Noah's Smelly Ark

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She thought I'd be gonzo, getting a nice go fund me going, maybe a benefit for a couple years. Move back to Massachusetts to hang out with Karen and fucking Tracy and all her friends that she doesn't get to see anymore. Yeah. Fucking Tina down in fucking... That's the idea that they'll get to enjoy their old age without you. Well, yeah, of course. She can have it. She can have it. I love it. I love it. I love being married. I love being around her, but I think she wants me to die, motherfucker, die. Yeah, she wants you to die, motherfucker, die. If she wants it. She's fine being married until you die. This is why I know she's done with me. We fight now, she gives up. Yeah. When they give up, when they go, okay, you're done. Oh, yeah. Or when they don't put up a fight, when I'm like, you knew you do this and then you did that, and that's why you got to stop. Okay. Okay, I'll do that. Okay. Well, all right, I'm just saying, I'm sorry, I'll do that. Okay, she's done. What is it? Me and Christine don't fight at all. Yeah. But we have nothing to fight. We don't communicate enough to fight. Yeah, you have to communicate. Which is better, though. You know. One giving up. One gives up, I think. Or that both people are just like, fight about what for what? Like cares. I think you're in the better fucking pole position, baby. Yeah. Yeah, just to be around and not even have it, be an issue. Sure. Yeah, I'm leaving. Okay, see ya. All right, I'm back for a minute. I'm leaving again. All right, bye. Yeah. See you later. I'm taking off too. Okay. Yeah. It's because we, just to see a woman just interface. Just go, yeah, I'm sick of fucking. I'm sick of you. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm okay. She used to, we used to fight. We used to have good fights. I like a nice fight. I like a nice argument. You know, you get to the root of it. You kind of, she lets her shit out. You know, she would get to the point where she would be like mad enough and, you know, because she, I let shit out. I'm an open book. I'm a vulnerable fucking sissy, you know. You know, I feel this and I feel, I got to Allen too much. I've been going to AA meetings. I express myself too much, but she's, you know, she's a fucking old Paul lock from fucking Everett. She just buries it and holds onto it. But when it comes out, it comes out like a volcano and then we get somewhere and then we can hold each other and it's nice. I like a nice fight. I like the nice makeup after the fight. But now she's just, she's just going, okay. Okay. Do you guys always have resolution at the end of fight? We used to this morning. We didn't this morning. We had, you know, we had a little argument, you know, with the way she, here's a problem. I don't like the way I'd rather have somebody yell at me than give me tone. I fucking hate tone. I hate tonal. You know what I mean? Like I have you, dude, stop being a fucking idiot rather than stop doing that. You're doing that wrong. That's wrong. Stop doing that. I don't like that. Just, just, you know what I mean? Have a consequence. Fucking tell them to knock it off. And move on. You, you, she raises her tone up to the point, but she never yells. So she can always be like, I wasn't yelling. Yeah. I wasn't yelling. And you're yelling already. You, but there's different, there's different time. But listen, there's fucking yelling. Go fuck yourself. Fuck off. You know. And then there's tone yelling, passive aggressive yelling. She tone yells. She tones yells. So in a court of law, if the cops do have to show up and there was videotape of it, they'd be like, she wasn't yelling. You were freaking out. I was fucking. And you hand talk. Yeah. I broke the, you know, I, yeah, I fucking grabbed stuff. But you know, I did that. But I'm, here's, here's my plan is that I've been slowly eliminating yelling out of my life. So I'm not going to yell anymore. And I'm going to give tone back. All right. How's that? I like that. I'm slowly with Alan, the help of Alan and better help. I love better help. Okay. Code, bonfire slash bonfire free stuff. Probably. Yeah. Probably right. Something like that. Eliminating tone. I'm going to give her back what she gives me. So let's, let's practice a little bit. Say some stuff to me that would usually set me off. Bob, you're doing the thing again. I asked you not to do already once. Yeah, but I, I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I messed up. You're right. I won't do it again. I'm seeing other people. Thank God. Thank God. Can I watch? I just want to jerk off. Can I watch? I would love to watch. Can I be there for it? Can I be there for it? For me and Max. I do it. This is crazy. Yesterday, Max, he calls me up. He's like, yo, dad, I'm at the party. Just goes, I'm going out with friends. Okay. Takes off out the house, which I love. Turns out my new friend was a pedophile. Come pick me up. Well, he said he wasn't a 15 year old kid. He was a, turns out it was an adult with a van. Yeah. An adult math teacher, junior high math teacher. Please. Let's hang on one second. I guess I'll just. I want that little boy to come in my face. I want that little boy to come in my face. Oh, thanks little boy. Can sing that, but not the other word. Yeah. He calls me like an hour later. He's up at the park near our house, which the only thing you have to worry about is a pedophile. Okay. You know, it does have trails in the back where old dudes walk their dogs. Pedophiles. I go a lot. I've caught nothing. I've come up empty-handed. Have you worn your short shorts to really like a dog whistle? No, I haven't done that. Damn it. I didn't even think of that. Have you thought about dressing like a clown in the woods? Fuck, I know. I'm just dressing like them. We're on a couple of sweaters and a vest. You're right. I'm going to start dressing a hotter. What about possibly a van and a full clown costume? I'm going to start dressing hotter and, and, and zoos up. Doodles a little more. A little zoos. There's a little zoos in her fluffer out a little bit. Everybody loves a Bernadot with the long hair. Who don't? But so he calls me up and he goes, he goes to pick us up. My friends, we want to go downtown, but we don't want to walk. It's a little far and cold. So I just zip up. I'm like, yeah, whatever. I zip up to the park, grab. I pull over, don't even look. I just see him with two other people. Get in the car. Get in the back seat. I'm kind of giving him shit because the back seat's messy. I'm like, dude, you know, you got your gay back there and he's like, and the two, all of a sudden here, hi, Mr. Kelly. It was two hot chicks. Like, like hot girls that he was hanging out with. Don't call them hot. They're kids. No, they were 28. Oh, then yeah. Yeah. Okay. Then yeah, they were hot, I guess. You're right. I can't call them hot. They were pretty young. He was two hot chicks, dude. Hot to go. I can smell them ovulating. I can see the heave of their fresh bosom. They have volcano tits. We're turning into real boobs. They were becoming women before my very eyes. They were pretty young girls. They were pretty girls. Well, usually not, you know, the girls he's dated have been like, you know, goofy little theater girls, you know, whatever. These were like, you know, for that age bracket, very pretty young girls. He wasn't dating them though. I don't know what he was doing with them. He was hanging out with two chicks in the woods. Probably spinning as my, if I, yeah. I think if I have any, if my guess would be, yeah, as someone who's been in this position, and maybe Max is a player baller. Yeah. What that reads to me, if I'm putting myself in that when I was younger, that was the girls going, he'll pay for some stuff for sure. Well, they didn't, well. And I would get caught with that a lot. It's like, of course all the girls want to go out for a pizza after school and some french fries. And then when the bill comes, you know, they're going to be like, I got it. Yeah. Well, that's your childhood. They want everybody to think you're cool. My childhood, I was banging at like 10 or 11, Tony Q and a Bush. So if he's anything. I have a feeling Max is going to be leaning more towards my thing. I don't know, dude. He's getting, he's getting shredded. He's going to the gym. You can't calm shredded. He's a 12 year old boy. He's got a big huge bicep. No, he got in the car, dude. He was doing, he got in the car and he winked at me. He liked the dad. Really? Yeah. Because he knew I thought it was boys who was hanging out with his friends, but it was two girls. And he got in the car and he gave me an old. He got your dirty back seat with two girls. No, he got in the front. The two girls got in the back. Let them get in the back. Yeah. I'm not having them in the front. In the dirty back seat. But I drive around my town with a young girl in the front seat of my car. Max should have thought better. Max should have, Max should have hit you up and been like, yo dad. Yeah. Sorry about what's going on in the back seat of the car. I know. But like, can you flush all that out and come grab us? So they don't have to smell my geese wet? You don't have to teach them how to hang out with these girls, dude. You can't just have them bringing around to your fucking stink ass back seat of your car. Well, he's like, I go, where are you guys going? He goes, we can just drop us off by the grocery store. What do you like to know? Drop us off by the grocery store. I go, but there's nothing over here except for the cheat ghosts. Yeah. He said, we're going downtown. And then they're going downtown, if you know what I mean. They're going to double suck my cock. High five me, dad. I hope not. They didn't. But I called Don immediately. I mean, you keep an eye on him. We got a tracker on him. Yeah. I keep an eye. If he goes behind the cheat ghosts, you go down there and fucking, you pick him up. Don? Yeah, I called Don. I had to go. I was leaving. Go find your son getting his dick sucked by two adults? Well, better her than me. I don't need that temptation in my life. You just jump in there with him. That's not how you do it. Max, you got to hold their hair and fuck their face. Me and him, but just fucking high fiving. Oh, my God. Yeah. It was a different time, right? Yeah. Well, no, no. Back in the day, when you were able to have sex with a 12-year-old Bobby, you could take a wish for those days so much. 1846, when was that later? Whenever Jacob's grandfather was alive. I think that was 1892, right? Yeah. I think so. If you use on, I think it was in the Santa Maria. No, the pinta. I always get that wrong. The Santa Maria, the Maria, what was it? The pinta, the Santa Maria and the Nina. The Nina, the pinta and the Santa Maria. Where are those shit? Are they still around? No, no, no. Are they gone? They maybe never existed for all we know. Right, like the Ark? Are you still trying to find that stupid thing? Yeah. Yeah, there was an Ark with two giraffes, two fucking dogs. Shut the fuck up. The only thing we have historical remnants of are dinosaurs and the Titanic. If you tell us, that's just the two errors of life. I love that they had all these animals and then a bunch of lions. Yeah. Yeah, okay. You showed up at, you showed, when the flood was done, there was just two fat lions. A bunch of dead giraffes. Yeah, the Ark. Let's just get them all together. That's fine. Yeah, the Ark makes no sense at all. No, it's stupid. Does somebody build it on? No, it doesn't make sense at all. No, it doesn't make sense at all. The fucking, with the double animals? It's also not enough genetic diversity. Here he comes with the facts. He's right. It's not enough genetic diversity. What do you mean it's not enough? You get it. There wouldn't be different breeds of things. Everyone would be inbred within one cycle. The animals. Yeah. Okay. That's right. How many people were on the Ark? Was it just Noah? No, it was kids. His kids. His wife. So when he was done with all the flooding, who do you have sense with? In favor, could you put on the third verse of all you zombies by the Hooters, please? Because I don't think Bobby remembers the song. This was taught to you not weeks ago. All you zombies by the Hooters. No one ever spoke to Noah. No one. No one. They all laughed at him. Is that why his name was Noah? No one. No one. Did you shorten it? That was great. That's the way, what's her name? Maria Manunu says no. So they would have, Howard Stern would prank all people named Noah. And just have her go, Noah. He's like, yes, it's Noah. Noah. You're like, yeah, speaking. Turn it up, because Bobby only learns lessons through songs. It's true. Sorry I learned to jump. Places. Rain's gonna fall on you. They just laughed at him, Bobby. Because they were doing, I guess, whatever else you do in those times besides building arc. Have fun. Working all by himself. I think you can fuck 12 year olds then. You could. You had to. You actually had to. Only Noah saw it coming. 40 days and 40 nights. That's it? Yeah, the flood. Took his sons and daughters with him. And you know who they were, Bobby? You say with the Israelites. Thank you. Thank you. Now wait a minute. Thank you, Hooters. 40 days and 40 nights, he was on the arc. And weren't they in the, oh, 40 years they were in the desert, right? Yeah. But I mean, 40 days and 45. Music has taught you all these things, for sure. Remember we were just talking about the Nina and the Pent in the Santa Maria? Yeah. Lou, if you could please put on the beginning of Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden, please. Because then you'll learn that story also. Well, I'm in for a history class. You are in for a history class. Did I be the coolest history teacher? Can you imagine how much? Oh my gosh, we're going to listen to fucking, we're going to listen to the first half of Somewhere in Time by Iron Maiden today. Oh, there it is. This is not about the, is this about the Nina and the Pent and the Santa Maria? Well, it's about the white man coming over here to fuck shit up. This is more about later. Oh, one in eight, yeah. This isn't about when we first got here. White man came across the sea. Okay, there they are. He brought us pain. And disease. And us, by the way, he says us, like he's a Native American. Was he German? He took a game for his own need. Took the buffalo. They tried, they tried to fight him. They did. They tried to fight him well. And on the planes, they gave him a little hell. A little bit, a little hell. Did you see Yamanica's? I sent it to Derosa today. What? Yamanica, I don't know. People are just putting up clips. I don't know what the hell they're talking about anymore. What's happening with her? She goes, I ran, I'm going to join Iran, motherfucker. I'm about to join Iran. If Iran come up in this bitch, I don't know what she's talking about. She's going to wait till after comedy camp comes up before she joins Iran. She's going to settle down. I think she's under the impression Iran's coming here. I don't know. It caught me strange. Well, Godfrey is, I watched a little bit of Godfrey today too. He hates us. I saw it. No. Oh, you mean whites? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I meant us in general. Oh, yeah, in general, not individually. I saw him at the Delta Lounge on Friday. Yeah. I said, hi to him. We were shooting the shit for a little while. And then I heard someone go, Godfrey. And he goes, Sherry Shepherd. You know Sherry Shepherd? I went, no, this got more important than me. I'll see you later. And I left. Because you know Sherry Shepherd? I went, no. See you later. I shook hands with her reluctantly. She took Wendy Williams throne. I don't like it. I'll always hold that against her. She pushed her out if you ask me. Bobby has me thinking, like it must have stunk on the ark. Because all the animals and all the people have to make a duty. Where does it go? You duty right there. Everybody smelled like shit anyway. 40 days of duty. Yeah, 40. And 49 days. I'm sure that. They're going to take a shower in between his arc build days. I'm sure. He's already stinking. I'm sure. You know hung his ass over the side of the boat. I'm sure. You couldn't even open it. There were no wind. I don't think there were wind. Is that how the arc worked? It was like a little tank. It's keeping protected. It was enclosed. Really? How did you know? So the duty was, where did the smell go? Just went into duty, man. You went into the. I assume up. It's just shit, dude. I'm thinking maybe God took the duty away. Well, you got to think about it. It's not 40 shits. It's probably, you know, they're not eating a lot. So it's probably cut that in half. It's probably maybe 20 shits. With a zillion different kinds of animals. Yeah. So this, dude, you got to worry. I worked on a farm. Certain animal shits are worse than others. Like a sheep shit is the worst. They had all of that. They had elephants, elephant shit. Oh, here you go. Christine found the arc encounter. You can go see an arc. Oh, good. Did they, does it smell like shit? My nephew has snakes, snake duty stinks. No. Like really bad. Oh, snake, snake smells awful. Well, there were snakes on board too. Where did it go? 40 days and 49 to snake duty. You're going to have all kinds. You're going to have lion shit. You're going to have tiger shit. You're going to have giraffe shit. How are all these animals indigenous to where Noah was, by the way? I could not deal with that. How did he get them all? God. Yeah. Wait a second. There's interactive screens in the arc. My God, this guy was great. He was fantastic. What was Noah's last name? Jobs. And it must have sucked for some of those animals. Noah Musk. Because when they were hungry, it's like, you know what I mean? The giraffes are like, no one's eating a giraffe. They're going right past the giraffe. They're going right over that little, that little goat aisle. I'll try giraffe. Yeah. You tried giraffe. I don't think you can eat giraffe. No, you're not allowed to eat them. You have to. Not allowed. Do you think people eat giraffe? I try it. It'd be too much. Delicious, delicious giraffe. You think it'd be too much? Giraffe steak. Probably tastes like chicken, right? I don't know. I couldn't even begin to guess. Christine, can you Google where the arc duty went? Is that a thing or I love some questions. I mean, we're going to get, you're going to get hearsay for sure. I mean, isn't that a legitimate question? Christine, see they have a ring video doorbell camera. Proposed models, the animal waste in the arc was likely managed through slatted floors, gravity fed shoots and pits, sending it out to the ocean. Polluting the ocean, by the way. Well, that's what they do now with cruise ships. They, all the shit, they just open it up and dump it in the ocean, make a fish food. Nice. I like that. Yeah. Eat my turds, fish. Yeah. They just dump out, they dump shit out in the ocean on the boats, all the boats. And then every once in a while, we give them a person off the boat. Yeah. There you go. Guys, you've eaten enough shit. Here's a human being. Here's someone's unwanted wife for husband. You never went into the ocean with a, you know, take a dump and then go right into the ocean and clean your ass out in the ocean and make fish food. I went on a, my nephew, my brother took my nephew on a fishing trip and on a, just a little bass boat and the keys and they hired a captain. And he had irritable, irritable bowel syndrome. And he just had an attack. This is in the middle of the mangroves in broad daylight. And so he just pulled down his pants and shit over the side. Yeah. And my nephew started hysterically laughing as you do. And then the guy just took a rag and wiped his ass and then continued the fishing trip like nothing happened. Yeah, my brother was in. And he threw the rag back in the water? In the water. I get, you know what, I got to get clarification on that. My little brother was a gill net fisherman in Marblehead. He used to shoot all the time. They had a five gallon bucket on the boat. They would just shit in the bucket and then dump it over the side. Man. And then there you go. And toilet paper is biodegradable. It just goes away. I hate all of everything you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I mean, you see somebody taking a duty and you can't, you're on the boat with a little boat. Yeah. You know, like a 15 foot boat. Yeah, it's fucking disturbing. I'd look everybody in their eyes as they shit off the edge of the boat and make them feel bad about what they're doing. No, but they say like, hey, do you want a sandwich? And they hand you a sandwich afterward. Yeah. Out of the cooler. Yeah. You're horrified. You think they had a cooler in the arc? Not on the arc. I don't think they had the arc. They had interactive screens according to this arc. When I went to Iraq, on the bases, they had no doors. They just had toilets. And you'd, I mean, I remember shitting. By your second tour. By your second tour over there, you got it. My second tour, I figured it out. But the first tour, I did do two tours. Two tours. But I was just staring at a marine. He came in and he's like, what's up? Good show. Just the way it is. He's like, you, any luck on those coordinates? I immediately tucked my little ding ding inside the seat. I just didn't want to see my little mushroom sticking out. Oh yeah. I occasionally pee on the seat sometimes. I would lean forward to make sure my dick didn't come out of that little fucking space. Yeah. I'd be like, hey, my dick's touching the water actually. You don't even know it's right now. My dick is dangling in the water. I'm shitting on my balls right now. Because that's why I, you got a baby wipe so I can shit on my, wipe my nuts off. It's might take me a second because I have to wipe the bottom of my dick and balls off. They always get mushed up into my ass because I have so much coffin balls and such tiny asshole. Yeah, dude, we didn't start shitting the way we shit. It was like a hundred years, maybe a hundred years ago, maybe less. I didn't even thought about this. I watched the YouTube video on pirate ships and maritime ships because they never discussed this in the movies, like how they had to shit on the, on those ships. I know. It was horrific. It was, it was, it was horrific. It was, it was horrific. Captain Jack's barrel of you saw him ripping a crap. It was horrific. One second, one second. Sometimes it would rain forever so they just had to shit inside. Someone's in here, someone's in here. There was no bathroom so they would just shit down the stairs and it would just collect in the bottom. Yeah. And it. That's why people died at fucking 28. That is why. Yeah, that's why everybody died back in the day because they just shit. Did you see that video? I just know that people died because of shit. Didn't that happen on BET's old school hip hop cruise, carnival cruise? Kid and plane, everyone run around their own dookie? Yeah, dude. There's nothing worse than when then like you're in a, something happens on a ship and the stuff gets backed up. Oh. Well, the best ones, like the high class ones had a little hole that just basically you sat in it and the duty fell right into the sea. But then the, now think about it. How did they wipe their ass back then? They had a long string that was dangling in the water. They pulled the string up and they scrubbed their ass with it that every other person was scrubbing their ass. Yeah. Yep. I couldn't do it. Yeah. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Of course you couldn't do it now because you, you have baby wipes and bidets. You, you lived a better life. You can't go backwards. But if the world ended tomorrow, if, if everything ended tomorrow and there was no more running water, there's no more electricity. But luckily you've been building an arc. Kill me. Luckily you've been building an arc with baby wipes. There's thousands of baby. Hey, Permichae. Yeah. I need a bidet on my arc. Yeah, but you just no running water. Or electricity. Okay, I can't. What are you gonna do? You, first of all. You can have an L. You do, you gotta go back to bedrock, dude. You have an elephant, suck water up its nose and then blow that up your ass. That's your bidet. World's starting over, dude. We're back to bedrock. You could find your creature comforts, but it's gonna be done by a creature. Yeah. You want to listen to music and have to get a bird with a long needle beak. You're gonna have to play your records with a, with a terror deck. Yeah. For sure. That's just the way it goes, buddy. I'm sorry. Sorry, buddy. When was toilet paper invented? What year? I don't understand like life before that is horrible. When we stop being able to domesticate these elephants to blow water up. They had, they used, they used towels for a long time and you would clean the towel. Yeah. I mean, look, you go down the tunnel. They still fucking off. They still offer you when you, well, at least when Isabella was born, they still offer you the service. Do you want us to come pick up your cloth shit diapers? Yeah. I'm like, I'm all right. We're just gonna throw them away like normal human beings. I'm not gonna fucking, oh, it's so gross. Dude, there's a lot of diapers. A lot of the world still doesn't use toilet paper. Still? They just shit. Yeah. No. Yeah, dude. A lot of the world? Yeah. Do you think people in Africa, like in the jungle, you think people in the desert who don't have houses and shit live in the, like Afghanistan, they have, they have fucking bounty and soft cloud? No. Bobby, look at me. You. Yeah. I do think they have. They don't have toilet paper. I'm pretty sure they do. Not anymore. That's one of the things we, that's one of the tariffs. Is that we bombed? Did we bomb? Did we bomb the toilet paper style? That's the first thing you bombed. And we bombed in Iran. We, we bombed the drone factory and the toilet paper. Then the toilet paper. Once you get rid of the drones and toilet paper, they're pretty much defenseless. Just shit ass with no surveillance. Why lay in America, man? In 1853, we started using toilet paper. And that didn't come to everybody for probably another 50 years. Here you go. Moss, they used often. Yeah. Wool and hay were plentiful. They were convenient to use, allowing them to keep themselves clean, even in the coldest weather. Cowboys had to make do with whatever was available in the wild. Grass soft leaves were common. Large soft leaves of the cotton weed plant. If nothing else was available, torn pages from yearbooks, newspapers or catalogs could also be used. Or wanted posters. Native, that's, I like that. Yeah. Native Americans used leaves, grass, soft moss. Corn cobs. Yeah, that was a good one. I like that. Moss must feel nice. Corn cob would be fantastic. I'd rather use a corn cob. Oh, I mean, I'd get the itch out. Absolutely. Then moss, soft moss. I feel like soft moss is going to be mushing around where it's like, I'll go for the soft moss after I get a good scraping with that corn cob, you know? Oh, you're going to scrape it? I thought you just pushed it in. Oh, you're trying to lollipop it. I'm going to lollipop that. You're going to leave some behind, dude. I would use it as like a digging tool. Dude, it's going to look like a honey hive when I pull that out. Oh. Stick it as far as I can and then pull it out. And it's just going to fill with whatever and then use the moss. I don't think that's how it works. Well, it could work that way. I think you could do that. I guess it could. I would have been an innovator back in the Indian days. You are an innovator. You think they just scraped their assholes with a corn cob? Yeah. And the thing is, you can go back a couple of times. You can go up until you get all the big pieces of shit out, you could really like. But the way you eat corn, you could. You spin it? Yeah. Like I'm buttering it? Yeah. You just butter it with shit? You shit butter in it? As yeah. Yeah. Right? I put a corn cob holder on one side. I spin it around. Well, I was thinking about this when you're, because I'm watching all these westerns and stuff, like when you're having sex with girls back in the day, it must suck it. Just sucked. Oh, yeah. The smell. I mean, you. But the smell of you also, the whole thing was gross. Yeah, but you're, the smell of you, you get used to, right? The smell of somebody else is shocking. And to be on like a wagon train with somebody, like some girl for a while, and then have to make love to her, start your breath. Yeah, but she feels the same way about you, that's what I'm saying. Right. It's both, it's disgusting for everybody involved. It was just gross. You're doing it just to get, just to do something fun during the day. Besides just sitting and waiting for TV to be invented. The hardest women had bad breath. Oh God. Was there, well, I mean, nobody went to a dentist. Bad breath, hairy armpits and fucking corn cob cleaned assholes. Yeah, just dirty, smelly. Don't forget the blood. The good old days, right, Christine? Oh, the blood mixing with the poop. Back in the day, back in the day. A nice blood poop smell. I'm gonna tape up my weekend. Yo, what's up? I was in Jacksonville, which I could not have oversold about the hotel. Is that Jacksonville? Comedy zone. North, south or north, or is that Florida? Florida. Florida, okay. Do they have a Jacksonville, North Carolina? Maybe. It's on the border, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know. Is that where, that's where that town is, right? Where the old town, what's it called? Is it Jacksonville? Isn't that where that is? Like the first, where everybody, like, is swingers, that thing? It's the first city in America in Jacksonville. Am I crazy? Isn't that right? What's that town called? Augustines or something? St. Augustine? St. Augustine. Isn't that the first city in America? Am I correct on that? I don't know, maybe. I think so. I've been there. Nice city, nice town. The first city in America? I think so. Isn't Philadelphia the first city in America? No. What is it? Yup. It's kind of sort of the oldest, continuously occupied, European established settlement in the United States. Yup. Founded by Pedro Pascal. Pedro. Look at that. Free Palestine, baby. Stop war, no war. It predates the English colony at Jamestown by 42 years and the pilgrims by 55 years. Wow. White man came across the sea to bring his pain and misery. This doesn't rhyme. But then he left us a cute little town you can go to for lunch. Little St. Augustine. Now I was in Jacksonville. This should be the last city in America. It will survive like the roaches. It is, now, I'm always going to give credit where credit is due. Club is fantastic. What's the club called? Comedy Zone. Okay. It's in the Jacksonville. It's in the Ramada by Wyndham. I don't know what their quality control is over Ramada, but they're not keeping an eye on this place. I told you I always stay there at the motel. Because you love the chaos. I love the chaos. You love chaos. I do, but a couple of things I wasn't expecting. One, how much chaos. Really? And two, yeah, I feel, you're the manager of this club. She is the sweetest. She loves comedy. So I always push, you don't have to stay there if you perform there. They offer, they go, I don't know, we'll get you a buy out. Stay somewhere else down the road this night. They know. I say I'm going to stay. I woke up Friday or went to bed actually Thursday feeling kind of under the weather. Started to feel shitty. Yeah. Woke up Friday feeling like ass. Oh, it sucks. So bad. And then I got, went to the airport. Got on the plane. I'm like, I'll sleep on the plane. I didn't sleep good. So I'll sleep on the plane. Left out terrible. Landed just blow my nose every five seconds. Just going through it. I land. I get an Uber. I go to the hotel and they're like, yeah, this lady's going to meet you. Give you your keys for your rooms. Okay. I meet her. I get the key and the room. They give you a room key for the green room. It's just a hotel room. Like on the first floor. Oh, the green room for the thing they just get. For the comedy club. It's just a room. It's just another hotel room. Does it have, just has a bed. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a hotel room. It's wild. When I get to the girl hands me the, hands me the question of mine. She goes, now I guess there's two rooms you could choose from here. She goes, this one's like the suite, like the two, you know, living room and bedroom, but it smells a little bit like smoke. And I was like, I mean, I smoke. It's fine. That one. Yeah. I was like, but she meant cigarette smoke. I don't smoke cigarettes inside, but, and it did smoke cigarette smoke. I was like, yeah, I'll take it though. Fuck it. I go in the room. Can I ask a question? You don't smoke, you smoke weed inside, but you, you don't want to smoke cigarettes inside because you don't like cigarette smoke. Cigarette smoke stays on everything. You don't like that. Okay. It just stays. I agree. I smoked a cigar in a room once and it sucked. I hated it because it smelled. It's just there. Yeah. It's not even like the, it's, it's not the smell like cigarette when you're smoking cigarette. It's what the smoke that just sticks. Right. And then lingers. It's bad. Just even for my clothes, I bring, I never travel without a full febrize fabric because when I take my clothes off at night and everything, I just spray them off. So it doesn't spray your body. No. You spray your naked body. No. When you get out of the shower. Yeah. You just spray yourself down. Is that what you want daddy? Yeah. A nice fresh fucking sack. So you want just my body just drippy. Shhh. I got a complete sweet come on from a male fan on Instagram. Still felt nice. Always feels nice. It wasn't even like a, I want to fuck your guy just goes, he goes, you're really handsome, man. Big fan. Thanks, dude. He's right. Appreciate that. You are very handsome. In the picture is him and his husband getting married. Oh, bear bear. Oh, bear bear. He felt nice. Bear bear. Always feel nice. It's nice to be wonders. Yeah. Would be nice if the girls we live with did it. Once in a while. No. That'd be weird. Got a nice handsome out of you. That'd be strange. When was the last time you said he's handsome, Christine? All right. Moving on. I think we've complimented each other. Looks good. Randomly. Oh. I don't know if I was like, you're such a handsome boy. No. Like that sounds like a model. No one's ever taken a, we're not taking second looks at each other. Emerging from the stairs. Like. I wouldn't mind a fucking, I wouldn't mind everyone's wobbly from leaving going, you look so cute, baby. Yeah. How do you look good? No, I ask those. But I don't even ask do I look good. I'm always like, do I look all right? Yeah. Which is not the same as catching her looking at you and just being like. No. The catch. What are you looking at? You know, just. Those days are long. You look good. You look good today. They catch each other looking down. I told her she looked thin today. Very thin. Yeah. He did say I looked thin. He's like, you've been sick so you probably lost more weight. That's not how I put it. First thing I say, I go, I said, I go, you look really thin. Yeah. You lost like a bunch of weight. She looked great. I go, you look thin. She goes, I mean, I got we we both been sick. So I got from sure that helps to fucking for days not eating. That little last part does take a little zip out of the little bit out of it. Just to be honest. Okay. Yeah. I mean, we both have AIDS. So I mean, it's going to happen. I'll live in it. I'll live in it. I still thought it was very nice. Yeah. But so yeah. Anyway, I go on the. So you take the sweet. I take the sweet. I go in the steak. I always, I gotta remember, I only do it for like three trips after something in my hotel room sucks, that I go, don't unpack, check everything. Never unpack. Check for the AC works. Make sure the fucking TV, make sure the internet works, make sure everything, the showers turning on, everything. I leave my bag in the door. I leave my- And do all that stuff? I leave my bag in the, I walk in, leave the bag in the door and I check everything. Make sure there's no duty in the toilet. Make sure there's not some rusty tub shit. I check behind the bag, no bed bugs. I always check bed bugs. I don't like a- Do you get all the stuff? Bed bug. I don't like any of that. And then I check the remote, make sure the remote's not a fucking hunk of shit. And then I turn the TV on, the wifi, and then I go. Cause I've been in the bed going, what's that smell? And then- Repacking up, fucking move in a hotel sucks. Yeah. You gotta pack three times. I want them to come up and be like, I touched nothing. Yeah. Nothing. Well, of all places I should have learned this lesson it would have been here. Yeah. At the two hotels that combine one to make a hotel. No, it's three, it's three buildings. No, Ramada and Wyndham. Oh, Ramada, Wyndham. When Wyndham had to come in and save Ramada. Yeah, no one saved this place. They tried. They said they tried. Every time I go there they go, we got rid of the prostitutes and drug dealers. I go, they know we're all these terrifying people and prostitutes here. Yeah. Really? Because what are these guys mean, Muckin' Me, the people doing drugs in the ice where you dip off to get ice? And the stuff he goes, there's all of these things are still very much here. Is there a lobby and all that? It's just- So when you, the buildings of the rooms, it's like a sea, it's like a big sea. And then yeah, then there's the main building as a lobby that's got a restaurant and the comedy club. Now do you go outside the building to get to your room? Mm-hmm. So people can just, anybody can just walk up to your door. Hotter person, from right from the outside. That's crazy, dude. It looks nice. Doesn't it though? That little, that looks boutique right there. That looks very boutique. Holy shit. I don't like when the rooms look like some family when it has like, it has personality to it. These pictures are so old and stylized. That room looks nice. Is that the lobby? That's the lobby, there's a comedy zone. Okay. Be nice. I stand by a thousand times over that I love the club. Right. Dude, when there's a tub, I get nervous. I'd be happy to do the club again. And all of that. No hotel should have a tub. Can I just say it? Who the fuck is it? Unless it's really clean and you have a big tub, like a big jacuzzi tub. You should have a shower, walk in, and if there's some other, yes, some type of tub that's an option. Like a thing, yeah. When I walk in, there's just the tub. Oh yeah. And I have to step over that dumb curtain that's been jizzed on. They don't clean the curtain every time. You think the guy's aiming his jizz into the drain? I do. I do too. We're professionals. Yeah. But there's some randos. It's just jizz on that curtain and it's getting on our shins. I treat the drain like it's an open mouth. Like open up, bitch. There it is, you dirty whore. Don't get it all. I actually try to finish every drop. I try with a screwdriver and I undo the drain so my jizz goes right down. And there's no jizz, fucking blockage. It's not getting filtered. Yeah. Yeah, it's not getting strained like pasta, jizz pasta. So I unpack. I turn on the light switch in the room, which is, I don't think I took a picture of that. No, I didn't. So don't bring it up yet. Don't bring these things up yet. But the light switch was a broken, like actual switch. The switch itself was broken and there was like a little Christmas light sticking out of it. And that was so you can push up and down. Turn the light on. But that's not, that might have been a decoration they forgot to take down. It's possible. And then, so I think it was just to give grip to the switch. Function? Yeah, function. So then I unpack, I lay everything out, put my soap in the shower, my toothbrush, toothpaste, all my toiletries. Cause I kind of just stack my toiletries in front of the TV. But it's like, it's still a thing. It's like the sort of what my unpacking is. I don't take my clothes out or anything. Right. My shoes, everything out of the back, one side of the bag is out. My shoes, my everything. You're ready to go. Ready just like, you know, when I have to get ready that night. And I was like, and what I need right now is to lay down, I feel so sick. Right. I'm gonna go to sleep. Right. Not a better feeling in the world, getting in a hotel room and pulling that tight sheet back, flipping it over. How do you do that? I get right on top. Oh, you go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. I go right on top. You go on top of the comforter? Yeah, yeah. Ooh. I really get a good barrel of jizz on myself. So, I lay down on the bed, tell me time. Oh. Set up my computer. Mm. And I go try to get on the wifi. And I've always remembered about this place. There's no pay for it extra wifi, but the wifi was fine. It works good enough that like I go watch shit. Right. I'll be fine. So I'm like, it's good. And in fact, I've been in this exact suite before. This is the suite where I stole food last time from my neighbors. Right. If you remember that story. Yeah. So like, I've been in this suite. I'm like, it's fine. As soon as I'm walking, I should, actually I'm leaving a few things out. As I'm walking up to the suite, you can show these pictures. Here's what I see before I walk in. This is right after it was announced to me. Hookers and prostitutes gone. Go to the very bottom, that one. Broken acrylic nail. Switch to, now switch to, there's no, go back to the other pictures. Where is that? Right out front of my door. Oh my God. And then keep going down. That one there with the black. The little, yeah, that one there. A weird or broken acrylic nail. A different one though, from a different person. Are you sure that's not an arrowhead? Nope. It's an acrylic nail. It's an acrylic nail. And then go back. Jesus Christ. And then hang on a zero. Yeah, I'm right there on the end. And the needle cap for the heroin needle that's not being used there. Well, the people do ozampic now. It might be people trying to get their life together. It might be ozampic. It might be ozampic. It looks like a heroin meth needle, but maybe it's ozampic. That could be the light switch in the other room. Maybe that's what they're using in the other room. Very possible. What's next? So wait, is that a zip tie? Oh, maybe. Is it the zip tie from the hostage? From the hostage that they had? It's from the person who got away. So, all right, don't go to anymore yet. Get off this page here. So. This is before you went into the room. This is before I went into the room. But now I'm unpacked. Now we're back on the bed. So you discovered a hooker fight and a drug addict. A hooker fight that ended in everybody being fine and just had heroin together. And then the pimp had a zip tie, one of the bitches, because she was getting out. She wouldn't calm down. Absolutely. I got it. There's definitely been a chainsaw murder in this motel. Right. So I'm laying down on my tummy, trying to log into the internet. It keeps going like, not having a hard time, it's like having a hard time logging in or not being able to log in. Try again. All right, try again. Turn my computer back off and on. Turn the thing, turn off my VPN, everything. Why is it not picking up this internet? It's registering that there's a signal for the internet. So I call and I go, I call the front desk and I'm like, yeah, I go, I got the internet's not working in here. And she goes, okay, I'll send up a person. I go, for what? I'm like, what are they gonna do up here? I go, I think you need to reset the router or something. They go, yeah, no, we'll send somebody up. And I went, okay. So then I just go and I go walk over. I go, let me go see the living room part of this. Whole thing smells so terrible. Let's walk over. And then I start walking and I go, the fuck, I'm in socks, by the way. Soaking wet. My socks immediately soaked from a wet carpet. I mean drenched carpet. Where the hook is first started fighting. Yes. Yes. Where the hooker knife fight started. Where the hook, where you started where it ended. Yes. And now you're where it all started. Now I'm at the epicenter. Of the epicenter. So my socks now soaked. So I gotta take my socks off. With what? You don't even know. I hope I think water. You hope it's water. Probably piss. Giz. Blood, tears. Blood, tears, everything. Could be all these things. So I'm like fuck, so I gotta take my socks off. Now I've only brought, again, this trip was two day in and out trip. I only packed two pairs of socks for that night and the next night. The next day. So again, I usually always do pack an extra pair. That's what I was just like. So what? This is so quick. I also didn't expect to have a wet carpet in the room. So I take my socks off and I start trying to figure out. I'm like, all right, well I can't stay in this room now. So I get a hold of the manager and I go, oh my God, they're gonna change room. Then they also inform me to go, oh yeah, also, there's no wifi in two of the three buildings. And I'm in one of those buildings. I go, why would they even offer me the, well can I go to the internet building? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get you something in the internet building. So now I gotta repack. Everything. Change socks. Nope. You kept the socks. No, I'm holding onto the socks and now I'm wearing those socks in my shoes, which I hate. What is this, the middle ages? Just to get over. When I was younger, I used to do that a lot. Man, that would smell so bad when it got bad. Yeah, it smells bad. Is the issue. So like, but anyway, so I go to this other room. We didn't even put that into account with the dirty pussies, asses, models back then, the feet. Oh yeah. Oh, a chick's feet. Oh, just in those shoes. Yeah. Ugh. Gross. Smelly foot. So I go, I know, Jacob, you're right. So I go up to this one new room and I go in there and they go, all right, so I don't think the air conditioner in this one works. Jesus Christ. So I'm gonna bring you back a new air conditioner and I went, okay. So it's not central air, they actually have ACs. Yes. They're gonna throw in a window. But no, not a window, but like the units they have in hotels. That's not that crazy. Well, it's usually attached to the room. Like it is. So they're gonna. Well, but you still take the unit out. He's gonna take the unit out and put a new unit. Yeah, it was gonna be annoying. But he's like, that takes three minutes. Okay. Maintenance guy was, yeah, that was. Maintenance guy is very, very nice. And then he goes, so then I'm in my room for a minute and then they come knock on the door again, they go, actually two doors down, there might be this, how about this room? Does this room look good? Cause I think it's already set good to go. Oh, that's nice. Okay. Now I go in there. And I'm missing from almost a hundred percent of the rooms, smoke detectors, which is hilarious. Just wires hanging out of the wall. It doesn't matter. If you're gonna smoke crack and have hookers, you can't have things beeping all the time. Completely agree. The cops will be there every five minutes. I say, it saves me the time of ripping it down myself. Right. So, cause I could have reached it. So I would have taken it down, but it was just wires hanging out of the wall. Then I saw, here's the thing when I start going in this room, bring up the door jam I have up there. Is this normal? Wait, so. Oh, wait, the bottom, one at the bottom. Yeah. Is this normal? There's not any wires behind where the door touches closed. No, that's actually legal. That's against fucking code. There's just wires behind where you're gonna have metal touching all the time. You're not supposed to have a door touch metal wires. You're not supposed to have that. There's just wires. But what's more scary is how many times that door has been broken into. Oh, yeah. That's frightening. Look at the steel reinforcement they put on the back side of the building. But that thing's been kicked in by the DEA, FBI, like 15 times. Just criminals themselves. Go back out, pull back out here. This is great. Then, yeah, that right there, the one on the bottom right there. No, no, no, no, no, next to it. Next to it. Right there. There's my socks drying on the air conditioner. That's smart. So, but I go in this, so this is the next room. Right? Yeah. I go in there and I, and he goes, come over to this other room, two doors down. I go, okay. And then he's futzing with the thermostat on the wall. He goes, he's in a new air conditioners. So he goes, let me, he goes, but something's wrong with this thermostat here. He goes, let me, I'm gonna go get some batteries. I'll be right back and I'm gonna fix the thermostat for it. So he comes back, he's futzing with the thermostat again for a while and then he goes, I don't know. He goes, I think I'm just gonna bring you a new, a new air conditioner unit here too. And I was like, okay. And then I just pushed the button on the actual unit and it came on. He goes, oh, I guess it's not attached to the thermostat here. All right. You're good. So then he just leaves because now I'm fine. Okay. So is it, is it okay? So then I go over. Is that the wires that are connected through the door that go to the AZ? Very possible. Possibly, yeah. They definitely somewhere, that part of wires you saw right there is somewhere in the ladder of leading to a guy's ball bag through a car battery or something. Whatever torture is happening in one of these rooms. So back out again. Then I go over, I go, let me see this room. Here's my bathtub. That's just, you're gonna have to take that. That one you just have to eat. No. Well, it's good. I have tough actin' to enactin' with me always on the road. So. I just, my feet were dripping with tenacin' when I was done showering. It's dirty. What are we looking at here? We're looking at my tub that looks like, I don't know, like some kind of, like it looks like. They have grip. The bottom of it looks like what a person throws up when they're being like exercised. Like when I, when they were trying to get a demon out of somebody and it's almost coming out and they start puking up like shit. It looks like that happened in there. There was an exorcist probably. I told myself, this was the way to get a demon out of a little girl. So I'm not gonna make a big fuss about it. It looks like the bottom of like an old lady's foot. It's insane. You know what that is? That's the grip that they put down on the thing. Of course, yeah. And then it's all people's dirty, disgusting feet. Assholes and bums and prostitute and come. That gets stuck in the tread of your, And no one's ever thrown a little Ajax cross that some bitch. Nobody's ever scrubbed that. I forgot to mention, by the way, after I saw the two acrylic nails and the needle cap and I went in my room, the room was wide open because there was what I can only describe as an obese black lady with nothing but gold teeth, only gold teeth in the room, fluffing a pillow. The floor was wet. So carpet. That's why the door is open to air out the floor. They're probably trying to air out the floor. Trying to air out the floor. That's fair. So close this out. Are there flip flops in these? No, I just tough actin' to enactin'. And then, so then I go in my room and I lay down finally and I go, all right, let me get a couple hours of sleep. And I do. Oh, that's good. I wake up feeling just as bad. Really? So bad. Oh, terrible. And I'm like, all right, I gotta get through these shows. And God bless, these audiences were so great this weekend. They were bad with me so much. I was like almost delirious on some of them because I was just so like, I just had a headache. Everything felt about stuffed and sneezing and coughing bad weekend. As far as that goes, to no one's fault. You should have lightened that tub, it would have cured you. It would have cured you. It would have cured you. Penisilin? The penisilin that was in there? Yeah. I could have, I should have scraped a little, fucking off that little floor there, give it a little penisil. You should have sucked on one of those fingernails while you were on stage. So now. Like a zen. Put that fingernail in between your teeth and suck on it. So now it's night outside. Well, you know, when I get up to get ready for a thing, it's getting dark. Yeah. And I walk by the room, click that video. I walk by the room next to me. Oh, this is terrible. Pause it, pause it. You don't need sound on this at all. Wait a minute, is there a window into the room on the outside? Yeah. So if I'm walking by the rooms, there's a. If you're walking by my room, if I don't have the curtain pulled, which you can pull awkwardly almost over the front door, it's kind of weird, which could inhibit you from closing your door if you don't realize that the fucking curtain is like blocking it. Right. Which I'm sure a lot of people get robbed there. So I can look right into your room if you don't have their curtain drawn. You would see me, I mean so close, how close you would see me. But now, like, so if you recall, they put me in this one room, told me do you want to come two doors down for whatever. So there's one room in between. That room happens to have its window wide open and no one's in it the entire time I'm there. But this is what's going on inside that room if you could play this video. Let's take a peek here. Pause it. Oh wait, you guys can go ahead a little bit, I'm sorry. Pause it there. It is trashed, wide open window, completely trashed. There's a trash bag with a bunch of garbage in it. Electronics bashed up all over the thing. A Styrofoam cup from a place called Daly's that I've never heard of. It's a good place. Is it? Yeah, no. Oh, maybe, no, I don't know. It's a fast food thing I've never heard of. They have, by the way, they have in this room on the floor, if you could see it under the desk there, try to point to it, Christine, right there, yeah, yeah, right there, the only, and I mean this, the only do not disturb sign the entire hotel is in this abandoned room. What's on the floor? Trash. It's just, the white things? Where? If you go back a little bit, go back, Christine. There's white nuggets on the floor by the door, right? See that's, what is that? Oh, it's like busted up plaster and shit like that. It's just, yeah, it's like busted up holes in the wall. Okay. There was also a hole in the wall of my room by the bathroom, so pause it there. How about this nice touch? Bed stripped, there's stains you can't see all over the bed and like ash and shit all over it. That light you can't probably see in the video is flickering like evil. That's a haunted room. And then the other one, I don't know if you can see it, click at the other, light has no thing on it at all. There's just no. Wait a minute. I see the flickering. Oh my God. What's on the bed? I don't know. Is that like raisinettes? It looked like other like needle stuff, man. I don't know, I don't have any idea. That's in between. That's the room between the two they were giving me. So you have to sleep next to whatever's in that room. Oh yeah. Wow. The horrors. I mean, how hard, that is like a fucking ghetto zoo with the window. It's crazy. You just watch people do shit. It's, oh yeah. There's people, when it gets night out there, you can look at and look through the whole corridor. There's just people like walking around with their shirts off, doing whatever, smoking inside, no one gives a shit. There's a little doodoo on that bed. It looks like rabbit doodoo. Every time, the last couple of times I've done this club, it keeps changing hands, the ownership. Right. And every time they do that, they tell me, they go, hey, for some reason, the owner seems to be there when I'm there always, the new owner. And I meet them and they never are, they're always like, yeah, I guess we're the new owners. I guess we have a comedy club now. So they're enthusiastic about it. Right. Oh, that's good. You want that in a club owner. This guy, the new one. Yeah. The new owner, whoever, it's just some guy. Yeah. It was just like, last time it was a couple. Now it's this guy. Fred? Yes. What? On my life, I'm pretty sure his name's Fred. I'm almost 100%. Fred. I think it is Fred. Yeah, Fred's new in the business. I heard he's doing good things. Big things. I think he's a hotel guy. Yeah, he just got a room in Bangor, Maine. He only works during the potato when they pick potatoes those two months. Potato fest? Yeah. This guy, he was standing outside with me the first night and the manager lady, who I feel so big. She's again, so sweet. So she's trying to like, almost like, hey, this is the new guy. So I had John Carden with me opening. And he's on stage. And I got the owners out there talking. I said, I feel sick as a dog still. I'm smoking a cigarette. Like, it's nice to meet you and blah, blah. He's like, yeah, it goes, you know, he always gives me the speech. He goes, yeah, it goes, I heard you were disappointed. She said you were disappointed because we're turning the place around or whatever. Like she said that she was making a joke. Right. And I said it, because every time I come, they go, we're getting, we got rid of the prostitutes. I go, well, that's the whole reason I'm here. Right. The prostitutes and the drug addicts, man. I want to watch the chaos. And then like, yeah, sorry, it's changing. It's not. That'd be funny if he brought all that shit just to make Jay feel happy. Maybe. The place was amazing and they fucked up all the rooms. We need fingernails, needle tops. I want you to shit in the tub. Dude, listen to this personality, this guy goes, he goes, yeah, I popped in, the guy who's on now is pretty funny. He goes, but I've come for a few of these now. I don't really think anybody's that funny. Oh, that's good. I don't really think I said funny at all. He goes, I swear to you, he goes, I haven't seen you yet, but the guy on's pretty funny. So he's motivating. He's giving you goals, which a good club owner should. You believe the wording of that? He goes, yeah, I haven't seen you yet, but I guess I'll reserve judgment. Well, if he came in and he just kissed your ass, you wouldn't have tried as hard as you did. I didn't try at all, dude. I'm surprised I didn't pass out on stage that night. I was so fucking sick. Did he come up to you after and give you a thumbs up? There's nobody to come up to me after that. I fucking, I was jetting out. You went back to your suite? I got caught. I'm sorry, my regular room, sorry. My suite, yeah, my suite. You went back to the wet suite? No, no, no, no. No wet suite for me. Maybe there was a water thing. Like some, you know what I mean? Like some people like to have like themed rooms. Maybe there was like a water room. It's possible. Like people who love the ocean. It's possible. We wet the carpet. So what is this? Is that him? Is that Fred? No. Wait, when is this? This is from 2011. No, there was another guy named Fred that did owner before. That was the guy who owned it forever. Only Fred's can own this place. You might be right. Did you know that? That guy was the guy who did a weird like, he owned it and he had like a mandatory like workshop on Saturday mornings he did. Not for the, he would always ask us to come like speak at it. But it was like, what it was, was him and three other like local but older. Like gone nowhere in comedy. I would have loved to have done that. Oh buddy. Just woke up and just shown up and gave a speech. Like an AA meeting. Not even know that know what they do is they just sit there and they make the young comic scope there and do comedy. And then like the whole thing is you have to go, here's my jokes, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it goes, yeah, that's second one. Have you thought about maybe not making it a girl from making it your mom? It's like, it's like that in kind of insanity. It's like material. Well, you've never done a workshop. You're damn right. You've never been voxed. You're not wrong. So maybe you should have went down and tried the workshop. Absurdity is my favorite style of comedy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. If you can be confidently not funny, you're still gonna get away with it. Oh Christ. That's true though. I wanna say that is true. That is true. I think we have to overdo for a break. We got to get a break. When we come back, I have one more thing to tell you that was crazy. My God dude. But you love this. I do love, I love it. You're not wrong. You can never not go to this place. Oh, I'll always go back to the club. I'm actually gonna get booked there. I don't know if I'll stay there again. You have to. But I might give it one more roll because the thing with this time that made it so bad. Yeah. I did an apoco last year. We had a blast. Yeah, but apoco comes from the third world country. He sleeps in a bush. True. No, but I'm saying we had a good time. Is that the buffet please? Yeah. Okay. But the buffet is down. Oh, thank God. The buffet is down for a... You're already sick. Until Easter. Yeah, no shit. Well, I liked the buffet a lot last time. It's like a seafood buffet there. You ate seafood at this fucking place? Yeah. What's wrong with you? What's Jacksonville, dude? Are you trying to kill yourself? Look at the corner. The restaurant's nice and the comedy club is nice. The hotel is a shit hole. It's so weird. You think Wyndham would have fixed it up? One of them. You think somebody would get involved? It'd be funny. But, well, yeah. Let's do our plugs. Come back, I gotta tell you. One more thing. But Jay, he's gonna be at a better place this weekend because it's the number one club in the country. I told John Cardenas this week, go buddy, think how boring it's gonna be next year or next week when we're in fucking... Comedy on state. Comedy on state and a nice hotel down the street. Hotels are amazing. Beautiful. Walking this is the club. Walking to the club, it's a really nice hotel. Rooftop club, bar. Oh, really? I don't even know. The name of that is just like the place itself. It's so nice. It's a clean, nice hotel. That's right. And that is boring. Boring, for us. For us, it's boring. For us. And you know, it's got a really clean bathroom. No fingernails. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Then it's gonna be in Phoenix at another nice hotel. And then in Tempe and St. Louis at two of the best... All of that will be nice hotels. Yeah, yeah, but we're not gonna talk about it. Why would you talk about it? I never bring up the hotels ever because they're always just fine. At least, fine, too good, really good. Fine and no fingernails. No fingernails. For all the tickets and tour dates, go to bigjcomedy.com, youtube.com, slash app big J. Ocorsen. And Bobby, if you wanna listen in the background and you're hearing the story of Moses, which you might not know either. I'm gonna check that out. Bobby Kelly is gonna be learning about Moses. And then he's gonna be at the Verve in Somerville, New Jersey this week. Thursday, March 19th, Christine's coming down to that. There's only like two tickets left, so... Come meet Christine and get some pizza. Yeah, we're going to pizza before if you wanna show up. Christine's available for paid photo opportunities. She has $10 a shot. Damn, do you should set up... Christine should set up a booth. Just take a picture with Christine Booth. It's $10 to take the photo and $50 to get it. $50 to get the photo. And you could also feel her up for $100. Yes, that's true. And over the clothes, feel up. How much you gonna do that? None. None, okay, great. That's not my body. Her body, her choice. And then of course you can see Bobby at Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut, April 17th and 18th. After that, Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey, Cleveland, Ohio, New Orleans, all on deck after that for tickets and all of his tour dates. Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly's YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussycat and the Lounge the Comedy Seller. Get your tickets now. Yeah, make sure you check out our podcast, everybody. It's right on the app. We have a little podcast-y thingy. Make sure you go to the app and check that out. We're getting on his arc. Arc? We'll be right back. Sit on fire.