Hi, y'all. It is Jeffrey Cranor, and I'm here to let you know that Welcome to Night Vale is coming to Europe. Just for a little bit, May 27th through the 30th, 2026, we will be in Edinburgh, Manchester, London, and Amsterdam. In that order. So if you live over there, get your tickets. They are on sale now. We're so excited to bring this newest live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest, to Europe, to the UK. It's so much fun to get back there and to keep doing the show because it is such a fun show to do and to see. So, Europe, we will see you at the end of May. Tickets are available at welcometonightvale.com slash live. Oh, and if you like other Welcome to Night Vale things beyond just the podcast and live show, we also have the Night Vale tabletop role-playing game. It's available in stores wherever you get your games. This RPG was created by Renegade Games with collaboration with me and Joseph and Bree, the writers of Night Vale. It's quirky, it's spooky, it's fun, you know, just like this show. So if you ever wanted to be a character in Night Vale and do freaky adventures there, then get on this. You can get the Night Vale tabletop RPG wherever you get your games. Okay, let's get on to the episode. And hey, thanks. Dare to be different. Be the change you wish to see. Fake it till you make it. But always be yourself. Welcome to Night Vale. The Sheriff's Secret Police have formed an ad hoc committee to decide upon procedures for organizing a task force that will oversee a new interdepartmental team of investigators who can delegate collection of evidence that will enable the sheriff to name a person of interest in the murder case of Jalen Rutherford. Jalen Rutherford, 21, of Old Town Night Vale, was found dead right here at our radio station two weeks ago. Cause of death is unknown, but the sheriff's secret police is not ruling out the 28 stab wounds Rutherford sustained in less than a minute. Just let us wrap our heads around this for a day or two, you guys, a secret police spokesperson said. We're still in the preliminary phases of scheduling a staff meeting to plan a hearing that will decide what we'll call our ad hoc committee. The spokesperson was then asked by reporters if they thought the murder of Jalen Rutherford might be related to the murder of Marcus Vanston. The spokesperson got a little snippy and said, I don't know, go ask God. The sheriff don't believe in angels, so they don't really consider the Vanston case to be a murder. But then another secret police spokesperson whispered into the first spokesperson's ear. After this, he said, I'm being told Marcus Vanston was a billionaire, which the sheriff very much believes in. So yeah, I guess we'll look into that one. More on this soon, but let's have a look now at the community calendar. This Thursday night through Sunday afternoon, the Night Vale Rec Center will be hosting the annual Outsider Art Show, featuring work by untrained but talented artists who exist beyond the plane of human comprehension. These outsiders will showcase oil paintings, watercolors, photography, glowing tesseracts containing trillions of universes, mixed-media sculptures, pastels, and kaleidoscopic visions of a forgotten tomorrow. Tickets are $35 for a day pass or $75 for the Premium Weekend Pass, which allows buyers into a Thursday night wine and cheese reception with the artists and a sneak peek of the afterlife. Friday morning marks the opening day of the Winter Craft Market in Mission Grove Park. The Winter Craft Market will run every day until December 25th, which is a holiday that we apparently cannot say the name of out loud anymore because... Well, I lost my notes. Oh, oh, here they are. Christmas. Yeah. Oh, yes. The Winter Craft Market runs through Christmas. Sunday afternoon at the high school gymnasium, there will be the first annual Night Vale Video Game Festival. There will be competitions in eSports like NBA 2K and Madden, but there will also be classic video games to play like Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Weird Pac-Man, VR Golem, Super Ouija Board Deluxe, and Microsoft Word. So whether you're a skilled gamer, a nostalgic weekender, or just kind of a lowlife, there's a video game for you. Monday is Trivia Night at Giant Gems, Beer Garden, and Discount Lube and Tube. So bring your knowledge of geography, history, and pop culture to Giant Gym. and be ready to answer tough questions about world capitals, top 40 hits, and where you were last Monday night when you said you couldn't come because you were working late. Your wife called your office and they said you left at 5 like normal. Let's see you answer that trivia question, Dennis. Finally, Tuesday is feeling neglected. Always in the shadow of Monday. Not as big as the hump of Wednesday, and sure, everyone loves saying Taco Tuesday, but you can tell they don't really mean it. Tuesday would just like a bit more acknowledgement about what it brings to the week. Okay, so my friend Dana Cardinal finally got around to buying that composition notebook and studying up on how to solve murders. Diving headfirst into the investigation of Marcus Vanston's murder was pretty overwhelming for her. But now that there's been another murder, Dana's starting to see things more clearly. She's trying to tie the two killings together. Both had some kind of knot left at the scene, as well as dirty limericks with key words circled. That can't be coincidental. But Dana points out that since I reported publicly what the police found inside Marcus's library, next to his ethereal and angelic body, it's possible this second murder was a copycat. Frankly, I didn't love her tone when she said that. Okay, apparently I was supposed to leave out key details. How am I supposed to know this stuff? I'm just a journalist. First there was no noticeable wounds to Marcus body no clear cause of death but the intern applicant at my radio station was stabbed That feels like a crime of passion, premeditated to be sure, but sloppier, less refined than the locked room mystery of Marcus Vanston. Dana said she wants to talk to the people who knew Jalen Rutherford and see if there any connections between him and Marcus Vanston. I told her I remember he had inquired about interning a few weeks back. He was an archaeology student at Knightville Community College, which I only remember because it was an unusual academic track for a radio intern. But the next thing I heard from Jalen was the thump of his already dead body hitting the linoleum floor of the station foyer. Yes, Elise? Sorry, my producer's yammering at me in my headphones. Elise says Jalen didn't let out a yell or anything, so either he knew the person who killed him, or it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly he couldn't react. Did I get that right, Elise? Great. Also, I asked Dana about Night Vale's town founder, Tabitha Littlefield, who re-emerged from a chrysalis after being dead for 150 years. Well, Tabitha's been walking around town devouring people willy-nilly-like, and shouldn't we suspect her of murder? But Dana snapped back, saying, First off, Cecil, she's our town founder. Be respectful. Dana continued, Secondly, even if you call a town founder devouring her citizens, quote, murder, it doesn't at all match the M.O. of these other two cases. All right, fair enough. Let's take a break for a word from our sponsors. For more on that, here's Deb, a sentient patch of haze, with a message from Williams-Sonoma. Oh, wow. I love Williams-Sonoma. They have a lot of great artisanal products and creative consumer concepts for the domestic lifestyle. Tell us more, Deb. Oh, why don't you go ahead and do it, Cecil? Sounds like you already started. Oh, Deb, no, I didn't mean to... I'm just joshing with you, Cecil. Oh, that's a good josh there, Deb. You, you funny one, you... Listeners, do you live in a home? Do you have a place where you sleep and eat and share, perhaps, with other people? Do you like to cook, to entertain? Do you love to socialize, maybe with family or friends? I bet you do. I bet you like to hear people tell stories about their jobs and their vacations, their kids and spouses. You are probably a very open person who loves to hand someone a glass of Nebbiolo in a vintage etched goblet, starting at $21.95, and ask them to share their deepest feelings with you. You're probably the type of person to make a seven-layer dip. in a two-quart La Crusade Heritage Stoneware casserole dish with cover. Sale price $70 through the end of the year. You hover over the snack table and whisper, tell me your secrets. And your guest does. They spill everything. They tell you about how they lied to their friends and their wife about working late. And instead of going to trivia night, they met her at a hotel bar. And the two of them laughed and talked and touched lightly. Then they laughed and didn't talk and touched heavily. And later on, they said, see you soon to each other, not knowing how long soon would be. And as your guest takes another canapé from the province hand-painted serving platter, 139.95, they begin to cry. You whisk them away to the utility room so they won't make a scene, and you hug your friend until your breaths are in sync. A tearful gaze into each other's eyes, and you are back at the party. You know you are a good friend. You know you are a keeper of secrets. You know you are a holder of power. You know that this information will come in so very, very handy. And as you bring out the homemade red velvet cake for your guests, which is perched atop your Mackenzie Child's cake pedestal with large check pattern, $149.95, You warmly offer a toast to loyalty, the only true and important trait in life. And you watch your cheating friends squirm and avert their eyes in shame. Good, you think? Good. William Sonoma, we can keep a secret in style. Thank you, Deb. Oh, hey, I've been wanting the radio station staff to do some fun events outside of work. That Monday night trivia sure is getting a lot of buzz. Oh, sorry. I got my poetry class on Monday night. Oh, like slam poetry? No. I think poems have to have some kind of structure. They definitely need rhythm, like I am the meters, and a rhyme scheme, like A-A-B-B-A, that sort of thing. Everything else really isn't poetry. It's just a jazzy diary. But what about the work of Ezra Pound, whose free verse was so musical in its form as to almost mimic classical structured pieces? Deb? I think she's gone. Now back to the unsolved murder cases. All of Night Vale is in a panic over these killings. The killer, or killers, are still at large, and everyone in town is pointing fingers and naming names. I always loved playing the game Who's That Over There, where someone points at another person and you then have to shout their name out loud. It's such a great way to relieve the tension of paranoia and angst. Plus, that game goes on for a long time in a public place. But the friendly tones of who's that over there have been replaced by the sinister tones of j'accuse, which is a similar game, but after you shout the name, you also shout j'accuse, and then you chase them until a mob forms and then decides on what to do with this obvious deviant. Many innocent people are being blamed for these killings and none of us are experts in murder investigations We cannot rely on random people to bring the perpetrator to justice We have to rely on Dana Cardinal one random person to do this Sure, any Joe Blow could say, oh I bet Josh Creighton, the shapeshifter boy, killed that angel because he could have turned himself into a tiny fly to get in and out of that locked room. Or, doop-dee-doo, must have been that sentient patch of haze Deb and her sister Caitlin, who contains very high carbon monoxide levels. Deb could have easily distracted Marcus with her funny impressions of various animals in pain, and then Caitlin could have hovered over him invisibly until he succumbed to her CO. Oh, I guess I got it all figured out, doop-dee-dee. I mean, come on, Night Vale. This isn't helping. We need to allow untrained investigators, like Dana, to do research, talk to witnesses, and gather evidence. Only then can we play the blame game, which is that game where someone dresses up as the scapegoat, and other people project their own misdeeds onto them as they kick the beast repeatedly. It's a really fun game, and it'd be a great way to celebrate once we capture the actual criminal here. Speaking of investigators, the Sheriff's Secret Police's Ad Hoc Committee has finally decided upon procedures for organizing a task force that is now overseeing a new interdepartmental team of investigators who have delegated collection of evidence that enables the sheriff to name a person of interest in the murder cases of Jalen Rutherford, and the angel Erica, a.k.a. Marcus Vanston. And the sheriff has announced that they do have a person of interest. And that person is not a person at all. It's... Oh no. It's Deb. The sentient patch of haze. And her sister Caitlin. The sheriff's secret police said they were listening to my show, and they heard me lay out a compelling narrative for how Deb and her sister Caitlin could have killed Marcus Vanston in a locked room. That's kind of sweet that they listened to my show. Shout out Sheriff Sam. But no, wait! I was just riffing. I was doing an impression of a stupid person and what they would think. I wasn't trying to accuse Deb or her sister of... Oh God, Deb, if you're still here or can hear me on the radio, I'm sorry I brought your name up at all. I didn't mean to get you involved in this. The secret police are mobilizing their dehumidifier unit to Deb's residence, which is by the pond out back of Michael Dixon's farmhouse. Deb, if you can hear me, run. Or float? Drift. I don't know how you move, actually. Dissipate, Deb, and become one with the weather. Were we given or taken? Our bodies don't lie The fault lines in your eyes Turning away Away Highway Watching the coast Fall into a ghost Of herself She's out there in the line where her eyes are missed on It's a hundred degrees in May It's a hundred degrees We can play pretend But it won't change the end You can play pretend Say it's not the end But it won't say The music. Thank you. I'm out. Thank you Hi this is Rob Benedict And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run. Fifteen seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, We figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now. The Sheriff's Secret Police raided Deb's home. No Deb, no Caitlin. They then went to the home of her poetry teacher, Mickey Gerard, and asked if Deb had been writing any dirty limericks in class. That's all she writes, Gerard said. She's very good at it. In fact, here's a really funny one where she manages to rhyme a truck in front with, that's great, the secret police interrupted. We have all the evidence we need. This patch of haze is going down. But Deb had already turned herself in. She was at the police station giving a deposition. Oh, me and my sis, we got nothing to hide, do we now? Deb said to the detectives in her chummiest, folksiest accent. Deb spent 30 minutes in the interrogation room charming the cops with hilarious jokes and wild stories from her many years reading ad copy, including that one time she had to do a make good because she started laughing in the middle of her spot for Red Lobster. The copy said, endless shrimp, and she was so tickled imagining just one long shrimp into infinity. Oh, they were steaming mad, I tell ya, Deb said as the cops howled with laughter. She told the police that she understood why she was a suspect, but she was out of town on both nights those murders took place. She and Caitlin had been visiting their family in Los Angeles. Don't know why they all moved to LA, Deb joked. That whole place is Just a patch of haze, am I right? And the cops laughed and one of them said, Oh, Deb, you're so right. Though none of them had ever been more than 10 miles outside of Night Vale. Deb apologized to the cops for the confusion and offered them all discount codes for Williams-Sonoma. And as she was leaving, she turned back and said, If you're really serious about who killed Marcus Vanston, you ought to look into that faceless old woman. She's pretty vengeful, and she can get in and out of locked rooms like zip zap zap. And then she said, as far as that Jalen kid goes, the murder happened during the weather segment of the radio show. You couldn't hear what Cecil and his producer were doing during that time. Worth a look, don't you think? Deb concluded, even though I don't think Cecil did it. He's got a weak constitution and all. Hey, my IBS is well managed. That's unfair of Deb to say any of that. Plus, the police already interviewed me and Elise the night of Jalen's murder. She even called in the crime. Yes, Elise, and I was hiding under my desk. Well, thankfully, the police are friendly and understanding people and were easily swayed from investigating further by simple charm and some discount codes. I'm glad Deb's free. But the killer is still at large. Be afraid, Night Vale, but don't let the fear control you. Panicking will not help. Honestly, I don't think the police will either, but... At least Dana has promised me that she has some new leads just tonight. She's following Marcus's money. And only days before his death, he wrote a will, which left everything to Night Vale Community College to establish a new business school. That's weird that an angel, who should be immortal, would have a will at all, Dana said. There are answers to be found, Night Vale, but justice works slowly. Really slowly when it comes to our town founder, who ate three more people in the barista district tonight, but that's old news, I suppose. Don't worry, Night Vale. Dana will catch this killer yet. Stay tuned next for a creaking floorboard late at night in your darkened home. Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by Disparition. The voice of Deb was Meg Bashwinner. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather was Fault Lines by Emerson Island and Low Jam. Find out more at the link in our show notes. comments questions email us at info and welcome to nightvale.com or follow us on blue sky at nightvale radio or on instagram tumblr and tiktok at nightvale official or become a doctor like your cousin what are you doing with your life but mainly check out welcome to nightvale.com where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you We only ever send you two emails a month, and that's our promise. Today's proverb, take the road less traveled. Yes, come up the darkened forest path off the paved city street. Yes, that's it. Keep coming. Are you squeamish about horror movies, but kind of want to know what happens? Or are you a horror lover who likes thoughtful conversation about your favorite genre? Join me, Jeffrey Cranor, and my friend from Welcome to Night Vale, Cecil Baldwin, for our weekly podcast, Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number 9, where we watch and discuss horror movies in a random order. Find, here's the short version, Random Horror 9 wherever you get your podcasts. Boo.
