What Men Are Thinking When They’re Dating feat. Niko Emanuilidis

At this point, I would say men vet backwards. The emotion of the lust, right? And the excitement is what's driving a man really early. And then... This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. We are finally in New York together. I finally got her here with me. What was that? December was the last time we were here together. The way you talk about New York is like we both didn't live here for so many years. I was on my way over, I was building the case. I was like, I will tell her I lived here twice as long as her. And I was like, no one's gonna care about that. No one's gonna argue with that. I'm not trying to fight you on that. I really was like, how much... Do you ever have those moments where you're like, how much longer somebody gonna let me get away with this? Every day in my marriage. Every day. And every day in mine. No, this is great. So glad to be here. Well, we will have just... We won't be here any longer. As we record, I'm gonna be here the whole week. I'm really excited. You'll see. You'll see what it's like to live in New York. What are you doing this week? I don't actually know. You said you would plan every day. You actually have not given me the rundown. I only know about tonight. Okay. Here's your turn to write. So as we're recording on a Monday, just one week from when this episode dropped. So we're recording today and tomorrow. We've guested the snack and everything. I'm doing page six radio this week, which will be really fun. You love them. They are so fun. We are both doing this like man on the street thing that's gonna be really fun. And I am gonna peruse some homes to buy here. Just looking. Okay. You want to get a feel for what they're... I want to get a feel. So you're not gonna buy something right now. You know, right? I'm gonna be honest with you. It's about time. It's sunny. We were in dare me when you were husband the other night. I was like, show me straight. Are we moving to New York or not? I'm not gatekeeping to you guys or to Reina. We truly don't know what the plan is. Reina will discuss her own plan soon. But I don't want to rent again. Whatever happens, like we love LA and we're happy in our house in LA. We will stay there. We can stay there as long as we want. Honestly, we have that flexibility. But I want to buy next. And if it's here, I want to see what's going on. And I want to look around in my budget. This great realtor. It's this hot bald guy that you had in your Instagram story at a wedding and people were like, what's happening? My longtime friend. Yeah, it's a friend. So I'm doing that this week and then doing some different things. I'm gonna do some press for my special. I announced that last week. That is gonna be on April 30th on YouTube and on May 1st on Prime Video. Here comes the bride. I cannot wait for you guys to see it. So some things for the special too. And then we have a really good friend turning 40 and having a birthday party over the weekend. Okay, so you're stacked. Stacked. Dinners every night. You're gonna see that you like it. Plans every night. See, I don't know about the plans every night. Some shows this day and to have that one party. All right, I think I'm caught on that. I have a dinner Friday night at the birthday party Saturday night. And I'm gonna do it on Friday. Kelly and Louise. I don't know. You didn't tell me about this. You did. You said I have plans every night. I was like, I don't know about this. Do you want to know more? I'm gonna go to berries with Anna Reusman probably this week at some point. Probably see Bobby. You're looking at me glaring. I didn't know. I didn't know about all this. Usually I get the schedule. All right, let's say you're partners. All right, we'll thank our partners and we'll jump right into it. Thank you to Rocket Money. Reach your financial goals faster at rocketmoney.com slash gge and the testaments. Watch the testaments now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers terms apply. And thank you to FP movement. Go to FP movement.com to shop their full line of active wear and workout gear. And thank you to Liquid IV. Get 20% of your first order at liquidiv.com with code GGE and Zbiotics. Get 15% off at zbiotics.com slash GGE with code GGE. Okay, so we were both as we record over the weekend Easter Passover weekend with our families. I was in Delaware. You were in Pittsburgh and we got to be with our nephews. We were saying there was so much happy Easter, happy Passover, more than any other year. Okay, so when you said that to me, I was like, this is crazy. So I'm not religious. I'm agnostic. I if I could pick a religion to be Judaism, I like the traditions, but I don't celebrate any holidays. Continuously all day, people kept saying happy Passover to me. And I mean, it's not even the and there's two primary Jewish holidays, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur. It's not one of them. So also for people to be like happy Passover, like I was like, oh, it's Passover. Like no one's ever wished me happy Passover my entire life. And I went to a Jewish school. Like I was so shocked by it. I said to another friend, I was like, it's like my fifth or sixth happy Passover. And then I kept hearing happy Easter. I mean, everybody, the car attendant at the airport, the guy who checked me in the pilot, I don't, I was like, and then you said, what is with everybody saying happy Easter continuously? So and then I became part of the problem. I don't even think it's a problem, but I leaned into it too. I'm happy Easter to everybody. And when I told people I was going home for this weekend, people were like, oh, for Easter, but you know, I'm not religious. But I, of course, say Merry Christmas. We celebrate Christmas. We do Easter with the boys. I haven't celebrated Easter until the armnet. My nephews came along for years. We did when we were kids, whatever. So people were like, oh, we want it for Easter. I'm like, no, that's not a thing I would like go home for if you do great for you. But then once I got there, and then it felt like so many people were in Dewey, Rojo, but like for the holiday weekend, it was also spring break. And so it was everywhere, right? And then I just loved it. I just leaned it happy Easter to everybody. I was happy Easter to everybody. And then I just was like, I think people just want to feel joy, and it feels nice to do happy holidays. Like, do you remember, was it 2024 when Halloween was so on steroids? It was a dark time in the country. Two years ago. Yes, it was 2024. I was like, 2024, as it was really in New York City's deck. It was like bleak. We were like, is Donald Trump going to win the presidency? I mean, there was a lot of hope to obviously for Kamala. But it was just like we were on edge. And I think it reflected in Halloween decorations. And I think people lean into holidays when times are hard. And so I think I go harder on Merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy Easter. Like let's just feel some joy. Let's just be, say the word happy. And maybe we will become. I think that this is a good take. Because like, especially at the airport, like I could cry, talk, I've been at the airport a lot lately. I could cry looking at and talking to TSA workers. And I was at the Austin airport the other day. And this one chased me down. She was a TSA worker. And she was like, I love your podcast. And I was like, I love TSA workers. Thank you for being here. How has it been for you? And she was like, it's been so unbelievably terrible. And I could like cry thinking about it. But like, I have been like overly like happy Easter. And thank you. Like, just be nicer to people because it feels so nice to just be nice to each other. I love to do any sort of greeting or sign off, anything. Have a good night. You know, I just love to do it, whatever it may be. So it just feels like we're just saying it. I haven't told anybody. This is a exclusive reveal. I was in the Philly airport. I just landed. And I saw this person working. And he was like, posted up doing security, whatever. And I smiled at him. And it was an ice agent. Actually, no. Actually, no. I was like, what should what do I do now? Do I? Do I glare at him? Do I go back? Do I give him the finger? Do I go back? I didn't mean it. You go back and you're like, I would like to take that back. You know, that positive interaction we just had. Smile, nice smile. Like, keep up the good work is what my face said. Okay, to your defense, do they just look like they're officers? Like, this was the first time I saw them. So, and jump scare. Like, I haven't seen ice agents yet in airports. This is the first time I've flown since they've been in the airports. Okay. So I hadn't seen them. So I wasn't used to it. And it did take me a minute to realize that it says whatever Homeland Security like on there. Like, I didn't realize they were I takes a second. And I've been like, I've been training myself to say, does that say TSA? Does that say clear? Like, I want to make extra care blue, right? Like, I don't know who knows. I threw me off at three hours of sleep. I'd been on a long flight. Like, I couldn't, I just like, walked to baggage, just fucked up from it with that regret. That's worse than when the Uber driver says have a nice flight and you say you too. To give a appreciate the work, keep up the good work, have a nice afternoon. I feel for you an ice agent. You thought it was a bus, the security, the airport, just keeping the airport safe. And it takes a second because it doesn't say ice in big block letters. Exactly. And the TSA does, they look like law enforcement also, and you have to read the badge to make sure you know what it's not your fault. Thank you. And I actually have been like really enjoying these videos of people screaming at them in the airports yelling like fuck you and giving them the fingers. And they can't really do that much. I don't think I haven't that's both. I'm a little scared to do that. I would not encourage it. It's crazy to act like that in an airport. I didn't know you were allowed to do that. I was so tired because I think if I was in another state, maybe I would have yelled back like I didn't mean that. I don't know. Just go back. It's not your fault. Hey, did you notice that I smiled at you? He probably been like, yeah, thank you. No, I take it back. And you know, maybe I didn't film it for you. Yeah. But it's not your fault because you just thought it was like people keeping us safe. Exactly. And you didn't know better. Okay, so I kind of want to tell you a funny restaurant story. I just love just day to day, Monday and funny stuff that ends up to be funny when you kind of run it back. So we go to this restaurant. I was with two of my childhood friends, Corey and Laura in Wilmington, Delaware is like a new spot. They opened up whatever. So we go in and the energy is we're new and we're trying to get people in this restaurant. We're the only people there 1130 when they opened like they open the doors of 1130 early lunch. So the host is like so excited. I think she just saw like girly pops and she's like, oh my God. So she like sits down at the table and she's like, girls, you have got to come back for our happy hour. And she gives us all the happy hour rundown. I'm thinking I'm never coming back here. No offense. Just logistically, I'm not coming back up to this restaurant in Wilmington. Just where it is, whatever. But we're like, we can't wait. We'll be back, you know, whatever. And she's like, Deandre, I'll be right with you. So I was like, okay, so Deandre comes over. That's our server. Just white guy looks like he should be named Chad. But alas, he was named Deandre. So he's wonderful. And he sets the menu down the table and he's like giving us the whole rundown of farm to table. These are the farms. He's naming farms. He's naming farms. Literally. Like I'm like, oh, this is like a spoof for like Portlandia. Literally, like he was like, we're farm to table hot, you know, brand new restaurant concept farm to table in Wilmington, Delaware. And he's just saying like hype, bean, how everything's so fresh and all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, great. So when he comes back around, I noticed that one of the menu pages had like a coffee list. And the bottom half was like espresso drinks, latte, cappuccino. The top half said our coffees. And it said, regular Colombian, Costa Rican, French vanilla. And I'm like, what are these? Are these coffee drinks? Or they have like beans, like they have like a whole coffee program here. So like you like this. Right. So I'm like, Deandre, what's the deal with the coffees? I'm like, I see French vanilla. Is that like a latte and then the Costa Rica, like all these different types of coffees you guys are like, is that the beans? He goes, they're K cups. He goes, that's Keurig. I said, I just don't think you should have shared that with me. And now I'm questioning the farms also. The one thing does not equal the other. That is crazy. You don't see those two things together. He knew the name of the farms, but they're doing K cups, three single use plastic for the coffee. But the way they have our coffees, and there's like 10 coffees. Well, the tell was that they said Colombian and French vanilla, those ones of flavor was a location. Yes. So I was like, okay. And I'm thinking, I don't think Deandre should have shared that. And so I ended up getting a latte and then I did later, we stayed there for hours just catching up. And I was like, I could use another coffee. So I ordered the French vanilla and it was so clearly a K cup. No shade. I love a K cup. You can tell? Yeah, you can tell the taste. So then we pay the bill, he comes back over, he was like, is that his birthday here? And like, I was like, oh, they're going to do something special. And Corey was in the bathroom. I'm like, it's her birthday. Her birthday is in May. It's fine. It's close enough, whatever. He was just guessing like hopefully someone's birthday is present. He wanted to do something. I could tell he wanted to do something. I really liked her table. He was like, is anyone's birthday over here? I was like, yeah, it's her birthday. She's in the bathroom. It's her birthday. Her birthday is next month. He was like, okay, I got you. I was like, you guys do a whole thing. He was like, oh yeah. And I'm like, okay. So I'm like, we're getting a dessert. He wanted to do this birthday thing. We're getting a dessert. What are you thinking we're getting? I think the whole restaurant's going to sing to you and obviously you're going to get a dessert. So Deandre comes back over with a manager and there's an envelope in hand. And he's like, the manager comes over. He was like, don't worry, we're not going to sing or anything. But we just want to say thank you for spending your birthday here at the name of the restaurant. And they hand Cory an envelope. I said, where's the dessert? It's a gift card. I said, all that for, to meet the manager, you could have just to play. You could have just asked him to move tables. I said, open that right now. It better be something free. If it's a card, if it's a card, it better be a gift card. I could put towards this check. It was a free appetizer for next time. They did the whole, they made the whole manager come out. He surveyed the table for a birthday. That's how bad they wanted you guys to come back. Ashley, that's the same thing that they do. They probably made that coupon right there. And then they got the start to finish desperation from every level. And I'm not going back if you want me that badly. If we had a great experience. But I was like, to actually sell me online to you about a birthday and there's no dessert involved. I know. I've lied to you and I would like my prize now. Deandre, you could have just stuck the coupon in the, the bill. Totally. You could have just been like ladies, it's been a pleasure. Come back, have an appetizer on me. Why did we need to do the birthday thing and bring the manager out? Also, he's like, it's your birthday now, but what I'm going to do is give you a future gift. Why don't I get the free appetizer now on my birthday now? But unlike, are they telling them like, hey guys, get those appetizer coupons out when it's people's birthdays? Like the fact that he came out, he looked so pleased with himself and the manager by his side. He was a corporate directive. Yes. Just give it to us and say it's been a pleasure having you for three hours. Here's a coupon. 100%. Why did we need to make everybody lie about their birthday? And then I was like, do we think a dessert is coming out? Like why do we did that for no ice cream or cake? And you don't even like lying. So anyway, I just like thought that was like a funny restaurant experience. I had a weird restaurant situation. Also, then I'll just tell you, we really have to go, but I'll tell you. Okay. So I was in Austin, I spent one night alone and I didn't know what to do and Matt, who opens my tour lives there and he's like, you got to go to this place sushi by scratch. It's this amazing like omakase experience. It's 10 seats a night and it's like so special and different. I was like, great. So I signed up for it. I've never been to a really private sushi omakase like that and I probably wouldn't have gone had I known because it's a really like intimate experience. It's 10 people in there. Yeah, it's 10 people in there and it ended up only being nine people. So it's like me and three other couples and this like father and son and they explain every single bite to you and there's like a bartender, two sushi chefs and the main guy and it was really special, very expensive experience. It's just, it's tight. It's uncomfortable. It's quiet. People don't really know what to do. It's just, it's quiet. I mean, you're in this room. There's no windows. It's really fancy. It was unbelievably delicious. The opportunity to go there do go, but it was me and like a few couples. I'm seeing this room. No one is speaking to each other. Every there's like, I don't recall there. If you don't recall, then I want to rap music at sushi places, but that's just me. So not music that's loud or memorable. No, not at all. And she sees couples. Somebody's like, clearly on the first date, I'm sitting next to this married couple. They are not speaking to each other. I'm like, obviously, I'm just like, I guess we'll just all have this meal in silence. I mean, the staff is fighting for their life, trying to like entertain people and talk to them. And this like bartender from the other side of the sushi counter is like, they know your names and everybody's name bikes. So they know like what you like and what your allergies are. And this guy was like, So, Reina, are you, are you from Austin? I was like, no, I'm just visiting. And he was like, what brings you here? And I was like, I must become the most popular person in this room. He's like, what are you visiting for? I was like, I want to show. And he was like, you want to show? And I was like, I was the show. Every person just perks up and he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm a comedian. The whole vibe. I saved the night because I was a little drunk. That's why I'm sick of sitting there in silence. I'm about to show off. I just show off and show out. I couldn't sit there in silence any longer. So then what? I was, everybody wanted to talk to me. I saved everyone's marriage. I saved the whole evening. By the end of this married couple that was sitting next to me, not speaking to each other. He was yelling, poor shot my mouth daddy at the sushi chefs. No one was speaking until I heard about this. It turned into spring break 1999. Everybody was taking shots. No more drinking. They were signing titties. Why this first time you're in Boston? This couple was taking photos. They're eating sushi off your tits. Yeah, then I became the table. Yeah, exactly. I really was angling for one of the couples to pay for my dinner because there was this hot rancher man sitting next to me. He owned a ranch and like, that was the guy yelling, put it in my mouth daddy. I was, he seemed like the most masculine guy there. I was like, he got loose. This is like a sketch or a sitcom. I know the pin drop quiet. And then you're like, watch me turn this place the fuck up. I saved everyone's marriage. I saved the evening. It's just, I was like, this is so great. Yeah, I know. I really was angling for something to buy my dinner and not get fans, but I did offer people free tickets to my show and everything. This is what we said. You're going to be out barking, trying to get those tickets. I barked at the dinner. It's guerrilla marketing grassroots. Okay. Well, those are our restaurant antics. Girls gotta eat as always. This is a food podcast, a food dining podcast. But we were just going to talk about our partners and then we will get into with Nico today. So excited to have him back. And if you know, you know that when we had on the first time we had an issue with the video that got lost. And I immediately went into surgery the next morning. Oh my God. Yes. This was not our fault at all. And so we haven't had like a full video with him. And so we're really excited to have him today. But I'm going to tell you guys about FP movement. Oh my gosh. This is the brand that Rain and I wear all the time. This is Free People's active wear brand. I was just posting a bunch of Instagram stories about it right before I went out of town and we both have the hotshot crossover set, which we are obsessed with. We get asked about it all the time. We both have it in the dark espresso color. I have it in black, so many different colors. There's like yellow and reds and pinks and great colors for spring. So you have to get that hotshot crossover set. They have amazing shorts and sports bras. The Don't Let Go sports bra is like one of the best sports bras I've ever owned and just like super cute. I love their layering tops that you can just throw on before after workout. The bags, we both have these really like, I don't know how to describe them. They're like really comfy, compact, quilted bags. And then I have this puffer jacket. It's called the PIPPA. Rain, I'm obsessed with traveling with it. It folds up really quick. It folds up so small. And then it looks like a puffer. That's one thing I have on my trip. So we just love it so much. You have your performance meets personality, these great colors, unique silhouettes and again, stuff to work out, but also post workout, also just lounge. I mean, we have so many items from F.P. Movement that we wear to record in and we are just such big fans of. So you guys can check them out, emphasize both function and fashion. Visit fpmovement.com to shop their full line of activewear and workout gear. Okay, I want to tell you guys about a new show that you can watch now. A new Don Rises and Gilead from the executive producers of The Handmaid's Tale comes to Testaments, a new Hulu original series based on a novel by Margaret Atwood. 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You can soak up unforgettable memories with on the go hydration from Liquid IV, tear, pour, live more, go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first purchase with code GGE at checkout. That's 20% off your first purchase with code GGE at liquidiv.com. All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome back a guest to our show. He is a dating guru and the voice behind the wildly popular account, The Daddy Academy, where he breaks down questionable dating behavior and modern relationships. He is a current contestant on the Unwell Winter Games and the host of The Daddy Academy podcast. Please welcome back to the show Nico Eman-Duelis. You just said it right! You just had it! Why'd you do that? You had it! You nailed it! You nailed it the first time! I got scared! Literally what just happened? She just had a stroke. She literally panicked. Two seconds ago I confirmed it. I have a phonetic breath. I was like, she's gonna do it. Well, that was arts all right. I fucked up the landing. It's all right. It's all right. I forgive you. Well, we're so glad to have you back because you were on the show two years ago via Zoom, right? Zoom, Zoom, yeah. And the place we recorded, they never hit record on your angle. Right, so not only was I not there in person, they fucked, the Zoom got fucked. I will say, we have just really watched your career blossom. You really have. We just, I think I found you on TikTok and you were blowing up on TikTok. Yes. And I was like, Raina, we gotta have this guy on. And now just even seen it just like this set and like you're doing TV, you have your podcast, like I just love to see it. No, I appreciate you guys a lot. I think you kind of, you gave me that. Just got back to you. Yeah. No, you put me on the map. As far as like the first real podcast that I went on, I was like, you guys, and I really appreciate you guys giving me that platform. It's really, and then I did your holiday special show, the live show. There's not a lot of men that are making this type of content really approachable. And like sometimes I see men giving advice to other men and I'm like, you're so full of shit. I know you're a bad person on that side. It's so performative. It's such a weird space. And I think like there's a lot of guys are doing what I'm doing, but you could just tell it's coming from a place of like, oh, I know that this content works for women. And I'm just like driving it home to get follow up. Grifter. Yes. Grifter is right. So the thing about me is like, and I probably told us on the last time I was on the show, like I started making this content because I wanted to help men. I wanted to help young men like myself who, you know, I had confidence when I was younger, but I wasn't like Mr. Swab with the ladies, but I kind of gained that through time and kind of learned and just through the morals of how I grew up with my family and my parents still together after 30 years. So like I had like a really good foundation, the man that I wanted to be. So I wanted to help kind of young men like myself. I say it's like, I have the powers. You could choose how you want to use it, but like, I'm going to recommend you kind of use it this way. Right? So that's why I wanted to teach men. So I was posting and maybe for like six months, got a few thousand followers and my sister was like, why don't you make videos for women? Like you've helped me and my friends for years. I'm like, that's a good idea. And I made one video and it went viral. So then I just kept answering women's questions and then it kind of turned into that. And then the way I kind of look at it is like everything happens for a reason. So I'm like, okay, I'm meant to be this guy in this space right now. I think that you speak to men, but you also just speak to women about like this behavior sucks. It's not acceptable. You don't have to be so mad about it, but do move on from this person. For sure. It's just, it's like one of those common sense kind of things, but it's hard when you're wrapped up in someone or situation to like be able to step away from it. I think there's so many behaviors that like are so bad from both sexes, but you get to know somebody a little bit and you start making excuses for them. And it's easy to just sort of like look the other way and you're like, well, people are people and like, where's the line when I have to stop your lines, you need to know what your standards and your boundaries are. And it's all through reference experience, right? Like if you're one person who's been with somebody, let's say you're in like a toxic six year relationship, and then they're coming out and they're trying to date again, their only reference experience is this one horrible thing. So they either repeat that pattern or you kind of got to break them out of it. So everyone's dating through the lens of the reference experiences that they know. Totally. And having sex. We always say like, you think this person likes this because the last person liked it. Right, right. That's actually a really good point. It's a really good point. You say what women I feel like want to say, and I will say whatever, but I think there's this thing that women want to be like, men stop acting like this, but you don't want to come across like bitter or like you've been wrong. So you say the thing that I think women are like, yes, fucking yes. Yes, you should pay. Yes. And I mean, it's a good segue into the like the low effort date thing. Oh, I thought you were going to say I went to Amanda and last, which is my whole personality. But I actually, you know, that was so interesting because like, thank you so much for bringing Amanda and what's up. Thank you for changing the subject. Well, okay, one thing about Amanda was that I was thinking when you were talking was that you see this girl who was in a terrible relationship for 10 years and the next guy she jumps to is pretty awful to women. Well, well, I mean, that's actually a really good point. I always say to people, your biggest heartbreak isn't going to be that long relationship you end. It's going to be the first situation ship you get into right after that long relationship. That is going to be your biggest heartbreak. So if they break up, she's going to be thinking about West for years and not even give a fuck about her ex-husband. Well, I said in our episode a couple of days ago, that's a hot take. It's a hot take, but it's true. When a real relationship ends, you feel like I had agency in this ending. When somebody just fucks with you and fucks with you and you probably knew better. It is really hard to forgive yourself. Well, that's a lot of people. It's like it's the forgiving yourself for like being stupid. Yeah. And I mean, I have like let people treat me a certain way where I'm like, I knew better. All my friends knew better. I walked into this knowing better. I literally hurt my own feelings. Ever since watching just know better, they told you better. They told you. Don't do this. Please don't do this. I did it. I did it. But like, but that's the thing sometimes like when I'm giving women advice, like I just saw something today, like I was going to make a video about it. It was a, it was a TikTok and the girl, it was a video of a guy like sitting on her bed. It says it blocked on all social media, but he's eating chicken Alfredo next to me in bed at 8am. That's insane. I'm like, what are you doing with him in your bed? You're blocked on everything. Oh, she's admitting it. Yes, she's admitting it. Like, oh, like he's blocked, we're blocked on everything, but he's in my bed. He's just like glamorizing toxicity. Yes. It's like, it's not he he he. It's bad. Even like, you know, we're talking about on the, on well, winter games, our society is pushing toxicity. I mean, like that is what's popular. That's what gets clicks. That's what gets attention. So like being like, it's, it's not funny. I don't find it fun. It's kind of like, yeah, sure. Maybe it's a little entertaining sometimes, but it's not like, what, what, what are we, what example are we setting for people if that's what we're pushing, you know, but it is what gets clicks. It's what gets your scenes on reality TV. There's a real reward system for people that really badly on you. But what does that say about us? Did you say Alfredo in bed? That's what it's what's your real problem is the fetish? No, it's the choice of food. I'm not eating in bed. People are toxic for that. Yeah. Yeah. That alone. Also, you had to cook that. Like, you can't take Fettuccine Alfredo out of the fridge and eat a cold. It's just you can't eat that. Probably got heated up at eight AM. No, but you would have to, you'd have to put in the microwave or you can't eat Fettuccine Alfredo. Those people are, they deserve all the cars. Honestly, they should be together. It's called the authorities. I'm sure like dating patterns change over the years. What are you seeing a lot right now of like bad behavior? Yeah, I mean, or debatable behavior. Yeah, you know what? Like, I think the thing that people come to me the most, like there's always two sides of dating. There's like the tactical side was like the X's and O's of like, how you should navigate like the texting and the dates and observing interests. But on the other side of it is like, how are your feelings of like self-worth? You're limiting beliefs, your past patterns. Like, how is that affecting like what's manifesting into your reality? Because dating is kind of like a mirror in a lot of ways. I think a lot of people it's getting to the bottom of like, what is that pattern that you keep attracting into your life? And until you're like very aware of what that is, because we all have a pattern. And a lot of times we attract like the toxic version of the mirror reflection until you kind of like learn from it, keep rejecting that as it keeps coming. Because hippie-dippy-woo-wa, the universe, God, whatever keeps sending you these tests. And until you keep rejecting them, then you're at the place and at the frequency where the right person's going to come. So a lot of it is like being aware of that, because a lot of people are just kind of like throwing themselves back into dating or avoiding it all together. So I think there's two, like I hear people will say like, oh, I don't want to date again. I don't want a man to disrupt my peace. I have my peace. You see a lot of that. Yeah. Right. But to me, that's to a degree. Okay, you take a few months to kind of get your mojo going again. But if you're like years and I'm not dating, you learn the most about yourself through relationship, not through being alone, being alone. Everything's great. If I'm just like going to the gym, going out with my friends every once in a while, or taking out hanging out with my dog, watching Sex and the City, like, that's great. Nothing wrong with that. You need to be triggered in order to learn and grow about yourself. So when a lot of people kind of get into that mindset, I'm like, you have to get out on dates. You actually have to trigger yourself. That's how you're going to grow and learn. And whether that person's meant for you or not, it doesn't really matter. Everyone's a learning experience, a growing experience until you're at the frequency and the point where you meet the right person. So like, a lot of what I talk about ends up being a lot of that. And then the X's and O's are just a way to kind of give you the confidence to guide through that process. So it's kind of funny how it's kind of all ties together. Well, if you're at peace, actually, that's a good time to date. To your point. But are you at peace or are you burying the trauma? I guess my point is if you actually are and you're like, I feel good, I feel stable, I feel mentally well, I feel emotionally well, that is a good time to date. It is a good time to date. It's a better time to date than when you're feeling depressed or anxious or sad or cat, like all those things. So I understand when people are like, and Reena does this, she's like, my life is great and I don't want a man disrupting it, but how long? But how long have it appeared? Right. What place would you like to be in? Not you, specifically, what place would you like to be in to let a man disrupt it? Like when things are going worse than like, I don't know, it's interesting. Right. It is. But it's, you know, if you're out of a relationship, yeah, you need a certain amount of time to like heal to the point where like, I'm not thinking about that past relationship anymore. But once you're not thinking about that past relationship anymore, and you say that you want relationship, then you have to start putting yourself out there. Yeah. If you're not, then you're avoiding it because you want to be hurt, which nobody wants to be hurt. And I do get it. I had this point in my life where I was like, I said in the podcast years ago, I was like, everything is going so well. I don't want an outside force to come in and disrupt it, like crack the glass bubble, but like, you could live like that forever. You could live like that forever. Yeah. And some people do. I think you have to choose, everything's hard, right? Yeah, everything's hard. I think when you're single, people really miss companionship and partnership. Love is the thing. It's the best thing. It's the best feeling in the world. But I think dating is so hard today, and there's so much bad behavior. And I dated so much last year, and I had a lot of, not horrible experience, but just a lot of like, I don't need to deal with this type of experiences. And I am somebody who's like, I'm really proud of my life professionally. I spent all of last year, like being able to like go on tour with Ashley and watch her success and watch her wedding. And I had like great year last year. I'm having great year this year. My life is really good. But you know, you do start to like have a couple dates, and people are shitty, and there's so much bad behavior. And I understand I want to validate people really saying like, I cannot, I don't want to disrupt what I've built here. I'm not neglected that matter. I say it every day. I'm not saying that I'm in this one. Yes, both genders have equal amounts of horrible traits and people. But I understand people saying like, I have been kicked in the teeth by eight people in a row, and I just need a break. Yeah. And you take a little break. You take a few months, right? Not a few years. Yeah. That's like, that's my advice. It's like, you're only hurting yourself at the end of the day if you're doing that. You know, if you want a relationship, you want to find somebody, if you want to find somebody. So some content that you post about that I really like is this low effort dating unintentional. Yeah. Does it mean low interest, coffee dates, walks versus, you know. Sure. This is my personal opinion. So if you want a man like me, you should listen to this advice. I'm not gonna think I'm so great, but yeah, maybe I am. Maybe I am. I'm real great. So, like, I would never ask a woman who I'm like, wow, like she's gorgeous. She seems really cool. Like I could see some potential here. I would never risk asking her on a coffee date as a first date because you want a man that wants to impress you off the bat, right? So if I'm going coffee, that means that I'm unsure if I even find you like attractive. In my opinion, because it's kind of like, I need to feel this out. Coffee days, I need to feel this out because I'm unsure if I want to invest more time, energy, money, right? So especially a lot of guys nowadays, like they want to invest the money, right? Especially in a city like New York City, they don't want to spend money for, because you're going out in New York City, $150, $200, like easy. Easy. Just not for drinks. Well, it depends. It depends. Well, like, are you going to a hula hands pub or are you going to, are you going to like tea gray or somewhere like somewhere cool, right? It communicates to me that you're just not that into me. And that's okay. That's what I just said. Some people don't drink and some people are just trying to like find another activity. That's fine. That I can understand. If the guy doesn't really drink, you don't really drink, like I can get that, I can get behind that. I just, I don't know. It communicates to me. You're just not that into me. You know, you're just like, I'll spend $3 on this. I 100% agree. So I feel like I have so much to say because for years, I feel like we have been on record saying that a coffee date for a first date is a vibe check and it's fine and a walk is fine. Let me finish. Because I feel like, I feel like we've been saying that, but no one's ever asked me out on a coffee date and I've never actually had it happen. And if it did, I'd probably be like, I'm not worth drinks. Like to your point, they don't have to be like, let's go sit down. I don't want to do a dinner for a first date by the way too. But I've never had it happen. And I might be a little like, huh, that's interesting. And that's all the time you have. Like you're trying to work your schedules out. You're like, we got to meet on Saturday. You want to get a coffee. That's fine. But I'm with you and I want to check myself on like, I've been saying this is fine, but I've actually never experienced it. And every guy that's asked me out on the point, plenty of them didn't go well, has been like a place that was most of the dates, thoughtful place that they wanted to get a drink. I don't want to go on a day date. No, it's not a date. It's like you've scheduled me in between meetings. I don't just, it's not romantic. I'm like, I hold space to think like, I'm just a person who met on an app and I'm a stranger. Why should you spend a bunch of money on me at a bunch of time? But like, I don't want, I just don't want it. Like there's like the advice and then there's the reality of it, which is like, no one has ever asked me on a coffee date. And I think I would be like this fucking guy. And then a lot of women in the comments, because I was like, I got to get in these comments. And people are pretty kind to you. And I think they'd like want to just add their experience or their nuance. But I saw women being like, yeah, but I want to do a vibe check. And to your point, yeah, women want to do a vibe check. You kind of want the guy, whether he's right about you or not, you kind of want the guy that's like, I think you're hot, and you seem cool from the one time we met or from the app, whatever. The women can be like, I want to do a vibe check. You should want a guy that's excited about you from the jump. Exactly. Because women don't grow on men. Men grow on women. Correct. That's exactly my point. If you as a woman want a vibe check coffee date, I'm okay with that. 100%. If you want to do that, because it makes you feel more comfortable with somebody during the day before you go out at night with a guy for safety reasons, like I'm totally on board with that. But I'm telling you what it means if a guy asks you on a coffee date, he's either cheap, because here the other reality, and like this is the more manipulative way of looking at it, a lot of men generally say to themselves, like I should be able to sleep with her by three dates. If they're after more of a casual thing, I'm going to give it three dates. I should be able to get there. Right? So a coffee date, $5. All right, that's already one. Right? Then on a second date, on a second date, they might go, hey, let's go dinner. Right? Oh, I liked her. Now I'll pepper with the dinner and then drinks, and then drinks, and then maybe you hook up on second date because he made it like this big marathon. He said the bar salt the first day. Yes. And then he rolls out the red carpet on a Saturday night, and maybe you'll be like, they'll sleep with him if you find him attractive, but he barely spent any money. So that's why I don't like the coffee dates. And you kind of got to make an assumption for yourself based off somebody, like, you know, make an assessment. But that's part of the reason why I don't like it. I don't want it. I want to put on makeup and put on an outfit and go out. You're romantic. You want a date to be romantic. We also talk about like making dating, like easier and more fun. I just think if a woman wants to do a coffee date or a walk, that's on her terms. Sure. Guys should ask you out for a drink or whatever the fuck. Like we have a friend that's dating hard and she's been through a lot and she's been through a long relationship, some health stuff, and she really takes things really slow and she prefers these dates that are she does these walks and guys are asking her out for drinks. And I think she's saying, let's take a walk and they're like, well, I thought you're hot. I thought I'm saying it's on your terms. Like you can pivot them and if they're interested, they'll take the fucking walk. Yeah, they'll go on the walk. I'll go on the walk, but well, it depends on your vibe too. You might unintentionally create a platonic tone to the dynamic where you want a romantic tone to the dynamic. Daytime. Daytime. Daytime platonic. Daytime is platonic. I want the sun to have set if we are on a date. Yes. So like that's where are you setting yourself up for success that way? Like probably not, but I understand if you want to do a vibe check, like I get it. I'm with Ashley. If your woman wants to do that, fine. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, we're just going to take a quick break and then we will get back into it. I'm telling you about Zbiotics. Okay, last night at dinner, we go to this like hot spot in New York City. Zbiotics was on the menu as like a mocktail, like no alcohol. And the people at the table next to us throw in back there's Zbiotics. I know. I was like, oh, this is, it's a thing. Just chic. I think people just want to feel good. Yeah. 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It's just this little vial and again, just throw it back. They're so easy to travel with and you really will notice the difference the next day, whatever you're doing, especially if you have a workout the next day, you have plans, stuff to commit to, podcast recording. So you guys can check it out because let's be real. Usually a Friday night out means a Saturday morning spent canceling my workout class if you're like me, but since I started incorporating pre-alcohol, my glass of wine doesn't disrupt my morning flow. Remember to head to Zbiotics.com slash GGE and use the code GGE at checkout for 15% off. Okay. And if you guys are looking for like one way to just get your finances in order, just one small quick thing you can incorporate into your life, it is rocket money. So rocket money does all kinds of things. One of the things it can do is track subscriptions and they'll help you cancel unwanted ones within the app. I love this app. I love the user interface. It's so easy to use. They're going to help you track your spending. There's categorization across accounts. There's customizable categories and you can really watch your spending patterns. You can set budgets in the app and goals and get personal insights. And especially with summer coming up, I think we're all just like, I want to go crazy and take a vacation. And if you don't know what you can afford for the vacation or you want more outfits, you want more swag, like, but you're not sure what your finances look like. This is a quick, easy thing that you can do to immediately get a full, clear picture of your spending. And rocket money has saved users over 880 million and canceled subscriptions. And when I signed into the app, I was like, Oh, I cannot believe all the stuff that I'm paying for that I had just signed up for 30 days and I forgot, you know, you really can reach your financial goals faster with this. So I can't recommend it enough with automated, with automated track your spending, create automated savings. I should drink that. See my addicts. I'm banned in the water. I was like, she'll try a fourth time. Nope. I'm in New York for three days. It's running my life. Anyway, it's rocket money. Rocket money is a personal finance app. It helps find, cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster, join it rocketmoney.com slash GGE. That's rocketmoney.com slash GGE, rocketmoney.com slash GGE. Okay. So if a man does not confirm the date with you the day of? No go. So this, this would be when is this happening? Women are saying to you like we made plans two, three days ago and he just expects me to show up. All right. So the mentality with a lot of guys and like this is sort of like the insecure mentality of why do I need to be the one to show the interest and follow up? Like if she's just as interested, why can't she confirm with me? I don't know how to teach it to you and you're not my guy. You are these guys. Call them out by name. But that's, yeah, I wish I had their name. Why do I need to be the one? You have to, you just have to. Why is everything I'm going to be on me? The rest of the relationship, everything's going to be on me too? Right, right, right. Exactly. But that's why I just don't, I don't get where the mindset comes from. Because actually these guys are doing themselves a disservice by all you have to do is plan the date a few days ahead of time, three, four days ahead of time. That'd be perfect, right? Four days ahead of time. Confirm like the day before, like what I would recommend doing is like the day before you mentioned something over text like nodding to the date happening tomorrow. So then like, you know, oh, we're definitely still on for tomorrow. But then the next day, let's say maybe like the day of the date by like noon or so, like, oh, I'm like, I can't wait for those margaritas later. See you tonight. Yeah. Like something, like a little fun nod to it. But men don't understand by showing that consistency early on, you're actually like making yourself more attractive, leading up to the days like, oh, wow, they confirmed with me, which is the bare minimum stuff. But a lot of people don't do it. Because what used to work, and it still does work to some degree, the nonchalant man for a fuck boy, it works. It works. Well, it breeds anxiety. You're spending all day being like, I don't know if I'm going to see him later and then you check in and then he alleviates that stress. Of course, I'm going to see you later. But it all comes down to attraction and how attractive you find the person is usually how much you're willing to actually put up with. So like these really good looking guys or desirable guys, they will kind of play this and be able to get away with more because you wouldn't put up with if you've thought a guy was like, let's just be like a five, right? And he didn't answer you the day of you be telling all your friends this fucking guy, the audacity, but like if this guy's like a movie star or whatever, you might wait it out and like, oh, he's going to text me. So it's all about how attractive you find somebody equals how much you're going to be willing to put up with. This is the reality. But the problem is there are a lot of like, what you would call like a nice guy who are doing the right things, but these women don't find them attractive. So like they're not even interested. So we have this like imbalance that's that's the problem. So like what I want to do, I'll tell you with my show, like my podcast, but we're doing like a separate show where I'm going to have like men on and like fix, right? Yes, I can't fix a fuck boy who wants to be a fuck boy because I can't convince you to be be good. I could help nice guys learn how to be more attractive. That's like to make more eligible bachelors for women out there. But like that's where the big split is. It all comes down to attraction. Can you give us a few of the tips or what you say to like coach these nice guys? Yeah, like I do coaching calls with like men, not as many as women, but like I do. And a lot of it is just, it's so funny because like I'll explain it, but it's almost the same game, but it's with the with good intention, right? So I was like talking to this, I don't want to totally give away the story, but he was talking. He's not listening. Actually, he's not listening to this. That's fine. So there's this guy who he has basically a work crush and they're talking and whatever and kind of one of my help kind of navigating because they went on a coffee walk date. I was the first day was like, I don't like that. And they didn't kiss. And then he asked her on another date and she flaked on it like, oh, I'm just getting back from a trip. I gotta get him back from a trip. Yeah. So I'm like, off the bat, bad. She's friend zoning you. So I'm like, what you have to do now at work is don't be so available for her. You kind of got to like let her come to you, sit back, don't text her, text her, text her, text her. Like, so it's a lot of that it's the game, but it's with good intention, right? So where a lot of guys do the game for bad intention. So it's kind of just a matter of like the person, like I gotta say it early, like I can give you the powers. Are you using for good or for evil? That's on you. I'm just the Yoda master. I'm just a Jedi master. I can't choose how you're going to do. I'm going to tell you what I think you should do, but the game is kind of the same. It's just the person, like the morals of the person, how the person wants to be, how the person is he actually looking for a relationship, which this guy is. So it's like, okay, he is looking for a relationship. So I can kind of help him maneuver how he's texting, when he should ask her out again, this and that, to kind of like get the result that he wants, which would be the best result for her too, because she's looking for that. But if he's being too platonic and friendly, she's not even going to find him attractive, which is the problem. Well, she's already pulled back. So the answer is not for him to push harder. Exactly. I think sometimes people can hear this and they're like, this feels contradictory. It's like, you got to just hear us out. It's human nature. It's not that you're saying be an asshole. No. It's saying be a little less because you have pushed her away and she's got to wonder why did he pull back? That is human nature. It's human nature. The two needy two clingy were turned off. It's not working. If it was working, she would have gone on that second date. So you really only have one play here. We say this sometimes to women, we're like, you have one play left and it is to do nothing. And it is to ignore. And again, like call it a game if you want, but it's all you have left. At this point, I actually don't think this is a match. I don't think you guys are going to work out. But if you think you might, you have one thing you can let to do. I think you can play the game a little better. I don't think you have to play games, but you can play the game. We all kind of want something that's a little hard to attain. Of course. That's normal in the world always. And so if you just pull back a little bit. It's knowing that the other person has options, right? But how do you convey that is kind of the thing. So with women, by doing nothing and not over-investing with your communication earlier on, you're not giving the signal to the guy that like, I need this. So like, if you do that, a guy will be like, I got this one already basically. But I'm not saying don't show interest, but just show appropriate interest. So like, but with women, like you said, the default is actually to do less. Exactly. Like when somebody doesn't confirm a date with you in the morning, you're not going on that. You have a... That's not having manners. It's rude. That's rude. That's rude. That's rude. That's rude. That's rude. No, we're not intentional. It's not intentional and it's rude. Actually, if she didn't confirm with me, I'd be like, do we have plans? Yeah, right, right, right. I know she'll show up. We've been friends for a decade. But like, everybody else needs to check in with me in the morning. But you have that experience with her. You've known it for so long. Give somebody the benefit of the doubt if you've known them longer. Sure. But even she wouldn't do that to me. And it would be acceptable if she did. A new person, if you don't check in with me in the morning and confirm, I'm busy. But you know you're supposed to. Everybody does. Everybody knows you're supposed to. So if you're not doing it, it means you care. It's intentional. You care so little or you're doing it on purpose, which is worse. Either way, it's on purpose. One of the people we asked our audience what they want to hear from you and some girl said, like, guys that don't check in with you to make sure you got home okay at night. My move there would generally be, well, like, if I could take an Uber with you, drop you off and then go. I think that's kind of like a nice happy medium. Well, in New York City, because like a lot of people maybe don't live in New York City. But like, people walk home at night by themselves. Well, then I would walk her home. I do want a man to check. I would have to walk you home. Yes. I was telling you about my girlfriend. When we first met, she was staying at her friend's place in Brooklyn and I live in Midtown. I took the Uber with her to Brooklyn and then took the Uber. So I went like completely, completely out of the way. We were having such a fun time. We wanted to keep talking. Exactly. You don't have to do that. That's not a deal breaker for me if you don't. But the bare minimum is send the text. You got to check it out. Yes. I would say it was above and beyond. I love it. But that's super high interest. So like something like that is very high interest, right? Low interest would be not even confirming. But what like I would normally do, let's say like we're in a place where you would, you're driving home. I'm driving home. As a guy, you could do two things. You'd be like, text me when you get home. Right. So I'm telling you, text me when you get home. I'm interested in this. Right. So like you check back in. I said, great. Oh, I had such a wonderful time tonight. We got to do it again soon. Oh, yes. I would love that too. Perfect little end to the night. I think that's like the perfect end to the night. You just like us both leaving and then I'm texting you. Did you get home? Okay. Yeah. You could do that too. I like that. Don't create work for me. If you, it's like text me when you get home. I'm never going to do it. I just want you to check out. Just check. Just get home. Okay. I had a great time. Either way is fine. But like text me when you get home feels a little effort. You want to text me? Then you could then he then he could be like, but I told you text me when you get home, you didn't text me. So you must not. I don't want instructions. Yeah, I got that. I don't want a project when I got home. You get that. You can feel performative. Text me when you get home can be performative. We know that at this point men know that we want them to do it. Yes. We want you to pick up the tab on the first date. We want you to check in that we got home. Okay. We want you to check in in the morning that we're going to see you this evening. This is the lowest effort in the world. This is what I would call bare minimum. I think that we're all at our own boundaries of like what we want, what's not okay. And people are human and they wake up, they've been meeting and then, you know, their family members sick and whatever things happen. Things happen. But like, I think it's a bare minimum. Men basically know the very small basic things. Of course they do. Yes. They have the internet too. So I have a question. Okay. So after the first date, let's talk about low effort dating. Okay. We got a couple people that said like, I only see him once a week. I don't, he doesn't text me a lot or he makes plans to see me, but it doesn't make up plan plan. Like let's see each other on Tuesday, but does like all of this type of behavior. So I'm actually coming out with like a, like a digital course where I talk about, I call it like the phases of dating. Like there's four phases from first date to a relationship in a close proximity relationship, like long distance, it's a little bit different. Okay. Still kind of, What do you call it phases? Phase one is like dates one through three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. Really it's like within 12 dates and or like 12 weeks. Like it, because sometimes it starts to ramp up a little bit. Yeah. First date to a relationship at the most, it should take about three months. It could be a little bit sooner, could be a little bit later, but like roughly that's kind of like the guide, right? So dates one through three should be one date per week. Okay. Okay. Like that I'm fine with. I think where we're talking about like casual, a lot of guys will go like Thursday night date, like you had a great date. We're doing Saturday, right? And that's a quick turnaround, building a lot of emotional intensity really quick could lead to you end up sleeping with somebody because if you have a good connection, you want to see the media again, because you got to get to know somebody over an extended period of time. Dates just like, Oh, I saw her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It's like, I've only known you for four days. I don't care how much we talked about. You get to know somebody when you see their behavior stretched out over time. So one day per week for the first three dates. So I can say three weeks, around a month now, four dates in a month or close to that. At least I've seen a sample size of like, how does he go about texting me during a week? How does he plan dates? Did he plan ahead of time? Or because if you go Thursday and then Friday or Thursday and Saturday, he's scheduling last minute. You don't know, is he like a planner? Can he actually plan it out? Does he show up? I love what you're learning about this person in these early stages. Right. So there's a lot that you could learn there. And I say like the topics of conversation that you got to hit on within the first three dates are like family, got to just learn about how he grew up. You know, just his relationship with his family still. We can't choose our family. We can't choose that situation. So we're not going to like overly judge that, but it's a good basis to kind of know what we're dealing with. Right. Friends, what's his social circle like? Right. Like if you ask me like, oh, who are your best friends? Oh, my best friend, Azriel. He's been with his wife for 10 years. Dakota. That's Dakota. West. West. My friend Alex and Erica, shout out there. Big fans of you guys. They love when I went to show the first time, Erica. They're married. They have a baby. My other friend, Dan, he's engaged to one of my best girlfriends from college. Like, so from that, if I tell you that, what can you infer about me? And your community. Place in life. Yeah. Like I'm friends with all men who are in families. Right. So it's like, okay, so he's probably looking for something serious too. So true. Right. If you want to fit in. He wants to, yeah. Well, it's just like I'm not with bachelor party boys. Yeah. Right. So like getting to know like who are his friends and what are their relationship status is, you can kind of, it's not a direct correlation, but you can kind of infer what his social life might be like. I love this so much. Like I'm thinking of women who are listening to the men. Like your life that you described, even my husband when I met him, like every married friend, they're getting wetter and wetter. Just like all his friends are married. Like he's ready. Yeah. He's like, my best friend, they're just about to have their second baby. You're like, oh, you know, you're just realizing that he's in that place in life. He's in that place in life. Because like you are who you surround yourself with. So if like this guy is around men who are married or in serious relationships, odds are he leans that way too. Of course, there's exceptions to everyone with all of this stuff because there's that first guy that gets married that he just like wants to be. Like I think my brother was really early to be like, I want a wife and kids. But while his friends were still single, but I feel like people make that known on dates too. Like they're like my best friend, Chris, he's running around. I'm, I think they let you know. Right. You could let, yes. If they are the outlier. Yes. Yes. So friends, passion and purpose in life. What does he do for work? And not every guy's job is going to be their passion, but you just kind of want to get a gauge for how happy and fulfilled is he in his professional life. Because if a man is not really happy there. Totally. Can he make you happy? Can it be hard for him to get to you? It's going to be hard for him because eventually once you, as months and months go on, and people really start to show you who they truly are, if he's not fulfilled with his life and his career and stuff, you're going to start getting that depression coming out. At some point. We all have anxieties and stresses and whatnot, but like it's kind of important to feel out where he is. Passion and purpose in life. Right. Also, it's like, you know, what does he do for work? Right. And I, a question I like to say that people should ask is like, if you could be doing anything in the world right now, like dream job, like what would you do? Right. So if you ask somebody who's in marketing, like, hey, like your dream position, right? And he goes like, oh, I want to be like a WWE wrestler. It's like, well, that, there's no correlation between the two. He's running Calton. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Where it's like, you've said me like, oh, what do you want to do? It's like, oh, like maybe I want to be the host of a Netflix dating show. Oh, I see the correlation. We're on the path. We're on the path. We're on the path. So you want to see a guy's on his path. Our friend went out on a stay with this guy and she's a therapist. So she was questioning and she had just told him about her career pivot and how she went back to school to become a therapist. And she starts talking to him and she says, it feels like you're not as passionate about what you used to do. And your pivot and stuff, she starts asking his questions. He's excuses himself. He goes to the bathroom. He comes back. He is teary eyed. She has like cracked him open. There we go. He says, I just have to leave. Like she never hears from him again. Like he realized on that date that he was like. But that's like an exit. That's like, a lot of people don't dive into the hard questions. These aren't hard questions. She's therapist. Well, like she got it out of him. But I feel like she realized he's not ready for relationship. He's right. It doesn't even know what he's doing in his life. Right. Very important. I want to know how you spend your day and how you spend your energy. And there's different people. There's people that work to live. There's people that live to work. I live to work. But like, I don't know that I would work out really well with another person that lived to work. For sure. You got to know compatibility-wise. Yes. Who, the type of person that you fit well with. There's plenty of people that go to work. They catch a paycheck. They don't take that shit home at the end of the day. And I probably would work out with somebody. Because you are more of like an outgoing creative person. So you're kind of flying around and you want somebody who's a little bit more like grounded by the books and does his thing. It's a good balance. It is a good balance. I want somebody that can just support me in my dreams. Well, yeah. Right. Why not? Why not? You and I have a crazy life. Like, it is better. Yes, you don't need a guy with a crazy life. Yeah, it's like, then when do you even see each other? We would never see each other. OK. So are we through the first quarter yet? No, no, no. We got two more. I love this. Two more quarter. This is great. Yeah, two more topics. Two more topics. Past relationship and how did it end. You got to ask that question. You maybe don't ask it on a first date. I could understand. But by third date, that's not a hard question. OK. OK. If you ask me, like, oh, when's the last relationship about how did it end? If I want you to know what I'm looking for or just kind of like what happened as far as my relationship trajectory that's led me to this point, as a man, like, I'm going to tell you. And you want a guy that's like taking some level of ownership to. Absolutely. You don't want a guy that's being like, oh, she was just a crazy bitch. Crazy bitch. You have to clock that immediately. Yes, yes. Let's see. Let's say that's true. Yeah. He could say that, but then also say, like, you know, but I have a lot of empathy, but this is what I learned from it. This is what kind of came up for me. Yeah, there's context. I was went to therapy after I whatever I kind of got from it. So you want a guy that can contextually describe it without bashing the person that he was with. Yeah. How he speaks about her. How he speaks about her is like huge. I think about it all the time. The minute somebody says to you, she was crazy, zip. That's the end of it. No accountability. There needs to be accountability. Something's going on here. We play a part in everything. Like, yeah, maybe one person is a lot more of a part, but like you still don't want to talk badly about somebody in that way. I just want to know, have you been in a committed relationship at all? At all. Right. At all. Like relationship history. Yeah. A lot of women will say to me like, because I'll say that, like if a guy's been single for five years, six years, I'm like, that's very, very intentional. But then a lot of women will go like, well, I've been single for five years, but I'm like, but with women, it's different because you're the gatekeeper. Right. So you're trying to find the normal guy. Guys are the ones that, let's say he's a desirable guy. It's not hard for a desirable guy to find a relationship. So if he's not in one, he's purposely not in one. 100%. We always say men of a certain age in New York City that have been single this whole time are feral. Yes, they're just feral. And I say defective is the word. Yeah, defective. I used to say an infected. Infected. They've been infected. That's the real pandemic, the real pandemic. I was talking to this guy and I could just kind of sense like he really had not like pulled into a parking spot with somebody. And I was like, you're in a relationship. And he was like, what? And I was like, have you been in a relationship? Yeah, I have her. And he was like, yeah, I have for a couple of years. And I kind of dug into it. And he said that they weren't faithful to each other. And so he's never been in a real committed relationship. And open relationships are different. And people that are not ethically non-monogamous, this was not that. But if you want that, then great. That's great. That's what I'm saying. That it was not that. And I was like, so I was right. He was like, how dare you? Yeah, you're right. I was right. OK, last topic. Last topic is just. The third and first quarter. Just face it. I'm staying on this. First phase. I know I'm doing it. And we're doing it all 12 quarters. This is great. Well, you got to pay for the course. Oh, right. OK. You're going to leave us hanging? No, no, no. We'll talk about it. OK, OK. Just broadly. Yes, broadly. This is important. No, you're going to add just right to that. I'm going to add. OK. No, we're all going to add. It's right at the peak. He's like, pay for the course. Coming out soon. He's like 1-800. No, the last one. Well, I say this on my channels all the time. OK. The last one is just a three to five year plan. Like, what do you, what do you, what's your goal? Where do you all live? So like, three to five years. Totally. But like, you want him to say in that conversation, married with a kid, right? Or married, or whatever. Yes. So like, if he just talks about his business, I want my business to be here, this and that, this and that. Being never mentioned, being married, or children, or whatever. Then it's like, well, that's not at the top of his list, obviously. Uh-huh. And this is also as women who don't want children, then you get that answer too. Right, right, right. I talk about that on the first date. But I just, marriage and kids, talk about it early on. Don't waste your time. There's no reason to not talk about it. Yeah. It's actually dumb to not talk about it. 100%. I think that's a first date question. Where do you see yourself in three years? I mean, and that's an easy opening to like, do I want to be married or kids? There's nobody I don't bring this up with on first date. Because I don't really want kids. I don't know if I can have kids anymore at this point. I don't really want them. And so if that is your non-negotiable, then we can't negotiate on this. Right. Like, I'm not a fit for you. Yeah, right. Okay, so then when we get into the second quarter. Phase two. Okay. Phase two, pay me. Phase two, pay me. No, no, no. Uh, no, I talk like I said. You can find the rest of the episode on Patreon. Well, uh, dates four or five, six. I guess the big thing in that phase is that's usually where intimacy happens, right? That's usually when somebody, you're sleeping together. And there's like the pullback or how does a man kind of like navigate through that, right? I always say like dating should be an upward positive trajectory. Right. So there should never be a pullback. It should always feel like we're getting closer. We're getting closer. We're getting closer. Days four or five. We came. Yeah, yeah. Right. Days four or five, six though. Like now you might start seeing each other like a little bit more frequently. Like maybe it's like every five days or you might do like a Thursday, Saturday here and there. But it's navigating the, the intimacy piece in this phase. Because like at this point, I would say men vet backwards. Right. So they go sexually interested, really emotionally, like the emotion of the lust, right? And the excitement is what's driving a man really early. And then in the last two phases, they start vetting based on like, oh, wow, we've been on six dates, seven dates. We've slept together a few times. If I keep doing this, that's a relationship. Do I want that? Where'd she grow up? Where she want to live? What does she do? What's her social life like? But that's when he'll start thinking about those things. Yeah. So early on. You're not a person, you're just a whole. And then you become a person. You said it. Yeah. And then you become a person. But like that's how, so they vet backwards like that. Every man does it like, they might not even realize that doing it, but we do it. So. That's so interesting. And it's after, after sex is when it kind of, so that's why I'm like, draw that out. Obviously sex is beneficial for both people, right? So it's not, a lot of people will be like, I'm waiting until six months to have sex. I'm like, that's just not realistic for most people. Some people, sure. You want to do it? Sure. I think there's no rush. There is no rush. We've sort of gone back and forth about like when to have sex. If you feel like having sex on a first date, have sex on a first date. For me personally, at this point in my life, if I kind of like somebody as a person, I don't need to sleep with them immediately because I will develop feelings. Like I do want to feel it out. I'm not. You want to feel it. Casual sex as I've learned is not for me. Recent revelation. Yeah. The recent revelation. And this is all like, I just want to get ahead of the comments. Me and my man did this. And we were. Right. They're so great. Like I'm thinking of Alyssa, our friend who's getting married. First date, they spent the weekend together and they're getting married. But that is an outlier. That's right. It's not the rule. Exactly. So if you're in this type of cadence, this is how it should work and how you should navigate it. Right. But that's why I say one date per week for the first month. Right? So if we're talking about, oh, I slept with them on the fifth date, we're talking somewhere around a month and a half of knowing somebody. Yeah. Which is like a decent enough sample size. Right? I think that's totally appropriate for adults. Right? And if it's sped up a little, that's fine too. And that's fine too. Like I see a world in which you go on one to two dates with somebody. For sure? And you really do vibe. And then you're like, come meet up with my friends. We always would talk about that with Jared. Like you're watching football. Come meet up. Meet the gang. You know, like you both are in that place in life. You supercharge it. But it doesn't take away what you're supposed to learn about them. Absolutely. Things can. And that's why this is just like a guide. Like things can move faster. But it's kind of just important to notice your pattern. Remember the patterns I talked about? Like is my pattern? I rush with people and then it's a fucking dumpster fire in a month. If that's my pattern, maybe we do something a little bit different. So you kind of got to know yourself or your pattern of person. Hey, this person is that like really charismatic, kind of outgoing guy. Charming guy that every time I meet a guy like this, it ends up bad. Maybe I should go a little bit slower here and feel it out. Yeah. Right? Definitely. Try to find a different type of guy. Right. So the framework of what I'm talking about, like kind of like the system, but making it work for you and the patterns that you've kind of noticed in your dating life. Okay. Yeah. So then, like I said, so by six dates, you probably slept together. It should go up or positive trajectory. Like I said, there should be no pullback after sex. Like it shouldn't be this up and down. Totally up. After sleeping with somebody, that's when you should get even closer. Yep. Like that should be like, wow, we're getting really close. And date seven, eight and nine, that's usually when you're going to like kind of call back to the topics that maybe you talked about early on of like compatibility, like what you want for your future. Cause now if it's building and he's looking at this as a potential serious relationship, he's either going to avoid those conversations and keep it really fun and casual. Like a lot of people will be like, oh, it just feels very fun. Like we're not really getting deep, but vulnerability is a two way street. Like you got to be vulnerable or be willing to be vulnerable to get it out of somebody else too. So I would say like you lead with some vulnerability and see if it's reciprocated. Yeah. Also, I think seven, eight, nine, those dates, you're starting to see, okay, the things somebody said about who they, they think they are, right? They want to show up as examples of it. Is that who that person really is? Right. Do they show up or they consistent or they intentional? Right. Right. And now like this is where like, okay, we're about two months now or so. This guy should feel like your boyfriend. It just starts to feel like this is my boyfriend. Yep. By seven, eight, nine dates, that's what it should feel like. You step together and let's say three or four times like, in a good world, like that's where it's headed. And then, well, you should probably, I've changed my opinion on this. I think the earlier you can throw somebody to the wolves as far as, hey, my friend, yeah, my friend and her boyfriend are on the corner. Do you want to like grab a drink with them? Like throw them to somebody early and get that gut check because you want to see somebody in different atmospheres. What did you use to, I was curious what you thought about introducing friends. I would wait longer, which I wish I didn't. I think it's nice to see how somebody, you don't have to bring them to a party with all your friends. Ashley's 40th birthday, her husband came with all of us. I was like, this is the most brave, it's the bravest man I've ever met in my life. What he wanted to do that is a green flag. Our story doesn't really, because of long distance. It's a little different. It is different. He was like in love with me for years before, you know, whatever. We just sit together on the first night. There's a bunch of things that don't fit, but it's different. I wouldn't hold anybody into that standard. That was the bravest thing I've ever seen. But I do think it's like, yeah, my friends are on the corner, like do you want to just meet up with them? Yes, of course. I was on a date and Ashley and Shashank showed up. And it was like a big bar with like, I mean, it was really busy, whatever. Him and I were at this table and like, he didn't seem that into it. And Ashley and Shashank went and stood at the bar and had dinner. And I was like, he's not even at any point going to be like, your business partner and best friend are two feet from here. We thought it would be funny and it wasn't funny, but he's really an ice agent. He would not tell me what he did for a work. Oh man. He's very hating about it. See, what did he do for his job? Pass the purple. I was telling him, I was out with this guy for two hours and I could not give you a two sentence boilerplate on what he does. He works for the government and law enforcement in some sense. Oh yeah. He's in the FBI or an ice agent or something. I thought I thought those are extreme. Yeah, yeah. Like it's literally one or the other because he can actually tell you he's an ice agent. But that's funny. So fourth quarter. Yeah. I mean, like that's where if you're confused at all, it's done. Yes. Like by two to three months, if you're confused, you're done. 100%. And I've read a stat, and we've always kind of said this too, but studies show people break up after three months because there's for multiple reasons. A, for this, you're like, there's no commitment. And B, people are showing you who they really are. Yeah, you start to learn who someone really is. I've read a stat that people can truly trick you for two months plus two to three months. That's about it. And then you really see who they are. Right. And to the point of, let's say, both people are like committed and you become into a relationship, you're going to still learn things about them past. Okay. Now we're official. Sure. Well, now like I'm going to start learning about your insecurities and your demons. Right. You're going to start learning about mine. Right. And anyone who could present really well, like we all got shit. Like we all got traumas. We all got things we're insecure about. We all got things. So like, how are you at handling when somebody is actually being vulnerable with you and that because there's vulnerability of like, oh, let me tell you about my ex. Right. Or let me tell you about my mom and my dad. A past situation. Past situations, but then there's like, these are my demons, so to speak. Like this is, these are my insecurities. Like I got them. Like we all have them. So it's like, are you the type of person when somebody opens up to you, you dive in harder to that or it makes you like, oh, this is too much because being in a relationship is like being willing to accept those things and go deeper into it. That's why I want you to try to be more vulnerable earlier on to kind of just get a gut check as to like someone's receptiveness to hearing more serious stuff. Well, if you're going to be with somebody long term, they're going to see those things. They're going to see it. You want to say to yourself, like when the worst thing in the world happens to me, and it will when I lose my parents, I lose a pet, who do I want standing next to me? And I don't think it's the person that made you unsure. It made you confused about their intentionality. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, like trauma dumping is one thing. Trauma dumping is one thing. We're out with a man who has cried in the bathroom about his job or he needs a therapist. But I think we talk about this, we talked about Logan Urie. Vulnerability connects you to people. It does. So if it's pushing someone away when you get vulnerable or they are getting vulnerable and you get the ick, this is not a match. It's not the right match then. I like that you say it 12 after like the 12 weeks you should sort of know because we get a lot of messages from people to say like, we've just been in this like nebulous thing for four months. We can't put a title on it or he won't put a title on it. Like what do I do here? I mean, it always goes back to like if they like you, you'll know. If you want it to be, you'll know. But I believe that. Oh yeah, it's true. If we, if anybody, not just he, if somebody wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you. So at 12 weeks, if you're like, I don't know, that's sure it's. Can I tell you a story about my brother and his wife? Yeah, what? It's just the most wonderful, perfect couple. I didn't know this till this past week and I was with them. So my brother used to bartend on the summer and when I tell you like 15 hour days, like he just doubles and he just didn't have time. And so he meets this girl Memorial Day weekend opening of the summer, his future wife. And he liked her, he just met her at the bar. She was a patron and they start hanging out and he told her, he was like, I gotta tell you, I just like, just kind of like a warning of I'm really busy in the summer and I might not have a lot of time. And she said, she was like, he was on me all the time. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. She was so funny for, he was actually genuinely being like, I like her and I want to prepare her for what a summer looks like for me. And he liked her so much that she was like, he was there all the time. He was like on me all the time. I never, he wasn't never texting me making plans. Like I think he just didn't sleep, but it was the funniest case of he truly was like, I will not be able to give this woman the time and attention. And he did. He was like, I can't. And then he also at the same time was like, watch me. Like Stephanie was like, yeah, that's guy, I get it. You know, and then she was like, I can't get rid of this guy. Well, it's like a challenge. Like guys like little challenges, right? So like it was almost a challenge to say he posed to himself where it's like, to the point of, oh, this woman's beautiful. She seems really cool. Like I'm going to make it work. I have to make it work. I don't, I'm not going to lose. I don't want to lose her. Yeah. It was the most like if you wanted to, he would. And I don't know, do people think that's bad advice? He wanted to like people kind of debate that advice. That's my favorite advice. I think it's true. Like let's just say like 90% of the time. Like maybe there's like a 10% where it's like, truly a guy can't make something work or there's a family situation and this and that. But like, but like most of the time, like there's a lot of truth to it. If somebody wanted to lock it down, they would. Yes. They would lock it down. There's obviously like context and nuance to all of this. Sure. But like if somebody has been with you for three to four months and you're not sure if you're together, that's intentional. In that case, 100%. Like I give passes for trauma, deaths in the family, crazy works stuff. Like there's been times in our life where I'm like, I couldn't even imagine. Like even if I'm the right person came along, I might let them slip away. But you've been in it for a week. Yeah. If you wanted to lock this down, you would have locked it down. You would have locked it down. That's like the most simple like phase four dates, nine, 10, 11, 12 and beyond. Like by three, four months, the longest, like something can be four months. Like I get it. But exclusive should come at least a month and a half before, if you're going to be exclusive. Like some people do the exclusive and then we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Like exclusive kind of comes in phase two, three, like dates like six, seven, like around there. They sub together, six, seven, eight. Like that's usually when exclusive happens a month and a half to two months. And then boyfriend, girlfriend between three and four months. That's usually how I look at it. I always think they just go together. They could. Some people view it as it is the same thing. Wait, this is interesting. If we're exclusive, you're my boyfriend. Are you not? Yes. Yes. I don't. Okay. But is there a delineation between like, okay, we're exclusive. We're not going to see other people, but I'm not going to post you on Instagram. And you see my whole family. Yes. You're not meeting my mom and dad yet. We're not doing that stuff, but dating apps are done and we're just focusing on the connection between the two of us. So one's a declaration to you, one's declaration to the world. Ashley's like, yeah, kind of. Like I would say that's kind of like, do you think that's kind of bullshit? I don't think it's bull. I don't disagree with people thinking that it's bullshit, but it is a very modern dating term. We're exclusive, but you're not my girlfriend. Why? Well, okay, I would say this. I would say this. So we're like a month and a half, right? We slept together. You know what I'm asking too. No, no, no, I got it. Let's say we slept together one or two times, right? We're a month and a half in. Okay. Right? By that point, only a month and a half, like I really don't know you that well. For sure. Right? And you don't know me. Yeah. So it's kind of like a declaration, this is how I view it, as we obviously are romantically involved now. Okay. Like we're seeing each other, we're talking every single day. No one else is coming into this picture. Let's continue to observe our dynamic over the next month or two. If somebody asks me, I am seeing someone. I am seeing somebody. You have to say I'm seeing, you're not single anymore. But here's the weird part. But it is weird. Exclusive and boyfriend, girlfriend. Because then I'm like, when are we doing this? Well, a guy should. When are we circling back? I don't know, see, that's the problem. I don't know who's side with you guys because I see the boy, D-Bow side, that it was happening to me. I don't like it. I want to be your girlfriend. Yes. Well, a guy, no, I got it. Ready? A guy should then say to himself, like, okay, like I'm talking about by three months or she kind of like plan for, okay, things are continuing to go well. I'll set up like a fun date night and then like I'll do the romantic gesture of asking you to be my girlfriend. That's, but besides asking somebody to marry you, that's like the first cute moment minus like a Valentine's Day that you guys might have. So like you want a guy that wants to make it like a romantic thing. Exclusive to me feels more like we're not seeing anybody else. Dating apps are done. So we're just focusing. We're off the apps. That's another way it could be said. We're off the app. Somebody asks me out. If somebody asks me, I'm not going out. And if somebody asks me, yeah, I'm seeing somebody. Like that's how it's nuanced and I hate it. But like that's modern dating. That's modern dating. That's what it is. It is. Things have changed. Things have changed. I see women saying like, if I'm not your girlfriend, then I'm single. Like, and I think that I think it's fair to live by that. But then he can go out on dates too. Definitely. Would you rather that or by a month and a half you sleep together, you lock that down and you just see it through in a vacuum now. Okay. So you know what I think the key is? Don't let this like work exclusive thing go on forever. It can't. No, no, no. After a few weeks, I need the longest it should be is like a month. A few weeks that we need to revisit this. Yes. You know, it can't be work exclusive at two months. And then now you're still dating and you're five, six months in and you haven't had a boyfriend girlfriend talk. No, it needs to be exclusive about a month, month and a half later. Really. I just think it's funny because like, I'm very systematic. It's really funny. I'm picturing a scenario with a guy is like, so I want to be exclusive. And you're like, oh my God, you're my boyfriend. And he's like, no, no, no. That's it. That made you think that. Right. We need a little touch base in a month because I bought this course and daddy Academy. I can't afford the second part of it. So I actually know what comes. Like the daddy Academy would say that in a month we will revisit. Yeah. Well, I think. So I'll take you on a walk. That's very funny. I can see maybe like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what made you think. Well, like, listen, if you want to accept at a month and a half, five, six dates in, daddy says, hey, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. You want to do it? Fine. I just think the way today's society and people's we dive into things really emotionally and intensely very quickly doing the exclusive route. If a guy does it, I don't think that's a bad thing because it can give you a little bit more time to regulate your nervous system to this new person being so invested into your life. I do see it. And I do think when you talk about these labels, which you can use or not, you do you. But when we talk about boyfriend and girlfriend, that does imply families. And you know, now do we do holidays? Especially if we're like, yeah, we're in our 30s. If a lot of people watching are in their late 20s, 30s, 40s, like, yeah, there's an implication. I'm taking you my best friend's wedding stuff like that. Okay. We're two months in. I'm sleeping with you on a regular basis. I do want to know you're not sleeping with other people. Do I know if I want to take you to my best friend's wedding? There is like a little prayer. It makes sense. And then you got to declare it to everybody and then you got to back out of it. Right. Right. It's a lot of paperwork, you know, it's a lot of admin. Well, Niko, this has been wonderful. You're just the best and I just want to compliment you. I mean, you just know your body. Take your dick out. No, no, I just you know your shit and you are just you speak about it really well and it's just it's great to watch you thrive and we just love that there's someone out there like you for these men and women. I appreciate you guys. No, I love to love talking. This is fun. We got to finally do it in person. Yeah. I know. They're like, oh, the camera wasn't running. Yeah. It'll be my life. That's my life. Well, tell people where they can find everything that you do. Yeah. Yeah. So my Instagram is at Niko E-Man and I K O E M A N. That's my personal Instagram. YouTube, the Daddy Academy. That's my podcast. Going to be on Spotify to very soon as well. Tick tock the Daddy Academy. And like I said, this course that I'm coming out with, you'll find that on my Instagram. Tick tock. You'll find that everywhere. They'll be coming out sometime in the next month or so. OK. Niko Emanuel ladies, everybody. There it is. Yay. All right. And girlsgotteat.com for us. Tickets to our show in LA with the Chippendales on May 7th. You can get those at girlsgotteat.com. Girls got to be podcasted on Instagram and Tick tock. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and Tick tock. Rain is Raina Duc Greenberg and rainagreenberg.com for her tour tickets. We have full video on YouTube and Spotify. So subscribe, leave a comment, leave a review, share this episode with a friend, join the Daddy Academy, and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. See you guys.