Thank you for Choosing Bald Airlines with Trixie and Katya

Hey Boston, hey Wuburn, hey Swamskirt, hey Revere, hey Maldon, Alston Brighton, anybody in the sea line, the green line, the red line, the orange line, anybody in the Kentucky, Moth is Vineyard, anybody in land, anybody in Quincy, the Cape, P-Town, whatever, Brewster. Do not forget that we have added a second show on May 17th. The first show sold out very fast, so get your tickets to the second one at TrixieandCottie.com. You're not better than me. Get your fucking tickets. You guys, I just want to extend a message of hope. Nick, our editor, is sick. Lighters up for Nick. Yeah, F in the chat for Nick. Airbrush shirts will be passed along. Nick, and you know, I would say he had so much to live for, but he works here. Yeah, that's actually a relief for him and his family. And you know what it is? It's a boon. It's the asbestos in the ceiling that I've been placing overnight when we go home. I crawl up in the sun, I'm in the sun, I'm sitting overnight. When we go home, I crawl up in there and I bring my own asbestos that I paid for with my own money. Thank you. Or it could be the arsenic gel that I've been putting on the keyboard. Yeah, well, because he loves to lick those little fingers after he types. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh my God, that's kind of a funny, and look at Sid is here sitting back there. Oh my God, Sid short for, Sid Rock? Sid Rock? It's women in STEM. What is this short for? Sidney? Okay. You know that? No, I know that. I don't think they knew that. Sidney-thia. Sidney-thia. Sidney-thia. Girl, can I tell you whose days are numbered? The LA News. I am still on my bullshit watching the news and I swear to God, we live in the second biggest city in the United States. This country is collapsing. It is wrought with violence and crime. And when I turn on the fucking news, they're talking about, on a Monday and it's 420, so you're telling me the biggest news story is that Snoop Dogg has a ice cream truck. I'm like, weren't eight people shi*** today? Yes. The LA News is, look over there. Look over there. The LA News is in bed with big, Big gun. Big low stress. Big, big gun. Big calm. LA News is trying to protect us. They're in bed with big calm. I feel like a whistleblower because I live in Hollywood and I turn on the news and I see people basically hanging out of helicopters shi***ing into the city. And then I turn on the news and they're like, you guessed it, 420. The new yogurt shop opened in Burbank. Breaking news, that taco stand on Virgil has gone on vacation. I know. Which it has and I was plucked. I know it can't be all negative things, but I do feel like over here on the LA News, we also have to be real. Well, the only positive thing about LA is the weather. That's it. And they have a separate section for that. And guess what? They don't even show LA. They show like Catalina Island. They show like, the weather they show is all like outside of LA. So I don't know. When I get on the news in LA and I will, I have notes. Are you transitioning before you do that though? To the news. To the news. I'm transitioning to journalism. I have to tell you, we haven't filmed in like so many weeks and I have so much to tell you about. I do too. I want it. So we have this mutual friend. Yeah. Let's call her Linda. Kathy, let's call her Kathy. Kathy is... We don't want to say Glinda because it's Ariana Grande and people will know. Oh, right, right, right. Elphaba. Yeah. No. Kathy with a C. Right. And Kathy is diabolical because if you, if you even think of a secret, if you even, if like you, if you tell me something in confidence and it's serious and you have done this before where it's like, I have something to tell you and it's serious and it's not funny and blah, blah, blah. And if you give me that look, I know that I won't tell anybody. Right. But Kathy already knows the secret before it's out of your mouth. That's how diabolical. And she's already live journaled it and sent it out to several blogs. You know who's also the queen of this? Who? Peaches Christ was like, Peaches was like, you called me a gossip on the pod. She's like, I heard that you called me a gossip. I was like, you're gossiping now, hoe. But the guy is gossip. But Kathy cannot be in a restraining order from secrets need to be implemented. 500 mile radius. If any sensitive information is offered. Also, she left. She outed me. Yes. And I told people I was gay. But not only that, she'll go through your medical history. And that's right. Which she somehow has access to. Because she's my person, who's my doctor. G-Gun is my COVID doctor. You have to subscribe to her OnlyFans to get your results. Yeah. Oh my God. That's a boon. That's one medical if I ever heard of it. Hello. Thank you. Girl, we talked so much about one medical. When I do get sick and I go in there, my primary care physician, Patrick, is gonna be like, I heard. I heard you running your little mouth. My little formerly rich ass dire straits. I like, roll up to solace health. Mama, they just, they roll out the red carpet. Dire straits. Dire straits. Which one of us flew coach recently? X. Oh, let's get in that. To see. Let's have that conversation. And you know what? I flew it again last week. Oh. Is it? I'm going to, no, no, no. I am going through a personal. Call me Beyonce because it's my Renaissance. I'm telling you guys. I believe this is something opposite of a Renaissance. It's a devolution. I'm telling you guys. Transformation. First class is a fucking scandal and a rub. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It is not that great. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And Delta Comfort Plus kind of gives you what you need for not that much more money. Now this is a very relatable conversation relevant to every single one of our listeners, not. But I have to, we have to distinguish that first class is not that simple. We're on puddle jumpers, Mary. Puddle jumpers, the seats, you get two inches of leg room. You maybe had peanuts. Maybe you get an orange juice or like a, a seltzer with a hair in it. And that flight attendant comes by, she pulls back my foreskin. She takes a little iodine on a Q-tip, cleans off the crud. And then she puts a bucket hat on me and chokes me out. And I go to sleep. I get put down. That's Comfort Plus. That's Comfort Plus. You know, unless, until first class, for what first class costs, and first class prices have gotten so astronomical, for what first class costs, until Michael Jackson's doctor is gonna be coming seat by seat. Sky Med, Sky Med, how many times do I have to, this was what Fina and I were talking about in first class the other day. Hello, and I couldn't hear because I was in the back of the plane. Were they having a mariachi band practice? I, you know, on top of you. Girl, but you know what? Like I was in the, I got the exit row seat, which obviously is fabulous. Exit row is amazing. And baby, mama, listen to me. On the 110, the 405, this was a puddle jumper. There were basically no differentiation between these seats. Yeah, but it's fine. It happened, we were on tour. Very small plane. And Tracy goes, well, cause we were delayed out of Canada for what, nine hours at the airport. I think so, yeah. In front of they go, the good news is we all have seats in the plane. The bad news is one of you is not gonna be able to be in first class. And my boyfriend was traveling with us. So I was like, you know what? This is how we keep love alive. I volunteered as tribute. I felt like Katniss Everdeen. I felt like you, I'm so sorry. You were Joan of Arc. She was a martyr. She was a victim. You were Norma Ray. You really stood up and you, you, it's like you went to Vietnam. Oh, I think I boarded before you. I think I boarded with the military vets. I was like, I'm getting on this plane. Did you get the Purple Heart before or after the flight? Oh, well, I didn't know because they had put me to sleep. And the Purple Heart, I passed it. Don't joke about that because this, I know that these fucking Technocrat billionaire oligarchs are already got their nasty little fingers typing on there, whatever their air computers about SkyMed. And I am not gonna be on the ground floor of that investment opportunity and I will be plucked. But you don't have any money to put into it. But it's my fucking idea. I guess. But like you think taking drugs in the sky is something you invented. Please don't gatekeep drugs. It's not people do, I know that that's something people do. I'm talking about a spa experience. Oh, right. I'm talking about the other. Jennifer Aniston. Yes. Smartwater. And this is where the different, the, whatever you call it, differentiation between levels of first class depending on the airline and the flight. Steve got, you're on a puddle, Ryanair. Ryanair, Airlingus. Airlingus, Ryanair. They got stand-up seats now. Girl, I saw it and I see it and it said it's $9. Honestly. Oh yeah. $9, what could go wrong? But girl, you know what you do though? They probably strap you in, you put on your Hannibal Lecter mask. They're like nuts. You're like, he can't get them. They try to throw them through the holes. Oh my God. They dropped the gas mask down, but that's, it's like a donut on a string, like at a carnival. And you just like have to bob through the Hannibal. But then time flies. Before you know you're on the tarmac. Girl, and that's what they put the propanol, propanol on the donut. And that's how you get administered. Okay. So imagine. You're a pookie. So I'm flying your pookie. I'm flying your pookie. You're doing crystal air. Crystal air. No, no, no. So here's the, here's the setup. And this is very, the ethic, now the pages and stacks and stacks of legal are just so enormous. Right. So that alone is going to be, you know, the medical waivers, all that shit. So just going to be so much to get through. But if we blade runner into the future, say 50 years, 500 years, it's imagine a concierge health, concierge spa experience in the air. So you have nurse practitioners. Right. You have an MD on the plane, of course. And then you have treatments. Like, so in a first class on an Emirates, which we were both at one time so privileged to fly. It is insane. It's truly insane. It's ultra luxury. It's outrageous. But you have a whole... No, Jennifer Aniston though. No, she was not there. But I took two showers. Yeah. But so in the showers were bigger than my apartment, by the way. The... Took them home with you. You know, took it right off the wall. But like imagine, so I had three flight attendants tend to me. It was like... Well, one free toll. Three pretzels like a, I got three holes like a pretzels. Three holes, you know which hole to use? Always, sometimes, never. Always, sometimes. The belly button is always. No, I'm talking about one of my pussy holes. Oh, always, sometimes. Right. Well, always. They gave me pause. I'll always do oral. They gave me pause. Sometimes I'll use my wiener and I will never use my butt. They gave me pause. Let's take a break. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay benevolent text by a wiser civilization. And I am reborn. Every week, they offer over 40 recipes made with organic produce, responsibly sourced proteins and ingredients that do not read like a chemistry final. You can choose Mediterranean, high protein, or their new longevity line built around brain and gut health. 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Bath & Body Works candles not only smell amazing, but are crafted with premium lead-free wicks for a clean, safe burn. Shop the Whitebar Neutrals collection now at Bath & Body Works dot com. Okay, so just bear with me for two seconds or two minutes. So the ticket is astronomical. So all first class is astronomical. And they all fluctuate, which I don't understand how that's ethical. I don't want to get into it. But like, it's like, oh, we're booking travel for two years in the future. It's going to be 18 grand. Oh, but then two days after that, it's going to be $300. Girl, what the fuck is that? Or sometimes it'll be like the early flight is thousands of dollars less. And then if you fly a couple hours later, it's double. $2. Or yeah, or yeah. And so a lot of times when I buy my own flights, I'd be taking whatever's the cheapest. Like I'll take that hateful early flight because sometimes it's so much less money. Yeah. Now we're in a very unfortunate position where like business class, like business people like those gross, nasty fat guys who drink margaritas at like seven in the morning, their companies pay for all these flights. So do you understand how much like a round trip flight LA to London right now in first class is like 12,000 easily 17 grand. Yeah, crazy. Yeah. But with SkyMed, we're bumping them up to 30. And here's why you have a dedicated nurse practitioner, MD on board. And in it, so they can say you have an 18 hour flight to Singapore, New York to Singapore longest flight you can take. That is a long time. So in addition to wonderful food and everything, they're giving you IV, IV liquid IV trips, vitamins, whatever. And then, um, Mr. Mr. Mr. Rabinowitz, would you like to, is it time for you to, you know, die knock, die like they, and then they put a little like volume in your IV and you go to see, will they treat other things? Like what if I get on the plane with like a fissure? Yeah. Oh, or like surgery, but it's in the back with the dancing like in the lounge. Right. Right. Right. It's very crimes of the future. People stand around and watch the surgery. You can, you can listen to it, but on headphones, we respect folks. Kristen Stewart's always there. Yes. Putting ears on the forehead, wiggling. No, but I'm telling you, it's like, rather than, because what really happens is rich people get on, they take their own goofballs, they have cocktails and they just, rich people, rich people take the big fat value, anybody have a glass of wine. Yeah. It's like when I went to Australia, like four, like three or four years ago, I took, a whole Xanax, which is like two milligrams a lot. And then I didn't have a cocktail as I don't want to drink, but I was out. And they, they told me like, we thought you died. Like I was dead. I had the early, you know how you can like eat early and then go to bed. Oh yeah, you always get the early meal. Yeah. Cause then it's drawn out. Yeah. It's too much. Although, if it's a long flight, try to stay up for the meal because like it's, it's going to be hard to sleep. Even in the flat seats, which are lovely, the flat seats on international is amazing. I don't care if it's, it could be a wooden plank. It could be a plank with spikes. I will bring my padding. I will bring my drag padding. I will do anything, but the ability to lie horizontal cannot be overstated. That is an extreme luxury. I just think honestly, lately I've been, lately I've been thinking the comfort plus you get the extra snacks, you get the extra drink service, you get extra leg room, you get the priority boarding, you even get your own dedicated, I think bag area. I just think as far as like what's worth it. It's like, comfort plus is not that much more and you get a lot. Yeah. First class is so much more. Yeah. And it's also, it depends though. They give you everything, but you're still on a plane. You're still on a plane. It sucks for even, listen, I am so ungrateful. I'm such a piece of shit that even I can give me any situation that is the most, the best of any world. And I will tell you 10 things I hate about it. So, but on our puddle jumpers recently, these basketball players got on and I have never felt so, oh, that's so, that's seven feet tall. That's six, six and above. They were literally while they were walking onto the plane like this. That's horrible. You didn't see them? No. Oh my God. There was like, I was in the back. No, they went to the back. They went to the coach or economy or whatever. They don't call it coached anymore, but they were literally having to hunch just to walk through. Imagine what it felt like sitting down like, well, you know what I mean? That sucks. I feel bad for them because even if they sat in the first class, it sucks if you're that tall. Yes. I hit my head three times. I always hit my head coming out of the ceiling. I don't know what it is. Every time I get up, I hit my head on the ceiling. Every time everyone sees it. I don't react to my eyes are tearing because it hurts so bad. That blood in my face. No one says anything three times, both, both flights. And I'm like, I swear I better not hit my head when I get up. I just feel like I'm going through a renaissance with the airplanes where I'm like, they all suck. Every seat sucks and the gouge is so fierce. But why don't you get the vendors and the bookers and the promoters to pay for the gouge? Because they're all skimming and scamming. Everybody's scamming and scheming. I guess, but on our trips, we pay for our own, it comes out of our own budget. All right. Comfort plus it is then. You guys, if you see us in comfort plus, just know we're loving it. I did it for Fina, because that woman, as she has now slimmed down dramatically and is living a very different life. I mean, imagine, imagine, imagine the grip. Also, we were delayed for so long. I'm fuming. I'm spiraling. I'm ready to have a gun and kill myself. She is living. She was so grateful, so happy just to be up and like, you know, have some like decent room and, and you know, whatever. And I was like, damn, that's a great, that's a great lesson. Not to be a cunt, not to be a cunt. Ungrateful bitch. I was in a lovely exit row and I, I was prepared to help. If that an emergency, that's what I kept thinking. As I got drunker, I took all my pills. Well, luckily I had the, there was gays who knew what our situation was. So the gay flight attendants kept coming back and being like, do you guys need extra snacks and drinks? I was like, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Jeanne, thank you. Do you need a little idea of a volume? But if you're used to getting a glass of wine every time it's, every time it gets even close to empty, if you're used to a flight attendant refilling it, that's not what's going on back there in 21A. No, they're like, any water, they just throw it. You got to turn the, you got to turn the, I had to crack the exit door just to get the flight attendant to come over. Can we get a little cross break? Do you have any shower today? I was like, very that. I'll open it. You bring that bottle over here and they come, they bring in, they give me your room temp canned wine. Oh, I, is the, that's a good question. Is the alcohol any good on a flight? I mean, no, but like booze is booze. Where are you going to go to the plane next door? Booze is booze. Is it really? Well, Cristal Champagne. The Clico. I mean, I don't know. If you're on the plane, the Belvedere playing tricks on you, you're not supposed to bring your own booze. And that's kind of a rub on the airplanes too, because it's illegal to bring your own alcohol. Of course I do it. Wait, so you can't bring it through security, right? Because it's a bomb. And you can't drink your own alcohol on the plane. Like, even if you had the best intentions at the legal, and it's duty free, there's nowhere to buy it. You can't. Yeah, they take the duty free before you get on the plane. If it's alcohol, I believe, because that's why you always see them handing you the bag. But they don't want people to be blacked out. And you already see all these videos of people on the plane, like being belligerent. Well, yeah, you just can't give people unfettered access to alcohol or they won't act right. That's why the nurse practitioner, the psychiatrist, and the MD psychiatrist, and the MD physician are on board. They know what to do. If you start acting all crazy, Mama, they just, they do a little propofol. I want it to be like restraints. They do the muzzle, right? With cashmere muzzle. I want them to get mask. Yeah, the whole thing. One of those latex full body get things. They suspend you. Oh yeah, hooks in the back. I think it's very Senate bite. It's very Senate bite. And there's a way, when you sign the waiver, there's in bold. If you don't act right, the chains will come out. I think, I don't know. I mean, I wanted to be like Kathy Griffin in the Slim Shady video, where like a nurse walks by with the little, wait, wait, what? Like a nurse, Kathy Griffin in the Slim Shady video. Yeah, she's in the real Slim Shady video, the Eminem song. Yes, Kathy Griffin. Yes, Kathleen Griffin. Yes. What is she doing? She plays the nurse. He's in a psychiatric hospital and she plays the nurse. Got it. Right? Yeah. Okay, I agree. If I don't know about Kathy Griffin and her relation to Eminem, what do I know about it? Let's see. Oh, nice. Kathleen, Joanne, Elizabeth Griffin. Anyway, there's a part where I think she's like, they have like pills and they have the Dixie cups and they're just taking the pills and throwing them in the cups. I want the Fluttertons to walk by in little nurse outfits with your Dixie cup of your goofballs. And then you swallow them and then it's like, yeah, you get a show. Like the Clooneybend. You get a show. Air rehab. That's another one. But see, here's the thing though. You get off the plane completely free of drugs. No, no, no. See, that's the thing. If you now with a psychiatrist, with a licensed medical doctor and a psychiatrist's referral, you can get on, say you're going to Singapore for rehab, you are twisted. You're in a great space. 18 hours is a lot could happen in 18 hours in terms of detoxifying the body. Usually you're held for 24 hours in detox or two days. Well, they're doing those cups too. They do the back cups. The back cups? The suction on the back. You get those purple welts and that's how the crack comes out of your skin, right? The toxins. Girl. They do an acupuncture. They do the suction on the back. They take the cup off. They scrape it off. They put that on some foil and it's a fentanyl patch. And then, yes. And then, would you like to be woken up for breakfast or your coffee enema an hour before we land? Oh my God. It roof falls there giving people red wine colonics. Do you think? Coffee enema. Coffee enema. Because when you land for your business meeting that starts in half an hour after the plane lands, you've got to be pert and ready. Can I tell you I... Where's all the shit go? I got so constipated last week. Me too. Finally missed something in common. I'm reaching a point in my life where I just don't think I can have cheese. Wait, wait. No, of course you can't have cheese. It just stops me up entirely. Cheese is bad. So I think I have to go on the cheese. Well, don't get to go. No, I don't have cheese. I have lived cheese for life and I'm perfect. I had to drink something that you got from CVS, that you drink this whole water, this fluid and then it tells you like in 30 minutes to five hours, you will have a movement. Milk of magnesia. And I know it was something crazy and it was like something citrate. Something citrate. And I googled it and it said like I was reading Reddit, like has anybody tried this? Does it help when you're stopped up? The comment was like, when this hits, you better be home. Lift, you're going to lift three or four inches off the bowl because the blast will be hydro, like hydro, what do you call it? Hydrocephalic. Hydro... Hydro... Hydroplanking. No, it's hydraulic. Hydraulic. Hydraulic shitting. So they were like, you better be home when it happens. And I didn't, I couldn't be home because I had plans to go see Lee Cronin's, The Mummy with Juno Burke. And white jeans. Well, so Juno gets it. Lee Cronin's, The Mummy is so funny to me. Lee Daniels, The Butler. Lee Cronin, The Money. You know why they do that? It's like, it's disputes over titles. Oh, because the mummy, like they couldn't call it The Butler. Warner Brothers, it was a whole thing. So they call it Lee Daniels, The Butler. I thought the directors like wanted that. No, it was a huge dispute between the Weinstein Company and it was a whole thing. Interesting. Same thing with The Mummy. Lee Cronin's, The Mummy is so funny to me. Lee Cronin's, The Mummy. Like where is she? Is she in the movie, Lee? Well, Juno Burke comes over and I go, I just like feel like I want to tell you, because we're on like a double date. Her boyfriend, my boyfriend, we're all here to go on a lovely date. Love. And we're all going to go on and I go, I just have to tell you guys, I took this medicine and then I learned online that this is about to hit. You are so wild. So before we go to the movie, it does hit everything. It's great. Love it. Thank God. Thank God. Did you bring a cork plug for your butt? No, I just said like, we're good. And I was like, if I have to leave during this movie, at least they all know what I'm doing, right? Coke. Coke and I, were you people doing Coke in your bathroom? So did you blast during the movie? Lee Cronin? Does that make sense? No, I didn't blast during the movie, but I will say you need to see this movie because Lee Cronin is going to be tried for his crimes. I heard it was really bad. No, it's very drag me to hell. It's very gumming the face. You shamed me, puking. He's the same. I believe that's the same director who did the mommy version of the Evil Dead. Evil Dead Rises. It's very Evil Dead Rises. It's very family horror, dead body reanimation horror. My daughter went to Egypt, she came back, the mummy, Lee Cronin's the mummy. Pretty much. Pretty much. Love that premise. It is a mummy story, but it's kind of more of like a possession story. It was scary. It was fun. Love it. I'm scared. Not egregiously. Okay. Scary and kind of sick. Okay. And what's his name? Who's in it? Lee Cronin. No, no, no. The actor who was in Spifty Shades and a Barband Star. That's Jamie. Jamie Dornan. My birthday twin. He's so beautiful. This is, this is really, I think it's him. Jack Reynor? Damn. That's not him. But shout out to Jamie Dornan because he is born on the same exact day that I am. We're both May 1st, 1982. He's the boyfriend. The boyfriend in Midsommar. I'm sorry. That's who it was. It's Midsommar. But he's so beautiful. And you really think, oh yeah, he's, he's gorgeous. It was a good movie. It was fun. And I didn't get the D-box. So I would love to, you went to the cinema. The cinemaplex? Well, Juno said the movie theater. I said, you want to hang out? And she said, well, yeah, what do you want to do? And she said, well, I kind of want to see Lee Cronin's The Mummy. I said, okay, we'll go. So it was like her idea, really. Interesting. I should have invited you. No, I'm just, all the times I've said, we should go to the movies. You say, I don't go to the cinema. Yeah, but it was Juno. She's never here. It's what she wanted. Do I have to become a British transsexual in order to get you to go to the movies with me? You have to become interesting and have some compelling arguments about why I should go. Other than the popcorn and the magic of film. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed right now. Okay. Cool. I've never felt so shocked. I have a heart every single time that she says, we're on this podcast, she says, I don't go to the movies. I don't, but I had to see Lee Cronin's The Mummy. Do you understand? And I don't want to see Lee Cronin's The Butler. If you know about me and you know about Lee Cronin, when it says Lee Cronin in front of a movie, I'm going. Yeah. If it was Lee Cronin's The Room, Lee Cronin's The Wizard of Oz, Lee Cronin's Daniels The Butler. Right. Lee Cronin's The Witch, like Lee Cronin's Lee Daniels The Butler. I'm going. Lee Cronin is, it was, it was really good. And Lee Cronin really, you would think it's about The Mummy, it's really about Lee Cronin. It's a Lee Cronin story. And I just want to tell you guys at home, forget everything you think you know about Lee Cronin, because all of that goes out the window. Lee Cronin said, my audience knows me too well. How am I going to- They're going to beat my mother. I'm British, so it's my mummy. But I sat directly behind the D-boxes. And remember the seats that I told you about that go like this? Not the, not the dune, spike, kill you at the Gomjabbar. So this time I sat behind the D-boxes, because I didn't want to sit in the, I think a mixed seat. What I did this time to, you know, I'm on a save a little money tour. I put my foot up on the D-box. So when movement happened, I still got to experience something. So you, you siphoned gas out of the D-box. Literally. I was somebody who sits outside the concert and listens to the music. Have you ever seen that clip of that girl outside that Taylor Swift concert in the parking lot? And she starts sobbing when a song starts. Oh yeah. She just had a restaurant three blocks away. But I saw, I'm at the D-box, put my big toe on the seat. And they don't know. I was like, whoa. Actually you could have added to their experience by kicking them a little bit. There was no one up there. No one wants the D-box. I think the D-box is too abusive. Why didn't you just get in the D-box? Because I knew I didn't want it, but I just wanted to experience it. Oh, I see, I see. That makes sense. That makes sense. And June, I was telling her about it. So the seats start moving and she goes, oh, and I'm like the mommy, like the, that's like when you, Likronin is in here with a D-pad. No, he's in the projection booth with the, with the little, yeah. Look on the floor, Likronin's holding up those seats going like, because let me tell you, and I know Lee, when Lee Cronin gets involved in a production, the inspiration is boundless. The commitment to the bit is unreal. You might, if you watch the movie closely, the reason it's not Lee, it's not Lee, the reason it's not Jamie Dornan, it's Lee Cronin. She's playing every role. He, oh, well, well, I don't assume people's gender journey in 2026. You should see it though. I left thinking Katya's going to love this movie. Today's episode of all the beautiful is brought to you by Hymns. If something's been off in the bedroom, you're not the only one. A lot of guys wait too long. You guys, I'm just going to tell you, you can blame stress, sleep, you can blame getting older, but I'm going to tell you, you know, I'm the queen of this mental health and self-help. I'm going to tell you when I was having ED problems, I had no way of knowing that it was like basically for me in my situation, entirely in my head. I was depressed, I was overworked, I was overstressed, and that trickle down effect trickled down to, you know, my business. So I can tell you that sometimes it's hard to grasp it when it's happening. 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And now I've become that person where I'm like, well, if it's that serious, they'll call me. That's why I use Yahoo Mail Planner. It brings your tasks and events together in one place. So everything stays organized and you don't miss what matters. Planner brings your tasks, reminders and events into one simple view. So you don't have to jump between apps or piece your day together. Get a clear organized view of what matters most. Appointments, deadlines and to-dos. So you can quickly understand your day without digging through emails. You don't have to download anything or manage another app. Planner works seamlessly within Yahoo Mail, even with your Gmail connected. So everything stays in one place. Stress less with Yahoo Mail Planner. This episode is sponsored by Bowlin Branch. Every night, I approached my bed as one approaches a failed argument with dread, resignation and the faint suspicion that I was being punished by the universe. 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If your sleep has become a philosophical crisis, begin where wisdom begins with better bedding. Bowlin Branch. Upgrade your sleep with Bowlin Branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at BowlinBranch.com slash Bald with code BALD. That's Bowlin Branch B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch dot com slash bald. Code BALD to unlock 15% off. Exclusions apply. I was busy at the Cinemaplex with some F words, watching Mother Mary with Annie Hathaway. Oh, how did you like that? I liked it. I would give it a B. Annie Hathaway, God of Lover. McKayla Cole, that woman is a fucking phenomenal actress. Jesus Christ, the camera loves her face and she is so compelling. Everything she says is so riveting. It's like a play. David Lowery, who did The Green Night, every shot of that is so gorgeous. A little slow for most people. What is it called? The Green Night. Gorgeous. Lee Cronin's The Green Night. It was a Lee Daniels Butler's, Lee presents Lee Cronin's The Green Night featuring Mother Mary. But did you like it? Is it about a pop star? Lee Cronin's Mommy Mary. It's about a pop star and her collaborator. So we actually very relatable to us. It would be like you and Amy. Oh. Or like me and Andrew. So it was like a pop star and her collaborator fashion, say Lady Gaga and Alexander McQueen or something like that. That was a bad example. But you know what I'm saying? And she shows up and she needs a dress for her performance. Basically she's a pop star and it's hard to do pop stars and pop songs in movies. It was one of the hardest things to pull off. We talked about in Smile, they did a good job. It's a smile too. Lee Cronin's Smile too. Well, Daily Daniels presents the Butler. It's hard. I think they pulled it off mostly. It was very in fabric plus smiley fabric. It was like in smiley fabric. Right. It was kind of that vibe where it was like it got a little ghosty. But I don't know. I think it bit off more than Nick and Shoe and I wasn't super satisfied by the ending. But they ate. It was cute. I don't know. Things were eating. Things were eating. I was really looking forward to it. I really got gassed up for it. But then I lowered my expectations. Thank God. I, Annie Hathaway though. I love her. I do. That's good. Michael McColl's Huntie. But Hunter Schaffer's in it for one second. Which leads me to my next question to you. It's a beg. Are you asking if I'm watching that? No. No. I'm begging you to, I'm begging you on my knees to watch euphoria. Girl, you think I'm going to start now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I only want you to watch two clips and I'll just describe them and it'll be brief. I swear. Imagine, picture it. A rooftop pool. Okay. Cassie, the big-titted city, Sydney Sweeney. Is it be Sweepe? Sydney Sweepe is driving a red convertible along the Pacific Coast highway. Sweeping shot Nancy Meyers movie like music rolls up to a rooftop pool in LA with a bikini on waiting for her a friend from high school, Maddie, who is literally 35 years old now, four years after college. I mean, four years after high school, the actress Alexa Demi is played by eight. So this season, is it, it's about four or five years after high school. Okay. Because they're high schoolers in the show, right? It's five years after high school. So she's 35 in real life playing a 25-year-old. Very Netflix. She shows up in a fur coat. And before that, there's a shot of her in a green car looking out the, out the, out the window at Simpy, who's getting out of the car. And it's like 70s, like film, grain, noir motif all of a sudden. And then there's a slow-mo shot of her coming into the pool with a full-length sable coat on and glasses to the most sweeping epic Disney soundtrack. It is so fucking crazy. It is so insane. Good crazy. It's not boring. It's not boring. I mean, whether they're a dump in, like swallowing like dozens of balls of condoms of fentanyl and then shitting them out into colanders in episode one. I feel like people are saying that they are confused by the season. That's the people on Twitter thinking that. It is a, it is a, it is a colorful, is a super, highly saturated, color-drenched shit show. 100%. But I'll tell you this. Zendaya is, she is a phenomenal actress because there is no physical differentiation between her and Dune in this. No makeup, no hair, really. She doesn't wear any makeup in either show. Not really. Two totally different characters. Like, it's, she's incredible. She's the only one that actually looks like she could pass for 24. Lee Cronin's euphoria. You would, if I showed you some clips, you would, it's, it's crazy. It's crazy. Well, I feel like people aren't liking it, but sometimes it's bad. It's objectively bad, but it's like when people are like, they hate this Taylor album, they hate euphoria. I was like, maybe you're just growing, growing up, changing tastes. And maybe you're realizing the thing you used to like, you liked it for reasons other than the supreme quality, of course, but also, still valid reason, but it's also, but it was interesting about this show is that because it's been four or five years, these people now are superstars. Right. Jacob Elordi, for example, I feel like his, his performance is, is so critics have, and everybody's noticing his performance is so wooden that it's as if he lobotomizes himself before he gets on set every day, because it's just like he's barely there. Checked out, it seems. All these people are superstars. Hunter Schaefer, Zendaya. Zendaya. She's like the modern day Julia Roberts. Yeah. And she's got to go back to the slop. She's doing a great job though. I mean, people, they got to be doing something right. I've never seen it. So I can't really say like, it's very, it's just, it's sensational. It's splashy. It's sexy. It's a lot of it seems like porn, like, like the, the, I want to just, I want to film some porn. And that's what they're doing, because it's very, very sexy and sexual and weird and crazy. A lot of violence, a lot of boobs and ass and titties and drugs and all that stuff. It's not boring. I'll just say that pigs, Nazis. There's pigs in Nazis in euphoria. Yeah. There's, the, the, the Rue is Zendaya. She gets sold from the Nazi drug dealers to the owner of a strip club with this black kingpin named Alamo. And Lori, who is the, the, the white bitch calls him a pig on the phone. And so he sends a pig over her house while one of the neo-Nazis is banging some bitch from behind Faye. And then the pig is pooping and it has a little sign on it that says, remember the Alamo. And that's like, not even the, that's like a low part of the episode. Okay. That makes more sense. Cause people have been doing that to me left and right. I was like, where did people get this from? You know what I mean? I was like, I was like, do I not watch enough TV? You know, I was like, what is this? And why do I shit out fentanyl every day? And it was all dark. I don't know. No, I got to show you the clip though, because it's just, from a directorial cinematic point of view, it's that shit. The thematic tonal shifts that happen within seconds are like, what do you, what is happening here? It's just so crazy. I guess I'm gonna have to watch it. And maybe now since it's on season three, I could start from the beginning and catch up. I wouldn't even bother. What? I bet you you got to see the beginning. I mean, you probably, yes, you absolutely would have to, for any of it to make sense. Yeah. But the Alexa Demi thing is so funny. Like painted like a, painted like a drag queen, like more makeup than you have on. This woman is in her, she's like a widow. She's late 60s. She's playing a former high schooler. Like she's literally, it's just so crazy. You don't have to watch it. I've been watching, whatever I've been watching. I watched that neighbor show you told me to watch. Crazy. I couldn't, I was so, it was so triggering. The guy who wants to go to the newest colony. That didn't, that one I didn't see, but the vampire guy, the guy with the vampire fangs, and then the bearded bard. Yeah. They were so destined to be best friends. Did you like the guy at the dueling houses who decorate for Halloween? I didn't see that one either. There's only six episodes, Mary. I saw three. Oh, I think four is the Halloween one. And it's the last one. Six is the craziest one of all of them. Is that the, the private property one? That's the one with the guy who like, all those neighbors are like, you need to put some clothes on. He's like an old guy. And then he goes to live in a new discolony, falls in love and she doesn't reciprocate. With the cat shit? Well, get the cat shit out of there. A lot of cat shit. A lot of cat shit. But those, um, the, the, the adrenochrome, a pizza gate vampire people, and then the bearded bard and his family, they're destined to be great buddies. Did you think they both like editing on that neighbor show is so skit. It reminds me of the sections from weapons featuring the crack head. Everything's like so fast and crazy. And then they do like that weird like, when he's like, I believe, you know, going down in his manifesto, but don't you think that those two, this is probably so riveting for people in the four and five. No, people want to know what we're watching. Okay. They, they, they, why are you watching euphoria? Huh? Cause I watched the first two seasons. Oh, you did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was glued to the TV. Did you like the first two seasons? Yeah, I loved it. Okay. I loved it. I can't tell if people are saying this show's getting crazy and not good or has it always been crazy. It's always been crazy. It's always, but now, but before the issue was this is hyper sexualized high schoolers. Now, Alexa Demi doesn't count cause she was 48 at the time of filming five years ago. Right. Now she's in early sixties. Right. She went through a wormhole. She did go to college. She did. That's four years after high school. She's me, 44 years old. It's crazy. But that's like movie stars in everything. Beverly Hills, nine to two and O Gabrielle Carteris who played Andrea. She was famously like 40 years old as a high school student. Damn. Yeah. They were old. They were old high schoolers. Okay. I believe you. Well, I think it's hard to get teenagers to play because they, the labor laws, the labor laws with real teenagers is like when you're under 18, you can't like work a full work day. You know what I mean? I think of how long days are on set. Imagine if it was all actual children. Mary K. Nessie. Will they get just get a higher twins? Twins. Like the boy is the guy who plays Homeland or son. I think is a twin. That's why he's in everything. He's a twin. I'm in, I'm watching season four of The Boys now, but obviously I have to wait. I hate when I'm watching a show and I have to wait every week. Mary, I've, I've, I've almost, I think I'm almost done with the boys and that show jumped the shark so fiercely. It, she, she took, she took, it jumped over that shark. What is it? What is this expression? It jumped the shark. Yeah. It fucked the shark. It jumped the, it fucked the shark. Yeah. It robbed her. It fucked her. You don't know it. Lee Cronin's the boys. You don't like it. Lee Cronin's the shark. No, it's like, no, I mean, I just thought it was like, I love the effects. Yeah. You know what I think about a lot. The splashy violence is fun, but it's so like just running around in circles. What the fuck is Starlight? What about her? Now she's a symbol for the rebellion. Yeah. But would she do it? Hero like Katniss Everdeen. Like open, I can summon like 2600 volts of electricity. She's just giving me 10 minutes. She's learning to fly now. Everybody else can do so much cooler stuff. I know. Well, it's hard because Homeland really is like so fierce. Well, I guess soldier boys fiercely than him really. But I read all those books and I love those books, but I, and also really like Sister Sage, this super smart person. The funny thing when she has to give herself a, what a frontal lobotomy to have sex. That was gross. That was really disgusting. That was really disgusting. What about calling into the P-hole, sneezing and blowing them up? That was fierce. That was fierce. Love that. I don't like the big lung dick. Love sausage. Don't love it. That's not a superpower. That's liability. That's a fancy ask. I think it's a super power. We have to be a line around the block. Go down the Vaseline alley, honey, and just let them chew on it. You'd have to shake them all off. They'd be climbing like a trait. Dip it in some syrup and just let them take it out. Bears in space. Got an off and off. Just skip the line at the door. Take yourself to the ceiling. Just let it hang down the warehouse. I like the boys. I'm excited to see how it's going to end. I wonder, I've been thinking about this a lot. How do Magga people, Trumpy people, because they love superhero stuff. But when they're watching the boys, It's a little heavy handed though, the way they're, but do they like it or do they think it's funny? Are they so dense that they don't get that it's obviously them? I don't know. That's a good question. One thing I just, this is just a personal thing, I guess. You know, with all due respect to the actor, I can't stand Butcher's voice. It just feels like he's doing a cockney impersonation. It's pretty heavy handed. It's so heavy handed. It's like he's doing the lock stock in Barrow, like a guy richy, like SNL skit. Every time he opens his mouth. But I'm really horny for him. Or all combat too. He's playing Johnny Cage. I hope it's a little turn. Well, what do you think about this street fighter versus Mary? The movies I'm excited for right now. I can't even tell you about street fighter. Street fighter. Yeah. Yeah. Orville pack and street fighter. Overpack or overpack. Overpack. Orville pack or all combat too. Middle ground. That too. The new Hunger Games movie. Hunger games. Obviously. Obviously. That's about it. Okay. But those are the three movies I'm really excited for. No, but that's good though. The Mortal Kombat, the first one, I quite enjoyed it. Loved it. I loved this Mortal Kombat from like what, 2022 or something? It was the one with where Sub-Zero was the kind of the, Scorpion was like the hero-ish. Yeah. Right. Sub-Zero was the villain villain. This new Mortal Kombat game, Mortal Kombat 1, I think it's called. That's been out for like a couple years. Is low key, but very high key. I think the best Mortal Kombat game. This is the one where you can be Daffy Duck. No, that is just so wild. Like you could be Paul Dean. You know those ones where you can literally, they expand the universe of characters so fiercely. You can definitely do that. They have like Jason, they have like Art the Clown. They have me and you. They have like Homelander. I know. They have Paula Deen. They don't have Paula Deen. They don't have Paula Deen. And they choke you with, but, no, no, I mean, it's, the expansion is so intense. They have Gale King. Gale King and Oprah. Oh, Gale King and Oprah. They have Lee Cronin actually. They have Lee Cronin. They have Lee Cronin. They have Lee Daniels the Butler. They have Lee Cronin down here. They have Aunt Gladys. Lee Cronin's the mummy versus Lee Daniels the Butler. Lee Cronin's the weapons. So I, oh, I shit. Lee Cronin is going to watch this and be like, I don't get why this is so funny. Well, then he had, he needs to talk to Lee Daniels. I'm telling you, listen, no, I'm excited for Mortal Kombat. I'm excited for Street Fighter because I am curious to see what level of camp and what's the right word? I guess camp that they're going to, are they going to stick that landing? I'm excited to see if Orville Peck is going to get us invited to the premiere. I'm not a chance. Lee Cronin. Lee, I'll leave Cronin's list and I'll show up. Will you, will you get it? We need to pull some of your mummy strings and get us on the, if you guys don't get me an invite to that, there's going to be some street fighting bitch. Thank you. If you don't make a good offer, I'm going to go, I'm going to go down to Mortal Kombat to that premiere with my titties out. And Lee Daniels, the butler is going to get you served. Lee Daniels is going to bring Carl Urban over here. Over here? What about, what about Keith Urban? Well, she's going to be coming down with, with his wife. And if you sent me as well as 2,700 other people, then Nicole Kidman has announced she is training to be a death doula. Love. This woman could not get more precious than my heart, mind or soul. She trained me a death doula. This woman could not get any fiercer. Can I tell you, I think she'd actually be good at it. Cause let's say you're dying. You have all your regrets. You're surrounded by pudgy grandchildren. You're scared. I don't think she's Nicole Kidman. Walking it. Great distraction. Number one. Yes. Number two, she's has a wig on. She has a box of wigs. She says, what wig do you want to wear? She takes a clown wig, puts it on your head. And then they bring in some Jello and she crosses her legs. She's like, sorry, maybe new practical magic movie coming out. And just kind of, Would you like to see a screen? What about the new practical magic? New practical magic coming in September. We got Stockard Channing in it and Diane. And we got Lee Cronin. I tweeted out randomly Sandy Bullock. And then that thing appeared. Practical magic too. And practical magic too. I have, I, I, I'm excited. I'm excited yet I remain skeptical as they always do. I'm excited. I'm excited. They're Nicole Kidman. This country begs for reboots and then shreds them apart when they happen. And I just hate to be a hater. Oh no, no, no, no. I am a certified hater. I'm a certified hater. I'm a critic. I'm not a hater. I don't want to hate needlessly or uselessly, but I am a critic. I will be critical. That is my right as a, as a movie cinema goer. Paying $48,000 for that ticket. My $6,200. If I'm going to see Lee Cronin's practical magic too, I'm getting that deep box. And I want to be sky mid. They better have a propa fall thing. What if Lee Cronin's mummy do you up? Girl, what if, what if they wrapped you up? What if, but you, in order to get unlimited, you got to see practical magic. Well, they have the D box and then the Lee box. He walks, you sit on the people. All right, wait. Mortal Kombat. I'm great. I'm, I'm very skeptical. Skeptical. Skeptical about Street Fighter. Although I am very excited Street Fighter because of Orbel. And you know, he is in horrible physical shape as you know. And he's been struggling. I mean, he's always struggling. He's always unattractive. He is not good at exercise. No, he's terrible. Terrible physique. And his voice is just nail on the chalkboard. Demi shows up on time. Yeah. Always talking about girls. Yeah. However, Jason Momoa is in it as well. I don't know if you know anything about Jason Momoa. I do. I watch some, I watched some DC films recently. He plays Aquaman. Yeah. I didn't watch Aquaman. Oh, no, no, no. I watched Dawn of Justice. Is that the Superman versus Batman one, Dawn of Justice? I watched that. Aquaman is, I can't, he's so. He's gonna watch Justice League. He is so shredded in these movies. Can you believe his body is. Oh, he's, I mean, he's so beautiful. But, but his, I mean, he's, he famously says that he like, doesn't work out unless he's got a movie and they make him. I, as a man, could not be seen or photographed next to that person. It would, if I see a specimen, a male specimen like that, I go home, hello darkness, my old friend, like I'm that person's gender. We're both male. Right. If that's a man, what the fuck am I doing? Well, I, I have a similar problem, but I'm totally different. If I were to be photographed or in the proximity vicinity, I would say I'll have a mile of him. The vortex, the psychic pole, the gravitational thing that would, I wouldn't be able to control my head going up his ass. Right. And I would be jailed. I would be jailed and rightly so. Yeah. I mean, I loved the movie, um, Justice League. I had never seen it. I watched the extended cut, which is four hours long. Oh, the Snyder cut. The Snyder cut was like four hours long. Is that the one when they had to digitally take off Henry Cavill's mustache? When I tell you, I thought it would just be like a bunch of, um, extra scenes. Yeah. I've seen both. There was a whole other plot line. It's a completely different movie, including completely different takes of the same dialogue. To this, to the, they fuck. Yeah. Of course it's Lee Cronin's Justice League. Of course, Lee's going to bring it every time. You know what I mean? Lee doesn't let you leave the theater. Lee, Lee is going down to here to the AMC and says, you come to this place for magic. Okay. No exception. Pour it out for Lee Cronin because that motherfucker gives it to you every time. You think she's going to have some kind of, we come to this place for practical magic at? I don't think so. Okay. I think they may, I do know that they made Sandy Bullock join Instagram to promote this damn movie. So one of her six sisters. She needs to go to the RuPaul School of Reels. Mary, I was a little feeling a little sad under the weather depress the other day. I just pop on Reels by missruPaul.com. And I just, I just, it's like Prozac. Throw it away. Girl. While Buterin gone, crushed in the trash. I mean, like, like, Phyloxatine dead. Yeah. And that means useless. But you know what? Because the through Paul's Instagram brought to you by Lee Cronin. You guys, we got to go. No, but we're going to. God is just so sick of us fucking saying Lee Cronin. We wouldn't know. But if we ever run into Lee Cronin. 20 seconds. What the fuck were you talking about me for an hour? Just gotta give me 20 seconds. And it's all I ask. It's all I ask because I just need you to know. I just shoved a nuke up my pussy. That is, I mean, there's so many. There's like, there's so many, but there's one in particular instant serotonin boost for those who are, you know, morbidly depressed. What do you want to do with your life? I'm going to show off my tits, daddy. She is so fucking crazy. She's so fucking crazy. June is busting out all over in the parking lot, barefoot, running a mile with a shoe phone. But you're also tall. She a mile for her. I know. Two blocks. Yeah. She does. She clears about 8K in about 12 seconds. Oh yeah. It's just, they keep coming and we don't deserve it. Oh yeah. Thank you, Lee. Thank you, Lee. Bye, Lee. Bye. With WOOP, you can focus on living better for longer. Understand your sleep, optimize your training, and build habits that support your well-being. WOOP gives you personalized insights into your sleep, your recovery, your strain, and the patterns that may influence how you feel. With more clarity and consistency, you can create routines that support you throughout the year. Add more life to every moment. Discover WOOP at WOOP.com.