C03 - Ep. 27 - From On Hyra -Early Bird Gets the Vermustang

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So drive one home today! Visit toyota.com to find out more. Toyota, let's go places! Peace to all you pathogenists. Strain your way into the stinky dragon and take a taste of our latest tea, disease. Hey, Guzzler, have you tried the tea, disease? What? Uh, no? The king of improv! I can't say I have, I wasn't expecting that. Disease nuts, got him! Previously, our adventurers were caught dead center in a duel after testing Gunther's Tetta-Tett. Aunt Shannon, Hofford, fighting instruction, formed formidable, froggy friends. Soon after, B-Team sojourned to Solisod and spoke with Iris the Bookie and salad up for some vroom-vroom on Verma Stings. Bring over a brew and let's buckle up for this bedtime tale. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Sticky Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sarola, and I was caught off guard. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. We are not caught off guard here. This week's arrow question is, which celebrity from our world would your character be the most starstruck by? And that's submitted by Buggy52. Everyone go ahead and roll that D20. Let's see what order we're going to do this in. Cut out to Buggy. Two. Oh, also a two. 20. Eight. All right, Blaine, roll off. Roll off. You two roll off for a third and fourth. 17. Oh, I bet I could beat that with a 17. Roll off! No way! Let's keep going. Come on, Barbra. How long are you going to keep this going? What are the chances? 16. Two. Dang it. All right, so who had the 20? Gunther. So it's Gunther, Maddie, Doug, and then Toll. Hi, I'm Chris DeMaris, and I play Gunther, the male croakfolk fighter, level six. And for me, the celebrity I would be the most excited to meet is, of course, Kermit the Frog. Are you not offended by him, his representation of frogs being maybe unrealistic? Oh, I think it is very realistic. Wait, is Gunther's representation of frogs realistic? No, maybe. He's different type of frog than me. He does number all. He's also much better at singing and dancing. Could you sing one of Kermit's favorite or a famous song? In a five, six, seven, eight. It's not easy being green. I was hoping he would chicken out on that one. It's actually really nice. It was not that close to the melody, but I love that. Can we have that available? Chris, can you sing It's Not Easy Being Green and we can post it on Patreon? Not even a chance of copyright infringement with that one. I love it. It was so good. Yeah, the melody is totally different. We could call it it's difficult being a shade of emerald. Yeah, there you go. So, Gunther, this begs the question. I know everyone's thinking it. Is your wife a pig? No, you take that out of your mouth. No, no, just like a literal, not she's not a pig. Oh, got a crow folk. Gunther's climbing on the stage. He's about to hit out of your mouth. Okay. Here it is. There we go. Gross. Cool. All right. Thanks, Chris. Next up, I believe we've got Nettie. Howdy, everybody. It's John Reisinger and I play Nettie Wonder, the drought warlock drag queen, mother of the bringer of the apocalypse, Mr. Gigglesworth. I think I've been pretty open about a lot of the people that I like and a lot of the people that I've styled myself a little bit around, but the celebrity I'd want to meet might be a little bit of a surprise to people, but if you really think about it, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Obviously, I'm a lover of music and musical talent and the musical giants out there. I've made reference to plenty of times and but if there was one celebrity I got to meet, it would be this hunk of a musician that I've got the hots for. His name is Mr. Johnny Cash. That's a good one. Yeah. First time I saw that man ever performing, I had the vapors. I thought you were going Orville Peck. I thought you were going RuPaul. You took me on a journey there. I didn't expect Johnny Cash. I was thinking Johnny Cash. There you go. I think you set it up well. Thank you. Yeah. So that's who I'd want to meet, Johnny Cash. Or at the very least go to a concert. That's all. I think your wife might have met him. His wife has been meeting a lot of people lately. Yeah. This week. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I think that's very well suited. Thanks, Natty. We'll talk maybe in a second wind or something about some more Johnny Cash. Love to. Up next, I believe was Doug. It is. Hello. I'm Barbara Doncleman and I play Doug Boone, the Artificer Bugbear, level six as well. And I think obviously you guys might think people Doug would want to meet. Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin. It's famous guys who are very smart. Steve Jobs. Alexander Wimbell. And of course, Doug would be absolutely starstruck to meet these guys. But ultimately, similarly to Natty, Doug is a level of music. And it might surprise you to hear this, but Doug would be absolutely starstruck to meet Madonna. Big fan of full music. Which era? Okay. You know, kind of like the 1984 kind of like a virgin era. Holiday. Some of the best music. Yeah, exactly. You know, some of the best stuff over there. Doug used to blast for music when he was working in his workshop and just, you know, especially, you know, because we are living in a material world. You know, I am a material bug. There's some of my favorite stuff there. I was going to ask what your favorite song was, but you belted one out. That's cool. Matilda goes pretty good. I also Papa Don't Pweets is a good one. You know, I could go on, but I'll save those for whenever I do meet Dolly, not Dolly Parton. You never do meet Madonna. Sorry, I was thinking about Dolly Parton because of Natty. Well, maybe we can, we can reach out to her people and see if we can get her on Doug's On The Ones and Two's, which I hear is blowing up. It's massive. You know, maybe depending on when you're listening to this, maybe there's something that's coming soon. Oh, already out. It's probably already out by this point. Hopefully. Hopefully. We are telling ourselves one way or the other with that, that call. We're not good at planning too far ahead. Okay. Thanks, Doug. What musician does Tove want to meet? Because everybody's been musical. Well, Kermit's kind of half and half. Yeah, Kermit's a triple. It's a very musical. Triple that. Yeah. I will say when Doug was talking about like, you name musical act, I was thinking maybe like Divo or something like that. Maybe very up Doug's avenue, but uh, yeah, but don't expect that. Anyway, I'm sorry. Tove Europe. Well, hello. I'm Blaine Gibson and I play, oh, you hoots me tole. I am a male or a Thalmetech barbarian. I still need to change that. Here we go. Another week, another meeting to change my character sheet. I'm going to now pull it up and I'll do it later. I'm a level six male Thalmetech barbarian. And I have a bit of a cheaty answer. Oh, I guess if I wanted to do musicians, it would be Bjork, obviously. But no, I actually have. Oh, I'm so good. So fine. Yeah. But no, I have an actor, actually a family of actors. This again is a bit of a cheaty answer because I love the scars guards. Oh, they're wonderful. The Sten and the Alexander and the bill. Oh, I love Bill. He's penny wise. Even even Gustav and Stefan, the lesser known scars guards, but they're just so great. And uh, wow, they really are just a family of Vikings going out and pillaging Hollywood and starring in every film genre and franchise you can imagine. I just rewatched Nasferatu and yeah, the scars guard gets he's lost in that character. It's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're such good actors. And I think that's something I channeled with when I was lying to you about being an orc. I was like, what would a scars guard do to lie to their friends and they own method acting? So that's why I ate food and then would spit it out whenever you guys weren't looking and things like that. Yeah. Yeah. Generally, if you see a scars guard in a film, you know, you're in for a good ride. You're like, scars, you're hard to show us up. You're like, Oh, yeah, we're in for something good. Yeah. And Alexander. Oh, he's so ripped and you have you have you seen the Tarzan movie? It's actually very good. I mean, you'd think the Northman would be my favorite, but legend of Tarzan. So good. So good. Margot Roby. I thought you would have wanted to meet Brent Spiner. I don't know who that is. Oh, Star Trek. Huh? That's cool. What about that guy from Bison Teniole man? The guy who's a bison teniole man. Oh, robots people. Yeah. No, I just I just can't get enough of those scars guards or Haley Jolosmet. Oh, that's a good one. I want to meet Flubber. Another level. Yeah. Maybe I could maybe I could make my own flub before you. That would be so neat. It would help me jump. Oh, it looks like it looks like Gigi already made a bunch of flubber like substance over there. All right. Everyone roll a d20 lowest roll has to clean up Gigi's flubber. I pulled up my dice to roll it right as you said that. The fun thing is you don't know which and it came out of. All right, let's get everything set up and get these races underway. Natty does change Natty's attire through her morphing abilities into a very fancy racing like dress and a big old white hat. Oh, nice. Very appropriate. All right. You all lead your Verma stangs out to the starting line. There's little stalls with the gate in front of it and Iris is watching from the side and with a flurry of magical explosions go off. On your marks, get set. The gates open and from the top of the practice, all of you hear a loud blood curdling scream. And with that, at the same time, a fifth unknown Verma stank takes off from the starting place and starts the race. We're going to do this kind of a way that we've done before where we're going to have a skill challenge and I'm going to describe obstacles that are in your way that each is going to tell me how you're going to try to get around it. And we're going to have a little bit of fun with this. We're going to see who wins and wins their money back, I guess, from the betting with Iris. Do we go over who's on who? Yes. Why don't you all tell me which Verma stang you are riding? I'm on, I believe, Pop and Fresh. That sounds right. And I'm on the winner, Terry. Everyone's favorite. I'm on Precious Little On Hill. And I'm on the fourth one. I didn't write it down. Help me. You are on Wester. Wester. Yes. Isn't Giggie writing it for me? Giggie's writing it for me. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Giggie was on it. Okay. So we're going to do this. And we're going to have three rounds of racing and we'll see who comes up first. So every round each is going to make a skill check and you cannot reuse a skill check twice. And the DC of the skill check depends on the risk involved, but I'll announce it before the roll. There's no magic. And you're playing against the other riders. So you're playing against each other and this mystery rider who has shot out of the gate. Racer X. Racer X. Yes. Speed racer. Your goal is to have three successes before two failures. Okay. So why don't we, everyone go ahead and roll an initiative for me so we'll determine the order everyone's going to go in. Oh, 23, 18, 24. All right. So got Gunther with a 24, Tole with a 23, Natty with an 18 and Barbara with a nine. Oh, and I got to do Racer X. Barbara, the fourth character in this campaign. That's funny. I wrote down, I read as I typed it out and I wrote Barbara instead of Doug. We are one in the same. It's because I'm such a good character player, player only, player only. I'm going to make a shirt says player only. Okay. Gunther, we're going to start with you. Giddy up little for me. Giddy. Worm Mustang. Oh, that's good. Gunther, you take off with a shot and you're going down the straightaway and as you do, a nearby cliff begins disintegrating and a rock slide begins coming down the track in front of you. Don't get knocked over. What do you want to do? What are the capabilities? Like, how does the worm thing move? Does it move like a horse? It's got like jaggers. Legs? Yeah, that like a horse, but they don't end in hooves. Okay. Could I try and make the horse jump like jump over it? Yeah. And I'll since you asked, I'll reread the description of the verma stank to you since we haven't done that in this episode. It's a worm horse that's horse shaped with no hooves and worm skin. And it's got a colored mane of hair. And yeah, it gallops pretty quickly through the sandy ground. All right. So yeah, you want to try to make it jump? Yeah. You must use your wings to fly. I came out more Gandalfi than Gunther, but whatever. All right. It's Angel. What kind of check do you want to make? I guess like, would that be acrobatic? Yeah, make a make an acrobatic check. We'll call it. So you're just trying to make a jump. We'll call it a DC 15 acrobatic check. I passed with a 21. Oh, that was a high. That was I was nervous. 15 is kind of high. 15 is pretty middle of the road. You have a plus eight on that. You whisper into Elan Hill's ears to fly you fool. And it takes to the air gracefully jumping over the skittering rocks and boulders that come onto the track right in front of you. Next up is Tove, writing Terry. Yoo hoo and yee haw. Let's go Terry. You begin catching up to racer X. And as you do so I'm glad you used my joke. I like it. It made me laugh. I wrote on the initiative order racer X. You begin catching up to racer X and right as you pull alongside racer X's verma Steng lashes its head out and tries to head but Terry, how are you going to try to evade it? What are you going to try to do? Well, first and foremost, I'm going to make a mental note to talk to Iris about the safety of this race course because I am seriously questioning it. And then I think I'm going to try to, you know, scare them back, you know, maybe intimidate them with Terry, make them second guess, fighting Terry and Tove, the dynamic duo. Okay, so you're going to absorb the headbutt and then try to scare them back. I'm going to try to challenge the headbutt with a headbutt of my own some like a counter attack. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do you want to do that? What kind of check you want to make for that? Whatever a parry mixed with some sort of check to, I don't know, like diverting their momentum to make them attack themselves in some sort of way. I don't know. I don't think there's a judo check. All right. How about we do slide of hand? You're like trying to like get around them and redirect it? Yeah, sure. Slide of head. Yeah, slide of hand. Yeah. We'll also call this one the DC 15 slider head check. Okay, here we go. That's a six is hero is inspiration dies allowed? Yeah, you can do an inspiration die. Thank God, Terry, you could have goofed that up so bad. Good thing this next rule is going to be a victory. 14. Just ever so shy. So I think Terry's trying to gauge how to avoid and, you know, redirect this headbutt and we'll say Terry manages to avoid the headbutt. But when you go out to, you know, kind of redirect and give the energy back to them, you kind of stumble a little bit. And Terry, instead of continuing down the track begins going perpendicular to the track and veers off to the side. Oh, no, you begin falling behind a little bit. Oh, no, I'm tangled up with racer X and now we're kissing. Oh, no. So Gunther pass told you kind of stumble a little bit, you avoid the headbutt, so you don't take any damage or anything. But you do end up falling behind a little bit because of the kerfuffle. Okay, this I'm right. I'm right where I want to be. One mistake away from failing. No, I have a brilliant plan. I have concepts of a plan. All right, next up, we've got Maddie. Nope. Good. What'd you roll? I'm not in the race. I'm not. Giggie. A lot of people get dug and Giggie mixed up. Yeah, we are very similar. Riding Wester as Giggie is riding Wester going down the track. A flock of birds that was stuck in overhead begins getting lower and lower. And suddenly you see a murder of murderous crows begin pursuing Giggie trying to peck at his eyeballs. Well, the early bird gets the worm. Because we're riding worms. Thank you, Nigel Thornberry. What does Giggie want to do? Giggie would bear his teeth at them and be growling at them to show his alpha dominance like a little kitten trying to puff up. Yeah. If the kitten was a demon from help, why don't you make an intimidation check on that? And we'll also call this one a DC 15. In my head now for the first time, Giggie is like a stitch or Lilo. Is it? Which one is it? Stitch. 15 with no modifier. Nice. Plus zero on intimidation check. The murder of murderous crows descends and begins trying to die for Giggie's delicious juicy eyeballs. But Giggie bears his teeth and the murderous crows think better of their plan and begin climbing away and continue to circle the track from above. Next up we have Racer X. As Racer X rounds the bend, Giggie comes across a dead animal that's slayed across the track and just tried to jump over it. Fail. Fail. Fail. Racer X makes the jump and you can see as he clears it, his verma stank tries to kick it back at the racer behind them, but his kick to kick up the dead animal in your face is fails and does not manage to actually kick it up. Also, this isn't a sponsored thing for a 17-year-old movie, but the Wachowski Speed Racer? Really good. It's incredibly good. It's really good. You should watch it. A lot of people have slept on it. I've never seen it. I'm one of those people. It's incredible. It's maybe one of the best anime adaptations in a live-action format. I don't know. It's ghost on the shelf for me. All right, Doug, you're up. You would be pulling up to Racer X and his verma stank once again rears his head around and tries to headbutt your verma stank. What do you want to do? Could I maybe, while this is happening, see if there's a better kind of angle or pass that mathematically that my verma stank could take to avoid this? Yeah, it's geometry, right? Yeah, my dear Watson. Yeah. How do you want to do that? Like investigation or do you have a specific role in mind you want to make for that? Like perception. Yeah, you should really do a perception check to try to figure that out. Since this is kind of in Doug's wheelhouse, we're going to make this a DC 10 perception check. Okay, 11. Good thing it was. You see Racer X's verma stank rear its head and you kind of expected this might be coming after seeing what happened with Tove, so you make a break for the inner lane to try to pull away and the headbutt clearly misses you and pop and fresh. Miss me, now you gotta kiss me. Wait a minute. Two out of four of us have made a joke about kissing the Racer X. We all want to kiss Racer X. So hot. Why don't all of you make perception checks since we're talking about Racer X. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's a 19. 18. 14. Is this Natty or Giggy? I'll let you choose. It don't matter. Natty could be watching. I rolled a seven at best. I'll say everyone except for Giggy slash Natty kind of gets a look at Racer X. You see that Racer X has bristly hair and looks vaguely familiar, maybe a little on the plump side and is a human. Okay. Okay, we're back up to the top. Gunther. Who have we met that's on the plump side? That's a human. Colonel Boy. I wish. Love that guy. You like the person that wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. Gunther, you see Doug take that angle and move to the inside. You're distracted for just a second and when you look forward ahead onto the track in front of you, you turn around and you see a large cactus in the middle of the track. Oh no. What are you going to do? Oh no. Well, Gunther would use his survival skills to avoid natural hazards. Okay. Yeah. Make me a survival check. We'll say this cactus is so big you're going to really have to kind of try to find your way. Make a DC 20 check on this one. DC 20. Yeah. Give me one of those 11's Gus. What? 11. Gus or whatever. Okay. I'm rolling. Don't worry, Gunther. You can make it through the wilderness. Somehow you'll make it through. Wait, what was it? 20? You wanted a 20? Yeah. I rolled an 18. It's close. That's pretty good. Gus is playing favorites again. Barbara always gets. Gus is mad. Favorite. Because he picked one of his modifiers that's high and so then Gus met that with a higher check he needs to make. It's not even that high. It's a plus four. But watch this. I'm going to choose religion. He's going to be like, 30 savings through. All right. Can I use, I guess I'll use my inspiration die. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Go waste that inspiration die. I like Gus's response. I want to try. Yeah. Go for it. Yeah. Yeah. 21. Oh, he kisses. But Gus. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. You see this huge cactus and at the last second you drift your verma staying around it and narrowly avoid hitting the giant spines and getting them in your leg and your verma staying side. Close call. Thank you. So that's two successes for Gunther. We're moving on to Toll. Yoo hoo. Yoo hoo. Toll. What kind of treachery do I find from that dreaded racer X? I hope it's not more kisses. Oh, no. A nearby body of water. It looks kind of like a stream. I think I described it in the previous episode begins rising and flooding and running over into the track. And now there's rising water on the section of track that you are on. Toll. What are you going to do? I'm going to pick up such speed. I'll be like a skipping stone gliding over the water. Bracefully with Terry. Oh, I like it. What kind of role do you envision that being? I've got an idea, but I want to hear what yours is. You're probably going to say athletics, which is my highest modifier, so you're going to make it something impossible. But I think that that's the most appropriate one, athletics, right? Or is it acrobatics? I was thinking acrobatics, but since you said like gliding and skipping and not like forcing through it, but it's whichever you want. Chris, pick one acrobatics or athletics? I thought act don't think say acrobatics acrobatics. All right. Why'd you put it on me? I don't know. You're just standing there. Yes, and yeah. I was like, oh shoot. I have to make a decision. Why don't we make this also a DC 20 check brutal? Okay. Oh, you know, I failed. That's a six. Oh, yeah. Okay. You try to power your way and kind of glide across the top of the water, but Terry doesn't quite have enough speed and you end up getting bogged down in the water and the mud and slowly Terry begins sinking deeper and deeper into the mud. I'll try you immediately, immediately, the swamp of despair. Everyone in the certain age range becomes very upset when you hear something described like that until eventually, yeah, Terry is chest deep in mud and unable to move and told the race is over for you. Oh, do you know what that means? I've got to put Terry down. I got my vor hammer. Sorry, Terry. You had a good run. Close your eyes. Look away and think about rabbits. You don't do that. Canonically, I will not kill the swamp, the horse thing. We're going to go hofer on this guy. No. Giggie hovers alive. Giggie is racing probably, I would imagine he's looking up at the crows and like shaking his little fist and muttering curses at them under his breath when he suddenly rides into a giant dust devil that is wandered its way onto the track, obscuring his vision. Where's the track? Where is he? What does he do? He would probably just be like, okay, if the Verma staying just goes really fast, as fast as possible in some direction, you'll get through it. I've worked out for toll if it all worked out for Giggie. I just can't think of anything else that like if he was in like, if he's a toddler who is stuck in a space he doesn't want to be in. And so he's just going to want to muscle his way through that space. Again, I'm going to make a reference to a cat. Like if you get like a cat with a plastic bag attached to it, and then the cat just has to get away from that plastic bag, but has no idea of like how not to hurt itself while it does it. Okay. What kind of check do you envision that being? I have an idea for one, but what do you think? I feel like he would bear down on the Verma staying, like gripping it really tight and just like really trying to like push it forward. So I would say either something strength based or he could be trying to persuade the Verma staying to go as fast as possible through like, I don't know, intimidation or persuasion. So I'm going to let the DM make the choice. You did intimidation last time, so we cannot reuse that. So let's go with something strength this time. Sure. Now keep in mind, Giggie's life depends on this role. If he fails, he dies. Good luck. You can make an athletics check. I think it would be good. That's a strength based one. Go ahead and make that check. And we'll call this one. This is also kind of hard. So I'm going to give you the option here. I can give you a lower DC, but then you have to make a separate role to see if you pick the right direction or a higher DC. And you don't have to pick the direction. You don't have to make the role to pick the direction. That's fun. Let's do lower roll and lock into a good direction. So just make a, we'll call this a DC 10 check to see if you can go fast and then we'll roll for the direction. Yeah. He got 16, but his modifier is negative three. So 13. Yeah. That's why I went low check because I'm like, he's got a negative modifier on strength. He's small. He's small. Yeah. He kind of bears down and gets the Verma Stank to pick up speed incredibly fast. Now. So what we do is I'm going to have you roll a D6. One and two, you veer off to the left. Three and four, you go straight correctly. Five and six, you veer off to the right. Go left. Who said that? It's like a ghost. Like the face of Kaibor, like partially dissolved over Giggie's shoulder just appears and says, go left. You can do it, bro. And Giggie bites at it. No. Ow. He rolled a six. So he goes to the right. Yeah. So it makes you fall behind a little bit, but you're still in the race. You haven't, you know, totally fallen off the trail. So is that a failure? No, no, no. You're still in it. You're just falling behind a little bit. It's a success. You made the successful roll. Oh, okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Hey, everybody, John here. Can we all just agree that when we're banking, we just all assume that at some point we're going to be surprised with like a fee that we didn't know that we signed up for in the fine print of some sort of contract or like if we have an accidental overdraft. Now we've also got fees attached to it. Well, I'd like to talk to you about an alternative that fixes all that. It's called Chime. 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But don't say I don't challenge him to and he rolled five. That is a failure. Racer X begins sinking kind of like, you know, in old cartoons when someone steps in quick sand and they begin like sinking into it and they can't move. It's kind of like that. It's slowly sinking into the sand, significantly slowing him down and letting everyone catch up and or pass him, which brings us to Doug. Oh, Doug, you are riding pop and fresh not poop and fresh as I wrote down here. That's why you call him when he goes to the bathroom. As you're racing along, a giant sack is tossed onto the racetrack in front of you. Independent of everything else. Make me a perception check 20. Oh, that's a really good role. As the sack hits the ground in front of you, it opens up and you see 22 pieces of gold spill out of it onto the track right in front of you. Deal or no deal. No, wait, hold on. What did I say on this race? I think I bet like one goal. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to overcome my greed in this moment and keep on racing. No deal. According to the calculator, this is 22 times the earnings you could get from your bet. I'm going to leave it there for Gigi to pick up for Natti. I think she's she's in need of some. Yeah. See, the problem is Doug has a gambling problem. And so they even though it's an easy win, Doug has to play the odds to win the bet. His pride now is a mistake. Okay. So yeah, you look down and contemplate the deal or no deal for a moment. And then when you look back up, you have to very quickly pull yourself back onto the track and find the best angle once again to get ahead. What kind of check do you want to make for that? I mean, I get would it be another perception check if I'm like essentially doing the same thing with figuring out the angle? Yeah, but we can't use the same check again. So you got to find think of like a different way to do it. Well, from the previous time I did it and I did it well, what if I use my history of that moment and do a history check? Sure, you've learned about the local landscape and you're applying that knowledge practically now. Why don't you make me a we'll call this one a DC 20 history check. Oh dear. Gustavo, that was a natural 20 with a seven modifier for 27. Go Doug Racer, go. I know this. Yeah. I know this. Once again, works out the best angle using his history of mathematics and knowledge of the local landscape and history of math. Mathematics of history. Pull pop and fresh back on track onto the best line, which brings us back around to Gunther. Get up. You are looking at the track and in front of you is strewn out rotten fruit looks like someone maybe just dumped trash all over the track in front of you. It's covering the whole track and it's super deep. Let's say it's like a 10 foot patch in front of you. What are you going to do? Okay. You have done acrobatic sense survival so far. Yeah. Can I do like a dexterity check to try and like weave through it? Yeah, but it has to be a skill. Gotcha. Okay. You could pick a dexterity based skill. Okay. What about this? Gunther will lean down and try and push all the stuff out of the way as it's as the worms running. Looney tunes. It's like curling. Well, this whole thing has been like Hannah Barbera's wacky racers. So this is on track. I guess that would be slide a hand is what I would propose for that. I like it. It's a very creative solution, but it sounds like it would be incredibly difficult. So once again, why don't you make me a DC 20 slide a hand check getting me all the hard ones. Listen, when you're in the front of Mario Kart, you don't get blue shells 13. You don't have an inspiration. I think you used it already. I used it on my last 20 check. All right. Yeah. You lean over and begin swatting away at the dead fruit. But as you're doing so, Ellen Hills legs begin hitting your hands at the same time. It just ends up creating a huge mess and your hands get really dirty. Oh, no. Dinky Rod in route. So it does cause you to slow down just a little bit. All right. We're back at told. What are you doing told? You're out of the race at this point. You have a horse that's never ending storying over here. Yeah. Go get the money. You know, I'm glad that you came back to know I won't cheat. That's not the toll of way. Instead, I will be comforting Terry by singing him the classic oboe song. The winner takes it all. Yeah. You want to give us a taste? The winner takes it all. The loser has to fall. It's simple and it's plain. Why should I come play? But tell me does she kiss go for that high note like I used to kiss you. We're getting into racer xjart right now. It isn't easy peeing green. Why don't you give yourself an inspiration? I don't have one. Oh, wow. Yeah. Hey, I'm going to add singing to my list of things to do to get inspiration die out of you. You have a list of things to do. Yeah. Jokes is crossed out. Those those died long ago. Yeah. Good jokes. Yeah. Good jokes. That's the key. All right. Toll viz beautifully serenading Terry as Terry is slowly drowning and dying. No, he's actually we saved him. We saved Terry. Can I make a role to save Terry? I didn't realize he was dying. He's sinking. You can make like a strength check or something to try to pull him out. Yeah, I want to lift this thing out. Seven. I'm using my inspiration die. 20. Yeah, you managed to start pulling Terry back out and he's he's no longer sinking and is slowly making his way out of the muck. Don't give up. Terry, we have so many more races to win. FYI, I was totally going to kill Terry. Oh, no. Okay. So that takes us to giggy. Giggy comes across that same sack of gold that was tossed out at Doug earlier. So he sees the shiny gold on the track. I feel like that would motive at least motivate a giggy check to see if he maintains concentration in the racer if he goes to the shinies. Is that a typical giggy 10 or 11 or higher? Yeah. That's a five. I would think that that means giggy stops the race and begins getting on the ground and grabbing all the gold and stuffing it in his mouth. Could I try something as mama and try to convince him not to? What do you have in mind? Like, can I just yell from the stands like with all the boisterous volume that Natty can muster to tell giggy? No. I'll tell you what. Is there something that you have been that a lesson he's been trying to learn that could maybe be applied here? Oh, yeah. I think like a focus. You know, like any, any toddler that is not something that is in their wheelhouse by default. In fact, the opposite. And so we've been trying to work on focus because I'm going to need him focus eventually on his main goal and not get distracted by money's Chinese or shiny things or candy or biting stuff or pooping in places. You're stealing stuff or saying bad words to people that he shouldn't be saying parents do it. Swailer, we do it poorly. Why don't we get a taste of Natty's adult parent voice here and how she will try to convince giggy. Mr. Gigglesworth, the harbinger of the great and immortal keeper of the souls, blood harvester of darkness, and generally just a good boy. Wonder you stop it. You stop it right now. I'm getting flashback. So my mom doing this to me. That's very well done, John. It's like when you hear your middle name, you're like, uh oh. Yeah. All right. Why don't we treat this as a life lesson with giggy and why don't we throw a wisdom check in here and see if this is like a permanent lesson that giggy's going to learn or not. Oh, that's fun. Good. Actually, I was thinking about that. We haven't done one of those a bit. Yeah. So give us a wisdom check. Let's see how it goes. Will this trauma sit with him for the next 15 years? Find out. Is this easy, medium, or hard? That's DC 10, 13, or 16. Yeah. I'm going to say this is a medium one. It's not basic social skills, slightly more complex. It's personal skills. Yeah. You know, it's self-control. Hey, that's an 18. All right. I'll say that at that point, like you catch giggy as he's stopping and, you know, like looking down and beginning to reach to grab to put gold in his mouth and he hears you, turns, looks, and like does that thing like a, like a dog where he cocks his head and you see like the light bulb go off behind his eyes. He looks around and then pulls his verma, staying around and continues the race. Just to point at your mom's a powerful tool. Apparently. I know all about it. Powerful incentive. So I don't think in game we've really dug into the life lessons with giggy aspect. We did that one episode where everybody got to do a life lesson. Yeah. But since giggy passed this check and learned focus, the additional reward giggy gets is he gets an additional hit die to his HP. Yeah. I've been keeping track of his HP getting up, which I kind of think of like him actually growing. Oh, does he get physically bigger? Like he learns this lesson physically gets a little bigger on the verma staying. Yeah. I was thinking that like he should grow as we adventure. Cause I think that's fun. Cause I think he does need to grow to something that's of a apocalypse bringer. Yeah. Although I can't remember what we figured out his hit die was. D four. Yeah, it's D four. He's going to get an extra four points of hit points. He's up to 36. So yeah, giggy perceptibly gets a little bigger. He's not quite as small as he was before. He's not huge, but he put on like he's like walks up a little bit and turns around and gets his verma staying back on track and begins resuming the race. That verma staying is suddenly like it's heavier. That's one eighth bigger compared to his previous HP. So he gets one eighth bigger. How much bigger would you get Blaine if you got one eighth bigger? Oh, let me see that'd be come back to me. I have math is not my thing. He's got to figure out what one eighth of like 200 pounds is roughly 23 pounds. Whoa. That's a significant amount of weight. Yeah. That's like almost as much as David Korn's foot. I've lost that amount since last summer. It's not a small amount. So yeah, giggy does good. Okay, great. Giggy has learned something and is still in the race. Oh, hold on. Let me check here. Oh, that means that's three successes for giggy. So what's he got to do to win at this point? Passing English. I mean, he did fail the check to go get the stuff. Is that not a fail? We'll finish out the round. It's only racer X and Doug and then we'll determine the winner based on all of the extenuating circumstances like that. Let's go. Doug like that. All right. So it's racer X's turn and you know, I'll say like all this weaving by giggy causes giggy to get in the way of racer X. So racer X has to perform some evasive maneuvers to try to get around giggy or else either fall or collide. So I'll say like Doug, he's going to have to find a path. He's going to try to perceive a better path to go on. Oh, maybe he makes a charisma check for another kiss from Tove. Sorry, just being around the presence of horse like beings. I just voluptuous horse like being that's in 19 plus four, which is a 23, which is a success. He did fail his previous one, right? He did fail his previous one. He was stuck in sand for a little bit. So yeah, racer X manages to very quickly turn his verma stang and cut the corner around giggy and avoid collision and continue on the race, which brings us to Doug. Doug's got two successes, right? Doug does have two successes. I'm going to say if Doug has another success here, Doug is the winner because giggy went slightly off course in the previous one. But if Doug fails here, then giggy is the winner. Come on, my god. Only if you say it's a photo finish. It's going to be close. I mean, we're really neck and neck here. A winner, Doug. Come on. Once again, the murderous crows make a reappearance and swoop down trying to eat Doug's delicious eyes. Doug, there's a murder of crows all around you. What do you do? Oh, man. Doug gets really small like a bugbear and gets in the ear of his verma stang to hide from me. I don't know how small Doug can get. I just went like full on micro with him. I know it's not a check. I don't know if I'm allowed to do it, but can I cast a shield? No, we said no magic in this. What about my steel defenders? He allowed to be, or is that considered magic? Come on, Gabbard. That's not magic, but yeah, your steel defender is always out. You could try to figure out a way to use Gabbard if you want. He has the ability to kind of like extend his head up like in a spring like motion. So I'm imagining he's just sitting on Doug's shoulders just springing and so the crows are kind of being swatted away by Gabbard. Yeah, sure. What kind of check you envision Gabbard using for that? I guess animal handling. Sure. Why don't you make an animal handling check? We'll call this one. I think I said DC 15 last time when this happened to Giggie. So let's do a DC 15 again. Hold for surface to air missile. The fail to six. Ooh, do you have a inspiration? Do you want to use? No, even though I was so funny earlier on and I sang different songs and lyrics, I did all these things. Barbara uses guilt on Gus. Is it effective? So no, okay, got it. Okay. Judges checked. Oh yes, he has to have emotions. The person from Russia bats low score. But could I see that Gabbard is failing and then instead of this just do it myself? No, we'll say that the have a talking to him and teach him. The crows begin picking at Gabbard. At least Gabbard distracted them from from you, Doug. So your eyes are safe, but the crows do pick at Gabbard and you have to, like you said, spend some time trying to shoot them away. So they don't pick at my eyes, which means I'm able to continue on ice and straight. Can you guys, can you guys hear that? That's Barbara's competitive nature coming through. Just trying to be fair, since one of us got to be able to talk to our little companion creature. You're talking to the 2015 check guy here. 2015. Everyone's so sour. I love it. I don't care if I win. Give it to Doug. Now, genuinely Barbara is someone that I would, if Barbara was on one of those reality shows, I would root for Barbara because I don't think anybody would want to win more than Barbara. Go watch a survive block island season one. Generally super fun. Yeah, you can see me lose terribly. All right. In a photo finish down to the very end, Giggie manages to pull ahead and pull out the victory at the very last second. On Western coming in. What's Giggie doing in the photo finish? He's mooning the camera. That's amazing. So wait, when you say photo finish, who's it between Doug and Giggie? Yeah. And you say he's mooning the camera and is that a, is that flubber? Is it? Nice. Nice call back. Give yourself an inspiration. There you go. My guilty word. No, for the record, no, it did not. I'm not encouraging bad habits. I'm going to teach you Giggie lesson here to everyone. I don't think I was able to put any money down on this anyways. I don't think I win. Yeah. Gigg pulls ahead and wins the race. Oh wait. No, Tove fronted me money. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Five goal pieces. So Tove wins money. You all reconvene together at the end of the race track. What do y'all want to do? Could I go run back onto the track to get some, get that gold bag? Although it's watching. Yeah. So you all reconvene the Dougie immediately darts off back onto the track. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Natty would go up to Giggie and like raise him up overhead and like be cheering about how good he did. Everything like that. I want to comfort Elon Hill. How's that go? Elon Hill. You won in my heart and I tell you what here eat this. That evil cactus. I have cut it up and now you can cut off the thorns and now you can eat it. That's not the front end you're talking to. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Elon Hill. You sneaky sneaky. What about Tove? What's Tove doing? He has sunk further and further into the quicksand with Terry. Yeah. Just thumbs up as he goes down into the quicksand. Seeing SOS by Abba as we go sink down. No, I would have taken Terry to the stables and would have been cleaning the mud off of Terry and giving him a pep talk. You did a good job, Terry. Don't let him get you down. Very nice. Very nice. I feel like worm horses would like the mud. Well, then I put more mud on him. How about that? You are a super trooper. Racer X pulls up as well and dismounts from his verma staying. I guess Doug has run off, Tove is off. So Racer X would address Gunther and Natty at this point and just kind of shake his head. I would have won if you hadn't played dirty. He did not play dirty. I nothing played dirty except for someone who threw trash. Yeah, now who did that? I guess we'll never find out. Natty would reach out to shake his hand anyways because she's a good sport. The racer would reach out to shake Natty's hand as well and say, I'm Sheldon. Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon. Hello, Sheldon. Is this your first time here at my uncle's place? Yes, Iris's nephew. Who? Iris is the person that was keeping the horses and running the batting. Oh. They mentioned that their nephew is a racer. Oh, okay. I'm going to give Blaine my inspiration dice. Did I have ever remembering that? There's something about them looking familiar though, but I don't know if we've ever met them or so just because they look like Iris. Sheldon bears a striking resemblance to Iris now that you're put it together. Really, really looks like a younger version of Iris. We'll say Doug, you picked up the gold on the track. Okay. Hey, Natty. I know you came into some bad luck recently, so here you go and Doug hands half of the gold that he found on the track over the batting. Oh, wow. 11 each then. Oh. Can I approach the group? Yeah, yeah. I think as you're approaching, I'll let you say everything here in a second. Sheldon will say, Head over to my uncle, Iris, and he'll give you your winnings. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to put Block Splitter back up. And he takes his firm astang, turns him around back in the direction of the stables. Oh, okay. Do you want to see her emerge? We heard a scream. Maybe that was just like the starting bell. Yeah, that's just how they start them. They just go, oh, they start with a human sacrifice. I'm going to join the group. But as I'm passing Sheldon, I say, hey, Sheldon, good to see you. Bazinga. He's waiting. He's waiting for a reference. Nice. Nice. Let's go over to Iris and then we maybe can investigate what the scream was. All right. Yeah. You all head back over to Iris's booth. He says, oh, that was a good race. You did very well. Iris, were you throwing things into the track? Be honest. No, never. That was probably the spectators. They can get so boisterous here. Can I take a vibe check on that? Yeah, make that insight check. 10. You believe he is not hiding anything. Can I approach Iris? Yeah. Say, Iris, we're not very familiar with this location. Is it kind of a rough and tumble place because we may have heard some sort of act of violence at the start of the race and it's very concerning? Oh, I heard that too. It sounded like it came from the top of the cragutus. I think we should go check that out. Someone might be in hurt or in danger. The cragutus is just a local attraction, right? Is a monument. Like that big castle thing. Yeah, I knew what it was to look like, but I was like, its function is it's just a tourist place, right? Do people live in it now? Yes, it's a popular attraction. Meta-wise, he mentioned last episode that you all could ride a lift up to the top. But is it like the Eiffel Tower that's just to go look at? Or is it like the London Tower where prisoners used to be in it? Eiffel Tower? Yeah, okay. So it's just something pretty. Yes, it's beautiful. Well-known. It probably built it in the middle of nowhere to just attract tourists and stuff, right? That's my, yeah. So just as a reminder, now that we're done and the way this conversation is going, I just want to remind everyone of the general landmarks in the area here that way were refreshed. So there's the cragutus, which is a cactus-shaped boulder that's the size of a castle. It looks like it's almost has stained glass on the outside, and there are lifts to the top, which was also described to you by Iris. There's also an aqueduct of some kind. It appears to be like a constructed channel of water flowing from the direction of Endridge Bay, with a stone bridge crossing it that kind of seems to flow into the cragutus itself. And there's also the racetrack that runs around the cragutus across the aqueduct. And there's this boost that Iris is in with a sign that reads, place bets here, no magic, and the wooden corral of worm-looking horses. Their spectator stands just past the boost. And that's it. Well, I feel like, as team leader, since it's checking my nipples. As team leader, I suggest we settle our bets and then head up to the cragutus to investigate what's going on. Why are we here? Why are we at the Solis Thigh? Heading back from Endridge Bay. That's right. We're passing through. Okay. You're heading back to Fort Endridge. Which means just like we're supposed to always, we get distracted by just random stuff. That is interesting to us. Exactly. Can't avoid betting on horse races, you know. No, definitely not. How much had you bet, Natty? Five. So Iris counts out five gold pieces and hands them over to Natty. Here you go. Wait, all I got back was what I bet. Oh, 10 gold pieces, you're right. Five and then five. Yeah, 10 gold pieces. Congratulations, winner. Okay. I give all 10 to Tolst. Oh, that's just so kind of you. You know, this guy's got a pretty sweet deal because he gets, you only get 50 earnings, but everyone bets. So like, yeah, the house always wins. The house really wins. Listen, casinos in Vegas didn't get built because they give you money, right? Exactly. Why don't you walk into a casino in Vegas? It's not because they're giving money away, right? All that opulence, you see? I want to go to Vegas with Chris so we can pick fights with all of the the pit manager guys. No way. Let's have no way. Oh, Chris got his legs broken again. Dang it. Should we already go save that person? Chris is counting cards again. One, two, three, four. I head to the crag. This. Yeah, let's go. I think that is a great idea. Got your money. Let's head up. As we walk away, Gigi goes up to Iris and holds out his hand like he's supposed to win. Oh, wait, didn't you get double if you, if you raced? Yeah, you do get a little extra. There is a bonus for racing as well. So there is a little bit of money set aside for Gigi here. I figure you're just going to give him like candy or something. So you have to win. Go to the rider, half go to the better. So I'll give it as a bonus to Gigi. We'll give an additional two gold pieces of winnings over to Gigi as acting as the rider. And he immediately puts those in his mouth and eats them. Savings account. That's not going to come out very well. Oh, you invest and then it will grow. Pay off in dividends. Oh, he made a deposit. All right. Yeah, the payoff and flubber. Okay. You guys head over to the crack to switch. As I said, is a cactus shape boulder the size of a castle and it appears like stained glass. And in one direction, I think in the last episode, I was pointed out to you that there were a lifts that you could pay to get up to the top. What if we don't take a lift? You want to try to free solo this? Probably. Oh, I just didn't know if there's stairs, you know. No, no, no, it's a huge boulder. You'd have to, you'd have to rock climb up. Make a investigation check for me, Natty. Oh, that's not going to go well. Except I rolled a Nat 20. Ooh. With a modifier of plus one. So 21. Gustavo. If you had to estimate, you'd guess that the cactus is probably about 100 feet high. Cool. How many people fit in one lift? Like is it one person per lift or could a whole group of us fit? Three people, one bugbear. It's one person per lift seat. It's like a little seat that takes you up. You know, like a ski lift, it's kind of like on a track that goes around, but each individual little seat is just for one person. It's just those chairs attached to some elastic cords and you sit in and just launches you up to the top. There's a type of ski lift that is individual person and it looks like a little t-bar. And you have to like put it in between your legs and like the t goes around like the back of your legs. Those which stress me out so much as a kid trying to get one of those. Yeah. That is exactly what I had in my head. I didn't know how to describe it adequately. I'm glad you did Barbara because that's exactly what I was interested in. Exist. That's how Barbara got to school every day through the snow. Honestly, because we could do some like snow sports in California where I grew up because we had the mountains out there. It wasn't the getting on the ski lift that always got me. It's when you get off to dismount because you're like if you're snowboarding, this is because I would go snowboarding. One foot's not in the board. And so you have to kind of like get off and keep going as you get off the thing and don't fall there and be where everyone else is getting off the ski lift because it just keeps moving. And so more people are coming in a second that need to get off the ski lift. How much is it per person per lift? It is one gold per seat. I'm pretty flush with cash. I'll pay for everybody. Dang. As you walk up, it's just like how Iris described. There is a tiny cactus with a mouth for a coin slot and a little sign by it that says one gold piece. I'll put in I guess five at this point. Does Giggie need one or can they can children ride for free? Giggie can sit in Natty's lap. Okay. Four gold pieces. Actually, Giggie goes in Natty's wig. Oh, okay. Even better. He's getting a little big for that. He may not be able to do that much longer. Yeah. My neck hurts. I feel like I'm a little embarrassed that I might not be able to get on this very gracefully. So I just don't want you guys watching Doug. That's fine. That's okay. Doug, that is a great question. I was about to ask what order is everyone getting on? So I'm going to write Doug last. I'll go first. I'll go next. I'll go third with kind of a loose handout in case Doug needs it, you know, to support them. Well, also respectfully not watching because they asked. I had a friend that it was he was a very large football player in like high school and we went to Six Fives Magic Mountain and there were a couple of rides that the over bar things. He was too tall and big for it. Like they couldn't click so he couldn't ride the ride. Incidentally unrelated to anything else. I typed everyone's names in on my computer to keep track of the order. Everyone's going in. Gunther is the only name at auto capitalize. Is it because it's the only like, like name? Yeah, it doesn't recognize everybody else. Maybe. Yeah. Because Doug is not a typically named told is not a typical like English name. And Natty's not a way of describing whether a person's on steroids or not. That's what I'm saying. That's the only thing I could think of. Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah. It's are you Natty? Is it do you do naturally? Oh, I didn't know that either. Yeah, I'm not. I'm Natty. What? What if Gus was taking steroids? What if this was the result of the state? We just don't know because we just see him on a webcast. I always remember Gus had abs. Every time I saw him, he had abs. It's like a, yeah, it's a no. Not anymore. Not anymore. Natty, you are up 12, you know, pays the one goal for you and the lift comes around with the seat. Go ahead and make me a strength check to see if you're able to successfully get on the lift. Uh-oh. Doug's nightmare 12. What is my strength modifier plus one 13. Yeah, you go to hop onto the lift. You grab onto the bar, but you can't quite manage it and you slip off and the lift continues going without you. Uh-oh. Does that count? Could like, Gaggy reach out his little hand and grab onto it and just drag you up. Actually, what if now I never mind? Oh, I could fly a little bit. You can? Yeah, that was an update from the last time they love. Like a little bit. An update. Yeah. New Natty DLC. Yeah. The new patch. The new Natty patch. Elemental gift as a bonus action three times per long rest. You can give yourself a flying speed of 30 feet that lasts for 10 minutes. Can Natty fly to the thing and try again? So here's the thing I'm thinking. You didn't go in the direction I was expecting. Natty could also just fly to the top. You said 100 feet was how tall it was. Right. But I want to ride the ride. Yeah. The flying speed is 30 feet for 10 minutes. So Natty would just have to spend 18 seconds. You know how your walking speed determines in a battle how far you can go. It's not how far Toll's can walk until you can't walk anymore. Toll's only got 30 feet out of entered entrance for the entrance. So you want to try to get back on the lift. Okay. So let me describe the way it works. It's kind of like how Barbara said how it's a T. When you pay the gold, the T opens up and then once you're not on it, it goes if the seat folds back up into just a bar. So in order to try to get another shot, you have to pay another gold for it to open up and accept another but. I'll fly up. Okay. Toll's already was very generous with paying it and Natty's low on funds. So I'll just fly up. But I'll fly up like right in front of us. It looks like I'm using it. Yeah. I was going to say like where everyone thinks you're using it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm just like hovering in front of it. Why do I imagine when Natty flies though, it's just a T pose. She just like dragging an asset and Photoshop, you know, like a magneto and days of future pass when he, when he just lifts himself up. Instead of a cape, it's just her wig. Yeah. All right. Gunther, it's your turn to try to get on. Make me a strength check. Nat 20 for 19. All right. Nat 20 for a twi- 19. Do you grab onto the lift and manage to plant your butt firmly in it? And the lift takes you up. It's slowly taking you up to the top of Cractus. And next up is Toll's. Why don't you make me that strength check Toll's? You bet. Also, they're not very compliant with accessibility laws. I'm pretty sure. But you know, that's an adventure for another time. No, I'm not not compliant at all. They need some help with that. 12. All right. No. You try to grab on, put your hands down. Maybe your hands sweaty or something on it. You can't get a good grip on it and slide right off of the lift. All right. I will take another gold and I will hang it. All right. Yeah. You put another gold in the cactus and the next chair opens up into a T and you can try again to sit on it. Make another strength check. Hey, Doug, watch this. Wow. Somehow that's even worse than before. Just what you roll? It's been a phase. Roll to 10. 10. Roll to 10. And you once again slide off narrowly avoiding the seat hitting you in the head. All right. Third time's a charm. Here we go. One more gold piece for the house. 13. This place is a tourist trap. Toll's, maybe you know, you keep trying to show off for Doug or show him how it's done. Maybe you need to focus on on yourself because once again, you fail to really get a good seat and fall off the lift. Hey, another gold piece. That's your strength modifier. Aren't you a heart variant? Plus three. If I rage, maybe I can do it. You would rage at this point. Yeah. Yeah. After three failures. 14. This is really infuriating. Toll. Once again, you try to grab on and you you you slide off. We'll say this time the bar does kind of bop you on the head a little bit. One more gold piece. Rolling it again. Fifth time's a charm. 12. I'm just gonna, I already know the answer. Skipping this one. The vibes off rolling again. 14. Another one. This is the one. Here we go. Come on, dude. Five. So seven. Oh my god. He's rolling it again. I like to imagine Doug is just here waiting as Toll is just coin, coin, coin. Falling coin, falling head. Yeah. Over and over. Just smack, smack. Gus, I rolled a net 20. Eighth time is the charm. It takes eight gold, but Toll finally does it. Doug, this really boosts your confidence. No matter what happens to you, you cannot look nearly as foolish as Toll. It's fine to do it. It's good. Especially with no one behind me watching. Right. So yeah, Toll, you finally get the hang of it after eight tries and you managed to hold on to the lift and it takes you up. Doug, this really does inspire you. So why don't you make me a strength check with advantage? Oh wait, how is this gonna work? Toll, since you went up, did you leave a gold for Doug? I have plenty of gold. Yeah. I was just trying to be nice by paying for everyone's entrance, not knowing who's going to take me eight tries. Okay. Can you take me higher? All right, Doug, go ahead and make a strength check to see if you, with advantage since you've seen how not to do it. Okay. That was first one was a four and the next one, next one was an 11. Oh no. Even with that guidance, yeah, you're not able to quite do it. Maybe like your fur kind of slips off of the handle and you're not able to get a good grip on it. I'm trying to see if I have anything that could help me in this situation that would give me some type of advantage. That's a very, a very Doug approach, analyzing the situation, seeing what's available. He just finds an off switch near the thing to just like stop the ride and then get on and turn it back on again. Yeah. I'm like, can I cast warding bond on this thing? Okay. I'll just, I'll just try again. There's one gold. Oh, 17. Oh, okay. Yeah. On the second, second try is the charm for you. You're able to successfully grab on and write the lift with all of your friends. I can't imagine that the checks for actually climbing this could have been harder than getting into the chairs. Listen, I feel like it's accurate for how hard these things are actually are to get on. I know we just had that conversation about it. I like that before we did it. You set the stage for this Barbara and how difficult this could be. It really put in everyone's mind. Yeah, it's very stressful. You all take the slow leisurely ride on the lifts once you're on up to the top of the crag. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? But with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers, a network of 130 million of them. In fact, you can even target buyers by job title, industry, company, seniority skills. And did I say job title? See how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a free $250 credit for the next one. Get started at linkedin.com slash campaign terms and conditions apply. An all new season of the secret lives of Mormon wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus. Mom talk has just been blowing up. Whitney and Jen are on Dancing with the Stars. Taylor is a bachelorette. Saying that out loud is crazy. That is huge. But all the cool opportunities could pull us apart. It's causing issues in everyone's marriage. My whole world is falling apart right now. It's chaos. Today, we spent our childhoods as working actors, appearing in shows like growing pains in films like Mr. Mom. And our podcast, Weird Kids, we're diving deep into our unique upbringings, our friendship with each other, and all the delightfully odd interests we still carry with us today. In each episode, we get to share stories of our youth, the things that bring us joy, the problems that we face, and occasionally the friends we've collected along the way. If you're a misfit, an outcast, or just a weirdo who loves all things nostalgic and unconventional, come take a seat at our table. Each week, we'll be releasing previously members-only episodes on YouTube and all major podcast platforms, with new episodes dropping exclusively and ad-free on Beacon.tv. After just a couple of minutes, use this mount. Don't worry, I won't make you make a check for that. Thank God. It's a DC-20 check. Otherwise, you go all the way back down. Yeah, I'm riding it. I'm sleeping on it. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. You dismount on the top of the crag. Just like I said, you're about 100 feet higher than you were before, and you look around and you can see miles in every direction. It's a really beautiful view. Up on top of the crag, just along with you, you see a goat that appears to be asleep. Hooper? Oh. Barney? Sorry. You heard goat and you turned immediately into Barney. Hoofners. He's been here the whole time. Before we wake this goat, do I see any signs of like broken glass or anything that may have had to have done with what we heard at the start of the race? I tell you, this is going to be weird, but I want you first of all to make me a perception check. Okay. The goat could have been the screen. Or it could have bucked someone off of the top of the thing, 18 on perception. Okay. Now make me a nature check. I am fun with nature. That is a pin. Yeah. You look around trying to find what could possibly have been the source of the screen and you consider the goat for a second and, you know, it looks pretty patchy. Must be tired if it's asleep. It hasn't heard you all. And it seems almost like it's surrounded by a flickering aura of dark light. And it kind of draws your attention. And as you look at the goat more, you think maybe the screen you heard was a goat screaming. So we didn't see anything related to the screen. It was just we heard the audible scream from the top of the tower. The crag. Yes. The crag. It's part of that. It's got a dark aura. An aura of dark light. Dark light. Hmm. It's a haunted goat. Could could Nettie like investigate or or check on that dark light or as a spillcaster to see if like is the magic that she's familiar with or if like any bad vibes are getting from it. Yeah. You want to make like an arcana check? Yeah. Plus one to our conna with a natural one. That's a two, Gus. Maybe someone can install black lights here. Yeah. I don't know. Well everybody, it seems safe to me. Go ahead and approach it. I check my shield. Is my shield doing anything strange? No, seems not reacting at all. Okay. Which number sibling is it? I told you, you know, you know, I we could have just I could have just shut up. I was just curious. I mean, they could be they bitch is Robots as people, but maybe like sibling number five was made to go. Maybe I'm like a beast wars guy, you know, I can transform into like a four. Yeah. Man. So we don't really know much about this creature. Just seems like a patchy goat that is asleep. Get in there, Doug. You got some investigative powers. I tried to read thoughts. So you think about anything? Yeah. Of all the things that I thought you're going to do. That was not a list of them. I like to keep you on your toes. I love it. I love it. What's this goat thing? Get 12 of them. Well, how does that work exactly? Can you read to me what it says for the read thoughts? Absolutely. I target one creature I could see within 30 feet of myself and you detect with the sense thought option. You learn what is most on the target's mind right now. If the target doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic, I learned nothing. OK. Yeah. You concentrate on the goat and use your mind reading powers and you sense frustration and unhappiness. You see from the goat's perspective people yelling at it and taking it and leaving it here on top of the practice. Oh, I don't like that at all. I feel like this goat has not been treated good. Oh no. Has it been bullied? I think it has been bullied. Maybe we should go talk to him and maybe take him under our wing or something like that or at least help him back down. Yeah, we don't want to bully the Billy goat. Oh, I see what you're doing. Nice head up. I was wondering what is that stupid grin you were wearing? Yeah, I had no idea. I had no idea. Bully the Billy. It's like why are you smiling while you say that? Can we approach the Goody? Absolutely. I think he's safe to approach. Just be kind to him. Hello, little Billy goat. The goat's eyes blink and it looks startled for a second as it sees you and stands up and it asks, yeah, who are you? Oh, I am Gunther and these are my friends. Dr. No, it looks around, who regards all of you and says, were you sent by the bedrock? No, we're nice to goats. I don't want to bully you. What's the bedrock? I was sent here as a sacrifice to the bedrock. Oh, you're doing a great job of a goat voice, Gus. I got to say. I hope we don't re-recast that because I think Gus is doing a great job of this voice. I'm impressed. I'm always impressed. You are a man of many talents. It was not my fault, but they blame me for everything. Like what, what do they blame you for? And who's day? Failed crops. I was sent here as punishment. I carry the sins of all. You're a whipping goat? Something would say escape goat. That's nanny laughing. Not John, just Nat. That happens every time I introduce myself. So what are they sacrificing you to? Is there like some sort of monster or dragon or deity that you're supposed to be appeasing? Yes, the bedrock. What's the bedrock? I asked that question. What's the bedrock? What is that? She is a God. And what happens if there is no sacrifice from you? I don't know. Hopefully nothing. That's what I think. Is that why you got bad like you got bad aura around you like a dark aura? Is that like all the sins or something? Yeah, everyone in the community puts their sins on me and casts me out to sacrifice me and purge their sins. Oh God, this is Jesus goat. Oh no. You know what? I don't think that. And a cactus is like a cross a little bit. Oh my God. I was going to say that. Micah, what are you doing here Micah? I approach. Some people would say Jesus is the goat, you know? Take inspiration, die. Hey! This is not, this isn't me doing any religious commentary, but this is me comforting the goat and saying I don't think that you should be the one to blame for some people's misfortunes. So I for one think that you should not be sacrificed. You seem like a decent being and you should have a second chance. You shouldn't be shouldering the blame of a bunch of other people. Thank you, but maybe I did it. No, what? What did you do? Oh my God, did you do it? Oh no, I'm just, you don't know me. That's all. Maybe, maybe I did. Can I do a vibe check? Yeah, make an insight check. Goats weird. 16. You think that this is a complicated goat? You think that maybe the sins that have been placed on it are affecting it? You know, this, this dark aura. Oh, it's okay. It's like a kind of a, It's like he's holding a ring that he's got to take to a mountain to get rid of. Can we put the sins onto something else? Like this hat and got there holds up his eelskin hat. I forgot about that. Have you has gone through and wearing that this whole time? No, but he's had it. He sometimes puts it on in moments of privacy when he wants to feel special. No, I cannot transfer them. It has all been put on me. This is my life. It's those mages down there who put me up here. They're over there by the aqueduct. And he kind of moshed with his head down towards the base of the cragdis, which in the direction that aqueduct you saw before you came up. Maybe we should go talk to the mages and release this poor goat. You come with us. What's your username? Scapegoat. Scapegoat. No, not like scapegoat. Scapegoat. Close enough. No, I cannot ride on the lift. Neither can we. Why don't you go talk to the sorcerists and see if you can convince them to take me down? I agree with that. Do I have like the context that maybe are these related to like, was it was it mother abbey? Who was it was the mage lady? Campaign one, I think. No, no, you're right. You're right. That was that was a, oh God, we met them. They were like the priests. Yeah, they were at the. They came with the chess, precess chess. Yeah. Do you think of the related? Thank you, Barbara. Making religion check. Okay. That's not bad. 16. This doesn't seem like it would be related to you based on your knowledge. Okay. Okay. I think we will have a word with these mages and see if we can lighten your load, Mr. Scape goat or if not a word, then a sword. Perhaps I can offer assistance with the sword. Okay. How's show? The goat begins, you know, you ever see a goat eat something, you know, that really exaggerated chew like when you're grinding up. Plant material starts like doing that with its mouth, like chewing on something and then it spits something out at your feet. Gunther. Oh, okay. Pick it up and inspect. Yeah. Looks like a tooth. That's one of my teeth. You can craft it to a weapon. Oh my goodness. Oh, are you like an inventor of some sort? No, I'm just afflicted and much like the goat, this tooth also has that flickering aura of dark light about it. A cursed tooth. Thank you very much, Mr. Mr. Mrs. or just scapegoat. Thank you. Whatever. Is there anything else of interest at the top of this crag disc? You know, you can see in every direction, if you wanted to, you could like look into other directions or you just head back down. We'll probably come back up here to talk to scapegoats. So I don't know. John Barb, you guys, I don't know if you guys want to talk to goat anymore or look around. I don't want to speak for you all, but I think I'd be good to ride the dreaded lift back down. Oh, we got to come back up. Yeah. One last thing that'll help you in dealing with the sorcerists, the scapegoat kind of gets a little closer to you for there's a secret entrance to the crag disc. If you follow the aqueduct in, you can enter the inside of the crag disc. That's cool. So would it be advantageous for us to use that entrance to then go to the aqueduct that way? Or should we go to the aqueduct the front way and get down off of this crag disc first? Get down first and go to the aqueduct and enter crag disc that way. Okay. Are these sorcerists anything that they do not like? Goats apparently. I don't know what they don't like, but they believe sleep to be sacred. Sleep to be sacred? Yes. I mean, yes. Sorry. Yes. Like just like normal, like a nap or like a like the forever kind of sleep. Nap, dreaming. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bye-bye. Okay. Bye-bye. But I want to, I want to seal this, you know, promise in keeping with your culture in Toll wants to bonk the Billy Goats head with his own. That's cool. Oh yeah. Let's make a pro strength rules. Okay. 18. Nice. Eight. Okay. Yeah. You butt heads with scapegoats and you managed to push it back just a little bit. It falls off the ledge. Very good. Oh, crap. We're going to do our best to get your situation figured out, Mr. scapegoat. Thank you. You all heading down. What's the move here? A leader. That's me. Yeah. Why don't I gather everybody around for a little bit of like a strategy meeting? Okay. All right. So we're going to go and meet up with the sorceresses and they clearly are the religious type and they clearly have customs here that they might be following that they think that they're doing this for the good of everybody. So we got to do this diplomatic like, okay? Okay. We are visitors in other people's lands and there's other customs here. Okay. Respect. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So who here should be leading the discussion on talking with these sorceresses? That's a great question. I know a lot about different religions and ways of life just from, you know, my readings and studies. But the only thing is I'm not very good at talking to people. So. Well, Doug, do you know how you get better at that? Oh, Natty. Don't say talking to people. You have to talk to people. You know, it's practice. It's something you can't get. It's one of them things you're going to learn this is that there's some things that book learning can't actually teach you. Yeah. I've had, I have read things about exposure therapy as well. All right. I think this is perfect. And just know, just know that all of us back here, me and Tove and Gunther and Gigi and Gambot, and I think Captain Grumbles is still here. He might just be a pile of bones somewhere at this point. He's there. He's there. He's there. Okay. We're all here to back you up. Okay. Yes. Look at this charisma team. Wow. Look at us all. We will beat the muscle. Well, I was thinking more like we'd be emotional support for our friend here because we're not trying to intimidate people. I'm glad I brought this up because Gunther, that's why I wanted to talk about this. This is a diplomatic situation. Yes. This ain't no like a bullying situation. Yes. I kind of saw that coming from a mile away. I was like, I think we're on the same page, but I think that this, this whole group meeting specifically for one person. And yeah, you just confirmed it is a practical term. Gunther nods and winks. Yeah. I don't think he's understanding now, D. He started brandishing his sword. Yeah. Slicing his throat with a skinger. Okay. Okay. Then we've got our game plan. Doug, you're going to be the talk and Tof, you watch that frog. Okay. You don't let that frog do anything. Okay. You got it. You got it. That's your, that's your responsibility. Okay. Let me out. Let me out. Not to mess this up, Gunther. I mean, it might be a good distraction if we need it. But everybody's job is to be sending Doug good vibes. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Oh, I don't like him. Natty shuffles Doug forward to have us all head towards the aqueducts. Okay. You walk over in the direction of the aqueduct and it's a constructed channel of water flowing from Andridge Bay. There's a stone bridge that crosses the water and there's a couple of what appear to be mages near the bank. I know it's the guys. I don't know. I mean, yeah, probably, I mean, it does might be like the welcoming party. Like we're probably on the outside of something where there's people on the inside. Do we like talk about the game plan? Like are we telling them about the goal? That's a good question. I would say until we get to maybe someone in charge, our goal is to try to get to someone in charge and let them know that we want audience with them. Hello. One of the sorcerists is drawing a pail of water out of the aqueduct. When it hears you say, hello, it kind of like jumps and drops its pail and turns around. Who are you? My name is Boon and here with me are my adventure friends. We got that creepy guy over there waving a used toll. Dental giant over there. And then that little guy over there. He might need to go boom boom. So that's true. That was that noise. And then right over there is Nady. Nady. Very friendly, very beautiful. Hello. Whoa. What are you doing here? We're looking for your supervisor. Well, Flynn's not available right now. Maybe you can leave a message and we'll pass it on. Flynn. Well. No, I didn't say Flynn. You said Flynn. Well, it's funny because Flynn and I actually go way back. And so if Flynn is, you know, somewhere inside, he wouldn't be surprised to see me. He would be excited. So maybe you should just. Inside? Inside what? Well, I mean, because I know Flynn, I know there happens to be an aqueduct right here that will allow us to go inside and up to crag this. How do you know Flynn? Well, here's how I know him. I will spend thoughts. Just just sorry. There's an audio podcast. I am putting my hands to my head and pointing as though I am sending my brain out in order to determine their use telepathy. Rethoughts. Well, technically, if we're being accurate, I think I could only use that once per long rest. You used it on a goat. I did. You used it on the goat. I did. I did. But it gave you good insight. It's true. Yeah. Okay. Well, he asked the question. How do you know Flynn? Okay. Well, yeah, me and Flynn, we go way back. You know, we used to talk about how sleep is sacred. Very good. There's the spirit. We always bond over our love of sleep. They called them the lazy boys. Oh, did you kick your feet up with Flynn? Absolutely. Yeah. You know, I've ever seen Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. You know how the grandparents kind of sleep like that? Kind of like a shark in the bed. That's kind of like me and Flynn. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I bet Flynn will be excited to see you then. Perfect. Well, we will be on our way just after Natti chimes in. You said Flynn's not here right now and you could take a message, but maybe we go find him or them wherever they're at. Are they at like the local water hole? Are they on an errand? Are they at home or something like that? They'd understand if we stopped by. Flynn is currently at headquarters attempting to connect with the bedrock. Oh, oh, that sounds so. I've always been interested in learning more about the bedrock. They sound like such an interesting deity. Where might that be? Is there like a local temple that you guys do that at? Make a persuasion check, I guess, Natti. I have advantage on those. Where's my modifier? That's still a pretty good roll. That's 17. 17, that's pretty good. Oh, yeah. Flynn, you just have to follow the secret entrance in the aqueduct. And then the sorceress like stops and kind of like puts their hand in their face. Oh, no, not again. Don't feel bad. I think someone who's honest and nice is a good person. And you should be very proud of yourself. The sorceress like's shoulders are slumped and turns around and says, I was spilled the beans every time. I'm going to go take a nap. I'm going to sleep this off. I think Flynn would really appreciate you being so honest to friends of his. Thank you. I'm going to go take a nap. The sorceress turns around and walks away and finds like a little patch of grass alongside of the aqueduct and mats it down and lays down. Like a dog? Like does little circles to mat it down or something? Similar. Kind of match it down. Like you can't just like lay down at a bunch of grass. It's I've got to like lay down, make a little crazy person would do that. What you got to do is do little circles around the grass. You got to make sure there's no snakes. All right. Well, shall we go inside everyone? Yes, let us. Yes. But before we do 10 out to 10 performance dog, very good socialization. You're doing so good. Like a pro. My confidence definitely has increased by at least 0.6%. Scrawling moment and you have gained one eighth your size. I might not be able to fit into the awkwardness now. Do we know where the entrance is? Gustavo. Is it like just in it? Like the water? I think Chris, the way you described it is probably most accurate based on the information you have so far. Just follow the flow of the water. Like enter the water and the water leads you in. Okay. Like a ride. I feel like we should maybe have hopefully the way just because he's the most familiar with water and might be able to sense kind of where to go inside. Do I'm also very spend lots of time underwater. That is true. I forgot you are a frog. You're a desert frog. Don't even say that. Yeah. What do you guys say? You've been doing nothing but talking about how water is so rare and sacred. He's especially that's how I know how much to swim in it. The good thing about gondolating the way is if he does his voice from under the water we'll hear the bass of leading the way. Gunther, can you breathe under water? No, but I can hold my breath very long. Oh, don't you answer my question. That's all I needed. No, thank you. I can breathe under water. Okay. As leader of the truth, I shall make an executive decision. Tove shall take front and then we will have Gunther and then Doug you be right behind Gunther and I will take up the rear. Gunther solutes. Yes. All right. All right. Forward march. You all enter the water and realize that the awkwardness is kind of deep, you know, and is moving fairly quickly. What are all four of you make dexterity checks just to see how you're able to keep your footing and if you're able to resist the strong flow of the water? Oh, five. That's an 11. 17. My dear god, six. But did Natty give me an inspiration a while ago? I did. Can I use that Gus or was it like you need to use it in the moment? 15. I won't use mine yet. I'm going to keep the five. Well, I just made a whole hoth about being the water guy. So if I were to fail in front of Gunther, I would never hear the end of it. He'd be like, all right, Tony's over. I'd be like, are barbarian failing on a bunch of strength chair? Doug and Natty lose their balance and get swept up with the current. The water rushes them forward, knocking them into Gunther and Tove. The momentum causes everyone to spin and flail about. Soon, you all are careening down a dark underground tunnel caught up in the current, unable to see clearly. Amongst the splashes, skittery noises shuffle along the tunnel ceiling and several beady eyes leer at you from above. One after another, lizards leap from the ceiling, lunging for your face. And we're going to resolve that in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Gusting your cliffhangers. Oh my goodness. You're kind of under the cliff at this point, but yeah, same concept. Oh, no, Racer X is back. He's kissing me. Ever wondered what it would be like if the infant knights had known each other when they were babies? Well, wonder no more. The two part adventure of our special tavern tale, the infant knights, is available to listen now on our Patreon at stinkydragonpod.com. And for more toddler times, hop on over to store.stinkydragonpod.com to get your infant knights posted today. But just like your baby teeth, this poster will disappear soon. So grab your copy before October 2nd or be left crying in your little blankie. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, wherever you stream podcast and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? You can support us by becoming a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or join as a member on beacon.tv. Both give you early ad free access and a member's only discord for each platform. Looking for even more stinky content in the community perks? Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows behind the scenes content, access to the stinky dragon discord, members only live streams, stinky community events, and a shout out on the show, just like Banjo Bravo, Susan Combs, Rebello Fabio, this guy, Pizzah, Daniel ROBC. These patrons directly support the show, get ad free episodes, access to our patron only discord server, bonus content like second wind and behind the screen, and other stinky perks. Here's a sneak peek from the latest tavern tale, Infant Knights. Well, actually, when Gum Gum lands at the bottom of the tree, Gum Gum, you see some people out there. Oh no. They tried to steal my birthday present for Mudd. Do you want to maybe tell your compatriots about seeing some people out there with you? Yes, the party's already started down here. Come look. There actually might be my birthday present for you, Mudd. I invited a little bit of a performer. What? Yeah. They're like a comedian. Talk about hair a lot, though. So like, I don't really know if that's their shtick. So you all rushed to the treehouse windows, I assume, to see what Gum Gum is talking about. And as you peer down into the sun-drenched yard below, sure enough, there they are. A tiny cobalt with oversized glasses and a lizard folk whose eyes never seem to be pointing in the same direction. I wonder if we could build a ramp instead of a rope ladder. I have crutches and it doesn't really make it up there. I have a hammer. It's fine. I'll start building it. It'll be okay. Kiborg is the strongest person I know. He can pull you up. Let's get this party started. I call down to- what's doctor, pre-doctorate at him? Hey, you could just call me Doc. Okay, I call down to Doc at him and here, let's touch. They say, hey, guys, be careful down there. There's a lot of dirt that was- it was dry before, but then someone had to use the bathroom. So now it's Mudd. It's Mudd's birthday. It mustn't be him. I don't know. I'm not asking questions. Just be careful of the mud. Don't go rolling around in it. Where's gum gum? I'm rolling in it. Once again, that's stinkydragonpod.com. We are incredibly grateful for your support, which makes this show possible. Some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them. Iris and Sheldon named after Little Sector, voiced by Eric Badour at Eric Badour. From Regulation Podcast and 100% Eat. Elan Hell named after Angel Kite. Pop and Fresh named after Pop and Fresh. Terry named after Kaja. Wester named after Andreas Westerman. Block Splitter named after Block Spliter. Block Splitter? Block Splitter. This week's arrow question was submitted by Buggy52. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written eddycombos by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold and David Sarnier. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. You've ever seen those social videos where people interview little kids about series things but it's like getting them to talk about series things and be funny? Yeah. I've realized that I've heard the way Chris talks and it's in those videos. It's how kids respond to the questions. That was high. It's very similar. Chris would be great on like if we did another reboot of Kids Say the Darnest Things, he'd be great on it. 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