The Awkward Phase of Dating No One Talks About

Lemonada. You can hear every episode of Don't Listen to Us ad-free with Lemonada Premium. Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or head to LemonadaPremium.com to subscribe on any other app. That's LemonadaPremium.com. It's very funny because I had had a discussion with my husband in the car yesterday about what I think is a conversation versus what he thinks is a conversation. What was that about? That was about, you know, what is interrupting and what is an actual conversation where you go back and forth and not just I give a monologue and then you give a monologue back. But we know. But why did it come up? Do you remember? Because you always think I'm interrupting. No, because you speak in an endless stream. Okay. And you say things that are very interesting or need a response. And you don't give a pause. So I have to interrupt. So otherwise I can't hold on to it. See, I feel the same about him. But anyway, that note is well taken and is really good. You both do that. Yes. Yeah. Well, you've got to just say, okay. Because if somebody says something, then you want to... Have you ever watched the presidential debate? Excuse me. He mentioned my name. I need to respond to that. Wait, are you trying to model your conversation style after presidential debates? I hope not. No, I'm just bringing that up as an example of I'm not the only one, nor is your mother. Who does that? Who does that? Anyway. That's a great point. Yeah, you're welcome. Were you interrupting me just now, Gideon? I might have been. I guess that's correct. Hereditary. Dad, your beard is a thing. It's really big. This is about five months. I'm doing it for a movie. If the movie's made, it'll be ten months worth of growth when we start filming. Right. And that's what the director wanted, although it may end up being cut, you know, shorter once we see it. But he wanted the option. Does it feel like a friend? Well, I don't feel it, except when the side hair, this part, which I'm trying now to, like, pay us, pull behind my ear, because that'll, like, curl over and tickle my ears. And then sometimes it tickles me down here, and I feel something's crawling up me. Like, I worry about tick, because we live in the country, ticks. But now it's getting long enough around the ears where pretty much I can get it behind my ear, like pay us or like women do with their hair. Well, that's exciting. It is very exciting. I'm enjoying it. It seems to be a conversation piece. We should tell people what show this is. Welcome to Don't Listen to Us, the podcast that you shouldn't listen to and don't listen to. That's a good job. I'm Gideon. I'm Catherine. I'm Gideon. No, you're not. You're Mandy. I have some Gideon in me, 13 chromosomes. Yes, that's true. I think I have some Mandy in me. Yeah, it goes like that. Oh, you didn't? I don't know if we quite have the IQ to figure this one out. You know, it's going down. It's going down. Did you read that? The amount of chromosomes? Did you see that amazing article in New York Magazine of all things, The Stupiding of the American Mind? Oh, well, I didn't need to read an article to know that. Well, yeah, that's true. So you're judging it based on our family's interactions? I feel that in myself. I feel it. We haven't talked in a little while. No. I'm just curious. How do you feel that I have gone down IQ-wise? I actually don't feel you have, hon. I'm really talking about myself and the entire world and the country. You have not gone down IQ-wise, Heather. Yes, I have. You haven't? Well, that's just... Well, because you feel you don't read as much as you used to. I don't read as much as I used to, and it's driving me crazy, and I've got to start practicing today. Not just sleeping with books, but actually read the ones that are surrounding me. I just walk with them. That feels sufficient. Mom, we haven't talked on the podcast since you finished your run of your show. Yeah. Oh, it was so incredible. It was pretty great. It was beyond great, Catherine. You're sad because you're not doing it. Yeah, I really am. It makes me cry. I know, but it will come around theaters. I believe it has an incredible life in theaters like Malvern, Pennsylvania, the Goodman Theater in Chicago, theaters all over the country that have intimate spaces and deserve this extraordinary piece that you wrote. And I'm telling you, I just wish anybody who's listening to this, I pray anybody who's listening to this gets an opportunity to see it. I think it's the absolute greatest contribution mom has made. Don't interrupt me now. I'm sorry. Don't interrupt me. Let me ask you. Wait a minute. You're both interrupting me. The greatest contribution your mother has made since birthing Isaac and Gideon. That's very sweet. It's very nice, honey. You are my mate, so who's going to really believe that? Mom, let me ask you. Everybody. You got emotional. Yeah. What's that feeling? I have a tremendous amount of trouble taking care of myself or doing what I need to do when I'm with people I love, like my family. So being in Malvern and absolutely knowing nobody and just doing this show six or seven times a week gave me a structure where I was forced to just take care of myself. And I just loved doing this piece. The people were so responsive. Never done a piece where they talk back to me or they'll say, ooh, ah, yeah, oh, I know, or something. And there were 80 people that stayed for the talkbacks because young and old people, They just wanted to talk about how to be human and how to be in a community and how to be seen. And can you share what the play was about for people that don't know yet? Well, it's got a kind of long title. It was called The Unexpected Third, A Radical Rollicking Rumination on the Optimism of Staying Alive. And I kept adjusting it. Because you were losing your own optimism? Well, yeah. I mean, it's just a rebuttal to the cliches of how this culture treats people with white hair or age in general, how it makes young people afraid of becoming older. You know, it doesn't encourage you at all. And it's kind of a rebuttal about that cliche and encouragement to always be unfinished. That was sort of my, I thought, biggest plea. is never to, you know, whether you're doing the same job you've done for 50 years or not, you're just never finished becoming and having new experiences and changing your mind about points of view and being open to new people and ideas and also mainly to practice despair, which is the opposite of despair and its recovery from hopelessness. And you taught us a 15th century word. Yeah, that's right. It's from, yeah, it's from the 1500s. And I got it from Morgan Jeunesse. Well, that's 16th century. That's right. Respaire. Respaire, right. That was what Morgan Jeunesse, a fabulous, brilliant dramaturg and human, wanted to bring back. Did you have a favorite part of the entire experience or a favorite moment? Oh, I know a moment I loved was I was coming down to see the show. Yeah. And I had an extra ticket. And it was sold out because you sold out the whole run because you're badass. It did 180% of business. So I had an extra ticket and I was going to return it to the box office. And I asked my friends who live in Philly, I said, do you know anybody in town who might enjoy a ticket to the show? And they both lit up. They said, Doris. And Doris was a 93-year-old woman. They just met by stumbling into her artist studio and seeing her paintings. and we called her up and invited her to your show. She was very confused with this invitation. A blind. Jenna and Maggie said, this is our friend Gideon. His mom's doing a show. He'll come to your condo, pick you up, drive you out to the theater, drive you back home. Anyway. And her children had to vet you. Yes, I talked to, I think, her daughter-in-law to let her know I was not some scammer kidnapping her. and I drove an hour to pick her up, drove an hour to the theater. Unbelievable. Had an amazing time with her. 93 years old, drove an hour home and now we're great buds. And also I have an incredible son that would go to that effort to do that. Well, I did that in part because that's what you, that's the kind of thing you would do. Pick up a stranger and bring them to you. You know, Dad, I don't think you've ever seen a show of mine four times, honey. And what I was very interested in, And I used to never want to know when Dad was there or you were there. I was worried I'd be too nervous and wanting to do well and do badly. Yeah. And I just loved knowing when you both were there this time. We loved the show. Yeah. We're your biggest fans. Well, tied with a lot of people. Thank you. Yeah, it was great. I'm very happy with that. Did you hear what Timmy was so shocked, Mom's director? What? Timmy Neer was just shocked about? Timmy Neer, who did an amazing job. An amazing job. My director, Timothy Neer, was so nervous because she was sure she'd get notes from dad. Because she did like 30 years ago. Yeah, she never recovered. And you knew better this time? He didn't have any. I never said a word. I just kept coming and applauding and loving it. And weeping. And weeping, yes, sir. Weeping. Yeah. Well, that's what I do. I'm a professional weeper. Yeah, really. I wish I was one of those people who plans all their meals days in advance, but let's face it, that is just never going to happen. That is why Marley's Spoon is perfect for me. They got tons of options, everything chef design, made with really good quality ingredients, and balanced enough to feel good about. 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So naturally, when I found myself in an intensely awkward new relationship predicament, I thought, these are the people I need to ask about bodily functions and romance. Here's the thing. I have a friend who cannot, under any circumstance, use the bathroom when staying over at her boyfriend's place. Like she'd rather spontaneously combust than risk him hearing a single flush or, heaven forbid, a sound effect. At first I laughed at her, and then I started seeing someone new, and suddenly I'm the one holding in my dignity and my digestive system until I get home. It's gotten to the point where I'm half in love and half constipated. So my question is, how do new couples navigate the bathroom issue without killing the romance or their internal organs? When do you stop pretending you're an ethereal being who doesn't, you know, digest food? Please help. My heart is open. My colon is not. Lovingly mortified David. That's great. Oh, my God. I fear that we're going to get a future email that David has died from implosion. Yeah. Isn't it? I just find it. I mean, it's just so true. The question to me, David, is. We have a friend like this. Yes, we do. But why are we so mortified by our human, you know, behaviors that are totally normal? Well, Mom, you are too. I mean, we are. I am. I don't think I passed gas in front of my husband until just recently. Because I just felt it was so... Don't tell me that. You didn't really. I didn't really, honey. No, that was... I always pretend if that actually happens at somebody else. Now we have grandchildren. We're making them not be embarrassed about it. No, they pointed out, Gramps, that was you. Yeah, that's right. Now you deny it. Wait, but you recently crossed this threshold? Well, in private with Dad. I mean, I think the thing to do is tell your new romantic partner how you feel. And your friend, I mean, you know, whatever's happening with your friend and her person, she's like totally not being present because she's just totally self-conscious about not making any sounds that would make her seem less attractive. Or even using the bathroom. Well, that one is an odd one. We do have a friend like that. I think that's what he's saying, though. Yeah, she will not use the bathroom. bathroom at somebody's place. Well, that's very strange. What is that? We do. I know, but why doesn't she just share with this person, if she's intimate with him, that she's very self-conscious and can he go in the kitchen while she uses the bathroom? I got a little advice. Okay. There was a guy I worked with on Criminal Minds. I can't remember his name. He was a big, tall guy. He was a prop guy. He was like a motorcycle guy, like a Hells Angels guy. I think he was a Hells Angels guy. And he carried around. So he was a real tough guy. But he carried around a little thing of wets, you know, like wet nap-y things like you clean a baby's bum with when you change the diaper. Because, two reasons, he felt that toilet paper would really bruise his butt, you know, like too much rubbing of paper. Friction. Friction. I don't know what the word is, but mess up is asshole. Yeah. So he was worried about that. So he carried this because it was just gentle. It was like gentle like on a baby. They were from babies. Yeah. So you can have that to just have a nicer butt. But you can also use the paper if you're paranoid about the seat. You can wipe off the seat with one of these papers. Great advice for somebody who's concerned about cleanliness or the constitution of their asshole. But this individual doesn't want to be heard or doesn't want anyone to. Oh, it's just the sounds that the person was saying? And fear that a romantic partner will be aware of them taking a shit in their home. You know, isn't it weird, though? These people are sleeping together, I'm assuming. So she's not self-conscious about exchange of bodily organs. That's what happens. Dad can't talk about this stuff. Okay. I just think it would be part of intimacy for either of these people to confess to their romantic partners is I'm a little bit weird and self-conscious about this aspect of being human. So will you go in another room if I use the bathroom or let me just tell you that and get over it? I think that's theoretically nice for maybe a relationship that's been going on for a while, but I can't imagine somebody saying that to somebody you're starting to see new. So what would you do? I would go into an immersion program where it's just people taking shits right next to other people. This is the end of this podcast, the whole idea of this podcast. There was, I looked, it showed up online that it shows like what the podcast or the next podcast is, or it sort of gives a little blurb on what our podcast might be discussing. Like, you know, today is going to be about Abraham Lincoln or something. And one of them said farts. Dad, we wrote that. Oh, great. So now this is the second one. This is the second one that is in the same zone. Why would anyone tune in to listen to us? Okay, what do all people all over the world have in common? We all get born, we all die. And we all have bodily functions. But I do want to say, though, I love the story about the Hells Angels guy really taking care of his asshole and treating it like the holy vessel and place that it is. And I think we could all do better to treat all of our holes with great tenderness and care. Well, one of the things I like about that image is it really confronts assumptions you make about people. That's right. What is the assumption and what is it confronting? It confronts how one thinks in a stereotypical way. If I saw a big, huge, you know, Hell's Angel motorcycle guy, I wouldn't assume he carried around, you know, little gentle baby wipes for his tush. And so that's kind of interesting that you can't make assumptions about people. And we're all screwed up about bodily function in this country, particularly because of the damn Puritans. But don't you agree that it's particularly worse with women? I mean, men, you know, we fart and we laugh. And we piss anywhere. We get out of the car and piss in front of the whole family. I do think it's harder. I do think women have a harder time and have been taught to not be comfortable with anything that can be interpreted as not feminine or attractive. So for progress right here and now, do you want to fart? I don't really, honey. I don't need to. I don't have that ability. But if I ever do, I'm not sure if I would share that with, you know, whoever is listening and watching. But I might say, oh, this is one of those moments where I'm, I mean, really, do I want to share that? I do think it's a private public thing. And I understand that. I can't believe this is one of the longest discussions we've had about anything. Oh, my God. There's editing. David, good luck. But actually, I do have one other thought. If you didn't want to talk about your discomfort with going to the bathroom, you could say that you have an odd habit of playing music loudly on your phone whenever you go to the bathroom. And that could mask any sort of bodily function sound. And maybe music with a lot of percussion could also help mask whatever your body's doing. You know what I do sometimes when I go to the bathroom? Because the bathroom's right off my studio. I either turn the water on real loud and waste water, which is a bad thing to do, or I ask the person to go in another room because I literally say, I don't like people hearing me go in the bathroom, so go to the living room. I'll be back in five. Great. I think music is a really good idea. All right, David, we have given you just a plethora of incredible ideas that will immediately solve this problem for you and your people and everyone in the world, probably. And thank you. Please let us know how you fare in the future. And you have such a great sense of humor, David. I would just share this issue with your new love And I bet she laughs and loves you more That great Oh that was mom Yeah, thanks, kid. All right, so our next question will be joined by a live guest. and first we are going to hear her voice note. Good morning, Catherine and Mandy. My name is Tynan Davis. I've been in New York for 20 years. I'm 46 years old. And last night I got to submit my very first Playbill bio and it was really exciting. And I'm yet so sad because the one person that I really want to share it with who would be excited is my mom. And she passed away 13 years ago. And I know that the grief that I feel is directly correlated to the piles and piles of love. How do you manage being your own best cheerleader? when you feel like your best cheerleader isn't around. Well, I don't feel it. I don't feel like she's not around. She's not around. Oh, I got my kids naked. I got to put clothes on him. Thank you. Hello, Tynan. Hi. Hi, Tynan. How are you? I'm well. How are you both? Good, good, good. You have the same earphones we do. Yeah. I know. Look how like modern we are with our early aughts. First of all, congratulations on having a bio and a play means you have a job. I have a job. So nice. I would like everyone listening out there with your mother, wherever she is, to stand up and give you a hand. Yay! Oh, man. Let me tell you, I was very surprised when I was listening to you, Tynan, because is that how I'm saying your name correctly? Perfect. When I first came to New York, actually to visit a fellow, I ended up having an audition. And I ended up getting a Broadway show, understudy to a Broadway show called Scopino. And after 10 days, with no rehearsal, they called one night and said, you're on. Hattie Winston's sick. and Tynan, I went to call my mom who had been dead for several years. Okay. So I mean, I was so scared and so excited. And that was the only person my impulse was to call at that moment for both comfort and shared excitement was my mom. But what occurs to me now and what occurs for she is there she supported you all those years and during the struggles she never lost faith in you which helped you keep going do you know and it is agonizing you know that that in the form you want her to be in she isn't there but all that support is inside you and I really believe you can talk to her you can share it you can share those feelings and And it's just a way of dealing with the sorrow of that physical loss. But she's there. All that support she gives you is there. Tynan, can you share with our audience, just for people who don't know what a bio and a playbill is? Oh, God. yeah how can you pick like the most potent 75 words to tell total strangers what your life is about and who you are trying to be in the world i'm um that's what it feels like and so this is in this is in the playbill the little booklet for the play and it's your little paragraph that says what other projects you've been in yeah why describe yourself why i'm bona fide why i deserve to be i don't know like how did i get here who who was foolish enough to to take a chance on me i don't know how did your mom used to cheer you on well i have this very distinct image that at the time when i was younger i was so embarrassed by as as i think children can sometimes sometimes be of their parents um but she would when anything exciting happened for anybody not just me she would do this thing where she would jump up and down and clap her hands, like just totally uninhibited and unmonitored in such a beautiful way. She was a very tall woman and was a dancer. So she was quite beautifully embodied. Um, and so she would, she would just embody her joy for other people's wins. Um, and I think that's what I missed the most is like, I think that we would jump up and down together in a kitchen and be, you know, like that's, and not that I don't have cheerleaders, I have phenomenal cheerleaders in the world, but I think it's specifically that, that version of an embodiment with like the person that gave me everything to get to where I am still somehow finding new things to, to learn and be a part of. So I think that's also part of the grief too, is that I think I am so driven to keep going in this weird job. Absolutely. To bring her into those rooms with me somehow. She was also a singer and she was a gorgeous musician. But she put all of her professional desires on a shelf to be a great mom. I'm not made up of that same thing. So I'm still, but I think I want to bring her into those rooms too, in a way. Well, you know, Tynan, you could have a ritual. I mean, I do a ritual before every show. And it's a way of me bringing in my mom and dad and Joe Papp and the people that were my cheerleaders. Do you know? I just see them. I always take a moment. I see them hanging from a beam or, you know, sitting there looking at me. And I just talk to them and I see them before I go on stage. And I just had this image of you before you walk out there jumping up and down and clapping. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. But that's your ritual of really bringing that joyful part of your mom with you when you walk on there. I'm going to share with you. I've said it a million times. I'll say it a million more because I think it's the greatest gift I discovered. I say prayers many times a day, twice a day when I feed my dog. And I always say it's a litany of about 10 minutes or maybe five to eight minutes total because it goes pretty fast now. But I mentioned the name of every person that was connected to me that I had some connection with, some deep connections and some maybe not so good connections. But they've passed on in the world that I'm familiar with. and I don't want to lose them. And Oscar Hammerstein wrote a line in the libretto carousel. Forgive me, I've said this a million times too, but it is one of the holiest tenets of my life, tenets or prayers or advices or thoughts. In a musical carousel, in the libretto of all things, he wrote this line, as long as there's one person on earth who remembers you, it isn't over. And I heard you on the note that you were reading to us, and there was a child in the background. You have a child. A naked child. Maybe I'm a naked child. Maybe you have more than one. How many children do you have? Just the one. And clearly, you're quite beautiful, and you look like a young mother. And I dare say, I don't know, I'm curious to know before we have to part what it is that the bio is for, what play it is, where you're doing it. Well, but I would dare say you may be playing a mother in this play or in others. And I guarantee you, whether you are making notes in your script or in your mind or on your walks that I'll do this. This is what my mother did. I'll do this. Or whether you do that or you don't do it, your mother will be with you every step of the way. She's breathing. You're breathing her in and out every minute, every day. And do this if you have the desire. one of the reasons I love being on stage more than any place on the planet is because when I look out there aside from the adrenaline that comes into my being which is just the greatest gift that human beings have ever been given I look out into that darkness because the lights are in my eyes and I see that darkness and I put into that darkness all the loved ones, those that I've known and those that I've heard about, sometimes in the millions, in the millions that I've never met or seen. And they are my audience. I somehow see them more realistically than the people in the front row. I feel them in a larger sense than the, than the bounce of the light on the faces I can see. And I live for it. And I love it. And I'm never alone out there. And if there was one gift I had to offer you, see if you like that. It's beautiful. That's beautiful. I love it. I love it. Tynan, how's the show going? Is it still happening right now? We start rehearsals tomorrow. Oh, my God. What is the show? It's Amal and the Night Visitors by Menotti at Lincoln Center Theater. That's Mia Barron's friends. The playwright's name? Well, it's an opera. It's Giancarlo Menotti. It was the first opera composed for television in the 50s. And I'm a swing. I'm swinging the entire ensemble. I wanted to understudy the mother. The lead medso soprano is a mother. And my mother taught me that opera when I was a kid. So, I mean, it was like, it's so full of a lot of stuff. And I'm going to hang out and be ready for anything. Shirley MacLaine was a swing. I think Chris Walken was a swing dancer, you know, and a chorus. How many people are you covering? Yeah. Wait, and Tynum, before you answer that, can you just explain to our non-girls? I like to, so the swing is, is insurance for a show. Um and uh so if someone gets sick or has calls out I am swung into their part And for Amal and the Night Visitors I swinging the upper voices of the ensemble So every upper voice, mezzo, soprano, both soprano parts, both alto parts. But not just as a singer, you're also walking on stage as the character if they're out of the box, right? Oh, yes. So you have to learn multiple parts and be at the ready for that. Yes. I'm in awe, Tynan. I mean, do you know when you describe this, even though I know what a swing is, but when you describe this, my heart rate literally accelerated in anxiety on your behalf. Mine does too. Mine does too. Tynan, let us know when, if you get the call. I know sometimes it comes at like 6.30 on the night when you have a 7 o'clock curtain. But if we're in town, let us know. And we would love to come see you when you go on. Oh, my gosh. That would be a blast for us. Yeah, because that would be crazy. We'll compete with your mother. That's what we'll do. That's right. She was delighted. If we're lucky to see you, we will jump up and down at the end. Who's directing this piece? Kenny Leon. Oh, great. Can I return to just one of Tynan's questions? Was this thing about how do you become your own best cheerleader when your best cheerleader isn't around? Yeah. And I feel like, Dad, that's something in particular I've seen you over the years of your performance anxiety or things. like when you're struggling with the thing your family can give you advice therapists friends you know but it's really at the end of the day it's like you and yourself that are finding a way to get through it yeah and to get to the next part and i feel like you've become your own best cheerleader through those hardest moments i'm looking at my phone to see uh here it is i different pieces that I do before I go on stage. I have a concert that I do called Being Alive. Sometimes I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I have no voice. I got to go out there. There's no swing for me. I got to get out there and do it no matter what. And I write thoughts down to just help me. It's the craft that I learned from Jerry Friedman at Juilliard Drama School, sitting next to Bill Hurt when we did a classic play called Duchess of Malfi. What is an action? How do you play it? And as Jane Alexander said to me one day, I was going up for a piece. And I kept saying, well, here's this piece. And I read it to her. And I said, but I can't figure out what the action is. And Jane, who is an actress that I just adore and love, and I was 24 years old before I met you, 23 or 24. And she said, well, you don't need that. You don't need that action stuff and stuff you learn in school when you feel it the way you feel it. And then years later, I realized, well, I'd felt this one thing the way I felt it all the time. And then one day I couldn't find it. It just disappeared. It like evaporated in my brain. And then I went to, I remember saying to myself years later, Jane, I think you made a mistake. Jane, you do need it. You need it when you don't think you need it. And for instance, for my concert being alive, which is, sorry, I hit the mic, which is a whole variety of songs. The main thing I think when I do being alive is get out there and celebrate life, connect with those people, tell them to celebrate every single second. I don't care how you feel, Mandy, right now. Get out there and tell them to have fun. And that's my main go-to. Mandy. That's your main cheer. My main cheer. Thank you. Mandy, go out there and tell them to have fun. Don't tell you to have fun. That's too hard to do. But tell that character I'm talking to to have fun. Tell my mother to have fun wherever she is. Just have it underneath everything that's coming out of me. and just she is in you that description i can see her time and i've never met her but i have this image of this beautiful tall woman jumping up and down and honestly if you just do that for yourself before you go on or before you rehearse and it doesn't matter what anybody thinks you know that there you are you know you're you're able to do this and she is inside of you and that's a ritual where you actually you know have her be there right on your shoulders how long has it been since she's passed away tina 13 years have you had dreams about her no that's the crazy i mean a couple a couple but not as many as other people well i'm gonna tell you something about i believe you're gonna have some dreams about her sooner than you think even though it's 13 years I really believe it. And go out there and find her in your sleep, on your walks, on that stage. Look in that darkness. She's in every fucking seat. And, Tanya, we are all so lucky if we were given the gift of having a parent that we miss. I think there is nothing sadder than a person being here and leaving without anybody missing them or caring and no connection. So we have the choice of closing ourselves off and not daring to be connected so that we end up feeling this grief and this loss, you know, or choosing to connect and feel it. And then we conjure them up and reach for them in these other ways that there is so much nothing. What was the quote? My brother was a Buddhist monk. Nothing is as it seems, nor is it otherwise. is a hard thing to get. And my interpretation of that is your mother was here and she jumped up and down and she's still jumping up and down somewhere and inside of you or in some form. And mom, you lost your parents in your early 20s. Yeah, I lost. Do you feel them? Do you still feel them as a cheerleader or? I do. And it's a strange thing, the weirdness of time, and I mean, my parents have been gone since I was 25 years old, and I know that, and I can tell funny stories about them or sad ones, and then once in a while, it hits me as if it just happened, you know? I can share my kids, I can talk about them, but they didn't get to see them as the human incarnation, and god damn, god damn. God damn it, right? God damn it. Oh, my gosh. I mean, it's just a funny thing, but that also means we're feeling beings. Do you know? Before we go, Tynan, I'm curious if you have any advice for me as somebody who hasn't lost their parents yet, but apparently will someday, who has parents have been their biggest cheerleader. Gideon, what a gorgeous question. Anything you'd. I mean, I feel like you're doing it, right? The documenting. And the being with. And I think that's the thing that I that I really just I was so I'll say I'll use the technical term. My head was so far up my own ass before before. And I didn't ask them. I didn't know what questions to ask. I didn't I didn't ask enough questions of of my mom before I lost her. And I feel like I just never really got to know her as an adult. And I think that it's really beautiful that you're doing that. And I think that you've modeled that for a lot of people. So bravo to y'all for showing how we can be in relationship with our parents as adults. It's really beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for saying that. I have a little piece of advice for you on that question. Just get me whatever I ask for until I drop it. And then you feel like I was able to do that for him. This is Mandy's way of getting a glass of water when he's across the room and asking me to get it for him. And I look at him like he's out of his mind. But I'm so glad I got him that last glass of water. Tynan, thank you so much. Thank you. This is a delight. I hope I get the privilege of seeing you swinging in. Yeah. I'll let you know. Yeah, I do. Do, do, do. Have a great time. Have a great time. Thanks for coming to us. Thank you. Have a good day. Bye-bye. You too. Bye. Beautiful. Well, thanks, everyone, for tuning in. That's the end of our episode today. We want to hear from you. If you've got more questions, stories, if you're swinging in for opera, if you've got advice for us or our dog Becky, if you've got anything, please, if you have anything to send our way, we'd love to be in conversation with you. Don't send me cookies or sweets. I'm on a new diet. I'm not trying to eat pasta. Don't send pasta. But you can email askmandiandkatherine at gmail.com. As Mandy said, please don't email any pasta. Or check out our socials for an easy way to send us a voice note. Don't send vegan ice cream thinking that it's, you know. Don't send me dairy. Vegan ice cream. Yeah, but it has so much sugar in it. Don't send me sugar. Okay. Well, nobody's sending you any of these things on email. I'm just warning, I don't want people to waste postage. Thanks so much for being here and tuning in. And just remember, don't listen to us. Don't Listen to Us is a Lemonada Media original. hosted by Mandy Patinkin, Catherine Grody, and Gideon Grody Patinkin. Created by Katrina Onstad, Debbie Pacheco, and Gideon Grody Patinkin. Executive producers are Catherine Grody, Gideon Grody Patinkin, Mandy Patinkin, Katrina Onstad, Debbie Pacheco, Jessica Cordova-Kramer, and Stephanie Whittles-Wax. Our engineer is Ryan Derringer of Welterweight Sound. A video and audio production by Mark Whiteway of Bellows Media. If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Media Premium yet, now's the perfect time. You can hear Don't Listen to Us completely ad-free. Plus, you'll unlock exclusive bonus content like behind-the-scenes conversations, questions so weird they didn't make it on air, Becky the Dog shenanigans, and more. 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