Darling Roland

PINNA PINNA PINNA PINNA Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales. The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimist, this episode is grimist. It is frightening and scary and bloody. Be prepared. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five. Then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grim, grimist. I know this story will be weird because it's always weird. Not only will this story be weird, this is one of the scariest stories I will tell the season. Yes! I love scary stories! It will be scarier than any of the stories that you have heard so far. It will be this by... Great question. This is a brother's grim story. And I only had to change a little bit of it. This is one of their, I think, best, weirdest, scariest stories. Do you know like it's scary than Mr. Mushon Vittalut? It's even scarier than Mr. Mushon Vittalut, also known as Franz Xavavon Chunvitt. Alright, let's do it. Once upon a time, there was a woman who was a genuine witch. That's the real first line of this story. It's actually with the brother's grim roaches. I think they're like no witch or you know the brother's grim story. You did say there's not really any witches that's just old, creepy old ladies. You know, and so as soon as I was revising the story today before I came in, I was like, oh my gosh, I said there were no witches. And the first line of this story is, she was a genuine witch. But here's the thing. First of all, it's a super weird way to start. Like, it's a genuine witch. Genuine is something that we hear in like advertisements, right? Like 100% genuine cotton. Or 100% genuine real fruit. But this lady is a 100% genuine witch. Which is, well, weird. Yeah. It's like what is that supposed to mean? It's supposed to a fake witch? It sounds like an ad, right? Like guaranteed. 100% genuine witch. No artificial flavors or preservatives. I thought it was so weird that I decided to do some research about it. So, I think I told you this before. But the brother's grim started collecting their stories in 1810. And they published their first version in 1812. But the versions of the stories that most of us know, the ones that I mostly use, are the last edition they were published in 1857, 45 years later. So, the genuine witch line is in the 1857, the latest one. So, I decided to go back to the first one, 1812. And see if that also had darling a Roland in it and see if that also called her a genuine witch. And guess what I discovered. In the first version of the story, it doesn't say genuine witch. It doesn't say the word witch at all. It just says a woman. So, why did they change it to a genuine witch later? I have a theory that I'll explain to you as we get to that part of the story. But for now, we're just going to call her a woman. This woman had two daughters. The woman was very close with her older daughter. The woman and the older daughter would put their heads together and point at their neighbors and laugh at their clothes and their habits and act snotty to them when they pass them in the street. That's actually pretty rude. It is really rude. The younger daughter never liked to do any of that. She would ask her sister and mother to be nicer, but they never listened. And she tried to smile at her neighbors, but they rarely smiled back. Because her family had gained a reputation for being awful. And if you do that your whole town, the whole town would not like you. In their town, there was a rich lord, and his son was named Roland. Roland was very handsome, and every girl in town wanted to marry him. But one day, Roland heard the younger girl singing as she hung out the laundry. Room little blossom shy in the shade Dream of the sun where your petals are laid. The girl's voice was so sweet and kind sounding that Roland had instantly fallen in love with her, which no one could understand. The girl wasn't richer, spectacularly beautiful. Her family wasn't nobility, and her mother and sister were awful. Roland's father disapproved of Roland's love for the girl and told him so. Roland didn't care. Roland and the girl became sweethearts, and she called him Darling Roland, because he loved her, despite what everyone else said. I can see you hiding your face when I said Darling Roland. Why are you hiding your face? Because that's disgusting. You are not into lovey-devy stuff? Yeah. Well, don't worry. The story will be lovey-devy, and then it will be bloody-bloody. Yeah, bloody-bloody! Roland's love for the girl made her mother and older sister furious with jealousy. Why should she have the love of the richest and most desirable young man in town? She was just sweet and quiet, and thought she was too good to gossip about other people, and her infernal singing drove the nuts. And then, one day, something happened. Roland gave the younger daughter a very pretty apron, and her older sister became very jealous of it. The older sister went to their mother and said, Mother, I want that apron. And her mother said, I know just what to do. Oh, no. What do you think she's going to suggest? Steal it. Steal it? Far down her head to get it from her. Because it talks like fumes were an awkward out for all of eternity. I think she's going to say we maybe have to kill the f... the... that girl. Her mother said, That girl deserved to die long ago. I knew it! The mother said to her older daughter, Tonight, when you and your sister go to bed, you should sleep on the wall, and you should push your younger sister towards the outside of the bed. Oh, and during the day to day, don't let her leave the house, in case she suspects something and tries to run away. And the older daughter agreed. Don't sisters got each other's backs? Yeah, usually they do, that's a great point. Later that day, the younger girl announced, I'm going to town to do the shopping. Oh, no! Said her mother, You stay right here. I'll go do the shopping. The way she said it made the girl kind of suspicious. Her mother never offered to do her chores for her. A little later, the younger girl announced, I look out into the forest behind her house, and collect firewood. Oh, no! Said her sister, You stay right here. I'll go collect the firewood for you. Now the younger girl was getting very suspicious. Just before bed, the younger girl announced that she was going to the outhouse, to use the toilet. Oh, no! Both her mother and her older sister said it once. We'll use the toilet for you. Why do you do that? Does it make any sense? No! I think so, then. The girl was like, What are you talking about? I have to use the toilet. You can't use it for me. This was true. So all three of them went to the outhouse together, which made the younger girl super suspicious. As the two girls were getting into bed that night, her older sister said, You always have to sleep all smushed up by the wall, while I spread out all over the rest of the bed. You take the outside tonight, and I'll sleep next to the wall. The younger girl looked at her older sister. She thought about it. What do you think she should do? Say no, say no. I agree. Say no, because they've been acting suspicious all day. Say no, because they're going to kill her, and I think that she knows that they're going to kill her. The younger girl said, Okay. And she let her older sister get into bed next to the wall. This is no good. If she does that, then she is definitely going to go into the chicken ginkilet. When the house was totally dark, and the older girl had fallen into a deep sleep, the younger girl crawled over her sister, and lay down next to the wall. She didn't know why her older sister wanted the sleep on the inside, but she knew she didn't trust her. Smart? Yes. Soon, both girls were asleep. Okay. This is the horrible part. So if you need to close your ears now is the time. Okay, I'm bliss. I'm quite close. In the dead of night, when both girls were asleep, the mother crept into the girl's room, and in her right hand, she was holding a magic wand. Yeah. And now we have arrived at the genuine witch part. Until this moment in the original 1812 edition, there had been no mention of a magic wand, or magic of any kind, or witches, just normal woman, two daughters, super mean, suddenly magic wand. So I think this is what happened. In 1857, the brothers grim were revising their story, right? Every time they published a new edition, they would revise it to see if they could make it better. And they were reading back through Darling Roland, and one of them was like, you know what? It's like super random that suddenly there's a wand in this story. We better make it make more sense. And the other one was like, I know what we can do. We can just say at the very beginning that she is a witch. And the other one was like, I'm not just a witch, and she ain't new in witch. And the other one was like, oh, great idea. I love it! And that's all they did. That's my theory. Anyway, so this mother, who was clearly a 100% certified witch, crept into the room, holding her magic wand. She saw in the darkness that one of her girls was sleeping on the inside next to the wall, and that the other was on the outside. And she raised the wand above her head, and brought it down on the girl who was sleeping on the outside. She chopped that girl up with the magic wand, and then she crept out of the room again. But that this isn't the younger girl, but this is the older girl. Also, how does a wand chop somebody up? I don't know. Because it spouts, because it spouts and wands can be knives. Yeah. I don't know. It's weird. It's weird. I don't know. It's weird, right? Well, the chopping woke up the younger girl, because who got chopped up? The older girl, the younger girl. The older girl, the mean one, because the younger girl crawled over her and they changed places. Oh. So the good girl is fine, and the bad girl got chopped up. Now she's dead. So now she's dead. And our mother is going to be so upset. Her mother is going to be so upset. You're so right. Well, the chopping woke up the younger girl, and when she saw that her mother had chopped up her sister, clearly thinking it was her, she crawled out of the window and ran as fast as she could to the house of her darling Roland. I love that you guys are holding hands to take care of each other. That's so great. The girl went to Roland's window and called to him. And when he emerged, she said, Darling Roland, we must win away. My mother crept into my room, and the darkness and tried to chop me up with a magic wand. But she killed my sister instead. When the sun comes up and she sees what she's done, all is lost. All right, said Roland. But what if she follows us? Do you think you could take her magic wand? Without it, we may never get away. The girl thought this was a good idea. So she snuck back through the window of her room, trying not to look at the bloody bed, through the kitchen, up the stairs, and to her mother's room. The door was open to crack, and she could hear her mother snoring loudly. The girl tried to open the door as quietly as she could. Wow. Oh, my God. Her mother didn't wake up. The girl saw the bloody wand lying on her mother's bedside table. She crept across the floor. Her mother didn't wake up. Look at that. That was so close. She took the wand and snuck back out of the room across the creaking floor. Oh, my gosh. Through the creaking door. Her mother didn't wake up. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She ran down the stairs, and as she did, a drop of blood fell from the wand. She ran through the kitchen, and as she did, another drop of blood fell from the wand. She ran through her room, and as she did, a third drop of blood fell from the wand. Oh, no. I'm following the trail of blood to find her. Then the girl ran back to her darling Roland's house, and they hurried away together. In the morning, the 100% genuine witch woke up and called to her older daughter. But her older daughter didn't come. Where are you? Called the witch mother. I'm on the stairs, weeping. Answered a voice. Well, I thought Roland's home, they ran away, and then the older sisters killed. So the witch mother went to the stairs. But all she saw was a single drop of blood. Where are you now? Called the witch mother. I'm in the kitchen cooking. Answered a voice. So the witch mother went to the kitchen. But all she saw was... Drop blood. A single drop of blood. Where are you now? Called the witch mother. I'm in my bed sleeping. Answered the voice. Oh my gosh! Well, the witch mother didn't like this trick that the older girl was playing on her, and she stomped into the bedroom ready to tell her off. And... Baaah! She saw her oldest daughter chopped to bits. The witch mother flew into a rage and ran to the highest window of her house. She had the gift of long sight because she was 100% genuine witch. And she looked all around. Until she saw, far in the distance, the younger girl and her darling Roland running away. Now, this witch mother had a pair of magical boots that allowed her to walk seven leagues in a single step. A league is three miles. She can walk seven leagues in a single step. How many miles could she go in a step? 21. And in Baba Yaga, there's like seven mile boots. Or are they really? So I had heard of these seven league or seven mile boots before. But this story is not very well known and I couldn't figure out where else I had heard them. So she put on these seven league boots and she strode across the countryside after the younger girl and darling Roland. The girl saw her witch mother coming after them, striding seven leagues in a single step. I'm just imagining a menacing old lady running at me. Yeah, okay. Everybody right now just imagine a menacing old lady sprinting at you crazy fast. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. The girl saw her witch mother sprinting towards her. Crazy fast. Quick. She said to her darling Roland. Hide in these brambles. So they hid in a thorny, thicket of brambles. But the witch mother still saw them and kept coming. Quick. Said the girl. Play the fiddle. What? You know what a fiddle is? No. Like a violin. Oh, what? Roland said, What? I don't know how to play a fiddle. I don't even have a fiddle. But the girl touched him with the wand. And instantly he became a fiddler. And she touched herself and turned into a flower. And the magic wand was one of her petals. So he stood with his fiddle in the middle of the brambles while she grew from the ground by his foot. If you've ever listened to this podcast before, there is another episode that it kind of sounds like, right? Yes, there is a giant old lady that was running after two kids. A girl and a boy, that was a witch trying to cook them. In her spous-fing, I heard what that story was called. Duck soup, I think. Duck soup is a Mark's Brothers movie. Little chick. Close. Close. Yes. So it is super similar to little chick in this way. In fact, when I first read Darling Rollin' a couple years ago, I was like, I'm not going to do it's too similar to little chick. But actually, it's only got this one similarity. The witch mother came to the thorny brambles and the magic of the wand didn't fool her for an instant. She pushed her way past the thorns to pluck the flower from the ground. But just then, Darling Rollin' began to play his fiddle. And it must have been a truly magical fiddle, indeed. Because as soon as he started to play, the witch mother began to dance. And she couldn't stop. She danced and danced in the thorny thicket of brambles. And the faster Rollin' played, the faster she danced. And the thorns tore her clothes and ripped her flesh. But Rollin' played faster and faster. What is happening to her, do you think? What's going to happen? She's dying. She's dying, how? Because it's magic and it's said that it's ripping her skin. Yes! Until the witch mother danced herself into bloody bits. And there was nothing left of her, but shreds of skin and flesh hanging from the branches of the brambles. Isn't that disgusting? It's so gross. I love it. I can't help myself. It's old play, sushi. Ah, I don't know what it was. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very gross. Yes. Super gross. I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, grandma. Very, very, grandma. Very, grandma. Did you know that you can listen to grim, grim, grim, grim, without any ads interrupting the story? Just subscribe to Pinnah. Not only will you get to hear me tell these fairy tales straight through, the way I tell them to kids, you get access to tons of other awesome original shows and audiobooks all ad-free. Subscribe to Pinnah at Pinnah.fm, that's P-I-N-N-A-D-F-M, and use code grim with two M's to get 30% off an annual subscription. And remember, it's not a smurf. A lot of people remember what they dream about when they go to sleep. But what if you discovered you could move between the world of dreams and real life? That's the story of Dream Reachers, where Evan wakes up on his 12th birthday and realizes that something he dreamed about that night had actually happened. Dream Reachers is a high stakes sci-fi mystery adventure. And with the help of his friends, a reappearing stranger, and a mysterious organization called the Dream Academy, Evan will discover what it means to be a Dream Reacher. If that sounds like a dream to you, you are in luck, my friend. You can listen to Dream Reachers now, wherever you get your podcasts. Once the witch mother was dead, the girl transformed herself back into her own form, and Darling Roland back into his, and Darling Roland told her, Wait, right here. I will go to my father and arrange our wedding for this very day. And the girl said, I don't you want to talk about all the crazy stuff that just happened. But Roland had already run off. So, Roland would be like, oh, this is my dad, and then the young girl would be like, oh, this is my mom. And then she's like, she's just like ripped up in a bush. This is my mom. She's hanging in little bits from all the different thorns. The girl waited, and waited, and waited, and he didn't come back. A day went by. He didn't come back. Two days went by. He didn't come back. He's a chicken. He's a chicken. He's acting like a chicken. Oh. He's scared. Of? Because it's late, so basically his girlfriend's like, I'm not chicken all that. Look, I killed my mother. He's thinking, I'm going to be next, and her being me like, I'm going to go home. I'll be right back. You could be right. Chicken. I think the father is really mean, and he just went to pal your dad to life. Kid or he locked him up. Does he mention that? Kid. And the father didn't like the girl, I don't think. Right, interesting. When the third day went by, and he still hadn't come back, the girl decided that she would rather be trampled to death by a bore or eaten by a passing deer, and lived with the disappointment of her darling Roland abandoning her. And she transformed herself back into a flower and waited to die. Do you think this was a good choice that she made? Like if your love leaves you, should you just wait to die? No, no, because you would just go find him. Yeah, go find him. Confirm to him. Yeah. Slap him silly. Slap him silly. Well, maybe not, but maybe. What you are saying is, do something, right? What had happened to Darling Roland was that he had gone back to his house and told his father everything that had happened, and announced that he wanted to marry the girl. But his father absolutely forbade it. First of all, it was not an advantageous match. The girl was not rich or noble. Second of all, did Roland really want to marry the daughter of a witch? She didn't that make the girl a witch? She certainly seemed like a witch with her mother's magic wand. What if they got into a fight? Would the girl turn him into a toad? Or maybe she would chop him up as her mother had done to her sister? This second argument was even more convincing to Roland than the first. And the third argument was most convincing of all, which was this. That very day, another lord who was very rich came to visit with his very beautiful daughter. And Darling Roland and his father agreed that she would be a better person to marry than the witch girl anyway. I don't care about me! It doesn't matter if you're like witch or fanny. But why can't she just turn herself back into human? She could, she doesn't want to, she's too sad. Why? Because her darling Roland went away from her. Wait, she knows that he does one rare? Well, he knows she knows that he never came back. So the wedding between Roland and his new bride was planned, and the girl who was now a flower waited to die. And then, one day, a young shepherd came through the woods. He was singing a sad tune about being lonely, and he had a lovely voice. When will I find her? Oh, how I long to soft like a flower. Beautiful patient and true. As he sang, he saw the beautiful flower that was the girl. And he picked it and took it home with him, and put it in a vase on the windowsill. Then, weird things started happening in the shepherd's hut. That's the actual line from the Brothers Grimm story, and I just, I don't know why, I really like it a lot. Weird things started happening in the shepherd's hut. Who's the shepherd? This random shepherd, this random guy who came by and picked the flower. So weird things started happening, like he would go to bed at night, and when he woke up in the morning, his little cottage had been clean from Florida roof, from cupboard to ceiling. He would go out to tend his sheep, singing all the while, and when he came back, a warm meal would be waiting for him. He had no idea how to explain it. So, he went to his grandmother. Now, the Brothers Grimm described this grandmother as a wise woman. I don't know if she's a genuine wise woman, or a 100% guaranteed genuine wise woman, or maybe wise woman is their way of saying a good witch. Anyway, the wise woman told her grandson the shepherd. There is surely magic at work. When you wake in the morning, if you see the slightest thing move, throw a white cloth over it, this will break the magic. So that night, the shepherd went to bed clutching a white cloth. When the first rays of sun woke him in the morning, he opened one eyelid, and saw the flower on his windowsill, moving ever so slightly, as if it had just hopped back into its vase a moment ago. The shepherd jumped up and threw the white cloth over it, and... What happened? He missed a cameo girl. He missed? No? The flower turned back into the ground. The flower turned back into the girl, and the shepherd said, What the what? So the girl told him everything, and she explained that she had been watching him living for these last few weeks, which he found completely creepy. But then she explained that she had fallen totally in love with him, because he was kind to his sheep, but to his grandmother, and he had a lovely singing voice, and if it was okay with him, she would like to marry him. Oh, what's going on? Cornies! Yes? Why does this always happen in fairy tales? When one girl or boy just meet another girl or boy or something, and then they're just like, I want to marry you. Let's go. They get married way too fast, ain't they? Well, the shepherd said he needed a few days to think about it, as he'd only just met her, and she'd spent the last few weeks as a flower spying on him, but also cleaning his house and cooking your meals. So he asked her to live with him for three more days, and if he liked her enough by the end of that time, he would gladly marry her. Finally, some day. Exactly. The first day went by, and he was pretty sure he liked her. When the neighbors came over and wanted to gossip, she would never join in, and she would always find something kind and funny to say, instead. The second day went by, and she told him about how magic worked, and he realized that she was wise as well as kind, and he was sure that his grandmother would like her. The third day went by, and he was certain that he liked her. She had a beautiful singing voice. They sang a duet. When will I find her? Oh, how I long to soft like a flower. Beautiful patience and truth. And when the shepherd and the girl sang together, it sounded like magic. The shepherd was just about to agree to marry her when everyone was summoned to a wedding. Rollin's wedding. Rollin was getting married to the pretty daughter of the rich lord, and all the young people of the kingdom were required to attend. They had to. Rollin and his father had commanded all the young people of the kingdom not only to attend the wedding, but to sing songs for the bride and groom as a wedding gift. So the girl and the shepherd both went to the wedding. All the young people lined up. Rollin and his beautiful bride to be walked in, followed by Rollin's very happy father. Everyone clapped. This was who Rollin was supposed to marry. And then all the young people took turns singing for Rollin and his bride. Each one stepped forward one by one and sang. The girl kept stepping backwards instead of forward, or she was afraid of Rollin recognizing her. It would be too painful. Does anyone understand that why would it be painful for her if Rollin recognized her? Because, because Rollin already likes another girl, and he's afraid if he is going to tell her to get out right now. Oh, maybe. Because that was her boyfriend, and she's, what if he recognizes her? And then she'll be like, I don't know if I really want to marry this girl anymore. Maybe I want to marry this girl. It could be super awkward. And do people want to kiss one girl? Yes. Yeah. When that boy first go to girl, and how he fell in love with her, was because he was singing his song. And that is, I think, now he's going to fall in love with her too. Because she's going to sing a song again, what an interesting prediction. Eventually, it was the girl's turn, and she could not avoid it. She stepped forward and sang. And when he heard her, Darling Rollin remembered how much he loved her. And he said, Father, I will not marry the rich Lord's daughter. I want to marry her. And he pointed at the girl. Rollin's father tried to change his son's mind, but Rollin refused. He loved the girl, and he wanted to marry her. What do you think she should do? If you were the girl, what would you do? You'd miss your chance, dude. I think the girl should say, no, I will not marry you, because you just left me there, and you didn't think about me. You're not kind. Why are you getting so uncomfortable? Because the dad forced him and said that the girl wasn't good enough. I would run out of there like a bullet. Why wouldn't you want to marry Rollin? I just want to run out of there so that I'm not included. You're not included in any of this. The girl felt torn. She had loved Rollin for so long, but he had forsaken her. And now she loved the shepherd. Rollin called to the girl. Please, marry me. The girl stood stock still, undecided. And then the shepherd stepped forward, and he began to sing. When will I find her? And the girl knew who she truly loved. Not the young Lord who had left her in the woods. She loved the shepherd, who had plucked her, and brought her home. And whose voice went so well with her. She began to sing too. When will I find her? And everyone felt silent to hear their voices. The shepherd's in the girls. And twining like magic. The shepherd and the girl were married the very next day. And the girl's sorrow ended. And her joy began. The end. Um, can I just go back to the, if she doesn't have a wand, she isn't 100% genuine rich anymore, right? Yes, she's just no baby. Because, um, if she's not a genuine rich anymore, then she's just a genuine little lady. Did it work? Is this thing on? Okay, good. Hi. My name is Carly Q. And if you're anything like me, you may have noticed that there are a lot of big questions out there that need answers. Like, is the lockness monster real? What's going on in the Bermuda Triangle? And who ate my pie? Okay, well, maybe the last one hasn't occurred to you, but on Who When Wow Mystery Edition, I'm solving all of life's mysteries. Well, at least some of them. Join me as I travel through space and time to investigate history's most famous mysteries all during my lunch break. Some things can't be explained, but they can be explored. Listen to episodes of Who When Wow Mystery Edition, wherever you get your podcasts. Whether you like to test yourself on what you know, or you're interested in learning a bunch of cool new facts, you are bound to enjoy five or five trivia, a podcast all about trivia knowledge. Every week has a different theme, like amusement parks, creepy animals, video games, the universe, and a whole lot more. And each day, you try to get five for five right on those trivia topics, and hopefully learn something new along the way. Is a shark a fish or a mammal, which spell does Harry Potter use most often? You can answer those questions and more on five for five trivia. So if you're ready to challenge yourself and give yourself a big high five for the things you know, be sure to check out five or five trivia available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a penna original production, created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of a tale, dark and grim. Produced and edited by Kaelin West, associate producer Rebecca Cunningham, field recording by Julia Martin, casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham, sound design and mixing by Kaelin West, executive produced by Molly Barton, and Carly Milliori, production support by Devon Shepard, original songs by Yuri Lee, characters voiced by Mary Morgan, Charlotte Wilson Langley, Evan Moltby, Kaelin West, and Peter McNerney, special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions. You guys are awesome.