Episode 364: Helping Girls Feel Ready and Capable in Today’s World with Kari Kampakis

Parents, are you looking for a screen-free, engaging way to teach your kids the Bible? One that's easy to understand and enjoyable for multiple ages? Kids Bible Stories Podcast is here to help. I created this for my own children, and it's now a favorite among thousands of families. Kids love the vivid imagery, scriptures, and sound effects, while parents appreciate the apply section for meaningful conversations. We have hundreds and hundreds of beautiful episodes that bring the Bible to life when you simply press play. It's a sound and practical resource that walks alongside you as you teach your kids. We want kids to see how incredible God's Word is in an engaging and memorable way with Kids Bible Stories Podcast. Listen to Kids Bible Stories Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hey friends, welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast. I'm Sissy Goff, and I'm David Thomas, and we're so glad you've joined us for this conversation. Let's dive in. Carrie Kampakis is an author and national speaker from Birmingham, Alabama. Her best-selling books love her well more than a mom, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know and Liked have been used widely across the U.S. for group studies in her first devotional for teen girls, yours not hers, 40 devotions to stop comparisons and love your life, released in January 2025. Carrie's work has been featured on the Today Show, Today Parents, Focus on the Family, EWTN, Bethany Hamilton's Mother-Daughter Experience, Live in Love with Amy Downs and Lauren Aikens and other national outlets. She also hosts the Girl Mom Podcast. Carrie and her husband, Harry, have four daughters and a dog named Lola. We cannot wait for you to listen into this conversation with our dear friend, Carrie Kampakis. And make sure you listen all the way through because Carrie is giving us great information not just on girls. I really think out of all of the authors I talk about in my office, your name is who I talk about the most. Oh, Sissy. It's genuinely. That means the world to me. Well, with girls and with parents. I mean, Carrie, you just for so long have put out great information for both and it's hard to write for both. Yes. And I just am so thankful you're in the world giving the great, helpful information that you are and we're so excited about the new book. Thank you. Well, I just can't thank the two of you enough. I mean, I joke that I'm like, I've quoted y'all so much. It's almost embarrassing sometimes, but you know, it's just neat how God works because so much of my parenting perspective has been shaped by like what I've learned from you. So you don't even realize how you're discipling people as authors and parents too. I mean, just the work y'all are doing is so important. So thank you. Well, we love your voice so much. We've wanted to have you on the podcast repeatedly, but we've never gotten to have you a Nashville. You're here at the Daystar House today. It's so fun. It's amazing. Oh, no. You are, we realized today, one of, you are one of our four most popular guests. Like we have only had four people three times. Really? And you're one of them. Oh, thank you. Well, we're so honored. It's so fun. Yes. Every time when I saw that invitation from y'all, I'm like, yes, it's easy, easy. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. And we're, I mean, we have way more questions than we need to have because there's so many things we want to talk about with you. And your new book, as I said, we're so excited about it. Thank you. And we love the idea that it begins with today's girls need grace and grip. And we could not agree more. So will you give a, well, will you tell a little bit about the book first? Yes. And will you talk about what you mean by both and why the combination of the two feels especially important right now? Yes. Yes. Well, the book really came about, I guess it was, it was after COVID, I was invited to write another book for parents by my editors. And I really just prayed about it. And I started thinking like, what do I think parents need now after love her well and more than a mom, those two books. And the, the thing that kept coming to mind as light and darkness. And it's funny that with it being published now, like it really feels so relevant, even more so two years later than when I started writing it. But I just, you know, not that with, with daughters and y'all know this, there's just this great irony. And I'm sure with sons too, that, you know, in their little, you're focusing on the good in the world. And you're teaching them, be kind, be compassionate, fruit of the Holy Spirit, all the grace, you know, teaching them, I was taking them to etiquette classes when my kids were little, right? Teaching them all the good things. But then they get older and especially as they're about to go to college, you know, you're focusing on the hard realities of life. And I'm like, in my work, I see that some of the girls that get taken advantage of the most are the sweet little Christian girls who've grown up surrounded by loving parents and trustworthy people. And so, you know, they grow up and I'm like, we're going to self-defense classes. Good. You know, and we're, I want you to have eyes and back your head and love many, but trust you and like really trust your gut, tune into that discernment. And so that's really where the grace and grit came about. And I think, especially raising girls in the South, you know, I think we, you know, very, you know, we teach them integrity and to be kind and all of that, but sometimes it's hard for them to switch gears and, you know, tell them, if you're in a harmful situation, like all bets are off, you know, like, you don't have to be polite to somebody who's giving you the creeps, like you, and it's hard for them to make that switch. And I think that's just an important conversation to have with them, having that grace, but also that grit, and not only grit, if you're in a harmful situation, but also just, you know, when you, you're going to face disappointments, you're going to have heartaches, you know, they might even face trauma, you know, we don't know what our children are going to experience. And like, we want them to have that inner resilience and that inner strength that comes from God ultimately. Amen. Okay, building on that, Carrie, I love how you talk about helping girls believe in goodness without being naive. I want to camp out in that space and preparing them for hard realities without allowing those hard realities to harden them. So what are some of the hard realities that you think are most often overlooked and what can parents do to help prepare their daughters for them? Yes, well, like I said, I think just the audience that I speak to, you know, most of these parents do love their daughters so well, and that is great. And these girls have been surrounded by love. And I think they sometimes, it's, I don't want to say they've grown up in a bubble, but it can be a little bit, like I said, they don't understand that not everybody is trustworthy. And an example of that is I remember when my daughter turned 16 and she was, you know, she and her friends were all excited to drive around and it was Friday night and they wanted to go have a picnic on Friday night, but they wanted to have it in railroad park in downtown Birmingham. And I'm like, no, you and, you know, this other beautiful 16 year old girl, you're not going to downtown Birmingham and having this picnic. And why, you know, because she just, she was in her mind, everybody was safe. Everybody's good because she's been surrounded by that. And so, so frustrating to me, but I'm like, she doesn't, she hasn't seen what I've seen. She hasn't experienced the tough realities of this world. And it's so hard to, like, protect that. Like, I want to protect your tender heart, but you also got to be no what you're up against too. And so that's, I think just teaching our daughters that just like that spirit of discernment, which is a whole chapter in the book. But I love that that is a chapter in the book. I love it. Well, you know, and it's funny, I read, we just read packaged liked my second book and they asked me to add a new chapter to that. And I was like, what do we need? And I did a whole chapter on discernment. I'm so excited about that. Yeah. Teaching them to tune in. And so, yeah. And that, I think, like I said, just the grace and the grit and, you know, just knowing what they're up against, but we don't want it to, we still want them to have that tender heart. But also, I think, I think anytime they're a little bit forewarned is forearmed. And so even with daughters, like, you know, we both know that meanness is on a whole new level. This same agent, starting earlier and earlier, these girls are struggling with friendships. And I think anytime we can tell them, you know, you're going to encounter some, some mean girl situations, you're going to be, somebody's going to say something really hurtful to you one day. And I think just having a heads up about that. And sometimes I even tell moms these stories. And I'm like, I don't think they believe me until it happens two years later. Right. And then they go back and like, what did she write about that? But, you know, we know that having the experience that we do, but it's like, you know, so that way when it happens, come to me, we'll talk through it. And that is somebody's opinion about you. That is not the truth. And then really rooting our children in the truth of God, helping them find their identity in Christ. And I think it can make all the difference when you're rooted in the truth, that whatever people say to you, you have that truth to call to mind. Like, this is who God says I am. And I'm God's masterpiece. And they just can't hear that enough. Yes. Amen. Amen. Well, okay, we could talk about a million things that we love about this book. But another one is, which everything, I feel like we're always so likehearted and so many things. But the fact that you talk about cultivating a mission mindset, so important and so powerful and even healing, I think for kids. And so, we, you talk about what that looks like in a teenager's life today and how parents can foster that instead of just being so success driven, because it's easy to be not even just because we care so much about success, but I think any more to get into college, it's like you have to think about success academically and extracurricularly and all the way. So, we talk about what it looks like to foster that. Yes. I mean, I think our children, they just can't hear it enough that their greatest life purpose. And I tell this to moms too, even greater than motherhood is to know, love and serve the Lord. And just helping our children believe that he created you uniquely. He created you to live authentically and not identically to every girl out there. Wait, we say that again. That was God created our children to live authentically and not identically to everyone else out there. And you're even hearing this, I have some friends with signs and they're like, all the girls are exactly alike. Like they want to just be clones of each other. And I mean, that's just, that's something that's always happened. But even more so in this age of social media, girls sometimes bury the best part of themselves and they bury their authentic, unique life experiences that God wants to use as part of their mission. And so, just one little example that comes to mind is that, you know, teaching our children like, rather than think your life is wrong because you're comparing it to everybody else's like really mind your life. Like what desires and dreams has God put in your heart? What skills do you have that maybe where do you run your five minute mile? Something that comes more naturally to you than somebody else. But my daughter had a friend that in high school loved making drone videos. This is something I heard recently. And so, and we just, it's a different, it's a very niche interest and we love her, but she was always making these drone videos because she was not scared to be herself. And that's just what she wanted. So cool. Right. And so anyway, fast forward a few years, she just graduated from college. She got a job at Brass Fiddle and Gory. It's a huge construction company in Birmingham. She's working in the marketing department and she's making drone videos. Construction sites. Incredible. And I thought, you know, thank you God that she did not bury that interest that probably, I've never heard of anybody who had that interest. You know, it was a very niche interest, but God put that there on her heart for a reason and she's going to be successful at it. And so I think that's just an example of like helping our children see that about themselves. Maybe you love football, you know, but you're small and you're never going to be a great football player, but you also love statistics. And so, you know, maybe that person might go into sports, broadcasting or, you know, helping our kids connect those dots. And the other thing I've thought about so much lately is we are so focused on numbers and academics. Yes. But it's very interesting having older children and seeing like who's getting jobs and hearing about the more and who's getting into grad school and the importance of the interview. And I call them the soft skills and teaching our kids like for some kids, school is a struggle, you know, they're struggling to get a C in math and that's C is for celebrate, right? Sometimes I've heard of that one time from a counselor. But yeah, and so, but they might have a great gift for like remembering names or just those soft skills. I wish I had that skill still. I know. That's a huge soft skill. I know. Period. Yeah. So my daughter, but my daughter had another friend that I thought this was a good story too. She had an internship last summer and it was with a Fortune 500 company in Atlanta. And she liked, she joked like, I don't know how I got the job because she was the only SEC sorority girl and it was all these Ivy League students that were interns with her. But she just felt lucky to be there. But this girl is just one of my favorite people. Best attitude, sweetest personality. At the end of the summer, they could choose one intern to give the full-time job to for the following year and they chose her. Yeah. And so her mom told me that they later told her, they were like, you're always dressed appropriately. You can make small talk. We can send you into a board meeting last minute and we know that you're going to represent us well. And like she's really strong in those soft skills. She had the, she had the ability to do the job too. But I just think that's something we don't talk about enough with our kids. And I'm just seeing it over and over that you could have the best GPA in the world. You can go to the most academic college in the world. But if you don't have those soft skills, that that can really be what helps somebody stand out. Yes. Yeah. That's so good. You know, we are firm believers that we all need a little more laughter and a whole lot more grace. And if you are raising a child with ADHD, dyslexia, autism or another learning and thinking difference, you know how intense some days can feel. The advocacy, the school meetings, the meltdowns, the moments when you wonder if you're getting any of it right. If that hits home, we recently found a podcast we think you'll really appreciate. It's called Everyone Gets a Juice Box for Parents of Neurodivergent Kids. Check out a few episodes, including one about parenting regrets after an ADHD and autism diagnosis. 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That's Shopify.com slash RBG. Okay, you mentioned Mean Girls a few minutes ago. Can we circle back? Because that feels like an important place for us to camp out. Not a pleasant place to camp out, but an important place. And thinking about the evidence we're seeing on this end of just that being more prevalent than ever and how hard it is for so many girls to find their way to healthy relationships. You talk so well, one of the pillars of the book is about modeling those relationships. And will you talk for parents listening right now? Just how could they be about that even today and what differences that make? Yeah, well, and I'd like to hear y'all's opinion on this. One of the biggest issues, I think, I think one of the root problems that I see in my work, you're like, why are we having such a mean girl problem? I think it's because we're a narcissistic society. And I think even as parents and I've been guilty of this, we spend so much time thinking about how are other people treating my child? How are they perceiving my child? What is being done to my child? And we're truly not taking five minutes to consider how is my child treating other people. And I tell girls all the time, I'm like, every healthy relationship is always going to consist of two givers, two people. You can either be a giver or a taker. And if you have two givers, you don't have to keep score. You don't have to worry about it. It's going to work through marriage and friendship. But you see a lot of relationships where somebody is trying to be kind, they're giving, but it's not being reciprocated. And yet they keep trying and trying and trying. And I've done this article recently that it just resonates with a lot of moms that what I see is that a lot of kind girls, especially middle school, fall through the cracks. And sometimes in high school, it's just, and I think that's where it's very tempting to just take the other path. Like, well, this is what it takes to be in this friend group or to be popular or to have social limitations. And you just want to tell them, don't do it. Long term, but it can be a wait. And I tell girls too, I don't know any girl who makes it to college without a lonely season along the way. Even the ones that you think are popular have some imitations. I'm like, moms tell me things. And people, you would be surprised. The cheerleaders, the popular girls, everybody has those lonely seasons. And kindness is not always appreciated or rewarded, especially middle school and high school. But those are the girls that I see go to college and they thrive. Because at that age, people are like, they've had mean friend experiences. By that time, they're smarter in picking their friends than they were in seventh grade when they went to middle school. And they know exactly what they want. And not only that, but I see a lot of girls who did take that mean path that paid off maybe middle school and high school, but it kind of blows up in their face in college. I'll tell girls, don't burn bridges because things will come back. And you kind of see that people, your reputation can proceed you, not just in being wild or whatever, but also in being unkind. And so that's one of my new passions is talking these fifth and sixth graders. Just learn this lesson, man. Yes. Yes. Just that so many girls, that you have the ear of so many girls makes me so grateful. Because yes, I certainly think girls are meaner than ever. And I think moms are meaner. I do too. I do too. Out of that, exactly. It's a protectiveness. It's a protective. It's a great intention. Right. But we're doing a lot of damage and making it worse. Yes. I think it's all about what's happening to my child and what not what my child might be doing or treating people. So glad you're talking about all this. Okay. Let's talk about, for David's sake, let's talk about boys for a minute. Okay. And what you would say, what, what from the book do you feel like applies to boys as well? And how do we help know that our boys are ready or how do we help get them ready? That is a great question. You know, it's funny, my friends with boys say that like 90% of my work applies to boys too. Yes. I agree. Yeah. And I don't know what chapter would be most relevant. Maybe the trust in God, just the faith chapter. But you know, what I wish if I was speaking to boys and I love your book, is it raising emotionally healthy boys? That should be required reading for every boy. I'm like, I read it and got so much out of it as a girl mom. It is so good. But just, you know, don't be scared to rise up and don't be scared to show that healthy masculinity. And I think I was like, one day I will speak to boys and I'm like, I think they would be shot at the things that girls pick up on that they like and that impresses them when a guy shows character and integrity that there's something that a good girl is going to be attracted to that. And just like little things like I think about just things I've heard every time, like, you know, my daughter, one of my daughters has been dating a boy for a few years. And I remember after their first date, he took her to dinner and she told me he just reminds me of dad. And I was like, well, what is it? She's like, well, just like what my water glass was empty and he noticed and he filled it back up. And then, you know, the same daughter, this boy, he took, he's Catholic and she and some Catholic friends wanted to go to church one night freshman year. So he came and picked them all up. So took these three girls to church and he's just a good guy. But like when the tray was coming around, he gave them each a dollar to put in the tray. Yeah. Like girls pick up on not every girl, but I'm like the girls that you want in your life are going to be impressed by that. Yes. And even my 10th grader, I just went to homecoming with a friend and that makes it even more special when a guy does this and it's just his friend. But she was like, he was such a good day. Like, he'd come check on me and she took off her shoes at one point and he asked if, you know, she wanted him to carry her shoes. And so I just think like, don't be scared to be that guy. And some girls want to appreciate it. Like I meet moms and they're like, my son has tried to do that. And his one mom was like, his girlfriend got mad at him when he'd opened doors and her mom would get mad at him. Like they didn't want him doing that being a gentleman, basically. And I'm like, let her go date a jerk for about two weeks and she will change her tune. You know, she's not going to appreciate that. And some people won't. They will not appreciate a guy who holds himself to high standards until they date somebody who's the opposite. And most girls go through at least one relationship like that to drive you that way. So I guess my message to boys is like, you know, stay in there, you know, don't give up just because it's not being rewarded or appreciated right now because it matters. Yes, it sure does. Kari, you talk about creating an environment of trust in God. We love that language. And how would you say parents could be doing that right now? Yes, it is so hard. And I think we live in an age of very engaged parenting. And that's the hard part is like, and we're meant to engage. And sometimes we do need to step in and we do need to do something. But also in this age, we can overstep boundaries. And there's a balance like, when do we make that phone call? And when do we wait and pray? And when do we say something? And when do we bite our tongue? And so, you know, I think just showing our children that sometimes we don't get answered, we don't get all the answers at first. And they're not things are not going to always go according to plan A. But our job as parents is to like, just trust God with the process. And it's so hard. But an example that comes to mind that I shared in the book, and this was something this was growth on my part, because I probably would have handled it differently as a younger mom. But I'm, you know, one of my daughters really struggles on the standardized testing. She had a great GPA, but standardized tests are not her friend. And we were always like, we're not worried about you, you're gonna have a job, you're gonna do great in life. But just, you know, the ACT, so she was wanting to go to a certain college. And that's the college I thought she was going to go to. And it was junior year, she had taken the ACT probably five times, her score had not budged about three of those times. And she was so frustrated. And she got her scores back. And it was the same as the prior two times. And she was doing tutors, trying so hard. And she just had a breakdown. And so part of me, the doer in me was like wanting to double down on tutors, because I'm like, because I like, we can get it up. I don't know if this is going to get her in first round. But when I saw her crying, I'm like, that is not what she needs. And I'm like, what are we trying to do? Like her mental health is more important than anything. And say my husband and I knew that our job was to take the pressure off. So we're like, we are not worried about you. And you don't need to be worried about yourself. Like, you're doing all the right things, you're doing your part. And God is going to open the doors. It need to be open. But, and I mean, I saw the visible relief on her face. She's like, thank you, you know, not that she felt the pressure from us, but just because she put so much pressure on herself. Yes. But in my heart, I was worried, you know, and I'm like, I'm presenting that front to her. But I'm like, oh, I need to go talk to the here about this. Like, what do we do? But I knew that she was already so stressed with junior year doing the testing. So anyway, we didn't, we didn't, we just trust a guy. And here's the irony. She got in first round, and then she decided not to go there. She made a different choice. And I was like, thank you, God, that I didn't follow my mama bear instinct and go double now on Tito's and try to control the situation and say, you can do it. You know, we just need to plug through it because that's not what she needed. And so, but that took some maturity on my part. And like I said, I might not have done that five or 10 years prior. Yeah. But. And intuition. Just like you're helping the girls discover. Mm hmm. 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And you have spoken. When did light come out the first time? It came out in 2016. Wow. Okay. So almost 10 years of speaking directly in such a beautiful way to girls. Can you give parents one important reminder that you would say when it comes to girls in social media and helping ward off some of the loneliness and isolation that we feel like is so significant? Getting the book liked would be one. When does the new one come out? It will come out I think November 2026. Okay. So they got it. 10 year anniversary. But they could read the old one for now. That's right. They could get the original. Okay. Yes. You know I think the big thing is just knowing that your race is unique. Yes. And comparison is never helpful. You're either going to feel better than somebody or worse than somebody and neither one of those things is going to build your relationships. These girls are so lonely and they want better relationships but if you're always comparing yourself you're either going to feel better or worse and neither one of those helps your relationships. Yeah. And so really teaching girls like I said you're meant to live authentically. Your story is unique. So running your race that God created you to run using your gifts and talents and experiences and then cheering on the girls beside you in the race that they were born to run. Yes. And it's hard and I think we've got to be honest with our girls like jealousy is natural. Like I still feel jealous all the time when I'm on social media but it's like what do I do with those unhealthy thoughts? Yes. Or if I'm having an ugly thought or a jealous thought is you know taking that thought captive and replacing it with a healthy thought and it's work you know. And it's work. But I think that that is what helps us you know get to the other side and when I'm speaking to girls on this subject I often say like pray about it you know like I realized a few years ago especially with social media I was having a real problem with jealousy. I still feel it now but I was like having a real struggle with it and I was like God please you know take this take this away like help me feel genuinely happy for people. And it took time but I could feel him like freeing my heart of that until like suddenly I was like I genuinely feel happy for her. I can truly celebrate this this person who's ahead of me. And so I just think that you know just knowing it's a journey and giving ourselves grace but you know if we want people in our life to cheer us on if we want to have the balcony people in our life we've got to sit on the balcony for other people too. Yes I love that. Okay Carrie we're talking in this stretch of the podcast about the idea of kids being capable. How would you say you have seen the capability of girls change over the years? That's a great question. I think the fear of failure is what makes girls feel incapable. They're so scared to fail. Yes. And so you know even at younger and younger ages just they're so scared and I think in social media is just trickling down and even if your child is not on social media or online they have friends that are and it's just everything's just getting earlier and earlier and like when I see the biggest difference even versus my kids my youngest is in 10th grade when my kids were in second and third grade they were a little bit oblivious they still had like if you I mean they look back now like mom why did you wear let me wear that ugly justice t-shirt. I love that t-shirt like you know like those that was your outfit you wanted to wear that every day I chose my battles right but you know they weren't so self-conscious and they weren't dressing like the older girls because it wasn't trickling down but now you see these little second and third graders and they're dressed like the mamas and they're dressed like the college girls and they feel very self-conscious of everybody's wearing lululemon and they're not and I'm like second grade like my kids were just blissfully unaware at that age and that was part of their childhood and that's the bliss of childhood and now I think it's just earlier and earlier that insecurity and again wanting to bury the best part of yourself and those those natural dream I'm like this child and them is what they're gonna be trying to get back to when they're an adult when they're trying to remember what did I really like when I was little like before I worried about what people would think about me or if this was cool or not. I love that well so David mentioned the word but we have a book coming out in The Spring called Capable which again the like-heartedness of where we seem to go. Yes. And I know a little bit from talking to you about your mom who we all three have lost our moms and know how hard that is but also pictures of your adorable dad. Oh thank you. And thinking about when you were growing up what is something your parents did to help you experience how capable you were? Yes that was a great question too. I think the best thing my parents did for me and this goes back to what we just talked about they were not scared for us to fail. My parents and I grew up in the 80s and so I think I'm like around the same time as our sissy but you know back then unintentional parenting wasn't really a thing. I mean we kind of raised ourselves I was number four in my family so my little sister and I were like we're a little bit on our own so there wasn't much intentional parenting but I think my parents got the big picture things right you know they instilled faith and they were not scared for us to fail and because of that they were always encouraging us to take healthy rest like run for SGA be in the beauty walk they truly did not care if we want you know they didn't care they weren't worried about how to make them look as a parent and I went back and I was such a type A anxious child like I just wanted to you know succeed at everything and I think you know that gave me the courage to go do it because I was such I had a fear of failure but they the way they treated it I was like well if it doesn't work out it's not a big deal and my dad's advice was like you know you're gonna have to get up in front of people the rest of your life so even if you don't win the election getting up and giving a speech in front of the school is going to help you later and it's funny I know and I'm like you know you become a writer so you don't have to speak and little do you know your book comes out and you're invited to speak yeah but I remember those first events like what made me feel capable of being a speaker is those childhood experiences that I had but I only did them because my parents took the pressure off of the result you know my dad would tell me you know do your best and trust god with the results and that was the best gift that they gave to me and they did it for my siblings too and they as a result were not scared to fail also that's awesome look great reminder okay raising four girls yourself what is one thing you would say you've done to help them feel capable you know probably taking the lead of my parents and just encourage them to put themselves out there and it's hard because we live in a very successful community like y'all do and nobody likes to fail but just like it's okay and helping them see like even if this doesn't work out this experience is what's going to help you and I thought of this recently like one of my daughters she was my dancer and say last spring she's like I just loved to dance like she wanted to keep dancing in college so I was like why don't you try out for all gonna Auburn Tiger Paul's she's a freshman Auburn this year there were only four spots open you know one of the girls who'd been the Auburn Tiger Paul was Abby Stockard who was Miss America so that kind of brought a lot of attention to the team too because I think there were even more people trying out than normal okay the odds were totally against her they were against most of the girls trying out but I wasn't scared for her to fail I'm like this experience is going to be great no matter what you know like just go do it and so she did it and you know she felt good about her try out it didn't work out and that's fine I'm like most of the girls trying out are not gonna have a spot on the team but the good thing about it was during that try out she met other girls who loved to dance and she reconnected with them this year and they just started a dance club at Auburn and she's been several weeks now because of who she met at the tryout and I mean she called me one day she was so happy and excited because she just loves to dance it wasn't just it wasn't like she'd grown up dying to be an Auburn Tiger Paul it would have been great but she just loved to dance and she's like I forgot how fun it is just to dance for fun and not have a routine or not have a performance like they're just doing it on Wednesday nights for the fun of it and I think that is such an example of like don't be worried if they don't make it like God and I tell them God is going to use that experience it might be somebody you meet it might be a word of wisdom you hear during the tryout it might who knows what it is but it's not a waste yes well I'm sad we're getting to the end of our questions because I feel like we could talk to you for so long for the parent who's listening that is thinking well I don't know is my daughter ready I certainly need the book which we would wholeheartedly recommend what is one practical thing you would say to those parents that could maybe move a needle today if they were to start practicing yes you know we I guess going back to discernment just really talking to your daughter and to your son about discernment because what we have to realize as parents is we're not always going to be with them but God is and I'm like I'm not in their brain I'm not in their heart you know God has a plan for them and I'm like we're supposed to enable it and not interrupt that plan but teaching them like you know that discern for yourself so even when mom were visiting college campuses like you know think about how it makes you feel when you're on this campus like what feels like home and I can't tell you that then you know this is I've been to college this is not my experience even when my daughter was going through rush everybody assumed you know my sisters and I were all the same sorority her daughters were the same sorority they said that my daughter would do that too and I'm like I'm not putting that pressure on her good for you like I've been in a sorority yes I loved it it was right for me but it might not be right for her and so it's like you know you it's your discernment what is where do you feel like God is calling you to be like you want to be where God is calling you to be as I think the more we do that for our daughters teaching them you know what decisions bring you peace and it might be should I take advanced English or regular English but just those little decisions when they're younger it just trains them to get in that habit of like tuning into their guts so that when they're older and they're talking to somebody you're like this person's nice and I feel bad for thinking this but something just gives me the the willies you know but that's that discernment and that's how God speaks to them and so just really teaching them how to tune into that and know that that's often how God is speaking to us and guiding us and you know we might not have a whole roadmap but a lot of times he will give us a little bit of like more peace about a certain decision than another decision and you can look back later and be like oh that was definitely the right choice but at first it was just a little inkling yes amen and amen Keri you do a remarkable job of the way you champion kids and parents and make you feel doable there's a there's a piece that you exude in that that's extraordinary in fact for those of you watching on youtube patches is just leaning into that you just nestled right there beside you I'm taking patches absorbing it still fit in my purse grateful for how you would share that with folks today and we end every episode with something fun and food related and to the conversation we've been sharing we really believe strongly that the practical of kids helping contributing to meal preparation and execution is a great way for them to feel capable so yes we'd love to ask you was there a meal either from your growing up or one that you loved preparing with your girls and they're growing up that was a favorite and would you maybe share the recipe with us yes okay well I have to be honest I am not a great cook but I'm married to a Greek who comes from a line of great cooks and so he's a cook at our family fantastic and so I think it came from when they sold their business and he was home for a couple years and I'm driving carpools so he started doing dinner when he can and so the girls but he got smart you know as they got to be teenagers he's like girls you know if you want to cook come help me and so they're used to helping their dad but we did a trip to Greece this summer and took a cooking class in Poros and it was one of those farm to table cooking classes and so I will definitely share the recipes with you we made tzatziki sauce and then this these zucchini balls zucchini croquettes that my girls love oh they're very easy it's very doable you know one just you grate the zucchini and any onions but it's not hard to make sounds amazing and it's good to do as a family so I will definitely give you those recipes we love it yes Carrie thank you thank you just so happy to you're changing the game for crocs and for parents well I feel that way about both of you I just I wish I could clone you and put you in every city in America so sweet what I do in my work what you're doing matters so much so Nashville is lucky to have you well we're glad to have you for the day I know thank you thank you David what a team we have that we get to call friends who help make this podcast possible Chris Sterrett our engineer our management team at KCH and we are thrilled to be a part of the That Sounds Fun Network our music was created by the insanely talented Dave Haywood of Lady A and if this podcast felt helpful to you please consider subscribing liking sharing all the things we are grateful for you and cheering you on always Parents are you looking for a screen-free engaging way to teach your kids the Bible one that's easy to understand and enjoyable for multiple ages kids Bible stories podcast is here to help I created this for my own children and it's now a favorite among thousands of families kids love the vivid imagery scriptures and sound effects while parents appreciate the apply section for meaningful conversations we have hundreds and hundreds of beautiful episodes that bring the Bible to life when you simply press play it's a sound and practical resource that walks alongside you as you teach your kids we want kids to see how incredible God's word is in an engaging and memorable way with kids Bible stories podcast listen to kids Bible stories podcast wherever you get your podcasts