Marriage Made Me Understand What Love Really Is | Sadie, Christian, Bella & John Luke

What's up everybody, happy wo that's good, Wednesday, this is our recap episode for all the incredible advice we've gotten all year long. I think we've done this kind of year recap, at least for the past couple years and I think you guys were my guests in the past one and two and it just keeps working so well and it's one of my favorite things to do to get to be in the studio with John Luke and Bella and Christian. Am I still considered a guest or am I like considered a co-host now? Oh. Well you said guest and you didn't include me in the guest. But co-host is like really far. He'd be at like a co-host showing up late today walking in roasted new Bella and then Bella hidden with your friend. Don't act like you're ready to go when I walked in. You don't have to say that on the broadcast. You don't have to show anything on the broadcast. You don't have to show anything on the broadcast. People need to know that you just called your brother and mom but hold before we start doing this. He was acting like one. I was being sarcastic and it came across to you as being a behold. To you. To you. Okay. Not the me. I love you. I used spelled things out sometimes. It is very funny. Thank you. Okay. Without further ado, we should probably hop on in because there's so much good advice that we've gotten this year. I always love this too because I think I'll listen to my podcast. I do. I listen to the one with family. I always listen to the ones with family. That's actually sweet because you would think you would listen to the ones not family since you hear us talk all the time. No. I like to listen to the ones family. I like to hear you'll say about me like last week's. Same. I do. I like to. Yeah. I like the ones with family. I like to. I only listen to the podcast to hear what people say about you. No, but I was just saying that because of last week's. I always do. I always do. I always do. I always do. They have been to bring me up a lot of times. I do. So the last one you listened to though for reference because it won't be at the same time when this comes out was Will and Abbey's. No, no, no. It was Mary Kate and Abbey. No, Mary Kate and Abbey. Mary Kate and Abbey. And I kept talking about Abella and Jacob went stargazing on their first date, which apparently they did not, but it was what you all planned. But it was. It was what he asked me to do. And then we never did. We went on a picnic. You're just making out the whole time. Christian. I'm just kidding. Wait, okay. This is not how to do with this podcast, but what was you, Mary Kate's first date? First real date. For there's this listening to the audio version, I just cut my eyes. On there, a facial expressions. No, this is just me wasting time. Wow, I think of what the answer was. And I can't think of it. I know. Ten years. No, we did. We were on that trip. Well, we consider our first date was when we were on that trip to you were there. And we went. That was when you all established our dating. Oh, yeah, yeah. It used to march by the pronounced Ides of March. It was March 15th. Yeah, that's when we started dating on the Ides of March. That's when we started dating on the Ides of March. Yeah. But we call it the Ides. The Ides. And we do celebrate the Ides every year. The, um, our first day, I actually think we went to Waffle House. I think it was our legitimate first date. That would not surprise me. We went to Waffle House. We'll have to ask Mary Kate. Yeah. It makes out she's in the podcast. You should ask her. You know what's crazy to me? Like, now I think about my health, but in high school, I would go to Waffle House so often in the mornings and get a chocolate chip waffle with a Coke. If I did that now, I would feel so sick after that. You did a Waffle House before school? Yeah. On Tuesday's game days. Again, on a game day, I would start my day off with chocolate and a Coke. Yeah. I'm like, just think it about, because now I think like, okay, if I want to play good, I would eat something good and healthy for me to feel strong. Back then, I was like, I need a chocolate chip waffle and a Coke right now. And it was the best thing ever. And maybe we should do that on a Tuesday. We should. Maybe you play to a good. Maybe that's good advice. Okay. But for real, let's get to actual good advice for this year. All right. Episode one of last year, January 8th, Preston Perry was on the podcast. Talk about a strong start. Very strong, sir. And I love what he said. If God gave me a spouse that met my every condition, I would never learn how to love unconditionally. Why are you laughing? Sorry. Sorry, my phone buzzed and fell off to me. No, I just looked at you. Listen, my first time on the podcast. I'll ask your cell phone, amateur. Okay, sorry. Okay, well, that was really good advice. And one thing about Preston and Jackie, because they were on a couple of times this year, they are so well spoken. It's wild. I think because like they both are poets and also she does rap. Like they are so good with just their every day. Yeah, like just their every day conversations. Like he just throws that out there. Like it's nothing and it's so beautiful and it's so good. You love talking with them. From a poet, because you're a poet, do you sometimes feel like you want to talk like that? Like what? Like you know, like this is what he said. Meet my every condition. I would never learn how to love unconditionally. Yeah, yeah. And that's beautiful. Yeah, do you ever talk like that? Just for fun? No. But I feel like for them, they talk for living and like they think through these things all the time. So like I feel like if maybe I was doing that more than maybe I would think like that more, but that's true. So translation, what he means is God did not give me a robot. I think when he's upset our tone, because we're being too giggly right now. No, I'm being serious. That's what he's implying. He's basically saying. And when they gave you everything you want, which is what a robot would do. No, I think. He press a button and it happens. Then yes, you would never learn how to love unconditionally. I think that's really good advice. Not what Christian said, but what he said. I think it's really good advice. I really do. I think that it's beautiful. I think that's so true. And obviously like we've all been married. I've been married for four years. You're five or six? I'm a six. Almost six. And you for ten, I feel like you learned so much about yourself and you grow so much being married. Everyone says marriage is mere and like you learn so much. And it's so true. I feel like you really grow a lot in your ability to love unconditionally because of that exact reason. So I think that's so true. That's true. And it's really cool. We were talking about this yesterday. The beautiful thing about relationship that you cannot get anywhere else like a robot. People are starting relationships with AI now and it's so sad and so weird. But it's like the beauty of relationship and what makes it so like love be real. And vulnerability means so much. And as you see all that is that you really know that person. You've overcome things with that person. And it's like that cannot be traded for anything that this world can give you temporarily. Like to really know someone and love someone and forgive someone and walk through life with someone is just like so special. And I think people are afraid of the bumps in the road. People are afraid of the hard things. But it truly is like those hard things that make you get to experience love in a way on this side of heaven. That is so holy. Yeah, I think I think the lot of people believe is that if you did have a spouse that met your every condition, you'd be happier. And short term that could maybe be true. But long term, yeah, it's the highs and the lows that you come out of hard things. And you have those deeper moments that yeah, I do think you experience a deeper love. When you go through hard things, when you don't see eye to eye, you actually have to work through real problems as humans. Yeah, I think too. It's important to like flip that whole thing because it's like as much as yes, we learn to love unconditionally. You also are loved unconditionally, which is like I feel like what makes it so worth it because not only are you loving someone through maybe like them not being perfect. You're also being loved the same way, which is which is the best gift you can be given. There's the poet side of you. Yeah, thinking about the idea of unconditional love, it's really I really understand now after being married 10 years. Why the our promise is till death drop us apart because if there's any kind of condition, you're going to fail in it. Yeah, and whoever you're marrying is going to change. Like, American have been married 10 years. I'm not the same person I was at 20. She's not the same person. She was at 20. We've changed over the last 10 years and we've had to fall in love with each other over and over again. While we go through things and make mistakes and experiencing things and having points of weakness and points of strength, all of those experiences have changed us as people. And that commitment to love and the marriage has to be able to encompass all of those changes that you have as a person. Yeah, that's so true. The reason we were talking about this yesterday is because we're coming out of another postpartum, I guess that's still am. It's only been three months, which is crazy. But it's like, you have three nine months of pregnancy and then your postpartum. And then we finally find, like you're stride again, there's like, oh, pregnant again and then postpartum. And then finally, like, okay, and then pregnant again and postpartum. And it's like, that's a lot of change in like your hormones and your life and your lifestyle. And now adding kids to the mix and your body and your all of the different things. And so those are certainly like conditions that go up and down, but like to be loved unconditionally in those seasons and like learn how to serve each other, learn how to love each other, learn how to be intentional, learn how to be selfless. Um, surely you do come out of those on the other side of it and just like, oh, I love you so much more. And even though those are hard things, sometimes and uncomfortable things, like we wouldn't want to go back to our marriage before kids, because it's so much stronger now, even though it's different, you know. And so, yeah, I think that's a beautiful thing that he said and definitely good point for a style. Definitely good advice. Definitely good advice. Whoa, that is so good. I remember whenever we started low and I had all the what ifs, what if I fell, what if it isn't where I need to be and looking back, I can see so clearly that God had his hand and the whole thing starting something new is exciting, but it's also very scary. And that's why I'm thankful for Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all ecommerce in the US from massive brands to tiny startups. Team low starts on Shopify every single day for managing inventory and staying on top of orders. It just works. You can build a beautiful online store with templates to actually match or vibe and their AI tools are game changers. They help write product descriptions, page headlines, even enhance product photos, plus everything's in one place. So inventory, payments, analytics, and they have a 24 seven customer support. It really feels like you have a built in business partner. I think it's so amazing for anyone starting out of business. This is the place to do it. Like I said, we do it for low. Duck commander does it. It's just honestly very simple and does everything for you. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash whoa go to Shopify.com slash whoa again that Shopify.com slash whoa. I'm going to skip a little bit because since we're kind of on the relationship train. We had Phil Wickham and Christian Stan Phil, which was so fun. They were in town. They were doing a little concert, not a little concert is actually pretty big one out of local church. And I love this. He said questions of mentor asked him when he was feeling a fear of commitment with his now wife when they were dating. And the reason we talked about this too and why I want to bring it up is because so many people are like overthinking. Is this person the one even when it's kind of clear like they are the one and our generation certainly struggles with commitment issues like thinking maybe there's a better option out there not wanting to commit because again fear of all the hard things. But these were the questions that he asked himself does she love Jesus does she make you love Jesus more do you think she's pretty do you want to hang out with her every day. Do you trust her to raise your kids asking these questions is how he realized he was supposed to marry his wife. And so I think that's good. That was like such good advice. I don't over think it just ask yourself the basic questions and then go okay is it a yes on these things that are really important that I'm ready to commit. And back to what we just talked about committing is not saying okay it's going to be great. It's going to be perfect. It's going to be easy committing is saying no matter what this is who I choose to do life with. I love that book mainly a soul is in that Chandler says it's not a question of like will I argue with someone immediately who do I want to argue with for the rest of my life. And he was like and I choose Lauren to do that with. Yeah you're going to argue with somebody do I want to be this person or someone else and I don't love arguing but I would happy to argue with you. What do you think about that are you all over thinkers when it comes to commitment decisions. I was saying I'm not I think that which I don't want to skip ahead but there's advice on there that I really resonate with about like hearing from God. I'm not able to discern God's voice from Pete Richardson and I'm sure we'll talk about that in a minute. Bring it up let's talk about it. You have it actually written out so you can read it if you want to. That was actually the next one. It says are you talking about well kind of both of his or good I read both he said it is a jungle out there but if you learned to discern the voice of your father God you will be able to navigate anything in that jungle. I love that then he said he was faced with a big decision he called his dad and asked for advice and his dad said go on a 30 minute walk and ask God what he wants you to do. That gave him the gift of inquiring of God and discerning the voice of God. That's so good I feel like that's something I've learned a lot and also just like I don't know if it's I feel like me and you both were this way but it was kind of that like when you know you know situation. I always feel like when people ask me how do you know the one I'm like I don't know I just felt confident and I also felt like God gave me a piece about it and I feel like that's something I've learned a lot. Especially in the past year but really just all through this whole journey is just like learning to listen to God and like even if it doesn't say in the Bible make this decision. God will tell that to you and like you'll feel peace about it you'll feel confident and things like that. So I feel like that I don't know that's how I would enter it I guess it's just like knowing when you know you know really is I feel like a commercial thing people say a lot but as a Christian I think God will give you that piece and you'll know you know. I love that. It's so good. Yeah I think it's it's not over thinking it I think it's important to think about your relationship and you're going to spend the rest of your life with. And even down to who you're going to be friends with you know I got married at 19 so it was a little different circumstance for me but I've seen a lot of relationships over the years. People I know who've become couples or even people who've become friends and people I've been friends with and those questions I think are spot on on what you should be focusing on. Yeah I think one of that the keys is friendship is who you're going to hang out with them every day you know everyone's got problems everyone's got you know different things and it does kind of come down to like is this something I can overlook in the beginning stages so then later on. Yeah you can forgive them move on. Yeah. In friendships I even think about but I want to say I think that to really get to know somebody it's not over thinking it but I think people should think about it over a longer period of time. Yeah. You know like it takes months years maybe sometimes to really get to know somebody and that's not like scary off but that's not what I think. Yeah I think it's not like scary off but that's a just you have to understand that's part of the process. You know at Kim Chioca when I'm hiring staff we were higher 60 staff members a year I've hired hundreds probably thousands over a thousand staff members in the past 10 years and I've interviewed thousands and usually in the first five minutes I know if they're going to be a good counselor not but a lot is a lot of things. A lot of times I'm super surprised some people I think they're going to be great couple months later they get to camp and they end up surprising the value of sometimes someone who I was like oh they kind of sound weaker in the interview they end up being awesome you know so like once you get past that first like date or that first like meeting you're like okay I enjoyed this time then you you have to understand that it might take months to really understand kind of get their character that's good. That just made me think of one thing that I wrote on like my list of you know who I want my husband to be one day I guess it was just kind of funny that I had a list but I feel like a lot of girls do have a list but whenever I got like more specific on my list one of things I wrote was I want him the wait to tell me he loves me till he really knows me because I feel like in younger relationships you like Russian to like those big words those big things was like you'd have no idea that you don't even know me yet you know and I'm not going to be a good guy. You know and I feel like when you throw out those words too fast you throw out you know I don't know you just get too close too fast sometimes you do miss that really important part of a relationship just truly getting to know someone and I feel like over time again like that can take months for some people that can take years for some people but it is really important and asking yourself like who am I going to marry again that's not over thinking it that's just using wisdom and discernment and getting to know someone because one thing you do is you know you're not going to be a good guy. Because one thing you do have to think about when you're marrying someone is this is not just someone that you like going on a date with this is someone that's going to be like the father to your children you know your y'all's you know uncle to y'all's children you know your siblings kids are going to be on all your family vacations on you know y'all are going to go through the hard things together when you say like in sickness and a health going through sickness is hard and having a spouse who loves you do that the conditions of marriage like. So it's not it's not something to underthink it's just something to use wisdom on it but then it's also not something to overthink when it's clear it's clear it's never going to be perfect it's never going to there you're you are not ever going to be perfect so hopefully they're not waiting on you to arrive to being perfect and they're not either but you so you do have to make a decision and be willing to commit but it's important to think about those things yeah I think. Wait we all three. This is a good govers. There you go. Okay. I was just going to say that I think that there are some like universal qualities that everyone should look for in a spouse and I think there's some qualities that are important to some people and like prioritize by others and I think that that's something to think about too like what do you want and I was actually thinking about this while you were talking but I was wondering and I can ask you later but I was wondering like what qualities you look for when you're hiring for someone like what are those things when you meet someone for five minutes that you're like that's person that I want to hire and maybe someone that's not and I was thinking about that because I think for me when I hire people here I look for like I like confidence and like when someone comes in really confident like I'm quicker to hire them and I've been wrong sometimes because sometimes that confidence is more pride and sometimes people come in more quiet and like they don't seem very confident and then they're great they're great people to work with because they're really focused and not as being like like I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I think that there's some things that some people look for and not to bring up like workplace but like in spouses too I think that there are some things that you just prioritize and are important to you and I think you should think about that too like what what am I looking for and a person and especially I feel like in a big family like I grew up the youngest of the second youngest of the second or the second youngest of a big family and I feel like a lot of times when I was young I was looking for like oh I don't know well like this is just like oh say you know normally I don't know you know I just saw you and who you dated and everything and like it's just hard to like figure out what I wanted and things like that and that even comes down to like even just like wedding styles and stuff like that like you see what your older siblings do or whatever and you're more likely to do that but I think think about what you want and think about what like is important to you. I feel like I feel like I didn't know what I wanted necessarily like when I say a list of things some people are like in this type of person this style of the I did not know and I dated a lot of different types of people and I wish that the sounds bad I wish that we could more casually date in some sense. Yes we want to date with the intention of getting married so I don't mean be flip it and not wise but it's like you have to get to know people to know what you want and know what you do like in a person and I didn't like know it was going to be like Christians type of person but as I started to get to know Christian I'm like oh he's like exactly like who I want to marry like this is my guy you know and I don't even think I would have known to write those things down but when I just saw the qualities in him I was like this is the kind of person I want to spend my life with. And on that note too if I ask other people for advice and wisdom I was thinking about for me hiring people I was like not great at that because I'm like you know want to be a race for it and I'm like oh they're so great they're like super fun to be around hired but then like they actually weren't good at that specific job. So now I actually remove myself from that side of our business so someone else can do that because they are a little bit better at not just getting distracted by like oh I like it as a person but you're going to be good for the job. And so that's actually a good point when it comes to dating someone like maybe you know my disarmament isn't great like maybe in the past so data people that weren't great so I'm going to ask my friends around me like what do you think about this person and that's one of the reasons why Christian and I first date was with my friends around because I wanted to make sure like I'm not the only one who thinks this is a good decision you know. And so I think you got to know yourself in that where you get it. What are you going to say something to? Are you going to first? Well I was just going to do a long circle back to where we started with the question and just to add a simple are you going to say something? Oh yeah let me get let me go and get a first and then you can get here. Sorry I totally went a different direction. Well no I think Belle you're right on that that there are some things that are the same for your workplace or your friends as for your person you want to date. Some things I look for when I'm hiring councilor like there's first few things is like are they humble? Like I don't want I want somebody who's confident but I don't want them bragging. Are they ask questions about their friends like do they have friends? If I they don't have any friends like probably don't want to hang around them ask how their relationship is with their parents. And like it's not you know not everyone has great parents but if they can kind of talk about that if they have good relationship with their family that's a good solution. That's a good sign that they're someone who you know you like to hang out with. Ask about their character like how they're doing in school I want to know are they ambitious? Like they don't have to have their life planned out but I don't want someone who's just like whatever I don't know you know who's not doing well in anything. Usually I ask if they have like a hobby or something like can they follow through with something can they commit to create something? You know well and this is good and so many of those questions are actually very in line with who you want to marry. Right. But the thing is when you're asking a camp counselor this what you're thinking is not like oh I want someone fun to be a camp is also who's going to lead these kids. Exactly. Camp is such a pivotal time people's life and the camp counselor is speaking into their kids those kids and like can have a huge impression on their life. And so you're not just looking for someone to date you are looking for someone to marry you know that kind of. Well that's the other thing with a camp counselor similar to someone you want to date. I'm also thinking are they going to pair well with everyone else of the camp. Do they fit in or are they going to fit in with everyone and I want to hire a diverse staff and I do. But I have to know they get along and if I'm looking for someone to date I'm like are they going to get along with my siblings. Do they fit into this kind of like culture. It's good. The other thing specifically about dating that I like to tell people and I've thought about a lot is you want to see someone in in every emotional situation. So like that kind of goes along with the questions of like friendship. Like how do they react when they're angry? How do they react when they're sad? How do they react when they're happy? Are they good winners? Are they good losers? Do they lose their temper? Like if you kind of go through are they disgusted by things? Like if you kind of see them in all see all those emotions you can kind of get a sense of like they can control themselves or they have a temper. And that's a good way to kind of that's like a checklist that you can go through while you're trying to decide like am I one of them can get further with this person. It's good. I love that. I think go for it. No, no, no, no, no, speak to that. And then I'm going to get a story about the questions we're going to move on. No, this isn't even that important. You just go. No, I just was going to say I think those are great. That to where we started with the list of questions that Phil's was at his pastor or counselor. Yeah, he's been to. His mentor. Yeah, I think this question is really good because I think a lot of times people that have miserable dating experiences that are like miserable and dating think that marriage will fix those problems. And I think you have to ask these kind of questions and be truthful to it because marriage will not solve your problems if you are not happy with the person you're dating. And if you just magically think they're getting married will solve those things then that is not true. So I love this question because I think it kind of negates that idea of like well, we're not happy, but I think we will be happy if we get married. So that's all I was going to say. I love that. I was going to say I was just thinking about during Jolent was talking I was thinking about just all the things that you can relate to like especially when you're having someone and when you're looking for someone to date and like one thing I always notice and this is just like a red flag for relationships and I see it in the workplace. When I'm hiring someone if they're the whole hiring process they're complaining about their old job talking negatively about every every job they ever had their bosses and their co workers in yada yada in the 30 minutes I sit down with them for an interview. It's the same for dating if you sit down with a guy and the first thing they do is just complain about their ex girlfriends and how terrible they were and talk so negatively about them. You're going to be the next one that they're talking about like that. Yeah, I had that. So that's something that I just like always see as a red flag in the workplace and I think it's so important also for dating like if someone's constantly looking at everything in a negative view and talking about people badly and like they're going to be talking about you next. So just like keep an eye out for that. I have had that happen where I've gone like why am I so surprised because they told me that they did this in so many other scenarios. I just didn't think it was going to happen to me but it's like you got to you do you need to look for those patterns. This is so good. Very good advice everyone. The next one I want to go to is John Chris' episode which I have to say that it was fun that you said that you only listened to a family because our family episodes were the top podcast of the year when it comes to how many listens and whatnot and engagement. But the person who's snuck in with the family was John Chris. John Chris' episode was I think like the third biggest podcast of the year and for good reason. If you didn't listen to that highly encouraged to go back and listen he's so funny but he also was so vulnerable about overcoming addiction and moving on in life. But I loved his original piece of ice. He said the closer you can be to yourself when making jokes in his case scenario. If I can get into the energy of is this, oh sorry he said if I get into the energy of is this going to go on the algorithm or is this going to be funny to them then I'm done. And I love that. He's basically saying like if I get into the headspace of like I'm only doing this so that the algorithm will you know like this. I'm only doing this so that people will think I'm funny. Then I'm done. Like I got to stay in the zone of I think it's funny. This is who I am. This is what I'm putting out there. And I have like thought about that a lot in my life and like the longevity of doing social media. There's so much pressure to like okay this is the trend. This is what the algorithm lies. This is and what you don't realize is if you start feeding that you'll start to change who you are. And then all of a sudden you look up and you're like oh who I've just portrayed myself to be to the world. It's actually starting to get far away from who I am. And then you have to keep up with an image you created of yourself. And so it's like no I'm not going to do this for the algorithm. I'm not going to do this for the likes or for them to like I'm going to do it because it's the overflow of who I am. And that's such a good space to be and that doesn't just go for social media. Certainly you see it on social media. That's in anything in your life you know but I thought that was such good advice. It was really good. I see a lot of people on social media that you can tell that they post things because they think it's going to hit on the algorithm. And it's the other people really frustrated me. Not any names but I think to the people the reason you're followed and the reason you get attractions because people like you. And so the longer you stay you the more you'll have to see success. And I think me and mom have talked about that before when Doug Dynasty happened like she could have moved us to LA. And just like done away with West Monroe and not even the duck commander and just moved us to LA and pursued whatever there is there. But that wouldn't be us anymore. That's the whole reason people love us is because we're from Louisiana. Like this is our life and that's the reason we you know and I think that happens a lot with influencers. Not to shade in the influencers but I think that with influencers a lot of times they may get famous because they post about their nursing job or their whatever job they do they may get famous for that. And then they quit their job and they do influencing but then that's who you are and that's what people love you not because of your job. But people love seeing what you do and then when you change that for social media. You're not who you are anymore you know. It's the same thing with like aesthetics to me like if you go to and I'm not this is not necessarily like a bad thing. This is just a look but like if you go to Nashville there is a look everybody has like long hair, the fake eyelashes, a lot of bowtogs, perfect skin. That's the look if you go to like the University of Alabama you're going to see spree tans and you're going to see everybody's tan everybody's wearing little women everybody's you know wearing daily drills. You go to Malibu everybody's wearing like the shirt that's like not quite to their jeans showing like a little bit and like you know cool white pants like I woke up like this vibes can care perfect but it's like we don't realize that in doing that we all start to look the same you know and it's like that is like a look. But God gave you a look that's unique that no one else has that is actually like a gift to the world like we are made in the image that we get to see new sides of who God is by us expressing what God put in us. And so not that that's bad I do it too I follow the terms I just got my eyebrows eliminated because I like the way it was. I was losing that like you were talking. I was like I was like really good. Thank you so it's not bad you're not doing anything wrong to appreciate a look and go for it but I do think if you're not careful and saying true to who you are and you're just doing it because you want to follow everybody else. Then you look up and there's like not a lot of uniqueness there's not a lot of originality and I think that that is sad because it's really cool to see people like owning who they are owning what they look like owning like Lauren dagel's a good example of just like true living original. Lauren wears outfits that I'm like how did you even think put that together but she looks beautiful and she's so cool and people appreciate her so much because she's like so authentically living who she is and I don't need to try to copy her outfit because I like it that would look ridiculous on me because that's not who I am and people would be like what are you doing you know but I'm inspired by her authenticity in that and it makes me want to be more like me you know not more like her. I know a lot of you out there have been praying for clarity about your future that's a huge question we get asked how do you know what to do next maybe it's stepping into a new season chasing a dream we're finally taking that leap of faith towards your purpose if that sounds like you I've got something amazing to share Liberty University Liberty is a Christian University that's been training champions for Christ for over 50 years with more than 700 degree programs both on campus and online you can find a path that aligns with your passion and calling Liberty also also all the way to the world. Liberty also offers online programs for grade school students through Liberty University online academy it's an accredited K through 12 program and gives families the flexibility to learn from home while keeping faith at the center my sister Bella actually graduated from L.U.O.A. and she loved it let's go and if you're thinking about heading up to college you can experience Liberty in person with college for a weekend this is a three day event that lets you test drive life at Liberty exploring the campus sitting in on classes and joining in on a fun that all the students have spring 2026 dates our February 19 through 21st and April 9 through 11 don't wait go ahead and sign up now being a what that's good podcast listener also comes with some amazing perks like Liberty is actually get a wave your application fee the college for a weekend registration is actually also going to be free and a chance to win one of the multiple scholarships and the $50,000 $50,000 IDysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysysys Louisiana, what are we where? Yeah, I don't really know because I feel like all of us have such different style and some sense. I don't know that it's like a look here. I don't know, maybe other people could speak into that. Yeah, comment below. Maybe I should comment below what our look is because I don't know if you can see. I don't know if people in Nashville are thinking like, oh, we all kind of have like a look, you know? And maybe I realize it now because I'll like wear stuff that I used to wear when I live there. This isn't really fit me, but it totally did when I was there, but it doesn't fit me here. And it fit me there because everybody else is wearing that. This is kind of funny. That's like that. Like, one time I had that having to me, it was like a backhand and compliment at school. How is that school freshening year and a substitute teacher told me after class, she was like, I just want to tell you, don't ever change wearing your outfits different than everyone else and like doing your own thing and having your own style. Like, you may not look like everyone else and like people may say stuff, but don't ever change. And I was like, you're like, I never thought about that until now. I was like, okay, girl. I know. People said that to me too. They're like, they've said kind of what I said about Lauren. Like, I would never wear that. But it looks really cute on you. And you're like, is it weird? Because I didn't actually think it was weird. The John Chris I was there was probably one of my favorite episodes. I listened to it out the door. And I thought when he was talking about that and talking about being a creative and kind of putting yourself out there, I feel that a lot. And I think that a lot of that comes down to comparison is you want to hit for any, this is a goes for any job, but especially for creatives is you want to hit when you, when you start looking at the numbers and stop looking at the art or your compensacy in whatever you're doing, that's when you start to like lose yourself. Like, yeah, for it's totally, if you like doing trends and you're good at it, do it. Like that's great. If you're good at that aspect of whatever it is, or if you can put that look together, like, there's a reason that those things are well and do well. But when you start to see your art as a job, that's I think when you start to like lose yourself. And that's like, sometimes you have to, sometimes you have to do that. Like, sometimes you, you want to make something that you're like, oh, I know this is going to be a viral or, oh, I know people are going to really like this. And sometimes you just do that to get confidence boost. But if you put your personality in that and it doesn't do well, then you start to, you start to lose yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. necessarily wrong with, yeah, like you say, whether it's something trendy or you're like, I actually do think this will perform well. I don't think that's necessarily always a bad thing. My point is when you do do something like when you post this, and then that works. And then you only become that thing. It's like, yeah, so it's like, for instance, like if I'm a preacher and I could post all my different preaching content. But if the one thing that works is me having all the hot takes that I'm screaming, so that I'm only going to post screaming hot takes because I know that those get a ton of views, then you just become that person rather than all the other things that encompasses your messages, you just become known as that one thing because you know it works because people, it can sometimes be controversial or people can share it or people can discuss it. And to me, that's when it becomes damaging to where you limit yourself to this one thing because you know, this is what works. And yeah, I don't think it's always bad to, oh, this is a fun, trendy thing. I'll do it. I mean, I've done that plenty of times throughout that. I think this will work. But if you become that one thing just because it worked and somehow it does keep working because you feed out the algorithm, then I think that's when it becomes dangerous. Yeah. Then you tend to only share that one side of you because you don't want people to not like you or like you start to delete the things that aren't performing well or start to only, you know, act in that one space. As I have said this before, but I know if I walk through the airport dressed like I am today, I'm going to get stopped and recognize and take pictures of people. If I walk through the airport in my pajamas or casual clothes and Christian thing that's when no makeup on, nobody even like notices me. It's kind of nice and funny. But if I was like, I always have to put together because that's the version people would notice me and that's the version people like. That would be so much pressure on myself to always be ready. And it's not healthy. And it's not healthy. And I have to be okay with going, okay, I might not get a compliment today. I might not get recognized today. But I'm confident enough in who I am with no makeup on and sweats and whatever because my look doesn't define me. You know, my look, it might look better to people, but that's not like where I find my confidence in who I am. And so I think that's what you have to check with yourself. Live original. This all boils down to one message. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Live original. Has there ever been a time in your life where you had to log off the internet? So to see me in like delete something or like unplug a computer like how do you take a view? Well, log off technically would mean just shut it down. Have you ever shut it all down? Shut it all down. No. How about shut some down? Yes. How had that go for you? It was good. It was very good time in my life. You've deleted Instagram a few times. A few times. Completely cut out Snapchat. Completely cut out Snapchat. But I wouldn't say I logged off the internet. So the internet is she just meaning so far? Would you tell the answer to that? I'm asking like two pop up. Is okay, sorry. Have I logged off the internet regarding Snapchat? Yes, Snapchat is the word Instagram? Yes, those have been healthy times for me when kind of like what we just talked about. If I get my head on, yeah, like why is that not performing well or thinking about things too much and feeling like I'm just spending too much time on it and I want to feel that was something else. Yes, I think it's great to set app time limits and stuff like that, but sometimes it's easy just to click that extra 15 minutes. But in that code, keep on scrolling. Sometimes you need to delete it. Yeah, so this is really good. Just to get it off. So we have friends, Mary Couple, and they have a screen time on their apps. And they know each other's password. The other person doesn't know their password. So it's about to bring them up. Yes, it's Freddie and Parker. I'm just going to say it like you guys know Freddie. If Freddie wants more screen time, she has to ask Parker for the password to add 15 minutes. I think that's great accountability. That's great. We should probably do that for that. When you're ready to log out the internet, let me know and we'll do that. I do log off the internet a lot of times. I think that's really good though. What about y'all? Well, everybody knows I have a complicated relationship with social media. So yes, I have. But I think that for me, it's more about the posting side of things. Like I don't even have to delete the app because it's not about looking on social media. It's about the mental block I have about posting on social media. I have a lot of just, I don't know. There's a lot of pressure that I feel about posting on social media. And I just don't like to do it. It's just like about two years ago, I was like, I just can't feel this pressure anymore. And so I stopped posting as regularly. And I post every now and then, but it's just not something that I do every day anymore because I just have a lot of anxiety on it. I've written some great things on your story. And I'm like, this is a million-page thing. And I think that's really real to share people like, you have anxiety around it. I think a lot of people probably feel that way with social media because the algorithm does put pressure on you. Like, we can say all day long, don't let the algorithm be like, it does put pressure on you because it's like, if you don't post all the time, then you're not going to, it's not going to get sure whatever. And I always try to tell Christian this, like we talk about this because he was starting to like really work on his social media this year, is like, you're noticing you're like, no one else is. You're noticing what performance better, no one else is. No one's saying, oh man, that did not perform well for her. And if you are, that's rude and unnecessary. But like, I never think that when I see somebody else's face. And it might not be that for you, but I do think a lot of people feel that. I think, and to be totally transparent, I think it comes from years of like, if anyone's 23 right now, you grew up, I feel like we grew up at a very weird time where like, Instagram started when I was like nine. And it wasn't big enough for anyone to know that like a nine-year-old, ten-year-old shouldn't probably be on the Instagram. And at the time, it really wasn't that crazy. So I was on social media when I was like 10 years old, which sounds so crazy now. But at the time, it wasn't like that. And so posting on social media for 10 years and growing, growing, growing, growing, growing, getting to a point where it was my job, it just, I think I just came from years of like feeling like everything was growing. And I was having to keep up with it. And like, I felt like I had to trade my personal life and my privacy for more followers. And I just didn't like that. And like, personally for me, like I value privacy and value. Yeah, just value privacy a lot. And so I think that posting on social media and feeling like I had to to keep up with my job, to keep up with what I'd done for so many years, to keep up with all the people who have followed me and who I love that follow me. And like, I felt like I had to keep up with that. And I had to sacrifice my privacy for that. And that was just not something that I was comfortable with anymore. And like, I just had to pull back from it. And so that's just personal to me and not everyone's story. But for me, it just wasn't something that I could continue doing and like being a good mental health space. That's really wise. And actually the other day I said something to a friend. I was like, oh, if I didn't believe in like the impending can make, I would just not have social media. And she said, really? It seems like you actually really like it and you're really natural at it. And I was like, well, I guess I shouldn't say that. I was like, because I actually do love it. Like the fun of it is super natural to me. I love like posting fun things, stories sharing my life with people. Like that doesn't bother me. I mean, think about me when I was a kid before there were social media. And I had like my little video camera and I was always recording myself talk, you know, just before any of that. So that is natural to me. But I was telling her, I don't like what social media has become because it is a job. And it is like there is a huge part of it that is a job now. And there's a huge part of it that is, you know, having to keep up and posting so often and all this stuff where it's like that side, I do not like that it's become that. And it makes you just not want to share it because you're like, this is too much. But I'm like, okay, help me, Lord, to keep it fun and to keep it encouraging and keep it what it was originally created to be and not what, you know, this new technology has made it to be. You know, like I'm trying to stay true to it, but it's hard. Yeah. Do you have anything on that? Yeah, I think of it in two ways. The first is just removing distraction from your life. I mean, I had someone tell me one time, if you're consuming, you're not creating. And that, you know, that really hit me as a creative kind of person. And especially me because I get really into, you know, I watch YouTube videos and stuff. And I'll find myself, I'm like, oh, I've watched 100 hours on making something out of leather, but I haven't actually made anything. Like at some point, if you want, if you enjoy the things you're watching, you've got to turn it off so you can actually make the thing. Yeah. And that goes with any distraction in your life. Like I like to read that's something I do, but I find myself scrolling for five minutes where I could actually be doing something I enjoy more than scrolling. Yeah. But it's just such a distraction. Yeah. And then the second thing I think is just about comparison or the way that makes you feel. I mean, that's in normal life. If I have a friend and I've had friends before who are just super negative and every time I hang out with them, I get really negative. And I'm like, oh, I just need to, why am I hanging out with them whenever I just, I could come away from that. Yeah. Being negative or feeling bad or whatever. Like if I'm, if Instagram or TikTok or whatever is making me feel jealous or comparison or not joyful or waste of time, like, wow, I'm doing that. You had to have the self control to stay the way. Yeah. I think it feels like such a cultural, like you have to be in it. You have to be watching to like keep up with what's going on, but you really just don't. It's weird as if you step away from me every time I've logged off. I don't miss it. Right. I don't go back to it because I'm like, oh, I miss it so much. You know, I normally go back to it because I feel purpose. Like I'm like, oh, like now I feel like my mind is clear of a purpose in it. Of course, like I miss seeing my friends things and that kind of stuff. But you don't miss like just the time that you feel wasted from scrolling. You know, it's not like that. It's like, oh, I hate to miss that. You're announcement or you're, you know, I was with your family or whatever. And so I feel like always come back with better boundaries just because I'm like, oh, this is what I know I want out of this. I want to see my friends. I want to catch out with people. I want to post things that are encouraging to other people. I want to do fun trends again because actually enjoy that. Like we laugh a lot when we try to do a dance or something like that. But I come back healthier and stronger. And the other thing I want to say too, just in full transparency because we were talking about this beforehand where I just did a Q&A on social media. I was like, ask me anything. And I had so many questions about if I get Botox, which is kind of funny. And this answer is really not about Botox. But I'm saying it to this point. I was like, should I get answers? I don't get Botox. But I don't want people to feel ashamed if they do get Botox. I don't have a strong opinion against it. I just don't. But one thing I love is when people do share what they've had done because it's like helpful to set your expectation on what natural skin can look like or what your skin could look like if you did that just by somebody just being honest with how they do it. And for me, with social media and doing all the things I'm doing and having three kids, if I did not have a team helping me run my social media, I could not keep up with social media. I would never want someone to look at me and go like, man, how does she have three kids and does all this podcasting whatnot and also have someone to post every day. Literally I have a full team of people helping me do that, helping me think of ideas, helping me say, hey, I love when you said that. Let's write a caption about it. And I write my content. I fully approve anything that goes up. I'm sending my pictures to my team. So it is me. But if I didn't have them helping spark what I should do or helping keep up with things for me or even posting it half the time because I'm just like busy beat bop and I'm everyday life, I would, yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it. And so I just think that's just good to hear other people say like how they actually do it. That's how I do it. And I actually post a lot on my close friends, my very personal life with my kids because again, I love social media and that's the fun of it to me. And then I have a team help me with the job side of it because I was starting to lose interest. I want to highlight that because I think that doesn't just go for social media, but any job that you have out there, you start doing that job because you love it. You know, or if you're starting a business or whatever, you start doing because you love it. But the more you, the more your hobby becomes your business, you get further away from the hobby. I think in the same thing. Like I was seeing, like for me, that was coffee. I love coffee. I love making coffee. And so I got the coffee shops and I love being a barista of serving. I love roasting the coffee and creating the drinks and creating the flavors and the beans and all that. But the more it became a business, the further away I got. Then I was just doing taxes and health code and all that, like hiring and all that kinds of stuff. The stuff that I really didn't like about. I wasn't doing my hobby anymore. I wasn't doing the thing I loved. And then once I sold the coffee shops and got back to just roasting the coffee, making drinks, I was like, oh, I love this. I wasn't maybe necessarily making as much money. It was left to a business. But I was back to the hobby rather than making it some kind of like work. Yeah. I was thinking the same thing because I think that obviously that doesn't apply to every job. Like, you know, every day jobs, that's not always the case. It's your hobby that you just go and do. And I think with social media, that's almost how everyone's career on social media starts is that they love to post and they share about their life and they love to do this and that. And then all of a sudden they're hit with, oh wait, this is, this can be my job. And they're excited about that. But then all of a sudden that takes a turn and now it's this thing that you have to keep up with because it's your livelihood. And sometimes that can be really hard. So I think that, and with John Chris, I think that that's probably similar to his story. He was like, love to be funny and make people laugh and now it's his job. And so that like grounding that you have to do is just like, I still have to be myself in this. It's good. Okay, y'all got to be real. We totally intended to do this whole podcast in one, but things are going so good. I was loving the conversation so much. I love spending time with my brother, sister, Christian. So much good advice for the year. We literally could not fit it all into one. So we're going to have a part two, tune in next week for part two. Thank y'all so much for listening along. This whole year has been incredible and I know the best is yet to come.