Teddi Mellencamp: How to Stay Strong, Positive & Courageous During Bad Breaks + Defy the Odds in Your Life! (Pt 1)

I looked at my dad and all my friends and I'm like, I cannot stay in here another day. I can't live like this anymore. I am so miserable. I feel like everybody would be better without me. How has your dad shown up for you? Oh, he has been beyond the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad, not only for financial reasons. He has stepped in. He's helped me have a nurse. He calls me every single day. He makes sure that I'm okay. Was he an involved dad like that growing up? No. He was always 100% there if I needed him, but I think that was the quote, if I needed him. If I asked him, he was always there. Now he's there whether I ask or I don't ask. Do you feel closer to him now than ever? How do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in a season of setbacks and when it feels like one bad break after another? How do you hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug being pulled out from underneath you or feeling blindsided or receiving horrible news that you never saw coming? How do you reconcile your faith and your spirituality when it makes no sense why God would allow something so awful to be happening? Our incredible guest today, Teddy Mellenkamp, is a television personality who rose to fame on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She's also the co-host of the wildly popular podcast called Two Tees in a Pod, daughter of musician John Mellenkamp, a mom to her beloved little ones, Slate, Cruz, and Dove. She's also the stepmother to Isabella, and I'm so grateful to call her friend. As her impact in following continues to explode, she's also going through the unimaginable and the fight of her life in this very moment right now. Teddy was recently diagnosed with stage four melanoma, which she shared has metastasized to her brain and lungs. And today's episode of the podcast is unlike any before. So get your tissues out and get ready to feel overwhelming gratitude and perspective for the blessings in your life right now that can be so easy for us to take for granted when we have them. And of course we have a little fun too and get the inside scoop on what really happens behind the scenes of your favorite reality TV shows and so much more. I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to and then you filed for divorce and then you got cancer so then everything went on hold. I don't hate Edwin. Like Edwin will always be my friend. I think it shows by he was the person that I called to take me to the hospital. If he wanted to, he could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now. But like my dad and family just said like I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able to try to navigate right now or figure out. I wish when I did have stage two, I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed. Because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and the this and the that. We're like I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie. You know like I wanted just someone to collapse with me for a little bit. Not fix me. Once you do that, once you take the care out. It's really hard to make it. Mmm. It's really hard to make it. And I'm lucky to this day. Like I mean we're staying in the house together. Some weeks he'll stay at our other house but like this week I told him I'm really sick and he's like staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now. Like you can live in the same house. We can live in the same house. I would be fine with him dating. You know like I, he's being he he's yeah I would be. Is he fine with you dating? I don't know. I talked to my therapist about it. I'm like if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take me out she's like you should go. She's like anything that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do do it. She's like it could even be it it could be a date with if he asked you on a date and you wanted to go. Nobody's setting any rules for you. I just want him to be happy and I want our kids to be happy and I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But I don't know that I need to like I kind of I kind of know how our marriage works. And do you think it could change? The doctors checked and they're like no your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized and you have nine tumors in your brain and you have two tumors in your lung. It immediately became surgery. Never would have I guessed that my cancer had metastasized and no doctors had said anything to me about it. I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger. Why did this happen to me? So I have to keep fighting. It's okay to feel sad. A lot of people feel sad and it doesn't have to mean that you're going to die. And this is a struggle and I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time. I can't live my life so afraid that I'm going to die that I don't live at all. What is the prognosis right now that doctors say? I would say probably 50-50. But like I truly believe this when I say this and it's going to make me emotional. I truly believe that I'm going to live. I need to believe it. Because if not it's just too sad. I have to bethiskththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththththth podcast episode today. It's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know who might need some inspiration today or perhaps a boost in their self belief because what you're about to hear can truly impact mine, yours and their lives too. Welcome to Jamie Kern Lehmann show. Oprah, how have you defied the odds? Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow. Melinda French Gates. When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her. I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lehmann show. Jamie Kern Lehmann's her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lehmann in their life. Jamie Kern Lehmann. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lehmann. Teddy Melanchem. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lehmann show. Thank you so much for having me. I mean, even your intro made me emotional because I feel like so many of these things have happened and you've been there. Like I've known you throughout. You know, it's been over six years now. And so when I had baby Dove, I can still remember the flowers that you sent. I can still remember, you know, knowing that when we started reaching out by this pod that you would understand when I said, I got a new phone number and I didn't even give anybody it. I just call the old one my tumor phone and I wanted to be rid of it. And when the right people needed me, they would find me. Yeah. Well, thank you for being here and thank you for everything you're doing. Oh my goodness. I mentioned to you when we're walking in that the first time I ever saw you post a picture right behind your shoulder when you had stage one skin cancer, I went and got checked. And I'm just thinking about the number of people you're impacting right now through you sharing parts of your story. Millions of people are going through this journey with you. Yeah. I mean, I think it's so important. I mean, I always was one of those people that was like, well, if it's not hurting, it's not bothering me. So when it came to the melanoma is on my shoulder, I went through that process for about three years. And I had, I think, over 17 removed. But the highest stage I ever had on my arm was stage two. And I had massive surgeries. And then I kind of thought once I went in for my three month checkup, I was done. And then nobody suggested anything else. So I just went along my life thinking that I was healed. And then for about, I was doing the podcast. I was actually working the Super Bowl. And I just started feeling really like I had the worst headaches. I was riding horses. I was doing all the things that I had always been doing. But my headaches had started taking over my life. Like I was like, gosh, am I having migraines? What are these? And I was like, I'm having migraine medication. All it would do is make me anxious. I couldn't figure out what it was. And I was working the Super Bowl. And I looked at Tamara, who's one of my co-hosts. And I said, I need to do the morning shift because I need to leave. And she's like, what do you mean? You've never called in sick a day of your life. And I'm like, I can't remember what I'm talking about. And she's like, what? And I'm like, or if I just get silent, you have to fill in for me because I cannot remember. You can't remember what company we're here for. And I was like, no. So I flew home the next day. I told my ex-husband. I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to. And then you filed for divorce. And then you got cancer. So then everything went on hold. I don't know what it's called. But I called Edwin. And I said, I'm at the house. I just got back from the Super Bowl. And I can't see. And I can't talk. Please come take me to the hospital. And that's when I went in. And immediately, as soon as they saw me, everybody had kind of thought brain aneurysm. They're like, why would something happen so quickly? But then the doctors checked. And they're like, no, your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized. And you have nine tumors in your brain. And you have two tumors in your lung. It immediately became surgery. And it was so beyond me that I had zero idea that this is what was going on with me. You know, like some different things that happened in my life. And I started feeling a different way. But never would have I guessed that my cancer had metastasized. And no doctors had said anything to me about it. Now I do the research. And I'm like, oh, wow, that's actually pretty common that that could happen. I mean, not for it to turn into stage four that quickly. But it's one of those things. It's a big learning process. And I've obsessively talked to you about this. Guys, not only should you get checked, everything checked, you also need to get life insurance. Because I waited only till the first spot on my arm came. And I was rejected. So you can get life insurance at any time. You can get it as a kid. You can get it as an adult. You can get it at any point in your life that something major has happened. Just think life insurance. Oh, just getting married. Oh, we should get life insurance. Because waiting, now I don't have that to fall back on with my family. And that's a scary feeling. When I know that had I done something like that, that's so simple. I mean, there's a million companies that do it. Why didn't, you know, why I thought I could wait till I was older? This was a reminder. Teddy, mid-40s, you're old. Go get checked. So many people. I already know beyond me have gotten checked because of your story. I know a lot of people have been praying for you. Thank you. Just for years, through this whole journey. And where are you at now with everything? I would say when it comes to my relationship with God, I have days. You know, like I speak to a therapist. And then I also, I don't go publicly to church right now, but I have somebody who is pastor and speaks to me and takes the time to kind of, you know, talk about the positivity and believing that I no longer have cancer and that God wants me to heal. So I mean, I have a lot of positivity when it comes to that. But I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger. Why did this happen to me? I was, you know, like in my mind, I was so healthy. I was taking care of myself. I have, you know, all these amazing kids. I play sports. Once I found out that I had skin cancer from the sun, I stayed out of the sun. Like, why me? What, you know? And so I think it ebbs and flows. And I think that that's how my life goes. And I think when I first came out of this journey, I felt better than I do now. Because I thought it was going to go right away. You thought what? I thought it was going to go right away. Like I thought that after I had my surgeries from my brain tumors, that then I was going to go in for that first scan and they were going to say, the rest of the tumors are gone, you're healed. And then they didn't. And then they said you'll probably be in immunotherapy for another two years. So in those moments, you know, there are some times that I'm like, I need to be so happy because I remember when they told me my chances of living. But I just brushed right over those and went right on over to I'm healing, so how long until I heal? How long time back to me? And nobody knows. Right now, how much of your energy goes to fear and how much of it goes to full belief? I would say a lot of my energy, it's goes to belief, goes to belief mainly because then I have to thank a lot of people on social media, mainly because the amount of people that have reached out and said I got checked or my mom had this or, you know, whatever it may be, just those little bit of contacts or even my friends, they've given me that belief that no matter how many, maybe not so great things that I've done, this is one of the great ones, you know, like this is helping somebody get fixed or this is helping somebody know that it didn't happen only to them or it's okay to feel lonely or it's okay to feel sad. The anger mainly comes, I mean, I kind of know it to a T. It's like the morning I wake up and that's when I'm used to hopping right up, getting my kids ready for school, working out, following my routine. I have no routine anymore. And I think that was a big wake up call that like, life isn't perfect. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to show up. And if you show up and you do what's gonna make you feel good enough, most days I end up feeling great. But if I just stay there in that moment, it'll be a terrible day. But I can control that. I may still feel sick or may have stomach ache or be bummed that I have to miss something that one of my kids is doing. But I'm in control of something, maybe not healing, but how I show up for myself. What is the prognosis right now that doctors say? I would say probably 50-50. But like, I truly believe this when I say this and it's gonna make me emotional. I truly believe that I'm gonna live. I think that I'm gonna have like some rough years, truthfully, I think I'm gonna have some lonely years. Cause not many people know how to talk to somebody who have stage 4 cancer. I mean, you see in their eyes, they know, but I've been very open with my kids, my loved ones and my friends. And I would say everybody kind of handles it differently. But I'm, I've been pretty steady in the fact of like, I want the sadness to go away, but I know I'm going to live. So I have to keep fighting. And I have one woman who reached out to me and said, I had what you had, but I didn't leave my room for six years. And just hearing her say that gave me so much strength. Like I can leave my room. I can do this. And it's okay to feel sad. A lot of people feel sad and it doesn't have to mean that you're gonna die. And this is a struggle and I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time and showing up for the people that I love so they know, but it's taught me to be very open. Like I'm very open with my kids about like, it's just going to be one of those days today, guys. I love you so much. But if I only swim for 10 minutes and then I seem like I'm tired, please don't take it personally. I just, I don't feel my best, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world. How has this impacted your kids? Every one of the kids, it's kind of different. Slate, the 12 year old. She is kind of my, probably like my mini me in the way that like everything's just so and here we go. And this is our plan and we're sticking to the plan and you know, so I definitely created some of those things in her. I'm like, gosh, that's going to cause you some trouble later in life, but she's very much, you know, the second that she could tell I'm thirsty. Like she's there with like the PD light. The doctor let like told her one time to give me. So now it's like still to this day. She's like PD light stocked and then Cruz who before was my most timid of children, like he'd have the most fear or he had, you know, didn't like sleeping in his own bed. Like he was kind of the one that had the most worries. He stood up and he is, I mean, like he went to his first camp this year. He's doing all these things that he would not. He did like a sleepover birthday at like a theme park, you know, like all these things that he would normally say no to he's saying yes to and he's like, mom, I just really want to live a good life. Wow. And I want you to know that like I'm the man of the house. I know that not the sweetest. He's only 10 and then devil do just about anything to make you laugh. I don't know if she really knows what's going on, but she said she wants another haircut and she'd like it bald and I was like, let's let's go with a Bob. What do you think the three of them would say or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is? I think they'd say we need to pause for a super brief break and while we do take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more enough more connected and more worthy. 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Jamie's book worthy is a must read it is going to inspire you empower you give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve. Jamie's book worthy is incredible. The gifts are going away but they're all free right now on worthy book dot com now more of this incredible conversation together. What do you think the 3 of them would say or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is. I think they'd say I was a fighter. I think they'd say that when they look back at their mom or when they look at their mom their mom's a good mom. She's fine. She has amazing friends good family. I may not have a huge circle but who's in my circle. We all live or die for and I think that that's very true. Like I think my kids see that and I think it gives them so much strength and about who they want to be the kind of people they want to be. You know it's not about knowing thousands and thousands of people. It's about the 20 that you that you really love with your friends and your circle have friends. Can you talk about what they mean to you how they've supported you and also as a friend because to your point earlier a lot of people are like I don't know what to do. Yeah and then they don't know what to do and so for everyone listening how do they best support a friend going through something really hard. Well I would say the first thing is and I don't love to say don't at the beginning of a sentence but try not to ask a million questions of your friend if she's feeling sick for me. I always respond best to hey I'm here for you. I love you if you need anything let me know that's just like the basis of like just if your first time just reaching out to somebody who's not feeling well. Yeah that relieves the pressure feeling like I need to respond and how I need to respond or how I need to show up for this person because all of a sudden I've created this thing in my head that this person is expecting of me which is not the truth but it's what I've decided. So I would say that that's the first thing but I had about 15 friends that came into the hospital with me because I had to be for 19 days I was in the ICU and so it had to rotate between family and you know because I mean asking somebody to be there that many days would have been a lot so my friends rotated in and out and I had to I didn't even have to do it they just learn to do it not take things personally when you're struggling and you're in the hospital. And you don't understand like I didn't even know I was there. I didn't know when I could leave. I didn't know what day it was every day somebody would come in and ask me the date and I wouldn't know it. I wouldn't even know the year and then I would get so mad that I then started trying to lie about it. I'd write it down as soon as they tell me and then I put on the side of my bed and then the next day I think I was some kind of genius and I could read it from there not thinking I needed to add a day. But they all said you know we we can't take things personally you're going through so much that like we just need to love you and I can say that after this process I mean there's so many things that I feel like I've done I could have done differently but more than anything I feel like a softer person I feel like I have more love in my heart. I feel like I have more empathy for my friends. And my kids and my family. And I think that's because of them because they supported me at my worst. And you said also when like it's so helpful if someone sends you a text to say no need to reply. No need to reply because there is this there's something in this world that we live in now especially now that it's even on social media like somebody will be like did you see the post that I did. No I didn't see you're sorry I didn't see the post but even that I'll be like yes I'm just scrolling Instagram constantly looking for people's posts to like and yes there are different stages in our life or maybe we are like that and I'm not shaming anyone but like when we say it like that it's like you've let me down by not saying my post like did you see my daughter's birthday post. No and then there's a part of me that wants to have the anger and be like I didn't even know when my daughter's birthday was so now. So I have to then be like. Take a deep breath. I didn't can you text me a picture of it. I would love to see it and then you know show that show that level but it kind of if somebody just says like I'm here love you if you need me I'm more inclined to be like hey I heard it was you know daughter's birthday I'd love to talk to you do you want to meet for coffee you know like all those I'm more inclined to want to make an effort than when people expect it. Yeah and I think it's beautiful what you shared it's going to actually be helpful for so many people because when you're going through something oh my gosh and I think a lot of people don't realize that they just reach out and say how are you what's what's the latest news what's it they've now of course they're doing it because they care but they've now created work for you. Yeah they've now created a to-do list for you and I think that's a powerful takeaway of just and sending a text checking in and saying no need to reply no need to because it's just like okay like it's you know what I mean and then I may find three months later like oh no I really want to talk to is this person yeah and then I'll go back and I'll see that there was a text message yeah and then I feel that same feeling that they were hoping I was going to feel three months ago it doesn't disappear yes yes it just goes wow they were there for me then yeah I didn't even know it. Yeah I love this conversation because it's a it's a hard conversation the sense of that some people just don't know what to do and then a lot of times you know when someone's going through something hard they also you said earlier I can see in someone's eyes when they don't know how to respond to that they're maybe talking to someone with stage 4 cancer yeah they don't know what to do or what to say or how to and then a lot of people when they feel that way they just they kind of turtle or they don't. They turtle or they may they look at you with sadness and then all of a sudden I'm like. Well no like we're beating this you know like but there's there's been so many incredible stories of just strangers that I have met who shared information I mean there was one gentleman I was sitting with my daughter. She read sources I don't know him at all and when I met him I had my riding helmet on so you get you were like fake hair yeah and so like I had my hair on my I'm sitting with my daughter and he said something along the lines like oh my daughter's really put me through it these days and I'm like oh I'm so sorry why he's like I'm like what do you think it is teenage years, you know something and he's like her mom passed. And I was like I'm so sorry and then time passed throughout the day I went and changed I came back I was bald. And he said I didn't know earlier when I told you that that that this could have affected you and what I said and I said it affected me in a good way that you felt comfortable enough to say it that it wasn't so shameful and I said do you mind me asking how. And he said through cancer. And he goes the fact that you can even talk about it. It's going to do a lot for you because it's so much there's so much that we hide when we're not perfect. Yes, even when it comes to health there's so much but if you can just let it out or you can let somebody else know even if you don't know them what's the story. I can't live my life so afraid. That I'm going to die that I don't live at all. You talked earlier to about you know. I guess perfection and control and and and you know one of the things that that I've always known or I should say admire to celebrate it is you know I love a strong woman and you know and I remember when we first met many years ago and you're building all in and and and I remember when we just met many years ago and you're building all in and and I used to admire you know your ability to have accountability because I'm like trying to get on a treadmill like twice a week and I'm like trying to get do my morning walk and I have to really tell myself like I get to I don't have to I get to go walk and and I know you've talked about and accountability and and control and you're morning routine and your schedule and discipline and perfection and your body and all of those things so how has who you are and your nature and your personality and the things you prioritize how those if they have shifted through this. I would say that sometimes I've picked up swimming I've learned other things that I love to do that I can do I swim almost every day not like competitive swimming but I love being in the water I can move my body I can get my heart rate up a little bit but just really finding things that I love but I would say that's that's one of the positives is is figuring out what I love. But I would say at the beginning I mean it was extremely hard like I was one of those and and I still I believe in all and and I believe in our company and it's holding yourself accountable to things in your life that you want to change and I think for so many years I needed that accountability maybe to even get me to where I am today. Maybe it's not the same things maybe it's not I don't need to be held accountable to walk on the treadmill but I do need to be held accountable to show up for myself to do these things to know that I'm I'm worth it and maybe it's not on the time schedule that I wanted but I remember when I first got out of the hospital. They checked me into like a different facility for a week where it helps you like a mercer self back into real life because they're scared you're going to just like it's just going to be too overwhelming. Yeah. And it was the first time I'd like really seen myself in a mirror and I was so like amitiated and skinny and like I didn't have a muscle on me. And I was like what is happening like what is happening and then not a week later I'm not kidding I had gained 25 pounds because they put me on all the steroids. So all of a sudden now mad because I'm on the steroids because I'm like right like super amped up all the time now I'm gaining weight now I can't work out. I'm so I went from 2 emotions like where did all my muscles go I've worked so hard to be fit. And now I look sickly to okay now I'm jacked up uncomfortable still can't work out and so I just had to finally say you gonna have to let this all go you're gonna have to let this physical part go. And that has been a lifelong struggle because at the end of the day if my mental isn't there I can't do any of it. So yeah maybe some days it's going on a little walk maybe it's 10 minutes the other and I start just trusting people's opinions you know like something small like somebody goes to me do you like the color red. And I go actually know it's my least favorite color she goes once a week we wear red on your walk I have a feeling like sure and I mean I've been doing it who knows if it's doing anything but it gives me that little feeling whenever I put on my red workout outfit. I got this 15 minutes remember when that lady told me about the red you know like it's a little things. How has your dad shown up for you. Oh he has been beyond I mean it's really. And I don't know a better way to say this. But the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad not only for financial reasons when it comes I used to take such pride and saying I've done all of this on my own when it came to my life like my work buying a home all that stuff you know now it's like no with all of these medical treatments and everything like he has stepped in he's helped me have a nurse he's helped he calls me every single day. He makes sure that I'm okay and I because I think when we first stepped into it we thought oh she'll just have the surgery and she'll come out and she'll be able to manage things. I can't. And I most certainly can't probably like I mean there's even things like my medications. There's stuff that like some days I don't know that I could organize it so now we have somebody that comes over you know once a week sets me up puts me in like these are things I wouldn't have known. Even existed. And there's so many people that don't have that luxury and I feel so grateful that I do but it's so while you guys are listening and yeah even if you don't have that luxury you may be somebody's grandfather or sister or brother and go what's one thing that I could do for my sister who's struggling with cancer. Help her organize her meds. These are things that seem so easy to us when we're feeling good. But when we're not they feel impossible. Did he know to find someone to do that? He knew so he he was the one that suggested having like a place to go for a week. There was something that when I was in the hospital that I said that concerned everybody on one of my last days because they kept telling me I was going to be able to leave. And like they're like we think tomorrow is going to be the day you leave we're just going to do the tech and they kept saying that and then I got my test work back and if something like my salt would never get high enough. I don't really remember why a lot of details just so if I say anything wrong I'm not a medical professional I'm just trying my best. But my soul wouldn't get high enough. And they said I had to stay another day and like I looked at my dad and all my friends and like I cannot stay in here another day. I can't live like this anymore. I am so miserable. I feel like everybody would be better without me. And at that moment like everyone just it kind of like they were like what nobody would be better without you. What do you mean. And I was so scared to go home and not be the me that I was when I left home. It was frightening and so that's when he was like let's get you a nurse. Let's get you set up so that when you get home you know you gotta remember I was so weak I couldn't give myself a bath. Couldn't take a shower. I had a ginormous holes in my head like all these things and it doesn't matter what level of cancer you have like or what kind when you have kids or even if you don't have kids you are just like how am I going to be me. And so that he was the one that helped me get the nurse that came and taught me all these things. And then also taught me it's okay to have an emotional day. Like I today I'm day five post immunotherapy. I have it once every three weeks and it's my most emotional day and I almost called my publicist and said cancel the podcast because I know I'm going to get upset and then like midway through it and I go actually keep it. Because people need to know it's okay to be upset. Upset in what way. There's a sense of. That I never felt before I got six but there's a sense of. Sadness. Sadness. That comes along with not feeling your best. And when you have the dips the highs and lows there's a sense of that that just like that's the hardest part for me still to this day is you know that I know and I know that I go in in two weeks from now and I get my next scan and like I fully believe as I'm telling you right now they're going to tell me I'm I'm cleared. If I'm not there'll be a come down from that but it's what I need to do to get me through these next two and a half weeks. I need to believe it. Because if not it's just too sad. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. With them with everyone that you have around you at work. You're working a lot doing five or six podcasts a week. That's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of prep and with your circle of friends your close circle of friends with your family. Have you sort of intentionally made sure that you're not sort of intentionally made sure that the people you keep around you also believe. You know I've learned that I can't control the way others think. I can see when their fears coming out and kind of the way I handle it and I'm not saying this is the right way to handle it but I make a joke. I make a joke. I'll be like get it together. You don't want me to get an upset and dying on you do you you know like and I'm not saying that that's and my sister will get so mad at me for talking like that. But it's able to bring that moment of like because it's tight it's heavy. Yes. And even if that may bring her a moment of tears then she'll go you're right. You are you're going to be fine and we all know it. Because we were just on a vacation again that's why I was thinking of my sister because when I'm not feeling good you know it through the day it's riding a roller coaster is my mood. Yeah and she was like you're not feeling so good today are you and then she kind of started to do the pity thing a little bit. And I said I got mad. And you know when I say I got mad I'm not like I don't have that much energy to even really get mad but I'm like you know I'm not enough. When you're sick you don't want to feel like everyone's looking around you waiting for you to die. I'm like I came here because I wanted a fun vacation with you let's have one and she was like sobbing and she's like let's have one she's like so you do still want to go on the boat tomorrow and I'm like yes and quit asking me I'll tell you. I'll tell you if I don't want to do something or if I'm not believe me I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for all of us and me I need it I need you. I need you to be my person and my person can't be looking sad when they're looking at me my person needs to be my person that's going to laugh with me make stupid mistakes. You know the good the bad and the ugly we need to stay that way the way we've always been. When you when you talk about the way we've always been with them I'm just thinking about this and I'm curious because it's you know so beautiful and people show up for us. Yeah it's so beautiful and people show up for us and I'm just thinking about your dad did he is there anything that surprised you about this because he's showing up different now than he did growing up or is he a person that you fully expected oh yeah he's going to show up in full colors of something like this ever happened. I didn't expect this at all I didn't expect you know it's gone to the point where like he has given me such good advice and it's not you know I feel like with a parent before like sometimes advice is like the vice that they think is going to be best because ultimately this is how it's going to be who all of you now of a sudden it's like no he's giving me advice that like I need to hear sometimes from for me and he's also just I mean even the fact that he calls me every single night and it's just it's it's not relenting like I may not call him back a couple nights but he'll still call every night at the same time and finally I'd be like hey dad and I'll be like why didn't nobody loves their dads anymore why are you not answer the phone and I said because I'm not feeling good and he's like still answer the phone and then just hang up on me or something but I want to talk to you even if it's for a second and I mean he's right and then I think why don't I have that second and the reason I don't have that second is sometimes I don't want the people I love to see me struggle. But he wouldn't care he didn't care he's I was just with him in South Carolina and there was one day and he goes if you get up one more time to run around the house and do some little thing he's like teasing me he's like I'm going to give you a spank yes I'm putting you over my knee and give you a spanking and I was like dad I just wanted to get a water and then I wanted this and then I wanted that and he's like you're running around too much just let yourself and that's something that you realize when you're not feeling like a hundred percent you got to remind yourself to be at peace. Was he an involved dad like that growing up? No he was always my best like if I had work advice or if I had you know athletic advice or if I had anything that I needed to talk to him about he was always he was always a hundred percent there if I needed him but I think that was the quote if I needed him if I asked him he was always there now he's there whether I ask or I don't ask. Do you feel closer to him now than ever? I do I think there's also a part of me when it comes to my siblings my dad my kids I appreciate different things in all of them now you know like my little brother when I was home with my family he said so casually and so nonchalant he's like can I paint a picture of you and justice justice is my sister he's like I'd really just love to paint one but he said it like it was no big deal so I was like yeah sure bud whenever you know then I didn't really even follow up on it and then two days later he's like can I start that picture because you're leaving in three days and I'm like oh this is like a real thing and he's like yeah and then like he paints this beautiful portrait of my sister and I that like we'll have for the rest of our lives and like it's like makes me cry just even looking at it but it's like he had just such a warming effortless energy I didn't put any pressure to it and it was just like it's something I'll never forget and even those moments of my sister and I sitting in our little like chairs like doing our pose for our photo and like laughing and like I want the cuter nose or like those are moments I'll never forget. That's beautiful. Yeah. With with you know family and decisions and all of it you mentioned when we opened so so you and Edward were met were married 13 years. We were married 13 years. Yeah. Together 16 years. Yeah. And then probably a couple of months before I was diagnosed with the cancer in my brain and in my lungs we had separated and it was we had not even separated we were right to filing we filed for divorce and like we were I didn't really realize how much I never you know gotten I never gone through something like that before was like oh my gosh everything's my entire life's being turned upside down I didn't even know this was going to come into play a conversation or anything like that or what do you mean like we're going to talk about custody or what like all of those things you don't necessarily think about especially like there was never a part of me still to this day like I don't hate Edwin. We need to pause for a super brief break and while we do take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration that they need to hear today to keep going to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more enough more connected and more worthy who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief and I love to hang out with you even more especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me if you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week just go to Jamie Kern Lima dot com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you if you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration some tips tools joy and love hitting your inbox I'm your girl subscribe at Jamie Kern Lima dot com or in the link in the show notes. Do you struggle with negative self talk living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting I know because I spent most of my life in that habit the words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful and when you learn to take control over your self talk it's life changing and I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life it's called five ways to overcome negative self talk and build self love and it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer it's time to rewrite the script of your life one filled with self love resilience and unwavering belief if you're ready to take charge of your narrative build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams you can grab your free guide to stop over thinking and learn to trust yourself at Jamie Kern Lima dot com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below and now more of this incredible conversation together. There was never a part of me still to this day like I don't hate Edwin like I don't always be my friend and so I kind of knew I mean I think it shows by he was the person that I called to take me to the hospital. I always knew he'd do the right thing by me. And I think that same goes for I mean he could still if you wanted to he could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now but like my dad and family just said like I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able to try to navigate right now or figure out. And it wasn't even a second it was like yeah of course no we'll wait we'll wait till she's better. And then we'll figure it out. And you're married 13 years at that point you had stage 2 that you knew about and then you guys decided to file and then when you got the news of stage 4 then you pause. Yeah so when I had stage 2 but then I had gotten this massive surgery and they had removed it and I had already had two checkups on my skin because those were the stage 2 was on my back. I thought I was cancer free but I just kept not feeling well and we were having you know some issues in our marriage that I wish when I did have stage 2 I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and this and that that we're like I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie. You know like I wanted just someone to collapse with me for a little bit not fix me. And I was even looking at our text messages that he sent over today so like can you remind me of the dates and blah blah and I just looked at the way he responded to the text and the way I responded to the text and like we wouldn't text each other like that now. Really mean like it's like I'm like oh yeah I just got back from the doctor with Kyle's they think I have melanoma and he's like like cancer you know like it's just so flip it it's like we're asking what we're ordering from the supermarket later. And I wish you know if you're if you're in a marriage and you're you're trying to figure out if you can make it work is give each other as much care as you can give is give each other as much care as you can. I think that Edwin and I did a lot of work in our marriage. You know we had gone to marital retreats we had gone to church every week. There were parts that were we were working on and I think it ultimately depends on if you're 100% and I'm not blaming him or me. I'm just saying in general if you're 100% authentic to what is really getting at you. And also when you ask for something when you're direct with somebody I need I need you I need the softness right now. Getting it because people are going to only going to ask for things a couple times and then they're going to at some point they're going to shut off. And I would say that's ultimately what happened with me. I just wanted certain things that I don't know if he didn't know how to give and you know then I it all turned into I was no longer in a place where I would go above and beyond to make sure that this person was happy. I had kind of gone and to do whatever makes you happy. Because I'm I've asked I've asked for enough years. And now I'm done. What were you asking for that you needed just I needed presence not gifts like his presence and he's very good at multitasking and he's you know so good at business but I needed a little bit like I was one of those people that yeah it'd be a Saturday and I'd want to plan out the day like I'd be like do you want to have people over and we can swim in the pool and then we can do pick a ball and he back then he didn't like it. Now I see him doing the same thing. Or because like once you've got the kids you do want to have a slight general idea of like what organizing you're going to do so that you guys can all have a fun productive day. But he kind of just was just slow to the punch and you know I think we also had years and years of past stuff that we didn't fully work through. And I think he wanted me to just naturally work through it and I think my natural response was just to push back. And I think once you do that once you take the care out. It's really hard to make it. It's really hard to make it. And I'm lucky to this day like I mean we're staying in the house together. Like some weeks he'll stay at our other house but like this week I told him I'm really sick and he's like staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now. Like you can live in the same house. We can live in the same house. We don't argue. We I would be fine with him dating you know like I. He's being he's yeah I would be. Is he fine with you dating. I don't know. We've talked about it. I think there's different. I. I think everyone in my life is worried about me in general. So for a little while I was dating somebody that went all over the press and everybody's talking about it. And I'm like one. This is long enough ago that by the time you found out who the person was I wasn't dating the person. So you can only believe so much that you read but also. I talked to my therapist about it. I'm like if I feel the urge if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take me out she's like you should go. She's like anything that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do do it. She's like it could even be it. It could be a date with if he asked you on a date and you wanted to go. Nobody's setting any rules for you. But like right now I'm not in that play. I'm not. Wanting that from him. I just want him to be happy and I want our kids to be happy and I want us to be able to have a good friendship and relationship. And I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But I don't know that I need to like. I kind of I kind of know how our marriage works. And do you think it could change. This conversation with Teddy Mellencamp is so impactful. We made it into more than one part coming up. How do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in the season of setback and what feels like one bad break after another. How do you hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug is being pulled out from underneath you or you're feeling blindsided or you just keep receiving horrible news. Teddy is sharing so many more powerful and beautiful insights that she's never shared before. And that's coming up in this incredible part to conversation in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show. Remember this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know because it can be the impact and change that they need in their life too. And if you love today's episode, click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening to it on or watching it on. And if it added value to your life, if you could please give it a rating or review, I'd be so grateful. And again, share it with everyone that you believe in, share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Maybe someone you know is going through a struggle or a hard time too. And they're just trying to keep the faith. Please share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you are meant to change today by sharing this episode and thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are. Heal where you need. Blossom what you choose journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love and I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show. In life, you don't sort the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill worthy is for you in worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back. Build unshakable self love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of worthy plus some amazing. Thank you bonus gifts for you at worthy book.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do. If you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with worthy who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter. That's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to Jamie Kern Lima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe at Jamie Kern Lima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.