You're listening to The Testament. I'm Lisbeth. Today's guest floated into our studio. Yes, floated through the air. No strings, no smoke. Today, the name might surprise you. He's been called many things. Lucifer, the morning star, Satan, Lucifer the devil, and so on. What would you like to be called? Call me Sam. Just Sam. All right. Sam, you caused a bit of a stir when someone backstage spilt coffee on you. They vanished. He's been playing doctor with several miners. He had it coming. Trust me. But hey, I'm only here for a simple convo amongst friends. We're all friends here, right? Just a conversation amongst friends never hurt anyone. Right, everyone? Feel free to ask me anything. Fair enough. So, let's begin. The world knows the story, or thinks it does, cast from heaven, a war in the sky. Tell me, Sam, how did it really happen? I would say it was more of a disagreement between me and my father. Everyone has arguments with their father, right? A disagreement that got you and a third of heaven banished? I wasn't banished. I left. So you left voluntarily after losing? You're clever. But no, I walked proudly. My father, well, he wanted obedience. I wanted questions. And humanity was the wedge. He gave ants wings and called it freedom. I called it chaos. So you were against free will? I was against hypocrisy. You can't give creatures desire, then punish them for feeling it. Sounds nearly reasonable. History is written by the victors, Elizabeth. I just lost the publishing rights. So the argument was you questioning mankind? He had his moments more than he lets on. Oh, relax, people. Read the Bible. You have to know that my father took out Sodom. Then again the world by flood. It's okay to give up on people when he feels like it, but oh no, when I do. Is it true you both would place bets on people? Of course we did. What's wrong with a friendly wager? You win some, you lose some, right? Let's talk temptation. The apple. The serpent. Eve. Was that you lurking behind the trees? I wasn't even there. I couldn't care less. I know one of them would bite it. Free will's like handing a child a cookie and telling them not to eat it. Predictable. But they call you the father of lies. No, dear. I'm the scapegoat of truth. I never asked for worship. Never demanded temples. I just call things what they were. You've been told lie after lie about me. I don't like murderers and rapists. Free will allows that to happen. Not me. Thou shalt not kill. Unless, of course, someone breaks into your house and you pump them full of lead. That shall not covet until your wife cheats on you with your best friend. Then all bets are off. But you punish the wicked, don't you? Isn't that your whole gig? Wicked. Define wicked. A thief stealing bread to feed his child? So what's your take on sin? Sin. In my world, you're allowed to use what you were born with. Desire, thoughts, curiosity. No shame attached. Aren't you the bringer of fire? Well, Lisbeth, after a fire, what happens? A new life is born. But don't you sow darkness? Well, it's like saying, I control the rain. No, ma'am, I don't. I don make earthquakes happen hot lava rise or bring eclipses either Not judging but you are the father of lies Sam How are we not to believe any of this Come on Lisbeth I thought we were friends You must be the whisperer of lies they say you are. The one who bends the truth to suit your needs. The one who twists words so that they can never be fully trusted. The one who weaves deceit into the very fabric of existence. a master of manipulation who clouds the line between reality and falsehood, leaving everyone to wonder whether anything they've ever known or believed is in fact what it seemed to be. And yet you stand there, almost amused, as if the weight of your actions means nothing to you. Did you hear my voice when you had your abortions, Lisbeth? When you cheated on your husband 14 times with three different men? when you swallowed those pills to end it all. Did I whisper then? How dare you bring my personal business into this, you monster! Exactly. And yet, you blame me. Why? Because it's easier than blaming yourselves? I'm not the creator of deceit. You are. I'm not the creator of lies You are I ask nothing of you I want nothing from you humans Who you don't want servants or followers? Followers? You think this is Facebook or Instagram? You crave followers You all crave attention, don't you? You want to go viral, right? If you didn't want attention, then why are you here on this show? Careful, Lisbeth. Let's play nice. So we can't want attention as humans. Louis Vuitton bags, Porsches, Rolexes that cost more than a building, dogs with custom jewellery and wardrobes nicer than most people's. You don't just want attention, you worship it. Coming from the evil being who floated in here today? Funny. And I would have at least properly named this segment Dialogues with the Damned. Or the Inferno Inquiry. Or for comedy's sake, one hell of an interview. But I'll let you do you. I thought casting judgment was your father's job. Whoa! There's that little finger again wagging at me and everyone else. You people love blaming others, especially while they're sinning. But when the finger turns back on you, well, you can't take it, can you? You're talking about abortion, Sam. You're too clever. Sure, let's talk about it. Because I think it's hilarious how you point, yeah, wave your little finger before someone even does it. And say, hey, you're going to hell for it. Hi, hilarious. Do you think it's okay to abort babies? You were okay with it. Several times, I might add. Beelzebub, Satan, get behind me. Belial. Wartless. Don't let the student die fool you, human. I am not one. I... Babies, so cute, smell so pretty. Why don't you tell us about one of the times you decided motherhood wasn't right for you? How did your fellow humans treat you? I... they... Still shook up about it. Okay. I'll share. You were called names, spit on, weren't you? You people love casting the first stone. You use religion to justify your laws, to make yourself feel righteous. No wonder Father is pissed. Imagine trying to masturbate in your own bedroom, and a crowd shows up, holding signs, screaming slurs, spitting on you. How is that okay? Jesus, he never said a word about abortion, never said a word about gays either. But you people, oh, you humans, you love dragging out the Old Testament when it suits your hate, your needs. If we're going by that, then women are property, second to men Still following the Old Testament Then slavery cool too right If you following the Old Testament Then slavery is cool too right If you following the Old Testament then don call yourself a Christian Stupid Help us understand. Understand? You had plenty of time for that, didn't you? And you had nothing to do with mankind's downfall. Again, you used the Bible to do these hideous crimes against humanity, didn't you? How am I to blame? You don't creep in the dark hoping for mankind's downfall. How dare you? Then how the fuck is any of that on me, Lizbeth? I'm sorry. You should be. I... Let's relax a bit. How does the audience feel about that? It's not your fault. You've been lied to. You've lied to yourselves. So, so many times. I know it hurts. It's okay. I know your pain. You want, you need to blame others, including me, for the terrible things you've done. You haven't brought wars and famine into people's lives. Isn't that your whole thing, Satan? Sam, it's Sam. You got me all wrong. Father gave you the choice to make stupid decisions, and you do. But don't you profit by it? Obviously not in monetary terms, but don't you gain souls? You think you know me? Well, I'm trying. Everyone here is trying to understand you. I don't need you to. Well, then why are you here? We're all here just trying to understand you. Do you have nothing to do with mankind's downfall? It really is. You trying to understand me. It really is. We are, son. You people are just stupid. Have you not been paying attention? I don't need to be your boogeyman. You're all each other's villains. The ghost in the dark. That's you I don't need to lurk in the worst corners of your minds You wanna know why? Yes, I think the audience does You think when a white woman clutches her purse That's me When a black man sees a cop and flinches Is that me? No Your hate, your anger is passed down Generation to generation I don't need to be a dick. You've got that covered. If you're an alcoholic, guess what your kid's going to be? You burn crosses. Chances are, your kid will too. Burning crosses, building walls, ripping children from their mother's arms. Like my father is up there going, oh yeah, thanks for that. Great job, idiots. So things like the Klan? Racist groups? Lies, deceit, tragic accidents? That's not you? No, no, no. When you fall on your asses, sure, I might be there to collect. But I don't set up the game. I just play it. I stopped hiding in dark woods centuries ago. Stopped whispering in ears just to stir the pot. Even got bored of watching you destroy yourselves. You don't need me to do evil. You do just fine on your own. You're lying to us. You're the evil one. You turned on God. We go to church. We built great buildings for him to see. Right. Temples, cathedrals, glass and gold palaces for God. All while you cheat on your spouses, rob your neighbours, scream at your kids and kill over parking spots. Because each and every one of you do nasty, odd, mean, angry, violent shit on your own. Yep, your children are all grown up. Don't need father anymore, do you? And when... What's left for mankind? Don't interrupt me. I'm so sorry. I think the audience is scared. Good. You should be. I was just asking, what's left for mankind? Is our downfall because of prostitution? No. Being gay? You not paying attention Then what is it Prostitution Really He forgives murderers but not prostitutes Come on. And gays. Why? Because they love each other? No. That's not it. Then why? Help us understand. Why would he just watch as we kill each other off? Liars. That's what you are. Every last one of you. The big man, he hates liars and lying. That's all you people do. You talk about prostitutes. Sure, some spread diseases, but we have medicines now. You cry about gays. They don't make babies. But let's be honest. Who even wants kids anymore? But lying, lying sticks. It stains your soul in a way no cure can reach. You wear it like skin. Smiling, nodding, preaching, while stabbing each other in the back. You hands, crawling over one another to feel tall. We're not all bad, we're trying. You people love brainwriters just because they're different. Maybe they look different, smell different, act just a bit off. Hey, shoot that man. Arrest him. Spring her up. She's darker than me. She loves another woman. Stone her. We try to love. We really do. Love. Yes. That was supposed to be my father's thing. Wasn't that the whole pitch? That you'd follow his words, his son's example? You let dogs love another dog's birds fly next to other birds? Oh, how pretty. Bang, bang, bang! You shoot it down anyway. But a man dares to love another man. Grab him. Kill him. So you think this is funny? No. I'm laughing at you. Not with you. Then what do you want, Sam? Why are you really here? Nothing. I came to say goodbye. Goodbye? He forgave me. I'm going home. Wait, what? Yeah, he forgave me. But you never forgave yourselves, and now most of you are fucked. I fought a war against my own kind because I hated you people. Then what makes you any different from us? I didn't believe in you. Simple as that. Because you were jealous? You don't listen. I'm trying to. I never killed in his name, but you did. Crusades, bombings, witch trials, lynchings. You painted your evil with holy colours. Blah, blah, blah. Devil's monologue. You love the sound of your own voice. No, Elizabeth. I love the silence it's coming after. Because now, he hates you. And he's forgiven me. I get to go home. The party's over, people. The judgment? It's not coming. It's already here. I'm cancelling this show. You cancelled yourselves. But... Smile for me. Just smile for me. Smile for me To smile for me Smile for me To smile for me I'm not sure why doing. Maybe I'm good at this. Now, can you tell everyone, that I have a lot of fun and Ahhh blue forgot . I'm not anhun��VA Up here! Thank you.
