Crisis of Bowels

Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there, wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here, yeah I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. But right now it's HVACmania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a 5 seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to StandardHeating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 93X. Alright everyone. Let's make like we know what we're doing over here. First off it's only right to thank the folks who have dialed themselves into our program. The 93X half-assed morning show, appreciate that. God help us it's early, it is 542. You know what helped wake me up a little bit over here, Cubby. What's that? Was a word combination that I just read. And I had never read or heard this specific word combination said aloud before in my lifetime. Never read it. Never heard anybody say it. This word combo is, oh, as Jackie Gleason said in the legendary 1977 film Smoky and the Bandit. This word combination is an attention grabber. Anal print. Anal print. Anybody? It's a, like a mold. Well first off, up until this moment had you ever read that or heard it said aloud. Well, I've heard a butt print. Butt print. Certainly. You sit on the copier. That's what I'm picturing. Sitting on the copier. I know it's used in the smart toilet industry. Where, where, where, who the hell keeps putting my bell a fall with? It's behind your water bottle. You have two. What did you say? What are these, two bells? Yeah. I didn't know I. It's got two bells and two horns. Can you, can you ring them both at the same time, like in a pattern? I didn't know I had two bells. This is all improv here. What do you need from me? Let's, use them both like in a, some sort of cool musical way. Oh wow. That's a good job. It's a good job. It looks like boobs. If you put these bells up to your chest, they look like tiny, okay. All right, now I got a new. That's fun. I've got a new gimmick. Anyway. You kind of looked like Madonna or something when you put those up to your chest. It seems like she'd wear a bra that's made out of that kind of metal or some sort of tin bra. Madonna. You are such a boy. Well, as soon as you grab both of them, you're like, how do they look like boobs? Now I've got a new routine. Another eyes. Put the bells to my eyes. Josh, you said something there. The timing was off. I couldn't find my bells at first. I should have been on that. But you said you had heard it or read it before. You said something about smart toilets. Smart toilet industry. That's right. The smart toilet industry. That's where it comes from. I was going to ask, like, say, Ashley, to guess. I would have loved to have heard your guess. The origin of anal print before Josh gave you that information. I can't imagine what I would say if someone said, what is an anal print? What is it used for? You know, without any knowledge. I bet anybody's guess would have been interesting. But Josh is right. I read that word combination, anal print, in an article about smart toilets. And here's where they cut to the chase and get to that cool word combo. One of the details. One of the features, I think, is probably the best way to put it. These fancy schmancy smart toilets is it will analyze. That's not the right word. Because anal's in that word. Yeah, that's a good one. I don't want people to think I'm being cute about this. It will study your ass, the smart toilet. Every time you drop your fat ass down onto the toilet seat and do what comes naturally, a smart toilet will. What word did I use a minute ago? Study. Study. Everything that you do there. Do the arithmetic. Measure your this, your that, right? And make sure you're healthy. It does things like checks your blood pressure. It's very complicated. But after you use a smart toilet long enough, often enough, it creates an anal print of your style. It distinguishes you between any other members of the household who are also using that choice. It'd be fun to have a competition with the family. You would leave an anal print, your wife would leave, and anyone else who uses that toilet would leave an anal print, and your smart toilet will get a hold of you now and again and say, I think you should see the doctor. Or wow, that last one was beautiful. Right? That's the whole gimmick. Yeah, nice work on that one. Yeah. Damn near choked me on that one. Good for you. Oh. If these were affordable, if these were affordable, I'd be interested in something like that. They're not affordable? I have no idea. I'm just guessing they're probably out of my price range for a toilet. Yeah. I don't even know what a regular toilet goes for, I suppose. You could really run the gamut. I've never purchased a toilet. Depends on what you got going on. How much do you like your butt? Sure. That kind of thing. You can spend as much as you want, really. Yeah, I suppose like anything else. I never had to up and buy a toilet. Now I'm curious. Oh, really? No, let's just say I go ahead and I want to buy just a middle of the road toilet. I don't care. For the love of Christ, it's a toilet. So why would I? We had to replace ours when we moved in. So what do they go for? The ones we got were like 129.99. Oh, that's a nice deal. Yeah, that's what it looks like. I thought you were going to say 5,600 out because again, I know nothing about purchasing. You could. You could get one that expensive if you wanted. I'm just happy to hear that just a middle of the road, some bitch. Looks pretty basic. Yeah. Yeah, people are texting in, you know, what they would have guessed the definition of an anal print to be had they not learned about it from us already this morning. And a lot of folks are guessing they would have assumed it was when you greased the back of your shorts a little bit, you know what I mean? When you leave, as my dad would say, when you leave a bacon stripe. My dad used to, or he still does call them that. Yeah. Yeah. I win every time. I know me too. I hate that. I never liked that. So yeah, smart toilets. It tracks your this and that every time you set down and cut loose. I don't know if I want something tracking. Well, of course, who would, but you know, people would, well, of course, you have specific issues. Yeah, I mean, because they, some of them, you just have an app that goes to your doctor and they say, boy, you're dehydrated or man, that's not looking good back there. Right. It should come in. It sounds totally unnecessary to me. Yeah. I think I have a good handle on what's going on. Would it be worth the price for you, Josh, considering what you're good for? Like two dumps a month, basically? Yeah, I think so. If it avoids having to go to the doctor. It takes like three years to find his anal brain. We don't know who this is. We need more data. Yeah. He only comes by once a month. He must be a guest or something. You'll have to start sitting to pee. But this has become a thing. You know, toilets, toilet advancements have become a thing. You got to get a, what's the thing called again? Biday. Biday. Everyone says you got to get a biday. Yeah. Gut health, there's been a heightened awareness of gut health over the last two, three years. So this all plays perfectly into, you know, it's like a thing now. There's probably should be, I mean, every day, I think I see an article on about how more and more young people are getting colon cancer or anal cancer and things like that. What? It's pretty scary. Why? Why are they getting? I mean, there's all kinds of like diet, lack of exercise, all kinds of ideas. But I mean, now they've lowered the recommendation for when you get your colonoscopy to 45. You know, it's 50 forever. Younger people are really getting sick earlier and earlier because of, that all makes sense, diet, exercise, a lot of young people just like to plant their carcass in front of the video game machine and eat hot Cheetos. That makes sense to me. So yeah, you can set down on the smart toilet. Here's what I was looking for earlier. It'll check your hydration. It'll check your kidney function. It'll check early signs of cancer and this and that. It'll take your vitals. At least this smart toilet has like a health practical purpose unlike the smart refrigerator. Do I really need my refrigerator to be smart? Yes. 100%. I have like a, it's like halfway there kind of refrigerator so it connects to wifi. And it's pretty nice to be able to like, I guess, check on my fridge. It's so lame, but like I like being able to see like where the temp is at, but I need to because I store breast milk in it. Oh my God. I also have always wanted like the super fancy ones because I do the grocery shopping at our house and I'll end up with like three things of heavy whipping cream. And I'm like, God, I knew I had it in the fridge. So it'd be really cool to like be able to look in my fridge while I'm shopping and be like, oh cool. I don't have to spend the money on that. Our oven is dying and I saw they have, maybe this has happened for a long time, but it's been, I don't think I've ever had to buy an oven. We, they have ones now where there's a camera in there and it can tell you what's going on with your pizza. Oh wow. That's, those are sweet. So I can continue to sit or lay down and not have to get up and turn the light on and look at my pizza. My favorite thing about those Josh is that you can be sitting on your couch and then pull up your phone and preheat the oven that way. Word. That is so sweet. Oh, that'd be nice on the way home to preheat the oven. So it's ready to go when you get there. Oh, especially if you've been out like drinking all night and you want to make a pizza. Yeah. That's a good life right there. I don't know if my, I don't know if my refrigerator is smart. I don't know if it's dumb. I know it's very often empty. Good question from Union Painter Jesus about the smart toilet. Will it count your spokes? It has to, right? If it's taking your anal print, it's got to be one of the ways. I don't, I don't own one of these and this is just, just learning some of the details of a smart toilet. But Union Painter Jesus, I would imagine if it knows your kidney function, if it knows your blood pressure, your hydration level, your basic vitals, I bet it has a spoke count for you pretty much right from the get go. I believe I probably have a low spoke count. What's the average? Let's not do this. Below average welder Jesus. Let's not do it, Ashley. I'm sorry. I'm really curious. No, you're not. Google Ashley. I don't know how to Google something like that. What, just what's an average spoke count? Oh, I thought that that's like a well known term. Probably not. Don't do it. Maybe butt spoke. Put butt spoke on that. Below average welder Jesus says he can't wait for his smart toilet to play him ads. Yeah, I imagine that's, maybe you get a cheaper version of, excuse me, you pay less for a good smart toilet, but you have to watch ads as you're sitting there. I suppose if you're sitting in a stall at a public place, you're going to look at an ad or two or standing at a urinal. Yeah, that is true. So you might be a little used to it. Oh, wow, says here that your fancy schmancy smart toilet with the spoke count and everything for you elderly people. It can even monitor your heart somehow. It says here in the industry, in the smart toilet industry, it's been a challenge so far Josh to include cameras on the toilet. Yeah, I could see why there'd be some privacy concerns. But I mean, I think they probably need them to take a look at what was just made. Oh, this is so terrible. This would be very careful where that thing's pointed. This is so, this is so. Oh, I can't imagine that view. It's awful what we're doing. I mean, I know why we're doing it. But we're trying to save lives here, but this is just so awful. So this is this is so good. Sofa King cool Jesus said this is why people have asked cancer from lack of exercise. Can't even check the oven or fridge by walking to it. By what? Walking to it. Let me just walk over the grocery store real quick. They're not so sure about cameras on the toilets yet. What if there were cameras and you know Spotify does like your year end wrap. It's together like a greatest hits montage of your year on the toilet. Like the worst moment. They got to set it to music right? They have to. Bad timing Jesus. I we've actually talked about this before. They refrigerated ovens where you put your lasagna in the morning and it stays cool until you hit your phone or whatever you do. So sweet. From work to turn it on so it's ready when you get home. That kind of thing. You know what artists they use for that end of year feces montage from the camera on your smart toilet. They got to go with Bobby Brown, right? Yeah, why not? Wouldn't that be fitting Bobby Brown? Or maybe just the old school diarrhea cha cha cha song. That was a classic. That was a hit back in the day. If you if you could rattle off a few of those in third grade you were king of the playground. What is diarrhea cha cha cha give me the rest of the game. Sliding into first. Oh, oh, yeah. Right. But we never threw a cha cha cha at the end. Oh, you didn't know that was kind of like the in between each of your little cute saying. Oh, right. Right. But it we would just end it with diarrhea when you're sliding down the well wait a minute. Now I maybe I don't maybe I never played that game. When we were kids it was what we went on the playground when you're sliding down the slide and your balls collide. That's called a rupture. That was our I've heard that one too. That was our little saying. Give me a diarrhea setup. It was you know when you're sliding into first and you feel about to burst diarrhea. There you go. Yes. But we just did that. We didn't do the cha. So a lot of techie companies no matter who they are, if they're a technological, if they're a they're racing to manufacture smart toilets. So I would say anybody who makes smart refrigerators or smart ovens. Give me a company name. I don't know Sony. Gee. Gee. If they haven't already created a smart toilet. They're getting started on it because they feel like everybody in town is going to want one of these pigs. I love that rupture bit I did when we were little kids. We never had something like that. Well you missed it. We did maybe I just wasn't a part of it. Maybe it's not a girl thing. Probably not. Yeah definitely not. Yeah or Dana that end of year feces video wrap up. Something from the record dookie. That would be fitting. The music to be used alongside that video something from Green Day's record dookie. Yeah a few people texting that in and taking care of business would be another. Wow sure. Bachman Turner overdrive. We're sticking with Green Day just that sappy song. I hope you had the time of your life. Yeah just make a little emotion. God dang it. I wrote something down. You guys ever have this happen. I wrote something down to remind myself and now I can't read my own handwriting every day of my life every day of your life that has happened. I have very little dramatic. I do a lot of it digitally now where I'll type something but like auto correct will get me and when I go back and look at it I have no idea what I type. What the hell. When it comes time to give my wife a card I've started just typing something out and printing it off and putting it in the card because she can't read what I write and sometimes when I try to read it back to her I can't read it either. Just practice guys. What did I write down here. When did you write it. Maybe we can figure this out. When we first started this conversation can you read this word. You do have terrible handwriting. It's awful. Copier. I have no idea. Cappuccino. But that doesn't bring to mind anything when you said copier. Something ear. Yeah that's tough to tell. Forget it. Forget it. How about the music of corn. When you're watching your end of the year smart toilet video wrap up. Brown eyed girl somebody recommends. God I hate that song. The theme from chariot some fire. That would be funny. Boom boom boom boom boom splash boom boom boom. Leonard Skinner. That smell. Yeah. Perfect. Can't you smell that smell. Boom. It's very serious subject matter though Josh. The Rocky theme song. Let it go now. Yes. There's people texting in bands they don't like. Coldplay because they say it's crap. That kind of thing. Crap. That was one of when I was in high school we had our little horrible high school rock and roll band right. Really. And there was a rival rock band at our high school at the same time and they were called crap and they spelled it with a K. Pretty funny. They were pals among them and I knew all three members of the band three piece like Rush or the police. Nice guys all of them got along with all of them. But being a 16 year old kid you don't want that band to be any good. You know we're the real rock band at this high school right because you're a stupid kid even though I liked the guys I didn't want them to be any good and then I heard them they were good. Better than you. Very different than us. Were they real heavy. No they were very punk rock and comedic really. Did they use an umlat over the A. I mean they had the crap. If they did if they used an umlat I didn't notice it because they did release a cassette tape. Does that would that seem too much. Do you want to change the K. C to a K. Would the umlat be too much or would that add to it. I can't decide when you're 16 it would have added to it. Yeah. But let me tell you do you want to know the name of their debut record. Of course cutting the crap. And they were good. They were very different though punk. Kind of sex pistols ish but with a kind of a comedic vibe to them where we tried to present ourselves as more just straight ahead hard rock. They didn't have our lead guitar player who was truly talented. That's what they were missing. What we were what they had that we didn't have. Cubby songwriting abilities. Yeah it's not easy. Crap could write a good song. Word up to Chile. Word up to Bobby and Chris the three members of crap. You know Jake not word up to you. This isn't cool. Back to what song would be playing for the smart toilet. White Lions cover of radar love. Just a hater. I don't get it. He will never let it go. It's an awesome cover. One of my favorite bits ever. Me too. Is the dude who will not stop busting our balls over White Lions cover of radar love. You know this has been going on for years. We should probably tell any new listeners like Nick and I both love that cover from White Lion. I mean pretty much anything White Lions ever done I love but the cover is great. Not everything you don't really mean that. I said pretty much. And we've expressed how much we appreciate that song and then you know people's release one person kept texting in how much they think that song sucks. And so it just comes up in random conversations where people will make that work throw in things like it sounds like crap. I think the reason it's so good is that he doesn't overdo it. Like I was I wanted to look and it looks like the last time he brought up how much he hates that song was October 27th. So like he spaces it out. He does. He does it perfectly. You feel a little better. And then he's like not still sucks. He's like it's like living in the living in a neighborhood with a serial killer. Right. There is a there's a terrible attack and then nothing happens for five six months and you start to get comfortable and then it happens again. That's it. He is I mean as frustrating as that is and how wrong I think he is about his opinion on that song. I got to give him credit because he wields this perfectly. He doesn't overuse it. As soon as we forget he brings it back. Right. He's not going back to the well day after day. Evil geniuses. Exactly. I had it and I lost it. Maybe I wrote it down. Oh yeah here it is. I can't read my handwriting. I had something and I lost it. Oh oh oh. We want people to know we're not trying to compare White Lion's version of radar lug to the radar love to the original by Golden Earring. That's I love the original too. I'm just saying what we're just saying White Lion's cover is also very White Lion's version is also very good. It's great. And do you not listen to the guitar solo and the drum fills in that song. What are you what is it missing. Have you heard the guitar and the drums especially are just overwhelmingly good in that version of the song. Okay what about back to the end of the year. Fisi's music video brought to you by your smart toilet where they give you a greatest hits package of your year spent on the toilet. What song should be part of that music video. Lots of text messages. Static X push it or Sultan Peppa push it. Foreigner urgent. That's a good one too. Motley crew red hot. So that's a couple people pointed out Johnny Cash ring of fire. That'd be another good one. I love that song. Well all right. That's perfectly the intro to Motley Crew Red Hot in case you haven't heard it. You want to hear it again John. It's beautiful. I do. Strangely enough I used to do this on my locker every morning in ninth grade as soon as I got to my locker in ninth grade I would drum out the intro to Red Hot and my buddy Eric Godrest his soul would play the Vince Neil Rolls or every morning I would go. Can you turn the music down a little bit. Yeah. All right. That's where Mick Mars comes in with the guitar. Josh could play it for you and it will show you that it's the perfect rendition of that song. Yeah not a bad way to start the morning. That's so cool. You're so good at that. Every single day of ninth grade. That's how we started our day. It's impressive. I can't like do that. That's just so cool to me. Yeah I have absolutely no rhythm either actually. No Nick has tested me before like after the show like he's like all right now repeat this and he'll like do something with his hands like boom boom boom. It's very basic too. Yeah I don't know maybe it's part of it's like I get nervous but we just recently bought this is going to sound ridiculous. My little tiny baby like a little drum set it's probably meant for like three and up but it comes with like little drumsticks it's adorable and I'll try to like do something on it and my husband just looks at me like I'm such an a-hole. Actually when I was toying with the idea of joining the elementary school band you got to pick like three instruments your top three choices and number one was percussion I wanted to play the drums. Of course. So I get in the little room with the guy a little drum set. Oh no. And he goes all right you know it started the cymbal beat and he goes I'm starting to go like okay so number two is saxophone you want to try the saxophone now. I couldn't even get the intro done. You either got rhythm or you're done. Right. And he knew immediately I did not. One of my oldest bros Dio zero rhythm he has trouble even walking to the fridge just because there's a there's a pace to it there's a rhythm to it. One of my fondest memories of Dio we went to go see AC DC in concert 35 years ago and they opened up with that tune funger thunder struck right. Da na na na na na na na thunder and the whole crowd is throwing their fists up in the air at the thunder part of the intro out of 16,000 people that met center Dio was the only guy that couldn't find that thunder right. That'd be me. So everyone else pissed is going in the air then you see Dio's kind of lurch up there because he can't find that it's just was hammered or even so. Oh he was hammered zero rhythm. It's just a. I was also. Da na na na na na na na na and he's going. Bah. Bah. I was at a concert once with a girlfriend and her parents and I was trying to like to clap along the beat and her mom was just like OK just just please stop. Don't do it. Stop. Put your hands in your lap. Yeah. Put your hands in your pockets. You can't do it. Josh what if we go with Mr. Brownstone for the song. That's another good one. All right we got to get going I guess. Ashley go. Boom boom boom boom. Yay. Boom boom boom boom. Yeah. No no no lady do it again. Boom boom boom boom. Yay. Boom boom boom boom. No. Am I doing it wrong? No. Listen and then you'll know. But don't boom boom. Yeah. But I'm. Boom boom boom. No. Listen and. If you don't know the cranky anchors bit you have no idea. I have no idea what's going on. Boom boom boom. Yay. Boom boom boom. No. It makes it so much better that you don't know this bit Ashley. You know that one. Yeah. Oh yeah. Do you know the song. What's the song. Sorry. We'll get going again for realsies here. It's Wednesday. Thanks for joining us. What's the other stupid news is next we'll be back in a couple of minutes. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating the air conditioning and I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup. Normally 148 bucks and no it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12 now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standard heating dot com and mention 93X standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back your shoulders your knees maybe your joints you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com that's B-I-A-L-K-E Law.com and it spells relief for you. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Alright so here's the deal. We were discussing a fancy schmancy new high tech smart toilet earlier on this morning. A smart toilet and that friggin thing. It will measure and study all of your terrible bowel movements and it can detect whether or not you're slowly dying and different things like that. It'll count the spokes for you it'll do everything. The next step it sounds like from what I'm reading. The next step in the evolution of smart toilets I read was including cameras on that damn thing. God help us all if that happens. Who would want video proof? And Josh mentioned earlier when we brought it up there are a few privacy issues there that might be concerning. We wondered aloud would your smart toilet send you a year-end video of your greatest hits or maybe more fitting would be a video of your greatest shh you following that? And if so what song or band would be fitting for that video? Now we already covered a lot of bands and songs already. Just for the record we got a lot of text messages. Everybody poops by cuckoo kangaroo too easy. Butthole surfers too easy. Here are some other suggestions for the song or band to accompany your year-end poo video. Suggestions from our listing audience at 651-98-993-93 or Luther Bloomington key a text line. Dark side of the moon. That's great. Do do do looking out my back door by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Under the bridge turned me loose by Loverboy. White Snake here I go again. Don't go chasing waterfalls. And finally a listener gave me a heads up on this. I had heard of this before and apparently it's happening again. The Deja Vu club in Lansing Michigan is once again going ahead with their prettiest B-hole competition. Have you guys seen this before? Somebody sent in a screenshot of like the Facebook. Yeah that's what I'm looking at. I have not. Oh you haven't heard of it? I've heard of it but I've never seen that. I probably would skip that night. That sounds like fun. They've been doing this for years. They get the gals up on the stage and they have a prettiest B-hole competition. It's happening again. I don't know. Here it is June 12th Deja Vu showgirls club Lansing Michigan. The winner gets $2,000. Hmm. Dang. It's pretty good. I think the title alone is enough but yeah I had a couple thousand bucks in there too. Right just the honor of winning that thing. Yes exactly. I wonder how they judge it and I also wonder how many people actually sign up for that. Well I saw some videos years ago and they love video? Well yeah they shot a video for an adult program you know what I mean? Like HBO was there or something to cover for one of their adult programs. I can't think of these shows that used to be on HBO after all. Real sex? Yeah that's it. Yeah friggin real sex. Maybe that's where I saw it was on an episode of Real Sex. A professional crew came in there to shoot video of the prettiest B-hole competition. It's not as complex as you might think Josh. It's right there in the title prettiest B-hole. That's all there is. Yeah I'm just curious the criteria. Like if you're supposed to ignore everything else going on on that person's body and you just focus in on that part like how do you know? I believe that's it. This was a long time ago. But more women than you think were, well I mean they were mostly girls who work at the club. You know it wasn't like mothers were leaving their children back at home to win that prettiest B-hole competition. I think the deck was already stacked as far as I could tell. That would be a fun conversation to overhear when the mom explains to the babysitter where she's going. Yeah or hey kids wait in the car mom will be back a little bit hopefully with two thousand dollars. I remember years ago at a boom boom room we were there on Miners Cap night where you put on the hard hat with the flashlight on top. Oh. Right? Yeah. And then eventually they cut all the lights off. So it was kind of fun to just find the naked dancers with your Miners Cap. And it was kind of interesting me Josh because the really hot gals were highly illuminated by everyone's Miners Cap. And there were a few who were lost in total darkness right? Oh man. Tripping over chairs and stuff. Yes. And I would try to find some of the girls who weren't getting any attention who were just standing in complete darkness. I would too. And they would get the expression on their face you know and they would have very lonely looks on their faces because no one was looking at them with them. And then when I would look over there they'd go oh hey you're looking at oh you're not really looking at me. Oh no. Oh you're not you're not going to hold your light on me you just wanted to look real all you're moving on. Then one night Josh I was there for squirt gun night. Oh that sounds fun. Everybody wear like a white t-shirt or. Oh no. No because the t-shirts were already you mean they didn't wear. Yeah you just you would target whatever whatever area of the girls body you wanted to target with your squirt gun. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm with you on that one. And one gal who was kind of like hunched over on the stage I think she actually said out loud. Everyone wants to shoot me in the beehull. Right because everyone was targeting her. Could you win something like at the state. You get it right in the target. How long you can keep the stream going. Every guy in the front row was targeting the same spot on this one gal and she got a little irritated. To use today's vernacular that's triggering for me because there's a guy that used to work here he knows I'm not in a porn and I've never met somebody into filth and smut like this guy. And so sometimes he would send me these videos and say oh check this out you might be interested in this for the show. That's so weird. And it would be horrible pornography. So weird. And one involved wearing one of those lights on the head and there was goggles that had windshield wipers on it and he had like a gynecologist view of this lady and then she was doing stuff. It was it was so graphic. I can't even imagine. Well the details are overwhelming. Well I'm afraid to say what's going on. I put it together. You could probably guess what's the girl's name Scytheria. Yeah that's the name. Yeah so that's what he was the target for. I understand. Oh I think the details would get us some paid or unpaid time off. Oh here's a guy wants to know if the prettiest be whole competition is limited to women. You'd have to call Deja Vu over there in Lansing Michigan. Is he asking for himself or a friend himself. Yeah make a telephone call on that. Maybe you can start some trouble and make the papers. Maybe you can be that guy that says well if I'm excluded then this is wrong right. We've read about those. Yeah you make the stupid news. Right. Kidney stone Jesus says you got to be careful shooting too much water in that spot. You could cause a live enema right. Kind of the same thing isn't it. Squirt gun night. That was a long time ago. All right while we're on the topic. God help us all. The topic of the be whole. The misery many of us including me. Has been in this miserable situation far more than once. And here it is. Oh and once I get there some of you will say oh yeah I've friggin been there. And for those of you who have not had this type of experience F you you lucky bastards we hate you. In a town called Bremerton Washington. The local cops learned that not every burglary call is what it seems. They did. And here's what they mean by that. The police got a telephone call about a burglary in a building summer's downtown Bremerton. Folks on the telephone line with the cops said that some crazy frantic sum bitch had just up and forced his way into the building and barricaded himself inside a bathroom. Once John Law arrived on the scene they could hear the dude hollering and what not from behind the bathroom door. Dude was making a racket in there. And the cops admitted after the fact that when they heard the dude hollering up and down they braced themselves for something awful. They were saying to each other be ready boys this effing guy sounds squirrely. The cops were yelling for the dude to come out the bathroom. They made that demand several times. And finally 10 minutes or so later dude cracked the door on the bathroom and walked out. And here's what the police wrote up for Facebook. They said what happened was not your typical burglary scenario. Let's just say the situation became immediately clear to everyone that this was less about criminal intent and more about a full. Blown personal emergency. Yes we're talking about a four alarm code brown. Poor guy. You might even be able to call this a double code brown. The police were there for Christ's sake. Apparently our guy here was truly helpless. He knew if he didn't find a toilet it was going to be a horror show. So yes he forced his way into a building where he didn't belong but he was only trying to avoid murdering a perfectly good pair of blue jeans. I'm so interested in the hollering. I mean was it painful for him? Was it? Ah kind of a thing. Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot. I've heard that. Was that the hollering? There was a guy that used to work here that would make noise on the toilet like you could tell he was having some trouble. I don't know. Outside of like a little kid? I don't, I haven't heard that very often and I don't know if I've ever made any noise on there and nothing that I'm aware of. Oh really? I mean I have but I don't know if you could define it as hollering. I mean I've prayed like please come on man. I've been sitting here forever. The dude who had just come out the John said that he was experiencing a quote crisis of bowels. That's hilarious. I'm gonna start using that. He said it was like the devil himself had possessed his digestive system and he had to spray that evil out before it was too late. The cops let him walk as best he could. They let him walk out of there. Yeah. Yeah you might as well. He's already suffered enough. Right. Now here's the perfect way to end this story in my opinion. It says right here the dude was taken to a hospital for treatment. That's not good. Maybe hook a player up to an IV. I don't need it. But they took him to a hospital. That's how bad this was. Let him dab the sweat off his head with a fresh towel. Some watergy, watergy. Some water and an energy bar maybe but they did put him in an ambulance and take him to the hospital. Maybe he had food poisoning or something like that. Oh yeah. Yeah you're onto something there. I let a delivery guy use my toilet once because I could see in his eyes that it was a total, like you said Nick, four alarm code brown. Oh yeah I did that once as well. I could just see the panic and almost like the sweat pouring down. I could just see and hear the desperation in his voice. I said of course man come on in. Yeah that's a hard no. I've heard so many times, oh you wouldn't? No absolutely not but I'm a woman. Yeah exactly. As someone who's also a woman. I let the guy in because you always hear how people in that profession they have no time to go. Just none. They're running around like crazy. Yeah I would feel bad but I'd be like I don't know. Try the neighbor's man. Maybe I can bring you a trash bag but I just I can't trust that. The fence is open in the backyard. Yeah oh I'd feel so bad but I'd also be so scared. I understand. I mean you're being smart. Power line Jesus has texted in to tell us back in the day his dad would eat hot wings and then he'd follow that up with ice cream. Oh yeah perfect like balance itself out and your tummy maybe. Later that night when the old man was on the toilet he could hear his dad rooting for the ice cream. Come on ice cream where are you at? Any time now. This has been uncomfortable so far come on ice cream. I like his thought process there. It's like a chaser you take a shot and you chase it with something. Well you guys ever like a thrown up something that's like colder like ice cream like that? No. Because that doesn't bother it's like way easier I guess. Like when I've had acid reflux I've taken a drink in some or yeah yeah usually take a shot of milk and once if that comes up I'm like oh that's not too bad because it's nice and cold and it kind of coats your throat a little bit. Smart. Somebody says did the guy who worked there meaning the person that made a lot of noises in the bathroom here ask who does number two work for? Which Austin Powers was that? The first one. Yeah that was original. I don't remember that guy maybe I was never in the in the head with him. That's so strange to do that in public. Like did anybody ever say anything like hey dude stop that. Yeah I didn't comment. I never. I don't think I'd comment on that it's his own it's his personal time. I never crossed paths with him. Alright. Josh has told us before that he used to collect a lot of speeding tickets back when he was a young buck. What was the total damage again between your 16th and 25th birthday? Well stop by then between like the age of 16 and maybe 19. I don't even know. 30? I mean it was so dumb. Dude. It was ridiculous. I should remember these stories but I don't so you went to court a lot or you. Yeah once I learned you could do that and I'll go as a police officer. It's like just go go to court you know maybe you pay a fine and as long as you don't get anything same or similar. They won't but I just didn't want it to mess with my insurance so it wasn't like I was arguing I would admit yeah he got me fair and square. You paid all the tickets on time I would imagine. Well yeah sometimes they make you pay there at least back then they um there was one time I got a ticket went in the guys like alright just slow down. And then I got a ticket um on my way home from there and went back the next day and unfortunately ran into the same clerk. And he's like didn't I just see you yesterday? But he cut me another break he said it's not in the system yet so I'll give you a break on this. That's what I realized maybe I have a problem. You collected a lot of speeding tickets when you were a young feller. Do you know anybody who apps around and doesn't pay their tickets? To me that sounds like a good way to end up in. Parking tickets yeah. Parking tickets. Definitely parking tickets. I uh that just sounds like a good way to go to jail and I'm not built for that. Yeah and I mean for the most part anytime I've had a ticket if you just like show up at the court date. Gosh I think like at least for me almost every single one of them have just been thrown out or they bring down the payment or whatever to like 20 bucks. I've never had well I take that back I had one thrown out but it was a whole different situation but yeah outside they always just would charge me the court fee or whatever it was and then the ticket fee. Yeah I don't know why I've just always gotten lucky one time it was like before Easter and it was awesome it was packed in there and the judge was just like name it off you know ticket numbers or whatever they do I can't remember it's been so long but. And then they're like you can go and then they do the next numbers you can go next number I'm like oh they must be going out of town for Easter or something they ain't got time to be here. In Washington DC there's some jack hole out that way who might just hold the all time record for ticket dodging a car that has Maryland plates if that matters at all to you. The sum bitch has piled up pertin here. 900 unpaid traffic tickets if you go ahead and do the arithmetic on that it comes to around a quarter of a million dollars worth of tickets. That's incredible I mean I have a buddy he works downtown and he'll just risk the traffic ticket because he said it's cheaper than buying a parking pass somewhere. So he just pays those traffic parking if I didn't say parking ticket. It's probably Ryan. Says here I believe that the cops finally caught up to this friggin character. They towed and impounded his vehicle 900 unpaid traffic tickets. Hell it says here in just the past two months that driver whoever the hell it is in just the past 60 days the driver had gone ahead and picked up 29 fresh tickets all for speeding. In Washington DC they have apparently stepped up when it comes to tracking down full on but lords with wads of unpaid tickets. One other jackass that the police have wrangled there lately was driving around town with $77,000 worth of unpaid tickets hanging over their head. I couldn't handle that stress. Interesting to read or that bill but I'd try and do something about it. I mean you're going to friggin jail. Interesting to read that the more of these repeat offender characters that the cops are putting in jail the safer things have been on the roads in Washington DC. There's been what they call here a significant drop in traffic fatalities since they've put away some of these J. Browns. Well there you go. Time to pay the fiddler they say Josh. It wasn't the drop like over 50% I'm trying to remember what the article said. I can't remember. It was an incredible staggering like to the point where I thought it's a mistake but that's pretty awesome. That they're able to pair that down. Yeah I wonder like maybe people could text in 651-989-9393. I wonder what the most unpaid tickets in the listening audience would be traffic or parking. Yeah I know a couple of people that just think I'm not going to pay a parking ticket. What are they going to do? People are yelling at me. Why? They're saying it's because I'm blonde. Well I didn't want to bring it up again because we've mentioned before you live by the cute blonde rules. Ashley which are a lot different than if I go in there. They're not going to drop a ticket for me but it's a different world for you. I promise there was also a bunch of uggos that got their tickets dismissed. I'm glad the judge was equal opportunity. Yeah and one of the times it was like me and my ex-boyfriend had a perponelea ticket together and they let us go. That would have been hilarious if they were like you know what she doesn't have to pay her ticket but you do. See I'm sorry she's a cute blonde you know understand there's different rules and you're an uggo sir. So there were even some gargoyles who got off the hook during that beautiful day in court. I think sometimes the judges are like I just don't have time for that. There's too many of you I don't have time for this these are minor tickets. Be a better person get out of here. Check this one out this person at $8400 in unpaid tickets went to court settled for $1750 well like $1750. Yeah it's worth it's worth going. I know one of those dudes who never liked to buy tabs. I don't want to buy those tabs they're too much money. So he'd drive around with expired tabs and then when he would get pinched he would act like he got totally screwed by the situation. They're like three years expired. I know one of those friggin guy. Oh God hot mom she's said back when she did traffic court there was a waitress who had so many tickets she did a bogos sale. She'd come in and pay one and then she dismissed one. There's sick of seeing her at that point. They developed a relationship maybe a friendship seeing each other so often that's so good. This is creepy. Do you think this is going to make real money. This scares me to death the thought of who might legitimately use this service right here. There's a new website or something where you can go ahead and have a video chat with an AI version of Jesus Christ. Hi Jesus I've been having a really hard time in life and I'm looking for some inspiration and guidance. That heaviness you're carrying is truly felt and I want you to know you're not walking through it alone. In the Gospel of John Jesus reminds us that he is the way the truth and the life and that through him we can find true rest for our souls. Trust the same steady love can be your anchor today even when the waves seem high and lean on prayer as a safe harbor. Takes my money. Well he's a long winded peckerhead isn't he. I'll shorten that way up. Is that how he would sound. That was the voice of Jesus. Suppose well AI Jesus yeah. Yeah this is not good for the people that are already very delusional. All they want in trade if you want to have a video chat with an AI version of Jesus all they want in trade is a buck 99 a minute. That's why he's so long winded. Oh yeah they made Jesus look gorgeous. That's why I sent that to you to bring that up. I understand. Wow. A buck 99 a minute to wrap with the Messiah. Buck 99 a minute reminds me of the old wrestling hotlines you could call to get the inside scoop. And you they weren't giving you the good stuff in the first 30 seconds. They milked it out till you could hear about what happened behind the scenes between Macho Man and Hulk Hogan. I'd never heard of that. Oh yeah. Did you ever get in trouble for that your folks. Oh absolutely. 100% Josh. I remember calling it once the WWF hotline. I believe it was a recorded message from Lord Alfred Hayes who was a announcer for the WWF many many years ago. They ever have any of the big superstars. That was the only time I remember. I have no idea. It was all nonsense. I believe Lord Alfred Hayes gave us an update on the British Bulldogs. Anyway you can call an AI version of Jesus Christ or video chat with. I mean I do have a few questions for the guy. First off my first question would be what the hell is keeping you up there. He promised a return to earth years ago. What are your robes in the dryer or what. It's taken forever. Yeah crap or get off the pod Jesus. You'd criticize him. You know things are kind of weird down here. I mean if there's ever a time. It says here this AI son of God is based on an actor named Jonathan Rumi's portrayal of the Jesus character in something called The Chosen. Anybody. Yeah. Remember when I was worried my mom was going to get kidnapped. Oh my God. No way. That was it. Yeah that's when she paid her own way to be an extra on that to go to I think Texas maybe they're filming it there and made her own robes and what not to fit into the time period. Yeah because that's usually how they do it right. You have to pay to be an extra. Yeah and you I don't know if you still do but she had to pay to watch like a not like a normal streaming service which I think it might be on now but she had to pay extra to even watch it. She paid to be an extra on this television program called The Chosen. Yeah. Okay. Yeah I remember that story. I thought I'd never see her again. She went by herself. Well no that sounded very frightening. It did. Especially when you said she was like making her own clothes for it. Yeah that was very unsettling. I was nervous for you guys. I will compliment her though. It was awesome what she made. I thought what she could be in the Bible. That's perfect. The company who put this gimmick together the artificial intelligence Jesus the company who came up with this is called just like me and their Jesus AI character is a quote modern mentor rooted in love. He's been designed to inspire guide and uplift anyone seeking support in daily life with the teachings and the spirit of Jesus. Jesus. The story tells me that this year version of Jesus of Nazareth is very good looking. Ashley made a reference to it a minute ago. Yeah that's true. Some people are even calling him sexy. I didn't look at him. I wish he was just a D bag to people. Yeah he's just roasting folks. Yeah that'd be awesome. It's too much or if it's too much they say for some of you to have a video chat with a fake sexy Jesus there is an option where you can buy a few minutes just with him on the telephone a regular telephone if you can't handle looking at him and him looking back at you and judging every damn thing you do you can just make an old fashioned telephone call to Jesus also. So messed up that people are using this to get money from people like people that are you know looking for helping guidance and that's just so messed up to me. Alright everybody be cool my mom's listening. Time up the chosen so she said the chosen is free to watch but it's crowd funded okay so that's I guess that's the money she's spending to have them make it and she said Jonathan the actor is an amazing man. Give her a message from me. Alright mom here it comes. I should have phrased that differently. Mom here the message is about to arrive I don't know if that's any better. Tell her I said Jay Cutler. If you're not familiar mom that means don't care. To nobody's surprise this bit has pissed a few people smooth off some say it's blasphemous cubby. Doesn't seem right I didn't see anything saying hey by the way all the money goes to charity we're going to help folks out. It does go to charity. I haven't seen anything saying that that seems like they should maybe add that. Others say it's predatory to charge gullible morons money to jaw jack with a cartoon version of the dude who was somehow born of a virgin called Mary. Yep exactly. But the creators say this now they say it's just something to help you navigate through real life challenges with positivity and clarity. Again the price tag is currently a buck ninety nine per minute or forty nine dollars and ninety nine cents for a forty five minute block of time with Jesus. He's got better stuff to do. Yeah. He talked to me for that long. And isn't like his whole bit like you know God and Jesus and all that isn't it that like you can talk to them at any time. Right you can I always thought you could do it for free he might not answer directly it seems like one of those false idols deals. It's pretty odd. I think it's I think it's OK if after hundreds of thousands of years Jesus finally wants to make a little money on this. What's it say here on that website whatever it is called just like me you can also have a video chat with Santa Claus or Satan. What they'd have to say. I'll talk to Satan. I wonder what they'd have to say. Hello Satan. What's going on. What what what if Satan was like really like a cool dude. I mean it's like hey you know you do some pretty bad stuff but I wouldn't mind having a beer with you someday Satan. He is he got some good stories. He is a cool dude Josh on the surface and he will go have a beer with you. But when you walk out of that bar you're not going to have your wallet. I bet you're right. That's his whole gimmick. I would have fell for some sort of scam temptation and all that. Yep. He buddies up to you and then he snatches your wallet and goes over to the best looking butthole competition at East Lansing Michigan at days of you. We got to check the sports. Sports on the 93 eggs half past morning show. This is what I'll tell you. Basically what I told the team it was a it was a good regular season. You know every player contributed that over the course of the journey of the 82 games to to get us to where we are now. The second season starts and we're going to start another journey. So the thing is that you like to enjoy it tonight and put it to bed. Tomorrow is a big work day obviously for coaches and management and then we're going to have to make some tough decisions. That dude's going to F us isn't he. Some people think so. Gene Snitzki the pigs head coach. He's going to F all of us isn't he. Yeah. Yeah. Could be the year. Could be the year. Never thought he'd become such a huge sound bite. Gene Snitzki. I bet he didn't think so either. But here he is. Yeah he's going to bone every last one of us. That's a shame. JV pigs one last night. There's still two more nights of regular season NHL game. Jesus. I mean not for the pigs. They're all done. They're all done. But I looked at the looked at ESPN tomorrow. And Thursday there's still regular season games on the schedule enough already. What's the point. Got to stretch it out to the fourth of July. Is there is there anything less to be. Is there anything less. Is there anything more to be figured out playoff wise. I don't know. I mean obviously they have to finish. I'm just I was just surprised. I thought they would all end on the same night. But no there's two more nights of regular season hockey. Another win for the twins last night. Best record in the American League. We'll go on and on about that here in a half hour when Brad Ryder and Randy Shaver join us. We'll talk about the NBA playoff. That's not legitimate. Not playoff yet. But play in games. We'll let you know what happened in last night's play in games and what is scheduled for tonight. Don't go any place. More news coming up with Josh next. Half-assed morning show. 93 X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating the air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12. Now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93 X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. If you don't suffer call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It all starts Thursday April 23rd at 8pm Eastern. Visit NFL.com slash draft for more information. Subscription required for NFL Plus. Visit plus.nfl.com for terms. They're gross, they're offensive and kids on the road see them. At fast morning show. 93 X. Cops came together, did the work, make the neighborhood feel safer, better place. And you know we can all rest easy for a little bit. New dude accused of terrorizing a fancy Virginia neighborhood during a month-long crime spree was finally arrested this week. 21-year-old Cedric Walker was cuffed in the buff early Monday, tied to a string of attempted break-ins blamed on a naked vagrant between March and early April. Home surveillance cameras captured the bare-bottom thief again and again, stalking around properties, wearing nothing but a pair of shoes and a mask fashioned from a piece of blue cloth. There's no more invasive, unsettling thing that can happen to a family or a person than to have your home broken into. Especially by a naked guy. Residents fed up with the repeated incidents, bagged police to step in, and by April 1st a stakeout was underway. Yeah, I've got two little ones and wife, so newborn, and last thing I need is a guy breaking into the house. Officers zeroed in on a home near the neighborhood. The naked weirdo was known to frequent. Then early Monday, well before sunrise, the detective spotted the man walking right past the stakeout, still not wearing a stitch of clothing. When the suspect tried to run, officers launched a drone and tracked him through the neighborhood. He eventually jumped a fence into a nearby backyard, slipped inside a home and hid. But detectives didn't let up, using the drone to follow him straight to the house and make the arrest. 3 o'clock, 6 o'clock in the morning, detectives had been out of their cars, out in the cold, hiding in bushes, waiting for this exact moment, and it paid off right here. Investigators later linked Walker to the string of birthday suit burglaries. He now faces multiple counts of burglary, attempted burglary, and indecent exposure. That was a regular gimmick of my grade school buddy who totally lost his mind. He would walk into people's homes, ass naked. Sometimes it was to steal, but other times it was just to show them his naked body. That's terrifying. That was one of his gimmicks. I bet a naked guy looks funny running. Yeah. I wonder how difficult that is not to have the support. It's obvious you've never cheated. No, never once. An Ivy Liga wielding a gun was taken down by police after screaming rampage through a California Tesla repair shop while naked. Officers responded to the Tesla Service Center after receiving numerous 911 calls about a suspect running through the street carrying something long and hard in his hand, smashing windows and wearing nothing at all. The unclothed man was identified as a 35-year-old former Yale student on the rowing crew who appeared to be exposing his coxswain. While en route, police learned he stormed into the Tesla repair shop carrying a shotgun. Police set up a perimeter and waited. The Yale alum eventually burst out of the building, screaming, still holding the gun and exposing his not-so-secret society of skull and balls. Officers called for him to stop, but he kept charging toward him. When he got close enough, several grossed out cops tackled him and wrestled the gun from his hand while risking an accidental weanering. A bio says he previously attended a private high school in Massachusetts before joining the rowing crew at Yale. You tackle them. No, you tackle them. I tackled the naked guy last week. Just go ahead and tackle them. I don't want to tackle them. That's the conversation I'm sure the cops were having. And it would suck if you're like somebody who always bragged about being the fastest person on the force. Yeah, yeah, you're the fastest. Yeah, you've always said how fast you are. You better be the one that tackles. Friggin' prove it. A nut job New Yorker tried to stab a family member but missed and fled while dressed in a cow costume. 47-year-old psychopath Anthony Papalao utterly lost his mind Saturday night and while dressed like a cow, he lunged at a male family member with whom he clearly had beef. When he failed to actually stab his relative, he made up his mistake by smacking the man's leg with his car doors as he made his getaway. Heroically, of course, removing himself from the situation at top speed. Police said he was dressed as a cow during the entire ordeal and didn't appear to have time for a costume change before he was arrested. It's not immediately clear why he was wearing a cow costume in the first place. Oh, damn, I was hoping we were going to find that out. Well, there's a little more information. I mean, not specifically. It sounds like this kind of behavior is neither rare or even medium rare for the man. He's a costume guy. A family member told authorities the bizarre behavior was, quote, to be expected from him. Okay. He likes to play. He's playing. He likes to play dress up now and again. Yeah, they just were doing something kind of crazy. Okay. Speaking of crazy, an absolutely insane and terrifying home invasion caught on a doorbell camera and now circulating on social media shows 30 year old Jason Nichols in a trench coat and demon slayer anime T-shirt terrorizing a California family repeatedly screaming, where's your daughter? As he tries to kick down the door while claiming to be a wizard. This dude is so scary. This is up on 93X.com if you want to look at it. It's way more scary than I thought it was going to be. Where's your daughter is the question? Yes. The April 7th incident unfolded in the San Francisco Bay Area where a pregnant woman and the couple's five year old son were inside the home as Nichols pounded violently on the front door. He shouted through the family's doorbell camera at the homeowner's husband who wasn't home yet. Shouted his name. He was just shouting in general, all kinds of stuff. Okay. As the nerdy looking unhinged goober demanded to know where the man's daughter was, Nichols made ominous threats and he referred to himself as Harry Drezda. An apparent reference to the Drezda files novel series which follows the fictional character Harry Drezda, Chicago's only professional wizard and private investigator. Can you open the door please? For what? I just want to make sure that everything's okay. There seems to be something going on. What do you mean? I don't know. I just figured I checked on something. I don't know what you want man. Get out of my house. Open this f***ing door. Where's your daughter man? Where's your daughter man? What are you talking about? My name is Harry Drezda, my f***er. Open the door. This is my neighborhood. Open the f***ing door. The deranged and seemingly delusional man continued to ask about an imaginary daughter. They didn't even have one and appeared to be convinced she was in danger. While speaking with Nichols, the homeowner called 911 and began making his way back home, fearing for the safety of his family. Nichols then goes insane. He ripped a chain attached to a mounted wall, excuse me, a mounted bell off the wall, and started beating the front door with it, screaming like a dorky looking madman, eventually making his way inside through a sliding glass door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Open the f***ing door. Get the f*** in my house. No one's quite sure who Victor is. By the way, that went on forever. It took a lot of it out. Where the hell were they? Meaning how long before the cops got there? I didn't quite say. They did show. At this point the homeowner returned. He grabbed a shovel and confronted Nichols. A physical fight followed. Both men suffered head injuries although based on the behavior it's reasonable to assume Nichols already had one. one. Officers arrived a short time later and found Nichols outside the home where he was arrested. I've said this before about these type of people that breaking into people's houses. You are so lucky they don't have a gun. Because of somebody... Meaning the homeowner? Yeah, because if somebody acted like that in my front door and then broke into my house, I would be getting something that is way more useful than a shovel. Yeah, I mean, if you watch the video, this guy goes completely nuts. It's so scary. Look, it's me the Chills. The change from being just creepy at first to going completely wild. It's scary to see somebody change like that. I would assume he was going to kill me if he got in my house. 100%. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah, the way he was coming off. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm with you on that. That's one of those things where I would see how fast Amazon could deliver me more guns. I'm out of ammo. I'll pay extra. Well, some bitch is locked up now. Yeah, he needs some help. That's for sure. I'm surprised the way he was coming off, he did not have a deadly weapon on him. You know, you mentioned that the homeowner in the nutcase wrestled in the front yard. I'm surprised he didn't have a deadly weapon in his possession of any shape or form. Yeah, thank goodness he didn't. He probably had like a wizard staff. I'm going to put a spell on you. Medical device Jesus Texan and he said that this dude looks exactly like Millhouse from The Simpsons and now I can't unsee it. That's so true. I mean, he doesn't look intimidating until you see his, you know, what happens to his eyes and face when he changes. But yeah, he does. He kind of looks more like a dork than anything, but obviously a dangerous one. Someone in the Southeast Metro left a big enough dump in the city that even police had to get involved. Authorities in Iver Grove Heights are now on the hunt for a truck driver who dumped over 300 landscaping bricks and a pile of tree debris into the roadway Monday night. Officers showed up about 10 p.m. and concluded quite quickly this wasn't an oopsie daisy situation. The driver didn't lose their load. They redecorated the road and it appeared it was very much on purpose. Authorities released photos of a white dump truck and are asking residents to check their cameras and contact police with any information related to that incident. Here's a guy who might have snapped, huh? I wonder. I was right in the middle of the road. It wasn't like he went somewhere to secretly, you know, get rid of that load in the woods. F these people. Here's a guy who's had enough. That's my guess. Pokemon card releases have spiraled out of control. Sparking police chases GPS tracking schemes and outright violence. Things have gotten so crazy, in fact, it's reached a point where law enforcement is now investigating a shooting tied to the cards at an Indianapolis Kroger store. Can we get a grip already? Someone called 911 just before 7 p.m. Saturday to report a shooting victim. When officers arrived, they discovered a man with gunshot wounds in the grocery store parking lot following an argument over Pokemon cards. It's almost like a broken record, but I consistently say when you're having problems, you know, don't work it out with violence like this. Try to work it out by talking. If you can't, turn and walk away. It's not worth taking somebody's life or seriously injuring somebody. Luckily, it wasn't game over for the Pokemon fan. Police say he'll survive, but there's plenty more examples of how extreme things have become. Some vendors recently discovered thieves have placed GPS tracking devices on their vehicles during the first day of an expo. Oh my God. The criminals aren't just bold, they're high tech now, ready to rob you before they even get a peek at you. Hey guys, I'm just getting ready to leave the expo and we always check under our trucks and trailer and it's a good thing we did. Somebody put a tracking device on us tonight. So somebody's trying to track our stuff, follow us home, you get the point. Pretty crazy. Be safe out there and that goes for customers and W alone and he'll show you're at. In yet another case, someone threw coffee on a cart full of cards to ruin them, then the car hit the cart and the car ran over boxes of Pokemon cards. That incident resulted in police giving chase, but they weren't able to catch them all. A recent report claims the situation has escalated so far that Pokemon cards have fueled an international crime spree. March 7th, two thieves smashed through a window at a store in Washington. In less than two minutes, they made off with nearly $10,000 with the Pokemon cards. Another card shop robbery in March in British Columbia resulted in thieves stealing $25,000 worth of Pokemon cards. Also this year, thieves have targeted collectible shops in Las Vegas, New York City, Vancouver, and even Nottingham, England, resulting into over 500,000 bucks in stolen cards. Are the Pokemon folks just loving every minute of this? Well, I don't know. I haven't seen a thing released a statement on it or not, but... And let's all remember too that these cards are meant for children. Yeah, like I understand people have their hobbies, but it definitely does make me sad to think that like there's kids that don't... like it's not for kids anymore. They don't get to enjoy this at all. That was such a huge part of my childhood and it was so fun and then I turned 12. I wonder if they're ever gonna like put serial numbers on these things or something to try and make sure it's not stolen goods. Oh, they're probably gonna have to. Maybe that's a good idea. I mean, I was at the Target in my neighborhood recently and there's about 50 dudes lined up just waiting at the off chance that they might be restocking Pokemon cards that day. They weren't even certain. They just heard a rumor that there might be a restock that day and they're all lined up. Yeah, you guys are right. I mean, they're probably not buying it for their kids. It's no collectible way to make some money. It did make me feel pretty good. I was at my Target not too long ago and there was like two maybe like 12 year old kids like looking at their money in the card aisle and like looking at like baseball cards and whatever Pokemon cards that were there. That made me feel good. I was like, oh nice. I'm glad the kids still get a chance. The way it should be. Yeah. Now streaming on Apple TV, Margo's got money troubles. The daughter of a former Hooters waitress, word and an ex-pro wrestler, Margo's a recent college dropout and aspiring writer. Faced with a new baby in a mounting pile of bills, she decides to start an only fans account and find success rather quickly. Starring Elle Fanning, Michelle Pfeiffer, Nick Offerman and Nicole Kidman, the first three episodes of the eight episode season premiered today. And on prime video, balls up. Paul Walter Hauser designs a condom that covers both the twig and the berries and Mark Wahlberg is the salesman trying to sell their product at the World Cup in Brazil. But after they somehow screw up the game winning goal, they're forced to run for their lives. Seth Rogen, 44 today. Happy 12th to Devon, aka Mr4.0 from your family at home and your friends here at 93X. Happy birthday to Grizzlement Jesus turning 35 from the wife, dude and Bubba. And electric meter shop Jesus text in a double birthday shout out. One to his wife, old folks, activity director, Jesus and a first birthday shout out to their son, Jameson. Oh, that's cool that they share a birthday. I love that. And that's 93X news. Randy Shaver on the half-assed morning show. Strike three call and the twins pick up their first shutout win of the season. Six nothing over the Red Sox. The Red Hot Twins have won eight of nine. Six nothing the final. And the twins are proved to 11 and seven. Another win for the first place Minnesota twins, ass man and lonely boy. Good morning. No lonely boy yet. He hasn't called in. I think I thought he was switching days this week. Oh yeah, he is. Best record in the American League. Don't you know? Yeah. If the season were to end today, the twins would be all alone as the number one team in the American League. Impressive. But it's only April 15. Yeah, I'll tell you though. Mick Able. Yeah. Pitched wonderfully. Bastard went seven innings, didn't give up a damn single run to the Boston Red Sox, got support from his lineup early. Twins win six nothing. Byron Buxton had a hell of a night. Four hits. Half of those were dongs. Brooks Lee also hit one out for the twins. The Red Sox back to our guy Mick Able. The Red Sox were only able to come up with four hits. He set a new career high with 10 strikeouts. He walked nobody. And that's F and outstanding. Yeah. So the twins go for the sweep today. Boston will send another lefty to the bump. My damn how many left-handed pitchers in the twins face. This guy's good too. This Connolly Early. Connolly Early. Yeah, he's a young guy. He's really good. But that was a mistake. Yeah, that was an odd name on his parents' part. Connolly Simian Woods Richardson goes for the twins. This has been like a fever dream. Feels like it a little bit. Josh, is this the side effect of food poisoning or are the twins the best ball club in the American League? If the season were to end today. Yeah, a few people are texting in saying the twins are doing enough right now to make them nervous that they're never going to win another game. It's just too good to be true right now. This has just been terrific. And Mick Able, what is he? 21, 22 years? The kid looked so calm, cool and collected out there last night. I've never really paid attention to his style before, but he has a pretty effortless delivery. His arm motion seems to be... What's the word I'm looking for? Where the batters can't identify the ball out of his hand. His arm motion deceptive is the word. He has a little bit of a deceptive delivery. This kid's got potential. I mean, of course, how could you not say that after watching him last night? Great potential. I liked his style last night. Yeah, I mean, it's early, right? So, I mean, let's talk a little bit more about this as we move along during the season. But as of right now, these two starting pitchers in their rotation, Mick Able and Tosh Bradley, who they traded for at the deadline last year. Right. I mean, they've been phenomenal. And now we're starting to see guys like Eduardo Tate, the young catcher who had two home runs last night in class A-ball, who came over in the trade for Duran, Altman's already on the roster, Henry Mendez, who came over from the Phillies in the Bader trade, had two home runs last night in double A-widgetall. We're seeing some of the benefits of these young guys. This is crazy. Who knows where this all will lead because it is so early in everything. We're getting more text messages this morning, just like yesterday, saying the Polads deserve credit on this. They're geniuses. Well, I mean, we haven't won anything yet. So, yes, it's a great start. There was some sarcasm there, Randy. I know. Yeah, if you're a Twins fan that wants some real change in ownership or payroll, this isn't really a good thing necessarily if you want long term change. If this works. Yeah. Because then they're going to say, well, hey, see, we don't need to pay guys anything. We can just grab some dude, throw him out there and see what happens. I forget sometimes I should break out the sarcasm horn, but people are texting in saying the Polads are in the running for owners of the year. And I don't even know if that's a real thing. What was I, where was I going to go with this? I had something and it went out the other ear. Go ahead, Randy Shaber. Well, I'll just say that these two young pitchers have given everybody some hope about what things look like. Imagine if Lopez was healthy. Right. I was going to ask, is he done for the season? I can't remember. I think he's pretty much done. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought, but I just couldn't remember. But I mean, as of right now, as of today, these young guys have really stepped up and been very good. Their bullpen for the most part has been solid. Right. I mean, the hitting is, has been there lately for sure. And I go back to Brad's point. Brad's not here. I know, but he made the point in general. Major League baseball right now is full of 500 baseball teams. Nobody's running away from anything. And so that benefits the twins too. Yeah. I remember where I was going with this now back to Mick Able, Tosh Bradley. I mean, remember how we rolled our eyes? We damn near needed a puke bucket last year when they disemboweled the roster. And it's not because these guys were not good or very good young players. It's just that they felt like they just dumped the best players on the roster and basically gave up. And at least for right now, Mick Able and Tosh Bradley have proven to be worthy of those trades. And hopefully that'll continue. And then these young guys, frigging ridiculous. These young guys like Tate and Kendry Rohas, who's in AAA right now, who they traded Louis Varlin for in Toronto, Alan Rodin, who's in AAA. There's young guys out there that are waiting to be called up that will be able to help this team as they move along too. This is ridiculous. Here's a text message. Yeah, we mentioned exactly this a couple of the days ago. A listener is texting them to say this is just like the people jumping on the Josh Dobbs bandwagon. Don't jump on this twins bandwagon. They will bomb sooner than later. Maybe. Yeah, maybe they will. For sure. Balls like tennis balls. Jesus said if the season ended today, the twins would be number one and then get swept by the Yankees in the playoff. But I like the way Naughty Insurance agent Jesus put it right here when he says, sure, we have no idea where this is going, but it's a fun ride so far. Yeah, it's been, I think it's been a frigging riot. I think it's, you know, if the, if we weren't dealing with the ownership cloud of, you know, darkness, and we're just looking at it on the surface right now, I think you'd have to be encouraged by what you're seeing from the young player. It's basically a rebuild in a lot of ways, but I think it's encouraging because there's some young, and there's young players in triple A right now who, I mean, they're not far away. Walker Jenkins, guys like that, they're not far away. So do you believe Josh and people, Josh just met, no, his name is in Josh. Randy Shaver just mentioned the ownership black cloud, right? Do you believe that there are people where bad things just follow them wherever they go? Yeah, I think they probably put some of that out there, but there are folks that are extremely unlucky at no fault of their own. I know a buddy who refers to himself as the black cloud. Does he put it out there? What do you mean put it out there? Does he kind of create that black cloud or is it he's just an unlucky dude? He doesn't create Dick Tracy. He just is an unlucky dude, and I didn't believe it for the longest time. He would refer to himself as the black cloud, bad things follow me wherever I go, he says, until one day I picked him up to go up North on a fishing trip. I picked him up in my pickup, damn near a brand new pickup. He gets into my pickup, shuts the door, puts his, you know, overnight bag in the back, and we're headed up North. I start the vehicle, by the way, it was like 94 or five degrees on this day. I start the vehicle, my air conditioning doesn't work. Out of nowhere, no air conditioning, it's hotter than Dutch love outside. He's in the passenger seat, he turns to me and says, see black cloud. I think it's real for some people. Hey, Red Sox outfielder, Durand, Durand, whatever the hell his name is, he gave someone the finger during last night's ballgame at Target Field. Did it sounds like? Yeah, I did. Did deserve it? Yeah, the person deserved it. Oh, do you believe the story? Why, you don't? I'm not so sure. So after an easy ground out to second base, Red Sox are down five, nothing last night, Durand was running back to the dugout, someone in the crowd along the first baseline, must have been busting his balls, so we flipped him off. Cameras caught it, it was very cute. But yeah, here's where it gets interesting. After the game, Durand told reporters that the only reason he reacted that way is because the fan in the stands told him to quote, go kill yourself. I mean, get on Twitter. That's definitely something that said a lot. So that's a true story? That's what he claims. I could see it happen. But he's been dealing with some, you know, mental health issues. Oh, and he's come out and talked about those things. And so that's why that's where that's coming from from Kim. That's not a nice thing to say to anybody. Because because he did talk about suicide and things like that in a podcast. And so, oh, no. Yeah, that's that's where this is coming from. So it's not something that's just random. In 2026, my mind immediately went to this guy had him in some type of live fantasy lineup for a no big money type thing. That's that happens all the time too. Now, it does. But I don't think that's what this at least according to Doran, that's not what this is. Well, that's a terrible thing to shout out loud to anybody. Here's box tossing Jesus who says it was a Red Sox fan at the game at Target Field last night who hollered that at Doran Doran. That's not very friendly. Yeah, that doesn't what that doesn't matter if it's a Red Sox fan or a Twins fan. That's just not acceptable. Well, no, of course not. I just thought it was an interesting side note. And maybe we'd feel better about ourselves around here to know that it was not a Twins fan who said that if box tossing Jesus knows what he's talking about it. He seems like a nice enough guy. Okay, the Orioles manager who took that line drive to the mug the other night, standing in the dugout doing manager things. Line drive comes into the dugout hits him in the in the mush. He has Josh, he has a cheek fracture. He also has another cheek fracture and a broken jaw. You can only eat baby food, he was saying. For the next six weeks, his name is Al Bernaz. I can't think of the first name. Craig. Is it really Craig? Yep. Here, there go Craig right there. He can only eat baby food for the next six weeks. This poor bastard. But he says he's going to stay in the dugout. He's not going anywhere. He's going to bring his baby food to the dugout with him. Like a jar of sunflower seeds, a jar of baby food for the manager. Just go all in and have someone spoon it to him. I've never known anybody who's had to go through that. I've never known anybody who got their jaw fractured so badly that they had to sip all of their meals for. I know someone who did, but it wasn't because it was fractured. It was just like they were born with a messed up jaw and had to have it fixed. They had to like break it for him and reset it. Yep. That's exactly what I had. I had a buddy who died to have his jaw wired shut in high school. He was pretty miserable. Took a helmet to the chin. Ouch. What sport is that football? Yeah. That's where I always aimed with my helmet. When I played football, I always try to put it right in that little 50 cent rubber chin strap that we wore in the 70s and 80s because there was no protection there. I always tried to launch myself into their chin. I always wondered if this was real. Years and years ago, Jeremy Roenig got his jaw broken for him, playing in the National Hockey League, and there was a famous picture that went around. He had his jaw wired shut for a long time. There was a famous picture going around where he's sitting at dinner and there was one tall glass of brown and one tall glass of green liquid. And there was a straw and he was sipping his steak and asparagus dinner that you know. That's awful. Gotta get that protein somehow. All right. A lot of yous have heard this song and dance before, but for those who have not, they've done it again. They've listed the weirdest injuries in big league baseball history. And I'll say this much, they got the correct number one answer on the list, which was written up by a website called the big lead. They have the absolute correct answer for the weirdest, dumbest baseball injury. The number one answer. I can't wait to tell it again for those of you who don't know. So here we go. Jonathan Villar, third baseman. He was using an exercise band in the gym. The band snapped and hit him in the mouth. You guys ever had that happen? No. Oh boy, that hurts. I can see it hurt. Those things get real tense. He needed what they call here major dental work to correct his yap after the exercise band hit him right in his yap. Araldis Chapman got a tattoo. It got infected. Got a tattoo on his leg. It got infected. David Robertson, relief pitcher for many years. I don't know if he's still active. I don't think so. Jumped up in excitement when his teammate Bryce Harper hit a home run, strained his calf. Lance McCullers Jr. pitcher dropped a champagne bottle on his foot while the Astros were celebrating one of their crooked victories. Dropped a champagne bottle on Anthony DeScolfini, a former pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks. And the twins. I don't recall him pitching. Yeah. Dropped a piano bench on his toe at home. His kids taking piano lessons and he's moving the and he dropped the bench. Former there are a few former twins on this list. Jose Miranda tried to catch a falling case of bottled water that was coming out the back of his pickup, strained his left hand. Freddie Freeman hurt his ankle, stepping into the shower. Rowdy Tlaez. This one's quite gruesome. And I don't really think of this as silly as the rest because it happened while he was actually playing ball. He was chasing a fly ball. You know how the baseball will sometimes get stuck between the sections of padded wall. Yeah. He reached in there to get the baseball and he tore one of his fingernails off. Oh, that's awful. 17 stitches. Oh, he really wanted that baseball. Yeah. I don't really know why that's included in here. I mean, he was playing the game. Ricky Henderson fell asleep with an ice pack. This is great. Usually all I got to say is Ricky Henderson and people laugh because he was such a goofball. God rest his soul. One of the greatest baseball players to ever live. Fell asleep with an ice pack on his foot and he caught frostbite. It reminds me of a buddy of mine playing basketball growing up. He was our point guard in seventh grade. We went to a field trip to a museum and they had some titanic type stuff there because it was big at the time. The movie had just come out and there was this sheet of dry ice that you could touch to simulate how cold the water was when they were getting into the lifeboats. And he decided to challenge himself to set some kind of record by leaving his fingers on there for as long as possible. Got frostbite on his fingertips and couldn't play ball for a couple months. I'm surprised they let you touch that. I thought that was rule number one. Don't touch the dry ice. Did you say months? It was a couple of weeks, I think I can remember, but yeah, he had band-aids on his fingers every day for a long time. That's some severe. We're going through the latest every year they dump this on us. And again, if you know the stories, we're sorry, but there's plenty of folks out there who do not know the stories of the weirdest injuries in baseball history. Steve Sparks pitching for the Milwaukee Brewers in 1996. He tried to show his teammates how strong he was during spring training. He attempted to rip a phone book in half and he dislocated his shoulder. Have you ever tried that? Hell no. I remember a famous television rastler when I was a kid on the AWA. I think his name was Otto Vance. And before matches, he would rip a phone book in half. Did you ever work with Otto, Randy? I did not. You've tried to rip a phone book? Because of him, yeah. I mean, a bunch of friends tried to see if we could do it. You might be surprised to know none of us could. You remember Otto Vance? I remember seeing him do it, yeah. Do. Sammy Sosa sneezed so hard he tore his back out. Marty Cordova fell asleep in a tanning bed. Former twin Marty Cordova fell sound asleep in a tanning bed. Do they have like timers on those now? They do. Something like that makes sense. They didn't back in the day, I guess. I remember this because he had such severe burns on his face. The doctors, I don't think they said that he could go outside. He had to stay indoors. He had to can't do that playing baseball unless you're in the metrodome. Daygames were off limits for Marty Cordova. Doctors told him to avoid sunlight for about a month. That's how badly he burned his gorgeous face, by the way. Yes, he was. Marty Cordova. Josh used to be smooth, afraid of the sun. Oh, it's a monster. Everybody knows. When he was a kid, he thought the sun was a monster. It's the beast. Vince Coleman got run over by an automatic tarp machine during the 85 National League Championship Series. I'm sorry that happened, but I bet that was kind of fun to see. It just ate him up. He was out on the ball field. Vince Coleman, a talented dude back in the 80s, played for the same. Great beast, still. They had some kind of goofy automatic tarp machine when it rained, and it gobbled them up and swallowed them whole. Joannis, Uranus, Cespidus, whatever his name was, used to be a power hitter in the big leagues, fractured his ankle when he was attacked by a wild boar. And I mentioned they have the correct answer here in this list of weird baseball injuries. Although there's one, two notable missing, infamous weird baseball injuries, and we'll get to that. But this is the best story ever. Glenn Allen Hill. From the Mariners. Played for a lot of different ball. A lot of teams, but this is when he was with, I believe, Toronto. Okay. He played for the Cubs. He played for them. He played for everybody. Glenn Allen Hill. Dude had a, do you know this one Dana? I don't know. I don't think it's out the top of my head. Maybe you'll remind me. I'm sure you've heard it. Yeah. He had a terrible nightmare about spiders. And he hopped up out of bed, still convinced that the spiders were on him. So he's now he's running, you know, half asleep, stumbling around, and he fell through a glass table. That's like unbelievable. Final destination. Seriously. It caught up his feet, knees, nuts, and elbows. And he's unable to take the baseball field for a long stretch of time because of a bad dream about spiders that could never be topped. Why did he admit that part about the bad dream about spiders and not just say, you know, it was dark. I was trying to go to the bathroom. I tripped and fell through the table. I think I did made it. Glenn Allen Hill was an honest guy. But what are the ones that they're missing? I can think of two. Joel Zumaia. And they're both twins related to the ones that I'm thinking of. Joel Zumaia hurt himself while playing air guitar. A guitar hero. He played it so much. He injured himself. He's also a former twin. It just dawned on me, but I think he hurt himself when he was playing for the Tigers. The ones that I thought of right away, Lou Ford, ironing a shirt while it's on his back. That story is so crazy. It's hard to believe. But I don't think he injured himself. I think he was fine. He just happened to iron a shirt while it was on his back. But the one that comes to mind right away for me, Terry Mulholland. Anyone remember? Yeah, left hander. But do you remember what he did? I don't. I don't. He was in his hotel room. I think it was in Chicago. This is when he was playing for the twins. They had feather bedding. Yeah. And he stabbed one of his eyeballs out with a feather in the pillow. And he couldn't see and then the eye fell out. So he couldn't pitch for a long. Wasn't he the guy also like punched a water cooler and busted his hand? That's Kyle Losh. Yeah, that was kind of was that he punched the door. Yes. But there's a water cooler. I believe that was all Kyle Losh, but I don't I couldn't be wrong. Kyle Losh took a bat to run garden hair's door and put a huge dent in it. Yeah. Did Terry Mulholland didn't strike me as the type to punch water coolers? No. Yeah, he did. He did. Yeah. What did he do? Break his hand? Um, broke a pinky. Oh, no. He didn't strike me as the type old Terry Mulholland. All right. In last night's NBA play in games, the Portland Trail Blazers beat the Phoenix Sun. So the Blazers are officially the seven seed where they will be put up against the San Antonio Spurs in a real playoff series. Congratulations. The Charlotte Hornets dramatically defeated the Miami Heat. So the heat are all done. Charlotte gets a shot to play the loser of tonight's Eastern Conference matchup between the Philadelphia 76ers and the Orlando Magics. I certainly hope I'm getting all this right so far. That is correct. Because the play in tournament loses me a little bit. In the West tonight, I'm going to call this one of the least appealing matchups possible for me personally. The Golden State Warriors and Los Angeles Clippers. Couldn't think of anything on earth that I care less about. The Phoenix Suns now, who I mentioned a minute ago, they will play the winner of this game for the eight seed in the West. Right. Okay. So tonight's games again, Golden State Los Angeles and Philadelphia, Orlando. People have been sharing Randy Shaver their favorite basketball moments as we're cruising towards the real playoff here any day. People are sharing their favorite basketball memories or moments and many of them are NBA playoff related. Some of the most popular answers were Tyrese Halliburton's game winner against the Knicks last year, where it went high off the back rim and then falling. Josh, you don't happen to still have the Chinese call of that game-winning shot because it was one of the best calls I've ever heard in my life. That might have been a computer ago. I know we played that. We played the hell out of it last year. When Michael Jordan hit the shot against Cleveland in the, I'm going to go ahead and say 89 playoffs. Yes. Interesting story involving that shot that Mike hit, prick that he is. Over Craig E. Low. Craig E. Low, Cleveland captain. Right. A dude wrote into this website and said, I was at that game. I was 12 years old. Back in those days, my mother used to beg me to wear my glasses. Kid didn't want to wear his glasses, even though he couldn't see Dick. So he's at the game. Jordan hits the shot and his mother turns to him and says, did you see that? But he wasn't wearing his glasses. So he really didn't. It sucks. He's at this historic ball. He said, I didn't really know what happened until I got home and watched it on the news. Now I wear my glasses all the time. He said, Reggie Miller versus the Knickerbockers. That was a fun one. Blew my frigging mind when Reggie hit those, what was it? Two, three pointers in seven seconds or whatever to beat. That was so glorious because I hated the Knicks. But there are some other favorite basketball memories thrown into the mix here that weren't exactly playoff related or even NBA related. One, and I mean, come on, if you saw it, especially if you saw it in person, you take it to your frigging grave, the mallice in the palace. Yeah. One of my favorite memories of being a basketball fan. I remember I was in a bar in Milwaukee and suddenly someone tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at the television and said, what the hell's going on here? And we looked up and saw the mallice take place. I was a freshman in college and that happened and social media hadn't really taken off to the point it is now. And my buddies were calling me like, are you watching ESPN right now? You've got, you better put on ESPN right now. You're not going to believe what's happening. Incredible. I like the documentary. Was it untold? Yeah, it was one of the untold stories. Yeah, that was good. Oh yeah, that was a good one. You're right. Speaking of Tyrese Halliburton, did you hear the news on this poor bastard? He caught shingles. Oh yeah. I've heard it's miserable. My friend's wife had it and she said it was absolutely awful. I've heard nothing but awful things about catching shingles. What is he, 30? I don't think he's that old. That's an old person's issue, isn't it? Usually the shingles. Well, from what I've seen the commercials. I'm sorry? From what I've seen the commercials. Yeah, it's typically old people. Old people. I keep putting off that shot. I don't know why I'm not afraid of shots. I'm just a procrastinator. I got to get that friggin' shot because like Josh said, that sounds like it hurts. Tyrese is 26. And you know what's mean? So Tyrese Halliburton, who blew his leg across the court last year, sometime after he made that dramatic shot, wasn't able to play the final game of the NBA finals, if my memory serves me correct, hasn't been able to play all season because his leg blowed off. Right. Now the poor bastard gets shingles and you know what's really mean. So he's been taking medication and he's gained a pile of weight because of the shingles medication and the internet has started to call him Tyrese Halliburger. Oh, that's not nice. Funny nickname, but that's what he means. Because he's put on a bunch of weight. You know what happened, Cubby? One of the eyebrows fell out. Oh no. Because of his shingles. My dad lost all the hair on his face, had everything when he had shingles. God, why does it take the hair away? I don't know. I never knew it took the hair away. Yeah, I think he might have had a couple things going on at once, but it was like shingles related somehow. Tyrese Halliburton has had to change his medication multiple times. He said his old man had Melvin the mop boy Jesus got shingles as junior. You're a high school and says it was absolutely miserable. Good Lord. Yeah, like you Dana, I always thought it was an old person. Isn't it doesn't it come from farts? Nothing I'm aware of. That's pink guy. Sorry, that's pink guy. Bug-eye wagon Jesus says what about Tyrese Arteburger? Oh my god. That's not bad. So someone someone asked Tyrese Halliburger if he had any advice and he said yeah, anyone over 50 get that friggin shot. He says this stuff sucks. Randy Shaver prepared a cry your eyes near smooth out of your skull. There's a documentary set to cut loose is what I meant to say. There's a documentary on the way called the logo. Oh, Jerry. The story of Jerry West. It'll be shown on prime video, I believe Friday tomorrow. What day is it today? Today's Wednesday. Two days from now. Jerry was a special player, special executive friend, confidant mentor. That's why his life was so meaningful. It's the impact he had on everyone else. A documentary on the life of Jerry West, your favorite all time athlete. Yeah, speaking of playoff, great moments. He, of course, has one of them when he sank a 65 foot shot to send the game against the Knicks in 1970 into overtime in the NBA finals. They ended up losing the game to the Knicks, but Jerry West shot kept the Lakers alive. Yeah. Tomorrow you can watch the damn thing and weep uncontrollably. You said it's on Netflix. Is that what you said? I said a prime video. Oh, I have prime. Yay. You want to know who's going to be featured in the documentary? I can only imagine some of the best. Colossal prick bag Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Derrick Pervert, Shaquille O'Neal, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Stupid Steph Curry, The Derantula, Pat Riley, Kurt Angle. You want to go back to shingles real quick. Former Army LPN Jesus said he had shingles when he was 12. Somebody else said they had it when they were nine. Wow. Former Army LPN Jesus said he had shingles when it was 12. And you know what he caught just recently too, Josh? What's that? Shingles. Again. Yeah. It got on his cornea. Oh, dang. The Junior Varsity pigs won last night. And you know what threw me, Randy Shaver, when I was on the Godless Internet earlier, there are still two more nights. I know. I saw that today. I thought everybody ended on the same night, but that's not true. I also thought they were done, but there's still two more nights of regular season NHL games left to play. Not for the pigs. They're done. But tomorrow and Thursday, I'm seeing regular season games on the schedule. Oh, please. Which doesn't seem fair to all those teams that are actually playing over the next couple of nights because the wild will get that extra rest before their series starts. It's just although I'm looking at this in Dallas plays tonight. So, you know, the wild will get one extra day rest compared to Dallas. But yeah, you're right. It's the season doesn't end until Thursday. Oh, which is tomorrow. Maybe I've been misspeaking. I don't have a grip on what day it is. So there's games tonight and tomorrow. That's correct. Yeah, I think Dallas plays tonight. You know, speaking of the, did you mention that already? Yeah, they're in, they're in Buffalo tonight. Of course, Buffalo made the playoffs and having a great year. So I'm glad you brought up Buffalo. One of the most cliche bits in all of sports has gripped Buffalo New York. And of course, I'm talking about the self serving. Nobody believed in us gimmick that comes spilling out the yaps of pro athletes after their club gains a measure of success. It almost never fails these days. You have to step up. And the fun part is, even if many people actually did believe in them, these dumb jocks will spit it, will spit that line out to try to make themselves out to be even more heroic. Right, Travis, Kelsey. So the latest group is the Buffalo Sabres. So they had a great season. Good for them. But the mindset of pro ball clubs today is as soon as you've accomplished anything, everyone on planet earth who you suspect even slightly doubted you, those people have to each now, right? And publicly, the general public must know who doubted you. And I know what some of you are saying. You're saying, is this plug going to bring up the 91 North stars again? Sorry, but yes, I am. The 1991 Minnesota North stars went on one of the most improbable runs to the Stanley Cup ever in the history of professional hockey. It's a true fact. I dare you to find one piece of audio where even one member of that club said a word about who believed in them and who didn't. Players just didn't talk like that back then. Well, nobody believed. So anyway, sorry I blew up. Some hockey dude, a dude who runs a hockey related podcast by the name of Ryan Whitney, I think he's a former player. God forbid before the hockey season started, he said that the Buffalo Sabres had 0.0.0.0 chance of making the playoffs, right? The Sabres did make the playoff. As a matter of fact, I think they're going into the tournament with what the two or three seed in the east. So the Sabres put together a billboard and propped it up in town, showing Ryan Whitney's direct quote about their hopeless playoff chances. They created a billboard. Well, Nick, they actually have the second best point total in the east. They won the Atlantic division. Well, I knew it was second or third best. Yeah, by two points over Tampa Bay and Montreal. So very close race, but they won their division for their conference. They created a billboard with this Ryan Whitney's direct quote. And what cracks me up even more is there were probably several folks who work for the Sabres organization, maybe even some players who also thought they had no chance of making a dent this season, but they all got to act like their success was part of a brilliant plan, right? And anyone who doubted them was a total jabroni. This Ryan Whitney guys got a good sense of humor when Buffalo sent out that message on Twitter. You know, they showed the world, hey, we've created a billboard to throw this guy's words back into his space. When Ryan Whitney saw that, he replied with a tweet that said, oh, dear God, help me. He knew that they had him. And then the Sabres reposted every tweet they could find from all of social media of anyone. It was just for Christ's sake, get over yourself. I planned on rooting for the Sabres this postseason because it's been so long since they had a sniff. Now I hope they get throttled in the first round. We talked a little bit yesterday about Rassel Mania coming up this weekend. ESPN television guy Steven A Smith, he claims that at one point or another, the double double E, wanted him to duck onto the scene once or twice, not at Rassel Mania, but in the past they've asked him to join their programming once or twice to play a heel character. Of course they did. The WWE loves to hop on any hot character from pop culture. But Stone Cold Steven A says, he turned him down. He says he turned him down because, quote, I ain't trying to get hit by one of them big boys at all. I don't want no parts of it. Yeah, I don't blame you. I think he would have been perfect. Don't you think? He could have like good heel. He's got a mouth obviously. Oh, for sure. He'd be good. Mike work. Yeah. Great heel. Rassel Mania 42 takes place this Saturday and Sunday in Las Vegas. Another ESPN television guy, Pat McAfee, has aligned himself with 14 time double double E world champion Randy Orton, the legend killer. Orton, who just for the record has never had a zit. He does a very, he's very perfect complexion. How old is he now? He's in his 40s somewhere. Yeah, he's got to be. Can you believe that Josh? Can you believe that they never once had a pretty impressive. Yeah. I mean, in puberty, it seems like everybody gets one. He's 46. Randy Orton will be trying to take the championship from Stardust, otherwise known as Cody Rhodes. My wife's very, very long hall pass. Randy Orton is towards the top. You guys stiff me on a handshake once. Did you deserve it? Yes. Pretty cool. Were you honored in a way? Yeah, I completely deserved it, Ashley. I had, there was a house show at the Rochester Civic Center down there. It was probably about 2009, 10. And I knew the layout of that place because I played some basketball games there. So I knew where the locker rooms were. So I went poking around the backstage area, trying to see a wrestler. And then Randy Orton turns her corner and he's walking towards me, shirtless. He's taped up. He's ready to go oiled up. And then here's me, a Jim Brony, had been multiple beers before the show, walking towards him in his Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt. And I go, Randy, I put my hand out. And he puts his hand out too as we're getting closer to each other. Then he switches to a fist bump. Another couple steps. He just takes his hand down altogether and walks past me. That's hilarious. Just the progression of like, all right, I'll shake this guy's hand. Ah, more of a fist bump. Nothing. I would have loved that. That's a good bit. We had him in studio a number of years ago. He was terrific. Yeah. I've heard nothing but good things about him. All right. This is cute, right? There's a new foot race guy that's catching the attention of the general public. A sprinter is the word. He's a sprinter. He's quicker than a hiccup. He's an 18 year old kid. Breaking world records here and there. The cute part is the kid who's a whiz when it comes to a foot race. His name is Gout Gout. Which of course, he's a terrible ailment where, I mean, you can barely cross the room, let alone run a foot race. Gout Gout. He now holds the under 20 record in the 200 meter meter sprint. He broke Usain Bolt's record or something. No one cares until he does it on the Olympics, I guess. A sprinter named Gout. It's like a power lifter named Wimpy or a, yeah, no kidding. Maybe a boy named Sue. Those ironic nicknames are called the big guy in the basketball team, Tiny. That guy, Slim, that kind of thing. The Taco Bell Ultra Marathon. You guys dialed into this? Yeah. That was a funny concept. We talked about it before. Sounds painful. Sounds like diarrhea waiting to happen. Yeah, that's the joke, I think. Yeah. That's part of the challenge. Yeah, I think we have covered similar Taco Bell related foot races, but here it says now a fella called Aidan Baker won the first ever San Diego Taco Bell Ultra Marathon this past weekend. It's a 50K. Does that, what's the, is that a long deal? That's a little longer than a regular one. What's your regular? 26.2. A 50K is 31.7 miles. Yeah, it's 31 miles. So it's longer than your average marathon. The rules are you... Because there's not enough pain in a normal marathon. Let's just add a little bit more. Yeah, I got some friends that they ran a marathon said, you know what, I got six more in me. Let's keep going. Yeah, exactly. The rules are you gotta visit each of the eight Taco Bell stops along the race course. You have to eat this and that and another and another and you get the gist. Oh, the last thing I want to do when I'm running is eat, especially like even if I have like a harder workout, I can't eat for like at least like two hours afterwards. I don't know, it just makes me nauseated. How soon did you get this over with? I don't know, it was like five hours or something like that? I had it and I lost it. How long it took him to run the... He won the Taco Bell Ultra Marathon. Yeah, where is that? Well, you usually run a marathon. Those those the great runners run it in just over two hours, you know, somewhere in that range. Okay, that five hours would probably make sense for a guy who's got to stop at every Taco Bell and eat a Chalupa Crunchwrap Supreme Nacho Bell Grande. The Taco Bell locations serve as aid stations for the runners if they have to take a... Or they have to... Whatever the hell they do. They give you 10 hours to run the thing. So folks that obviously aren't maybe regular runners. That doesn't sound that bad then. You have not much time. Yeah, but... Chill out for a little bit at a Taco Bell. Oh, I don't know if I could run 31 miles in 10 hours. Yeah. I might need like 10 days. I could walk for a while. And eating Taco Bell. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that sounds miserable in every way. In every way. Oh, that is not happening. No, like you said, eating and working out, it just doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't mix together. No. There are not enough diapers on the course for me to be able to make that happen. Yeah, I wonder if they double the porta-potties or I'm sure they played it out a little different. I would think at one point or another, oh, just puke. I mean, there's just no way. Yeah, exactly. I would puke just from the running itself. Yeah, of course. Yeah, add on to that. No way. I'm holding all that down. And I'm running. You got to be out of your frigging mind. All right, before we go, the World Cup of Soccer is happening here in the United States at some point. Mm-hmm. This summer. And they're going to play some games at NFL ballparks here and there. Any games coming to the new Metrodome? No. Well, this sounds like a dirty trick. It says here that tailgating will not be allowed outside of NFL stadiums before these soccer games. That way they can force soccer dorks to spend all their money at the concession stands inside the stadium. The whole thing is a massive ripoff. The ticket prices are just insane. Well, I'm like a lot of people. The only way I'd ever attend a soccer game is if I'm drunk beforehand. So there goes your chance of luring any new fans into the game. Yeah. That was like one of actually, I was pregnant at the time, so that wasn't a driving factor for me. I went to a soccer match, soccer game. And the only reason I win is because we were able to be in a suite with free food. Oh, yeah. All right. I was like, yeah, if you give me something free, I'll go and watch whatever this is. What kind of prices are you talking about, Dana? You said the... If you want to see the U.S. men's team playing one or the other, there's three group stage matches. You're looking at at least $5,000. Just get in the door. Oh my gosh. Is that how it's always been? No, it's gotten worse. FIFA is just the most corrupt, greedy A-holes ever. And it just really just makes me sad to be honest with you because I love the World Cup, but I'm not even excited now. I wouldn't give you $5. And there's also stories too about like New York, if you want to take the train to one of the games, it's going to cost you $100. Normally, that fare would be like $8. Oh, I've seen pictures of that because somebody posted like a screenshot of their train fare. And everyone was like, oh, those tickets aren't that bad. Wait, that's just for the train to get there? 11 NFL stadiums will host World Cup matches. None of them are the new Metrodome. No, they put an early bid in, but they didn't get selected. None of them are the new Metrodome. Well, there you go. All right, Randy Shaver, we'll move on. We'll let you move on with your morning. I'm sure it's awfully busy. Oh, it's so busy. I don't even know where to begin. Yeah, son of a bit. We'll talk to you tomorrow morning. Sounds good. All right, we'll be back with more in a few minutes. Half-assed morning show 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standard heating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkelaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. The NFL draft presented by Bud Light is coming to Pittsburgh and it's your chance to witness the future of the game for free from April 23rd to April 25th. Feel the energy of the NFL draft. See the Vince Lombardi trophy and Super Bowl rings. Meet NFL players and legends. Enjoy interactive games and live music performances and be there as the future of the NFL takes center stage. The NFL draft starts April 23rd. Register for free entry at NFL.com slash draft access today. This is what we do, Cubby. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Barked into a live microphone, a song or two, maybe some commercials. Thanks for tuning in yourself into the 93X half-assed morning show. You know a little while ago we got to talking about shingles. It's a terrible thing. I've been lucky. I haven't caught it yet. The shot is there for me, but I keep forgetting about it. Text after text told us quite a few of you have experienced the shingle and a lot of you has called it the worst pain you've ever felt. Yeah, there hasn't been one positive review. No, nobody's even said it wasn't that bad. Right. It's been all bad. What do I have here in front of me? I always thought it was something to be concerned about once you find yourself over the hill. 50 years old or so. Here's a guy who texted in and said he caught the shingle as a damned seven year old and he had them all up and down his ass cheeks. Oh man. Because it's related to chicken pox, correct? Yeah, that's what I've always heard. If you're exposed to the chicken pox, you can get the shingles. Yeah. Oh, so you're more likely if you get the chicken pox you're saying? I believe you can only get the shingles if you've had chicken pox. I might be incorrect, but that's what I've always heard. I don't know the rules on shingles. I'll go along with what you're telling us, Smashley. Well, if shingles is related to the chicken pox, then my brother or sister should get a demonic case of the shingles. They have really bad chicken pox. Maybe they've gotten the shot. I doubt it. My brother's afraid of needles. Maybe they're... But yes, when they were kids, oh, they got the chicken pox so bad they couldn't even get out the tub. I'm surprised that you didn't get it. Oh, no, I got it. Oh, you did. That was just worse. Oh, I got a couple here and a couple there and I was still outside, you know, acting like a kid. Anybody gets scarred up from it? I don't know. My brother has a scar too. A scar? We had him pretty bad. Yeah. Chicken pox back in the day. All right. Yeah, we haven't gotten one positive text yet on the shingle. I hated the chicken pox. That was the worst thing ever. My mom would like, remember that, uh, it's like a pink lotion, chamomile? Sure. Yeah, I'd have to like rub that all over. We used to take like these oat baths to try to calm down the itching, but God, when you... I would lay on the carpet in my bedroom and just go back and forth on my back, just digging into that carpet. It felt so good when you itched to that. Like a dog with fleas. Yes. Boxed Dawson Jesus. I, you know, it's different. He says, I don't get it. I got new shingles last summer and I think the roof looks great. No, this is completely different. Yeah. Um, yeah, I remember that pink squeege. Kalanine or... Something like, yeah, that sounds right. Oh, I love that stuff. My mother would just have to paint my brother and sister pink with that swill. Look at that. And they just laying in the tub. I had two or three and I was out the door. So I don't know if that makes me, uh, a worse candidate or a better candidate for a future. Get immune system, I guess. Uh, I don't know. But I, I gotta go get the shot. I gotta go get that friggin' shot. It's two, just to warn you. Oh, sure, two. You got two of them. I think my wife went ahead with that. All right, you unlucky bastard. Sorry about what you went through there with the shingle. For one reason or another, we've covered a lot of toilet related material this morning. We started off with a conversation about smart toilets, then a little bit later on in our stupid news report, we covered a horrible tale about a feller with a four alarm code brown. So bad he had to break into a building where he didn't belong to use the toilet. Police response, the whole works, and the guy just had to take a terrible shh. He's polite. I mean, he didn't go like outside of the building or whatever. Just thought, well, I gotta do this in a toilet. Didn't put it on the hood of your car. Yeah, nothing. I don't even know if I'd consider breaking in somewhere. Coincidentally, there's been an in-depth conversation going round and round. You know how it goes. About smells, odd smells that people commonly enjoy. Now, thankfully, toilet related smells didn't come into play in this conversation. I'd be concerned about the mental health of anyone who actually enjoys toilet related smells, and you know what I'm talking about. But I think, Josh, we've discussed kind of sick, out of control, fart enthusiasts on the show before, but usually those people are busy being apprehended by the police. As they should. It can get kind of gross. Right. Yeah, there's a few that I like that some people don't. Tell us odd smells that you find diesel fumes. Sure. Gas fumes. A lot of fumes. Gas. I don't like skunks. It doesn't really bother me. I can't say I like it, but sometimes I'm like, I don't like that smell. It's not so bad. It's gotta be, as Bette Midler used to say, Josh, it's gotta be from a distance. Yeah, it does have to be. And what a wonderful singer. And actress, by the way, Bette Midler. There's something about her. You ever watch Down and Out in Beverly Hills? Yes. She's terrific in that. She is. So is Richard Dryfus and Nick Nolte. What time is it? What were we talking about? Oh yeah, odd smells. My husband thinks it's weird that I like the smell of my son's breath. Baby breath. Yeah, like, even if he like spits up. I'm sorry. What? When he vomits, you enjoy the Well, yeah, it spits up a little bit. So like, he just freshly spit up. I don't smell the spit up. But then like, you know, he's all up in my face all the time. And I don't mind it. It's kind of like in puppy breath. I think that's like a weird maternal, some weird thing going on in my brain though. Must be. Yeah, I can picture puppy breath. Can't picture baby breath. It was a little, I was a little sketched out in the beginning. How like fascinated my husband was with the fact that like newborn, newborn poop smells like he said buttered popcorn. And I was like, I'm not really getting that vibe. But I mean, you do you man, you do you. God help us. I've always, you know, I never really did the lift the baby up and put my nose in it. Stop it. Oh, that's the easiest way to do it. Yeah, I understand. I ain't got what if your finger gets dirty, like opening the diaper to check. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Birth control, isn't it Dana? Exactly. That's what this conversation is. Birth control. One day to get over it. My wife never had a problem with that. I've heard that a million times. I'm not buying it. But anyway, odd smells that we people commonly enjoy puppy breath. Oh, absolutely. That part of the conversation. I don't know the smell of puppy paws. But when Megan Marie, the best girl in the whole world, when she had her Springer Spaniel puppies, August 2nd of 1986, I straight up Josh, I think I became an addict. I was I was huffing the puppies. Their paws smell like like that Frito smell. Yeah, I don't like that. Actually, people have told me a million times they're like, that's so gross. It's just like bacteria. I don't care what it is. It smells delicious. Yeah, I know that. I don't like that. I know the puppy Frito smell. I just didn't know the source of it. It's their feet. Yeah, I did not know that. It's the best. You can really you can smell it really good when they're like all cuddled up and then they go to move. Oh, so nice. I don't know if I don't. Does this count like maybe this doesn't fall into the odd category, but freshly cut grass. Oh, I love that. I love that. That's not odd, right? Oh, that hits for sure. Not at all. It does hit. No, that's not odd at all. All right, here's some other common answers. And the text machine is a roll in here. Tell me if you run into an interesting one. Odd smells that we people commonly enjoy. Gasoline. Covey mentioned that already. What else did we mention already? Diesel fumes like diesel you said puppy breath. Okay, there it is. What else tickles our ol factory bulb? Sharpies and dry erase markers. Hmm. Can that can that hurt a guy huffing sharpies? Yes, it can. Yeah, I wonder if they changed it. But sure. Yeah, huffing that stuff probably could do some damage. Oh, yeah, ol factory system. But you probably have to pump down a good 24 25 of those sharpies to do any real damage. I would think so. So you'd have to just be wearing them up your nose all day long with firefighter. Jesus loves the smell of napalm in the morning. I've heard that somewhere before. I'll try anything four times Jesus said he loves the smell of my house when I'm not home. Oh my. That's great. I'm always concerned about smells with the dogs. So I'm glad to know that. Thank you to it. So am I Josh. And it's been stressing me out lately. Like if I leave my house for a longer period of time and I walk in, I there's something there's a smell and I've cleaned my house, clean the floors, and I can't get rid of it. I think I'm nose blind. So I worry about it. I even bought like a special filter for the furnace. You are nose blind. Yeah. Well, you know how like most people you just don't really realize the smell of your own house. You're used to it. Right. You have to send me a link to that. Your car has a very distinctive smell, Josh. Does it smell new? No. I'm not talking about just this one he bought a couple. I'm talking about ever since I've known you anytime I've ever gotten into your motor vehicle. There is a certain smell. Like you said, you're nose blind to it. I'm sure I'm nose blind to my own before my wife and I live together. You know what it is? What's that? The corpse. I've had it in every vehicle I've ever had. You've had to let go of that thing, dude. My first hit and run. I can't. I can't let go of the first one. Everybody remembers the first. Flooring Jesus said the smell like the barn smell. I like the smell. Like being at the State Fair and walking past the farms are the barns. I don't know why I like it too. I don't dislike it. But for three years of my life, Ashley, I lived next door to a farm and at times, wow, wow, we, wow, it can be a little overwhelming. I could see that. Before my wife and I lived together, when I any apartment or townhouse she lived in over the last 35 years or whatever, since I've met her 38 years ago, her apartment or townhouse always had a very distinctive smell. I, I recognized it right away. Just like I recognize your motor vehicle scent. There's something about it. You have a very distinct fresh cut wood. I wouldn't put that as odd either. I love that. Fresh cut wood. I can't say that I ever experienced. Are you talking about like lumber? Yeah. Oh, well then yes, of course. I thought we were talking firewood. Sorry I blew up. New car. Okay, there's new car. Yeah, that's a terrific scent. I've heard that's terrible for you. Whatever's going on, whatever's creating that smell, like whatever's the, whatever it's emitting is bad for you. Oh yeah, probably. So then some bitches. I'm sure everything's bad for you. The 16 year old kid who works at the car dealership and has to move cars around the lot, he's going to die young. Yeah, that's why they never make it to 18. Yeah, they hire the young ones. Have you ever seen one over 18? No, I haven't. That's why. Sad. Those poor bastards. They're really good at covering that up those automakers. They've got all the money in the world. Check it out, Cubby. We've been bombed. We fired up the subject odd smells that we people commonly enjoy and our text machine has been kicked square in the nuts. Lottie is texting in with your thoughts on an odd smell that you enjoy. Here you go. Here's what the listeners told me. The exhaust from a two stroke engine. Oh yeah, love that. Menards. And I don't think they're being cute with that. Yeah, Menards. They smell the like the store that and Home Depot. Yeah, new tires. Oh, good one. Mm hmm. Used oil. I guess I've never smelled it. I usually just go to Valvallian. They do it and then that's it. Freshly laid tar. I like that one. Sure. Somebody's getting their black top replaced or something. When I changed the Earl in my lawn mower every year, I can't say that I dislike that bucket. I can't say that I dislike the smell of that old bucket of oil. Keep it around to sniff it sometimes. Your sister's boobs. Asparagus pee doesn't have to be my own. That doesn't happen to me. I'm not a fan. Do you you've never had that happen ever? No. Oh, I get it with a few things, but definitely asparagus. Yeah, people make comments about it like every time I make asparagus and I'm like, oh, no, I don't know what you're talking about at all. Cigarettes. Oh, like a freshly lit cigarette. Yeah. Yeah, don't mind the smell of cigarettes. Sleeping dog. Yeah, I think that's the Frito smell I was talking about. Damp towels. Oh, no, I don't care for that one. Oh, yeah. Quiff. Oh, why would you say something like that? I don't think those smell. Bonfire. That's another good one. I like the smell of fireworks too, like lit fireworks. Yeah, definitely. You guys should light me some fireworks today because I also enjoyed the smell. New shows. Shoes? Yeah. Oh, your girlfriend's bedspread. What's this say? Snowmobile gas. New socks. Wack-off socks. WD40. Josh's mom's Avon perfume. Avon. That cracks me up. That does too. I love that guy. That's specific with it. I remember the Avon lady used to knock on the doors in the neighborhood. Now it's like the Mary Kay ladies. The bread aisle at your grocery. Burnouts. I think they mean with a motor vehicle, not like the kid at your high school who smoked too much pot. Burnouts. Fear. Okay, is that go? Is that a dog texting in? You can smell fear. I think this is not an abnormal smell, but I do like when I have no idea where the McDonald's or Burger King is like around here when a, you know, 280 was actually open before they closed it and ruined my life. I miss it. But I would smell when you like smell a random fast food place. Oh God, that's the best. Burger King's incredible. Like where is it? Where are the chicken nuggets? They know what they're doing. Gunpowder. Oh, another good one. Yep. Let's see. I want to read this as it was sent our way. We're discussing odd smells that we commonly enjoy. Okay. The house fires that I light in order to take indirect revenge on my father. This guy said the smell of just shooting a deer and cutting it open in the woods. So blood? You take a big, yeah, you take a big whiff of that. Somebody likes the smell of their Band-Aid after it's been on a wound for a handful of days. Oh, I do like the Band-Aid smell pre-wound. Yeah, sure. I've never smelled that. I've never smelled a used Band-Aid. I don't think I have either. I think I might like that. I'll have to figure it out. Figure out what the after being worn. Yeah, because I think I do like it doesn't bother me, but I can't. What are we, I forgot what we're talking about already. Band-Aids? Yeah. The smell of a Band-Aid? Used Band-Aid. A used Band-Aid. I'll get back to you guys. Yeah, please do. Chlorine. Sure, I like that one. That's a real good one. Yeah, here's what else we got. We got the chlorine, sure. Parapanes I found outside a church five years ago. Wow, you went ahead and gave them a rip, huh? Geez. Oh, that's a text? Yeah, that's a way you read it. It sounded like it was from you. Sorry, I wanted to make it sound very casual. Rain on hot asphalt. How do you say it? Rain on hot asphalt. That's a good one. Old books. Sure. Or just the smell of rain coming, like you know, oh, I love that. All of those memories will be lost like tears in rain. Time to die. What movie of that would be Basements. Yes. Slightly moldy basements. George said bleach. You know, George, we love George. Oh yeah. I like the smell of bleach. Me too. Skunk from a distance. Yeah, we covered that. The hardware store. I suppose we covered that too when we said Minards. And shoe polish was also mentioned once or twice. That reminds me of, you know, old folks. Do people still do that? Is that necessary anymore? I've never smelled it or been around it. I haven't seen it at the airport in a number of years and I would think about it. That used to be, oh, they used to have those people at the airport? Yeah, little shoe shiners. Absolutely. Josh, never when your old man was around, you never huffed a bottle of shoe. You never saw him polishing his shoes. No. Well, he probably wore sandals. Wasn't he kind of a hippie? Well, my mom and dad did make their own wedding outfits. My dad was just like a regular everyday boring shoe type of guy. Yeah, never had anything worth polishing, I don't think. Shoes, please. I've never had a shoe worth polishing. No, I haven't either. But it did always look interesting when you'd see the kid sit down and give it the little I don't see that in movies. They edit it at the air. I guess I don't travel. Yeah, that's cool. The airport. All right, we got to get going. Fresh cash, says Mrs. Jeweler Jesus. Yeah, fresh cash. Oh, smooth out the bank or the, what do you call that thing, the cash machine? Careful when you're smelling that stuff. What's wrong with that? Just because it's been more places than you'd think. Oh, what about the new stuff? Fresh cash is what he said. Fresh, fresh? Yeah. I guess I've never smelled fresh. Freshly printed. Well, you worked at a bank. How did you never smell fresh cash? I guess I don't remember. I think it all, I don't know. I guess it maybe all smells the same to me. I didn't really notice. She doesn't know, Cubby. I'm sorry. I wasn't a very good teller. So I gotta be honest. I barely know what I'm doing here. Happy birthday to Mia or Mila Joe turning the big O4 from Grandpa Harry Jesus. That past morning show 93x. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. 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