Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person

Hey everybody, we got new merch and I mean this is this was a traumatic day in my life Yeah, really when I fell over and I was bullied a little bit online but from Andrew but you know I didn't but yeah You laugh like a hyena, but let me say something we have it on a shirt now and we have it on a long sleeve Yeah, short sleeve like that and on this hoodie, which we Absolutely love so go to badfriendsmerch.com to grab it badfriendsmerch.com These two idiots Why dude? You two are disgusting Are you two or something? We're bad friends Ooooooo Dear lord Thank you for the familiar years Thank you for the meal on my plate I'm grateful to you Thank you native for all of the land We gave you casinos Cut off your hands Sorry about the smallpox The things that we gave you The blanket was nice But it filled with disease Sorry Sorry natives Whoops are bad Yeah That's Thanksgiving Sorry natives Whoops are bad We really did a lot of damage and we named our sports teams after your readers Love dances with wolves I love lasso mojica I love lasso mojica I love lasso mojica I love lasso mojica Favorite movies of all time And minnetonka shoes Amen Amen to that We love them You know I I've collaborated with some natives in my life Yeah you did great on that show I really enjoy the people And the culture And we want to say Thank you We do love all of our native fans We love mong I understand that I understand that We love the mong people They're mountain people There isn't a group of people we don't like Yeah You say it first We really? Yeah Let me think of the whole thing What group of people don't we like on the count of three Two, three Eskimos What did you say? Jerks Oh wow Why don't you like Eskimos? They're snowballs They make it And then overnight it freezes into an ice ball Oh yeah There he is They're the best Yeah Yeah That is a fluid person I don't know who that is They love to kiss with the nose Eskimo kisses You want to do an Eskimo kiss? Merry Christmas No happy Thanksgiving I mean How do they tongue? That's it right? There's no way to get more You do close mouth in the beginning You figure out what their style is And then you dart in the tongue And sometimes you do Like washing machine Well it's like wrestling How is that working out? That technique It works Probably 10,000 times I've done it Most of them have But with Eskimo how do you get more Intimate with it Well they have sex bud I'm just out of the kissing style Oh brother I don't think Eskimo Maybe they blow Maybe they blow snot into the other hole That's actually smart That could be I just saw predator badlands Dude that movie dude last night What a movie So good You never watch the movies I recommend You never sell weapons I couldn't I wasn't allowed It's rated R What predator movies have you seen? The original That's the only one? Did you see prey? No I've only seen the original You gotta watch this It's incredible What do you think it's about tell me Predator badlands? Give me a photo You're very good at this This is probably one of my best quality Yeah Let's go to that one That photo Oh it's about immigration This is all about immigration But it's the reverse In this time America is going real bad And Mexico is thriving So What planet is the Mexican? Fancy Watch it Watch it pal And right there El Paso And they're trying to get into war Right So to make it easier He slices her in half Yeah in half That's probably easier to get her across Her name is Karen for some reason Yeah why? Her name is Karen She's like you know what That's how we'll Whatever your name is You know what I mean Dude I'm not climbing any fences Okay I'm not gonna go into any body of water Find a way Is that El Manning? This girl is so fucking good She's so good It's almost like her career has flourished the most The last like five years Completely unknown she was killed in Unbelievable After playing the predator Is that Jacob Elordy again? No I've never seen him before But he's very good at it Look at all handsome this guy Is then they put him in that mask You don't even get to see how handsome he is So pick an ugly guy for that This is my problem with Hollywood You can't give that to us It's in a mask Well you have to have the body No you don't He's wearing like probably Latex stuff under the arms You're telling me that's it You can see the armor behind him Can I give you the premise or no? It's not about immigration I guess Is that what's wrong? I think you're a little wrong I think the premise of this is Predator Okay I got it I got it So predator Is there's a new regime taking over And he is against it And he's trying to protect her Because they're going to kill her Because she's white They're killing off all the Karens The killing of the Karens And he loves her And he says the only way for this to work Is if I cut you in half I'll reassemble you later Because they need to think you're dead And now they're on the run He's reassembled her and they're On the run from the regime Pretty close Alright What is it? Should I be real about it? I don't want to give any spoilers away You don't have to spoil it when you give the premise of the movie I'll give you the premise of the movie So he's Here's what I like about the movie You never get insight in terms of The culture of whoever the predators are Right Do you see the movie? I haven't seen it You're talking like the original predator It's just some alien who can camouflage Cool weapons And they're difficult to kill That's pretty much all the predator movies In this you see Family dynamics Of the predator family Of the predator family And it's very North Korean I believe Is he the young predator? Is he the baby of the family? He's the baby of the family Because he's smaller than all his brothers He's dating a white girl He's dating a white girl Man, look at the predator Can't get himself a nice little girl All gay minorities Have this white girl that's sticking out for them Oh right The Yaucha It's called the Yaucha So basically He's the runt and the father Is like he needs to die Because he's a shame on the family Right So The little Yaucha goes Can I go to this planet to kill that This monster that no one can kill Because they like to hunt And the father's like you can't kill that I'm afraid of it And he goes to this He goes to this planet Badlands, I don't know what the planet's called And that's where the movie begins That's the beginning of the film And she works for a corporation Does she work for Black Rock? Yes, sort of like Black Rock But she's an android She's split in half From that creature She's a humanoid, she's half human No, she's fully android There's no humans in the movie So it's worth it though Can you do this Before I can get this off my chest real quick Can you stop Telling me to send My dead dad Photos What are you talking about I was in Mexico with some friends One in the morning this guy calls me He goes, yo He goes, send me photos of your dead dad Send me photos of your dead dad I go, why My friends want to see it I was telling the story I was telling the story of how this podcast Was kind of birthed and at the beginning What had happened with your dad And how daddy why you died became a thing And then one of the guys was like That's crazy though, the picture thing And he was like, that's not real though That's very real And he was like, no, I go, okay And I called you and I was like, you send me a picture of your dead dad And they showed it to him and what happened By the way, this guy's a big star I sent it to everybody I airdropped it to all of them They're gonna blow one up and put it in their house So what, when you showed it to him, what happened I was king of the party for a couple minutes Did they laugh or Everyone was shocked It wasn't as funny as I thought it was It was not funny Well, the second photo of your dad is weirder Because one of them is like a selfie With your dad and the other one your mom's crying But you're Straight forward I'm not in that photo The second one you're in Yeah, but that was like a camera setup That the timer thing And I had to run around Imagine you set the timer and your dad's body moves a little bit And you're like, hold on, set it again Yeah, yeah The second photo is the most tragic one Because right when my dad dies I catch my mom crying And my brother's just like, he makes a face That he's like Yeah, he's in shock That's Steve's shock Yeah, and it's a brutal photo But I liked that you sent it and I appreciate you I needed to show everyone Well, you ruined whatever party you were at, I think Pretty hard, it was pretty bad, nobody liked it No, they loved it That was funny They sent it to the Hudson's, they didn't like it, remember? That's weird they didn't like it I was in Mexico, you got to show something fun in Mexico We were scared in Mexico Yeah, yeah, yeah Walking the streets of Mexico Late at night getting some tacos I love Mexico Is it good tacos? Tell me about the tacos And we, and we Viera Viera And they were shaving it off in front of you I was like, oh god, it was so good Oh, I love when they do that And the cheese is on top, so they cut A little slice of cheese, throw it in there The guy was a fucking magician And then the little woman next to him was Hand-making tortilla Oh dude, I love Mexico My mouth is watering It's so delicious, right off the spit Right off the spit That's the town? Spit Mexico? Where is it? It's called Nois Nois? Nois, Mexico Nois, it was called Nois, Mexico No, we were in Cabo Cabo was fun Cabo is so fucking rad And it's actually, I haven't been in like a decade Yeah, loved Oh dude, I love Cabo Although the ocean... I've been to Tulum Tulum's great I'm afraid in foreign countries Why? Because they're gonna steal my organs I don't know why I have that fear But I'm gonna wake up You look like them, they don't want you I was gonna say something like that No, because you, no, that's not the right... No, I'm gonna argue against that I don't know if they want your organs, man Like in Mexico, they would be like Hey, this guy, you know He has the same kind of body, we do Maybe his liver will fit Uncle Pedro's body, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? With yours It's like, no, this one is gonna be too big for Uncle Pedro Too big Like, five times more too big, it's not gonna be able to get in there He has a lump on the side like It's pancreas They don't want... They look like a tube, yeah $50, like, you know, $2,000 Couple grand My liver is $50 His liver's worth way more than mine I have a bunch of alcohol running through mine Well, he's got a GLP-1 in his though Yeah, they'll lose weight Take your organs to lose weight Yeah, there's benefits for my organs On the black market, a human liver can be Worth anywhere from $50,000 to $550,000 That's what I'm saying Vote down below, fans, what's our liver worth? Yeah Winner, winner, check, and dinner, we have finally Have a winner of the Great British Baking Show this season I didn't see it, finish it, I have two more Can I guess though? I'm excited for the guess It's that tall, good-looking gay guy Interesting You know who I'm talking about? Of course He's so cute, he looks like a surfer But I'm not gonna tell you yes or no Well, you wanna know It's either him or the lady that has No hair The bald lady She's not bald She has alopecia She's not bald She's not like a Midwest It could have been a fashion thing No, she talks about it almost every episode That she has alopecia Can I tell you why? Because you fast forward to the whole thing No, I just fast forward during the judging parts That's the most important part Right, so I don't know Of the backstory of the people Like, you know, they follow them back Yeah, you're not invested in that I love it Is it either one of those two? Is it? Maybe You're gonna find out in the next two days I might not watch it It's jazz She's awesome For the fans that haven't watched it yet Too bad I mean, it's been out for a couple This is my test show with dating Oh, this show? What do you mean? Sometimes when the first time somebody would spend The night at my house, it's a test show Right, I think you So I'll go, can you watch Bay of Gods? What is that? I go, I'm watching episodes of my favorite shows And halfway during it, sometimes I'll go Or the fall asleep And then you can't trust them I can't do it See, when I was dating, I always put on American History X That was my first time That was your sleep? When girls would come over, I'd go, what do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah And if they really got in, then if they were into it I'd go, I'm dating girls and I was dating to make sure That they were kind of like Mine's a cock or orange Very good Yeah, American Psycho, kind of like some easy Easy watching stuff Stuff that's like, do you like that? That is really interesting when you start dating a girl What do you show her first to see if she's on your wavelength Of either music or film? I don't think girls like that Music and film? No, it gives them the ick when guys are like You have to watch these three things I know, but they know you They know you're doing it They know I'm on gay Instagram I know this Here's the thing, can I say it? It's your show I'm a producer Damn dude, he's 2D Rudy You're 2D Rudy for food You're a little meanie weenie What's going on with you today? What happened this morning? I had a bad night She texted me last night I'm never talking to you again What could have happened? Did you sleep with her? No, she texted me sex, y or n and I wrote n and then she got really mad and 2 days later Why n? Because I was watching f1 and then after that I watched Top Gun It was a great race No, the movie I'm gonna deal with it Wait a minute, you could The response is not n The response is I would love to I can't now No, I lied and said I was out of town and everything was a whole thing You did like my grandma died again? I said I was in national partying Can we go back to It's your show I could tell he was flustered You want to know the truth? I got that extorted twice in the past 5 weeks What do you mean? By whom? Once a gangster and another a girl Tell me the gangster extortion I got a call from a gangster and he was like Give me all this money or I'm gonna leak all this stuff about you online and then he texted me on whatsapp saying they were gonna come to my house I had to call the police, it was a whole thing I think McCone knows I called him I'd take Xanax, I was freaking out It was crazy I was like, I'm gonna fucking leak It was so real He didn't want to talk about it How did someone get your phone number I thought I was married No, I don't have nudes on the internet You're even on my phone And they threatened to leak your information The word gangster is a little suspect It was some troll It was like a Mexican It was like a Mexican If you don't Give me all money If a Mexican dude threatens to harm you That's a gangster Oh, so it was a Mexican dude You heard his voice Oh, give me the voice I can't do the voice It was a guy that you actually heard his voice Yes He wouldn't let me hang up So you got extorted by a gangster and then extorted by someone else I mean, you're so extortable A girl I went out with three years ago texted me a couple weeks ago It was like an Apple Pay request for a couple grand And she was like, give me this Or I'm going to leak gossip about you online And I don't know what that really means One time, on Tiger Belly I said, black people are oily I remember that Yeah, you remember that I don't even know what that means I just said it, right? And so this black lady on my direct message She's like, if you don't give me this amount of money I just said it on my pod You know what I mean? It's already out They're trying to use what I said out loud against me It's already on the internet I do, yeah You put your name on there I don't put my name on there Yeah, on Venmo, you're like asking for them to ask for money Yeah I read their stories though Domino's They have stepped up their game They got specialty pizzas That's the big thing That's my favorite word Specialty or pizza You like specialty pizzas This is the spicy chicken bacon ranch Look at that thing, that's got chicken That's got jalapenos That thing is so good, dude And it's got mozzarella 100% real matzo finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce You love buffalo sauce What about this one? Extrava-ganza Extrava-ganza And I already ate a piece, it was delicious And you know what's in this dude? Pepperoni ham, Italian sauce, beef Fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms And black olives all sandwiched between Two layers of provolone And cheese made with 100% real mozzarella Dude, I'll have another bite, why not Do a full two over Extrava-ganza Extrava-ganza They got the spicy chicken bacon ranch The people's pizza deluxe That of extrava-ganza and the meatza The meatza pizza has all the meat you could ever Let me guess, pepperoni ham Got it, there's no way they have Italian sauces as well You better believe they have that and beef And it's all sandwiched between two layers of provolone and cheese made with 100% Real mozzarella Pizza Pizza, pizza, pizza Do you like pizza? We know you do, we like pizza And if you're looking to order some pizza You got some friends over, you watch in the game Or you're playing a video game Or you're hanging out in the game of life So grab yourself some dominoes Draft King Sportsbook Do you know what the three T's of Thanksgiving are? 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Oh my god, in high school I used to have posters And they were all ripped apart because Back then we didn't have display But if we had displayed back then I would only have displays And now we have displayed it's a one of a kind Metal poster designed to capture your unique passions It's created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy Right here you can see it's magnet mounted You like lower the rings? You like lower the rings? You like Marvel? They got over 2 million designs from Marvel DC, Warhammer, they have so much of And they have bad friend stuff on there Look at the bad friend stuff on there Each product is high quality design printed on metal And it's not going to put holes in your wall, no drills, no nails Look at the coloring, look at how vibrant the red color is Tied up And Displate is celebrating Black Friday with the biggest discounts ever No better time to grab your holiday gifts And save up to 46% You can skip the boring gifts, get a gift that Gets you or your surprise someone Who shares your fandom It's easy to mount Act Fast, don't miss the best deal of the year Use the discount link in the description, it applies automatically A checkout or use the code BADFRIENDS To get 37% off 1-2 displates 43% off 3-4 displates 46% off 5- Or more displates Displate Collect your passions They're long My Uncle Louis lost his toe And he's now living at my house My kids haven't eaten two days I mean it goes on and on And I'll just have like a moment Have you ever given money to a stranger like that? No, I'll have a moment and I'm like Anyway And I'll just talk for a minute But they're very sad And my heart goes out to them Well I don't read the requests That's insane Because at some point you might get Maybe you will get suckered into doing it And who knows how honest that is See to me, I remember as a kid You know when someone's like Don't give that homeless guy money He's fucking gonna use it for drugs or whatever And then the old joke is like I'm gonna use it for drugs or whatever But I always give him money because They're out there asking I give you some money But the internet, who knows if they're fucking with you On the street it's like Yeah dude, you have some fucking money I've had ex-girlfriends Ask For money? Yeah that is Well no it's not They're just saying can I have money But if they say give me money or else Girls I had seen for four months And they're just out It's tough out there I can't say no What's the most amount of money you've given someone? Oh they're not much, like an electrical bill Oh That's actually clever, I'll pay your bill Yeah I'll pay your bill I've Venmo whatever the electrical bill is I don't give them anything Whatever the thing is Sure Electrical bill is such a random You pay my trash water and power Remember I gave you head one time You told me trash water power So you've never loaned a stranger money I don't loan friends money either You don't No what I will do is give you money It's not a loan, I refuse And I learned this years ago from an older gentleman Who said don't ever loan people money You either give it to them or you don't Right It will not come back, it should not come back It does not exist So do not loan, it'll ruin a friendship It will I've never done this before, I'd ever be like I won a book You get one though Yeah you get one Or I get people work If somebody says to me I need money I'll get them a job, I'll find them a job to get them money Cause then it's easier to go How about I cook you up with something that'll give you money You know what I mean I just did, I did a gig I didn't want to do Just so someone else would get paid I had this girl, it's too dark though I can't talk about it I met her 25 years ago And she's Very hot But she's like I need money I need money, I don't have any money I go you can clean my apartment So she would once a week, twice a week Come over and clean my apartment Oh no, what? You hooked up with her? Yeah This is a Seinfeld episode One day I was taking a nap while she was cleaning And then I wake up and she's literally in my bed And I'm like oh my god this is amazing And then we start seeing each other And then months later she disappears Stop cleaning huh? What? Stop cleaning When she started sucking she stopped cleaning Yeah, yeah That place was a mess And then I would get calls from her mom like have you seen this person Are you being serious? I'm being serious. She went missing? She went missing She cleaned herself out of existence You weren't a suspect? What? No, key suspect And then months after that I get a call and they found her In an abandoned house I'm not kidding you In a bathtub completely naked with heroin Holes all over her arm And she had OD'ed How dirty was your house? Hahaha Hahaha Hahaha She'd rather do heroin Hahaha Than clean your fucking house I'd rather you know Polly's like pretending to be mad at us. I know this whole bit. It's bullshit You should pretend like you're fucking mad at the guy. No, I'm not mad at him Because you don't want to start a false war with a false person That's an old proverb my dad and my grandfather used to tell me Never start war with a fake person fake person. Yeah, never start the fake wall with a fake person Yeah, that should be on everyone's wall. That's right next to live laugh love Everyone listening Polly's trying to start a fake war with us. There's no tension Okay, when we see no, that's this is the game we play. Oh, it's fine. I thought you wanted to play. We're not playing the game All right, go ahead. Yeah, you never know this now this will start a real war with Polly He'll be mad that you did that. Yeah. Yeah, so here's the deal. Okay. I don't know what he's trying to do But he's trying to start some of the we were not even aware of it We don't whenever we see him. It's all hugs and kisses taking a note from the book of Howie Mandel oh, howie Mandel yeah, yeah, how he loves this kind of bull exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then Mandel The last time I saw him like four days ago apolitus profusely for the one of them that him waking me up incident Oh, yeah, did we talked about that, right? Do we never talk about on the show? No, oh, I'll tell everyone that this is what happened This is my war with howie Mandel. This is real. Well, it's not a war anymore Inside still a little okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I I did this movie you know and It was like all the scenes are with me and howie and a lot of people aren't it but and so Jim's movie. No, no, no, no not karate. It's not karate. Gus. No, I'm so excited for that to come out Steve howie's in it Where are you? Oh, please stop show yourself. Did you feel that? All right, go ahead anyway, um And so we're both chefs in this movie anyway, um So we're working all day. We're in every fucking scene and also it was two days of You know Did you hear something? Yeah, stop that stop take it down so We two days straight like five in the morning call time and also mean how we're in every scene Yeah, and it's like we would rap like at midnight. It was fucking tough. So one the next day We did like five scenes in a row all day, which I'm not complaining. It's just that's how movies are It's long days. They're long days and I and finally Somebody goes listen, you're not in the next couple of scenes so you can rest and I was like whenever that they say that I'm like, yes, I love that. So in this studio that we're at there's like this corner of this Studio where it's a kind of away from everything and there's like this long couch Right, yeah, and it's completely dark kind of to so I'm like I was eyeing it all day I was like that's where I'm gonna take my nap, right? So I you know, I curl up and I fall asleep completely asleep About 20 minutes later. I feel something in my ear Okay, and I'm like, you know You know trying to wax. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then I kind of look up and there is a nine-year-old Background actress, mm-hmm. All right. She has her bony white finger inside my ear, dude And I go what the fuck right and I look at her and then I look beyond her and there's howie Mandel With a camera shooting it funny it is it's funny. It's insane, but it's very funny, right? Yeah, but it's not okay It's not okay, but it's very funny. So I kind of get up and go lady get the fuck out of here Right, that's not what you said to her. What I say because you called me you said Who the fuck who are you? Yeah? Yeah? I mean, yeah, we're like who the fuck are you and how he starts laughing? Yeah Yeah, and she turns to him to like validate validate that that he was right, yeah, right and so I look at howie and I go dude Don't do that again, man. What the fuck are you doing? He's like, we're like I'm fine. We're laughing. You know me just a bit right so they all leave. Yeah, I Go back to sleep, right? Then I feel right my hand Is wet in warm water Okay, it's in warm water Right, and then I open my eyes howie mendel has my hand in a bucket of warm water because he was trying to get me to pee Yes in my sleep. Yes, and I went Ape shit. I went fucking nuclear on him. It's very funny. I'm sorry. Yeah, I go fuck you I'm never working with you. I went snap because I was so tired Right, and you know, I mean and I just had reached my breaking point up on howie To the point where in the next scene the director had to come up to us and go hey you guys okay because this isn't working Right like like you guys have to amend this you sent me a photo and you look fucking super pissed I was fucking live it. There's a photo of him with howie. I don't know if you can find it howie behind him He didn't post it He said he's got it in his phone. He sent me a picture of him and howie and he looks So funny and howie's like smiling and Bobby is so fucking mad. I'm so mad. It was hilarious I'm sorry to laugh. Yeah, it's that last scene with him took forever And if the director keep coming out guys come on like fuck this guy And let me just say this too, okay It's disappointing because as a kid growing up Bobby's world. I was a huge I still love him deeply. Yeah, but my huge howie Mandel fan I can't even believe that he calls me and stuff like it, you know, sometimes you'll you know You've been fans of somebody and then now they call you. Yeah, and you're just in awe of it Yeah, oh my god. I can't fucking believe. Yeah, so and so knows me. Yeah, it's shocking. It's shocking, right? You have all that in play, right? But then you know once that just goes out the window and now he's just some old dude fucking with you You're right and then and it got to the point where after we wrapped You know how they go if people don't know when if you're sure it's your last scene in the movie You know the director goes alright. That was Bobby's last scene Wrap on Bobby and everyone claps. I fucking hate it. I hate it too, right? So they do it, but I grabbed my shit. I don't say anything to anybody I just hit right off the thing get in my car and I fucking drive away the crew loved it They hated it, you know, I was really fucked but you weren't being mean to the crew You're not I was just so livid and then you know the repeated text. So finally I ran into Howie He goes, hey, man. I owe you dinner. I go. We're good. We're good. We don't I don't want to have dinner Whether you're gonna know I was the old lady and she's gonna fucking Throw food at me in the middle of it. Yeah, I mean, what would you have done? I mean, I'm much more temperamental than you that would have fucking look the first one I'd have been like ha ha ha. Yeah, then the second one I would have been like, okay, I'm gonna fucking get you back bad I'm gonna get you back fucking bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I probably would have smeared poop in his trailer Something fun like but you that right? I'm not oh, I would have loaded up. Yeah, you you got mad and left I would have loaded up. I would have been preparing during the day. How can I fucking? Yeah? You know, how can I can I slash his tires? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I really take it to the next level. Yeah that it shouldn't go to yeah I went yeah, I mean, so I it wasn't an appropriate my feelings No, it was it was disrespectful of how you've also you don't you know, there's an old rule old world rule You know the old world rule. Tell me you don't you don't pester a sleeping man That I've heard that from a lot of you do not you don't pester sleeping man You don't pester sleeping man. Don't start fake wars with a fake person And more importantly, you don't pester a sleeping man. Yeah, you don't pester a sleeping man Yeah, you know, you are vulnerable when they're sleeping. You don't do that. Yeah, fuck on me. I better be awake Also, it's not it's not I was fatigued. You're tired from the show. Yeah, I was running on two hours of sleep I was like fatigued. Yeah. Yeah, that a 70 year old man is playing those games is so funny That's why it's funny. That's why how he's a funny guy. He's a funny guy Because he will fuck with you but this beef that that this beef that is being had right now with you and Pauly It's fake. You don't like it. It's not that I don't like it Because when I see him it's like did and we hug and all that stuff, right? You love him. I love him, but like He's trying to start this thing. I've seen online is I don't know anything about it. I got a miss call from him though Probably this yeah, but he told me he was like, but we're not gonna bite You're not but I was kind of willing to have fun with it But yeah, I like that you're like fucked up. This is the best route. It's the one that you want to take so I'll be on there Yeah, yeah, I'll ride with you. What's the route that you wanted to take? I wanted to see a little fake war between you guys, but it was with you too. Nah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was bad friends. It wasn't just me. I know but he came up to me in the parking lot. Yeah, like Think we should do something me and Bobby. Yeah mad at him. No That's something that he would say mad that way. Yeah Yeah, no, I didn't I did I didn't know if he had talked to you about it. That's why I was curious No, he was he's been um, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. Yeah, it's one of the sweetest guys. Yeah, yeah, but um, yeah, I'm not doing I'll do I'll do a war with Howie Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he would this is what he wants though That's the thing with how he's mentality. You know, I mean he thrives onto the shit. He does. Yeah, I'm not biting No, Bill Burr Billy Corgan thing was he was in love in every minute of that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I did too It was fascinating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I love to see Bill Matt What he's the best is the best that and Billy Corgan. Yeah. Yeah, okay. He was sheepish in that well It was a little he was like, oh, I didn't know it was a little unnerving. It's unnerving. Yeah, the whole thing was a little shit But yeah, Howie, um, we're good We're good, we're good. Yeah, you've never been mad on a set or no one's ever fucked you like pissed you off I've made so many people man. I had the last season of Dave. I had an unfortunate Moment it wasn't just me. Yeah The director I love this The director tell me tell me I wouldn't mention her name or anything. Yeah, but We were shooting a scene outside. We were like out in the countryside and it was like a Crazy fucking morning like nothing was set up, right? It was kind of wackadoo and it was a lot of moving pieces But it was also like a huge wide for people at home that want to know Usually shoot a wide and then you come in close depends on the director's style But a lot of times you get this big fuck off wide you get to warm up and then you get to the scene And you get really down to the nitty gritty you get really micro Anyway, we're shooting this huge fucking wide and we're like walking through and I'm like We're walking through and then we go behind this bus that we're on and then we kind of are chilling But it's me and a few of the castmates And so we're kind of fucking through the scene because you're never gonna use that shot for more than a quarter of a tenth of a second Yeah, so then we go around the bus and we're all chatting And she fucking loses it We can fucking hear you This is the third fucking time you guys are talking through the fucking day and you're not even like a bunch of children when she called us children That's when I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Yeah, I was like, I love it. I love it. I was like you're crazy out of pocket. Yeah, I'm a fucking adult male You don't talk to anybody like that She was losing her cool and also because the episode was kind of not the way they wanted it to go And I was like, this isn't our fault She was so then me i'm not naming people and the two other castmates were like You got it You got it. Yeah, then the the rest of that scene was even harder for her because I was giving nothing You're pissed. Yeah, I was like, oh, you think that's oh, you think that's annoying Wait, do you see what we do in the next fuck when you get tighter? Yeah, just wait Wow, we'll do 30 of them now. Wow, you know treat me like a fucking kid. That's crazy. I'm a grown-up Just be like, hey you guys we can hear you. She lost her fucking cool and subsequently, you know Haven't heard from her in a while I don't think she's getting on Yeah, she lost her and the whole crew was like, what the fuck was that like the whole crew was like Because what you do is you bring down the energy of the thing It was like, why are you doing that then you're because all the crew guys are like, you know, like the sound guy was like Yeah, like what's that about? Yeah, so then everyone's in a weird mood like why are you being that way? You're just blowing up on people because you're upset about something so But can you do what daniel day kim does Be asian. No, no, no, no, no, Daniel. You can't get day kim told me about he was on a set once where The director was the first day and goes hey, man, you're 30 minutes late screams at him. Yeah, but he wasn't late He was on time. Yeah, so daniel pulled him aside and he go hey, man Don't talk to me like that. I love that. Yeah, why can't we do that? I'm not daniel day kim. Oh, that's right. Yeah Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, you can though. You're dander sentino. Oh, what what's going on here? What's up, dude? Who are you dude? Damn, dude, you ordered that meant yeah Take a seat. You want to sit down or oh, yeah, for sure I Hey, man I have a Idea for you, Bob if you want. Oh, we're at bob now Shopify we have an online business here at bad friends. We only use the best we use Shopify We use Shopify because Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business It brings together in store and online operations boom as one across up to a thousand locations Imagine being able to guarantee that shopper is always convenient Endless aisle ship to customer Buy online pickup in stores all made simpler so customers can shop how they want and staff Have the tools to close the sale every time. Here's the best part. It's proven. We use them. We love them We have these shirts right now a new shirt merch and we're shipping them out and thanks to uh Shopify we're able to get them to you through a seamless system In fact, it's proven based on a report from e y businesses on Shopify pos see real results Like 22 better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9 uplift in sales on average 8.9 Relative to the market set surveyed get all the big stuff for your small business right now with Shopify Sign up for your one dollar per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash bad friends Go to Shopify.com slash bad friends Shopify.com slash bad friends Rocket money. Oh my thank you so much. I mean I told you about I thank you so much because I've spent I I'm saving now thousands and thousands of dollars a year. I know because of rock and money Well, rock and money is a personal finance app that helps them find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors You're spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Bobby's finally off of that Endless chain of money being wasted on apps and games and all sorts of nonsense that you just aren't using anymore rock and money finds it Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture including bill due dates and pay days in a way that's easy to digest You can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending best part is rock and money What they're going to do is they try to negotiate the bills for you So they want to lower those bills And the app it'll automatically scan these bills find opportunities to save and it goes to work to get those better deals done For you you don't got to talk to customer service anymore. That's gone. They'll do it for you So rock and money has saved users over 2.5 billion dollars including over 880 million and cancel subscriptions alone They're 10 million members saved up to 740 dollars a year when they use all of the apps premium features Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money go to rocket money.com slash bad friends today That's rocket money.com slash bad friends rocket money.com slash bad friends 500 orders a month was manageable 5,000 is madness Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ship station The only platform combining order management warehouse workflows Inventory returns an analytics in one place What used to take five separate tools? Ship station does in one go to shipstation.com and use code start to try ship station free for 60 days So what's your last name? Mr. Mr. Bob. That's bobby lee. Bobby lee. Yeah Yes, what's your name? Get comfortable Thanks. What's your name? Uh, Zach Townsend You're a great idea. What's going on? I got it. I got a business idea for you guys. So okay, but it is gonna pitch it to you Yeah, this is gonna get me out of the hole. Okay chat ebt Okay, I love it before you yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not what you're probably thinking. Yeah. Yeah, this is I know exactly what it is It's not it's uh, it's chat gbt for black people Yeah, yeah, how does that work? How does it work? So basically you like ask well, it doesn't work It's not it could be working. That's why snap got taken away. It's not working right now Yeah, but it basically you axe it a question And then it just says oh hell no Oh, I see. Yeah. Well, it's a really good idea. That's a great idea. So is it a I or? Allen Iverson, yeah You want a piece of pizza? It looks like you got a lot. Yeah, I 20 boxes, baby It's probably blocking your face. Can I just put it off to the side? Yeah. This is my favorite part I knew he was gonna look at one right away Yeah, well, there's more in there. There's different kinds. I like this kind. I have some pepperoni if you want some I've seen that movie before I'm not Right Ladies and gentlemen of bad friends family Bad friends family. This is our good friend Zach Townsend great comedian great Who opened for me for a little while what happened wait. Yeah, wait. What happened? He started closing Oh your headliner as a headliner. Yeah. Well can't open anymore when you're closing Yeah, I mean, you know, you're people to run those stores, right? You can't close if it's open. Yeah, exactly Yeah, Zach is a phenomenal comic Nashville, although it is a good excuse If you don't want somebody to open for you you you pull them inside Yeah, this is the first time here. I thought I was still open This pizza thing was a bit but I think this might Well, I figured you're gonna go hungry for a little while so I was like to give that man some pizzas Who opens for you now Anybody but Zach. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I heard cat bird got a little thing from you cat bird. We did take down cat bird was awesome Yeah, we did was oh, oh you did braille last weekend idiot. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah Yeah, we did braille and I took cat bird and and uh, Zach and Zach came to Zach. Zach. How was cat Zach? Yeah, Zach. Yeah ZAC, what? ZAC. Yeah, I got to change your contact on my phone Uh, uh, Zach and cat went down then Devontre Coleman comes with me when he can when he's not, you know, yeah blowing up this guy Yeah, this guy just came from tell him what you just did. I just did Come on. Tell him the way you told me. I just did. Uh, no, I just did I just did comics unleashed Why I want to work at domino Wow I was uh Byron he's great unleashed for people that don't know it's a comedic institution. It's been around for it's gotta be 20 years. I mean, right? How long has it been on tv? I was all for a while ever Yeah, I mean genuinely look at how long has it been on but Byron Allen has been running this show It's a round table of comics on couches and they you know, you pitch your jokes and you get to run your bits Mm-hmm. Uh, it's been on for 19 years. I was right there. I said who was on it with you today It was Guy Tory from American history. I love guys so much. He's great. He's an old friend of mine. Good. Yeah I actually opened for him a couple times in Nashville. So maybe you can open for him again because i'm done with you Who else? Um, and then two other people. I don't remember their names, but they're they're nice They'll be real they're nice. You don't know their names really? I really don't know that Um, one of them was like Laurie something then the other guy was he had gray hair. I remember that. Oh gray hair gray hair Gray hair comedian gray hair. Wait, didn't cat film with you? Wasn't she's gonna film? She we all did different ones But she she's filming today. I'm pretty sure those guys, you know, they do did you ever do comics unleashed? I've been asked. I never did it. I can't believe you and I we were popped didn't have enough We're the only headliners that I didn't have enough what? No, sir I survived and I have enough bits I was just joking The look of anger with a little bit of pizza on your mouth Fucking perfect. You know, can I be honest hit him hard? I don't give a shit. He's not mine. He's not mine That hit me so hard. Yeah, like it's a destroyer of friends. Well, now, why don't you go on comics at least improve him wrong? Why? You could prove him. Good one Why didn't you do it? I didn't feel that's not a format for me Me either me either if I'm being honest There was never a point in my career that I thought I was going to be good on that show Yes, I never did late. I only did conan Now conan was the only one I wanted to do because I loved conan and I always wanted to do letterman, but by the time I had the balls put together letterman was gone And so conan was my hero. I wanted to conan. I got on conan and they were like, why don't you want to do other late night? I was like, how much more shit are you gonna fucking open? How much more fucking shit are you gonna open? We have one more We do have one more. Let's hear it Yeah, thank you writing the mic God these guys this is how unprofessional the show is they don't know to turn their mic down when they're doing some dumb shit like that But he'll do that for you he'll come running like a little pipsqueak that he is get go get go get go God, I love that kid. He's the best. He is my favorite No, but I only wanted to do conan and then when they asked do the other ones I thought I'm gonna bomb on that show. Did you bomb? Oh, yeah, I yeah, I I had a heart I was telling my cone outside. I did like three black jokes. I did like three black I'm surprised even let me do them do them here. Let me hear them. Well, uh, give me the premise I can say do I know because you know, yeah, I did well the one that you know that you like Um, the the we're the only ones who know how to whisper. Oh, yeah And then they then him and guy Tory were like, I think no, I don't think they like got offended But they were like I made a joke about like I said I have a lot of black friends You could tell by my shoes and after the joke they're like, man, you really got that ain't black people friend shoes, you know Yeah, I did They unked on me. They unked. They unked me. They unked me. Oh, yeah, they're like no white guy that wears air force ones Every white guy that wears air force ones is friends with black people. It's it's almost a requirement when you buy them at footlocker They're like, let me see your phone. You gotta show them how many black friends you have and your phone's dead And you're like, can I charge my phone? They're like, you definitely What is that cricket you good? Why did you do it? Um, because I'm just trying to say yes to a lot of things Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, Zach is a great comic and he needs more credits and the internet now is fucking flooded with a billion comics doing Every clip and then he needs to fucking be a part of the system like everything else. This is a credit, right? It's a huge credit No bits I was kidding. I'm a huge fan. Yeah Wait, give me give me the other jokes you told do it just so we can hear him Oh, I did um, I said one about like I think true crime Like you know because it has to be clean too So it can't be as good as but I said like, you know, I think white crimes get investigated a little bit harder than black crimes You know just based off the names they name these things like a white woman will go missing And they'll they'll call it like the 12 year disappearance of sarah And like a black guy gets murdered and then just like the first 48 hours, you know That's a great they wrap it up quick. Yeah. Yeah, he liked that one by run like that one. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah He didn't like the Do the other one do the other one. I said I talked to one of my black friends was telling me I was chat ebt. I'm like, this is all I'm just doing I'm like nick de palo now. Yeah, do it nick um, I said Um, I have a lot of black friends if you can't tell about my black friend told me the other day He said I don't trust white people because they're always telling secrets And I was like, I don't agree with that statement at all. You know, I just think we're the only race that knows how to whisper I It's a fantastic job and they pushed back on that No, I mean he just kind of like they were kind of going after my shoes and it felt like maybe that one Did you fire back at all? A little bit Yeah, I said it You said the n word. No. No. No. I said stop stop guys. Are you nervous? Oh a little bit. It's not as it's not it wasn't as nerve It says I thought I was gonna be Yeah, well, no because you I mean at some point, you know, you got the If you have all the weapons, you're like, well, I'm just gonna swing and then hopefully they hit and it's a live audience Yeah, yeah, and they're they alive. I don't know. I was like looking at someone like these some of these people might be AI for real Like they're it's probably a lot of tweakers. The reason why I don't like these types of shows is is that it's so it's not organic, right? It's like You mean what you what are you gonna say so I can lead up to it? So it's the conversation is so fake and but that's every prompt on late night. They do the same thing They prompt you well, that's why I've never done them. I you know, I mean, right. Yeah, I just can't do it Right. It's a it's an old it's an old format. Yeah, but it's a car Carson did it It was the way that fucking Carson set up his show too. I mean there was way more improv back then But also there's a lot of dead air if you watch old Carson, there's an awful lot of fucking dead air wouldn't fly today Yeah, like, you know, it just there's moments of gaps where you're like, oh, this is like valuable tv time Yeah, but they need the prompts to keep the thing moving. I mean Byron Allen This guy talk about proving all those conspiracy theories wrong. He bought the weather, right? Yeah, he bought the weather The jays can yeah the jays control it, but he bought it. Yeah They must have some sort of mutual agreement, right? Yeah, he distributes the jays, right the jays own it, but he distributes it Wow, okay Byron next week. It's been rain As my company I can make it rain if I want to He acquired the weather byron Allen bought the weather channel 300 million dollar deal in 2018 Wow, and by the way, this guy's got 300 million dollars to buy the fucking weather channel He paid this guy like 48 dollars to go on tv today. Wow. What did they give you for those? What did they give you for those live shows? There's a couple hundred bucks. It wasn't a thousand, but it wasn't it wasn't 500 Even my it were at my house. Even my wife is like 200 hours You can't they that's what they give you I was like tv's dead. Yeah, they're killing everyone. They're not giving anyone any money I'm not even sure what it is. I don't even the comics on leash might be on the weather channel. I don't Don't even know they didn't tell me like what network It runs side by side with a fucking a doppelganger A doppler alert. That's nice though. That's nice that you got that under your belt That's first literal tv credit first literal tv credit. Yeah, give it up for the boy, huh? Come on Bobby's still fuming from the bits. Oh, no Yeah, you are. I love just tell him you are tell him you hate it. Yeah, I love it No, he always tries to hit me whenever I know you no I give you gentle touches. Yeah, I'm a pit on the pee on the pee. No the other night when I saw you at the store I did side Side gentle touches on your side No, yeah, but you're always I don't you're you're mind you think that I'm gonna do something nefarious I think you're really strong. Yeah, I am very strong. I know. Yeah. That's why I don't like he's got that strength I got that Yeah, but if we always one extra chromosome And I Dude I will repeat all of you We two won and then fight it You know you start the karate ghost the peanut butter fracking Hey, good peanut butter health could yeah Who who books the um, how'd you get the show on my man my management facebook? I Answer an ad on fucking facebook. They just put you on that thing. Yeah, you got bits We should do it what we should do it together. There's no way why I don't want to do it It would be fun We could make the request it would have to be just me you and Byron And they would hunt there. Why would they not do that? They'd be so funny That would be awesome You do like family feud style and get like two more like bad friends of jason just do all four of you I think that'd be fun. Yeah, you can do all you guys don't bring up family feud. We lost a flavor for you. Yeah So this day if you if you were asked to do family feud, right? We did it. No, but it was my family Oh, that well rub it in. So no, but no, but they they're gonna ask you sentino, right? Would I be a part of your five? No You know how mad it be if I wasn't the perfect one wants to win Well, you didn't get many answers, right I'm going for skill. Yeah tactics who would be on your family dude. Imagine who would they put me up against by the way They put you up against flavor flay, so they're doing like That's right, what what is it about? They're like i'm asian flavor flay dude. They're in the meeting room. They're like, all right. Check it out. Yeah Who's bobby lee's perfect counterpart? Who's like Who's like a black? Yeah, like flavor flay. Yeah, who would I have as my family? It would be me you My sister My wife my mom or my dad wouldn't want to do it. Maybe my dad my sister. Definitely me you my sister. Yeah um Who should be really good see I'd be tactical you weren't tactical What do you mean? I chose the wrong person Esther Me you my sister Raul my landscaper that'd be funny. He's fucking amazing. Now. He's so funny. That'd be so funny Raul and um Brian holtzman Just because I feel like him and steve would have a battle. Yeah. Yeah Holtsman would be funny hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, he's so funny to watch him scream at steve harvey I mean they would fucking hate each other. That's like two opposite energies. Yeah I would next time I do it if I ever do it. I would I would choose the team that would win Yeah, we will we'll get a little team together. Oh, no, they're never gonna ask me. I'm with you. I'm your plus one They don't want me. They're gonna ask you. They don't want me. Please ask them Because I need redemption I'd rather I'd rather go on wheel of fortune. Oh, I'll be bad at that game. Well, you guess letters I'm not gonna It's not jeopardy. Yeah, Zach's got one more day here in Los Angeles. We sent him around we did almost everything with the boy Yeah, then he goes back to Nashville to his girlfriend who he loves Yeah, just got him just got himself a new house. Yeah, it's incredible house. Thanks, bob amazing. You did it. You helped Oh, yeah, I extorted money from you. I'm the mexican gangster. Oh, I see Yeah, you better buy my opener a fucking house, right? And you both in lives with you. Yeah. Yeah, I would hope so they bought a house together Oh together. She's paying for some of the mortgage. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we're doing it. This is a light So this is a life partner. Yeah, probably. Yeah, unless yeah, yeah, I mean how long he would have been doing that? What I did in my comics and leased trailer. Yeah But how long I mean how long you've been dating with her for like three three years. Okay. That's a good enough time. Yeah Yeah, she's red. Yeah. Yeah. She's she's very good looking. She's cool. She's smart She's way better than Zach. It's one of those things where it's annoying when you're like, oh the partner is more superior But and then you sometimes wonder Is he holding her hostage? Yeah, he's shreckin. Yeah, you're shreckin. Yeah, you're shreckin hard A new slang a new slang term for the dating trend of intentionally dating someone you consider to be less attractive than yourself Hopefully they'll treat you better. All right. Yeah, that's pretty spot on That's actually like that's almost like whoever made this knows me and my girlfriend So what's what's your dream here? What do you what do you want out of this business? I want to I want him out Yeah, what is it? I just to be as successful as you guys really? Yeah Never Yeah, should for the moon, right? Was that a shot? He does this all the time. Yeah. Let me tell you something pal Let me tell you something pal We have your replacement We casted him the fans answered. He was a hit. He was a hit. He was a was he not a hit? Yes, yeah, yeah And he's a hit and you're a what what you're a lump. I miss a miss. Yeah. Yeah No, you're a hit I love you I'll stop stop It goes bumpy tonight Karate ghosts coming this fall. Do we know when it comes out? No, I don't know do karate ghosts release date Wait, what is this he's in a movie called karate ghosts. It's gonna be awesome January 31st 2023 it already came out You filmed it after it came out That's how good the movie Came out. Was there another karate ghost? How they're came how on fucking earth is there more than one of two right? We did the remake I Here's the one you're in with belushi Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law the film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bomb of the ghost of his late Father's favorite action hero. Yeah, are you you're just a local? You're not one of the are you the ghost? No, no, no I play a sensei And that's why yeah, I know and that's why exactly the question you just asked me five minutes ago Yeah, who was it? Daniel Day Kim? Yeah, that's why we Are not Daniel Day Kim. I know because you played a sensei. I know and I'm in the magic movie for four heartbeats Yeah, they make me disappear Yeah, Zach close out the show by saying thanks for being a bad friend into your camera. Thanks for being a bad friend everybody That was terrible. Hey everybody. Thanks for being a bad friend Oh 500 orders a month was manageable Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ship station The only platform combining order management Warehouse workflows inventory returns an analytics in one place What used to take five separate tools ship station does in one go to shipstation.com And use code start to try ship station free for 60 days