Everything Is Stupid Except Punch and Porch Goose

Hey guys, we want to take a quick break to thank a sponsor of today's episode, HelloFresh. Nothing hits like home cooking, and HelloFresh makes it easy to do more of it this year with recipes that feel good and taste delicious night after night. Bring everyone together with meals that are simple and rewarding on a busy weeknight. Choose from more than 100 recipes every week, including cuisines from around the world and meals that help you beat the winter blues. Enjoy bigger portions to satisfy everyone. And if you live alone, you can eat all of the portions, which is what I've been doing. I love HelloFresh because I don't have to figure out what to cook. It comes right to your door. I did the creamy Tuscan garlic chicken, which I called my mom and told her I did the Tucson garlic chicken. It's Tuscan. So heads up. It's flavorful, feels restaurant quality, and was honestly, it was just so easy to follow on a busy night. I love that everything comes pre-portioned. I don't waste anything. I don't have to buy extra. It's awesome. Choose from more than 35 high-protein recipes each week, including new Mediterranean and GLP-1 friendly options. Feel great with wholesome ingredients like sustainably sourced seafood and 100% antibiotic and hormone-free chicken. And there's now three times the seafood for no upcharge. Impress guests or treat yourself with new grass-fed steak ribeyes. Because when dinner tastes this good, nothing hits quite like home cooking. Go to hellafresh.com slash B&C10FM to get 10 free meals and a free Zwilling knife. It's $144.99 value on your third box. Offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. Hey guys, guess what? We're going on tour. We're going on a mini tour. Three shows. Three shows. Three separate days. Three places in California. Give them new. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I have the dates here. On April 3rd, we'll be in San Diego at the Balboa Theater. On April 8th, we'll be in Irvine at the Irvine Improv. And on the 11th of April, we'll be in Sacramento at Channel 24. And we look forward to seeing you there. I kind of have to go to the bathroom, but it's like, I don't know if it's worth it. Because it's all the way over there. It's all the way over there. It's not like at 100%, you know? Well if you need to take a break I have so many topics on my notes today I bet you've had a busy few weeks No like these are like things that are Happening in our world Oh okay those Yeah Okay Well should I I'm gonna stay here And if I need to go to the bathroom later I need to go to the bathroom later It's not a big deal It's not a big deal Hey man Oh Izzy I did not say I had to poop I did not say that. What is she bringing over to you? That is something you took away. What? She said everyone poops. But I hadn't said anything about poop. Are you tipping off? Izzy got poop on the brain today. Are we recording? Oh, yeah. Let's make sure that that wasn't included in the beginning of our episode. No, I liked that. Oh. I do just have to start off by saying something happened on the way here that rocked me. Oh, hit me with that bass line and hit me with trouble. I... I saw one of my exes as I was driving here. You know, I was going to ask you that because I'm not, I don't feel like I know what, and I racked my brain on what soup X could mean. Soup X? I've actually only spoken about it in the bonus, but. Was I not here? No, you were completely here. I spoke about it multiple times to you. We engaged in a conversation about it. The guy who brought me soup when I was feeling under the weather. Yes. I know him by name. I saw him walking down the street. We had had a really strong connection over text. And I was like, I had a really big crush. And then I will say it fizzled pretty immediately during meeting and after meeting as well. But I really want to go back to the way we were before we met. And I'm thinking I could text him two things right now. I also want to flag that it also could have been the fact that I was handing him the bowl of soup. and my entire hand slipped into it as I was handing it to him. And I should have just handed him the one that my, because there were two bowls of soup. One had had my entire fist in it and one hadn't. And I gave him the one that my hand had slipped into and said, sorry. I think that's completely fine. And I think that could have been the end. I don't know. I don't know what the end was. I think I understood why it was an end, but I want to know why he thought it was an end. But anyway, I think I can text him two things. Okay. One, I saw you walking down the street. Two, what happened to us? Okay. Right. I think maybe, what about a hybrid between the two? I saw you walking down the street, what happened to us? No. Hey, what was he wearing today? Like Kim Possible vibes. like black shirt up top and some khakis? I think so. Okay. I'd say, how come you didn't wear those khakis over to my house? Maybe we need to, maybe you need to wear those khakis over to my house sometime. Nice. I want to go back to the way we were before we met. Oh, well then say, how come, how come you didn't wear those khakis over to my house when we hung out? And then that doesn't. I don't want to draw attention to the fact that we ever met. I want to go back to the way we were. Then say nice, nice khakis. I can't guarantee that he was wearing khakis Can't guarantee it Nice strut I'm gonna text him that I saw him Maybe you say This is crazy You had some pep in your step Did you get laid? Yes That's the one Saw you walking down Sunset You looked chipper It's just hard when like You have a history like ours I don't want to open I don't want to reopen any old wounds Yeah Do you want to know what happened on his end And if it had anything to do with my hand In the soup I don't think so I think like the hand in the soup is something Unless And I don't think you want to Ultimately I don't think you want to be with someone who is genuinely turned off permanently by a little hand in there. I know, but I need to know if that's what it was. I don't think so. But I'm serious. I don't think that that would be... He ate the soup. Of course he ate the soup. Then there's no way it was that. Yeah. No. I don't think you eat the soup. I'll text him. I don't think you eat the soup. like that reminds me of a time when I was at my friend's house and this was in like high school and her dad made clam chowder and this was chicken noodle so it's not like I put a fist in his clam chowder if you know what I mean I do know what you mean a fist in the clam chowder is different because there's a lot of like residuals that follow then it not only becomes the issue of I put my hand in your soup it's your chowder out of my hand you know now i'm dealing with the chowder on my hand yeah there's like that's that's a double issue i want you to i want you to consider the fact that like the viscosity of of a of a chicken noodle good word yes that came to me in the in the form of syrup from like high school um the viscosity of a soup a chicken noodle versus imagine if it was clam chowder on your couch where would you wipe it on your newly sweater exactly you'd have chowder all over you lick it off of my fingers you'd have to lick it yeah which could be something you can come back from which could be sexy sucking clam chowder off my fingers sure now my friend's dad now that is hot when my friend's dad sucked the clam chowder off of his finger after he had tried to get me one extra chunk because he was scooping and he dropped the chunk so he grabbed the chunk put it in my bowl. I didn't know what you were saying the C word today. I don't know how else I would explain that part of the chowder. Are the tongue clams? Because you know I won't even I've never had clam chowder I won't go near it. I remember the chowder being good but I couldn't get past the fact that he had these fingers. Yeah you don't forget someone's fingers. You don't forget clam chowder fingers. No that's something that sticks with you. So the chunks are clams So we can just call it Let's just call it what it is, clam Oh, yeah, so my friend's dad was Tossing his clam over to my bowl And He was licking clam Off his fingers Anyways, it was really good I do remember being like I'm sure I like it, I like clams Well, it was one of those things I don't really know what the chowder is And I'm a big texture person You know that And so it was my first time with the chowder. It was my first time with a clam. And the combo of the two, it was kind of like I had already been invited over for dinner. I had already said, yes, they're Italian. What am I to do? I can't leave. They would take it very personally. So I just sucked it up. I ate the chowder. I watched her dad lick his fingers. And I enjoyed it. I didn't enjoy the fingers. I just enjoyed the chowder. Yeah. Yeah, no, I know I would like it. I like clams. Oh I don't see Clams and cream don't seem To be a natural mix It doesn't see yeah when you really start thinking about it It's like how did we get here But lobster bisque is really good And it's similar But to me Lobster and cream makes a lot more sense than Clam and cream Yeah Lobster and cream Yeah I could see that because it's just It's a butter base Anyways What kind of notebook do you have in your hands? Moral of the story, I do think I'm going to text him later I'll let y'all know what happens next week Or I'll text him in the bonus I brought all of my notes Yeah, what kind of notebook is that? I'm so into I'm usually not like a brands girl When it comes to notebooks, let me know I think it's leatherology Okay, not familiar with that Which is weird, there's no lines on it So that's something that's new to me. It's an A6, isn't it? Huh? It's an A6, isn't it? I don't know. I'm not as in touch with the... I'm liking this, though. It was really nice to have it written out and I could do arrows and stuff. Yeah. Which is helping me keep track. Now, I think that this is a notebook someone would find maybe if I leave it behind in a taxi or something, and they go, we have a case on our hands that we need to... Whoever's notebook this is needs to be on a list. Ooh, tell me what's in the notebook. Okay. Well, the first thing that happened was this morning I was at a coffee shop and this girl was on her phone. Okay. And she goes, yeah. And then he asked me to share three fun facts. What was this? Like a team building exercise. So I think my understanding was, okay, there was a couple of things. I'm like team building exercise. I'm assuming it was a date. Yeah, I am too. Okay. You're on a date. The young man asked you, please share three fun facts about yourself. I can't remember the last time I did this. I do know that it, it, for me, it sends me into fight or flight because one, I have a competitive side where it's like, when someone asks you this, it sends you into fight or flight. When you're going around in a circle and everyone's facts are like, I do, I do feel like this is the narcissist Olympics where it's like, I do want to have like a very cool, fun fact, but I also don't want to be like try hard. And you also don't want to do that. Like name dropy thing. Like there was one time in Barbados when I was deep sea fishing with, you know, the kennedy's or something and you just want to i don't know like drop these bombs but then you also want to be like this person that's like i don't know what would you do if you were on a date i think i'd throw my hands into some soup just as a distraction just like as a yeah to change change the subject i have i always hated that i've never had a fun fact okay let's just like no pressure do three fun facts no i knew you were gonna do that i don't have any yeah brooke you do like and you know what's funny is i remember i always remember like grade school where people would be like i'm double jointed and then they'd show you the grossest shit in the world with the wrists and so you shouldn't your wrist is broken that's actually something you need to go to the doctor for i used to say i was double jointed because i could like bend my thumb back but like everyone can do that no i can't let me i can't do that well i barely can either like it's not like i can touch it to my arm I can just bend it a little like as you do with thumbs but I really don't have any fun facts I think if I were to share a fun fact it would be like there was one time with like a little like there's been several times actually where I think I've been very close to having a breakthrough with an animal communication wise but I don't know if that's like has enough i don't know if that holds enough weight to share because i haven't had it yet i do think that it will happen and i'm saying that with my chest i think like i think i might have made up my fun fact that i have and it's also like kind of like name droppy so i don't really want to like you lied no i just it might be true it might not be true okay can you share it yeah i guess i Ken, when I was like young, I used to be really good friends with M. Night Shyamalan's daughter. Oh. And I think that like we were like drawing or something. And I'm pretty sure he used the drawings like in one of the his movies, like on the kids. Walls, but also it might not have. Might not have happened. I think it might have been in signs if there's kids in signs. I mean, that's pretty much, that's one of the more fun facts that I've heard. But I'm saying like, it also could not have been my art. I think that... It could have just been hers. I don't know where I got that idea that it was mine as well. Well, I think here's what I... Like, I'm assuming someone must have told me that. Like, I don't think I just made that up, but... I think even if it's not entirely true... The sentiment is there? I think that in some way you might have influenced... Shyamalan Jr. And the way her world was shaped. And in a way, you were her muse for this movie. It would be impossible if you ever interacted with this young woman for your soul not to be interpreted into her piece as well. So I don't think that's entirely a lie. You could say I was her muse. Well said. For Uncut Gems. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well then, that is kind of a fun fact. Yeah. I don't think I have, I think that's a really good like journal prompt that like you can sit with for a while. I also think it's, I think it's interesting how the fun facts evolve as you grow up. Like, I think that's a really, really interesting one right now. Yeah. Whereas double jointed kind of fades into the background these days. Right. Cause what happened to that community? I do want, if anyone's in, in like a professional office setting right now and they're like, Yeah, I can. My thumb can touch the back of my forearm. Right. Yeah, we've outgrown. Double jointed is definitely the same energy as leap year birthday. For sure. Yeah. Something that was like a big brag in elementary school that might not necessarily still land. That's an interesting one, Brooke. Also, I weep for the double jointed because they've lost their thing. You know, what a shame. Yeah. If you're double jointed and you're listening to this, just know that we see you. And I hope you're doing okay. Well, if some guy dislocated his shoulder in front of me, like at a party, like I'd still be like, that's pretty sick, man. You know? That's not double jointed. That man is injured. I don't know. Like, hey, can I ask you a question? Yeah. What is double jointed? Brooke, no clue at all. Like we can just claim we're double jointed like all we want. But at the end of the day, what is it? I think it's. Because I've been claiming it because my thumb can just like move in certain ways. I think it's this. That's what I thought. See how mine's kind of jumping. Yeah. But I think everyone does that. Mine's jumping a little bit as well. Double jointed is a common term for joint hypermobility A condition where ligaments are more elastic allowing joints like fingers elbows or shoulders to move beyond normal range So dislocating your shoulder would be double jointed No, no, no. Because that's not flexibility. You are broken. But you have to get to the point where you can dislocate it, which is moving it past its normal range. So you're double jointed until it's dislocated. Your double jointed nature has gotten you a dislocation. You jointed too close to the double. Yeah. Um, what sucks about people that have a dislocated shoulder is that they can just like sneeze and it pops out moving forward. Have you ever dislocated anything? Yeah. It really hurts. Something in my arm. I fell off a fridge. Oh, what were you doing on top of the fridge? We were moving. I was very young and I had climbed onto like the trailer that we had put the fridge on and it was in the parking lot. And I was up on top of the fridge, like punch the monkey. and I was pulling leaves off the tree and one was really tough and I was like, I'm going to get this one. And I pulled, pulled, pulled. It gave. I flipped off the fridge, snapped my arm. Eesh. Yeah. One time, my sister was hopping over a fence. She falls. Her elbow pops out this way. So like the way your elbow bends, imagine it bending. Inverse. Inward. And I see it. I scream. She screams. She hits it like this. Pop. Pops it back in. I run her over to my dad. I'm like, her elbow just went this way. And he's like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're in the back of the car. He's driving us home. She just goes like this, kind of like stretches it, stretches it, stretches it. Cause it almost felt like we dreamed it. She gets right here, just pops right back out this way. We're all screaming. And then she again goes, twice. She, she relocated it. She probably had a nursemaid's elbow. Sure. What did you say? Nursemaid's elbow. What does that mean? I don't. I think it's when you're a kid and you keep dislocating your elbow. Because that's what I had. Painful elbow injury in children under six caused by sudden sharp pull on an extended arm such as lift. Oh, geez. Blah, blah, blah. The ligament slips out of place causing the child to refuse to move their arm, which is usually held straight or slightly bent. It's treated by a healthcare professional with quick, gentle manipulation, usually resulting in immediate pain relief and restored mobility, though it may occasionally reoccur. That's what I had. I think I dislocated it three times. That means that someone was kind of yanking you around. Well, yeah. Once it was pop up. He was so sad. That was a really sad thing to happen. Oh, and then once it happened at a roller skating party. But no one was pulling on it. Well, once once you're once you. Because I think you go. Yeah, once you go nursemaid, you never go. I think it was the initial that was a pull. Well, damn, I'm glad you're I'm glad we have you here today. Thank you. Do you still have it right now? Are you nursemaid? No, it was like when I was really young, like kindergarten. Oh my gosh. Well, that's a key aspect of nursemaids. Yeah. Your ligaments must be more at risk. Yes. Yes. Yes. At that age. Hey guys, we want to take a break to thank a sponsor of today's episode, Built. I don't like paying rent and I bet you don't either, but Built makes it feel a little better. Built is the loyalty program for renters that rewards you monthly with points and exclusive benefits in your neighborhood. Let me explain. With Built, every rent payment earns you points that can be used towards flights, hotels, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases, and so much more. And here's something I'm really excited about. Now, Built members can earn points on their mortgage payments for the first time ever. 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I see. like you it will still be snowing in new york after daylight savings probably i know it's really really nasty right now it's like everything's so wet were you home for the blizz yeah it was really cool the blizz was cool because it wasn't that cold oh really no also i'm not drinking sparkling water on the today's episode so that i won't burp because i do feel like i owe everyone at least one episode what you just burped it was just a natural of natural causes yeah that did that kind of is what brought it up i did want to address that burp that was from that was beef but that was not sparkling water i like your sweater a lot thanks brooke look at this and i do want to i do want it's a zip knit isn't that kind of yeah i love that thank you i gotta get you one now i want to say it's reminding me i am so horned up for love story the jfk jr story honor do you think that's not the first note in my hobonichi and mine i knew you would be this is the type of glamour and intrigue that you have been yearning for praise be these are like these people this is so this is celebrity this is this is yeah and this is like the celebrity ta that i like where it was like we're not normal people they are not I look at them and I'm that one, we are not the same species too. Like I'm embarrassed to have even existed on the same plane as them for even a short time. They, to me, you don't read like Akatar and shit like that, but the species of kind of humans in there are there's humans. And then there's the fae, the fairies, the high fae, which are like an elevated type of human that kind of like, they just have this je ne sais quoi. like they're just hotter and better in every way to me carolyn and jfk are high fay does that make sense yeah and then you have the fray great band yes completely separate completely now that's a whole different that's a story for a different day um would love to see them in concert i am so like this show is so good i am intoxicated by brooke you need to come to new york please soon we have it's taken over the way people are dressing or maybe i'm oh i've seen that i am walking that brooke i put on my peacoat today it's cold out but on my peacoat i popped the damn collar and i wore a knit i knit underneath i was like oh like i didn't even do this on it was kind of like subconscious where i was like i'm actually not gonna wear a hoodie under under this peacoat no they're infiltrating the minds and bodies of everyone do you think you'll get one of those like backward caps no because i think i'll look like michael rapaport i know my limits uh i mean it's just like i am completely like yeah they are not human to me it's so weird and i guess that's exactly what everybody was experiencing at the time that they were alive Like they are royalty. And it's like hard. It's really almost impossible not to be swept up in it. Like my whole explore page is JFK Jr. So like obviously I'm loving the show. I understand like if this was a time when we were alive. This is the closest we've had to royals, right? It is. And I feel it in my bones. And I don't feel that way towards like the British royals. Like I'm just like, what are you guys on? But then I see them and I'm like, I would like to follow their every move. I get it. It's not. And it's like it sucks because like you want to be the exact kind of person that Carolyn was and just like not swayed by the Kennedy name. But it's like there's something it's intoxicating. I can't explain it. I'm intoxicated. Brooke, I can't either. I mean, I said I was horny. You want to be cool, but I can't like thank God that I was not like a sentient being right at the time. at like the peak of this because I would have been like Club Chalamet. Like I would have been like a person that I don't want to be and have never wanted to be. I mean, could you imagine if they were to be around during like this era but during social media, that would have been a bloodbath. No, that would have been really bad for everyone involved. My bloodbath was not the word that I wanted to use there. It just would have been really bad. It would have been. Yeah, it would have been very tough. I do want to say really quickly, like I had to one more time look up like when this was set because the actual way it's written is very much like it's how we talk still like he's like, suck my ass. I'm like, wait, were they saying suck my ass? They were doing like full like times of your in the 90s. Like, have we come full circle to saying suck my ass? I don't think I don't think anyone said suck my ass in this show. I promise you they said suck my ass Because this has stuck with me Really? Yes Yeah they were speaking Like we were alive We were babies I don't see my parents ever Ever uttering suck my ass Well that's it Your parents are southern This is very These are New Yorkers My parents are not New Yorkers for sure Yeah that's true Yeah Okay well yeah That was my only notice I mean I just think this is just like This is just like fun You know the TV's tv's getting fun you guys something also that's interesting is i'm having a really challenging time separating the actors from the real people which is not something that is usually a problem for me what do you mean like i'll see it like when i watch i'm like this is this is jfk jr and carolyn beset like i'm not watching actors playing these people i'm watching the two of these like documentary style. Do you feel refreshed in a way that, and again, this is one of those things that I might be just out of the loop for, but I do really like that. I didn't know these, these actors. I didn't know either of them. What you've been saying and a lot of people have been saying, and I think this and heated rivalry have really proven it to be true. Like we need new people. We need new faces. We need new faces. Yeah. Because when it's the same people over and over, you just, you know them and you project their past characters, their personalities onto them. We have these like beautiful, clean slates and such talent. There is so much talent out there that is yet to be untapped as we've seen. And I'm just glad that that we are utilizing that. I like it. And I also like I have that thing where I walk into a theater or I sit down to watch a show and I am projecting someone's entire IMDB onto their character and it pulls me out and seeing this new faces new spaces wide open places it's so refreshing i love it i'm so excited this is just like i really think i agree i think he did rivalry in this it's opening up like a new window for for new new characters for us i'm so excited i'm giddy about yeah and you know what like the two people that i do know grace gummer and yeah noemi watts was jackie like i've I was having a harder time. Like I was like, you're not Carolyn Kennedy, Caroline Kennedy, and you're not Jackie. I know who you are. Right. But whereas these, uh, Sierra pigeon and, uh, Paul, I'm like, you, you are who you're playing. Yes. Paul, Anthony. And I said, we're on the same page, Brooklyn, Paul, Anthony Kelly. Here's what I'll say about him. Yeah. Have you seen him out of character? I haven't seen him really genuinely with, I'm saying in full honesty, I have never seen this man in my life besides on the TV in this show. In the interviews, it's like, and this was happening to me with Hudson and Connor too. Cause they're just like good actors, but I'm like, Whoa, you are not, you're actually not JFK Jr. He's so different. He's so like soft spoken and mild mannered and like, kind of like artsy. Like he has an earring and like glasses. and like curly hair. Like he could live in Silver Lake. Oh, I almost wish I didn't know that. He could live in Silver Lake. But yeah, it's crazy. I also think that this will mean something to only a few people. I think he's the only one qualified to play Reese And in an Akatar adaptation. I know that translated to me. I didn't understand that. Because I've been looking for that person. We've all been looking for that person. There've been a few question marks. We found our Reese. I'll just say that. Brooke has thrown her hat in the ring. I will just say that about that. Well, well said. Thank you. He is high fae. They are high fae to me. High fae. Yeah. They're not the fray. Yeah. Not to be confused with the fray. Yeah, I'm really excited. It's so nice to be excited about TV. It's so awesome. I love when people are all watching the same thing. Me too. It reminds me of a simpler time. Yeah, like Tiger King. Yes, thank you. yeah and Outer Banks I don't know if you were on board with Outer Banks no not my show not my kind of show I just think of Outer Banks like it was like so the Goonies vibes for me when I first watched it it was like me and my roommates every single day sitting on the couch same time same place so nice yeah but I was also watching a lot of Love Island UK during that time which does bring me to a space in my heart that I really miss watch keep watching it it's past and I look I just like people started watching Love Island US and I I didn't like that I didn't like when everyone started watching that it was kind of this like safe space in the UK that no one else was watching and it was like fun and there was no thing around it nothing against people that watched US I just It took me out It removed me Interesting So were you inundated We haven't talked in so long That Punch the monkey Has been brought into the world I don't know Punch Oh you don't I saw my first thing about Punch last night But didn't look into it So what did you see There's just that there's A monkey named Punch So Punch is this like Little baby that's being reincarnated Into Or not reincarnated What is the I don't know I don't know punch Izzy can you help me I'm sorry What were you looking for Being not reincarnated That's when You die Okay I can do this What are the context Reinstated Reintroduced but not in that way He's trying to be Re-in something to The new troop of monkeys Because he's been raised Reintegrated Reintegrated, yes. Kind of. I don't know. Whatever. You know what I'm saying. I don't. That's the thing. Okay, so he... Oh yeah, reintegrated. He was an outcast? No, well, he was abandoned by his mom, I'm pretty sure. And so they raised him with a little plushie Uh He adopted as his mother Uh Look what the fuck is their problem These other monkeys It just like and then I like why are we take this baby out Like maybe we just make an exception and have this be a domesticated monkey. Yeah. That's, that's where I will raise that as my own. Oh my God. I'm going to throw up. I'm throwing up. It's just like, I don't know. Oh my God. Where is he now? So he's being, he got his first hug this morning. from who he's he's received a hug from who i don't know the name of the hugger but was it a monkey it was a monkey yes not a man brooke you need to see when the humans come in the like punch runs over and jumps on their leg like he's seeking shelter he has so much comfort in this plush as many adults i think do but it's he's he's figuring it out i don't know i just like everyone's saying like now these monkeys are sensing that there's so much love being like pushed on to punch that now they're feeling it and and now they're clout chasing punch my god but look at punch here my god i can't those two monkeys i can't they haven't those those they need to go to monkey jail i'm gonna kick their ass their monkey ass i would really oh who was that what's going on look at this is he back he's back in the game he's so back punch is so punch is so back so that that that picture there brings out like a sort of primal feeling in my stomach that makes me want to throw up and then and sob and then just find this baby i agree oh my i would drop my i'm not kidding i would drop my and i just met punch a few seconds ago i would drop my entire life for punch i would move to where he lives to take him under my wing i know like all eyes on punch yeah oh where does punch live in china and japan oh japan i would move to japan why did i think it was china um his plushy oh my gosh it's so sad what but like i think in the first place i just like No, don't watch. There's a video of them fighting. I can't. Please don't pull it up. Yeah, I can't believe you didn't. I can't believe this wasn't on your FY. It was as of this morning, but I didn't have time to get into it. I'm sick. I'm sick. I mean, I just wanted to kick some monkey ass over the weekend. He reminds me of my boys. Yeah, he does. Reminds me of Rob. okay. Guys, we want to take a quick break to thank a sponsor of today's episode, Nutraful. Good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently. Listen, you're more confident. You're more relaxed. You're not constantly checking mirrors or adjusting your hair. I'm getting PTSD even reading this. Your hair becomes one less than competing for your attention throughout the day. Nutraful supports hair health from within, working overtime to deliver results you can see and feel. So your hair becomes something you enjoy, not something you stress about. 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No, I didn't see Porch Goose. I was going to look that up. I forgot. I think porch goose is less viral than punch. But, oh my God, I saw this video last night. This girl, basically, she kept driving by this house a few streets down that had this porch goose. And she also had a porch goose at her house. So she felt very connected. What do you, is it a goose that's on your porch? It's like a goose, like a statue of a goose that lives on the porch. so she began like dropping off like clothes to dress the porch goose in because she had clothes for her porch goose as well and she like had just these tender feelings for the old couple that owned this porch goose you know porch goose and porch goose um porch goose sees porch goose and one day she got some she saw something she got something back somebody dropped a bag off for her for for the porch goose it was a bomb no it was not a bomb it was an obituary oh from the daughter of the elderly couple and a note that was like my dad just passed but like please know that like in his last months like you brought him so much joy and the clothes that you i'm gonna start crying the clothes that you dropped off like for porch goose like he showed like my kids like his grandchildren like it was just such a staple in the last few months of his life it brought everyone together like you made us so happy like and you know my mom his wife like passed like a few years ago and she loved portuguese so much so this really like brought up the best memories of her um and like here i want you to have this and she gave her like her mom her late mother's like cookbook that was like the mom like loved geese so it was like mama goose like her her cookbook and it was annotated yeah and look watch i've reposted i don't know if i should watch this the girl's just like like she's so emotional about it and it truly is just like one of the like this is what humanity like it should be about like it's these like little things that like bring us together that are just uh this is this is what this is the human spirit to me just watch the beginning okay because there's this like elderly couple like two blocks away from me that have a concrete porch goose and I've been dropping them off porch goose outfits like anonymously and I feel so silly for crying but I've been like writing them little notes like love your friends on melody lane and they found my house by finding my porch goose because I told them I had a porch goose and I've never met these people and they just dropped me off something and just like drove away and I'm I'm about to open it. I'm like literally crying. Hey, there's a card. Oh, oh my God. Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. They died, Joseph. Oh my God. What? I think that was her daughter. What do you mean they died? What do you think she means? dear goose friend we wanted to let you know that the goose owner passed away earlier this month okay dad was so tickled this is not depth like i mean dad was so tickled the guy could have put a shirt on before he didn't know he didn't know that he was about to go completely virus the least he could do that pulled me out of it he did not know he was about to go mega viral sorry I literally almost went no he's not dead he's behind you okay anyway that's a huge goose well that is just about the sweetest thing you could ever see yeah it makes me want to drop off lord knows we could need a little we could use a little positivity huh yeah just yeah yeah we could use some positivity yeah you know why I need a little positivity why because twice in the past two days i've walked into a restroom gone to wash my hands lotion that's bad don't put the lotion next to the sink put the soap next to the sink lotion second listen i'm i'm on your side i'm washing this this lotion off my hand why won't this come off my hand lotion i'm sure it's nice too now it's down the same i actually don't think it should be in the same place as the soap. Like it should be in a different area. Lotion just right outside the door of the bath. Sure. To me. Or even like on a little table. A lotion table. What are you going to do these days? There's so much wrong in the world, including people putting lotion in first. What are you going to do? Pardon me. I mean, where do we go from here, Brooke? I have so much on here. I actually have a lot to say too, believe it or not. But you like went to the Olympics. Yeah, I went to the Olympics. The Olympics were lovely. It was so amazing. Thank you to Team USA. We won a ton of medals. That was just the coolest thing you could probably ever do. It'll probably be my one and only time going to the Olympics. So pinch me. That was just like the coolest thing ever, especially at being in Italy. And especially we knew a handful of the athletes, which was so cool, just from Jake, who came with me. He skied with these people growing up with these people. It was just the coolest thing ever. like pinch me, pinch me, pinch me. I thought obviously the finals in hockey were pretty funny. Like, did you see the whole, the men's team just go in and funny. Yeah. I thought that it's funny how you could fuck that up so bad. They're so stupid. It was just like unbelievable. And then, so we've already, I mean, that's been covered a thousand times. It's just like, Oh my gosh. It also just pisses me off like beyond belief because like you had like heated rivalry set you up for the. Brooke, that's what I was going to say. All eyes. All eyes on you. Like literally like you had the best footsteps to follow in. You were set up for like to be adored and you fucked it up immediately. Do you have to take I mean, do you have to take a phone call from the president when you're celebrating the Olympic gold medal? Like, what are you like? Just enjoy your team. Like what? And then the filament. And then obviously you pick up like Cash Patel is in there. Our head of the CIA. Is it CIA or FBI? FBI. Our head of FBI is in there chugging peers in the locker room. You better have been looking for Nancy Guthrie in all of those lockers before you chugged that beer. Like, what are you doing there? You know what I mean? I had a dream that. Oh, my God. I don't know if I should say this. It's like not in good taste. We know your heart, Brooke. But I had a dream. Nancy's disappearance was part of the rehearsal season three. And Nathan Fielder was behind it. I don't know if I should say that. But it was just a dream. It was just, it was all a dream. Yeah. Obviously that's not the case. No. At all. Not even. But that was something that I dreamed about. It's so amazing that we haven't found her. It's also so amazing that it's national, national news. and our head of the FBI is in Milan. Everything's stupid except for Porch Goose. And Punch. And Punch. Just interesting. It feels like we're kind of on our own. And also JFK, the love story. Yeah. Great show. It's hard to follow that up, I'll be honest, because I have to pee now too. Can we take a quick intermission to pee? If you're going to push through I'm going to push through too No mine sucks itself back up But you should go pee Oh you put your pee back in the chamber? Put your pee back where it came from Or so help me Or so help me No you should go pee No I'm okay I did want to say that I didn't have to pee What? I didn't have to pee You never had to pee? Uh uh What were you going to do? The other thing Okay You had to pee What? You had to pee Pee I do want to say on my way to Milan I was flying through Paris Because I was in Vancouver Doing a show and I love Vancouver Thank you so much Vancouver for coming to the show It was so much fun Just for last Vancouver it was a blast Flew through Paris I get to Paris okay This is the most organized I've ever been For any trip in my life Okay I have snacks in my bag I have vitamins in my bag I have lotion and I get to Paris to board the flight. I needed my passport. So I put it right into my tote bag. My tote bag was an extra carry, like a purse type situation because I checked my bag. So I had the tote bag on my arm and a backpack on my back. I go to my back, my backpack's up above tote bags on the ground in front of me. Obviously it's like open, you know, it's an open mouth tote as most totes are no zipper and so i go to get off and i put my tote bag on my seat and i put my backpack on and i'm scurrying off the plane i realize when i get into the gate right off the plane that i'd left my tote bag on the seat passport and tote they go you cannot go back on the plane i go well i totally understand what you're saying can you go back on the plane they go no we cannot go back on the plane and they're french by the way french bless your heart french but i you don't like me and i understand why but i they sent me they said you have to go talk to my colleague they send me their colleague colleague goes you need to go to customer service customer service says we'll go check to see if it's there i go it's not really a check situation i know it's there i boarded the plane my passport's on the plane i didn't have it when i exited the plane i don't have my toe my toes on the plane my toes on the plane so anyways it took them five and a half hours to locate it now they said you should just go do something and I said should I go to like the city of should I go see the Eiffel Tower they go yeah you should definitely like you have time because they pulled the plane when you get off the plane in Paris just go back and get it was one of those things usually like I've done that before and you just have to wait until everyone's off the plane they told me to get out of here like essentially like I was trying to gather tone of voice but I don't think there's any tone of voice that's essentially like oh baby like hang on baby we'll get you baby like we'll take care of you baby the french don't have that like nurturing my the french that i spoke to yeah um and it was kind of like the third time i went to customer service like hey can you just give me like a piece of information that gives me hope and like an eta something they go no wait there and we'll fly we'll wave you over when it's ready so it's kind of like one of those this is out of my hands i'm helpless type situations finally they locate it the next flight out was 9 p I had arrived at 8 a in Paris So I just spent the night My next flight was 9 So I spent the night in Milan but it worked out But it to have that on my first night Milan Yeah How did you get to Milan I my flight out of Paris was 9 p.m. So it was just like I missed everything to get to where I needed to go, but flew out at 9 p.m. Wow. That's the whole day in Paris. It was cool. It was like obviously very cool. I never, never spent the night like Paris. Never met Milan before. yeah it was a pretty cool experience but um did you leave the airport in paris yeah no passport where'd you go like the city it's an hour out of away from the airport oh yeah um but i was just thinking like to have an inconvenience like that where it's like this is ruining your day puts everything into perspective do you know what i mean i genuinely it's like those types of inconveniences that make you like happy to be alive once you nothing else could have happened to me yeah that could have been worse than that yeah so i was like you know what this is good and there were so many like it obviously took me two full days to get where i needed to go and there was like an eight-hour car ride and all these things but i was like i'm happy like i'm alive and i have my passport and it was just so great for it to happen the first day i'm like this is an amazing situation yeah an amazing time it sucks and you can't be grateful like in unless something like that happens. Like I wouldn't be just like so grateful to have my passport. Yeah. I lost my passport. I also, there's this thing about like going on a trip with your friends where like these group trips, have you been on like a group trip where you've traveled a long way with like a group of people? Um, I would say I've, yeah, like, well, I'm, you know, I went on that French exchange. Oh yeah. In high school. And then recently I've done like two to three to four people in Europe. Yes. Oh yeah. there's stuff that happens where it's like oh this is probably the worst day of my life but when you're with people you want to kill them by like day three yeah you know but then you come back and it's like you look back at that and it's like that was so odd like it's like a trauma bond situation like now it's funny that day like one day this is gonna be so funny that day was not today but then you're in one you're in that day now and it's like oh my gosh that was funny yeah I totally get you man And then you start getting Venmo requests for parts of the trip And it's like oh I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna come over to your house And drive my car through your front door Oh my god to receive a Venmo request From someone you thought was your friend I get it You think you know someone and then you get a Venmo request Wow Oh my god eat the rich I get it man I really do Have you seen Clavicular Clavicular Yeah No Okay Have you seen Hmm What would it mean to you If I said Completely frame-mogged Frame-mogged Frame-mogged Use it in a sentence Clavicular Completely frame-mogged By ASU frat leader No Use it in a sentence With some other words That I would know Okay Um Okay Slay Completely frame-mogged me in that photo that we took together that's completely outdid you yes but by just by his build um there's not a build or face his the way he's cut oh it's about his oh his frame it's his frame but it's also looks maxing what do you know about looks maxing to walk me through looks max is that the same as like what slay would do like he just outdoes your looks it's working toward to like look smacks your face where you look better and better and better but you're doing like ridiculous things to get to that point okay so yeah oh my max wait i got exactly this sentence right clavicular got frame mogged by a frat leader yeah a person he's on the right right there okay he looks like he looks like if killian murphy had that like normal spongebob situation happen who is clavicular he's on the right i know but who is he he's he's a looks maxer are you sure clavicular is not on the left no that's asu flat leader clavicular is looks maxing live stream to achieve the greatest possible level of physical attractiveness what is he how far into the process is he and what has he done he's months he's now taking a hammer to his jaw and cheekbones to make them swell like you would get filler done. So clavicular is promoting his lifestyle to his young audiences. He's like, all right. Like, I don't, I'm a, I mean, like, it's hard to not think that, but I don't know. Okay. So I want to let you know that he has publicly stated that he takes heroin to look slimmer. Yeah. And, um, it's math. He is supporting Hitler right now. Oh. Right now. Okay, my bad. Maybe he is all right. And he hit someone with a cyber truck. Everyone has the right to do what they want with their own bodies. But looks maxing influencers are promoting toxic masculinity and dangerous values to impressionable youth. This is not okay. I think we can pretty much draw the line on hitting someone with a cyber truck. You know what? I almost would have drew the line at the heroin and the Hitler as well. Yeah, those are not great, like, resume bullet points. The victualler got frame-mogged by a frat leader. But the frat leader, like, that frame is, like, scaring me. But I can't tell if it's the piece that he's wearing that's, like, making the frame look scary. No, I think it's pretty scary. He looks like Larry the Lobster. Yeah. um so i want to know and now that you know who clavicular is like i can't i i understand why he wasn't on your he didn't come across your desk um but i do think that sounds like part of the ear well the clavicle oh and we learned about our ears last week but i i think that um I don't imagine a world where SNL doesn't do a skit about this this week because it does seem like something that they would assume they have their finger on the pulse for yeah Clavicular got frame-mogged by a frat leader say it again for me a little louder say it again for me a little louder Clavicular got frame-mogged by a frat leader Clavicular got frame-mogged by a frat leader Clavicular got frame-mogged by a frat leader nice like I'm like what are you maxing right now I'm hunch-maxing I'm hunched over like a... I'm hunch-mogging you. I've been touching my feet the whole episode and picking the nail polish off of my toes. You're athlete's foot maxing right now. No, I don't have athlete's foot. Don't put that in the space. Don't put that in people's heads. I'm like UTI maxing over here because I am holding it. Go! No! I'm sphincter maxing. Go pee and I can tell everyone about my tour because I haven't spoken about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait, but I want to hear this too. But okay, wait, hang on. Okay, okay, tell them about the tour and then like give me a summary when I come back. Sorry. Okay, no problem. It's not really anything. It's just that I'm going on tour with, let me get my phone. I haven't touched my phone this whole episode. I'm going on tour with Phoebe starting on May 26th in New York. Oh, thank you, Izzy. Izzy's pulling it up. Yeah, come join me. There are still some cities with some tickets available. We're starting off in New York. Let me tell you exactly where I'm going because I'm already – I will be sleepy. But it will be an amazing kind of sleepy. Starting off in New York on the 26th. That's pub day. It's Phoebe's birthday. Then going to Philly. That's where I'm from. So that's exciting. Both of those and Boston. Boston's the next day. Those three are sold out. But those are like sold out for good. then we're going to los angeles barnes noble the grove so coming back west then going going to chicago these are sold out i think but with the opportunity to move to a larger venue so keep an eye on that one um there's two in chicago there's a luncheon thing which is the one that i think they're looking to move to a larger venue and then i think there's a one at night with tickets that are still available okay then we're going to charlotte i think there are tickets available for that one or it might be sold out then i'm going to louisville i have not been to charlotte or louisville so i'm excited for that i definitely think there are still tickets in louisville then going to dallas never been to texas so that's exciting i think there are tickets there then austin which i'm really excited about because connor you know i've never been to texas What's the date for Austin? The date for Austin is June 5th. That is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday. Can I come to that? I would love if you came to that. Are you freaking kidding me? Yeah. And that one is sold out, but I think they are looking to move to a larger venue. So keep your eyes peeled. June 5th. Yeah. Heading to St. Louis. I've never been there either. I'm not sure about that one. Then we are going to back to Los Angeles. I'll be at Diesel Bookstore which I've actually never been to that location which is exciting and that one is not sold out but the moderator for that one which we'll announce the moderators in a few weeks I think you will love so I would get tickets for that one if you want before the moderator is announced then heading to Seattle I've never been there which I'm really excited to go there I think there might be tickets available for that one you're going to have so much fun in Seattle this is going to be so amazing I only have one night in all these places, though. That is kind of hard. That's kind of, that's my experience, too. But you get the whole day. And because you get the whole day, like, if you're in a place like Seattle, you hit all the touristy spots. And it's fun. You know, you get to, like, be a tourist all day. But I feel like I'll get there, like, during the day. Like, that's when I'll arrive. I usually, I try as many, as much as I can, I try to get places the day before. but I have the show like I have the tour stopped the nights before you know you're busy busy I don't know what to do man I don't either then going to Portland never been there so that's exciting Portland Seattle that'll be a quick trip and I do think that one sold out but maybe we're going to a larger venue for that one can't be too sure then San Francisco I've also never been there have you been anywhere although I've been getting yelled at because apparently the location is not actually in San Francisco so go ahead and make sure you look at the location before booking tickets because some people have been upset that at me that they didn't look at the location so just go ahead and look at that for me and then back to LA and we will be doing a little birthday party um on my birthday June 18th at the ripped bodice so that'll be there too great yay and that's it and i'm very excited and i hope to see some if not all of you there appreciate you thanks a million you're completely frame mogging me right now um i also want to say what with my frame with your newly frame i also want to say we are going on a little mini tour that we already talked about and it will be announced about it yeah i think we'll have posted it live by now. Oh, amazing. So, uh, three little stops in California. We're so excited. It's gonna be so much fun. It's already live, so people, sleuths, have already found it. Um, we're so excited. It's gonna be so much fun. Oh, I can't wait. I've never been to Sacramento before. I've never been to Sacramento. I can't wait. Oh my gosh. To go on April 11th. Oh my gosh. San Diego. Wow. And San Diego and Irvine. Oh my gosh. We might have to spend a little time. is the one that we did our show at before, right? Yes, and we're going to reinvigorate it this time. Oh, yeah. Well, sweet. I think we'll see you there. I'm excited to get really comfortable on that stage this time around. Yeah. Frame mogging. Last time I went to stand up, so I'm looking forward to standing up this time. You were sit-maxing. I was sit-maxing. No, but I think I dropped my Hobonichi while you were gone. I think I have something else in there. Oh, yeah. I have a big one if you don't. One quick thing. my dad was visiting this weekend and I did something that I don't know if you will see, but you might. I did something with our close personal friend, Dylan, friend of the family. And I was like, I was very nervous for my dad to be there because I, you know, I don't know what parents are ever going to say, you know, like I did. I did think my dad was going to say something about like what, what could your dad's, I thought that he was going to be like where's where zach oh and why why haven't you called zach and i so i told my dad on the way like you may not bring up zach what if what if he just called zach my dad like i could see him saying that no i know like parents don't understand like sometimes if i'll be like oh like i really i have a crush on andrew garfield or something parents will be like just email him okay thank you yeah so i was worried my dad was gonna be like call zach so you know on the way there I said no you know we're not doing any Zach just you know hi introduce yourself and you know that's it um because I do my dad is a big fan of Dylan like really really yeah I know really cares for the guy um so the other day he sent me a photo and he was like here's this photo I took of you and Dylan yeah it's just Dylan and like my foot is in it like he had completely zoomed in on Dil only it's majority Dylan yeah and was like here's this photo of you and Dylan dad you went ahead and you just got Dylan which is fine and I totally get it like I wouldn't have wanted to be frame mugged anyway but it just kind of cracked me up cracked my that's really I mean what an experience your dad's probably gonna tell people about that for a long time yeah maybe um well I'm looking forward to maybe seeing it or maybe not yeah based on what i'm hearing but um can't stop touching my feet i have one more thing i want to talk about really quickly just i should have slipped it into the tv i should have probably slipped it into something a little more comfortable but sure i it is like relevant to tv film right now yeah i saw weathering heights yes um i want to talk about that in bonus i did really enjoy it i think it's special i do want to shift gears i have a longer whoa what is going on i have a longer um pretty pretty like intellectual conversation to have about it which everyone i've talked to has been really impressed with my with my ability to look into things and connect things which i'm pretty stoked on because i didn't look anything up about it like i didn't know anything about it but like i can draw this is why i was so good at my um essays because i'm really good at symbolism randomly. Okay, I'm excited to hear what you have to say. I love symbols. But um, King, King, King. That was kind. But I also love it. Okay. Oh, Jacob Lordy. Yes. He's been cast as the new James Bond. Saw that. I do not like it. I do not understand how someone of his stature can slip quietly through a crowd. If he was slipping through some sort of gala or ball, you'd be like, there's that tall guy with the gun. You know, I don't see him being able to be sly And slipping around a corner And even doing a back handspring You know when, like, spies Have to, or not even spies Like if you're breaking into something There's all those laser pointers Going in different directions And you have to, like, sneak through them As to not activate the laser pointers Yeah I want to do that Okay, Jacob's wingspan alone Jacob can't do that No, Jacob can't slip through lasers Although, what can't he do? it's really he will be able to do it i think so but ultimately that's your take in the bonus yeah see you then he might be a great james bond if things are too high for other people to grab like that could be his whole thing as i'm tall james right i'm tall i'm tall maxing i'm height maxing anyways i'm just saying i don't know if they can like whatever they did for tom cruise i guess he wasn't james bond was he he was mission impossible mission possible well whatever they do for Tom Cruise where you don't even realize that he's 5'5". They're gonna have to do the opposite for Jacob Elordi. They're gonna have to film him from above. Interesting. Okay. Well, that's all I got. Rest in peace, Eric Dayen. Also, we missed that. That's such a shame. I hate ALS. Fuck ALS. Don't even get me started. I know. Can we put a link in the bio to donate to ALS? I have one to send you anyway donate to als not to to it but to research appreciate it thank you alas research okay bye okay bye i'll see you in the bonus thank you guys for listening we'll see you in the bonus later