BLINK Q&A: You Asked, Jake Answers Part 2

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Hannah, thanks for being here again. Thanks so much for having me. Okay, so we are going to talk about the legal situation. And before we get into that specific question, we have to talk about Ellen. You know, I have to say, there's been so much said about this podcast. There's so much to love about it. One of the aspects that I think hasn't been talked about quite as much is the portrayal of your relationship with Ellen in the podcast. It's really well told. You know, it's complex and complicated, and you guys don't shy away from that. You're really honest about some of the good things about how for a time she was really good at taking care of you and understanding your needs. You talk about your range of emotions over time, starting with obsession and love and then how that really slowly starts to change as you understand what's really going on and how there's these really harmful, abusive patterns that are taking place. She became very controlling. You witnessed many times when she was hostile toward medical professionals who were really trying to help you. And the list goes on and on. But, you know, we hear about so many stories about abusive relationships from the women's perspective, and we really don't hear as many of these stories from men's perspective, especially hearing a man speak so honestly and openly about what that was like. I'm just curious you know what has the response been like from you being open about that about your relationship with her and everything that you went through now many men have reached out to me a lot of women have reached out to be like I think this or I think that she she did it or she this you know there's a big question mark behind her I'd say most across the board everyone's like so where's Ellen? What does she look like? Why isn't she telling her side? And a lot of people have been like, okay, worst thing to go through, right? Understandable. She was heightened and angry and agitated towards everyone. And the isolation of my family really got to a lot of listeners. obviously not great for me, even worse for my family, I imagine. But the consistent thing is, why did she dip out or distance herself when you started getting better? Wasn't this a goal? And why isn't she taking credit? because she could easily have come on and been like, Jake's a fucking asshole. Look at me. I nursed him back to health, and now I'm moving on with my life. Oh, I mean, if she's only after sympathy, there still could have been a lot of sympathy that she could have garnered. But you're right. I mean, there's that chilling moment when you have this incredible, you know, you're starting your recovery. Medical professionals have realized, oh, my gosh, you're in there. So all these things are in the works. You've got speech therapy. You have, you know, and the first time that you say, like, you're vertical in over a year, you talk about Ellen and her mom coming into the room and you look at Ellen's face. And your perception was that she was like sad or disappointed, which is shocking. How do you interpret that? Here's me going back to the actual moment once again. I remember it was so hard, so weak in my neck to lift my head. I was kind of in this machine vertical walking on these ballerina contracted feet. and you see it in like boxing training movies there's a guy with this chain link thing and a 150 pound weight attached to it and he's doing these neck presses so it kind of felt like that i was like get my neck up so i can make eye contact with the woman i love and they're all like look look at what he's doing it's amazing it's a miracle and yeah she looked not only disappointed but mad and i remember she was coming to visit obviously it's not like it's a quick little drive and she didn't stay for the visit that was that was kind of it and i just felt confused. I didn't understand whatsoever. And it sounds like a lot of listeners had that same feeling. Yeah. I felt more confused and sad. Oh, she doesn't want to visit? But it was more like, why does she have that look? This is a good thing. Not like I just shot a bunch of heroin. What are you mad about? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sorry if these questions are so specific that they're taking you back there. I don't know. That's probably a fun thing to be reliving. I guess the question is like I think near the end of the podcast we can really start to hear a little bit of that frustration and anger come coming from you like realizing the things that she's done even since the podcast has come out you know have you have your emotions continue to evolve as far as how you think about it and look back on on that relationship. yeah and i will say it's mostly i am very confused by all of it and as i look back the fact is i don't think i ever knew her and i was so infatuated with her i didn't meet many of her friends she didn't meet many of my friends and all of a sudden were a thing so i didn't really know her and then i tried to rationalize the systematic isolation that was happening it was like okay i'm dying you think everyone's a bad influence of my friends that's not true this again is in my head i'm not saying it out loud because i don't argue and i held a lot of guilt because I was very sure I did this to myself, even though that didn't end up because no one else was sick. Here it is. I'm dying. She's mad at me, verbally telling me, fuck you. This is your fault. I'm this age. I'm beautiful. This is not where my life is supposed to go. and I'm not taking care of you and you're an asshole. You did this to yourself. I just took it. I was like, okay, okay, I get it. I get it. And you shouldn't stay around because it sucks watching someone die. I've done that. It sucks. It ruined me, obviously. Go live your life. But then when it was really close family and just not letting them even come to the hospital, to say goodbye. Painful in how she treated my dad. She can be very harsh with her words, but again, I was like, I get it because her husband is dying and she's taking such good care of me that if you left, it would suck for me. I don't know. It's so confusing, but I didn't want her to leave, but I was rationalizing kind of makes sense. And then how has it changed now that I've learned so much more? It just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. I'm confused by it all. And my motivation of getting my story out there, aside from it being medically a miracle, is to figure out what really happened. And I have questions for Ellen. In some of these hallucinations, on our wedding anniversary, New Year's Eve, you brought in a bottle of champagne. Did you actually bring in a bottle of champagne? I really wanted to know the answer to that. I thought her coming in with the New Year's hats and the decorations was all a hallucination. But there's photographic proof that it happened. But did she bring the champagne? I don't know. I have like stupid questions like that. It's like, did this actually happen? And also, why did you do what you did? Why did you do it? All these things to my family and friends. Facebook posts. What's up with that? All these things. Why, when I got better, did you leave? thankfully you did because i was ready to never talk to my family again which is so fucking fucked up i want to hit this table right now i can't believe i was ready to do that but i was like you put your life aside save me now i'm gonna get better i'm gonna get out of the hospital and we can start fresh. And to do that, I will never talk to my family again, even though I think it's irrational. But I appreciate what you did for me, and I will do that for you. Yeah, I imagine you felt like you owed her a lot at that time and felt a sense of loyalty, for sure. Like I said, it sounds really complicated. And I think you guys did a really good job in the podcast of showing that complexity. And I think you also did a really good job of trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and being very fair when you talked about her. But, you know, I'm guessing she didn't feel that way. Perhaps too fair. Perhaps too fair. I mean, some could say. I'll say it. Jake Handel, saying it here. you had to pause the podcast at one point and i imagine maybe for legal reasons or whatever you guys didn't you didn't go into detail about that at the time you hinted that there was someone who wasn't happy about the episodes. I think a lot of people could guess. I wonder if that someone is Ellen. And so I'm curious if you can actually talk to us about that. What happened when the podcast had to pause? Yes, I can and will against perhaps some people's opinions. so this person on tiktok and instagram had been messaging and commenting all over my channel miracle man the blink feed no this is incorrect it's bullshit jake's a liar this didn't happen and ellen or l did everything for him he is a junkie and he's an asshole and he's twisting everything around and these were on reddit and they still there so this probably like episode three and these were coming in and they still there So this is probably like episode three and these were coming in and there are fans there are friends there are family members paying attention more closely to my socials than I am. I have DMed her, and I said, Seems like you know that family. we have been desperately trying to have them come on i've been trying to get them to tell their side would love it if you put us in touch i get to fuck you back pretty much and then when due doors my sperm episode came out i got a message from this person ellen has decided to come on the podcast is her number or email she can contact corinne and i obliged obviously we're very excited you've been wanting to have her on the podcast totally so we set up a google voice number and i think we gave blink the podcast at gmail.com our podcast email no emails came in But there were four messages from an attorney. And I'm okay with saying the name, John Tatooine. Tatooine? Tatooine. It's a planet from Star Wars, I believe. Right. Yeah. We're about to file a lawsuit. Okay, so this attorney messages you, I'm assuming on behalf of Ellen, and says is threatening to sue you? Yeah. My honest-to-God assumption at the time was she got her mom to finance this. My ex-mother-in-law, who I used to hold in very high regard, so I thought Cindy was financing this lawsuit or threat of one. Tatooine, the Star Wars planet attorney, all these calls, all these voicemails. And I reached out to my divorce attorney, Amy Clifford. I'm like, should I get back to him? She was like, no, let me do that. So we officially retained her. She was great. She was on the podcast talking about your divorce. She is great. Shout out Amy. She, yeah, many people in my story are holy crap for saving my life here. So you retained her and then did she write back? She called and they had a correspondence through her phone. She was like, look, I don't know how you guys want to proceed, but here's the deal. They're pissed. They want this. They did not send a cease and desist. or anything. What did she want? Or what did Tatooine want? It was mainly about, dude, where's my sperm? On the legal side. She said this was incorrect. She had permission for a one-time sample. She wants a revision, a correction, a public apology, and I believe $4,000. $4,000. $4,000. $4,000. For trouble. Okay. And at this point, I'm trying to remember if this was Amy Clifford dealing with her or was her new firm. And first of all, the answer is no. But Tatooine, but I just get a kick of calling him that, supplied one document, which was this one page of my million of medical records with a bunch of handwriting all over it seemed to be else but i had two doctors sign off and it said i consented by blink at this point And this was, it's kind of hard to decipher. It looks like this form was from December 27th, 2018. So, like, I'm definitely locked in. Okay. This is, like, when I survived Christmas. So, this document, I'm like, huh. I've never seen this document. And I looked through all the records. And because it's dated. So I'm able to actually find and there's like 7000 pages from this day and I'm able to find it. It obviously doesn't have handwriting on it, but it's it's really strange that they're saying I consented. Do you find this actual document in your medical records? I did. I did. Not with the handwriting, the one she supplied. And also, I don't know if you've, oh, you told me you listened to it. You didn't watch it in video. So my other show, You Never Know, we actually pulled this up in video and talked about it. And some of the things she wrote in with handwriting is wild. So she took a document that's a real document from your medical files. And then she wrote on it. She added to it in an attempt to say this was part of the original document. I don't really know, honestly. But one thing I do know is she violated the MSA because she literally said, I do not have anything, but she was able to pull this document. Right. She has everything. She has photos of me. She overtook my phone. She has everything. Right. So this goes back to when you were getting a divorce, there was this big back and forth that you talked about on the podcast that you were asking for your stuff back and citing specific pictures, documents. And basically she was going back through her attorney at the time saying, I don't have any of this stuff. I don't have it. I don't have it. This is post that. This is when the podcast is coming out. She now supplies this medical document to her attorney. So it's clear that she still has things. Yeah. I knew this was just like, fuck you. I don't want to give you shit. Anyway, besides the point, It was just interesting. And frankly, she had the neurology department of MGH eating out of the palm of her hand. It's the beginning of locked in. I certainly was fluctuating through states of consciousness, but not in a place where I could just be like, yes, jerk me off right now, please. If I could have said that, sure, I'm a guy. I would take it. But you did not give any kind of consent. You couldn't. No, I couldn't. So you've attained representation. Now, I don't know how to say his actual name because you're calling him Tatooine. It's Tatooine. Tatooine. He sends over the list of demands. And part of that is this documentation from your medical records that says that you somehow consented, even though we know that you couldn't actually do that at the time. And where does this go from here? Like, did she file a lawsuit against you? No. So all it really was was this, you know, we hired this rock star firm that handles this type of stuff for podcasting. And for anyone that's hired rocks are attorneys. They're not cheap and they go by the hour. And the hour might be when they're on their computer or sleeping and thinking about it. So this was getting costly, right? And also, I just have a lot of color of what she's done in the past, and I understand her more than, let me back up. Nobody understands her, but I understand her in this situation where she will just, it's going to be a waste of time. So there's a lot of back and forth. And basically, our reply through attorneys was no to all. We have been trying to reach out to Ellen. We'd be happy to have her on, record a piece of her side, a statement, or if she's not comfortable, she can send something in and we'll read it word for word. Answers no, I'm not doing that, but I expect this. And my attorney is like, he called me 30 times today. And I'm like, great. That sounds like $30,000 to me. And he's like, what do you want me to do? And I was like, there is nothing to be done. Tell them I have nothing else to say. We sent you our position and file a lawsuit. File. There's nothing to be done. but warn your client if she files I'll be filing about 11 counter suits. He replied with I'm going to try and say this word for word. As it is pursuant to our settlement agreement my client would be very interested in knowing the counter claims that your client plans on filing. and my guy called me I can't believe he even called me to be like uh what would you like me to say and I chuckled and I was like I bet she would there's nothing to be done here and that was and wow and and so you never received she's never filed a lawsuit no never filed a single lawsuit we do you know episode reads with attorneys of what's legal what's not legal and bottom line is like enough games stories out there time to tell your side or forever be silent but guess what no statement is a motherfucking statement yeah okay so that answers the question about what ellen's attorneys wanted when they reach out to you which a lot of people had that question what about the other side of the potential legal aspect of this. I'll read from a listener who commented on your Instagram at cook in D says, why wasn't an essay sexual assault investigation ever pursued? The sperm collection part really bothers me. Nurses seemed uncomfortable. So there should have been witnesses. Have you thought about a sexual assault lawsuit or trying to have a legal investigation, a criminal investigation started for that? Against who? Great question. Against Ellen or against the hospital? Is that what you mean? Yeah. I'll preface this with this was kind of an unimaginable situation. You got somebody who presents extremely well, whose husband has extremely rare disease and is potentially on his last 24 hours to live. And she has a very compelling narrative about how we had miscarriages, which was true, allegedly. I know one was real. I don't know. A lot of people have reached out and been like, are you sure she was pregnant the second time? And I'm like, I don't know. Wow, really? Now that I think about it, like, not really. I don't know. And that's why we got married so fast. Yeah, questions there. Like Ellen, fucking answer. What's up? Lots of questions. Unimaginable situation. I can understand that big trauma centers. I've heard that it happens like once a year. You've heard that this situation happens? I heard like once a year, there's kind of like a deathbed sperm situation. Okay. At MGH at least. So I think it was kind of unimaginable. What are you supposed to do? and I think MGH did everything they should have done, frankly. And nurses were in an uproar. It was all happening so fast. Maybe they do things differently now. I don't know. I'm not mad at them. I'm not even mad at Ellen. I've said this before. I would have said yes. What I'm mad at Ellen about is give me the fucking sperm back. Why is this a negotiating tactic? for what a brand new alexa like all right fine seems crazy i'm not really mad i i would have said yes probably anyway you can imagine one of my counterclaims probably would be that if she was to go to war it wasn until corinne said what about if this was reverse roles did it really make me oh yeah that wouldn have flown So and then I read back my medical records around this document they supplied And I mean the descriptive medical lingo of the state I was in while she was whacking me off My good friend Justin was like, think about it from her perspective. They're saying you might die, dying by jerk off. so anyway with a lot of reflection that must have been really ugly and she did it many times and and she was told that every time that she did it that there was a chance you could die yeah and this is important you reminded me and i want to clear the air for something my dad was on the podcast and this episode came out dude where's my sperm and he called me and He was pretty upset. He was like, I sound like a fucking asshole. I said okay to the one-time consent. This is what your dad is saying. Yeah. He thought it happened one time. Until the episode came out, he thought it happened one time. How did we never talk about this? I knew it happened a couple times, but I gave a talk at the neuro ICU once, and I believe it happened on this floor. It's called Phillip's House. and they were like uh it happened here too oh i was getting jerked off all over the hospital i think my dad is worried about how he's perceived in a way he knows it is how it is he's like but i sound like fucking asshole and i was like but you did consent to this one time thing because that's on the form and he's like i did and i was like you knew it was her doing it he's like yeah i didn't want them to shove a cattle prod up your ass. I thought you would have enjoyed your wife doing that better. I'm like, well, you thought right. Yeah, he was just trying to do what he thought was right. It also makes me think back to the state of mind that you were in at the time, which was that, I mean, you said on the podcast, Ellen had complete control, and you sort of had given that to her. You wanted her to be happy. You didn't want to upset her. You also were in full belief at the time that your actions alone had caused you to be in this state, which now is really called into question. And so you didn't have all the information, really. So that also kind of makes the situation a little bit different, maybe. Yeah. And just thinking back to when I was first diagnosed, she was mad at me. I was like fuck you I'm out of here She left for a bit She came back I want to do this Okay great that's when it was talked about Month one of diagnosis It was like a thing we Chatted about once And I was Down Did I really Think about it like too hard No this is a woman I love and Sure I did want kids I do want kids. And then never talked about it again, never did it. And it wasn't until that day before Christmas that came up again. Wow. One other thing I wanted to ask about, you know, in the podcast, you tried to get answers from the sperm bank about how many samples were there. And, you know, it was this effort to get those either back or destroyed, but essentially to make sure that Ellen didn't have these because they didn't belong to her. What's the official update? Were you able to find out how many samples she had in the sperm bank? Is there confirmation that they have been either handed over to you or destroyed? They have been destroyed. It took about a year and a half. I asked Amy how many samples were there. They wouldn't have talked to us. They destroyed what they had. I no update, no idea. Somebody I recently talked to when I right after I met you in L.A. was like she probably has multiple storage facilities. So I don't know. Your divorce, as you have said, did get very messy with Ellen refusing to return many of your belongings to you. You know, you wanted things that are very reasonable, your own sperm, the belongings of yours that she still had, including some of your mother's stuff. but also like your phone and pictures and just things that people collect in their lives. And I was wondering, since the podcast aired, have you been able to get anything else back? Not from her, but people have definitely sent pictures, haven't received any videos, and there's a ton of stuff I want. The answer is no. Another question from a listener at I'm Jenny McKenna. is Jake in touch with anyone from Ellen's family or her friends? If not, how do they still believe her side of the story, assuming they do? Our family doesn't talk to me, and I wasn't trying to talk to them. If they had reached out, I would definitely talk to them. Last one they talked to was Cindy. As divorce was getting messy, that was it. And I didn't reach out until we were recording Blink, and I reached out once and they you know by email text whatever never got back to me understandable I did reach out to a handful of her bridesmaids on Facebook messenger and she's going back to her friends I never really knew them and I'm starting to locate newer ones and she throughout her entire life has and this is why it goes back to Does she even know who she is? I don't think I ever knew her. I think she reinvents herself because she has a track record of changing numbers, blocking people, deleting her internet footprint, social media, all of it, and restarting with a different persona. And you're finding this out because you've spoken with people who have known her in the past at different times that have since reached out to you? Correct, yeah. Ah, anyone that you might do a future interview with on the podcast? Yeah, there's a handful. I'm just wondering if you can give us a little teaser about what that might entail. So we got somebody before me who ironically was a couple years younger than me from my town who was roommates with her. and when she saw our Facebook wedding post she was like what the fuck somebody married her and I'm like why the fuck didn't you call me would you have believed her at the time if she had called you that was the whole conversation hard to say I don't think it would have changed a thing and then there were some girls I got in touch with as all of you know episode 12 bad batch They were around when she was living out in California, and Justin called me that crazy day and kind of dropped the, did she poison you, though, with no context out of nowhere? Justin being. Not my friend, Justin. Not your friend, Justin, but Ellen's ex. The guy before me, and foolishly, his words, I got back with her after you. When he called to say this, these two girls were around, not like in the room, but around when this was happening. and he stole her car and helped her recover her car and now are putting all the pieces together like I am, even though it's like a short window, and it doesn't all add up. Okay, yeah, because as you said in Bad Batch, which is a great episode, you had already had this question in your mind about maybe Ellen put something in your cut of heroin. There's a lot of reasons that you go into in the episode as to why this might be true. Some of them are like medical professionals talking about the way that this came on so quickly. They might be looking for something else in the drug, like a contaminant. They actually asked to test it at the time, which didn't happen. But also you said you had noticed a strange taste. There were other people in your life who had cuts from the same batch who didn't notice that. You even tried part of their cut and it was like, well, yeah, yours doesn't taste weird, but mine does. Anyway, there's a lot that goes into it. But also it was just like a theory. So you were just sort of living with this, questioning it. And then you get this message from Ellen's ex-boyfriend who then got back together with her. And he, out of the blue, having no idea that you've been thinking this, asks you, do you think that she poisoned you? Which is just like, whoa, what? and you have a phone call with him. But then you say on the podcast, you never talk to him again. So, you know, this is a question a lot of people have. What's the update there? Have you spoken with him since the podcast came out? What's his deal? What's the status update? No update. I don't know his deal. I really want to talk to him again to find out why he would say that again he said it on the call because she talks about it which is crazy from what I know well he struggles with addiction there's so much here I want to answer your question first and then backtrack a little bit but long and short I don't know why he never got back to me. I do know this. He was going through his own legal trouble with Elle. Oh, what was that? Can you say? I don't really know. I mean, I assume it's a stolen car. Okay. But also what I've heard is he was allowed to use that car. So I don't think he really stole the car, but it's very easy for someone who owns a car to be like, that's what stole my car and that would track with their behavior and i just know there are court records out there what i don't know is what happened to him after i did hear he went to jail that which makes sense why he didn't get back to me you think after you spoke with him he went to jail for a period of time yeah not immediately which doesn't explain why he didn't get back to me. Probably fear. And it's fear from I think you all know who. Are you worried for his safety? I am. I am. Maybe he is afraid to reach out for potentially a lot of reasons, but maybe he's listening to this podcast. And if so, what would you want to say to him? I know how it is. You got nothing to be scared about from me. We do share something. From my knowledge of Elle, we're the only two who made it long enough in her life to be something, and the fact that I'm still here is a mystery. I understand. All good. If you're too scared and want to be involved, but I do. Even off the record, of course off the record, anything you want, I would just love to hear more of a picture for my own sanity. And then on the record too, of course, because regardless of the actual batch and what caused my disease, just the questionable behavior, the manipulation, the isolation, all these things, I worry for the next guy you know and then if something more sinister is happening i feel a responsibility to do something about it to save the next guy so yeah hit me up man yeah i hope that he does so i have to ask since we're on the topic of the theory that you were potentially poisoned this is conjecture because i think at this point unless i'm wrong i don't think there is actual proof what is your perspective you know do you think that ellen poisoned you and if you think that she did do you think she was trying to kill you or what was she trying to achieve I think it changed over the years but I will say this Back when I in the hospital and I started writing a lot not verbally and was able to then jot things down with my hand My theory was she was so aggravated by the heroin which is why it's so crazy that she was actually doing heroin herself and injecting. I mean, I didn't show her how to do that because I never did that. So I really don't know. But her disdain for me doing it, the theory was she was like, I'm going to get him sick. Not what I got, but like as in throwing up for a week to essentially be, I don't want this anymore in my life. Get clean. That's what I think it was. I believe there's no possible way in the world that she knew if she put something in there that she would know what would happen. But it does make sense for feeling bad, staying, and leaving once I got to where I was. maybe the if she did that the guilt of that she got me to a place where then you know i'm not verbal okay i can i can back off where i'm at now this brings us back to the beginning i really don't know and i'm confused i'm very confused but when you take all the components here of the isolation of the Facebook post of the this and the that and knowing more of that I never knew who she really was and Justin and other relationships she's had and other court things she's had and how she blocks and reinvents herself. I don't think I'll ever know, unfortunately. Yeah, I imagine there's a lot of questions that you just have to live with. But there's a lot of questions that you're hoping to get answers to someday as well. You've talked about wanting to have Ellen on the podcast. Is that something you still would like to happen? Yeah, totally. I mean, I would love to just hear whatever you want to say. we're not gonna alter your words to make it more click video what is your point of view or recollection of this whole thing and yeah that's it yeah one viewer asked do you struggle with the potential of running into ellen while still making efforts toward your recovery and living life like running into her in Boston. Yes. I was at a Mass General appointment. I was with a walker. One of my first times leaving the house with Walker, taking a ride, going to the appointment, doing the appointment, and then taking the ride home. I'm at the main entrance, and I haven't seen her in a while. it was back when masks were still required and man I think this was her and I shake when I walk anyway but let me tell you I was like oh my god I'm gonna follow my walker was like she was on the phone and distracted and probably not her I saw like the Ellen I knew with my hypothesis of what five years age looks like, I guess. I more struggle with the fear of it being her and me not recognizing her and just in my own world doing my own thing and getting hit in the head with a bottle. Just a nice shove off my scooter. If we sat in the studio together, I'd be nervous as hell, but I want to do it. Yeah. At the end of Blink, you talked about if you wanted to kickstart an investigation or try to, you know, criminal investigation, that's not really our choice. You usually have to try to get a law enforcement agency interested. And you had talked about potentially reaching out to the Worcester DA. Have you moved forward with that or do you want to? I haven't moved forward with that part of me wants to part of me doesn't I think what I want is somebody else to do it and I'm hands off but I will say don't force my fucking hand well a lot of people have written things like how is she still out and about living her life without repercussions I'm in a place where even though I'm in chronic pain I struggle with everything. I kind of like my life. And finding out definitively, 100%, she confesses, is not going to change anything for me. I'm really like, yeah, that's really fucked up. I can't believe that happened. Not going to change. The more important thing is, whoever wrote that question, is the community and the population. It's fucking scary to think about people that can walk around like this and on a whim just be like, I'm going to do this because I feel like it. So if that makes sense, it wouldn't necessarily be for me. It'd more be for that. And like I said, I'd rather be hands off. I mean, if she definitively did this, I don't necessarily want her to be in jail for the rest of her life. Out of all the thought I give into a variety of things, this is actually the least area I've given thought to. That makes sense. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot to focus on. And also, you're living your life, as you said. And this leads me to people that had questions about your life now. Many people want to know, Jake, are you single? I'm not. Oh, okay. I think I'll leave it at that. Okay. Okay. Man of mystery. Well, then I don't know if you want to answer this next question, but someone says, what does dating look like for you after this experience? A lot of people say I look confident. I mean, I have a bad self-image of myself. And that's not because of my past or anything. I don't think I ever had a good one of myself, of just how I physically look, especially now. I'm a lot. I'm a lot. I feel that. So I got a lot of negative self-talk and automatic thoughts about showing up. I always show up, but you can imagine in the dating world, that's when you think for both women and men, they want to put on their best self and look the best. and I'm struggling to do my hair in a not crazy way and whatever. So in that regard, it's hard for me. And then also probably hard for a lot of people out there. Also, I just don't have any, I don't want to say I don't have trust for people anymore because I, frankly, I think I have more now than I did back then. I was more skeptical and had this negative outlook and everyone's ulterior motive and not to get you and this and that. And I've just seen so much good in the world now and people that are in the hospital and out of the hospital willing to help and go above and beyond that. It's really opened my eyes to it. But when it comes down to dating for what I've been through, I don't want to go back there. Yeah. I don't feel in need. I mean, you don't want to end up with someone like your ex-wife. I would never rush into anything ever again. It's not even worth it. do I actually know who this person is or are they showing me a version they want to show me or maybe not even version just like a persona that makes sense what is bringing you joy right now in your life a lot relationships number one you know friends family even a stranger just being able to go somewhere and shoot the shit at a bar, airport, whatever. I mean, when you lose all abilities, voice included, and then you get it back, you just have a greater appreciation for the smaller stuff. I mean, when we met, it was great. The weather was great. Great view. Food. I love just connecting with people and going out. And I love working on things, building things, love traveling, love seeing new places. I definitely love food. Maybe too much. The ability is getting a little big, you know? I mean, former chef. And a lot of people have asked me, do you want to go back to cooking? and never professionally. The answer is no, but I would cook more. When I can master cleaning up a mess without making a bigger mess, that's when I'll start doing it more and more. But I mean, a lot of things. But I would say travel, relationships, building things, problem solving and helping people. And I'm fortunate that I get to, by meeting people and talking and telling my story, I get to help people. So that's really a win-win-win. Yeah, that's awesome. And you have a lot going on. I mean, you have your app, Ahoy, you've got the podcast. Sounds like you've got a lot of public speaking engagements. again, all this conversation about your voice and how important it is to you. You lost your voice for a while and now you have your voice, even though it's a different voice, it's your voice. And you were so insistent on keeping that to be able to tell your story. So what are you doing with your voice, your story? What's in the works for you? man there's so much in the works just real quick on voice humans get better by repetition and i've been someone from day one who just wants to tell their story and thankfully with that came a lot of talking to the syrian people and luckily my voice has i feel very fortunate my voice is superseded all expectations of what it could be. So what's in the works? Public speaking is ramping up. I'm speaking to kids more and more. I mean, I've never spoken to middle schoolers. Frankly, I'm more intimidated of that than a bunch of CEOs. Truly terrifying. A little terrifying, you know. So the speaking is really ramping up. Blink is certainly not over. My story's not over. Stay tuned to this feed. My socials, follow my recovery if you want. Miracle Man, NoE31, all platforms. And yeah, you know, more and more you're going to hear the name Jake Handel for a while. And if it's too much, just turn off and check on everyone some while. That's awesome. I'm sure everyone is really excited to see what's coming up next. And I just want to thank you so much for having me on here to ask all these questions that people had. It's been such a joy to talk with you. And congratulations on everything. Thank you so much, Hannah. Thank you so much. Hey, folks. Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A episodes here. Blink will be back. Next season is TBD. But trust me, what's coming next is big. Thank you.