Hey y'all, it's a beautiful day to bust some cognitive distortions. My name is Suzanne M. Swain, EDS, LMSW, and Educational Specialist and Child Therapist here out in rural Tennessee. So welcome back to Middle School Mary Poppins. I am so stoked that you're here today. We are going to be talking about heroes, she-ros, we-ros, what makes somebody a hero and how we should be looking to our neurodivergent kids for a few answers. So lately I've been realizing something about myself. I feel like I need a hero right now. I mean, I'm not like a superhero. Not someone fictional. I don't need caves and explosions and spandex and perfect endings and all that stuff. I need someone real. Someone wholesome and who does hard things on purpose and someone I can watch and think like, whoa, humans are incredible. And look at this example of just incredible human strength and power and perseverance. So I've been watching the Winter Olympics. Love, love. Have you all seen these people? Oh my lord. Gosh. Folks. First of all, like curling. I didn't know that was a sport. So I learned all about that. Oops. Sorry. But you know, the luge and then the skeleton, those sleds where you have to ride really close to the ground on that really fast track and go like 200 miles an hour. Imagine these folks as kids. I mean, do you think these kids were not neurodivergent for a second? Because wow, to have a kid that wants to do that and go all the way to Olympic level, they are focused on something very specific and have to get really into it. So do you think they probably got along with regular old kids? I mean, come on. So these are kids with a brighter, different set of mindsets and something that they may be focused on. So I mean, think about snowboards. They strap boards of their feet and launch themselves off mountains and they slide head first on those ice tunnels and speeds at like 200 miles an hour and just makes my stomach flip just thinking about it. I mean, but they fall and crash and but they keep getting back up and they're brave and they just keep doing it again and again and again. The winter Olympics are kind of dangerous, but they have no guarantees and nobody gets their applause till the end. And even some people will maybe not even praise them just for finishing, but they have commitment. And there's this old saying that I love. It says, you fall down nine times, but you get up 10. And that's really the whole story of heroism, isn't it? It's not fearless. It's not perfect. It's just someone who keeps choosing to be brave. I mean, even when it's uncomfortable. So made me wonder something. What if we're teaching kids what the wrong kind of hero really is potentially? What if heroes don't always stand on podiums? What if they're sitting in classrooms feeling really different because they're into something really specific or lots of different things that they don't know could be a career yet? Or wondering if they belong? I could say their life. I mean, today we're talking about heroes in plain clothes and why neurodivergent kids are probably already heroes in training. I mean, when most kids hear the word hero, they picture something big, strong, loud, brave in every visible way, the fastest, the best, the winner. I mean, listen, Olympic athletes absolutely deserve admiration. What they do is incredible. This is true. But here's the part that we don't talk about enough. I mean, they didn't become heroes on competition day. And I think we forget this sometimes. Like all of a sudden, this one heroic two minute, 50 second, whatever act, it's like that's all they've done in their whole life. Well, what about all the hard work they put in? They become heroes on the days that no one is watching, actually, which is sad we don't get to see that. But those early mornings and falling and getting up and falling and getting up and their frustration and the moment when they really want to quit and it would have been so much easier, but they got up anyway and they didn't. Heroism isn't a spotlight. Heroism is repetition. It is choosing to have discomfort on purpose because something matters more than their own personal comfort. And kids don't always see that part. They start to believe things like if I'm not winning, I'm not brave, or if I'm not loud, that I'm not strong, or if I'm different, I'm doing it wrong, or I'm not like everybody else, so I'm not good enough. Which brings me to something else I've been watching lately. I am still healing from my knee surgery after all, but doing a lot better. I've been watching Stranger Things. I know. Yes, monsters, yes, alternate dimensions, yes, kids with powers, but that's not where the real heroism is in this show, so I just want to bring this up for a second. The real heroism, I think, is from the season that someone knew, I needed somebody new, and it's Derek. And he was in Nashville at a celebrity comic-com that I couldn't attend, unfortunately, but hey, Derek, welcome, hey, Jake. But you know what? Derek's character never questions who he is. He's curious and he's awkward. He loves science and believes in facts and people. He sticks to his values even when people tease him or ignore him or underestimate him and, let's face it, call him some names. He's strong. He doesn't wake up one day and suddenly become brave. He just keeps being himself, and that's what makes him stand out. That's his superpower. And he has the power to have mind control over other kids, and he was the last one to understand what was going on with Beckness. So this kind of heroism, we don't celebrate this enough. So Derek doesn't win by overpowering anybody. He wins by speaking up and staying loyal the whole time. Hi, Steve. Trusting his instincts, refusing to shrink himself to fit in, and a lot of kids, especially neurodivergent kids, already know what that feels like. So they do have folks they can look to to be like, hey, it's okay to be this way because in the long run, you're doing the right thing, and that's hard. So neurodivergent kids are often practicing hero skills way before anyone calls them that. So I started thinking about this. They already think differently. They notice patterns that other people miss all the time. I mean, incredible patterns. They feel things very deeply. They have deep emotional sensitivity. They care intensely about fairness and truth and can become really upset when those things don't happen. They ask why when everyone else is just like, oh, okay, we're just because or they accept that. And this person wants to know more because they think on a broad to small level, not small to broad level. They critically think. And the world doesn't always reward that. In fact, they usually tell them to sit down and be quiet. Sometimes the world even says things like, you're too much or you're weird or freaky or why can't you just be normal and act like everybody else or tone it down? But here's what I want the kids to hear clearly, though. Please hear this. Turn this up. Heroes don't erase who they are to make other people comfortable. Okay. That doesn't mean to get up in people's faces or anything, but you don't want to erase. You want to enhance who they are. You enhance who you are. And then everybody starts to respect you and everyone else gets more respect for themselves when they enhance who they are through hard work and repetition. But a hero shouldn't have to erase the person that they currently are just to fit in with others because that's, that's silly. The fact that makes them really unique and different from most people is the superpower. They learn to who, you know, really learn who they are and how to use it. And that reminds me of a real world hero moment that totally hit me this week. It was so cool. I mean, there's been a lot of celebrating around the Seahawks because last night was a Super Bowl here and we were all watching in the Patriots. Good job, guys. But I'm kind of pro Seahawks and whether you're a football fan or not, I mean, there's something about that team in that city that kind of feels meaningful to me. When I was a kid, I used to spend a lot of my summers with my aunt in Gig Harbor, which is not far from Seattle. I remember the culture and I loved coffee and the smell of it and then just coffee culture and this creativity. I actually took a class in puppetry there, which I thought was amazing. The sense that you could be a little different and still belong was kind of a thing there. And I liked that. I felt like I was kind of a weird kid. So hey, this seems like a good place to be. And what I love about Seattle's culture and the Seahawks in particular is that it's never really been about being flashy. It's just they show up building something over time, trusting in their process and believing who you are right now can still grow into something powerful. And here's the thing. Nothing is harder to stop than a team having a blast. You know, that is a steamroller that's just not stopping. And when people feel safe and connected and valued and they play better, they learn better, they grow better. Come on, now we all know this. Stories are greatest advantage to your performance. It really is. That's true in the field and it's true in classrooms and especially true for neurodivergent kids and their brains work differently. So that's a hero story. And it's not because of one big win, but because of all the small choices that led to the big win. I saw this video recently where there is this little dog that fell into a water structure at the zoo and all these people were around and panicked and froze and the gorilla without hesitation at all jumped into the water and rescued the dog and then held it up like Lion King style. The gorilla didn't ask permission. It just, it didn't wait for instructions. It just did it. It didn't worry about getting in trouble or just noticed something wasn't right. Something was clearly not right because this poor little dog was like, and it was fine. But oh my goodness, so scary that this poor little dog fell into this water enclosure and the gorilla noticed and acted. That was empathy. That's actually called attunement. That's instinctive bravery. And a lot of neurodivergent kids have that exact kind of wiring. They just do. They see something blatantly wrong and they're just going to do something about it. They see a hurt animal. They're going to do something about it right then and there. They see a friend who is sad or alone or hurting. They just start going like ER doctors, just doing something that helps other people, sometimes at their own expense. That's heroic. That's amazing. They notice when something is off and they feel a sense of distress that others sometimes tune out. It's that patterns thing. And they can move towards problems when others just don't know what to do or freeze because it seems so big to them. Well, the way they see a pattern may be just the way it needs to solve. So it's not weakness. It's hero wiring. So here's the truth that kids need to hear. Most heroes don't do one big thing. Please, let's try to get over this. They do small, brave things over and over again on repetition. Heroes sit next to someone you know at lunch that maybe someone else doesn't know. They tell the truth even when it's super scary or finish the boring but important task because they know it's for the greater good. They stand up for fairness. They stay kind without getting the credit for doing something all the time. They are just happy that someone's happy. And sometimes the only person who knows that you were brave is you. And you need lots of those. And that still counts. So here's your challenge for kids, parents, educators, families, grandparents, heroes, heroes, we-ros. This week, try being a hero in regular clothes, plain clothes, your outfit, your standard issue trademark outfit, whatever it is. And it may look like noticing someone who's having a hard day and going to sit with them, letting your different brain to solve a problem someone else can't figure out. Speaking up when something feels wrong, letting yourself be fully you even if that feels scary or risky. And even if you felt different, misunderstood or out of place, congratulations, you're already practicing the hardest part of being a hero. You did it. Bada bing. So before we wrap up, I want to say this clearly, this podcast will always be free and accessible to all. No ads, not trying to sell you anything. But if it's been helpful to your family, your classroom, your students, there is an optional way to support the show. So it can stay that way, kind of PBS style. No pressure, just an open door. My website is www.msmerrypoppins.com, Msmerrypoppins.com. So head on over there and you can help out the show. So in closing, heroes don't always wear capes or anything like it at all. Sometimes they wear hoodies or noise canceling headphones or braces or lots of anxiety or maybe sometimes they're quiet. Sometimes they're awkward. Sometimes they're figuring it out. But they keep showing up because joy isn't a distraction from growth. It's fuel and nothing, nothing is harder than to stop a team having a blast. Well stay clever little foxes until next time.
