DMing My Celebrity Crush

what's up guys welcome back to views do i have a question for you yeah i'm going to start right here let's go what's the angriest you've ever been in your entire life i mean i punched a hole in the wall once why i was just broke okay okay okay okay all right so that's actually a good one You still punching holes in the wall? Yeah, you're really angry. Nelly, please. This is our friend. I punched a hole in a door. Did you hear what she just said about you? He didn't hear me. No, what she said. She goes, do you still punch holes in walls then? Because she's basically alluding to the fact that you're still broke. Did you imagine someone so close to you saying such nasty things about you? I know he's not. I just thought it was funny. Okay, anyway. So in that moment when you punched a hole in the wall, you would say that you were most angry in that moment? Yes, doctor. When you punched the hole in the wall, you'd say that you were the angriest. Yeah. Okay. Now, in that moment, could you... Let me tell you how much money I made last year. And you're going to be really angry. No, no, no. Now, in that moment, could you have gotten a boner? It's so funny. We were just talking about this. What? Well, Naveen said that I had a dream last night. I woke up in like a night terror last night. And then I had a boner. And she was like, you were scared. And I'm like, I don't get scared and get a boner. Oh, interesting. Yeah. This actually goes hand in hand with what I'm about to ask. Yeah, okay. Okay, so maybe this actually... Could I get angry and have a boner? Yeah. No. Okay, that's what I would think. Yeah. So this leads me to my next question. Who has a bigger penis, the Hulk or Thanos? I think... A really roundabout way for you to talk about Marvel. Well, because I wanted to make sure that you were taking into consideration that it is hard to get an erection when you're angry. and obviously the Hulk, when we're referring to him, I don't think we're referring to Mark Ruffalo's penis versus Thanos' penis. I think we're referring to Hulk. Hulk. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And even when the Hulk eases up a little bit, he starts to go less green and starts to go back to his regular state. So at peak anger, right when you punch that wall, I'm not saying you lay down on the bed, you waited 10 minutes, and then calmed down a little, and then you had a boner. That's normal. But at peak anger, there's no way you could have had a boner, right? No, no way. Okay, I think that, honestly, that's all I need to that's all what? that was the whole point? so I guess that nulls the question yeah I think it solves the problem neither Thanos nor Hulk are hard when they're angry no no that's not what I'm saying I'm saying Thanos Thanos has a bigger penis because Thanos is eternally that big and purple and Hulk is only that big when he's angry I just think they have no penis like they're just it just gets absorbed because there's so much like anger and hostility and stuff it's just inverted would anger and hostility like create a bigger penis? I would think so, but based on your science. I would think Hulk would be like... Oh, I see. Sorry. I completely went against myself. I think Hulk would be chubbed. Not necessarily like erect. Yeah. Could you also imagine having sex with Hulk and then you accidentally step on his toe? That would be scary. That'd be really scary. So he turns into the Hulk while you're having sex with him. Anyway, welcome back to the pod. I don't know. I saw that on a question on a pod the other day and I was like, you know, this is very... This is an interesting topic of debate. I wrote it down. I thought it was very clear that obviously Thanos. Oh, Dave, I want to thank you. I used your name in the thumbnail the other day. And it's my highest ranking video. Really? Yeah. And I've been doing this every day. Oh, the one with John? Yeah. David Dobrik's assistant. What are you called? David Dobrik's assistant. David Dobrik's assistant, yeah. Which he is. Where you belittled him? What are you talking about? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You belittle him every day. Yeah, as my friend. He's my friend too. I took him out to dinner. Took him out to dinner. You got really mad that I belittled him, didn't you? I just felt bad. Why? Because he's not my assistant. He's like my friend. What? He's literally an assistant. He literally made a whole video where you paid him. Also, you had no problem calling me your fucking assistant for eight. You still call me your assistant. You still fucking say that shit. But John's here just to be John. like John is more importantly than assisting getting paid just to not have to go to work and hang out here do you know what I mean right right so like I categorize him as friend we'll start categorizing him as paid companion because that sounds so much better that's actually pretty good that's a new video for me David Dobrik sorry you sound very gay is David Dobrik gay what were you saying Well, I just, both of my cars are in the shop right now, so I'm carless. Oh, my God. I've been Ubering around all day. I had to Uber here. That's such bad luck. Wait, your Ferrari, how much does it cost to fix? Like five grand. Dude, that's fucking insane. I would have just sold it right then and there. What? Five grand? I still have to fix it in order to sell it. What's wrong with the Ferrari? Would you ever call David and have him come pick you up? Only if he's going somewhere with me. But like today, you would be like, hey, yo, dude, just come grab me. Absolutely not. I mean. there's like no time place or circumstance but isn't that like a fun ride for you anyway you're not leaving the house today I've had so much fun in my life we're picking Natalie up from the DMV or from the body shop doesn't equate to I was thinking I was thinking I ordered this new mirror in my house and I can't put it up by myself but I also don't want to pay a task or have like 150 bucks or whatever to come do it for two seconds. So I'm like, oh, like most of the time, like you would just call your guy friend or your boyfriend or something. And I'm thinking, I'm like, who in my life would I call to come help me hang up a mirror? John. Obviously not David. John maybe, John would probably still make me pay him the same task rabbit price. I would come for free if you let me vlog it. Okay. And Naveen's really good at hanging stuff. Literally. So you'd film it and Naveen would hang it? I'm back in that mindset. I'm like, oh, Taylor's going to the airport? sounds like a vlog that's really funny which is a really fun mindset to be in as long as it's not annoying to everybody but that's really fun it's like oh shit yeah let's go get subs with Alex that is really interesting because it does allow you to be with people you're like oh that's cool I never thought about it that way you don't think about it like that? that's the best part of it I spent a whole day with Alex learning how to DJ I just haven't filmed people where I'm casually hanging out with them where I'm kind of scared to do that again right like like a good example is like when like noah comes over to hang out right like noah's kind of only noah's like like a lot of my friends have entered my life at post vlogging so like nobody knows like that i was like literally would have like a camera like i'd be like in bit mode and i'd be like if a bit's coming like my camera will fucking fly into my hand right um and like i haven't done that with like my newer friends that i made the last four or five years here so i'm like kind of scared to spook him and like ruin the non-camera vibes we have i think you just gotta rip rip that band-aid off yeah maybe just i'm so nervous around noah becky's so handsome so handsome do you ever find yourself in situations that you're like i think that's really funny like you being in the situation that maybe taylor was supposed to go or like john was supposed to go but you have to do it like you're above it like one time one time they flew you on frontier and you were so mad. You were like... Dude, that was like eight years ago. I know, I know. And you were like, I'm better than this. I work really hard. I shouldn't be on this plane. Which it was really bad. Frontier's worse than spirit. I was with you. Frontier's the worst. Frontier's the worst. You get a surfboard behind you. Jay, you know how you've been looking to save money? Yeah, of course. But you also want to go to concerts? Of course, yeah. That's my whole existence right now. Well, you should get the app SeatGeek. Have you ever heard of it? What is it called? SeatGeek. SeatGeek, like a geek. Yeah, like nerd. Like a nerd. Yeah, it's incredible, guys. SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app with over 35 million downloads. There are more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports festivals, and more. So many artists going on tour in 2026, like Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga, BTS, Ariana Grande, Morgan Wallen, Zach Bryan, Zara Larson, Cardi B, Chris Stapleton, Alex Warren, Demi Lovato, Olivia Dean. Oh, my God. Olivia Dean, your favorite. Olivia Dean. Would love to go see her. Are you going to go to an Olivia Dean show? I'm not much of a show guy. I think I'll just, like, play her in the car. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wait. Are you trying to set me up to buy tickets on SeatGeek? Sorry. I'm like, you know what? No, I think I'm just going to sit in the car. No, actually, yes, I am going to go see her live. You're SeatGeek. Because SeatGeek is your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal. Look for the green dots. Green means good. Red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. Concert season is right around the corner. To make it even better, you can use code VIEWS10 for 10% off your Seeky tickets. That's 10% off tickets with promo code VIEWS10. Click the link in the description, download the app, and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, Seeky. Yo, I was talking to this girl the other day. This is one of the worst parts about dating in LA, okay? I was talking to her, and we just got into celebrity crushes. and like the safe answer for a celebrity crush like when you're seeing someone is to always say someone that's like 40 or 50 years old someone that's like a crush do you know why? I was like uh oh yeah yeah yeah but she was just like she named somebody that I'm like friends with and it's like and it like hurt my stomach I was like oh okay you know what that's kind of crazy yeah no that's really crazy It's like someone being like, yeah, it's like, I mean, to put a different perspective, it's like, yeah, it's like I'm out with my friends and I'm like, who would you want to have sex with? And she goes, Ilya. Yeah. Any chance if Ilya ever was like, can I hook up with you? I'd fuck him in a heartbeat. Like, that's what it's like. It's like really crazy. I don't know. That's what's weird about dating. Not even because like I know, like I don't even know a lot of celebs, but like at least I have like a story with like 30, 40 percent of them. right like one little moment i can remember like oh if i date this girl she's gonna run into him right within the next two months right right she's gonna she's gonna have like yeah um that kind of freaks me out wait so what did you say did you have to like did she backtrack or were you like no no i didn say anything i was like yeah he really handsome oh yeah man i wasn gonna be like who did you say your crush was like i always say like natalie portman yeah i never say like an actual like like 25 year old crush yeah like i never say anybody like around my age range i feel like celebrity crush too is supposed to be somebody that's a little bit more like unattainable right like it's like the dream like no not naveen naveen goes for like people like she could probably get. It's really funny. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, if you live in LA, I've realized this the other day too, which is kind of crazy. I never knew this. It's always been an ongoing thing. But like if you're hot, right? Like if you're actually hot, like really hot and you're from bumble fuck anywhere in the United States or anywhere in the world, you can literally achieve anything. like you can marry you can actually marry rich it's not even like a it's not like i feel like when we were in vernon hills people would like girls would joke about marrying rich and it'd be like this thing that was like ah how funny good luck or it'd be like what does that even mean but like you can spread if you're a hot girl here you can marry a billionaire tomorrow like isn't that kind of crazy yeah like there is like the most serious pretty privilege that i've just like not understood until like i guess kind of recently yeah like if you're like i hate to spook you jay Because I know you have a very hot wife who could marry super, super rich. But she chose you, which is a good thing. She had her chance. That's the other thing is you can marry rich, but it's not going to work out necessarily. No, totally. Would you ever date someone that's like a super, super big fan? Yeah. Yeah, me too. Sure. I never understood that question. It's like, yeah, why would I not date somebody that loves the things I make? I feel like, yeah. As long as I'm like, if I'm attracted to them and they're obsessed with me, like doesn't that feel like the ultimate unless it's like which is rare in our line of work it's not like like musicians like where it's like an obsession where it's like posters on the wall and they're like you know what I mean yeah that's a little scarier yeah yeah and it's not creepy yeah but yeah no I mean I think Naveen's obsessed with me but she's never seen the videos she's never said that but I'm no no no she's like no I believe you you're married she's like she's like trust me dude this chick is into me we've been getting into this thing yeah jay your wife's obsessed with you i would agree we've been getting into this thing lately where i've been getting in trouble because like i guess i do this thing where she'll say something and i just say the opposite oh i yeah i know what you mean yeah so like you take the opposite view yeah john does it all the time yeah and really really finish a movie and she'll be like, the CGI was really good. And you'll be like, I don't know about the CGI. Like that? No, almost more like maybe like, let's say somebody is like pissing her off. Oh. And then I'll be like, well, you know. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, it could be this, like that. And oh my God, fucking drives her crazy. I'm always like that though. Yeah, I am too. You are like that. You are like that. You always take the opposite, no matter what I say. Yeah. Yeah. but it's not even like i don't know i just like don't like i hate hearing stories about people when my friends are telling me something like if like if you came to me and you're like this person's such a fucking bitch and like like i believe you but like there's so many sides to every story i can't just possibly take your word for because you're my friend i don't know why right it's not that i'm gonna be like you're in the wrong jay but i'll but i'll consider that story most likely like null. I'll be like, I will never know the truth. I'm still here for Jay. But like, I actually won't know the truth. Like yesterday, she had a doctor's appointment and then the doctor called like an hour, texted an hour before and was like, doctor has jury duty. So, no appointment. And then she was just like, what the fuck? She was pissed at the doctor? Yeah, she was mad at the doctor. And then I was like, she's like, he hates me. He hates me. And I was like, no, he doesn't hate you it has nothing to do with you like he has jury duty like don't take it personally nah i was like oh that's really funny i see how that would piss someone off but i'm totally on your side there yeah this this topic brings me to a thing that i want to talk about is about the titanic so have you been seeing or this has been like an ongoing conspiracy theory about the titanic that it's um some people claim that the ship that sank in 1912 wasn't actually the titanic it was her identical sister ship the olympic so basically long story short there were people on board of the titanic that were like some of the most rich and powerful people and they were opposing the u.s federal reserve yeah and those people died and then since those people died the federal reserve was was allowed to get built okay and then at the same time i'm watching this like documentary there's this guy who went down to explore he was leading like this naval mission to explore the titanic but really that was a cover for they were going to see some of their submarines that were sunk in war but like they couldn't let the other countries know that so they were saying that they were looking for the submarine or for the titanic and they actually ended up finding the titanic and not only did they find the titanic but the guy that found it initially it was like there were some things that were really interesting inside it the way it like exploded from within that it almost seemed like the iceberg was not the leading cause for why it sank oh so like something happened inside wow like there was an explosion a bomb yeah nation or something like that or fire or anything so and that enabled them to start the federal reserve because those people died really yeah and like that leads me to what i'm saying about like what I'm saying about like when you come to me with an argument that you have with somebody like I know that's like one degree of separation away but like the story of the fucking Titanic that happened in what fucking year was it? Long time ago. Like there's so many years that have passed and so many different perspectives. Like isn't that crazy? Like it's just like how can we possibly believe what happened on the Titanic? Because it's been documented. Like I don't understand. What does that mean? What does that mean, documented? You're saying that the ship that went down was the Olympic and not the Titanic? That's what you led with. Yes. Okay, so it's a completely different ship that went down? Yeah, the Olympic was damaged in an earlier collision and allegedly became too expensive to repair. So the ship owner, White Star Line, supposedly swapped the identities of the Olympic and the RMS Titanic. They allegedly sent the already damaged Olympic, renamed Titanic, on its maiden voyage. The plan, according to believers, was to stage an accident, sink the ship, collect massive insurance money, and save the company. But instead of a minor incident, it became a catastrophic sinking. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, wow. Is that a doc that you can watch? I don't know. I think so. I think the thing I'm watching is a little bit of like playing on the conspiracy theory. But yeah, so in the late 1800s, the Titanic sank or the early 1900s. But yeah, I don't know. I just get really confused about that. Like how can we possibly believe anything that's written? Also, I read like some quote that was like, history is written by the people who won, which is like so fucking true. So it's like, what? Like how do we believe anything in history books ever? Well, there is a woman in the movie that goes out and, you know, finds the guy. Like there are people that survived the Titanic. Yeah, that are what? On a sinking ship. That's all they know. What do you mean? Those people that survived 9-11. That doesn't mean that they did not Bush orchestrated the attacks. Your question was how do we know it? Or whoever. your question was how do we know it happened and I'm saying there's like survivors and stuff no I said how do we know like how it happened sorry I'm not saying that it happened I'm doubting the sinking of the ship I'm just saying like no one really knows right? right I hate conspiracy theories I hate them too I'm so over them I'm also over them because I think everything in history is a conspiracy theory sure I don't think anything's accurate I don't think anything can possibly be accurate I mean yeah just not possible it is not possible that everyone's getting all the facts right how can you write about a war and be like 100% legitimate about it I don't care how many people are talking about it there's only so many people at the certain battle I don't know yeah there's so many sides to everything yeah whatever hey do you see you can live at Lifetime now what? David's favorite gym is called Lifetime and he introduced me to it and it is great what do you mean you could live there so they've built Lifetime apartments? Lifetime apartments, yeah. $2,000 you can get an apartment. $2,000 to $8,000. Wait, where? Coral Gables, Florida. Green Valley, Las Vegas. And then there's like three other locations. I don't know where they are. That's pretty good. $2,000 to $8,000. And you have basketball there. You have pickleball courts. You have everything. Outdoor workouts. You have trainers that come to your door. You can work out at any lifetime across the country if you live there. wait that's an amazing amazing thing lifetime is the best lifetime is the only thing that would make me like do gym yeah it's fucking incredible so fun and pretty reasonable yeah two grand for all those amenities yeah yeah like that's amazing i remember it used to be like 24 7 where we were so how much is a membership must be 300 it's over 300 a month yeah yeah so you can get an apartment for two no it's incredible when when we were kids we obviously couldn't afford the fucking day pass there because the day pass is like 50 bucks yeah maybe at the time like 40 it's 75 now fucking unheard oh wow but like we would come and we'd stay there till like 4 or 5 a.m oh wow so worth it you're just hanging out at lifetime you have access to anything the pool the fucking the gym which you don't use and the basketball court mainly or like the soccer field they have indoor soccer fields it really is like disney world for people that like being active well back to my uber story. What were you saying about the Uber? Because I Ubered here today and I got into my Uber and I think she like shit herself before I got into the car. Because I got in, I was like loading myself into the car and she kind of like side-eyed me from the driver's seat like a little guilty like side-eye. Like she thought you pooped? No, I think she knew what she did and I got into the car right after she released something that was just like a noxious gas And she kept looking at me in the rearview mirror and I was like Gabbage I know what what you just did and it fucking stinky she had her she had her window down she was like trying to air it out but it was fucking brutal and i just and then i i don know if she did it again when i was when i was leaving because when i got here maybe she was an alien and that's how she says hello and she was like sweating too i was like something i think she was maybe i was her last ride before she had to go to the bathroom or something but it was fucking she was sweating yeah she could have had like a really bad stomach bug that night. That's what I'm thinking. I feel bad. I didn't say anything, obviously, to her. I didn't want her to feel insecure about it. What would you say to that woman? I would have been like, oh, do you smell that? Dude, you're a fucking asshole. Was there a moment where it was like, you can smell something and then she puts the window down? She didn't have the window down when we first started, but she was looking at me in the rear view and then by the time we got to the end of my street, she had rolled her window down. Hey, you got any good comebacks? I looked up comebacks. I think comebacks are so funny. Like this morning, Naveen came down. Naveen roasted me yesterday. I went to the skin cancer doctor. No skin cancer. Which is great. And she roasted me at the office. But then I got her back this morning. She said, I'm coming down there. I'm going to give you a piece of my mind. And I said, can you spare it? That's pretty good. Can you spare it? Spare it, dude, you dumbass. Can you spare my mind? Yeah, like spare a piece. Like, don't. I love dumb comebacks. My favorite is when someone's singing a song. Yeah. And then you go, wait, who sings that? Yeah, that's good. Yeah, and they go, Kelly Clarkson. Oh, my God. And then you go, let's keep it that way. This is the vine we made back in high school. Oh, no way. Yeah, yeah. That's so good. I remember driving through. It was like the end of the school day. And you were like, get in the car. And you didn't tell me what we were doing. And you were taking a lap around the high school parking lot. And he was playing One Direction. Yeah. and he was like who sings this song and i don't know if i said harry styles or one direction or whatever he said one direction there's no way you were like harry styles at the time i don't know um and then he was like yeah let's keep it that way and then i was just like just jaw dropped it's so rude here if someone calls you fat you can say that's because every time i fuck your mom she makes me a sandwich i'm gonna start saying that to you every time you tell me something stupid I thought these would be a bigger hit. That one's pretty good. Well, my favorite's like, okay, here, respond to me just really quickly. You're fat, Jason. No, you're fat. Oh, if I wanted my own comeback, I would have wiped it off your mom's chest. Oh, that's good. Oh, shit. That's really good. That's a really good one. Damn. It's my favorite one. My dad used to do this one. You'd say, if someone goes, I'm thinking, and my dad would go, oh, I thought I smelled wood burning. Yeah, I'd love that one. I love that one. or even just like when once when someone's just like i had an idea and then you just go like i don't know what you say but you go thank god or like what do you say like i didn't know you're capable of those or just something like that i love that that's funny i love little ones like that all right now let's play a game who do you think the hottest woman on earth is today i battle with this a lot i think about all the time i'm always putting people in like I say a lot of people are in the top five of all time Hottest woman Today So I'm talking about someone who is currently In their prime Just throw out some names just so we could start Okay Madison Beer is definitely up there Easy Okay This answer is so easy Who is it? It's so easy Who is it? Naveen Nash why did I think you were actually going to be like Wolfie Cindy I actually have somebody but I'm not going to say in case she listens to this really? I mean there is an answer for like in terms of like hotness and like zeitgeist okay who? Tatiana Taylor oh Tayana Taylor Tayana Taylor yeah wait what? that woman is like on fire she's like all across from every from one battle after another one battle after another? yeah oh interesting I would say she has everyone's eyes right now she's gonna win the Oscar Tiana Taylor sorry yeah Tiana Taylor dude this guy loves his wife so much he made up a name okay yeah she's definitely up there I'm going to go with I don't actually have much time I mean like Kylie Jenner the icon of all icons Kylie Jenner yeah she's never gonna leave there so it's not even fair I think it's like I'm also saying like Who are you Yeah yeah Who are you just like Kylie Jenner's like a whole vibe Like everything She's like a curator of like Whatever she does Yeah She's like the best of influencing Of all Sure you're talking about pure hotness I'm talking about pure I'm talking about like You're like You're like sitting In like a coffee shop And you're face to face With this human being Yeah I think it genuinely is Madison Beer I think it's very I just think like I think Madison Beer in person is just as gorgeous as she is. Put it in chat, she'd be too. See what they say. Yeah, for sure. But so is Kylie. I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying, like, I'm just, I'm separating those two. Are you trying to get a date here, Dave? I think if Madison's listening to this right now... It's a happily taken. I know, I just always thought about it. Because when I was growing up, it was like Megan Fox. Right? Like that. It wasn't even a question, I don't think, at that time. It was Megan Fox, like full-blown full stop. I'm trying to think of who else because these feel like really cliche. You guys are better with the younger people. I don't know the younger people. I would say Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie's a good one. Ana de Armas is a good one. What's like a new one? Ana de Armas is like I think my new age celebrity crush. Yeah, you like her? I love her. You know I had David Blaine DM her for me once. You what? You had David Blaine DM her for you once? Yeah. What did you have him say? I was just like, please, can you DM me on the R-West for me? Because they followed each other. So I was like, please, dude, just do me a favor. And he goes, okay, fine. And he DM'd her. He goes. Like reluctantly? No, no, no. He was like laughing about it. It was very easy. Yeah. He was like, I have a friend that's interested in you. Did she ever reply? Did he tell you or no? I think she responded, but it wasn't about that. She just ignored it? I don't even think he got to the point. next i don't even think i think he like sucks his hi how have you been and then yeah so yeah so i missed that yeah one day whatever you know i will be strolling into the sunset doesn't she date tom cruise oh yes yes she does oh i can't fucking go after one of my best friends oh fuck my bad uh david i can't believe you would do me like that that day on the set of mission impossible and that mean anything to you you're DMing Anna behind my back imagine she leaves Tom Cruise for David dude crazy things have happened he'd be baffled I would be like girl there's something wrong with you Tom would spiral Tom would quit filmmaking Tom would be like it's not enough okay yeah so I guess it's kind of up in the air or whatever it is I also have you guys seen this TikTok this guy not this kid but this guy was saying he's like he has 200,000 followers on TikTok and he's like I need one of you one of you one of the 200 000 of you to tell me where is there a new graveyard i thought i thought it was a really good like we're just using the same graveyard like where the fuck why aren't we why isn't it like why aren't we popping up new graveyards like up they're building a new one here that is an interesting like where the fuck are we putting these bodies in the cemeteries that already exist what do you mean like on top of each other That already exist? Yeah, you go to Forest Lawn I was at a funeral at Forest Lawn They pop them in We went out there with my mom I think Maybe the easy answer is They're just cremating so many people That everyone's bodies are kind of just at people's houses Yeah You want to be cremated, right? I do, but most people don't And your mom wants to be cremated And that's in case you wake up in the middle of the ground. That's right. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is actually such a valid point. I don't know. It's happened. What do you mean it's happened? Oh, it's happened to people? Yeah. It's rare, but it has happened. No, that's like a fair point. Hey, what do you think? Let's play a game. What do you think Wyatt's college costs per year? Ooh. Yeah. 60? How much? 60,000? 60. Okay. I think 85. Okay. Okay, go. Who was closer? Yeah. David wins. What? I guess really high. How much was it? 90. Oh. I know. She's in. 90,000 a year. It's like. For him to what? To play the fucking drums? What does he do? No, he's just learning. He's not even taking like a music major. He's just going to a really good school. He's learning for nothing. Isn't that crazy? Wait, what's his major? What's he studying? What do you mean? He hasn't declared a major yet. I think he's going to be an English major. He hasn't declared a major and he's going in and spending 90 grand a month. I think you have until end of like sophomore year to declare. No, I know, but shouldn't he just, like, know from, like... But you have to, like, take courses towards that major. Yes, and he will, yeah, and he has been. But don't you take, like, you have to get gen ads out of the way. Is that a word? Did I just make that up? Gen ads? Yeah, that's good. That's a word, yeah, gen ads. I pulled that out of fucking nowhere. You know I said werewithal the other day? Did I use that on the pod? Yes. Werewithal's a nice one. No, it wasn't... Wasn't it in David's... I think I used it here. I'm David, by the way. Sorry. Nat, are you getting quieter? Am I? Or am I losing my hearing completely? She does this when you first meet her for the day. Yeah. This is what she does. It's so fucking annoying. Do it. Do it. My voice isn't broken in yet. No, no, no, no. It's like this whole thing. Am I whispering? Everything about her. She's like a cat. Everything about her is different when she first comes in. I'm at peace in the morning? Is that what it is, David? That's exactly what it is. I'm in Zen. It's like she comes from her house and she's like, okay, let's do this today. And then I'm like, Natalie, just fucking don't forget where you came from last night. Last night you were shouting from the rooftop. Right. Okay. So, yeah, you have to break Natalie in when she comes in. Every day she comes in. It's like 50 first dates. Yeah. Like Drew Barrymore She forgets who she is Who she really is Because she goes to this Zen place at her house She gets fucking high She takes a gummy Oh wow And she goes to bed really quietly It's just her. She has candles lit and shit. Oh, my God. Wouldn't you love to just be in the room, but she doesn't know you're there, and you're just watching what she's doing? No, no, no. Oh, no. Does it piss you off? I'd love to see her get Zen. It wouldn't piss me off. I just know I'd be bored. Really? I think she folds shit. Yeah. She folds shit. I haven't folded something in a very long time I think she's standing over the sink and making sure things are pointing in the right direction oh it's like that yeah she gets excited about being home and then she organizes things by her her eye mask is not touching her water bottle like weird shit like that so I don't think I'd be excited by it oh my gosh I posted there's this trend it's on the girl side of TikTok I don't know if you've seen but red light therapy and vibration plates Have you seen this? So like in the morning, there's like the health and wellness women that have a vibration plate that just like you stand on it and it shakes you. Like a scale, but it vibrates you? Yeah, bigger than a scale, but like, yeah, but it vibrates you. It gets everything flowing, the blood moving or whatever. To get you to orgasm, like in the morning? Yes, to make sure that you orgasm. No, just to get the blood flowing. And it's supposed to be really good for you. And then you also have like a red light. Why did I come over here? I'm sitting watching through the window. I just wanted to see the morning routine. now she's just standing up why is she filming this I should have a ring light out anyways so I just got my vibration plate I've had my red light for a while that's why you're so quiet I've been doing this combo and I posted it on my Snapchat and I don't realize what friends of ours actually watch my Snapchat because it's very much for the people that follow me not for our friends yeah I don't watch it for sure yeah you would never but Zane watched it yesterday and this is my first time posting my like I put goggles on, the red light and the vibration plate. It's like a 10 second clip or whatever Zane sends me a screenshot. He's like what the fuck are you doing over there? That's the worst when you get a text from Zane. I once reposted something on Instagram by accident and he's like ha ha ha you fucking idiot. Zach that's funny especially because it feels like your private life so it does feel like especially someone as funny judgey as Zane would be It was so funny I was like get the fuck out of there You're not supposed to be watching that Last night we went to We went to the reserve Our buddy Jack from Jack's dining room Has this I don't even know what to call it He just does these Like these exclusive food drops No that's a terrible way to explain it I was just trying to say something This is the guy you have a crush on? excuse you don't say that out loud I'm just kidding I don't think so but close I do love Jack but no he like curates these like elite exclusive dining experiences yeah I've seen his stuff yeah of course I walked away yesterday with a gift package of like from this event of this ice cream what is it called Shoku ice cream Shoku vanilla ice cream collab with Lucky Charms it was vanilla ice cream with the marshmallows from Lucky Charms in it And it was all brand official. Like you had the logo on there and everything. It was fucking crazy. Yes. Okay, sorry. Continue. No, but I mean, yeah. That Shoku LA like does. They had, it was like an eight course meal. It started with like omakase from these like, I don't even know where they're from, whatever. Sushi, yeah. A little sushi bar. And they like, they hand feed, with their hands, they're making this little piece of sushi and they're hand feeding it to you. And you have to eat it with one bite in a specific way that the chef recommends. and then we go into like then they open the place up for the dining experience which is it's like a really beautiful place it's like a 70 I don't know I think 70 million dollar house or something insane the guy the Oakley mansion I think he started Oakley how many people were there like 25 yeah 20 to 30 gosh and it's like really yeah like you know like it's very very nice and the menu's very curated and like this was a big deal for Natalie Natalie's been fucking dying to go to this thing. We met the chefs actually two weeks before. And we met them at a party. And they're like, you're coming to this thing? And then I wasn't familiar with their game at the time. But we got in the car. And Natalie was like, do you have any fucking idea who we just met? Natalie was like the horniest I've ever seen her in the car. And I was like, dude, fucking take it easy. She's like, those guys are about to change my life in two weeks. Oh, they were talking to me about the menu. I just felt so cool. Natalie loves fucking food. I love food. That's the way. I could see you marrying a chef. Oh, my God. I would die marrying a chef. Oh, yeah. Wait. I don't even know why I never thought of that. Yeah. What? Really? Yeah. That's like my dream. But, okay. So, yeah. But, like, just for, like, a little background on these guys, like, the Shoku, in order, first of all, you have to know, like, they have to be, you have to know someone to have this experience. And if you want to have the Shoku experience, it's $1,500 a person. Okay. And they'll come to you. They'll set it up. Whatever. Like, LeBron James will do this. And like, it'll be like three grand a person and he'll set up a 10 person dinner at his house or whatever with them. And they only do it. Like, it's very like, they only get the $30,000 experience. Yes. It's insane. But that's because of what, like the king crab that they got for last night's meal. Okay. She's cooking. This is the passion in her voice. I mean, not that it really makes that big of a difference. Say the king crab. What was it? Okay. The king crab that they got for last night's meal comes from the one like guy that catches the best king crabs for all the restaurants around the world but this was the biggest king crab that he's caught all season long. And that's what they like served to us. Like the biggest and best one. And like all the cows that they pull from for the Wagyu, they're like a dynasty. So like these cows are like royalty basically. Oh, you're not kidding. I'm explaining it in David terms. I mean these cows, whatever cow land they're from, like they rule shit there. Like we're eating the prince and princess of cows. and like Jack was explaining to me but just for a second because he's very busy but he was he was saying like basically these cows that like each piece of meat comes with like a piece of paper that says what the cows have been through they print the nose like how incredibly treated these cows have been right they were well treated you're tasting the most stress free cow ever like could you tell the difference in the bite yeah like you could tell this cow lived to like its full age and was and you know died a happy death with his family, with his cow family holding his hand at the hospital being like, see you later, cow dad. Like these cows like genuinely lived a healthy, full life. And that's what you're eating. So it's like a really, really- You're going to die honorably in David's belly. Yeah. It's like a really big deal. So yeah, we had the dinner. It's really incredible. Hell yeah. Did you get drunk? I was drinking a little bit. The best part about it is, you know me, I don't like fish. I was going to say, there's no way you ate the crab. So this was the best part. Across from me, that was sitting, was Adam W., who doesn't eat pork but loves fish. So we traded. I gave him all of my fish meals, and then he gave me all of the beef and pork. It was incredible. So it was like the best of both worlds. Because they don't serve that much food because it's like a very fancy place. But I had double of everything. Oh, great. And there was one time, because I'm a fast eater, that I ate my burger so quickly. And Adam's burger so quickly that they were still passing out the burgers. And they came by and they're like, oh, my God, Adam never got a burger. So they gave us a third. No. And he didn't need it. Yeah, of course. You had three burgers? Yeah, so I got three. Not like three little burgers. Little burgers. Yeah, little burgers. But I ate him so quickly that they thought that they had to deliver more to him. Little trick. Yeah, no, it was very. I can't believe Anna Darmis didn't fucking DM me back. No, I can't believe her. If she saw me there, she would have loved it. But yeah, so it was a really great time. So fun. Shout out to the Reserve and Jack's dining room. It was an incredible experience. Please have us back. Yeah, you made Natalie's. We made a HelloFresh meal last night. Oh, that's wonderful. Hey, that's good too. And I'm also like, Natalie's very fine dining. I was telling Natalie, I want to put something together like that, but for my favorite fast foods. Because I feel like I have the same taste. BJ does that. Yeah, the chain. BJ Novak does that. Oh, he does for the chain. That'd be a fun thing to do here. Yeah. That would be great. What would you do though? like would you do taco bell i'd start with taco and probably wrap it up with taco bell yeah just leave it there yeah yeah like i mean i mean like the case they now this volcano quesarito that i absolutely love what volcano quesarito yeah they got rid of the quesarito and they went volcano i don't know what their problem is with the quesarito but they can't keep that thing on the menu for more than fucking three weeks they keep like putting it on and off it's it's fucking pissing me off anyway yeah i do a baja blast i do the like the little cinnabon munchkin balls um and then of course i think the best fast food burger in all of america this is gonna be five guys kind of controversial and i and i'm i'm talking what it means to be american okay like when my when my cousin came from slovakia i took him to one place granted i didn't know five guys at the time i didn't know in and out at the time wait what year was this this was like 2010 okay okay but i still kind of stand by like what tastes the most american when you have a burger yes they're on the edge of our seats i know just get ready it's a whopper oh yeah it's a whopper is i think and i'm not saying it's like the the greatest but i think what tastes like oh this is what a burger like if i've never had a burger and i'm an alien you give them a whopper start here this is the this is a burger and then you and then you you know you go here's in and out this is really good burger but I just think like the Whopper is the equivalent to the Krabby Patty in Spongebob like it's just like it's just like classic and that's what makes it so special but that's all the time we have for today's podcast guys it's a good place to end go and have a Whopper thank you for everybody listening Jason you want people to donate to your GoFundMe for your son's school just comment on the podcast go watch Staley Vlogs Go check out Natalie's managing. And we'll see you guys for next week's episode. Bye. Bye.