S1E10Bonus:“Carol” and Carol: A Conversation

Hey. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I'm Ray and... Carol. And Vince Gilligan has brought us together today. Well, first we were brought together on Better Call Sol. That's right. Although we didn't work together. No. You didn't force them to not put me in scenes with you. Did you? Oh, yeah. I did. I was afraid you'd steal everything. I doubt that. But, yeah, but I got... I had the great luxury of becoming friends with you, though, and going on a lot of dinners all of which, right, in my top favorite dinners I've ever had. And here we are in this beautiful room in Montecito. Yep. Because Vince apparently believes that you and I have some of the best stories at these dinners and wanted to find a way for us to put them on tape. But I know that you have a stack here of some stories that I may not have heard. Right. And I have a stack of stories that you may not have heard. Okay. And we don't know in what... We do not know. So we just turn it over and say, okay, I've got a story about... Yes. ...so-and-so. Yes. Or when this happened. Yes. And I'm not entirely sure. Some of them, they said Vince has heard and wanted me to retell, and some he has not heard. And he is in the building, so we might hear him laughing. Good. Okay. So... Wait, you want to start? No, I want you to start. You start. Okay. I'll start. I'll start. Jimmy Stewart. Okay. Okay. He was my favorite actor. I loved him from the time I was three years old. I remember, because I was born in San Antonio, and my grandmother and I would go to the movies. And I remember watching this one movie, Black and White, and my feet didn't touch the floor, so I couldn't have been more than three or four years old. Okay. And I'm looking, and this big, tall drink of water with this drawl and all. I fell in love. Sure. And I said to my grandmother, I said, Nanny, I know him. He's my friend. Aw. And she said, oh, that's not... And I kept saying that all the way home, and even when she was putting me to bed, I said, he's my friend. I haven't met him yet, but he's my friend. She said, that's nice. Drink your old tea. And so, okay, years later, I'm doing a show in Hollywood, a summer replacement show for Dinah Shore. Okay. And I'd done a couple of things on television, and I got a call from a famous director at Warner Brothers, Mervyn Leroy, was his name. And he wanted to meet me. And I said, could you come to the studio around lunchtime? I'm shooting a film and we'll break for lunch. I can talk to you. I was thrilled. So I took the bus and I had my best outfit on, which wasn't much. I mean, I wasn't naked. What I mean is the outfit wasn't there. Good, good, good call. So I get in and I walk to where the studio is and the red light is going and so on. Now they're shooting. Red light, now they open the door and I go in and Mr. Leroy, Carol, there's just a great, you're here. We just have one more little shot to do and then we'll break for lunch. Okay, so why don't you sit here? Now, I'm looking and the set is on a platform with wheels. And the set itself was a desk and a chair, a door. I mean, it was a small room. And so they wheeled the whole thing in. Oh, okay. Yeah, and this extra sat behind the desk. And so Mr. Leroy said, okay, you ready, Jimmy? And behind the door was, I know, I know, I know. No. And I go, oh. Oh, my friend. Oh, my friend. Oh, my God. Oh, and so I was just, and the scene was all it was that he knocks on the door. The guy says, come in and Jimmy comes in. He said, it was the FBI story was the name of the movie. Okay, so then he puts this badge down on the desk. Cut, great, okay, that's a print. He said, would you like to meet Jimmy? Yeah, would I like. So he said, well, come on. Now I stepped up on to the set, the platform. Oh, okay. And there he is, my idol. And I'm looking at him. His lips are moving, but I can't. You're not even eating. My heart is like, do, do, do, do. Finally he stopped talking and it was time for me to say something. Uh-oh. Oh, God. I said, well, it's time to tie on the old feed bag. Oh, gee. What? Yeah, what? Yeah. That's as bad as things I've done. Oh, wow. And then I was so embarrassed, I turned around, stepped off the platform into a bucket of whitewash. No, he did not. I did. Yes, I did. And then I didn't turn around. I dragged, I had one foot in the bucket and then I dragged myself out. I didn't look back. I didn't go to lunch. Mr. LaMaurie. You didn't go get the feed bag? No? No. But the nice thing is a few years later, I did get to know Jimmy and his wife, Gloria. They came over to the house. We had parties and they were there and he surprised me on my final show. Oh, he hasn't clipped that. You can YouTube it. Yeah, yeah. I just say Carol and Jimmy Stewart. And I had no idea he came to the show and Tim Cottonway came out and said, there's a guy here who's been wanting to be on your show for 11 years. He said, so I thought since this is the last show and the curtain went up and there was Jimmy at the piano. Singing Ragtime, Calvary Joe. And then he finished, got up and talked to me. And again, do, do, do. Of course. But that's by Jimmy Stewart. Oh, I love it. Did he, when you saw, when you became friends with him years later, did he remember that story that you did that? He did not. Maybe he did, but he was kind. To not bring it up. To not bring it up. Hey, remember the feedback? Let's tie on the old feed bag. That's good. Oh, my grandmother used to say that. Come on, it's time to tie on the feed bag, which is time for dinner. Yeah. Somebody, anyway. That's a good story. Yeah. Now you. Okay. Quick change. Okay. Okay. Yes. I have told him this one. Okay, so this has to be 20 plus years ago, 20, something like that. First sitcom, I was doing theater as you did back on the East Coast, New York, and for me, Washington, DC, and I had been cast as a series regular in a sitcom, a multi-cam sitcom, and I shot the pilot and then the show got picked up and it was all very, very fast. But when I had come out to shoot it, I knew nothing about the multi-cam setup. And the people there, the producers rightfully so, were nervous that I didn't have a lot of on-camera experience, like a few just guest stars, one or two. So they kept trying to explain to me different things, but one of the big things they kept warning me about was, now don't forget, we do a live show day, because we had a live audience, that I know you're very accustomed to. And so on show night, we're gonna do the whole show with this live audience and they kept bringing that up and I thought, that's the only part I am comfortable with. Why are they worried? I'm fine with an audience being there. But they just like, just so you know, we'll do the whole thing almost like a play. We'll run through the whole thing and then, you know, if there are scenes that are really problematic, afterwards we'll come back and reshoot them or redo them and let the audience go home. I was like, okay, okay. So we spend the week rehearsing and I'm looking at the syncing like, okay, so we're gonna do this whole thing like a 20 to 30 minute play. Sure, I'm okay with that. But I have noticed and you remember how, maybe the people at home won't know this, but the different sets for a multi-cam are lined up almost like shoebox dioramas down the length of our sound stages. And so then all the cameras, your A camera, B camera, C camera and an X camera, they're on those wheels and they're going up and down like this. But I'm looking at it thinking, okay, between scene one and scene two, which takes place the next day, I have a quick change. And I only have like two lines left to do it in the first scene because in my head, we're not gonna cut. Cause they kept saying, we're gonna do this like a play. So I was like, wow, how am I gonna, how, you know, in theater we have dressers and they rip their clothes off backstage and Velcro exactly. So I'm looking around at the stars, which were Terry Polo, David Sutcliffe, Danny Comden and I'm, you know, Miss, Miss Very Green and Miss Green Acres come to town. So I was like, well, if they're not asking for help with the quick changes, maybe stars just know how to do this. I need to figure it out. I was like, okay, I'm not gonna ask for any help. So I got my costume fitting and I asked them to replace all things that have laces, buttons or zippers with Velcro and elastic. I don't explain why I'm sure these people to this day think that I just have some difficulties with fasteners or something. Literally I'm only dressed in like granimals. Like everything is pull on. They attached like, I think I had a vest and a blouse. I was like, can you attach them and make the whole thing pull over? They were like, sure. And then I made my blocking. I constantly try to make my blocking closer to exits if I'm in the ends of scene so they can get off faster. Did not explain why. Show Night comes, they put all my costumes in the dress room, I take them and I hide them in like cubbies between the sets so that I could get to them. I can't, the PAs come, put them right back in the dress room. I was like, I put them right back, stuff them all in. You can see this pilot somewhere, it's called I'm With Her. And at the end of one of the first scenes that I'm in, I do my last line with my head out the door because I am taking my clothes off. I am stripping, trying, because I only have like three more lines. I didn't wear no dresser. No, nothing. Just doing it yourself. And at the time at Warner Brothers, the network, Big Wig, people watch it on monitors behind the stages so they are all seeing me just stripping and having no idea what's wrong with this person. I'm doing my last line to tear it and I'm stripping these clothes off and then I just start hauling by down the back to go to the cafe set that's at the end and I'm grabbing the clothes that I hid go flying over a C-stand, bloodied shin. Oh my God. Still going and I can hear them doing the last couple lines. Oh my God, oh my God. I get the skirt on and the blouse and I go out in the cafe. I sit in my chair at this table. It's pitch black, obviously, because no one's there. And I'm like, okay, lights come on. I'm gonna be sweating, but I can do this. I'm ready. And then I hear cut and then I'm still in the dark. And I was like, what's, there's starting. Wish, I don't know what's happening. And then I just hear Ted Walsh who's directing it. I hear him go, let's go again. Where's Ray? Oh no, yeah, you go back. That is when I realized, oh, we're gonna cut. We're gonna do more than one take. They just mean we're doing the whole show. And I went out in front, couldn't face the network people who just saw me strip naked. So I went towards the audience and Ted looks down the length of the soundstage. I'm in a different costume, sweating, bloody. Oh my God. In the dark by myself. He's like, Ray, why are you in a different costume? Here's my clever answer. I go, I don't know. And just walked back and changed and went to set. And yeah, I did 23 episodes and never told anybody there what was wrong with me. So that's my quick change. Bless you. Oh, oh, oh. All right. I went, I did my show. I never wanted to, cause we had a live audience. Yeah. And I never wanted to keep them waiting. Sure. We did have to have tape stops because of change of scenery. Sure. We would do quick changes and all of that because I did not want to keep them waiting. No. Yeah. One of the best blessings I found of theater and those of us that came up in it is you're a highly aware, this is a collaborative art form. I could see those dressers out of the corner of my eye when you have quick changes and you can see them like standing there or like they're gonna catch you. I used to have a bet with our crew that I could do a skin out change faster than they could move the couch over to there. What's a skin out change? Like wigs, clothes, everything. Wow. Yeah. Cause Bob Mackie would make the things just, I step into something and they zip it up or Velcro and I'm ready. Yeah. So it was perfect. That's awesome. I love that stuff. I did some guest shots on some sitcoms, I won't name where there might be 20 minutes of show. Right. They would take five hours to do it wrong. You don't have to do that. No, clearly. Bloody chin. I was ready to do my second scene. Exactly. What, don't you also love the stuff that happens when you're on stage and something goes wrong and you guys are all in a tightrope and you just look at each other and you're like, it's all right, I got your back. Those are also some of my favorite moments. I will never forget. I did a show at Willie Mammoth Theater called The Big Slam that had a series of walls and doors. And it wasn't a farce, but it was used to comedic effect. A lot of coming and going in these doors. And I knocked on the door one day for one of these millions of entrances I had as a UPS delivery person. And I knocked on it and when I went to open the entire set wall, fell instead. It didn't hurt anybody. Actually, I think it fell back. It didn't hurt anybody. And I'm standing in the open doorway and I think it was Christopher Lane. I see partner without missing a beat. And he goes, they don't make houses the way they used to. And then we just kept on with the scene. I love that. I love that stuff. All right, your turn. Okay. Aaron and dinner. Aaron, who was my youngest daughter. I had three daughters, Carrie, Jody and Aaron. And we would occasionally go take them out to dinner. And Aaron being five years old would sit between me and her father. And Carrie would be on this side and Jody would be on the other side of her father. Now, it was hard to get all three of them to be perfect. I mean, one would be off the wall. The other two would be fine at dinner. You know, they were young. So we went to this Italian restaurant. She's sitting next to me between me and her father. So the waiter comes, what would you like? She said, I'll just have dessert. I don't need any dinner. Nice. And I said, excuse me. No, no. You don't get dessert until you have had your dinner. Right. Well, then I don't want anything. I said, okay, fine. So you don't eat. Now the other two are thrilled. She's in deep doo doo. Sure. You know, so they're even ordering vegetables. I mean, I don't think. Nice. And she's sitting there and dinner is sitting and like she was look up at me and I'd look at her and then she turned away. And then she'd look again. I look back. I knew she wanted to make up. Yeah. Right. Finally, she looked to her father and she said, I love you, daddy. And he said, I love you too, Mary. And she said, and I also love your wife. I'm fine. That's hilarious. I let her have dessert. That's fake. And the other two were so pissed at me. I said, you come up with a line like that. Exactly. And you can have dessert too. And no did. Did you tell him that? I am rewarding good jokes at this table. Absolutely. But to come up with that. That's so funny. And your wife too. That's very good. I remember we used to go to restaurants growing up and it was considered a big occasion. You had to dress nice and all of that. You know what? The reason I would get in trouble for all the time was vinyl boots because they were so slippery. Sticky. No, slippery. I loved to like go onto the floor. And I got told over and over, stop it. You do it one more time. Then you're not capable of sitting at a restaurant. And at the time, I don't know if it was Denny's or someplace like it, but it's the freestanding ones where you part pulled right into the wall. You know, like the cars were pulled straight into the windows that we were in. So I did it again. I got told I had to spend dinner in the car. Now you'd probably get arrested for putting, I mean, I was probably five or six, but I was in the front seat of the car watching my family have dinner just wailing. But I never slid down the booth again. Anyway. Okay. What you got? The cashier. Okay. Okay. This is my soon to be father-in-law's favorite story. It is horribly embarrassing, but I shall tell you. So when I was doing a sitcom called Whitney, I had one of those moments. Did you see the movie Soak Dish with Sally Field? Oh yeah. I loved it. You know, when she, embarrassingly, like when she's feeling low would go to the mall so that people would recognize her and then pretend that she didn't want it. Similar-ish in that we were working at CBS Radford, big billboards of the Whitney sitcom. And on show day, we'd go just down the street like a block and have lunch at this deli. Everybody there would recognize all of the cast members except me and tell them how much they love the show. I'm standing right there with them in line. It was one of those kind of like Jones on third, like you order stuff from a deli. And I was like, nobody, don't, whatever. They don't, you know, they don't recognize me. But then it was like every single week that we went this happened. And I would kind of try to stand really close to Whitney. I was like, I'm still nothing. I'm like, dang it. And it got to the point where they kind of were making fun of me, my cast, good naturally. But one day we go in and come down the line and my cast are, I think some of them are ahead and some are behind. And the cashier, this woman that I hadn't seen there before, she was like, oh, oh my God, I know you. I know you. I got way too excited, Carol, because I was like, finally. And my cast can see me. And I was like, from Whitney, yes, yes. And so like pleased with myself. And she goes, Whitney, who's, what's Whitney? And I was like, the TV show that I'm in. And she was like, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, I'm an actress. And she goes, oh, I've never seen that. No, I am a part-time manager over at this frozen yogurt shop on Moore Park. And she was like, yeah, every Friday, you come in and eat like a huge large frozen yogurt by yourself in the corner. She's like, yeah, I'm always like, there's that girl I got in, and you're always like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I completely ax out me eating large frozen yogurt by myself. My cold cast is like crying, laughing. And that's all I could say is like, yep, that's me. Thanks. Can you weigh my food now? Cause I'm going to cold die. So to this day, when people say, where do I know you from? I'm not answering. I'm not, I'm not falling in that trap ever again. Well, I lived in an apartment building in New York. And I remember I got in the elevator one day and a strange lady got in, I guess she'd been visiting somebody. And she's like, I know who you are. I know who you are. And I said, Carol Burnett, she said, no. No. That's incorrect. I swear I'm not lying. And another time somebody said, you know how I recognize you? I said, no, how? She said, by your face. Oh, okay. I'm redicking it. I got, no, I didn't recognize, I knew it was you when you spoke cause I was ordering something. I got that one time and I was like, oh, my voice and they were like, right. Cause you sound like a man. And I was like, okay. Okay. Sweet compliment. Yes, thank you. Okay. That's your turn. Okay, here we go. Oh. The movie front page. Okay. Billy Wilder directed it and it starred Jack Lemon and Walter Mathow. And I played the prostitute Molly Malloy. Okay. And I wanted to do it because I wanted to be with Jack and Walter and Billy Wilder. Sure. Oh yeah. I was so nervous. I was terrible. I was awful. I mean, and the reviews seconded my feelings. So I never wanted to see it. Okay. Okay. Now I'm on an airplane. So these, then they call them stewardesses. Right. She said, well, we're very happy today. We're going to be showing the front page. And we have, oh no, I'm in my seat and I'm going, oh no. And she said, I'm so pleased that we have one of the stars of that movie on board with us today, Ms. Burnett. And people turned around and waved and, and spy, yeah. And so now, now the movie starts and everybody pulls their shades down. Sure. And I, and I'm peeking it. And I'm just as bad as I thought I was. And I'm just, oh, finally, thankfully it was over. All the shades go up. Nobody turns around away. Oh. And I go, oh, so I got up and I went to the stewardess. Now this is when you could do that. I said, could I speak on the microphone, please? She said, of course. So she gave me, and I said, afternoon. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Carol Burnett. I just happened to be on this plane when you saw the movie. And I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to each and every one of you for my performance in that film. Hey, applauded. That's awesome. That's awesome. I felt cleansed. Oh, just purging all of that. And I got to New York and then I got to my hotel room and the phone was ringing. And it was a friend in California saying, what'd you do on the airplane? Somebody had already heard it. It was. Yeah. I'm sure that they loved that you were somebody that could just own it. Like, yeah, I know that was bad. I'm so sorry. That's good. I like it. I like it. OK, go, go, go. Oh, this is Jennifer Love-Hue. Oh, yeah? You've ever met this young woman, this actress? No. She's lovely. Much like you taking buses, when you were saying two auditions, I also took buses everywhere for my first year and a half in LA. My license had expired and I didn't need a car in New York and DC. And they moved me out for that show I'm with her that I was talking about. And I would just constantly just live walking distance to Warner Brothers and took buses everywhere. So at that time, I can't remember why, but sometimes they'd give you cash if they want to. I'm not sure. I don't know why they didn't just order me a car. I don't know. And there was no Uber's. And people don't realize this, but LA doesn't really have taxis, which I thought you could just hail cabs. But I was like, well, I got invited to, my whole cast got invited to a Golden Globes party, some big Globes party. Lots of very fancy people. I was very excited. Costumes lent me a dress to wear. And I took the bus there. ABC wanted me to take a car there. I pocketed that cash. So were you in a formal dress? I was in a formal dress on a bus. In a gown. In a gown. But I got off a stop before the carpet, because I don't want to be embarrassing. So then I waltzed up. I did the carpet. We go into the party. And I have a lot of social anxiety from time to time, especially when I get very nervous and feel just out of place. Or I'm not fancy enough to be here. And there's a lot of people. My cast were lovely, but they split up, and were all over the place. And it's just hundreds of people in this giant ballroom. I wish I could remember where, but I can't. It was like an octagonal giant event space. And I started feeling smaller and smaller till you can't like, yeah. Now you're just in your head, and I'm not capable of having a normal conversation. And I'm just getting more and more anxious. And I was sitting at the bar just drinking water. And Jennifer Love Hewitt, this actress that I admired had never met before, she's next to me. And she reached out and put her hand on my hand. And she said, do you need to get out of here? And I said, I go, yeah, I kind of do. I said, I'm on a show called I'm With Her. But I still think I'm doing that well socially in this environment. And she was like, she goes, I get it. It can be too much. She was like, I'll take you home. And I said, oh, I know why, because I told her I had gone outside to try to hail a cab. And that's when I learned that there aren't cabs. I asked the doorman if they could call a cab. They looked at me like I was an alien. I didn't have a cell phone. So that's why I was just sitting there kind of just drowning in my anxiety. And she said, I'll take you home. She was like, I want to get out of here too. And I was like, oh, you don't have to do that? And she said, no, no, no, it's fine. I want to go too. And I'll just drop you at home. I was like, oh, my god, thank you. She said, I have to say goodbye to my agent, my manager, and stuff. But I will meet you at the door in exactly 15 minutes. And I said, are you sure? Are you sure? She said, I promise. It's not a problem. I've been where you are. It's sweet. So sweet. So I got up to leave in 15 minutes at said time and realized this octagonal place has like eight doors. I don't know which door. So I spent like 45 minutes just kind of sadly dejected walking door to door. And I'm sure she was doing the same. And I never found her. Eventually got some dormant, a call of cab for me, got home. And the next day, that was like a Sunday, I think. And Monday, I went back to work. And I go to the set for, I'm with her, on Warner Brothers. And in my dressing room was a dozen white roses and a card that said, I went to every single door looking for you over and over and couldn't find you. I owe you a ride home for the rest of your life. Love, Jennifer, love, Q&A. How sweet. Isn't that the sweetest? Oh my god. I still get goosebumps. I've never seen her since. I was just going to ask. I have never seen her since. But I just think, what a kind thing. She literally made me feel like I was going to be OK in Hollywood, in general. And look what happened. Yeah. I'll thank her when I see her. Oh, you've got to get in touch with her. I will. I should. You should. I was like, well, maybe she won't remember, but I'll tell her. Well, even reminder. Yeah. It's so sweet. Thanks. I thought so, too. I thought so, too. Good people, right? Yeah. OK, your turn. OK. Harry Connick. OK. OK. I was a big fan. And I met him and his soon-to-be-wife, Jill, years ago at a Golden Globes party. And we kept talking to each other. It was like I'd known him forever. Just loved him. So he invited me to their wedding, which was held in New Orleans. Oh, sure. Yeah. So I thought, you know, I'm going to go. I'm going to go to Harry and Jill's wedding. This is what they've got three grown daughters now. It says a long, long time ago. So I get on the plane. I'm in first class. And I'm sitting on the aisle. And there are no other people in first class yet. OK. Second, there are a lot of people there. And then finally, the doors open. And all these young Japanese businessmen come in. OK. And suits and ties. And they had their computers and everything. And I'm on one gentleman. And he sat next to me with the window. And then it was all full. Everything was full. And so now we're going to take off. And they were speaking Japanese. I'm doing a crossword puzzle. He's working on something, or a computer, or whatever. And so we're up in the air. And the pilot says, we're going to be hitting a little turbulence. So we recommend that you fasten your seat belts. And the stewardess, as they call them then again, checking on everybody, the turbulence was so bad. Oh, no. That it went boom, like that. One of the stewardesses hit the ceiling with her head. And people were screaming in the back. Oh, my god. They were very silent wherever where I was. And we bought the farm. That's it. Goodbye. And I thought, oh, my god. And it was up and down. And it was going sideways. And people, as I said, they were very quiet up there. And I looked at him. And he looked at me. And I reached over. And we touched our hands together. And I said, Sayonara. That's nice. Great. I thought it was the last person I'm ever going to see in my life. My whole sentence said goodbye. To this stranger that was next. Well, needless to say, we survived. He left. It's fine. Sayonara. I love that. OK. Oh, the diaper. OK. Can't wait for this one. Yeah. This is a very short story. But it is very much belongs in the theater canon of things that we were talking about of what you have to do to pull a show off. So the play was Brimstone and Treacle by Dennis Potter. And was later made into a film. But there is a woman at the center of a young woman that has been in some sort of very mysterious accident, and it has made her very incapacitated and completely in need of care. And she remains strapped to a hospital bed in the middle of these people's apartment. And throughout the play, you are led to believe by some other cast members their roles, as well as the audience starts to believe that this person may or may not be coming back to cognizance and consciousness. And some of her gurgling starts to sound like words. And then it becomes a threatening thing that she may reveal what caused this terrible accident. And it is deep dark secrets of the family and this stuff. At any rate, to make her very much completely helpless and at the will of anybody around her, whether they have good intentions or nefarious intentions, I am lifted and put. I was playing this person lifted and put into this bed on occasion, and you can see that she wears a diaper. Like, that's how helpless they need this character to look. So the play is about an hour and a half long. And the director decided, we're going to do it as a one act, because making the audience more and more uncomfortable with having to witness this is part of the journey. And so I drink a ton of water, and I also eat a lot before I go on stage. I know a lot of people don't, but I do, because I'm constantly terrified that I'm going to get hypoglycemic or be thirsty on stage. So normally, I drink tons and tons of water, keep hydrated, all of that. But during the rehearsals, I was like, wow, I'm going to have to pee. And I don't get, I'm the only person that doesn't come off stage. I'm strapped to the spend, and other people come and go. But I never do. And it's purposely to just be this albatross to the audience that they have to live with and deal with. And I was like, I can't figure out. And so one day, I said to my director, I was like, yeah, I'm just trying to, because he saw me trying to parse out. I was like, I'm trying to figure out the perfect timing of when to drink water and when I have to cut it off by so that I can make it 90 minutes without having to pee. And he goes, well, you're wearing a diaper. Oh. I was like, I know that he was trying to be helpful. I was like, look at all the shit in my pee. So if I had to say, I just went dehydrated. I didn't go from, no, I did not pee in my diaper. I decided to cut the liquids off instead. But I know he wasn't being mean. He was trying to be helpful. I was like, yeah, I'm going to pass on that. This reminds me of a story that I lived for a while at the Wyndham Hotel in New York, which was kind of like a lot of Brits live there, Maggie Smith at times and Linda Jackson. And yeah, a lot of it was, and it was just this funky hotel. OK. And you had a telephone in your room, but it was attached to a rose downstairs at a switchboard. OK. So she, you would pick up the phone and say, I'd like to dial this, you dial this number. She would dial it and she could hear everything. So I came home from shopping and Rose said, you got a message here and it's from Marlon Brando in California who wanted me to give him a call. Had you met him? No. Oh. And she said, yeah, that's Brando. She recognized his voice. I said, wow, Marlon Brando. So I went upstairs and I put the groceries down and I kind of took my coat off and then I picked up. She was already dialing. So I get on the phone. He was very sweet. The thing was I had had an operation on my chin a few, a couple of years earlier too, because I had a very weak chin. So I had this orthodontist who fixed just three millimeters, just a little more. So I could feel the rain when it fell. So he said, I want to know about your chin. And I said, what about my chin? And he said, well, my wife's sister has a weak chin. And I had talked about it in People Magazine. So he said, who was the doctor? Now, here, I'm talking to Marlon Brando and I'm so excited. And then I told him. And he said, so how do you do all this television stuff? What writers do? Now he's getting into it. And I realized I have to go to the bathroom. But it's Marlon Brando. You know, and I said, do you rehearse? And then I was also writing an autobiography. OK. And we got on that subject. He said, how do you get? And I think I can't reach the phone into the bathroom. Also, he would hear me. Yeah, I'm like, oh, finally, I couldn't stand it any longer. And I said, Mr. Brando, Marlon, dear. My other line is ringing. I think it's my daughter. So I have to hang up now. He said, OK, thanks so much. I ran into the bathroom, relieved myself, came back. The phone was ringing. I picked it up. It was Rose. And she said, what other line? Oh. She'd been listening. She listened the whole thing. Thanks, Rose. At least she didn't out you to him. I know. That's our peace stories. That's our peace stories. Yeah. Yeah, I guess you'd wish you'd been in a diaper. But. Go ahead. OK. OK. Customer service. All right. So when I was doing theater in Washington, DC, we had very little at the time opportunities to get on-camera experience. Like Barry Levinson might do a movie in Baltimore that we would go over in addition for just day player parts or sometimes even smaller, like one line or whatever, background work I did. But another way you could get on-camera experience and a little extra cash to make ends meet was doing industrials. The in-house training. I did that. Yeah. Did you do those? Yeah. OK. I definitely want to hear about yours. So I did quite a few of them because there's government buildings that did in-house training and then also a lot of the what do you call it? Like headquarters and stuff. One of them was apparently you can still find was for restaurant service. The thing to show people how to deal with somebody who's had too much to drink and how to turn them down. Wow. I was playing the waitress. And the reason I remember that one is because my friend Chris Walker, who's a brilliant actor, incredible resume, he got the part of the Jim Bean bottle. Literally playing the bottle. And so whenever a dude who's had too much to drink, and I'm telling him, like, sir, can I get you some water? Instead, how about a free appetizer on the house? They cut to him and with very bad post-production in his head, he's like dreamy. It's this. It's my friend doing do, do, do, do, do, do in a Jim Bean bottle trying to get him to drink more or something. Anyway. So there was that one. And then the customer service one was, oh my god, I can't remember if it was Bell at the time or AT&T. One of the phone companies that I think is called something else now. It was right when they first had, remember when voicemail switched to it wasn't a cassette anymore, but you pressed numbers to like three to fast forward, two to save, one to rewind. I can't remember all of it. And so they were training the customer service agents to deal with what they knew would be all these phone calls coming in with people who don't know how to handle this. Like, what do I press again? What do I do? And so each of us was assigned like a vignette of a problem that would happen and what you would do. I was playing a customer that's calling with a problem. But my customer doesn't know how to hang up the phone. Repeatedly had to say, how do I end the call though? And then the customer service person is like, it's the same as always, ma'am. You just hang the handset back up in the receiver. Nothing's different. But if I want to end the call, yes, ma'am. You just hang that headset. Is the headset the piece I'm holding? I was just like, how is this person crossing the street and not getting hit by a car if they can't handle this? So I never forgot that one. Anna, remember the director telling me, can you do it more quicksotically? Which to this day, I have no idea. I don't. I don't know. Enigmatic? What is a handset? I don't know. I'm not sure. Anyway, what was your industrial that you did? Our aluminum foil. Good. And we sang, foil is sweeping the country. Yeah. I'm aware of that. Somebody made it up. Foil is sweeping the country. Sure. OK, you're up. OK. New York department store. Yeah. OK. OK. I'm doing a special with Julie Andrews at Lincoln Center. And I'm staying at a hotel across the street from this famous New York department store, Bergdorf Goodman. OK. And it's early. And I needed to buy, for some reason, some stockings, pantyhose. OK. And so I thought, I'll run over to Bergdorf real fast before I go to rehearsal, buy some pantyhose. And I'll be set. Customers hadn't really started coming in yet. I was there just when the doors opened. OK. So I ran upstairs to the lingerie department. And there was this lovely lady with pearls and gray hair. Very sweet. And she said, oh, and she recognized me. And she said, would you sign some things for my grandchildren? So I, of course, I signed a whole bunch. I said, I need some stockings. So she got them. And I didn't have my credit card. I goofed. And I said, could I write you a check? And she said, I'll need some identification. What's that? I said, but you know what? She said, I know. But I have to ask for that. I said, but I really need this. And she said, let me ask Ms. Carlton, who was the floor manager, if she will OK your check. And so Ms. Carlton was sitting way across the back, behind a very pretty antique desk, looking the same with pearls. And she runs over and she talks to her. She's like, she comes back. And she said, she said she will OK your check if you would do the Tarzan yell. Really? So I'm looking around. Nobody else is there. I said, OK. So I went, ah, ah, ah, ah. It was a doozy. It was a good one. And behind her was an exit door that burst open. And there was a security guard with a gun. Oh, no. What? And you're just holding your pantyhose. Oh, that's hilarious. Oh my god. I can't believe that she wouldn't, that she wanted an ID to begin with. Oh, well, that was so fair. That's ridiculous. I've just signed everything. Go ahead. All right. OK. OK. I wasn't sure if they were going to pick this up. Carol, this is bad. This is feedback story, but worse. Oh, I love it already. I have a tendency when I'm, which now I feel a little better, that you also seem to say things that most of your brain did not OK when you're very, very nervous. So when I get very, very nervous, I do. I sometimes say the worst thing you could say. And so I had years ago, when I was in DC, had done, I can't even remember if it was a movie of the week, or a film, or a show, to tell you the truth, but it was with Rob Marrow. He was very famous coming off Northern Exposure. But I was a background person that got like two little lines, and it was with hundreds of people. And he had tons of do. He was perfectly nice to me. But it was one of those things where it was a big deal to meet him, but he met 100 people that day, whatever, years and years and years and years later. I'm in New York, and I get my first series regular audition callback. And it was for numbers, the show, this criminal crime detective type story. And it was to play like his partner. And it's a series regular, and I couldn't believe it. And then I got another callback, and then it's the final callback. And it's also going to be a chemistry read, and he's going to be there. And I have like a week before it happens, and I'm just spinning. I'm so nervous. And unfortunately, sometimes I also act like subconsciously almost will sabotage things that I'm very, very nervous about. Oh, well, I'll just make it so that I couldn't have gotten the job anyway. It's terrible. But so in my head, I'm running around going, I wonder if I should bring up to Rob that. I've met him before that I did that film like 10 years ago. Oh, those years ago. Right. And it's like, no, don't do that, because that's putting somebody on the spot. And of course, he's not going to remember. The guy met hundreds of people that day, and that's not nice. It'll be on my resume. If he remembers it, he remembers it. Maybe it could help. Maybe it could help me get the job. It's like, no, don't. No, don't. So I decided we're not saying. We're not saying anything all the way up in the elevator. Not going to say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Walk in. He stands up. Hi, I'm Rob. Nice to meet you. And I said, oh, we've met before. And I'm like, ooh. And he, of course, turns his blood around. And he goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He feels bad. All the producers and the director that are lined up on the table, they're like, oh, they're all like, ooh, that's uncomfortable. And then it gets so much worse, Carol. In my head. How could it get worse? Because I, the other part of my brain goes, damn it. We said not to say that. Oh, it came out. And I was like, double down. Make it a joke. Make it a joke. Make it a joke. This is what I said. I go, yeah, we slept together. Oh, God. What? Exactly. I don't even have that sense of humor. I don't make sense jokes. I was like, surely you would remember that. He's blood red now. He is like, I am so sorry. Everyone else is frozen looking at the headshot there. Like, I don't know what's happening. And I was like, what is wrong with me? This is how I tied you the whole situation up. I go, just kidding. Let's do the scene. You guys might be surprised, but I did not get this part. I've never seen him again. Definitely should not contact him. Oh, my God. Can you imagine what the producers were thinking when I left the room? What were you thinking? It's the worst. My poor agent ran in at the time. She's like, how to go? And I was like, not good. Not good. Oh. I have no idea. That tops my feedback. Yeah, it's horrific. And standing in the bucket. I don't know. I have no explanation for myself. None. You get nervous though? I know auditions? Okay, good. You just don't say it. You don't talk to people. I can't remember what it was for. I was really young. I was auditioned for something, and it was narrowed down to being another girl. And I really, I thought I had it. Yeah. And I didn't. She got it. But you know what saved me from being depressed? I said to myself, it's her turn. Aw. And when I get letters from kids saying, you know, what do I do if I'm turned down for something? I think, just, no, it's, your turn will come. Yeah. But think, no, it's her turn. I love that. And I never got depressed when I lost something. I love that. I know. I just thought, well, thank you, Lord. I'm glad that came to me, you know, because then I, I wasn't ever discouraged. Yeah. And I got turned down a lot. You know, but it helped. Yeah. Yeah. When I won the critics choice or recently I was in, in the category was Britt Lauer, the brilliant actress that's the lead of Severance, a female lead of Severance. And she had been nominated for some things as well. And one before, and she'd won the Emmy for the previous season, I think, or something. I don't know. She's won lots of stuff. But I won that night. Right. And she sent me flowers the next day. I know her a little bit just from the parties, and she's always lovely. But I had a big bouquet of flowers the next day, and the cards said, it was so fun to watch you receive your just flowers. Oh, that's sweet. That's sweet. She's a lovely person. Nice story. Yeah. Yeah. And she actually makes up for we slept together. Does it though? Yeah. Rob, if you see this, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. He's another one you should get in touch with. You think so? He might hope that I don't. What if he sees this? Okay. Well, I apologize. All right. Here we go. Carrie and the fib. Yeah. Okay. That was my oldest daughter. Right. And so she was five or six. They're almost something happening when they're five or six. Anyway, we caught her in a fib, not a big deal, but enough to, you know, so she had dinner and I said, honey, you're just going to go upstairs and go into your room and get into bed. You're not going to stay up a little later. Okay. So she went up, got into bed, and I went in and she's kind of crying. And she's in bed. And I sat down on the bed and I'm really very close. I said, sweetheart, you know, your daddy and I, we love you very much, but you told the fib and I mean, that's, that's not good because sometimes you think you can get away with it and maybe you'll do it again. And then fibs turn into big lies. And she's just looking at me. You know, and I'm thinking, I am going to get a trophy for mother of the year. I am really getting to it. You know, I could hear violins in the background and say, you know, I'm just looking at me and I am so proud of myself. The fib man said, all right, sweetheart, is there anything you want to say to mommy? I said, what, what? She said, how many teeth do you have? I was counting my teeth. The whole time? Yeah. That's so awesome. Nope, didn't hear any of that. I didn't hear any. Nope, none of it. There goes my trophy. How many teeth do you have is hilarious. That's good. Oh, that's good. Okay. All right. Okay. Glenn Close. Okay. And then her? Oh, yeah. I'm sure you have. And I'm sure it went better than mine. So. I want to hear. This is, I didn't say anything offensive like by other story, but it is also a situation where I got too nervous. She, and I'm not saying this because you're sitting here. You, Meryl Streep, there's just people that like their legends. I thought I was going to say that. But there's just people that like their legends. I thought I was going to die when I got to meet you. And when I went into, by the way, when I went to my fitting with Jennifer Ryan on Saul for that episode and I knew that you were there and I'm going through the script and I'm like, Oh, I don't have any scenes with her. I was like, I'll just, I'll, I'll just say that I need to go to set on the days that you're there and try to meet you. And I went, when I went to my fitting, I asked Jennifer, I said, I go, was Carol already here? Did you get to meet her? Did you get to meet her? She was like, I did. And she's so nice and and I said, what? She was like, and she said that she's a Kim Wexler fan and that she wanted to meet you at I, the ball. I just, the ball. I was like, really? So that's why I just happened to be there at your call time the next day. But we went to dinner. And we went to dinner and started our great friendship that I adore so much. So it didn't go that well with Glenn. It was critics choice awards, a different one. I didn't win. But the first ones, when they started to open up after the COVID lockdown. Yeah. So they'd get real restricted. And it was one of those things where only, only the nominee and like one other person can be there. No audience, no bring in posse. So it's a really restricted room. And then on the commercial breaks, you know, they dim the lights and people mill around and talk to each other. And Glenn Close was there for the wife, which was so great. And she was nominated for that. And I was nominated for Saul. And I just really wanted to meet her and tell her like how great her work is and how much it has affected me. Which I know there's people that think like, why bother? They hear that a million times. But I don't know. I care when people come and tell me. Absolutely. I just wanted to tell her and I'm trying to go over and talk to her because I know her category is next and she might leave. I was like, she's probably going to win. And sometimes she caught up backstage and then I never returned on. I'm sitting with my partner, Graham. And I was like, I'm going to go try to talk to him. He's like, okay honey, but quick, they're going to start dimming the lights. So I go over and she was talking to friends, clearly people that she knew very well, like two other women. And they're talking very close. And I couldn't really get in there. And I knew there was no polite way to like squeeze in and now the lights are dimming again. And Graham's like, huh, we kind of just forget it again. So very rudely. And I feel bad. I'm glad if you hear this. I'm sorry. But I just poked my head right between her and her friend. I was like, I just wanted to tell you miss close, but I just love your work. I was like so alarming to everyone. And they all were like, okay, she was nice, but alarmed as anyone would be. So I back up and then that thing happened in my head where I was like, we need to fix them. Yes, I hear people groaning. I had this thing that I have recognized in, I'm not as famous as she is, but that thing you see in a fan where they wanted something to be a moment. They wanted it to like, did it register in some way and let it be a little moment. And I feel for them. And so I was having that moment. And I was like, stupid thoughts in my head. It's like, she doesn't realize that we could be friends. Like we're both nominated. We could hang out together. We could have coffee. And Graham's like, babe, sit. And I was like, I just want, I want to. So she's now talking to her friends this close. I don't know why, but I came in from the side and I thought, I know, I won't disturb her. She's talking animatively up here. Let me clear her arms and not interrupt their talking by coming in low from the side and hugging her around the waist. Just hang out. I am so happy that Graham was there because everyone thinks I'm exaggerating. And if he's sitting here, he'll go, nope, nope. He was dying. And she's like this. Her friends are like, what do you know this person? And just like that, Graham has my dress and he's like, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I can't. I can't stop. Eventually he reels me off of poor Glen Close and I sit down to a table full of strangers that's all like, wow, what is wrong with this person? Did you ever see her again? No, but Vince keeps threatening to have her guest star on our show. That's another one. No. That's another one. I feel horrible. Jennifer loves you. You've got all of them. All right. You've got so many you have to get in touch with. I feel like I'm in AA and I need to make a mess. The people. Right. I probably do. Get in touch with them until we watch this podcast. Okay. It's my apology. It's like me apologizing for front page. Good. See? Yes. You'll feel cleansed. I will. I will. I'll purge that. Okay. Go ahead. This is it. Oh. Okay. Walter Matao. All right. I was asked to do a movie with him. It was directed by Marty Ritt. And it was called Pete and Tilly. Okay. And he's Pete and I'm Tilly. And I was, it would be on my summer hiatus from the Carol Burnett show. Okay. So I was still in the middle of doing our show. And so, but, and I remember we had a first scene. And I was so nervous because he's big screen. I'm the little screen. Okay. I felt inferior. I felt like I'm not going to be able to do that. And he was not justifiable, but understandable. He was Walter and all that. Yes. And finally, after like a couple of days, he said, I'm going to take you to lunch. Oh gosh. I'm thinking, what am I going to eat? I don't want spinach on my teeth. All right. And I'm really nervous and feel out of it. I feel insecure. Totally. And so we order and I hardly saying anything. And he said, so why do you do all this television crap? Oh, all of a sudden. I stopped being nervous. And I said, well, Mr. Matthews and Walter, I said, well, Walter, and this was at his peak. Okay. He was, I said, you're always doing movies. You do two movies a year, maybe three, you know, and he said, yes, I, yeah. I said, how long does it take you to do them? Like 10 weeks, 12 weeks. He said, yeah, that's right. I said, are they all great or are some of them crappy? He says, I made a few crappy ones. And I said, well, look at it this way. Takes you 10 weeks to make a piece of crap. It takes me five days. That's so good. Well, he laughed. Oh, good. Oh, yeah. But you know what? He did that on purpose. Just to test you? He wanted to make me less nervous. Oh, oh, oh, oh. We became very close after that. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Wow. So you just like locked in in that moment. Yeah, I became defensive about it and office. You know, I took, and I just said, no, no, you don't know what, what it is like to do television. Good for you. Five days, you know, to do what we do. I'm going to make you tell another story because I was, I didn't know if it was going to be in here, but you brought up your chin surgery. Yeah. Please tell the story of the reshoots for Annie and how that went down. Okay, we're doing Annie and John Houston is the director. He's very sweet. And so there's Bernadette Peters, Tim Curry and me, and we're the three villains. Well, this being the big Hollywood musical, for some reason, instead of doing Easy Street, which was a number that with only the three villains, the way they did it on Broadway, they decided to open it up with 400 dancers doing on the Easy Street with monkey grinders and donkeys pulling carts. And we're trying to sing about it. And it's taking it totally away from the three villains. But okay, it took a week to shoot. And at that time, over a million dollars. So it was big. Yeah. And so, okay, so we wrapped and I was living at the time in Honolulu, Bernadette flew back to New York, Jim Curry flew back to London. And I had always wanted a little more of a chin. And so there was an orthodontist in Honolulu. And he said, I can do that. And I said, I, as I said, I don't want to be Kirk Douglas. You know, just, I just want a little more. He said, like about three millimeters is all. But to give me more of a chin. Right. So I had the procedure, but went by. And I was about two months after, after we'd wrapped, I get a call from the producer Ray Stark. He said, well, we're going to reshoot the easy street number with just you and Tim and Bernadette. I said, oh, that's great. That's terrific. I said, but Ray, I have to tell you, I have a chin now. And he said, what? And I explained to him, he said, oh, with all that Miss Hannigan drag on that you've got, and it's not going to be picture to picture. It's going to be just that scene. And there'll be other scenes all around. I said, I just wanted to point that out. So now get back to him and Bernadette. We're all on the set in Hannigan's office. And Mr. Houston said, well, what I think we'll do, dear, is we're going to shoot it from when you ran into the closet to look for Annie's locket. We'll pick it up when you're coming out of the closet. OK. So I went to Mr. Houston. Two months ago when I ran into the closet, I didn't have a chin. And now I'm coming out of the closet with his chin. And thought for a few minutes and, well, dear, just come out looking determined. So good. It's so good. I love that. I still have yet to, since you told me that story, I was just peeing on my pants. And I need to go back because I now want to watch the scenes in Free Spray. Well, you know, I watched it and he changed it to where you see me in the closet looking, and there is a chin, but it's not coming out. My sister, Donna, laughs at this. It was similar, a call about something I needed to change, something I had changed. I had been shooting a pilot and parts of it were shot in Venice Beach on the boardwalk. And they always wanted to do magic hour because it's beautiful. So it's very, very backlit. And they were calling me and they were being very, very sweet. And it was actually the director as well as, I forget who else was on the call, being very, very kind and trying to be professional, but I could tell there was something they wanted to break to me. Like, I was like, oh, what's, what's, and we're like, we just been watching the dailies. It's great. We love your performance. The chemistry is working great. We love this, that, it's just, it's, it's, so, okay. So there's a lot of backlighting and I was like, yeah, and it's just certain hair and flyaways. Why would they be this nervous? And then I thought, oh, I have a couple of like little mustache hairs that sometimes I forget to pluck. And I'm like, oh my gosh, let me help this poor gentleman with his embarrassment having to tell me. I said, oh, oh, oh my gosh, my, my mustache hairs. I'm so sorry. I didn't, I'll, I'll, I'll pluck them. I'll, you know, take care of that. And he goes, no, it's more of like a full Santa beard. Because I have blonde peach buzz everywhere. And I was like, sorry, why? Because yeah, it's more like a full beard, like when the sun's behind you. So yeah, we, we just, before we do the reshoot, we just love it if you'd wax your face. So I did. Oh my God. My sister still does. How's your Santa beard? I don't see anything. I do, I do. It's okay. It's gorgeous. Thanks. Thank you. Well, it's good that it's not dark. Right. It's Lisa's blonde. It's a light, it's a light fuzz. Yeah. It's a light Santa beard. Oh my God. I could do this chapter after chapter after chapter. Oh, thank you. Look at that. Thank you. Oh, thank you, Max. Thank you very much. Well, it's a Cosmo. Do you squeeze this in? Do you squeeze it in or leave it? We're tight. I just kind of put it in. Okay. I love you.