How to escape from prison (in England)
36 min
•Feb 25, 2026about 2 months agoSummary
The CrimeLess episode chronicles Alfred George Hines, a prolific British prison escapee from the 1960s who became a folk hero by escaping multiple times through ingenuity (key copying, wall climbing) and ultimately winning his freedom through legal strategy—suing the detective who arrested him for libel and forcing him to prove guilt in court.
Insights
- Legal literacy can be more effective than physical escape: Hines taught himself law and used defamation suits to overturn convictions, demonstrating how understanding institutional rules can dismantle them from within.
- Systemic vulnerabilities in 1950s-60s British prisons were exploited repeatedly through the same methods (key copying, bathroom escapes), suggesting institutional failure to implement basic security improvements.
- Reputation and narrative control matter: Hines' media presence and public sympathy as a 'folk hero' created political pressure that ultimately forced the Home Secretary to release him despite legal convictions.
- Rehabilitation vs. punishment: The episode illustrates how harsh institutional treatment (Borstal system, whipping) of troubled youth created career criminals rather than reformed citizens.
- Defamation law asymmetry: England's burden-of-proof structure (defendant must prove truth, not plaintiff prove falsehood) created a legal loophole Hines exploited to win freedom.
Trends
Historical criminal justice system vulnerabilities in institutional security and record-keepingMedia-driven criminal narratives shaping public perception and political outcomesSelf-education and legal literacy as tools for institutional challenge and reformDistinction between criminal behavior and criminal intelligence in public discourseSystemic failures in juvenile justice systems driving recidivism and career criminalityDefamation law as unintended escape mechanism in adversarial legal systemsFolk hero mythology around escape artists reflecting public skepticism of authorityPrison design and security vulnerabilities in mid-20th century correctional facilities
Topics
British Prison Security Vulnerabilities (1950s-1960s)Prison Escape Methods and TechniquesDefamation Law and Burden of ProofSelf-Representation in Legal AppealsJuvenile Justice and Borstal SystemCriminal Rehabilitation vs. PunishmentMedia Influence on Criminal Justice OutcomesLegal Strategy as Escape MechanismKey Copying and Lock ManipulationBritish Legal System and House of Lords AppealsFolk Hero Mythology in CrimeInstitutional Failure and AccountabilitySyphilis and Historical Fashion (Wigs)Recidivism and Career CriminalityPublic Sympathy and Political Pressure
Companies
iHeartRadio
Distribution platform for the CrimeLess podcast and other iHeart productions mentioned throughout.
Smartless Media
Production company credited as co-producer of the CrimeLess podcast.
Campside Media
Production company credited as co-producer of the CrimeLess podcast.
Big Money Players
Production company credited as co-producer of the CrimeLess podcast.
People
Alfred George Hines (Alfie/Houdini Hines)
Main subject: prolific British prison escapee from 1960s who won freedom through legal strategy and libel suit.
Herbert Sparks (Iron Man)
Detective who arrested Hines in 1953; wrote newspaper articles claiming Hines' guilt, leading to libel lawsuit.
Gridley Nichols
Criminal associate who borrowed Hines' car for furniture store robbery, framing Hines for the crime.
Josh Dean
Host and senior writer of the CrimeLess podcast episode.
Rory Scovel
Co-host of the CrimeLess podcast episode.
Tim Robbins
Actor referenced for his role in The Shawshank Redemption prison escape film.
Morgan Freeman
Actor referenced for his role in The Shawshank Redemption and famous quote about freedom.
Frank Abagnale
Real-life con artist who escaped prison by convincing guards he was an undercover FBI agent.
Stephen J. Russell
Con artist who faked a heart attack to escape, later portrayed by Jim Carrey in 'I Love You Philip Morris'.
John Patrick Hannon
Prison escapee from 1955 who holds record for longest time on the run; still at large.
Quotes
"Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright."
Morgan Freeman (Shawshank Redemption reference)
"I'm not going to remain in prison. It would be very hard for me to leave again, but I assure you, I'm going to."
Alfred George Hines (warning to British court)
"Escaping prison wasn't even technically illegal, according to British law at the time."
Josh Dean (describing Hines' legal argument)
"This guy is not a dimwit at all. Brilliant man."
Rory Scovel (on Hines' intelligence)
"The great Houdini Hines final act of escape was legal."
Josh Dean (episode conclusion)
Full Transcript
This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, a.k.a. neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Amanda Knox, and in the new podcast, Doubt, the Case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023. But what if we didn't get the whole story? I've just been made to fit. The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapsed. What if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe? Oh my God, I think she might be innocent. Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you spell syphilis? Hard word to spell. S-Y-Phyllis. campsite media okay rory i've got a great question for you this week all right hit me hit me right right in the ear your balls what's the best way to escape from prison uh i think tim robbins answered that uh You spend a lot of time digging a hole behind a movie poster and eventually go through a sewer system and climb through a pipe of shit and then come out in a creek somewhere. So nice try, Josh. Nice try, but I already got it. What are you digging that hole? A spoon, right? With a spoon. That you've smuggled from the cafeteria? That Matt Morgan Freeman helped get. Sorry, you nailed it. Next question. It's all right there. It's all right there. Actually, I was going to say, how about tricking the prosecution back into court and convincing them to unlock the handcuffs themselves? All right. I didn't know we were doing magic. Here we go. This week, the story of one of the most prolific and creative escape artists of the 20th century, a guy who tried all kinds of things. But in the end, won his freedom by tricking the cops into sabotaging their own case. Wait, is this guy too smart for Crimeless? I guess you'll be the judge. Yeah. This is Crimeless. Welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals. I'm Josh Dean. And I am Rory Scovel. Okay, I got a treat for you this afternoon, Rory. I'm very excited. I'm going to tell you about a guy who became a folk hero in England in the 1960s for breaking out of prison many times. Okay. He spent a total of 841 days on the run, which doesn't even include his juvenile delinquencies. He was basically on the run most of his adult life. Man. What do you imagine that the Master of Escapes would look like? Tough question. I mean, it could be anything, but do you have an image in your mind? I'm picturing Hugh Jackman from The Prestige. Good answer. Good answer. This guy's name is Alfred George Hines. And I use the past tense here because Alfred is no longer with us. When he was alive, he was a pale, balding guy with glasses who liked to wear suits. A 1962 Time magazine article described him as a, quote, peaceable chap, and everyone called him Alfie. All right. Likeability. So he had likeability on his side. He did. And a cute name. You don't hear a lot of Alfie's anymore. You don't. You don't get that a lot. So to really understand this chap, we got a flashback to his childhood. Picture this. East London, 1920s. It's cold. It's dirty. It's probably raining. Everything is gray, even the people. And little Alfie's dad gets arrested for armed robbery. And his sentence, because the 1920s in England were apparently still the medieval times, was 10 lashes of a whip known as the cat of nine tails. Man, this is the 1920s. So Alfie's dad died. It seems from those lashes of the aftermath and little Alfie gets sent to live in the children's home. How old is Alfie? Seven. Okay. And at just seven years old, he makes his first escape from the children's home. Yep. So he's a prodigy. Yep. And nothing new about a child of crime being wildly traumatized by quote unquote justice and leading to a life of crime. this story this story follows a uh a typical script here so far are you saying that if your father had died from being whipped to death that you might have an effect on what what happened the rest of your life i think more than likely yeah i think i'd probably have an issue with authority so sadly the method of this first escape is a mystery his own book just says that he ran away which is probably right because i don't think there's high security in a like a home for seven year old boys because they, you know, assume you maybe would stay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you have nowhere to go. But anyway, he runs away. A few years later, he's arrested for petty theft, shoplifting, basically. He's placed in a British home for troubled teens called a Borstal. A Borstal is apparently a thing established in 1902 as a sort of junior prison, a place for teen criminals to be, quote, trained through hard work and discipline. Sounds fun. Yeah. And to also share with each other their experiences so that everyone can face to face gain more knowledge of how to break the law more effectively or ineffectively i guess if they're all in this prison together yeah because we we know that like what definitely works with troubled teens is putting them in like an austere place and making them work really hard yeah we're surrounded by other troubled teens who are also upset at the exact same thing yeah yep yep great idea guys yeah you're not going to be shocked when i tell you that alfie broke out how do you think he did it this time i mean i i feel like he probably just was like hey i'm gonna go get the mail i don't know i can't stop picturing the movie annie where he just got in the dirty laundry and it was carted out um i mean actually that the truth is i don't know the answer we couldn't find out so we're just going to go with your version oh great everyone picture annie and picture that the whole borstel sang a song before he left so then world war ii breaks out he's drafted into the british army and the escape from that too it seems like his home gets bombed in 1941 also picture everyone that he escaped the army by getting in the dirty laundry and everyone sing a song before that as well they just stop put their guns down and break into a little number he had heard that you know his home had been bombed and he felt like he had to run home and help by deserting apparently again details a little fuzzy this is this is an older story so we weren't quite able to get some of the granular detail of his early years but suffice it to say he's broken out of basically every the army's not a prison i guess it's a kind of prison yep you're not exactly allowed to just quit yep that's right so for the next few years he's pretty much on the lamb. He has a few stints in jail. And then he finally settled down and get married. But then in 1953, his quiet life is disrupted when he's accused of cracking a safe at a furniture store and stealing 38,000 pounds worth of cash and jewelry, which is more than 1.3 million in today's money. Oh, man. Wow. So he was on the up and up and then Annie got married because he stole her heart. Thief through and through. I shouldn't have laughed at that. No, you should have. That was my best joke. It was pretty good. Alfie claims he was framed, though. He says a buddy from his old crime days, a guy named Gridley Nichols, which is awesome. Which we all know is not a real name at all. So Gridley says he can get him a nice rug, which were very pricey at the time and still are. Have you bought a rug lately? Very surprisingly expensive rugs. Look, all I'm going to say is it's no surprise Gridley turned to a life of crime. like obviously zero support from his parents. They're at the hospital. What do you want to name the baby? Gridley. All right. Well, he clearly grew up unloved. I'm Gridley Nichols. You wouldn't believe that name in a musical. I was going to say, it seems like he was like holding a cane, twirling a cane, right? He has an eye patch. I'm Gridley Nichols. Well, the story Alfie said, he says, so Gridley wants to borrow his car to pick the sweet rug up. It was an offer Alfie couldn't refuse, So he lends Gridley his car, but Gridley never comes back with the car or the rug. So Alfie calls the cops. Turns out Gridley and his crew had used the car to rob a furniture store. And Alfie pleads innocent. All the evidence against him is circumstantial. But of course, because of his life of crime, his long rap sheet, he's charged. And after a 30-minute deliberation, a jury declares that Alfie is guilty. Yep. He's deemed a most dangerous criminal, despite never really hurting anyone, and sentenced to 12 years in prison. Man. and not just any prison nottingham prison i don't know anything about nottingham prison but it's it's like a city that's in robin hood i think i think don't mess with the sheriff that's all i know so he's in nottingham um how do you think prison went this time well i assume everyone's in uh tights and uh earth tones and uh constantly having to watch uh bow and arrow competitions from afar. Do you think he sticks around? Of course not. This guy's life of crime, it's less a life of crime and it's more a, honestly, a life of freedom. It just shows the human spirit cannot be contained. As Morgan Freeman said, some birds' feathers are just too bright. Is that an actual quote from... I screwed it up, but yeah. If the listeners are willing to hit pause, go back and rewatch Shawshank right now and then come back and unpause it. You'll know that I'm right. Sometimes it makes me sad, though, and to being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. All right. Wow. Have you seen Shawshank a lot of times I never seen it Okay so Alfie breaks out of course And this time any ideas for how You've already used your laundry basket. Yeah, they know to not do the laundry system. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I'm surprised that anyone breaks out of prison, but yet at the same time, you find it happening more often than you'd ever think. Right. I don't know. back then i feel like it's so lackadaisical like just you know i picture star wars where you just punch someone put on their clothes and walk straight out the front door close um he memorized the shape of the key to the jail's workshop and made his own copy oh my god wow yep and then along with another inmate he used pieces of wood from the workshop to scale two walls then rips through a metal fence and ran good for him uh nottingham police and a german shepherd named frankie gave chase but the dog quickly loses the scent his one job follow the scent quickly loses the scent like he just didn't want to jog yeah because it's not even a hard thing for dogs to do that's like that's what that's all they do you think you'd be excited finally an escapee nope frankie fails so cops question drivers and suspicious cars watch train stations around england but alfie's gone and he's also now a bit of a legend with a nickname houdini hines i like that a lot what would you do if you were locked up and you escape what would you do all i can think about is harrison ford uh quickly shaving his beard and cutting his hair um and then trying to figure out who killed his wife now whether that's happened to me or not i still would probably pursue medical data to prove that i'm innocent i don't know well alfie decides to jaunt around europe and ireland and he eventually lands in dublin and starts a business as a builder decorator so again getting back landing on his feet trying to start over, stay out of trouble. But while he's at large, he also wrote to politicians and newspapers proclaiming his innocence, which is maybe not a great idea if you're trying to stay under the radar. Yeah, especially when you're including the return address on those envelopes. And like eight months later, Scotland Yard finally catches up with him and arrests him. So this time, Alfie goes to a prison in Chelmsford, which is a town in Essex known as the birthplace of radio. um side note i've been there to make radio a podcast i um so this is i was very excited to see that's all i can tell you about it i there was the first i think radio signal was transmitted from there okay um it's in essex it's yeah not notable for for much else do you have a favorite english town no i feel like i haven't explored enough so no can i can i offer you a few actual british town names and you can choose one yes chosen for no specific reason and they are no order but um bitchfield cockermouth nether wallop peniston which is spelled penis stone yeah wet wet wang and titty ho well i what was the second one cockermouth all right what was the one before that bitchfield yeah i'm either gonna go bitchfield or what was the titty one titty-ho two words yeah titty-ho or bitchfield uh just feel like me anyway uh to get back on track chelmsterd is where um huddy hines has been put this time okay but he decides to try a new tactic he sues the prison commissioners claiming they arrested him illegally which was of course just a cover story for his next audacious escape yes so while at the court appearance for his lawsuit some of alfie's buddies sneak him a padlock so rory you're a prisoner in court where you're supposedly suing your captors you're handcuffed and now you have a smuggled padlock in your pocket how are you getting out of this one i mean you're acting you're asking this as though i have years of experience in this I have no idea. I just love the fact that the friends showed up. Hey, here you go. Good buddies. The lesson here is friendship. Hey, we brought you something. Well, like so many great escapes. This one starts in the toilet. Yeah. Alfie tells the guards he has to hit the loo. So they walk him over to the bathroom and unlock his handcuffs. Now there's a couple of different accounts of what happened next, but it seems like Alfie, possibly with the help of his brother, shoves the guards into the bathroom. padlocks the door and runs away that's it that's what happened that's it he lured them to court said he had to use the bathroom shoves it's like a cartoon scene it does seem like this was like he saw this in a marx brothers film and thought this is what i'll do that's it that's these guys know what they're doing it works and he makes it all the way to the airport and he was buckling into his seat on the plane to dublin when the cops found him and arrest him again yeah yeah yeah So now it's back to prison for Alfie again. Yep. What's his next move? That's after the break. In 2023, a story gripped the UK, evoking horror and disbelief. The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history. Everyone thought they knew how it ended. A verdict, a villain, a nurse named Lucy Letby. Lucy Letby has been found guilty. But what if we didn't get the whole story? The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses. I'm Amanda Knox, and in the new podcast, Doubt, the case of Lucy Letby, we follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Letby was. No voicing of any skepticism or doubt. It'll cause so much harm at every single level if the British establishment of this is wrong. Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. China's Ministry of State Security is one of the most mysterious and powerful spy agencies in the world. But in 2017, the FBI got inside. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. This MSS officer has no idea the U.S. government is on to him. But the FBI has his chats, texts, emails, even his personal diary. Hear how they got it on the Sixth Bureau podcast. I now have several terabytes of an MSS officer, no doubt, no question, of his life. And that's a unicorn. No one had ever seen anything like that. It was unbelievable. This is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Eckerd, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. he became the first bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected. The internet turned on him. If I could press a button and rewind it, all I would. But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines. It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you. Please search warrant. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. This season, an epic battle of he said, she said, and the search for accountability in a sea of lies. I have done nothing except get pregnant by the f***ing bachelor! Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpwright became the victim of a random crime. He pulls the gun, tells me to lie down on the ground. He identified Jermaine Hudson as the perpetrator. Jermaine was sentenced to 99 years. I'm like, Lord, this can't be real. I thought it was a mistaken identity. The best lie is partial truth. For 22 years, only two people knew the truth. Until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Crimeless. So before the break, we learned that Alfie was back behind bars, and I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat because you can't possibly imagine what this unpredictable man is going to do next. Yeah. I mean, he basically seems like Leo from Catch Me If You Can. That's the vibe I'm getting. This guy's just, he knows what he's doing. He can't be contained. Yeah. So cops arrest him again. And he escapes again. And yet again, he busted out by making a copy of the key. I feel like they got to fix this loophole. Yeah. Like, oh, Jesus, it was the fucking key again. This guy's really good at keys. This time, the key is for the prison bathhouse. Alfie and a fellow inmate climb over the prison's 30-foot wall and ran to a getaway car waiting for them. This is all seeming way too easy. What's wrong with England's prisons? It seems cartoonish. I think you said that earlier. And every time I'm picturing sort of an animated escape. Yeah, like a little British man wearing, I don't know, like knickers and like a top hat, just like scramble over the wall. Yes, 30 feet. And also you're saying 30 feet, like it's just no issue. Just like, and we just Spider-Man'd it right up the wall. And the main source for a lot of this information is Alfie. So we can probably assume that some bit of exaggeration has been applied to his own legend. But I prefer it this way. No, I think you're right. So assuming that Alfie's going to flee across the border to Ireland because that's where he's gone before, the cops are monitoring routes from England. But they don't do a very good job because Alfie makes it, this time to Belfast, where he assumes the identity of a used car dealer named William Herbert Bishop, which is, yeah, actually a much less colorful name than his real name, which I guess is not a bad tactic. Like, don't pick a ridiculous name. I gotta say, like, I'm blown away by Alfie's ability to be a criminal, go to jail, escape, sometimes start his own business, get arrested, go to jail, escape, and still manage to gain employment across a number of fields, you know? He's like, I'll just sell used cars. Like, it's nothing to him. yeah most criminals like just return to the life of crime he's just like no i'm gonna start a new new career now yeah he literally has the most impressive resume that lives on both sides of the law well it's not gonna shock you to learn that some of the used cars he sold were a little bit shady perhaps and so alfie gets caught yet again when he's pulled over by cops in an unregistered car that turned out to be stolen god it's like he's so good at getting caught and he's so good at getting away, if he could just tip the scales, he could have some consistency in his life. Like sell used cars that are actually just used not stolen Yeah Yeah Or just be better at not getting caught And then you don have to be good at escaping It almost like he wants to get caught Maybe he did. I think you're right. So, you know, he's just going to bust out of the Irish jail too. This time he opts for the most direct route. He smashes a window, but cuts himself so badly that he passes out before he can get away. Oh, Alfie. So escape for a very short amount of time, then passes out in his own blood and is caught. So this time they ship him back to England to get another prison. What do you think happens next? I mean, just given the pattern here, he escapes. But I have no idea how. I'm shocked that any of these methods have worked ever the whole time. Actually, Alfie taught himself the law. Exactly. Exactly. Actually, he learned how to represent himself. And now he's a full-fledged lawyer. You're not far off. Come on. So Alfie, first he sells his story to a British tabloid for a small fortune because, of course, like what a story. Then he hunkers down in his cell and he studies the British legal system. He recruits the help of his common law wife who spent hours reading dusty old legal books in the British Museum. This is an amazing montage, by the way, in the movie. Also an amazing partner. She stuck with him this whole time. Get out of town. Yeah. What a lady. Eventually, when he felt like he had this shit down, he files an appeal of his conviction. And for two years, Alfie fights in court representing himself. One of his most convincing arguments was the fact that escaping prison wasn't even technically illegal, according to British law at the time. So maybe some of those convictions are a little bit shaky. During one appearance in 1960, he spends three hours stating his case in front of the House of Lords, that House of Parliament where everyone wears those big wigs. Yeah. It's also the country's highest court of appeal. Actually, I want to pause on the wigs for a second. They're ridiculous. And they're still required at all criminal trials in England, which is amazing. Yes. It turns out the tradition started in the 1600s after a syphilis outbreak. What do you think the correlation is between syphilis and whiz? I mean, was hair just falling out and people were like, we still need to, I want people to think I have hair. I can't. You're right. You're exactly right. You're exactly right. One of the symptoms of syphilis is hair loss, which you obviously knew for some reason. Weird. Oh, it's the only Google thing I have up on my screen right now. symptoms of syphilis yeah i i was like just in case this ever comes up be ready so yeah it's syphilis causes hair loss wigs become fashionable to hide baldness as well as lice because that was also a problem back then the trend spread to courts and eventually it became policy that lawyers and judges had to wear wigs in order to work in a court over years members have complained that wigs are old-fashioned or itchy or both but the house of lords where alfie was appealing his conviction upheld this tradition for centuries until covid again covid strikes again under covid they had to hire some temporary clerks and they didn't want to spend the money on temporary wigs so hundreds of years of sacred tradition is just suspended not because the wigs oh it's only suspended they didn't just stop they didn't stop doing it all together just suspended but not because they're outdated or smelled bad or itchy it's because the house of lords are cheap yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't worry. Wigs are back. They're still worn in criminal proceedings. Anyway, with Alfie, his 13th appeal is dismissed yet again by the venerable and itchy House of Lords in 1962. Everyone in England assumed this meant it was time for Alfie to escape again because, like, the lawyering thing just isn't working out. Right? He tried. He, like, taught himself the law. Yeah. And I like that he took the M.C. Escher approach. Like, hey, escaping isn't even illegal. they were like ah he the one loophole that's the easiest to close he figured it out yeah i think it only got some charges reduced unfortunately there was like the stolen cars and all the other stuff so he failed so yeah yeah yeah and he did seem to have something planned guards found that he'd messed with his cell door so they'd opened and closed when he wanted it to he even warned the head of the british court saying quote i'm not going to remain in prison it would be very hard for me to leave again, but I assure you, I'm going to. Then before he could bust out, he got a little sidetracked. The detective who had arrested him back in 1953, a guy named Herbert Sparks, who again, not a real name, not a real name. Even better when I tell you that he had given or more likely given himself the nickname Iron Man. I mean, he definitely made that up. Yeah, that's and also the audacity to go out to the guys to go to the tavern and go, hey, you know, instead of calling me Herbert, let's try Iron Man tonight. kind of throw Iron Man around the table a little bit. And his friends are like, I mean, okay, it just, it seems desperate. So Iron Man writes two newspaper articles claiming that Alfie's appeals are ludicrous because he absolutely, definitely, 100% robbed that furniture store. Which brings me to a new segment called Crimeless Law School. Oh. That's right. By the end of this episode, you're going to be ready to take the bar in England. And Tiddy Ho. Yes, you're listening to Crimeless Law School. So England has famously strict defamation laws. It's way easier to sue someone for writing something bad about you than it is here in the U.S. And in England, the burden of proof is on the defendant. Okay. Which is kind of a little bit confusing. So we could do an example. You can make up a mean lie about me. Josh often upper decks the toilets of his closest friends. Oh, sorry. Was that a little too abstract? no no we'll take it it works so you've just made up this horrible offensive lie so so you assume go ahead yeah so and i'm gonna sue you if i sue you in the uk you have to prove that your lie is true or i win so tough one right not not easy whereas if i see you in the u.s i have to prove that you were lying and you lied intentionally okay and you could say you know in u.s court you could say like well i heard that from a guy you know and i'd seen that guy was a reliable source and I truly believe that it was true in England, you have to prove that your lie is true. You have to prove it. In the other case, I have to prove it. So anyway, now that you're basically a lawyer in Tiddy Ho, you'll understand Alfie's next move here. He sues Iron Man for libel. Yes. Which forces him to prove in court that Alfie really did rob that furniture store. But the evidence was all circumstantial. So Iron Man can't do that. Yeah. He can't convince the jury that Alfie is guilty. Houdini Hyde wins the lawsuit, which is about 400 grand in today's money. nice little pickup for him wow and even better he's now been essentially ruled not guilty by a jury yeah this is some serious 7d chess i mean the question you asked at the beginning of this uh or the curious statement you made is i don't know if this guy qualifies for crimeless uh we now know does not um that was that this guy's a genius i agree he's a genius however i think the the crimelessness moniker goes to the law. It goes to all the people in charge of keeping this guy in jail. Yeah. It's like in the cartoon, the big fat, he's like all the prison guards who are asleep, right? Yeah. Bunch of boobs, buffoons. And then Iron Man, who's like, I got you. I'm going to write a piece of the newspaper. I've always wanted to be a journalist and that will be my ultimate downfall. oh man so so now the home secretary which is the head of the home office the uk government body in charge of security like keeping it safe from crime um decides that alfie should be released from prison like what else are they going to do so after losing 13 appeals of his robbery he's finally free and he got his freedom by suing the guy who put him there in the first place perfect closure perfect closure this just wrapped this narrative up with a bow and he learned the law He bettered himself. He got a little bit of scratch as he left. Now, here's an interesting little PS. He would have gotten out of jail 73 days later anyway. And his conviction was never actually appealed. So he's still technically guilty in the eyes of the law. But who cares? He's a free man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The great Houdini Hines final act of escape was legal. And he did say, I will get out. I will escape again. And he was right. He was right. Yeah. According to his New York Times obituary, Alfie later went on the speaker circuit giving talks, quote, arguing for a more intelligent police force. To your point. Interesting. He also joined Mensa. I mean, I don't know what else you do. You've done everything else. You're going to want to join Mensa. So would you like to change your answer now? Has the story of Houdini Hines made you rethink at all your strategy for breaking out of prison? I mean, a part of me wonders if I could just legally ask to leave and they might go. Ah. This guy's done his homework. If anyone asks to get to leave, we have to let him do it. I mean, I think there's a big asterisk on this episode because this guy is not a dimwit at all. Brilliant man. Maybe a special canon of the Crimeless Hall of Fame, most of whom will be idiots, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this guy, not an idiot. Well, we do have to have somebody in first place. And so right now it's Alfie. Let's see if anyone can dethrone Alfie in terms of not being smart enough to stop going to jail, but smart enough to know how to get out once you're there. All right. Number one spot has been claimed. It's your turn, Florida. Yeah. In 2023, a story gripped the UK, evoking horror and disbelief. The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history. Everyone thought they knew how it ended. A verdict, a villain, a nurse named Lucy Lepi. Lucy Letby has been found guilty. But what if we didn't get the whole story? The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses. I'm Amanda Knox, and in the new podcast Doubt, the case of Lucy Letby, we follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Letby was. No voicing of any skepticism or doubt. It'll cause so much harm at every single level if the British establishment of this is wrong. Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. China's Ministry of State Security is one of the most mysterious and powerful spy agencies in the world. But in 2017, the FBI got inside. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. This MSS officer has no idea the U.S. government is on to him. But the FBI has his chats, texts, emails, even his personal diary. Hear how they got it on the Sixth Bureau podcast. I now have several terabytes of an MSS officer, no doubt, no question, of his life. And that's a unicorn. No one had ever seen anything like that. It was unbelievable. This is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. He pulls the gun, tells me to lie down on the ground. He identified Jermaine Hudson as the perpetrator. Jermaine was sentenced to 99 years. I like Lord this can be real I thought it was a mistaken identity The best lie is partial truth For 22 years only two people knew the truth Until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Clayton Eckerd, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor. Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected. The internet turned on him. If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would. But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines. It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract. Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you. Please search for it. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. This season, an epic battle of he said, she said, and the search for accountability in a sea of lies. I have done nothing except get pregnant by the f***ing bachelor! Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, it's time for our final segment. And this week, Lane, what is our final segment? We have real or fake prison breaks. I'll tell you about an escape and you got to tell me if it's real or fake. Yes. As fake as in made up or from a movie or fake as in from a movie. Okay. Fake as in from my mind. Fake as in things I want to try. All right. So we're doing real, either real escape in real life or from a movie or TV show. Okay. Correct. All right. All right. You ready? This con artist was already on the run when he faked a heart attack, was brought to a hospital and then called the hospital pretending to be the FBI and told them that he could be released. Rory, you go first. Real. I'm also gonna go real. That is right. That is Stephen J. Russell, who you might know because Jim Carrey played him in the film I Love You Philip Morris. This was one of his many escapes from the authorities. Wait, so both answers would have been true in that case, right? I mean, it is real, but it was also a real movie. Oh, Josh! A real movie. Look at that. Loophole. Mr. Loophole right here. I studied the law and I know the rules of this game. It was such a real escape. They decided to do a fake version in a movie. This woman escaped through a hole in a fence during a prison riot. Well, Josh, you're up first this time. It feels like it had to have happened. That's gotta be real. It does feel like that is real. It's fake. This was Mei Chang in Orange is the New Black. Apparently in the show, police found her sleeping in a dead deer. Oh, so she went full Star Wars. This man escaped prison by knotting sheets together and using them to climb over the prison wall. I mean, that's probably both, right? I mean, you've definitely seen that in a movie, but I gotta assume art imitates life. Isn't that Rapunzel? that's hair Josh that's hair oh okay I'm gonna go yeah I feel like this is definitely real this is real this was John Patrick Hannon who still is at large today uh he holds the record for longest time on the run after prison break what year was that break December 1955 I mean at what point do you just go all right you got us we're gonna stop looking have fun out there yeah you know what you did it good for you uh maybe he's a maybe he's a fan of the show and that brings us to the first crimeless presents challenge can you find listeners can you find what's his name john patrick hannon he's like god damn it the podcast if you can find 93 year old john patrick hannon he escaped in britain so yeah geez england's just not doing so good with Well, they stopped doing the top sheet for sure. They're like, all right, fitted only. We screwed up. All right, next. This man spent months growing a beard, then shaved it off, slicked back his hair, put on a prison guard outfit, and walked right out of prison. Real or fake? What? It's got to be real. I'm going to go real. It's fake. This is the show White Collar, starring Matt Bomber? Boomer? Bomber? never seen it bummer uh no idea how he got the guard uniform uh but that's good storytelling you could have told us how he got it i like that he grew a beard and then shaved it off of that fool people yeah like and everybody was like you look like that one guy before he grew a beard crazy that's my cousin yeah also a beard you know full beard maybe takes a month at its slowest? You look like Jeremy from 30 days ago. All right. After rampaging his hometown, this infamous fighter was locked up in a super maximum security prison and picked a lock with a feather. The feather? That sounds fake. I'm going fake also. This is fake. This is a leopard played by Ian McShane in the 2008 hit film Kung Fu Panda. Yes. Not even live action Good Thank god we got that right That could have been bad Rory Josh that was a cartoon It was Kung Fu Panda They grew wings because they made a wish And flew over the wall Real Alright This lovable con artist Convinced guards that he was an undercover agent Who'd been placed there to review the prison It worked and he was allowed To walk out that's real, I think. I think that's real, too. It is. It's Frank Abagnale. There you go. He even got a fake business card to show the guards he was FBI. There to review the prison. Is there any space Yelp won't go? You know what I mean? Also, though, how dumb are those guards? You'd think that's the thing they would check with the warden. They'd be like, that guy's saying that he's here undercover. Everybody look sharp. We're getting reviewed today. by a guy who looks just like Frank without a beard. His hair's slicked back. And he's got really good-looking hair. It's going to be so much harder to escape from prison after this episode. We're giving away all the tricks. Yeah, these are a lot of good moves. England, you could just walk right out. Still fine. Totally fine. All right, this is the last one. You guys have a chance to redeem yourself. Okay. This man, while incarcerated, was taken to a bar by a prison guard, got drunk and while the guard wasn't looking he ran across the street and robbed a bank it sounds like alfie it sounds so outlandish that you want us to say fake but i'm gonna go real i also think it's real yeah it is real that's robert walters he was on a re-socialization break from prison uh i guess that's a thing in canada when he robbed that bank but he was immediately caught taken back to prison and then charged with bank robbery. So he was free only long enough to rob a bank. He was only re-socialized enough to be like, oh, I remember how to drink at a bar, but I don't remember what not to do after. Crime is good. Drinking is yummy. Crime is delicious. Oh my god, he had a brief moment of freedom. Alright, well, we'll have to total them up later. we all won we're all winners here yeah sure we're all winners just through the art of education you walk away learning something you can't lose alright see y'all next week Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts it's hosted by Rory Scovel and me, Josh Dean our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. This episode was written by Emma Siminoff and me, Josh Dean. We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan Lightroom Ewan. Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Scherr, and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O'Brien, Lindsey Hoffman, and Matt Abadaka. For Smartless Media, The executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminsky is head of production. The associate producer is Maddie McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment, or confession for the Crimeless team? Email us at crimeless at campsidemedia.com. And if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean. In which case, keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week, Crimeless Nation. What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, a.k.a. neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Amanda Knox, and in the new podcast Doubt, the case of Lucy Letby we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023 but what if we didn't get the whole story I've just been made to fit the moment you look at the whole picture the case collapsed what if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe oh my god, I think she might be innocent listen to Doubt, the case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of Guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.