Greetings Adventurers - Dungeons and Dragons 5e Actual Play

Campaign 2: Episode 181 - Check Point Bing Bong

65 min
Apr 13, 20266 days ago
Listen to Episode
Summary

This episode of Greetings Adventurers features a D&D 5e campaign session where the party completes a rat/mole extermination quest in a wine cellar, receives rewards from a noble NPC, and Rourke undertakes a bell retrieval task for what appears to be a thieves guild initiation, encountering various NPCs and complications along the way.

Insights
  • Actual play podcasts use extended comedic tangents and character-driven roleplay to build audience engagement beyond mechanical gameplay
  • Collaborative storytelling benefits from clear communication between players and DMs about character actions and scene progression
  • Reward negotiation and resource management create natural comedic tension in tabletop gaming sessions
  • NPC personality and recurring character callbacks (old man bread basket, Screech's wives) build world-building depth and listener investment
Trends
D&D actual play podcasts continue to prioritize character development and comedic roleplay over mechanical optimizationAudience engagement strategies include merchandise tie-ins (dice sponsorships) and multi-platform social media presencePodcast networks leverage cross-promotion of related shows to build listener ecosystemSponsorship integration in gaming podcasts focuses on hobby-adjacent products (dice, home goods) rather than mainstream brands
Companies
Wayfair
Sponsor providing home and studio furnishings; featured in multiple ad reads throughout episode
Die Hard Dice
Sponsor offering specialty dice and mystery bags; promoted with discount code DRAGONS for 10% off
BetterHelp
Mental health service sponsor offering online therapy with promotional code for 10% off first month
Mr Q Casino
Gambling/casino sponsor offering free spins promotion on slot games with deposit requirements
Tesco Mobile
Mobile network sponsor emphasizing EU roaming and connectivity services
People
Michael
Primary DM running the campaign and managing NPCs, world events, and mechanical rulings
Nika Hauer
Cast member playing a character in the campaign; active participant in roleplay and mechanics
Jennifer Cheeks
Cast member playing Rourke, a half-orc character central to the bell quest storyline
Tim Lening
Cast member; also hosts Tribulation Force Season 6 Assassins podcast mentioned in outro
Michael Bachman
Cast member; also co-hosts Game Crimes podcast airing Tuesdays at 10pm Central Time
Quotes
"I'm going to hold the center of it. I'm going to hold its little uvula so it doesn't ring."
Rourke (Jennifer Cheeks)Mid-episode
"Michael, you're literally the worst DM in the world. You're diabolical."
Jennifer CheeksBell quest discussion
"I'm banking that they don't have enough employees to notice that I don't do them."
MichaelTax discussion opening
"We're trying to hold out the longest. We're in a post-mull and rat situation."
Cast memberTax procrastination discussion
"Have bastards. Have illegitimates. Instead of the quiverful moment, we're the pod full movement."
CastClosing segment
Full Transcript
This Tuesday, Awaazen brings the unmissable UEFA Champions League match. Unbelievable! Liverpool vs PSG. What a strike! Absolutely incredible! The UEFA Champions League Tuesday from 6.30pm. It's on prime. Winning, losing. At Mr Q Casino, that's just part of the game. Want to always win? Play a vending machine. If you win, you love Q. You lose, you hate Q. Mr Q, the casino you love to hate. And you'll love 100 free spins on Big Bass Splash with your first deposit. Play at mrq.com or on the app. You get 18 plus residents only, minimum £10 first deposit, 10p plus spin. Free spins must be used within 48 hours of depositing. All winnings paid in cash, tees and seas apply play safely. This is an ad from BetterHelp. Some days, it feels like you're carrying something no one else can see. Stress, grief, responsibility, the kind of heaviness that doesn't show up in photos but follows you everywhere. You don't have to hold it alone. With BetterHelp, you can talk to someone who helps lighten what you've been carrying for far too long. Take the weight off. Start therapy anytime from anywhere online with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. Hello, this is William and Jordan from the podcast Help Ice Exit, my boss. And we're currently sponsored by Wayfair.co.uk, where you can shop all things home. And where we can shop all things studio. Yes, indeed. We've been working on my Wayfair dressing room. Our dressing room. Well, it's mine. I mean, I turn up on time. I need somewhere to pop on just the touch of makeup that I'm wearing. I might have to let you see me then. We're very excited to show you what we have created. And no matter what room you're looking to update, Wayfair.co.uk has everything you need. Wayfair.co.uk offers an unparalleled variety of home products, ensuring there's something for everyone. No matter their style or budget, they'll deliver unbeatable value. Shop now at Wayfair.co.uk. Greetings adventurers. I am your dungeon master. Michael, tomorrow my pronouns are he, him with me this week is... Nika Hauer! Hello, Michael. You. Thank you for introducing me. I am here. My pronouns? She, her. Great, great. Jennifer Cheeks here. Hello, everyone. My pronouns are she, her. Tim Lannings here. What up, what up, he, him. And let's not forget Michael Bach, man. Oh my God. I love your shoes. My pronouns are he, him. Well, it's not a callback, too. I don't get it. It's not a callback. Sometimes it's a call forward to a joke I haven't made yet. Oh, okay. You're seeding the fields. You're dropping the crumbs for everything. I like that. I like that. It was pretty. I'm pretty fallow for that seed, but I'm excited. Bachman, can I say, though, that I did recently get new shoes, and so that was nice to hear, even if it wasn't directed at me. Bachman doesn't like your shoes. Wow, you're just going to claim my compliment? No, I literally just said it was nice to hear, even though it wasn't directed at me. She could pretend that you were saying it to her about her shoes. She was very open about not inherently being about her. Not against my will. You can't. Yeah. It was just nice to hear it. I'm glad someone likes a shoe. It could be my shoe. Has everyone done their taxes? No. I sent stuff to Molly. Michael's going to start today instead of doing every single other thing. It was pretty funny. He got a lot of other stuff done. I got a lot of them. I was like, I'll do it tomorrow. Listen, what's the point of, like, I'm not, I'm not good. I don't have money to pay him, so it's just, they're not going to get it. They don't deserve my money. They don't deserve it. I guess we got to pay him anyway. I'm banking that they don't have enough employees to notice that I don't do them. I just sent mine straight to TSA. Yeah. Like, is this good? Is this what you want? No, Michael, I think this is going to be the first year that I do them before like October. Nice. That's my goal too. We'll see if we get there. How do you make it last that long? We could go, we could go suicide pack together. We could both say no, and they were together as a family. No, I'm dragging it this is why. Because you too are. I don't know if I like that. But you don't get you don't have to Jennifer after he goes, we can. Yeah, you have to stop inviting me into suicide packs. Michael and I are in a legally distinct different thing. Yeah, podcast style. That's true. So it's like a pirate marriage. Sometimes we'll just do our taxes. Who knows when and then if I know he hasn't done it, I'm not going to do it. Yeah. Have you done it? No, I'm not doing it. Why would I do something that I don't have to do until Michael gets mad at me? No, I mean, technically, I can't do mine if he doesn't do it. And I can't do mine if he don't do yours. Suicide pack. Well, I feel like last year he did yours for mine. And then while I was like, oh, he finished it, he gets the gold star. You guys are competing against each other now. No, we're like the opposite. We both want to lose. Yeah, we're trying to hold out the longest. Yeah. Oh, well. We're in a post-mull and rat situation. Yeah. I think mostly because the last note that I took was Screech throws the three rats at the mall dealing two damage each and dying instantly. Yeah. They're like little bombs. That's the last important thing that happened. Yeah, I mean, that's what happened at the start of the fight, but still, yeah. Yeah, I kind of got distracted after the rest of it. That was the last thing I took. I think there's a case to be made that the fight was kind of over once that happened. Yeah, that was like that's what tipped it over the edge. Yeah, that's true. The three rat bomb. That's true. Previously on Greetings Adventurers. A servant comes out and you can't help but overhear him say that there's a disturbance in the wine cellar and he thinks he saw a rat, a giant rat. Miss Vadaspa is on her way now to inspect the vintages. Kind of feels like an early game quest. I pulled three rats out of my magic hat. I'm like, say it. I believe I have this thing. Hold on. I'm pretty sure I took it where I can talk to animals. You brought me in to kill this rat. I don't know how I'm going to help you. I'll try. I don't know. Yeah, whatever feels good, you know, that's when you run into Saline's mom. Hi, I'm Jennifer's mom. You head down, then you see a really big rat. Oh my God, he is a big rat. And then an even bigger foot steps on that rat. What? It appears to be a construct of some kind and it has diggy looking hands. Like a mole? Like a mole? Yeah, and its nose is like two big grindy things. I'm going to go up and I'm going to attack it with sword. That's a net 20. Oh, that's good. Look at you, big dog. How much damage did you do? 24. 24. Very nice. Very nice. What does it look like when you kill it? I'm just like shooting so much negative anti-life energy into it. Probably the only thing alive inside of it being the baby mole. Just pops or something. You hear it pop on the inside. Y'all, I really need to go get that bell. I think I'm going to get another warning slip if I don't go get it. Oh yeah, you need to deal with that. What bell? Stop saying scratch. You finished off, it was more of a mole at the end of the day. Yeah. But you beat it and then I believe it ended with Rourke remembering and wanting to do the bell thing. Yeah, I gotta go do that. Whatever that is. Whatever that is. Yeah, I gotta go to the town and I gotta get the bell but I can't ring it. This bell quest that we've been teasing for episodes and episodes. Yeah, I feel like it feels very stressful to have a bell and not be able to ring it. Yeah, I'm going to tie a little piece of string on your finger. That's going to be like if there's a side quest, just keep walking. Keep going to the bell. I'm going to paper clip it. Don't ring it on you as well. A side, but a side on her shirt. If you see my lost daughter, don't let her ring the bell. Send her to the bell. Send her to the bell but don't let her ring it. Oh my God, I would hate to have a bell. I wouldn't be able to ring it. Michael, you're literally the worst DM in the world. You're diabolical. That's so mean. How does a mind come up with this? This doesn't bother me, Michael. I'm just going to hold the center of it. I'm going to hold its little uvula so it doesn't ring. Oh, yeah, it's a little clit. I didn't think of that. Yeah, I'm going to grab it right by the clit. Uvula's like much more correct. It's funnier to call it a little clit. Yeah, it's the part of the bell. The little bell clit. One of the most important parts. I think it's the most important. Kind of what makes it a bell. Kind of what makes it a bell. Wait. It's the thing from the bell. Can't bell that it. So let's say Selene's dad comes in. To see the aftermath. Is he hot? I was just going to ask what he looked like. I couldn't remember. You saw him last episode. Okay, was he hot then? Well, he looks... I don't remember. You don't remember? Why have I already forgotten that fucker's name again? It's not James Marston. No, he's old. No, James Marston's my brother looks like... Oh, Donald Sutherland. Yes, Donald Sutherland. I just like to forget his name. Yes, he looked kind of like Donald Sutherland by. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Donald Sutherland. If you have a certain viewpoint, he could be hot, but probably not everyone. Yeah. Who is that? Her dad. You know what? If you, what's our email? GreetingsAdventurersPodcast.atgmail.com. Email us if you think Donald Sutherland is hot. Let us know. Yeah. I thought Jared Harris was hot, but didn't think he was conventionally attractive and people were like, what? No, he is attractive. And I was like, maybe I... Jared Harris? Yeah. Who's this? It's just like you're making up names. Oh, Donald Sutherland's dead. Yeah. He's dead? I know I just learned who he is, but that may have been kind of sad. Are you okay? Okay, well, I don't see that, but I respect your decision. How are they going to make more episodes of Paradise? I've only seen three of season two. Oh, well. Isn't he in that? Isn't he in that? Oh, he's in MASH. He's in MASH. Donald Sutherland. No. He's definitely not. Wait, who's the dad? Who's the dad of that? Oh, that's a... He's a different guy. That's a totally different guy. Yeah, that's a totally different guy. That's a major dad. I don't know why. That's the major from major dad. Oh, why guys all look the same? Oh, yeah. No, they don't. There's major dad. Donald Sutherland. Oh, he's in the Italian job. Donald Sutherland is in the oldest living Confederate widow tells all. He is the oldest living Confederate soldier. What? Well, he's dead. Not anymore. That was the movie. Oh, he's a ghost? No. I don't think Donald Sutherland was in the Civil War. You know, he actually probably was. If anyone was, it was him and Sam Elliott. Whoa. Okay. Like the oldest people. So, yeah, he looks like that. He has on his Union Gray or whatever. Nope, nope, nope. Much like... He's not on a fancy man's outfit. Did you say his Union Gray? That's what he said. Well, yeah, much like that one character from Twilight, he was in the South. No! Wrong. Not happening. That's the one guy's backstory. That was crazy. That was crazy they did that in Twilight. He might have been a slave catcher. What color was the Union? I said gray, but I think they're blue. The Southern people over blue, right? Is that right? I don't remember. The Confederates are gray. And the Confederates are bad? Yeah. So, you were saying it was like the guy from Twilight who was a Confederate soldier of the year. I remember him in Florida, so my education's a little different. You have to be a little patient with me. Sorry. The Confederates who just wanted states rights. That's it. The folks that are fighting for fucking freedom. States rights were gray. People to have slaves. Yeah, yeah. Human rights were blue. Oh. Hello, this is William and Jordan from the podcast Help Ice Exit, my boss. And we're currently sponsored by Wayfair.co.uk, where you can shop all things home. And where we can shop all things studio. Yes, indeed. We've been working on my Wayfair dressing room. Our dressing room. Well, it's mine. I mean, I turn up on time. I'm going to have to make use of it, then. We're very excited to show you what we have created. And no matter what room you're looking to update, Wayfair.co.uk has everything you need. Wayfair.co.uk offers an unparalleled variety of home products, ensuring there's something for everyone. No matter their style or budget, they'll deliver unbeatable value. Shop now at Wayfair.co.uk. Sorry for the voice note. Just running for the taxi. Did anyone pack hair straighteners? No, I didn't. I've got hair straighteners. Everybody relax. Predeparture drink anyone? Sure, you can roam in the EU at no extra cost. But what really matters is friends and family. That's why we're happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile. It pays to be connected. Terms apply. See tescomobile.com slash home from home. I was at Antietam. That's crazy. Did you know that that was slash is the bloodiest battle for Americans lost casualties? I didn't know that. Hello, I'm, I'm, uh, You've activated. Mr. Darius Van Espen. Hey, hey, D-Dog, what's up? Great job down here, gang. Here's 10 gold pieces. Really? I'll take all of them. Wait, Natan, we split gold pieces evenly, so just go ahead and give us all. We technically split everything evenly, but I track all of it. Well, there's four of us. Mechanically, you guys have the gold you have. I just track it all. Oh, I meant how to character. Oh, I'm truck. This is how it works. I'm talking. And D&B and beyond, this is how it works. Yeah, I know, but we're, he's concerned. Oh, we pay us 10 as a lump sum to four people. Oh, well, yeah, cause the company takes it and we, we divvied it up all that at the evening. Nailed it. Cause we have to pay the cuts. Also, if you would like to keep this lantern, you can as well. Yes. Oh, what a, is it special? No. Oh, thanks. I'll remember you always. It will keep you light and the darkness. We don't, none of us need that. I mean, yes, we do. We always need a light. Oh yeah, I'm a white guy. Yeah, yeah, you're not a free. I'm a big white guy. And you don't know how to, you know what I mean? I mean, I guess it's like, is that magic? Having dark vision? Kinda. A little bit. Or is it like? It is for you and. I'm gonna scratch. I've never been so mad. All right. I'll add 40 gold to our. 40. No. 10. 10 total. Total? That's what, what, what did you think we were talking about? It's 40 times 4. I thought we were gonna get 10. No, we were getting 10 as a group together. I want 40. That's what, exactly. I wouldn't have done this for 10. Welcome to the conversation. I'm giving you 10 gold, a lantern, and one week of rations if you want. Why are you giving us rations? This is an appropriate reward for killing rats. Who? Who says? It was more than a rat. Yeah, it was more than a rat. Yeah, look at that big ass mole. You see, this was more than a rat. We were very frightened, sir. Don't tell him that the mole stepped on the rats or he's gonna want to pay the mole. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, he'll give the mole. How did you kill this? It looks like it popped from the inside. Uh, we, uh, we clapped real loud. We have a special powder that expands and we shoved it straight down its gullet. Yeah. Have you ever heard of a firecracker? Did I do a, uh, a, a roll? A deception? A deception roll? This girl was still, yeah. I want a lie to my stupid dad, who's being cheap right now. I hate him. He's pissing me off. We should kill him right now. That's a great roll. That's a 27. Holy shit. On the deception. I am practicing lying to my father. Yeah, you should have an advantage. So, wait, what was the lie? Um, that I put special powders down its gullet and it expanded and that's how it exploded from the inside. Exploding mole poisoning. Yeah. Special powders. Hmm. Yes, it's a, it's a thing that the small folk use sometimes. Uh-huh. Uh. You know, traditional, um, medicines and, and, and, and, you know, things to deal with pests and such. Yeah. The nobility of the peasant. Hmm. So great. Uh-huh. You guys need to clear out, but you can come back once the party starts. But do we not get an extra reward for the big robot mole? Sorry. Look at it. It has two drills, like a Mega Man boss. Try to pick it up. This thing is unusual. I would say it doesn't look like your typical rat. Yeah. No, I mean the dead rat is big and dead. But this look, this giant mole robot made of metal. Boop, boop, boop, boop. Do you want 10 gold pieces each? Is that what it is? Yeah. We'll take that. Fuck the earth. Kind of. Okay. Fine. 10 gold pieces each. Yay. I'm going to add another 40 gold. So that's 50. Wow. Wait a minute. Yeah. We actually like stole gold. Two different bees. We stole an extra 10 out of his pocket. And four lanterns. Four? There's four of us. There's four of us. Fair enough. Fair enough. Okay. All right. But I add, I don't actually need a lantern. So when are you guys going to have two? I don't know. I don't know. Add the lantern to your backpacks or else. Oh my God. How heavy is this lantern? It's really fucking heavy. I'm tired. It stinks. It's a hassle. It's nice. No, it stinks. Yeah. There's no oil for this lantern. What? You give us empty lanterns? We just like do the whole episode making him give us more and more stuff. It's this heavy without the oil. My God. Wait, it's a ton. Hey, Darius, you go up first real quick. Let's steal all this fucking wine. We don't want to cause like a huge disturbance. Well, I'll just say the molded it. No. Oh, look at her. She doesn't want to steal from daddy. So, Leen, you do remember that there is a special bottle that, you know, you would know about. Okay. That would probably upset him if he lost. Okay. Because it's probably worth like 500 gold. Well, you could find a kingdom on that for one bottle of wine. Do we think it's something that he would likely like crack open tonight for the wedding or is it something he's like saving so he won't find out immediately? He's saving for something more important than one of his kids. Perfect. That's of course. That's what I wanted to hear because then he won't be looking for it soon and won't put together that it was us that did it. Guys, I have a better idea instead of stealing all the wine. There's a little special something back here and I like crawl like in the back and I like, I shimmy like between some cask and like behind it and you're like what the hell. And like, I like move like down in a way that you're like, I don't understand where she went. Where'd she go? And there's like a little trap door back behind the cask like a little, it's like a little door. And when you open the, it's like the little door in our, our room. It's like a small door. It's like a little wall door and I, and I open it and like I open the door and it's kind of like, yeah, a little bit. It's like looking the briefcase. There's a little bit of like sparkle to the wine. Oh, it's like it has a aluminum, like it's not glow. You would not look at it and be like, this wine is glowing, but it has like a luminescence to it, like a slight. It's glowing, but not magically. So to speak. Exactly. It's not shooting off light, but it's glowing. It's just so beautiful. It's just like so beautiful. It's like the most beautiful, like, what? Exactly. Has the glow. Exactly. I squeezed my way back out and I brandished the wine. And Michael, I'm distracting Darius by walking up the stairs ahead of him. Like, so you, did you get your speech ready? Oh, yes, I did. I think it's gonna be a cracker. You're gonna crack a dead big dog. Yes. Yes. Yes, I am. I like you. God, make sure you come back tonight. I am. You couldn't keep me away. I'm working. Trying to hit on Chuck. My dad. Okay. I'm literally working the event, but then I'm gonna have to stop working the event because you said I could sit at your table during the party. You can. In my wife's seat, if I recall. My dad is trying to get sucked off by Chuck, by human Chuck right now. Big Chuck Chuck. Big Chuck, human Chuck. Yeah, Big Chuck Chuck. Big Chuck Chuck. Human Chuck Chuck. Yeah, so you, you swipe that wine. I like how you're my, my, my maid shift, my, my, my, you know, roughspin cloth dress of a peasant. What'd you say? Did you steal four? No, this one's for sharing. There's only the one of this. This is the only one. This is actually a huge fucking deal. And like, actually, I probably sold this for like a lot of money, but they kind of keep track of like these bottles because that's like how special they are. Wait, magically? No, they keep track of them as in like literally in, if we tried to sell it, the number of it would get matched and we get back to him. That's how precious this wine is. So we should guzzle it down. I enjoy it. Yeah, we should drink it like in a McDonald's parking lot. We should drink it. Yeah. Do like Yasmin from industry and drink it on the subway straight from the bottle. Yeah. Or Paul Giamatti in Sideways. Yes. Now be careful out there. I've heard there's been some incidences. What with tomorrow being Collar-ing Day and all. Yes. What do you mean out there? You know, in town. Okay. I mean, but again, we're like going to be in that tent working. Right. I'm just between now and then. Yeah, we're working. Because we're working the event. Yes. We're setting up still, you know. But he's telling us to get the fuck out of here. You guys got to go though, because we're done setting up. We have to go to our company. But. We'll take our union 15. There's no way. Darius knows how the fuck a catering company works. He doesn't have to know how it works. He's like, get out of my zone. Well, yeah, but we're not going on town in his world. We're just not standing on the fucking pulpit or whatever. We're going back to the tent to make petty force in his mind. So don't tell me to be safe. I'm going to be in a tent making pedophores. I might mind that is outside of maybe our preparation to drive the main zone. Usually he had to wait. Yeah, such an event. Yeah, for sure. Anyway, bye. He thinks so little of us. He thinks that we're not going to do anything for the next hour. So we have so many pedophores to pretend to make. He can't tell us to leave the sidewalk as public property. Exactly. I'm a sovereign citizen. Say it. Got to make me leave. And you're like, actually, you can do it. I don't need a birth certificate. I don't need to tell you why I'm recording you. Yeah. I'm an auditor. First of all, you're an auditor. Fuck. Wait, don't you have to do something? Yeah, I'm going to go get the bell. I mean, she's saying that I thought I was. I thought that that's where I had been. Well, you didn't say like I left now. We're going to go with are we? No, I just do it alone. I thought I did it alone. The end of the episode. I'm leaving. Yeah, then leave. I didn't. All right, go on then. Move your token. But wait, are we coming with you? There are you need to do this task on your own. I wasn't imagining that you had to do it by yourself, but it's up to you what you want to do because you guys are free will. You guys can come to. I respect your commitment to the bit, but we are not actually part of a catering. What's this bell for? I got to get it for the echo location. We're not doing that. The echo chamber. You don't need to do that. The echo chamber. They meet in the echo location. Yeah. That's only just the confusing. You don't need to do that. Well, I'm going to do it. They're stupid. You can either come with me or you can not. And I'll go do it by myself. Listen, she's an adult. She's a Mary. She's just a kid. They have sent me four warning letters. I'm pretty sure they're going to kill me if they don't. This is going to get dangerous now. If they're dumb enough to Mary's screech. I don't I have. I'm not afraid. Well, your daughter also married screech. How dare you call my wife dumb. I'm actually extremely intelligent father. Are you guys walking and talking? Yeah, she made a robot suit that she drives. Yeah, I think she made that. It just happened. I thought I don't know. I think I have to do it. She made it. She might have made it soft to make it. All right. Let's walk and talk. Yeah, let's walk and talk. You're walking this later and it's so heavy. Ways 10 pounds. It's crazy. Yeah, it's like really hurting. Hey, it's me. Dick Goody. Oh, hey, oh, shit. Where you headed? Oh, friend. We're going to the O.T. Checkpoint on Lantern Street. Whoa. Oh, we got four lanterns. That's so funny. Oh, wow. Lantern Street. Yeah. Weird. I hope we're not going to super expensive wine street later. And I'm going to get the handbell that's over there. But don't ring it if you see it. Oh, hey, really, don't ring it. I'll fucking kill you. You're not an idiot. I wouldn't ring. Well, you killed those coughs we told you not to or implied it. They fucking deserved you. Yeah, they were to spake my daughter. I didn't tell you not to. I haven't killed anyone. I'm a young boy. Yeah, Dick, you didn't do anything wrong in killing them. Wait, you're not the Oreo? Who's the Oreo? Oh, I've heard of him. He's so cool. He is pretty cool. Wait. Selena's looking at Chuck like. I thought he was the Oreo. I thought I figured this out finally. I don't think so. This is Dick. Oh. Dick Goody. Who's the Oreo? Is that also a screech? I've seen them together. That's scratch. Oh. His homunculus second version of that sucks. Fucking call me that. Probably. You're a little freak. We finally knows how it feels to be called for off. I've never heard that name before in my life. He knows what it's like to be pain. A tiny, tiny little old man is pushing a great big cart. Kill. Full of loaves of bread. And it falls over. He's like, oh, my, oh, my bread. Did it just fall over? I had some honor. We help him. Yeah. He's like pushing it. It fell over. Question mark. We pick up his cart. Michael bought the Mad Libs guide to random encounters in your fascist state. And they're pretty good. They're pretty good. Coming to kickstart soon. We steal a loaf of bread and then we start. Yeah. Oh, let me help you. I'm gonna go to the shop. Why are you stealing from this old man? This is Michael's cabbage guy. I'm just picking up my car. So heavy. Oh, we'll help you, big dog. We'll help you. Yeah. Oh, young people. Hello there, sport. I'm 55. Don't help him. Yes, you're young to me. That's 55. I remember those days. I bet you do. Oh, thank you. Oh, please, everyone. Have a nice loaf of bread. What kind of bread is it? Oh, cool. For helping an old man. Thanks, sport. Do you have gluten free? For bread. We have four lanterns and four breads and 40 gold and one bottle of wine. And somehow the bread is heavier than the lantern. Yeah. The bread is full of oil. So we have to take the bread, squeeze it into the lantern, and we'll open the key. The bread is light and fluffy. It's very nice. It's a nice bread. It smells good. Good ass bread. I'm chowing down. I'm old man bread basket. Thank you for helping me. If you ever come by my shop, please have lots of bread. Okay. I feel like we're never going to see you again. Yeah. I feel like you're trying to force yourself to be a recurrent character, which is fine. I like that. I want to do. I'm writing it down. Old man bread basket is a character. He's in my notes now. Yeah. I actually like that you want it to happen. I think that's good. But like if a little kid walked up to us and he was like, a little fucked up goblin, he was like, adopt me. We'd be like, you gross. Get away. Now, if there was a, if we killed a goblin's family in the goblin, we'd be like, I don't want to see you anywhere to go. Adopted city USA. Yeah. Then out of guilt, we would be forced. Yeah. You're not the meat cart guy from 17 years ago. No, I don't do meat only fresh, tasty bread. It's very tasty. Do you have a cousin or like a grandfather that works? I don't know. Nope. Nope. They're all dead now because I'm so old. Interesting. Okay. See you later. Bye bye. Good to see you. Bye bye. This is good bread. I've had better. He's truly a master of his craft. Yeah. Hope I'm just good at something when I'm that old. Maybe you could break bread too. Thanks. All right. So you guys keep going. You guys head towards lantern street. What's happening? What's, what is the plan? I don't know. Is Rourke tackling this on her own? I think maybe Rourke is like going up there and we're like watching to like see if she needs backup. Because I would assume. Yeah. I don't think we all need to be like hovering over whatever the situation is necessarily. It feels like this is her induction to the thieves Guild of Wives. So even though Chuck doesn't support her, he's not going to get in the way and he is a fan of properly entering into clubs and guilds. Yeah. You know this is important for her to do this right. No, you don't care about that. Okay. Yeah. It is right here on the streets, guys. There's, you know, again, it's quieter than normal. There is a tense feeling in the air. You walk by a shop and there's a man and woman arguing over a trivial thing. Not important, but clearly just tensions are so high. Yeah. The vibes are bad. The vibes are bad. I should have given them one of our lanterns. That would really make them happy. Give him bread. I already ate it. I already ate it. I already ate it. Pull his fuck. I only have the crust. Yeah. But but you make it to the edge of the bizarre where Lantern Street is and there is there's a there's an OT checkpoint there. Let's have let's say roar. Let's have Rourke throw me a perception. I mean, anyone else can throw a perception at me. It's her wife initiation or whatever the fuck is happening. Oh my God. I'm going to kiss my spouse. I rolled in that one. What? And you said a perception that I have a negative one. So I actually got a zero on it. Hey, hey, hun, take the helmet off when you're doing this. I got the helmet on backwards. I can't see shit in her. You ate the bread bowl from the center. So it's just like around you. Like take the bread. It's stuck on your head. You ate too deep. Well, I tried to help and I rolled really bad also. So I got a 10 on perception. I'm good as fuck at perception. I'm not going to help. I got an 18. Well, thank God. Well, Rourke, you don't really understand what's happening. What are Bell? Suddenly blinded. Luckily, your husband is here to correct it for you. I'm so glad I have a man next to me because my tiny little half orc lady brain just can't figure out. Yeah. If you were using your boobs to percept, you may have been able to do it. But yeah, the rest of you see there's an unusual amount of yelling going on. More than normal. The Lantern District. In the Lantern District. There's two OT guards at this checkpoint and they are chewing out a bunch of what looked to be unruly teens. Hell yeah. What are they chewing them out about? What are they saying? Can we hear? Yeah. Can we get a little closer to eavesdrop upon them? I'm going to go try to find an oil salesman. I know I rolled a zero, but can I hear? Rourke definitely can't hear. Okay, that's great. Take your health. Rourke is like only thinking about Bell. Is Bell and Bell alone in Rourke's head right now? Oh my God. But if you guys want to sneak a little closer, give me a stealth. Somebody give me a stealth. I would like that. I'm not any good at stealth. I'm so bad at stealth. Don't be humble. I rolled double 16s on my advantage. Holy shit. 31, no. No, 16 to 16 is 32. That's a little chill. Oh my God. Did you do good? Is that a good? Is that the universal sign for doing okay? Oh my God, it is so good. I got a four. That's pretty good. This guy's, goodbye. You're in jail. You're in jail now. I think that's the one I was using before and I had to get rid of it. Is Rourke trying to listen again? Do it. All right. I'll bless this mission. You can add a D4. No. Don't bless me. I rolled a six. So. Plus a D4. Plus two. Wait, can I get that D4? You can get that D4. Okay. So that's six plus two. That's eight minus one. That's seven. That's a good roll. All right. Michael, I'm a 33 now. Okay. So. Only Screech knows this. But the, you hear. Take your headphones off. You hear them yelling at the teens and they're like, where is it? We know you took it. You took it from us. It can't just have disappeared. And they're, the teens are like, you haven't man. Just fucking let us go. That's the general vibe of the conversation. Oh, but I don't know what they're, what they're trying to find. Yeah, you don't. But clearly they think the teens have stolen something. Oh gosh. Who's hassling the teens again? Is this the OT guard? OT checkpoint. OT checkpoint. On lantern street. On lantern street. I walk up to the guards and I'll be like, oh, is this what you're looking for? I'm gonna hand them the bread. Stand down citizen. What are you doing here? He's rich for a grenade. Is it baguette? Is this what you're looking for? What? No. Why are you trying to give me bread? I stand, I kind of, I kind of move like in between the, the guards and the, and the teens. And I'm like, oh, maybe this, is this it? And I pull out the lantern. I'm like, no lantern. Oh my God. I'm so, yeah, is this it? What are you doing, sir? Why are you in searching yourself in this situation? Do the teens get the fucking hit or are they stupid? Yeah, they just like sit there like, oh, I want lantern bread. Hey man, this guy was yelling at us. Why are you in our way? This was enrichment for us. We like to yell that. You're breaking the rules, man. They start to back away and the guy's like, what's, stop sir, get out of the way. Oh, this is what you're looking for. And I pull out 50 ball bearings. But as I'm like, as I have in my, in my hands, I'm like, oh, and I dropped them all in the floor in front of them. I might subtract 50 ball bearings. Very good. Roll deception to see if they believe that. I'm really dropping ball bearings. I don't know what the deception is. He really, he really has. Yeah, but it's an accident. Okay. I thought it's an accident. Would they not slip on them if I did it on purpose? No, no, that'll be a separate rule, sir. I understand. Yeah, because we're about, are they going to immediately try to rest your ass for, you know, for like obstruction or whatever. Yeah. 17 deception. Plus a d4. Plus a d4. 46. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. You can do that. Wow. That's pretty good. 19. Hell yeah. So, um, their legs go in strange directions as these ball bearings skitter across the ground and they're, one of them is like, looks like he's like running in place. And the other ones arms are like waving in a big circular motion. I assume it's making the like Scooby Doo sound. Vince is going to put some really like British ass music. I would love that. It's going to be the Benny Hill like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yackety sacks or whatever. That's what Vince likes. And they fall over and they're prone. Now, Rorke, the guards are heavily distracted. Yes. By what? Fall into their damn asses. The teens and falling over. Oh, the bread, yeah. And the bread. And the bread. I go take it. To what? The bell. Damn. Why do you do that? I just do the thing. I did it. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. and down and bring them into the mouth. You find the brazier of worlds. I destroy it. I destroy it for you. I don't know. Did you guys try that though? I don't know. I should have. Why didn't you take the eagles in the bell? Do you just walk in? I just take it. I grab where it is and I grab it by its little clit. Well, unfortunately, you first you had to find it. I mean. Well, where is it, Michael? Don't make her do another procession check. That's what makes. You can do an investigation. Yeah. I'm going to do an investigation. You can investigate. Yeah. Maybe Rourke has been there the whole time snooping. Thank God. Are you sneaking or are you just like walking up and. Well, I don't know. You know what? I will just walk out there, Michael. Are they going to try me? What's the setup of the bell? I can see like where it's supposed to be. Remember, sometimes the best way to do things IRL is to act like you're supposed to be. Exactly. Just be normal. Like you're doing maintenance or something. I don't know what the setup is for the bell. The Wi-Fi is down in this hut. So roll me an investigate. I got a 19 plus eight is 27. That's really high. Wow. That's a great roll. That was a really high. Wait, I didn't roll my. I got that plus three or that plus not plus three. I rolled a plus three on a D4, but I got the plus D4. This is like your fucking moment. You're like the camera like zooms in on you while chaos is like they're like in the background and striding forward. Like if she's a Jojo. Yeah. Yeah. She's roller skating on the ball of areas to go fast. Yes. I pop out my heelies and I. Yes. Oh my God. Rort would have heels though. I feel like she would. Because I mean Lucy would invent heels. Yeah. She did. Artificers can have heels. They did. They did. Yeah. They did. Hele's real. Yeah. And really saved it. In our world. Lucy's gender is based off a real life person and that real life person's gender is fluid. Could be she they. Yeah. Yeah. So with that wonderful role you note that in the checkpoint there is a little sign that says Bell and there's a. What. Yeah. There's a circle of like there's dust but then like in the middle of the dust there's like a circle of not dust or like a thing used to be sitting right there. But now it's not there. So someone else already stole the fucking bell. I'm going to kill him. The bell is apparently gone. No. Those teams went to fly though. Where's the bell. Do the teams have it. Do I hear a tingle tingle. Yeah. I mean you could do a perception. I don't think the teams did it. I'm going to do it. And if this doesn't work. It was old man bread basket. It was old man bread basket. What if he did he hit it inside the bread. I don't trust him. I'm going to use my lucky. And now I ate it. Oh no. Your tummy's ringing. Yeah. You're ringing it because you're dancing all around. I rolled. I rolled a five. It's pretty good. And I rolled a three. And lucky you know you get to take the higher. So I'll take the five minus one so four plus that D4 you gave me. I rolled a three. So let's go with a seven. I ate on your. I'm going to fulfill this pack tonight. Just find a different bell. Yeah. Go to Bell Bell store. How do I know I'm going to kill everyone until I find this bell. I'm going to kill everyone until I find this bell. Somebody ate the bell. Why do you think that I can't hear it jingle jingle. So that means it's in someone's tum tum. So the guards were sprawling on the ground. They're like what what how do you fool. Why do you have so many balls. Oh is that what he said to the guard his guard mate. Right. He's going to suck him. No he's hiding the screech. Oh oh oh. This is his ball bearing. Little balls. Oh. And he's like the teens. Oh I'm going to be so much trouble once the sergeant gets here. Oh oh my god. You you stay here. You stay here. I'll go get him. But no the sergeant will be here any moment. Oh well you better pick up all these ball bearings then. And I swing. Swings away. That's when around the corner comes another O.T. guard. This one in what looks to be a sergeant uniform. I wonder if this is a sergeant. And he has what appears to be a robit dog with him. Oh shit. Oh like the MIT ones. Yeah. I'm at an oil salesman like do you hear bees. I hear bees. Bees. Bees. That's what they sound like. What. The robot dog sounds like bees. Oh oh yeah I can see that. I don't know that I've ever really heard them actually. They're loud as fuck. That doesn't make sense. I don't like that. I don't. They're scary. Yeah. I don't like the weird backwards. So the joke is that they they sound like bees. Ish. But they're not. They're robot dog. So you have to kick to try and make a ball over. So that's happening. That guy's striding up. He's striding up to screech in the other OT guys in the ball bearing zone. Yeah. I was quite clear when I said I left Michael. I don't remember. Did you say you left? He did. He did. He did say he was walking away. He did. I told them I'd go find the teens and then I said you better pick up all the ball playing. Oh. The sergeant gets here and then I walk away. Oh that's right. He just continued walking away while he was like. OK. Yeah I missed that part. I guess. That you all agree. It happened. There's I believe. Even though I was talking about screech so being there. I don't believe. I I think you're lying to me. I mean if you need the sergeant to show up as I'm leaving like it's. But since you're all against me then I'll just go with it. We're always against you. You're literally trying to kill us every single episode. And I can't do it. You can't do it. It's so frustrating. Why won't you die. You're so annoying. There's one mole after you. So so yeah so the the sergeant and his dog comes up. What's going on with Roar because Roar can you around. I mean yeah. And you don't see the bell and then you then what. She would be trying to find. I mean this is where the bell is supposed to be. Yeah. So either clearly it clears day that this is where the bell would be. You guys got to fucking communicate. This is crazy. Either the teens have the bell or it's around in this area. But screeches already gone to go after the teens. Yeah the guards aren't currently aware of you. OK. But they will be shortly. Do they sense magic. OK. Nothing you know of. I feel like I was so scared about that. You're about to scream. Yeah I guess that's the part like the aspect of it. It's like they don't like it's not like they get a tingly feeling when magic happens. But if you're like whispering crazy shit. And they might be like what's going on over there. Why that big lady in armor in a bad dress screamed expecto Patrona. Why she's our t-posing. Oh yeah. She's beseeching something. And they're incapacitated. Prone. They're prone. So I would get advantage prone and unaware of you. Michael can I just talk it out with you for a second. Yes of course. I feel like you've really backed me into a corner where I don't have too many options. I feel like I'm trying to give you multiple. No there's only one and I feel like you really want me to kill them. And I don't know why you want me to attack the people. Not kill them. No I don't think so. He wants me to bash their heads. It's saying they're unaware of you. Sneak away. You can sneak away from them. Oh OK fine. I will sneak away. I guess I won't I won't find you're not going to kill them or you can kill them. You can kill them or. Well maybe don't go. Maybe we'll stop to kill them. Poison them. Trap them under rubble. Light them on fire. Boil mash them stick them in a stew. No I can't do any of that. Talk to them. Well I guess yeah if I I've investigated and I don't see anything for the bell. It's not in here. Rimen piss on them rip the teeth out keep them to souvenirs. God damn it. Why'd you have to say souvenirs. I want to cut one of their fingers off. I'll leave. OK. Why don't you just give me a quick stealth roll with advantage. Michael I'm pretty sure I have I specifically have disadvantage on it. Well then you don't though. Rolled a one. No. Ow. No Nika your dice are haunted tonight. I hate them. I'm going to throw them away. Nika roll better. I went up to get a drink and then I just heard Jennifer yell. Yeah no don't kill them. What happened. It wasn't like in real time. I mean it was happening. So I don't sneak away. So yeah so you go to sneak out the window or how are you trying to sneak out. Well I thought we were outside. Are we inside right now. There's like a booth. Oh there's a. OK there's a little booth. OK. It's like a tall booth a checkpoint. OK no sorry I wasn't I was not envisioning a tall like a booth but that doesn't make sense. Yeah OK OK if it's like a tall booth situation. Well I guess I'll try to climb out the window but I obviously don't climb out very sneakily. You don't. Nika's like I want to do something but Michael I don't want to roll for it. Which is fair. And I think that's the right call. The problem is I already rolled and I rolled very poorly. Like that. Yeah I rolled another one. Don't make a roll again Michael that's not nice. Yeah. No that's a bad roll. Yeah. You're like I can I can I can do. No. So you smash out the window. I do like man. Cool a man style. I say oh no bell. And the sergeant's like you you that what were you doing. I flip him off. Hey I'm a sergeant. And then I throw that loaf of bread. Can I throw the loaf of bread at his head. Sure. You guys didn't eat your bread. What's wrong with you. Selina and I ate that fucking bread. It wasn't a long walk. We ate that fucker. All of it. I was hungry. Yeah. I don't know. Got it. Got like a 16 to throw the bread at his head before. It's like an improvised ranged weapon in a lot of ways. Oh sorry I got like an 18 to hit him in the head with bread. That's really good. A nice stale roll right to the noggin. That does it's not stale please. No it's nice. It's a nice crusty roll. It's light and fluffy. It does hit him directly in the head. Perfect. At which point he steps backwards into the ball bearings. Oh yes. Yes. I hope he falls right on his butt. Hold him they should have picked him up. He's going to hit the edge of something in his head. It's just going to ask for it. And he says ouch my little butt. And he slips backwards into a nibs who we all know the one card names nibs and falls over. It's now all of them are falling over. And then the dog thinks that they're playing. Wow. Oh yes. So the robot dog can play like they have. It's like jumping. It's like jumping on this one. Can. Okay that makes you feel okay. Okay. This is not a purely. Yeah the ones that we can. Weapon dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That we know of. So Rourke now what do you do? They're all lying on the ground flailing about. I guess leaves. Oh. I think you're just like doing a forward roll and like. Yeah. Get out of there. But like you know a tactical forward roll. Yeah like a fucking Elon Musk. Othering bill. I didn't see that but I can imagine it and I'm laughing. And then I say oops my internet cut out. All right so you you you take off. Yes. I guess where everyone else went or if I didn't see them I take off in a general direction. Yeah you're not sure where they even went. I feel like Celine has just been chilling like kind of hiding out like watching stuff. Celine probably hasn't moved yet like. Can I find her then? Because she's in the opposite direction. Because she's with me too. Where are you? I went to go get by oil. Oh that's right you went to go get by oil. Far land. So yeah I would see. You went to follow Screech. Well Celine is just where she's been. I think that we. Right that's why you would follow her. She's not there. Celine got nothing to do with the bell. But I don't know where he is because he ran away. I don't know where he is because he ran away. But you have nothing to do. You didn't take the bell. I know that for a fact. Sorry I want to solve it for sure. She didn't take the bell. I did not take the bell. Guys I didn't take the bell. What am I did? That'd be so funny. Michael Hange you piece of paper you took the bell. Yeah you took the bell. You know that to you on episode one of this campaign is like what does this mean. And now it makes sense. So you're heading back towards the alleyway where you remember Celine was. You're not sure where Screech went and no idea where Chuck is. So you head to that alley and before you get to Celine somebody steps out of the shadows. Oh no. It's one of the echo chamber. Which one? Yeah which one. Tell me. You tell me. Hold on. I don't know any of their names. It's a lot of names. It's a lot of names. It's stressful. I need better notes in their affiliation. Yeah that's the thing I have names of wives to help with this but I don't know which ones are in the echo chamber. Maybe it's a new one. Maybe it's a hitherto unnamed wife. Be sure to keep the three unaffiliated or whatever it is. I feel like they're all named. I do have an unaligned I've got two that I know are DuBois daughters. You know what this one is number 17 Meat Chunk. Meat Chunk. Okay explain Meat Chunk. I feel like that's self-explanatory. Can they read two? Can I have another one? Yeah you can have another one. Kristinara. Kristinara. Okay. Meat Chunk and Kristinara step out. I feel like it sounds better if it's Kristinara and Meat Chunk. Not to tell you how to do your job. Kristinara and Meat Chunk is that's our door to me. So they are now members of the echo chamber? Yes. They always have been. They always have been. They always have been. We knew this going into it. You have to let the story evolve though. Right. Kristinara and Meat Chunk step out of the shadows work and Meat Chunk holds up a small bell and says are you looking for this? Yeah you dumb bitch. Whoa. Obviously I'm here for that. Why'd you fucking take it? Well you took so long we didn't think you were coming. You literally sent me three things and I was on here before you sent this fourth month. Why would you think that I was not coming? I'm sorry was there something that said I needed to respond by the third warning or notice? I just you know typically it's and then Meat Chunk goes to Kristinara and like whispers something and they pull up not to each other. Typically you know sorry we're just really thrown off by your general attitude. Yeah well maybe you should give people a little more guidelines on what they need. I need specific deadlines. I need to know when I need to have this in or else I'm going to procrastinate and that's not my fault. That's your fault. You didn't give me the deadline. I've worked with a roarke before. I tried to be the roarke before someone else would be the roarke at me. They actually both look really impressed. This girl is getting the date. You can't even guess what a girl is blushing right now. I like this actually. Well so we're actually kind of used to waiting around. So one time Screech when we were married I had to wait for like three hours in the rain. That's crazy. Which one is this? This is Kristiana. Kristinara. Kristinara. Kristinara. What are you waiting for? He said it was something about his horse shoes. I don't know. I don't know. And then me chunks like I went to a whole funeral one time that he said he was going to show up at and he never came. Damn it. It's kind of like Screech is the roarke. Did I invite her to a funeral? I was going to date this year. We were married. It wasn't a date. Who's talking? It's a lady that used to drive it over in the corner. Chuck walks up checking on the oil. What's up? Her head is back. Then she takes her head back behind real quick when she realizes that she's been hurt. Oh is that me chunk? I don't know. A bunch of ball bearings roll out from under a curtain. Why is there a curtain in the alleyway? That really stood out before but no. Anyway, it's great that you did show up. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. That actually shows leadership qualities, we think. Oh my God. My therapist just told me the same thing last week. Wow. You will have to tell us who your therapist is. I don't think I can do that due to hip avialation. Next week. Yeah, that's what I heard too. I didn't really know like that. Stop reading my notes. We think you did a great job on this one. Thank you. And we will report back your success. Positively. I like it though. Can I give them a, damn it, you wouldn't let me take one of the toes from the OT, did you Michael? No. Sorry. What? Do I have a tooth? Do I have a random tooth I can give them? You know what? I feel like Rourke would have a random tooth. Yeah. I feel like she'd have actually several different kinds of teeth. I'm going to give a molar to a meat chunk because I think that that seems like what they would like the most. Can I say, Nika, I picture that Rourke has like a little jar of assorted teeth. Yes. Like just like a small one, like that you put the little tiny teeth shells in, but it's teeth. I don't think it's like a big jug. That's way too heavy. That's way too heavy to carry. She's already had this lantern she's going to carry. She has the big jug inside the Cuisinart, genie part, gen part, whatever it is. Right, right, right. That's where the real, these are like you're walking around teeth. Yes. And so she's got the little thing that refills. Yeah, same deposit teeth box. Exactly. So yeah, I want to give a molar to meat chunk and I want to give a canine to Kristie. No, actually, you know what? I don't think she's ready for a canine. I'm going to give her an incisor. Kristie Nara. Kristie Nara. Wait, you're not ready for a canine, so you're giving him an incisor. Is it incisor? Is that a canine? Incisor. Oh, incisor. On the these? On the these? Is it the one right next to it? Yeah. What's teeth? Tell me what are teeth. They're like, wow, this is weird, but thank you. And we actually have a gift for you, which is this bell. Oh, my God, thank you. She will grab it by the clit so that it does not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No ringing. Yeah, and then she gives him a wing. If you ever need us. Yeah. Just ring the bell. Oh, my God, that's so cool. If you ever want to come over sometime and talk about screech, it's like the Santa Claus. Is it the bell or is it the snow globe? OK, it's the same concept. It's the same concept. It's really different. And then like a bunch of bats fly out of the alleyway that you're randomly in. You like look up at them and then you turn around and meet Chunk and Kristina are gone. Oh, what? Damn, that was pretty cool. There's another curtain in the alleyway. Yeah. Yeah, where's the. Here's another curtain. There's four shoes. Every so often a hand comes out and grabs some ball bearings up. I just know that screech either learned how to disappear from one of the wives or he taught all the wives how to disappear and they just like retained it in different ways. Screech feels like the type of guy that would steal like talents from women. It's like I feel like one of his wife's is a squirrel. One of his wife's was an ant. One of his wives was a dog or whatever. I want to be mad about that. But like when you're right, you're right. I was getting ready to defend my my husband and say, no, he would never do that. Well, you probably should stop it before we get to the point where we just have two rocks running around. I don't think Screech is dabbling and being an artificer. What is this campaign one? You come in one time and they're like metal forging, but in the way of ghost, the movie. Yes, yes. So she's standing behind him like while they're, yeah, I don't know, hammering. You're both sweating profusely. Yeah. Your giant armor with an apron on. Yes, some sexy music is playing. Yeah, you have like the big gloves on so you can do metalworking. I'm just going to go. I'm going to burn the shop down. She's jacking them off with leather gloves and metal shavings. Oh, and the mask because it's too bright. Yeah. Yeah. Jacking them off so fast. So bright. Yeah, it's like it's like sparking. It's dick. It's red. It's red. You have to put it in like a plunge. Yeah. Yeah, you take like it's it's like this sounding is taking the glass blowing. Yeah, like Rub is dick all around it. It's just an inch. I can that scene with Robert Downey Jr. and the hammer just like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, and that's like probably your real dick and not your robot dick and your artificer. No, I was just going to say it's just his little one inch tuna can. Yeah, he's got a plank over that that bucket of cold water. So I imagine you removed it like action. It's like a like a saucer of water. Shallow bowl. Anyway, we'll figure that out next week. Yeah, that's so. Yeah, so 500 first order of business of the ghost metal for being jack off situation. Yeah, that's like tea. We don't want to spoil it. But like, as we all know, Bachman's character can't die because he figured out what level 20 is going to look like. So he's not allowed. And I guess since Rourke said she's going to jack off his metal penis with leather gloves with metal shavings in them until they got red hot. I'm metal penis. We're just treating it as such. It just was glowing like as if it were metal. Yeah, it's red hot because whenever it's hot, whenever screech gets red hot, his dick turns red hot. Oh my God, yeah, make a band. Don't say all the blood goes to his. This is too dirty. Yeah, yeah. So we didn't talk about piss at all this episode. This episode's for all the 14 year olds. Yeah, this episode was 14 year olds. Oh, yeah. But when you're jacking them off, he's like, I'm going to come and he starts pissing. Yeah. You're it. And it's hot. It's like I did it. I did it for the first time. I did it. I've never done this before. I never trusted a wife enough to. Exactly. And he's just like we. We piss everywhere. And it's steaming. And it's bad because it's piss. My dream is to trust a wife. Yeah, someday. Anything else? No. Before we end the role play, let's wrap it up. And I'm still playing with you guys. Surely not. Just like you should. Whenever you have sex. Yeah. Yeah. That just seems like. Wrap up your little blowing. No way, dude. That sucks. No, Michael. Ew. We're going to be responsible. No, it doesn't feel good. No, we need more listeners. So the official stance of the Green's Adventures podcast is never wrap it up. Have as many children as possible. Yes. So that we can have more listeners in the future. OK. Have bastards. Have illegitimates. Instead of the quiverful moment, we're the pod full movement. Well, you keep your podcast playlist full by having lots of kids and they listen to us. And then we make more episodes. RSSC. The more of you there are, the more content we can give you. Yeah. Yeah. Statistically, there's too many podcasts now. So they do say the best way to get new listeners is to encourage your current listeners to have children. Yes. And if you have kids, you can just make them listen to podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. And this is definitely a healthy one. For them to listen to. And you should start young. Yeah. So that way they know they're familiar with everything. They'll grow up learning the rules. And you can like relate to them because you're like young, like they are young too. And they'll learn about piss. So that's our official stance. Yep. You heard it here. You heard it here. Have a lot of kids to listen to the podcast. This is a Rod Dog podcast. Yeah. Rod Dog podcast. We're officially Catholic. So we do think masturbation is wrong for a lot of reasons. And it's not just because you're literally taking listeners from us whenever you masturbate. I do think it's funny. You say that we could be Catholic because we have been sharing a lot of Catholic tick talks recently. We yeah. There's been a lot of Easter content which I'm loving. Yeah. I don't click on it because it seems Satanist. But what are you going to do when you have all those kids and you're like, I can't afford dice. They all want dice. What do I do? Go to dieharddice.com and you can enter the offer code DRAGONS and get 10% off your order to feed all of your dozens of children beautiful dice. They have great dice. They have mystery bags of dice, which I think is really fun. It's a great way to be sort of, I'm going to say, like recycle old materials. So they basically take the leftover like extra percentages of the filament or whatever. I'm getting every technical term wrong, but they use it to make new beautiful dice or to coat other dice like what Nika is doing right there. It takes a lot less of the expensive stuff. So it's beautiful and you can check it out over at dieharddice.com. And I really like that. That's the really light ones. Yes. I really like those. I think it's fun to have heavy dice, but it's nice to have a variety. Yeah. Well, they have like those ones are covered in like what the more expensive ones are like made out of. Yeah. And then they have ones that are like thicker made out of like beautiful patterns of like the cast. Cast off is the wrong term, but basically it's like using the entire bit of the dice. That makes sense. Yeah. Diardice.com and Off-Code Dragons. We get a kissy on that. And if we get an extra kissy, if you get our special Dracona Arena dice. Do it. They're pretty. Thank you, everybody. If you want to get a touch of us, we are on Blue Sky at D&D Podcast. We're also on Instagram at greetings adventurers. You can find me at Thrifty Crafts right now with a video game that or Thomas says ouch my little butt. It's good. It looks cool. No other game has that. Stop it. He said that, though. You can follow me on Blue Sky at Tim Lening and the first episode of Tribulation Far Season six. Assassins is out. Check it out. Things are quite emo with the game and the Tribulation Force. Motherfuckers be dying. And let's just say we've got actually a good chunk recorded ahead of time for this one. And it gets crazy. They kill so many people. It's crazy. There's a lot of stuff happening. A lot of stuff happening. Don't want to spoil it. Don't want to spoil it. You can follow me on Blest Sky. Blest Sky. Blest Sky. Blest Sky at Jennifer Sheik. I mean, Abdullah and Mack has some Blest Sky. They did have some Blest Sky. That is for a little. Horseman. A little morsel for you guys to understand when that episode is out. You can find me over at Nica Howard or at the Nica Howard or Nica underscore Howard on any different platform and go look at my nudie pics. You can find me at the Mike Bachman. Game Crimes. Yeah, yeah, we're doing game crimes. We do game crimes every Tuesday night after the Greetings Adventure podcast. 10 p.m. Central Time. Didn't get your fill of action and adventure in this episode of Greetings Adventures. Then check out these other geekly shows like Dear Internet, the D20 Day Show, Wayward Shores, No Page Unturned, and Taverns and Caverns. If you love the work that Vince does on the show, then make sure to check out Hikiko Mori, a podcast of weird and strange stories from Japan. Want to support the show? The best ways to join our Patreon where you can get ad-free episodes and so much more. Join now at patreon.com slash dndpodcast. After you've finally finished getting the bell, head on over to wherever you listen to podcasts to leave us a five star rating and review. New episodes come out every Monday, so go subscribe, get your cross-leg filled and get ready for things to get dicey. Thank you everybody, until next week, keep it dicey. Hello, this is William and Jordan from the podcast Help I Sext at My Boss, and we're currently sponsored by Wayfair.co.uk, where you can shop all things home. And where we can shop all things studio. Yes, indeed. We've been working on my Wayfair dressing room. Our dressing room. Well, it's mine. I mean, I turn up on time. I need somewhere to pop on just the touch of makeup that I'm wearing. I'm off to make use of it then. We're very excited to show you what we have created, and no matter what room you're looking to update, Wayfair.co.uk has everything you need. Wayfair.co.uk offers an unparalleled variety of home products, ensuring there's something for everyone. No matter their style or budget, they'll deliver unbeatable value. Shop now at Wayfair.co.uk. Sorry for the voice note. Just running for the taxi. Did anyone pack hair straighteners? No, I didn't. I've got hair straighteners. Everybody relax, pre-departure drink, anyone? Sure, you can roam in the EU at no extra cost, but what really matters is friends and family. That's why we're happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile. It pays to be connected. Terms apply. See tescomobile.com.