We Are Using Big Cat For Clickbait | The Yak 2-13-26

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, it's the Yak. It's the Yak. Here's the roster we're putting together right now. It's me and Kate. Danny's out recruiting. He's looking for Eddie. Nick is drunk, and he's stumbled in right now. No, you guys know what's happening. What? Everybody must be out looking for those Stella Blue cans. Oh, the ready to drink cans are here. I don't get this chance a lot. So back off. Go ahead. Welcome to the Yak. It's me, the host, Kate. Did everyone just log off? Crafted with 100% Colombian coffee. I'm falling apart. Come on. Come on. You got it. Finish. Finish. Each can is a good source of protein and it comes in two smooth flavors. Okay, Brad, you got it. Oh, my God. Oh, it's Francis. Okay. Hey, Frances. She's going to finish the Stella Blue coffee ad. Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. 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Try the new cans today. taste the difference and make a difference we're back there we go so we did send uh we sent kyle home uh yeah yeah vocal rest i told him to take next week if he's right yeah um you said you're the host did we stop adding s to things yes is host s is it not a thing anymore i think host i think they're saying calling ladies actors now and yeah i saw yeah that no more comedians we're just comedians stewards stewards we're all stewards um yeah we dropped asses you can just call me i think you still hear waitress yeah waitress is gonna be tough to get rid of i mean actress is still divided in the awards right yeah right baroness remains okay yes princess Sure, sure. Princess. You don't have a whole lot of female princes. No. No. We tried to recruit. Dana's around, right? Barron office. Eddie's around. Baroness office. Well, we got the bald stool group either is already on the way out, or Mikey Betts is here, and he's on the way out tonight, so that group is assembling in Turkey. I did not realize Barstool Pat for the New York office is going. I thought he had great hair. I think there are people going that shouldn't go, and i think pat's one of them pat looks fine yeah i haven't really looked at his scalp he's always been handsome he's always had good hair in my mind but you know how those gays are right like when he's on his fucking head yeah yeah the crown you probably can't notice the bald spot at that yeah definitely i love pat and i it makes me nervous that people i like i don't care about the people i don't like getting an infection or something but right it makes me nervous i do feel if it's like a publicized thing they're making content these guys over there are going to be extra diligent very true it looks like they're having the best time so it really does yeah well mikey betts is going i don't know that he i guess he's a little bald he needs it he could probably there was the second episode of no he went last year he went last year okay the second episode of barstool basketball came out yesterday and betts is the coach and it there's some angles where he looks like he needs it okay it's the right decision Well, let the guys go. That's what I say. Francis, you got it stateside, no? I did. I don't trust my head to those greasy toes. The head is an important part of the body. Yeah. It might be a sponsor. How bad is it? I don't remember you being in bad shape as far as your hair. No, I wasn't terrible. But, you know. Yours was preventative? Yeah. You know where it's going. And if I could do it now when it's less obvious or less dramatic, I'd rather do that. I had a really good guy here in Boston. Dave's guy, Lopresti. He's the man. Yeah. I want to get mine removed. I want to do the opposite. You want to go bald? Yeah. From where? Shave it. Everywhere but my head. Okay. I've had friends who've gotten their legs done who say it's life-changing to not have to shave your legs or your pits anymore. Actually, hair removal to where it just doesn't grow anymore. Yeah. To never have to worry about that? You're not a hairy guy, are you? No, no. I know your legs are pretty bare. No, I don't have chest hair either. I have a barren chest. I'm covered. Really? Yeah. Really? You don't seem like you would be. Covered, like pops out. Yeah. Wow. Danny, what's your chest doing? Oh, not much at all. Neither are the pits. Brandon, is any part of you salty that this new hair transplant thing is becoming so popular and so accessible, and you were born with a natural full head of hair, and now everyone's on the same playing field as you once they reach your age? No, no. I think, listen, I was born into a lot of problems body-wise. My ears are misshapen. my torso is odd. I look like a potato. But this luscious head of hair is a blessing. And that's the one I'm going to ride to my death. So if you're trying to say that I... What are you trying to say? I wasn't trying to even make a jab at you. I think part of me might be a little... The one issue you don't have has been the one issue that's been solved. That sucks. I totally get what Danny was saying. I didn't, but also I'm a hair drunk. Are they still doing lipo now that Ozempic's a thing? Because lipo was dangerous and it was pretty common. I think they are, yeah. I think they are. And I think to Danny's point, Brandon, the question becomes, are you frustrated that hair transplant is such an easy and destigmatized procedure and there isn't something to solve for or something that you need? Sure. I guess one of my frustrations is the destigmatization of it. I do feel like losing a way to make fun of somebody or busting their balls is kind of, we're losing a part of us. Because at least we had toupee, which you could also make fun of. You could just make fun of. And also the hairstyles we used to have growing up in the 80s of our older men are just gone. Like the two rails on the side. Oh yeah, you don't see a horseshoe. That doesn't happen anymore. We don't see these hair. We have entire hairstyles of old sitcom characters that are just gone and i i wish we had them back my cousin brent the candle guy i believe he got hair plugs one time i'm not sure but i believe he did and i want to make fun of him so plugs never looked good right but i don't know what they are exactly huh oh these called plug these aren't plugs no those aren't plugs no that i uh i did something called f u f u e yeah follicular i believe that's what they're getting something well there's there's two i don't think plugs are that common anymore if it may not even it may be obsolete right because it's it was plugs and then it was like you got the scar in the back of your head yeah there's the strip and there's the the f u e now which is the individual i the i the f u e is uh they take every individual follicle like a thousand or something and just move them to the front of your head when did you even recover for that i don't recall it was such an easy thing it didn't it didn't didn't require a whole lot of they didn't have to shave your head or anything they did the sides and the back because that's the donor area okay but they didn't need to shave the front um me and nick might have stumbled on something they're mostly sports and i would like to hear your your thought on this um when i was a kid i felt like every kid around me i felt like 50% of the kids I knew had freckles. And I don't think freckles are as ubiquitous as they once were. You don't see freckled children. You don't see as many freckled kids anymore. I think freckles have gone away. Well, freckles, aren't they a result of sun exposure? Are they? I thought they were all just born. I thought they were genetic. It's always redheads, though. Oh, God. An 8-year-old kid with freckles, did he have freckles as a baby? I've never seen a freckled baby. Babies aren't freckled now. dermatologist explained it to me was that freckles are the umbrellas of the skin so if your skin was a beach and you have very sensitive skin and the sun keeps hitting it little umbrellas are going to pop up but now kids are just spending their time inside did covid kill freckles i know that in the summer when i'm outside i have freckles on my nose that get like darker to the point where my eyes it's like so new to my eyes will like keep looking at my nose because they like pop up you're walking around cross-eyed and freckled that's disgusting here comes came i do get like darker and stuff like i do i don't know but you're right there are some people that just naturally like and then some women get them tattooed on their faces now yeah yeah now she yeah it's the cute thing do you remember when the dirty girls used to get the marilyn monroe piercing oh yeah i was a sucker for that oh yeah they would like the marilyn monroe birth beauty mark they would get that as a piercing oh no i don't know the dirtiest of the dirty Oh, yeah. That was big, like, teen mom show. Oh, half the teen moms. If you got that, you were pregnant within three months. My high school had a daycare for all the students' kids. Shut up. Good for that. Are you serious? Yeah, my homeroom was right next to the daycare. My high school still had a smoking area. No kidding. Yeah, we had a smoking area outside for the students and teachers to smoke together. That's cool. Because, you know, the 18-year-old students. But we never had a daycare. Yeah, it was filled. It was packed. Were you just allowed to use tobacco in public schools? There were a lot of guys that would dip. And they wouldn't get in trouble if they were caught? No, they wouldn't get in trouble. A lot of people carried around spitters. But that was, yeah, nobody was smoking. Did you ever see a gun at school? We had metal detectors. Oh, we didn't have those. I saw a gun at school. It was jarring. Did you get hunting season off? No, we didn't get it off. We did. You got it off? Yeah. Wow. Like the first day of it, right? Yeah. Yeah. You have kids riding tractors to school? yes certain yeah and they always won best car in the yearbook oh lifted up trucks and shit yeah yeah never won that one do you ever have a lifted car no i never did i never got into it i lifted my jeep did you yeah it was sick just i just didn't fit because how high i don't like make a noise sliding out that surprised me did you diy did it yourself no heavens no okay no no no i bought it lifted I in school I only had small I had small cars and it wasn't till like 1920 when I was in college I started getting SUVs I had little bitty cars little clown cars I had a Ford Probe you've never really talked about your college experience yeah so you've a little warm I would like to come to the show in Batavia tomorrow no way really Okay, well, I guess not. What, you took that as a... Okay, yes, yes. Could I? Of course, yeah. I think I'm still going ice fishing tomorrow. What crowd are you expecting on Valentine's Day? Couples. Yeah. You wouldn't believe how many messages I get from people saying, hey, Francis, my wife and I went through the process. We secured a babysitter, and we were so excited, and then we saw that the tickets are sold out. Is there anything you can do? And I want to help them. I mean, I feel horrible for a couple that has set aside an evening and hired a babysitter. But it's like, I have three different people that have sent me that this weekend. You've got to get the tickets first. Feel like if you're going to get the tickets first, they skip the most important process. You don't get the babysitter before you get the tickets. You get the tickets first and then the babysitter. A comedy show is one of the most underrated dates you can do. I agree with that. I think that people are not adjusted to this new era of me actually not having humongous reserves of open tickets available, which was the case for many years so credit sass he put you on he did are you switching it up a little bit are you gonna do a little love bantering in the next couple days um not really i don't really talk to the crowd that often i find that to be a little bit of a cheap trick i let the material speak you working on a special i don't know really i mean i had one but i dumped it really yeah you didn't like it no okay it was gonna be a big decision right because that's like a pretty you got to invest in the yeah yeah i spent a good amount of money on it but uh it was all stuff that was about my marriage and us trying to have kids and i shot it at a time when you know my marriage was ending so by the time we edited it it was it felt so dishonest to my to my life that it would have been very out of time yeah with what with how things were i was gonna say that when i saw you a lot of your act was about you know your wife and yeah trips you've taken and stuff like that right yeah exactly when it comes to barstool work do you can much what do you mean by like have you have you have you filmed much stuff and not put it out or you just like fuck it oh you know i had a whole series with alex bennett what that was like gonna be great and we then she left you had a whole series with we had like three or four pretty damn good videos shot what was the concept what was it it was the finer things club type wealthy and existing yeah so we went and looked at we like uh went and looked at like an eight million dollar apartment with some real estate agents in new york and toured it that's very interesting then we went and did a like champagne and caviar at a russian caviar bar in new york um some other things it was cool we had some cool things yeah that's an interesting thought do you have anything that you've recorded and never put out because i there's a lot of things and i fire bad stuff no i there's a lot of stuff i can i don't think i've ever canned anything we'll can anus episodes often really we'll finish i have i have recorded anus with you that y'all did never put it out yeah yeah we'll be like that was just bad and we don't put it out and then we still put something out it's probably not that good but yeah there's there's probably like every other month we can't an anus episode wow you guys are hard on yourselves that's i've like over a thousand fully written blogs that i've never posted if you look at my drafts they're like endless and they took me forever and then i'll be like that's not good enough same with videos and then i'll look back a year later and be like that was fine why didn't i put that out i don't know i don't know what that is i don't know with blogs when i was blogging that was the most nervous i was to put anything out yeah and i don't know why like a complex about it for some reason i don't know that's interesting you wouldn't allow yourself to just keep whittling at it whittling at it whittling out you would just you would just shelve it you can like look at my draft right now it's like a thousand it's crazy what were they personal stories or relating to current events really anything you should start like putting them out some of them are really well thought out i have like a my 10 000 pager about breastfeeding was gonna do numbies it's gonna It'd be great. Oh, yeah. That would be good. And I shall. Yeah. Then I'm like, that's not good enough. And then the next blog out's like, guess this ass. Yeah, right. I guess I could have posted mine. Yeah. It included images. Even like putting out a video. You put out something you work hard on and it's right below something. It's quadruple the numbers. And it's just like, here's me having a plum. Uh-huh. Yeah. I know. Weird. Who knows? You don't can anything. All right. You don't run your own Instagram. You'll have some like pretty throwaway tweets. then you'll post it on your grid of Instagram. Yeah. It'll be like, this is my chicken. And Facebook, too. I'll have a reply. You post on Facebook? I'm actually pretty big on Facebook. You've popped up in somebody to add on my Facebook friend. We have one mutual friend. Yeah. You know who it is? Who? My dad. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. But it's all credit to Katie Stats. Katie Stats runs my Instagram. She and Ivo run my TikTok, and she runs my Facebook. So do you even log into Instagram at all? Do you, like, scroll it? I will, she will text me and say, X person DM you on Instagram, go answer it. Okay. And I'll be, and I'll go do that. And whenever I'm there, I might look around. But, but other than that, that's on, that's on Facebook. 80 K followers on Facebook? That's 79. Damn. Right now, right now, right now it's not in college football season, which that isn't that many followers, but in college football season. That's a lot on Facebook. All the videos do big numbers because Facebook is a breeding ground for football. I've heard the payout of Facebook is crazy. I've heard that too. It's like Dave's pizza reviews. He didn't know he was getting a payout. And then all of a sudden they were like, here's a million dollars. Wow. I don't see anything from payout on that. Okay. Maybe I should check into it. Maybe that's why Katie keeps doing it. She's just getting paid. She's taking that payout. Which is good for her if she is. Yeah, deserved. But yeah, I don't know that I can anything. Everything I do, I do mostly live. I do this live. I do Unnecessary Roughness live a lot. So a lot of stuff just goes straight out. I don't even have to worry about it. That is nice. Huh. Yeah, you got to start canning some stuff. It makes you feel proud a little bit, like you have standards. Yeah. Yeah, I really should. Rather than just no confidence. Should we can that Mostly episode we just did? I don't, I got too, I. Put that one on the shelf? Yeah. I got too drunk this morning. We did can some of Tommy's answers from your kid's show. I understood. Yeah. I don't even mean it. It's just like you were right about what you decided. Yeah, we didn't want him to enter the political arena that early in life. Yeah, he had a great line about it. Do you know he's about to get his driver's license? Oh, my God. A boy that you film with 50 states of kids. I know. He's got to be driving. Well, he's always been precocious. Yeah. That was a fun one. Yeah, that was great. That was one of my favorite things I've ever put out. So much so that it actually led me to start a series around it, And then I came to find that there are no other children who can hold a candle to Tommy Walker. Yeah, you started off too high. Well, you just start traveling the country. You think you're going to find more Tommy Walkers, and there are none. Also, like, everybody thinks their kid is hilarious. Exactly. That was the biggest problem. You're reaching out like you have a funny kid. I met some cool people. I met some good kids. And there were some funny moments. I really liked it. It was a good idea. I just think you need, like, more submissions. And I'd get one kid from North Dakota and be like, okay, we're going to North Dakota. Yeah. And you need like 30 kids and you need to choose the best one. That's one of those I think you just got to take a lot of shots. Yeah. And eventually you're going to sink two or three that are incredible. Correct. But it was just so much travel. And I was trying to consolidate. I would say, okay, we've got a kid in North Dakota and South Dakota and Minnesota. so we'll hit those three and get them all to come as close to the border as possible but uh you know you just it just wasn't uh it wasn't tenable it was how'd cosby do it well how'd cosby do a lot of things pharmaceuticals yep yeah uh cosby was just but that was when you're it was to the point where you're huge and you're in la and you can just bring them bring them all in from all over the country and the team is vetting the kids and And being like, this one's actually impressive, whatever. Just sit him in a room with Bill Cosby and now be funny for five minutes. Right. He was good. Who? Bill. Oh, yeah. Yeah. One of the greats at a lot of things. Yeah. Damn. Yep. Stand-up. Sitcoms. Other stuff. Little Bill. Yep. Yep. Fat Albert. Yeah, that's right. Fat Albert was Bill Cosby. And he was fat. Albert or Bill? Do we have, or are the new kids cartoons, will there ever be another fat Albert? Mm-mm. Cancelled. Cancelled, right? They're not, although body positivity you would think maybe. Yeah, but he'd just be Albert. He'd just be Albert. Ugly Betty. Ugly Betty. Ugly Betty was not ugly. Yeah, that was still 20 years ago. She was supposed to be grotesque. She was just like a thick Latina. Paw Patrol does make little jabs at Rubble. Do they? Is Rubble chubby? Rubble loves his snacks, and then all the dogs laugh, and Rubble's like, but Rubble's not even fat. Rubble's an English bulldog. He's muscular. He's got a square jaw. Yeah, he's sturdy. He's a sturdy boy. Yeah, we don't have as many fats as we, I guess that's why Barstool's such a great company. Right, there's a. We're pushing our fats forward. We're like a preserve. That's right. Imagine instead of like the hair transplant trip, we did an Ozempic trip. or a fat camp yeah fat camp that camp that's like boy that's really good yeah but then they just get fired after they lost the weight yeah what do you bring no or or we could almost do it like a reverse fat camp everybody knows that on the biggest loser all those people actually got more heavy afterwards so the real prize would be who can lose the most weight and then gain the most back oh the race back The yo-yo. Get back to fat. What if we just sent our skinny people to get fat? That too. Fat Doug would be great. Or Ryan. Fat Ryan. Just making Ryan fat. Ryan's so skinny it pisses me off. Saw him yesterday. I was like, God damn. He's thin. He's too skinny. Fuck you. But he's also ripped. Yeah. Yeah, he is shockingly ripped. Yeah. Which makes it surprising when he gets hurt every time he tries to do anything. Yeah. maybe he's too skinny he got trying to get hurt he got hurt being the goalie yeah he was dislocated shoulder which has to hurt yeah yeah what there is nobody else in the office no yeah it's it's dead it's as dead as it gets and there you go what's his hand in his pants hey do you guys want to flip through the lame valentine's cards they made for everybody you made valentine's day cards for everybody how lame are they they're so lame i made them on my instagram stories because i don't know how to edit still okay let me see him let us see him okay i sent him to dj i don't know if he can pull him up has has b vast to be your be his valentine yet still waiting he'll do it we got a kid home sick today so we're is he covered in spots still that was the other kid this is they traded out halfway through the week oh you didn't get them vaccinated no no you guys are vaccinating your kids oh my god they've had every vaccine and they're still I don't know There's nothing I mean We have mold in our house It just gets A new untold sweetheart Oh okay That's me Oh my god I didn't know who that was You're number one in my book Okay beautiful You see Yep I can see where you edited Love you Valentine No pause The heart on the tongue Beautiful Okay Will you be the Jackie to my Danny Even though I have a crummy car Where are you Where are you guys there In bed at Beach House That appears to be a bed Nick Early days My heart goes slam Little Stephen Che Hollering out that I love you Did you make the voice bubble look like lips? That's a heart Roses are reds Bad feet have bunion I love you so much I could eat a whole onion Send that to someone you love Girl you got that Number one Jon Hamm That's a good one Nope I do not love anyone else besides you. Is that a double negative? There's so many negatives in there. There's a lot of negatives there. That was tough to follow. Nope, I do not love anyone besides you. It rhymes. A nope I do is a move that we do here. Yeah. It's a thing. It's a yak thing that ruins my life. Yeah, that was my bad. And that was 30 seconds. All right, back to you guys. Penny, is this your first Valentine's Day with Jackie? It sure is. It sure is. We're going to. You sound excited as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we talked about this. We went out Monday night with Eddie. That's not Valentine's Day. Tuesday night at Gibson's. Tonight's my friend's birthday. We're doing Whirly Ball. Anyone ever done Whirly Ball? Oh, I've always wanted to. I want to do it so bad. What is Whirly Ball? It's like Rocket League. I think I passed it. Is it on the interstate? Yes. Okay. Is this a Midwest thing? I think it's just a Chicago thing. Tell me what it is. It's basically like bumper cars and lacrosse. You're driving on cars. I haven't done it in like nine years, but you have a little lacrosse thing. And you try getting a ball into the goal. Wow, she's so pretty. She is beautiful. Who's that? That's an Asian guy. Steve Chase's cousin. Christy Kernstock. I've never heard of it. Maybe you've never heard of it. It's been around for 40 years, and there's going to be the 40th national tournament. I'm in love. Francis! Tell us a little bit more about this. I can see you two together. You're stunning. Let's get our booker to get her on. Why did I expect him to have a really thick Asian? There's two teams. How does it work? Yeah, right. Yeah, it's really disappointing for us. I was excited. This is a 10-minute game. How does that even work? How does it stick up there? I would expect it to look better. Is it trying to get in the hole? It looks pretty boring and shitty. It didn't look great, Danny. It's going to be great, Brandon. You're going to play. This is my workaround for not having to short my car. All right, what about tomorrow night? Tomorrow night's Valentine's Day. No, she's leaving in the morning. So you did a content dinner with Eddie, a Tuesday night, which is the most romantic night of the week at Gibson's. You're going to your friend's birthday, and then she's leaving. Yeah. Valentine's week. That's not. It's like Christmas Eve is better than Christmas. Right, but that would mean tonight would be the night to not go to your friend's birthday. You go out for a nice dinner. She wanted to. She wanted to go to your friend's birthday. We already did dinners. I know what I'm doing, Brandon, okay? Do you? Yeah. Okay. All right. What's more romantic than bumper cars? Last time you said that, you got cancer. So I didn't know what I was doing. You don't want that again. Yeah. You said you knew how to be a kid and then you got cancer. Yeah. And I beat the hell out of it. I kept my hair, Brandon. So I think I could say I didn't know what I was doing. You didn't have your friends wearing bracelets for you, did you? No, I refused. I refused. I didn't even like the hashtags. You had a hashtag? Danny Strong? Live like Danny. SSDC. Stay strong Danny Conrad SS I didn make it up But you right In hindsight you can make your own hashtags That just like too cocky too seated Are they still doing wedding hashtags? I thought those sucked too. Yeah. I believe so. Eddie, thank God. Oh my God. We have got on the bar out there in the lobby, probably five to ten wedding invitations. Yes. There's a ton right here. I love getting them. I do too. Has Ray and Tyler. One of these days I'd really love to go. Yeah. I should actually start taking note because I want to party. Wheel idea, Brandon. Random wedding. Random wedding? Yeah, you have to go to the next wedding. I've talked about it on here before, but I told you Pat and his friends hijacked somebody else's wedding hashtag once when the wedding party was like really shitty. Oh, no. And I tried fighting them. What? Or it was like somewhere in upstate New York. It was like the travelers kind of up there. And I guess it was the other wedding party at the hotel. and these guys from the wedding party got drunk and started harassing the wedding party Pat and them were in and really messed things up and started a fight. So Pat and his friends hijacked their wedding hashtag and made it all goofy so if you clicked it, you would just see posts about, I don't know. Gore. About gore and how awful these people were. Eddie, you were a best man in a wedding last week, right? Yeah. You gave a speech? Gave a speech, yeah. How'd you do? I'd imagine you were very good. I did pretty decent. I went off, I rehearsed it, so I went off the dome. I feel like that's the best way to go. That's like another plus 10 points. That's crazy. Are you serious? The juice world. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, you do it every fucking weekend. Wow, but like that would be why I would say it's easier. Yeah, true. I do it. You memorized a best man speech? Yeah. That's so impressive. Really? And after some drinks, I'd imagine. I kept it cool, because I don't know what the line is for how many drinks before you do that, and I don't want to fuck that up. I'd go two. Oh, okay. I was going to say four. Yeah, I think I went to, I was in that range. And the speech was at 930. Yeah. But there's nothing better than when you're done with your speech. And then that first drink, you're like, now I can really take the governor off. Loosen the time. It was so nice. I've done my job and everyone's coming up and congratulating me. It was so nice. And they're all paying for my drinks since this is not an open bar. Assuming. Yeah, it was open. It was open. Confirmed open. But that was nice. It was nice. How long was your speech? You know what? There were co-best men, so there was another one. So when I timed it, it was like four minutes. Did you go before? Was the other best man a brother of the groom? No. Oh, okay. Just a friend. I went second. Second. That's good, too, I think. Yeah. So I went second. Did you go for laughs or did you go for earnestness? Tell them about that questionable joke you had. Yeah. So we were in the same frat, and this guy's just an absolute animal. Like, animal. It was one of those guys everyone knows as being an animal. And one of the things, like Danny can confirm. Like, it's one of those guys everyone knows, and he's just, he's a cartoon character. And I told a story about how when we were sophomores, we would make, we would have the pledge to smell his belly button. Oh. And I was like, I asked Danny beforehand, is that on, is that like above board or below, like, you know, is that fair to say? Yeah, basically like making a joke about his hygiene. 350 people right his closest friends and family danny said yes and so because this is like that guy's rep yes no like you're not you're not exposing anything but the idea is that now he's reformed to some degree did it land exactly oh yeah people laugh and i also came back to it at the end before the cheers i said hey listen everybody behave let's have a good time i'm whipping out the q-tip and you're smelling his belly button oh there's any fights or anything People like that. Nice, nice. The loop back. Call back, yeah. Call back. Call back, Joe. I love a call back, yeah. Joe, it was good. It was nice. But it's just having a wait all day. I'm sure you've done it. Has everyone done it before? Have you guys done it? No. No? I've never done it. No? You ready for this? I have spoken at 14 of the 16 weddings that I've been to. Holy hell. Francis. My God. People love you. No, I just, it's a natural thing. I'm the only comedian that anyone knows So they're like we want you to speak And I'm not talking best man speech It's usually the night before Okay okay It's like when you have a truck and everyone's like can you help me move Kind of it's like we know that you can You can do it But they also love you But that's the crazy part too They know Francis is very capable obviously Because he was a stand up There was a false perception of me Because we do this for our job We speak into a microphone but that doesn't mean I'm used to speaking in front of 350 people you know it's very different different but i would still uh in that situation i would still choose you sure i think you're very funny and have stage presence and all that thank you but yeah i know i know what you mean have you done it kate i feel like you i could see you yeah i gave matron of honor speech back in the day and kept it i try to keep it quick because i've been at weddings where it's gone on for over 10 minutes where people start getting up and going to the bar it's just brutal so three jokes three quick jokes in there something heartfelt yeah like what's perfect what's the time frame like what do you guys think five minutes is that's the very what you should max it out yeah i would say agreed one inside thing that you just look at the bride and you're like real heartfelt and then that's all you need yeah and you're good brandon yeah who gave at your wedding who gave your best man speech so i don't know that where i'm from we just do weddings the exact same as everybody else we we just didn't do speeches uh i i didn't have that big of a wedding we we went to the church we had a reception afterwards some catered food uh somebody sang a song and that was that was pretty much it we didn't we didn't do speeches yeah we didn't we didn't do any of that another funny thing to bring back to that is they the the couple actually met the opening night at the barstool bar in chicago which was also kind of funny how many times have you told them that you're responsible for well yeah i just fuck around they lasted longer than the bar exactly that's why that's why it was great it was like the friends and family night and i i don't know you get tasked in inviting groups of girls so she was in part of a group of girls that i knew and they met there and then that's you know kind of how everything started so that was an easy working you know but i think you're right there was a lot do you guys do the dollar dance what's the dollar no no i went to one in southern illinois that did the dollar dance isn't that where you like it's almost like they're strippers you go up and put the money on them isn't that for like a hispanic wedding maybe i don't know i did one i did one it was like six hours south and that was it it's kind of like everyone like gets in a line and then you you maybe dance with the bride with the groom a little bit and you gotta like stuff the bucket that's the only time i've ever seen that was a jamaican thing i don't know is it becoming like less weird to not have your brother or sister as the best man or matron of honor i'm seeing more and more how they don't like you used to have the same number of groomsmen's and bridesmaids that's changing you can have like three best men right now if you want i'm seeing ladies having dudes on their side yeah yeah too you know what's really dying out which is nice is the entrances i feel oh i hate being in a wedding party and having to do the entrance yeah it's the couple before you steals the fucking oh long snapping the bouquet you gotta pretend to be a fish getting reeled in yeah then you have to pivot yeah don't you agree those feel like they're dying oh yeah that's horrible i'm doing one in two weeks it's just a group bridesmaids entrance and then a group groomsmen's entrance but we keep getting asked what song we want to do or what what like skit like people do like 30 second entrance you have 30 seconds to do something you got to come up with something so i don't know what we're supposed to do but all the boys i think i'd rather get the heads up like that yeah you can at least think about it for a second. I did one like that with all the bridesmaids. We did the Bernie. I'm dating myself. Remember the Bernie where you were dating? Yeah. Bring that back. Do the Bernie. Agreed. I was a groomsman once and the bridesmaid I was paired with was also a dude. So we had to walk in together. Nice. Very nice. I think I just missed a little bit of this experience because I have three best friends that have been my best friends in adulthood. Two of them never got married. So I just never got to do any of that. The one that did get married, he was first before everybody, like in 2002. I just never really got it much. Should we throw you a wedding so you could be a groomsman? Oh, my God. No, I don't want that at all. No, we'll do it for you. I'm closer now to my kids' weddings than I am to my friends' weddings. You got to practice. Brandon, do you know a lot of people that are passing away? I do. You do? Yeah, it sucks. I saw Bill Burr, I think, said this. He was like, the first 40 years of your life, you spend gaining friends. And then the last 40 years of your life, you spend losing them. Yeah. Really struck me. I can't say I've lost any friends yet. That hasn't really happened. But this week was a little jarring when Vanderbeek, 48, and the lead singer of Three Doors Down, 47, both died within three days. Did they say how he died? They were both sick. They were both cancer. Yeah. but I haven't now everybody's it's like every other week everybody's parents all my friends that were growing up all the people that raised us they're all just dropping out like flies which I guess that's a natural part of life does that hit you hard? a little bit yeah small town and everything everybody knows everybody but I haven't got to the contemporaries dying yet have you ever dated somebody who's passed after maybe you weren't dating anymore i told this i i was this girl's first kissed she wasn't mine but all right she was killed all right sorry to say that who's killed who's killed yeah good lord that has to feel really strange i hadn't spoken to her you know yeah but it was still she wasn't a very good kisser well that's you don't have to she didn't have to kill her she certainly wasn't your first kiss though no no not close she was like sixth probably like third okay well the third's pretty close to one though yeah but back then that's that matter you were a whore yeah damn did you get into you talking shit about trinidad chambliss yet or no no we did it all mostly a little bit uh yeah it's just you know the the fact that we're at a place where ncaa has no teeth to fight these things and these these the sec is the one that's going to do it the sec take in their fights to judges that are rooting for their schools you know alabama did a tuscaloosa judge old miss does a calhoun city judge like it's just it's embarrassing but what's the defense of like letting him it's his sixth year just there are no rules and they know that there are no rules i'm not talking about that at all what are you talking about i'm talking about you tweeting charity case oh and everybody i've never had more fun reading someone's replies so did you see this yesterday yesterday right after the yak and then i'll just say it i was fucking seething on the yak i was very angry rightfully i was really really really fucking mad to the point where when i got home last night i went back to watch it to see did you get mad for no reason i got madder on the rewatch when it when it was because what i was trying to do he was mad at you for uh not talking to him uh for the the early days of barstool because the fact that he you were talking to dave fucking portnoy right and or his book right and you're writing his book anyway and i was going to say you know as an outsider dante as an outsider tell me the reason why you would be one of the great ones to talk to about this book that was the question i was going to ask and i said as an outsider and he goes no you're a charity case and from that point on i just saw white and uh on the rewatch i got even madder i have no idea where this was going anyway i tweeted out charity case right after the yak because just because i was i was still thinking about it i tweeted it out and then four or five hours later the chambliss ruling comes down and ole miss fans show up and they're like you fucking idiot you loser the missus state's gonna keep losing and you're just mad because trinidad i'm not i was talking about that you fucking idiots it was so perfect but there was no way for those people to know no way for it it was one of those coincidences like i see if you're gonna be a sensitive little homer that gets mad and everything that would have i see where they're coming from yeah but it was a complete and total it was daunting but yeah when i re-watched it i i got even madder last night than i was yesterday have you talked to him no no i don't think i'm going to again ever yeah i think that's it well if we're on the topic of correcting things that were said yesterday i want to clarify uh two things that i said one was one was about jack mack and one was about hannah montoya uh so I said you you asked me Nick yeah um do you ever get chagrined when I put something out and it doesn't it's something you aren't proud of but it does well yeah and I said I I'm dismayed by the success of Jack Mack I don't I didn't mean that uh like he's bad I meant the format of what he does being so unbelievably popular at just this of or like uh talking about an event i i was like the fact that that is what as people want to watch on tiktok is tough for me because it means that i'm just like wasting my time sure okay um and i felt bad because i i do like jack mack and i didn't It obviously came off as a shot at him, but I should have been more clear. And then I threw in the Hannah Montoya thing, and I was like, well, I can't compete with her. I don't know what's going on there. I meant like she has a grasp of what Gen Z TikTok wants, and I can't. I'm not on top of that at all either. I don't think that was a good translation, though. I like both of those people, so felt the need to. I know what you meant, too. How many of the replies do you think actually think that you meant that as opposed to them just like trying to stir shit up, though? Oh, I don't know. Or just a joke. Honestly, if I didn't like them, I don't think I would issue this clarification, but I do like both of those people. Who would you throw a shot at? Dante. Yeah. That's because I like watching him explode, too. Oh, he scares me. Yeah. I'm very afraid of him. he takes so many meetings in the anus room and i just have to tiptoe in and grab my stuff why is the anus room the hub for all people who have activities to do i don't know because it's not exactly comfortable i slept in there for all of surviving barstool well i'll be okay that was fun we forgot to take down the riley cooper jersey in the background every testimonial on that big budget program riley cooper right in the background hilarious i think it's because it's the It's the most centrally located studio that people actually populate that's next to the... There's that. But it's also always dark and it's like a cocoon. Yeah, it's dark and cold. It feels like a little... And there's no, you can't tap into the cameras, right, TJ? Oh, yes I can. What? I think you can't hear the audio or something. There's something that it doesn't have on the grid. Ever since Mook Can't Sleep started, I can go in there now. Oh, nice. Or it's actually since the 100K Word stream. Okay, but it's just the MOOC? It depends on whatever camera he has put live. Okay. Okay, I have a question. So MOOC is coming to open for me in Houston because my normal beloved feature, Brandon Brer, is not available that weekend. So I'm very excited to have MOOC. Harry has loaned him out to me. and um my question for you guys was and and you know now he'll know but do you think that i should treat him to just an unbut like give him a really nice hotel room tip him out thousands of dollars and just be like yeah thanks for coming act like that's my normal run of show so that when he returns to working with harry he's like man this guy fucking 100 i thought about doing it that way when is he doing that for you i think that's in uh april i think we're going to houston are you confident that harry never does that yes i brought this up to harry because i didn't want to make harry look bad so i was like i don't want to tip him more than you do even though i did and uh he said that usually what he does is they'll do a bunch of shows together and then Harry will give him a sort of like a lump sum after a good portion of work. But, you know, everyone's different. Like, and this is a weird thing that I don't really know how this hasn't come out. And I'm not going to be the one to break the seal on it. But huge comedians, very, very popular comedians, the range of what they pay their openers is orders of magnitude different. Well, why don't you put somebody up? Who's somebody who's notorious? I'll say that the most generous person I've ever heard of in my entire fucking life is Shane Gillis. Okay. It is outrageous how much he pays his openers. Outrageous. Have you ever opened for Shane? I've been asked to. Okay. But I was not able to, sadly. So the club gives the main act all the money, then the main act distributes it? No, the club will have a fee baked in to pay their opener. but when you're starting out if you're not selling tickets that well like i mean the way it works is uh for many years i couldn't afford to even bring my own opener because i just was selling so poorly and getting paid the minimum which was like 1800 bucks a weekend but you cover your own flights call that 500 and then you pay 10 to your agent 10 to your manager on top of that and then you're taxed on that remainder so on a full weekend i remember going to richmond virginia and i got cut thursday friday saturday six five shows cut me a check for 1800 bucks i'm paying for my food the whole time and my flights and then taxed i probably walked with net like 400 500 bucks wow it's probably a dumb question but is it that beneficial to have an opener like is it really so you work your way up to a point where now you can make the demand and the club would just a point they like to cultivate their own local talent and they're like we want to use our openers we want to use our own host and then you get to a point where you're like i'm bringing my own people i got and don't tell me i'm not and then you get to a point where you're like get my people a hotel room so i want now that does come out of your bottom line but i'm now at a point where i'm able to have my opener in a hotel room uh the same hotel you're staying in it all depends okay i check to see i check to see where the club has booked us and if it's a decent hotel i stay there with my opener and if not i'll have like apartments no yeah condos okay how are those typically usually pretty good okay in denver we'll we'll stay there um there's a famous one there it's pretty fun they've got like all kinds of funky stuff like a pinball machine and shit now do you want to do that because it's a rite of passage or because you feel better with your own opener so that's a great question um no i want i want my own friend to come have breakfasts and lunches with me it's companionship and uh you know i i know i trust this person they know how to set the table for me i know that they're not gonna like for years when i had um whoever the club was appointing to to to open you know you'd have a host come on and you never knew if they were going to be any good so they might just like cool the room off right and then the feature would come on and often the feature this is how they make money is they they travel around featuring at clubs that know them and so the the feature right when their set ended a very often would be like all right everybody so i'm not making any money really for this and i'll be out in the hallway after the show selling koozies and t-shirts i hope you'll buy them i make nothing goodbye here's francis and now all of a sudden i'm coming up to like a qvc fucking commercial that's been you know what i mean like right and i didn't really like you know i understand and i like that they need to make money and i get that but the club was paying them they're 150 bucks a show and i just didn't really like the commercialism of that i don't sell merch right uh and it felt very like you're hawking to the crowd that i brought in here i didn't i didn't really like that so finally you get to a point where you bring your own people and you're like i don't want you doing crowd work keep it relatively clean whatever and that's and then you can kind of create a show yeah and i trust that my future now is is a very much a part of our show and we together present an hour and a half of comedy that i trust will be good interesting yeah interesting um changing of subject a little bit uh we just got a text did you see it i did not see it like you'll like it uh probably will like oh you will love i think ryan whitney responded to Benjamin Mintz. Oh, I did see that. The Chicklets guys are there in a feud with Mintz now. It's a very strong word. I do not hate Mintz at all. I don't even really know him. That doesn't sound it. He just drives me nuts. He drives me nuts. Everything that he does is just inconsiderate to others constantly, and he has the greatest job in the world, and I don't get how he has it, and he's just there being... I just want to understand the burden Ron Whitney he must carry around to earth every day being that negative and that just to you i've never heard him say anything positive not about you for five years he's talking to him talk about his but look i mean i don't know he was the one who once told dave portnoy to choose love and like donnie does look in the mirror ryan i don't know have you ever chosen love say something positive about that video i'll take donnie donnie looks great white socks dave cracks me up always kind of gone to battle with him but he's funny but white socks dave works and he makes he makes content he's on a show i think it's a daily show he's on the dog boy he does stuff he does stuff and mincy i'll tell you right now please god please god don't ever say you feel bad for me again mincy i'm a grown adult with a wife and children and a job and i show up to work and i do my job and i don't lay my feet across seats on an airplane and i don't lay wet bathing suits on my friend's house and ruin the $1,500 finishing of his wall. And I don't look around and walk around searching for free gifts and free items. And I do not grift my way through life. So you can't feel bad for me, Mincy. I feel for you. I feel for the lack of ability that you have to ever notice that you're just ruining people's days. Wow. I'll be. That's as powerful harkens to uh fucking harry potter's speech to voldermort where he's like i don't hate you i feel sorry for you mincey's voldermort i i feel like i i don't know uh what a good metaphor for this is or what but i feel like i've been screaming this for four or five years and i was screaming into the void for so long and finally the veil has been lifted and the world is looking and was like oh oh he wasn't kidding this guy really is an inconvenience to everybody but what were some of the things you saw early on because like we see stuff in the office but like the plane thing that's different that strikes a different chord than him like showing up late or like showing up late to like a paid shoot or something you know it was just always i don't know it was i don't want to cross line into real stuff at all but but i don't know it was just it was just always i guess the thanksgiving thing was big i forgot about that thing was big because i actually had him in my house and he actually did rub my wife the wrong way and and which has to be impossible which was which was hard to do it was hard to do because she's a very sweet lady uh but anyway it's just uh to keep it on the funny side it was uh it's good to see whitney uh whitney and them discover this. Did RA say something about him too, TJ? Lay yourself out on two seats of a plane so that your legs are dangling outside. If I was on the plane, I would have been praying for turbulence and the fucking beverage cat gets away from the stewardess and fucking Joe Theismann's his fucking leg. I'm a tall guy. If I sit in the aisle, I could have watched my knee just going into the thing. The fact that he fucking splays out like that, leaves his legs dangling, puts the fucking seat back on the guy next to him for no absolute reason, And then Donnie caught up with him in a Turkish fucking bath, and he just offered the worst excuse ever. Like, oh, I thought I could lay there. Bro, you're fucking six feet tall. You think your legs shrink when you're 35,000 feet up? Like, look at that. Like, who the fuck does that? He's just the most inconsiderate person in the world. And it's very funny that he released a statement today. He just went after me, and I'm a miserable guy, and I'm a dickhead, and I must be living a heavy life to be this miserable. Mintz, I'm just somebody that will actually call you out. because all these barstool goons, they just laugh at them. And they're not laughing with them. They're laughing right at them, right? And Dan just loves it. It's literally Dan's entertainment. It's like this clown in the circus. I thought Dave hired him. Well, Dave can't stand him. Dave legit can't stand him. Dan, I believe, said he hopes he gets kidnapped in Turkey. And then Mincy comes at me because he's obviously not going to go with them. But he came at me. I wish I was that guy woke up and had his like head in my lap and just like, boom, elbow right to the temple. Like get out of my space. The middle space is shared by both of us. I'm not going to have you laying down on me. And Mitzi is just douche. He's so like infuriated. Like it's just a guy who never seems to apologize or he does. And they're like these half ass apologies. And why do I care? He doesn't do anything to me. I don't really know. Brandon Walker could almost be like a Massachusetts guy because he just can be a real prick sometimes, but in a funny way. He's been saying for years, this guy sucks. Yep. Wait, I did not realize this. That person that was in Mincy's row was not. No, that's Goldfinger. That's Goldfinger. That's one of ours. Okay, okay. And the guy behind him was Papa Best. Yeah, guy at Elbron's. Oh, okay. Oh, was it? Papa Best is out there. Yeah, he's paying his way there. I did kind of think when Papa Best was here for that incredible Barstool Idol Missouri I did think he would stick around and pop back up and things He in my investigation videos He a forensic specialist He hasn left He wasn right for that Barstool Missouri because I don think he was willing to turn himself green. But he should be around. He's a character. He's a one character. I mean, we could have picked anybody from that competition, and they're a superstar. It could have been anybody. Anybody. Let me ask something about Mintzy. I brought this up before. how how much more or less infuriating would it be if after something like the airplane sleep he just simply said that he doesn't care that he's like being rude instead he says like i didn't know i was being i think it would be that's almost more infuriating i think it would be better if he leaned into it as a personality trait where he leaned into being the bad guy right whereas his entire existence is being a bad guy and he's unaware oh i don't know if i agree brandon yeah i think that if he started making it intentional and owning it it would lose like its charm in a way his intentional videos are never good at all yeah uh so so maybe i'm i'm off i'm off the mark on that but just just one time wouldn't you like to say hey mincey when you accidentally uh when you accidentally showered that guy with styrofoam when you were opening that bobblehead what what were you thinking when you did that and he's like fuck that guy right one time i wouldn't mind seeing that just to see how i'd react to that yeah maybe true maybe true i did not realize until recently how much it's it's really bothering people um is that did something change what i'm what i'm kind of saying is i think what bothers people more you think is the lack of awareness which is like him saying i don't know as a as opposed to saying like oh i don't give a fuck i think the the real thing where we where we are is uh a lot of people who are fighting for fighting and trying to find their thing and working and trying to find their thing and trying to matter in barstool and trying to get something and trying to and then he just doesn't have to do anything and he's rewarded with the best life of all time yeah but like he has the best life of all time where he has to do nothing and everything's free but are you jealous no you can't be jealous of them so it's a weird thing you also you also can't replicate it i i don't think that that's anything that anyone could ever try to strive for he is just so singular yeah and it's a perfect storm and look at how much time we spend talking about right exactly yeah you know what i mean like for he's never gonna be gone from here even if even if people love to hate him now so i don't know i have a soft spot for because that's what i'm even saying like outside the building i was getting texts from my personal people like hey you guys how much longer are you guys gonna do this because i think i'm like gonna mute everything yeah i have started to get dms saying stop talking about it yeah yeah and i'm sure i'll get those same dms today and this is the first time in five years that's happened how do you feel then like having to you know go into like dip into the circus so often then well i've said this before i think that is a he is a good-hearted guy uh who does bad things i don't think he's a bad-hearted guy so so i don't like yeah i i i think he's i don't know how put it before but uh he he's a guy that just isn't aware of what he does to people and isn't aware and i don't think he that makes him a bad person i get it being annoying but like it's so fascinating that it is fast i want to talk from afar but it is here it's so fucking it is a a strike of lightning that it could happen like in one other company in one other world would would we and if he didn't have the body he does or didn't look the way he does it wouldn't work it's all has to be it's this whole package he had two straight eyes this is oh my god yeah this is pre-surgeon still hey what do you think i i think if i needed help with something seriously and he did have a connection that could help me he wouldn't hesitate i agree i agree but and he would go above and beyond and sure it would make him look the amount of credit he'd want right there's that but he would still do it like i should directly own you one time that's fine but again like i think that's just who he is like i kind of don't take it personal because i in the moment i did but like in the big picture i don't take it too personal because i feel like he did i don't want to say he had like a charmed like light for whatever but i do think he's got these blind spots that like it's not on purpose but it is wild but it's like i don't think he's a bad guy i just I'm not like offended by him. I don't know. I know he makes people angry and I just don't feel that same. Yeah, I agree. It's not intentional. When I get angry, I have to just be like, what am I doing? Yeah, I don't feel angry at him. I don't know. I think he'd help you if you needed it. Definitely. So. If I could help him. NASCAR, the Daytona 500 isn't just the start of the NASCAR season. It's the moment when everything comes alive again and sets the tone for the entire year. It's iconic speed, pure spectacle, and adrenaline-filled moments wrapped into one larger-than-life American tradition. The Great American Race is prestigious without feeling stuffy and unpredictable in a way that keeps your heart in your throat for 500 miles. For drivers, it's the race that defines careers and etches their names into the history books forever. Full throttle, three-wide, door-to-door racing action for the win. Clear your schedule, grab a drink, tune into the Daytona 500 Sunday, February 15th at 2.30 p.m. Eastern on Fox. So check that out. There's a thing on the prep sheet and i do a show with this guy every day and i have no idea what you're talking about steven connor griffin asked out on a gay date by a man question mark what i sat on a gay date by a man what did this happen what how did i miss it this was if i'm being completely honest this was overheard as i was making the prep sheet i don't know if this was even for air but i thought that it'd be it is it is now connor griffin connor connor connor's got to get it because i i did not know this this is not something he brought to mostly sports this is not something that probably even was for air but guess what here we are connor got asked out on a gay day now he's been frequenting him he's been frequenting the areas what area every story he ever tells on mostly he turns out he's right by this gay bar in his neighborhood oh really then i don't want to say the name of the the the gay bar just in case it's not a gay bar i don't know anything about but anyway i feel like it would help the story if you said the name is it in boys town just for people to know in case you know rabbit hole rabbit hole oh that is gay bar that is a gay bar yeah okay all right um i think what i don't think so is it not dude i've been there with you on thursdays uh and thursdays after 9 p.m it is and then on saturday morning for brine promo code ellis sunday's the last hey connor but you can go wait Danny, we have been there together. Yeah. Have you seen someone at Clark? Yeah. No, no. Yeah, and there's one in Old Town. Yeah, but if Connor goes. Well. Connor said no. I don't think it's a gay bar, but I think gay people. What is this? What? This thing. Connor Griffin asked out on a gay date by a man. I don't know if it was a date. It was a hangout for sure. Yeah. Where did it happen? See you all. I was getting my hair trimmed up a little bit yesterday and it was yeah, there was a guy who asked me A, if I was if I had a partner he said partner? yes and then B, he said so he started off with that nice guy I'll go back, I think he did a solid job oh, it was your barber? yeah, I was getting my hair cut yeah oh that makes it more interesting because then you can't go anywhere well no but then he said you know uh you know you're like my last client on the night like you want to grab a drink or something like that and i said no i gotta work but it wasn't weird it was fine did you have don't don't look at me when was this this was last night at my appointment was at seven and you said you had to work yeah i had to edit a vlog okay so i was i was doing that but um yeah No, it wasn't crazy. It wasn't anything. I shouldn't have said it in the first place. I was off the Henny. And I just kind of let it slip. How did you know he was gay? I never necessarily asked. I never. But it did say, do you have a partner? He did say that. Because he cut his hair with Hello Kitty. No, no, no, no, no, no. It might have been in a part of town. Right. It would be. I feel like that's a nice respectable way to put the dealers out there. I feel like that's flattering. Yeah, no, and that's what I was talking to Mad Dog and Mackenzie, and they were like, oh, that's a compliment. I said, I guess, I suppose. It was not weird. It was fine. Yeah. Do you have a partner immediately followed up by, do you want to get a partner? No, no. There was a gap between them. You were not gay. You were heterosexual. Correct. You spent all of your spare time in gay parts of town. No, I do not. A lot of your stories come from you being a gay part of town. 100% of stories. Not my stories. The stories that you guys inflate to, you know, the ones you focus in on. I have other stories. Where did this happen? It happened. In Boys Town. Yeah. It was in Boys Town? Yes. Uh-huh. But it was fine. Is that really what it's called? Yeah. Well, not anymore, right? Yeah, not anymore. It's backstage. Sounds like a location in Mad Max. Yeah, it does. Where you'd go to find fucking labor. Boys with a Z. Yeah, that's it. But it was a great haircut, and I trust that guy to do my hair. He was fantastic. You're going to go back? Yeah, I already scheduled the next appointment. I don't think you can go back. Why not? He's going to botch you. No. No. I'm telling you, this was the most in-depth hair. I mean, he barely took anything off, but he was like, we're going to set a good foundation. He was testing my pH levels and my hair. It was great. I got asked to dance by a gay man one time. I took it as one of the biggest compliments. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. It would have to be. I get asked out by gay men so frequently that I would never tell anyone. Really? The fact that Connor has, to me, feels very homophobic. No, I just... They immediately reported it. No, because I mentioned how... How often is it for you, Francis? All the time. Yeah. At clubs? At comedy clubs? Just DMs or... I've gotten handed napkins at coffee shops with phone numbers on them. Yeah. Yeah. Far more, far more than ever from women. Really? Yeah. Men are enterprising. They are. Yeah. We are hunter-gatherers. We have to, even in gay community, you got to go out, you got to go out, you got to hunt what you kill. What do you think it is about you? I don't think it is anything about me. I think it's just that. Good style. Takes care of himself. Put together. Handsome. Put together. I don't know if they're even assuming that I'm gay. They're just like, in the same way that I would see a nice woman that I might be interested in and I might go up to her. I have no idea if she's fucking in a relationship or heterosexual or anything. You just take your shot. Who cares? There's no stakes. Yeah. You got to put it out there. Yeah. And when they do that, I'm not like, I'm straight. I don't correct them. Yeah, right. I'm just like oh no sorry I'm busy or I'm in a relationship or some shit How about the way Che worded that I didn't hear the intro to this Connor Griffin it's on the prep sheet Connor Griffin asked out on a gay date by a man question mark a little redundant it would just be a date or just asked out on a gay date I think it was just like hey let's grab a beer I was like I don't know I can't but thanks it wasn't anything weird but yeah it was kind of complimentary but anyway that's all it was sorry Che that was a bit of a letdown no that was fun provided exactly what we needed all right cool cool cool and this this gay man probably didn't know much about you certainly didn't know that right now you're not busting no he did not because you're saving up for the dating show which he has which is on hold right now I'm on pause yeah We'll do it, but it's on hold right now. I don't know if we ever will. Oh, we're going to find you love. Someone's bound to apply. I don't even care if it's a dating show. Me, Nick, and we're going to go find you a woman. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. They're going crazy for him, by the way. I heard chit-chat from some of the ladies here who were out and about in town. Sure. And he swung by, and after he left, all their girlfriends were like, oh, my God. Wow. He's got something going on. Really? He's got a heat. A certain genese quack. Really hot voice. Thank you. Really hot. Thank you. Do you want to grab a beer after this? No. I'm seeing a guy. I have a gay date with a man. Here's the big twist. You'll never guess who my gay date's with in a million years. We're going to man's town. Oh, yeah. Solid Thursday night. Was our first office in Boys Town? Close to it. Close. Yeah, it was not quite, but. Okay. It's where the Pride Parade route goes down it. Yeah. You see the rainbow crosswalks and whatnot. It's east of Wrigley over there? Yes. Over in that area? Yeah. Halston. I mean, if these girls are flocking to you, Connor, it doesn't seem like you really do have that many problems in the dating world. I also don't think you have the impulse for retention. I think if something happens this weekend, you're going to do it. Yeah, you're going to bounce right on that shit. I catch feelings, Nick. He's not doing it for semen retention. he's doing it because if he hooks up with a girl he's going to fall in love with her and the dating show is out the window absolutely well don't stop that for a dating show that we may or may not i know i know although if you do catch feelings just add her to the pool of the dating show oh yeah that's all you have to do yeah i gotta figure it out exactly i mean the last dating show we had the last male dating show we had was a uh was a gay man who hated women yeah didn't want to be there and the second it was over told them not to contact him ever again correct right that's right so the bar is low and he got banned by a bar speaking of bars yeah yeah and he could not go to a bar in town because she got him banned from it really wills northwood yeah wills northwood there there was this i don't know if it's still there but there was a sign for a while that just had jake malisek's profile picture on on a piece of paper and it just had a line through it and said this guy is not allowed in here that's a great bar should have used the uh asexual graphic asexual graphic is a gold any of y'all ever been banned from a bar or restaurant or anything i've never been banned from anything ice cream machine hometown 50s diner i got a little boot a hometown 50s i worked there for many years and then me and a few of the waitresses went out one night and got a little tipsy and came it was 24 hour we wreaked a little havoc and we were asked to not come back for a hot minute to your own place of employment yeah i was You got fired. Yeah. I was off to college anyway. I didn't need it anymore. It was fine. I've never been actually fired. I've been fired. Yeah? Yeah, I was the fall guy for a stolen Pringles ring in a grocery store when I was 17. It actually wasn't me. It was another kid who did it, and his mom worked there, and they ended up pinning it on a couple. me and me and kendrick what's a pringles ring uh we would uh we would walk in the back uh you know we were bag boys and we were stock boys and we would walk in the back and just open a can of pringles and eat them and that's what they got us for opening but i didn't even do it it was it was you never ate if you never ate a stolen pringle didn't i didn't eat those ones that were caught it was somebody else anyway i got fired from that and that was oh you know what this fat bitch i was i i was i had a job okay i was at the airport in 2000 okay i ended up working at the delta counter and and the airline but before that i was i was i was working at national car rental on the desk and then i was uh washing cars for avis in the afternoon from three to seven when a rental car would come in i'd go wash it and i'd take it back and i got this car one motherfucking time and it smelled of weed it just smelled of weed and then um i ended up having to take it into town and do something to get it detailed or something when i brought it back the people that owned the motherfucking detailing place had called my boss and said yeah we think this guy was smoking weed on the way over here i had never smoked weed a time in my life and she fired me for smoking weed in the car even though it was the rental car it was a goddamn rental car nick and that's not fair did you fight no because i just i just didn't want the job anyway and i just would rather go bass fishing and i only had the job to impress my girlfriend anyway uh didn't matter but i got fired for smoking weed in a car where i didn't even actually do it now that i say it i'm two for two and i just said i didn't do anything that i got fired for i did have the pringles i did have the pringles but i did not smoke the weed that's big of you i was part of the pringle pringle gang hey brandon have you still never smoked weed oh i've smoked weed oh awesome i've smoked weed on camera here yeah it's awesome yeah i've uh i i've smoked weed before probably 20 times in my life not many but uh that's a lot um the la super bowl i i you were daily i was daily wow there was one time at the la super bowl that uh i was laying out by the pool and there was a group going to the lakers game and uh i we smoked some weed and they left and came back and when they came back i i think i asked them if they were about to leave for the lakers game or whatever because i just didn't I was just out of it. That was a fun time. That's awesome. You were faded at Camp Barstool too. You smoked weed at Camp Barstool? I don't believe I did. That's a lie. Maybe just drunk. My bad. Did you get really drunk? No. I might have smoked a little. I don't know. Francis, you would dominate Camp Barstool. Why? You're athletic and fast and strong. I learned that my, I don't think I'm as spry as I used to be. Really? Yeah. I've been humbled lately. By whom? I'm getting old. By just tests, athletic tests, things. You're 36? 36, almost 37. Well, we have our bi-yearly combine coming up, I believe, right? Yeah. We do two or three combines a year. We've got one coming up. Test everybody. the big question this year will tate be able to lift 135 one time yeah that's crazy yeah he's he's athletic he is athletic yeah but i guess he can do things but also there is there's a different type of athleticism like he played basketball and but 135 135 yes 135 connor it's a different set of muscles for each sport and everything so maybe i don't know but i hope he can do it you know you you say that that your your athletic conquest francis are not as or you're you don't do as well but you you literally won a share of a million dollars playing golf for this company i don't necessarily put golf in that i mean i know and that's not to say that golf's not an athletic sport at all i'm not that guy but uh i'm just talking about like the sports that in your 20s you're good at basketball and fucking running around shit all the shape that i'm in now is more aesthetic than functional but isn't that the best kind of shape to be in that's all i can do now yeah i'm not you know i'm not in fighting shape looking in shape is is as important as being in shape smoke and mirrors is what i'm at now i'm all smoking mirrors could could you scrap could you fight it would just depend yeah yeah yeah i'm one one in one lifetime in my fight at a tie Yeah. How'd the tie work? We just threw each other around a hotel lobby, me and this guy. In a hotel lobby? Nobody got hurt. In France. Did you know the man? Yeah, very vaguely I knew him. Was he a Frenchman? No, American guy. Was it a small lobby? Yeah, and it was like very after hours. And so luckily no staff was present. Somehow it all just ended. But neither of us got hurt. Nobody landed a punch. Okay, it was more just jostling around. No, we were throwing them. Were you swinging? Oh, yeah. And just missing? I got put in a chokehold by his buddy. That is stupid as fuck. I don't know. A year or two later, I saw him at a wedding, and we laughed about it. Not bad. Going back to that Malisek photo, I do weirdly enjoy walking into places where they have pictures of the people who stole. Oh, yeah. Yeah. there's a chocolate shop i go to on division mr kites it's the best they make these chocolate dip s'mores that are incredible and he's got a great ever-evolving list he's got photos from like 20 years ago still that people he holds a grudge he's got the photos up walking out with two bottles of jack daniels tell me more about this chocolate dip s'more oh my god it's one of the best i take it whenever i go to like holidays and other people's homes it's like my go-to hostess gift now that i'll bring to people make a s'more he makes a s'more and he dips it's open like a clam almost like a and it's got he melts the marshmallow in such a way that it's it's not just some dry old marshmallow it's the most fantastic it's like still moist but it's not like super sticky fluff huh it's like almost like fluffernutter but a little hard i can't explain it is mr kite yes and then he dips you can only you have to bring a doorbell and be buzzed in like one at a time he's real paranoid probably because he has that list on the wall of whatever the uncut gems of chocolate oh my god every time my kid's favorite toy store is next to it so i'm always like we got to go into mr kites but they do these chocolate dips more is that are just it's i go too everybody i'm gonna go here right after we're done it's amazing you're a sweet tooth oh sure am big time big time there's no greater pleasure they have ice cream in there too they got they got a little bit of everything and they only let you in one by one it's real it's like real so sometimes you stand there forever and you're like hello and he's like i'm working on something it's like you're on his terms okay okay kind of love guys but i know i've kind of grown to love it yeah patronizing the restaurant yeah um what's your guys go to order or sorry hit the ad but i would like to know people's go to order a fudge shop or candy store we will talk about that after i'll tell you about roeback activewear best fit best fit best feel see you connor you all know roeback best hoodies and joggers in the game see you nick but what you may not know is the best pants in the game too. 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Use code YAK and head over to Roback.com R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com Code YAK, 20% off your first purchase. roback.com all right uh chay uh cue it up again please what's your guys favorite thing to get at a fudge shop or candy store like one that makes like its own chocolate i don't know that i go to candy shops as much as you might think there's one in my town i go once a year to get my kids christmas candies but i don't go often and every time i go i'm like why don't i come here more often um i'm a sucker for chocolate covered anything almonds almonds i'll get like pretzel sticks i'll get like a chocolate covered anything i might just get a round of them for the boys i'm gonna get you those s'mores this weekend i would love that you're gonna like it i like those turtles yeah oh yeah yeah with all the shit in them yeah those are nice just a big old fucking pile of shit yeah i like that and then anything with peanut butter oh my god yeah maybe some bark bark bark is good what about pure fudge i almost think that's too rich sometimes i get a little diarrhea i agree it the idea of fudge to me is better than the reality of fudge because often it's too thick or too rich and it's you can only eat a little bit of time and i'm not interested in something i can only eat a little bit of a time no i need something i can just gorge on for right away just just destroy it i want my fudge stepped on i want it cut you know what i do after Every Valentine's Day, day or two later, you go, you buy all the leftover. I love a box, an assorted box. And I love just sitting in front of the TV, just taking one bite out of every single one and just being gross. And the boxes are like a dollar after Valentine's Day. Get them on the cheap. I look a good caramel apple, too. Really? Whoa. Big time. That's out there. Have you ever tried like a gourmet one? I don't think I have. I feel like they're a little tough to eat, Ed. I just remember. It would be controversial. And the ones I ever had around Halloween were always so soggy in the middle. The apples were always so soggy. I know. That's why you need the gourmet ones. Yeah. Or cut above. You say? Big time. You know, my favorite place to see a fudge shop is the airport. I feel like not enough airports have them. San Francisco was a good chocolate city. Giardelli? Yeah. My wife got a bunch of it. We've been eating on that for... Oh. Recchi Uti is out there. Yeah, it is. I didn't see it. Do you know that one? No. It's Recchi Uti. You ever heard of it? Uh-uh. Oh, that was funny then. Yeah. What you said. Yeah. Rec U.T.'s like Giardelli. It's really high-end chocolate out in San Francisco. Unbelievable. Wish I had known about that. I would have checked it out. Their salted caramel truffles are to die for. There's another place here on Damon. I think it's called Hotel Chocolates or something. There's a few of them. But they have an endless running chocolate fountain that if you buy a pastry, you just automatically get a cup of melted chocolate for the Dippins. Oh, my goodness. And it's so fucking good. And then they have this row of like 20 million different flavors that you wouldn't think would be good, but that are good. And what you do is you look for the ones that are about to expire. I'm all about the discount chocolates. You get them real cheap. And then you sit in your car right outside the chocolate shop and you just eat them all. While weeping. While weeping. Yeah. Love chocolate. Play some sad music. Like my women. Did you change your cologne? Do you have a new cologne? No. You smell good today. I wear the same cologne every day. When you walked in, it wafted. You have like a stuffy nose today. I do have a stuffy nose. It got through. Damn. I thought you smelled really good. I went to a fancy perfumery in San Francisco and spent a lot of coin. It was one of those situations where you don know how much it is until they checking you out and you too ashamed to stop it Yeah But I wearing something now called French Cowboy French Cowboy huh French Cowboy It supposed to smell like a sexy cactus and I do feel I hate to do it I have to go to the bathroom so bad. Go ahead. Go ahead. It's all this chocolate, all this fudge talk. Friday, man. It has the boys going. There it is. Francis, tiny screwdriver fell out of your pocket? Yeah, I can play with it. Okay. Okay. Tiny little. I like to fiddle. Okay, yeah, yeah, he's a fiddler. What did the one comedian say he bought every time he landed somewhere in case he needed to defend himself? Oh, we had Aiden McCluskey. No, no. It was a Nicoletti. He lands and buys a screwdriver. Yes. Maybe he's doing the Coletti. I don't know. Comedians all do that. It's like a stereotype. You can't travel with it. It's probably something cheap to buy. You just walk around with a screwdriver. That's great. Huh. Why not a pocket knife? Yeah, true. Our friend of the program, Aiden McCluskey, hilarious guy. He got the worst haircut I've ever seen. and he looks just like a peasant right now and it's killing me he's posted because he has to post himself a lot yeah and uh so uh his new thing is no royalties allowed at his show it's just shows for peasants but he looks it's it is it's one of the worst cuts i've ever seen is there a picture of it yeah yeah he's the one who's done the adorable boys yeah he's great he is i watch all his clips i feel like he's like next up or something he definitely is he travels i think he opens up for nick mullen he's like okay yeah he's fantastic every single clip i watch has me like that he's so good yeah you can easily deem him next up yeah i'm deeming him next up um i think he tweeted it he behind the scenes in the green room too just his life is insane yeah like he lived in his car in the wilderness of wisconsin for a while he's like got some good stories interesting all kinds of diseases yeah my kind of guy yeah fun fun dude diseases oh my god that's so bad oh yeah that was worse than i thought yeah that's a bad hair getting a bad haircut is like you want to cry as soon as you get out i think one of my first biggest videos was of a bad haircut yeah here you had a bad bad haircut terrible they like it was like a like a fifth of a buzz cut. It's all on the side. I don't know if we could find it. Yeah. You know, the best thing about Danny, he's got that permanent colic. Do you? It's kind of in the front. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of pops up there. I tamed it, though. How many days a year would you say you're hatless? I wear a hat a lot. And I did before this job. Yeah. I've always been a hat guy. So much so that I notice when you don't. Yeah. I'm like, oh, whoa. Yeah. It's odd. You've got a great head of hair. I don't want to make a big deal about this real quick. I just want to get ahead of the story here, control the story before it controls me. So I go to my barber, and I'm like, yeah, just give me the usual two on the sides, a little trim on top. And this guy just gets a little scissor happy and just basically... Oh, Danny! That's Chey's haircut. Danny, that's so bad. I know, I look like a cocky. That's crazy. And everyone's like, oh, it's going to grow back. Don't worry about it. yeah it's not even symmetrical i go to i mean this guy i might have this guy arrested oh that's bad some people are like oh like don't cut too much to the front don't cut too much the sides i'm gonna be like yeah did you say something to him after i don't know no you can't perfect just what i wanted no i've kept my mouth shut as my skin's being burned by a curling iron really on multiple occasions oh my god don't say anything but girls it's different because like there's a good chance like guys you can't add the hair but you guys have like weirder modifications unless it's bangs yeah so even even then even if it's like salvageable you don't you don't ask interesting that's probably just a you problem yeah not a girl problem 100 i'm back i went to pee is that a bathroom good now yeah so uh take the string back up live please yeah we took it down brandon back when you were getting the bowl cut that you were hired with that like yeah yeah what did you ask for yeah what were you asking for me what'd you show them a picture of i don't know i would just show up uh i would say make it make it shorter all the way around your own bowl no i was i was just i think i was just like i had a number for the sides uh shave it to a three on the sides and then whatever on the top just just make it shorter and it would always uh it would always just to kind of take care of itself i don't know i never knew i had a bad haircut until i until that day and everybody's making fun of my bad haircut and now that i look back at it yeah i had a bad haircut but i never i never thought about it it was never it was never a thing it was never nobody said hey brandon you have bad hair not once have you ever broken it down with your wife like do you think she'd go back and look at that now and be like yeah you did have a bad haircut yeah i i my wife is so ride or die for me she would just be like whatever uh but but it would it was it was just never a thing i never one time in my adult life got made fun of for my hair until that barstool video that day what was it and i don't know that i can explain that a popular hairdo where you were from yeah it's just it's just kind of a high and tight keep it no it's not keep it short it wasn't good all right like nick swards and benchwarmer i had fleming hit me with a wolf once when i was walking into the office yeah that hurt well i mean chay hit me with the the oof heard around the world when he saw my hair one time yeah it's an oof when you started you had a buzz cut no it was close to it yeah yeah i was talking about like what was it the high school picture if you want oh that that was just yeah that was a different i thought you're talking about the one right when i got out of barstool if you watch some old uh more cowbell it's pretty you have like a tilted bang situation i gotta be honest i don't know if anybody does watch old more cowbell i did i know you and kyle did kyle's seen the entire dvd collection uh but i uh yeah it would from time to time it would get a little cattywampus yeah it would have an angle to it which was always weird and uh you know depending on how i did it that day it would jump up more but i i don't know i never thought about it never never once considered hey improve your hair improve your life ed you're a hat guy every day as well for the most part yeah why what has changed since you've gotten the transplant i have uh like this light sensitivity thing yeah we're like wearing a bill like helps with these fucking lights you know i know that sounds weird but i swear no i get it that's a lot of it like yeah you get migraines so you get it like i like i get like this brain fog and shit so i honestly most of the time i had is because of that you had a phase where you were wearing those red glasses i know what happened to that um it's gotten better the last couple years you know we we get used to it in here we get used to our studios used to this studio but like when we do a remote or a draft kings thing where it's in a different spot and the lights are in a different spot i'll always get a headache or always be super sensitive i'll get to the point where i can't see or can't open my eyes you have the hardest job on fucking earth no that's not what i'm saying that's i'm just saying i'm just saying i get i get where the bill would come in francis do you own a hat oh yeah yeah okay yeah i just don't i don't wear them i mean i always wear than playing golf okay yeah or sun outside whatever okay i just can't wear hats because it's my head's so misshapen my head's not round it's got some it's like a nascar track that isn't quite oval it's got a i have a road course head hair shaped yeah so it's a weird head che are you considering keeping this kind of haircut or are you going to go back to i am considering it the buzz looks great on you thank you um i'm considering the buzz blonde not sure definitely want the spots to go away but um yes highly in consideration we'll see how it grows out it still looks good yeah thanks i'm thinking about like buzzing up the sides to go like blonde on top black on the sides for a little bit but we'll see i would really like the spots to go away soon are you just pulling up to the grocery store like that or are you wearing a hat so this past weekend i was like fully hatted and then like kids drop offs and stuff like the first day i think i was hatted and then i just like i forgot a hat and then it was just no hat so i like was coaching basketball last night with like little kids and had this that's fun though yeah yeah it's a rodman i leaned into what i said i'm trying to be like dennis rodman so we rebound better that's good that's good oh man all right well uh what do you got on the prep sheet here chay i saw one is president's day coming up right what what is the amount of time that you have to hit on this show two hours oh you have to well we don't but we don't have to hit anything technically we're an hour show really well we're going an hour over every day yep we kind of settled into two hours as the uh as the kind of we might end a little short today you know with kyle out for voice big cat out titus out you know we're all did he start the show in here who kyle no no yeah i was up there I think he came here with the intent and then tried to do some I haven't looked at the numbers but I gotta believe that they're way down the show? for today, when Big Cat's not here I think we did pretty good I'm not saying the show's bad I'm just saying that he's everything we gotta find a way to get him on the thumbnail yeah let's figure it out I think you bringing him up is enough so he's on the thumbnail now and Kyle as well We just talked about him. And we do bring out some tricks, like Danny's got the big pencil right now. That's huge. Che reference, Dennis Rodman. Yep. Do you have an ad or no? Yeah, I'm going to do an ad. Please fucking go. No, no, no, no. Listen, Monday is President's Day. Who's your favorite historical president and why, whatever? Historical president or any president? Yeah, well, most presidents are historical. I don't want to get into current politics. Sure. do you think William Howard Taft is pissed his lasting memory is getting stuck in a bathtub I'll do the ad now was he a good president otherwise I don't know anything about Taft right yeah just fat just fat um bald stool season two is happening it will run from February 14th through the 19th Este Nové Este Nové is one of the leading hair transplant centers in Turkey expert medical teams provide personalized planning and modern techniques with high success rates patients receive vip support and a comfortable transparent premium experience throughout their entire hair transplant journey comprehensive services include flights accommodation transfers and follow-up this is a special partnership between este nove and barstool sports este nove is not just a hair transplant clinic they are confidence architects trust builders and life transformation partners each patient's journey is a trust building journey their operation is life-changing experience and their touch is a global class experience take control of your confidence today if you're noticing a receding hairline or thinning hair it's time to act book your hair transplant with este nove the world's leading hair transplant clinic start your journey to a fuller natural looking head of hair join the transformation journey with este nove este nove.com slash barstool all right uh yep i think we could we could legitimately just spin the wheel get out of here a little early yeah if there's anything i don't talk about though i'd you know Yeah. Yes, Eddie? I got questions, but we could have a question. Give it to me. Are you into this guy? Who's this clavicle guy? Clavicular. Can somebody explain it to me like I'm an idiot? I would rather have just ended the show. Okay. That's fair, too. He's a looks maxer. He got beat up in New York last night? Yeah, your coat maxing right now. He didn't get beat up. I don't. He was attacked. I don't know. He's a looks maxer. Yeah, it's. He got framed. It started the week by getting framed by an ASU frat leader, brutally. Now he's in New York doing this stuff. I don't have much on it. That's all I got. In my brain he's like a different version of World of T-Shirts. Oh have y'all seen the guy They're streamers. Have you guys seen the guy that is recording this? No. We're about to. Yeah wait for the camera flip. It's tape. Uh huh. Uh huh. A lot of good looking people there. Whoa. What? What the hell? Okay. Buddy you could have just cut that. Do we know this guy? No. Not yet. He's on Ball Stool season 3. Huh. Those eyebrows are insane. Francis, you laughed hard when he brought up clavicular. I thought it was funny that he called him clavicle. Yeah. That was not a bit. That was really funny. I didn't know. So he's a TikTok streamer? He streams on kick. He's a looks maxer. I don't know why we're pretending. TJ, what do you know about him? Yeah, TJ's the guy. The streamer game is kind of now like who can walk around and do the craziest thing for a clip. like the twitch streamer game or the kick streamer game oh like that kid like that kid at the golf tournament last week that jack yeah like let's walk around into public places and like fuck around separately a bunch of like early 20s late teens dudes are becoming like hyper focused on like aesthetics so like your proportions and your dimensions and like looking good to the point of fucking yourself up, hurting yourself to look that good. He's rendered himself sterile. This guy, Clav, has kind of taken off as the face of this subsect of the content game where he's microdosing meth to suppress his appetite and bone smashing, which is when you hit your face a bunch of times to try and define your jawline differently. His mom took his hammer away. And he's doing it to kind of an extreme way, but he's also kind of just like taken off in the stream game with like the some of the more like controversial uh kick streamers like sneeko and nick fuentes and sure aiden ross and that group i don't know i think the game's passed me to be honest i think whoa i think i might be unked to this type of shit because i look at it i'm like what the fuck is going on but the tweets are funny you were talking about you think taft is upset that like his lasting impression would be sorry tj i didn't have much last that would be mad that that's his lasting impression instead of being president or whatever can you think of like a building a library school anything that was named after a president or popular figure that may have accidentally altered their reputation like for instance eddie and i have a public high school william howard taft high school but like we used to get threatened with getting sent there and now forever i look at taft the president differently like if you like if you were your parents found a pack of cigarettes on you or a lighter like you're going to taft it's kind of a hard question oh it's a great question there have to be like bridges that have collapsed that were named or right yeah yeah airports that you know shitty air led to terrorism or something like that well that's like the uh who's the comedian that has that joke is it eddie murphy or chris rock that like a lot of mlk drives are not in the best name oh bill burr yeah i think it's bill burr i don't know but yeah yeah it's a good question i think some names have gone like there are some places now that have gotten bigger than the names ever were like la guardia it's bigger than the mayor in new york the airport's way bigger than he ever was who's o'hare good question no clue oh good question no question I have no idea who I am. Who's the most prominent person that has an airport? Is it JFK? Reagan and JFK. What do you mean the most prominent? I guess famous. Who's more famous than their airport? JFK is more famous than their airport. What's the one in Rome? Is that Da Vinci? Rome's airport's named after somebody. Paris is Charles de Gaulle, right? Yep. Okay, so most. Me and Francis go there a lot often together. Good question. Yeah. Great question. All right. We'll think on it. Yeah, we have until Monday. You know what? Spend the goddamn wheel. Yeah. Big Cat will be back. Kyle will be back, hopefully healthy. Titus will be back, hopefully healthy. Francis will be gone. I will possibly be healthy. You're tiptoeing sick right now. I am. I've been on the line. I said you were due. Yep. Yep. I think I'm going to strategically get sick next Thursday and Friday, though. So that's what I'm aiming for. Going to be a beautiful weather week, too. 60? 60 on Monday, 55 this weekend. It's going to be awesome. You hitting the links? What? You hitting the links? No, I don't think it's unfrozen yet. I think we're still – I don't know that we can still golf yet here. We'd love to. Francis, I haven't ruled out texting you tomorrow to say, give me a couple of tickets for tonight's show. Well, you asked me at the start of the show, and now you're walking that back. I'm 70 – Brandon Walker over here. I'm 70-30. I want to come. How far are you from Batavia? About an hour, I think. Batavia is straight west of here. Yeah. And I can go the back roads to it, I think, about an hour away. It's right under St. Charles, which is not far from my house. Here's what I'll do. I'll set the tickets aside. If you come, they're yours. If not, no problem. I'm going to text you today. Perfect. You got it. And I will ask that you remove all offensive material. I'm pretty clean these days. I don't really say anything. Got any cone tit jokes? Cone tit jokes? That's one of the triggers. Oh, no. Yeah. Dana. Dana Beers called them cone tits. Oh, God. Dana has bigger cone tits than I got. Yeah. It's not a competition, Brandon. Spin that wheel. It's how you carry them. It's how you carry them. Happy Valentine's Day to everybody. Oh, shut up. Oh, no. That's a nightmare. That is genuinely. Brandon, this is so. Are you in charge, Brandon? This is so dumb. So what now? What happens now? One of us has to get wet. And do they put the wheel up again with all of our names on it and do it? Yes. Oh, wow. Elimination style, though. It's pretty funny. Oh, my God. That's great. You wouldn't know anything about it. Do you have to wear all your clothes? Sure do. Even your shoes? You take your shoes off. You take your shoes off. But you have to wear your pants. But, Francis, you don't understand how funny it is. Hey, listen. I understand that this can happen. So you have to wear your pants Yes It's not going to be you It's Titus every time You're preparing so much That it's not going to be you The wheel has a mind of its own Alright well let's just rip the bandaid off Are they firing it up now probably He's getting it ready After you get wet And everybody has to sit here The show keeps going While you're off getting wet And then the best part Is when you walk back in wet And the show abruptly The show ends Just ends And you really got away from nothing That's the big laughs This comes from that part Wow How often does it happen? more than it should yeah more than it should we go through droughts and then we'll hit it like three times in a month are you shutting it down brandon huh are you gonna shut it down no i'm gonna i'm gonna let it go we were ending early anyway this is the wheels way to tell us to stretch the show out a little more so i'm gonna i'm gonna let it go i was already taking his shirt off yeah people would get mad if you did it uh if they would didn't do it threaten my kids lives I thought he might be. I considered it, but... Dang. Which shirt am I wearing today? Probably the poor one. All right, go. Let's go. What was that noise, Kate? Just like a... I hate being cold. It's always so cold. It's never changed. Danny's never been wet ever. Really? Never. Danny and TJ, I believe. Those two have never been wet. All right, let's go. Let's go one time. I think it's a good thing. Yeah. There you go, Eddie. Eddie, you ever been with? No. TJ, did you see the Richard Nixon library is selling hats that say Nixon Maxing? What? Yeah. Sold out pretty quick. Go. Go. Go. Go. I think you got it, Francis. Yeah. Come on. There's the dog. There's the boy. We shuffle. My fucking dude. Just dry ass boys over here. Nothing left on this wheel but some fucking losers. It's never been Danny. It's going to be me. I can tell already. It feels like a Danny deck. Yeah, it's going to be. If you could shuffle, that'd be great. Seeing TJ on there is crazy. I can't imagine. I can go to the airport. Where are you going, brother? Where do you think? there we go i'm fucked oh connor that'd be nice i'm fine with all any of these three except for connor and za oh fuck it's gonna be me i can already tell brandon you're smirking yeah it's funny when it's not you it does feel good once you're out it is something i enjoy kind of a long time's day wheelbob didn't know we had red and red and i I didn't know we had these two reds. We had all the reds. One for Danny. Oh, how many do you do? Best of seven. I want it. Oh, my God. This is so ridiculous. Agreed. It's two nothing. Two for Danny. Zahn Piss Watch. Zahn New. This is the script. It happens every time. So now someone who hasn't been on screen the whole day just has to come get wet. Now, this is where it gets interesting, Francis. This is where the perk. Because a sweep, a 4-0 sweep means the person who got swept has to piss their pants on camera instead of going to get wet. What in the fuck is this shit? Some highbrow stuff. Yep. Zah, you got any piss in you? He's going to be fine. Oh, yeah. I'm ready to roll. Oh! He's going to be fine. Oh! Piss! It's a piss! It's a piss! It's a piss! It's a piss! Oh, my God. Thank you, Will. Live to see another day. All right. Never been wet, Danny and Zach? Oh, my God. This is outrageous. Wow. It's a piss. Should we put him in this box? Yeah, get him in the box. Wait, where's Trent? We can wrap him up in Trent. I think he's over by the golf room. Oh, my God. Some people get shy, and they have to get wrapped up in something to be able to do it. Doug got shy. Doug. Did we put down a tarp or something? No, I don't think we ever have a thing. Just let him piss. Titus peed in a box, I think it was. Dear God. How was my weekend? Well, unfortunately, my African dwarf friend had to piss. I was going to say, for two hours, us white people talked about nothing, and we ended the show by having our Africans. Let's put them in a box and have them piss. Do sir. Piss himself in a box. People pay for this. I think it's an ingredient in expensive colognes. Can I say something that I think is going to be a huge piss? absolutely massive are you ready to go i don't want to be ready to go change the background i don't want to be the background of this all right just relax this is so dumb just go ahead and you know towel towel up you have a date right after this No, I said I'm getting stage fright. Oh, stage fright. Do you want the Trent? You want some music? Some PM music? All right, just... Let me know if you want the Trent. We could zoom. I've never seen one of these. Just get down in there. There you go, TJ. That's right there. Really get to that cock. Okay. And we'll see when it starts. And no pressure. We'll see when it starts. Whenever you want to. Of course, we are going to find out how... Go ahead and piss for us, though. Just fill up your pants. Squeeze it out. You want me to squeeze your tummy? You can poop instead. We'll allow it. Oh, we're close. We're close. Steve, shh. You want a water? there. You want me to tug it? Just piss your pants. Tug it. We can get Connor in here if you want. Should we play like waterfall sound? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's going to put his fingers in it. Oh, yeah. You want us to piss on you? Come on now. Okay, that would. Okay, his fingers are in the water. Oh, wow. He's really doing it to himself. Wait, it's working? Oh! There's a hole! It's coming through! What happened? How did you do that? How did that work? Wow. Good job, Zach. I am feeling pissed. How did he do that? Oh, my God. All my days. All my days. All right, we'll see you guys Monday. That's pissing himself. Good job. That's great. What a place. Yeah. Yeah. Get your straws, yeah, style and stay for a while. It's the act. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop or do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. Shout out that guy for making a Valentine's Day yak card for his significant other. All right. Have a good, safe weekend, everybody. Love you guys. Go piss yourself this weekend. Bye. Bye. Thank you.