John Oliver: Why Everything is a Scam: FIFA, Mergers, & Information Literacy

The best thing about John Wick was the hotel. Yeah, that was pretty bad ass. It was such a big concept. I love the martial arts. I think part of that is people is just longing for a hotel that well run. So I like the fighting but I love the service. Yeah. You can turn up nearly dead sir. We'll take that. With a dog. With a dog. For me it's a hotel movie with some fights. Wait, didn't they say they don't take... Why isn't there something they don't do that they did for him? Maybe the dog. I feel like there was something that they don't... It's a no-pets building? No, no. There's something... But they did it for him. Yes, but I swear they don't accept pets. But it was a no-pets enterprise. I hope I'm not wrong about this. Internet was a nonsense. I swear there was something... Don't try and bring it back in here. Mr. Witter. They said Mr. Wick, we don't allow Dada Dada. And then they like made an exception for him. No, that was he wanted to kill somebody on premises. Maybe it's that. That's more like he then pets. That's more like he... It's more like he had more like he... You know, a lot of kill somewhere. Because I remember him coming with this dog and they were like... They greeted the dog as if it was a customer. Because it is. Yeah. They were like, oh, Jordan and... Fluffy. Fluffy. I love the fact that you watched John Wick and your biggest takeaway was... What a hotel. I love the fact that you thought it was plausible they didn't take pets so that that was the line. I'm sorry. You're coming with a blood dripping samurai soul and a dog cage and they're like... Put the cage down. I'll give you a towel for the soul. I see you've had your shots. But I see. No, it's just some of the other assassins they got. They's the hair of the dog. Yeah, they're allergic to dogs. I don't know, man. I feel like there was something... You should check it. I think there was something about no pets. It was just like a vibe. But you know... It's a great hotel. It really is. It really is. It really is. A pet friendly soul. This is what now with Trevinoa. The modern game. Beautiful. Fast. Clinical. So why am I spitting out stuck in 2005? The miracle in Istanbul. Over. Tieri. No longer scary. Unbelievable Jeff. No more. It's time for change. Bit 10 pounds and get 30 pounds in free bets. We're not your granddad's booking. Search Midnight Sports and make the move to Midnight. New customers only. Restrictions and TNC's apply. 18 plus. Be gamble aware.org. How long have you lived in New York now? I've been here since 2006 for nearly 20 years. What first brought you to New York? Daily show. I got offered the job. That was my first day in New York. Was that a daily show? Are you serious? Yep. No, wait, tell me your daily show origin story. So they were looking for a new correspondent. Okay. I'm in London, right? Having you know, doing the Edinburgh Festival every year. Okay. So they say, put yourself on tape. You saw, I... Who said this to you? They were looking for a correspondent from the world. Right? For the first time. Not from America. From outside of the borders of this land. And so there were a bunch of people in London. Which is what I've been doing. Like as a British person, I'd love to criticize, but you know, game-recognized game. You know India. You know. You know what about it? What about if we call it something different? Yeah, so a bunch, I think a bunch of English comedians have been asked to put themselves on tape. Then I think I'm never going to hit them again. Then they say, oh, they want to, they want to meet you. So you can... So I think, fine. I've never been to New York before. This will be my free trip to New York for 36 hours. So I flew over here, stayed in Midtown, went to Applebee's for a meal. Thought this must be like a quintessential American diner. Applebee's. I love how you're ticking all the boxes. Yeah. Love every immigrant who comes here for this Midtown. You think best location. You can't get better than this. It helps kitchen. What a great name. It's true. You know what I mean? There's probably ironically names. Yes. There's must be where everything is. And then Applebee's. Midtown. Yeah, and then you go to Applebee's or what? You're like, well, I'm just seems like fine dining. Yeah. You're just ticking all the boxes. And then? So then, yeah, I then I went to the building like auditioned for John. Did you know who John Stuart was? Oh, yeah, of course. Because it wasn't on in England, but I knew, obviously it was the very much the gold standard for me of what political comedy in the world could be. It was even back then in 2006. It was despite not being on TV in England. It's presence and influence. Okay. All right. Got it. It's got it. So I was thrilled just to see it. So then I'd read a chat. Yeah. No one was a Greensboro chat. The chats that they be. Exactly. And they said, when could you start? I live in England. So I don't have anything here. And I was supposed to be doing there in the festival that summer. So I went back to England, picked up two bags full of stuff and then came back here in July of 2006. And I barely been back since. It's so crazy how similar the stories are. It's almost like they have like a specific. Because the mind. Were you recruiting your first? Yeah, because mine was like similar. It really feels like that. It really feels like because mine was like similar but slightly different. Mine was I got a call from John. Right. I was in London. I just started like one of my first tours ever. I was but it was like a tiny tour. But I was doing all the small cities you know from London, Brighton, Newcastle. You name it everywhere. Big one, small ones everywhere. That's very tiny. And no, but I'm saying like. Hold on. What I listen to what I mean by tiny. It was like 200 seats. 150 seats. Yeah, that's makes sense. I'm used. I've been used tiny. Not the situation, guys. Okay, okay. Yeah. Thank you for clarifying. Thank you for clarifying. You're not saying chip in or in a village. You know, 120 people. But an amphitheater. Weirdly. So my tour was tiny is what I'm saying. Okay. So I get a call. Don't know the number. I'm standing in herds. That's why I'll never forget this call. Standing in herds. So I had heard about herds. Again, quintessentially. And the immigrants. I've literally never been in herds in my whole life. This man. Everyone told me you've got to go to herds. No. Everyone was like, Why? Because they like, it's the store. And remember, this is before Amazon. It's on more. Yeah, but this is before things like that existed. Right. In that way. You can find anything. They said you go to herds and you can find anything. And I was like, what does that mean? They said, just go. Just go to her, you very nicely done. So I go to herds. Yeah. I find anything. I'm in the, you can't afford anything. Yeah, you can't. I'm in the lower level, one below the, like, minus one level. Wait, there's different levels. Yeah, and they all have different things. Or clothing, perfumes, food. You know, international arms dealing. Misogyny. Yes. Well, that's more that's pumped in through the vents. That's that's historically that's everywhere. So, and then my phone rings, I was staring at an underwater scooter. I will never forget this moment. I was staring at it thinking, how in my life will I ever be able to afford one of these? Because it's impossible. I didn't even think about where I would use it. I just went, I need this in my life. It is an underwater scooter. So you, you have like the, what do you call those things? Will you put the bulb over your head? No, you know, like, you're going to scuba dive. You'd wear that thing. Yes. Old scuba guys would wear. That's an underwater. It used to be brass. Yes, that thing. But now it's on a scooter. So you go down on the scooter and then you have that on your head. That's right around. It pulsed by. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So it's that brass helmet that is not brass anymore. It's not brass. No, because it would be too heavy. Yeah. So I think we've moved past brass. I think the moment that we've got underwater scooters, we fix the brass helmet situation. I think one followed the other. So it's not this thing's going to be great. If I can just. Oh, man. So it's okay. It's not wait. Wait, wait, wait. I can't move on from this. You have to describe the contraband. Okay. So now imagine a scooter or what, I guess in America, do they call it mopade? Done. Whatever this little thing, that's like a vesportacing that's okay. I imagine that it has no wheels. No wheels. No that's how they sound. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee But then it has a contraption that comes from the front of it. That question comes from there. Where do we all experience? So there's a contraption that comes over the front of it and then there's a dome that goes over your head with the glass bubble that you can look through. So all you gotta do is get in there. You don't weigh any scuba gear and it has oxygen tanks on it. And then you just ride around. So it has to have weights to weigh down to the bottom of it. It is weights. The whole thing is weights. You can't put this in your backpack. It's the size of a scooter. So how would you get into the water with it? These are not things I thought of at the time. No, all he knew was I want this in my life despite the fact there's no room or practical use for it. Or anything. I come from Johannesburg. We don't even have the ocean. I was just like, I know I need this in my life. I'm in the market for an instantly depreciating asset. To call this thing an investment would not be fair. You are setting fire to my knee. To your knee. But I didn't have the money. I was just staring at it. Then my phone rang. And then it was John Stewart. I didn't know John Stewart. Unlike you, I didn't know who he even was. And then he came on and you know John better than anyone. Like John does not take himself as seriously as people take him. No, right? Yeah. So he calls me, goes, hey, can I speak to Trevor? I'm like speaking. He says, hey, do you speak in a John Stewart? I host a little show. That's what he said. The exact phrasing was, I host a little show in America called The Daily Show. That joke only works if you know what The Daily Show is. Otherwise, it just seems like a description. Because this was the big. So I was like, I know what does good time. I was just like, don't tell you wasted on you. I was like, no, no, that was not wasted on me. Did you buy it? I couldn't. Let's get back to that. Okay, shall we? Yeah. So then John goes, I am not done with that either. So John goes, wait, so John goes, I host a little show. I'm John Stewart. Then I was like, he's like, I don't know if you've heard of me. I was like, no, no, I haven't. And then he said, he's phrasing. I forget it sometimes, but he goes like, he said something to the effect of, no, should you have. That's what he said. That sounds right. He said, John Stewart, I don't know if you've heard of me. Then I said, no, I haven't. And he said, no, should you have. And then he said, I host a little show in America called The Daily Show. And I was like, oh, I think I've heard of that. And he's like, as you should. As you should have. And he's like, we saw some of your stuff. I like your stuff. I was wondering, like you, he's like, what do you do? Would you like to come to New York? And now, first of all, I come from South Africa. I'm like, this 50% chance, there's a scam. What? This is somebody's just trying to get my details. I know how this works. Never mind that. No, what does good to know? No, he's going what is your first kind of deal with? He's barely listening to the guy. He's more just getting to the things that the spec. Exactly. Yeah. On the thing while he was talking. Then he said, can you come to New York? And then I was like, ah, no. And I was like, what's that? What's that he's like, we want to hire you? You're going to come to New York? And I was like, oh, no, I, no, thank you. He's like, I'm sorry, what? And I'll never forget you and say what? And I said, yeah, I've got a, I've got a tour that I'm, I'm doing now. I'm looting like all these places. Chippin' Norton. Like, I'm out here, baby. Squarks, broo. I said the same thing. I said a version of that when they offered me the job. You did. My manager said, yeah, there's, they want you to do the job. And I said, I can't do it. I'm going to Edinburgh. You see? And he said, yeah, you're not going to Edinburgh. You're going to go, you're going to go to Edinburgh. You had a manager. That's what I say. You're going to go do this job. I was thinking, yeah, but I got an ATC to run the stand. You know how hard it is to book Edinburgh. Yeah. I got a room. Your internationally acclaimed Sturickle TV show has to wait for me. I think you understand supply and demand in Edinburgh and August. And your review written by Copsick. Oh, wow. What a deep cut you just. Wow. You got a cake, Copsick reference. Man, we've made it. So that was me. And then John said, wait, so then he paused and he went, tell me about your life. Who are you? I was like, I'm a comedian and I'm doing comedy now. Staring at an underwater scooter. Warning it to be mine. In the lend locks. Remind me. Who are you again? And then he basically said, well, if you ever change your mind and if you come to you, let me know. And he said, wait, but I'm just confirmed. Are you saying no? And I said, yeah. With the whole due respect. And he was, and I'm glad I didn't, I genuinely didn't know. I wasn't like, it wasn't, it wasn't me being like, I don't have time for this. It was more like, oh, you're in your little show. I also have a little show. Yes. We've got to prioritize our little shows in life. So thank you for the call. Yeah. I'm going to carry on with my life. Had I known that he would have brought me much closer to that underwater scooter. So much closer than anything else. That wouldn't have, yeah, it's, that's amazing. So we, that is relatively similar than other than, so when did you find out what that show meant? I was more worried about, did anyone come in help in midterstall? No one. Okay. No one came in help. No one came and said, so do you need any, I didn't look like I could buy anything in that stuff. Yeah, I think Harrod's staff are pretty well trained for whether you could, oh, no, race. I mean, I think I think it comes through the vents with the classes and two. That's all there. No, I think what they're looking for is Saudi money. Yeah. Or Michael Jackson moving through it way. Or even even like, but boy, Michael Jackson compound is not. They did Michael Jackson. You know the story about how they sold him all the cheap knockoff stuff and all that. He just as man, he's just going to take it. And you're like, that's pretty, that's pretty. That's pretty. He doesn't know the difference. Interesting. Yes. So the maybe thing that was that is not Michael Jackson. My, my take away from the floor, Michael Jackson is not that he was scammed out of some purchases. I think we would get to that. But I'll probably work through abuse allegations and the history of music before we got to contractually it felt like Harrod's let him down. Buying a fake Ming Dynasty vase. I don't think he made in China as well. Wow. Wow. So wait, okay, so now let's go back to your words. So now you get, you get brought in. So how you, you come in immediately. And that's a, you started work immediately. So I don't know if they do this with you. When I got my stuff, I came back my first day in the office. I think I've found out since then this is a very nice thing that they would do. They would try and get you on the show straight away. So you're not hanging around too long watching, thinking about what it will be like. I landed back here, exhausted, got, went to the office. They said, you're going to be on the show tonight. Like, where, what? And so the whole thing then moved very, very quickly and all of a sudden I was in. In retrospect, I see that that is a very kind thing to do. To be able to get in quickly. Yeah. So you're not overthinking it. Essentially it's, I think it's like the same tactics that a, like a drug gang uses. When you, when you're flirting with the idea of being part of the cartel, they get you into a deal as quickly as possible so that you can't now back out. Perfect analogy. Wait, wait, wait, you have to explain to us. You said no at the shop, right? I said no, yeah. So how long before you say yes? So what, what makes you say yes? So this was, I don't know how long it was after that. I'm bad with time in that way. Maybe six months. I don't know, I don't know, but it was much, much, much later. I'm, I'm coming to New York to do my show in a small little theater. Because remember, I'm on my trajectory. I'm nailing it. I'm doing my thing. Yeah. John contacts me again. Basically goes like, I heard you're in New York. Oh, wow. Then I'm like, ah, man, this, I'm like this guy. Yeah. Yo. Now I still don't, so here's, here's what I have to explain about this. I didn't, first of all, I didn't know what the daily show was because we didn't get it in that way in South Africa. But more importantly, I had seen what John did and I've told him this. I'd seen it. But it used to air on CNN. Yeah, that's right. The global edition. Yes, exactly. Yeah. The global edition. Yeah. So what I saw was Christian Amanpur. Yeah. Richard Quest. Yeah. News from Hong Kong. News from India. News from England. Then this guy would come on TV. I assumed drunk because he was reading the news. But man, this guy was not taking it seriously. Yeah. But this was, so John Stuart was part of CNN in my world. He used to go to the package, but he would introduce it standing up by a green screen. Yes. I then watched him do it because it would be one of the writers jobs. Exactly. It's one of us to write. You just shit out a wrap around bit for the global edition. And no one cares about it because they don't see it. No one cares about it. Unfortunately, the rest of the world, it's the only thing that I see. So they see it. It's only one once a week. Half-baked day of a guy speed reading his way through. Well, in the global edition, this is just, I'm vomiting this out into the world and no one's going to hear it. And then the rest of the world is watching it after Christian Amanpur as just told them what happened in Libya. Is this very, very confident guy in New York going, ah, welcome, anyway, it is my show. No, it was so I that's why I was like, I definitely don't want to be part of that thing. Whatever it is. I don't want to join the news. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't want to join the news. Yeah. So the first time I find, so I come to the show, came to the show when I was in New York. John said, just come to the building and hang out with us. So I walk in. Does that get in like, see, just hang out. Was I gone then? Or was I there? You were, you weren't there. Yeah. So I must have gone. Yeah, you were gone. I think you were just about to launch your show. You hadn't launched your show in HBO actually. Oh, wow. So you were right in that window. Yeah, you had just left. You had just left. You had just left, but you hadn't launched your show. And they were using you as the template for me. Oh, like literally they were like, so this works for John. So they were literally like, John Oliver would sit in this office so you can sit here in this office. Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm assuming they were just like, it's Empire vibes. You guys, this is what you do, right? You sound like him, I think. So yeah, we do all sound the same. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It is. There is something about the American ear that cannot distinguish between English, Australian, New Zealand and South Africa. Yeah, no, all the four of us are the same. And they can't do it. They don't hear the vowels. It just hit for some reason. That's our sounds. I completely indistinct. So it just, it's a gamble. It's one in four chance each time. The best description someone gave me once that helped me understand this. But encapsulated it was there's a guy I met in the street, UPS driver, big fan of the show I was hosting the day this year this time. And he looked at me and he went, he's like, Hey man, he's like, Yo man, I'm just going to do it. He said, you that you that British dude from South Africa. Well, again, but that was again, historically, though, but that was so perfect to what you're saying. He said, you're that British dude. Yes. From South Africa. Yeah. He knew where I was from. Yeah. But he's like, you can't hear it. Yeah. So I'm at the show they're using the John template, which I'm grateful to you for, by the way, in many ways, because now they had like an idea that like, all right, you, these are things that we think work for you. Mm-hmm. Because you like tea, not coffee, you're that kind of guy. Sure. Yeah. Right. So they go, this is what we're going to do. John goes, just hang out. I go into one of their meetings. If you go into a daily show meeting, you will not know a single thing. Maybe now because of Trump, the world has become more attuned with what America is talking Back then it was John Bayna, which threw me off because on the screen, I read Bona. Mm-hmm. It's because B-O-E-H-N-E-R. And then everyone was saying, Bayna. And I was like, are they doing this on purpose as a joke towards saying Bona? On edition. And then they were talking about Jerry Mandarin, Philip Busterring. They were talking about, like, you know, I was, I was like, what is this? And then at the end, John was like, so what do you think? And I said, my, my friend, you're a very funny guy. But this thing you do and what I do, very different worlds. You guys are doing homework. I'm doing comedy. So, yeah. I like you a lot. Then he just walked around the building with me. We told jokes towards, because John is funny. We just told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, and then John said, let's do this conversation on the air. It's not the same. But, yeah, but interestingly, because having been in that process, you're there at the morning, I understand the distinction you're making between you're doing homework, I'm doing comedy. That time of the day, for the best comedies to happen, that time of the day has to be hung up. Yes. Right? So, what, what feels like an enatomer when you're looking at it is, hey, this is a writer's meeting of comedy writers. Why is no one making jokes? And the thing is, you can get too attracted to a joke, right? And you can try and build the whole day's show around a joke that you loved, whereas the truth is, you need it to be foundationally solid. You build that joke on, you build that joke on sand, the joke you loved collapses, or you're going to do some very dicey work trying to reinforce a joke that should not be standing up. So, that is why those meetings can appear humorless if you're looking at it from the outside. But what they are doing is building the foundations for jokes that will come later. No one explained it like this to me. Yeah. I wish you were there. No one explained it like that. First of all, using the word enatomer to describe what's going on in there. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Already. Already already already. No, no, no. Pull on. So, then John said, let's do this in a conversation. Literally, the conversation we have, he's like, what do you think of New York? And then I told him a few things, he laughed. And he said a few things, I laughed and we went back and forth. John said, why don't we do this on the show? So, I don't understand. I really don't understand what this show is now. Yes. I have to go to Applebee then John said, let's do this thing. Let's do it on the show and long story short. That's what we did. We basically took our conversation, turned it into a chat between us. And that's what we put on the show. And John was like, that was amazing. Let's do it again. And then I said, no, I'm going home. I don't want to be a part of this. Am I lifting? In general, he's like, he's not in South Africa. We're building statues of you. cheering cheering and just the basic way that government operates and you realize as you're in meetings for months, you're thinking, I need to Google that later. I need to Google that later, I think. You're gonna have to kind of teach yourself as you go along and fill in the gaps and know that in a sense, you're always in search of gaps because that is how you're going to fundamentally understand the country that you're hoping to call home in my case. Did you always know, like what were you doing in the UK? No, I didn't. No, because my man is the same guy that said, you're not going to edit it this year. He said, just go, don't sign anything more than the three month lease because American TV shows fire you after three months. That was his inspiring team talk. To be an English manager. This isn't very English manager. Yeah, you can tell. Yeah, exactly. American managers would be like, yo, this is it, baby. Signs are signed a seven year lease. You're going six seasons, baby, you got it. English manager, I can see him being like, all right, nothing more than three months. That's a huge opportunity for you, but to be honest, I'll see you in September. If you're tailed between your legs, haven't been humbled by what they're about to do till you. Good luck. So that, yeah, so he had told me this is not going to take long. Yeah. So I'd put all my stuff in storage in South London. It was there until last summer was when I got it out. It had been in store. So 20.25. 20.25. For 18 years in South Norwood. In South London. Now you've relaxed. You finally were like, all right. I think this thing's going well. You say that, though, because that is the problem, right? That it's partly falling in love with a job and falling in love with a country where you don't legally, permanently belong. Yes. I remember like six or seven months in being very happy with what was happening at the show and what I was learning and how for the first time I felt like I fit in. And I remember landing from London, like the wheels hitting the ground in New York and things were like, oh, it's good to be home. And I thought, oh, oh, that's a dangerous thing to think because this is not my home. Like I'm on a working visa. That's a problem. If I feel that way, I might need to start making plans for this truly being my home. Because before it had just felt like a fun adventure that I was having, then you realize, oh, no, I think I love this more than I've loved anything. And there were people at the day of show at the time using it as a springboard because it was such a big deal the show. I mean, it was huge. Yeah, when I think about in your era, sort of like where you came on towards the end of it, when I look at the class of people around that time, you had Steve Carell. Steve Carell was just, was before me, he'd gone. Yeah, he had just left. I turned up Ed Helms was his last week. So he was off, he was going off to the office and the whole world as well. He was coming up. Exactly. So they were all doing stuff, but I didn't want to do any of that. So I didn't want it to be a springboard at all. I didn't want to go out on auditions. I just wanted to do that show. I didn't want to be in movies. But I didn't want to be in a sitcom. I didn't want to act in something. I just wanted to be in that building doing that show. But what version of it? Because the first time I saw you was, when you did the piece about South Africa. Oh, yeah. You did that. Have you ever seen that? No, no, no. He did a piece for the World Cup. It is one of the most amazing pieces you'll ever see, especially if you're South African, but even if you're not. But John came to South Africa. Yeah, for the first game. I watched that first game in Shabin. South Africa versus Mexico. Yeah. Shabinala! With a port goal. I still think that goal was paid for. Oh, you can pay for that. This is what happens when you don't watch football, my man. Do you think you can, let me tell you something. You can 100%. Eugene, let me tell you something. 100%. Eugene, yeah. I can pay you all the money in the world. And I can give you all the time in the world. You will never create that goal. My friend, do you understand how hot you, there's so many things you can call. So Eugene, I should give you a bit of context. Eugene A doesn't believe in football. Nope. Nope. You, wait, hold on. Hold on. I'm more interested in this than I is the underwater scooter. You don't believe in the concept of it? No, no, no. Because I think football fans, basically like other men. Because if they really love football, they would watch women's football too. But because they appreciate just watching men only play football. This argument is flawed on so many levels. Take it there. It's over for you. Take it away. What are you talking about? Also add in the fact that he also thinks it's all a scam. It's all rigged. Yeah, yeah. It's all like manufactured or actors. He thinks we're watching WWE. People have been groomed from childhood. They've been put on these camps to kick this ball. They promised jerseys. Other people have been co-opted into the scam. It's a world, the world cup's coming. Yeah. Nobody wants this shit right now. America's garing up. That world cup of ours. But it was just for my deal. Oh, oh, the world cup was ball. And that gold. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The world cup is bought. FIFA is a criminal organization. So first take at least we agree there. First guess. And then actually I'm getting on your argument, saying FIFA is a criminal organization. Then I'm getting off and you are driving that argument off into crazy town. Remember, and also it's very hard for me to admit this because I did a show called Countdown 2010, which was a magazine show for four years and I traveled the world. Yeah, you kept up for it. He kept up the whole time. He kept up the whole time. He kept up the whole time. Four years. cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering that video. The one about ticket prices. No, was it the one just saying like FIFA, like choose the game over greed? And that was the first time I'm done, I'm thinking, well, who do you think you're talking to? If I was FIFA over greed, but but Infantino, the head of it was just going to, I choose greed. I've always chosen. I've not, I've not chosen anything. There's no more compass that you can appeal to here. Nothing points north in my soul. So yeah, FIFA is a terrible organization that happens to produce the best imaginable product, but those two things. It's like a drug organization making the best drug. The greatest cocaine. And the worst thing is when I saw this one documentary where they spoke about the football, the ball itself, that every ball for the World Cup has a name. Oh, the Jablini. Yes, and it has its own, it has its own, it has its own, it has its own, cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering Yeah, it's your FedExIB resolve the same. Oh, Johnny from Joe Berk here. Oh man, I think. Do you remember the piece where you were talking to racist whites of African? Oh man, you took it there. Oh, yes. Let me tell you something. Oh, exports, yeah. John Oliver talking to racist whites of African. And them rolling with him. Yes. But you know what? They loved him. Of course, there is something about me they like. But the interesting thing is that with that interview, what I wanted to do was get the ugliness out in the open, in a short space, right? And so it's difficult because there is, as you well know, a polish to racism in South Africa, a real patina of dignity around the horror. So I wanted to get under this guy's skin. And I got, I knew he threw, I've done some pieces in South Africa. And so one of the producers of the Daily Show had worked with Louis through so I'd asked him, hey, can you, is there anything? How does he get to the id of this ugliness? How do you get through all of the poise? Yeah, the pretends. Exactly. And he said, as a British person, the one knife you have is, make some glib remark about the boars and the bullworn and all of the sudden things will change. So like he's sitting down in his chair and like, he's just, he seems very confident, very media practiced. I made some comment as they're putting his thing and just the eyes change. It's like, oh, anyway, oh, there's the human being. But I came here to talk about that. British people or English people in Africa is quite dicey because there's a term that they have for someone who's half-African, half-prix is called a so deal. Because you know what that means? So t-dick. So it means one foot is in Africa and then the other foot is in Europe and your penis is in motion. Which always threw me off because I was like, if you look at where you're standing, I was going to say that. On the map, it never made sense to me. Johnny from Jobberg is like, yeah, that's the... It never made sense to me. Slightly sandy, right testicle. Yeah, it never made sense to me. It never made sense to me. So you graphically, I know it's not the main problem with that term, but it doesn't seem it works on any real geographic level. That would make sense, Michael Jackson. But it worked, but it worked. And it got you... It got you. He was immediately slightly and it was easier to coax out the other he was less poised. I always wondered when I watched you doing your pieces. I was just like, because I didn't know you at all as a person. I always remember thinking, is this how this guy is? Yeah. It's not how I am because I think naturally, I'm kind of non-confrontational, but in those pieces... But you love stories, I love stories. I love stories. That's exactly it. I love stories should up more than I love being a human being. So all of a sudden, you have this excuse to be the worst version of yourself that secretly you love more than the other parts. And you get to go full social. What Nazi officers used to say? It's their uniform. I guess it'd be... They made a different person. It's something about the Hugo Boss tailoring. Oh, man. Yeah, because you... I would do it if it hadn't been pressed. It just makes me... It just makes me... Jacket. But did you know... Did you know that you... So you loved that part of the job. But did you know that you would love the hosting part of the job before you hosted it? No, I was terrified of it. So John, he did this... A similar version of that conversation that he pinged on you was that he called me at home and I'm in my apartment. And he said, hey, I'm going to... That movie that I've been writing, I'm going to be able to direct it. I'm going, oh, that's great. This feels like a conversation. I don't know. This can't be the first call. You're just calling everyone you know to say you're excited. So he talks about when he's going to do it over the summer. I'm like, oh, okay, great. Yeah, so what? And could you... Could you host the show for me? I went, yeah, I do. I... Because he'd give me everything, I think I was just hardwired. Yeah, yeah. Everything he said. You need something on me. I will do it. Anytime, ever that thing is... Criminal or not. I'll do it. So I said, yes, like it's nothing. Put the phone down and then thought, whoa boy, what have I just agreed to? And that was terrifying. So then for the month before he left, I've shadowed him much more closely to work out. Exactly what the day is like. The parts of the day that I didn't see just as a writer on the course of the show. What things need to happen? So you get a fuller understanding of what mistakes do you need to fix earlier in the day? Otherwise, you can be living inside them for the rest of the day. I tell you. Because it's literally... That's something people don't understand about making the daily show. Or like, you know, a version of last week's tonight, which has a different process. But it's the... That first block... Yes. That you start building on defines everything. That's right, everything cascades after that. That first block. So if you put that block just a little skew. I don't hear from there. By the time you get to block 100 at 5 p.m., you're like, why is this thing falling over and touching the ground? And you're like, oh, it's that first block. And if you didn't catch the first block early enough, now you're there at 5, trying to be like, how many blocks can we go back before we can... Yo. That's what you learnt, right? It was a different way to look at that room than that first day that you were in it. For sure. You're thinking, why is this... Why aren't we doing... Why is it so serious? Yeah, why aren't we worrying about what the color of the block side... Oh, you don't want to worry about... You can change the color of a block in a second. That's what I realised was being in rewrites, good and bad. You realise you can write jokes at the last second. You can't fix part of the story quickly. No. Otherwise, you're in big, big, big trouble. Were you shocked at how much fact-checking went into making an episode of The Daily Show? Not really, because I assumed, like, to take big swings, you're going to have to have a system that can back you up. Otherwise, you're just not going to be able to do it for long. Yeah. In a country as litigious as America. I was... I wasn't that surprised. I certainly loved it. I loved that part of the process. And I think what we've done on our show is extrapolate that out now. So it's not just jokes in a room, basically just drowning in people's opinions, thinking, I'll tell you how much of this you can actually say. Yeah. And then an hour later, we'll have an answer for you. Now, we have a much bigger, scaled out research department now, so that they can spend weeks before the writers get anywhere nearer story to work out what can you say? And then you can craft the story from those ingredients. And then you can craft jokes from that story. I've always wondered why, like, why you like, stirring the shit that you like stirring. Because I... Just because you are a shit-ster, it does not necessarily mean that you choose to stir shit in every cup. Yeah. Because that makes sense. Yeah. Anyway. Well, I feel like that's, like, more shit-story. Like, if you're doing it in, like, a toilet, it's weird. You know what I mean? I do love the feeling of trouble. Yeah, you do. But a specific type of trouble is that I've noticed. Yeah. Like, maybe it's just me, but you'll correct me from wrong. When I think of John Lowe, I go, like, political shit-story. I'm like, a little bit, but not so much. But when you get into, like, corporates... Yeah. Yeah, you listen. I love it so much. You, your guy almost maybe became corporate. If it wasn't for comedy, maybe it would have been in corporate, right? No, I would never. Never, never. I couldn't survive in that world. I couldn't do it. That was not for me. What was the plan? There was no real plan. Did you study anything? I studied English. What? That's a waste. And after that, you speak at all. John. You. And you. And do I not speak it beautifully? Can I tell you? You speak so well. Thank you. You speak so well. Has anyone told you how articulate you are? Thank you. You speak very well, John. Very well. That's what three years of higher education will give you. I didn't come in talking like this. I left that way. No, I wanted... I started writing comedy at college. And then I did my first stand-up gig. And it was... I imagined how a drug addict feels when they get their first taste of something which they know is now going to alter how they live the rest of their life. We're going to continue this conversation right after the short break. The Modern Game. Beautiful. Fast. Clinical. So why almost betting that I'm stuck in 2005? The Miracle in Istanbul. Over. Gery? No longer scary. Unbelievable Jeff. No more. It's time for change. Bit 10 pounds and get 30 pounds in free bets. We're not your granddad's bookie. Search Midnight Sports and make the move to Midnight. New customers only. Restrictions and TNC's apply. 18 plus. Be gamble aware.org. Do you remember your first joke on stage? Or your first bit that was that you all? I had a bit about driving theory tests. I can't remember exactly what I do. About EasyJet at the time. Not great jokes. But I remember before EasyJet was... It was early days of EasyJet. Isn't EasyJet back now with that thing? Is it a... Oh, Jet2. Oh, Jet2 Holiday AM. Yeah, no. It's so bad. I can't remember. It wasn't great. But the process of the feeling of it, I knew. College with Richard Iowardi. Oh, yes, I do know. Yes, yes. So we wrote you with the glasses, with the hair, but he's in the movies now. Yes, we wrote... Footlights together. And we did a two-man show. And I remember walking off the stage for the first night that we put our own show on. And thinking, I want to do this. I don't know what that's going to mean. I don't know where I'm going to be able to do it. But all of a sudden, my life became quite clear in terms of not how it was going to turn out. Yeah, yeah. But what I was going to try and do. And that's a huge gift, isn't it, in many ways. Oh, no, it's the greatest gift to all. I remember my dad years, years later saying, oh, I know, I know. I know that you never gave up. And only at that point occurred to me at some point that would have been an option. It never even crossed my mind to give up. But even when from the outside, it must have looked like this is not a dignified life that you're building for yourself here. But I was so happy in it. It never crossed my mind. Where do you funny come from in the family? I don't know. I don't know. Survival. It's the best of it. It's the best of it. Is your dad, your mom, your grandfather, your... Yeah, I think you say you have the closest comedic. Probably my dad's dad. But my family's from Liverpool. Right. And so that is a city that's been through some shit. And that's okay. It's main processing technique was often comedy. Yeah. And my grandad was a really, really funny guy. A very odd man. I loved jokes. I remember John Bishop explaining this to me that this Liverpool comedian, he was like, I was like, why are you... And he said honestly, he said, I'm not even the funniest person in this place. I just do it professionally. For sure. And it's just a vibe of people. It's interesting you say that because it almost feels like... Like the people of Liverpool... Things, so many shit things happened to them that they were like, we will exist in a world of shit stirring in this world now. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's just how you survive. It gallows humour. Right, so... Oh, yeah. Okay. And so it's the only thing that's ever made sense. For me, it's the only way I've ever processed the world is through. Ah. Loves. At his funeral, I did... Grandad. Yeah, he was... I wanted it to be funny. Yeah. Because it felt like for this... This event isn't funny. This is no reflection of who he was. In many ways, in my mind as a kid, he was the guy that taught me how to misbehave. Because he knew it would be funny. Like, you just be sitting at a table. He's like saying, just bang your cutlery like this. And like, two seconds later, I'm in trouble and he's laughing. He's like, oh, I like the sounds that came out of that mouth. Of course, I've caused a big problem in this room. But this guy's just chuckling to himself. Oh, why do I need to do that a little bit more of that? He was your first audience, I like this. Yes. And you know what? The last time I saw him, I think I've told this story before, was he was dying in an old people's home and he was definitely not going to be around for long. And he... My dad left to get the car. He was on the ground floor. And so I just thought I could leave through the door or I could like climb... There was like a little window into a hedge and I thought, or I could just like climb out through the window and go through the hedge. And so I thought, ah, just do the hedge. So, I looked up the window, climb out like scratching through into the car park and the last thing I heard him say to me was, you're an idiot. That was... That's the last thing... That's the last thing he said to me. Your grandfather ever said... And those are the last things I've heard from him out of his mouth was you're an idiot. I remember hearing it as I'm scratching through a hedge going, that went well. I'm glad I did that. Option B was the right choice. You don't get you're an idiot if you walk functionally through a door. Who wants that? Oh man. I love this for you. It's a crazy journey for me because what I've selfishly always enjoyed about your career is I've always said to people, you were the pioneer for my path. You know what I mean? So, when I first came to the US, one thing that was made apparently clear to me was, hey, you're nice and everything, but Americans don't like people with an accent, especially doing things in and around their world. Just keep it moving. Keep it moving. You're not on speaking about their politics. Yeah, I keep it moving. You can see why though, right? Because they're completely. Yeah, it feels like you earn the right to criticize. And they can be questioning, I think, understandably Americans, where is this coming from? And it was a shift for me to go often from you do this, you do this. Oh yeah, then I know you just keep on saying we do this. We because I'm an American now, right? And so I play with you and we, but there was at least a sense of ownership. And again, as a British person, a sense of ownership in the country has a bit of an astros on it. But it did feel like this isn't coming from, I think there have been people who've come, like, done a smashing grab in America. And there's no real emotional and best right in it. That was not the case with me. I don't think it was ever going to be the case with you. Yeah, but I think at the time, the industry, this wasn't people. Oh, oh sure. This is just the industry going, hey, it doesn't work. Don't even bother. I remember one of my, one of my good friends, Neil Brennan, the comedian, he said to me, he's like, just leave. We were in a small little diner in Denver, Colorado. He had been performing at the improv. I'd been performing at like a, like the happy clap, whatever, you know, like one of the second type clubs. And he was just like, what are you doing here? He said, just go home. I was like, I'm doing comedy. He's like, no, just, he's like, America won't give you. Just go home. Yeah, I'm gonna forget. Yeah, but you say that. But I will never forget when the switch flipped and it almost happened at the same time for both of us. I had done, I think two episodes of the Daily Show, just as it, like, a pop-in. Contribute to, even not correspond to it. I just contribute and I leave. Contribute, I leave. And someone had asked me, would you do this full time? And I was like, no, there's no world where I would do this full time. I just can't see the possibility. And I was at home watching TV and your show came on. And it was the first episode and it was about India's elections. Yeah. And I remember sitting on the couch and I went, oh, oh yeah, I would, oh, I would do that. Okay, okay. Because it was the first time I saw an American lens on the world, not from an American, but including America. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, okay, that's a possibility. I was like, okay, I would do that. And I genuinely think I wouldn't have gotten the Daily Shriff it wasn't for you genuinely. Maybe. I promise you. Really? I'm willing to bet money. How many months did you do it? Get some sting? Three, just three months. Yeah, just a summer. Just that three months alone. Maybe, I think there was real panic about it. About John ever leaving. And I think at least it showed that that staff was solid enough that somebody could do that job temporarily. Yes. I still don't think there was any confidence that somebody could do it forever. Yes. Yeah. That someone could fill in for him in a panic. I don't think there was any real institutional confidence that Comedy Central have. Oh, great. So someone else can do it. Yeah, no. Still were very much his thing. Yeah, but you being successful even at HBO made people go, oh, that's a poor thing. That's a possibility. I think that was different. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, because I think what we were trying to do was stretch the form of it. It took us a while, but I think that Indian election was such a gift for a first show because to my mind, there was nothing more interesting happening in the world that week than the Indian election. The largest exercise of democracy in human history. And it was nowhere on American television, which was just wildly insular. It felt nothing is happening in America that was more interesting this week than what is about to happen in India. That was almost a gift. From there, we had to kind of get out of our system, that rhythm from the Daily Show where you're just reacting. Yeah, reacting. And we did one show that wasn't very good, I remember, about immigration early on that felt like we'd done like a 10 minute headline that was really just, you could have kind of done it on the Daily Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was stuff you'd already seen. It didn't feel good. Luckily, we had, I think, I think it's that I'd shot an interview with Stephen Hawking that we did after that. And so that was the main thing that people thought about. For us, the real lesson that we learned that day was that what we wanted our show to be about was showing people something they hadn't seen before. Yeah. Because it felt like then you're actually using the extra time that you got. Otherwise, it feels like cheating. It's just doing one show a week that you could have written in a day or two to be fair. Now we, from that lesson on, we extrapolated our process out so that we're spending six weeks on each story. And you're just juggling them at the same time. Yeah, just moving them around and then choosing. And you can force feed any story that you like on people then. You can, like you have, you earn the right to have an audience that will actually sit through something that sounds unbelievably boring, like mobile home financing. But the moment that you get into it, you realize how interesting everything is in, you know, this everything is interesting. Everything is interesting. If you know enough about it, I find exactly. That's that's literally what it is. So you just need to give people enough information about it for them to be able to find it interesting. But that takes time. And commercial television, that is much, much harder because you need. You need any any duration. Yeah. So that is a big difference. Okay. It's hard to hold people's attention. You take them on a long narrative story. If you're having to say six, eight, nine minutes in, we'll be right back. Three minutes of Twix commercials. Yeah. Yeah. I forget where I was. So it's, that is why it's much easier for us to be able to do like 40 minute long stories that sound like they're just in one breath because you can't leave. I've always loved watching it thinking about how many enemies you make. Like sometimes I genuinely think to myself, I go, are there moments where John maybe can't get alone or maybe someone gives them a less favorable, no, because I think of like, how many times has your show been sued? We've been sued a bunch of, not a lot of times. We've threatened with lawsuits. Huge amount. Okay. Actual number of lawsuits is one handful, but we haven't lost any. That's the key thing. I always say to our audience. Undefeated. That's the thing. It can be a fractious or be a functional relationship with our lawyers, but I think we have like a different view of their job. Because I think what they think their job is is to stop us getting sued. Yeah. And I think their job is to make sure that when we get sued, we win. Right. And that part of it is everything that I love. And you know, you're in trouble. The company is angry with you, your own lawyers are angry with you. The only people that are excited are the people that you work with. And the audience. And the audience, yeah, the audience because they love everyone loves watching a car crash. And it's so much fun to be in that position. And it feels like to me because it's not commercial, because you have full freedom of speech as well, that you, it is incumbent upon you. If you're lucky enough to be in that position to push it as hard as you can. So then are you worried at all about all the mergers and stuff that are coming? Oh, sure. But I mean, this would be because your show would be what is HBO's underwarners? So if Warner gets sold, if it was Netflix, you'd be under Netflix technically or if it was paramount, we're under paramount. And then they might break it up as well. And then go everything could go every day. Who knows? And it'll be like tied up in the courts. But this would not be our first merger. Well, this would be our, this would be our third merger. How many have you been around for? We were around for first. We were taken over time Warner was taken over by AT&T. Okay. Then AT&T was taken over by Warner Brothers Discovery. And then Warner Brothers Discovery is going to be taken over by company question mark. So we'll see. What do you think of the merger? I mean, I think mergers are generally bad. I think you've always hoping for the least bad option. And I think that like the key thing for us is to act with enough. And don't, enough like aggression or confidence like I would, I will act assuming nothing is going to happen. We're not going to change, right? I think we've been on, we've been behaving the way we've been behaving. Yeah. For long enough that you can't really reason with us. So there's no point in doing that. There's no, yeah, you're not going to be able to. But I just picked it like you and your team are like that like that village. You know those, those stories that they would talk about like every empire had it. Whether it was the Romans or the Mongols or whoever it was. And there would always be this one village. Chippin' northern where they went. They went, you know what? We technically conquered this whole area. Yeah. Just leave them. Just leave them. Absolutely. Just let them do their thing because it's not worth it. That's you want to be that village. You want to be that village so unreasonable that gigantic corporate armies just go, just leave them alone. That's all you want. Be enough trouble that you're too much trouble to deal with. Well, I mean, again, it's least bad, right? There's not like there's good options. Like as played out during merges, that you know these things come with cuts. I have yet to see a merger that has done well for the whole thing. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's almost like the only merges that do well are outliers. Almost every merger doesn't do well. I don't understand why merges are still a popular thing. Yeah. I mean, it's going to get tied up in courts because you can't really... There are going to be question marks on all of this, right? Because it's very hard to justify this legally. Yeah. Now, whether that makes it impossible if it's happened, that's an open question. Yeah. But again, you can't waste time worrying about something that you're not going to listen to anyway. Right? It feels like we're just going to do what we do. Whoever they are is going to have to realize either you ignore us like that. It's making village or you're going to have to take us around the back of the woodshed. Do you miss the stand-up that you used to do? I do. I love it so much. You know, one of my favorite jokes ever is a joke of yours that I never heard you tell that someone told me you told. Uh-oh. It was your archaic joke. The ignition joke. Do you remember that? Yeah. What was that? So it's crazy that I remember it. It's just one of my favorite jokes ever. So it was the John Oliver joke and the joke was, um, it was basically you saying, um, I hate how my brain chooses what it wants to remember and what it doesn't want. And I'm paraphrasing everything. But it was basically the premise was, I hate how my brain chooses what it wants to remember and doesn't allow me to choose what I want to remember. Because this is very important things that I want to remember in the world. You know, like the capital of this place or the laws and that of this, but instead my brain is filled with random things. Like so, for instance, um, I went to a CPR class and I learned how to do CPR. Like they taught me how to do CPR. And this is where there's very specific steps that you have to do, right? Uh, I also heard Markelli's, um, ignition song, which I know all the words too. He's like, and John was like, I've never sat down and I've never learned the words. I've never tried to remember the words, but I know them all. It's the remix to ignition. And he like, when I was at the CPR class, they said to me, they were like, the CPR technique, the rhythm of it is the same as the rhythm of ignition. So while you're doing it, it's the remix to ignition. I think that's what you got to be pumping to. And then John was like, but now I'm afraid that my brain will screw me up. I'm going to be on a plane one day and we're like, oh my god. Someone's having a heart attack. Someone can somebody come and then John's going to come in there and he'll be like, ah, I forgot the CPR, but he's like, it's the remix to it. He's impressed. Here's the amazing thing. I don't remember any part of that joke at all, but I do remember the lyrics to ignition and I'll go. So that, I don't know if that's my joke or not, but the premise stands up. Oh, Kelly, by the way, did Harrod screw him over for any of those. They should have. That's the origin story. Maybe that's the beginning of it all, right? Is Harrod Scruzi over? I just said, oh, Kelly is my good Jackson. He's really the victim when he comes back. Leave the other women at the penthouse. Those two. I mean, you might call the alphired family ketchup, right? No, because you love, you love stand. I'm assuming you still love stand up, right? Yeah, yeah, I still do stand up. No, but you love it. I love it so much. It's still like, it calms me down like nothing else. I'll do it. Wait, it calms you down. You, Trevor, I will take that surprise from anyone, but you know, no, no, no, no, no, that, right, it calms you down. Yeah, it calms you down. No, this is it. Fully surprise. Really? Way too calming. Yeah. Invigorating, I would say yes. Yeah. calming? No. What Eugene? What do you calming in which word would you use for stand up? Avoiding. Avoiding? Sure. But how does stand up make you feel? Oh, yeah. You know, every time I do stand up, I'm like, thank God, I'm naturally good at it. But I don't rely on it. Because? Because I'd be miserable. Why? Because I know what I had to do. I would die. So when I do it, I'm going, I'm not going to suck. I know that. So thank God for that, Pa. Okay. But I'm like, thank God I don't have to come back here every day and do this thing to survive. Huh. So that's why I think every comedian has a different, like, I don't hate it. Calm. I don't get John. No. And I don't get nervous. Because when you first said, thank goodness, I'm so predateually talented at this. You sound like Kristian O'Ranaldo at that point. No, no, no. I'm not going to be a reference or a little bit. He's just some kind of puppet from the CIA. No, no, no, no, no. And she knows every one in football just to troll people who know football. Where I, where I understand is that like the grind of standing, especially when you're starting off right where it is such a slog just to get by, I am very grateful that I don't have to do that exclusively, but I would never not want to do it at all. Yes. But I'm saying English thumbed it up nicely. That's three years. Three years of paid off. No, but calm. I can't, I don't get. Genuinely. Yeah. Before you was coming, you, I find it, yeah, it clears my head like nothing else. I think just like the process of it, the fact it's, you know, the, our show is so collaborative. There are so many moving parts. There was a simplicity, a directness to stand on. Yeah. You can't really replicate. It's just, it's like it's a fundamentally selfish exercise, right? And there's, there's something I love about the social side of it, the fact that you're not socializing, like you can be an isolated person among a lot of people. Oh, okay. Like you can, you're with a lot of people, but you're alone. Yeah. Like you're, there's a purpose to your day. You can structure everything around that. See that. Yeah. What was your, what is your standup day? What's your, well, it depends, like here, I get to once a month at the beacon with Seth. Okay. No, that's, like, just a standup day for you. If I'm on the road, what can you do from, from the morning, from the time you wake up, what time do you wake up and then what's your day before you go on stage? Well, it, it changed over the year because I had kids. So my body clock is not what it was. I used to have the standup body clock where I could happily just sleep past noon and do it now. I, now I'm stuck between two worlds because my body wants to get up at six o'clock when my kids are getting up. Well, they are. So I'm kind of up then. So for me doing standup right now, what I'm really, because I'm not kind of, I'm not in that regular routine, it's kind of trying to break the routine of the way my mind works. Okay. All right. Okay. The show and structuring the show. It's a vacation. So exactly. It's a vacation. It's to, it's trying to think about jokes in the standup form, which, you know, it is different. It is different. There are things that you, jokes you would love on the daily show that you know would not work. Yeah. And similarly, standup jokes that wouldn't work in the form of the daily show. So yeah, it's, it's really just about trying to keep my love for standup alive despite the fact I don't get to do it enough. Yeah. Yeah. So I just scrambled a whole bunch of dates and did a lot of it. That was the most I've done it. So for a few months, I was out constantly because it felt like it was the only way that I could, you know, help staff pay, but also just the only way that it was going to stop my head from exploding. Are you kids running? Yes. They are. Thank goodness. That God, that would be awesome. No, I'll do. Do you remember when they asked Cristiano Ronaldo? They're like, your son's really good. Do you think he'll be as good as you? And he was like, no, he's like, no, I don't think he'll ever be as good as me. He's like, never be as good as me. He's not focused. He drinks Coca-Cola. He won't be as, he's just like full. I was like, you old, bro. Not even like a, yeah, he has it in. He's like, no, bro. He's like this kid. No, he doesn't have it in him to be the best. Yeah, but at least he didn't lie. Yeah. We have one kid that's been lied to and he's in the NBA now. Who are we talking about? Wow. Who are we talking about, Trevor? Who are we talking about? Who are we talking about? Oh. I'm not going to engage in your shit-ster-ernness at all. In a cup? At all. Not even in a plastic cup. At all. Shit-ser-ing in a plastic cup. At, not even ceramic. At all. No chance. With a wooden spoon. Zero. Not even nada. Are you trying to bring Trevor into a high profile NBA? This guy's trying to bring me into beefs. That's what Eugene tries to do. You're trying to suck him all the way into beefs. This guy's trying to bring me into beefs. I don't like the way you said, suck him. It was suck him into. Into. You have a dead one. That's what. Because, say it again. Suck him in. Yeah, your suck him is strong. I'm not going to lie. It felt so. It felt like there was suction involved there. You're sucking him. Your suck him is strong. I will say that. And of they said that I just said, this is the next two weeks. Hard and straight out the kitchen. Mama, what a song. By the way, by the way, is Daniel Kitsr going to come do more comedy on this like? I hope so. I hope so. Yeah. I mean, he's the greatest. That's one of your favorite comedians. I hope you're playing from you for the first time. He's. You guys are very close friends. You're my best man. I'm aware of you. So you know what's funny is like, I feel like you and Daniel have a relationship like me and Eugene. We have a relationship. This is what I'm talking about. See? I love it. See what you just did there. So like, it's where we're two people meet. You're similar, but you're not the same. You have like a comedic undercurrent that connects you. When I met Daniel, I felt like I knew him because of you. Yeah. Daniel Kitsr is in my opinion. Yeah. The greatest comedian that most people do not know. But if you know comedy, he has to be in like your top five. Yeah. He's very good. Where did you see him? Everywhere I could. Everywhere I could. Australia. Oh, sure. Yeah. Melbourne. Yeah. And the guy loves late shows. He. Yeah. But again, the myth around him is people. I don't know if you've heard any of these people be like, oh, the Daniel Kitsr. He does shows at 12 or 1 or 1159 because he likes. How the hell that? Yeah. And you like, wait, they're like, he does a show at 12 or 3 midnight. And you like, and I heard all these myths about him. Oh, he only does a show at 1 p.m. Because he wants real comedy. And then I met him and I was like, yeah, man, I have to ask you about some of these myths. I'm sorry. And then Daniel was just like, he's like, oh, I put the show on at 12 or 3. Because then it's the next day. Otherwise, if you put it on at midnight, it screws up most booking systems. So it's like, that's why I get there. Yeah. There's much more practical thing. I think it's a bit of a hangover from the fact that when he won the Perry I award, you know, the big award in Edinburgh, I think that that came along. The ball and all of it. Yeah, it is. That's right. See? Yeah. It's the ball on door of comedy. Right. And then I imagine you think you have to pay for it. Is that right? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When he won that, all of a sudden, he was finding there were people coming to his shows that he didn't necessarily want that. Oh. He didn't want the commercial success. No, yeah, he wanted to do his show the way he wanted to do it. He didn't want people there who he didn't want in his audience. This makes complete sense. And so he needed to get rid of some of that by making it more difficult for them to do it. And it necessarily needed to be to come. So it was a filtering system. And it worked because the Perry I back then was such a gravitational force as an award. All of a sudden you were plunged into a certain kind of career and he did not want that. So that came with a need to do things his own way. Yeah, but the fact that he chose that, that's what I feel like with you in some ways is like, I don't know. No, you have the choice though. No, but you have this thing where how can I put it? So some people are famous because of what they do and they love that fame. Yeah, right. And then there are other people who have jobs that are just attached to fame. And if they could they would slice that out of their lives. That's how I feel about you. You have a very like, even if even if you win an award, you have a very like, there's like a, there's a, I cannot wait to get off. This is the weirdest place to be and it's not a funny place to be. So I cannot wait. The only thing I like is when they play you off. I love, I love the feeling of being played off an award ceremony. So the music, I love it so much. The thing that I just, it's just, it's such an absurd situation to have to be interrupted by an orchestra. It's just, I love it. Oh, okay. But help me, help me understand it. What, what is it about? Because everyone has a different reason. That's why I'm interested. What is it about the fame or the spotlight or the anything that just like makes you just a little, even not look at your body. I don't know. Yeah, I don't like it. It's not, I don't like, I'm very conscious of the fact that because, because our show has become well known, I am the face of that show. Yeah. There are things that you can do with that in terms of protecting your ability to say what you want. Yeah, yeah. To your conform to a corporation that employs you. Yeah, I'm talking about it. To go, yeah, you can do whatever you want. So though, the value of it is extreme there. That's the utility of fame as you, as you put it, is that you can do what you want in your show. Everything else around it, it is not for me. I don't have any kind of real connection to it at all. That's the comics curse, right? You want people to love you, but you want them to love you at your own terms. Or you want them to love what you do, I would even say. Yeah, but they have to love you because there's nothing else to distract them from you. But they feel like it's two different. I was talking to this little girl in my kids' class. In our kids' class. In our kids' class. No, same. Same. Same. Same. Because she was, she was, she's at my kids' school. And she was, I think that with the start of a season, we had like pictures or we had posters on the subway. And so she was very confused about like, why is there a picture of you on the subway? That's hilarious. And so I was trying to explain to her, oh, I just do, I just do a show. And so they're trying to advertise that show. And that she went, oh, I don't know what that means. Oh, I just, I do, I do a TV show. And so we need people to know about it. And so then she said, are you famous? I don't think I'm famous because you're asking me this question. So I don't think I'm, I don't, like the people that, what, there's a, some people what's the show? Most people don't. So those people do know me. No one else knows. And you know, you don't need to, you know me, right? You know me as Marzi's dad. So there's nothing, you don't need to worry about this. And she said, I'm not worried about this at all. She's like, what, Marzi, I don't know what's happening to you right now. I just asked, why is there a picture? You're having an existential crisis in front of you. I'm in six years old. How am I the mature person, see? I just asked. Oh, man. Have you had the fame conversation with your kids? Do your kids know how famous you are? No, initially, how old are your kids? Initially I didn't. They're 10 and 7 now. Initially I didn't, because there's no need to, right? And so I would, just ran his people in the street, like I would say, who's that? And I would say, oh, that's just a friend, like, after off to someone who's had. Then you realize, hold on, New York, what a friendly city. Everyone says, actually, that's not the city that you live in. So then, and I didn't want to lighten them. Right, I didn't want kids at school to know things they didn't. That was the problem when you realized, oh, I think there are other kids that know. They're figuring it out. Yeah, they figured it out. And you feel like there's something else you don't. Yeah, there's something that's been kept from you. I didn't want that to be the case. So I kind of explained to them, as best I could, they came to see one, the one thing that I thought that would be fun for them to see was when we were messing with that New Zealand bird of the year contest. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was dressed up like the Puteki Teki. So I'm like in this huge, colourful bird. Is this how you chose your kids to see you? Yes. This is the only time they've been to my work. I'm dressed like a giant colourful bird. And then I realised that in their heads, understandably, they think that's happening every week. They think I'm big bird. So soon does the New Zealand, that's a uniform. Six months later, like I'm going to work in the least headdash if you've got the bird question on. What bird question? Oh, shit. Yeah, that was just a one off. I just wear a suit. Oh, man. But it's hard. It's impossible for a kid to understand because it's important for them to know what you're doing. But the more you describe it, the worse it sounds. It's just, it's weird. But I found if you explain it to kids like using class dynamics, they get it. So they have their pictures up on walls. People know the class gets and people do you get them saying, and they sort of, what did you tell your daughter? What did you, yeah, do you? Do you talk to this? Isn't the daughter for the show that we're going to fictitiously? Are they twins? Whose daughter is this? I didn't, I haven't acknowledged that. And you know that. You're bringing that up. You're returning fire because of that NBA thing. Oh, man. You're trying to suck me in. Oh, man. How was that? You did. What did you say? What did you say? I think I didn't have to say much because we spend so much time together. Obviously when people recognize you, they'll recognize you from the thing that you do. So my thing was always denying it and say we look alike and she'd be like, no, it's him. So that's when people would be like, you jean, you're like, I don't lie. How do you describe stand up? I don't. Yeah, all I said was they came to, they went, I was down last December. I'm doing the candy center. So they came and I said, this is where I'm going to go and do my talk. I just said, like, I'm just going to stand and talk into this microphone because that makes sense because they talk in front of the class. Exactly. So I said, I'm just going to be doing like a different microphone. And they just confuse them even more. I really, I think your daughter relates more to your television work than your stand-up work because that's that's the real thing. There's more people that she sees on television than she'll ever see doing stand-up. So stand up will never be a thing. It's a thing that you, until they're old enough, then it's yes. But then they'll understand that stand-up is the thing that got you the TV job. Yeah, that's why I don't say it stand up. I say it's just talking because you can understand the concept of talking in front of a classroom makes sense. You stand on the chair and you talk to people and they just don't have the chair. Yeah, but they teach us then talks and he's poor. So they, they jig his up. What do you think I say? He mixed the ignition now. I told that song is sticky. It, no, it is. It really is. That is about us catching as music. As bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce. No, that, that thing is just like, no, mama rolling that body. Got every man. Look, look at this. Look at this. I'm not so bad. I'm drunk. It's different. We can be able to have a bit of fun. And like he's a terrible human being. You have to say that. And you have to say it's a trouble. You might as get up. I would love to know what you think are the biggest existential crises that like America slash the world is facing now. Are you ready to take a sip? I really hope that is a question you just ask all your guests. No, it's just you. Like if you can have one meal for the rest of your life. That kind of shit. No, no, just you. He's the little rock joke. What's the biggest existential crisis ever? No, I'll tell you why. Oh, okay Trevor. Just say you want us to go. Yeah. I'll tell you. Okay. Can I tell you why? Yeah, can I tell you why? I'll tell you why. So I'll ask you the question because I remember when I was fully immersed in the daily show. My world view was shaped in many ways by everything I was reading in and around that space. You get what I'm saying? So if you ask me at that time, I think I would have said something. Politics related. I'm sure you get what I'm saying because I was so fully engulfed by this world. Yeah, fully, fully, fully. If you ask me now because I spend most of my fun time reading about like monopolies and corporations, I'll actually say that's the thing and you know that's about me. That no, that is like my fun. That reading fight now. It's that pickle ball and then football. Oh, pickle. Woo. So you should meet him pickle ball for another 35 years, shouldn't you? You play pickle ball now? Yeah. I love it. You play pickle ball. I love it. He lives there. It's fantastic. One day, he dragged me there for four hours. Only one day. I've dragged you there many days, my friend. Many. You know what I love about you though is you don't seem to learn the lesson. I really love this about you, Gene. The first time he came along, he was standing on the side and he was, I watched him at some point. The first five minutes, he was like, okay, and then I saw him look, you almost look like a parent who had brought their child to your activity and then they were like, how long do I have to stay out of obligation? I thought decent people, I thought they play a match and then they go home. Remember, all organized sport has a time limit. Oh, yeah, you know, it's 90 minutes. If I, if I, if I, oh, no, you're not wrong. No, I do like four hours. And he's the Kaiser of, yeah, I do like four hours. He shows orders. Let us play. I mean, I, I just think I'm motivational. Cleaners are coming in security guards. Everyone grabs it. Yeah. Yeah. We just have fun, John. Yeah. I have a good time. Have you played pickle ball? No, I haven't played pickle ball. I've played pickle ball once. And did you? I thought it was fine. Fine, yeah, I thought it was fine. Yeah, it is fine. It's fine. And then the more you get into it, so it's forever. But no, it doesn't do to me what it does to other people. Do you still play football? If you like taking heroin and going, this takes the edge off. Football, I love football. Do you still play football? Football, yeah, we used to play Tuesday every, every, I don't play now. What? There's no time now. Just family and work. I just don't have time now. But I, that, that, that, not even like just squeezing like an hour. No, nothing. I have no, nothing. Oh, man. isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation isolation That was the hardest episode of the Daily Show every week. Because we would finish a game at midnight 1am. And then 8am you're in the office trying to concentrate on what, which McConnell is saying. I've just got knees. Just knees in your head. That's all I have. No, so, so, yeah, you, I've brought him along a few times. Yeah, and, but the reason I'm saying it. First hour I'm fine. Yeah. Hour four. You're not wrong. I did take it to you all that day. You're not wrong. And I did apologize at the time. I even said to you. I'm like you're on steroids, but I even said to you. Everyone was tired. I even said to you, I'm sorry. Did I not say I'm sorry? I did from the court. I couldn't take it seriously. I did say I'm sorry. From the court, I said, you, I'm sorry. We took it too far. Yes. I did apologize. But going back, what I'm saying is your world view. I find for anyone who spends a lot of time consuming information in certain spaces or spheres, they often have a different perspective on what they think is most dangerous for the world in that moment. You know what I mean? And so I'm wondering because you're reading everything. You're engaging. You're doing research. You know what I mean? You're consuming so much. I think my, my, my, might be related to that. So rather than because, obviously, mergers are a constant threat and the most immediate one is always the most immediate threat. Like land disputes around the world. Everything from like horrific in the medium term to, you know, systemic in the long term. Yeah. I think like the, in terms of a threat being existential, one of the biggest problems right now is the kind of information that is available to you to get. That feels to me like an existential threat. What? A constitute because people are so siloed now and are so able to traffic in low grade information. One of the big things that I've learned by doing our show is that there is a huge amount of utility in having access to experts in the field that researchers will speak to. Okay. And you can get good, primary source information. There is so much trash being passed around and confidently passed around. I worry about that. It is hard to have a conversation about anything when the information about that thing is so poor. That is my concern. It feels like in the past, people just didn't know about certain things. Now they can be confidently wrong about something, which I actually think is more dangerous. So that is my, I guess that is what would come to mind in terms of an existential threat. I just, I worry about our information funnels right now. Yeah. The analogy I used to use with some people as I'd say, it would be the equivalent of people watching sports, whatever sport you want, and you have opposing teams or you choose your teams. People already disagree on the game. That should have been a file. That shouldn't have been a file. But imagine if they were watching two different games. Yes, right. How would you even... That's the problem. You know what I mean? Now we're not even watching the same game. And we're supposed to live in the same stadium. But we're literally not watching the same game. That's the thing. So then any kind of shorthand of all, we just need to come together. Any of that? Joe Biden, this is not who we are. Yeah. You are so far off addressing the central problem here that this is functionally useless. What would you change? I don't know. It feels like it's something that societally is going to have to change. There's going to have to be a premium put on good information. So where do you get your information? Well, again, like that's where we are very lucky. This is not scalable. I have a staff who can go out and speak to experts for weeks, produce a packet of good information. Oh, okay. They can update. They can find out, is this data still current? So often, you pass around data in maybe in good faith. Doesn't apply anymore. You don't know. Yeah, you don't know that that's what's... That's what's true. That's not true anymore. It's very difficult. That's so I think that that kind of information literacy is something. I think people are going to have to get better understanding. It may be that this generation of kids are going to be better. I hope are going to be better at seeing through the garbage than older people are now. Do you think AM makes it better or worse? I mean, we'll see. We'll see. It's... imminently seems like it's making things significantly worse. But I hope that long term, there are ways to fix that. But, um, yeah, the... again, the kind of unearned confidence of these billionaire AI cowboys is not inspiring. That's like the unconfident. Oh, God, yeah. It is pretty... I mean, that's a perfect way to describe it. Because they approach a situation that they have never been in with the confidence of someone who has lived there for a century. They just don't... They make it seem like they exist in the future that they're preaching. They're selling it to us as if it's already concluded in a good way. Or just making... decisions on a series of best case scenarios. Yeah. That feels like fatally problematic. I think there was a story about Camel Nanjani when he was doing that show Silicon Valley. Yeah. They would go up to Silicon Valley and walk around and like into these companies, these startup companies. And he would ask them kind of, yeah, what though if... How could this be used for fascism just in general? And he would like to see them go, oh, yeah, we don't really think about that here. Like, oh, you don't. That's interesting. Feels like something you might want to think about. How could your product be used to hurt people? That might be part of the decision process. You want to fold in to all of this. There's a book I read about. Have you read the book, a careless people, I think it is? It's a book written by... It's a woman from New Zealand who basically started working at Facebook as a... as a sort of like international liaison, like they diplomat. And she talks about how... even when Facebook was starting to become the de facto social media platform around the world, they did not think they needed to care about how their platform could be used. Right. Like they were just like, no, no, no, that's not us. That's the way we have nothing to do with this. That is the most obvious examples. Bring the world together. Bring to it, let's share information. We have nothing to do with this. Next thing, what's happening in Myanmar? Well, that can't be anything to do with us. Oh, it's very much to do with you. You've just thrown gasoline over what was happening. Yeah. So now what are you going to do about it? Oh, well, you know, we're going to learn. Are you or is that just something you could say you're going to do? Yeah. That's... It's... Yeah, it's a... That is what I'm concerned about. Do you keep your kids off social media? Yes, absolutely. Do their phones? How do you deal with this? Well, it's easier now. They're 10 and 7, right? So they're not really going anywhere that I'm not... As well. I have a good ball anymore. Prison warden too. Oh, well. But it's amazing how often I even my 7 year old, he basically treats me like Siri. He'll just say, look it up, type it in. Type it in. You asked for that job. That's right. He'll be the... You know what I'm not going to learn so. But they've got to type it in. What else you like about this? Hey, Siri, hey, Dadda. Hey, Dadda. Hey, Dadda. What else you like about this, too? I'm assuming she has an American accent. Oh, yeah. So you like her English butler, essentially? It is. You know what is odd? Is there... The kid never in public. You never... If you don't have the same accent as your child. That is the... The deadline, eh? It's the craziest thing, though. I know. It didn't occur to me that they would not... When you grow up, the idea of having kids, you always think they'll sound like you. So it is odd. The first time it hits your ear. And they're around for a while not speaking, right? So it feels like, oh, this is... There's going to be... How are you doing? Oh, nice to see you. That's coming out one day. It's been more than an hour. Yeah. And then the first time you catch them saying, Hey, how's it going? Nice to see you. Or do you know what? What... Any kind of like... American R. Yeah. Oh, oh. Oh, yeah, of course. That makes sense. You're going to sound like the people that you're around all the time. But... And even better for them is... They've got the immigrant dad. Because you realize for them... Yeah. In your head you're normal. Right? For the most part, in your head you're normal. In their world, when they grow up, they're going to be American kids. And they're going to be like, Oh, yeah, oh my god. I remember my dad always be like, Oh, are you going to put that away? Are you going to put that... Like you are... That is... That is when you really realize that you're American. Is when they do a shift, when they're doing an impression of you. Yeah. And then you know how dad is, he's like, Oh, you got to put your toys away. You're like, Hey, hey, hey, hey. You're getting a little confident with that accent. It's okay when I do that voice. It's not... Don't give me the dick bandike first with this. That's a good... Do they get to go back to England? Do they have time there? Yes. They love it. So, yeah. How long do they spend? Like, will you do the thing of shipping them off for like six weeks or... No, we haven't done that yet. That's a perfect thing. No, I think a lot of people do that. A lot of people on the world. Like... Ship off kids for six weeks? Yeah, like... I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Yeah, people come from another country. Doesn't matter where they'll be like, Oh, my kids are going to Colombia for six weeks. Or so, they're going to go back to South Africa for six weeks. They're going to go back to England for like the summer period. What are they hoping it's going to do? Okay, summer's so long here. Yes, that's the thing. Because we have like in our summer holidays in England, we're like five weeks, five months. No, no, here's someone's... But not weeks in total. It's like months. Months and months. Yeah. So, people will send their kids if they come from place and they can send their kids back. They'll just be like, Oh, the kids are back in wherever. My friends... Some of my friends are like, Oh, the kids go to Trinidad and they go there for like months in the summer holidays. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. And it just gives them back there, you know? So, I was wondering if you do that. What does it give them back? You know, they're vibed. You know what this is? Chirroscope. You know what this is? Come on Eugene. So, what's the longest they've gone? The dogs are only being like 10 days. It's just taking them back for a week, walking them around. But I do like... I like walking them around. Yeah, it is walking them around. Because you want to see them in the places you work. Like, and they don't care, man. No, but it was like the thing that was most meaningful to me was especially because of the pandemic, right? Where they didn't travel as little kids they didn't go much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, last summer I took them back. I remember taking them to Dan's house, to Kitsons house. Yeah. And there was something very meaningful to me of seeing them on the stairs outside his house. Oh, wow. On the couch where we would play FIFA. And to see them sitting in that place in his world, that really made me feel like, you know, when... As an immigrant, you're fractured, right? There are little parts of your life everywhere. So when some of those things combine, it can really give you a sense of, oh, this makes sense. Look. That is so beautiful. Do they play FIFA? No, they haven't done yet. They don't even have phones. I bad people want to do so. Yeah, but you might have a console. What do you mean? Yeah, they don't have a console. Do they support Liverpool? They absolutely support Liverpool. That is the one thing that is non-negotiable. Oh, so you haven't given the... They're too huge. No, they can choose everything. I wasn't given a choice. My dad said, we support Liverpool. I went, okay, that's fine. I'm always torn on this. I feel like parents maybe should give their kid an option to say, hey, this is the team I support. I'm going to let you watch other teams. And then you decided to also want to support this team. I did say, I technically gave him a baseball team option. But I think I did like thumb the scale. I just said, do you want to support the meds? New York meds? New York's probably. Oh, I want to support the meds. There you go. Great. We got it. We got it. So you technically got a choice. You got a choice. We'll be right back after the short break. The modern game. Beautiful. Fast. Clinical. So why almost betting apps stuck in 2005? The miracle in Istanbul. Over. Tieri. No longer scary. Unbelievable Jeff. No more. It's time for change. Bet £10 and get £30 in free bets. We're not your granddad's booking. Search Midnight Sports and make the move to Midnight. New customers only. Restrictions and TNC's apply. 18 plus. Be gamble aware.org. How much of a Liverpool friend do you think you are? Like how many of your hours, like your thinking hours do you think are consumed? Thinking hours is such a good way to put that. Because you know, the honest answer to that is like it's whenever your mind is at rest, it's going there. So you can really rack up the hours then if you're thinking about happy thoughts, sad thoughts, anxious thoughts, like right now I'm thinking about Mo going to Afcon and how he's going to do over there. You wish him well? I do wish him well. Of course I wish him well. Yeah. I wish. Also wish he didn't have to go. Because now I feel like he just got back to a good place. Which he doesn't go and represent the continent that he comes from. Don't you put that you see you try to stop beef. You see you in the beef. You see you now? Isn't that because I took it pickle bowl just say that cheering cheering for our marathon. cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering about the fact it's a beautiful team built on blood money. My man. Have you heard about Harold selling Michael Jackson? I can't. I can't. I can't. I have to. Trin Track. No, were you going to ask him? No, no, I was going to say, whenever I watch people who love football, especially top level football, I'm thinking to myself, in that field, there's a bunch of foreigners, right? With their lives who've left their homes, who get incentivized very well, to play for this team, for our amusement and the sponsors, obviously pay back. But life happens, they get injuries, they move on. The most other thing happens. So in all this time of being a fan of an individual inside a team institution, you've never thought they'll have to, one day be put to pasture or move on to some other things. No, I think you know it's ephemeral, right? Which is why you try and enjoy it so much when it's happening. You don't expect victory or pleasure from football. You kind of know it's a much more complicated relationship and you know that you should take the joy when you get it and you should absorb the stress, the anxiety and the misery when it comes. You know that even with... You know, we love this guy, Yurken Klopp, right? The Klopp. Yeah, it was clear that was never going to last forever. That was not going to be like a long Alex Ferguson run. He's always just done these 10 years. One of the many ways in which he's a unique man is you would have these unique intense periods with the club. So you knew it was not going to be forever, which is why it meant every second of it meant so much because you know it's going to come to a close. And I think I felt the same with Moe. You know it's... When you know that something's not going to last forever, all you want is the best possible ending for the thing that's meant so much to you and you want that for him as well. He deserves a good ending to live for whenever that ending is and it shouldn't be now because this would not be one. What would a good ending look like for... Because I love Moe. I love his new haircut. I love his fade. I think he's evolved quite well with it. So I'm like, okay, this man changes hairstyle. He's changed many people's life. How would you like his career to end? If you led with that with Moe. Haircut. You led with his... He changed his haircut. He changed so many lives. First for him. I don't know. Then for him. First for him. Then for you all. You say murals are being changed in Egypt. Murals are being changed in Egypt. You go, he was single-handedly changed how Muslims were viewed. He goes, yeah, he changes hair that one time. And I think at the end of the day, that's what we all remember. It was big and then it was tight. Anyway, Moe, thanks for everything you've done. That literally sounds like how Trump would describe it. If you asked Trump. If you asked, because you never had to miss anything. You never know anything. Yes, fifth you said. Absolutely. President Trump, what do you think about the most? I think you know, Moe, Salah, did a lot of things. A lot of things. Big guy, did a lot of things. Had the hair changed the hair. Changed the hair. That's why it was big. Changed a lot of lives. A lot of lives changed the hair. It was big. Then it became small. Then it became small. I love a good guy. You were an artist, losing their minds having to authorize. I think he was going bold. One chapter to keep. We all know what he did. We all know what he did. Why would the... Why would the head... What if I watched the game over the weekend where he did that assist. Then the goal went in and then my friends were happy. Yes. They were all jubilant and I was happy with them. Because I'm that kind of guy. Yeah. I'll shame my friend's pleasure. But then when you say you want an ending for him that's befitting. Yeah, but that was what I was worried about without that game. Yes. I was worried that we were hurtling to the opposite of that. We were hurtling to what's an ugly ending that was in no way representative of everything that you've done for that club and for his career. And him not starting the game obviously made it worse, right? I made it much worse because I think he felt like he had been snubbed that he was not his work, what he had done. It's quite a fusion. His contribution, folically and with football. Folk wasn't there to work. Was not being respected. I don't know if he was entirely wrong about that to be. He wasn't playing particularly well, but I think that it's not wrong to infer a level of disrespect from it. So, yeah, I was desperate for that situation to be handled and defused. Because the idea of it ending that way would have hurt, I think, lastingly. He's a singular figure. And it feels like generally statue should not be built for football. It's not just because they can be embarrassingly bad like that one or another one. But because you... I even know that one. Footballers are over. They are overpriced in so many ways. But what Moe has done transcends football. How he carries himself as a human being transcends football. And I just didn't want it to end badly. And I hope it doesn't now. Yeah, I would say it's... With its sports or not, just think about the moment you get to say goodbye to the thing that you were a part of. And the thing that you were a part of turning into a success. Right. Whether you're at your office and you're leaving. Yeah. It's nice to be able to have the cake, have everyone come around, say goodbye, say the... Versus people coming on Monday. And you're just not there. Yeah. What happened? Yeah, gone. Where's the desk gone? No, that's not an ending. You know, that's what it felt like it was about to be by the way. Yes. And that felt wrong. That felt like there was going to be... There were going to be hard questions to answer if that was the way it was. Yeah, and it wasn't going to be. Because he definitely deserves much more than that. I actually... He was here in New York for the time 100. Wait, you were there that night too? Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, super. Yeah, the game like on Tuesday. I don't know that. Just in for the night. Wait, because we... When did we... We went to a game. I remember the game that we went to. Yes. Yes, and we're standing backstage. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was... The memory's a flooding bag. You know, it was... Because I was... It was my one time that I was... I didn't have any... I have nothing to say to you. I just wanted to see him. Then big verge. He walks out. He sees Trevor. Says Trevor. Looks at me and he says, Alright, Zazu. Excuse me. Excuse me, though. Excuse me, though. Excuse me. Do you... Do you... Do you... Did you know that I'm the news, Zazu? Or do you think I'm Rowan Atkins? I'll take either. I'm happy with either. Where was... When I was with... When I was with Mo at the time 100, I remember I was trying to say to him... What he meant to say to me. I was... I remember I was trying to say to him... What he meant to me. Stumbling my way through it. And he's like listening in his patient way. And then he said, Do you know Calisi? What? My love dragons. Yeah, I said... Oh my goodness. And he said, Calisi's over there. Can you please introduce me to Calisi's man? Oh man. Oh man. If that's what you want. And I will give that to you. That will be my gift to you. What did you do? Mo. Calisi mother dragons. Calisi mother dragons. Mo. I genuinely love how in life we all have... Do you know what I mean? Yes. You there going, Nothing could be bigger than Mo Salah in this room. Yes. Yes, oh my gosh. And Mo Salah is going, I hear you, British man. But... I hear you. I tolerate you. But... You know Calisi. Yeah. Because... It goes to your point, you just stepfather of dragons. Yeah, but... It goes to your point. So, in my world I'm going... I can only assume that the games are not to him, what the games are to us. Oh, I know. Yeah, of course. So, when you like, what you mean to me and what you... I'm sure someone has done that to you as well. They've come up and been like, Hey, John. Can I just say, everything you've done in my life and... What if I die? And now you're just standing there. I look at them as I do you know, Pauli Walz. And they're just like, you know... How many seasons have you been running now? How many years has it been? 13. Shoo. Do you see yourself going... I would love it. What would you like your ending to be? I'll go to the Saudi League, probably. Is that what you're supposed to do? It feels like there's a Saudi League for comedians. So, yeah, I'll go there. I'll go. How amazing that would be is just seeing you there pop up randomly one day. Just properly full on come out and just be like, Rhyad, let's talk about the best of tea in the world. It's just like, what happened? They got to you. They got to you. Oh, man. But it must be, I don't know what this is like from your side. I remember for me, in many ways, I think I felt the feeling that you were talking about of impermanence always with the Daily Show. Because in my head, it was always John Stuart's show. That makes sense. That's why it's like... I was like, I know who's called this is. I totally agree. I just know how to drive it well. You know what I mean? And living in your parent's house. Completely. It was always your parent's house. But I was like, yeah, yeah. And everyone was like, oh, you've made it yours. I was like, no, no. I've put some of my furniture. But this is my parent's house. In my brain, you know? And because John was my mentor, you know, as I call him, my Jewish Yoda, it never felt like it wasn't his house. So I'd go like, hey, John, I remember once when I even asked him, I was like, how do the guest interview it's so short? What are you trying to do there? And he said, oh, fill five minutes. Oh, God. That's what he said. I was like, oh, because I'm really struggling to get to the crux of somebody in this like four, five minutes segment. What are you trying to do there? And he was like, oh, I was trying to fill five minutes. I could not do those things. That was the one part of that job I could never do. It was hard to someone I had no interest in whatsoever. So it was the actors was the problem for me. Yeah, you struggled with that. Oh, man, that was tough. Yeah, you struggled with that. It was, yeah, I ran out of things to say so quickly. I remember once I was talking to one actor. And I would look at Spinney sometimes, the floor manager to see, like he would say, how long you got left. And I looked over to him as if I say, are we good? And he said, you've been going one minute. 60 human seconds. And I was all out of questions. Is that why you just cut guests out of your show? Yeah, it was. We built a big. Because you remember you had a guest. You had a guest. Yeah, I remember the guest. The whole season you had the guest area. Yes, because it felt like you were supposed to have a guest. That was the only thing I knew about American Late Night shows. You have to have a guest. Anything can happen, but there has to be a guest. There's got to be someone else. And to their credit, HBO, after there are two test shows that we did, just said, you don't have to have someone. You don't have to talk to anyone at the end if you want. You can just like, was it that bad? One, I think it was that bad. I think it genuinely was that bad. And two, that changed everything for me. Like, oh, I can have that six minutes. And we can make the story longer. Oh, I'll do that in a second. And so that was the thing I'm massively grateful for them. And to kind of save me from myself, because otherwise, I absolutely felt like and you have to have a guest every week. But I think you had a good question. I did not want that. Yeah, sorry, John. You had a good question there about how you'd want us to your ending. Because I think it was true. Oh, yeah, because I have sympathy for sports people. They give so much of their lives. They start very, very early. Yes, that's so difficult. They miss so many milestones. That's all they know for such a long time. I sometimes wish for them that, when they want to retire at their prime of their human lives, not their sporting lives, where they can have families. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They can also be rubbed out of the sideguys of that side of their life. And then people will not recognize or know them as much. So don't you wish that for more than that? It must be so difficult. It must be so difficult. It must be so difficult. It's because it's amazing to think that that part of your whole life has been built into this one thing. It's over and you're 37 years old. That's a young age to be. To retire. For everything to have stopped. It's no wonder that there can be big problems in terms of what you want the rest of your life to functionally be. And that thick, the idea of it slipping through your fingers, something that came so naturally to you since you were three years old. And all of a sudden you realize when you are the best in any environment that you're in to all of a sudden feel it fading away. I cannot imagine how that must feel. I remember talking once to Joe Dumas. Joe, he was a possible player with the Detroit Pistons. Really fascinating, interesting guy. And he was talking about towards the end of his career, Kobe Bryant started playing. And so he was 18, I think, when he started playing, which is young for American sports, not for football, but for American sports, he's young. And he said he could feel him standing off him. And he would be thinking about, oh, when am I going to retire anyway? He could feel the first time that you're not playing properly against me. You're treating me with respect. Oh, no. Yes, he's done. He said he went back to his wife that night when this my last year. I've got to be done. He said he was lucky that he had enough money so that he didn't need to play beyond the position. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The position was that natural end, which I think, again, it's not the case with lots of athletes, which is, oh, I'll be able to do three more because I need the money. So it must be incredibly difficult. So could you see yourself doing anything else? Oh, I didn't want to do anything else. That's what I mean. I was back to that springboard thing with the rest of my life. No, but that's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Is there anything you could see yourself doing? This is my favorite thing. I'm so happy for you. I want to do some, yeah, this is what I like the most. I am genuinely so happy for you. No, because what I was saying about the temporary thing for me was, I never thought it was my forever thing. I thought maybe it would be like two months or three months. Yeah, right. Or two years or three years. But I never assumed that it was, and then it's like one thing later, another one thing later. And then it's a pandemic. And it's like, well, you're going in a pandemic. Now you're staying in the pandemic. But I never assumed that this would be for you to say that. I actually love that for you. There's so few people in the world, I think, who can say, I'm doing the thing that is my favorite thing to do in the whole world. Oh, yeah. It's so much fun. It's because it's, you know, it's the best kind of trouble. It's the trouble that I love so much. And you're doing it collectively. So you're all in trouble together. It's so fun. And it was a real relief during the pandemic. How did you feel during the pandemic? It was really difficult, like just doing a show at home, keeping everyone employed and like performing jokes. Doing silence. But I worry a lot about where my head would have gone without it. I feel for the standups who all of a sudden, like, you know, you can do this again. Yeah, I'm lost to the outlet. And that's a hard, daily rhythm of your life to have taken away. During the pandemic, how do I, so I think there were stages. The first stage was, it was like the fun and it was the experimentation at all. It was the, it's exploration. It's closed. Yeah, but anyway, because remember they said, it was going to be 21 days. And everyone could remember this. Yes. I'll never forget the 21 days. Uh-huh. So, and it was always bullshit. Yeah. In the lead up, in the lead up to this, right? I remember saying to someone on the technical team at the Daily Show, I said, hey, if, if we needed to, could we film the show from home? You know, because things were starting to shut down. Spain was shut. Italy was shutting down. And they were like, well, we're not going to get shut down. That doesn't happen in America. It might happen in Europe. It won't happen in America. I was like, no, no, but could we shoot the show from home? They were like, no, it's not possible. So I spoke to David Mayow, now directs at the Daily Show. And I was like, David, do you think we could do this? And he's like, ah, well, I mean, he's like, I guess technically, there's like a way we could do this. And he's like, figure out all these things. And he's like, I guess we could do it. So we planned out this whole system for what might possibly happen if it were to happen. So when it happened, I was like, oh, wow, we get to test out this thing for 21 days. Let's see how it goes for 21 days, you know what I mean? And then, you know, it was the countdown to 21 days. So I was having a lot of fun. It was just school holidays. Right. And then the second phase was, oh, shit. People are dying. Yeah, and New York, remember there was the body bags in Central Park. So that was the thing for me that was difficult because, like, when you're doing stand-up, you can at least infer tone from a room. Yeah, you can. And it was, I found it very hard to know what kind of jokes are going to feel remotely appropriate or are going to be wanted when CNN has a death count. Yeah. You go to the screen, this going up like, there's nothing to cue you for tone. You aren't part of, and that's what I just talked into yourself. That's one of the key parts of comedy I find is being part of the society you're doing the comedy in. There's this very little comedy that exists in a vacuum. But you are doing it with people, for people. And so you, this was the one moment where there was one point where I remember sitting there going, is that a joke? Like literally, things would come out of my mouth and be like, I don't know if these are jokes anymore. I genuinely don't know. Some of them are, some of them aren't. I don't know if they're funny, I don't know if they're not fine. Because there's no, do you know what I mean? There's nothing to that. There's no feedback, there's no interaction. So you could just, we could be like, man, it's so great. I just imagine you being like an old man doing your show. Is that what you want? Do I want to be an old man, ranting about systemic problems in America? Yeah, probably. I'll probably be there. And it doesn't have to be on television, it can just be in the corner of an old people's home. I'll just be gathering people over and saying, I need you to listen to what I have to say about the Ugandan election coming up. It's just like John Oliver in the corner. People getting ready. He's like catheters. And it's like, oh boy, here we go, John. He's like, you probably think it's just a thing that you wear. I know this much. But he's like, here we go. And it's like, you know, everyone in the lounge is like, oh, what's John? And someone like, shut up. This is interesting. Tell me how the old age home is screaming me over, John. And that sounds dark. He might do something dumb at the end of the day. It's going to bring it up. But you know what you did. And I hope people are giving you flowers for this. It's not just like the awards. You create it like a new thing. You do realize that. I don't know about it. I wanted, I was very, very conscious of not doing it. Because of John's thing, right? Yeah. We did not want to just do John's thing. Because that felt like stealing. Yeah. If you look, well, that's he did that. Yes. So it feels like our responsibility is to take what we learn with him and develop it. Do a drenching. Right? See what you can do with it in a different form. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, we were taking very much those part, as we were saying at the start, those ingredients and the parts of that process and trying to use that to build something meaningfully different. At the end of the day, it is still just a guy behind a desk talking. I know that all the news. Exactly, all the time. Yeah. It's kind of graphics over the shoulder because that's one of the best way for you to see it. But that's different. Yeah. So that's in general it felt like what we wanted to build was something very, very different. And it is very different. We have done that. Yes. No, no, it is. And congratulations. And thank you. You know, I'm sure I've said this to you before, but thank you. Because like, I feel like because of you, you know, I was able to do something like. Like walked so you could run. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah. You colonized so that I could live. Let's put it that way. Thank you, John Oliver. Coming from South African. You're welcome. Thank you, John Oliver. Yes. For colonizing late nights. Your wife. You brought them the fake vase. You brought me over on a ship, John, so that I could be in a land that wasn't my own. Or a heralds buyer. That's right. You brought me in. And because of you, John, I was able to do well. And African was able to come to America. So we could do some. We could. No. The patina is the way. No, my friend. Thank you, John. Thanks for joining us. This is really fun. Oh, by the way, are you going to go to the World Cup? Oh, yeah. Can you go? I would. I would love to go. I would love to go. But can you know if I will be letting. I mean, I was allowed to go and sell. What do you mean? You went to Rustinburg? No, no, no, no, but Rustinburg. I would. That was the stupidest part of the World Cup was the fact they put games in Rustinburg, which didn't. Function. You know, ironically, that was the first story I did when I started doing countdown 2010. Really? Yeah, when there was starting to build a stadium. Royal Buffalo Games Stadium. Yeah. But it didn't have any. It didn't have any. It's just a mining town. Yeah. They were just going to get three games. They were going to build this stadium. We got there. The scoreboards didn't work. They were funneling all the fans in through the same engine. Oh, you don't want to do that. There's no plan. Absolutely no plan. Everyone had to walk out together. Which team was coming there again? I don't know who was coming. Every team was assigned to the United States. Yeah. There was one team that was coming. Yeah, there was one team that was coming. Yeah, there was one team that was coming. Yeah, but this was free. You're like FIFA beefs is what I mean. Oh, you're right. I mean, oh, that's right. You have to go. This guy is the king of FIFA. He's done multi series. Multiple parts on FIFA. I knew there was something about you. If I was Kendrick FIFA, I'm I Drake. Damn. So basically, based on Kill Your Vib. No, but I'm being serious. So, did you go to Qatar? No. No, I did not go to Qatar. Okay. So, you go. I was not walking into that trap. I talked about, shit, about FIFA and the Qatar government. No, no, no, no. You would have been fine. Can I tell you, he does only at the embassy. No, can let me tell you something. The best time to go to any country is when the World Cup is there. Oh, yes. I've only been to Russia once in my life. Yes. And it was during the World Cup. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing you should fear more than the Russian government is FIFA. FIFA was going to keep me safe. FIFA. FIFA. I'm not going to be in the country. I'm not going to be in the country. I'm not going to be in the country. I'm not going to be in the country. FIFA. FIFA was going to keep me safe. FIFA. Let me tell you something. Do you remember during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa? Do you remember what our crime rate was? Zero. Exactly. Why? FIFA does not remember. Remember they had their own courts. They had mobile police stations. They have. I thought you have FIFA laws in a certain distance. Yeah. Yeah, let me tell you something. Get all those vendors kicked out. FIFA does not mess around. So, what I'm saying is you're technically, because they can't have it. That's something happened to John Oliver. You're beef with them. Stops you from attending any of their... No, I'm asking if it does. Okay, yeah. You should have gone to Qatar. I think I should be allowed to attend. I live here. No, no. No, no. I live here. I think I should allow to go. You should go to the game. Yeah, I think I should go. I think I want that for you. England's going. You should go. Yeah. Do you think this is the one? Oh, no. It's coming home. I don't think I will ever think this is the one thing. It's coming home. No, I've been hurt too many times. Yeah, but John, this is one of the best teams in terms of balance. I've heard this. No, in terms of balance. I've heard this every four years. But you are still right. It's true every four years. Yes. I'll tell you what happened. As someone who watched the dinkertour, you know what I think happened in that one game. Yeah. Southgate was the coach, right? Mm-hmm. I just think his problem was when he got the... When he was one-null-up. Yeah. He was more worried about losing the game. You're always worried when England go up too early. When England went one-null-up against Brazil, we like this happened too quickly. The story of the Empire. They were up too early and then look what happened. That was all we were really guilty of doing to my team. I think that's the stupidity. I think that's the stupidity. And it's all to the other things. But yeah, I think the problem with England is going to be that it's just... We're at the point now where... You're right, the team is really well balanced. It took us a really good manager. But we're at the point of the season now where every injury is meaningful. Okay, that's just true. What happened? From January on. Yes. People were like, oh, we're all going to learn like we do every four years. What's the recovery time for a metatast. Ah, yes. I remember when Beckham broke his metatast. On the news in England, they're like, it is this bone of the foot. Like, making people qualified for diastrists. It'll heal in about three and a half weeks. He'll then be able to put pressure on it. Then he can start bending it. So maybe by the quarterfinals he'll be back to full strength. Okay, but here's a question I have about this. What is it that the English media? And this is just my observation of it. Why does the English media give the English team so much shit and then get so pissed off when they... They don't seem to support them on the gym. No, no, no. You can expect them to win and when they move they... No, no, no, no, no. They do expect the media to win. They do expect the media to win. It's a deep level of entitlement, which is that every world's coming home. Every world copies England's, unless you allow another country to take it away from you. That is the kind of tone of the British people. But then they shit on them so hard. They give them so much shit they can... They play scared. You would think there's like a moment in time where the press will go, we're behind you fully, don't worry. No, but instead, no. Why do they do that? I don't know. I think there's two things going on. One, I think they are... You can be terrified to make your say because you've seen the examples that have been made of people. You've seen effigies of Beckham hanging outside of his family's house. Yes. So you do not want to be the one that misses a penalty. Yes. So you think there's something to suck up? Suck it really. Of course. Southgate himself. He knew. He knew. He missed a penalty. He knew the fact that it upends your entire life. That is a monumental amount of responsibility. To feel the failure in the moment before you can even contemplate success. Plus, back then, those teams were so siloed. The players were... They did not interact with you at all. Yeah, they did not interact with you at all. They were very interesting now. Hearing them talk, because you see the podcast talking in a way that you wouldn't. You see players say, oh yeah, we didn't... You see Ray open-talking Gerard. We didn't really hang out. I didn't really know anything about you. That's the only thing I said. Now they're going vacation together. Now they're going vacation together. No, now they're going vacation together. They're friends. But back then, but I think that comes with a level of regret. Because like, oh, we could have really done something together. But I was suspicious of you. You were suspicious of me. Neither of us like Frank Lampart. It's like... It's like... It's... The agents were fueling the company. That must come with real regret. But I think it's just the way things were at the time. If you've played... The players had told me... No, it wasn't. Social media changed that. Oh, really? Yeah, like a few players. I asked a few players. I was like, yo, I feel like there was a time when one, you know, a Manchester United player would never be friends with a man. Never, never, never. Never, never. Never. Now I see you guys on vacation. I see you in clubs and micunas. And he said social media. He said, it used to be that that, the only images you got of that person were like from the official games. Yeah, in combat mode. Whereas now you see a clip of them. You see things... You see things... You see them doing cool things. And you're like, oh, I like this person. Yeah. And I remember like Marcelo was a fan of Alfonso Davies. And Davies was like, wait, the Marcelo, the greatest lead left back in my life. And Marcelo was like, I think you're the greatest new left back ever. And all of a sudden they became friends. And so you now have these like cross-teen, cross-generational links that couldn't be formed, but because of social media. So Facebook is good. I do find it's so interesting watching them talk now. The kind of watching... Even in the game. The way we love growing up. Like looking back on that talk. Oh, yeah, they're very... With regret or just talking or just reminiscing about those moments that you grew up with in the first time. I think the hardest I left this year was there's a start. You know, Beckham and Gary Neville do that. Sophid, that series of welcome to Sophid videos. There's just Beckham and Neville in the back of a town car driving through Manchester. And they're just sitting there like just like two friends who've grown up together. Which they have. And Beckham says, hey, Gary, do you remember that time you tried to lob Boothon in the Champions League? And Neville looked back and went, what do you mean, tried? What a perfect exchange between those two. I think what you've just explained is the happy ending of all football fans. Social media and television and these kind of programs allow you to have a life with them after the football. Yeah, you're not wrong. So they won't disappear into the Ethan. You'll never hear them again or it has got up to some strange administrative job as an assistant coach. You will still see them functional and living. It's that classic thing with social media, though, isn't it? Like what it gives with one hand, it'll take away with the other. Because like, yes, they can be... They can present themselves to society as a more well-rounded human being. And they can have the most horrendous things said to them relentlessly online. At least in the past, you could hear it, you could tune it out, but it was fundamentally done. Yeah, it doesn't fall at home. You just sit there in their phone. Morata, Morata talked about that. Alvaro Morata. Yeah, he talked about how like, when things weren't going well for him, I think it was at Madrid, but he said he just couldn't get off the phone. And he would see people just saying these things. And I used to go, just turn off the phone, but if you grew up in that generation... Yeah, that doesn't apply. You play a shit game, you go home, and the fans are still with you. Fans are with you on the couch. Yeah, those aren't like... That's your team. The people wearing your shirt, shitting on you the hardest. Yeah, it must be very, very difficult. That's what I discover whenever I watch American television, especially sports channel like ESPN, I see how these X-foot ball players... I think people who love Tom Brady see him more now than they've ever seen him. Yeah, when he plays, because they'll be a match and they will play and they'll be it. But now they get to hear his opinions, they get to see him, they get to... In fact, feel like they're interacting with him. That's what you can retire. You can retire into podcasts. Yeah, I think so. Oh, yeah, they will just sit around and just reminisce about it. Yeah, 100%. They'll just show episodes. That's what we do. Yo, man, this has been fun, John. Thank you, man. What now with Trevinoa is produced by Day Zero Productions in partnership with Sirius XM. The show is executive produced by Trevinoa Sanasiamin and Jess Hackel. Rebecca Chain is our producer. Our development researcher is Marcia Robiu. Music, mixing and mastering by Hannes Brown. Random other stuff by Ryan Harduth. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next week for another episode of What Now. The Modern Game. Beautiful, fast, clinical. So why almost betting apps stuck in 2005? The Miracle in Istanbul. Over. Tieri. No longer scary. Unbelievable Jeff. No more. It's time for change. Bet £10 and get £30 in free bets. We're not your granddad's bookie. Search Midnight Sports and make the move to Midnight. New customers on me. 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