it is. Well, look, I'm excited for this weekend. You guys are the best. We're going to get this show wrapping up, but you guys are truly the best audience in the entire world. Thank you guys for coming out. Fuck yes. I see you guys at the ring for the main event, G-Mike versus Josh. That's happening right now. Right now, outside. I'm fucking ready. Good night. I want to see some more. You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big Jay Oakerson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Thick with three C's. You want to be fucking over, Louis. Louis Gomez. Louis Jay Gomez, you motherfucker. Louis Jay Gomez. You ever try to watch a retard draw swastika? That's hilarious. I'm sort of known as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian Dave Smith. You fucking godless, soulless sodomites. It's the fucking best joke I've ever heard in my life. It was eight inches. The Legion of Skanks podcast. Wow, you just stepped it up here also. Your first competitor coming to the stage. You guys know him as one of the Spring Turn Olympics finalists. Put your hands together for the creepily, eerily skinny Josh Sussman. Oh, my God, dude. You have the body of the thing they practice on in medical school. You might have seen him in your nightmares Josh, you're billed like one of six million in a pile Did he kill Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost? And his competition Who's literally his boss One of the head producers for Legion of Skanks and Gas Digital Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together For G-Mike Fuck yeah, dude G-Mike G. Mike representing G. Mike rocking dick hair. G. Mike rocking dick hair on his chest. G. Mike looking good. The best shape he's ever been in his entire life, he said. Wow, that's sad. That's sad. This was what he said. Shut up, Harry. I believe you. We should shut the fuck up. I know. Freakish bone structure on both of them. I get the instincts. This fight is going to be three. Three two-minute rounds, one-minute rest between each round. You're his boss. Whoever loses this fight is fucking out of here. We're kicking you out of scant fest. Hold on. How many-minute rounds are these? These are three two-minute rounds. Three two-minute rounds. Okay. You guys. Hey, man, I got some boxing shoes in my bag if you want them, dude. Yeah. Holy shit. Besides that, you guys just going to fight on? What's the big deal, dude? So what? Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for your main event? Come on. Josh doesn't have to change his shoes. He came here from working in a library. Look at those boots, Lewis. Hey, man, Indiana Jones. Those boots were used in the first boxing fight in the history of boxing. Come on, Joe Lewis. And here we go. Three tournament rounds. Good take. There you go already. Good jab. Oh, this is done. Oh, no. Hit. Oh, Josh Sussman. Hit. Not an ounce of body fat. Hit. Or money to buy proper street shoes. Hands are going back. Josh is a nice high guard. What if Josh retires G-Mike? It's not a good sign that G-Mike's shorts still have the crease in them from being pulled out of the bag just this morning. It doesn't bode well. God damn it, we have a steamer for sure. Oh, shit. Oh, oh. Oh, no, wait a minute. Could we see an upset here? Some big headshots from G-Mike. But Josh resets here. Everyone is exhausted. Zero percent body fat on Josh and 0% quadricep muscles. I feel bad for G-Mike. It's like fighting a pile of pencils. Now he's got him against the rope here. One minute left in his first round. Paco, referee, stop just fucking getting your spank thing full. Nice clapping up for G-Mike and Josh, both giving it their all right now. What a fight. Paco getting him to fight both in the center of the ring here. Josh goes right for it. man. Oh, big shot there from G-Mike. Mark on the pike. Big shot from G-Mike. He might be a bit of a biscuit chin. And break them up. They're in the corner there. Break them up. Step in there, separate them here so we could. 30 seconds left. That seems like a million years. Someone asking for the old dick twist here. G-Mike driving him into the corner here. Oh, G-Mike? Paco letting this go here, which is an interesting choice. G-Mike saying the N-word in Josh's ear. Oh, wow. Oh, my. Oh, my. Ten seconds left here in this first round. A right hook blocked literally by the hand there. Wow, wow. There we go. One round down, folks. Make some fucking noise for Josh and G-Mike. Closer fight than I would have thought. I think G-Mike landed maybe the bigger shots. Josh a little more accurate and a little more active. Yeah. Jason, this has been more action. Josh not sitting down. It's tough, man. I think Josh is definitely winning, but he got cornered with the body weight and got pushed around a little bit. I wouldn't take that shit for the next two rounds. Now, Josh choosing not to sit down or he can't see the red stool next to the red Skankfest banner. It's very, very possible. He has no idea what's happening. But G-Money definitely. G-Mike there definitely taking advantage of the stool. Josh. He is leaning on that thing. And then Joe List getting some footage for his documentary celebrity, Joe List. All the stars are out here tonight at Skankfest. The man of the year, Joe List. Josh, just down to round two coming up, folks. The great Ellie Stockholm, guys. The lovely Ellie Stockholm. Let's subscribe to that only, fans. Let's drive it up there. Lovely butthole on Ellie Stockholm. Josh, keep circling. Pop that jab. Keep circling. Don't let him corner you. Here we go. A little bit of advice from Jason Ellis. And Josh taking control of the center here. Getting the position here. A little tentative. Oh, nice fucking jab. Uppercut. Look out. That's a fucking warning. That's a warning right there. 30 ball, dude. If we had any rules, that would be a point deduction. But Josh going right back to work, but missing. Oh, my God, you cartoon. What are you doing? Get off the ropes, Josh. Get off the ropes. neither of these guys wants to go home loser leaves town let's not forget about that loser has to get the fuck out of louisiana immediately it takes out of there get out of there headgear fix that headgear you want to fix that headgear here we go back at it these two now we g mike will not be bullied not backing down from josh Josh with a very strong body shot in the second half. Josh has one exactly strong jab and then it all falls apart after that one jab. Also, Josh's organs are so close to the surface. I see his liver and it looks like it hurts. Keep that distance, Josh. These two in a long tradition of producers putting on boxing gloves for no reason at skank fights. He's tied. He doesn't want it. Double shots here. Josh almost fell over landing that jab. Josh, Josh. 30 seconds left. Josh, your legs are hilarious. Use that. Oh, walked into a right hand. Use that. The headgear there. Fix that headgear for G. We got to make the headgear a little tighter moving forward, guys. Is there any chance we can get that headgear on them? We have 10 seconds left in the second round. 10 seconds. Oh, dude. This is like a picture at the end of Rocky III. Break it up. Break it up. but that's... They're long. Referee Paco gonna have to separate these two. Paco, this isn't a fucking... This isn't a Filipino donkey show, Paco. Give it up for round two, guys. Everyone in the crowd thinking, I can fight. Who's the fucking... If these guys can do it, I can do it. This is fucking crazy. And his corner man, Angelo. Who's the guru in Josh's corner? Who's this mysterious guy? Oh, that's Jake's trainer. That's Antonio... Oh, yeah. Flan Gomez, Bontonez. Flambublez Jr. Yeah. Spontanez Rodrigues. Guantanamese. Plontanez Rice and Beanzos. Rice and Beanzos. Rice and Beanzos. I was out. Rice and Beanzos Jr. I do declare. One more round, folks. Round three coming up. This is your main event. We have Story Wars after this. If you guys want to come party with us. Here we go. We have every Story Wars episode coming up. Nice socks. Nice socks, Ellie. I'm just saying, give a shit a little, would you? Last round. It's our last round of the day, guys. Come on. Last round of the day. Skank fights. Come on. This is your job. Leave it all on the line, boys. Keep circling. Keep circling. Move off the ropes. Gee, Mike, ignoring the opportunity of punching Josh's heart out of his chest. Oh, geez. That's what he looks like. He's a lot more handsome without that headgear. Did we stump the clock? I didn't expect that. Stump the clock. Yeah. He could compete in the Skankfest Butterface competition. Let's go. Here we go. Back at it. Here we go. These two. It's not wrestling. It's boxing. Break it. 90 seconds left in this third and final round. These two have put on a, well, I want to say a clinic. An STD clinic. Nice. Nice. Nice. Oh, shit. Best three of the five Oh he's got him on the ropes Remember the loser The loser leaves Skankfest This is for all the marbles Literally that's what Lewis pays Marbles You got marbles? Fuck man One of these guys is not going to get marbles at the end of the week Less than one minute left in this third and final round Less than one minute left The marbles by the way are redeemable for Lewis bucks They're like regular bucks Which then gets turned into five cents on the dollar Oh no That was like from Rocky IV when he had the ropes. He's fucking wrestling him. Oh, that's when he got brain damage. All right, here we go. Let's do it. We've got 30 seconds left. We have 30 seconds left. Oh, did he hurt him? Who's going home? Did he hurt him? Is he hurt? Did he stumble or was that just I'm out of shape? I mean, it could be both. A little from column A, a little from column B. It looked like he hurt him. Oh. Oh, nice uppercut. No headlock. Punch. Punch. No wrestling. Punch. Spin him up, Paco, quick. Come on. No more wrestling. 10, 9, 8, 9, 10, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Yep. There ain't going to be no rematch. Wow. Don't want one. Don't want one. There ain't going to be no rematch. Don't want one. One more time for G. Mike and Josh. Josh bleeding. Josh marked up. Very emotional. Built like Dalsim from Street Fighter 2. Fuck yeah. Proud of both of these boys, man. Make some fucking noise for Josh and G. Mike, yo. The distance. They threw it down. I'm going to go with G. All right, ladies and gentlemen. As of right now, the judges are split. Big J refusing to vote. Big J is a faggot. One has nothing to do with the other. Yeah. This is a chicken and the egg, dude. Big Jay's a fag, and he won't vote, but we do have one vote for Josh. We have one vote for G-Mike. I'll vote. Please. Draw. No, Jay. Oh, shit. Jay outsmarting Lewis yet again. I'm a judge, dude. Draw, dude. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a split draw. No. You got to go to the audience, dude. Lewis trying to make these guys sticky. Giving up for both these competitors. Neither one of them lose their job because of Big J. Oh, no. Big J wounds the playoff. Don't put that on me. They keep their job. No, don't put that on me. Lewis J. Gomez outsmarting Big J. You got to go to the audience. You piece of shit. Guys, give it up for everybody you saw tonight, guys. Come on. And both of you get a raise. Yeah, Lewis says you guys both get a raise.