My Mother-In-Law Wished Me To Die But Wife Says I Should Be Able To Trust Her? | Reading Reddit

Prime Video offers the best in entertainment. This should be fun. Jason Momoa and Dave Bautista go completely down in the hilarious new action film The Wrecking Crew. Inbegrepen by Prime. Yeah, I'm pumped. Find the new Game of Thrones series A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. Based on the bestseller of George R.R. Martin. Look by being a member of HBO Max. So be brave, be just. So whatever you want to find, Prime Video. Here you look at everything. Abonnement is revised. In-house conferencing is 18+. Allgemeene voorwaarden zijn van toepassing. we go back immediately to get my wife's wedding ring from her mom's house. So yesterday, my wife, let's call her Ruby, 21 female, went to visit her mom like she usually does on weekends. I, 22 male, work weekends outside the house, but weekdays, I'm remote, and her mom works Monday to Friday, so it's the only time they really get to see each other. No issue there. Ruby's currently on maternity leave, and her baby is due next week, so I totally get that she wants to spend time with her mum while she still can. Here's where things went off. Ruby came home in a taxi and told me she accidentally left her wedding ring at her mum's place. She took it off because it was hot and her fingers were swollen. Pregnancy stuff. I didn't get angry or anything, just asked where she left it and said, let's go back and grab it. I offered to drive her since I didn't want to wait. That's when it started getting tense. She tried explaining over the phone that her mum would keep it safe and we could pick it up tomorrow. I heard her out but I wasn't comfortable with waiting. I was polite, calm, didn't insult anyone but I insisted we go get it now. I even said I could go alone after helping her go upstairs but she didn't want that either. By the time she got home I was already waiting in the car. She got out of the taxi clearly upset and pushed me away when I tried to help her with her bag. She gave me the silent treatment while calling her mom to say we were coming back for the ring. Then she finally asked, why are you doing this? Why can't you trust her? And that's where I lost my cool a little. Not yelling or anything, but I stopped sugarcoating. I told her the truth. No, I don't trust her mum. She knows why. Her mum once lost our engagement ring during a rough patch and it magically showed up months later. This same thing happened with many other sentimental items i gave her and some of them did not ever appear back ruby insists it was just a mistake but to me there is not a reason to blindly trust my mother-in-law that wasn't the only thing either a mom has insulted me made racist comments about my background hit me once when i showed up at their place after dark at their doorstep and has never apologized for any of it i listed those things out not to throw them in her face but because ruby kept asking why i asked why does her mom get all this grace for doing things she just wished me death yesterday just because ruby was feeling sick while i was picking up her meds but i can't even state the facts without her getting upset she cried i comforted her apologized for being harsh and made it clear that i wasn't trying to attack her or her mom i was just being honest i told her i don't believe her mom would purposely throw away the ring but based on history i wasn't willing to risk it getting misplaced again. If I ever wanted to test whether things had improved, it wouldn't be with something as personal as our wedding ring. We went back. Her mum gave me the usual cold stare, but at this point, I don't care anymore. Later, Ruby and I talked. She said she understood and she forgave me, but she still felt hurt about the way it all went down. I didn't yell, I didn't insult anyone, I just acted quickly, maybe too quickly, and didn't give her time to process it. I agreed and apologized for that but I still feel down about all this as well. In my defense I just panicked a bit. I value that ring a lot and when something feels urgent I move. Rubies actually thanked me for being that way in past situations but after seeing my wife still so sad about this I'm wondering if I should have just let it go. So yeah I don't know. I feel like i did the right thing but maybe in the wrong way how do i fix this and am i the arsehole opi added an update within the same post and said quick update next day 11 p.m baby is born and he was completely safe and sound my wife and son are sleeping right now and i'm checking on baby so ruby can get some sleep she did great and apologized for everything she said she was just nervous about today wanted all of us to be okay so there wouldn't be any drama at the hospital spoiler there wasn't. I know the woman I chose to spend my life with and she's a great person. She cares about her mom as much as she cares about me but she did admit she overreacted and wanted to support me more. I know this isn't the end of the story. We already started thinking about some boundaries to make and this is just the start of our lives together. So hopefully when I come back with updates it will be good news. Good night guys. I do my best to stay up and thanks for all the advice even the sharp comments. I read all and every comment you gave me ground and confidence to get some boundaries and communicate better with my wife good night to everyone and it's one of those situations where the ring isn't the issue in itself it's just the straw that broke the camel's back as they say it's your mother-in-law has a history of losing your gifts making racist comments towards you literally hit you and is wishing you death while she was picking up a pregnant daughter's meds you know it's just not normal behavior is it there's a pattern to it that's gone on through the past and i understand that pregnancy hormones could be playing a big part of this but at the same time because of the history there as well it's making me think you know maybe it's just more than that here that the path between mother-in-law and daughter is also awful because she's constantly trying to defend mother-in-law at the same time like mother-in-law is disrespecting OP so Ruby makes excuses for it, OP sets the boundaries, then Ruby feels like guilty about it and it just keeps repeating over and over. So as they say in these stories OP also has a wife issue here because she's going to keep enabling this unless boundaries do get put in place. But the first commenter says and it must have been before that update because it says your wife is due next week. It doesn't seem like you thought about how she's feeling physically or emotionally. It's just a ring and it could have waited but more importantly you should have listened to and respected your wife's wishes. She wasn't worried about it but you couldn't let it go and stressed her out about it. Seriously man, waiting in the car. It was all about you and what you wanted. Even now you don't seem to acknowledge or realize that. Completely self-absorbed and oblivious to your wife's feelings and well-being. I hope he says yeah you're right. I still don't realize the big deal about driving 10 minutes back to her mom house It not like I didn give her any options If she was tired she could have waited at home but I not trusting mother and she already knew this Mother commoner says not the arsehole Your mother is a pain but the problem is your wife allowing her to continuously disrespect you. You need to have a serious sit-down conversation about how she's mistreated you and what you expect your wife to do about it. It's not being harsh. It's setting boundaries and asking her to put your family first. You, her and new baby. The situation will only get worse when baby comes because mother-in-law will be around even more and influencing your child. Just one item in the list you shared about how mother-in-law has mistreated you as grounds for no contact slash low contact. Your wife needs to be an adult and stop running to her mummy for every little thing. Opie says, I've tried to talk to her about this. Sadly, mother-in-law is the only close family left for her and she's always too defensive about their relationship abuse and control are some factors in their relationship so i don't expect her to heal overnight but all i ask is for some respect and the same grace she gives to mother-in-law about her fuck-ups someone says about op needs to get his wife in therapy and op says we are in therapy it's just her mother's topic that is hard to bring up i know she tries her best but i also know these things take time Someone says, why is retrieving a ring a two-person job? And honestly, I'm confused about the taxi too. You got home before her. Why not pick her up instead of her taking a taxi, since driving to her mom's evidently wasn't unreasonable? Why did the mom give you attitude when you returned? How did she know what went down? Opie replies saying, I did not know when she was coming back. I wanted to give her time with her mom more now that she won't be going there that often after the baby is born. so she just said she would call a taxi once they were done and i could sleep i haven't slept much since i was doubling at work to be okay financially to take a couple of days off to be with her at the recovery and her mom knew because my wife told her over the call that i wanted to go back and because my wife was crying and mother-in-law could tell by looking at her eyes and a commenter says i'm very concerned for your baby your mother-in-law is violent and racist your wife does not defend you. I've seen plenty of posts where a child is born and the grandparent is also racist towards the child. The child's parent of the racist in-laws still doesn't stand up for their kid. You should not allow this. Your wife is disrespecting you. She could have told you she was tired, but she would tell her mom just you were coming to pick it up. When she called her mom, she could have made it sound as if it was her who wanted you to pick up the ring. Instead, she was just mad and acted like you were a problem everyone sucks here you didn't suggest going on your own for the ring you're okay with how your wife disrespects you by allowing her mother to be violent disrespectful and racist towards your wife is rude and doesn't respect you your mother in there is an asshole for obvious reasons but you have a wife problem not a mother-in-law problem protect your baby from your wife and mother-in-law even if it means divorcing your wife and protect yourself from this. So OP does come back into the post three months later and says hey everyone it's been about three months since the original post you can find it on my profile and I figured I owed you all an update baby first because that's the best part our little guy is three months old now and thriving he was a chunky newborn and he's only getting bigger he hits 16 pounds and two feet one inch right before his two-month checkup. Healthy, happy, and smiling more every day. The mother-in-law situation, well, it's been a ride. Some ups, plenty of downs, but I've learned to manage it so I don't lose my mind. Lol. A lot of you suspected she was pawning stuff, and yep, you nailed it. My sister-in-law, 18 female, recently asked my wife Ruby for money to cover my payments on their mom's porn jewelry. We ended up lending them about 2k so they could just recover their stuff altogether it's been a month no repayment yet somehow they're always struggling even with low rent up to 1k and food stamps but that's another story i've tagged along for a few lunches at mother-in-law since ruby has started seeing through more of her mom's bs and doesn't like being alone there anymore funny thing even though we invite her to our place whenever she wants she refuses because she doesn't feel comfortable i've offered to leave the house or stay in our room so they can have privacy but nope if it's not on her terms it's nothing so gladly for me visits are way less often as i'm back at work already until my wife feels comfortable again i should be there with them the worst part is the verbal stuff mother-in-law never says it's when i'm around but when she's mad she yells at ruby and throws out nasty comments about me or even our baby she said things like our son will grow up to hit Ruby or that bad things will happen to her because of how she treats mother-in-law. It's gross. Ruby's been doing therapy and we agreed our son doesn't need to grow up hearing that. She explained the best she could to mother-in-law that visits stop when she acts like that as a baby doesn't need to be hearing all that stuff neither does she. Her response? He must be used to it already. I've behaved this way since he was in your belly. So yeah I wasn't taking her back. i see mother-in-law by her true colors but ruby got very disappointed that day so reality check passed after one particularly bad yelling match just days after we loaned them the 2000 we went low contact for a couple of weeks eventually mother-in-law showed up at our door with some of ruby's old stuff she found plushies and such in what felt like a big victim performance of how much she had to walk we live 15 minutes away walking or she could have taken the bus but okay no real apology but ruby said she kind of half-arsed apologized later so they're talking again as for child care plans because ruby's going back to work soon mother and lord offered free babysitting but that's off the table she's joked about spanking our son to correct him he wasn't even two months old when she said that and suggested giving him water in the summer whether that's ignorance ruby's take or something darker my take it's a hard no we're hiring a sitter actually my mom who does this professionally and we'll pay her because our kid deserves patience and love not someone with random anger blow-ups so for now mother-in-law still sees the baby but only supervised any more screaming and visits stop again i doubt she'll ever change therapy is for crazy people according to her so we're just keeping contact as low as ruby will allow i'll save my venting for reddit and my therapist that's pretty much it thanks to everyone who gave advice last time my mom she studied psychology and a couple of friends think mother in-law might have bipolar or borderline personality disorder but she'll never get a diagnosis because she won't set foot in therapy so whatever but now the plan is just healthy baby happy home and minimal mother-in-law so on the back of this someone said why does ruby still want to have a relationship with her mother and opie said besides her sister she's her only bio family she only wants a healthy relationship with her mom and refuses to go no contact because she is afraid mother would die with them hating each other like it happened with her dad when she was little Comments reply to that and says just keep reminding her that you and your son are her main family now and she has to put you guys first before the rest of her family. I hope you responded saying yeah she's very aware of that. She's even excited to move away now that we are planning on buying a house outside the city which I never thought she would like because of her mom. We already agreed that if things don't get better then she can visit her mom but without our son. Another commenter says please don't give her any more money to bail her out and make it clear that this was a one-time thing otherwise she's just going to keep raking up loans and expecting you to pay them off or tell her you won't lend her again until she pays off the first loan. She's never going to pay that money back. Opie says yeah if she never pays us back that's my definitive I told you so to cut any support from our side. They were already told we're not helping them any longer until they pay us back. Another commenter says, I feel bad for Ruby, but I'm glad that she's seeing her mom for what she is, a racist. I'm glad that you two are setting firm boundaries. You're doing a good job protecting your family and I hope you all continue to thrive. And another commenter says, neither of you are doing your son any favors by bringing him around this woman. He's going to grow up hearing the vile things his grandmother says about him and his father and why what on earth does your wife get from being around someone who steals from her and says hateful things and is a racist and that was kind of my take on the matter whilst you know there was good things happening like therapy and various things like that and kind of taking a couple of steps back from mother-in-law there was still you know why would you want to be around her in the first place and i know there's some enmeshment with the mother-in-law here daughter's clearly grown up with this woman so there's a lot of normalization at the same time when you really take a step back what does she bring to the relationship what does she do she's a vile person by the sounds of it she's talked about smacking the baby and giving him water and at some point there has to be a point where you just say enough is enough because this will continue like this unless she gets consequences for actions this is going to continue but what do you guys make of this situation how would you deal with it if it was you let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story now our next story comes from electric nobody six and says dumping her 26 female for failing to believe me 25 male about being sick my girlfriend and i have been together for about a year. Mostly everything is great except for one thing. If I tell her I'm sick or not feeling well or hurt, she refuses to believe me. If I have a cold, she tells me I'm faking it until it goes away and then says, see, you're fine. I'm rarely sick, so it's never been a major issue. But she has zero sympathy when I'm sick. She grew up with hypochondriac parents who were always sick with something, often self-diagnosing themselves with fatal maladies. She has limited contact with them and the time I met them, I was told by them, they didn't have long left to live. I get it, growing up in that household must have been awful. But what happened on Sunday just sent me over the edge. Girlfriend and my sister, 29 female, wanted to check out this event and we were all supposed to go. I woke up with excruciating back pain and could barely breathe. Girlfriend got so mad at me for ruining this that she wouldn't speak to me. As she was about to leave, I asked her not to leave because I thought something was wrong. She said no and left. I threw up in my bed and eventually called my parents. I was too embarrassed to call 911 and my mother and brother hauled me to the hospital. I was whisked back and after 20 minutes, I was diagnosed with kidney stones, fentanyl and gravel and I had a CT scan and then went for a procedure to bust the kidney stones. Anyone questioning whether or not to have the procedure, do it. The side effects are nothing. five hours later and i was laying on my parents sofa in a haze i've never and hope to never feel pain like that again in my life i was sure i was going to die the attendant in the er told me it's worse than childbirth and that they've had it before too i didn't text my girlfriend throughout because i really didn't have the strength or foresight i was drugged up and uncomfortable my sister found out that i've been in the emergency room and soon after my girlfriend called me she was pissed off i didn't call her and i reminded her that i begged her not to leave and i thought something was wrong she got quiet and eked out an apology i got furious and said some rather nasty things among them f off and some other unsavory things in fairness i was on dope still sore peeing blood and felt like someone had punched me in the gut standing was incredibly painful. I needed to take two days off work and school. I rested in bed and the only thing you can think is the person who should have been there didn't even believe me. She texted me this week a formal apology and wants one in return for saying nasty things to her. I've been avoiding her texts and cause. I felt like shit this week and picked up something in the ER so I laid low, took a few days off work and relaxed. She wants to meet tonight and talk about everything and I'm still so mad i don't know if i should hold off seeing her is this a big transgression as i feel like it is am i blowing this out of proportion because i felt so shitty i'm just so annoyed and angry velvet says you were right to be angry and annoyed with her she apologized accept it or don't only you can decide that it was probably a lesson for her to trust you more so it could change things in the future but where is she now shouldn't she have come and seen you immediately to take care and comfort you opie says i told her i didn't want to see her and to stay away she's taken to frequent texts and asking to talk on facetime i was pretty clear with how much i wanted her to stay away another commenter says ultimately you feel how you feel no blame there have a question though does a lack of empathy extend to everything or is it just illness like if you lost a loved one or something really bad happens besides illness does she care then if so her parents really did a number on her not caring about that would be unempathetic as well she should find someone to talk to op says she's actually pretty loving outside of this but illness zero sympathy when someone asked op if she knew how much pain he was in op says i don't know if you've ever had kidney stones i can't describe it the pain is so intense you can't move but you have to move it's so intense that I would have looked awful. The older Irish nurse I encountered said I looked ashen and had the agony shuffle. I just feel like I never complain and when I almost beg, she gets annoyed. And there was a lot of comments saying, you know, she did apologize. There's a possibility of making it up, et cetera, et cetera. Other people saying, you know, they wouldn't tolerate what she's done in this situation. I can't help, like, I'm trying to picture the scenario where he in bed He in so much pain that he himself said he could barely and she instead of you know worrying about him she got mad at him for ruining it and then she wouldn speak to him and just left and i get that she's had like a traumatic childhood around this particular thing with the hypochondriac stuff but the fact again picturing this room with these two in it and this going on and she just walked out the door when he's in that much pain is just wild to me and the apology after in itself felt a bit hollow to me you know it might be just because it's text format etc but the fact that you know she she sent an apology but there was a but in there that you have to apologize back to me as well she didn't leave it for him to make that decision i want that apology back from you and i think i would just be left with a question can you ever trust her again when you're in a vulnerable situation like that say a hypothetical situation i don't wish it on anyone of course you know he has a heart attack or something is she just gonna say that again nope you'll be all right personally i know might be a jumping statement but i would struggle to look past that but update says people wanted an update so here it is it's short i was still pretty burned after i posted here but knew we had to speak despite my protests and time we had set she was at my door when i got home and sort of popped out and scared the shit out of me she had her arms full of things chocolates a video game a card beer and dinner you guys were right a family thing meant that she just never thought people could truly be sick or they'd just have a fast onset like kidney stones. She apologized and almost wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways. She read from her phone and had typed out a lot of notes in her phone including why it was a mistake for me to dump her. I told her how upset I was and just how bad things were at the hospital and why I was mad. She kept saying she was sorry and promised to deal with her problems. She revealed she texted her therapist about what happened and they had a meeting before she met up with me. he gave her some strategies and offered advice and things to say she came with the right answers and seemed to think it's a big deal she didn't ask for an apology and dropped that subject altogether she camped out at my apartment all weekend so that i wouldn't change my mind and hung around with my friends when they came over she was apologetic all weekend and took it upon herself to take care of me to make up for when she wasn't there it was a bit strange but i didn't protest a lazy weekend as i didn't feel 100 so her laying around was fine by the end of the weekend i wasn't chapped anymore and was fine to move on with life she kept asking if we're okay i must have reassured her a quarter of a million times my brother came by randomly to bust my balls about a kidney stone and subtly try and steal beer he saw my girlfriend and busted her balls and she played along and thanked him for taking me to the hospital he attempted to get compensating from her in the form of assistance with his chores, but she danced around that. She was worried my family hates her, but I didn't really give them a full rundown, so they didn't really know how peeved I was. Things seem okay for now. I'm going to be more watchful and make sure the behavior doesn't crop up anymore, but everything seems okay. Thanks for all your advice. Commodore says this, I don't really like that she basically forced her presence upon you and didn't give you any space. Seems manipulative. opie says i could have gotten rid of her if i wanted her gone she apologized pretty thoroughly and had good objections ready in case i wanted to argue how usual is that we spend the weekend together at someone's place and this weekend it happened to be mine i preferred it that way as i could lay on my couch commenter says to op thanks for the update it sounds like she's legitimately putting an effort to get over her issues rather than just trying to appease you i'm glad things are working out political stuff says yeah i was one of her most ardent critics in the original post and i have to admit that this is about the best possible response she could have come forward with to try and salvage things it's good that she took a lot of proactive steps with reaching out to her therapist and stuff but if he stays with her he needs to make sure she follows through on getting help and therapy for her issues they were lucky it was not a life-threatening situation this time but that type of reaction could have been the difference between life and death in other circumstances and would be completely unacceptable if children were involved good first step i hope it goes well op make sure she sticks to it god yeah that last comment popped a question in my mind about you know children were involved in she had this kind of attitude towards towards the kid that's a scary thought isn't it i don't know if i'm harsh and what i'm gonna say because you know I get what she's trying to do in this situation but like that first commenter said it did feel kind of manipulative to me at the same time again this might be just me reading one too many reddit stories right so take what I say with a pinch of salt maybe a handful because it all just felt like damage control after the fact that she again ignored him literally begging her not to leave while he was unable to breathe and eventually vomiting again I keep picturing and again it's kind of projecting because it might have happened in a completely different way just picturing the scenario where she's walking out the door and he's on the bed absolutely in bits but then she shows up with a bunch of gifts and stuff which from the outside is nice but it can be seen in a different way at the same time but then taking over his entire weekend as well and and not leaving so he won't change his mind refusing to leave that's controlling that's what it is and there was tons of comments below this talking about feeling sorry for her for a childhood trauma absolutely i totally get that you can have empathy for someone who's gone through childhood trauma and it's affecting them into their adult life 100 but it still doesn't excuse what's happened to opie in this in this story for me and you know clearly they're trying which i really do wish for the best for them and i hope therapy does work out for her but one therapy session and a sorry isn't going to fix this anytime soon i think it's something that's going to be after work to be worked on over a long period because this does have the potential to repeat further down the road right again like the last commenter says especially if they have children as well that's another worry isn't it i don't know i'm gonna love to hear your thoughts on this one let us know down in the comments below. Maybe you've got a completely different opinion on the matter. Like I always say, I never think I'm right. I'm a bloody Burke behind the microphone. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here, truly. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Thank you.