EP 48: Mike’s Sponsor, John Bryant

Disclaimer. At Two Addicts in the Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. Bro, so Friday at work. Oh my. Did you see this? No, I was all the way over far away from where I was over by Anthony's desk. You were not far. There were several people right by. Oh yeah. No, I farted by people. Yeah. And I did one of the, uh, I'm gonna stand up so the camera can see. He did this. He did this squat. Like, oh my God. But what I did. It sounded like a brick hit the floor. It sounded like someone dropped a baby cat on the floor. I had to go sit back on my chair just to see if there was a little witness. Yeah. Thank God there wasn't. Yeah. But there was another one that was going to come after that one. And if I would have done that one. Yeah, I would have shit myself. You didn't. It didn't look like you meant to do what you did. That was not planned because your reaction was like. Is he? No, I mean, is he? No, no. Yeah. I do all the time. Like I do all the time. I'm like sitting fucking digging in my ass in bed. Like I've got the fucking codes that will fucking solve the nuclear destruction of the world. And I'm just fucking. And I'm just in there. She's like, what are you doing? I'm digging inside of my asshole. It feels so fucking good right now. Like it's so itchy. I don't even know. She's like, go wipe your ass. I'm like, I already did. This is just. This is residuals. Like residuals. Yeah, I took a bath the whole night. It's just, it's itchy. We were leaving to go out. Where were we going? Oh, to the volleyball game. Or no, maybe last night. Destiny was sitting on the bed and I sat on her lap and just farted on her. And she was so fucking pissed. She was like, why the fuck all the fuck you're 44 years old. I'm like, what does that have to do with anything? Yeah. It kind of has to do with the fact that you're supposed to be 44 years old. I mean, oh man. She said every day she questions like, why did I get sober for this? Is this why I got sober for this guy? Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's better than smoking fat. No getting shit on not a big deal. Take that for the team. Are we rolling right now? I hope so. Good. That was that's some good shit. Perfect. That's some good shit there. Well, all right. Well, we ready guys? Let's get it. All right. I can't prepare to get butt naked today. We're prepared to get you butt naked. All right. Yes. I'm here for it. And just like that. We are back to another episode of two addicts and a moron. It has been a long time. You sweet, sweet man, you. You smell my cologne? Yeah, dude. I just missed you. Is this the first episode in a while? This is the first episode in a while. We took a week off and we had to rearrange some things and So, yeah, you want to talk about that a little bit? Yeah, we'll talk about that. Yeah, go ahead. You might notice that it's changed up a little bit. As you guys know, J. Klein is very big into music. He's got a lot of things going on. And one of his songs just got a lot of traction. Last time. Last time. Go watch it, man. It's so fucking awesome. Very good, especially if you're in recovery or an addiction. But yeah, he has a lot going on with that, with his mentorship, with his speaking, motivational speaking. So he's in it. He's definitely taking a break from this. And we wish him the best. We wish we thank him for everything that he did. Love him to death, man. Wish him the best. We love you. We're going to cheer for you, for you from the sideline for sure. And thank you. Thank you for getting us fucking here, man. That was, you were a big part of it. And over here, homie, we love you. It's not coming down. We're staying up there. So, uh, with that being said, uh, we made a little bit of a different arrangement here. So, uh, with that being said, I am so excited for this gentleman to be sitting here on my right for so many reasons. You know, you will fucking know. But ladies and gentlemen, Brandon, but as I fucking know him, JB, JB, everybody. So the reason why I'm so excited, one of the many reasons is, um, JB happens to be Mike stew boys sponsor, sponsor. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, and this is something that I have been begging you to come on to do for some time because I love you with all of my heart, you know that. And, uh, I know a little bit about your story. Got to know a lot more about it here over the last year. And I thought you'd be a really good fit to, to come, to come on and talk, but you drew your fucking heels in the sand on, on a topic. Yeah. And, uh, and specifically about coming on here, you had a, uh, as they say in the, uh, entertainment industry, you had a writer. You were like, I am not doing this until this happened. So JB, I want you to talk about that. What was the thing that needed to happen in order for you to be sitting here fucking finally? Well, the short story is, is that, uh, the agreement was, is yes, I would be happy to come on the podcast, uh, something that, that, uh, I've been wanting to do, but I will not go on the podcast until Mike or just if it were anybody else sitting in that seat doing this, a spon C of mine, uh, has not completed a certain part, uh, to a certain point in their steps in the program that we work. And so, uh, I got to use a little bit of that as, as leverage, uh, after these guys asked me to, to come on the podcast. Uh, I think the text went something like, well, it sounds like you got about 24 hours to get to that certain point, buddy. And yeah. And so talk to him on the way over here and, and he got to that certain point cause, uh, if I would have gotten to that front door and it wouldn't have been that way, then might not have been sitting in this seat. So yeah. So we got to that point and I'm, I'm happy he has gotten to, to completing his fourth step. We'll do his fifth step this week, closely followed by a sixth, seventh and right into his amends. And at that point I'm here for him, but, um, I've taken him as far as I can go. Yeah, man. Well, uh, thanks, Mike, for finally fucking doing that. I mean, Hey, it's my pleasure. Yeah. So, uh, so JB, uh, how long have you been sober? So my sober birthday is, uh, April 7th, 2023. So going on two years, uh, coming up. Yeah, I couldn't be any more proud of you, man. Um, and just for the reference, I know, but not everybody else does, but what was your DOC? So, um, it started out with opiates. Um, I was never really in an upper guy and, uh, I'm from Houston, Texas. And, uh, I came up in at the point where Houston, and I read a news article about this, they called Houston the Mecca of what they called the pill mills, right? Where you could go to these, um, you could go to these doctors, um, who were just, I mean, there would be lines of people every day outside this run down strip center office and they would move, you know, because it was really illegal what they were doing. And so, uh, I got hooked on, on pain pills, uh, back when they were just very easy to get. Um, and what I thought of myself was to be handling it, just having fun, uh, spiraled into, because you could get pain pills, but they also came with muscle relaxers and Xanax, right? And so when that cocktail hit, that's when, uh, that's when things spun really out of control for me. Uh, so there was about a 10 year struggle with that. Um, and then for a good two and a half years, well, so, so then I was sober, right? I mean, there was still drinking and smoking weed, um, but I wasn't doing my DOC. I was, I wasn't doing what, what really led me down into some dark places for about two years. It was that way. Um, and then maybe two and a half. Uh, and then I had the bright idea, um, and then I'm in this high, high, high-paced, high-pressure sales job. I had this bright idea. I needed a little, I need a little something extra. Little pick me up. Yeah. I need a little pick me up, you know, um, little go getter and I tried methamphetamine, uh, for the first time. There's a funny story about that day, uh, that I tried it. Um, and then that, um, you know, it was a very slow progression, um, with, with opiates. Uh, it didn't take long for meth to really kind of just take my soul. Um, you know, and I guess we'll get into a little bit more about that. So, so both, uh, opiates, uh, with that cocktail of muscle relaxers and, and what I call dumb, dumb sticks, you know, Xanax just made me do idiotic dumb, dumb sticks. Yeah. That's a great term. And, um, and then meth methamphetamine just really, it made me lose my mind ultimately. Uh, is, is, is, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, is, is, is what happened. And, um, so yeah, those two things together, uh, one bout with opiates and then a separate bout. What's crazy was is when I got into methamphetamine, um, I never went back to opiates and I don't, I mean, that's just weird to me. I don't know, you know, and so I figure with me liking everything, I would have, I would have mixed it up, but you know, it was just kind of didn't want anything to mess with that, with that ride. Yeah. You know, it was a love of your life, right? For a while it was. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, rewind in the clock. I mean, to, when do you feel like your addiction started? Hmm. You know, I've been asked that question and I asked those questions early on in recovery. Was I born this way? You know, or did I cross a line at some point? The age old question, right? Or did I cross a line at some point that I could never go back across and, um, did it, didn't, I'm sorry, did addiction run in your family anywhere? No. Um, yeah. I think a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm the catalyst. Not on your level. Right. Right. Not on my level. I think, I think I'm, I'm probably the poster child, uh, as I come from a very conservative family on both, on both sides, my moms and my dads. Um, you know, I think, I think mom had, uh, mom had some health issues that she self-medicated and I think that kind of spun her into a, into, into an addictive, uh, situation. Um, so I think mom had some, some addictive traits. Yeah. Uh, dad's side of the family's more of drinkers. Um, but there's, there's a little bit of addictiveness on, on, on both sides. I've taken it to a completely different level. Yeah. Uh, you know, but, um, oh shit level. Yeah. The oh shit level. Um, but there's one, there's, there's, there, there's this morning. I remember I got in a very bad car accident in college. Uh, had to be live flighted the whole nine. Um, and you know, they prescribe you a bunch of good stuff going home. You know, I mean teeth knocked out all kind of stuff going home. And I remember my mom, uh, I went to stay with her while I was recovering and my mom was dispensing the, the, the, the Laura tabs or Laura said, it's what are Vicodin, right? Right. Um, uh, and I think they gave me something like the maximum amount of refills and rightfully so. I mean, I screwed myself up, uh, really bad car accident. Uh, but I remember her doubling my dose because I was in so much pain and that was the one man. I remember rolling over and just my entire body tingling. Uh, and I think that was the one I didn't, I didn't spin off into addiction after that. Uh, I went back to college and really kind of just, just left it behind once I recovered. Uh, and then when I moved back to Houston after college, that's when they were just pills were just so easy to get. They just were. And I remember taking and this was for fun. It wasn't, there wasn't any pain in my life or anything like that. I remember going to work and, and pop in a couple of Vicodin, uh, maybe one or two more than, than I normally do. And before I got to the bottom of the stairs, I remember stopping on the, on the, on the last step and just kind of, and I was like, Oh man, I like this shit. But I remember those two instances. So one, I was 20 years old in college when, when I, when that memory, um, was from, and then I was about probably 24, 25. And then that's when the journey really started well into my thirties, a good 10 year run with, uh, with the opiates. Um, yeah. And then up until the time I was 40 years old with the other stuff. So yeah, a good 15 year battle with it, but man, it's, um, you much like him for me, you know, we got real close, you know, working in the same place. Yeah. You know, I came in, you were there already, depending on, but his was a, the, the, the pathways were a little bit different. Years was a little bit more recluse. Yeah. And his, I mean, I remember thinking that about you. It's like your, your, your use was kind of like open topic almost, you know, with you included, like it wasn't like anybody was talking about the shit behind your back. Right. You know, it was, it was just like, I mean, you were included in on all the fucking shit. I was making some of the jokes. But yeah. So, and I remember that bothering me for a little, for some reason, I think that's why I got so close to you was, you know, I identified as someone who would get picked on. I learned pretty early on that if I was able to make them laugh before me, then now they're not laughing at me. I made them laugh. Right. But I did it at my expense. That doesn't help me at all. Right. Right. Even though it's about me, I'm a part of the joke. I'm not just the joke. Right. So I did, I noticed that with you, with you, I really didn't have a whole lot of idea that you were in a battle or a struggle until you left, you know, and, and I talked to you about that. It was almost like I made amends with you. You know, I came in, you walked in, I was like, dude, I'm so sorry, but I didn't fucking know anything about that until after you were already well, I mean, in your defense, I was pretty adamant outward projecting outward that I didn't have a problem. Right. And then it wasn't drugs. Right. Yeah. Right. So I have a chemical one balance. Yeah. It's everything else, but what's really going on. But the issue, you know, yeah, no, it brought like so for the, since y'all are watching, I don't know the back story. He used to come in and go ahead, man, I'm here for it. Let's do this. He used to think that, that seahorses and shit were coming out of his skin, seahorses, hair and worms and worms and everything. Yeah. And he would go to our managers and say, look, the doctors don't know what's going on. They've ran blood tests. Bro, I don't know how much my medical bills were hospital visits, primary care physicians. I mean, yeah. I'm often sucked because I'm into 10 of them and no, no, what none of them can tell me. And I'm thinking, bro, it's wrong of the method you're smoking. Well, I mean, it got so bad where I couldn't get a referral to go see another one. You know, I mean, it's bad. It was bad. But to the doctor's defenses though, like you're going, really like, dude, there's worms and seahorses coming out of me. There's no diagnosis for that. Yeah. I mean, so I didn't know anything about that. So the only reason they're sending you to their friends is so their friends can get rid of me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Let me refer you over to my other doctor buddy. Let's go, go tell him the story. Yeah. So I could tell much like him, how good of a dude you were, you know, I can tell I clearly you were dealing with some shit, but the tale of the two halves is when you came back and then I talked to you, just how fucking the same. After I got so yeah, how the same but different you were, you know, it was same JB but different, insightful fucking, you know, just pepper and me with shit. How are you doing? Like all the, which is, it was awesome to see, man. It was like, one of the coolest things that I've, that I've ever witnessed. That's why I've been bugging him. You basically got me as like a sponze because I was riding his ass too. I was like, get your shit done to JB. You can come on. You got to see what we get to see in the rooms all the time. Right? Like you got to see him at his worst, right? You too. It's somewhat worse. I just after I left guys, it got worse. I think y'all heard a little bit about him. You got to see me at my worst. You got to see him and then, and like in the rooms, we see when these people come in on their first day and they're fucking struggling. And then as they continue to stay longer and they continue to do what they're supposed to do, you see them when they get their 30 day chip, there's like a glimmer of hope, right? And then you 60 day chip and a 90 day chip and it's six months, like it's a totally different person. And then you get to see like their recovery, right? And that's what you got to see with him when he came back. Yeah. It was still the same great hearted person, just a different fucking person. Yeah. And it was, there was a time elapse there too. Cause with him, there was no time elapse, right? Not really. Like he went away for 30 days and then we came back and it was same old Mike. So it was, it was different. It was, it was a, yeah, I was gone for two years. Yeah. It was a, it was a real cool breath of fresh air to see you in the condition that you were when you came back. And, um, and then even since then, some of the strives and changes in your life that you've made have been, it's, it's just been fucking awesome to watch the ride, dude. So I, well, thanks. I am, uh, I am beyond happy that, uh, that you are, I'm beyond happy that you went through what you went through to make you who you are right now. And, um, so talk to me a little bit about the bottom, you know, when it got, when you, cause you said it got worse after you left, we obviously saw you at the top of the down slide, right? Like, and then it, it slid off. So, you know, what happened in those two years, man? Like, you know, uh, one of my mentors in this, in this thing, cause you people talk about the bottom, right? And, um, one thing that resonated with me when I was in treatment, he said bottoms, what are those, man? My bottoms have bottoms. Yeah. You know, like, and that's how it was for me. You know, I thought when, when, uh, walking out of work that day and, and we call it me leaving, uh, it was more like I was asked to leave. And, uh, I thought that was, uh, gonna be, you know, okay, wow, you know, I just lost a really good opportunity. Maybe I might have a chance to get it back. You would think something like that would, would trigger something to really kind of take a look and turn it around. Well, it didn't, um, you know, um, shortly after that, um, all the money was gone. And I was, I was keeping it from my family back in Houston too. You know, mom, mom had passed away, but I was still really close with, with her siblings and, and, uh, you know, not so much with my dad at that point. I was hiding, right? I was hiding. And, uh, there was some homelessness, um, you know, couldn't afford the hotels anymore. So I was either trying to find a friend who would still have me around because most wouldn't at that point. You know, I had just lost my mind. And, you know, at this point in our lives, most of my friends have kids and wives where they just can't bring that kind of nonsense around. And so it was, uh, started running with, uh, you know, a group where homelessness was, was it's just what it was. You know, it was, it was, it was not frowned upon. You know, you kind of would, uh, band together and do what you had to do, do what you needed to do to get a place to stay. And I mean, even though I would have jobs intermittently, uh, through there, I think I was borrowing an extra vehicle from a friend of mine doing some Instacart deliveries and then couldn't pay for the gas, uh, to make the Instacart deliveries and, and, um, and so at that point I was still on probation, um, running from probation and I got caught is what, what happened. I got pulled over on my 40th birthday at about one o'clock in the morning and they picked me up on what, what we call a blue warrant, right? There's do not pass, go, do not collect $200. You know, you're coming with us right now. We don't even need to hear a story out of your mouth. No matter where you are in the country, no matter where you are in the country. And, um, so I ended up in, uh, in a Williamson County jail on a 10 day hold, not a good place until, until the county where the charge was from back in Houston came to get me. And you know, I was just, I was in there and I had prepared myself. This is, this might be a long, a long ride and 24 hours after I get put in Fort Bend County, uh, they popped the door and they say my name and ATW, you know, which means all the way, which means it's the best thing you can hear when you're in there, right? You're getting out and I was like, man, y'all are fucking with me, man. What? And a couple of friends, uh, including this guy, uh, had found out that I had been picked up on a warrant and without telling anybody, I mean, I don't even know how they could have told me, but they just, they got me out and, um, and so, friend of mine that we work with came to pick me up and kept me at his house for two days. And then that was as far as he could take me. And he said, listen, after work today, you're going to have to tell me where to drop you off. And the only place I knew to, uh, I have, I have one uncle on both sides of the family, one uncle. I've thought of this guy as, I mean, just like Superman, uh, you know, growing up big role model in my life. And, um, he lived about 12 minutes away from where the jail was, which is where my probation was going to be. And so that's where our friend, dropped me off. They weren't even there. Uh, one of their sons was and I mean, I think I was, you know, I'm walking around at about 250 right now and 255. I mean, I think I was about 220 pounds in 215, 220 pounds. Just looked, I can't even imagine what I look like to them. I mean, when I looked in the mirror, you know, yeah, I think, you know, I still got it, you know, but, uh, I can't even imagine. I mean, my pants were falling off of me. Um, you know, I can't even imagine what, uh, what they would have seen, how they viewed me. And, uh, so they allowed me to stay at their, at their house upstairs, um, for six months while I was battling back and forth on whether they were going to, uh, you know, send me for a ride or not with probation or, or send me to a program, um, which is what they recommended. Um, but, uh, so I was sober for six months, miserable, miserable, sober, hated everything about my life. Um, you know, everything was everybody else's fault. I was blaming a friend of ours, uh, that, um, had fired me, uh, you know, cause he wouldn't let me come back to the company. You know, it's, it's their fault and it's, you know, I'm doing, I'm doing good. And even though I was sober and I was able to get, get through some things, I mean, I was not progressing in life at all. I mean, you know, I just, were you working a program at that time? No, no, it was just white knuckling it. Yeah. You know, and, and I would be lying right here in front of y'all. If I say I didn't want to get high every single day, living upstairs at my, at my uncle's house, which is what it turned into. Um, and so I get off probation. They let me off, you know, it's done after five years. I make it to my termination date. And, um, uh, I think, think I made it 24 hours, maybe not quite. And, uh, it was off to the races again, you know, and it didn't take but that one time and, you know, it was, it was, it was instant psychosis. It didn't take staying up for a week anymore. It was, you know, weird shit was happening. It happened almost immediately, almost immediately. Really? Yeah. Uh, even though I'd been sober for six months, you know, just, um, a completely different person, you know, even though the weight, the weight was back on the color was back, you know, just, just weird shit, man. It's funny cause early in my sobriety, like there was a, there was a time I missed work and immediately like I'm seven months over. I called in sick and they were like, there was rumors, maybe he relapsed. Yeah. And that's, that's going to happen. I was fucking high for 10 years, seven months isn't a big deal. So I'm getting text messages from one of our bosses that we all love saying, Hey man, it's okay. Yeah. It's okay. If you did, just let us know and we'll help you. And I'm thinking, bro, I'm, I'm just sick. I fucking, I just really, I skipped a day to stay with destiny is what I did. That's all it was. And, uh, and my response was I haven't been high in seven months. There's no way that I could get high and be able, like I'll be in tomorrow. If I got high, you would know, cause I'm not coming in tomorrow. There's, there's no way I could even hide it. And so with you saying that it went immediate to psychosis with you, that's was always one of my biggest fears is if I relapsed, how fast would it take me to be right back where I was? And it wouldn't take long. It didn't take long. Yeah. You know. Um, so then I started staying out, right? Not coming, not coming back. The schedule had changed and they obviously, we're seeing a difference. I wasn't in communication with them, which was completely disrespectful. I mean, with all the help that they gave me to get through what I needed to get through. And, um, and so, I don't know, it might have been six weeks, maybe that was the end of January 2023, um, got arrested, fell asleep at a gas pump. Um, at a gas pump at a gas pump. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'd been up for quite a while and fell asleep at a gas pump. Didn't even make it out to pump the gas and, um, woke up being drug out of the car by HPD. All right. Yeah. And, um, so I'm, I, I, they, they let me out. They give me a, um, a, um, a PR bond. They basically just let you out on your own recognizance, right? They're so overcrowded in Harris County. And they're not going to laugh at this. And so when the, when the, when the cops sat me down, they sat me down in like what I can only imagine to be, it was something nasty because piss, throw up, whatever it was in the parking lot of a gas station. Uh, and so they took my jeans away from me, um, and threw them away. And so, and I didn't know that. So leaving, I mean, they can't let you leave and you have to be dressed. And so they, they gave me a smock like a hazmat suit looking thing that was about four sizes too small and they didn't give a shit. Right? Like, they're like, this is all we got dude. Get out. You know, we've, we've had all, you know, and, and, and kick you out on the street. Look at like your dress up for Halloween or something. Oh yeah. For sure. For sure. And my uncle still wonders to this day, what in the hell was he doing in a hazmat suit? You know, and, and, um, so I have no money. So, but this taxi driver says, Oh, you look like you're good for it. You know, and then show up at my uncle's house at about 4 30 in the morning as he's getting up to go to the farm. And he's like, what in the, they knew I had been arrested. I mean, I had been home in about three days. And, um, so I asked him for $150 to go pay this taxi. So he didn't call the police outside my uncle's house. And so the conditions are that I have to get an ankle monitor and all this other stuff and report. And so I just go upstairs for about three days for the rest of that week. And, um, you know, my uncle calls me and says, Hey, like I was going to go anywhere, right? But he says, Hey, be home this afternoon. You know, your aunts are coming over. Uh, he's got three sisters still alive. Uh, and, uh, mom's passed away. So it's my three aunts, my uncle, some of their kids, um, and my, and my uncle's wife, and they have somewhat of a formal slash informal, um, intervention been through one of those, a couple of those before. And I think that may have been my bottom because there was nowhere else for me to go. There was just nowhere else for me to go. And they didn't know how to help me anymore. They had tried that six months. Obviously I went back to doing some stupid shit. And, um, but I had already been through a program when I got first put on probation that really helped. And I really liked those guys over there. And so they reached out to them, uh, prior to having the intervention. And, um, and I knew, I know, I mean, can we say names on here? Billy, um, you know, and, uh, respect Billy a lot. And, um, he's the, uh, director of admissions at this place. And he said, bring him in. Let's have a talk with him. And I'm still thinking like, and I think I can get out of this. Right. I think, I think I can get out of this. We're just going to go have a talk with Billy. I mean, my bag was packed. My uncle was leaving no matter what. And I wasn't going with him. And so, uh, that was April 7th of, uh, 2023. And, um, you know, was there for 90 days was started out as 30 days, got kicked up to 60 days. And then parlayed into 90 days. And, uh, shortly after I got out of the program, you know, what I think they probably ultimately felt sorry for me in a sense was in a sober house, a block away, and they hired me to work there. Um, you know, when we talk about bottoms, I think, I think sitting in front of the family members with my mom not being there, her siblings who still felt a connection and they said it openly to me, we feel a responsibility that we need to step up and do something for you in place of your mother. Um, and y'all know, I mean, my mom was my life. It was really close. It was really close with mom when she passed that, uh, that really kind of, you know, foundation was shook for sure. I remember when that happened. Yeah. You know, I remember you coming back from that and you were different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rightly. So I mean, at that point, just as your mom, but we learned a lot more. I was lost for a while. And, um, you know, but there's been several bottoms along the way, man. I mean, you know, and I joke about this, um, now, and it's easy to joke about things after you've made it through something, you know, working, working with, uh, the guys that I did and telling my story as many times as I have, you know, growing up, I was a pretty successful athlete, you know, and I had, uh, I had dreams of being in the Olympics and, you know, had I gotten hurt, maybe I would have, maybe I wouldn't have, I don't know, but, um, um, I never knew my longest list list of accomplishments would be my arrest record at some point in life. And ultimately at that point, that's what it was, you know, and, um, I don't know how many times it was. It's countless, countless times. And, and Billy, the, the, the admissions, uh, director at the place I went to, uh, he, he, this guy is over the top funny and his delivery and a lot of this stuff. And he says he would ask, it's countless. You know why I say countless? And he would ask somebody in the group because I fucking lost count. Yeah. And, and, and, and ultimately I fucking lost count of how many times I had been arrested, um, because of drug use. And that's what it was. And another thing that resonated with me, um, you know, and at the time being in jail, I thought those are my bottoms, you know, but getting out and, you know, me being able to kind of adapt in whatever situation I'm in, I kind of picked up steam pretty quickly, even though it was hard to, you know, progress making money again or whatever, but it was easy for me to forget, you know, listen man, a month and a half ago, your ass was sitting in jail and nobody wanted to bail your ass out. You know, those should have been my bottoms. Um, you know, but a guy that I got pretty close to in treatment said he had to take a hard look at himself, you know, cause everybody else was telling me he was an alcoholic and he said, I've never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been arrested. Sober. I've never been arrested sober. Every time I've been arrested, it was due to drugs or alcohol use. And that's true for me too, every single time. And, um, so anyway, a lot of bottoms along the way, um, lost a lot of friends pushed a lot of family away. Um, you know, they never, they never didn't have my back, but it's just, you know, you can only say, I'm sorry, so many times, things are going to change. It's going to be, it's going to be different this time, right? And then when it wasn't, and it wasn't, and it wasn't, and then you go through the treatment program and get back on your feed and, and you get their hopes up. I think the, the, the bottoms were seeing the disappointment in the people who loved me the most wanting to help me, trying to help me, but I wasn't even willing to hurt myself. I think those were the bottoms of my bottoms. Yeah. That was a long winded answer for you. How about that? No, dude. I mean, it's perfect though. Cause I, I've never really asked you about the time when you were gone, where I know it really went off the rails for you. Yeah. And I'm glad that you're, Yeah. To say the least. Yeah. I know. Well, I know it did. I know it did. And then, you know, to your point with, with some of your family, you know, the day where you called your dad, you know, that was a, and I've talked about this. You were, you were involved a little bit in that a little bit. I mean, you, you had to do it, but it was, but the point of it is, is I get why you didn't want to. Yeah. Because there's so much shame in what you've done. Yeah. Even when you get to the point where you know you're fucking good, right? Where you, where you know you're solid. It's just like, man, I've told them so many times before that it's, that it's good now that it's different and you know, all these things. And you know, that day when you were just sitting there and you were like, man, my dad's just not in good shape. And I'm just a simple tin, right? I'm not thinking about the baggage or the bottoms or any of that stuff. I'm like, I'm calling. Yeah. You know, I was like, Hey, you know, it was just like, it was, it was simple. Why are you sitting here talking about it? Why don't you go do it? Like we're on break right now. Go fucking make a 10 minute phone call and figure it out. You know, it was, it was kind of that simple. Yeah. Simple, but not easy, as we say. Well, for you, simple, but not easy. But it was simple and easy for me to just, you know, bring it out. But I was like, look, dude, you're fucking different now. Like, I know that. You know that. Go show them that. Yeah. Like it'd be, be a good time. Yeah. And, uh, so the bigger point is, is I always say that on here is I, I empathize with that with you guys going back to talk to family like that. After so long, even after you've gotten yourself well, and you've created that great foundation for yourself where you know, you're good now, you know, you're good, but it's just like, they've just heard it one too many fucking times, man. I just in fear of letting them down again, perhaps. Oh yeah. That's a big part of it. Yeah. I think it's also not just letting them down is what is it going to do to my recovery? If my mom says she doesn't want anything to do with me. Right. Right. I think that's especially early in your recovery. Yeah. Probably not at two or three years, but like, most people don't go through their steps in three years. They normally do it. What 90 days? Yeah, I did mine in 52. 52 days. I'm the anomaly. Is that the word? Yeah. You're the exception to the rule. Michael, for sure. I mean, I was in a little bit, I was a little bit of a different scenario because there was nothing else for us to do. That's what we did. We went there to work the steps. Right. Right. And I was going to be there sometime longer. And, um, but yeah, well, that's what I always hear in the rooms is I always hear people say, you should get it done within 90 days, sometimes 30 days, depending on how hard you're going at it. And I think that's one of the biggest scary things is if this person, that means so much to me in my life, if I'm only 30 days sober and they tell me, look, I don't want nothing to do with you are 52 days sober and hey, there's nothing you can do to replace this bond. What is that going to do to my fucking sobriety? Am I going to go use because of it? I think that's probably a reason why a lot of people kind of hold off on calling dad or something like that. Now you were further off in your, for in your recovery, but at 52 days, if dad would have said, Hey, I don't want nothing to do with you. Well, I purposely didn't. So that was the biggest one for me. Right. So on my men's list, there were going to be some easier ones. Yeah. There are going to be some tougher ones. Um, and my dad and my brother, uh, we're, we're, we're going to be two of the tougher ones. And, and I talked to my sponsor about it and, um, he said, you need to do it as soon as possible. He said, but I understand if you don't want to do it until you get to a certain point. And with that one, I wanted to be at a certain point. Yeah. And so, you know, I think that's the safest way it could probably be, you know, yeah. Like, I mean, maybe, maybe, maybe not, you know, probably different for me, I would want to be further along before fucking I'd take a chance on, you know, I know some sponsors that say knock the hardest ones out first, get hit in the mouth early so that we can know how to pivot from there. You know what I mean? It's just everybody's different. I just kind of had something in mind with my dad and my brother, cause it had been three years at that point since we had really spoken, you know, and if, if I wasn't ready and I was at a point where if it did go bad and I couldn't handle it because I would, I was going to want it to go, I wanted it to go well, so bad, where I wanted to be ready for it. I wanted to be solid. And there had been so many times in the past where, you know, dad was always the last resort. I always hit it most from dad was always the last resort to where I'm in so much shit now. Can you please bail me out? And I never wanted it to be like that ever again with my father. Right. So yeah. I think at your time too, you also seen like your part in it, big part in it where I know like when we was in our addiction, when we were using together, yeah, like we didn't see any part in any of the like it was all their fault. Oh yeah. Man. Yeah. Fuck them. That's their fault. That's on them. It's not us. We're, we just want to get high. We just want to get high. Hell, you should probably try getting high too. Yeah. Yeah. There's, yeah. You would understand. You'd understand. You would do what I'm asking you to do for, you know. Yeah. So I think that was a big deal is you've seen your part in it and you've seen, I mean, that's the growth that, you know, you changed and you were finally able to say, you know what, I had a big part in this. Yeah. I was, I was the part in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I wasn't even about that part anymore. This is all about me. I had no recognition of that though. Like what you did. It was like, when I told you, I was like, call your dad, dude, like, fuck you, doing like, I just saw you who you were right now. And I was like, this guy's different than that one. You know, this one's good. Your dad wants to see this. And hearing that from guys like, like y'all and other people in my life really kind of gave me the confidence to push me over their edge to make that telephone. Yeah. So thank you for that. Yeah, dude. I have that post-it note still that you left on my desk after you made the phone call. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That was, that was awesome. That was super, super cool. Well, I remember at work when they was asking who wanted to be the next manager and you were back for like two months. I don't even think two months. Yeah. And you put your name in and the manager that likes me a lot there, they all do. The one that you were going to audition for came and talked to me and says, hey, tell me about him. Cause I don't know a whole lot about him. And I said, dude, he's a phenomenal fucking dude. And the dude that he is today is a thousand times better than what he was. Yeah. I mean, it was, it's just night and day. It really is. Yeah. You know, and it's not that you are a bad dude there and fucking great dude. We just made terrible decisions. Terrible. Yeah, dude. I don't like to think of it as night and day. Yeah. I mean, I really don't. What's crazy is, is even though I knew things were spiraling out of control, I was like, man, I'm trying to be the best guy I can. Yeah. Can't they see that? You know, they have to know that I'm a good guy. But I mean, you know, when you're pulling worms out of your head and, I mean, I can't even imagine what my eyes look like, you know, just the bags and the dark circles I already have, you know, that going on when I'm, when I'm clean and healthy, but yeah, it's just bad when I'm getting out of control and I'm like, bro, I think there's something wrong with you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm just, yeah, I don't even think you could finish a football game, you know, watching it with me. You had to. Yeah. It was, it was bad, man. Yeah. I'm so high with you and bro, I think there's something else going on with you. Cause man, that was insane. Yeah. That was the cleanest hotel room I've ever seen. Oh yeah. Like, and it wasn't because the clean the ladies. That was all you. I had my own vacuum. The clean ladies get that. I had my own carrier, like I had my own little arrangement of different cleaning products that I'd carry around from hotel to hotel. You would walk in and the vacuum be going at 430 in the afternoon, 730 at night. You're like, why is the cleaning lady in there? No, that was JP cleaning. I just imagine, I imagine like this is some of the cleaning ladies going around and seeing you do that. And they're like, you want a job, motherfucker? Like, I mean, we might be out of a job. When they were scheduling the cleaning, rooms they were cleaning, they were off their press and gotta clean that one. Don't have to clean that one. Yeah. That's incredible dude. I mean, I, bro, it's so crazy to hear shit like that. He's the only person that's ever stayed in a hotel room, not a hotel. Let's scratch that. It was a motel. Yeah. There were a lot of motels. Yeah. That, that clean his own room and spotless, like fucking spotless. Good for you. I mean, it was to the point I had disinfected the curtains so much that they had discolored. You know, it was, yeah. So, well, look, I mean, the bottom line is you're not wrong for that. Cause we all like to do weird shit when we go into a hotel room. That's right. Like whatever we're going to do, we're going to do it on the next level because I don't have to clean this place. Yeah. John Bryant did. He felt the need to, you know, following a guy like me, like wiping my ass with the curtains cause I know the cleaning ladies don't clean those. And a mile to take your shoes off before you come in. Maybe you should hit the door to wash them on carpet. Oh, oh, man. Taking ownership. This is my hotel room. Well, I'd been there long enough at that point. I mean, holy shit. So talk to me about your journey into sobriety. Like, and, um, you know, after all the bottoms, you go to this program, I mean, doing what you did, something had a click. Yeah. And there, and we always talk about the moment, you know, there's, and maybe it's different for you. I don't know, but oh, well, moment, it seems to put the mic closer to your face. Michael. Okay. Joe, we got to edit that. Yeah. I have to edit it. So we talk about the moment and so for like a guy like Creechy who came in here, he said that there was a birthday cake and it changed everything for him. I thought he was getting kicked out. He got called out of his room and the whole place was there with the birthday cake for him. He said it immediately switched his mindset. Like these people care, like they care about me. So I'm going to go all in. So being where you are to such kind of a short distance, I mean, it seemed like you got it really figured out. What, what was the, the click moment? So I guess I would need to preface that with the journey to getting there as far as the different attempts at me trying to get sober or the courts trying to put me in situations to, to, to help me or discipline me, whatever you want to call it. And, you know, so you, you get your first DWI and they put you in these just classes and they're just three hour classes, you know, and you're, you're miserable. You hate it. It's taking your ability, the ability from you to where you have to be away from whatever it is that you think that you need to be doing or want to be doing. And then you have to, you know, sit on a mother's against drunk driving panel and hear these, hear these stories. And it was all just a pain in the ass to that point. Right. And I was always the guy, you know, and then when I took the, the deal to, to, to get put on probation, before I could even go on probation, I had to go to a 90 day treatment facility. And it was more that I felt like I had to be there. It was punishment. You know, wanting to be there. You know, I was like, man, I can't wait till I get out of here. I'm going to get back to life. And I was always, you know, I was always of the mindset. I'm smarter than this. I'm tougher than this. I can outthink this. I can out do this. I've got enough grit to get through this on my own. That was my mindset. If I just, if I just do this, I can figure it out. And it was this, whatever this was, was different every single time. If I can just get this right, I can kind of, I can kind of slide through and, and just do enough to get by to get everybody else off my back and get back to doing what I want to do, live life, how I want to live, right? And, um, you know, so this, this last time I didn't want to go. So it wasn't any different. It wasn't any different in the sense that I wanted to go to treatment this time, you know, um, I think I somewhat thought I needed it like, okay, man, like the common denominator and everything at this point is me and my drug use, right? And so let's give this a shot, even though I didn't want to be there. And, um, um, but so in the, in the, in the book that we, so what you're talking about is, is, is what we call spiritual experiences. The, the, the, the it moments. And, and there's two ways, in the book, the big book of alcoholics anonymous, uh, describes it, um, the kind of burning bush instance event that happens where you get it all at once. There's spiritual experience where it just changes you from, from, from right then you don't need anything else. And, and, uh, it's kind of an eye-opening movement or they come of, of, of what they call of, of the educational variety, kind of in, in increments as you kind of grasp things more. And mine definitely came, um, although more were, some were more profound than others. Uh, and I can describe a couple of those to you. Mine came as the educational variety as I kind of opened myself up and kind of became unblocked from what is now known to be my higher power, uh, which is God for me, um, for, and it doesn't matter what it is for anybody else. It doesn't have to be God for, for, but that, you know, it is for me. Um, you know, I think the, the first thing was is, is, um, hearing other people's story. I got real close to a couple of guys in there, right? And I'm still close to them today hearing their story and it start to happen for them, even though it wasn't happening for me yet. I mean, I remember sitting in morning meditation after they had put me in a leadership position. Um, I think we were two weeks in and the only thing I had on my mind was, and this is a seven 30 of the morning on a Saturday. I don't want to be here anymore guys. Yeah. You know, and, uh, you know, it just thinking back, you know, I'm better than this. I'm too good for this. I can outthink this. I'm too smart for it. Um, you know, and, you know, I'm not as bad as y'all, you know, stupid as shit. Uh, you know, that's that mind playing tricks on you. But I started to see it in these guys that, that, uh, my sponsor, who I had, who had taken me on. Um, and I, I res his story resonated with me and the guys that I got really close to, I started seeing some changes happen for them. And so that was, that was when I saw God deep down inside somebody else. Cause God is deep down inside every man, woman and child. I started seeing things happen for, for the guys that I became close to. And for me, and this, this, this is just throughout my entire life. I'll put myself in some fucked up situations, but I always try to look out, you know, the people that I care for family, friends, I don't let anything happen to them to the best of my ability. And I kind of, and, and, and it transferred, uh, to the guys that I met in treatment. And, um, so that was the first kind of spiritual experience, uh, the kind of seeing it happen in them and us getting close and kind of moving together. We're doing this thing together. And we really bonded tight. Um, and then there were a couple of things that, that happened. the first was my uncle coming up there on a Sunday when he didn't have to, and this is an hour and a half from his house, right? Um, uh, coming to bring me sandals and stuff and, and, uh, dropping off a check for the next 30 days, uh, you know, which I was okay with at that point, but it was the only man in my life, uh, at that point, I hadn't reached out to my dad yet. Um, it was the only man, at least in my eyes, the only man in my life as a role model, um, as a father figure, um, coming to do something for me that he didn't have to fucking do. He didn't have to come up there on a fucking Sunday and, and do that shit and spend his money and my family's money to still, they saw some things happening in me. Your ass needs to stay put. Whatever's going on, whatever's happened, whatever's happened in your ass needs to stay put. So seeing my uncle and then being on the phone with him a couple of times. Um, and then, and, and Mike's been on the phone with me actually a, a couple of times, there's a couple of days throughout the year where mom is really, I can feel her around. I remember, uh, Mike calling me on the first, you might remember this, Mike calling me on the first anniversary of my mother's passing. And I answered the phone for whatever reason, but I was just balling and you were like, it's going to be okay, man. Everybody cries, but it was kind of a moment like that. Mother's day came around at the treatment center. And so I just kind of took a moment after we had our chores done. I think it happened to fall on a weekend or something. And the back, the, the, the, the backyard, the area at the, at the tree was, is, is unbelievable. There's this big deck and, and, and all these, the trees and the foliage and, and all the, the plants and the flowers. Um, we keep it up real nice. And, and, and the guy that they have on staff there to keep it, it keeps it up real nice. And so I sat down by myself next to the fan. It was hot as hell outside and this Robin came and landed right fucking in front of me and was just messing around. And I've always heard, you know, birds of some kind, you know, that means that somebody's looking in on you. And I remember, so y'all may have taken mushrooms before some psychedelics. I don't know if we have or not. And I've dabbled in some psychedelics, probably more than dabbled. Um, not probably more than double. I've definitely more than dabbled. Uh, and it was like I was on a, on a trip, man. Everything got super, super vivid. I could, I could hear things. It was like mom was right there. And, and, and one of the house managers came walking past and I had some tears in my eyes and he was like, what's going on, man? You good? And I was like, Hey, man, what do you know about Robbins? And like, when they come by and he goes, it means somebody's checking in on you. And he had no idea what day it was for me or, you know, what it meant to me. And so that was another one. Um, you know, I ended up having to go serve some time in jail, um, in order to get out of that DWI and to, to circumvent going on probation, just to get it behind me. Um, and one of my friends came and visited me when he didn't have to. It was like a Saturday fucking night at nine o'clock and came and visited me. Um, you know, getting my one year trip in front of, in front of some of the guys, there's just been several things, but they've happened in increments and there's been some light bulbs that have gone off and there's been some really euphoric feelings, uh, in these moments that have, that have, that have happened for me. Um, and there's been some times I'd be lying if I didn't say where it's like, okay, man, I've, I've got this and, you know, maybe I can dabble at some point, you know, I mean, have those, they're called fleeting thoughts, you know, but in the, in those moments, luckily to this point, cause I don't know what's going to happen when I walk out that door and what my mind's going to tell me to do, or if I'm going to succumb to the, to, to the, the disease of the, to the illness of alcoholism or addiction. Cause it happened suddenly, right? Um, you know, where I've been able to check my spiritual condition and laugh at myself and be like, man, you are fucking out of your mind. You know, all these good things have now stacked up for you. You got everybody back in your corner. Um, and then giggle at myself and be like, yeah, yeah, I'm good. We'll leave that shit to us. And you picked up a couple of people in your corner too, man, over here, over time, it's fucking awesome. Yeah. Really is cool dude. It's a cool thing to watch. I mean, so going through all of those spiritual experiences coming to the place where you are now being sober, I mean, what's it like now for you? Having all of these fucking things just start, so, you know, there's, there's some like this word sober, right? You know, there's, I think there's a difference between sober and recovered. Right. Right. And so, cause I was sober for those six months, living in my uncle's converted attic, right? But I was definitely not recovered. Yeah. You know, so I would say, yeah, I'm sober, but I'm recovered with an ED. It says it in the book. You can get recovered of a hopeless mind, hopeless state of mind and body. Right. And I think that's what's happened. I think I've, I think I've recovered from, and my dad used to call it me having this victim mentality, right? You know, man, can't y'all, can't y'all see what's going on with me? Can't, you know, feel sorry. And I think the, the, I've just had a complete psychological change, which is the point of this whole thing, right? Having a spiritual experience to, to, to, to change the way you think, because, and I think less about myself all day, every day, cause life was all about me, right? Me, me, me, I, I, I, I'm my best friend. Don't y'all see that, you know, I'm so great and whatever. Um, and it's more about other people. And, and as that became more prevalent in my recovered state, um, my recovery got better, got stronger. And you know, it's not so much about, and it wasn't just about the drugs. I needed to go find my next score. I needed to go score, but it was, you know, one of my big character defects as I came to find out was I, and God, this is so gross to say about myself, but I like being the big shot in my former life, you know, look at what I'm doing, you know, look how great the things are that I'm putting together. And, um, it's, it's, I am way more comfortable now me falling to the background and pushing other people to the forefront and trying to lift them up like at work, you know, the newer guys, the younger guys trying to make a change in their life. Um, but even in the, even in the relationship that I'm in right now, um, you know, in, in my romantic, uh, in my role, whatever you want to call it, romantic relationship, my romantic life. I was so selfish to the point where it just became toxic, um, where I can look back at that. And even though I find myself in not so much tricky situations with the lady that's in my life now, it's just kind of like, I can catch myself like not, you need to handle it this way, Bubba, or you're going to get your ass in trouble. Yeah. Right. And, um, so it's just more about being self-aware, um, not minimizing the consequences, remembering what I had to go through. Cause the shit wasn't easy, man. Um, wasn't easy. You know, uh, I was never at a point where I wanted to give up. I think I almost got there, but, um, remembering that and, um, living in a state of humility where it's just a, and, and, and the best definition of humility that I've heard is, is, it's not so much thinking less of myself, which I used to do, man, you're such a piece of shit, man. Look at all the shit that you've done. It's not so much thinking less of myself. Um, but how does it go? Damn it. I'm going to forget it. It's not so much thinking of, it's, it's not so much thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less throughout the day. Yeah. Right. It's not so much about me anymore. Um, obviously, you know, the side effect of all of this is that I'm able to lean, uh, to live a clean and sober life, but the, the, the, the real benefit is just, uh, and my, my uncle told me this one time, this, this was a spiritual experience without me knowing it at the time was, he said, boy, you got a bad habit of making bad decisions and I would revel in that shit. You know, I wouldn't think twice about making a bad decision or, or, or if it even was a bad decision, you know, in that moment, maybe I thought it was a good decision, but I got pretty good at that. And, um, so probably just, um, you know, getting the selfishness just out of my life, realizing what my character defects are and, and that, uh, and I, and I hear a lot from people early on and getting sober, not recovered yet, but just, just in life in general, man, life sucks. The world is such a shitty place. And I couldn't disagree with that more, you know, because I've been able to come out on the other side of this thing. And, and I've seen some beautiful things happen with myself, but more so in other people's life can be a beautiful thing if you let it, you know, that's where I'm at. And I think I'm letting my life become a beautiful thing. And, and at this point, man, I mean, uh, I remember sitting in, in, in the treatment facility like, man, how am I going to, how am I going to put it all back together? And I had my little plans and designs of how I was going to get there. And maybe the picture I had in mind, but I didn't have this in mind. Right. I mean, it's unbelievable. Right. It's unbelievable. And look, man, you're not done yet. No, that's not by any means. That's the greatest thing about seeing you guys. And everybody that I've met in this community is just how they, you can't be, you can't be happy without ever feeling unbearable sadness. Right. Right. Like you have to know what that is. And you have to work that out so you know what it is to be happy on the other end of it. Yeah. So we're, for guys like yourselves, when you were selfish, and you guys were taking the wheel on your own, it's, it's almost like you get a better smell of the roses when you come out of it. So you can say shit like that. Well, yeah, I mean, you have to experience it to, you have to, we said, they said this in church today. They said so many people try to explain to you and talk about your experience, but they've never experienced it. Right. Right. So that like, I could never talk to somebody about what it's like to be homeless because I've never been homeless. If you've been homeless, I can, I can have empathy or sympathy, empathy for you. But I can't tell you, yeah, I know what you mean. Cause you know, I used to live, I don't, I don't fucking know anything about it. But somebody like you, you've been through a lot of shit homelessness addiction. So you can help so many people with that and you can, you can share on your experience because you've experienced it. I can never talk, I can never talk to a kid that grew up on welfare or in the projects or anything. Cause I've never, I didn't have that. I didn't have to go through that. Right. So I can't tell you like, yeah, I know what you're going through. Cause I don't like, and, and surely they wouldn't want me to give them advice on the shit. Cause I don't know. Right. But somebody that I would take advice from is somebody like you. And somebody that I take advice from is obviously somebody like you because you've been there and you know how to get out of it. And you know, but what I love about you is you know how quickly that shit can change on the dime too. So quick, so quick, but you know how happy things can be. Fuck yeah. If you keep that, if you keep it there too, and that's, I mean, you help me, I'm, I'm not, I'm not in recovery. You know what I mean? Like, but we have conversations all the time and it's, you will open my mind up in a different way and it's fucking beautiful man. That's just super cool. It's super cool to have witnessed that change in you. And I like having my sponsor work with me at work. It's so easy. Easy access. I just go to his desk and say, are you busy? Yeah. There was a, there was a, there was a moment between you two one time. You were getting a little frustrated with them. Just not getting through the steps or whatever. And I, whenever you guys are talking, I always walk up. I'm like, okay, I'm going to check it out. And you were going through a rough time. And you were like, I think I need therapy or something. And you, I saw it happen in your face where you got like visually like upset, but you didn't let yourself get upset out of, but you were just, it was very simple. It was very forward. You were like, yeah, Michael, you could go to therapy. That could be the thing that you need to do. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that. Or I come over to your house tonight. We fucking knock out your fourth and fifth steps. What do you say? Let's do some fucking therapy. Yeah. It's funny too. Cause sometimes like, like, you know, when you, when you call your sponsor, sometimes you want your sponsor to just answer everything for you. Like give me the keys to the castle. And when I go and talk to JB, sometimes he's like, well, Michael, yeah, it's never stew. Yeah. That's when you know it's about to get real. This is the time where I'm just going to tell you to go pray. And I appreciate you sharing with me. I'm like, that's it. He's like, yeah, I can't really tell you anything about what you talked to me about. Or there's times where, and I got to go sit at my desk and say, fuck, man, he didn't help me at all. But then when I start saying, praying, I say, oh, okay. It helped completely. It definitely helped. Yeah. And that, cause now I got to go sit in it. And he didn't just give me, here's the answers. Or sometimes he'll tell me some shit that I just don't want to hear. You know, like, what do you always say when we fucking get, we pause when agitated, fucking hate hearing that? Yeah. Cause I got, that means I got to pause 30 fucking times in an hour. Cause I get agitated all the time. We pause when agitated or go read page 68 and 69. Go read that you fucking piece of shit. Well, it's better than not pausing and shooting your mouth off and then seeing how far that gets you. Yeah. You know, that used to happen for me. Yeah. You know, so I heard the other day, Destiny, did you tell me take the cottons out of your ears and put them in your mouth? Did you tell me that? So I heard that somewhere. Someone said, maybe it was in a meeting. Someone said that their sponsor said, hey, fuck ass or fuck whatever they call them. Once you take the cotton out of your ears and stick them in your fucking mouth for a second, shut the fuck up. I was like, wow, that's a good, that's pretty good. God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. For a reason. Yeah. So man, it's awesome seeing how far you've come and how much further you're going to go. Like, I know this, like, I always say, like, there's no end to this, right? Like if we get to a spot to where we think we made it and we might as well just fucking give up. Yeah. Because we, there's always so much more we can do and so much more, so many other people that we can reach out to and help, you know, there's no give up in you guys though. You know, not now, not now, you know, now that, now that you're here, and this goes for everybody, Sean and all these, all these fucking great people, Jake Klein, everybody, you know, there's no like, there's no like, all right, I've made it. There's none of that for, for you guys. Like, I mean, I don't know. I was told you ever get to that point. You're in deep shit. Yeah. Like, I mean, for everybody though, it's not just recovery, but it's the mentality, right? I think it's just in life. Yeah. Like, I, like I couldn't always be better. Right. I'm never going to be the best version of me. I can be better than what I was yesterday, but tomorrow I want to be better than the person I was today. Right? So there's, it's, it's, I think you should always continue to get better and better and better. And the day that you feel like I'm good, I think that's the day where you fucking, that's, that's not a good day. That might be the last day. That might be the last day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know for guys like yourselves, that's a slippery slope. Yeah. You know, so it's like, I mean, what you said at one time, and I'm forgetting the phrase, but you were like, I'm looking over there. If I start looking back there, I'm paraphrasing. I forget what you said. It was a lot more eloquent than this, but you're like, if I, if I'm looking back there, that that shit is fucking dark and scary. Yeah. I need to keep going that way. Yeah. So if you're not fucking helping me get there. Yeah. It was, and this comes from the guy that, that, uh, the director of admissions at that place. It's, you know, you got this group of people, um, in, in, in this community, in this, in this recovery community and, and, and the guys that, you know, I, I, I got recovered with, and he was talking about it. And, and, and this is what I was talking about. You know, I'm going that way. Right. I know what's back there. I know what's over here and I know what's over here. So you motherfuckers can come this way with me. If not, I'll see you later and I wish you the best, right? You know, because we got to go that way, right? You know, otherwise we're fucked. Well, yeah, you've been down the other ways. Yeah. You know, that, that crossroads, it's got three bad ways. You know what I mean? There's one good way, right? The free, for yourselves, for guys like yourselves. So man, I couldn't be any more proud of you, dude. Thanks man. And I'm, you know, honored to call you a friend and, um, there's a lot right back at you. Yeah, man. Yeah. And, um, thank you for finally getting on here and thank you for finally getting that fucking step work done. Get them on here. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael. Finishing your fourth step after y'all's three years. How about that? How about selfish ego right there? You're fucking welcome. Yeah. That's great. So we're going to do your fifth step this week. That's gonna be great. And that's gonna be great. I was going through it today and I was like, I had to remember some shit that, um, that I've done that I was embarrassed to admit to. Like some fucking like, I'll say it, I can say it here. Um, this chick broke up with me and, uh, I started up made a fake Facebook account. All right. With the hot girls picture, I don't even know who it was. Probably fucking Chloe Kardashian or somebody. And, um, I like would make comments on my shit to get her jealous. So she'd come back thinking some chicks trying to scoop up her fucking dude. It didn't work. She didn't come up. Real petty brother. Well, that's great. Shocking that didn't work. I would fucking, uh, I would tell like, I don't even mean to laugh, but like whenever we would break up and she'd go do some shit wrong, I'd make sure that her mom or fucking somebody knew in her family, but hey, you know what she's doing? This is what she's doing. You need to put a stop to that. Got you, bitch. And then I'm like, now looking back, I'm like, bro, like how fucking childish is that? Like I was 38 years old doing that. She, now wonder if she won't fucking be my friend. Yeah. So, and at the end it says, uh, what does it say at the end? Is this, how do you feel about this relationship now? Like our house, the relationship now it's fucking, it's never, it's never, it's non repairable. Like I can't even make an amends to some people. Cause they probably won't, they surely she, I've already tried to make amends to her. She's like, absolutely fucking, literally not. Well, Michael, what I've learned, we're going to give it a shot though. That's what we're going to do. The amends process is not about them. It's about you. Am I right? Well, in some cases, yeah, I mean, you're doing your part, but in some, in some cases it's, it's not for you at all. It's for them. It just depends. Every amends is different, man. Yeah. So. Yeah. I watched you do one one time. I don't even think you saw me see you do it, but it was to a lady who was working with us. She left for a while. I remember. Yeah. And she walked back in and I was talking to Mike or somebody when she walked in. Yeah. I just pulled her aside. And you pulled her aside and she immediately knew what you were doing. She knew what I was doing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And you said, Hey, I have to do this. All right. Like this is something that I have to do. And I, I know how, um, how uncomfortable those things can get. I mean, it's gotta be wildly uncomfortable, but, um, to your point with all of that, man, and what you're saying is, I don't think you're ever going to progress with yourself. Unless you're willing to do those uncomfortable things. Well, the, so I talked about the difference between sober and being recovered, but there's a, the whole point of this thing is to be sober, happy and free. Right. It's not just to be sober because you can be sober and not happy. Right. Right. You can be sober and somewhat happy, but not free. I mean, you remember when every thought was about going to get the next one or how we could sneak away to and hide it from everything. That was not freedom to me. That's not freedom. So, and the, and the, the freedom came in the amends. That's, that's so I was sober and happy, but I wasn't all the way free yet. I think maybe I thought I was, but when I, when I, when I made the heart amends and I still got a couple to go, um, of just people that I haven't been able to get in touch with, um, probably for lack of trying on my part at this point, if I'm being honest, um, you know, but, uh, the, the free part, so we're happy and free. And so I'm excited to get you through this fist step, which is where the initial freedom came from. And then the amends, whether it's for you or not for you, you know, only you're going to experience that when you're in it or, or, and I got to experience was just, that's where the freedom came in. That's where the freedom came, you know, not shackled to the mistakes and the shame and guilt that we made, you know, and I'm sure you're going to be surprised on a lot of them, you know, a lot of some of the ones I thought were going to go well, did not go well. Some of the ones I was dreading and I didn't think we're going to go well at all were the best ones, you know, so it's just, it's crazy. Yeah. I mean, like I say it all the time, but if you expect the worst good things happen from there, right? Like we all play those little mind games when trying to have a, a hard conversation and then sometimes it goes really well. Oh yeah. A lot. Most of the time they went well. Yeah. But, doing what you guys did and putting people through what you put people through, look man, it's just, it's part of the gig. I mean, it's, yep, it's part of it. I heard a quote the other day. It said, we suffer more in our imagination than we ever will in reality. For sure. Well, yeah, because you imagine 99 or a hundred outcomes that 99 of them will probably never even come to fruition. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Well guys, it's Super Bowl Sunday. We all probably have Super Bowl parties to go to. Yeah. I was just about to ask, man, what are the Super Bowl predictions here? I put a little money on the chiefs. Did you? Yeah, I did. All right. All right. And they're favored by one. And if I'm being honest, there's a lady at work that I love very much. And if I didn't go for the chiefs, she would probably have my ass. I know exactly what you're talking about. Well that same lady, I'm going to tell you right now, I love you too. And you have called me a lot of great names before and I love you, but I'm going for the fucking Eagles. Oh man. I'm going for the Eagles. Burn. Fly. He could go to my home. It's not Tom Brady. He will never be. Oh yeah. Anybody that's just getting the game. Oh yeah. You got this Brady infatuation thing. Tom Brady. He won seven more than any NFL team has ever won. He has more rings than any NFL team. He went to 10. My home has an opportunity to do something Brady never did though. If he gets three today. So I'm just saying, and I love Brady too. I'm a big fan. And really the three that we lost, we didn't lose because of him. Okay. There was two miracles. I think it's funny. He's using we phrases as if he lived in New England. I was part of the team. Were you? Yeah. I'm not wearing my ring today. But I was part of the fucking team. I'm from Boston. Yeah. Come on. From Boston. Yeah. So I witnessed the Chiefs this year in the playoffs. I've never been the subscriber to like the refs playing a part. In anybody's success. I've never been that guy. And you don't know, I'm a San Francisco 49ers fan. We've lost a couple of Super Bowls to the Chiefs. A lot of the Niners nation blamed some of those on the refs. I never did. I was like, I never know. It's where the gun never did. So you're completely non-biased. So no, a hundred percent. Now I don't care who wins to be honest with you. But I did witness in that Houston Texans game in the playoffs. Yeah. Though that's my team. Some of those calls could have absolutely changed the outcome of that game. It was the first time where I saw it and I was like, all right, fuck these guys. Like I'm going Philly. It makes me feel bad to say that because now I know you have money on them. Yeah. Hey, let me ask you a question. Since y'all think Tom Brady, Tom Brady, my homes are. The one Super Bowl Mahomes lost. Who do you lose that to? He lost to Tom Brady. Mother fucking Tom Brady. That's what I'm talking about. His worst Super Bowl performance ever got beat by the goat. Yeah. Thank you. I'm fucking. If this was a mic and I was holding it, drop that bitch. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you for that. I mean, we also have a long time left with Mahomes. That's the other thing. Well, Kelsey's not gonna be there much longer. He's old. He's getting older and Taylor Swift. Well, I won't say nothing bad about Taylor Swift. Yeah, dude, we don't want to put bad juju in the air. We're not on the air. We're not as big as Taylor Swift. Yeah, you might fuck around and get cursed. Yeah, look, we're big fans. I don't have my daughter listen to you all the time. I don't know that we should have eight year old little girls watching our podcast. But it wouldn't hurt to have Taylor Swift on our side. You know, like, you know, about Taylor Swift, which is funny. Now that we're talking about her in this recovery podcast, she has a song where some of the lyrics really make me think if she either has some experience with recovery or, you know, she's been affected by it where she talks about living an altruistic life. I'd never heard that word until I got into recovery. I don't know. I mean, I've never heard it until just now. And altruistic life is living a selfless life. It's, you know, it's living a selfless life. So I was just kidding. When I heard that song, when I heard the lyrics, I was like, I wonder. I think probably these days, everybody's affected by it in some way, shape or point. For sure. Like, whether you don't go through it yourself, somebody that you love has went through it or is currently going through it. Yeah, I imagine at this day and age with as, as how rampant, um, addiction has become. That's alcoholism or, or, or drugs that most families, if not all families in this country have some have somebody been affected. Maybe it's down the line. Maybe it's a cousin. Maybe it's a cousin. Maybe like even I talk about Amy's son, my son, they are going to be affected by this one way or the other. Right. And it's, you either are, or you love someone who is, they are going to rub elbows with a kid now that maybe down the road, they stay close to, and they're going to get bit by the bug dude. I mean, there's days they might lose some of those people too. Yeah. That's the killer. Yeah. That's a terrible thing about it. Yeah. Well, God, buy some Narcan, put in your backpack, keep it with you at all times. Yeah. I mean, we should be sponsored by Narcan. I'm sure that the prey are like one of the companies. No, I'm dead. Dead ass. We will do, we will fucking huff not Narcan on your. I'm not going to do that. I have heard people sitting in these chairs talk about how horrible that is. That's because they're coming. They're going from being high to not being high at all. I wouldn't. Yeah. You don't want it? I'm waiting. Yeah. Nope. I don't want to fucking do that. You know what? If it doesn't do nothing. You go first. Okay. What? Give us a sponsorship and all you're doing is straight right on the fucking air. We're going to shoot Joey up with a bunch of heroin. We're going to load them up and then see if it fucking works on camera. That'd be awesome. To speak about that, what's crazy is, is with fentanyl these days, um, I think our generation got to fuck around with drugs long enough to develop addiction or to get into addiction. Yeah. Now it'll just kill you, which is crazy to say now, you know, especially kids or, or, or people who relapse don't even get the opportunity. And this is crazy to phrase it like this, right? Don't even get the opportunity maybe to battle addiction and get through it. Yeah. They're just dead. Yeah. They don't have a chance. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. I never thought about that. Yeah. We had to suffer for 10 years to get through it. I'm gladly, gladly, gladly went through it in order to be here with you guys today. Uh, you know, to just have that at one time. And it's crazy. Like what, I mean, it's even in a Adderall now. It's in everything. I mean, but like the Adderall pills that I've seen, well, they're pressing Adderall pills and put them, putting them, you know, so anyway, don't take pills. Yeah. Well, thanks for having me on guys. Oh no, dude. Hey, thank you so much for coming, dude. I'm beyond grateful. And this isn't going to be the last time that you come, by the way, you're, you're going to be in here a little bit more. Well, one of the changes, I think we're going to have a couple of revolving people come through here to, uh, gonna start seeing some of the same faces. And you're definitely one of them. And, um, I can't, uh, I'll be happy to do it. At the end of the day, I mean, I hope what we talked about, uh, this podcast, I just hope it helps somebody. Yeah. Well, it helps somebody. If it helps one person, one person, I'll, uh, I'd be happy to come here every week if that was the case, you know, you'll have me on, um, you know, if I'm able to be here and do it. Absolutely. Well, here's the thing is we usually tell people how to find you through social media's JB does not have social media. I don't have a social media. No, not any zero, dude. You're the first person. He's living like it's 1899 and shit. Like, like AOL dialogue. I actually don't blame you. Cause before this thing took me about three months into two acts in the morning where you guys were like, motherfuckers, can you please get a, I had to get one. You still don't, but, um, I don't know. Maybe I can be talked into reactivating the book face as we call it or in space, look face, look, or the insta. I know, I know your, your girlfriend. She is on, she's on both. She is. She could probably show you a thing or two about how to, she's good. She's great though. She doesn't mess with me about it at all. Yeah. Well, no, no, I mean, but you could help a lot of people. She's a much better thing to look at than I am anyway. Yeah. So, when, if you need to find John Bryant, this is what you do. Look for the six, five tall, handsome drink of water, walking around Austin, Texas. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. All right. All right. All right. Well, with that being said, I love you buddy. Love you too, man. I love you buddy. Thank you so much for coming on. Let's go get this Super Bowl madness underway. Two addicts and a moron. Hold on. I got one shout out. Oh, we got a shout out. That's what you're digging for. I got a shout out. A Shelby and Brandi Tucker. They run a rehab and multiple, um, sober livings in Oklahoma, I believe. Okay. Shelby, Shelby and Brandi Tucker. Yes. Shout out. Shout out. All right. Thank you for watching. Yep. No, appreciate you guys. Thank you so much and keep doing what you're doing. You're doing better work than us. So thank you so much. Thank you. Two addicts and a moron. We're out.