Josh Sharp Returns

This is a headgum podcast. I'm just scared to say. That's okay. Is it so far off? What do you want to try and guess? Hold on, I'm thinking of another. No, now you do it. Now you do it. Okay, I'm thinking of another. Send it to them. And this is for listeners only. Y'all thought inside baseball musicians was bad. Listener. Joshua Cassandra Sharp. Here we are. Caleb, Caleb He-A-Ron. Everyone's saying it wrong. It's he. He. He. He. You start with your pronouns. He. And then A-Ron. A-Ron, yes. Me when somebody goes, that's Ronald Weasley. No, he A-Ron. He A-Ron. Is that a joke? Was that even a joke? Is that a joke? Oh, God! Y'all, we are locked in for Josh's return to the shows. He's not asking who's the famous Ron. And the person was Weasley. Sorry to platform the turf and bring up Weasley within 30 seconds. God damn. JK's invoked in the space. I know. God hurt. She's an apparition now in the corner. He said. She's glad it's a bunch of he-hems. She is glad. I'll say that much. She. Her. Say it with your chest. He's glad. You say the he-a-ron joke and someone says, are you serious? And you go, no, I'm JK. Damn, we are off. We could end the pod right now. Literally. Y'all are so lucky for these last 90 seconds. Josh, I wish these gay people out there listening to us. I wish that they were in. Although I've learned we have straight male fans. I've learned that too about my fan base in a way that's shocking. But it's there, you know, they're a blessed minority. What do you think they get from us these straight? Because I've learned there are, and I know it of you too. Head from their girlfriends. Yeah. What they get from being fans of us is head from their girlfriends. You get head on your birthday. And when you go with me to the beacon to see Caleb, he-a-ron. When you go with me to see Josh at the Greenwich House Theater, you go get head. I wish you could have seen Josh at my last tour about 15 minutes into the show when I would say, hey, and I just want to give a special shout out to all the guys whose girlfriends made them come. The number of straight men that would light up like Christmas in that audience to feel seen. And they did. They felt seen. They would go, they would go, yeah. They felt so seen in that moment. And that's your nice straight male audience. Not to give away a joke in my show where I'm doing, you know, stand up and storytelling with a bunch of slides, but there is a part where I go, be honest, are there any straight guys here? And the slide behind me says straight guys, question mark. And then a couple of them clap. And then I go, Lord knows why. And I flip the slide and it says cultural exchange. And that, and when they are out like up on their feet. Yeah. That idea that they are sort of an Erasmus student. Yes. Here. Yes. Here to take in our culture. They're interlocking, learning. Learning the delicacies of piano. Absolutely. Their mom made them go, but they got there and they're sort of like, there's something to this. You know what? You know what? Yeah, I really love that. Wait, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, let's just get, let's get the plug out of the way now because I don't want people to wait until the end of the episode to know. You're here because I love you and I'm excited to have you back. Period. But at the same time, period, full stop. But at the same time, you do have an incredible show going on right now. Por canola Stos. Why not be here as friendship and also to do our, our, our public relations obligations. Exactly. Correct. To fulfill those quotas for the people. You're the Greenwich Theatre doing your show to da, which I have seen a work in progress version of and raved about. Mind you. And if the fates allow, you'll be at opening night tomorrow just to locate the listener in time and space. I don't know when this comes out. This comes out likely Thursday. Oh, that's beautiful. Then the show will be in full swing seven times a week through August 23rd. More and more. And yeah, Greenwich House Theatre, Josh Sharp to da directed by Mr. Sam Pinkleton. Mr. Sam Pinkleton. And produced by Mike and Carly, the, the O'Merry gang back together. Yes. Once more. But for my cum jokes and my pay-thos. You have, I'm not going to say, say any of them because of course I don't want to spoil it, but I will just tell the audience that Josh's current show to da has at least three jokes that I think about once or twice a week. You love that. I do. You love that. I can't wait to hear them off air. I will tell you off air. Yeah. I will tell you off air. Okay. But they're really, they're really good, Josh. Thank you, King. And I'm just a huge fan. So what's going on with you? Well, you know, it's so funny and I know we're going to bring in some lobby talk into the podcast space. Yeah. I feel exhausted in a way I haven't felt. Yeah. And it's almost a joke because the show opens tomorrow. So I've been in rehearsals and tech and previews. And for a while as a joke, I was sending to my friends an image of that t-shirt that says, I can't, I have tech. Yeah. And now it's rich, real. Like it has become real. It is reality. And I was like, say Friday, I hit a wall and I was like, I've never been this tired in my life. Yes. And some of it is just like, oh, I'm like doing this. I've never done this type of run. Where are you doing this many shows a week? Yeah. And then especially in like the preview stage, it's like you're doing rehearsal during the day and then you're doing the show at night and you're changing things and you're, and then also some of it not to get too heavy is like because of some of the content of the show. And Sam sort of pulling me a little bit from comedian into actress mode of like, what's it like when you were count? Yeah. Like the story of this awful accident you went through or your mom dying and you're not just sort of outside observing it. You're also sometimes like in it telling it story teller stuff. As a human being that experienced that. Literally. And I'm doing that every night of the week. I think it caught up to me. That was like, okay, I get this actress shit. Yeah. In some small little way. It's like it's still, it's still that type of show, but it's like pulling me into that space more. So I like that. I've been like, damn, I'm exhausted. Yeah. But in a blessed great way. I know. You know what I mean? Like it feels right. That's the caveat of our, of both of our moment, I think. Every day I'm waking up in my bed, like I've never been this tired. I don't know how to do this. And so I make myself lay there for like two more hours than I normally would. Yes. Because luckily I have that where it's like, you're probably having call times at like four in the morning. I'm not getting that at the moment. Yeah. At the moment I am waking up, getting in the shower, getting in a car and then working for 12 hours. Yeah. Yeah. I feel similarly though where I'm like, I am the, and I always, it's so funny because I forget this every time I'm not filming something. I go, man, I wish I was filming something. And then I book a job and I go, how did you forget what this is like? And I love it and I still want to do it. But I'm like, the brain does do a funny thing where it's like almost like a, there's an animal thing that has to turn off me remembering what making a movie or TV shows like. Absolutely. So that I can want to do it again because of how much I love it. It's brutal. I'm not in the version of that, but it's also new. It's like, I've never, I like know that conceptually speaking, but I've also never done this type of theatrical run. So it's both like me turning off like, you knew this was hard and also like learning every day the way in which it's hard. Yeah. Also, I swear we're going to tell jokes soon. No, this won't be funny. I refuse to let this episode be funny. It came in hot. That first hundred and eighty seconds. Damn. Y'all remember he a run. Remember he a run. I'm just JK. Wow. Y'all. Wow. We came in hot. This, we might play with the order a little bit. You know, we might have to cut this up. Chop and screw. We might move. Yeah. We might move some of this initial stuff way to the back. God, I wish Jay Dilla was alive. Think of what he would do with this. The producer Jay Dilla. Who's that? I know Jay Dilla. No, who's that? Oh God, you're losing fans. Who is that? Incredible. Incredible hip hop producer. You got it. Worked with him. MFDM a lot. Worked with a lot of the legendary legends. Wow. Yeah. Wonder if you worked with tech nine. I bet so, but I actually can't recall. Tech nine is my guy. I actually can't recall. But my point is chop and screw this absolutely. Yeah. In the edit you'll find the episode. We'll do what needs to be done. We'll do what needs to be done. Yeah. In rehearsal. We'll rehearse this episode a couple of times. We'll put it on its feet. We'll see how it feels. But can I say to also answer your question when today is like my one like day off between like sort of two weeks on and then opening night tomorrow, which is like a big to do. And they were like, keep it free. And then you asked to do the podcast and I was like, I'm going to do it. And producers were like, are you up for that? I was like, this is one of those things that isn't exactly work. It does give me like me getting to talk to you. Oh, it's like a buoyant thing that gives me energy. Oh, Josh. Do you know what I mean for real though? I just do the same way. Any other podcasts would be no, but I'm like that I get to sit. I mean, duh, it's like plug Josh sharp to dot.com. But it's mostly it's like I get to sit with Caleb for 90 minutes. I haven't gotten to see in a minute. Well, you've been so busy. I've been so busy. So here we are. It's nice when we can catch and dam up who. OK, for for the heads, who is be honest and don't mince words. And don't you dare try to skate around this, Josh? OK, who is the most exciting person that is coming to opening? And you know, I'm not going to mince words. The only trouble is we're saying this because of how time works the day before. Yeah. And you know how it is. There's many who are VP. Yes. And you just never know who is the most exciting person that's for us. VP. Yes. Come on. That's well, honestly, to me personally, of course, Nathan Lane is coming, but he's bringing as his guest, Nathan Lee Graham, who I love and know for years. But I do believe I mean, Nathan Lane is legend. We could talk about this all day. Nathan Lane is mother, father, everything. But so is Nathan Lee Graham. Yeah. And I want to stake the flag in the ground that I think, especially for a certain generation, like like Nathan Lee Graham, as that fucking assistant to Mugatu and Zoolander, yes, is like queer canon. Like there were no funny parts. Yes. Nathan Lee Graham is is like mother to a lot of people who don't. Many of us have paid our bills off of playing gay assistant due to the works of Nathan Lee Graham, who's a legend. Yeah. I love him. Yeah. But when I when I heard Nathan was coming, was bringing Nathan Lee Graham, I was like, well, come on. The Nathan doesn't get any better than that. The Nathan's are coming. Nathan and Nathan together. Nathan and Nathan. So again, watch them both wake up tomorrow with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They play because they have Chlamydia. Yeah. It's not even like COVID or something. They're both just like, sorry, we each got the clap, not from each other, but. He is very serious. It's serious. It's very serious. So that's fun. Who else is coming? Well, Amy Ryan's coming and I love her. Josh, this is a star studded cast. Well, I think she won't mind me saying that we went to one of Nathan Lane's openings because Aaron and I know Nathan Lane and she was a Broadway opening like a year and a half ago, and she was famously in Bo's afraid with him. And so we went to this little after party, Nathan threw at Sardis. And when I say he was like, I just invited a few friends. Come by. You know, it's just a couple of my friends. It's like Bransky and Meryl Streep. And like so there at one table and effectively the kids table is me, Aaron Jackson and Amy Ryan and Ari Aster just being like, look at Meryl Streep. Meryl. Meryl. That's the kids tables. Amy Ryan, Ari Aster and the stars of Dix the Musical. So Amy and I really got along that night. When I say me, Amy Ryan, Ari Aster, Aaron Jackson, fully are doing the thing. We're at the table and I'm being like, take a picture of me just to frame Meryl Streep behind. I mean, we're like we're like we're like fully doing that. Like we're fucking Rando's in Times Square. Just being like, oh, get a picture of me. And truly just there's pictures of me in the bottom left corner. Just to get like Meryl sitting next to Bransky. Yeah, Meryl glowing in the background. Oh my God. Heaven, Martin. We didn't say hi. Are you kidding? Of course not. We're not insane. No, we're not insane. I sit there with Ari Aster and Amy Ryan and we crack jokes all night. Just as I'm supposed to. Amy Ryan, a legendary legend. Legendary legend. People and she was so good in doubt. Unreal. She was so good in doubt. Unreal. Anyway, anyway, all this name dropping. God, this is silly. It sucks. This is silly of us. You've changed. I've changed in a big way. You've changed. Off-Broadway, I'll change you, girl. Yes. I tell you what. You're different. You walked in here and you said, where's my T? Yeah. And I said, part, Josh. Oh, sweetie, I'm making three figures a week now. Yes. That off-Broadway money will change you. Yeah, I'm changed. I'm being different towards everybody. What did I say I've changed about recently? Oh, well, I posted a picture of I was this was a joke, ultimately, but I posted a picture of my mom. It's all a joke. It's all a joke. We just say that to your listeners. Say that. Some of y'all are like, this is real. Oh, they're so serious. My I've gotten a little I've read some of the comments on the YouTube lately. Some of our listeners need to stop listening because they've started to piss me off. What kind of stuff are they saying? They said my charm has fallen. I was telling you, as you came in here, someone someone commented recently and said there's no other way to say this. Caleb's charm has fallen. Well, I want to say two things. One, the man is tired, by the way. OK, the man is tired. But two, I'd love to give you a platform right now to do something quite charming. Oh, Joshua. That was it. There it was. Joshua, not. There it was. But what was what were we talking about? Oh, I've changed. Well, I posted my mom on my close friend's story. I was going to post my mom on my close friend's story, just a picture of her at lunch being cute. And without even thinking sort of instinctually, I put the Paris filter on her. I smoothed her. I smoothed my beautiful mother than mother. And if and she looked good in it and I posted her smooth. Mothers are God's perfect angels. I know I smoothed my own mother who gave birth to me. And I posted it and then I said, oh, Caleb, you can't be a smoothing mother. And not on close friends. For close. I didn't even smooth her for public. I smoothed her for like a public. My cousin and five comedians. Her vanity. I smoothed her for you and chance. That's my close. That sucks. I know I. I smoothed her. I smoothed mother. This is done. Text me and chance the picture of her. No Paris filter. Just to make a mother. You've been smoothed. I want the raw footage. You've been hit by you've been struck by a smooth Instagram filter. I really, truly smoothed mother and I couldn't believe it. And I said, Caleb, I don't like this is dark where you're headed. That's dark. You're going down a dark pass on. I hope it's Sunday. I hope you're going to church after this. I went before and I'll be going after. Of course. I was at church early this morning. Yes, absolutely. I go to the eight and the 11. Yeah, because you needed a lot of heaven. Yes, I want to go to heaven. Yes. And Wednesday nights, I know that they see you down there as well. Also, you know, I'm doing the collection plate now. Yes. I pass it. I do that thing. They asked you to stop doing so much with your hips. Did they not well with the collection plate? Weren't you doing a lot of hip work? The numbers don't lie. I'm telling you, when these, when these other he hymns be passing that plate, they don't get as much as me. Do do do do do. I considered I am recently I considered beginning to Tive. Oh, I thought what if I talk about this? I believe it. I think that's one of the best parts of church. Yeah, I really do think you should tie. I'm like, what if I started? I do a percentage that works for you and every month you should give it away. Of course, we're left as. So I mean, like, give it away to like mutual aid and not to a church and also not to anything on Act Blue. But I just mean, like, give it to like mutual aid or just like, give it away. Just like finding someone and give them your money. I think it's like a really good spiritual practice. Do you know what I did? I started to think about I was typing an email to to the people who need to know that maybe I want to start tithing. And then I said, you know what, go look at how much money you spent on other people's meals and cars this month, like friends, you know, and just see what the number is. And the number was such that I said, we're going to put the email off for a month. Well, that's a form of time. I said that that's my tithing for this month. It is true that one of the greatest times when you're like having checks, feeling flush, yeah, is is picking up dinner for your friends. That's the only thing. And we've talked about this because because you've picked up some for me recently. Because I'll do it again. Absolutely. Because I would say I we haven't been flushed lately and this shall change. Yeah. But I've talked about this with friends where it's like because there were times I was flush picking up checks. And for those of us in this business, you know, girl, four years, who knows who's going to be picking up checks. Yeah. So we sort of are always doing it to invest in like, you're going to be picking up mine in a couple of years. I have no doubt. You will get me back. You will get me back. You will. You will. You will. And not just because you're going to pop off because I will fall. Yeah, I will fall from. The charm is down. The charm is falling. The charm is falling. The truly there is like an acute awareness, I think, unless you've been rich, like very, very, very rich, which none of us are for like 20 years. Other than that, everyone that we hang out with, everyone in our like walk of life, even when they're doing well, has this awareness of like, hey, who knows, six months at best. Exactly. It's like, who fucking knows? I'm not counting on anything because you just don't know. So I do think what you're talking about is a form of tithing, but I also think you're not wrong to be considering that and maybe going, oh, maybe I'm not going to stop picking up cars and dinner for my friend. No, the percentage is much smaller than I think, but it's like I'm still going to carve out some little percentage that's like on the on the monthly goes towards something. Yeah. I think that's a beautiful practice. Do you know one of the most also on flagging, we need to talk about Catillion. We need to talk about Catillion. Let's get back to Catillion. That's related to tithing. One of the most accurate things that's ever been said to me is that when I was about to move to Chicago, my dad's, my dad was terrified of me moving to Chicago, partially because he had that. And he said, son, you gay. He said, son, you gay. Accurate thing. Well, he actually, yes, almost for identically that I talked about that in the special. But the he said, he said, well, I'm a little worried about you because you're a bit of a good time, Charlie. And what he meant, what he meant by that is even when you're broke, you'll be throwing that card down for stuff you can't. And I was like, oh, he clocked the hell out of me. I was like, I do overdraft. You're backing up on it. I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing. Uh-huh. And that's good time, Charlie, behavior. Good time, Charlie. I'd never heard of his good time, Charlie. You haven't. Have you heard that? I want it all the time. Good time, Charlie. For some reason, I'm drawn to I want to be like good time, Gary. I want to go. You want to go. But I like Charlie. Charlie is correct. Or T. Good. You're a good time. Terry. Yeah. Oh, Terry's more fun. Good time, Terry. We're good. Good. Good time. Or a Giana T. Good time, General Terry. He's a military. Fuck. Or is it better doing great? Or is it better to sandwich? Is it good time, Timmy generals? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it like GTG? You know, you're right. Good time, Theodore Gash. Good time, Theodore Gash. Sounds like the name of a play that I'd be forced to go to in college. Oh, God, yes. Yeah. For because chance was in. Yeah. Good time, Theodore Gash. Good time, Theodore Gash. Catillion. Well, we were talking about this off air and chance had questions and it feels related to tithing. Yeah. First of all, did you do Catillion? No, not in no, but I took etiquette classes. It was a different thing. But that. But these are related fields. Yes, they are. Because Chance said that's for girls only. And I said, well, then why? Why am I he him aspe in it? Yeah. Well, chances are gender essentialists. That's very scary. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry to bring up J.K. again. Yeah. Chance and J.K. over there going. Catillions for girls. Mary and cahoots. Yeah, those two. No, to answer your question, Chance, it was for all genders and you did learn manners, but you also learned the foxtrot. Yeah. And then the last week you would bring your parents in and you'd foxtrot your mom around. Yeah. You do like box step with your mom while they played baby faces. If I could change the world over and over again. Yes. And it's beautiful, by the way. It was beautiful. Yeah. We didn't have a dance component. I could be the sunlight in your universe as I grind on my mom in a southern conservative way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Grinding in a southern conservative way is a lost start. I think there's something really something good I'm like to the left and back to the right and back. It's kind of sort of softly gripping your mom's curves on the accident. Absolutely. Nice. Baby, if I could tell them. Yeah. Is there a singing aspect of your career coming up? Career, I hope. Not in this show, but yeah. An album. It was hard enough on the voice to do this show where I'm just talking at my pace. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But it would be fun to sing again. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you think there's a singing phase in your career? No. I couldn't possibly. Well, not to bring up something from another podcast. And we'll do this briefly and move on. A bit we'd been saying for years that Bone and Matt finally said on the podcast in a way that was like, OK, well, now this is going to be real, is we're like, the four of us will do a concert tour one day and call it For the Tour. Yeah. They rhyme. Easy. And do everyone's things at all times. There's never one voice. Yeah. I can't imagine. I think that will actually happen and maybe in the next year. Because now they've like staked it. And they're like, we're really doing this. And we've always joked about it, but known we were really doing it, but it was a secret. And now they said it to their fucking fans. They're like, in the comments, like, when is For the Tour? So I do think I'll do that one day. I can't imagine that it wouldn't happen, number one and number two. I can already, like of the four of you, I'm like, Matt's going to have a ball. Like Matt. Like all four of you, of course, will have a blast, but Matt's going to have a ball. And then, relatedly, one year, and I don't know when is the right year, but Aaron and I need to do Dix the movie, the concert. Easily. You know what I mean? Or Dix the musical, the concert. Yes. Like that needs to happen, but we need to give it enough time to sort of feel like it's in. Well, you need to start booking guest acts now. Because you need to get on. You need to get on Megan's calendar. You need to get all the special folks in there. Yeah. And we'll do it at Hollywood Cemetery. Yes, of course. In the middle of winter. Yes, of course. Easily. Winter's fine out there. That's part of the whole thing. That's true. God, yeah, I wasn't thinking. I thought that was a joke, but it's not. It was really good producer. People forget. God, I can't help but produce. People forget you're a producer. Don't forget. PGA, give him a ring. But how about you? You going to sing? No, Josh, no. I'm too shy. And I couldn't. I couldn't. Go ahead. I don't know. I just think that maybe someday. No, I don't know. You know, we'll see what happens. I'm mostly invested in coming to your shows, hanging out with you, following you around the country. I'll be at four of the tour every night. I'm invested in doing set visits with you. Come on over. Meet the gang. Come on over, baby. Going to your premieres. Yes. Read in my tickets. Oh, I'm in the overflow room. That's OK. Yeah. That's all right. I'll see Caleb at the party. I'm putting you in the overflow room. That's OK. You'll get your pass at the end. It's not the party pass. I will tell you, there's only been one time. There's only been one time that someone has asked me to come to their show, like their concert. And I've come. And then I realized that I didn't have the special pass, that they just, like, G-aid me. And I was like, I have one of those two. And I'll say, off air what it was. Oh, it's so funny. But I can't put it on record. Yeah. That can't put it on record. Tell me off air what it was. But please remind us, Chance, off air. God, I love to do this stuff to tantalize the viewer. Oh, they hate it. They hate it. They hate it. They hate it. They hate it. They're not into it at all. But don't forget, we're charming. Yeah. Well, your charm has lifted, my king. Absolutely. It has not fallen. Take a bath. What's mine is yours. It's a charm that's falling. Take a bath in my charm. Babe. Oh my gosh, we haven't even told. I'm DB Charm Meter. Mine's rising. Theodore Charmer over here. Yeah. General Theodore Charmer. Yeah. We haven't even told the listeners about our beautiful day together that we had. Oh, the one in the park with our plus ones? Yes, with our plus ones. I love dear plus one. Your gorgeous, beautiful, lovely boyfriend who I connected with on a soul level. Which Chance brought up is now the time to drop it, or that's something for later. Y'all read this. That's good. Because we did this a bit last time, right? Josh Sharp's personal life has developed. Yeah, for years. The only thing on my Wikipedia under personal life was read the first sentence. Sharp is openly gay. And? He enjoys reading. Yes. Openly gay enjoys reading. I didn't know this, but Chance found. There's an addition now. So now Josh's personal life reads as such. Sharp is openly gay. Citation. He enjoys reading. Citation. Chance, you know what the citations are? One of them is, I think, talking to Z-Way on Instagram Live and Deep COVID. Unreal. And now there's a new one with a new citation. He is in a relationship with performer Blake Daniel. Blake? Hard launch, 11 and 1 1⁄2 years in. And we're hard launching. We're hard launching Blake. And he is a performer. I just love Blake. I just love Blake. Replaced Gideon Glick and Spring Awakening. To great acclaim. To great acclaim. And so you brought your gorgeous boyfriend and I brought, of course, my friend Liam. I loved Liam. Liam is special. Where are the DMs being friends? You know this? He's a special boy. He's a special boy. Album coming out soon. In the next half a year-ish, I think. I don't know the exact days. And a great straight. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yes, a great straight. One of our greats. Not to make everything about your alphabet, but it's essential. Everything is about your alphabet. And people who don't think so are fucking weird. Sort of first day of like our, and of course we could do it on this show. First day of like the crew. I was like, everybody, what's your alphabet? And then after we did it, we were like, everybody feels cool about that, right? That wasn't like an HR thing. We liked that. Everybody was like, yeah, we liked that. Yeah, that was nice. It was nice to be like, you know, my name's this, and I'm a B. You know, just everybody getting their alphabet out there was really nice. Imagine working on- And we were like in safe space if it's S to be clear. No worries. You're outnumbered vastly, but we want to know and we want to celebrate you for being S. I can't imagine- Which means you're also A ally. And maybe A asexual, I don't know. Well, see, I can't imagine working on the Josh Sharpe show and being upset that you were astrosexuality. Absolutely. And you know, we're in theater more firmly. We left the Guanis, you know, comedy canal. And now we're in the equity space. Yeah. And there's a lot of she-days who are stage managing in the world. You know what I mean? Like the world of theater is lesbian she-days. Yeah, of course. Bisexual she-days run theater. The city runs on their work. If God forbid that bicycle gets a flat tire. Absolutely. These shows will not go on. The stages will be dark. So even if I was trying to like find a straight guy to stage manage me. It's like, sweetie, in this town. You couldn't. You couldn't. And God help you. So now you have to rely on the Brooklyn Bridge. And you defy God. An AC would fall on your head that day. I'm saying, you know what I mean? If that Brooklyn Bridge bike lane is not open, your show is not going on. Say that, Mama Fish. The she-days need to get over to work. Your population is mostly she-days. And I feel like you've got more than one stage manager listening to this. I think you have triple digits, she-day stage managers. Oh, yeah. In the following. And they won't be in the comments because they don't do that. They don't have time. They're listening in the wings. And the closest. They're calling cues on Waitress in Bridgeport, Connecticut. You know what I mean? They got cues to call on Waitress at the Pantages. The closest they'll come to commenting is when they see me in public, they will do this. Back down. It's one eye contact, big eyes, opening of the mouth, close, back down. That is the closest they will come to commenting. Well, that's beautiful. That's all we need. That's all we need. As a performer, that's all I want. As big eyes and avert your gaze. Beautiful. Really, really beautiful. I do love a she-day. I do love a she-day. They are probably the biggest part of my con- They're what's going to carry the swing states for me. Absolutely. When I run, they're what's going to carry Michigan. They're going to get me over. And are you prepared to announce? Well, I am 30, Josh. And there will be another election in a couple of years that I won't be eligible for. Never too early, though. The one after that, I am eligible. And was that a Conor Ratliff bit? Yes. Where he started running for president. Because he was 35. It was so funny. He is so funny. Also, people need to put respect on Conor Ratliff. Conor Ratliff is one of the funniest living people. Let me say something that will mean nothing to almost anyone. And yet, and yet, and yet I feel it needs to be on the record. And I mean a lot to these two guys, because you know he's a Missouri boy. Well, yes. Yes. So the way the UCB theater worked is that you would, before you got to run for your sketch show, you would do what was called a spank. And that was like a six PM show that was like an audition show. You do it one time early, and that's what you would do in front of a crowd for them to decide like, do we give this a run or not. But then there was something sort of between a spank and a run where it's like, if you were an established performer, who maybe was like, I don't even know if I'm running this, but I just want to try it. They would give you a slot called the Workout. And it was like, maybe it's seven or something. And maybe you were trying it for a run, but it's more like, you know, you just deserve theater space to work on something, whether or not you want to run. And we'll give you the early slot. So people would use it for all sorts of things that they were working out. Conor, for years, used the Workout slot to do a show where he would physically work out on stage. And he would do like a 30 minute workout, like Jane Fonda style, but Conor doing it. And then you would always have like two backup people. And it was often me or Aaron Jackson or Darcy Gardner. We were the three that got called in. The Murders Row of backup dancers. And when I say we didn't speak a word, and we were just in back mirroring whatever he did, and it was like one of the most creatively fulfilling things I've ever did, like an in-joke on an in-joke for an already niche crowd. Yeah. And he would just do that. But that's what Conor is good at, these kind of things that he's like playing for his crowd hard. The number of things you were so deep in reference, like the number of things you have to know to understand how that is, is just insane. That's a mad lib where every proper noun is like who? Yeah. What? Yeah. You know what I mean? But if you get even two thirds of them, that's funny. Yeah. That is so funny. Conor Radliffe is so funny. All my little college comedy buddies, Chance Included, and I, any time we'd come to New York, we would see a Conor show. Anything he was in. We're going to go to UCB to watch him do the whole thing. Archivally the greatest living improviser. Love. There's like four or five other names you could say, but Conor's one of them. I adore that guy. I would try to listen to an episode of 12 Hour Day, his podcast about 12 Hour Day. Oh, with JD Amato, who I also love. Yeah, hilarious. One of my old school people that we met when we were UCB students. Really crazy. Anyway, Conor rules. Conor's been in these streets doing the work. Conor does rule. Really, really funny. I mean, that's one of the probably to me one of my favorite things. You know what I had the other night? I, Friday night, I. Sex with my wife. Yeah. Josh, how did you know that? Well, she texts me. Yeah. Oh, she's been frustrated. She's been frustrated. Well, we've fixed that on Friday night. You've been so busy. No. My wife does not get touched. Tamantha. Tamantha. Tamantha. With a T. Thank you. Tamantha. Tamantha. He, A-ron. I know I left. I filmed. I left set. I went directly to a show at the bell house to watch my friends and they said, Kale, why don't you do a set? And I said, no, I couldn't. I'm so shy and I haven't prepared anything. They said, Kale, please do a set. I said, OK, on the late show and I did a set and I had a great time and the audience was lovely and I hadn't done a show in a minute since I filmed the special actually, which was a very stressful version of doing a show and all the shows before that were stressful versions of doing a show. So it was the first time I'd really just been on stage to have fun in a minute. And I had one of those nights that you have in comedy every once in a while. Maybe other people have them more often than I do. I don't know where the fog kind of clears and you can just look around at all these. I mean, it was such a great show. It was like Joe Sunday, Oshawaard, Esther Falick. Love. And it was Mary Beth Brone and Holmes. It was their show. It was Carl McCain. Come on. It was an incredible show. And now I'm feeling bad that I might have forgot someone. Oh, Jared Goldstein was on it as well. Literally every single person is perfection. I know. And it was like, and everyone was so funny and so great. And good casting, can we say. Truly great casting. And I don't just mean like demographically. I mean comedically. Like a well cast show where those are people who are uniquely good at the thing they do. Yeah. Different styles. And yeah, Jared was there and was so funny. He's in town right now. And it was just one of those moments where the fog around everything that is doing comedy cleared a little bit. And I just looked around and watched all my friends do killer sets in front of a hot audience. And I was like, this is the most special thing in the world. I had a version of that. And I can't decide if this is tacky to say, but we're just going to say it. Say it. And then if afterwards we feel bad about it, you know, snip, snip. Well, simply we're good. But the shows have been great so far. But because it is like theater, but it is also sort of stand up. Like something Sam and I are talking about a lot is like, how much to be a stand up and how much to be an actress. And some of the stand up like talent is like, I can work the room in a way you can't always in theater. Also in that theater, because I have a giant screen and it's small, I can see every single motherfucker's faces. Yeah. In a way, I don't necessarily need to. But it's like, so I'm like very in the room with you. And so we can sort of like, you know, feel the energy. It's like a little witchy, whatever. So they've all gone well, but they have like very different energies sometimes. And when I say the one we did the other week when we were in previews was like the, there've been many that were like, damn, that one was firing. Hell yeah. Insanely good. But this one we walked off and I was like, well, it'll never get better than that. Yeah. Like that's as good as performing is like the crowd was with me the whole time and the energy was electric and some like unique like of the moment in the room things happened. And I was in my absolute bag. And then I went down there and all the producers were there in a way where I was like, usually one of y'all come, not all of y'all come. And then they were like, you crushed. And I was like, dude, we crushed. That's the show. And they went, good news. That was the night the Times was reviewing. No. And when I say for theater producers, that's like sports. They're all like chest bumping. And truly the part that's tacky about saying this and trust I don't literally give a shit. The Times did not like Dick's the musical. Like I don't care. They might write a shitty review. I totally am fine with that. I actually think most of if your art is getting good reviews uniformly like look in the mirror or some kind of like I like shit that like Dick's got a pan in the times and a rave in the post. And I think that is so funny. So they might hate it, but just the feeling of being like it felt like sports, but for she days. When we were all like, we were like hugging each other and chest bumping. And it was like not only was it just like also it was like mostly fun to do that show for the other 198 people. Like we all walked off being like, this is as good as it is to do this. What a like beautiful feeling. And that then on top they're like, and you won the big game. Yeah. And you hit the game winning shot. Literally it felt like that. It felt like I hit a buzzer beater. Well, because there's just these moments in your career when you do creative stuff that you do want to rise to the occasion just to see how much juice you can squeeze out of the thing you've been working on. And it's rare that everything lines up that you have the great night. They show up the way they were supposed to. Everyone agrees that it was great so that whatever comes out of those people coming, whether it's good or bad, you know that you gave the best version of it for the thing. Like just to feel so at peace, I think is what it really is. That's what it really is. And again, the tacky part is, but I don't think we need to cut this. I think I feel okay about saying this, but the tacky part is, of course you may now look at the times and it will be mid and be like, energy was off. And then you're like, huh. But what's true is like all that really matters about the shit we're doing is how it feels to us and the people who made it and how it feels in the room to the people we made it for. You know what I mean? So it's like, at the end of the day, it's like, we all know those of us who were there on that night, like, damn, that was special. And so when you have that sort of feeling, it's like, oh my God, this is why we do this. And it's mostly it's about just like trusting our own instincts as performers and being like, I'm trying to do the thing that makes me feel good, that feels most true and blah, blah, blah. And then when that also syncs with their energy and you're like, look at all of us sort of on the same page, like riding this ride together. Girl, come on, that's why we do this. It's so good and it's also just- And it is communal. It's like, I do believe I have to sort of like do what I do not for them, but it's like, but when they're fucking with it in the right way, we are like all doing this thing together. It is witchcraft. Yeah. And it's hard because there's a lot of different inputs that come at you all the time. I've honestly felt that way about this show where I'm like, I think we who are making this podcast know exactly what it is, which is that we're in the room, we feel special about everyone that we bring in, but it's hard because there's like feedback. You know, like sometimes people will be like, sometimes people will be like, oh, I don't like when the musicians come on, they bore me or I don't like when you talk, when you talk too much inside baseball with comedians or I don't like, like people have different things that they do or don't want. And we're about to bring a musician on actually after all this inside baseball. So this is going to be a rave episode. Or they'll bring on a fucking, you know, like the two activists I've had on, and that feedback will sometimes reach you literally my favorite episodes to be clear. But I'm like, I just think the, what the thing you're talking about, like when you're creating anything, even if something is like silly and not a cool off-Broadway theater show as a podcast is like, yeah, you just got to feel good about it and know that you like what you're doing and be like, yeah, this is going to find in different fragments of this will find the people it needs to find. The other thing, and I hope this is inside baseball, but in a sort of way that I think is applicable to every single thing that y'all she days are doing. Yeah, but I have become increasingly convinced too that it's like, you have to be process over product by which I mean, of course you need to be like, I believe in this thing. I want, I stand by it. I feel good about it, but it's like the building of it and the making of it, like to me, the coven building of this theater piece where it's just like, I want people, I want to go out of my way to like show love and gratitude to these people we've assembled and I want people who are like feeling good to be in this room making something. And that has felt true this whole time in a way where we're all sort of like squeezing each other's hands being like, this is like one of those rare ones where we're sort of all like in love with each other and feeling good about it. And like, that's all that matters. It's like who fucking cares? But also that part makes the product better. But it is just like, how do you make it that you're like lovingly, you know, like giving all of yourself to all the other people you're collaborating with and trying to have be open for that to come back and just all of you leave at the end of the day being like, wasn't it fun to do that together? It's like, yeah, great. That's like all it is. That's so beautiful. That's the thing you have to like put as your North Star. That's really beautiful. I want to drop that. Yeah, I do because that sounds really special. I abused my staff and I would just, and they're both shaking their heads right now, yes, because they go through hell and back. But I'm now thinking that maybe I should do it your way where it's actually love and gratitude. Because I do, I hit and I yell. Just try it. I'm going to try it maybe. I'm going to try. Although we've gotten results out of hitting and yelling. That's the problem, you know, because it's like, of course it sounds nice to be at Kumbaya. We play the guitar, we sing the songs. But it's like, I hit and I yell and we make money, you know? I don't know, but it is hard. You are picking up the checks. So maybe I should do that. Maybe I should hit and yell. I'm making three figures a week. I hit and yell, but everyone in this room, SandsU, who works on this show, they drive Bugattis, you know? When it's good, it's good. A Bugattian in New York City. What a choice. They street park, because they know I'll get them another one. Just keep part of the Bugatti. And I hit and I yell. You can't drive it down 14th anymore. That's a busway. It's a busway. They're doing too many bypass. Damn de Blasio, damn de Blasio. I'm still mad about that. I'm too many bypass. I used to take my Bugatti and cruise 14th street, just back and forth. I know it. From C to 10th. I know it. That's what, that was what, actually, fuck all that gay shit I was saying about being nice to she days when you work with them. Thank you. What life is about is being behind the wheel of that Bugatti. Yes. Starting in alphabet city and cruising till you hit meat packing. Yes. And then back again. Yes. All day, every day, man. Yes. And then I drive back to Brooklyn. I don't pay a single fucking surcharge to get into the island or leave the island. Damn de Blasio fucked everything up. Yep. And then Eric Adams is trying to fix it, but they're not even going to give him enough time. They're not even letting my guy Eric Adams have a chance. They're not going to give him enough time. Y'all tithe to Eric Adams right now. Tithe to Eric. What's his, what's his party platform again? It's like, it's so insane. He's what, I keep seeing signs for it and cracking. Some, unfortunately, some of the businesses I love in my neighborhood are big Eric Adams people. Sure. But there it's his thing is like, his thing is like coming through, showing up or something. Like what is it? Get stuff done. Get stuff done. Yeah, sure. It's like G, what? Name it. He is camp though. I mean, I will say some of the some of the videos he puts out really crack me up. Oh, absolutely. I can't wait for him to be gone and just to be popping into the cellar. A video guy. You know what I mean? Y'all are lucky tonight. Former mayor Eric Adams is here. Oh, I love it. That'd be great. Yeah. What do you think is the best? Lisa Traeger getting bumped because Eric Adams wants to do 30. And Lisa would love that. She would be very calm about that. Josh, what do you think is the best thing that could happen to you this week? This week. Like what is the best thing that could happen in general? Like the best singular thing you can imagine happening? For me because of this week and how tired I've been. One, I want opening to be slay. I want to have a great time at the after party, but then I have to do a show the next day. So I'm like for like Tuesday, Wednesday, I want to get enough rest that by like Thursday, Friday, I can do this show. And in the day, I'm like, I can go on a big bike ride. Like that's what I want. It's to sort of be back. I want to go on a big bike ride. Yeah. Waking up and being like, I have the energy to bike around my beautiful city and then go do my show. Yeah. That's what I want. Where are you going to bike? Are you going to back it up to the show so you can bike to the show? Or are you going to do like a usually? No, because I don't like to bike at night. Yeah. Same. You know what I mean? So I don't do that. So I couldn't bike in and bike home after. So really what I like to do is either, because I'm in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, either go down to Prospect Park, do a couple of laps, come back. Incredible, by the way. Or go north along the river to Astoria Park. Those are my two favorite bikes. Huge. Or biking to Reese's fun, but half of it is awful. Yeah. Once you get sort of to the coast, there's like a bike highway that's cute as hell. Yeah. Before that, when I say you're like, damn, am I in St. Louis? You're like biking on like six lane highways. You don't like it. Yeah. Literally parts of Queens I've never heard of. Yeah. And I love Queens and I've lived here 16 years, but they're inventing new parts. Yeah. For you to bike through on your way to Reese. And they're not inventing it with the idea of you biking through it. I'll tell you that. Oh, sweetie, it is adversarial. They don't like it. The relationship between you and them and them Bugatties. Yeah. Them street park Bugatties. And those 16 wheeler Bugatties. Hey everybody, we are street park Bugatti. All we need to get started. That's so good. The bike highway on the west side of Manhattan that I took when I left you. The most recent one we hung out at the park. I love it. Wonderful. When it's just a separate lane away from the road and all it is is cyclists and the occasional person standing there for no reason. And you just go move. Yeah. What's your play when they're standing there? Stand. I got a bell and I ding. When it's a person standing, I bell when it's the only time. I'm in the theater. I can't use my voice. No, you're saving the only time I scream. I did it yesterday. I was biking is when a car is just turning into the bike lane. I do not slow down. I just start yelling at the top of my lungs. No. Well, sometimes people show those share those videos and they're like, look at this asshole. And it's like one of the bikers who's sort of aggressively going through the bike lane, like yelling at everyone. And he's being an asshole about it. But I'm always like, well, he's right. Yeah. Also, by the way, cyclists are I've always said the cyclist community are at the very top of the being right, but making your case unlovable by being an asshole about it. Community, they're at the top of that community. They are they're correct and they are not listened to because they're fucking douchebags. However, spend one day biking through your city and tell me you don't feel the same. When you realize it's coming at all sides, like cars, obviously, but pedestrians, because they're just like not aware of you. And because you're not a car, they're sort of like walking blindly in front of you. And I'm like, baby, I hit you and we both are suffering. Yeah, they're leaving shit in the lane. They're often looking to see if a car is coming and then not clocking me as a bike coming. And then I'm having to like throw on brakes to not hit them. And I'm like, this doesn't end well for us either. Mind you, there's a bike behind me. So now I'm throwing on brakes. They're almost running into me. Everything's bad when that happens. Oh, everything's bad. I don't yell at people though. I think maybe once or twice. It's the city's fault. You know, you bike in Copenhagen, you bike in Amsterdam, you go, well, this is how it could be. Yeah. You know, we can't be neoliberal here, putting it at individual actors. It's systems. Thank you. It's systems. Thank you. That was powerful. And that's what I'm here to say. That was powerful. Your listeners like this. Well, we've done inside baseball and now policy. Deep leftist policy about bike lanes. What now all we need to do is have you talk about an album you've got coming out. Damn, but y'all remember he, A-Ron, I'm just JK. Hey, we were coming out so hot. We came out swinging. And I think your people, I'm not in the comments of your thing as much. So you know, I think they like our vibe. Me and you together. Yeah. Like the jokes, of course, but I think they see there's a certain, you know, energy. There's a kinship. And you can tell by the number of times that both of us are speaking. That's kinship. Absolutely. I mean, for us as gay and Southern. One of the comments that did get to me not about your podcast, about somebody else's, they were like, oh, I just feel like Josh like talks a lot. And I'm like, well, I'm the guest. Yeah. I think they invited me here to not talk. Yeah. What would you have me do? I'm telling my friend loves when I talk. Trust. Yeah. So you need to get on board. Yeah. Yeah. Get on board. Yeah. Get on board with Josh. I'm on board with Josh talking. That's why I have you. I'm on board with Caleb. And also two gay men can speak at the same time and both hear each other. It's sort of one of our special talents. Do you know what I mean? That's what people don't understand. Gay men are really good at talking over. And yeah, I just did it to you and I heard you say that's what people don't understand. That's what people don't understand. We're just like, we're on it. Yeah. We're on it. It's a superpower forged. It's a superpower forged from God given to us. It's four dimensional. Yeah. It's given to us by God. And we, we of course, we of course foster and culture it, but it was given to us directly from God. Absolutely. Y'all are down on the ground up and I'm up in outer space. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're so 2000 and late. Yeah. Really? Absolutely. If you think about it. And I'm 2025 reelect Eric Adams on the Get Stuffed Done line. Get Stuffed Done. You should run. Run, run, run, run. I have a five, a turkey trot. There you go. I found it. Yeah. I request, keep the embarrassing story where I confess to being excited to learn the times was there, but I want you to cut the part in which I stutter over 5k. So it goes right from run up and it goes directly to turkey trot. Turkey trot. Yeah. I, you, you certainly never watch me do the ads on this show, but the number of times I just completely fuck up an ad and go, leave it in. I'm human. I've just stopped. I don't, I don't edit them anymore. I'm like, they need to know that stutter was humiliating and they need to know. This is who I am. Rosemary's granddaughter spitting image of my father. Rosemary's granddaughter. Do you know this song? No. I am. For some reason thought it was maybe a joke on Rosemary's baby. No. Rosemary's granddaughter. Spitting image of my father. Wait, what's going on with this? My mama's still my biggest friend. So now it's feeling familiar. Who I am by Jessica Andrews, one hit wonder. Sorry, Jessica. I, that was, seems that, I don't mean that derogatory. I think having a hit is a beautiful gift. Are you kidding? And so to have one hit is like most people have zero hits. I can't actually talk about that. Well, there are songs and I'm about to mention one that's not a one hit wonder, but there's songs like, like tears for fears. Everybody wants to rule the world. When that song comes on, I go, if I wrote this in 1980, whatever, I could be like, I'm done. Creatively. And I could wake up every day, hear that song on the radio and go, well, life well lived. Like there's some where I'm like, are you kidding? Yeah. One hit, one hit is all it takes. One hit is all it takes. I just think like respect. No, we use one hit wonder as, I think sometimes culturally, it's seen as an insult. Think about your number. Wonder. The other wonder. It's really. It's it's. We should be in all. Wonder. Wonder is the big. We should have. We should have wonder at these people. Because they had a hit. We should fall upon our knees in the glory that is this one hit. By the way. You know what I mean. In deep all. In deep. We should be overcome. We should be speaking in tongues. 99.7% of the world's population lives their entire lives without having a hit. When Bitch by Meredith Brooks comes on, fall to your knees and speak in tongues. What am I? A bitch? A lover? A mother? A child? I mean, who else could have? No one did. That's what matters. No one did. I feel really passionately about that. And I got very worked up and I had pizza for lunch. So my tummy's just a little upset, you know, upset, but it's I'm just I'm right for something to go wrong. I see that. And I can't have any more caffeine today. I told myself. And yet I'm about to do a caffeine challenge with you for our sponsor Red Bull XXL. I wish Red Bull would. We're going to chug caffeine. Red Bull advertised with us. Red Bull advertised with us. They've been getting into Red Bull for the first time in my life. I've never had one. Well, here's the thing. As someone who doesn't do powders at the club, because one, there's all this shit going around. Yeah. Two, I got the love of Christ. What more energy do I need than the love of Christ? God is in you. Yes. Under a bushel. No. Yes. And most of all, I got that deviated septum. Yeah. It's not worth it. Right. So I have half a Red Bull. I'm like, why are any of y'all doing cocaine? Yeah. My heart is thumpa thumpa. I can be up till seven. I'm working like that. Okay. So, you know, once a month when I'm at the club, half a Red Bull. I've never had one. And I think I think maybe I would benefit from it. I would like to develop a nasty drug problem. I think for a while. And I don't mean to trivialize. Which era? Yeah, I think. Because I'll say it's hard to imagine being in my 80s and not being like, let's give heroin a go. Right. I mean, heroin is the enticing one. Come on. Heroin's the enticing one. Not now. Not now. It's not the right time for it. You've got to be on set at four in the morning. Yeah. I'm coming in. I'm coming in doing heroin now. I mean, it just won't work. And this is not to trivialize anyone's. So, how to drug problem, of course. But for me, I do think I live so, I just think my life could benefit from it artistically, from a big problem. And there's nothing trivial about it. And even when there is, remember, we are the gestures. I'm a court jester. It's actually our job to trivialize. And there's power in trivializing. I am clown. Your issue is when you go, don't trivialize that. Oh, that has a negative connotation to you. Yeah. For me, trivializing is one of the highest forms. Yeah. You know. Thank you. Are we not clown? Are we not jester? You've changed my perspective. Do we not have an essential role in the culture? Tee hee and ha ha. I posted. I posted recently. To look at the culture from afar and go, well, that's a little funny. There's something a little off about that. Uh huh. This is our ministry. You for listeners only. You can't see how beautifully Josh just emphasized his point sort of. Let me see listeners. Tell us in the Spotify comments if you get what I'm about to do. This is our ministry. Yeah. That was that. I think there's a silent version of ASMR that just happened. You heard nothing, but you could feel energetically. I bet there are people just listening right now who will inherently do what we just did and then come over to the YouTube to say, I got it right. I actually bet this is witchy. I bet we can send them things with our mind. Yeah. Wait, I'm going to think of a number. I was going to do the exact same thing. Let's let's think of both. Think of a number. I'll do it first. And I want or do you want to go first? I actually think of it and send it to them and I want you the listener at home to say out loud what you think it is and I'm going to say what it is. I bet a lot of them are going to be right. Are you going to give any parameters? I'm a number between usually people do that just to help. No, I trust you're okay. They's fuck. They don't need that shit. Fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go first or second. I want to go second and I want to just. Okay. Okay. I'm not going to make. I'm about to make no noise for like 10 seconds. Yes. In that 10 seconds and then I'm going to go. It won't be 10 seconds, by the way. It'll be probably like five. It's going to be 10 seconds. Now that you did that to me. Now it needs to be 10 seconds and keep it in my bed. And then at the end of that, I'm going to go say the number and you in your home or your car or at the gym or during sex with your husband. Yeah. Say the number and then I'll tell you what it was. Okay. So. Okay. And here I'm sending it. Hold on. Okay. Okay. Hold on. Keep your eyes closed. I want to I want to signal to chance now what I think it is just so there's. Oh, that's good. That's proof on the record of what I was thinking of. That's good. Eyes are closed. And now I'm keeping my eyes closed. Do you feel like the and now I feel the listener can say out loud what you know what you know the number is because I've sent it to you. Say the number now listener now and the number that you received from me was 69. What do you think? I'm just scared to say that's okay so far off. What do you want to try and guess? Hold on. I'm thinking of it. No, now you do it. Now you do it. Okay. I'm thinking to them and this is for listening. Y'all thought inside baseball musicians was bad. Be careful what you wish listeners. This is for only you. If you're viewing you might have already seen gay coming to hunt your ass. I'm sending you a number listeners only viewers. You've already seen because I flashed it to chance listeners. I'm sending you a number. You now know that it is not 69. I want you to listeners say now my number say now. Do you want to guess? Okay. Your number was. 454. It was 13. Wow. Wow. But you have to admit. Right. I mean take a look. You have to admit. Because 13 69 and 454. 13 times 69 is 454. Wait. Run that back. I bet. Run that. Chance run those numbers. Run that back. There it is. He just showed us. It's that's what that is. 13 times 69. Yeah. 454. Look at that. That's crazy. Wait. That's crazy. Show them. Trying to guess. Trying to guess like my audience. That's crazy. But that says 454. We can't enough of these people have been in grippy socks. JoshSharpTada.com. We can't play these games on them. JoshSharpTada.com. It's going to hurt these people. They're unwell. I actually would pay money to know how many of my listeners have been in an institution. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I know it because a lot of my friends have. So I'm like, I can't even imagine what I'm sending out. I don't want to go there. Not when I'm in previews. I have tech. I can't. I can't. I have tech. I can't right now kill up. I have tech. Wait. I have a segment for you. Segment time. What's so true to you, JoshSharp? Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I really wasn't prepared for that. Do you want to think about that while I do true or false with you? Yeah. OK. Give me a time. I do. Joshua Cassandra Sharpe. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, and you didn't even know I was going to do this, because this is not the normal one, I'm going to do a different prize. If you get 10 or more correct, I am going to pay for two random listeners of this show to come see, to die in New York City. This is amazing. But if you don't get them right, I'm not paying for those tickets. I understand. I'll buy two tickets for listeners, and you can find out how to pick them. You and Chance can work that out. OK. But I will pay for two people to come see your show in New York City. OK? Understood. OK. Guy Fieri is 6'8". False. False, he's 5'10". On Gilligan's Island, it was never revealed if Gilligan was his first or last name. True. That is true. More people live in South Carolina than North Carolina. False. False. It takes Uranus four years to orbit the Sun once. False. False, 84 years. Miss Piggy and Yoda are played by the same person. True. True, Frank Oz. The largest statue in the world is the statue of Unity in India. True. True. Ant queens live to be 30 years old. Ant queens, like the queens of an ant colony. False. True. Tom Hanks was born in Canada. False. False. Meg Ryan, can you tell I'm working on not giving that away with my voice anymore? Yeah. Meg Ryan. But I'm fucking crushing. Nailing it. Meg Ryan has an asteroid named after her. Well, I just, from a place of deep hope, true. The Book of Mormon opened on Broadway in 2008. Oh, God. False. False, 2011. Yeah. Nana means mother and Italian. False. False, grandmother. The phone number for Empire Today is 800-588-2300. 800-588-2300. 800-588-2300. 800-588. That part's definitely true. 2300. God, I'm going to go false. True. Damn. 2300, Empire. I was like, is the 23, are you tricking me with the 2300? That's okay. That's okay. Empire. That's why. Zebras have six toes on each foot. False. False, just one. Nickelback performed the song Lips of an Angel. False. False was Hender. Smallville ran for 10 seasons. True. It's true. Jesus Christ, 13. Joshua, because Sandra's sharp. I'm so proud of you. Okay, you guys figure out how to find those listeners. This is huge. And I'll buy some tickets. Yeah, what would be the most fun way to do it, Chance? Maybe we leave two at the box office and just say whoever gets to the box office first and yells, fuck your face or whatever. No, we can't have people yelling, especially not something like that. What about whoever gets the most likes on this episode? I wish there was a way to reward. That's true. Whoever posts a comment on the YouTube and gets the most likes. What if they don't live in New York? Well, that's their problem. Get to New York. Yeah, well, then they've got two tickets to give to whoever. Yeah, then they can give it to whoever. Or what a great reason for a trip. You got two free tickets to the hottest ticket for summer. To the New York Times, sure to be hot reviewed show. Ta-da. New York Times is like, like dicks, it sucks. Much like dicks. Josh Sharp does not have it. They declare, we're calling it. We've seen enough. Josh, the 538 calls it. Josh Sharp doesn't have it. They call it. Nate, what's his name? Nate Silver? He calls it. He calls it. They implicate me as well. These two don't have it and they talk at the same time too damn much. Yeah, they should have taken more Catillion classes. God, we all should. God, wouldn't it be nice? Some of these girls need manners. Yeah, they really do. You know what I'm having a craving for? What? I want to do a voicemail with you. Chance and I were just saying we don't do the voicemails anymore. Put your headphones on. Yeah, let's do one. Hello, Caleb and guest. So I just wanted to call in and let you guys know that I got married. A few days ago and for our wedding menu, we had chicken wings and they were delicious. They were smoked for hours and deep fried. And I just want to know what's your ideal wedding? What is your guys' ideal wedding look like? What's the food? What are you wearing? What's your partner wearing? So let me know. Thank you. I know that's a big girl, by the way. I know that's a big girl and I want to thank you for calling in, big girl. Thank you. I'll tell you my ideal wedding. What I want. Go. Okay, if I were to marry somebody who really cared about weddings, I would defer to them and do whatever they wanted. Okay? I do not like weddings. I don't want to be invited to a wedding. I do not want to come to your wedding. I'm sort of with you. Everybody thinks I'm doing a cool version of wedding. You're not. Sort of not. Unless you fully don't do it at all, you're not. That's the only cool wedding. You can't avoid being a part of the industrial wedding complex. I am begging you. If you are my close friend. Set with respect. And you are listening to this chance, please clip this. Do not invite me to your wedding. I don't want to come. I don't want to come and everyone thinks they're the exception. I don't want to come to your wedding. I'm not fully there. I'll still go to some, but I just never, I don't buy that it's like ours is the fun one, but the exception is my brother's wedding. It was the fun one. I believe you. I don't want to come. I don't want to come to your wedding. I've, I've, I officiated my friend's wedding. Can I bitch why my brother's wedding was good? Of course he's my brother, so I'm biased. Go ahead, tell it. He's a musician. And so he got some of his incredibly talented musician friends, many of which I think you know, yes, Rachel Price of Lake Street dive at all to do a little pre concert as just like a, come on girls, let's like play some music. And I hope he got up and did Louise, by the way. Say that. You know I want to hear Louise. Let's clock Mipso farewell tour. Let's clock that. This summer fall, please see the band Mipso. You're going to be going with me in Brooklyn. We're going to be singing Louise. You're going to be plus one. Yeah. Actually, I have something to say to you off, off pod about that. Okay. So, uh, also because he sells fancy wine to fancy restaurants, he got a bunch of cool restaurants that don't cater weddings to be like, well, we'll do yours. Yeah. So you weren't doing the normal sort of like wedding food. It was like people who were like, let's just like, so it did actually sort of feel like a dinner party. Yeah, damn. But, and so unfortunately it's the rare exception to where I was like, damn, you just have to truly adamantly work with only people who've never done a wedding before in their lives. Yeah. My friend recently, I was telling him how much I hate weddings because he had had one and he didn't invite me and I thanked him for it. And he said, well, that's just, you have such a wrong opinion because it's the only time you can get all your friends together. And I said, I don't need that. I don't need all the friends from the different walks of my life to get together. And then, you know, they're not kind of wanting to do, I'm like, I don't need that. I don't know what the, you say that as if it's like an inherently understood good thing. And all this is to say the wedding I would do is this, me and my partner would go to the courthouse with whatever amount of witnesses we need to have. They would ideally not be family, just two random people from our lives, whoever's free. And maybe I called somebody and say, what are you doing right now? They say nothing. I say, come to City Hall, we need witnesses. We get married, then we send a letter. It's John Cena. Yes. That's who you call. Yes. It's John Cena and Eric Andre from Netflix's little brother. And we send a letter to everyone we love that says, hey, we got married two months from now. We're throwing a party. Here's the date. No dress code, no gifts. Come if you want to. If not, you can buy us dinner sometime if you feel like it. Love you very much. Perfect. That is the perfect wedding. No notes. That's the perfect wedding. No notes. One party, no dress code, no gifts. If you don't come, we explicitly do not care. No notes. I love it. No notes. And that's it. And by the way, my mom would get that letter. Everyone's getting the letter. It's across the board treatment with the letter. You're going to throw a filter on the letter for your mom? I'm going to smooth it. I'm smooth in the letter. OK. I'm smoothing mother. You've changed. Mother has smoothed. Mother has smoothed. What's your ideal wedding? No, it's that. It's later that. You've got to just sort of not have a wedding and throw a party later. I've had several friends do that. That's the best way to do it. I like it. Respect to everyone in their weddings. I know it means a lot to you. I love you. I love you. But yeah, I think. I love you. Shout out to all my friends who have gotten married. This is talking to your straight friends about baseball or whatever you like. I love that you love that shit. It is pastoral and boring to me. But I love that you love it. Specifically baseball, by the way. Yeah, exactly. I went to a WNBA game, got my life. You know what I mean? Like some sports are good. Well, you know, we're theater people. Basketball has narrative. Baseball does not. Football does. I'm telling you, football is not. If you watch football with me, you'd be into it. I knew you were going to feel this way. I think soccer does, but football doesn't. Soccer? Soccer has a very avant-garde fluid narrative. Soccer is a boring ass sport. It energies shift on a dime. Football. You have to be locked in. You haven't watched football, Joshua. I've watched it. It's a lot of standing around, waiting to set up a play. There's too much pause in. He's still a strategy. You are sick. It's war. It's not narrative. It's war. You are sick. It's war. Soccer is a boring game for f- I can't stand it. And of course the guys are cute, but that's what makes it so gay. Mm-mm. Soccer is just a boring lame. And I can't even talk to people from Britain anymore. Damn, again. Because half the time it's all they'll talk about. This is trivialized. You say this like it's a negative thing. I'm your standing soccer because it's for f- That's what I love about it. Whereas your f- ass is like, oh, let me go down to the NFL arena. We're a bunch of alt-right oil billionaires. Have paid a men of color to give each other concussions. Go ahead. Go ahead. I have internalized somophobia. I will never forget. I will never forget on this show when Alex English said something during his interview. And I said, well, what would you say to people that think that's maybe internalized somophobia? And he goes, that's OK to have. Our culture can't self-love. We give it to so many other cultures. I said, tell them, Alex. There's so many cultures that have made self-loathing a part of their charm. Like gay people do it. Yeah. Oh, and that's OK to have is such a funny response to that accusation. And that's OK to have. That's OK to have. Yes. Yes, ever heard of it? Next. What is so true to you, Joshua Sharp? Joshua Cassandra Sharp. So true to me is, and I don't know if everyone in this room is going to agree with me. We have to embrace summer. And by that, I mean, get outside and sweat. And sometimes people are like, oh, I'm so sweaty. It feels awful. That's your body working. You know, that's your body cooling you down. And there's a certain liberation and sort of giving up and going, you know what? I'm going to be sweaty and clammy and gross. And aren't we all? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, take a bath in the discomfort. Yes. Enjoy summer. Let your body sweat. And don't be mad about it. Yes. Do you know what I mean? I do. And do you know what I mean? A lot of people are like, I'm sweating. I'm like, that's good. We're all doing that. You would be so fucking hot if your body didn't have a natural way to cool you down, which is sweat. Yeah. So like, if you're going to be a summer girl, be a summer girl. I'm going to prescribe something to you, Josh. I want you to listen to the Annie Deruso song, It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer. Because what you're talking about is a philosophy that she posited on her most recent album. I want all of you right now to go stream It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer by Annie Deruso. I've been listening to it. I think that's the point. It's the point. And she specifically is talking about, I'm done when it's 95 outside going in and turning to the AC on 68. I'm sweating. I'm enjoying the summer. You just got it. It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer. It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer. I agree. A visionary artist with a visionary message that completely aligns with what you're saying. A visionary artist with a visionary message. Thank you. And that's what you are. I'm going to get Annie a last minute invite to opening. Would you please? Would you please? I'm sure they will love that. I'm sure your team will be like, oh, thank you, Josh. Throwing people on at the last minute. We love it. OK, well, I just love you. Is there anything you want to leave the people with? No. I feel blessed to be here. I love you dearly. We feel blessed to have you. Well, josharp2.com, if you're any other than the two got free tickets, that's where you're going to have to go. Make your case in the comments for why you deserve it. Make your case in the YouTube comments, and we'll find a way to get a hold of you. And then Chance, I trust you to pick that to do that. Chance will figure that out. He's good at that sort of stuff. I can't get in there. As the artist, it wouldn't be right for me to pick. No, it's not right. We need a third party. Or else we're going to have a La La Land situation again. You know what else? You know what I mean? We need a clearinghouse. Does the show have its own Instagram? It does. That's another way we could have done it, is by following the Instagram. Oh, that's true. But we're going to keep it on the comments. We're going to keep it in the comments. That's what we're already committed to. Now that we're saying it while you're there, you know what, follow josharp2.com. I'm not going to say Chance isn't going to look more favorably on you if he sees you follow that. Yeah. Chance, maybe we do something on the social media where we say we'll definitely pick someone's voicemail if they prove to us that they follow Josh's show. That could be helpful. For that we'll depict their voicemail or something. I love this. We want to help. We like to be part of the story. And as I've always said, look for the helpers. Look for the helpers. That's you originated that. Did you? I originated that on my children's television show. Josh, we love you. Thanks for doing it. Bless you. Bye, honey. Bye, sugar. That was a hate gun podcast. Immerse yourself in herbal essences in new Moroccan argan oil elixir infused with pure argan oil. Just one drop delivers up to 100 hours of hair nourishment with the indulgence scent of a Moroccan garden. 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