Welcome to Why Not Me, embracing autism and mental health worldwide, hosted by Tony Mantor. Broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories. Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears. These real life journeys inspire, connect and remind you that you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, unwavering acceptance and profound understanding of autism and mental health. Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. Joining us today is Stephen Seidel, founder of the Seidel Agency and a TEDx speaker who transformed personal loss into a mission to inspire millions. Leaving behind California's fast lane, he and his family relocated to Kentucky, where he launched the Gents Journey. This powerful platform fosters authentic conversations about men's triumphs and struggles. With the loss of his mother and his passion for connection, this powerful platform was born. He joins us to share his journey from humble beginnings to building a powerhouse that's transforming lives not only across the country, but aiming for a global stage. We will cover that and more today. So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, it's my pleasure. I understand that you are an advocate for mental health for men. Can you tell us how that all started? So I relocated to Lexington. I moved to Lexington in 2020 with my wife. We met in California. I transferred my business, my family, had a one-year-old business, wife, family, the whole nine. And I was working virtually, pandemic happened, and it was a really tough time. And then my mom got diagnosed with cancer. So I became her caretaker. And so on top of all that, I was running my business from my laundry room. And it was a challenge. I didn't have anybody that I could really felt like I could turn to. So I created my own men's group to help me overcome a lot of loneliness and tough thoughts. Well, it's been said that adversity can create great things. So evidently it looks like it did for you. Absolutely. Yeah. What we go through, we grow through. Yes, absolutely. What was the transition? What did that look like? What were some of the obstacles that you were facing? Yeah, absolutely. It was probably one of the most challenging times of my life. So we transitioned. I took my entire business from California to Kentucky, my family from California to Kentucky. I had every major life event you could expect. We had a newborn one month, bought a new house. It was a new job set up, you know, new town that I'm living in. And so that's a lot of change to try and take on with not only myself, but for my family. And then taking care of a loved one, having a sick parent. I'd lost my dad basically one year earlier. Now my mom was sick. I was the last person to see my dad pass away. And now my mom had cancer and I was her caretaker. God bless that we were close enough that she could move in. So she moved in. It's just a moment where you don't know where to turn. So I didn't want to burden my wife. She had things going on and our own kids. And I didn't want to burden my friends. It was up to me to basically reconnect to what was most important to me. That's family and that's sharing stories and then rebuild. I had to rebuild those relationships and I didn't have any friends locally. So I started it online and that's when we started Jen's journey. That's a huge leap moving from California halfway across the country to Kentucky. Sure is. Yeah. Considering you don't know anyone, you don't know the area. It's a huge move. How did you find it doing it online? Was it quicker? What were some of the challenges you had to overcome? Yeah, so thanks for asking. The transition period for me, I also joined an organization that was run by the former, he was the former owner of the Philadelphia Sixers, his name is Pat Croce, called Meditation Hill Sangha. And it was a community where you would get together and share stories. And it really helped my mom when she was going through these things from a mental health perspective. And I started to see how sharing in a community and a group was really essential towards that sense of belonging. And I believe connection is your currency. When we use that, connect to our calling, to connect to our community, to connect to our companies. And that's crucial. So for me, that transition, the only opportunity that I had was, look, the world is shut down. We are disconnected. We may have some technology, but the only option that I could build right now is to find people that I want to be around that I feel could help lift me up. Because we're a product of five closest people to us. So I found my growth friends and I said, hey, guys, I need some help. I want to form a group. Are you in? And I reached out to about 10 of them and I think five joined. And at that point, that's what I needed. And so we met every week on Monday, talked about life. We talked about what does masculinity mean to you? We talked about how are we different than our own fathers? What trials are we going through? And each week we had a different topic that we went over. And it was really therapeutic because now I had a place, a safe place to share exactly what I was going through where others could empathize. Yeah, that sounds great. How long did it take for you to start seeing results and growing? Yeah. So I think as with anything, I work a lot with entrepreneurs and startups. You just need to take the first step, right? Fail forward. Action begets motivation. And so it took about a year or so. And then we saw a lot of success. So afterwards we said, Hey, I would love to start a new one. And so we reached out and started another group. And we saw that it was a little bit more challenging because certain people were in and they were out. I feel like the initial core five individuals that were in here, we were bonded and we went well beyond just knowing names or what our wife's names were. We went into the mud, no mud, no lotus. And so we were connected. And then as we started to create other groups, people were in, they were out. And so that's where we actually created a really cool tool. It's called the Journey Deck. There's so many tools out there for men, whether or not they're for your cars, whether for sports, but there's not a lot of mental health tools that can allow you to find that fitness or that emotional well-being. So we created that as a way to need to extend and that started to take shape after about a year. Where you're trying to help those with the mental health issues adjust to have better mental wellness, what type of people did you notice coming into your group? Were you seeing those with autism or bipolar, anxiety? What type of individuals did you see coming in? Yeah So getting everybody on both ends of the spectrum obviously we often talked about being on the spectrum A lot of the people who were coming to us it was all ages younger men who are gamers right They stuck in the technology and they don leave their home and they afraid to get out because the younger generation has some hesitancies towards approaching that anxiety or some of those fears that happen versus some of the baby boomers on board that maybe have a harder time expressing true emotions. I actually took this card deck here. I would take it to local fatherhood initiatives. There are people coming out of rehab. There are people that have been arrested or incarcerated. There are veterans. And so we pretty much tried to touch as many people as we could. In terms of their mental health or mental state, that wasn't anything that we were necessarily concerned about. What we wanted was to simply create a conversation where we could be eye to eye, face to face, heart to heart. We didn't have the answers, but with this card deck, we could ask the questions. So that's where we would ask questions like, who are you fighting for? Who do you have to forgive? And there was one gentleman who was tatted from head to toe and he was in and out of jail and he broke down in tears and said, I have to forgive myself. And And when somebody stands up and shows that strength and that invincibility of being vulnerable, you're inspired. You feel that. And so that's what was the main focus of what we're doing is to create a safe space for men. We continue to do that. We have a sub stack with 6,000 people from white, black, old, young, different ailments. But I feel like we all have a little bit of neuro spiciness in us. And so we honor that. What are some of the unique things that might have happened that you never thought in a million years would? Yeah, so that's a great question. In terms of just coming together with Jen's Journey and, you know, with the men's group, just opening up and sharing. I've noticed that now I could be open and I can watch America's Got Talent, which is crazy, but we love to watch America's Got Talent. I have two little girls and there's this moment where they hit the golden buzzer and it always strikes my heart. For me, I think it's the dreamer in me for these people to watch them and not be jealous or judgmental, but just celebrate their success. Just like we celebrate the success of other men and not criticize or come down on them, we're there to be advocates and champions for them. But for me, I watch America's Got Talent with my daughters and my wife. I look at her, she's crying and I'm crying. Whereas way back in the day, I may feel, look, this isn't right. I should be strong. I should not necessarily show my true emotions. But for me, it's allowed me to open up and really wear my heart on my sleeve and know that, you know, what we go through, we grow through, like I mentioned, but we go through hard things. These are all just lessons as we continue to move forward. Are these groups still just online or have you had some where it's been face to face? How is that evolving? Yeah, so we have some that are local that I built. I'm in Lexington, Kentucky. So we meet locally. We have other chapters. So my other founders were in New York, New Jersey, one in Lexington, one in California, one in Northern California. So they have other locations that they do it as well. And then we have a lot of people that are part of our groups where they actually take these cards and they facilitate groups as well. So they take the journey deck because we're all on a journey. They do the groups themselves. So, for example, there's a gentleman by the name of Walter Mendenhall, former NFL player. He runs something called the Male Mogul Initiative in Chicago. And these are inner city kids that he's teaching disciplinary, teaching them how to be wonderful, you know, children, but leaders and to act, you know, come from a place of resilience. And so he uses the card deck and has his own group there as well. Where do you find most people that join your club are from? Is it all around the world or U.S., North America? Where do they mostly come from? So we typically focus on the United States right now because we want to empower our nation to be the best that it can. You know, we are all Americans as well. We want to bring our nation together. We feature on different podcasts like yourselves. And at the end of the day, we're looking to build a better world, a better place where we can come together. If we can find a friend to have a conversation with or have the skill set that we can talk to a stranger next to us, regardless of what our political beliefs are or where we come from. if we can find that bond of friendship and connection, we've realized that it can actually bring us together and it'll hopefully bring our nation together as we move forward. So right now, we're pretty much focused in the United States. We have a couple of people in Canada and Mexico and other locations, but for the most part, it's based in America. Now that it's been going for a few years, what have you seen for evolution? How has it evolved to what it is today from what it was when you first started? Yeah, I think different individuals have different needs. So it needs to be customized. And so we have seven founding principles where we focus on family, focus, and we also focus on freedom. We have finances, we have fulfillment, and then we have fun. So there's different areas that maybe you may be a little bit more well-rounded in. And so some people may not have that fulfillment aspect. Others may not have financial aspect. So we're building out different programs and different speakers, and we bring people into our group where we can highlight these individual areas. As it changes with different demographics, like I mentioned earlier, the younger generation, generation alpha, you know, they're more susceptible of using cell phones, whereas baby boomers are more about meeting face to face, you know, having that time together. So a lot of the gentlemen in our group are fathers. We've seen that we've shifted a lot of the meanings and principles that we talk about, like what does it mean to be a great father? So we want to make sure that we embody that as we raise the next generation. So we'll focus on different tools and activities like going for a walk with your son or your daughter versus sitting them down. And sometimes they get home from school and you ask them questions. They're not going to really answer those questions because, A, they probably don't feel like it. Maybe the TV's on. There's a really cool thing that happens if you take your daughter or your son on a walk through nature and just spend that time with them. You'll notice that their guard is let down and they're more susceptible towards sharing their story. Yeah, absolutely. The more time you spend with them, the more comfortable they are. That's a great thing. Another quick little tip is if you're spending time with your family, we want to do our best to be present. So we don't have the cell phone or anything like that on board or on the table. But even just saying, wow, this was nice. Thank you for sharing that with me. Saying that to your children as you look them eye to eye is really powerful because that brings them to the present moment. And that allows you to appreciate that moment before looking back 10 years from now and saying those were the good old days. So things are transitioning. As technology hits the scene, right? There's AI. That's another tool. Oftentimes people can use tools for good or they can use them for bad. So we have various prompts that we've developed, which we did not have five years ago because ChatGPT did not exist. There's different prompts that you could potentially leverage so that you can be the best man today. And something as simple as if you want to feel like you really enjoy your office where you work, you want to make sure that it's a great place. You can literally take a picture of a ChatGPT and say, change this wall to green or find ways that you can make your space and where you're at much more supportive towards, you know, your daily life. Yeah. What about mentors? Do you have anyone that's come on that has a lot of knowledge and decided that they wanted to help others? So they decided to get into mentoring them? Yeah. Mentorship for anybody who's been successful, especially from an entrepreneurial perspective you can do it alone Imitation is the highest form of flattery but you need to have these leaders who done it before for them to teach you the principles and tools that they leveraged There a lot of great tools that we partnered up with where there's a school of greatness, there's the school of business, and there's a lot of these social media whizzes that are really creating content that relates to the younger generation, that they sometimes use the content as mentors, but we also bring in individual guests that could speak towards their experience in different fields. At the end of the day, we want to make sure, like I said before, that you're a well-rounded man. And that's why we have our locker room, which is a learning hub and social club. So social club, you get to talk, you spend time, but also a learning hub so that we can learn what we can do so that we can live at peak performance and be the best dad or best husband or best friend. In the perfect world, everyone gets along. In the real world, sometimes people will misunderstand something, not take it the way it was intended, then a disagreement arises. Have you had any of those issues? We haven't had very many of them, to be honest with you. One of the things about joining this organization, yes, we're open for you to join, but typically if somebody shows initiative, join our community, or has an expressed interest in improving their lives, usually they have a foundation or, you know, a willingness that they want to grow. And so there have been a few instances, but some of the things we talk about, I just did a video today, actually. It's on our YouTube, Jen's Journey Co., Jen's journey co about a six second shift so one of the things that we talk a lot about is pausing breathing with that six second shift i did a video online about road rage or somebody cut you off or you're at the deli line and somebody comes in front of you instead of immediately react whoa or getting upset on them taking that six second or that beat just pause and allow yourself to respond and so that you come from a place of love and you're responding and oftentimes we need to get out of our hand and into our heart and those six seconds will really allow you to have compassion or maybe just be open and realize, yeah, they're in a hurry or if they're being mean or disruptive, there's obviously something else going on in their life and it's not them, you know, what it is that you're doing. Yeah. What do you see and where do you see this going? It's been in existence for a few years now. What's your plans and goals for the next three to five years? Yeah, that's a great question. So we're working on planning a retreat right now where we can have all the men come together and we can have individual speakers for all the seven principles that I spoke about earlier. So we'll have a live retreat where we're building that as well. And then building out a lot of these local chapters. And that's where we've been identifying potential individuals so that we can have chapters and cities and hopefully throughout the United States. And obviously global will be great as well, especially with the English speaking countries. Now that we have Google translated some of these other tools, it really allows you to adapt some of the tools that we've put in place already. So at the end of the day, we're just wanting to find ways that we can impact as many men as possible. And it may shift right now that we have ai we don't know what jobs are going to be relevant in 2030 so a lot of jobs that we have right now may be different and so it speaks towards a lot of what we talk about a lot of what i talk about with leaders is connection as currency is finding that connection to yourself loving yourself and then working with your company or your cultural alignment so that you have a sense of fulfillment and then working with your consumers or your customers or your community and making sure that you're empowering them as well so when we do that you build strong relationships and you have the soft skills and then you can partner them with the hard skills of knowing AI or knowing some of these future technologies. That does sound like a pretty good plan. Things are changing pretty fast. The fact that I can talk to you here via Zoom didn't happen five years ago. And so we're trying to find ways that we can continue to adapt. We have weekly sessions where we ask, is there something that we're missing? Are there people that we should be helping? And we understand that the veterans are a huge population. You know, they come back from more from, you know, time served, there's a huge opportunity there. And we're trying to reach out, find grants and other ways that we can help them so that we have the resources for that too. Now, you mentioned that this is for mental well-being. Do you have people that are struggling with mental illness or even just daily struggles that can create anxiety, which weighs heavy on mental well-being? Yeah. So what it is, it's a community. It's friends where we get together. We want to live better, work better, and be better. And there are people that have a lot of these ailments or issues. And typically, if we identify some of those, then we would encourage them to seek professional support, whether it's a therapist or we have other organizations that we can refer them to. At the end of the day, it's meant to create a community where you feel safe. Typically, we want you to reconnect to who you are, to your purpose, to your higher calling. What are you on this earth for? What is it that God or whoever you believe in brought you here? You know, the hole in the flute that the Christ breath flows through to make that music. What's that music that you're making? And then secondly, it's rebuilding. Rebuilding those relationships. If you've been in jail, incarcerated, had a divorce, had somebody that you told off, a family member that's excommunicated, or just new friends, rebuilding that sense of community and those friendships. And that's what these meetings are for. And we want to find topics that we can talk and share and connect with. And then lastly, we want you to reclaim. Reclaim your purpose, reclaim your story, and reclaim the power. because we are all unique in our own right. And if they have certain issues, it may be, you know, like you said before, from a mental wellness perspective that somebody suffers from OCD. I personally have OCD as well. So we have a lot of these tool sets. There's something called space therapy that I do with my daughter, supporting parents' anxious childhood emotions. And there's a lot of training. It's a 10-week training course, but we have a lot of individuals that have those learned experiences. We will pass those on. We don't say that we're licensed professionals, but will help you within the context of those meetings and then give you suggestions for maybe other partners or companies that you can meet up with. You have a section on your website that's entitled shared strengths. Can you expand on how you go about showing them your strengths so they can hopefully use it to better themselves and create their strengths? Yeah, I think everybody brings their own sensibilities. And so like with this group, were all different entrepreneurs. It started with a C-suite executive coach, myself, who's a marketing expert. I run a PR and media firm, award-winning of 10 plus years. So I know about branding. I know about target audience and communicating. We have an actor and a comedian. His strengths is creating storytelling. We also had another gentleman who created a company called Cedals, where he works out in the wildlife. He's all about building communities. And so each one of us brings a different set of strengths. For me, my strength is using the gift of connection and understanding your story. So when you come in, we ask you, it's on one of these cards, what story are you telling yourself about the man that you are today? And so we work with that story because 90% of our growth is from a mental perspective, the 80-20 rule. And we want to understand that same story that may have served you as a child doesn't necessarily serve you now. Or if you're playing the victim, we need to take accountability and ownership. And so we all have our own different strengths that we present to the group. For example, going from good to great. Great. You need to be grateful, reflective, ethical, accountable, transformational. If you not willing to be transformational and want to change then you not going to ultimately change And that what they show in the first couple of meetings when we pass these cards out and we ask you questions So each one of us will all talk together We all share. You know, we have the ability to share and answer these questions. Could I ask you one of them? Yeah. Okay. So it's kind of like a magic trick. I love magic. The magic is actually in your answer. Tell me when to stop. For those listening, we're doing this over Zoom and he's going through a deck of cards. Stop. Okay, so this question, for those who may be listening, if you could thank one person that isn't alive anymore, who would it be and what would you say? Pose that question to you, Tony. In this particular case, it would not be one person, it would be two. It would be my parents, the ones who raised me. They gave me the foundation to learn and to grow, to build my career and give me what I needed in believing in myself to continue to work towards my dreams. because of them, I'm where I am today. What would be a favorite memory that you shared that you can just go right back there with your mom or your dad? The beauty of my parents is I grew up on a dairy farm. With a dairy farm, that's seven days a week, no holidays, no vacations, you work hard. They brought me up in reality, not dreaming, meaning hard work will give you an opportunity to succeed. My mother lived to four months short of 100. Both of my parents saw things in this country that will never happen again. Because of that, they gave me a foundation that was rock solid, which gave me a sense of reality, building towards my career goals, which were not common in the area that I grew up in. That's great. How would you say, you said your parents were older, how would you say your father was different than you? In today's world, my father would probably be labeled an introvert, which he wasn't. I'm more of an extroverted introvert, so to speak. He was family first, which is how I raised my kids. Many things that I look back on now, I can admire. He lived by actions speak louder than words. Because of that, I have a great foundation that I built from that will work anywhere I choose to live. Yeah, replacing judgment. We talk a lot about replacing judgment with curiosity. And so you were curious, right? We don't automatically make assumptions. We need to learn more about that. And so, yeah, thanks for sharing. I mean, for me, you mentioned your parents. So I lost my mom three years ago. That's what inspired. I did a TEDx talk called The Hidden Power of Grief. And that grief was actually teaching a moment of realization of me of pursuing my calling, which is where this men's group came out of, which is why I work with partner collectives and some of these other organizations to help children understand that they are building a legacy where they're at right now. And so my mom and I used to go to McDonald's. She always used to pick me up after a sporting match. And I would never forget those moments where I'd give her the empty bag of fries. And we all know those are the best ones anyway. But just giving her those fries and how much it enjoyed for Herdy, those fries at the bottom of the bag. For me, that was the moment. And I wrote about this about 10 years ago. And then when she passed away, I was like, that's it, man. That's what it was all about. Just being there, being present, sharing that space. That's a story that I share often. And when I cleaned out my mom's house, I found this little empty bag of fries while cleaning out our estate. I found my own fries at the bottom of the bag. And it's these moments of serendipity where it brings us back to the present moment. At the end of the day, it's all about love. Love never ends. And so that's what we're just trying to teach you in these classes. You share your story about your parents. All these cards are just about us connecting from love and sharing stories and realizing that if we stay in love and stay out of the way of false evidence appearing as real fear, we can really get to a better place. Yeah. So if you would, in closing, give us what you think is most important that you think the listeners need to hear, not only on how you started, but what you're trying to do and what you're going to continue to try and do. Yeah, thank you for asking. I mean, right now I'm working with Jen's Journey, which is my men's health collective. I also have my business, the Sidell Agency. I really want to lean in on connection. To me, connection as currency is the most important thing. We live in a diverse state where, you know, it's the left and the right. It's like if we can really connect to ourselves, to our love, get out of our head, 18 inches into our heart, that's really the place where we can find the most success. That's where abundance lives. When we're connected and we're coming from a place of love, everything comes from abundance. So for them, I would love for you to, you talked about your mom and your dad, find that love. And if you're in a fight with somebody or you're not feeling well, you're your parents that you're not getting along with, please take a moment to get over those things and realize how important they are. Tell them that you love them. If you're a man and you need some sense of, you know, a social community to support you, check out gentsjourney.co or you can check out the journey deck, which are these card decks online. But I want to share a quote that is from Rumi that I shared in my TEDx talk. Yeah, I think that would be great for everyone to hear. Goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes, because for those who love with their heart and soul, there's no such thing of separation. Everyone, our parents, our loved ones, all the people, they're here, they're surrounding with us. And so if we could stay in this present moment and honor that, find joy and happiness and share that love and gratitude and kindness, the world will be a better place. And I'd love to just do one more card. Okay. I don't have a problem with that at all. Who could use you in their corner right now? I'm going to leave that card from the Gen's Journey deck for your listeners. Take a moment to think, who could use me in their corner right now. Call them. Call them so that you can talk to them and connect. Send them a text if you're really busy or a voice note better. Whoever needs you in their corner right now, reach out. Spread that love. Yes, I think that's great. Once again, give them information on how to contact you. My name is Stephen Seidel. That's S-T-E-P-H-E-N-S-E-I-D-E-L.com or the Seidel Agency. Send me a message. I would love to connect with you and see if there's a way that I could support you and your growth because that's what I'm here to do is to do good, get back and make an impact. Yeah, well, this has been great. Great conversation, great information. I really appreciate you taking the time to join us today. Thank you so much, Tony, for the opportunity. And thank you for sharing your story about your parents. I thought that was very special. Your mom and your dad, I'm sure, are looking down and super proud of you. So thank you so much. It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone who has a story to share, tell them to contact us at whynotme.world. One last thing, spread the word about Why Not Me. Our conversations, our inspiring guests, the show, you are not alone in this world.
