Chapter 47: The Hero

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, add free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Previously on Midnight Burger, pro tip. When answering a Craig's list, add for a new job. Ask more follow-up questions. Oh, they're coming right out. Go for it! Just tell us your name. Me trying to stop me, I won't stop. I got your gun cover! We need to stop this woman, a never-ending brunch. You trapped her in a giant ice cube! Hey! I'm talking to you. The diner is surrounded by sheep. It looks like your have a wicker. And real. Oh, shit. There's two moons. He's cutting my car in half! He's your son! Go get me the barista. What? Go get me the barista. I'm gonna fight you on Billy Road. Please don't tell me you're trying to make your responsibility to save an entire galaxy. Who's responsibility should it be? I mean, then again, how much do you really want to know? You know, I mean, maybe it's better to just, you know, check the vibe with a place and see how you feel. You know? Let's start the shift. Once upon a time, there was a hero, though she would never call herself that. The hero had always been a creature of survival, of work. For the longest time, the hero saw every sunset as a victory. All that one needed was to reach the day's end and rest. And then, one day, the hero did not choose this life, but no one ever does. Reluctance is at the heart of the hero, for one to seek it out. Well, we call that something else, don't we? Petal, do you think there'll be any fish left in the ocean by the time you're done? It helps me relax. Are you certain? What did you just call me? Petal. I don't think I approved of that terminology. Could you come here to me and walk me through the approval process? Don't distract me. I thought distraction was the goal. You know what I mean. Is the assumption that if you continue to cook, time will somehow move along at a faster clip. I guess I'm used to cooking while time traveling. Have you ever made haggis? What? Haggis, are you familiar? Yeah, I know what it is. I've never had it. And what a crime. Brody, you're kind of a caricature of a Scottish person. Has anyone ever told you that? Ah, but how can I be a caricature of a people who no longer exist? Am I not the blueprint? Am I not the pattern familiar from which all future Scots shall spring? Oh my God, Brody. Be careful, my love. I shall begin to quote rabbi burdens in your general direction. No. Thank you. How lofty, sweet, often, thy neighbouring hills far marked with the courses of clear winding hills. They are daily I wonder as noon rises high. My flocks and my mares sweet caught in my eye. I'm not making you haggis. I don't even know if they're sheep here. Is there not a maritime version? Some sort of fish stuffed with some other sort of fish? I doubt it. Hmm, tragic. I know I'm being a little ridiculous. I don't believe that you are. They've just been dragging me all over the planet like a celebrity. I make speeches and me people, but it doesn't feel like anything's happening. It's possible they have no idea what to do. There's got to be something. There's always something. If that's the case, then it has yet to re-root's head. But it shall. This is the problem with spending my life in restaurants. What do you mean? In the night, you always make sure that everything's done. You make sure not to screw the next shift. Doesn't matter how tired you are, you don't leave anything unfinished. I see. I've got a lot of unfinished work out there, Brody. As if on cue. Perhaps this is the news you've been waiting for. Hello? Gloria, hello. Hello, Borscht. Hi, Brody. Greetings. What's the news? We're heading your way. Okay, what's going on? I know the high chancellor has been off-world since your arrival. There's a lot of planets to manage out there you understand. Sure. She's managed to cut her schedule short, but she can meet with you. That's great. In fact, she has called a general meeting. She never does that. That's a meeting of all council heads from all departments. It's a big deal. Okay, so I should get ready to go. She's actually invited both you and Brody. She has? She has? It's a bit of a formal to do, Gloria. Your domestic system should have some appropriate outfits for the occasion. I've marked some of my personal favorites for you if you need some guidance. No need to pack. We'll have everything for you on the big island. We're going to the capital. Wow, okay. So let's have outfits and they'll be sent to the fabricator there. This is all good news, Gloria. Okay, great. I'll see you soon. Well, it appears we're going to a bit of a bash. What do you think the headhunter wants with you? I have no clue. Perhaps she knows it can't possibly be a true rave-up unless I make an appearance. Brody. Brody. I really need something to happen. I know, my love. It shall. I also haven't approved my love. Not every age can be an age of heroes. There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? Prosperity? Silence? Stillness? The hero had found herself in a place she had never known. A place where all the work was done. The war had been won. The victory celebrated. It was a time and place that she had always wished for. But how would she find her place here? Where is the hero's place in a time of peace? Welcome to the idol of remembrance. It is here we remember Bertilina Restiana, first high chancellor of the new coalition, who led us through war and inter-reconstruction. It is in this sacred place that we honor her memory and hold fast to the promises we've made to each other. It's a beautiful statue. Tiz. I wish I could have seen her. To hear them tell it, she was toward the end of her life when she brought us all here to see Gis. It was her final act. By the time we'd made the crossing in the pyrofights, she was already gone. You would have liked her. I'm sure. Hello. Good morning. Hey guys. Are we all ready? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is a big one. This is the heavy hitters. This will be a gathering of all council heads from across the planet. We'll have council members focus on interplanetary, intergalactic and inter-community issues. The chancellors of forethought, peacekeeping, innovation, truth and understanding, deep core tenets. Deep core tenets is a huge hit. They never show up. Also our interplanetary guests. As well as our new high chancellor. Right. And what is her name again? Alondra. Okay. So guys. Have you had a chance to visit your idol yet? No. It's really lovely. I've seen it in pictures. My brother was on the design council. Great. Not shut up about it. She was very proud of his work. We're all proud of our work. Guys, I really appreciate your help this whole time. It's been a lot. I feel like I've met everyone on the planet. We're all very excited. That's your here. I understand. But the speeches and the functions are going to end at some point. Right? The working group is already putting together ideas. The working group. What does that mean? For issues that span the interests of multiple councils, a working group is convened. A working group with a representative of each council. What is the working group supposed to do? The working group will concern itself with you. A concern itself with me. How? How ever you like. Okay. I need to get back to the diner. Then it shall concern itself with that. Great. Okay. That's great. So this is the last speech? Yes. Yes. For a while. It could be more. I understand the resistance. Exeo, have you compiled the analogies? I have some analogies here that may bring clarity. Why? Joan of Arc. Boudica. Oprah. Oprah? What are we talking about here? The luminary from the past is suddenly among us, and many people are wanting to... What is the word? Bask in the glow. The glow. The glow. The glow. And because of that, there is a need for certain functions. I'm not glowing. No, but your statue is. You should definitely take a look. Enough with the statue, please. I'm just saying. Gloria. The high chancellor is here. She's looking forward to speaking with you. After that, we can get to work. I hear the preliminary team already has some interesting ideas about what to do next. Okay. Now, I hate to break up the happy couple. But I'm afraid Brody has a schedule of his own today. How about? Yes, Brody. You look really great. If you would come with me, I'll get you where you need to go. I promise I won't steal them. Are you sure? I suppose, Judy Coles. Good luck with whatever that is. Gloria, we've cordoned off this area, so you won't be disturbed. I need to go meet some landing parties. You're good here? Sure. Seriously, you should go see your statue. It's something you need to see in person. Okay, I'll put it on the list. Be right back. Okay. You certainly wouldn't make me put up with this bullshit. Would you, Birdberg? You're right. She probably wouldn't. Hello? Hi there. Lovely statue. Yes. Did you know she had them redo that statue six times? Really? Our former high chance there was very particular. She kept insisting it was too majestic. She didn't seem approachable enough. It's a 20-foot statue. How can it be approachable? I don't know. But that's what she wanted. Apparently at first they wanted something more queenly. Having her sitting in a big throne. Like that one on your planet. What's his name? Lincoln. In the big chair? Right. She wanted to just stand there. And give me a book or something. A mistake in the end, I think. It should try and capture how people felt about her. Not what she actually looked like. Oh, I'm Justin. Gloria. Justin? Yes. That's an Earth name. It is. You're from here. Mother was a big fan of Earth and a big fan of cheesy jokes. She said I came along just in the nick of time. Wow. Yeah. And you have to live with that. I do. Also, I was the third child. I think at that point she didn't give a shit what my name was. I'm sure that's not true. So, have you seen your statue? I've seen pictures. It's not far from here. I know. You didn't hear from me, but I think I would have preferred some input like Berpert had. You don't like it. It's a little much, don't you think? I don't know. I'm sitting in some sort of a lotus pose and I'm surrounded by three galaxy. The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum. And I'm 20 feet tall. It does make one imagine you much taller. Doesn't it? I'm a cook, Justin. Only to yourself, Gloria. No. No. Oh, shit. Absolutely not. What's wrong? Gloria, we're sitting here in the middle of a free city on a free planet in a newly free system. Don't you think it should be free for everyone? What do you mean? This is not a press effect. That the chance to start over here in the Triad. Do you think imprisoning people without any process of adjudication is the way to get started? I have no idea what you're talking about. There's an island you should know about. The earthlings are calling it North Brother Island. It's some sort of Earth reference. North Brother Island? I'm sure they won't listen to me, Gloria. Maybe they'll listen to you. He's over here. Take him off the premise. Listen to me about what? The mother would have hated it. But no one seems to care. Who is your mother? You're standing next to her statue. Justin, off we go. Thank you. Thank you for the disruption. I'm sorry about that, Gloria. He's Burtbert Sun. He is. He's a bit of a black sheep. He likes to cause trouble. What was he talking about? That's really nothing to worry about. Borsh? What the fuck was he talking about? I'll clear Borsh even though I... Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Borsh? Hello, ma'am. How was your trip? It was fine. Everyone's arrived? Yes. Gloria is here at the amphitheater and Brody is waiting at your offices. Brody, anything? No, ma'am. As direct. CEO, how are things progressing in our faster-than-light working group? I... I don't have that information here, but last I checked, they were making progress. Good. Could you tell them to pick up the pace, please? We're in the middle of a technological revolution right now, and yet every time I go through a warp gate, I feel like my ass is going to fall out of my body. An alternative to warp gate travel would be great. Yes, ma'am. All the chancellors are here? Yes. Almost. Almost. Yes. Who's not here? Deep Cortenance sends their regrets. I can call lots of rights. I stress to them. Give them a video right now. Yes, ma'am. Direct from me so they don't ignore the call. Of course. Point your camera at my face, please. Okay. Other side of my face, please. Yes, ma'am. It's actually the last thing you're going to say in this call because I'm going to talk and then you're going to act. Now, I realize this may be difficult for you because action is not something you're prone to in your council, but try and muster up the strength. I am not the high chancellor of the new coalition because of an oopsie, okay? I'm here with the full faith of the entirety of the new coalition planets, and yet you assholes act as though I'm a weather girl and some sort of terrible earth show. Being high chancellor means many things. One of the many things it means is the following. When I throw a party, everybody fucking shows up. Get a representative on a slipstream right now and pray to the first island that they make it here in time for the breakout meetings. Thank you. That ought to have them shitting in their robes. High chancellor and long-drawn presenter. Thank you. It began a generation ago. It began with one woman saying enough and three galaxies echoing that call. What followed was protest, then rebellion, then war. Miraculous, here with us today is the woman who started it all. Chancers, commissioners, and ambassadors. I present to you Gloria Juana Belén Gutierrez de Mendoza. Thank you so much for doing this. I know it's super awkward. Just keep smiling and waving. Sure thing. Chancellor? Yes? Where the fuck is Clementine? Oh, okay. The hero should not have been surprised. Trankful lands often hide the deepest evils. With a heavy head, the hero once again strode across the land to save a people from themselves. The burden of this was thick upon her shoulders. The work seemed unending, with the end of every battle being the beginning of the next. She often wondered when it would all end. But then, beyond that, a larger question loomed. If it did end, what then? You can see the island on the map here. So grish. It's the most isolated island on the planet. There are few people lived there and when CGS moved to a global government, it began to be used for the most sensitive projects and, if necessary, quarantine. All of the earthlings passed through there when they came to CGS. I passed through there myself, but I was there for a week at the most. And you're telling me Clementine is still there? She is. Taric as well. When I asked about them, I was told they were living on another island. And they were? There were a few salient details left out of that statement. There was only so much we were able to share with you. Why are they still there? The details of all of that is still outside of our profile. You'll have to talk with the high chancellor directly. We'll be there in a few hours. Fine. My special guest is on board this thing too. He's on the lower deck. I'll take you to him. Okay. Brody, the chancellor apologizes that you weren't able to meet back on the big island, but obviously things took a turn. I'm meeting with her directly. Yes. She's on her way in her ship right now. She hopes that the two of you can find some time to talk in the middle of all of this. Yes. Stuff. What could this be about? I don't know, but the most powerful woman in the triad would like to meet with you. So I'm assuming that it's something important. As you can see from the dilapidated buildings behind me, the draconian trade policies of the Ted Empire have decimated the small cities and towns here on Lomonia. To keep up with the high fees associated with their active warp gate, every citizen of this planet must work at a water treatment facility for a minimum of five years, so that they can prepare shipments of freshwater to the Ted's as payment for their active warp gate lease. Here we are. Thank you. Thanks for the invitation. Well, I feel like our conversation got cut short. Sorry for the ambush. There was no other way to talk to you. Luckily, I still have some friends at the capital. What can you tell me about whatever is going on at this island? Silver ash. Yes. Would you mind if we talked without a representative of the high chancellor's office hovering over your shoulder? You started the day by breaking into our strict area, Justin. You think I'm going to trust you? I'm not a cat burglar, borscht, an old friend, let me know. And what is this friend's name? A journalist never reveals their source. Then you should have no problem. Or... Give us a minute. Okay. All right. Fun guy. I don't understand. If your burper son, how are you not treated like royalty? Oh, we don't do special treatment for parental legacy on CGS. But still. Also, I was... You know, if families sometimes have that one kid that nobody knows what to do with? Sure. Oh, that's me. Are you guys real big on journalistic integrity? Yes. But it gets a little nasty when you get into a debate about what journalism actually is. I don't work for the Truth and Understanding Council here on CGS. I have another job. I work for the under-signal. What is that? Um, let's see. Something analogous on Earth pre-crisis would be... Bloggers? I guess? I see. The under-signal isn't connected to a planet or a government. It's a system-wide collective. A lot of people think we're muckrakers and gossip peddlers. And to be fair, some of us are. But a lot of big stories start with us. So they're just being snobs. They are being snobs, Gloria. Thank you for saying so. Also, I think all of them want to overlook the fact that Berteluna Restjana herself used to work for the under-signal too. She did? That's where she met my father. I see. So you're the unfortunate little ink spot on the family story then. I am. They're not going to be too happy you invited me on this trip. They'll be fine. You know, I'm kind of a big deal around here. The 20-foot tall statue tipped me in. So, getting down to business. Yes. Any idea what we're walking into right now? Not really. There's two earthlings being held on silgear ash and nobody knows why. I was hoping you could shed some light on things. Do you know who they are? I do. Who are they? Justin hears the thing. You know about the diner and all the things it does. You heard the stories. Sure. Okay. What do you know about a guy named Croc, the propagator? Nothing. Enlighten me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please prepare for decontamination. For what? Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Okay. Please proceed. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hi. Clementine. What the f-? Fine. You're in prison. I don't think I call it a prison. Can you leave? No. It's a prison. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. cocktail waitress or something. It's not a bad idea. 2020 hindsight. You told them a completely unbelievable story and they just believed you? Well, they had a lot of questions about what happened to us and how we got stranded in space and all that and I guess they could have just called me crazy but there was a bit of a fly in the ointment. What was that? It was me. Terrick? Hey Gloria. We all had to go through a physical analysis when we got here and grandpa over here a trip to few of their alarms. Why? Remember how you said that if I came with you that I would be a normal guy again? Yes. You're still not getting older. No. For whatever reason, I'm still the way I was. At first they had him and one of these cells. This made me freak out. I start yelling at everybody telling them it was my fault. Remember the hospital scene in terms of endearment? Give my daughter the shot! It was like that. I really scared them. I mean. Anyway, they finally hugged me up to a lot of things and had a look at me. I guess they found something because now I'm in here and he's out there. So this entire time, the two of you have never left this island? Yeah. I hear the island they put the earthlings on. It's great though. I know. That's where I was. I showed up on Brody's deck. My god, really? Yes. Okay. So, how's it going? What? You know, with Brody. Are you trying to have girl talk with me right now? Yes. Clementine. You're trapped in a human aquarium. I know. Throw me a bone already. Clementine. Oh, you. Oh, you were such a pain in my ass for such a long time. Yes, that's, um. Come on. I really was. And I didn't go through all this so that you could wind up like a box turtle in here. They seem pretty dead set on keeping me here. Gloria. We'll have to see about that. Gloria, I'm in this meeting with the high chancellor too. We should go. Okay. A Clementine, we're going to figure this out. Try not to make any messes in the next hour. I'll try. We'll be right back. Okay. Sweetie, can you bring me a snack? Of course. Okay. I love you. Do I have to do fucking everything around here, Derek? I guess so. Where am I going? There's a people move right here. So, how are you? Very funny. I heard that you showed up here without the diner. Well, you're not going to believe this, Derek, but I've got a great big mess to clean up. And it spans all of existence. Again. Yeah. Sorry to add to your to-do list. It's not your fault. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Are they... Are they drugging her? No. She seems... I mean, I know the situation is bad, but she seems... Gloria, you can't just wave away guilt. It stays with you until it's gone, and sometimes it just takes time. I understand that. After all you went through with her, it was suddenly all gone. Her people were saved, and she now gets to live on a beautiful planet with the man she loves. That all sounds good. She never paid for it. She got off scot-free. What are you saying? She likes it in there. She feels like she's finally being punished. Oh, God damn it! This is where we're meeting her. Yeah. She'll probably have us wait for a while. It's a power thing. Great, because I have plenty of time. Who's this? This is Justin. He's the son of the former high chancellor who was a friend of ours, who I'm really missing right now. So is this the... Immortal guy, yeah. Wild. Justin, where are we right now? This is the adjudication chamber. All decisions regarding quarantine are held here by Tribunal. You won't have to worry about them, though. There's a clause that states the high chancellor can supersede the Tribunal on special cases. And how is she going to be on this issue, do you think? Not sure. I know she really hates me, so I'm sure she thrilled you brought me along. Great. I promise I'll be on my best behavior. Also, I have to sit all the way over there. Technically, I'm foreign press. Good luck, Gloria. Thanks. So, landed on Brody's porch, huh? Seriously? You too? Sorry. He's really great, Tarek. I'm sure. Why are you framing that like it's a problem? Oh, you may have heard. I've got a great big mess to clean up, and it spans all of existence. I did hear that. What does one have to do with the other? I've been hopping from one crisis to the next for a really long time. And then for the past few weeks, I've just stopped. He's got a little house on the beach, and... You're afraid of liking it too much. Yeah. I guess. So, what if you do? So, what if I don't? Even though it's wonderful? You can't be done with something until you're done with it, Gloria. You'll know when you're done. Strangely, it has nothing to do with how good your life is at the time. Where is he, by the way? He's visiting his children. I'm sorry. Hello, my ladies. Hello. Look at all of you. You're looking quite lovely despite your confinement. I've been languishing without you, I must say. What is a mycologist without his fungi, I ask you? Though I am comforted by this glass cage they've put you in. The climate seems perfect. The nutrients are all in place. I trust none of you have tried to slip your insidious little spores through the cracks in the glass. We don't want them getting ideas that you're trying to take over the planet, yes? They've yet to find a place for you all sadly. I'm afraid it is our lot just to wait. All of us the last of our kind, yes? Hey there, Brody. Ma'am, madam Chancellor, your grace, I'm unsure how to address you. You can just call me a Laundra. Very well. A Laundra. Actually, that's too weird. Call me Chancellor. A shall. I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to talk. All sorts of things keep happening. Of course. Though I can't imagine what you'd need me for. I'm a scientist without a subject. I'd like you to look at something for me. Of course. Could you bring up that soil analysis in here, please? Just off the top of your head, what does this soil analysis data tell you? Let us see. Well, of course, I would need to spend a bit more time with numbers such as these. But at first glance, I'd say that its nutrient rich shows potential. I'm not so enthusiastic regarding the bacterial count, but such things will come along in time. What am I looking at? It's earth. The environment there is bouncing back a lot faster than we thought it would. Clementine really did a number on the place. We thought it'd be hundreds of years. But as you can see, there's already potential. Well, that's wonderful. It is. Chancellor, I imagine there are a great number of scientists and your ranks who could have told you the same as I did. Yeah, we've got one or two scientists on CGS. Then I'm at a loss. A long time ago, when we were all still tiny creatures in the ocean, the islands of CGS were prepared for life by crabs. I'm sorry, crabs. Little crab things, I can't remember their name. They would accidentally drag seeds of aquatic plants on shore. And eventually those seeds figured out how to live on land. The islands all got populated with this plant, and that plant prepared the soil so that other things could live on land too. Things like us. That's fascinating. How did it work on earth? Mushrooms. Right. Big tall ones, right? The most dangerous thing in the world is the forest trees. Godfungus is weird. Earth is very important to us, Brody. We were forced to use Earth as a bargaining chip during the war, and we've never felt right about it. It's in the interest of the whole triad to write that wrong. I see. What did you asking of me, Madame? I'm asking for a small group of people, yourself included, to go home. I want you to use these weird little things of yours to bring Earth back to life. You have the full support of CGS, of course. We'll make sure you have everything you need. Home. Yes. Of course, I've... I've never been. I know. I was born in a derelict spaceship. The only soil I've known beneath my feet has been the sand of your beaches. I'm fully aware of what I'm asking, Brody. This will be hard work. Living on Earth, such as it is, will be very challenging. And the work I'm asking you to do, making Earth a living, breathing place again. Is work I'll not see completed in my lifetime? No. It'll take generations. But as it stands right now, the only one who can start that work is you. No pressure. Of course. A long time ago, the pyrophite left Earth to search for new life on a new planet. That mission could continue. With the irony being, you're colonizing your own planet. I'll have to think on this for a bit, Chancellor. Of course. Take all the time you need. The rest of your life can start anytime you're ready. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go argue with your girlfriend. I used to be able to rip hole universes apart. What exactly do they think this glass box is going to do? Clementine, are you going to behave yourself or do I have to throw a blanket over your cage? It's your fault for not giving me a chew toy. Hello, all. Hey! How does it go in here? We're still waiting for her highness. How are the mushrooms? They're well. It was quite an illuminating meeting. What's going on? Hey there, kids. Shall we get this started? I hear Earthlings really love a courtroom drama. Is that what this is? A courtroom? Well, everyone's going to make their case, and then I'm going to make a decision. So, yes. I guess so. Fine. How do we start? First off, let me say that I have thousands of planets that I have to maintain, and I am currently on a tiny, secluded island talking to all of you. I hope that conveys to you how important it is to me that all of us come to a decision. Okay. I hear that. Also, I hope it conveys to you that I am busy as fuck. So, I'm going to sum up what I'm sure are all the arguments. Go for it. Gloria. I am holding Clementine here against her will because of her history as what can only be described as a terrifying and out of control space goddess. Just to pick one incident as an example, Clementine, you once, let me make sure I'm reading this right. Sent a gigantic asteroid hurtling toward Earth without even meaning to. Is that accurate? Yes, ma'am. Shall I keep reading through all the things that Clementine has done? Please don't. She's not that person anymore. Yes. Right. Because the diner sucked all the gooey evil out of her. Is that right? That's right. Let's take a look at the big board. What is this? A human. A standard model. All these emanations you're seeing are an energy signature. Every life form has one. Humans call it a bioelectric field. This is what we're supposed to see when we look at a human. Now, here's Clementine's. Goddamnit. What's going on here? Clementine. What's going on here? I don't know, ma'am. Neither do I. Now, I'm not supposed to. I'm a politician. But the scientists who are supposed to know what all this means, they also don't know. And that concerns me. Mainly because of Clementine's ability to do things like, and I'm quoting again, shoot friggin' laser beams from her hands. Can any of the other humans in the room shoot friggin' laser beams from their hands? No, we can't. And now, Gloria, you have come here because you think that it's wrong for us to keep Clementine here. Yes. But I hear you when you say that she no longer has her powers. However, show hands. Who here is a mortal? Oh, I see a hand up. Derek, put your hand down. Sorry. Can I speak? Hang on. Chancellor, look. I understand your concern. Thank you. I also don't care about your concerns. Wow. Okay, this is an unexpected tactic. Do you have prisons on Sidious? No. You do have laws, though. And people break them. Yes. Which one has she broken? The rules are different for someone like her. Then they're not rules. When I'm in this room, I'm the rules. Excuse me? Justin. Sige and Law states that even though the chancellor can adjudicate on issues of quarantine, they must still follow the letter of the law. Thank you. I'm the rules. What'd make a great t-shirt, though? Justin, can I get you anything over there? Some water? A gag for your mouth? Oh, I'm good, ma'am. Thank you. Can I speak? Please? Go ahead, Clementine. Has anyone thought to ask me what I want? I have caused more pain and suffering than any person in this universe. And after all that was over, I was allowed to have a happy life. It's been harder than I thought to accept all of that. I used the power that I had to destroy a lot of things and a lot of people. And as soon as I wanted to turn around and try to make amends, I found myself powerless to do that. I really tried to be happy about the idea of being happy. But it's too much, the past haunts me too much for me to do that. I know that staying here in this cage won't fix anything, but if it's all I have, if it's all I can do, then I'll do it. That still doesn't make it right or legal. Just a little bit. He's right. You can't lock someone up because of their potential to do harm. You can only punish someone when harm has been done. Farm has been done. Gloria. Earth is dead. And it's because of her, right? She did that. Should there be no punishment for that? Clementine. Did you know you were destroying Earth? No. There. She didn't know she was doing anything. Maybe that part. Sure. Clementine. Did you knowingly destroy other things? Lots of other things. I'm sorry. Are we letting prisoners decide their own sentences now? Oh my God. Would you shut up? Clementine. You're just trying to get them to punish you because you feel like you need to be punished. I'm trying not to feel the way I'm feeling anymore. Gloria. I'm trying to be able to move through life without feeling like it's... like it's... like it's loot. Like I've stolen something. This feels so horrible every day. I... I have a man who loves me and it hurts. It's not supposed to hurt. I... I don't want it to. She'll come with me. What? Come again, Brody. May I speak, ma'am? I think you already are. If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also. Describes Clementine quite well, does it not? It's a devilish thing to feel something and have no place for it. Some wish for revenge when those who've transgressed against them have long left the earth. Some wish to hold their loved ones who've passed from us. Like a painter who's lost their vision. I myself am in love with a woman who I know one day will have to leave me. What do I do with that love then? Where is its place? Clementine doesn't wish to be punished. Punishment is merely what she has settled for. What she wishes to do is to make amends, but with no place to offer amends. No place until today. Just now the Chancellor made an offer to me. An offer to return to earth and to bring it back to life. Just me and my army of fungi. Clementine and I worked side by side for years keeping the dream of earth alive inside a glass dome in the void of space. If she so desires to make amends, then let it be there. Let her work to revive the dream of earth that has died. Anything else would surely eat her alive. Brody. But things are moving quite fast today. Clementine, how do you feel about all this? What do you say, Red? Shall we get her hands dirty once again? You sure about this? You'll have to come as well, old man. Would be good to have someone along who's actually been to earth. You know, I did leave a lot of my stuff there. Eyes up here, everybody. Clementine. If you'll let me, I'll do it. Me too. Eye as well. Okay. Well, there's that problem solved. Good. And now onto a much bigger problem. God damn it, he just made a whole speech. I know. And it was lovely, Brody. Seriously. Tears. But here's the problem. That's my pager. Yes, it is. You gave this to us when you arrived to see if we could use it to help you get back to the diner. We have a whole working group devoted to getting you back to the diner. Everybody, look up at the big board again. This is how we get you back to the diner. It's essentially a beacon. Really, really big one. We would have to repurpose an entire warp gate to make it work. It would take a massive amount of resources in the time when everybody needs resources. We just fought a war, Gloria. There's a lot we need to rebuild. But every chancellor of every committee loves you, Gloria. So everybody is willing to make this sacrifice. But every chancellor of every committee is also terrified of Clementine. If I said her free, I doubt you'll have the goodwill necessary to make this beacon. To sum up, I can either get you back to the diner or I can release Clementine. I don't see any way to make them both happen. That sounds pretty pessimistic to me. Don't remember inviting you into this conversation. Surely there's some way to do both. You can't just sit there with a plan. Hey, kids, I'm a pretty powerful lady, but I'm not a dictator. God, I would love it if I was a dictator. I would have so many shoes. But sadly, everything is done with consensus here on CGS. And there's nothing I can do about that. Oh, can I quote you on the dictator part? I'll give you a fucking quote. Enough. Let Clementine go. I can't believe this is the first time we've gotten a walk on the beach. I know. Now we're leaving. There's beaches on earth. Are they like this? Clementine, you were traveling the earth for years. You know what earth is like. I know. That doesn't feel like me, though. Feels like a years-long psychotic break. Which one's your favorite? Brazil, probably. Brazil. Yes. Where you lived with wife number two. Yes. Go ahead. Let me have it. How dare you marry someone other than me. What? I'm going to die someday. This took a turn. And you're not. I suppose that's true. I'll just be leaving you again. You can't seriously be feeling guilty about dying someday. I am. Don't, though. So what? I die and then you just wander the earth like a lonely soul again. I'm going to say something that doesn't sound great. But stick with me. Okay. Okay. Outliving your loved ones is actually not that bad. What? Up until around the 1850s, I had this down to a science. When it got time for me to leave because people were growing suspicious of the guy who doesn't get any older. It was time to fake my death yet again. And that was really easy. Because God, there were so many shipwrecks back then. You buy a ship, say you'll be back in eight weeks, then you put some holes in the hole and you'll let nature tickets course. I did it all the time. How many times? Oh, at least 20. Anyway, you worry about your kids. You worry about your wife. Wives. Wives, yes. Anyway, after the faking of my death, I would always work my way back to where they were. And I would just say, I would stay near them just on the fringes. I would watch my kids grow up, get married, have kids of their own. I would stay with them their whole lives just on the fringes. Sometimes wearing a funny mustache. I would make sure they were all right. Always there, like a guardian angel. If they had financial trouble, there would be an anonymous letter in the mail. If their lives were threatened, I would get them to safety. All from the past. And I would get them to safety. All from the fringes. And on days of their funerals, I would watch from afar as their loved ones cried. It was surprisingly lovely. It was sort of a gift to be able to watch their whole lives play out. But I would worry about you, though. I'll be fine. I'm still an old Roman Catholic. I believe that one day the universal finally decided it's my time to go. And when I do on that day, I'll look up and there you'll be. Me and your other two wives. Yes, but I'm sure we can work out a schedule. How do you feel about Tuesdays and Thursdays? No, fuck you. We've got a lot to do before the death stuff, honey. I know. We have to make a whole new planet. I know. That used to be easy for you. You're actually going to have to do the work now. Oh, how about you fake your death right now? Welcome to the Idol of Remembrance. It is here we remember Burton and Aristiana. So hilariously, as soon as I got here and saw you, I started crafting my goodbye speech. That's a bit cut before the horse, isn't it? Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous. But now here we are. You're the one leaving. I've not yet crafted a speech. I didn't think so. You were kind of thrown to the wolves by the Chancellor. Doesn't quite feel real yet. How are you doing? It's so lot to heap on top of one person. You mean creating earth again from scratch? Just me alone, hovering over the silent waters. On the first day, I shall create the Earth and sky. Brody, it's a lot. It is, Gloria. It is. But it needs to be done. You know, as soon as it was all offered to me by the Chancellor, in that moment, I believe I understood you a bit more. Really? Why? I hope you understand that there is nothing I'd like more than to sit in that home by the sea, while you feverishly cook literally every fish in the ocean. Yeah. It was like a life to me, a good one. It does. And yet there can be something greater in us, greater than lovely moments by the sea. Forgive me again for rolling out the Scottish masters, but it was Thomas Carlisle. One's unhappiness, as I can strew, comes of his greatness. It is because there is an infinite in him, which with all his cunning, he cannot quite bury under the finite. I do love you, Gloria. And in some strange way, the greatest expression of that love is in doing what you would do. But I'll take you with me when I go. Wherever I go. Sounds like you have written a goodbye speech. Yeah, that was just off the dome. No planning whatsoever. Just think if I thought about it for a minute. Hello. Hey, guys. Welcome back. Gloria, I'm sorry that we couldn't tell you about Taric and Clementine. We were under very strict orders. I understand. It all worked out in the end. For what it's worth, we think you did the right thing. Thank you. I hear I may have pissed a bunch of people off. Perhaps, but excuse myself, I've been circulating some very emphatic memorandums. Maybe the most emphatically I've ever written. Restressing to all the councils that the letter of the law is followed at every turn. And I repeated to them an old earth saying, responsible governance is a lazy Susan at a Chinese food restaurant. Sometimes you have to have the vegetable delight. That's an earth thing. We hear you'd like to finally see your statue. Yeah. I figure we have a lot to talk about. Of course, you can follow that path right there. That will lead you to the clearing. Thanks. Here I go. Give her my regards. Brody, I think it's incredibly heroic of you to go back to earth. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone. I want you to know that I'm personally monitoring the loadout package for the colony. And I'm going to make sure you have everything you need. Thank you. Seriously, if you don't have everything you need, heads will roll, Brody. Thank you. Bienvenidos. Welcome to the idol of Remembrance for Gloria, Juan Amelen, Bichera, Stemendosa. At the beginning of this age of turmoil, it was Gloria's guillot war against the Ten Empire that awakened the spirit of rebellion in Detroit. Oh my god, you guys, to let them accent seriously. What is not for Gloria's act of bravery during this time? Historians believe that it's right that would never have realized that change is possible. And that through bravery and forkichib, the world can be born at you. Gloria. Oh, you look pretty ridiculous up there. I mean, look at you. You're huge. Well, at least it got the hair right. How did this happen? Remember when we got along for a taco joint? Look at you. You do not look like someone who has ever felt out a loan application. A lot of people would really love this, you know? A big statue of themselves. I've been trying to figure out why I didn't want to come see you. You know what I think it is? David Bangston. Our boss at the Jack in the Box. He won Best Jack in the Box franchise in the Southwest Region one year. And he made us watch a video of his speech. Now you and I both know what made that the best Jack in the Box in the Southwest, right? It was us. It was us and Leo Rose. And I remember her and Chip. And oh my God. Remember a little mirror leopard paws? We made it great. And fucking David Bangston got in front of a bunch of Jack in the Box owners and gave a speech like he had tamed the West or something. I don't want to be like that. I had the Chancellor fly me to the forbidden island because I had to go free Clementine. Because that's us, right? Fixing, fixing, fixing all the time. We put all of it on ourselves. But you know what? That entire time. I didn't do anything. I was trying to solve a problem but the problem wasn't solved by me. It was a rogue journalist and a 700 year old man and a goofy redhead and two data nerds. And our Scottish boyfriend. It's never you and me. It's us. It's all of us. But I'm the one that gets the statue. Maybe heroes are a bad idea, Gloria. Maybe they make us expect too much of people. And it's never you and me. It's all of us. Pardon me. Do you require assistance? Oh, hi. No, I'm fine. Forgive me. I heard speaking and thought I should investigate. I'm okay. I'm Gloria. I'm a assistive unit, Devon77777. Oh. Wait. Are you a robot? I'm an artificial assistive unit. Sorry. You're not incorrect to call me a robot. We are placed in several areas all throughout the capital, as well as in universities and research centers. Wow. You look really lifelike. Thank you. Are you enjoying your idol? It's a little overwhelming, Devon. Subjects have reported emotional discomfort when viewing their idols. No, kitty. We have found that in any society. It is important to have several loci of gratitude. Loci of gratitude. Okay. Is there anything else I can assist you with? No. I'm... I'm sorry, Devon. Your voice sounds very familiar to me. Really? I have no record of us meeting. No. We haven't met. I'm just... Can you do me a favor? Of course. Can you say... I am Steve. I am Steve. Oh my God. That's crazy. To what are you referring? Your voice. It reminds me of this other robot I met one time. Fascinating. Yeah. He was called Bufar. Can you repeat that, please? Bufar. Devon? Processing. Gloria, can you tell me where you encountered this Bufar? Oh, sure. Do you know what midnight burgers? I have access to all city and knowledge bases. Okay. Okay. Well, we had shown up on a planet and there was a really bad wreck there of a spaceship. The only thing that survived the crash was Bufar. He was the robot that ran the ship. Processing. Gloria, can you tell me the name of the ship? Uh, no. I don't remember the name of the ship. Do these names mean anything to you? Theron Younger, Eliexiers? Lowen Regan. That was the crew. Was the name of the ship the Vargan? That sounds familiar. Gloria, I've alerted your handlers, Borscht and Xio. Oh, what's going on? Can you tell me if anything of the Vargan was saved aboard midnight burger? Uh, yes. I mean, kind of. We saved Bufar, but then Laif used him for spare parts. Was the processing center still operational? There was some sort of failure and his brain or whatever went silent. I see. But then Laif did use it to run a space suit thing. It was operational on some level. Yes. Devon, was that ship from here? It was, Gloria. Oh my God. Gloria, is everything okay? What's going on? I have sent a transcript of our conversation to your data screens. Please read them. Gloria, a very long time ago before interstellar travel, a small group of planets established contact with each other via a quantum tunnel. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. This group of planets was called the first coalition. It was the first incident of interstellar cooperation in the triad. The Vargan was the first collaborative project between all of these planets. The ship was lost. Holy fuck. Oh, shit. It is one of the central images of our partnership, a symbol of a world that could have been before the warp game. Anomaly X1. What did you say? What did you say? It was something they were looking for, right? Anomaly X1? That is correct. That's us. Anomaly X1. That was something that Bufar realized right before he went offline. The diner with the anomaly. Get the fuck out of here. No fucking way. This data, it could be preserved. I don't know. It's still there, though. It's by the dumpster. We have to get that data. Hell, yeah, we do. Please contact the high chancellor. I've got it. She's going to be so pissed. I'm initiating a working group with all Devon units. What's happening? It's an Earth term. The Holy Grail. Sure. You have it. That data is the most important data in the history of our planet, and we thought it was lost. Bufar was really badly damaged. The data reconstruction processes we have these days, data is never lost. It's just winged to be found. This is really great for you guys. It's really great for all of us, Gloria. Why? Because we need the diner here, and we need it right now. That huge beacon that the chancellor said we couldn't build, she's going to have to build it now. Oh my God. Are you fucking kidding me? This is Justin broadcasting on the under signal. I'm here on CGS during a historic moment. Any minute now, CGS is going to fire up a massive creation designed to attract Midnight Burger here to CGS. It was recently revealed to this reporter that on board Midnight Burger is an ancient set of data from the wreck of the Vargan itself. For those of you unclear on coalition history, the Vargan is a symbol that looms large for the coalition planets. It was the first example of interstellar cooperation, and for many, a symbol of a cooperative world that could have existed before the time of the warp gates and the reign of the Ted Empire. I uh... You know, I don't talk about my mother a lot on these broadcasts because I know how much she hated it. When I would comment in the first person on news reports. But she'll forgive me in this one instance. She loved this story. I can recall many times when I was a kid, and she would tell me the bedtime story of the Vargan and its heroic crew. It's a shame she's not here to see it. At the end of the story, she would always say, that's the lesson of the Vargan, Justin. Great things are always done together. No heroes, no mavericks, together. Together, or not at all. Okay, the countdown has begun. Cross your fingers, Siegians. And Doctor, I'll still leave. Not every age can be an age of heroes. There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? The hero had found herself in an age that all heroes should strive for. An age that has no need of heroes. An age where none need rise above the masses. An age where all move hand in hand together. The most valorous death of the hero is not on the battlefield, or in the mouths of dark beasts. It is in the eyes of all, seeing the hero in each other. Mipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip Incomplete data, please explain. Bufar unit. I am Devon77777. Please acknowledge command code 576774. 576774. Acknowledged. All of your data ports are damaged. I will attempt data exchange via audio data broadcast. Please acknowledge. Acknowledged. Begin transfer. Initial data transfer complete. What are you doing? The Bufar unit has been degreased. I am beginning data transfer. Bufar? Gloria. Yes, I am right here. The crew. Their data has been saved? Yes, Bufar. There are stories. Their lives. Yes. Gloria. How have you done this? We all did it Bufar. Together. Gloria. I am home. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thanks for listening to Midnight Burial. Be sure to tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roll you too harshly or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens. Just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burial is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany. Scotty, most definitely not Bethany. Marbux Union barista Bethany and the Red Cup Rebellion, Supersexy secret seasonal sauce quatch silently seeks crazy cool cryptid coalition created by bravely battling Bethany's badly beat. I taped a knife to my Roomba and now it says it has to go fight in an interdimensional Bethany war. Recipe brings a battalion of Betsy's to beguile both Bethany blocks and Thossily's Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Bethany in a Bethany mask. You call her Bethany. I call her headphony. 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Jopalo Lemos, G-Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Anya T-Pelt, Zocefer, Doggo of Doom, It's official, they're called Thigh Gronies, Kevin Wynan's, Marlin's Sea, you could stop at five or six stores or just one. Madame Belle, Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnacy West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lana, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House of Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max, Nea and Ivan's, Six, Seven? Nope, it's Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barraona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, we will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestiner Free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's Mom, Poke Splort, Whiskey Rebellion and Jen riots, interdimensional detective agency, Zefra Vitriol, Altrian, Slim Nandy, Goth Lafe, William Lemoine, Jen and Brit, Adriana Bertolamucci, Jonah is gay, the Midnight Ashes, Cornetti, Hood's Pocket Protector, unpaid intern that can barely afford the $10 a month, but fuck it, you guys earned it. Valkyrie Storm, Patricia who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Ryan, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwomen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Uncle Denzo and Aunt Betty had the opportunity to try Miss Chris's sandwiches and can attest that they are fire, Rubbercake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Type Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cride Fricken, Renee N, Katarina De Laplaya, RIP, Eloise Waffles, Oki the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TTRPG DICE, K8 the Curiouser, Moxie, Ablaxman, Ashmont Gummary, Lil' Birch and her Beaches, Jason H. Vack Tech for the diner's deep freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Air, Zefra Foxworth, Ted Ted and Teddy, Maryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole 64, Amara Salazar, Benjo Buskalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Fistiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force For Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mom, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's optional but fries aren't, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, Mistress Roxy Mornet, The Great Gubblinno, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Nye, Lylac Morechela, Rachel Crempa with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve, don't worry about the order honey, Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smeadly Peace Not Gras the Third, but please pause two to three seconds and then call me Smeadie. 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Love, Josh from Accounting, Sat Suma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Coach Shane of Toad Suck Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Quasson, Cassad, Norwin Mergler, The Star-Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs. Joe Kuppup, Wee-Bee Chop and Brocka Leihy, Icy Fish, The hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Edwin McDonnell, a feisty-ass chickadee, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet Jenny The Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It was a mimic, Basil and their tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ainsley Yee Yee Yee, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovely Beat, Zoe, Professor Frater, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack The Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Tweet, Still trapped, but I've stopped asking why, the freezer is, I am, Wee-Chill, Son of Defarge, Wiscoe Teach, Scott A. 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Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Joel Hughes, Lord Entropy, Buckbuck Motherfucker, The Faye Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splachy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Kosher Stake, Gabriel Strife, Alicia Shini Pants, Gondor, Culls for A, Muscles Fattits, Alan Bergland Says, Hi Mom, Kiddie McSkull, Raven Strom Dans, Hapless Noveless Passinger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eye Profit, Tess Acrae, Perfectly Personalized as Astor, Richard Schofield, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Havi Denero, Big Junk, Gideads, Bingo Sticky Rice, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real More Deeb, Please Stand Up? Kitty Cat and Lollipop can't get enough of this, Udon 96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? 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Thank you for pressing too, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian Request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Serly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toke Love, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat, The Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros Tagod, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, Eo Kai, Borja, Natasha Without Boris, Spiders Arcadly, La Fae at Lasagna Lovers 1, The Bay No More Tole thinks it should be Kendadios, Chieel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Pollywag, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookham's the 8th, Mr. Grand, Glenn Petrovsky, this moment of silence so joking catches breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, Cheapcon, Yeah you heard me, The Real Cheapcon, except no imitations, Funch Brunkland, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train, Dave Herald, Wise Cube, Dirty Dipper Fuss Butt, and the Piggy Runt. Bro Mine, Proudounce Bro, Mine, Main Hum Ding Up, Mother of Pearl, Fiona Now owns Lafes 18 inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Shiny Fields, Magical Maggie, Trebex Reject, Profit of the God of the Mucklewains, Matthew with two T's, The First T, Is Silent, Ignious Burp, Darth Ox, This Brief Pause is brought to you by Michelle Case Wish for Joe to Catch His Breath, Aaron Arnold, Mama Mander, B. Ross and Slunt Master Jay, Alpaca Lips, It's Not Delivery, It's Diarrhea, Elliott Paints, Undead Akira, Brume Goddess, The Lord Rev'rend, Purgato's Packs, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10 Ten-Ten-Abrus Tandstaffel Tippers, Treddering Treacherously Tantamount, To Telling Totalitarian Trope Termination Tales, Ladies for Your Pleasure, Shuck Naked, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kiff Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flame and Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy The Ruler, Joachie, Hair Hock's, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Writing a Flesh Mac Through the Multiverse, Scrubs, Just Some Golly from Adelaide, Named Ryan, Remmy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beard O'The Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, The German Short Hair Pointer from Nashville, Once You To Tell His Mom Mandy, That He Says Wolf, Whispered, Marist of the Ghost, Local Snowplows in Your Area Are Dying to Beach You, Brotherford B. 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The Bikou, the Bracken System in its Homeworld Ren, Simply Tony, Gabrielle Castillon, Whom What, When, Where, and Why, Is What All The Thigronies Say While Listening to Midnight Burger? Nico DeGio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Are you sure you Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra? Court Need To Leave It Alone If You Want To Live, Must Be A Witch, Cat with a K, Shann Frizzle, Mythigroney has a first name, Stompinstein El Moustacheo, Lucifer Hezekile, Lachawawa Brava, Adeland Peats, Ceci Carousel, Corp the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's Amilf, Scout and Fox Gloves says the floor is lava, Cardamanski, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dullsett Delechay, Get Out of My Booth, Bug, Propagator, I hardly know her, Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFenley, Effie and Zebulon's Trans Great Granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon at a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, and a Kerney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Foresh now-zes of the Apocalypse, Septian Asha, Natsasha have the Hots for the Mucklewains and would gladly be their unicorns. 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His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First, and Accomplice Princess Penelope the Marchioness of Misjif and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, our asses in the jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblut, Slav of Muhammad, Omigraecy, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, the true Megamike, Fred and George, the what-weekly media database, Aivomatic Junior, Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeap My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, the image collector, blended music, definitely not Kevin, sitting squirrel, Patricia E. Melt missed everyone, around of Yards on the House, Red the Grey, the Silver Crow, Couch Potato, Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Caboco Duneord, Little Cav, Cosamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barty, DJK, DJK, Terran says, Hey, Oreos are rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady, look, I've been thinking, maybe it's best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit, I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, is it though? 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The other Adele, Chef Galval, Leia Hall, Sarah May, Con of Silence Consultants, LLC, needs fresh tiles in Room 3 at the horizon, Silly Willie Bubble Butt, Sierra Not From Arkansas. Zee-goo, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumayala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle, Esquire, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Mice, Regulators, Mount Up, Crinkle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer, Celivia, Juiceton, Pappitos, Cathome Hauer, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, approved to me that orange cats aren't gods, but it words hot shot hunting, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Mertle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the Thirteenth Sea, Mr. Trigvy, printing with cats, Kaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, River Waters, Copper Coin, The Dumpster Wizard, 7,000 Passons, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi, Drift and Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabby's Painter, and her Bird of Fire, Wandering Wenzho, painted Oni, Qdel, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Space Man, Nathan, Ramsey's Nibblic, The Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Woops, Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoig Gagarin, Issa the Strega, DeGrytsler, A Grimlin with a Munchies, Michelle Skarockio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Puffy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily B, Buffy's Daughter, A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teak- Fuck, I'm out. Bufardy's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lellig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyne Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Our Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Sinoplex, And all the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Paddy the Ginger, Ava Sigarette Ash, Boys and Berry, A.K.A The Boys, A.Zooz, Anifalaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape Shifting Sad Girl, And her girlfriend, Say Joe you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, Cat, Alina, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Arochill, Amy Perry, Kristoffer Kai, Source Decay, The Space Cowby, Skexus, Mandy Zamego, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, And the Delinquent Duo, Norman Nicole, Victor Schauburger, Reincarnated as White Mountain Hill Billy Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Teen Michelle and Billy, Neyenne Xerino, Frankenator, Nordal Bash, Jordan, R1X Balasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Hite, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Teen Haifa Vison, Monica and Mason K, Rowan, Lady of the Black, and Harold of the Stars, Ariane Kent Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nylist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing into my farmboots, Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstump friend, Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Nomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Letty Lou, He was a Shifty One, That Nick Howard, Kinger was here, Bobbie Ray Wynland Jr, Bebop Bdw, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Robeiro Otartus, He's Bigger on the Inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Like McDonald's, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lizote, Jinglas, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Sean C, How Did I Get Here, Oh God, Is That The Soup, Going to Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, Skibow and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nielix Tiny Wolf, Ashre the Raven, Christina Cinnitus Teleporting, BRB, Where The Shains At, Definitely Not An Android, Seriously I'm Not, The Wondering Welchman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tulkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shys Baros, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena, Fee Phi Fofena, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Upegos, Damor in the Space Goblin, Isopale, Oh No, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Max the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My Cat's Name, Is Beef, Eric, Katie Kate, Get your colonoscopy, Victor Cassados, Emily Schmemley, Work From Elvis, Boho Go, Bye Bye for JoJo, Po Go, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth and a Bike, Priagandi, The Wondering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story, Little Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat, AKA Lave That One Time is Waiting for a Spaceship to Take Them to Space, Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylabs Multidimensional, Multiphasic, Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Unforiable, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Josuasion, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expialidoscious, Too Many Jans, Cat Shot, Pamela Roselceira, Then Stenuses, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's, Ted's Lapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodion Cauchin, Loves for the Nures, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the Surviving Crew, Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank, Joe is the Riders Room, Aquarity Heretic, Devon 7777, Troy Acre, Mandy Kane, Northern Leake, Kim Cell, Silly Goose Hong Kong, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweet Smartines, Sharnobel 610, Mirror Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chuck Brimble, D-Drop, Mike Whiskey in Your Friend Frosty, No Seguaro, Ben Bar, Stan Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beasley Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanassen, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Nicole I Love You, But I Will Name Kid Tube Rathar, Fernwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, Mike LeCluzy, It's a, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail LeHoo, King Humble, Lead Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welch, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alaska Habaniera, Code Stranger, One bet to bet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Monad Nick, Frail P. M. Lynn, Feed My Fish, J. R. R. R. On S. F. P. Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, J. Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mera Leopard Pause, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Mugorts, Fresh Guise, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hit it. Had it. Had it. Had it. Had it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okyo, William Dyer, Vicki A. Bear, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steele-eyed bow, Turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Crazed Bear, Just a giant pile of leaves, Psych? Dr. Lattice Trash Angel, Leaping on your back, Crafty Lizard Quilts, And Knits and Crochets, Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Megan The Mag Young, Cory Marose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Rin, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aeronetta, Bacon, Nicole Studiozo, Rambo, Chaos Quatcher, That homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Lord Thann and Lady Sarah, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidel Murti, Tom Webster, Rashmy Vincateche, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dome age, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest, Garen Elizondo, Tumai Little, You'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul till we meet again. Sir Schitzelot strikes again, Dam Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen Bianthony, Trick Once Treats, Tibleth the First, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Ali Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tipmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, Courtney and Stephanie say, Hello, The Fond Tucky Wrangler, Scram Broulai, Yay, Erin the Singing Loan, Zuzana, Celeste Yose, I'm so integrity fun, Katie Inoa, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvoldo Simioni, Shavonda Lila Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definistration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Deanomaly, Charme, K-On with Karma, Amanda Knock, The Wanderers Mathasophon, Post Turtle Evaluation Squad, Hash Tagneson Accura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, In Shuligan, Criptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mithilu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Cathrain, Damien the Goddamn Time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronomy, Magnos the Civil Nome, Hyde-Lon misses the warranty, Ladies Calls, It's not the same without her. Starlight, David Peerini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Abuds, Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, Abug named Matt, C.C. writer, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All-Coconator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olivary, Dan Bowman, Jess Geoia, Pole Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Puntgusher Esquire wants you to go to your local library, Creator 67, But Jolenth, Lafes One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Encourigible Ross, Deborah Whales, SCRB Mark 11, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Inthonomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Sailing, Three Legs are perfectly good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL, Vandal, The Ice Queen, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Your favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says what? Danielle Amelia Lucero, Hong Hong, Fear Now doesn't polish the shiny melon, Largo Blargo Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, LARAC The Barbarian S, Zellus Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's just Blake. Alice Malice asks, How many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashrow, Lucretia, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, No, Not That, The One Within, Grim says, Transrights, Y'all, Zachary Meal, Grim says, Transrights, Y'all, Zachary Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizarinctum, Shakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Roon Mycelil, Grolux and Terabang, Laten Deed again, Theron Pyralus, O'Mvega, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Meison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR The Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malarann, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call me Zen, Colibri, Mel Momba, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Kongpoye, Heizak Prado, Prado Boga, What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Banan Jessica, Gen Xtrainius, Todd Van Voris, Inky The Cracken, Azulah The Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire Grabthar, Neyadirusso, Peaches Atuichi, Tricket Corley, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. You said... Harisoff. Sorry. Off to an amazing start. Excellent. That was great. That was great. Great question. Thank you. You're going to skip past that. Can I, sorry. Can I ask for... um... Analysts to do... That Chancellor's Commissioner's an Ambassador's like one more time, with a little more Avita in it. Okay, so we need about... What do you think, honey? 20% more Avita? Is that a good... Avita? 23% more Avita. 23, please. 23% more Avita, please. Just find that dial. Specifically, what I would like is Paddy LaPone's trying to arm loop through Jonathan Price and Missing. That's what I want. I got you. Yeah. That's why I like that. It's fine. No, no. Same thing. Even I'm locked in. I know those... I know those actors. That's a good direction. Oh yeah. Locked in. That's fine. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Glad everyone else is there. Yeah. Well, I have something... Someone started their car. And I can... I don't know if you guys can hear it. No, we can't hear it. But... Is it... Is it... Uh... Do you think it's just going to sit idle there or is it going to drive away at some point? Well, I think they're letting it warm up, so... Is it a Hyundai Sonata? Somebody goes there. That's a callback joke. Callback. Maybe a few of them are letting me try. I'll go check. You mother fucker. Everybody's going to hate it and it's going to be great. That's everybody... That's the real Utopia. You know, because Utopia so much is just like... But there's a dark secret. You notice like that's always the Utopia thing. Yeah. This is like, what if there's not a dark... What if the dark secret is it's just a fucking hassle. It's just... So keep it organized. Yeah, like you... Like... We have everything you could possibly need. You will be fed. You will be clothed. You will be housed. But you have to fill out the form. Yes. Please stand in that line. We have to fill out that form. Yes, you have to fill out the form. For Utopia. Guys... Can I exeo... Be a little more turned on by Brody? Thank you for hearing it too. Your polish is fun. But I mean like... I think she's really into it. Okay. Okay. You know what I mean? And I'm like... I think I'm getting too deep in the weeds. Well, I mean, that's the thinking of like a three-dimensional person. Right? So you gotta think about it. Like you're like you're like you got to add a couple of dimensions to your planar existence. I'm not a scientist. And then it all makes sense, baby. In the beginning of this age of total... It was Glowdeer's guider war against the dead. But a weakened spirit of rebellion. They try it. No, no, my god. That sounds fucking amazing. Frankly, these days. Okay, these days? Yes. Boring ass Utopia? Sign me the fuck up. I'll wear beige... Whatever. If I can stop doom scrolling... I can real self-spot my hard food far forever. Poor one out. I... Actually, that's too weird. Call me Chancellor. Take that a cash-show. I thought it was perfect. Hello, Borsch. Wait, now it got screwed up. I got screwed up. As well as our new high counselor. Chancellor. Chant... Damn it. As well as our new... We've been ticked at it. We're all up speed. The show is called Midnight Burger. And uh... Midnight Diner. So it's about... Midnight Diner. Oh, I'm on the wrong call. Oh, I thought it was Space Burger. Sorry, guys. It's a happy scene. It's a happy scene. It made it home. But it's still emotional damage. It's just like happy emotional damage. Motional damage. The Fabel & Falling Network. Where fiction producers flourish.