#759 - STEVE RENNAZZISI + JOE LIST

I'm Craig Melvin. Cheers, cheers, cheers. I've always been a glass half-full kind of guy. And now, I'm talking to some people who look at the world that way too. Some really fascinating folks who share their defining moments, their triumphs, challenges, their stories, their funny and my candid. So I hope you'll join me each week and who knows. You might just come away with your own glass half-full. Search Glass Half-full with Craig Melvin from today on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Killtony and every episode of Killtony can be found at Desquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHingeCliff.com for everything the Golden Pony TonyHingeCliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Desquad Merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Give me! Big sense of brand brand brand brand ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best damn band in all of the land, everybody. The Killtony band. Make some noise for them. Ha, you're at the number one live podcast in the world. Brought to you by prize picks, Quo, Shopify, and Zipper Cruder. How we fucking feel in a night people, huh? We're gonna watch some comedians try to do comedy tonight. It's gonna be a real hoot nanny. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week I booked two of the funniest people I know in the world this weekend. No different. This is a special one down to the nitty-gritty. Just two pure fucking real stand-up comedians. Two of my favorites. Two of the best in the world. Make some noise for Jill L. And Steve Ran is easy. Here we go. No less. Steve, mother fucking and Ran is easy. We are gonna have some fun tonight. Everybody, I'm excited about this one day. I'm excited to see you guys. I'm excited to see you guys. I'm excited to see you guys. I'm excited to see you guys. Tonight everybody, I'm excited about this one. Jill List has a new special out on YouTube called Small Ball. Welcome back, Joe. Thank you. Next we're having me. I appreciate it. And one of my favorites since I started a true comedy store fucking comic. I used to dog sit for him. I used to house sit for him. I thought life was never gonna get any better than that. And we thought you fucked our dog too. The great Steve Ran is easy. Thank you guys. You guys have done this show before. You know how it works. About 300 insane people have signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket. Some of them, some of the most promising talent of the future of the art form of stand-up comedy. Some of them are completely crazy. In fact, recently we had a guy who's just a stalker of a female comedian who did a minute just so that he could maybe get to meet her and get close to her. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Somehow it remains the number one live podcast in the world. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Which just interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. Absolutely anything can happen. And the whole thing is improvised. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Well we go wrangle that first bucket pool of the night. Getting us started with a brand new minute. This young lady was discovered here on the show. She spent some of her last money to get on an airplane from Tampa, Florida to come to Austin, Texas. Live in an arena on Netflix. She got pulled out of a bucket. Want a golden ticket in front of the world. Ladies and gentlemen here with a brand new minute. Make some noise for the return of young everybody. People being asked what my type is. I'm really into Arabic guys. I found them very attractive. I like their stick hair, sharp facial features. Every time I see one on the street I go up to the night and say, sir, can you please cover your hair and your skin. You make me feel very lustful. I can't help but want to touch you right now. When they don't comply I throw rocks at them. See when I'm rich I'm going to throw big parties. I'm going to invite a whole bunch of very attractive Arabic male models. So I'll pay you a shit in their mouth. I know I'm really good at it. You know I just tell the may have you be have you be. Lay down. Open your mouth. This is my gift for you. It's very halal. Let me show you the Asian squad. And you've been... The great young ladies. Welcome back young. Covering the Arabs today. Oh yeah. I've got to hate on one on each episode. I know. You get away with racism better than anybody I've ever imagined before. If I had your delivery and face I would be so much more racist than I am. It is tough living out here with this bone structure but you just slice it in. The nurse that gives you the shot you don't even know it's over. But you do that with racism. You inject people with pure racism. And the nurse is adorable. You're welcome. Young, how's it going? It's been good and I just did a show with one of my children. Killed any family Martin Phillips? Yeah. When I was reading his message I read from his voice. I was like, thank you, young. It's a good impression. It's a good impression. He sounds like RFK if he didn't do Coke. That is true. That is true. Young, how's life going for you now that you're a little superstar? I still kind of broke. I need people to come to my shows. I go to my website. I have a show in Austin and San Antonio and New York City. New York City? New York City? Yeah. Great time to go to New York. Have them better than snow piles and dog shit everywhere. Very exciting. Guys, this is your first time seeing young? Yeah. My first time seeing... I like... You look great. Great energy. Oh, thank you. Seems like you want to start a female Epstein Island. And I'm down with that. For Arab men. I'm cool with that. That seems cool. Yeah, I didn't care for your energy. But you seem to be nice. I seem like a nice person for sure. I would have liked a little more zip, not zip, but... Whoa! What do you call? Like a... Ow! Oh, yeah, yeah. I love your stand up, by the way. I like your outfit. I love you. I was just feeding off of his energy to fuck. I like you too, very nice. Stop! Do you know, like, in Chinese, we have a phrase for people who look like you? Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus. Is it... I want you to want to hear this. What is? I think it's going to be nice. What is it, young? Swim by lay. Oh. What does that mean? I mean, nerdy pervert. Oh! It had told you, Joe. I knew that wasn't going to go well. It's only half true. I am not a nerd. I just have bad eyes. I'm very... I don't know how to play chess. I fuck well. Whoa! Ooh. This is a major... Breaking news. You're tough, lady. You're like the black widow. Yeah. Are you black? I was like, who is this to the green? Nice. Yeah, that's cool. So that's fair. I said the same thing. I told you, like, why can't I get on the episode with bigger comedians? Oh, right. My God. Trust me, we thought the same thing backstage too. We were felt the same way. Yeah, you want to handle it, you should do better. Thank you. I appreciate that. Young. You are fearless, adorable. Always crushing. Thanks for getting tonight's show started for us. What is that? The great young everybody. And we are often running. I've been informed that our first bucket pool of the night is behind the curtain. They have indeed been wrangled. We're going to meet this person all together. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket pool. Rock Turner, everybody. Here we go. Rock Turner. Hey. Who knows how big their dad's dick is. We should know that kind of information for the ones of us that do. This shit's fucking crazy. My dad hated wearing clothes. And like, my dad, I know how big is that. My dad's dick is it's seared in my brain. It's right there right now. Hey, I see you. Unfortunately, he was a nudist because he had a big dick. My dad's dick was so big, it had abs. It had a Netflix account. Paid its own bills. It was the only one of us that he was proud of. It's better than mom though. You imagine your mom like leaning over to wake you up for school in the morning. Her left it grazes your forehead. Honey, time to get up. Mom, get your tits out of my face. I'm not six months anymore. Tony? Sure. I guess. I mean, not clean. Yeah. That's one way to end this. I wouldn't have known when you were done. Wasn't for that Tony there at the end. Wow. That was a lot. Trauma. That's what that set was. I think you saw a lot more of your dad's dick than you're letting us on to believe. It's pretty big, but I don't know what it looks like hard so. Right. How could you see it when it was in your ass as a little boy? Very hard to tell. Gentle, sweet young boy ass that you had when you took. That's what we have actual audio from your childhood. That's you. That's a young rock turner. That's when you were just pebble turner. Sweet, sweet boy. Blint to my dad's eye. How old are you, rock? 42. 42. How long you been on standup? About two years. Two years. What made you want to start at the age of 40? I just love making people laugh at the art form. I just wanted to do it. I do photo and video and it's like weddings and stuff like that. There's a lot of dead time. I just wanted to do something else that I also love doing. I love comedy. I think it goes great thing to get into. 40. And Austin, of course. You love the city of Austin. Have you always lived here? Since 01. Most of my adult life. Okay. And you... Alright. That's here again. Yeah. Is your dad still alive? He is still alive, yeah. And you still haven't... Seen it hard? We have him on the line right now. We are going to ask him. We are going to have a measure of rock. Is that what you do for a living? You take a photo and a video at weddings and what not? Yeah, it's mostly weddings, events, corporate stuff. corporate stuff. Crazyest thing you've ever had to do video and photography for that's not a wedding. I did a dude's war shoot once. What? Dude's War. It's like, Dude's War, but with dudes. Oh. Oh. What is that mean? That's actually how I saw my dad's dick. Dude's War? I'm still not getting it. Dude's in their underwear. He took pictures of guys with their cops and their underwear. Yeah. That's terrible. Sex the underwear and stuff. It was supposed to be for their wives, but... Our resident homophobic de-matteness, flugging his ears, groaning, making a lot of noises right now. Motherfucker, talk about his dick, his dad's dick, everybody's dick, all this shit's gait. This show gait is fucked, don't it? The gait is goddamn show I ever not seen in my life. All right. Rock, what do you do when you're not doing stand-up and videophotography and all that? I like to play guitar, sing, smoke weed, play games, typical dude stuff. Dude stuff. Wow. Do you have a girlfriend? I've got a wife, I've got kids. How about? That's a left turn. I didn't see coming. I thought you lived alone. The question is, have your kids seen your dick? Is it like a, is this a family tradition? I don't think so. It's true, have they been stuck between a rock and a hard place? Maybe right now. How many kids do you have? I've got four kids. Jesus Christ. Rock. My God, look at you. King Creme Pie over here. What's the age range of these four kids? So the older two or step kids are like 26 and 20. And then the younger ones are 12 and 11. Wow. So the ones that came out of your nuts are 12 and 11. Yeah, the. All right. Boys, girls. One of each. Okay. What about the older ones that were in the 20s? What about them? What exactly are you asking? They are female or female. I'll tell everyone except for Red Band. There you go. All right. Rock, Turner. Interesting stuff, guys. What do we think about Red Band? I like when you talked about your mom's tits. You look great. The visual. I mean, they seemed nice. Yeah. Tengeless. I mean, you probably have to have some nice tits to get a nice dick. Oh, dude. You lived a horrible life. You lived like an HBO real sex life. Like those people that fuck on camera. Am I mistaken? Isn't Brock Turner a famous rapist? Yeah. What? Oh. And it sucked, too, because when I first got into comedy, like literally I'd searched my name and you know Google's like, oh, did you mean? It didn't even give it, did you mean? It was just like, this is what you meant. Brock Turner. The brutal rapist? Everybody is trying to find my comedy. They're like, oh, this rapist dude. It was like, Turner versus whatever case. Wow. What are the odds that Brock Turner, Rock Turner both are rapists? This is incredible. I know. I think 50. I think the case was exactly 11 years ago. How old did you say your kid was? The fucked up part is he changed his name to Alan. So now I'm closer to Brock Turner than he is. Oh, my God. Kid smart. I feel like if you had one minute, this bit is better than the bit you did. It is true. It's good stuff. Another bit was an amazing, obviously it was a killer bit you did. But do you have any jokes about how Rock Turner sounds like Brock Turner, a famous rapist? Well, so not only that, but this is actually not my given name. My parents name me Rock Turner, and then they unnamed me, named me Brad instead. So my real name is Brad. Why don't you just change your name to Jeffrey Bommer or something? Well, they named me after Rock Hudson, and then they found out he was gay or bison. Oh, found out. What a tough day the the Turner family. Oh, he's a what? Not in my house. Yeah, see my dick, but we're changing it over here. We're changing his name to Elton. Well, Rock, you did your very best. I'm sure of that. There's a little joke book for you, buddy. There he goes, Rock Turner. It's a fun little bucket pool. There we go. Oh my goodness. Right on cue. Our very own Vandal White ladies and gentlemen, the great Heidi is here, everybody. Thanks for having me, everyone. She has a podcast. Go to Heidi Regina.com to check it out. Hi, everybody. You know, getting a massive erection is music to my ears. That's why this podcast is sponsored by Bluetooth. Guys, let's be real for a second. When it comes to performance, good enough isn't exactly enough. And that's why exactly why Bluetooth has raised the bar. Bluetooth Gold, the revolutionary four and one upgrade. The targets both your brain and body. They'll have music flowing through your blood. Here's the deal. 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All right, your next bucket pool ladies and gentlemen looks like a new name. Make some noise for Mark fitment everybody. Mark fitment. How you doing everyone? Nice to be here. It's coming up on Oscar season. And you know, I used to be into it a lot more last year. I saw the best picture, uh, Nora. In the first 20 minutes of that movie is all sex. And you know, after that, I kind of lost the plot and just zipped up and left the theater. I don't think I'll be welcome back this year. I'm not really sure. Um, I don't know if it's racist or not, but I program my GPS to avoid all Martin Luther King, Bulla Bards. Just figure out by past that. I do think racism is getting a little bit better as I get older. It seems a lot better. I mean, I'm getting really good at it. Come from my house, you know, my grandfather had a cat that was named the N word. Oh, it's just kind of there. I love it. Mark fitman. Welcome. Welcome, sir. How are you? Good. Good to see you. How long you been doing stand up? Uh, this is like the sixth mic I've done basically. Wow. Look at you. Natural. I did some improvisational acting back in the 90s. Nice. Can we ask you how old you are? I am 59. 59. You look the same age as rock turner. He's 42. Incredible. So what made you want to start stand up nowadays? You know, my kids are in college now and I've got a little more time. I travel for a living. So I've been hitting mics as I travel. That's awesome. What do you do for a living? I work in a consulting business. We basically give like CEOs really smart things to say. Yeah. Okay. Very cool. You've been doing that air hole life? No, not all the time. I worked in the car business for a while. Where were you doing in the car business? I was a body and fender man painter. Hell yeah. Okay. I love it. And your kids are in college. You still married? Oh, yeah. Nice. How long you been married for? I've been married for 22 years. We actually married divorced for two years. Thank God. Oh, let's talk about it. I love that. I knew the second he came out here. I go, this is going to be great because you know, we get a lot of these fucking kids up here and whatnot. Nobody's got a life story. I try to get the best out of the interviews with people. Sometimes when someone comes out here, I can just tell it's going to be a good interview. And here we go. You may have just answered a lot of people's questions on how to save a marriage. It's getting a divorce. Yeah. It works because you end up, you know, figuring some things out about each other and realizing no one else wants you. How deep... How deep into your marriage? That's fantastic. How deep into your marriage? Did you get the divorce? We were about 11 years in. I love it. 11 years in. So did you get the divorce? And you guys just started banging whatever you wanted? Basically, is that the deal? No, I think the trouble was we couldn't bang anything we wanted. What do you mean? We couldn't find anybody else. Oh, I love that. That's amazing. So what was it like when you guys like rekindled? Or you already had kids? Yeah. Yeah, we had our kids. And, you know, I would go over there to put them down, see them off for the night and try and visit with them, spend time with them. And I invited them over for Thanksgiving. And then we just started back up. I love it. That's amazing. Wow. Steve, what do you think about this? Dude, so you had a half time in your marriage, right? That was like you went back, you studied game film. You're like, I can't fuck anything else. I'm not going to be a big fan of this. There are a lot of young ones in this room. You're like, I can't fuck anything else. I wonder if she's having sex. And what was a combo like when you guys circle... It seemed like you just circle the parking lot and you were like, hey, these are the best spots we can get. Let's just go back together. What was that conversation like when you were like are you happy or are you... How did you feel? We were both like... Well, we both lost some weight. So... It's awesome. Aw man. That's great. I don't have, I'm just enamored. I want you to be my dad. You're like, you're such a cool customer. You've done six mics. Well, I feel like you have no nerves whatsoever. Yeah. I've got a few. Oh, okay. Well, you're very, are you on drugs? Yeah. Oh. Like, in April, I'm sure blood pressure matters to do something, right? I'm on blood pressure matters to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Ranna's easy. Yeah. Hey, man, I see Rosacea. I know my own. I know I got it. I'm on blood thinners. I almost died on Super Bowl Sundays. This past Super Bowl Sunday? Yeah, yeah. I know that halftime show pissed me. I know. Oh, that's fucking scary. I take the blame for that, by the way. I don't think I've acknowledged that on the show. What fault is it? That is my fault. That's the pendulum swing in the other way, Tony. No doubt about it. That's common. Making up for your mistake. What's that? Everybody's making up for your mistake. Yes. Exactly. That guy dancing on telephone poles and whatnot. Amazing. Tell us about your near death experience. I have a, uh, it's called a bilateral. Uh, he met our blood clots in my lungs. I have a by heart as well. Okay. Um, um, bilateral pulmonary embolism. Nice. What did that feel like? It felt like a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. I, you know, my heart rate went up to like 147. And, uh, yeah, it was pretty rough. 47's bad, right? It's pretty bad. Well, for you, it's probably. That's your resting heart rate. Jesus Christ, Red Band. So you was this during the actual Super Bowl? It was before. Okay. So you went to the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to the urgent care and they said, uh, yeah, I think, uh, this EKG looks like shit. You better go to the emergency room. I love it. I love it. Mark, what else about your life? Tell us more about you. Any hobbies or any fun facts about you? Um, you know, I just do a lot of things. I just do a lot of family stuff. I like old cars and working on those. I don't have any at the moment, but, uh, you know, I think there was some girls all in a Mustang around here somewhere. I think I remember that. I love it. So six open mics. What was the improvisational experience that you have? So I went through a class as a second city and improv Olympic and then, uh, did a bunch of stuff around there? Is that in LA in Chicago, right? Yeah. Wow. Is that where you live? I live in Kansas City now, but I used to live in Chicago. You ever see the bean? Yeah. You know about the bean. I know about the bean. I still don't believe it's real. What made you move to Kansas City? Uh, I moved there for work. Okay. Very cool. And, uh, hell yeah. So what do you do when you're on the road to talk about your, you have a lot of travel experience. Any travel tips for people? I developed a special power. Yeah. Um, I can, with my eyes closed, tell you what hotel I'm in just by the lotion. Oh. Can you describe this to us? I think the Mary-Ot Ed's some kind of synthetic in air. Yes. Yeah. For sure. Would you be willing to jerk off in front of all of us if you know? Yeah. We're all gonna see our dad stick tonight. I love it, Mark. Kids turned out good. Yeah, yeah. I got one in KU, one in K state. Females? Yes. Oh my god. You are a hard female there, Red Band. They are. Female Asian Red Band. Ha ha ha. Mark, you're the man. Come back again, sign up sometime. You're our first big joke book of the night. Oh, Bill. Mark Fittman. How fun. Yeah. Gonna keep it moving along here. As we go to our next bucket pool, everybody. He goes by the name of Saul Wilson. We're gonna meet Saul together. A more time for Saul Wilson, everybody. How's it going? You know, the modern world is different. You know, brownie points used to mean one thing. But now it means a higher chance of anal. If you remember, there's a pilot shortage. I'm not sure if it's still going on. But, uh, back is the question. Did anyone ask the band 21 pilots for help? Like, I know, I know their sound. It's not that complex. I think it could have spared like 16 or like 17 pilots. Um, I find it strange that we, uh, we name, uh, storms after people. Like, is that like all like ex girlfriends of ex-boyfriends? You know, just like a meteorologist looking forward to a hurricane? It's like, yeah, like you fucking you, you, you like my brother more? Katrina, let's see if there's a hurricane coming. But, uh, but then I realized, uh, we even name. Then I realized we even named diseases after people. Like, uh, leukemia. I named after some black lady somewhere. All right. Saul Wilson. Welcome back, Saul. How are you? I remember you. How's life been going, Saul? Uh, auto-sabled. What? Same old, I guess. Same old. Okay. Tell us about that. What do you do for work, Saul? Uh, just anything with my car, these is. Like, it's make money. Your car? You judge it. Yeah. You Uber, you Uber eats, that type of style. Like, uh, you all the above. Nice. You think crazy happened in the back seat, your car lately? No, no. How about the front seat? Just, just. How about in the driver's seat? Wrong. Wrong. That's not a road rage. All right. You have road rage? Yeah. I bet some people like would have recognized me as the guy that like flipped off in traffic. Oh, you're a big flipper offer, huh? Is that your move? I feel like that's why I'm here. It's, it's, it's, it's delusional. All right, Saul. I never see those people driving way faster than when I'm passing them, right? Okay, red band. Uh, boy. Can't tell which one's Saul and which ones are red band. Nothing coming from anywhere. I love it. Uh, brownie points, 21 pilots. I barely got anything that you talked about tonight, Saul. What's your writing process like? Uh, I don't know, and like, Norm McDonald's my biggest inspiration. So just kind of kind of his cadence. Wow. All right. Yeah. Can I do a bit on, Norm? Can you what? What? Like, can I do a bit on Norm McDonald? Can you do a bit of Norm McDonald's? Yeah, about, about him. About him? I don't know if you're happy to hear a real joke, right? Yes, exactly. Anything, sure. Anything funny? Do anything. Well, you know, they say you're not supposed to say bad things about people that have died, but, uh, you know, Norm McDonald's my biggest inspiration. And I'm probably not as funny as him, but, you know, at least I could drive myself. Saul, shit, man. Holy shit, dude. Saul, how long have you been doing stand-up? Not long enough. Yeah. Name a number, something. Describe better than that. How long you've been doing stand-up? As far as writing, like, yeah, like, like, two years. Okay. How many open mics do you think you go to a week? Uh, yeah, not enough. Okay, Saul, you're gone. Get out of here. Goodbye, Saul. Thank you so much. There he goes. Like I was saying, when Mark Fittman was up here, sometimes you get someone a little younger. It doesn't quite get the interview process of the show. It doesn't have a wealth of, like, life experience to draw from. Answers every question with not enough. Great energy, though. Unbelievable. Who's got that zippy we're looking for earlier? Hey, everyone loves living their dreams. That's why this podcast is sponsored by Shopify. You know, when we started this little dinky podcast, it seemed like we had no idea we were doing. What? Open mic. Who's gonna want to watch that? Who's gonna want to buy tickets to that when you could watch it on YouTube? When you're starting off with something new, it seems like your to-do list keeps growing. You have no idea what to do. That's why finding the right tool not only helps you out, but simplifies everything. And it can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Redban. Tony Shopify is the best business tool out there. There are the comments platform behind millions of businesses around the world. And 10% of all e-commerce in the US. From household names like Mattel and Jim Shark to brands just kidding started. That's right. I got distracted there. You can get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's styles. Accelerate your efficiency whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve the ones that already it hits. The ones that already exist. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner. Shopify and start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash kill Tony go to Shopify.com slash kill Tony that Shopify.com slash kill Tony. Back to the bucket we go you guys having fun out there. All right. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Thai Marion everybody here comes Thai Marion. Oh, there we go Thai Marion. Sense my accident my dating life is sucked. The last summer before it happened man I was fucking killing it. I was dating one girl told me she wanted me to talk more during sex. So I did. And then she got mad and broke up with me. And I was like like I kind of think this is your fault because when you told me you wanted me to talk more during sex you should have specified that it was to you and not on the phone. But you called my dad. Like yeah because we're like cool you know and I feel like you should have known that especially since your dad and I graduated together. Another girl I dated she played super hard to get and when we finally hooked up it was at a church. She just laid there and kept staring at me real weird so I had to put coins over eyes. Luckily though she was Asian so I only had to use pennies. But if you can't tell I'm a Jew so when I finish I had to take them back. Thank you. Wow. Alright Thai Marion welcome. You've been on this show multiple times before Joe. Les, what do you think about Thai? I think he looks like rock turner in disguise. Yeah. We may have a false bucket pull here. That was good that was funny. Thai you've been on this show before this your first time with a walker. Yes so literally last time I was on the show I talked about how I got hit by a car while I was on a lime scooter and I was like I was fine. And I told you I was going to limp it off. Two days later I was on a scooter again this time no car just the street fucking head first straight into the ground. Yeah I broke my arm in a couple spots torn my patelli tendon completely off it's been six months and I got six more months to go. And you landed head first? No somehow I guess which you know I got a big fucking head somehow way I hit something and it locked the wheel and turned it. So I didn't get like thrown off I was basically catapulted straight into the ground like this sideways. This arm was completely backwards and the knee was like all fucked up. Can we see the video? No unfortunately didn't have any of the actual incident. I got a shit ton from that shitty ass hospital though. You got a what? Shit ton of videos from the shitty hospital that I went to. Why do you have video from the hospital? It was so fucking bad. It's the worst experience you can think of. I get put in not even a room. I get in a hall. Big ass sign that says keep this area clear at all time. And I'm like I got a this isn't supposed to be me I think. You know? Like this is something wrong. Like I mean I didn't really talk about this at all in your stand up comments. Yeah. I've been back on the road lately since the incident took about three or four months. That was not supposed to be a pun fuck you don't laugh. But I've been back on the road telling us about the hospital visits. So where were their doctors visiting you in the hallway that they put you in? Okay so pull the curtain back a little bit. My best friend is one of your producers and was there within five ten minutes of this happening. Okay. He had to help the Ian I mean starts from the EMS mother fucking lazy people. He had to help pick me up off the fucking ground because these two EMS people there had no idea how to pick up a six to two hundred pound guy off the ground with one fucking leg and one arm. And so they finally get me on the thing the thing after they figured out how to raise it up. And then I get into the ambulance and then they call me and they're at the hospital wondering where I'm at and I'm still on the fucking back of the ambulance sitting at the where I got fucked up. And I'm like where are y'all at? They're like we're here are you here yet and I'm like no I'm in the same spot in the EMS. I'm like you're at the hospital like yeah traffic's real bad and I'm like how long has it been like forty five minutes like holy fuck because I mean they started juicing me right away. I mean it was obvious like I was fucked up at the moment right and then I get to the hospital besides putting me in the hall. I never got to leave because I had emergency surgery because I almost lost my leg. But I mean I make a lot of like sarcastic jokes about it but they're very close to about what was real like I almost didn't get an IV back it was like a Capri Sun basically you know. Like my my insurance is so fucking bad no gown Joe's Crab Shack bit nuts all out. You know. This is amazing. And then for some reason that fucking hospital coldest hospital I've ever been in you know what I mean I'm trying to. Got shrinkage yeah yeah sucks in a hospital guy on that sucks and I don't know about you guys but I got a scrubs fetish so when I see these latinas walking around fucking caked up I'm like oh yeah you know the problem is I got one arm you know so I'm kind of like so I'm like no sympathy pussy all my boys census you're going to get so much sympathy pussy six months two questions when when the fuck does that start what do I got to do is there a form in my mind doing something wrong because I'm ready. Ready fell on my knee not my weenie you know what I mean like what's up yeah what hospital was it. Here in Austin's seat and fucking I don't know this one up here in 38 or something 39. Well you work there is that my nurse was it is seat and animal hospital yeah we we are getting word that you were taken to an animal hospital. Your insurance is so bad they took you to the vet. I believe they thought you were some kind of a rangatang or something like that makes sense then yeah. But no a crazy thing that another that that happened is this is true I do talk about it too is I honestly felt like I was going to be molested at the hospital because I had the the nurse that was going to take me to the operating room was a little like five foot three hundred pound Hispanic dude his name was one on his thing but he crossed it off and he wrote poppy chulo. So first I was like oh this might be like a Pimp kind of thing no that's for sure his grinder profile name this fucker kept trying to give me spawns bass and I'm like dude I'm not that dirty right and then they're like oh he's he's going to give you the anesthesia I'm like oh for sure I don't want this guy giving me anesthesia I'm fucking yeah trying to fight it and stay away come like I think they walk it off boys I think I'm going to be fine no and then and then like. I swear it's probably the anesthesia I felt like he leaned over right before I passed out and he was like the safe word is deductible what no no. Wow fucking horrible you get to cloud what you get to cloud red bed or you not on the list. I used to fake name no I figured they would have at least tricked you one time with the pizza and grape soda line you'd been the only. Yeah you'd be the only one to come back from Epstein Island and complain about false advertising tie is on fire they didn't have to eat your rolls hot pockets bagel bites nothing. Ty Marion how long were you in that hospital for about 24 hours 24 hours what's that a dog years. I noticed the first time you were on the show you got robbed and there was a you murdered somebody or something like that the second time you were in an accident the third time you were in an accident like does it seem like your life like you're not doing great at it like. Like I mean like are you literally just saying the inward we're walking down the street and shitting on people or something like why is so much negative energy coming to you I think because you asked the question you got to get it out there you go you got it out. I'm a little while longer take a while yeah your memories wrong the first time I was on I was really fat and I ended singing songs second time I was on I was a little too stone off an edible. Third time I talked about killing the guy this is the fourth time I don't like talking about that I was last time on I don't like that set but you had gotten into a scooter accident then two days later after that this happened right yeah and everybody's like oh did you like your didn't like your set that much you just tried to I'm like no that was fine you know. I feel like I'm maybe taking that extra step trying to get closer to you know golden tickets or whatever you know. But we'll see what people do. Not handicapped enough for a golden ticket my friend. Well actually now that you bring that up the last time I was on I mentioned that I was autistic but according to Dr. Hinchcliffe I guess I'm not retarded enough. It's okay no you're doing good. Yeah I mean I literally have I do have a like a literal diagnosis of it didn't happen to my 30s so when you go 30 plus years of like going what the fuck is wrong with everybody and then you find out everybody's thinking the same thing about you things a little weird. I love it. Ty do you have are you in love with somebody do you have a girlfriend? No you go on any dates. I did a little bit here and there but I mean obviously since the last six months I guess if you didn't hear it's not going so well. Right your fuck legs broken right. What your fuck leg the one you really give a thrust. It's the one that you do like it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. You get that rhythm going you know. The little knee slap every once in a while. Yep. I want to give away too much. Fones eye who makes all the great joke books here made one that's that's covered in hair and since you're always in a very hairy situation. I figure who better than you time Marion there you go my friend. A fun interview time Marion crushing it in the interview portion talking about his real life take note that when people talk about their real life it works. It's amazing right. All right your next bucket pool goes by the name of angel everybody one word name angel. Hi there folks my name is angel people in the street approach me and they call me autistic. I don't think it's very nice 90% of the people I meet think I'm autistic. The other 10% just don't talk to me. I'm very scared to be here tonight but I'm very proud to be Latino how many of you here in the audience is let's fucking Texas. Let me hear it. Arriba yeah. Gracias. I grew up for the longest time not knowing dogs got bigger than puppies. I thought all dogs naturally died a parvo. I just didn't know. I grew up with the Latino stepdad and he was great until occasionally we just dropped the end bomb at Walmart. I don't know where he's going. You can't be saying that in this Walmart specifically. Where did you learn that word dad. He goes that work. You shouldn't be using it unless we're at home people when we got people behind her back we got the web backs helping us out in case of a race riot right. Oh God. I'm bad at dating guys. Thank God. Let's fucking get over with. Angel. Jesus Christ man. Have you ever done this before? I get really anxious when I'm on stage. Oh this is a great job for you that. I thought of it as a way to sort of give me out of my comfort zone. Do the hardest thing possible first and then come back and just something easier like welding or something. I think welding might be your calling. Thank you Tony. Okay. How long have you been attempting stand-up comedy angel? This is my third and a half year doing stand-up comedy. Third and a half year. Let's talk about your work ethic. Yes sir. When you say three and a half years what how hard are you working? So it wasn't until the second and third year I didn't get to do more than like three mics or I wasn't able to do more. Before that I wasn't able to do more than three mics a week. Second year, 2023, 2024, 2025. I was able to like really kick into high gear here at Austin. Creek in the cave really opened up their arms to me at their midnight mics and I just kind of was able to go like five ten times a week. I did eight mics at one night on a Wednesday. Fucking bomb. Fucking baller. Eight times. Yeah that's my record Tony. It might not be much. Wow. What do you do for work angel? Sir I used to be a traveling temp but recently I settled down two weeks ago to be a like a technician where I assemble like those emergency lights for police vehicles. How did you learn how to do that? Well they just need Mexicans with with good hands to build lights with LEDs. I'm like a strong 60% of the workforce where I work is like Latinos. You 100% Mexican. No sir I'm Chicano which means I'm half Mexican half American. My dad's American my mom is a Mexican as fuck. How many siblings do you have? Get ready for this. I got nine counting last year. Wow. Yep you're Mexican. Where do you fall in the nine? I am the oldest of the nine. I have eight sisters one older one. Sorry. Keep going. I have eight sisters and as of last year I have one brother finally took only nine siblings until I got a brother. Can I just say that grown up with eight sisters and all the houses was awful because I can never blame a comsock in anybody. I can now with the one year old or half year old. Wait what does that mean? If I had a com... If there was a comsock in the hamper they couldn't blame anyone but me because I'm the only male of the nine siblings. But you just said half year old what does that mean? Oh my younger brother he was just born last year. He's not even a year old. Oh wow. I'm going to limit on him in a couple years I guess. How old are you Angel? I'm 26er. Your mom is still making babies? No my dad is. Oh okay. My mom stopped four years ago. Nice. Her jersey is hanging in the rafters at a cheat cheese and... ...somewhat. But your dad found a new baby mama huh? He's had the same one for like the last ten years and she's just ragged and broken down. Wow. How many kids does she have? One, two, three, four, five, six. I think six kids? Six. Wow. I think six. Wow. It's your dad's just banging out. You all fucking stop Tony. My goodness. Okay Angel. What are your hobbies? Oh I like the boulder. What? I like the boulder. Climb. I like the rock climb. Okay. Yes yes yes. I like the journal at coffee shops and people at the cafe. Oh I bet they love that. I bet they love you just sitting there staring at them. Well typically I'm there at 2 a.m. so they love it. At the coffee shop? Yeah there's a 24 hour coffee shop venue shout out. Okay. I'm gonna love it there. Just be there two in the morning. Check out the babes. Wow. The babes that come in for coffee at 2 a.m. It's mostly dudes. Okay. Guys what do we think about Angel? I don't know what to think but I do think a woman can have a come side. Because the come comes out and then you wipe it. I'm just saying like if you get. Yeah come in. One of my sisters to whore. Yeah. She's got all the comments side of her. Yeah. That's where the sock came from. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. I don't. You could have blamed it on your sister. Yeah. I tried so hard every year for the first 16 years before I came in. Did any of your sister's friends want to fuck you? No. They were all younger than me. There's eight of them. Yeah but I'm the oldest. The second oldest. The first oldest was like a you know one of those illegitimate babies from another maybe mama. And so like I didn't get to get raised with there. I didn't meet her to Easter when I was like seven. You didn't meet her to Easter. When I was seven yes. Wow. Wow. Yeah. My family is different. Yeah a little different. Just like I said. I've been to all my family members pretty much early on. I got them all. Yeah. I have a sister I met her day one. Yep. First day. Came out. There she was. Yep. No one ever since. All together. The first Easter. The first one we ever had. Angel other than having all these siblings. What do you think is the most Latino thing about you? The most Latino thing about me is my work ethic actually. Oh shit. Yeah. Good answer dude. Well here's the thing like I'm privileged. I'm a born citizen of the United States. But a lot of Latinos who don't come to this country with that privilege have to work their asses off to barely make a minimum wage to break even. They're pretty much working for nothing. That's me. I'm a starving artist. Up until recently I haven't had a full-time job. I've been sort of bummed it for the last four years doing temp jobs. The festivals, factories, bodegas, such and such. You don't strike me as starving or an artist. Yeah. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. Oh yeah, your writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing Now, even though you're not black at all, I'm gonna go for it. What do you think the blackest thing about you is? A low fat white woman? Wow! Look at that brutal honesty. That tracks... When you say you, yeah, go ahead. But have I ever... Have I ever smitten a white fat woman? For no! You've never... I think you mean smothered. Oh, I want to get smothered. You've never been with a big white woman? No, can I be honest to the entire world right now? Yes, you can. I've actually never been with a woman before. What? Yeah, never. You're a virgin? I'm a woman virgin, yes. Are you a man virgin? No, I'm not a man virgin. Tell us about this. Oh! Was it an accident? It happened too many times for it to be an accident, guys. No. Let's talk about it, Angel. I didn't know it was pansexual, Tosin College, but at that point, you know, pansexual means you're like all the genders, but all the only genders are like me were the fellas. And so, you make do with what you got, right fellas? You make do with what you got. No, you make do with what you got. Let's talk about this, Angel. Yes, sir. So... You make good with what you got. I've got into it. We're into it now with Angel. So, when did you realize you were pansexual? And what's... Explain to me the difference, because... That deep dish? What is that? Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Yeah. I'm pretty sure red pan's deep. Pansexual. Is red pansexual? I see you in the toggle beads of blood. Corrying pansexual. So, what's the difference between pansexual and bisexual? Well, bisexual is just your traditional woman or man, nothing in between. Pansexual is despite the gender or the genitalia you love them for the personality and who they are. So, whether they're male, female, trans male, trans female, non-binary, a sexual, such and such. Have you been with trans people? I have been with trans gender people, yes. But everything that you've been with was born originally with a penis. Yes, considered a map assigned to male at birth. Wow, I can't believe someone that knows this many genders signed up for this show. This is amazing. Just goes to show that anyone can sign up. The door is wide open here. We give anybody an opportunity. I just learned what a pansexual was today, everybody. All right. So, how many different dudes do you think you've been with? Give us a ballpark. You already have to answer that. I'm really ashamed of that answer. Okay, give us a ballpark. That's exactly what we want. Solid 40. 40. Wow. Wow. All right. Turns out he's gay, everybody. That's not a pansexual at all. That's gay, dude. That's not it. You're a gay man, and that's all right. I want women, though. I want to meet a woman, so what the fuck are you going to, you're just going to butt fuck a woman? I know. You're just going to throw a ball, get backwards hat on her, and hit it from behind. What the fuck are you talking about, angel? Tony, I really do. I really want the love of a nice woman to be honest with you guys. What makes you want a woman? You've been with over 40 men. What do you think it is that you're missing out on? Leave him alone. Other than... Thank you, Red Panther. Thank you so much. Oh, you're going to get fucked, dude. He said he's in the fat white dude, basically. He's fucked, dude. Oh, yeah. He's going to pepperoni your pizza, dude. Oh, my... Look at this guy. He's getting in his comfort zone. Look how happy he is. All right. So, what do you think it is that a woman has that you want? Tender. Love. You should say pussy, Dina. Hey, it's a dark thing, dude. Wait your turn. By the way, it's the same tender first. Yes, it is. It's the gayest thing you've been hit on the show. You want to suck dick, dude. That's cool, suck dick. I don't want to suck dick. I don't want to suck dick. I don't want to suck dick. I don't want to suck dick. I don't want to suck. I want to suck. I want to suck. I want to suck. I want to suck. Oh, your writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing Yeah, 40's like that's pretty that's okay. I've all been having sex since that was 21. I thought you fucked Harvey Milk. I was Harvey Milk. Alright that's all I'm gonna do. I don't know. Twenty-six. So you've been fucking for five years, 40 guts. That's eight guys a year. Right? Unaverjab but I mean statistically you know they're... Statistically that's almost one a month. Well they're about to like more than one a month. There is a solid like month where I don't even remember the number. Oh my god. Wow. What blackout month for you? What was that? I was selling cars at a dealership and I was just so stressed out. I just had to do something to get the stress out. Was that your closing deal? You're like buy this car and I'll suck your car? Yeah. Kia? That's great. So are you on the gay dating apps? Yes. That's it. Yes. Let me ask you that. You transgender women though. Okay. So that's your favorite kind? Not favorite kind. I just... Oh gee. Come here you go. Go back. Go pee again. Oh god. Just peck that. You keep on running out. The whole demon is gonna quit the fucking show if he comes back here right now. Gonna have a whole new bass player next week. Oh my god. He's had enough dude. No but you're not. Are you on point? Dude. And he was like I got into a piss. I got into the fucking. So angel. You've been with over 40 dudes. You've been with zero women but you want to be with a woman. If you were to go on a date with a woman tell us what's the first thing you would... Where would you take her? Where would you go? Well first thing is I wanna you know decide the situation. I wanna take her somewhere public where she knows I'm not a threat. It's like perfect. Like a coffee shop. Oh my god. Coffee shop. The king of the coffee shop. And then... Come on in it. Come on in B. We're talking about him trying to hook up with women. You're gonna love this. You're gonna love this, D. Put your earphones in B. Put them in. We're gonna play some straight music for you while we interview angel. Okay. So you're gonna take her to a coffee shop. Coffee shop. Uh huh. And then ideally we go bolder in which is rock climbing Tony. Uh huh. And then we ended the evening before sunset. Uh we put up the hammock on either Lady Bird Lake or a Barton Springs and we hang out on the hammock together. It's all the sun. You do that sometimes. You hang a hammock? Wow. You're so tight. Oh, there's nothing hammock for like a solid summer. Wow. That's not the one. Not the most bent your backsever been. No, I loved it. I know you do. It's only like ripped open in the middle and I just like fucking hit the ground in my ass. Oh yeah. There it is. And all the cum squirts out everywhere. It's landed on a dick. That's funny. Wow. Okay. Angel. This interview is going on way too long. But there. I have one more, one more unbelievable area to cover here. So let's say you get this lady back to your place. Right? You've never been with a woman before. What's your first move that you make on her? If she's like, let's just say she went and she was like, Angel, I want you to do whatever you want to do with me. I'm just going to let you take over. What do you do? The first 15 minutes. Sucker cock. Yeah. You just go there. You're just air sucking. Yeah, look, look for that cock that's not there. Just air sucking a cock. All right, now go ahead, Angel. This is something I believe in. The first 15 minutes, she's just dedicated to the tongue and it's just, I'm going to put my tongue all over the person's body. From top to bottom. Whoa. All right. So much for all that. Make her, make her not think you're creepy thing. Kisses on the neck down to the chest. Okay. Kisses down further to the head. They have pussy, dude. You got to get down there. I'm getting there. Yeah. It's just 15 minutes. 15 fucking minutes, Angel. I'm serious. Nobody wants to tongue kiss you for 15 minutes, dude. No, I'm tongue kissing them. I'm getting it. Again, it doesn't matter who's kissing who. Wait a second. Are you a nurse at the hospital on 38th straight? Are you popping chulo? Hello. We found popping chulo, everybody. Hold on. Hold on. Don't you grab that fucking mic stand till I tell you to you son of a bitch. The only person that wants me to kick you off the stage right now is de-madness. So here we go. We're getting to the gold now. So you get down to the vagina. Hold the mic down to your hip and face that front, face the audience. Face them. Stop looking at me like that. Now show us, now show us how you would eat a vagina. His first time doing this, ladies and gentlemen, just pretend like it's there in front of you. Pretend like you're, pretend like she's in that, no, you don't need to use the mic. Take it, dude. Take it, take it. Take all the trees to. Take the holes in that. Holds in that, dude. He's still trying to put a dick shake his mouth. What's his mouth? Put that away. Let's say she's in the hammock hanging in your bedroom at that exact height. Her pussy is right in front of your face. Show us exactly what you would do. Wait, what? Oh, he's gonna give it raspberries. Whoa. He's so Latino. He's giving it raspberry. Oh, man. Oh. He accidentally spit on the very tough looking guy in the front row. You got eights now. Oh, you got eights. Very good. Just mouth aids, dude. Just mouth aids. That's okay. It's just the spit of 40 dudes come. Oh, that's a poor idea. Don't be a homo fob. There's no pussy juice in that. I'll tell you that right now. You clear that? What was the action that you'd, why would you blow on it like that? I was just being kind of like facetious with the excitement. I didn't want to be genuine and then you make fun of me for that. Are they make fun of me for doing something stupid? I mean, I was going to go down to a woman. I would really just use a lot of my lip and my tongue. Shhh. Shut up. He's a hot guy. He hit the spotlight again. Whoa. Whoa. Wait, no, no, no. Face the crowd. Again. You're...there you go. Wait, what are you doing? I'm getting ready. Okay, okay. He's getting ready. I'm getting ready to eat some fucking pussy thrown, eh? The lip is eating the tongue. The tongue. The tongue is eating the lips. I got all over the mouth. Two, one. Pussy eating time. Whoa. Wait, after 15 minutes of sensual kissing, you're just going fucking... She's gonna love it, dude. Do you know why? I can do that. I got the strength in my tongue because I was a musician for 10 years. I was a tuba player. You were, what? A tuba player. How many tubas you suck? Oh my god. The horn players. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go down. The horn players are thinking about retiring now. They're like, god damn it. Why did it have to be a fucking... You're too much. You're too much. It's fucking loser. You're too much. You're too much. You're too much. Okay. So you ate her pussy. Then what are you gonna do? You gonna... Then what? Make love to her. Yeah. Go to the bathroom and throw up. It's about the genuine connection, guys. You have to talk to the person you're with, so I'd ask her... If she wasn't already like, you know, hot and bothered, I would say, what do you want me to do? But if not, I'm just gonna go full insertion. Oh, wow. Oh, my god, dude. Wow. She'll be bothered. Yeah, yeah. She got t-shirts. She says full insertion. You'd sell a million of them. Let me ask you this. Did your father, who's made what appears to be about 15 children, does he have any idea that you've been with 40 men or hook up with dudes at all? Not at all. Wow. Come on out, dad. Patrick. You have a fat... Keep your own from the back. Wow. Wow. Angel. Incredible. Have you ever kissed a woman? No. Oh. Wow. Well, you know what? Only here on Killtony. Do we have a fan base of some of the greatest females that have ever existed? We have a historical 13, almost 14-year reputation of a segment called Kiss Me, where a young lady from the audience are an old lady, or if no one else wants to, a gay dude in the crowd, can come up and give this man his first kiss from a female. Is there a lady out there? We have the best fans in the world. Is there a woman out there willing to give this a very gay man his first kiss from a woman? Is there any black man? No. Not a single woman wants to kiss a gay guy. This is my dilemma. Is there somebody? She's kind of raising her hand, but it's the one for a second. You want to? Come on up here, sweetheart. I don't think her boyfriend wants her to do it. They seem to be arguing about it. I'm sorry. Wow, here she comes everybody. A historical moment in the show's history as a gay man is about to kiss his first female of his life. A lot of people are holding in, holding back vomit right now. The look in the crowd. I've got a big dick. I hope it's got a big old face. This is Killtony, where magical moments happen. Angel has been with nothing but men and men that are pretending to be a woman. Wow, look at the excitement in her face everybody. She volunteered for this. This is Angel's first female kiss. Do you believe in miracles? Oh, Angel. Angel's about to throw up. Wow, there you go. Unbelievable. Wow, there she goes. Back to obscurity, she goes. Well, he's wearing basketball shorts. We could see what's on. We could get hard. We could see it. He got softer. Angel, you just kissed a woman for the first time. How do you feel? Are you now positive that you're gay? I am not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay, everybody. Welcome to my world, Angel. You'll be denying it forever. I'll tell you what. The set, I don't even fucking remember talking about puppies and parbo and your stepdad, but the interview was unbelievable. There's a big joke, but go shove it up your ass. Shove it up your ass, Angel. This is Killtony. Oh, there's Heidi. Woo! Sheesh. All right. And obviously, anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds. He's waited 24 minutes for this moment. It's just been waiting. Nervous as fuck behind that curtain. No matter what. Make some noise for Luke Aaron. Everybody here comes Luke. How are we doing tonight? All right. I'm from Wisconsin. And most people don't know much about Wisconsin, other than that we have cheese. And believe it or not, I did work at a cheese factory. I was one of the guys that made sure all the Swiss cheese had holes in it. Now, just kidding. I wish that was my job. My job was actually making sure those guys stayed hard. Thank you. Speaking of hard, being an adult is hard. Like, as a kid, everything felt like an adventure. And now everything just kind of feels like a responsibility. Like, I get stressed out even just leaving my house. I'm like, am I on time? Did I turn off the oven? Did I pay rent? Phone? Wallet? I'm not going to be a cheese micro-peaness. All right. I'm good to go. Now, I'm just kidding. It's actually not that small. The last time I had sex, she said that it was perfect size. At least I think that's what she would have said, but I don't speak squirrel. All right. Thank you. That's all I got. An adorable sense of your family. Thank you. Thank you. I'll keep fucking squirrels keeping the cheese fuckers hard. How you doing, Luke? I'm doing good. How old are you? I'm 26. 26. How long have you been on stand-up? I've been on stand-up for like six or seven months. Six or seven months. Nice. Where at? I've been doing, I've been, I like kick butt coffee. That was like the first place I ever did it here in Austin. Okay. Kick butt coffees. That open till 2 a.m.? Oh, no. Well. Looks like you're not getting your cocks sucked at a coffee shop. Ah. We'll see. Yeah. Behind it. Anything you never know. Luke, what do you do for a living? I work at a spa in a hotel and resort. Okay. Yeah. What do you do at the spa? I like, I serve people food by the pool and then like pick up their towels and stuff. Nice. How long have you been on that for? I've been doing that since moving here. So I think probably about six months. Okay. Six months. What were you doing before that? Before that. I was, I was in South Carolina after graduating college. I've been on before. We were talking about this. I was selling windows and I worked at a restaurant. Okay. All right. Anything changed since the last time you were on the show? Well, not, not a ton. I'm, I, so after I was talking about my girlfriend the last time and we have been on and off, but we are still together. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I did it. When you say on and off, why, why are you on and off? Um, We just have, I don't know, I'm bad at relationships. We just have a lot of like disagreements and stuff, but we've been working through it. Like about what? Can you give us an example of a recent disagreement that you have? Standing anything we'll do. Anything we'll do. People will be able to relate to it. I mean, God. It's, I'm like, I'm kind of hard to deal with. I like to, I want her to do like exactly what I want her to do all the time. So I'm kind of, I'm kind of controlling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm working on it. Can you give us an example of exactly what you mean by that? I mean, her, if she's just like, on her phone scrolling, or you say, hey, get on your phone. Yeah, well, no, I just build resentment inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my style. Yeah, that's my style. A lot of you. Until I'm sure, dude, I agree with you. I know of a real relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know of enough little things build up until it just boils over and then say something stupid. Anything else crazy about your life we should know about? I wrote a poem recently. I wrote a poem pretty recently, probably a few months ago. You want to say the poem? I brought it. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. Oh, and then I also thought of a roast. Tony, has anyone ever told you that you look like Tony Robbins penis? Yes. All right, Red Band. Red Band, has anyone ever told you that you look like Juan Edas penis? 2003. Ah, damn. All right, all right. Here we go. Maybe the poem's better than your voice. Here we go. Here we go. All right, my poem is entitled Sleepless Nights. All right. Here we go. Penis. OK. Cock. Willie and Dong. Weiner, Peter, Johnson, and Shlong. Must I keep going and prolong? Has there been a man who's done no wrong? Has there been a man who's done no wrong? You're a loser, you piece of shit. You will never become a surgeon. You will certainly die a virgin. The voices of my bullies rang true. Whatever am I going to do. Whatever am I going to do. I will not die a virgin, I said, within my own head. I must take matters into my own hands. I would never tell the soul my plans. If no one at school was going to fuck me, I should get a job. Maybe one of them will suck me. How long is this fucking poem? All right, all right. Double-sided. Double-sided. It is double-sided. It is double-sided. Like if Dr. Seuss was a doctor that Ty Marion's hospital. Who knows what's going to happen? Does he lose his virginity? Here we go. Oh, here we go. She's stuck hard of the poem. vagina, pussy, beaver, and ham. And yeah, sure. I had to rhyme it. Hey, work with me. Work with me. All right. I love to suck ham. Hey, don't make me start this over. All right, I'm about to. Beaver and ham. Vajaje, Clotoris, Kuchi, and Clam. There it is. I got a job. And the first week went great. I laid low. They trusted me. They took the bait. They asked me, hey, would you be able to work late? I knew having sex was in my fate. I need you to stay late to feed the animals at night. Of course, I said it would be a delight. Yes, it's true. The job I got is at a zoo. Once everyone... Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I got to get you out of here. Is that like, like, a getting anywhere? It's going somewhere. This is not a fucking poem, dude. This is a fucking story that rhymes. Why did you write this? What? Why? It was... I was trying to make people laugh. You hear that? Woo! All right, finish it. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. The poem is better than the standoff. It is. It is better. All right, all right. Once everyone finally left the park, I felt like Noah in his ark. I was hard as a rock and ready to come. I knew it was my time to get some. I knew I would lose my virginity soon. Come on. I knew I would lose my virginity soon. It didn't take long until I was fucking a baboon. I went to the penguins and got some head. I didn't care that one of them was dead. Lions, antigres, and bears. Oh, my. I waited till they were sleeping, then gave them a cream pie. The flamingos and ducks in their flock got ravaged by my throbbing cock. I stretched out an ostrich. I got coitus from a tortoise. I got dirty with the birdies. I got funky with the monkeys. All the animals in sight, they didn't put up much of a fight. I wanted to take on more, bigger and better. I wanted the sexiest animal of them all. I thought it would satisfy. But now I sit on my bed and cry. Oh, did I think I was smart, but I will never be able to forget that hippo's fart. How much fucking long are you? That's it. Chees. Right. I love it. OK. I take it back. I love it. There's a part two. Great. Next time, next time. Next time. Here you go. Here's the smallest joke book I could find. Oh, right in Joe's cock. What happened? I'm guessing. I got hit in the head. Yeah, man. He deflected it out to Joe's cock. All right, there he goes. Luke Aaron, everybody. We'll take it out to you later on, dude. Yeah. I don't know where it is. Stuff your ass. Luke Aaron. Good job, Luke. Pops too long. Can you imagine him doing that for like five more minutes? Yeah, it was crazy. All right. But the crowd loved it. Go to Barnes and Noble. You guys were wrong. You know that, right? All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of KC Conner, everybody makes noise for KC Conner. How's it going, Austin? It has become problematic for me to take showers alone again recently. And that is because I listen to hip hop in the shower. And I do not censor myself when Wu Tang comes on. Thank you. But recently, Kanye was on my speaker. I was washing my armpits. And I just kind of just felt a little strange when I was listening to Kanye. So I had to skip the song. I'm sure you guys know which song it was. But after I skipped that song, Puff Daddy and the family came on and it was Fitna Get Loose. And I don't know if you guys know this. But the first like 20 to 30 seconds of that song is Puff Daddy just breathing heavy like. And I'm washing my asshole. And Fitna Get Loose is on. And I just prayed that I was the only one in there. But I realized it's very easy to become racist and gay by listening to hip hop. Jesus Christ. Casey Conner. Welcome. Welcome. Casey, have you been on this show before? I have not. Welcome. Welcome. How long have you been on standup? Seven years. OK, sweet. We're at Miami, Florida. Where? Miami. Nice. OK. Tell us about your life. Casey. Army veteran. I just moved to Austin about three weeks ago. I came here to do this to get better and perform. And like Austin is the city to improve. Hell yeah. Have you been doing a lot of the mics? Someone not? I have not. I just got hired as a manager at a place. It's a non-alcoholic bar called Taloon Botanicals. A non-alcoholic bar. Yeah. So is there business there? Yeah. Surprisingly, it's all plant-based. It's Kava, Credom, Texas is. Yeah. It's a radio. Somebody knows it. Wow. OK. So people are kind of getting doked up, but not on alcohol. Right. Right, right. Did they tip well there? Not that I've seen. I've only worked two days so far. OK. What branch did you serve in the Army? I was a pair of trooper in the 82nd Airborne out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Nice. So you did you jump out of a lot of planes? I had about 25, 26 jumps before I got kicked out. Wow. That's about half as many dudes as angels hooked up with. Why did they kick you out? Cocaine. Wow. I'm from Florida. Right. Exactly. Do you still do cocaine? Absolutely. Yeah. Not tonight. How often do you think you do cocaine? A couple times a month. All right. What usually sets it off? What makes you do you wake up kind of itching for it? Or is it when things are rough or when you're having a great day? Purely recreational, just for fun. Like, if I want to go out on the weekend, I'm like, oh, we're going out. Let's get a bag. Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? Say again. Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? I got a bump from a guy at the 456 bar who has a picture with you. 456 bar. 456. It's a cool little Irish pub type. Yeah. It's got a bunch of dead animals on the inside. Yep. Well, every bar has dead animals on the side. Oh, they all do? Yeah, you're not Miami. It's a lot like the Florida keys where I grew up. Nice. OK. Casey, craziest thing about your life. Did something happen to you? I don't know if it's crazy anymore. And everybody always says it, but my parents are dead. Ooh, how did your parents die? My mom is a Miami girl, and she died from drinking and drug use and just... Awesome. How about that? Dad survived Vietnam being in the cocaine cowboys, drug use, drinking, and had a stroke. Aww. Mom wins this battle. Yeah, she does. She does. Mom died sooner. I love it. All right, Casey. Well, yes, keep writing and performing and get around. Do it. Get out there. Casey Conner. We're going to keep a move on with our final bucket pool of the night, everybody. We are coming around the corner. This looks like a brand new name. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for simply Courtney. Everybody is simply Courtney. Oh, man. You know how hard it is to drive Uber when you're a big black dude named Courtney. LAUGHTER People don't believe it's my car. I had a lady once ago. Are you sure this is still a car? LAUGHTER You know, you hear it, you think she's playing, but she's like... LAUGHTER And because I'm a comic, I'm all like, no, we still want this motherfucker to get it. Let's go! LAUGHTER Happy Black History Month, by the way. Yeah. All right, so anyways, I'm recently taking a tolerance break from Wee. I don't hate Wee. I just don't like the things that I do when I'm on it. Like, I'll go to my son's basketball game and cheer for the wrong team. LAUGHTER I also do stupid things. Like, forget I'm driving Uber. LAUGHTER Have a passenger in the back seat just terrified. I'm like, I'm about to have a roommate. LAUGHTER I think that's about it, y'all, thank you. A fantastic set from Simply Courtney. Welcome, welcome. Is this your first time on the show? Yes, sir. I love it. Where are you from? I'm from Austin. I'm from Austin, Texas. Let me make a little more noise than I love it. Amazing. One of the locals in the building, baby. I love it. How long you been on stand-up? 13 years, though. 13 years, and we're just meeting you now for the first time. Incredible. We've been here for half a decade. Why are we just meeting you now, Courtney? Hey, you know, I sign up every once in a while. On Mondays, I normally hang out with my daughter. I'm teaching her to drive right now. And so that's what I'm normally doing Monday nights. And so I'm skipping hanging out with my daughter and teaching her to drive to hang out with children. Wow. A black man not hanging out with his children. That's incredible. Incredible. A really happy black history, mum. Oh, you jerk. LAUGHTER Tell her you're cold or how old are your kids? My daughter's 17 and my son, he raped for this 15 years old six foot four. He's taller than me. Whoa. Yeah. OK. Is your daughter's birthday? Oh, my God. No, hold on. This is red, man. I don't want to answer that. Yeah, don't answer. September 19th, I'm proud of not telling you the year, though. She's ill legal. I damn it. That's sick. Damn right. Absolutely. What do you do for work? Courtney just drive Uber? Right up comedy, no. I suck in Uber. Nice. I'm better at telling jokes than I am at doing Uber. So I make all of my money from comedy and comedy adventures. So run open my egg, run a few shows around town, and then I perform. Perfect. Oh, yeah. What do you do for fun when you're not doing comedy or raising your kids? When I do for fun, I read, and then I also... Oh, listen to music right now. That's my big thing. So I'm... Why y'all laughing at that? That ain't funny. Nah, it's funny if you want to laugh. But no, I listen to music. I'm discovering a lot of oldies right now. I do a little thing at the radio station, 80.7. I know I'm not supposed to start out everything, but that's why I do Wednesdays. That's what you do. And so I'm one of the... I said that's what you people do. You give shout outs. That's true. That's why they're laughing. Shout out to my mom now, but... Have to shut it up for him. But nah, I'm listening to music right now. So I'm going back. I'm listening to Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson's After-Wall album, and then I'm also listening to Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson's After-Wall album. Oh, Prince. Not the Purple Rain album, though, but it's another one. So there's another album. I'm going through all these new ones right now. Oh, you notice that noise. I'm lice-skinned at Tony, so I'm noticing, okay? That's right. I'm tall and lice-skinned black, so I actually do change the smoke. It's like a second beat, okay? You're tall enough to where you could just do it. You could just reach up and... That part, that part, that part. I love it. Are you still with the baby, Mama? If you're 70. No, we're divorced. We're divorced. Okay. But we are friendly enough that I'm actually staying there tonight. Oh, nice. Yeah, I take the kids to school on Tuesdays Thursday mornings. And so sometimes, instead of me having to come in early in the morning, I just come in after I do comedy or whatever I'm doing late night. Awesome. Yeah, so we are a mickable. Hell yeah. You're what? A mickable. We're a mickable. Yeah, man, we're nice. We're civil. Is that the wrong word? Yeah, it's the wrong word. Oh, it's not. Yeah, it is. Time out. Time out. What's the worst that I've sent in? Give me a... Amicable. Oh, my God. Right. It's okay. Did you know what I meant, though? Yeah. Okay, then we good, then. I'm cool. I'm cool with it. That's... People be like, oh, what is that? I'm like, do you know what I meant, though? Okay. You know there's not a girl in the car. There's still the car, right? Got you. It was a joke. Little context. We good. I'm messing with you, white man. You good? Thank you. I am. Hey, I just looked at his and watch. Hardest shit right now by accident. I'm not trying to steal your watch, but it is nice, though. Oh, thank you. You need an Uber driver later? No, I'm all right. I'm all right. I walk home. Thank you. Okay. I'm moving. He's staying in San Antonio and he's walking, cause he's terrified. Oh, he's staying in San Antonio, we're sorry. Yeah, I was, wherever you think I'm staying is where I'm staying. I can give you a ride, you know, when you're trying to go. I must say I'm going to stay a market some more and a half way there. I've done that, too, though, by the way. You talked about rooting for the wrong team for your kids' basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get high, too, and I go, and I go, that's a nice play by the other team and people get upset with me. But, fuck that, you know? Listen, I want those, if somebody does good, I like sports. I like basketball. And I'll be like, good play, and we'll be down by 40. Yeah. I'll be like, good play. But everybody all looking at me like, why would you say that? I'm like, what the fuck did I say? Oh, my bear. Down by 40. Yeah. It happens that my son's a freshman of varsity, and they're figuring it out. He was like one of two freshman of varsity, and they got the butt handed to him. But guess what, we're going to be better next year in the year after that, and the year after that. So we choose. All right. I'm cheering. I'm black, dad. That's cheering. I'm cheering, God damn it. We lose it. And we lose it about 40. I'm still cheering. So we good. To the other team. I'm cheering, everybody. At this point, yeah. Other team, my team. You have a 17-year-old daughter. Is she brought any dates back? Is she introducing it any young boyfriends? She's dating currently. She just had a date for Valentine's Day. It just happened to so he's chill. He's a cool dude. Blackhead. Black. Black. Black it in me. Black is almost as good as this day. How does that make you feel when she brings home someone blacker than you? On it. On it. She's trying to do it. On it's dancer. On it's dancer. I hate that this isn't getting recorded, too. I'm like, I can't even lie. Just a little more. I don't feel any type of way because her mom is currently dating the guy that's the same color. So I feel like they're dating a dude that's the same you. I'm going to say you not color. Now you're in my head now. It's a minkable. OK, dammit. I'm trying. Amicable. All right? OK. D-cell. Oh. OK. But now I don't feel any type of way about it, though. I don't feel any type of way out. I think it's dope. The fact that she has somebody that loves her just as much as I love her is dope as fuck for me. So I'm good. Amazing. Listen to this. Gorgeous. Very impressive set. Good. Very impressive interview. You're getting the blackest joke book that I have here. There you go. There you go. There goes simply Courtney making his Killtony debut after 13 years of doing comedy in Austin. He just made it to the biggest show in the city, in the industry. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are. And we have made it. Unfortunately, William Montgomery's dog broke its arm and had an $8,000 surgery today. Ari Maddie is stuck in Estonia tonight. However, ladies and gentlemen, we have one other regular that is just unbelievable. Rights, a brand new minute, every single week. Out of everyone you saw tonight, you have not seen someone that writes a minute every week. And meanwhile, he is so impressive. Make some noise for the one and only dark storm of Austin, Texas. This is Tetrick Flynn, everybody. Oh, man. Oh, man. I hate when you talk to somebody and they say they got siblings. You only find out it's only one or two of them, Niggas. That's not siblings. This is wrong with the country. We need big family energy back in the goddamn states. There's a certain thing you get when you get, like we, my grew up in a townhouse. We only grew up in two bedroom towns. We all slip on one king-sized mattress, all six of us. Niggas, one no boogie man. Niggas, they just, we'll jump that niggas. You know what I'm saying? I was the nigga who come hot my sister dreams, nigga. We'll jump that niggas. There is a different kind of attitude you get. Because I grew up in the 90s with the Big Booty TV. I survived the Big Booty TV remote wars of the 90s. When we used to, when you get punched in the face by a nigga, that looked just like you. Because he want to watch SpongeBob. You know what I'm saying? And you didn't hit the remote. Or if you better like me, if you real petty, I'll take the batteries out that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? The Big Booty TV is, you remember the Big Booty TV? The ones that doubled up as furniture? You can put pictures of your family on top of it and have plants grow down the side. You know what I'm talking about? I started the Big Booty TV. The ones you can slap on the ass to get them to work, right? Like a good woman. Loves about the Big Booty TV. That's my time on Gone. Yeah. Deadrick, Flynn, with a minute 36 seconds, more work than anybody else tonight. He does it every single week. Amazing stuff, Deadrick. I love the do-rag. He must be celebrating Black History Month. Yeah. Well, I escaped Boston to come here, because they got a blizzard that's coming through there. And the scientists were saying that this only happens every once in a while. And the reason why it was happening is because it starts to the house and can't do that motherfucker. That's what it is. LAUGHTER Well, because of you? Yeah, I do that. What was it? A blizzard from Dairy Queen? Yes. Because of the diabetes and whatnot. I don't have diabetes, Tony. I'm just like gold. That's right. That's right. I love the do-rag. That is incredible. Thank you. Absolutely amazing. You look like you and your own auntie. We call him Annie's where I'm from. This is Annie. Auntie uses that white people shit from the middle ways for you from you. You don't care about her auntie, but Nick, Annie, Annie, gonna be there for you. Annie, gonna be there. You out of jail and not tell your mama. If you're not saying auntie, gonna call your mama and go bill her out with you. You need to Annie on your set. Well, you're not like, yeah, in Boston. But shut the fuck up, right? So mad at you. Well, I'm glad you didn't antifreeze in Boston. Come on. I love the patriotic underjacket. Yeah, limp it. I went to Boston. I was sitting with them little cold red nicks. So I got in a hockey because them niggas in Boston, their football is hockey. So the American team, women's and men's one gold and hockey. Yeah. Shut up, you damn. Oh, yeah. You were sick. You were sick. You were sick. You were sick. You were sick. Yeah, I was sick. Motherfucker. I was just chilling. You do. I'm not mad at you. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm not mad at you. It's like spy versus spy, the black and the white. You do look like a sleeper agent. Thank you. Dettrick, how's life going? Fuck it. So goddamn good, man. I'm so fucking tired. I'm traveling all. I get in me all these cool people. I'm really living my dream. I think that's what's beautiful. I just bought Big Buck Hunter from my house. Ooh, we. Yeah. Who won a sleeper? Who won a sleeper? That's awesome. Thank you so much. Two guns are one gun. Two guns. It's a whole arcade, you see? Yeah. What a dream. Yeah, it's $500 on cold. I'm sorry. I missed it. What did you buy? Buck Hunter, dude. A buck hunter. Yeah, yeah. The Big Arcade game. Yeah. When you're shooting the animals on Big Buck Hunter, do you hold the gun? Do you hold the gun sideways? Well, yes, Tony. This is Black History Month. It is. It does actually, like, because I watch and John Wick, then Nick it turns his gun to the side. And then he's like, OK, black energy. And then then they come in there and kill everybody. So I just kind of hold it like that. I watch John Wick, then I go play Big Buck Hunter on mushrooms. She. Yeah. I love it. It is your mump. So I mean, you will do whatever you want. But to be on your ass, Brad. What? You look so swirly, a bull. And how dare you say? What did you say? Swirly, a bull. Swirly, a bull. Swirly, a bull. You can get a nigga swirly perfectly. Like, what did you say? You know what? It's an adjective dumbass. Oh, no. That's not a word. I don't think this is very amicable. Yeah. I'm being amicable right now. Amicable. I loved the jokes tonight. Deadrick, big family energy. Six kids in a king size. That's true. Yeah. Wow. On the floor. Wow. Yeah. Honestly, we didn't know we was poor because everybody else around us was poor. Yeah. And then when we got to middle school, my parents wanted to put this in better schools. Like, that's when I realized the poor. And that's when I started being bad. Because I was, I don't like when a nigga doing better than me. I hate, that's why I hate niggas with two siblings. Like, you, like, because the big booty teeth, the reason why it's important is there's no rewind on a big booty TV. Like, when you watch that episode, if you miss something, like, if you miss, like, raw growing up and you got on the bus and you didn't know what happened versus Stone Cold, you couldn't get no pussy. You are correct. My, I had a big booty TV growing up. A lot of people don't know this, but I was raised extremely poor. And recently I was sent a picture from an old school friend of my house, which still stands on a Florence Dale Avenue in Youngstown, Ohio. It is one of the only remaining houses in the ghetto of Youngstown. And there are, you were there? Yeah, when I went to Youngstown. Really? Yeah, the Uber driver was so excited. Are you serious? I'm dead ass. It's, it's, it's, it's, it ain't took me all around Youngstown. Niggas, that was the first time I felt like I was in the mafia. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's one, they were nice to me. And I know they're not nice in Youngstown, Ohio. I know they're, it's too cold to have like a good personality. Yeah. And I showed someone a picture of my house that didn't know exactly. They don't need or not everybody knows the background of Youngstown, or what not. And, and it's the only house still standing anywhere near it. So I showed someone the picture and they're like, wow, look at all the land that you had. But what they don't realize is that there's a graveyard of driveways that just go to nothing because every house was arsoned out or burnt down. What the fuck was my point? Oh, I had a big booty TV. Yeah, big, big A.A. TV. And we, our house would get robbed about once a year, once every two years. And they, they would have to take a bunch of dumb shit like in a Tari station one time. They took a VCR just straight up VCR, which would be worth I guess negative money now it is. It was, no, it was, it was 250 back in the day and then I'll do the math. They took everything from you. Yeah. That's what they did. They just gave us the, they didn't take the deep, they didn't take the tapes too. What was you watching on the V? What was your, well, it's actually funny. You mentioned that. My first grade play I was, I was a star. Do you know about this? Why are you laughing? My first grade Christmas play was in the VCR when they stole it. And I was, I was all head. I had the same size head that I have now when I was in first grade. The kids used to call me big head. Big head. It was big head, but anyway. And, and it's very depressing that they stole that because it's some of the funniest video footage. I was a star in the play when they're like, you're going to be a star. And I'm like, wow, this is amazing. I'm going to be a star in the play, but it turns out I was an actual star. Like I was like a decoration. It was a glittery star with a piece of yard. It was a piece of yard. Would you have it, Dejric, was it you that stole it? Oh. All right. It was just a Christmas play. It was like a manger, whatever the Christmas play. Wow. Christmas story of Christmas right there. Oh, that was your big moment. It was, it's the biggest I ever got. I never, I never found any success after that. But my point is it's interesting because those TVs back then were basically unstealable. They were like 700 pounds or something insane. I don't think they were unstealable. I took a lot of them, Tony. I think I think you was just a weak ass kid. You shouldn't have knitted with your head. If you just put that shit on like an African nigga going to the market. Balance it. You had a dolly. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I got two ACOs. I got a Twitch5 or muscle in my calf that had helped me pick up a TV and get rip out of their real fame. I think we're talking about two different types of TVs. I'm talking about the big booty. I'm strong. I was raised in the 80s, not the 90s. I think there was a little upgrade between me and you had to change the TV with the pliers and shit. Fact down. You didn't have a remote. Yeah, we had a dial. What? I had to walk up to the dial. Wait, I don't know. Oh, no. Your mom just lost a remote. No, there was a dial. I remember it. You remember when TV's had fucking dials and the remotes were like the day. They turned it like this. Yeah. Okay. The channel. Yeah. Remotes were like a brand new unbelievable technology. You pressed the button on the sides. Yeah, it was like a big fucking deal. Oh, man. I'm glad I grew up young. Shit. Shit. It shit had a laser on it. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I guess. Not you, Tony. I'm so sorry for disrespecting you. I've seen you my whole life, nigga. What the fuck? I know. I used to watch you on the big booty TV. Yeah. Dendrick, you are the fucking man. Everybody loves you. The world loves you. Go see him live. He's on the killers of Kill Tony Tour. This episode was brought to you by prize picks, Quo, Shopify, and Zipper Cruder. How loud can this place get for the great Steve Ran is easy? On tour, check them out doing some dates, SteveRan is easy.com. How about one more time for the great Joe List, everybody? He's on tour, comedian, JoeList.com. SmallBall is on youtube.com, backslash, JoeList. The drawing from Ryan J. E. belt is in, and that is indeed the great Steve Ran is easy and JoeList. Let's see what Chris Rodgers drew tonight. JoeList! Oh my goodness. He drew JoeList. How about one more time for the best standband in all the land? Red Band? I'll be in San Diego in June at the American Comedy Co. .com. Kill Tony is going to the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles, California, in May. If you're anywhere near LA or in the mood to make a trip to the old relic that used to be one of the best cities in the world, why not visit it and see Kill Tony at the same time? Go to the ocean where it's now filled with little black beads from melted Teslas that exploded in the Pacific Palisades, a little fun fact for you. It turned into black tiny balls that now line the lower Pacific Ocean of the United States of America. How about one more time for the Kill Tony band? You can follow them on YouTube and Instagram. Follow Heidi. Heidi Regina.com. Love on the line. And uh, yeah. That's about it. I'm going to the Kennedy. I'm going to do stand up at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. On some other dates, TonyHingeClip.com. Some other big announcements right around the corner. Live audience, we love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. 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