Side Stories: Man vs Moose

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. What I'm curious about is, is that just laying Maxwell in prison? Yeah. You think so? Yeah, because... Why don't her nose get all fat? Do you think someone's just hitting her or fucking her Or do you think she's jamming it in a bunch of pussies Believe me I want her to be dead Just as much as Jeffrey Epstein did I don't think she's dead I think she's hanging out somewhere Probably chilling They own islands I believe that that absolutely was Jisling Maxwell You know what it is we're so steeped And deep down I plead the fifth Anyone can do it I got a fat face But she just looks like shit. I think that that's what people understand. Yeah, she's in like a lesser security prison than she was. But she's not getting her vitamins. She's not getting her very, very high end skin treatments. Oh, yeah. She's not getting the best possible food attainable that she could possibly get like she was used to. The little boy foreskins that they mash up and sell. And you put up in your, you get like the little bags, get rid of the little bags under your eyes. And then she also doesn't, she was a bad camera. It was a bad lens. She was sat back in the chair. Like, you'd be surprised how often you when you when you're supposed to take pictures professionally, what they say is put your head on a shelf. Yes. I don't lean forward a little bit. Put your head on your shelf. She sat back. She looks like shit because she's given herself the double chin thing like hot girls do on TikTok to pretend to be funny. But see, but like you got her nose. The nose is different. I think it's just she's got a big she's got a big nose. Her hair has grown. I think it's you grow in age and you'd be surprised what happens when it's the angle of the picture. Yeah. Yeah. No, just like it is. I know men's noses keep growing and their ears keep growing. Well, after they're dead. Yeah. Well, no. When you're alive, your nose and ears never stop growing. That's why do you, how do you explain like Jimmy Durante? I don't think women are any different than men necessarily biologically in that way. Side story is lpotl at gmail.com. Do women's noses continue to grow as they get older like men? And explain to us how that's also some very obscure turf thing that we have stumbled upon and we're making people angry. Welcome to Side Stories. How you doing, everybody? My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm here with Ed Larson. Hello. We were describing before the show the really appropriate way to do this show. And the only way you're properly doing any form of comedy or radio is that half the people that listen need to be engaged because they hate you. That's right. And we're looking at you, RAV4 owners, you fucking pussies. You waste of space. Cowards! And I will say, last week on Side Stories, I called this last week. I knew it was going to happen. I called it. We even mentioned circumcision. We kind of even talked about it in a semi-joking fashion. I've received so many impassioned emails from everybody from all walks of life I was talking about last week about the blood stained men that I started to see on Instagram about the men walking around they have bloody hand prints on their penises it is objectively funny to me and Henry I don't know what to do about it there's men in white with red blood hand prints on their junk I'm allergic comedically I'm allergic to sincerity There's really nothing I can do about it. I wish that I was different. I wish I could feel these feelings. I just don't, right? So when I see things that are hyper sincere, they make me laugh. So when you guys send, which I really appreciate. I feel like I learned a little bit, to be honest with you. I know. Just a little bit off the top. It just seems these people that were not circumcised, they really are a little extra sensitive about this topic. Oh! But I totally understand. And I did learn a lot because partially it's true. If I had a son, I wouldn't know what to do. I do understand it's a barbaric. I clipped the fucker. I would be torn. I would be torn because I know it's a barbaric practice. I know it's old as time. I know that there's no real specific even purpose for it anymore. Barbaric is doing it when you're 40. That's got to suck. If you choose to do it. You have no memories when you're that age. Fucking beat me. Dude, if you get circumcised optionally, there's something fucking upsettingly wrong with you. But it could be a religious thing. I don't fucking know. All I'm just saying is I understand I would be confused because I would not like to harm my theoretical son. I also would not know how to tell my theoretical son how to care for an uncircumcised penis. So I wouldn't know quite what to do. But I do. I hear you. It is not. We're not just making fun of you. Yes. I mean, also, I think the world would be a better place if men were less sensitive about their penises. I think a lot of people have died because they've made fun of penises. Yes. And I think that penises should just be allowed to be made fun of. I'm sorry. I think the world would be a better place if everyone could just take that joke. It's a part of a penis having responsibility. It's much like being a police officer. You have to understand that penis is a dangerous weapon. Absolutely. And so you have to have a bit of sense of humor about it. Okay? Because, yeah, I agree. I read under Saturn's shadow. I understand there are actual men's issues. And I read about this. There's three W's. So they talk about men's issues. All right? It is work, worry, and war. One is men are supposed to go die in war. When they don't, where does all that excess violent energy go to? Woodstock 99. Right? It goes into something else. It turns into competition bobsledding. You think bobsledding wouldn't have come out of toxic masculinity? It was a fun way to enjoy snow. I'll tell you what, you don't circumcise your bobsled, you ain't winning. Exactly. You know, you got to thin that out, right? Then there's work, which is that men are supposed to work, provide money, and then die. I agree. Right, that's a bully. And then men are supposed to, so these are the issues. Men have issues, right? And then there's worry, which is the concept that I find really, really funny, which is, yes, men own everything, but isn't that stressful? Here's the thing. I don't think about the worry thing. I don't think men worry like women worry. I think women worry way more than men. We're just talking about perennial, quote-unquote, men's issues. So I understand when people in the circumcision, in the anti-circumcision world, they're trying to defend the little boys that are viewed sometimes by society as expendable. Yeah. And, you know, there's a lot of us. There's one guy, because we made fun of them for, we didn't make fun. We said, like, oh, you got to clean it, and it's a lot of maintenance. And this guy was just like, hey, you're cleaning. I'm good. I clean it every day. And I was like, that's the problem. Full honesty, I don't shower every day. So, you know, not showering every day. You know, I can't be having to deal with that. You see, I'll do a whore's bath every once in a while. Yeah? Yeah. So you do something every day. Well, if I- I do deodorant and brush my teeth for sure. Yes, that, yeah. That's a minimum, Eddie. Yes. I know that if my wife is going to engage with my balls. Oh, I'm cleaning them. Yeah, even I just got a wipe or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if it's just a wet towel. For sure, for sure. Yeah, sometimes I'll just sit on a pair of damp shorts. I don't think that's making it better. No, it's making them wet. And that means clean. All right, I think we've done enough here. I think we've just made everybody angry enough. I'm very happy you got your foreskins. I'm proud of you. Please keep them. and the ladies who love it, go on you. Love everybody that loves it. Hate everybody that hates it. I don't need more sensitivity. I don't need help coming. No. If anything, I need resistance. If someone could maybe take some more off of mine. I don't need the magical, what I keep seeing, nuanced pleasure. All right? I don't even need it. I don't have time. I don't have time for nuanced pleasure. All right? I got to please my wife. Yeah. Maybe what people could do is if we get a bunch of these foreskins together, we could tie them together and maybe use them as like a life jacket or a raft, you know, like a life raft. To help like the little Ilian Gonzalez's of the world? Yeah, you know, if you ever had to like, you know, like if you were ever on a cruise ship and like it was going down, you're like, oh, don't worry, I brought my own floaties and it's just a bunch of foreskins. You know what that would be super helpful to have on? What? Crime Wave at Sea. Oh, yeah! If you want to join us over at the Royal Caribbean, we are going to be at next year's Crime Wave at Sea, February 2027. Crime Wave at Sea 2.0. That's right. We are going to be sailing from incredible Fort Lauderdale. Nothing bad has ever happened there. Not once. Honestly, this last time we came back on Crime Wave, the ship next to us had a murder. Yes, but it was, guess what? What? Carnival. Yeah, I know. We all know what happens over there at Carnival. Carnival's the bad one. Go to crimewaveatc.com slash left to buy your tickets to see us. If you came last year, you know first. It was the most fun. We had, and again, we were talking, remember how much shit we talked? We had no idea what it was going to be like. Truly one of the funnest weeks of my life. And getting to meet everybody on the road was so fun. And everybody had a blast. And this time we're going to be bringing even more heat. It's a bigger boat. It is a bigger boat. We're going crazy. Yeah, man, I'm going to fish. And also, truly, the best part about this cruise. At the buffet. Like, that's. What? I'm going to go fishing at the buffet. Oh, yeah, that's funny. That's funny. That's cute. We could go. You know what's nice about these tickets? You can pay for them for the entire year. Yes. So you can buy them in installments. Truly, I cannot. Like, of all of our live shows, I've never experienced anything like that. And I can't wait to do it again. It is a little expensive, but it's your vacation. You know, it's your money. It's all your food, your lodging. I was grilling people the whole time I was there. I was like, is this worth it to you? Because I was feeling guilty and shit. And every one of them was like, this is amazing. I'm having the best time. Also, I will say, I do believe we will have a face reveal of the dude from Case File. Oh, yeah? I believe that's the big thing on this one, is that the here formation is just a voice. What if I want to see his ass? Well, that's what we get to do. Yeah. Because you know why? because men make other men do things. That's right. Just show them your ass. They owe your money my ass. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Right from your grave. All right. Now, just so you know, as we were going through this week's information, I clicked over and I looked at Royal Caribbean over on the Epstein files, and we don't need to talk about what happened there, but let's see what happens when we looked at the Caribbean. Oh, just regular Caribbean? Look what happened when we looked up Carnival Cruise. Oh, yeah. Carnival. It was fucking disgusting. They had a great time over there. I deleted the email. Okay, good. Good. Yes, I deleted the email. The Carnival was on there way more than the World Caribbean. Are we in the updates? We're in the updates. Let's head in. It's an island adventure. Heck yeah. It's Jeffrey time. Man, I promise you, we're going to talk about other stories this week, too. Yes, I know. But like I had the realization this week that I had been past his island multiple times in the 90s because I used to go to St. Thomas because every trip when I was a kid was a cruise. Oh, yeah. And so like because I was in South Florida and we get like discounts and shit. My dad loved to gamble. So I'd always go. And so we would go to St. Thomas regularly. And then every time, I don't know why, my dad loved going to St. John. And so we would take a boat from St. Thomas to St. John. And then on the way, on that boat, every time, the guy would be like, and there's little St. James Island. You know, like every single time. Wow. I was just driving by there as a kid and everything was going on. This is just, I don't have to make it about myself. I just wonder if he'd already purchased the island at that point. I don't know whether or not Jeffrey was aboard. I'd say it was the early 90s. So there might be a chance that wasn't his island at that point. Oh, yes. And now we also see there was a Tyler Oliveira went and he broke onto the island. I watched this video. It was fun. It's interesting. It's a beautiful island. What a beautiful piece of space. To see the place up close. Well, you know, it's also very... There's people living there. It's extremely cryptic. It is owned. There are people walking around. We do believe... They were sending them messages that night. Like, we know you were here and stuff like that. The person that I believe that is currently on it is Katrina Shuliac, that I believe is his former girlfriend. Karina Shuliac, Epstein's last girlfriend, the dentist that he worked with, is currently living on the island. Who's the guy who owns it now? Some weird... I was looking him up, and I went on a rabbit hole trying to get through him, and he's like one of those billionaires that's like scrubbed himself from the internet. You know, he's one of those guys... Entrepreneur Stephen Decoff. Stephen Decoff, that's his name. Yeah, yeah, Stephen Decoff. I don't know what the fuck he's doing down there. He wants to put a resort. He's straight up saying he's going to put a resort there, which kind of, I mean, you know, it makes sense. It's better than a rape factory, I guess. It depends on what you do there when you pay the resort fees. I mean, the thing is, like, who the fuck wants to stay there? Other former rapists that are looking to remember their wonderful times? There's so many islands in the Caribbean. Why do you want to go to the one where people would just fuck children a bunch? Genuine, you want to know genuinely why, I think? It's because of the way it was for it to travel to. It is extremely exclusive. Yes. There's a way to get you can build all these little puddle jumpers the way he got people to the island, which is you just you fly to St. Bart's, you fly to Mexico City, you fly to all these other places and you can very easily drop in. Dude, the fucking kid that we were just talking about took a jet ski. Yeah. I mean, yeah. You know, it depends on how fucking chill you are, dude. Depends on how X Games you are. All right. So let's go. I just very briefly. So I, deep into research, everybody in the country that has a set of balls or tits right now is researching the Epstein. We're all experts. Everybody is up into it. I met the lovely lead singer of Sepultura over the weekend. And me and him had a wonderful time. It's just so funny. He's the nicest man I've ever met. Derek Green, extremely nice man. Managed to make it for about an hour before we started talking about it. It was nice to really have the break to just get to know another human being, but he wasn't ready to hear about the cannibalism. Now, one of the big videos— Sempelturo wasn't ready to hear about the cannibal courses? I happen to notice that that's when he called his Uber, was when I was describing about how Jeffrey Epstein was rumored to be eating human jerky, and I was complaining to Derek about how the problem is, is that— Well, it's not human jerky. I'm sorry to interrupt you. It's not human jerky. They just refer to human flesh as jerky, apparently. Well, let's see. But if you're jerky-ing it, it's the worst meat to jerky because human meat is most compared to pork meat, which I also find to be the worst jerky meat besides turkey. Turkey jerky and pork jerky, by far the worst jerkies. I like salmon jerky. I'm fine. I love salmon jerky. I think you're mostly, you're part Kodiak. Yeah. That's what that means. right so the uh but i was saying to derek my main issue is that if humans are pork then we should be treating it like pork and essentially you need to braise it yes and then he called us uber yeah yeah but again with or in epstein's case raise it to be an adult then you can really farm you can i think jerky was just a code word you know why i think it was just a code word is because they said it was in the freezer. Yeah. And anyone who puts jerky in the freezer is worse than a fucking child molester. Yeah, that's right. Honestly, I'm with Eddie on that. What's wrong with you? If you put jerky in your freezer, you are not only doing it wrong, your teeth are gone. He also, yes, and he also compared the taste of the bellies and the intestines and the meat of babies to be like cream cheese, which is also compared to an 1800s document that was written in France by a guy that ate human flesh. Oh, okay. And he wrote all of these things. So I actually don't know what he got from actual experience or literally what he read in a Jean Genet novel. He seems to be a fan of awful science as a whole. Jeffrey Epstein, one of the things that was revealed in this week's dump, which I thought was really interesting, is the fact that he called his new Mexico ranch his science center. Yes. We know that he was heavily involved in eugenics process, like all of these things. He was very interested in human eugenics, the eugenics programs. One of the interesting things that came out this week in the last dump which now Pam Biondi has officially said is over Oh yeah Thank you Pam We now done So she said it complete Because she done such a great job over the course of her career dealing with the Epstein crisis. Utterly covering up, aiding and embedding it, being very much a center of it. The attorney general for Florida, during his main years of being a child trafficker, she's either in on it or a fucking idiot. I think that they don't need to be mutually exclusive. Yes. So this is the last week as we were covering this, there was a hearing going on with Pam Biondi. Right. And with various people represented involved with this this investigation. And the thing that came out was that Ro Khanna, a Democrat rep, he came out and he revealed six men that he immediately was was in the unredacted files that he got to see on the four computers that they're allowed to have access to. Which apparently, using, this is the statistic they've said, with just the files that have already been dumped, with only the computers that they have access to, it would take seven and a half years to go through every single file in the Epstein file. It's insane how long you can really spend doing this shit. And also, Ro Khanna immediately noticed, which I noticed even last night. I was going through various documents because that's how I relax. and I was noticing there would be the same document uploaded three or four times, differently redacted each time. Yes. Right, so each one was left out. So you start to actually, a lot of times if you just read the same document in four different places, you get the whole fucking document. So that's kind of where I was doing for a while, but Ro Khanna was basically saying, what in the living fuck is happening here? This thing's a mess. The first thing I see, though, are these lists of conspirators that will be part of a theoretical lawsuit. and the theoretical investigation. And these were the names he read. And the reason why I want to reread them is that they were coming out last week. It was a big surprise, but we have no idea what this means yet. Yeah, you heard us read the names in real time. I didn't have time to research them. It's crazy. So right now, the big bad guys are Les Wexner, right? 88-year-old. He goes off, he's the guy that did Victoria's Secret, Amber Gromby and Fitch. He's apparently the center of Jeffrey Epstein's original big amount of money that kicked off the whole thing. Jeffrey Epstein got power of attorney for him. Les Wexner goes on to say that he was manipulated by Jeffrey Epstein. You know how an easy manipulator these billionaires are. Oh, yes. So he was manipulated by Jeffrey Epstein, probably because Jeffrey Epstein was fucking him. I think that that's one of those, because Jeffrey Epstein fucked anybody that moved if it got him through something. I believe it. All right. And so that's bad guy number one. Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem. So this is a guy that he's from DP World, multinational. So this is what's interesting. ports and logistics and enterprise. That's where this guy runs. So his thing is he's in shipping and exports. Out of Dubai. Yes. So he's really good at getting things from one place to another place. Who would need that? I don't know. Somebody goes beep, beep, beep. That's my cue. That's my trafficking noise. We need to get that. That's the thing with human trafficking. The real problem is how long it takes. Oh, my God. Love. The uber traffic is starting to go from three to nine. Oh, is this non-rush hour? Because no one's moving. So these fuckers. So he, Sultan Ahmed bin Suleyem, he was the one that he would trade sexual things with Jeffrey Epstein. This is the guy that Epstein sent the email to. I loved the torture video. And he goes and he, they talk about sex. They talk about fucking. They send each other pictures of naked girls. They send each other pictures of little girls. Also, you're sending each other pictures of, also remind yourself, in the Epstein files are some of the worst things I've ever seen and some of the descriptions of some of the worst things that I've ever seen. Because a lot of times they will redact a photo, but then describe the photo underneath it. And it is just as bad as reading it, as looking at it, I'll tell you. So we know that that was one specific email he sent to Jeffrey Epstein. This is the Sultan. He said two years ago from an American university in Dubai, it was a girl that had the best sex I ever had. Amazing body. She got engaged, but now she back with me, he said. And that they go back and forth. So that's his buddy. Now, there's now four names. Those are two famous names. Yeah. There are four names that came out underneath it. Nicola Caputo, Salvatore Nuarte. Now, Nicola Caputo is the same name of an Italian politician that they don't think has anything to do with it. So they don't know who this guy is. Because that's the other thing. You look up a name, and then you've got to remember, other people have the same name. Yes. So you're not necessarily finding the correct person because they always bar out the fucking email address. These people's lives could just fucking explode. Like this guy, Salvatore Nuarte. Salvatore Nuarte of Queens, New York called Ro Khanna's office to say straight up I don't know if they know what they're doing over there at the Justice Department he told the Guardian but how can I clear my name? I've been arrested for related crimes this guy, just a guy from Queens is like, I don't know that's not me bro I wouldn't do that bro but he like robbed a bank years ago I would never do that bro and then Zurab Michaladze No idea who that person is. And then Leonid Leonov, right? Who's also, he's this guy some randomly, he's an IT manager in Queens. He says that he was, he's being pulled in. He's just fucked up. He's like, I don't even have a second or third degree connection to him. Never worked for him. Nothing. So these are unnamed. We don't know who these people are. These sounds like guys that literally grabbed girls off the street and helped provide them that were all under Jean-Luc Brunel, all these other people that were connected over in Europe that Epstein would work with. I just am illustrating this to understand how big this is. Pam Biondi yesterday, that fucking bitch, put out a list of, in a series of malicious compliance, put out what she said, oh, you want a list of names? Here's all the names. And gave a list of 300 names that are referred to in the emails, including Elvis Presley, Charlie Chaplin, Any single time anybody's name is mentioned because she's a fucking complicit villain. Well, yeah, because she's trying to fuck with us. The way that they dump these emails is a way to fuck with your brain. Yes. When you just give someone this much information, unorganized, it sends people into meltdowns. And then when you're going into the meltdown, you then sound crazy. crazy but this is where i'm going to give you guys a leg up because we're going to stop covering it every single day every this at this thickness okay because we do have other stories we have to talk about eventually but we're all but this is the single most don't let it but also don't get it twisted because it's the single most important story in the fucking world right now of our entire life it is the single most i don't anybody that 9-11 anybody that laughs at you about being not being the single most important political story of our generation can they are a part of it yeah if they literally don't get why this is so big and why this is the number one then everybody can go fuck all right how people with kids don't care about this well it just makes me nuts it's because they're also purposefully overwhelmed yeah so one thing to do is there's certain file types to look for one that i thought was really interesting is fd-302 files oh god so when you look up if you want to look up a file that is super crucial to the case it's fd-302 okay what that is is the witness testimony and the various criminal conspirators that were interviewed and it is the most heavily redacted and it's stuff that is the most missing and it's the stuff that we have to yell about the most because it's the heart of the entire case and it's literally what they have now which i'm now also starting to understand they obviously don't want the victim's words to be heard by people yeah they don't want them to be heard they really do believe in many ways that the victim's words and i'm saying this in from doj's perspective are like the least credible least amount of work. Like, they hear all of these, like, when Pam Biondi was sitting in that room with all of the victims standing behind her. Fucking ignoring them. And then she dared to say that that was political theater. That's, like, a thing that makes me, makes my fucking blood boil. Those are the people who the crimes were perpetrated against. Against. That's who you're supposed to be fighting for. Those are the people you're supposed to be fighting for, not for the people in the fucking document. And so, so, it's, don't let them tell you that it's some form of virtue signaling to care about this because it's not anybody that doesn't care about this has no heart the dow jones is going to be there but seriously the dow jones is going what i want also to hold the dow jones is going to snap back whatever the fuck it is that we do historically that dow jones is now like that's why i don't understand my other fucking sadly other ceo types is that honestly the the economy is going to be fine we'll all arrest all of them and the economy will be fine it'll actually bounce back yeah and then when we start charging billionaires taxes guess what comes back it comes back yes it'll go into schools yeah who's fucking coming but also let's not get too far eddie come on let's not go too far all right so one big thing that one revelation i didn't want to go too far i wanted to go back for one second real quick the six names i thought you didn't mention ehud barak i thought he was all over it too. He is. So this is kind of, this is the other side of it. So this is Ro Khanna. Just name those names. He did that as a point. Like he did those to be like, this is just an example of a redacted email that names co-conspirators that we have redacted. Yeah. Right. So that's kind of what he was trying to say is that like, there was no reason for those names to ever be redacted because they were not victims. The only thing that was supposed to be redacted was some information connected to victims, not the people that did the crimes. So one thing that came out in this email, this is where I'm going to send you off as a listener. Go and listen. There are several places to go research now to make it easier. Go to DropSiteNews.com. It's got the most current Epstein information that I have found on a sub stack. And you have to pay for that? I did pay for it. I did pay for it, but they're unpaid for. They're free articles. So it's like one of the sub stacks. Becca Day is another one that I follow. And they are really following Epstein. So you're up in it. Oh, yeah. Epstein and Israel's connections. Yeah. So last week we talked a little about how Poland was doing a big investigation into him being a Russian spy. Yeah. So there. But we all know that he was probably playing four different teams. We know at least we know that he did a weird FOIA request to see what the CIA had on him. Right. So Jeffrey Epstein used the term skiff a lot like he used. He would throw around intelligence terms very easily. and one of it seems the main things that he was doing of the many things he was doing is that he was working with the former prime minister of of israel eud brock on creating this like a gigantic fund for cyber warfare okay and they were going to be building this essentially epstein had inside information about how powerful our cyber weapons were getting the united states of america then we did stuff like the the i believe it was called the stuxnet attack right where we shut down all of iranians nuclear programs using this cyber weapon that we've said that we it wasn't us blah blah blah right epstein knows we're working on this thing it's an african wave warfare remember the discombobulator that trump talked about we did we that we used in venezuela they're doing the same thing so these guys are epstein realized oh america's getting really dangerous with these I'm going to help our allies from the inside. So then he starts working with Israel. He starts working with Russia to create cyber warfare technology. It's like my blue heaven is like, who put you undercover? He's like, I did. It don't work like that. I did. He's like, it doesn't work. No, he's it's he's he was available to everyone. Yeah. And I don't think you had money. I think if you had money, he was available. We now know that he was probably a part of whatever was this government coalition between various foreign adversaries to try to control the election in 2016 because a lot of these guys realized that they would make quite a bit of money when Trump was in office specifically because his administration was specifically promising them that they would make a lot of money if he was president. And then they went ahead and really did make quite a bit of money. And they are right now. Yeah. Good. so that's the that's kind of like i'm just gonna send you off yeah epstein scan.org yeah another great website that breaks down not only does it break down the files it breaks down all the various relationships it identifies the people by name who what they're talking about which is the kind of stuff you need to run it like and then jmail is also crushing jmail's of course crushing it and i've been listening to the epstein files book club with jenna friedman uh great podcast she had her Twitter mysteriously disappear and delete and then restart under a different name. So this is Jenna Friedman. If you don't know who Jenna Friedman is, she's an amazing political comedian. Follow her career. It's fucking unbelievable. But she would torture Elon on Twitter. Oh yeah. And then one day she woke up and the whole shit was deleted. Crazy how that happens. Yeah. These guys are the most sensitive bitches in the face of the planet. Yeah, they really are. These guys just really can't handle comedians. These free speech fucking heroes are all, can't wait to shut us all up. But then the comedians also, what a shame. They just love, just, God. They treated comedians like currency. That's where my rabbit hole went. I just started looking up every comedian's name and like whether they went and how it all looks. And I mean, I never knew him really. I definitely met him once or twice, but I wasn't friends with him. Do whatever you can to stay away from Bobby Slayton. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, Bobby Slayton. But he probably needed the bump, to be honest with you. Oh, Bobby Slayton is not doing well. But he will. What is nice about Bobby Slayton, what we do know is he's available for private parties. Very available. Very available. Very available. Very available. Now, all of our other buddies that are like, you know, Joe Rogan, he was joking. I guess he said he was like, someone tried to get me to go to dinner. And I said, what are you high? And it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. If the child, if it was a baby elk, they would have got him there. If it was a racist South African, I guess they would have got him there. These fucking traitors. I am the least American person on the face of the planet. How did I get here? I'm surrounded by traitors. I'm surrounded by treasonous. How am I the most American of all of us? I hate this country. I hate these people. I will die for the right. I will fight to protect these people, though. I will fight to protect the... I fucking... What am I doing out here? It's a fucking crazy time. And I think this is just like real quick. I just wanted to tell everybody, if you're going through this rabbit hole, you need to take breaks. That's the reason why we're taking a break right now to talk about other super casual stuff, like the kidnapping of Savannah Guthrie's mother. Now, this story is just like some really fun stuff. I wanted to talk about this. I really hope that this helps. I hope that Guthrie's Chicken Shack can use this as an advertisement and kind of prolay them. Because I don't like- We got the Guthrie. If Guthrie's from Callahassee- Is Guthrie's still around? Guthrie's is still around. It's a chain. It's not a big chain. But Cane's stole their sauce, literally. Yes, we know this. Stole their whole bullshit. We know this. And so Cane's ran with it, and they're across the nation. Guthrie's is left behind. I see. Guthrie's is still better. Guthrie's is definitely better. But I haven't had Guthrie's since college. I had it recently. Fucking awesome. Is it as good as it was? It's just as good. No way. It's just as good. I'm going to Tallahassee soon, April 11th. I can't wait to have fucking Guthrie's with P-Funk. Dude, there's a Guthrie's in New Mexico. Dude, they're all over the place. Yeah, they're great. Yeah, so Guthrie's. Whoa, I can get to a Guthrie's? You can get to a Guthrie's. All right, we've lost the play. I just wanted to say that. Fuck you, Canes, for stealing Guthrie's bullshit. I've heard him make this. I know. I've heard him say this before. Many times. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. This is not a singular rant. I'm so hungry. No, he's done this. Yeah, he's talking about it. He's just hungry. All right, here we go. Now, Savannah Guthrie, for those of you that are living under a rock, I think we covered it very, very quickly when it first hit. But the chicken, Henry. Goddamn chicken. Savannah Guthrie, she is, it's Good Morning America, right? And so she is a beloved beloved anchor Her mother was kidnapped on January 31st Nancy Guthrie Now at first obviously they were holding the cards really close to the vest uh uh savannah savannah guthrie came out and said we're willing to give the money they were and like against my original advice oh yeah they didn't listen to your advice no my original advice is again don't pay a fucking dime don't you dare negotiate with these terrorists and you should call Liam Neeson. Yes. To go get him himself and he could go get him. But I understand. Kill one of the bastards. Yeah, but now I understand it is. We're now in more serious territory. So the time has passed since I'm asking for money. Yes. And now. We're going into the third week. It's the third week. What do we know about the case? We know that there was a video from the ring cam that was being fucked with. So we saw a guy in a mask, Baliklava. He had some kind of body armor on. Well, you know when you're kidnapping an 80-year-old, how much body armor you need to have. Dude, it's Arizona. Everyone's strapped. Oh, I get it. I get it. Gloves, face mask. He's fucking with the thing. They say he's like 5'9", 5'10", right? That's the only information we have. They now believe they have cleared the family. Well, they found the glove. They found one of the gloves. They found the gloves a couple miles away, then they sent it to Florida for DNA testing. Good luck. Yeah, exactly. Oh, what a reputable place. That's a place with a little too much DNA hanging around. It's Florida. So you've got, there was blood that was inside of her home that matched DNA on the glove, apparently. They think that it's the same person. They have no record yet. We don't know. We know the record yet. We don't know. Am I helping? This is the only Nancy Guthrie coverage that comes with belching. Hey, what am I just doing? I'm a human man in here. Yeah, they got the bomb. first thing i know is if it was me i would have dice i would have fucking completely stopped him in their trash no i um i guess this is my question you kidnap of this we have no idea why they're doing this now team z is now directly in negotiations with the guy he said who says he knows the guy. He says, yeah, he says he's seen Nancy Guthrie and he has information, but he doesn't want to go to the cops because he has past crimes. He doesn't want to get arrested for it. And he said that they saw them go south of the border. Yeah. Right? Now, this is my question. Which ain't far. Not from Arizona. But my question is, is, okay, your kidnapper, your job, you're going to get this woman, you get this 80-year-old woman, you're going to do it with, like, God knows why, it seems, mostly, it might have been, it seems it was, like, for money, but then they sent this ransom note and then they didn't get in didn't get back yeah what happens if you kidnap an 80 year old woman and then she dies on you especially when she doesn't have her medicine apparently yep what do you do then go to mexico with a dead woman i mean you know they're not really checking everything all the time you know you can get into mexico a lot easier than you can get out no i guess that's true it's also one of those where i feel like because we had a bit of a debate a successful kidnapper gets the money yes a successful kidnapper doesn't he's doing well no he's not i well i mean they're not caught which i'm very blown away by you say that that's it but that to me no that's not what he was trying to do he was trying to get money how much money is her dead body worth nothing nothing absolutely nothing i mean i'd pay a little bit for my mom's body I mean, the most you're going to get out of me. I'm sorry. If you've already killed her. Ten grand? Eddie. Two grand. Two, three grand. She's already fucking dead there. I'm not paying you ten grand for a cold body. All right? At that point, you bury her. You know what I mean? Tell me where you bury her. I'll come visit her. Honestly, you go, I'll pay. That costs two grand. I'll pay to bury her. All right? You just send me a geolocation of where she is, I'll go visit her. Because obviously, clears up a lot of problems for me. Make it close to Cabo if you don't mind. If you don't mind, just so that I can hit some of my... I'm trying to get to know the locals. No, this is... In fact, it's extremely sad. I don't know what they were expecting to get out of this, and I don't think it is going to end well for anybody. Oh, man. When they thought it was the brother-in-law at first, and like and then they showed a picture of that guy and i was like they got him yeah he's like just because i look like shit my wife my sister's i'm ugly you think i stole her just because my sister is literally one of the beloved hearts of america and i'm a fucking drifter looking railroad working not me need child murderer looking guy i understand investigate me but not for too long you have to find the people who did this honestly clear me i am unemployable please clear me getting one person to sign off on me or maybe help all right we got that's a horrible story we know nothing else so that's really it we don't know fucking anything else and we're just sitting and waiting just like the rest of you yes so who knows So if you have any information, sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com so I can send that information to the police and we can get the reward. Yes. Or you should probably just give it directly to the Arizona police, but if you want to call us in on it, that'd be great. Yeah. And then when we get the reward, we're going to put it towards free circumcisions for anybody. Free circumcisions. Free circumcisions. I'm going to bring my guillotine. We're going to have you guys come out here. There's nothing barbaric about it. It's completely normal behavior. Nothing barbaric about it. Nothing off-putting about it at all. Right from your grave. All right. Let's talk about something fun. Oh, yeah, like family annihilation? Yeah. Is that what you want to talk about? Because I have this story. All right, go ahead. Now, this is a brutal story. Another one. Why don't I just throw it on the pile? So this is, they were over at the Rio in Las Vegas. Have you ever been to the Rio? I have. It sucks. Yeah. It's not nice. It seems to be dirty. Yeah, yeah. Well, but if you know, if you want to see Penn and Teller, you go to the Rio. That's where the comedy cellar is. That's at the Rio. That's fine. But you go to the Rio and you leave because some people get so fucking sad there. Yeah. They check in, but they don't check out. This is a sad story. Mother-daughter found dead. Parrot murder-suicide at the Rio at a cheerleading competition. Give me an S. S. Give me a U. suicide's a long thing for us to spell out I'm extremely sorry they were over at the Utah extreme cheer competition which is honestly this has been extreme this is the most extreme cheering I've ever heard of yes and so she 10.45am she shot a little girl Tanya McGeehan shot her little girl Addie Smith who was 12 and then shot herself. Now, the thing that it seems to be what came to a head was that she had a nine-year custody battle for Addie. Yeah. Yeah, she's going through a divorce. She's going through a lot, right? The lady's going through quite a bit, as you can probably tell. And it said apparently she got really upset about getting some mean texts from the other cheer moms. Oh, really? Yeah. This is a cheer mom led to murder? This is cheer moms got together, encouraged her to commit suicide. Really? No, not really. But basically just said, we don't like your daughter. Your daughter is bad for the team. Your daughter is a new thing. They were like doing the thing that cheer moms do. Oh, see, I was like, for two seconds, I was like, oh, these cheer moms are like. Do it, do it, do it. Get the gun, get the gun. Telling her to be nicer to her daughter. No, no, opposite. They were saying that her daughter sucked. They were telling her her daughter sucked and that she was bringing down the team. and that Taunia sucked, and that they were all, like, mad about it because she was a new ad to the team. Honestly, man, it's hard out there, but don't let these bitches get you down. Remember when we talked about Eleanor Roosevelt? Yes. The quote. The quote? Oh, yes! The quote was, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So be like Eleanor Roosevelt. Eat pussy. Get out there, and don't let these people bring you down, all right? You're at the cheerleading conference. It's your job as a cheerleader. Yeah, you are a cheerleader. And I'm not going to blame Addie at all. Obviously, she was a 12-year-old girl, but this is the time to really put her skills to the test. It's just crazy that these cheer moms are like, your girl is sad. They're not checking on her mental health or well-being. None. They're just like, she's going to fuck up the competition. She sucks. Your little girl is a fucking waste of space. I haven't seen her smile big enough. Yes. They really, it was really rough. But Tonio was obviously very upset. Yeah, well, you know, maybe it's because they had to stay at the Rio and not the fucking Mandalay Bay. Honestly, the Rio, it's not the Luxor. I mean, if it's not the Luxor, then tear it down. I mean, it just, it's not the Luxor. But it's like now we know another place where people have committed suicide on the strip. I know the Luxor is a big, it's considered to be. Oh, like this is the first suicide at the Rio. It's Vegas, Eddie. It's only happy there. Who would ever be sad in Vegas? That's kind of what I'm even sad about. This woman brought sadness to Las Vegas. Nothing bad ever happens there. Not once. It's not built on mob activity. The old place isn't built on crime, fucking human trafficking, and pure deviance. It's not just the suicide capital of America, according to a 2004 CBS article. Who would ever do that? Who would ever check into the four seasons of Las Vegas like that guy did at the top of the article below? his brains out. At the Four Seasons Las Vegas there's another one. That's the problem. You go to Vegas, there are no four, there aren't four seasons. There's three at best. Maybe. What? You got golf? Tourism? I'm trying to think what other seasons are. Rodeo season? It's a big season. Oh yeah, yeah. That's right. I don't know if we covered this with the seriousness people wanted it. Well, here's a positive story. I'm coming in with a positive story. There's also a big murder-suicide in Bulgaria yeah yeah and the hardest part about a bulgarian mass suicide is fucking switching legs you guys know right you know what that is no i don't it's bulgarian squats bulgarian squats yeah oh you're getting too into working out that was a working out thing oh bulgarian squats you never did that in the football team or is that just what you were doing on top of your the coach from europe hey come on he was nice he was a bulgarian he was a friend oh that yeah oh okay it's when you dip. You do little dips with your knees. You normally hold a weight. She's got nice pants. Oh, that's what you notice. What? Alright, so here's the story. My favorite story of the fucking week is a Saskatchewan man fights off a starving moose with his fists and a shovel and a 22 to save his mother. Normally when we do these animal, man fights, animal attack the man is awful always bad and we oh we don't we don't like him and we joke we last week we just covered all these stuff this week we're covering elephant attacks yes right so we're covering all it so but this is a nice like he had to fight this this is a true honorable fight to the death against a dying moose and a man all right so this moose it's cold out negative 40 Celsius, apparently. What in the living fuck? Where is he on the moon? Saskatchewan. Jesus Christ. So this moose is malnourished. This place needs to be covered in insulation. We just need to... Wow, that's cold. Jesus Christ. So this malnourished moose crawls up to the house because there's a heating vent and it just wants a little warmth. Alright? But it's like really thin and really sick and it's dying. Okay? Because there's not enough food for it. It's too cold out. The guy's mom goes outside to take out the trash or some shit. The moose sees her. She starts screaming to try and scare it away. The moose is fucking furious. Beats the shit out of the old lady. Well, to be honest, it sounds like she irritated the moose or something. I mean, you gotta scream at the moose. So it was like what was it trying to do? Stay warm. Because there was a heating vent it was leaning up against. It was trying to live. Okay? There is a hint of sadness in the story. Why did you just let it beat her to the heating vent? Because I think it saw her and moose are very violent. Oh, Moose will fuck your ass up. I found a video of him telling the story if you want to check it out real quick. Oh, yeah. Is it one of those things where if she's on her period or something, Moose get worse? Am I wrong? Like, honestly. No, maybe. Like a bear. This is a man Moose, though. Oh, but why the Moose attacked the woman in the first place. Because it's starving and it's dying and it's going to get really defensive and Moose are already violent on the bottom line. let me tell the quick version of the story because I only read it once and I want to see how right I am and then we'll play his version so he sees the moose on top of his mother he goes up and he's like get off my mom moose and he fucking punches it in the face a bunch he splits its lid open yeah yeah yeah and the moose is like you fucking piece of shit and the moose starts kicking his mom again and she's like oh god my fucking head my fucking body's hurting this shit and then he's like alright I'll get it and he gets a big-ass shovel. He starts slapping the moose in the face with the shovel. Moose is like, come on, bro. You ain't going to fucking take me down on those shovels. You think that's what you're going to do there, partner? He's like, you stay right there. Don't move. You stay on my mother. You stay right there. He goes in his house, and he grabs his .22 rifle, all right? 22 small bullets. Shoots the moose directly in the eyeball. Moose unfazed. Shoots the moose in the other eyeball. Unfazed. starts shooting it over and over again in the same spot in its head until these .22s eventually penetrate its brain and it dies on the spot. True fight to the death. That is a hard fight. That's a gun fight. That's a gun punch. And these guys, look at him, he's so nice looking. He just looks like kind, like true kindness. I heard one guy call them those little snub nose. someone i saw some was gotten to a fucking hole of self-defense videos yeah and he calls those ear nose and throat guns oh yeah yeah like those are nosy he's like you gotta mash it up against a guy's face all right let's hear his story and see how close that was sean tuffnell says the showdown happened in bean fate on the morning of january 22nd when he found his mom stuck below the moose my mom decided to come out to start a vehicle the moose was laying right against the two events. She come around the corner here, just startled the moose. Tufnell's mom, Angie Tufnell, tried to run back into the house when the moose pushed her down. Tufnell came out of the house after hearing his mom yell for help. He put his ears right back, which means they're not going to run. So then I took about two steps and I punched him in the face right here and his head went up in the air. You're a big boy too. I just took one step back and he swung his foot at me and just Missed my face. Coming to terms with a situation he had now found himself in, Tufnel says he grabbed his shovel and tried to fight back, only to have the moose charge him into the doorframe. Then he went and he turned and looked at her again, and he put his ears back and he went to go with her, and then I went out and I grabbed him by the ear and, like, the bridge of the nose and pulled him because I knew I was safe in the doorway. And then he come right back in, his teeth are out like that, trying to get me. I end up getting him over top of the head like this. He picked me up and I hit the doorframe a couple times. Holy shit! That's when he broke my rib. At that point, Tufnel says he called for Dave, his mom's boyfriend, to bring out a gun. After some more commotion, Tufnel was able to retrieve the gun and shot the moose over a dozen times. You can see that stain is actually where all the blood was. Both Tufnel and his mom were able to get away from the fight with treatable injuries. I have quite a big gash in my leg, in the inside of the leg here. and when he made this gas for his hoof, he slid down to my heel and he made a bruise. You're bumming me out, lady! Get back to the boy! Shut up, lady! The moose's body was then taken to Saskatoon for testing. The Canadian Wildlife Health Cooperative said in a statement that the adult male moose was in very poor conditions but ultimately died from multiple gunshot wounds. Tufnel's mom is just grateful for her son and hopes this doesn't happen to anyone else. So I'm lucky to be alive. Very lucky. You don't sound like it. Lucky thanks to him to my son Yeah thank your fucking son He fought like a savage i said wow fucking incredible story why do i feel like she like she made her how do i put this she only a mother can do a feel like make a vibe that feels like it's almost he should feel guilty for killing the moose yeah for like helping her survive like there's something about this Because you know it's the type of lady that's always like, I should be dead. I should be dead. I always dreamt a moose would take me. I wanted to go this way. You took this from me. One thing I was supposed to do was have my teeth chewed off by moose. Stay away from my mom, moose! No, this is how I'm supposed to go. I saw him dream. I talked to fortune teller woman. I don't want to kill you, Moose. You don't kill the Moose. Let the Moose kill me. It is my fate. You can't kill the Moose. It is my fate. It sends me to heaven. See your miserable father. Well, I'm certain that honestly it all worked out. Except for the Moose. Except for the Moose. Moose got fucking absolutely just crazy murdered. Yeah. Hey, don't attack an old lady. It was sick. if that moose was relatively healthy he would not have won the fight no he would have tore him to shreds but also good fam yeah here we go we got another that's a little piece of advice for everyone out there if you're gonna fight a moose make sure it's sick not with two cues alright nice is that a new metal moose alright alright so I think that we've covered quite a bit today I think we've got some letters you don't want to talk about the paramedic coming in the fireman's chili yeah i can talk about it i mean we don't need to go too far it's really not that deep it's really not that deep it was right on top no but the uh no but apparently there is this paramedic who was like coming and pissing all over the fucking fire station was he just trying to do a prank a quote quote, funny prank? You know, at the beginning of the article, it seemed like it was all a prank, but now it seems like he's just like a sick fuck who likes to cover shit in his own common pits. There's a problem with pranks. I'm okay with a prank. A prank, you do it once. We have said this, how many times have we said this? Yeah. A prank is funny. Yes. So a prank, it can be annoying, but the goal is to laugh. Yeah. Right? That is the goal in the end you go, oh, that's it. Not the, oh my God, you put your fucking ejaculate all over my security equipment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's not a, oh, what a- You pissed at the ice machine and mixed it up. Yeah, that's not a prank. That's not a prank. You know what a prank is? No matter how- A rubber snake. Yes. That's a prank. Firemen are used to that. They love that kind of prank. You know, it's a prank fucking one of your buddy's wives. That's kind of a prank. And firemen. It depends. Yeah, firemen, they got loose rules. The firemen, they fuck each other's wives all day. That's all they do is swamp wives when they're sitting around waiting for shit to do. No, I mean, between their naps and spaghetti. They have a lot of spaghetti in there. We know what's going on. I know what you guys do. Yeah, we like to come for the firemen. Yeah, yeah, living off the cloud of 9-11 for 20-something years. We know what you do sitting around waiting for another 9-11 to happen so you can do whatever you want. We know what you want. Each one of you guys wants your own. Sorry, honestly, we really appreciate our firemen. Please save us. We need you in LA. Alright, let's look at this one letter. You want a new stinger? We got a couple stingers. Oh, of course! You wanted a funk stinger, so we got a couple. Yeah, I mean, we got a couple of them. I'll play you one. I'm always surprised when people, like, just do the things that we randomly ask. I love it. It fills me with delight. Yeah, man. Here you go. Straight funk. I want straight funk. That's awesome. That was really great. Yeah, you especially did the thing. Because you know how that's how Michael Jackson wrote songs. Oh. All right, shut up for a second. Listen, my name's Quincy Jones, and you've got to shut up for a second. All right, let me fuck you. Well, you've got enough of a woman-like exterior. Well, here we go. First of all, I got several emails. We talked last week about the Olive Garden chef who committed suicide by sticking his head in the fryer. And I got two emails from health inspectors. Oh, OK. That Eddie reiterated what Eddie said, which is, you know, it does clean it right out. I told you. They're like, that bleach cleans it right out. You wouldn't even know it's in there. Biologically, it's gone because I brought this up to Natalie. I said, how would you feel about going back to that olive garden? She was like, I wouldn't go. And I was like, you know, they said it would be completely clean. It just seems to me as well, I wouldn't want to immediately go to the place where the chef committed suicide because I want the chef to be happy. Well, that particular chef. Not all. Most chefs hate their lives. Yeah, of course. But everyone does. Yes. Everybody works. Yeah, but chefs are a little more violent about it. I love chefs. Me too. Real chefs. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Me too. And I like our cooks too. Yeah. And, you know, Natalie was right about that, but just right about not going to the Olive Garden in general. Well, we all know that Olive Garden, I also got weird, several passionate, like, people sticking up for Olive Garden. Oh, really? And you're wrong. You're objectively wrong. No, you're wrong. And you've got to find a new place to go, okay? That is what I'm not, I'll step back on the circumcision stuff. I'll learn. I'll learn and I'll hear. I'll open up discourse. I'm happy for people with that. I'm happy. But if you try to tell me, because I've, again, what I said, I had the ultimate Olive Garden experience. I've been there for a wedding reception, and I've been there for a wake. And it's not good. That's like when they're supposed to be at their best. Yeah. Right? At a wake? You'd think at a wake, they would really do their best. Where would you put Olive Garden above or below Buga Di Beppo? Below. Below, right? Yeah, because Buga Di Beppo sucks. Disgusting. Horrible. Great decor. Better ambience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. There we go. Rob's looking at his puzzles. You've never been to a Bucca de Beppo? No, I have. It's just so expensive. Yeah. How is it so bad if it's so expensive? I've never paid for a meal there. I always eat for free. That's how you like it. They know me there. You like it because you're spending a lot of money. Mr. Lawson, you're nice to table. That's what the pulpit starts. Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on here. I just think that Olive Garden exists for a reason because there's certain places in the United States, like say, Wyoming, Nebraska. Well, hey. Where there are nice Italian restaurants. There are better chains. Kansas has great Italian food. Carrabba's. I don't know why I'm going to bat for them right now. Carrabba's is a better chain. Carrabba's is a better chain. My Giano's is a better chain. Yes. The fucking, what else is a better nut noodle factory? Spaghetti factory. It's a Canadian chain. It's a better chain. Bazooli's. Bazooli's is fine. I'm just saying, these small towns, they're lucky if they can get one. I just named four chains. I just named, you can find a chain. Yeah. Macaroni Grill, did we list that? Sparrow! No, that's what I was looking for. Macaroni Grill. Macaroni Grill is also extremely good. That's a little expensive. It is, sure, but are you going on a date or not? Yeah, it's nice. Same thing, are we going to the... And then, unfortunately, the Mussolini of all of them, it's a cheesecake factor. Oh, absolutely. God damn. But I will say, in my experience, Olive Garden will let you drink underage. Yes. So if you're trying to do that, try it in Olive Garden. You're 14 and you like, you like, Puerto Rossi. You're going to love. Oh, God. All right, here's this little letter, so. I heard your story about the Olive Garden chef who committed suicide. Cook. Let's just call him a cook. He's a cook. And I wanted to share the following when it came to businesses not closing when an employee dies. My roommate in college worked for Universal Studios Hollywood. I've been there, punch. Well, I love that place. That's great. She mostly did just, you know, janitorial work in the lower lot. but when she went to clock out at a shift change once, she was told by management to not discuss this afternoon's events. So having no idea what the fuck they were talking about, she asked around. Turns out an employee who had quit the day before came back that day, shot his girlfriend, and then shot himself in the upper lot. LAPD came, that area of the park was closed for a few hours where they cleaned up the blood. Upper parking lot? Yeah, the upper, no, it was in the Despicable Me area. Really? And apparently this part of the park is so popular for employee suicides. I've been there. It makes sense. Out near the Minions. By the Minions. Oh, no. That they call it. I mean, they're evil. A funny little joke that they call it amongst themselves is the super suicide fun land. Oh. And instead of the super silly fun land. Tendentially related, but this is also a part of the park where you can smoke. Oh. because also the part explicitly geared towards young children. So they let them, what, smoke behind the rides there? Yeah. It makes sense that you can smoke. Yeah. They don't want the smokers going all the way to the bottom. You got to go back up all those escalators. You need them back to work really fast. Escalators are specifically scares you don't have to climb. Well, I mean, you know it takes forever. Yeah, but if you're a smoker, you don't care. You're waiting for death. Yeah. I mean, if I were to choose somewhere to kill myself at Universal Studios, I mean, I feel like the Despicable Me area is the best choice. I agree. Honestly, I would do it on The Simpsons ride. Simpsons ride? I would probably go just for the, no, they need to change it. And you know what I would probably do? They're losing it soon. But if I was going to do it, obviously, I would do it on a White House tour. Oh, yes. So I want to say thank you guys so much for joining. Just like everyone else who's talking about the Epstein files, we're joking. We would never kill ourselves. i'm not sad i don't do high-risk behavior lives are fucking phenomenal super boring i don't do anything i take no physical risks if you see anything happen to me no that i ain't skydiving none of that i i'm barely eating chicken wings i just got my health by just my blood report back my heart's fine my heart's doing great my cholesterol's down i don't have diabetes no more. No one's trying. I ain't trying to die. Spoiler, Eddie, because you never fully talked about your pre-diabetes disorder. Well, I had pre-diabetes and I got diabetes and now it went down back on the pre-diabetes. But you never really talked about it. No, because I was very scared because both of my parents died of diabetes and I just didn't want to joke about it. But you beat it. For now. It's with you forever. You're maintaining it in a way that I'm super proud of you. You look really good. I'm going to live. You don't look like shit. Thank you. I appreciate that. You don't look like shit either. I look fine. Both of us could look way worse. And I'll tell you what, in our 20-something year relationship, I think we're most attractive now. Somehow. I'm sorry, guys. Somehow. This is as good as it gets. This is as nice as I can look. You should have seen, when Henry and I, when I was 280 and Henry was 320, we were a pair. Ooh, we're old. When you saw us rolling in, you knew shit was about to get loose, man. God. That fucking Vegas seafood buffet. Never saw us coming, man. Oh, man. The one in Glendale, California. Oh, yeah. Always get landlocked seafood. Always get landlocked city named seafood in another landlocked city that it's not in. That's where you get your buffet food, always. Oh, he did it in Jurassic Parking? No, that's where I would do it. Oh, that's where you do Jurassic Parking. Then why would you do it there? Just so I could always be there. Oh, cute. That's sweet. Just like Robert Duvall. we chose wrong we definitely chose wrong Robert Duvall would have been an awesome death pool choice oh for sure but I didn't want that he's 95 what a great life super great life a lot of good ones died this year but we're not doing that right now just go out there and try to live your own Robert Duvall life go to patreon.com you can listen to the show with no ads you also can see last stream on the left live 6pm PSD every week on Tuesday. And man, do we have some fun. We have a bunch of new stuff on there. You can see our $25 video tier is submitting videos in order for it to show for our brand new show, last stream on the left after hours, which will be beginning next Tuesday. We will be doing that for the very first time. Go check us out on the Patreon. And we're going to be starting our brand new movie podcast. So we're going to be putting up this, either this week or next week. I'll be talking with our crew. We're going to be putting up a poll of directors that you would like for us to consider in our movie podcasting that we're doing. So we're going to put that, we're going to put it all up. You're going to choose amongst our selection. And we'll pick the top two. Yes. And do episodes on them. And do you want to say who they are? Might as well get people excited. Well, right now I want, we want people to choose. I chose two and you chose three. Yes. All right. You want to tell them, tell the people who you chose. Well, I want to do Jan Schwenkmeier. Uh-huh. I want to do Alejandro Jodorowsky. Yes. Or I want to do... Do I have to watch a bunch of Jorahowski? Yeah, you might. Depends if they get us. Have you seen the other ones? I've seen El Topo and Holy Mountain. They're great. The song race is fantastic. They just make you so upset. The animal murder. Wait till you see Jan Schwenkmeier. Then also the other one is I can't wait for Jan Schwenkmeier. And then Andrei Tarkovsky. And we're going to do all of these eventually. We just want to know who you want us to do first. And my choices were William Friedkin because I want to see his whole catalog. And Walter Hill, who's a guy who I just discovered, that he just made a bunch of action movies, and some of them are awful, and some of them are just fucking awesome. I love that. I watched a movie called Extreme Prejudice last night. What a blast. So, yeah, get into these weird directors, these older directors. I absolutely love it. And the Miseducation of Ed Larson, the Bob Lazar episodes, now available on Patreon for the $10 tier and up. Come see Henry and I on the road. crimewaveatsea.com slash left to get tickets to see Henry and I at Crime Wave at Sea 2.0 in February of 2027. Plan ahead. Go have fun. We're going to get wet. We're going to have such a great vacation. The pool party is the most fun. I can't wait to do that. It's the most work Henry and I have ever done in the show. It was wild. It was a blast. Anybody who saw that knows how ridiculous that fucking show was and knows that we're just going to do it again, and now we actually kind of know how to do it. So we're very, very excited. It's going to be like, if it wasn't as much fun as the last time, I would not be pushing it this hard. Yeah, no, I talked to the staff, and they're going to give me a really nice Connect 4 to beat the fuck out of all of you with, so that's going to be good. On March 14th, we're going to be in Urbana, Illinois. On April 26th, Lexington, Kentucky. May 7th, Netflix is a joke here in LA. Henry and I are going to be at the Avalon Theater at 945. Come check that out. Night of Too Many Stars. It's too many stars. Okay? Come see two... Fuck yeah. Fuck those fucking stars. You see them all the time. They're all complicit. Yeah. They're all in on it. Come see a couple of people that are... Come see some people who are literally as far away from the machine as possible. Not allowed to participate. Yes. Come to our show. Our show's better than their show. May 30th, Rochester, New York, and June 28th, London, Ontario. Then, of course, I'm going to going to be doing some stand-up here in LA April 3rd at the Lyric Hyperion with Amber Nelson. P-Funk Fest, baby! In Tallahassee April 11th and ViStar Stadium, that is the Jumbo Shrimp Stadium with Danny Bedrosian and Holden McNeely. That's going to be on April 12th. Come see those shows. They're going to be a blast. Tickets for everything are available at EddieTunes.com Yep, that's right. I put it all on there. Go to Last Podcast on the left, of course. Always buy your tickets through the links that we provide. Don't buy these secondhand tickets. It's never us. No, ever. Go to LastPodcastandLove.com. It's the only way to get them. We'd like to thank Ian over at Floor Audio for that amazing stinger. That was great, buddy. Great fucking work. See you at P-Funk Fest. Yeah, bro. Hail Satan. You know what? Fucking hail him again. Live every day fighting for the fucking liberty of people you hate. Love the fact that America is all about that. We're all in here fucking together, and the only way we're going to get out of this and we're laughing our way to the fucking guillotines while all these fuckers blood running down the streets. Yeah. Eat that jerky, y'all. Enjoy.