Diva! Conspiracy Girlies! (w. Karen Kilgariff + Martha Kelly)

This is exactly right. Right Network. Listen to My Favourite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield, the host of The Girlfriends. I'm back with more one-off interviews with some truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriends Spotlight. I'm going to climb this. Is badness hereditary? Let's see how we can stop killing. I'm not too intimidated by her. What are you talking about? Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Dirty Rush, the truth about sorority life, the good, the bad, and the sisterhood. With your hosts, me, Gia Giudice, Daisy Kent, and Jennifer Kessler. The reality of Greek life has been a mystery for those outside the sorority circles until now. Is it really a supportive sisterhood that's simply misunderstood? Or is there something more scandalous happening on campuses across the country? Let's get dirty. Listen to Dirty Rush on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Foote. Today we're going to be talking about the contentious Pam Bondi hearing, TMZ, Guthrie, conspiracy theories, calls to deport Emily in Paris, which comes directly from me. Wondering whether or not Kurt Cobain was murdered or committed suicide. We have an incredible interview with Martha Kelly. And I'm going to answer all the questions from your DMs. So stick around. Well, thank you for joining me, everyone. You may notice that Melissa is not here, but I've got an extra special guest co-host, Karen Kilgariff. Hello and welcome. I'm so excited to be here. It's going to be so fun. Melissa, I'm sorry, but I'll do my best. I had to come to L.A. because there's a detention center here that I had to go to for work. And I was like, hey, Karen, do you mind if I film my show in L.A. while I'm there? And I said, no, I'm sorry. You're going to have to rent it from us. What else were you doing? I Venmo'd you for the speaker fee. Yeah. Did you go? How was it? Oh, it was great to go and see my client who's there. There's this like weird thing happening where. Well, it's not weird. It's fascism. But it's weird, though. Yes, it is. It is fucking weird. But there's this like Afghan families are getting arrested by ICE and their Afghan families who have helped the U.S. government and military in Afghanistan during the war. So it's kind of insane because they're here as asylees from the government that fell because of America's interference. And they were translators. They were intelligence people who brought their whole families over when the Taliban took over in Afghanistan and then lived here for a couple of years under a different administration and now are being scooped up by ICE agents and being held in detention centers. Horrifying. And so, but I mean, it's great because when I go to the judges, they're like, girl, what? Yeah. Oh, good. Immediately. That is whack. Good. Yeah. So, but it is like administrative paperwork just to get in front of that judge. You have to like get the bond motion prepared, which is a nightmare. And a lot of times people are detained. So you need things signed, which is how are we going to get it to them? So we have to mail packets out. It's a whole rigmarole. I mean, it's a disaster. Thank God for you going to work every day and just doing it and like having the attitude that you do, because just even in that where it's like, so so these people who basically sacrificed everything for America and for democracy, their reward is to be brought here and have democracy and soon after they arrive. Exactly. Yes, exactly. And it's like to flee that come here and then experience that. It's like, damn, yeah, can I catch a fucking brain? Just fucking trauma after trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like going from one bad boyfriend to another. It's your boyfriend controlled everything. The world. It's so beyond. I mean, the idea that simultaneous to updates like that. Yeah. Yes. Then it's also Epstein left, right and center. This will drop a week from now. So we're recording a day after the Pam Bondi hearing. So if we're a little out of touch with what happens and how that develops, I just made a video today about Pam Bondi lying in front of Congress. Yeah. Just the notion that it's one thing to spin stories in the media like Trump does all the time, right? He defends, he denies. But you're under oath. You're sworn in. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. This is perjury. This is a felony. And it's now so normalized, it seems like watching them go up and speak over and over again, say just do their their rehearsed lines like those things. And everyone's trying to kind of everyone's like, you're do you even listen to my question? Like you're saying what's happening in the Dow Jones? We're talking about victims of sexual violence. Like what is what do you even hear us? And you've gone 180 on this topic. Yes. Yes, exactly. It's just insanity. It's insanity. Let's do a little sidebar. So this is our segment where we talk a little bit about sort of like what's happening in our week right now. Just what I talked a bit about what's going on in court with the Afghan families that I'm working with. But it doesn't have to be whatever you want to talk about. What's happening? What's happening in your life? I would say the biggest thing, and this is very common in this. It speaks to how much I'm addicted to TikTok. But then also the kind of what feels like a little bit of relief in all of this, like absolute tsunami of horror. And it is that the Bad Bunny show and then these subsequent families watching the show. So it's their reaction shot for nine minutes. I've watched at least five different families for the entire show, just them watching the show. And it is. Oh, that's cool. That hasn't hit my feet at all. It's just like. That is so. it's they're so excited they keep recognizing the references they know exactly what's going on so then you're having this like secondary experience of like i just enjoyed the fact that i knew how hard it would be to do that follow shot the entire time and that the grass was moving somehow thinking like a producer like how did they pull this off and meanwhile they're like the last puerto rican social club in new york city there she is the woman who owns it called the club i was like as a New Yorker, I felt very, I had this sort of FOMO where I was like, oh, I've never been to that taco stand. And now I never will be able to get in because it's going to be packed. It's going to be packed every time I go. But I just, I loved the, I love spectacle. I love like the spectacle of it. Melissa and I talked a bit about Bad Bunny and in the lead up to the Super Bowl and what we were excited for and i don't watch the super bowl at all yeah but i watched the halftime show i did watch it was really fun it was so good i mean i was worried because kendrick lamar's show was really unbelievable so i was like well how can they do like how can they do it yeah and trump was like we're gonna have our like alternate our alt kid rock protest show and and and it had 10 thousand viewers yes and there's video of trump's party for the super bowl where they had a huge screen with bad bunny playing so he didn't even watch his own protest show he was watching the bad bunny show yes because it's amazing also it's that kind of thing where i think they did it they slipped it in so perfectly it was just like suddenly it was starting and you were like it was like you were watching a movie yes so you couldn't really like or not that you couldn't but like it was hard to tune out because you were suddenly like, well, what's this? A commercial? Yes. A movie? Another TV show? And then you're in it. And it doesn't matter what language you speak because you get exactly what's happening. Yes. And now, okay, so my feed is trying to force Emily in Paris down my throat. Fifth fucking season of Emily in Paris. What kind of visa is she on? She bought an apartment? What's happening? How can you buy an apartment in Paris? You're an American citizen. Who's sponsoring your visa? Is Emily still an assistant or did she get like four promotions? Yes, exactly. She's got this fierce wardrobe. Deport Emily in Paris. That's the one person who should be deported right now. Get her out. I can handle it. But yes, thank you for hosting me in LA. I love it here. It's so beautiful. We're so happy to have you. Is that weather as crazy as it sounds? Now, you know that this weather right now is so bad. I'm wearing Uggs. Like, I'm freezing. This is freezing? This is freezing. Okay. So I was at the hotel pool this morning before I had to go to court. That is how cold it is in New York. I'm like, if there's a window of light, I'm standing in it like a cat. Like, like if there's a sliver of light, I'm taking it up. So is it still snowing? It is unbelievable. It had snowed. It snowed a month ago and then it was a deep freeze to sub zero temperatures. So the snow was beautiful for a couple hours and then became a solid fucking rock. So if you fall, it's like backbreaking. Yeah, it is. People are getting jackhammers to get their cars out. There are these guys going around New York with jackhammers, hammering ice to get cars out. That's not common. Like that doesn't happen every year. Never happened. I don't think I've ever remembered. I've been in New York almost my whole life. And I've never seen this before. It's really unbelievable. You know, dogs piss on it and then it freezes so it's just like a museum of like dog piss and shit everywhere it's disgusting it's actually don't go to new york right now like hanging in amber like an old dragonfly but it's jurassic park preserved you know what that makes sense now because i saw a video and i thought it was just like random people fall down video but it was it was a guy who was on a very slight incline down by so it looked like maybe well he's never heard from it right because It looked like they walked into a skate park that froze and then he slid down a thing and he literally couldn't stand and he couldn't make any movement out. And his girlfriend's laughing. That would be me. I'm that girlfriend. He's like, baby, help me, please. You got to get. And she's like, no, what are you talking about? I tell Brad, if you're going to fall down, it better be memeable content. And I better be filming. And it kind of always is memeable content because truly there's nothing funnier. Let's live stream his funeral. All right. Let's take a break. Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield, from The Girlfriends, the number one hit true crime show that puts women right in the center of their own stories. I'm back with more one-off interviews with some truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriends Spotlight. I want to introduce you to Sylvia. I'm going to climb this. And then there's Vaisaka. Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives. Leila dared to ask the question. Is badness hereditary? And finally, we'll meet Rosamund. If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived, she wouldn't have died on that fatal night. You'll even get to meet my mum in that one, who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground. I'm not too intimidated by her. What are you talking about? Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Dirty Rush, the truth about sorority life, the good, the bad, and the sisterhood. With your hosts, me, Gia Giudice, Daisy Kent, and Jennifer Kessler. Rush, the recruitment, the ritual, the reality of Greek life has been a mystery for those outside the sorority circles until now. Is it really a supportive sisterhood that's simply misunderstood? Or is there something more scandalous happening on campuses across the country? In this podcast, we pledge to peel back the layers and spell out the truth one Greek letter at a time. Pledges and actives, rush chairs and ritual keepers. Some call it the best time of their life, while others say it's a nightmare. From a perfect rush to recruitment scandals. What is really going on behind the doors of those sorority houses from Alpha to Omega. We're taking you inside sorority row, including the chapter room, as we explore the fellowship and the frenemies. Let's get dirty. Listen to Dirty Rush on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Danielle Robay, host of Bookmarked, the podcast by Reese's Book Club. And this week on Bookmarked, we're basically hosting the ultimate girls night. Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner, Judy Greer, Rita Wilson, Angari Rice, and author Laura Dave. These are the women behind season two of the Apple TV series, The Last Thing He Told Me. We're talking about turning a book into a hit show and what it really takes to bring a story to life. The most important metric for me is do I want to share this book with somebody? That's what creates community. And that's the main thesis of our book club and why we started it was just to connect people together. Listen to The Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So this is your algorithm is showing. We're going to get into a quick dive into what's happening in our algorithms. I've seen a couple big headlines hitting. And again, we're recording a week out. So these things will update and I'll try and maybe I'll do a drop in if things change drastically. But Nancy Guthrie updates, Savannah Guthrie's mother. So I am late to the game. I've missed a lot of this. Have you been following it all? Not at all. And people were talking to me about it on Super Bowl Sunday as if we had been watching it side by side the entire time. So I was like, I just pretended like I knew what they were talking about. But I was like, it's starting to sound like the most serious word salad in the world. Yeah. And I was like, wait. And then I'm now I'm Googling and I'm trying to figure out. So we did a little research. Her 84 year old mother has been missing since January 31st. It's February 12th now. So that's like a couple of weeks. yeah fbi released nest footage of a man in a ski mask i saw it it's really spooky it's really scary it's so crazy that every horror like horrifying thing is now caught on film yes yeah it's very those cameras are really even just the guy stealing the amazon packages off everyone's porch is chilling yeah it's chilling but we don't shop at amazon anymore right guys because yeah we can't support Bezos after he obliterated WAPO. TMZ has actually been really breaking a lot of this because they're getting these letters sent to them. They're involved. They're involved and they're just like passing them to the FBI. So it's really interesting. I mean, TMZ to me was always a gossip brag. It was always celebrity gossip, what's happening in the news. But they arrested someone the other night and then he was released a few hours later. There have been reports of activity in someone's Bitcoin account. I mean, it's just really spooky. I don't like. Can I put a theory on the table? Yes, do it. And this is a theory. I hope I hope this woman is safe. Yeah. Is there a possibility TMZ planned all of this? Because no one cares about celebrity gossip anymore. Whoa. No one cares about that kind of what we what used to really distract and occupy us. Yes. It can't match anymore. Right. The Lindsay Lohan. I'm drunk outside of a restaurant. Yeah. No one cares. No one cares. And their viewership is down. I heard a conspiracy theory that Savannah Guthrie had interviewed all these Epstein. Oh, yeah. Victims, which I didn't know about. And now when I Google it, I can't find anything about Savannah Guthrie interviewing Epstein victims because the whole feed is covered in her mom's abduction. Yeah. I've actually dealt with some hostage situations before. There's oftentimes I get, yeah, I get calls from people. They had a family member at the border who's being held by the coyotes, the people who traffic people across the border and the cartel. The cartel will hold them and say, wire us $10,000 or we're going to behead your family member. And it's like their uncle. So I've had to deal with some hostage situations before. But usually what happens is when someone's held hostage, you get the demand pretty quickly. So whenever I've had to deal with it, we get a demand immediately. They call, they say, I'm holding them hostage and this is what I want. And we're going to kill them if you don't give us the money. And I will say, usually when those clients call me, I say, they will kill them. Like that is something that they do. They have no problem doing it. Right. But there's no demands that are at least being released by the FBI on Savannah Guthrie. So it's just this vague kidnapping. Yeah. Looming kind of ominous, threatening guy in a ski mask. And now we're just kind of getting these letters to TMZ that are being passed to the FBI. It's been a weird week. Did you see they opened Kurt Cobain's suicide? OK, so this is like breaking news for the 90s. I thought you were going to say the thing of somebody was talking about that. They're talking about that. There's aliens. they confirm there's aliens in the air. Well, there are. So get Ross Hernandez in here to tell us. Yeah, we got that one. No, but he died in 1984 at age 27. At the time it was ruled a suicide and it was huge. I mean, fans across the world. I mean, I remember that day. You remember that day? Oh yeah. We were in golden apple comics, me and Brian Posehn, my friend and some, they said it over the radio. It was the nineties. So the terrestrial radio was playing and the DJ came on and was like, Kurt Cobain is dead at 27. And then we just were like, and we just left and walked up or drove up to our friend's house and everybody met at one friend's house and we turned on MTV and then just watched like everything. It was the world. Yeah. Because he was, they were gigantic. It was devastating to you personally. It was, we loved them. I mean that whole, like, because it was Pacific Northwest and I'm from Northern California. So it was that kind of like the boys that made it big. Wow. And they were always so like, I've got an old shirt on and, you know, I like feminism. Like it was very hopeful. And their lyrics have survived like the time. Oh, yeah. Right. Like they're still very relevant and meaningful now. I think about that with TLC as well. Like I do. Like I listen to their songs and I'm like, this slaps. This still hits hard. Yes. But I wanted to talk to you about this. Two days ago, a peer-reviewed paper presented 10 points of evidence suggesting Cobain was confronted by one or more assailants rather than a suicide. Discrepancies they noted include the autopsy report, blood splatter, ballistics, body placement, capped syringes, and a suicide note. So they did a full breakdown. The investigator said the original autopsy report shows organ damage associated with oxygen deprivation. The quote is the necrosis of the brain and liver happened in an overdose It doesn happen in a shotgun death So he allegedly committed suicide by a shotgun but with new DNA evidence with new medical techniques they assessed it again And it looks like there is potential foul play in this case Yeah. Which is crazy. It's over 20 years later. Police said he injected himself with 10 times the normal amount even a heavy heroin user would have used. He was a heavy heroin user. But 10 times? 10 times what he would use. And so I guess I'm curious, and CJ, correct me if I'm wrong, he injected 10 times the heroin and then shot himself with a shotgun? That seems sus. CJ, can we get the answer on that? Because we're not sure. Yeah. That's what the original finding was, was that he took so much heroin and then decided to kill himself afterwards. But what they're saying now in this new report is that that would have been impossible if he got through three of those needles that he wouldn't have even been able to lift the shotgun. It's so... That's insane. I'm like, I kind of can't process this as it's happening. I know. Because I'm like, keep going like, wait, what? Is this real? Also, wait, what? But also, how did we miss this? Or who was keeping it under wraps? We're now in this world of everything's coming out. Yes. Who investigated this? Because the quote is, where's the quote? This investigator says, we're supposed to believe he capped the needles and put everything back in order after shooting up three times because that's what someone does while they're dying. Suicides are messy. And this was a very clean scene. Now, we've all seen I haven't seen anybody shoot up in real life, but in every movie, you never see somebody shoot up all this stuff and then go like this and put the cap back on. It's not a get ready with me. Sephora Hall makeup tutorial. You're enjoying the high. You you immediately start enjoying that high and cleaning is not involved. In most head gunshot deaths, blood is often drawn into the airways, but his autopsy didn't mention that spooky. This is going to be we're going to see something happen here. I feel like we're going to get some sort of breaking news. But the new investigators are not asking for arrest. They're just looking at the evidence. So there's no actual suspect here. But I think CJ, correct me if I'm wrong. They talked to the police who investigated this and the police were like, it's closed. We did. We did the investigation. We ruled it a suicide. It's over. Interesting. So folded up in his pocket was a receipt for the shotgun and a suicide note, which was all about how he hates being a celebrity hates being in a band but the only part about suicide was in a different handwriting at the bottom in someone else's handwriting so it honestly sounds like fargo of hitmen they were they're like uh here's what it looked good put the receipt in his pocket like none of that it's it's the guys from home alone they're like oh joe peci coming in and Shoving receipts and people. What the fuck? It's so hacky. Yeah. And wait, but now I'm like mad at myself and society. How did we accept this? How did we miss this? We were living off the fad of the land in the 90s. Nobody wanted to look at anything. We were just all like, everybody be quiet, especially the white privilege few who was like, I pay $3.50 in a month for rent. I will not acknowledge anything else happening in this world. So it was very much like, oh, what we're being told is the truth. Yes. And wow. You have a piece of that when you're being lied to and you're like, well, okay. Okay. Works for me. They're like, why would the police lie to us? Right. Yeah. Okay. Okay, cool. That's nothing I can even broach right now because, yeah, I have to mourn. We'll have to cover drop guns on a different episode. We don't have time. We'll have to cover receipt as facts, receipts, pocketed receipts as indelible facts and evidence in court. A shotgun receipt. Fold it up. That sounds so perfect. Someone who's done that much heroin to fold it up. Yeah. For taxes. Origami. The old write off. Yeah. What is the write off? Yeah. So stupid. Wait, there's, you know, there's people here who was just like, we've known this for 25 years. I know. Someone is yelling into their, at their, while they're driving down the freeway. Watch a fucking documentary. They're like, Michael, God. Damn it. Well, now we know. Now we know. And yeah, thank you for, to the investigators for looking into this. I mean, I hope they I hope they reopen it. I'm fascinated because that all that sounds so so insane and stupid. There's no way that's not real. Cap on the heroin needle is pretty. I wish someone if you just told me that I wouldn't have gone along with it all this time. No. And I'm yeah, I'm pretty skeptical. I don't think I'm like a conspiracy theorist. Like to think. But now we all are. I do think Sylvia Brown was actually psychic. That is my hot take. Something near water. I see the color brown. He drowned. Something near water. Honey, the land. Honey, the land. And honestly, I'm like, yeah, honey, the land. That's true. It is true. It's the land. If you get a noun in there, you just get a really affirm. You feel strong about a noun and throw it at somebody. They'll have to agree. That is the whole premise of Mad Libs. If you just get a noun in there, you're good. Yeah. Just be like the land. Am I right? And people are like, yes, I'm spiritual, too. We're getting reports of nouns in the studio. That is mind-blowing. Isn't that crazy? I know. I really broke you. I'm sorry. I really came in. I said, please sit down. At one point, I was like, stop thinking you're on a podcast on video right now. Because I was like, wait a second. If that, then this. Because I know. We're putting it together. Karen and I are getting dinner later. And we're going to do a full. We're going to do a full, beautiful mind. I want to be that meme of that guy where it's like a cork board and he's circling stuff and he looks like crazy. Like, I can't believe this. What else is coming? It's too much to handle. What else is coming? Martha Kelly, our guest. Republican woman makeup filter is coming to save us all. Forehead corner, our next segment. so we have an extra special guest in the studio today martha kelly uh let's bring her in let's she's on wires we're gonna have her lowered oh nice good like a little angel hello it's me anna sinfield from the girlfriends the number one hit true crime show that puts women right in the center of their own stories i'm back with more one-off interviews with some But truly kick-ass women on the Girlfriends Spotlight. I want to introduce you to Sylvia. I'm going to climb this. And then there's Vaisaka. Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives. Leila dared to ask the question. Is badness hereditary? And finally, we'll meet Rosamund. If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived, she wouldn't have died on that fatal night. You'll even get to meet my mum in that one, who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground. I'm not too intimidated by her. What are you talking about? Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Dirty Rush, the truth about sorority life, the good, the bad, and the sisterhood. With your hosts, me, Gia Giudice, Daisy Kent, and Jennifer Kessler. Rush, the recruitment, the ritual, the reality of Greek life has been a mystery for those outside the sorority circles until now. Is it really a supportive sisterhood that's simply misunderstood? Or is there something more scandalous happening on campuses across the country? In this podcast, we pledge to peel back the layers and spell the truth one Greek letter at a time. Pledges and actives, rush chairs and ritual keepers. Some call it the best time of their life, while others say it's a nightmare. From a perfect rush to recruitment scandals, what is really going on behind the doors of those sorority houses from Alpha to Omega? We're taking you inside sorority row, including the chapter room, as we explore the fellowship and the frenemies. Let's get dirty. Listen to Dirty Rush on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Lisa Trager. And I'm Cara Clank. We're comedians and your favorite overly invested SVU watchers. On That's Messed Up, an SVU podcast, we recap iconic episodes, then talk to the stars who lived them. Like the legendary Matthew Lillard, who will never forget his time on SVU. I do remember the mustache. I would get a meme of that mustache like every like six days. I'd be like, what was this? Each week we cover the crimes, analyze the plot holes and insult the outfits. Benson goes to talk to Kelly to like tell her the news. but is wearing a beret. Not the time for a silly hat, Benson. What are you doing? New episodes drop every Tuesday on the Exactly Right Network. Listen to That's Messed Up on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dun, dun! Well, welcome back to Brief Recess. We are here with our extra special guest. This is Martha Kelly. Welcome. Hey! Hello. Welcome to your ears, Martha Kelly. Thank you for joining us. We were just talking about your nails. Thank you for having me. They look beautiful. They are press on. This is your camera. Show them. These guys are press on because underneath is an absolute massacre of stubs. And how long were you a hand model? For about 45 years. Yeah, let's do some more of those moves if you don't mind. And I mean, now what's in now is crooked fingers and which is lucky for me. Yeah. Because it runs in my family that your hands turn into crooked branches as you get older. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm like, we're new market. Yeah. For hand modeling. The kids love it. They love everything about getting older. Kind of an arthritic. Those are good press on nails though, because sometimes when those are, they've got a good shape and size to them because when I do press on nails, I have to get like women's extra large toenails. Like the toe, the big toe fits on my pinky because I'm just a giant man hands. I can't get a big enough press on. So yeah, you know, it's bad when I'm getting the, what is it? The Sally Henson press on toenail. That's when we know it's Halloween in my, in my house. well there's a niche in the market then yeah there is yeah and get some nice man hand press on yeah especially as gender is becoming more and more a fluid spectrum as gender like we need representation matters we need press on nails that fit all hands yeah i've always said that too i absolutely support um toenail sized press on nails for people with with larger hands and i would support if they would make shorter press-ons for people uh with uh with tiny nail beds um where everything looks look how long those are that's not that's not good for me i'm not a no i think i think it's giving northern new jersey thank you it's giving you have more of a secretary's life so you need like you need to be able to type you need to be able to answer the phone yeah prolific typist hello booking you on the show yourself in the ear well thank you for joining us martha i'm just so thrilled to chat with you you and i have been tiktok besties for a long time yes i've followed you on the socials we've become friends that way yeah and i thought it would just be fun to chat with you you i've seen you everywhere i've heard your voice everywhere i just was excited when i was coming to la i was like can we get martha on on the show and karen and you go way back we do go way back we go back farther than karen even knows because i was a fan of hers before we ever met oh yeah you mean my grammar school stuff yeah the stuff that you were doing in fifth grade no one was doing that right yeah i was the i was on the playground i was the girl who would bully and it was groundbreaking and it was fresh it was exciting listen representation matters yeah that is so important no we we need more girl bullies in america like we need it here's the thing i knew of martha kelly when i started stand-up but i didn't know how good you were at stand-up until i saw you in la do a set and i thought i just you were friends with all the same people i was friends with so i was like just probably a regular old stand-up and then when you see martha kelly go to a comedy club and rip those people a new one you will not believe your eyes and ears tears apart hecklers She's truly one of the greatest. Middle-aged woman destroys hecklers is my YouTube channel. You've seen her videos. She's done it a ton. So you came up through the stand-up comedy scene in Austin, Texas, right? Well, I started in LA and then at two years I decided it wasn't fair that I wasn't rich and famous yet in LA. So I said, to hell with you guys, I'm moving to Austin. And I moved there and did stand up, which was great because you can get more stage time and smaller, especially Austin in 2000. I moved in January 2000. So you could get a ton of stage time with no industry people seeing you mess up. And also like the level of acceptance for alcoholism there is a lot better than here. And I'm an alcoholic. so i'm i've been sober a long time now but when i went there i was like i can drink every night with all these austin comics and improv people and if you're not the one punching the wait staff you're like you don't have a problem you don't have a problem yeah it's like that in the south i went to school in new orleans and it was very supportive of drinking problems yeah yeah they're really can't you drive through um places and get hard yes you can and the law in new orleans This is a legal podcast, so let me just do a quick legal shout out. The law in New Orleans is that if you get the daiquiri drive through and you get pulled over, as long as the it's a it's a styrofoam cup with a plastic lid. And as long as the straw isn't in it, it's considered a closed container for purposes. That is really wild. It's really wild in Louisiana. And they also sell bags of daiquiri where it's like a slushy machine. And it's just basically a plastic shopping bag that you can just kind of drop a straw into. Yes. That is wild. Yeah. It's great. I mean, if you could go back in time to went before you were sober. Yeah. It would have been a great city for you. You would have done numbers there. Yeah. Martha, you and I would have gotten our own bags and then sat on the couch and then gotten drunk. With plastic Ralph's bags full of daiquiris. Full of daiquiris. Not Ralph's. Oh, no. And maybe some camel, camel wides. Camel wides. Just sitting on the couch. Yeah. You both were smoking? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I still think if I ever found out that I had a terminal illness, I would start smoking again. Why not? What about the terminal illness of reality? How bad? Just get in there. I'm paranoid about the only, I only know two people this happened to, but I'm paranoid that it's a phenomenon where people who quit smoking for a long time. time and then started again very quickly got terminal lung cancer one was my friend's dad and one was uh was it peter jennings it was one of the main popular news guys and he started smoking on 9-11 and then i think it was like just a couple years later he died of lung cancer so i think of like i think of my lungs hiding potential lung cancer going if you ever give us a chance to break out here. Like those cicadas that sleep for like seven years. Yeah. It's like that. I do think about cigarettes all the time now. They're great. They're really, and I don't want to, you know what? They're great. When I was in my twenties, sometimes I would wake up in the morning and I'd be super hungover and immediately light a cigarette because I was trying to be as like what I thought was like edgy as possible. Yeah. But no one was there. You were alone. Doing it. You were trying to prove to yourself. To the camera of life. Like, what are you like? What? Who was it for? I don't know what I was doing. It's so embarrassing. Oh, my God. You're looking. And now you're looking back and you're like, girl, what were you doing? Girl, who are you showing off for? No one's in the room. I would do that. the camera of life smoking while driving around long island that was my thing and we would smoke disgusting they weren't even like good ones it was like yeah menthol capri i was gonna say did you ever smoke capris oh yeah because it was whatever we could get our hands on because we were like 15 yeah right so it is that one addiction where it's like my husband is like you're not allowed ever to even if you're drunk no matter no matter what it's the one thing yeah you're not allowed to touch them again because it is you will pick it up instantly yeah i have to say though the cigarettes and cloves that we smoked as teenagers are the best you'll ever smoke is when you're i don't want teenagers to start smoking but if you do those are the most enjoyable cigarettes you're ever gonna smoke yeah yeah there's rebellion just in that three minutes you're just like fucking mom fucking dad yeah a clove cigarette they were wild they were big in the 80s which is when i was a teen and they were they were lung burning delicious laced with flavors and i told you this story i think when my mom found cloves in my pocket because of course i was too stupid to hide them i left them in my jeans pocket after like going to a concert or something and all my because my mom was a psychiatric nurse, so she had a lot of tricks. And she came and just threw them on my desk and goes, I mean, you can smoke those if you want to, but they have little shards of glass in them that rip up your lungs. And then she walked away. And it was, yeah, the menthol ones, they put fiberglass in them. I don't know if that was like an urban legend, though. I think it absolutely was a lie that parents told their kids. But then I was just like, oh, my. And then you were like, oh, yeah, you can feel it. Yeah. And then you form a glass vase in your lungs from the closed cigarettes. And how lovely. You put a beautiful red rose and the beast comes and turns into a prince. And that's how Murano glass is made. So we're seeing a lot of you lately. We've got forehead corner. We've got Republican. Woman. Makeup filter. Makeup filter. My favorite. Your cat, Gary. Gary. We've got euphoria. coming up in April. Beautiful. And you've become a meme from that one line in Euphoria, which is wild because that day my head was swollen because I had had my hair colored dark the day before and they did it twice because the first time it wasn't dark enough. So when I saw that pre-trailer come out with just that me in the window with my head, I was like, that can't be what my head really looks like. Please, God. Please don't. And then I looked up, you know, the monster guy from the Goonies. Yeah. That's what to me that I put those pictures side by side. Or your head your face is too big I was like oh I want to know why your head was swollen from getting your hair colored Why were your eyes uneven Why did I only have one sprig of hair coming up out of a bald head? And you grew three feet. But okay. I mean. And I lost a couple teeth. Beautiful transformation. Yeah. It was, well, because I had an allergic reaction because they left it on for like an hour and a half. I mean, they did like two 45-minute cycles of hard- Really dark hair dye. Hard-licker hair dye. I mean, your hair is not that light. No, but it had been for a while. For several years, I thought I was a person who wanted light hair. But then once I got it dark again, I was like, well, my natural color is dark. And the light hair always looked a little weird on me. But you know what? We live and we learn. It takes time to get your own personal style together. Yeah. Many decades for me. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. To just figure out how you want to express yourself. Sometimes it's press on nails. Sometimes it's a gigantic head. Sometimes it's a swollen head on a TV show that millions of kids watch. And not only that, but it'll be the one clip that gets released for the entire preview. leading up to the show. I just keep seeing that. There's a show that hasn't aired in five years. Yeah. And this is the one window into the show that we get for those fans who've been waiting five years. It's your swollen head. It's that big old Goonies guy guest starring on B4. Yeah, that's amazing. That's not true, Martha. And those people that have been waiting love you. Those fans love you for that show. I'm startled by Gen Z being nice to me. I thought they would hate me because the character is so mean to Zendaya. And also, I just expect, I guess as you get older, as I have, I always expect the younger generations to be like, you old battle axe, you know? But they're really nice. I think generations have gotten progressively nicer since Gen X, which is what I am. I think they were like, that's enough trauma for everybody. We're going to head in the other direction. It's not working out. Yeah. And also, I don't see your characters being like mean to Rue. I think you. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, this is a drug dealer. This is a danger. I will say your performance and I did not know you. I didn't even have a tick tock when I first saw you on the show. So this was like, you know, this was the dark ages, really. Like we were slab and chisel still like this was back analog. Like, yeah. so my husband and I like talked about you and your performance as stranger I really did not know you at all no one knew me on the internet and we were like that was the scariest performance portrayal casting writing it really was spooky dookie well I'm glad i'm glad it was spooky dookie because that is my um that's my school of acting it's like there's uh method acting and then uh if i could remember a single acting teacher's name this would have been a funny bit and then the third thing would be a spooky the rule of threes yeah live in action you gotta do it first i was really trying to go through my files for you and jump in i could say somebody stella adler stella adler method acting isn't there a movement one there's like a movement one oh yeah that's somebody's last name good thing none of us are actors and yeah thank god you know why i'm not an actor i can't remember a goddamn line or a word or anything i can't do it yeah i do have a hard time with that but um it's only critical to your job yeah I just, that's the one thing that I buckle down and force myself to memorize my lines because it's the only thing that I can ever confidently bring to an acting job is, well, I came on time and I know my lines. Beyond that, it's on you. It's on you. You hired me. What are your tricks of memorizing? Do you have any? Well, first I just read it over and over again and it starts to sink in like when you listen to a song over and over, but you're not trying to memorize the lyrics. And then I just start remembering it naturally. And then I practice going through line by line without looking at the script. But the other thing that I'm really lucky is that I don't ever have long monologues. I've never had a part where I had to memorize tons of lines. And let's keep it that way. keep it short just a drop in character it's such a lucky thing to be a character actor because you don't you never have the pressure of carrying a show and you don't have to memorize tons of lines it is the best gig you get to come in yeah for what a couple days a week maybe yeah blow everyone away with being that little that little punchy spooky dookie spooky dookie you get to just kind to breathe a little life into the scene, into the show, and then you're home by six. Yeah, it's fun. I always think about how after the first season of Three's Company, the Ropers got their own spinoff. And I always think about, that is a cautionary tale for character actors. We're always saying that. Ropers are a cautionary tale. Karen says that all the time. It just wasn't good. I think it got canceled after one season. I don't know if it even lasted that season. And so I've always felt like, yes, of course, as a comedian, when I started out, I was like, I want to be like Roseanne or Janine Garofalo. Like, I want to just skyrocket to the top. Smoker. And then, yes. That was your thought. You were like, I want to be a famous smoker. One of the great smokers. Let me get enough money to where I can smoke and drink all day and not have to worry about rent. Do you remember looking at the cartons of cigarettes and being like, who could possibly afford that? I remember that thought of being like, oh, no, I'm on a case by case basis here. Like where if I could buy the three pack, I would. But we're not in Europe. Like I'm saving up for that full pack of cigarettes. Although, Michael, I have to tell you, because you weren't born at this time, there was a time when cigarettes went up to one dollar a pack and we were scandalized. Yeah. So by the time you were smoking, I think they were- People were roving the streets of LA. People were burning down buildings. You could still get them from vending machines. And I think when I was an early teen, you could get them for like 75 cents. And then they went up to a dollar. But I think by the time you started smoking, they were probably already like 10 bucks a pack. They were four. Okay. Yeah. I'm completely bald. So I am a little older then. So please be respectful. Please respect that. We talked a lot about your hair this whole episode. And it's been really, I'm sorry, it's been really inconsiderate. I have to wear wigs. I have to wear a full lace front. I snatched it off me in the first segment. So I do feel like, yeah, I am a lot older. And we used to go to the Native American drive-through cigarette on the reservation. Oh, really? Because I grew up on Long Island. So there were Native American reservations. And you could buy cheaper cigarettes. and it was $4 a pack. Wow. And that was, those were the days. We had things called, and I think there's one here in LA, like cigarette stores. Yeah. Where literally they're just a little. It was just a hole in the wall, whatever cigarettes. Oh. So funny. It's like, I think the one in Petaluma is called discount cigarettes. But every time I drive by, I'm like, stay strong. That's the land of the free and the home of the brave right there. One of the last. The fruited plain. Yeah. Well, you're also in Fallout. Do you want to tell us a little bit about that? Because that's airing right now. John J. Pem. season two yes you've got a really huge role i mean billboards skydiving lowered on wires we said earlier i did um get to do a stunt but i didn't do the falling down part i got to do the beginning part where the congresswoman gets pushed down the stairs the steps of the building that they're outside protesting but these two extremely cute stunt guys held on to me. So they're playing the guards who push me down. How cute. Sorry, can you just describe them a little bit? Like a dream boaty cute. Okay. One of them I worked with before. His name's Jess. So you have a long relationship with him. I hadn't seen him since 2016, and I was so happy to see him. And the other one I think might have been a little men's rights activist vibe. however yeah because he actually pushed you down the stairs he pushed me down some stairs before the camera was rolling it's wrong i think it's wrong michael might feel michael might disagree but i think that's wrong it was he he but it's like firemen where where they push you down the stairs where they push you down they go get out of the way of this fire ma'am it's not about you stop making it about you we're always diva you're in the way don't get thrown down a flight of stairs miss boots we could do a rue we could do rue you're not supposed to owe her money miss you're gonna go to raker sis i i think that's the other vocal stim we could do for euphoria i don't know if you have a way to contact them but we could probably just i'll drop them a line yeah drop them a line i type with your nails clickety clocking i do think of your voice in my head saying diva every day when i'm doing something that i'm messing up i'm like diva you just spilled water everywhere people can't people reach out to me and they say that they talk to their pets that way yeah when the dog is you know eating shit they're like diva you're not supposed to do that eat a poop thank god that's the one one thing my crazy dog doesn't do yeah because some dogs do Thank God. I would have to put her down. I would never. I'm just kidding. I would never. Thank you, because last week we had PETA on the show. We had a spokesperson for me to come on and talk to us about vintage fur. Was that intense? No, it was actually great. I loved it. It dropped the day we're recording today. I really loved it. It was fun. Remember those old PETA billboards that drew animals, but with really sexy human bodies? Yeah. So weird. Yeah. I just know I walked past a PETA office one time somewhere in LA and there were gruesome color photos on the window of the office. And I said, I'm so sorry. I'll never be joining PETA. If you have to look at that stuff. Yes. God. We asked her about that. We were like, what? She was like, yeah, we have to look at it all the time. I can't. It's everywhere. And I can't follow them on Instagram either because I'm like, this is going to keep coming up on my feed. I don't want to see that. I do like I donate to the Humane Society and specifically the Nebraska one. What's the famous city in Nebraska? Omaha. Omaha. They have a shelter there and they have a great social media account. So I started donating to them directly. You got little rescue pets at home? Yeah. My two cats came from a shelter in Austin and then Macy came from a shelter in Baldwin Park, which is temporarily closed because everybody got distemper which is why the pets are the people who work there um the people no the pets yeah wow so and raccoons carry it so we had a rack a big fat raccoon which is my favorite kind on the back fence a couple weeks ago and i was terrified of my She was trying to get it and like they carry December and it's like a tragic. So I'm just bringing everybody down for no reason, but it needs to be discussed. Yeah, it's a scary. So, but I got her there in two days before Christmas in 2023. I was heartbroken about losing my longtime dog, Rosie, and then met Macy and like she- Fell in love at first sight. Yeah. Well, at first I was scared of her. She's quite big and she was just silently staring, sitting in her kennel staring. And sometimes dogs are very still before they snap. Yeah. So when I approached her, I said. We say that about you. They did prep me for the interview. We thought you were going to snap this whole time. We actually had like a full meeting before. I'm serious. The producers pulled me aside and they were like, she does lash out. So like, please be careful. We're going to seat you across the table from her. She gobbles people up. Um, but yeah, she were afraid she was going to snap at you. Yeah. And you're also really tall. You're like six, four, six, five. I'm actually seven feet tall. A lot of people don't know that because it isn't true. But, but I am. And I was scared and I approached her and I said, are you, is this a friendly stare or what are you doing? And I got close and she didn't growl. So, and she put her nose up. So I petted her and then I was like, she's sweet, but she's way too big for me. What kind of dog is this? She's a shepherd husky mix. Oh, that's cute. Really big. She's really cute. Yeah. She's really sweet, but a giant, a gentle giant. But I walked away and I was like, okay, maybe, but she's really too big. And when I walked away, she started whining. So I went back. That's a sign. She needed you. Yeah. And petted her more and then said, okay, you're on the short list. and the only other dog that I felt the connection to. Not the pick me girl of the litter. There was a froggy looking little bulldog mix just sitting in her little kennel and I wanted her, but my cats would bully a small dog. So I got Macy. I mean, it's so hard to go to the pound though and walk around looking at dogs with depression. It's the worst thing in the world. Yeah. Luckily, that shelter, why I love them so much is because they have a lot of adoption events. They were having one that day and there were a bunch of empty kennels because dogs had gotten adopted. And then they don't try to- Can I do something insane? I'm sorry. Are you texting Donald Trump? Buddy. I don't know. Listen, buddy. Sorry, that's like real life immigration law right there. No, it's important. I'm sorry. Is it okay? Yeah, it's other lawyers sometimes call me and they're like, and it's about someone who's like getting deported. So I just have to like be available. Yes, you do. If that happens, I'm sorry. I'm so glad that you do that, Michael. Thank you. I admire what you do. Thank you. I will say, we were going to talk about this earlier. I would have loved if you stormed off. Just like. Get fucked. I'm so sorry. This story. And I have it silenced, which means that they had been calling. People have been saying that to me a lot lately. I'm just like, thank you for doing this. Thank you for this work. And I like, I don't know, I feel that I've been I've been like grappling with what to do with that because I've never really been thanked this much before. I just don't know what to do with. I'm just not used to gratitude. I think just I've always just been the helper, the doer, the fix it, man. And I don't know. It's been like affecting me emotionally. So like you said that, and I just like had to bring it up. I just like I see all the things other people are doing to support me and the work, just the Internet, people volunteering, people getting involved. And it's really it is like making me emotional because people saying like, thank you for the work that you do. That hasn't happened for the past nine years. And I've been like doing immigration law for that long. And I've been going to court and like, it's just very moving, not from like a personal, I need the gratitude in order to feel satisfied perspective. But like, I feel, um, it feels like you've been working towards the thing. Maybe this is what you feel like in your career. Like you've started getting these roles, like not when you were 19, but like later. And it's like, it's just like fucking vindicating and validating to be like, fuck, like I have been on the right path or like doing the good work. And it's very motivating for me to get out of bed and have a crush of people be like, you got this. Great work. I'm so happy to see that you're doing that. I've never had to navigate this space with that. So it's like, whoa, this is so new and exciting and invigorating. But it's also like, it's new. It's just processing a new emotion that I just never really had before. It's also probably, or maybe if, I don't know if you can relate, it's overwhelming to have people be really nice and supportive when you have gotten used to a life where people may be, your family or something are more stoic. Yes. Like mine were that way. And it's not that they didn't love and support me, but boy, they hated to say it out loud. Are you Irish? Yes. Irish Catholic. Yeah. You're Scottish. Oh, yeah. If my dad's proud of me, he has to tell my sister to tell me. Yes. They can't do it directly. Also, Michael, it's like the situation that everyone finds themselves in is so frightening and cinematic and insane. And I mean, and that's just us who are lucky enough to be observing it from the outside. Yeah. So then to watch you just like blaze through the center of it with like diva, it is this kind of thing of like that you represent people who are who are dedicated and have been dedicated thanklessly to like actually help and do something. And I think it's like just to be even to be able to tell you. I want to correct the record. I'm doing it with y'all. Like I am doing this like with the support and guidance of the people that follow me, the people that reach out to me. Like that is what gets me to that place where I can say diva and go to court and deal with something horrific and then push it away and go back to life where I have people who are supportive of me, who are telling me that stuff. Like it really is a collective like I do not work alone. There are so many people that support what I do in ways I will never meet them and I will never know them and I won't know what they do because they're a translator somewhere or there's someone who is a stenographer or working. Like you don't realize the people that volunteer for a nonprofit a thousand miles away who did the work intake with that homeless migrant who ends up a year later on my desk. Like it's just you don't realize. And I don't realize. So it's like, thank you. However, comma, it's with everyone else. Like this is not like Michael did this alone. And I never want anyone to think that. No, no. But also you're so supportive. we talked about Minneapolis one day on My Favorite Murder because we were just like, we have to talk about this. We have to say it out loud and people have to be continue talking about it. And later that day, Michael texted me, hey, reach out if you need anything. It was so embarrassing. I was like, the story I was not trying to get across to the audience was that this is really hard for me. But it was like the idea that a man on the front lines is like, hey, Let me know if you need it. It's like, nope, I don't. I don't need that. That is just like, I don't know. That's the care network. We just take care of each other in my life. It's great. It's really sweet. Yeah. And you're there entertaining me through it all when I'm watching Fallout in bed, playing games on my phone in the middle of nowhere at a detention center in the middle of America It a crazy show Yeah it a crazy show And can I just say one thing about the immigration stuff and how painful it is and how enraging it is During his first term, when there was a picture of Pence standing outside of a chain link fence with a crowd of adult male immigrants who were behind this fence. acting like it was just they weren't human just standing there with the attitude of because people a lot of people focus on like well there's women and there's kids and there's families and that's to try and reach people who don't have empathy but but an adult man even a men's rights activist no one deserves to be treated right like that and and i can't i just can't handle the way i couldn't handle being immersed in that even if it was to help people it would it would drag me down because it effing enrages me yeah and i know that people who do the work that you do have to have some it's like therapists you have to have some way to protect yourself so you can help people unlike veterinarians and anybody who i mean i don't know i said veterinarians instead of human doctors listen get me off my soapbox no i love it i love it edit this out you're going to blow up the internet with your attack on veterinarians but it's like people everyone's personality can help in the fight somehow like it doesn't just have to be like people i think i get a lot of the attention because i am loud and i am fearless and i go and i do it but again it's this like crush the mob of people behind us who are really thrusting us to the front. And then we're just kind of like the yappers. We're learning our lines and we go in front of the judge and do that. And it's the benefit of having the Irish Catholic parents who don't reward you because then you're the kind of person that's like, I'll get my reward and I'll work and no one will ever thank me. And I'll not only survive, I'll thrive. I'll choose a career where there's literally winners and losers. Yeah. Like we have. Yes. And you've won, Martha Kelly. You have won. So we actually asked you here today to read a text message from my ex-boyfriend in your sort of terrifying voice. We thought it would be good for a couple dramatic readings. Okay. So if you could, you don't have to learn the lines. It's okay. Okay. I know that it. But we would love you to be off book if possible. Oh, great. So I'll give you my laptop. Give me 30 minutes to four hours and I'll be off book. Here's the first text. Do you want me to? Just hold it. And this is so for context. This is a text I got from my ex-boyfriend after it's been about, I want to say, 10 years. I'm mad already. I'm already mad. Okay, please hit us. Use that. Put it down into your vase. Okay. And grow a flower of rage. What acting coach is that? That's the Kilgariff acting method. Stella Kilgariff. Okay. Hey, Michael. I know it's been ages, but I wanted to let you know that I saw what you're up to, and I'm so glad you finally found your thing in life. Dead. Savage, right? Isn't that wild? Just an absolute C word. I don't know if you guys cuss on this, so I'm not cussing. We cuss. We cuss. Sounds like a passive-aggressive Midwestern housewife is texting you. Yeah. I'm so glad you finally found your thing. You finally found your thing. Like I was walking around, shoes off, wandering into the cigarette store. And now your thing is that you knit hats for dogs or something. Yeah. No offense, Martha. No offense. I know that is a huge part of your career. You do love that. And you've built this prolific knit hatting. I have a loom at home, and it's just for dogs. Okay. And then can you read the Melania Christmas book quote? No, it's not a touchscreen, honey. I'm sorry. Deba. Stop touching my screen. Quit touching that screen. Karen was serious about the typewriter. That's how we booked her. Oh, Malarnia. Okay. What do you call her movie? I call her Malopia. Malarnia. Malopia. Can Santa see in the dark? Does he wear night vision goggles that make everything green? I bet he'd like that because Santa likes green. Let me see this clip. First of all, he wears red. Sorry. That was really from the book? No, I... This is a clip. For context, I gave no setup for this. For context, this is a viral clip of Melania reading a Christmas book. That one. Completely. People lost their minds. This was a couple months ago. But it is. So it is real. It's real. Yeah. Santa's in the dark is real. Roll the clip. Yeah. It's a children's book. Maybe Santa can turn into fire. Maybe Santa can turn into fire. But she says he likes green. And I'm just saying you're wrong. It's red. But anyway, it goes on. Or heat the vision goggles. And I'm sorry, I do a terrible accent. I thought it was great. Oh, wait. She got me. Okay. Or heat vision goggles because he might like red better. She got me. Santa goes up the chimney the same way he goes down. And I have no idea how he does that. Okay. There's no way he goes up the same way he comes down. No. No. You can't. You would just walk out the door. Yeah. Right? And when you go down, you simply let gravity take you. If he's going up, he's climbing. You simply let gravity. He's driven into the basement every time. He's going the same way. He's flying a four-story house. Gravity is sucking him down. Why is Melania even talking about this, though? Because she's bananas. Oh, I see. No one in that family should be allowed around children. This is what the holidays are like at that house. Just people blathering about. With the white Christmas trees. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or heat the vision goggle. Get out of here. Get out of the Christmas party. Beautiful reading. Thank you, Martha Kelly. Do you have anything you want to plug? I mean, I talked a bit about the show. Is anything you want to make sure that we know about Forehead Corner? And that's on your TikTok. which is martha kelly tic tac yes which is your christian name yes martha kelly tic tac famous and you don't have to work because you're from the tic tac empire i am and i and people your age don't know this and karen's younger than me too so i don't know if you remember this when tic tacs hit the scene yeah you could not contain the excitement of a child ready to stuff one up their nose little plastic box with mints in it the way we went bananas we called it grandma's gold she always had something in her purse that is so weird what that is insane that is the crazy you just could never understand certs tic tacs the mints in grandma's purse yeah would bust you out of like true like a tantrum mass malaise yeah yeah and in church yeah the the mints really kept you going they really yeah wait should i hand this back to you sure they but before tic tacs all mints came in little rolls like certs and lifesavers and then tic tacs made a made their debut really yeah the market wide open it was so exciting so you can follow her martha kelly tic tac on tic tac Yeah. And then so Euphoria comes out April 12th and then a movie called Poetic License, which I have a special place in my heart for. And not just because I got to be in it. The stunts. The stunts. The stunts I got to do. That comes out May 15th and it stars. Never mind, because I will get one of the names wrong. We're going to Google who the stars are and we're going to throw them up on the screen for you. Move your mouth. Yeah, we're going to dub it. We're going to see Jake already. It stars Nicole Kidman. It stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in their reunion debut. Eyes Wide Shut 2. More masks. I try, which by the way, I twice have tried to watch that movie. And each time it gets to a point where I say, what? How is this a thing? You're like, my eyes are snapped shut for this one. I fell asleep both times is actually the God's honest truth. Are you a sleepy girly? Yeah, I can't. I don't watch TV until the end of the evening, and then I fall asleep within 45 minutes. The exact opposite of what doctors say to do. They say don't watch Blue Light right before bed, and you say, you know what? You can't tell me what to do. You can't tell me what to do. Gen X. I have a tattoo that says that, and I showed it to you in the car once. You did. I love it. It's lower back. I do. sorry well tell i do i do want to just clarify that the men's the men's rights activist potentially other stunt guy was perfectly nice to me it was just a vibe but like firemen it doesn't matter if they're sexist or chauvinist because you feel like they're saving your life that's right so they pushed me but held on to the coat i was wearing to keep me from falling and i was in love with both of them anyway just wanted to clarify not to disparage him it was just a vibe that's it was a vibe but then you had to like truly trust it was like a trust fall where they could have done some damage were you on wires um i was joking about the wires no but i but i've been on uh twice i've gotten to be on a wire and uh terrifying and then thrilling and you want to do it all the time really does it hurt i feel like the harness is kind of like you have to wear basically long johns and a long sleeve shirt so that the harness doesn't dig into your skin, but it's padded and stuff. And then I just wanted to be a witch flying through the trees after the initial, are you sure this isn't gonna break? This doesn't, I'm not, I'm scared what's happening. And then it was like, get me up in the trees. Get my broomstick, honey. What was that role? One of them I can't talk about yet. Which is obnoxious, I'm so sorry. We love it. I hate when people do the secret secret, I've got a secret. I saw it too. It's good marketing, Martha. But the other one was for Spider-Man Homecoming, which is what I know Jess from. So I was on a wire and the elevator drops from under me and it truly only dropped three feet. And the way that I literally did cry the first take because I thought I was gonna die. And they're like, she's so good. I didn't even show you how far I was going to drop. They're like, let's just let's just torture her. It really was like so much reassurance that this is not even if it broke, even if the wire broke, you'd fall two and a half feet. But also it isn't going to break. But it falls. And then Jess and another guy playing security guards pull me up. But I'm on a wire. So they're not really pulling me. Oh, so the wire was really for them because they didn't want them to have to keep lifting you. Yeah. Yeah, and also like it would be super dangerous to rely on people grabbing your hands to pull you up. To pull you up out of the... Yeah, I would not have done it without a wire, but I was still scared. You're scared of open elevator shafts? That's crazy. Yeah, it's weird. It's a childhood fear. Yeah. That's the first time we really heard about that on the show, so... This is breaking. Avoid them. I mean, I don't want to tell people how to live, but avoid empty elevator shafts. Don't step into them, whatever you do. Can't argue it. You know, avoid them. And that's going to be our major takeaway advice from this episode is do avoid open elevator shafts. We so appreciate you. I mean, you're famous for your real-life practical advice around elevator shafts. And I'm just so appreciative that you came on the show and shared that with us. So you can catch Martha Kelly anywhere you get comic books. And this has been Forehead Corner. Thank you for having me, Michael. It was so great to meet you. And Karen, as always, great to see you. Martha, you're number one. You're number one. So this is Tales from the DMs. Remember, while I am a lawyer, I am not your lawyer. So all my answers are for entertainment purposes only. Always consult a local lawyer. They will know your situation, your state, and your laws better than I will. Hi, Michael and Melissa. A quick question for you guys. I live in Texas, and I heard that ICE might be targeting a festival that's happening up here soon. And it made me nervous. I actually own a festival that has, it's like medium size, 10 to 15,000 people over a couple of weekends. If ICE happens to show up at it, am I allowed to bar them entry? It is a ticketed event. So it is closed in except for those, you know, ticket booth entry spots. So there is like a way to block, but I just don't know if we're legally allowed to. The grounds are not owned by us. We rent them from a local nonprofit that does own the land. Also, aside from that, are we allowed to make an official announcement and let people know the ice is there or help them hide or get off the grounds? Great question. What's legally allowed? Okay. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. I really love the show. Bye. Thank you so much for calling. What an interesting question. This is like a unique situation because the grounds are leased and borrowed from a nonprofit, it sounds like. So to answer sort of like the question in order, I would say, can you legally bar ICE entry at ticket gates? And the answer is yes. Like generally it's yes. They're allowed in if they have a judicial warrant or some sort of like legal basis. Like I would say if like someone was fleeing the scene of a crime and they're chasing the perpetrator into that area, then yes. But generally, no. And that would be for the police. So no, ICE is not allowed. So you absolutely can. How it applies to ticket gates, a gated ticketed entrance is part of a controlled access property. So if the access is limited to ticket holders and staff, then you have a stronger argument if you do bar ICE from entering because it's not a public area. Right. It's not like a public federally owned park in the middle of the city. Right. So technically, it is more of like a like a private property in that regard. So they wouldn't be able to enter without a judicial warrant. Things you should not do are physically block, shove, touch officers or get in, get into it with agents. Just thinking from like a safety perspective, I want you to be safe. I want your staff to be safe. Even if you think they're kind of like overstepping, I would advise you personally and your team to sort of hold back. Um, and even if you believe they're breaking the law and the rules, I just don't want anyone getting hurt. And, um, and, um, I don't want any of your staff or you getting detained. So that is sort of how I would, uh, sort of share what you do there. Um, the best practices, if you are at the gate is have like a trained law enforcement liaison, sort of like the person on your team. Maybe it's you, maybe it's someone you trust. who's like the GM or head of security, who's going to be the point person if there is any ICE presence. So, um, and if it is you or someone on your team is listening to this, I would say, make sure they ask for ID from the officer and for the warrant or paperwork, um, and really read what they hand you, right? You don't want to just like take it at face value. Um, look specifically for a judge's signature on that warrant, because if it's not judicial, then you can state and like this is something you can memorize you could say like i do not consent to you entering and make sure that like someone sort of got that recorded on film um can you make an announcement if there is ice presence there yeah generally yes you can because it's part of like a security um you can say federal agents are present at the front gate like that is absolutely something that it's typically not illegal by itself. But it does get kind of risky if the announcement is framed or coordinated in a way to sort of like help specific people evade the law. So like a general announcement is going to be safer rather than saying like, hey, if you are undocumented, I know there are X number of undocumented people here or whatever. That is where we sort of teeter over into the area of obstruction of justice and evading evasion, aiding evasion. That is such a weird like bucket of vowels. Even if it is sort of like technically First Amendment protected speech, your operational steps around it can kind of create exposure legally. So I would just keep it really general, let people know just like as a general FYI, sharing this information that there are federal agents here at the front gate or there could be potential presence, especially since you said you know that there is more of an ICE presence in Texas. But thank you for sending in a question. You can always send us questions to tell us to the DMs. And I look forward to reading your question on the air next time. Thank you for joining me at Brief Recess. Thank you, Karen, for being my incredible co-host. Thank you, Martha, for being our incredible guest. It was so wonderful chatting with all of you. And I will see you next week when my ass is back in New York. Karen Kilgareth, Georgia Hardstark, and Danielle Kramer. You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department or on TikTok at Michael Foote. And I'm on both Instagram and TikTok as Melissa Malbranch. Got legal questions? Reach out at briefrecess at exactlyrightmedia.com. Listen to Brief Recess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And of course, we're a podcast with video. Search for Brief Recess on YouTube. Back in 2016, we said, let's do a podcast. Little did we know it would last 10 years. I mean, but here's the thing. Stay out of the forest. You're in a cult. Call your dad. This is terrible. Keep going. You guys stay sexy. Don't get murdered. Elvis, do you want a cookie? A cookie? My Favorite Murder turns 10 this month. Join us for new episodes every Thursday on the Exactly Right Network. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield, the host of The Girlfriends. 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