Our Moms Play Agree To Disagree

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This is no big secret. Yeah, right now is how we thought that. Do you want to sell the record straight on anything? Specifically, I think we were thinking some of the sex toys. We had the talk. You just weren't listening. I'm pretty sure if I heard sex, my ears would have perked up. I think you're a PDA. I see dads smack your butt a lot. You sit on dads' lap. Yay! You guys had a love corner in our kitchen growing up. Lori! Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host Abby Howard. And Abby Howard. And we have some other guests today. Woohoo! Yeah, mothers! Our moms, in honor of Mother's Day! Yay! Thank you. Thank you to Lori, my mom, for being here, and Ruth, Abigail's mom, for being here. Yes, it's such a treat. This didn't come easy, if I'm totally honest. The moms, the moms had to... They had their reservations. They had their reservations. Yes, we did. Now, there's a list of criteria. Yeah, Lori, for sure. I had my demands. I'm going to have reservations. That's true. She had reservations. You had demands. I think we already kind of failed some of the demands because the seating is a little... It's a little slumber party vibe. It is. Good thing we're close. It's an honor to have you guys on. Thank you for stepping outside of your comfort zone. We're going to try to be nice to you and make this as seamless as possible. Well, we actually had about 60 minutes of hard-hitting interview-style questions that we did not want you to prepare in a bit. Okay. We know very little about the podcast here right now. Just to make you sweat. Seriously. Just kidding, we have a game. So, put us on the spot. Yeah, exactly. Okay, okay. No, we're not doing that. I'm not for it. Okay, I'm not for it. Okay. Well, we thought we would click off the episode with our hope and our hearts. But we're not going to do hearts, we're just going to do our hopes. Okay. I mean, you and I could do hearts, Abby, but I didn't. Sure. Our guests probably don't want to be vulnerable to the internet. We don't need to make them do that. We don't need to make them do that. This is our thing. This is our cross-debar. Okay. That's so much, Lily. It's true, though. So, what's your guys' hopes? What do you have? We told them in advance to prepare one. Okay. I hope my mom prepare hers because she's a humble queen. Okay, what is it, Lori? Well, we were supposed to say something we, like, you know, that is new or that's happy this week or upcoming. So, she told me to share that I did have a book that my sister and I wrote and it came out like a week ago. So, I'm super happy about that. We worked really hard on it. So, that is a great hope. She worked a lot on this book. It's really cute. It's like a kids' travel book. And it's perfect because it's all about Hawaii and where our family is going to Hawaii in a week. So, it's going to be perfect for the kids. But mom worked really, really hard on it with her sister. My sister Gina, yeah. We both worked on it. And your mother, as a shaman, yes. My mom was a contributor on it, too. Yes. So, anyway, we worked on it hard. And the first one's about Hawaii, but it's going to be a series. I can't wait. And, yeah, we're pretty excited about it. The teacher came out and the author and Gina came out. And travel lovers in both of you came out. So, it was a perfect combo. Well, Lincoln in the show notes. Yeah, when we were little, like my sister and I, we would be in the basement. And my dad was an artist. And so, I kind of liked the artist stuff. And we had like little offices in the basement. And I would do the, my sister would do the writing for a book. And I would do the illustrations. And we'd publish these little books and hang them out for people. Oh, that's cute. Oh, my gosh, that's really cool to know that. Yeah, we kind of forgot that we used to do that. And then about 10, 15 years ago, we had thought of, again, about writing a travel book. And I guess it was when you were still at home. But it's like, you know, how it is. Everything's busy. And we're working full time. We just didn't have time to do that. And you guys travel a lot too. We do. Yeah, we always enjoyed that growing up. We'd go, we'd get in our little Winnebago, and we'd drive and drive, go to Alaska, go different places in Winnebago. And so, we always looked forward to it. And so, I think it's something that we always enjoyed as a family. And then we had kids traveling. So, it was like a natural fit. So, it's really fun. Well, I purchased one. And I wanted it signed by the authors. Oh, of course, yes. Yes. Hey, it's easy to buy. It's on Amazon. So, I'm proud of my mom. And my aunt, Gina. Yeah, I was proud of you. What's the next book? Do you guys know the next day? We do. We don't know when it's coming out for sure, but we know the place. OK, but don't have to say it. We'll save it as a teaser. But I wonder about it after. That's exciting. It's a great hope. It was fun. That is a great hope. What about you, Ruth? Makes my scene kind of silly. Yours isn't silly. No. Mine is silly. Well, you know, I've been here. I ran away from home. So, I'm not in my real home in St. Louis. I'm snowboarding. And winter's over, and I'm still here. And they're all like, oh, the ice mulls in. Did you move there? And so, my husband is coming next week. And I'm excited about that because I actually miss him. Like, I've been gone for a month without him because he comes in and leaves and comes in. But it's been a month, so he's coming in. But then, and then we'll go back to St. Louis. So, I'll see my other daughters, my other family. But then it's kind of also part of my heart. Is that what it is? Isn't I miss her? I know. And my little babies? I know. That was my heart this week. I was like, my mom's leaving soon. And that is just not fun. That's my heart, too, because I'll be sad. I know. Yeah, we should say that our moms are also friends. And it's really sweet. And we do love St. together. It wasn't too long ago that we had walked from my place over to get. We just took a long walk, went through some open houses, and we went and got at sea eyeballs. And we were sitting there. And I was like, who would have ever thought when we had, when you guys had that joint wedding shower, that however many years later, we'd be sitting here, this is exactly what I said, under palm trees in Arizona. How long has it been? We've pulled together. Exactly. Because we met the first time. It was somewhere around then. Yeah, somewhere around then. But I mean, it was just kind of crazy that, like, came full circle. We were sitting here just relaxing under the palm trees here. So that was fun. So yeah, we do a lot of stuff together. You go to the gym together. Go to the gym. You go shopping. You go shopping. Go to brunch. We're going to brunch with Addie's mom on Saturday. Yeah. Bye. And yeah. Yeah. We take the grandkids swimming together. We go, yeah. Park. Yeah. That's it. You guys are active. I'm like, wow, they feel like we're tired. You guys are on the go. We're in bed by age. That's so fun. I don't. She is not. You stay up so late. Really? I am tired a lot. I don't think I would have guessed that. I think it would only be fair if we give the moms opportunity to set the record straight, because we talk about our moms, they come up frequently on our show. And sometimes we're not exactly apparently credible. I feel like I have to come home and it's like, I never said that. I never did that. You got our fact checkers that will hold us accountable. Yeah, and it's themselves. So if you want to set the record straight on anything, specifically I think we're thinking some of the sex tells you. Well, I think Abby was actually correct on that one. Yeah, she was incorrect. We had to talk. Really? Yes. You just weren't listening. I'm pretty sure if I heard sex, my ears would have perked up. Well, I don't think I used the term sex. I used the term respecting your body and private parts and different terms like that. Sure. Sure. And the American Girl Dile book. Yeah, I feel like we had good puberty talks. But I would say I learned about intimacy. I learned that from a girl at Mandela School's mom. Tell me that. What? What an overstep. No, her mom didn't tell us. It was a summer party. And she was like, you guys will never guess. And she told us the mechanics of it all. And we were all like, what? No. Say it's not true. Horrified. Well, for some context, you guys, we were talking about giving our kids the talk. They even talked about our own experiences growing up with our parents. And we all said, me, Abby, and Abby, that we never got the talk. But then, Shada, Addie's mom. I'm not my stuff. But I just had the record straight for my mom. She did call me and tell me. I was like, I'm in cry. She didn't give me the talk. I don't remember that happening. I know. That's funny. Addie said that. I really remember it. Addie said that. Addie's mom said that. And then Ruth, you said that. And then my mom was like, no, I don't think she did. Well, she didn't do it. Did you have any issue with it? No. I mean, it wasn't even. Yeah, it wasn't one of my issues. You know, you have an older sister. And she should have taught me. No. But I think sometimes as parents, we have schedules of how things should go. And then they just don't do that. Because some other kid will tell you something or beat you to it. Or something happens. It wasn't in our schedule. Or just the way you thought it was going to work. But you learned about it? Yeah, I did. We were there. Yeah, I mean, why would I have questions? You would answer them honestly. Yeah. I genuinely didn't know for sure. I'm sorry. I was very sheltered. And I didn't. You know what? Everything worked out just fine. I was great. I was interested. So yeah. You were really dating a lot. So I thought, well, I'm not something to figure it out. I didn't show any interesting boys, apparently. But also, I was telling you, I remember when you gave me the puberty talk, though. We were in a subway after dance. Do you remember that? A little bit. I remember literally, my soul left my body at that moment. I was like, you're telling me. Blood. I literally said, I was like, I just told Chloe that wasn't true. Was this before or after at school? It was before we went to school. Because then when school happened, I was like, oh my gosh. The school talk. She was telling the truth. I remember the school talk, too. I remember you sat me down before the school talk. And you're like, you're going to have a talk at school, where you learned about these things. And then you kind of explained what my period was and everything. And I'd start being like, oh, I just don't want that for a long time. Yeah. Good thing she didn't have to worry, because I got it like five years later. Wow. Well, I was used to the talk at school because when I taught fourth grade, I had to bring my class. Like, you had to divide up the girls and the boys. And I would always take the girls to the talk. And then the other teacher would take all the boys and they'd watch movies about baby animals. And I don't know why that one. But every year, that's what they did. And then we'd come back. And then the boys would be like, where'd you guys go? And the girls would type. They'd type. We'd say, take all your stuff in your locker before you go back. And you don't have to tell them where you went. Yeah. Such an ominous day for you guys, I'm sure. They give you a singular maxi pad. And I was just like the tiny fourth grade. I was like, this goes where? How? And I just was so scared. And I kept that in my locker for like five years. Just like a big secret. Any day now. Just in case. I think it was 14. You were 14 when you got your baby. That was pretty old. Well, you were 17. I don't remember. I remember dad brought it up when I got home that day. Or maybe I was in eighth grade. I don't remember. I probably told him. I was 14. Yeah. I think I was 12 or 13. Didn't that take you out for a special lunch or something? Yeah, you did. We did. Oh my god, you did. We did. We did that with other girls. You did the Tuesday factory. Whenever they had that transition. We went to a different town. We didn't have that. Someone was about, it was pretty good for us. That was really cute that you did that. Yeah, it was just kind of like a little transition into motherhood or not motherhood, adulthood. There we go. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I was cute. Kind of vintage. Yes. Becoming a younger girl. I do remember what you said that wasn't quite correct. Yeah, we also, I said my parents had been married for 25 years. They married over 30. It's 32 this year. Oh my gosh, you really undershot it. So anybody doing the math? She did have to count before this episode. I was like, I know it's more than that, but. Because I'm 27. She's like, you're scandalizing me. She said, I'm like, this is not correct. And I need credit for every one of those years. So yeah. Yeah. I need credit. It's been 30. So she did fact check me on that. I was like, why did no one, I didn't even, I said it so confidently. We even did something from our 40th. But she came with. But anyway. Are you guys at 35? 36. 36. We're at 36. Yes. You guys are both impressive. And we want to hear all your guys' advice throughout this episode. OK. So I'm glad that we set the record straight for you guys. Sorry about that. And sorry for any other misinformation we spread about you in the future. Yes. And it probably won't be the last time. Feel free to give us comments. It's good information. I'm OK with it. Yeah. We just slender your name. Yeah. I was like, mom's been married for 25 years. I'm 27. She's like, well, y'all go on away. Should we move on to our segment? We put a fun little game for you guys. OK. OK. This game is called Agree to Disagree. OK. OK. Hannah's going to pass out our paddles. Thank you, Hannah. It's just for you guys, I guess. This is just a fun game. I don't know. I think they offer a lot of conversation starters too. Yes. So OK. Feel free to expand upon your answers. OK. With it, our categories, marriage, parenting, working mom. That's it. Marriage, parenting, working mom. OK. That's us. OK. The first one is, do you guys agree or disagree that you should never go to bed angry? This isn't the marriage category. That you should or that you have. You should never go to bed angry. I agree. That's a good plan. You should. Has it always happened? That's good. I disagree. I think it depends on what you want to get back out of the fight. Like if you want to keep talking about it? Like if it keeps happening and it hasn't changed, then go to bed angry and wake up the next morning and see if you can get what you want or not. Although that is a point. Maybe if you're like, you know, heat of the moment, you would say things that you shouldn't. Maybe if you sleep on it, you could be more rational about it. Right. Right. Thank you. Now, I can't maybe sleep as well. Yes, that's true. But yes, yes. You can collect your thoughts. I mean, for the most part, no, you should not go to bed angry. No, you should. That's not good. But I think every once in a while, you just prove a little point. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, you're not being mean. This is a generational thing in a way. Like whereas their advice was like, it was like you should never go to bed angry, but now our generation's like, you should sleep on it. Sleep on it. Yes, and rest. I agree with you. I'm like, I usually need like, I'm an internal processor. So I usually have to sit on my thoughts for a long time before I can verbalize what I want to say. Oh, I can't sleep. Oh, I'm just like, yeah. Usually I bring it up like that. If there's something that comes up the next three days, and I'm like, you know, three days? Because it just, I'm thinking about it. She's so patient. That's a long time, but. I got diarrhea in the mouth. I'm sorry. OK, the next question. Do you agree or disagree? Your spouse should come before your kids. Oh, this is tough. I don't disagree. I know the right answer, but I don't know if I. Well, I disagree too. I'm going to disagree. OK, elaborate. I mean, I know the right answer is supposed to be your husband's first, but. Right. I just put my kids in front of everything. And my husband's OK with that. So. You guys both did it. Yeah, we both did it. Yeah. It didn't jeopardize our relationship. It's just we worked it out whatever the kids needed, and one of us took care of it. Yeah. What we need isn't always what the kids need. Kids need different things than what adults need. Adults can satisfy what we need when the kids aren't there. Sure. Does that make sense? Yeah. You know, when you've got kids, they need you, and they need you more than your husband does, I guess. Right. Once you're a mother, you're always a mother. And we're not our husband's mothers. They can take care of themselves. They're dad's mom, for sure. I hope they don't watch this, no. Do you think dad's going to watch this episode? I don't know. Yeah. I know dad will. I think dad's going to watch it. He watches them all. He watches them all. That's so sweet. Yes. I get what you're saying. I also wonder, too, I feel like this is really popular advice. Obviously, keep your spouse first. And I agree with it, and I feel like we'll always try to do that. But I also wonder, when you have multiple kids, and they're at different ages and different phases, sometimes I feel like the need is just so high or great. So I'm sure it'll fluctuate throughout the years. Yes, it does. Seasons, it changes all the time. Different phases of school, yes. Different ages, it changes. Yeah. That's good. Yes. Yes. OK, marriage gets harder after kids. Would you agree or disagree? I don't even hardly remember time. But yes, I'd say agree. I would say agree. I agree. I think marriage gets harder. I mean, there's more people to consider, and there's more issues that come up, and where the money goes, and where time goes. Right. Right. Right. I wish I could hang out with you and dad when you were 27. That would be so fun. I'd be like, what? Would we have been friends? Sure. Would you think you had that? Sure. I don't think dad would hang out with anybody. Dad's kind of introverted, so I don't know if he would have hung out with a lot of people. But it's just so interesting to think about our parents being young. Sorry. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. That's about that. Parents with littles. Your age. Your age. Our age. It's like, we're friends now, so surely we would have friends then. But it is like, I wish I could just see a snapshot. I wish you guys had some videos. I know. We do have videos. We have tons of videos. Not videos. I mean, I feel like we have videos of obviously our family growing up, but not video of you and dad and your dating and when you were younger. And you and dad had us later, too. So I feel like you had so many lives before you had kids. We did. My dad was 40 when you had me. He was 40 when he had me. Because he was 45 when he had Sophie. OK. We're almost 45. Yeah. And so I feel like that's just a whole life before. You know, I'm like, what were you thinking of 30? I was 28, 29 when we got married. He was 34. So yes, we did have. We were cool back then. I know you were. I guess you were. You were. And I just wish I, yeah. But we did have fun. It was fun. Yes. But it did get harder. We would have been friends. We would have been friends. Well, we had kids right away when we got married. But we wanted kids right away. So I mean, it only gets harder if you can't compromise on stuff. So as long as you're talking through issues and talking about stuff and you compromise and you're on the right page for everything, I never thought it was harder. It was just different than not having kids and being single. But I think it also, when you're young parents or just parents of young kids and stuff, you learn to communicate with each other. So pregnancy and postpartum are some of the most nutritionally demanding times in a women's life. And there are so many options for supplements. That's why we want to thank Needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Needed offers products that are formulated by experts in women's health and recommended by over 6,000 practitioners. Their starter plan includes a prenatal multi-made with bioavailable nutrient forms paired with sustainably sourced omega-3, which these two essential products are designed to meet mothers and babies' optimal micronutrient needs. Up to 95% of women in the perinatal stages have nutrient deficiencies. 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Financial question in there. Here we go. This is what works for us. Not maybe what works for everybody. Okay, so. So is an agree or disagree? I'm agree because that's what has worked for us, but it could totally work different for somebody else. So I don't think it's like a hard and fast rule for people, but for us, that's what we did. You guys are not married pretty young too. I was right out of college, yeah. It's not like you had like two years old. And I was like, lived this career, made your own independence. We didn't have any money to combine either. It's easier when you don't have it. Yeah, you got nothing to combine. You're like, let's do it together. Yeah, so that's how we've always done it ever since we were married. And I think actually before we were married, we went to like a financial counselor and they said, that's what you should do. So we just did it. You're like, check. Yeah, we did it. So, and so we didn't, yeah, we didn't have our own money, kind of like a bunch of money saved up before you're married, then you know, have to change our ways and how we did it. We just always had it combined. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I don't think there's anything, I think unless you're married in a semi with some generational wealth, it gets a little spicy there. I think as women shop differently than men do, and most of the time mothers are the ones who shop for the needs of our kids. And so if the father is in charge of all the finances, and he can't figure out why every time you go to Target or Walmart or something, he's shown your bucks. Yes. Are you tired of explaining? Yes. That I think it's okay for the mom to have some little fun money that she can go out and do, you know, she wants to get her nails done, or it's just her money that no one can ask her about what did she do with that money. Yeah. That's because in our marriage, sometimes that became conversations. They weren't disagreements, they weren't fights. They were just like, oh my gosh, you went to Target five times this week, and you know, how much toilet paper did you buy? You know, just that kind of stuff. So it's like, well, no, I didn't really go to Target, but I went and got my nails done. But if you want to think I went to Target, okay. You know, just some things just make life a little easier all around. Well, that's what we do, we have combined finances, but we each get a budgeted, fun month. Yeah. Monthly alone, each of us. And we get to not ask. Yeah, I still have my fun money, baby. Yeah. The next one is, it's okay to keep small secrets from your spouse. Do you agree or disagree? Well, you just said you have small secrets. The Target versus the nail. Well, I thought that's not really a secret because he knows about it, but. It depends, I guess what the secret is. Small secrets, like. What's a small secret? Like anything that you're intentionally, like it's like, if it didn't come up, that doesn't count. Like anything you're like, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna intentionally avoid bringing this thing up. Okay, I'm gonna go with agree, if that's the definition. If it's gonna eliminate a problem by not bringing it up. Sure. Especially if it has to do with the kids. If your kids say don't tell dad, you know. I think I just always assumed you did tell dad. Well, you know, I mean, my whole thing was I don't keep secrets from dad, but if it's something he doesn't really need to know, of course I don't have to tell dad. But. Yeah, you don't need to tell about my periods and stuff like that. No, but I did. Oh, well. She did. She told my dad when I got my first bra and embarrassed me so much. Well, when you're walking around and you're crabby and oh, I'm in pain, I hurt, I might not wanna go to school the next day and dad's like, what? Is she sick? No, it's, you know, Aunt Flo's visiting. Yeah, yeah. That thing. So, yeah. You did not keep any secrets from, I don't know. I think you kept secrets from dad either. I didn't. No, it's not worth it. You're getting a big fight when they find out. Like, it's okay. I mean, I can't. I don't think you do. I don't do it, but it's okay. Yeah, sure. I understand. You guys don't have to appease the public. They're like, oh, why together? Like, I don't know what you could do in secret from dad. Now he's working from home. That's kind of, they're always together. Oh, that's how you and dad are doing. Well, not right now. You're like, yeah, not right now. No. Dad would not survive if you've got a month. He wouldn't. He wouldn't eat. I don't know. I would have to go over and do something. This isn't about us. Oh, this one's about, okay, we're taking it about us. Okay. Be honest. You think, did we get married too young? Agree or disagree? We got married too young. Agree. Agree. Agree. Agree. This is no big secret. We thought that. We thought that. Yeah, I know it's how we thought that. We thought that, but do you think that? Yeah. Well, that's a hard question. Wait, was the question, do we still think that? You can take it however you will. Okay. Well, it's okay if you're still. At the beginning, yes, I thought that. Now, clearly you've made it through, so. Seven year itch. Okay, you guys showed us. Take that, ladies. Take that, yes. Both of our moms were not. They weren't on board. Not on board, which is good. It's good to have a voice of reason. Totally. Especially when you were young, I was 23, you were 19, right? That was 20. You were 20. So 19 feels psycho. That's way different than 20. But you were still in college. That's a huge thing. That's a huge thing. Yes. And that among yourselves. 19 feels illegal, 20 feels. Sorry, that's what I said I was wrong. I do want to say this. This is what Matt did on her, I'm super emotional because it was in high school, it was on her last dance recital, which if you're a mom of a girl who's gone all the way through that's an emotional night. It was also her high school graduation. And I took him to go get flowers because he wanted to go get flowers. And he was like, hey, Lori, I didn't know what you would think if Abby and I would get married young and I proposed soon. I was like, this is the absolute worst timing of all timing to say something to me about it. I'm like, I'm already on the verge of tears. And this is what you say to me now. I wasn't privy to that information at the time. Yeah, I get that. I thought about, I can remember exactly where we were going to get flowers. You're like, I'm gonna go out. And I brought this up to him before. That was horrible. She's brought up many times. She's great. And we had our older daughter, Olivia, who was engaged and was, you know, we were planning her wedding and Caleb said something to us about, you know, if, well, I think he wanted to meet us for lunch and we're like, no, no, we know what he wants. And I think at one point. We're busy at that time. I'm sorry, we're busy every day. My husband said, don't ask us to after Olivia's wedding. And the day after Olivia's wedding, he texts us, hey, you guys free Monday for lunch? We just had a wedding. Can you wait till next Monday? Listen, they pursued us. They pursued us. They loved our ladies. They did. They did. That's good. Well, we've been married seven years now. Both of us. And you guys married 32 and you guys are 36. 36. Is there anything that you guys feel like, what's the biggest lesson you've learned after being married this long that you can impart to us? Because we're still growing up. The biggest lesson I've learned. I mean, I just think always talk and communicate, compromise on stuff. And even though you know you're always right to let them think they're right sometimes. That's the big part. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to do. I also want to clear the air. You got married super young too, mom. 23, right? Is that how old I would have been then? 22 or 23. No, that was old for back then when we were young. I mean, I graduated college. I wanted to graduate college first. That was your thing. It wasn't necessarily the age. It's, she wanted me to graduate college first. Did you think I wasn't going to finish? Well, there was a very distinct possibility. I felt like that was important. I graduated. She did. But a skin on your cheek. Good for you. No, not my great. No, I don't always. It's not that you do with grades. Because I felt like you were just going to bail, but you did get your degree. Yeah, I thought I was going to bail too. I was losing interest quick. Yeah. I thought you were going to get married before you graduated also. Yeah, can I also just say this? We needed to air this out. Blake got married before he graduated too, and I don't think he heard two words about it. Well, at that point I'd given up. So, thank you. What could I do differently? Could you like Addie better than Matt? Is that what it was? Oh, that's brilliant. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. No. She tried to set me up with Matt. Then she like, oh, OK. That is true. From a very young age. And yeah, because Theresa and I were friends. He was a rich marriage. Theresa and Matt's mom, and I were friends. And we met really early on when she was at the uni. Matt was at the uni. And I loved Theresa. And I loved Matt and any other boy that would be around. And be like, but he's not Matt Howard. She's like, I don't know Matt. We're not even in the same town. And somehow that worked out. Came back to the body of the butt. Four years later, yeah. Yeah, and then I'm like, wow, I didn't ask for it this soon, though. So funny. That's cute. I didn't know that. I asked earlier before we filmed this, what advice you would give or what you've learned in 30 years of marriage? You got to just kind of keep your mouth closed sometimes of things that look like you'd like it to be a certain way. And you'd maybe like things to be done a certain way. But you're like, in the grand scheme of things, this is not that big of a deal. Let's just go with it. It is really funny to see how you and dad, it wasn't until I got married myself, like some of the flows that you guys had fallen into, I was like, that was really unique to them. That this was how they did it. Because you just learned to just adapt to each other. And I was like, that's just how their marriage works. Yeah, and it's not necessarily because I always want something that's that certain way. It's just like, whatever, we'll just go with it. She'll make every single phone call, because my dad cannot make a phone call. She's like, that's on me. Well, everybody has their strengths, right? Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, for years, for years, because of my husband's occupation, he was a complainer. He didn't want any controversy. So if there was something that was slightly controversial, I took care of it. So. Like what? Just a nice way of saying that I had to be the mean person sometimes. Yeah. Because he's like public facing. Yeah, he's public figure, yeah. In St. Louis. Yes, in St. Louis. So, you know, I had to handle that stuff too. Sometimes, you know. Yeah, a lot of the admin stuff. Yeah. And get all people. Yes. That's good. That's good advice. I feel like both of you guys are like compromise and pick your battles. Yeah. Yes. I think those are good, that's a great advice. The next one is, do you agree or disagree that date nights are essential, not optional? I'm gonna say agree. But it's also hard to do it. I'm sure at some stages. I mean, you know, if you are a parent living in a city where you have nobody to watch your kids and it's expensive, probably to hire babysitters, plus you gotta be careful with who you hire. You know, you gotta know their test really. And I can see where a lot of people would be uncomfortable with that. But so then I guess like, I think you've done this too. Like date nights at home and stuff. Like after you put the kids to bed. Like, you know, you don't have to go out somewhere. And maybe you don't, you know, not everybody wants to spend the money on it. Or like I said, how's the childcare? But I think it's important to do things without the kids. Because at some point, your kids aren't gonna be there anymore. Then you're like, well, now what do we do? Or what do we talk about? And so you have to have something all along that you're still just like the two of you can connect on. Yeah, I totally agree with everything you just said. Growing up, mom and dad went on dates every Friday night. And we stayed at grandma and grandpa's house. And sometimes maybe they weren't fun. We just would go home and fall asleep. Sometimes that's all you need. Yeah, yeah. But we would stay at our grandparents' house Friday night, Saturday morning. And that we just knew that that was mom and dad's time. Well, I mean, we did actually go to dinner with us usually. And then you just would spend the night there. That was nice. Because you girls would go over and spend the night at grandma's too. Yeah, not consistently. But it went so well. But yes, it's so good that we did that, though, too, because I was a separation anxiety kid. And if I hadn't, like, I don't know if I would have ever been able to do a sleepover at a friend's house if I hadn't been staying regularly overnight with my grandparents or even gone to college. Oh, I remember when mom dropped me off at college. I was literally just like, you're just going to make me here. And I'm literally going to watch them drive away. Like, why? I was just going to go outside. Outside the dorm holding a toothpaste and toothbrush. I was like, what is this? And we were in the car, sobbing. So yes, abandonment. Thought about that moment for years before it happened. Just making myself miserable. The whole weekend of setting out the dorms was just ill. I was like, they're going to leave. I don't know what to do. I was in the board. I went out of the car. Give me out of here. I know if I would have said the word I'd take. I had to just keep my mouth shut. I think it was like the most awkward goodbye because I was just like. Well, I hated all that. You know, I could have been a better parent and been so looking forward to all the college business stuff, but I dreaded it because and then you were looking at colleges that were far away. And I thought, oh, yeah, that's a whole other episode. Shopping for colleges and. Oh, I remember. I want to go to California and Hawaii. And you're like, you'll never see me. You're not even considering it. My big is the state of Missouri. No, she didn't go one semester to Indiana. But no, my whole big thing with that was that I'm not paying for another state state school. So if you're looking at a state school, you're not getting a scholarship. You're going to our state school. I think that's a good rule. Yeah. But if you look at a private school and you get scholarships, let's go look at them, and that's what our oldest daughter did. She went to TCU and that was great. And it was fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you had a scholarship at U of N.D. Yeah. And you could kind of call it that. It wasn't much. But you did. You did. It actually was. So. $5,000. Rolling in the air. It's like nothing. It's a mess of a book. It counts. Yeah. Should we do the rest of these marriage ones rapid fire? Yeah, do it. Okay. This one, you should always consult your spouse before making big decisions. Agree or disagree in your marriages. Do who do you think wears the pants? You or your husband? Well, I'm going to say that. I'm going to say me. I'm going to say mom for sure wears the pants. I think we equally wear the pants and our family. I think when he thinks he's wearing the pants, I put those pants on. Him. So. I agree. She's an orchestrator. I think dad handed the pants to mom. He was like, please take care of this. Okay. So back to that one. You should always consult your spouse before making big decisions. Yeah. Agree or disagree? Rapid fires. Are you agree? Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. Okay. Going through your partner's phone is okay. Oh, I agree. I agree too. I've never honestly thought about it. Yeah. I've never done it. I've never done it. Why would it not be okay? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I agree. Is it a breach of privacy? When you're married for 36 years, there is no privacy. That's what some people's argument would be. He wouldn't care. I don't know. He would hand it over. Yeah. My husband wouldn't care. It's healthy to spend time apart regularly. I agree. I knew she was going to have a fast degree on that one. My husband's a whole niche on her algorithm speeding her people solo living. Yeah. Their nighttime routine. I just like, I'm like, wow, she just comes home to her. Clean apartment every night. She gets on her jammies. She's like, her house is perfectly clean. Just how she likes it. And she makes it. She loves serving dessert. This girl has a lot of people on her because everybody wants that. I'm thinking. Dinner's with no protein. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's so great. I know you agree. You've been here a month without that. I know. Social media has a negative impact on marriages. I agree. I think agree a lot of time. You think that all the time, but I think social media would not be good in a lot of instances, not just with marriage. I don't know what to say about that. Maybe because social media is new to my generation. You're a little bit younger. If you let social media mess up your marriage, that's dumb. I don't know. I agree. Okay. What are your thoughts on Abby and I sharing our lives online? I don't have a problem with it. I like it. I have mixed feelings. There's some things that are good and some things are. And again, yeah, we didn't grow up with social media. Let's just say everyone in my family is very private, maybe a little bit more introverted as well. And then there's me. I mean, what are you going to do about it? But I think nobody talks about how hard it is. Like you have little kids and you know, everybody thinks it's hard. But I think it's the hardest when you kind of have lost that control kind of and what they're doing and then they become an adult. And all of a sudden, like you don't have that. You can't say, well, now we're going to dance or now we're going to do this. And it's like they're doing their own thing. And it's hard to switch over that control of knowing what they're doing all the time and directing all that and then saying, this is their life and this is what they want to do. And it may not be my favorite thing always, but it's not my favorite thing. It's not my place to say it. Yeah. I'm proud of you girls. And I think what you guys do, I think the way that you handle the what you're doing is very classy. You're always very kind. You're not controversial and stuff. And I think that's good. Well, and they're also the exact same way online that they are in real life. Like there's no different. Exactly. There's no like this is fake and this is real. And right. This is, I mean, so often like I've heard like online, like either you guys are talking in the podcast or you're filming something and I'm oftentimes you've been filling something. I'm like thinking she's talking to me because that is exactly how she is all the time. And it's not like a put on. It's not a show. It's just filming how she normally would be or you two. So this is a big reason why I don't even share my kids on social media. But I imagine being in your position, seeing your child be subject to. Yes. Scrutiny, like things like that. That would make any mom uncomfortable. And so I do. It's worse for you than it is for me. I know nobody wants to see or hear anything negative about your child. And then right. Yeah. If you put yourself out there, no matter who you are, people are going to do that sometimes and that is hard as a mother to see that. That would. Yeah. So these people out here that we don't see, they should stop. They should just be. Kind of you girls. In our comment section. I feel like you were desensitized to a lot of it just because of dad's job. Yes, that's true. Yeah. My dad was on radio for 50 years, 50 years, 50 years. And so he's always just been. I feel like you're just kind of desensitized to some of that. Some of it. Yes. Like the public faces. Yes. OK, the next one is you should protect your marriage from outside opinions, even family. Agree or disagree? From like your own kids not liking your marriage. I don't know. I agree. I don't know exactly what. Well, I think if you have a good marriage, there's nobody is pointing fingers either way. I think if you have a bad marriage and people. You should listen to them. If you have a bad marriage and people are talking to about it. Yeah. Yeah. So true. Yeah. The last one for marriage, PDA is fine, especially in front of family. I think there's a wide range of PDA. Yes. We're so mixed on this. It's so funny. We probably land non PDA. You guys land more PDA. Yeah. Am I included in the day? I think you're PDA. I see that's I see dad smack your butt a lot. You sit on dad's lap. She's she's I see I see you guys hug and kiss and you guys had a love corner in our kitchen growing up. Oh, it's kind of just a job. I see what was happening behind the fridge. I just I just. Oh my God. Funny. That's funny. That's weird because I would not have considered myself. I don't think you consider yourself today, but when it comes to you guys are way. Is that bad? No, she's like, please stop. You have one kid that's PDA and one that's not at all. Yes. Like and Addy are not at all and then we are two PDA. Clearly you did live in my house. Have you got this? Happy. Me in the middle. I think you guys are a happy medium. Thank you. I've seen you kiss and say sweet stuff. Just once. No, I'm just kidding. No, you're waiting. I think we're like mildly PDA. I'm not as embarrassed about it as I used to be. I used to be really nervous about it. You were? Yeah, I was like, don't even hug me in front of my parents. They're right there. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, don't do that. Why are you just so uncomfortable? He would kill, but try to hold my hand and like call it. Don't like, I'm sorry, but my parents are here. Yeah, but now it's not as weird. Well, now I feel weird. 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For me, because of previous situations, it is the most mentally difficult thing I've ever done of anything in it. So way more than physical, yes. Yeah. Okay. Pregnancy brain is a myth. Disagree. Disagree, yeah. We also, you are working full time. When you were pregnant, I can't. I can't imagine working in all those are school, yeah. Well, and you taught school, so you had your home kids and your school kids. Yeah. Yes, yeah. Having kids made me lose a part of myself. Agree or disagree? Totally disagree. Disagree. It's a good sweetening thing. Disagree, I love to see what my body made that looked like me, even though you look nothing like me. I do, yeah, that's really true. But you were in here. Yeah, I sometimes have been asked if I have different parents. I think you have the same smile. You think so? Yeah. I can see it. I can see it. No, I feel like you did, you did like, what's the word? You prepared me well though, for like that brief postpartum period, like right after you have the baby where I was like, I'm having an identity crisis. Like I don't, nothing I used to think sounded fun. It was fun. You like kind of prepared me. You're like, it gets weird at the beginning. Postpartum is a real thing. And if anybody thinks it's not, they're wrong. You can't help it. You really can't help it. But you get over that quickly and yeah, I can't imagine. Yeah, you told me you're like, it'll feel way different soon. And it did. It was good advice. Breastfeeding is better than formula. Agree or disagree? Disagree. No, I don't know. I don't know. I just am saying that because I didn't, you know. That's why we put those questions in here. You did nurse? Yes, you did nurse? I did not. I tried and it didn't work. Same, yeah. I'm sure there's a lot of benefits to breastfeeding, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And I don't think you should, I think what's worse is to stress yourself out about it, stress your body out about it and think, and I'd also don't think you should think that you've done something wrong or, you know, less of yourself as a mom if you don't. So is it, you know, medically better? I don't know, but it doesn't hurt your child at all if you don't. Right. I think they've come so far with formula that it's probably just to equal. And I think that. I don't think it's equal to be, just like science-y. Well, I think it's equal. I think the benefits. Okay, we're looking into those hot takes, but I think there's more that there's more than one way that is the right way. Sure. And you just want a healthy, happy child. Yeah. And you have to do it works for you. Yeah. Also, mom, you went back, you had to go back to work like six weeks later. Well, yeah. I mean, that was part of the problem. Part of it is just that it was kind of it. Your birth was a little traumatic. We pumped with metal. We had metal pumps. You guys have these fun little plasticly plastic. Metal pumps? We had metal pumps. That feels like it's for a cow. Yes, it was. And it hurt. The women did it. Oh my gosh, moms will do anything, man. If men had to give birth, humanity would end. Yes. You gotta hold your sign up. Oh my, I agree. I'd say there'd be a few men that would keep a few kids coming, but. You see, that's what I said, mom. That's what I said. And Abby and Abby said disagree on that question. I was like. There would be a few guys that would come through, but. Yeah. And I said if they do, they would have one. That's what I said. There's no one that would have multiple. No, man, man would have more. I said it would end. No, I think men would have one and then never do it again. But then you pointed out the fact. The careers. That that wouldn't. That wouldn't eventually. Yeah. Two people only making one. Right. Doesn't add up to three. Doesn't add up to even two. To humanity. To stabilizing the population. Exactly. So I get it. I changed my answer on that one. Okay. Thank you. I stand by that. I'm doubling down. Gender reveals should be canceled. Lay it on us. It's fine. I will. Disagree. I think you're just celebrating. You're just happy and don't care what you're having generally. But it's just kind of a fun celebration thing. And get together with your friends. And you're happy either way. So why not celebrate with people? Right. You both love a good party. You do. You guys are both good party throwers. That's so true. Okay. I don't even know if you guys, if you know what this is, but gentle parenting is the best approach. Do you know what that is? Like the method? I think I'm kind of learning through something you do. Oh. Gentle parents are gentle. No, I don't think so. I disagree. What was the question? Gentle parenting is the best approach. I don't even know what the method is for me. I would need more of a definition of. Well, I think that your parenting was gentle. So. You didn't really have any strict rules for me. Then you said the best approach. I don't actually really think I had any consequences. There weren't, there were, it was pretty smooth sailing though. We didn't have a good kid. I mean, yeah. Yeah, we had consequences. I had a lot of time on. I remember on my knees facing that wall. Oh yeah. And don't touch it. Don't touch the wall and don't look at the TV. I'm actually proud to say I bought CJ his timeout chair. Yeah, we don't make him kneel, he just sits. Like a little prince. He just sits. He sits. These kids haven't seen what you see these days. Okay, gentle. Parenting is way easier today than it was back in the day. Agree or disagree? I'm gonna say disagree. I'm gonna disagree. Really? Why? I think it's harder now. I do think because of social media and because of so many things that are easily accessible to kids that you didn't, you didn't, they didn't have. One more time. Yes. At one time. And so there's more things to have to figure out than just your friends that you go to school with. It's people online and how to stay safe and what's appropriate, not appropriate on that kind of stuff. And so that was not even a thing. Right, right. You know, however many years ago. Right. And you knew your community is better. When you lived in a neighborhood, you knew every neighbor, everything about most neighbors and the kids. I don't feel that that's the way it is nowadays. Certainly in your neighborhoods. And it doesn't matter what social economic figure. And I just think that you just don't know that. No, I think that's like a fact. That's factually. We want people becoming more individualistic, is how it is. For sure. Like we don't, now we have Uber so you don't have to call your friend to take you to the airport. We have DoorDash. So if you need a cup of sugar, you don't go to your neighbor's house to ask for a cup of sugar. Right. We just keep trending that way. We often feel like we're inconveniencing those around us. Whereas like it used to be more like, yeah, like carpool, you really relied on each other. Right. Those are really good examples. But just there's so much access to things that are unsafe too now that there was never, there was a telephone, you know, at one point and that's it. There's no, that's true. Right. Okay, you guys brought up good points. Yeah, those are really good. It's good for kids to be bored. Agree or disagree? I agree. I agree. Oh, come on, Mom. I feel like all cover law, we'd be like, Mom, we're bored, like go find something to do. I mean, I don't think kids should be catered to and like you should be supplying something for them to do all the time. So if that's what you mean. Yeah, that's kind of what that means. Yeah, no, I don't think that as a parent, you should be constantly giving them something to do. Cause you know, you lose your imagination, you lose play, all that kind of stuff. But do I like it if you're bored? No, I would probably say, yeah, go find something to do. Right. Yeah. That's a good one. Screen time is more harmful than helpful. I agree and I disagree. Same. My kids had screen time, but they did not have their own TVs. But we didn't also have our own computers, our own iPads or anything. But what we watched was like Sesame Street or Barney or which was helpful in learning. I thought that was very helpful in learning. But screen time, playing video games and I don't like that. Yeah, I think, you know, everything in moderation. And if you are choosing the right programs with the right amount of time, then that's good. Griffin's been loving Zaboumafu recently. And it's very educational. He knows more about certain animals than I do. He absolutely does. What is that? It's a 90s show. It's like this lemur and these two brothers. It's like real people and real animals. And wait, I watched this. It's a 90s show. I had never heard of it. I don't, I've never heard of it. But the other day he's like, honey, did you know Jaguars are the number one predators in the whole United States? And I'm like, no, I actually do. He said the world. That's misinferioration. He said the world. He said the world. Griffin's playing this animation. No, he said the world. I spread it wrong. But he knows, yeah, he's learning. Watch out. Wait, wait, wait, say the name again. Zaboumafu. I feel like I did watch this, but also probably not. 99 that she doesn't want. I did. I never heard of it before. And I had to have read it multiple times. He's like, Zaboumafu. He loves it. And I'm like, this is something that feels good for him to watch. He's like so obsessed with it. But I agree. I feel like here's my thing as a modern day parent. No one asked my opinion. Give it as a modern day parent. I feel like it is more, I feel more of a responsibility to limit it because of the access that you guys were talking about and also because of the fact that it's completely whatever, everything is at their whim. Whereas when we were watching TV, we had to have it. I knew the channels I was allowed to watch and not allowed to watch. I had to wait through the commercials. I didn't get to choose exactly what I wanted every single time. And so there's something in your brain where it's like a slower pace. Like I had to sit down. I've seen this episode of Hannah Montana five times. But sit and watch it. And it's not like the short form content or like all these, everything's at your fingertips. And you can kids know how to operate these things. They're just born with it. So I feel like that's where we have to be aggressive with it. And monitor it. And monitor it. Like crazy. That's really good. Oh, you should limit how much you share about your kids online. Agree or disagree? I agree. I totally agree. Well, not, I mean, for their safety for and plus at some point, they might say, why did you ever say that about me? You know, I don't want that shared about my life. That's not their choice. So totally. Thank you to Honey Love for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Why is it so hard to find comfortable bras and shapewear? I don't know. I've never actually been successful until now. I'm really genuinely excited about Honey Love's products. Honey Love is an independent, female founded brand. All Honey Love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them, including founder Betsy, who is highly involved in the development of each product. The founder, you know, is wearing loves of products. You know, they're good. Their bras are supportive and wire free, thanks to Bondi technology that lifts without underwire. You deserve a bra that's lightweight and comfortable without sacrificing support. Shout out again for people in the back. 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After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them and please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard and comfort and support with Honey Love. Mom guilt never really goes away. Agree or disagree? I agree. I agree. But first of all, your kids never let us. It go away. You always bring up things that we did wrong. Well, remember when mom said that or mom did that or something? We lay it on thick. You lay it on thick. We can't. She's too sensitive. I get hurt. I get hurt. If you cry, we're often we'll lay off now. Yeah. Okay. She's a mom sensitive. I just pound, get mad. Yeah. No, I don't think I don't. Nothing comes to mind. We all have things we think we could have done better, which at the time was just perfectly fine for you guys being, you know, when we were raising you, but in our minds, we think we could have done stuff better. I think that's healthy. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Doesn't make it easier to live with. But this one says you should trust your parenting instincts over advice from other people. Yes, I agree. You I think you I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with if you have some good people that, you know, give you advice that you need to take it under consideration, I guess. But no matter what, you're you would know better than any anybody else. Okay, we're moving on to a short working mom section. It's only like, oh, this one is actually this one. I'm really interested, like on what your take is on it. Yeah. Because I think it's conversation that is hot nowadays, not like controversial, but like there's just I mean, controversial in the sense that people think differently about it. But there's there's this narrative that like you can have it all. Like you can be an excellent, like boss mom or boss, like woman. I'm not explaining this well. Yeah, you can be an awesome like girl boss and also like 100% awesome mom, like the best mom possible. So you can have it all as a working mom, agree or disagree? I agree. I'm going to say I disagree as I was a working mom. I mean, I think I did my best with both of them, but I did feel I was torn always, you know, like. If I was only at home, I could have maybe done a better job with some things at home. And if I didn't have kids to come home to, I could have spent longer at school and done more things there. And I mean, I did feel torn a lot of times. And probably that's where my mom would come in. But as I'm sure most of the moms at work, it has something to do with that, you know. So. Well, and I agree because I think you can do both and have have it all. I think it just is a little harder. I worked with our oldest Olivia and quit when she was about two or three. And then I was to stay home. I thought it was pretty hard being home all the time. There's a lot of expectations on you and people think you can do everything. And and, you know, you end up doing a lot of stuff that you just don't get paid for because you're staying at home. Mom, right? I wouldn't change anything. It was just the way it worked in our dynamic. But I think you can have a career and you can be a good mother. Oh, I do think that too. Yes, I just felt torn. Like, but I think there is guilt. You will always have guilt no matter what you will have guilt. Yeah. Yes. I feel like I'm starting to lean on it where it's like you can have it all. But maybe just not always all at once. And I think that's okay too. You know, like there are seasons or everything like. Well, I think you just have to realize that if you do work outside the home, even if you work in the home, and you also have a family that you better have a good support system with your spouse, that you're pretty equal when it comes to the household stuff. It shouldn't be, oh, I got to do all the laundry. I do all the cleaning. I you should just you should both do it or you should make enough money. You just pay some money. You do it all. And then it's a problem. Yeah, the dream. Yes. I think that's a good point, though. But to mom, like I think there's certain benefits to to like it's not always like, OK, you're you're a working mom. And the kids suffer or you stay home with the kids and the kids thrive. Like there's certain benefits are unique to working moms. Like I grew up watching you like have this insane capacity to like be on all day for your entire classroom and then come home and be on for us. It's like, give us your all and then prepare once we went to bed for the next day at school and do it again and again and again. And I think that also just like empowered me to be like, OK, I can I can say yes to things. I have a big capacity and like I can work hard. That's a unique way to view your mom specifically when they're a working mom, too. So my answer is probably based on some of the mom guilt. So yeah, but I mean, no matter what, whether you're home or whether you go to a job, it's just it's just a lot for a mom to do, you know, it's just to tackle all that. Totally. I think the narrative is more so like you can have it all. And it's easy and you'll be happy. The easy part is what and it's like the dream. And it's like, well, actually, this is just a lot. Yeah, a lot. And I think the guilt is true. And there's a little people don't talk about that and a little overwhelming, you know, that like, gosh, am I ever going to get my head above water and get this 10 care for that 10 care of. And right, it's hard. Totally. You know, either way. You know, when you think about children, they're only babies for two or three years and they're toddlers. Then they're in school. You know, then they're in school for 12 years. Then they go away to college. So it's just when you think of like that, it may be top the first five years, you know, just or, you know, like right now, you know, OK, they're going to be potty trained, then they're going to buckle their own car seats and they're going to open the car door by themselves. You know, then they're going to be able to make their own lunches. It just so everything goes in cycles. And you just have to find your way through that cycle. And then you're OK, you know, you're 50 years old and you wish you were doing that all again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, those are great. Good thoughts. Yeah. There's no new problems out there, it seems like. No, definitely not. It says being a working mom is harder than being a stay at home mom. That one's really that's kind of a spice to it. I'm going to take it out. Well, it's because I was worried. I'm going to have to say you wouldn't know. I mean, unless you've done both and for your own life, how that works, you know, which one was harder. You don't know the other. You don't know the other way. So I would not judge that and say one's harder than the other. No, no, I wouldn't either. Not at all. And I think both sides probably have their own arguments. But you're right, unless you've done both. And I have found that when I quit my more younger and I have found that women who quit when their children were maybe like in seventh grade or eighth grade have said, Oh, my God, how'd you stay home like this? What'd you do all day? Like because they're used to being on a different pace. Um, so I think I agree. As like people that kind of split that time. Obviously I am hesitant to put myself in the working mom category sometimes because I have such an untraditional job, but I do think there's a lot more untraditional jobs out there nowadays. I agree. Yeah. So maybe I can and serve myself in this category. It kind of depends on your personality type. Totally. Like what for me, my easier part of my day is with my kids because it's it fills me up so much. I'm like, it just doesn't feel taxing in the way that something that doesn't necessarily fill me up as much. Maybe that's so bad to say on this podcast. Oh, on your job. I'm so grateful for what I do. But maybe if it's someone's like, I feel so much purpose in my workplace that it's like, it doesn't mean that they don't feel purpose. This doesn't mean that I don't feel purpose in my workplace, but wherever you feel the most filled up, you're not going to be as drained by. Right. Makes sense. Yeah. So well, in the workplaces come a long way. Right. I mean, I was back in the 80s and the early 90s and I had a sales job. And when I had our first daughter, Olivia, my first baby, I approached about job sharing. And I had another lady in the office who wanted to do it too. So we would work, you know, she worked three days a week. I worked too. And then we switched next and we shared the same clients. Well, they didn't like that. They didn't want that. So both of us had to stay on full time. You know, I think they make more accommodations for working moms now. You know, I was just talking to a mom yesterday and her husband got the same paternity leave as her maternity leave. They both got 24 weeks, which is great. That's amazing. Wow. Wow. They worked at a university. So I do think that they're like more progressive in that way. But I'm like, that's just so different from even what my friends currently that our teachers get. It's the same as what my mom had, which I'm like, where's the progress for teachers? I have to say shout out to teachers. So because they are, you know, at school, I mean, they're doing some of the same kind of things at home and at school. It's just a lot of it at school with a lot of kids that aren't really theirs. But yet, and there's so many of them there and there's so much neediness there with the kids and so much caregiving throughout the day. And you're doing the caregiving all during the day with your job. And then there's more of that at home with your own. And so yeah, teachers, teachers do a lot. Yeah. Teachers and nurses, my friend, that was a labor and delivery nurse. She got six weeks, six weeks, maternity leave and her husband worked for a bank and got 16. Oh, God. I was like, quit. No, you know, teachers, because if they're in such high demand, nurses and teachers are in such high demand, they can't spare them. But you know, you saw that before, right? Pay them some more. You have to use your sick leave as a teacher. There is no built-in sick leave. You have to use your sick leave. And then if you need to take more, you get docked. I got docked. And that was, and I got, I can remember one time, I had four weeks. It's like you're using your sick days. You got docked pay, like they took that. Yes. And that was only after four weeks. And you're using your sick days for all that. The sick days that you've accumulated throughout the years, you use that for maternity. And then if you don't have enough to like physically heal, you know, your six weeks or whatever, you get docked. Wow. Do you think it's still that way? Are you thinking? It is by school districts. Maybe some private schools have different policies, but I think across the board, this is what I hear from my friends at Teach in Public Schools. So that's why everyone at the teacher tries to have summer babies? Yes. Or like Christmas break babies? Yeah. Yeah. I actually had a principal once that said when I was pregnant with Abby, say, Oh, you should have gotten pregnant had her in the summer. And I'm like, Well, listen, well, it doesn't always work out exactly that way. You can't always play it perfectly, right? But I remember that. Oh, I'd have a hard time holding my tongue. Yeah, it'd be a hard one to move back on. Okay. Financial independence is essential for women. Agree or disagree? Oh, financial independence is essential. What do you mean by financial independence? Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question. Yeah, that's that having your own income. No, I don't think you need that. But I don't know if that's what you meant by the question. I think being financially savvy about your household income, whether you're single or married, you should always. I would agree. I knew you taught us that our whole lives you're like, Hey, like, because you and dad had combined and you always said, Yeah, but I know everything that goes on. Right. And you're like, just because I'm not like doing paid day to day billing doesn't mean I don't know not know what's going on. Right. And you have to you have to write. Right. And I think that's great advice. Yeah, especially as like a stay at home mom, you're like, I'm not like earning an income. But my income, I do make an income from like, you know, it's shared. And so it's important to stay on top of it. I think that's good. I would think you would agree with that. This will be our last one. And then we have a few more that we're going to do around our Patreon for our Patreon fan. Okay. Always homegirls. Okay. I like that one. I like homegirls. Is this a soft launch of always girls? No, no, we're just workshopping it. We're shopping it. I'm just going to keep testing the different options each episode. Yeah, you're cooler than me. So you get to decide. I'm handing that crown over to you. Okay. Um, this is the last one that we're going to patron hustle culture is toxic. Agree or disagree? Hustle culture. I don't know what you're talking about. What is that? We're ending on something that neither of us know what you're talking about. Right. So explain it to us. I don't know what it is. Hustle culture is like, I'm going to wake up at four a.m. and grind my day away and grind, grind, grind. Be successful, successful all in nothing. Grind, grind, hustle. Well, it doesn't sound great the way you're describing it. No, no, it doesn't. That's not tempting. You don't want to grind and hustle. I mean, like for a 21 year old or for, you know, it does feel way more for like young adults, doesn't it? Yeah, my mom, like I feel like there's also this opposite side of the internet that talks about soft life. Really? I haven't had that. I'm not. You guys can stay off the internet. You're on too much. He hasn't, he hasn't. You know what I'm talking about? Soft life is like low stakes, low risk, everything safe and comfortable. That's why I'm getting fed. And I think that's going to be my mom. Like it's a different living. The lady that I like that just is something like that. The things I'm, I'm seeing are like people opening their kitchen windows. They're cooking to jazz music. It's like they're staying home. Okay. They don't. Okay. It's beautiful. Yeah. It is gorgeous. Yeah. We're the soft livers. Okay. So they're, they're soft. But every night of the week, you're what that. My mom is doing great to have part of every day. That way. Yeah. Yeah. I think these people. They don't hustle. My mom is a hustle culture really all the way. She's hustle culture. It's about four o'clock. And I'm done. No, you hustle. Yeah. You always, you're moving. You work hard, but you are like. So maybe I value that. You value, but yeah. But you're definitely like, what's the purpose of that? Like, let's just take it easy. Let's just have a cup of coffee and relax. Yeah. Like you like, you, you like comfortable. I do like comfortable. Your favorite word is cozy. Like, yeah. Yeah. She likes that. So yeah, I don't think you're, you don't remind me of hustle culture. When for taking the name, I like cozy. So would you confuse hustle with being maybe just a little competitive? No, I think I do think hustle culture is like a, I'm going to wake up at four a.m. Get six hours of sleep because I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'm going to work, work, work, work. I feel like you and dad were like, make what you have to make and then just enjoy your life. Like it wasn't like we don't need to, we don't need to climb a corporate ladder. We don't need to be our own bosses. We don't need to like, it was like, let's just work our jobs so we can get home to our families and like, let's not. I'd say that's true. I feel like your personality type, you're like a little energetic or bunny. Like you're like, go, go, go. And even with being a stay at home mom, I feel like you were like, my job is to clean and cook, take care of my house and my family. And like you were very involved in things. Like I felt like you were more go, go, go. Yeah. Not in a bad way and like a good way. Some people would say I was bossy. I think you were. And if you had to be charged. Yeah, but I mean, it's just a personality type. I mean, certain things I did. Yeah. Yeah. You're good at it. You own it. So I think if you were in today's culture and I would say you probably were hustle culture girl, I'm not the toxic hustle culture. No, not the toxic. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what the toxic. I don't either. I don't know. We're talking about it. We really honestly don't. I'm not on that side. Okay. The patreon question should be really fun. I think it would be cute. Yeah. If you care to join our patreon, hop over there and we have some extended material over there. Some more hard hitting questions for the moms, but now we're going to switch over. Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I never turned down a good bath. You love a good bath. I love a steaming hot shower that just singes my skin. But nothing is better than getting out of the bathroom shower and having a fresh, smooth shave. 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For a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com slash abbey. This set includes the Flamingo original razor, one five blade cartridge, a one ounce foaming shave gel and a shower holder. Just head to shopflamingo.com slash abbey to claim this offer. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them always here sent you. Ask, ask, ask, abbey. Okay, we are back. We just hopped over to Patreon. I added my free style to random spicy question. And I kind of regret it, but it's okay. It's on there. So for those of you that are on our Patreon, you'll know what I'm talking about. Now we're going to move on to our voicemail component. We have specific voicemails with you guys and mine. They were sorted with you in mind. I asked Ethan Addy. I love the show. I wanted to know what your favorite comfort movies are. Mine are Twilight, The Hunger Games and Shrek. Thanks, bye. Hunger Games and Shrek. Hunger Games is a horrible comfort movie. Mom, mom, just watch movies. I have a hard time concentrating through the whole thing, but I'd say I don't know if they're comfort movies, but my favorite movies are The Sandlot and Matilda. Oh, I like those both. Don't you like Eat, Pray, Love or something like that? I mean, I've seen it. I don't know. Julie and Julia. I mean, again, I've seen it. I don't. Okay, you don't like it? Okay. I'd say the Sandlot. Matilda and Sandlot. Those are good. What are yours, Mom? Anything on the Hallmark would be Chan. I love them. I love them too. Because of you. You put that on the way. No, I know. They're just so wholesome and sweet. Everybody falls in love at the end. Yeah, the stress over. Caleb likes Hallmark movies too. Movies now too. Oh, it does. He really likes Christmas. Only during Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but, but I do love Sweet Home Alabama. That is my number one. Yes. It's a good one. Are we entering this too? Sure. I know you like She's the Man. She's the Man. Oh yeah, I like that one too. Cinderella Story. She's the man to. High school musical three, but don't tell anyone. I like that one too. One and two, no, but three. Yeah, I want to do it. I really care about the three. Yeah, yeah, that's a hot take. I don't know. I'll say any Christmas movie probably. Yeah, I, yeah. Is it a comfort movie? Um, oh, I love Cheever by the Dozen. Oh, I know that movie. I honestly like the second one, maybe more than the first two. Really? I actually like it both so much. Cheever by the Dozen is probably my comfort movie. I was so jealous of all the kids in that movie and wanted to be in it. I know. It sounds so fun. I know. I liked that girl with the skateboard. I thought she was so cool. Yeah. Oh, Ally, Allison. Allison. Yeah, Allison. Stoner. Stoner, there it is. It's a good one. Love that question. Okay, next voicemail. Hi guys. Thank you so much. I just wanted to come on. Me and my husband are purchasing our very first home and I was wondering if you guys had any tips for decorating on a budget and making a small space your style. Thank you so much. Love you guys. Bye. It's just designed for Lori and mine. Oh, you both of you. Yeah, both of you. You're both good at this. Decorating on a budget. Maybe get an inspiration from a style that you really like that you can't afford necessarily, but then just trying to find all the accessories and do as much of it as you can yourself. Right. Right. If you like Pottery Barn but can't afford Pottery Barn, then you can find the dupes for it. I think there's small things you can do to a new home that you don't have the big money to like when you're like rip out cabinets and buy on new appliances, but the little things like changing lighting and changing knobs and paint color. And you know, carpet, you know, goes a long way. What else? I don't know. I feel like you guys are both. Yeah. You know, I think you're talented at like making a house like a home or yeah, I've like just getting little touches that right. You always had the little details. I think you do too. I like having things that are personal to you that makes it homey and not just look like a storefront, you know, things that nobody else would necessarily care about. But that little piece of something that you got on this vacation or something that belongs to some in your family or, you know, from your past or whatever that make it homey. But right. Obviously aren't expensive because they're things you already owned. Totally. Right. I think my biggest tip is go slow. I think the urge is like you get in this new house, you get excited and you want to fill it. But like our house, we've been in almost two years and our walls are still, you know, we're slowly adding things and like curating each area of our house. And so I think it's just having the long game in mind. Because especially if you're on a budget, like maybe you add one picture frame here and like one small thing there and like slowly the puzzle starts to come together. And I also think it helps keep you from just buying things that are trendy at the moment. Because you're slowly doing it. Totally agree. I have a horrible decorator. I have nothing to add to this conversation. That's not true. No, I genuinely. You don't have an interest in it though. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. You have a beautiful home. You do. Hi, Abby's and Abby. My name is Grace and I'm a first time mom of a three month old. I'm currently trying to birth. My question for you is what is the biggest lesson you've learned from motherhood. Since mother's day is around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm curious what you guys have to say. Love the podcast. Can't wait to hear. Bye. Sweet. Your biggest lesson learned from motherhood. She has a three month old. Don't get comfortable. Because as soon as you think you have a schedule, it just changes. It's just going to change. So you just have to change with that and embrace it and enjoy it. That's what I would say. That's great. I've been really thinking recently about how, yes, don't get comfortable. I have also been amazed. This is like a different, I fully believe that 100%. And then also the other thing is that's a bit amazed. Amazing me about motherhood is that, like I remember just being so baffled by people and future life. Stages in me and just realizing that as you go through each day, your capacity grows. And that has been really encouraging to me. Like every day is equipping me for the next day. And like, I think that's also helped me enter the stage of like multiples with more confidence. Cause it's like, how could one person be stretched so thin, but it's like, you grow. And so that has just been really like encouraging for me that I didn't necessarily, cause I was like, how am I going to divide myself when I have, like if I, we had this goal of having four kids, like how can I divide myself into fours? Oh, you're actually going to multiply times four. So that's what's going to happen. And so that has been like cool to see like those changes in myself and like, and other moms. It's where I really like saw that first exemplified that was like encouraging to me. Like I could, that my, that capacity will change with me. That was exactly mine too. I'd be actually the first one that came to mind. I'm like, I have, I just feel like sometimes I'm like, Oh wow, I'm more capable than I thought I was. And it's just that, yeah, you're, you just get called to a higher standard and you figure it out. And it's encouraging, it's challenging, it's stretching, it's fun. And it just makes you just like an all around better person. You can do it. Yes. I mean, this young lady, she can do it. You know, so we're all moms. We all do it. Exactly. Yes. And I was going to say, I guess it's not, and it's not what you can give your child as much, you know, like you may not have the finances to do, you know, give your child this and this and this toy. It's, it's how much time you spend them with them and to enjoy the time that you have. And you don't have to have the money to do all these, you know, ridiculous vacations or, or give them all these toys. But you know, just having a game night or having, you know, a special tradition that you do every night before bed or something like that. That is what actually matters most and not the big things. Yes. We play games every single night after dinner. That's why I'm so good at banana grams. And that's how we knew Addie so well is because during COVID, when everybody came home from, I mean, she, I mean, she spent a lot of time there and all, I mean, of course, what else we're going to do, but we just like constantly play games. And that's how we, Oh, that's so stupid. But that's not as a kid. We played Disney seen it. We played every year. Disney seen it. We memorize them. We get Pete Jim City Pizza play Disney seen it. And then to the point where Blake and the Disney memorized all the cards. So I was like, this isn't even funny for you. But we did have a lot of game nights. Yeah. So remember what happened when we had game nights? Yeah, my sister, my younger sister would, when she started to just like feel that she was going to lose, she would flip the board. Like game night was over. Getting time out right now. Flip the board. She was like, I can't live. That's a power move. Game night took a dark turn. I mean, we all thought it was hilarious. And then we would play, are you smarter than a fifth grader? And when we would hesitate, go, oh my God, am I not smarter than the fifth grader? No, I feel that for sure. Those questions were hard. We should do that on this podcast. We should. We should. We're going to be like, and the tour segment. That's going to be a clip and the men are going to find it. That's going to be a clip and the men are going to find it. The men are certainly going to find it. They're going to find it. They're stupid women. They're stupid women. That's great. Those are all of our voicemails. Oh, I love that. Those were good questions. Thanks for asking and calling in. If you guys want to call and leave a voicemail, do we already do this number? No. Okay. 602-456-9690. We love answering your guys' questions. So thank you guys so much. The last segment of the day, moms is always hungry. We're always eating. What are you cooking up for us? I don't know. I have tremendous great recipes, but one that I do like is a Tuscan chicken soup that I make. It's healthy. It's filling. I think it tastes great. Yum. And I have a no bake cheesecake that I make that I swear is the best. And I just love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best. And I just made it for you. Yeah. It's sweet. Yeah. You made it all. You hid it from me. I only got one piece. Okay. So if we're going to make a whole meal with it, you can have my meal, your dessert. I also have a dressing for a salad that my friend Tammy, I know it's her dressing recipe. It's for a raspberry. Poppy seed. Poppy seed dressing. That's fantastic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mom, is your Tuscan chicken soup. Is that a Weight Watchers recipe? I think it could be. She sent me to me. She sent me to me in college and it was titled Zero Points. zero points. No, no, no, no. It was a zero points. Turkey chili. And the test. No, no, no points. That it came to what would be a point in that story from Italy. It was I mean, straight from Italy. Maybe it's not. It's not okay. But it could be because there's zero points. There's probably no. So if you're following the point system, yeah, here. That's the round. I think it is still around, actually. Hi. Watchers. They rebranded W. W. I believe they approached you for the brand deal. A couple of years ago, I was like, I can't do that. I have too much a trauma for my grandma doing it. I love it. I think I can't. I think you if you're over the age of maybe 30, everybody's tried it. She just she put broccoli and other shoes in our brownie. For her point system. I count points. She wanted to try it out. Oh, yes, seductively delicious. No, not seductively. I don't know. No, I got to find it. Jerry Seinfeld's. Yes. Oh, wait, there's the first thing that came up was Jerry Seinfeld's wife. Cookbook controversy. Deceptively delicious. Exceptively delicious. Actively, that's famous for featuring pureed vegetables, hidden in meals to get children to eat. Yeah. Okay. That's what new people do that. People got mad for that. No, I don't know why it's controversial. It's controversial because they ruined it. I think what it is is because they want it. They want kids to learn to like vegetables and not just have somebody hide it in their food. They want them to learn like, you know, was that that was his wife, right? Not no, no, actually, the yeah, the the controversy was actually completely separate. It was allegations of plagiarism and idea from Missy Chase. Lapine's earlier book, the sneaky chef. Does sound familiar. Yes. OK. I don't know. I don't want any. That's why whenever people pose, we feel the same way about this. Don't put cottage cheese in the dessert. Don't put don't put sweet potatoes. Don't put avocados. I don't want to keep them out. I don't do it. Do it in your mealtime. I don't want a nice cream. No, ice cream. But don't you like zucchini, bro? No, I don't. Oh, I do. But it's not. It's not hidden. It's a known it's a known quantity. Yes, you're right. It's a telling point. It's not. It's a front facing flavor. It's not like, oh, the bat, the aftertaste is giving spinach. Right. Well, that's true. Yes. Yeah. Anyway, that was a tangent. Thanks for your recipes, moms. Sure. And thanks for being on this episode. Yes, it was outside of your comfort zones. And I just want to say we're going to make sure that people are nice in the comments, because I know that you guys are going to read every single one. I don't think they would be mean. You guys had great things. Thank you for all your wisdom and your advice. It was great. Thank you for loving us and our babies and just being good examples of what good mothers are. So true. I feel like we. I mean, I'm going to get motion. I just feel so grateful that we have such good relationships as adults with you guys, because that's very unique nowadays. It's more and more adults feel like they need to, for whatever reason, probably very valid reasons need to disconnect from their moms and their families. And you guys are just you lean in to all the things that we do, all these crazy ventures. And you offer very wise advice along the way, but in a very appropriate way. And the way that you have stepped into the role of being a grandma or a honey is just it's touching on a whole different level. So just I can't tell you enough how grateful. So I'm going to say it publicly, too. But how grateful we are. I think every day about how how thankful I am that like I'm here with both kids and both spouses that we love so much. And now extra kids that I have now. But I'm not make such an effort to be a part of our lives, too. But it's like it feels really good. Yeah, super. Well, you're welcome. You guys make it easy. Thank you so much, you guys. And as always, remember we're always here. I'm in the kitchen with Charlie Bigham. So what have we got here, Charlie? My brand new pan fry pad Thai noodles, noodles, but your Mr. Fish Pie Guy guilty. And while ovens are all at roasting, the pan is king of noodling. Whether it's Pad Thai, Yaki Soba or laxer, finding that perfect texture is a bottomless noodle rabbit hole. But all I have to do is stir it in the pan for six minutes, right? Bingo. Try the new Charlie Bigham's Asian Pan Fry Noodle Range handmade in my kitchen. Pan fried in yours.