Giggling about wrinkles, wikifeet, and moose knuckles

ACAST recommends. The High Performance Podcast. Table Manners. And the show you're listening to right now. Sup, Gigglers? Cary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my holding up grudge gigglers? My grudgy gigglers. You know, and I just thought of one. We've never said grasshopper. That's really good. And it's like sweet. You don't have to like outdo the one I did. That took me forever to come up with a grudge one. Give me different options. I mean, you do one every twice a week. I know, I am running out. There's only so many two words. Well, we've done, you've done the same one a lot. You let me repeat. And you're like, oh, that's a good one. So, Women of Sound of the Week have gotten out of control. Yeah. Everyone is now nominated for themselves. I'm like, I couldn't Google that. So we can't actually put you as Women of Sound. But shout out to, first of all, I didn't watch Kentucky Derby. You neither did anyone. Is that a thing? People, I guess, watched. They do. And the first woman trainer won. Yes, I saw that. When I first heard that, I thought they meant like the woman riding the horse. The jockey. The jockey. And then I started to think, why the fuck is every jockey five to 110 pounds, and they're all men. Yeah. They should just be a bunch of Sabrina Carpenter's. Right. And the girls would crush it as jockeys, but there's not one jockey. That's a woman. I feel like the girls were like, nah. I also feel like the girls don't want to like force horses to do things. Yeah, maybe. I don't want to do like, the men are, they like to control where girls are like, if the horse wants to eat a dandelion, let him eat a dandelion. Do you know that they walk the horses out with their horse best friend so that they're not stressed walking to like the stable that they take off from? That's me and you and Jimmy Fallon. No, literally. I was like, I have a horse best friend. Wait. I literally go places with my horse best friend. Wait, speaking of Jimmy Fallon, I saw him this weekend. Wait, tell me everything. I went to the like F1 like pre-race at like the preliminary. I have no idea what it was. Yeah, there's something. I don't know. I wear a linen set. Which a linen set is always a risk. Yeah, because like you sit, you literally get in the Uber to go there and then you get out and you're like, I'm a wrinkled mess. One thing people hate is wrinkles. One thing that'll get them worked up online is a wrinkle. People have said some of the meanest things to me ever because my pants were wrinkled. Also is everyone out here just like ironing every second of the day? The internet made me buy a steamer closet. I can't be steaming all day long. Same with like things getting tailored. They're like, it doesn't fit. I'm like, is everyone running to the tailor the minute they buy something from Zara? Like give me a fucking break. So you're in your gorgeous white linen set. Anyway, my gorgeous white linen set. I'm two cocktails deep. I see Jimmy Fallon from across the way and I'm like, my first instinct is always like, Don't say anything. Yeah, you don't. I don't remember who I am. So like I'm not going to even put you in that awkward position because that would, I don't know if you could like survive that kind of interaction. I'd melt because I wouldn't, I, but I always start being like, I don't know if you remember. Yeah. Usually that like someone will cut me off if they're like, don't be stupid. We'd like just talk. Yeah. So whatever I see him and I go up to him and he's like, oh my God, like what are you doing here? And I don't know why that I was just like, I'm all over. I don't know what I'm doing here. He's smoking a cigarette. You're like, I've been around these streets. And like, I have a slick backpony and that's all I was in charge of for the day. It is funny how these random sporting events, like the celebs that come out. Yeah, it was fun. But the one, the, my biggest takeaway from the weekend was a girl on TikTok was like, it's my 28th birthday. That girl, Maddie, you know, that blonde girl we know that Maddie. Oh, yes. She was like, oh, it's my 28th birthday and whatever. Which is crazy because in my head, she's my age, but I mean, like we're the same age. Right. She's not my age. I'm her age. Exactly. Yeah. 20. I'm turning 20. She's not our age. We're her age. We're all 28. I felt so compelled. I commented. What'd you say? I said 28 was my hands down. My favorite year of my 20s by far doesn't even compare to another year. 28 is just such a good age because you're too far from 30 for people to be like, oh my God, you're almost 30, but you're also too far away from 25. So people respect you. Wow. They're like, oh, she's a woman. You know that I feel like you start to be a woman. You get a different confidence. I feel like at year 28. Yeah. And then it's all downhill from there. But anyway, I was thinking about aging and how I'm like aging sucks. Like you get older. You lose, you lose strength. You lose how you look, whatever. You get happier in so many different situations. Every video I've seen of women in their 40s, 50s, 60s is just being like guys, your 20s is the worst mental health of your life. I mean the amount of women that are hotter after having children. Yeah. I'm like, how do you do that? Also, there's a hotness that comes with liking yourself. That's some woo-woo shit. You're me feeling? Oh yeah. We had a like a quick combo and he was great. But anyway, so I'm talking. So whatever this girl posted this video that she said, I'm 28 and I'm like, oh my God, I love 28. And then I'm sitting and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, when I turned 29, something happened and I was like, I'm allergic to alcohol. Like I could no longer drink from 29, 30, 31, 32. I'm now 33. In the past like four to five months, I've been experimenting like can I drink? Mama's back. Okay. Everyone should prepare for this summer because I had a cocktail and I was like, okay, I feel good, but usually I can take one cocktail and then I was like, let me try another one. So I have another cocktail and I'm like, guys, are we going out tonight? Like I actually was really annoying. It was we were at like a car bone sponsored something like I don't even know what it was. And so I asked for a Hugo Spritz and they were like, we only have car bone spritzes. And I'm like, guys, that's like when you say I want it though, because you have all the ingredients back there. I hate when places you're like, I have a spray and they're like, we only have like, well, it is a Hugo Spritz, but it has like great. I'm like, okay, whatever. I was like, no, I don't have a Hugo Spritz is it's like Saint Germain. That's all I know. I don't know. I don't need to know. I don't need to know. I'm not the one making it. I don't need to know what's in it. So I had three cocktails and I went home and took a nap. It was the best ever. It's crazy. I came here today to announce something as well. I'm hungover. Who are we? But this is the thing. I'm actually, you know, when, oh my God, whenever I would drink, you guys know I love sleep. Whenever I drink in my 20s, I always wake up at 7am. It's like a weird thing. I know people like you. Because normally I sleep till 10 30, 7am I'm up and I get my body refuses. And then I feel like kind of a little anxiety. My body is just like we something weird happened last night and we're a little scared. And then I wake up and then I like right now I'm okay, but it's going to hit me and like four hours I'm going to be like up and hit by a car. Well, I was supposed to go out Saturday night, but I got home and I looked at Joe and I was like, not doing it to a day order a pizza. I'm not redoing my glam. That's insane. Oh my God. Well, the mental fortitude you have to have to like go out, perform, be hilarious and likeable and make everyone's day. Chatting. Come back home and then do it again. Not in one day. No, no. I feel like I've talked to so many girls that are like, Oh, I don't drink either. And not because like of like a substance issue, but it's like, Oh, my stomach hurts or like I vomit or whatever. And I genuinely think it was my anxiety taking over so much. And I truly feel like my body's like I needed this past year to get my like body re-regulated from the past like three years. And I think that's why I can drink again because I'm like so much calmer and like, I love how you're like, guys, if you get mentally healthy, you can get drunk. You can binge alcohol. You can become an alcoholic again. Well, I haven't even said anything about your bang. Your bangs. Oh yeah. You have bangs. Your hair is, is that real? I've had bangs. I know, but this is like fresh bang. Oh yeah. I did maybe trim them like two weeks ago. Yeah. Actually, they could even be trimmed. Your hair is insanely long. Well, I can do this better. This was my first time trying my, I have a new product, new product alert. Just like a random hot tools, but everyone has a crimper now. The thing to do now is crimp. Wait, what? I thought we just got the, the other hot. Yeah. Well, you have to have different versions. But also the crimp, not the like, it has to be like a big crimp, not like a little. It's a three pronged. Okay. Cause I've done the other crimping. You look like you're an 80s. And I didn't do the appropriate steps prior, but once I get the hang of it, it's over for you bitches. Why do I feel like everyone's trying so hard to look like they just woke up out of bed, woke up out of bed with their hair. It's our aesthetic. But I, that's, this is just how I woke up. Actually. Yeah. I got rained on at the bar last night. What is this podcast? No, we're not at the bar on a Sunday night. When everyone went out on a Sunday night, my mom would be like really page Sunday. I like the giglers because there was a mom where I was going to cancel and I go, the giglers need this from me. They need the story. Okay. Well, before you tell the story, let me, let's actually preface the story. So Friday night, everyone has the most ambitions ever. You get a text message from Stacey Schroeder group chat. Hey, when can we hang out this weekend? We figure out that Sunday night is our night. That's when all three of us are free. Sunday morning comes. I wake up and I'm like, you thought like I can't guys, I can't, I can't go out tonight to a dinner or something. So I'm on FaceTime with Hannah and I'm like, I'm going to text in the group chat and say that I can't go. And in my head, I'm like, if I can't go, my friends not going like she's also busy. I literally said in the group chat, don't hang out without me. I'm too tired. I can't come crickets, crickets. I, then I'm laying in bed a couple hours later. I go to FaceTime Hannah. No answer. Which never happens. I go, if this bitch went out and didn't even say, Oh, by the way, me and Stacey are actually are I'm like, so you went out of the group chat. You texted on your guys. Oh, and it was like, she's a loser. She's not coming. What's our plan? Because maybe, maybe I would have rallied throwing my hair up in a top knot of some sort. How dare you right now turn this on me because you got out of it and I was protecting you, not forcing you to come out with us. And that's a different perspective. There's two sides to every story. I didn't look at it from that lens. Thank you so much. You're like, you left me out. Like you literally got out of it before me. I mean, and we all know you could have texted like, I'm still going. I could have been like, have fun bitch. It was raining. Yeah. It was crazy. You want to know what that was my first thought waking up in the morning. I was like, it's going to rain all day. I didn't go out Saturday because I was fully prepared for this. This was my social event of the weekend. And also I've been touring my whole life. So I'm like, I have a rock star and I have an open weekend and I felt and Des was gone and butter night can only talk so long. Right. I was like, you know what, fuck it. I'm going to go out and I don't know what people order at the bar nowadays. I got nervous. I almost ordered apple juice. Like I was, what did you order? I said, I got my classic vodka soda with a little pineapple on top. And I think everyone's going to laugh at me and everyone goes genius. So I'm feeling myself. I'm like, I'm back. She's back. But I'm such a slow drinker that my like ice melts all the time. Well, because you're talking so much. We're see I'm a fast drinker because I'm like, I don't want to participate. I'm talking, talking, talking, talking. Everyone else is getting other drinks. I'm behind. They think I'm not fun. I'm like, I'm coordinating a conversation. Yeah, I'm the host. Like I'm the emcee of the event. I'm asking people questions. I'm tagging along. I'm getting people involved to weren't involved like orchestrating literally any time I've ever been in a group reunion. I'm Andy Cohen. You do get this weird, like almost like, OK, I got to work. I'm like, we were invited to a dinner. You don't have to make a speech. And you don't have to make a speech. You're like, no, people are waiting for my speech. Have I ever just like disappeared in the background of a group setting? Never in my life where that is your role. Yeah, which is I think why I feel so comfortable with you because I'm like, I've yet to find a man. I'm like, you go, you do it. You be in charge. Well, because when I hate that, but with you, I'm like, yes, she's in charge. I wonder what that is that I can't let a man take control because I'm like, you're taking away my rights. Yeah. But when it's your best friend, you're like, you go, you do it. How many times have I been like, you go first every time? Well, I just know. I just know. I just know. Well, I don't read the comments, but someone commented on something being like, I don't understand how they're actually friends. You're so different. And I'm like, okay, first of all, like a tail is all this time. What read? Watch any Mary Kate and Ashley movie. 100%. But like, we're different, but we're different in a way where like you still see us in the same friend group. Hannah, we're really not, not different. I think we've made it a bit that like, so different. But like, if you get in there and do our core, it's the same DNA. And someone was like, they're by the time that's the whole thing. And I'm like, sorry for having a brand. So sorry for having ancestors. When you want me to tell my great grandma, I'm going to go fuckers. Do you want me to say I'm something else? Sorry, I have an identity. Speaking of being Italian, I watched Green Book over the weekend, which I watched. It went like an Oscar. I haven't watched it since it came out. Yeah. So good. Literally one of the best movies of our time. Anyway, that was like. Everyone wants green book. It was new on Netflix. I was like, no. I was thinking how two friends, we always, if they're like the same, they know each other, like you need your friend to be different from you. And like to the point where like, we're in a marriage and like I am the boyfriend. Like I've fully taken on all the roles of the man one. And like it really makes our relationship work. Like I like I wake up in the morning and I literally treat you like my girlfriend. I'm like, is she comfortable? Does she like the routine right now? Is she okay? And like that's why our relationship functions well. Cause like we have a. We have each other's backs. Yes. We have each other's backs. You know, so many times like me and Hannah will call each other and like we'll gossip. And there's, you know, this is what I can. I can compare it to know you go out to dinner with a couple. Yes. And maybe you and your significant other have had a little tiff a couple days prior or even like the morning prior or like you're like, I want this to change or I want that to change. And then you go out to dinner with a couple and you are like, oh, I'm in a perfect relationship. What was my point? Are you saying that we're good friends? I go back to me. Let's get back to me. So I feel like every time we get on the phone to gossip, you're like, oh, thank you. I'm like, oh my God, Hannah, there are other best friends out there that are just like, it's not it. It's not it. And one of them should get out. They should both get out. But I feel so secure. After I'm around other girls because I'm like, you guys aren't real friends. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be in a friendship. It's a thing like when you get home from dinner and you're like to your boyfriend or your husband or whatever, you're like, wait, we do love each other. The fact that we like never get photos taken of us unless it's like we had to be in an event that like actually we had to get photos is good friends too. It's like it's not performative. It's like, I don't know. You know those performative friends who are like out having fun together again, out having fun together. I'm like, well, we're also in our thirties now. Like we wouldn't post that even like we you change once you're getting your thirties. You're like, I don't need to perform that I'm out having fun because I'm out having fun. We're like in your twenties, you want you want people. This is fun. Right. This is fun. This is fun. I also think that. We don't actually like people besides skicklers. So I was telling you like the recent social media. So annoying is because it's like waking up and then having to walk into a party and have people talking to you. You don't want to talk to you. That's what scrolling your phone feels like. That's why I follow cat accounts and architect digest. It's so funny because like being in Miami, all there's same with New York City, but being in Miami, there's like some of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen in your life and they're like, I'm not sure. You're on a sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk on sidewalk in your life. Literally. No, I met two the other day. I was like, guys. Gorgeous. Get on a runway. Get out of here. What are you doing at the dog park? And then I met some giglers who were here for F1, and they were like, oh, we're like ahead of marketing for whatever, and we're the bosses. And I was like, obviously. Yeah. Obviously. Also, I just have to do a quick showing of my Moose Knuckle shoe, Steve Madden. Take it off. Put it on the table. It's too sticky under there. It's too, I feel like that would, well, so. You're trying to lower my wiki feet rating. I know exactly what you're doing. OK, for people who don't know, Page is like a 4.9 in wiki feet. 4.7, I think. No, it was 4.9 in check recently. And I'm 4.8. And you are out here, like you're actually like. Am I showing my feet that much? You posed your full grid post. Is my foot. Oh, yeah. And I was like, she's not even trying to hide it at this point. That she's like, you would make actual money. There should be no billionaires. So I'm giving my feet for free. OK, it would actually be unfair. But I have to say these Moose Knuckle shoes, first time I wore them, I didn't know that they actually go in between your toe and the other. I thought it was just aesthetic. I feel violated right now. It feels like I'm wearing a thong. It's given, to me, it feels like toe socks. I've actually never even tried one on. It's invasive, for sure. But then I kind of like it. I'm kind of like, is this fun? You won't wear a thong. But I'll wear a toe thong. But you'll literally put it in between your toes. Because it's ugly and it's not for men. That's why I'll do it. Thongs are for men. Are thongs for men? Are thongs pick me? No. They're not. Then why do you wear them? Because I think they're more comfortable. And I don't want my underwear to show in any pants. So I never have to think about my underwear showing in pants because I only have thongs. Your sloth. At what point did you start wearing? Do you know Daphne Brand made? The thongs? Made granny panties. As they should. Or you. As they should. Wait, when did you first start wearing thongs? I think high school. Did Kim say anything? Was Kim like, did you go to Victoria's Secret? Yeah, here's the thing. Kim and I like. Love a thong. We were working. OK, we were putting outfits together on Monday for Friday night football games. We had a business. We were running a business. We knew which days we went to the mall. Maybe if you knew what a business was. Yeah, maybe if you had a business. You'd be passionate about it. So Kim and I were working. We never got into the weeds of the wise. No, me and my mom in high school never got into the weeds of a daughter fighting with their mom. We just didn't do that because we were all business. But she was like, this capri requires this thong. Yes. Like she told me what to do. I did it. But then I gave back to her, I need X, Y, and Z. I need salmon on Tuesday nights. We had a very working relationship in high school. My mom was like, hey, are you going to start shaving above your knee? And I was like, I didn't know that was a thing. And she's like, just work. Never mind. And I was like, OK, don't ever bring that up again. I was even top, bottom, and fifth grade. Yeah. No, my mom was like, I think shaving should be a thing we should start if you want. But if you're uncomfortable with it, it's fine. Well, if you want to really talk about girly every Saturday morning. Oh, I can't wait to tell you my Saturday morning go. Every Saturday morning, my mom would run the bath and she would mix up some type of potion that she would put all over her face. I would stress with her. And in the house I grew up in, you could step into the tub. So it was almost like there was a bench outside the tub. And so I would lay on the bench and she would shave. And she would essentially be actually getting ready for Saturday night. But she would be doing this all Saturday. So to me in my head, Saturdays were like, you were grooming. You groomed yours. And so that's why now Sundays I'm like, I try my products and I do my hair oil. Saturday morning, my dad wakes me up. It's go time. He's written a chart. Never saw my dad on a Saturday. Didn't even know he was allowed to be alive on a Saturday. I woke me up sweating. So in his bedroom, he had a treadmill and weights. So it was actually so cute. He'd draw this chart that showed all the weights and exercises I had to do with stretching in between. And when I finished it, I had to check. So he'd be working out and I'd be working out. And we'd be doing weights. What age? Like eight. And then I would run on the treadmill and I'd blast the Space Jam soundtrack. And that was our Saturday morning. You were an Olympian athlete. Yes, it was crazy. And then sometimes we lived right by Prospect Park. So sometimes he'd be like, we're doing laps in the park. And we'd run together around the park until I was too tired. And if someone passed us, he'd be like, we've got to get on. He'd be like racing random people in the park. Kim and I is only cardio, Crossgate Small Saturday afternoon. And then he would take me to tennis. Our Saturday is going to have been more different. Then we'd get home and then eat some pasta. That was probably similar. Yeah, that was definitely similar. But the Saturday morning's blasting Space Jam, just like imagining I was going to win the US Open. That was what I did. You have ambition. Babe, you have a mission too, but it's for beauty. That's true. Mine was vain. But it's so fun. Mine is so fun. Good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently. You're more confident, more relaxed, and not constantly checking mirrors just to adjust your hair. Your hair becomes one less thing competing for your attention throughout the day. NutriFull supports hair health from within. 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Actually, I meant to tell the GIGLers because I've never been in warm weather for as long as I have been in the past couple of months. Do you use a, it's really not gonna be interesting at all. It's just like, legit girl stuff. Yeah, legit. Yeah, this is serious. Do you use a leave-in conditioner? I have so many times bought it trying to be that person but I never have convinced myself. I can't not use a leave-in conditioner. You use it in the shower? No, when I get out, I put it in. And then you have to wash it out? No, you leave it in. Really? Leave-in conditioner. Did you spray it on? No, I use the Crown Affair one. And I really like it. I've tried a couple and this one is my favorite. And you think it works? I think it works, but like, okay, perfect example is like I didn't put it in last night because I was gonna do a hair mask and then I fell asleep. And so I feel like my ends are a little like, and this is air dried and then I get my crimp. I have been getting some TikToks being like, I'll buy anything, pay to Sorbo recommends. And like, I fear, we've lost the plot. Girls are spending all their money on random shit that you're talking about. It's not random. It's fun stuff that I like that really works. Yeah. And then six months later, you're like, guys actually hate it. And it's a hairspray that I've been using on my pussy. No, now you have me thinking, I think I'm gonna do a TikTok every week of like products that I've used that week that I like and I don't like. Please, actually, please, that'd be so good. But also that is our newsletter too. Like the newsletter. Oh, right. Yeah, but like you can't see me in the newsletter. And so like some things that you would know. No, I think you should. Well, cause one thing about you is you will be trying everything. I will be trying everything. And every season I like to change my makeup bag. Like, okay, we used that blush now for the past three months. Let's switch it up. Summer is coming. My makeup bag is different. Your actual influencer. It's my hobby. Yeah. Some girl like Giggler DM'd me something like, I forget what she even said, but basically calling me like ridiculous. And then she was like, but like in a nice way. And then she was like, and then I remembered that's just your hobby. So like keep going. Let her remember. Have joy. Yeah, let her like have fun. It sparks joy. But we're so opposite. I don't believe in any product. I think it's all made up. I think it's all marketing. Except the other day I texted you and I said, I really think you should get micro needling. Which I'm gonna do. And you were like, I'm gonna do it. Your skin looks really good actually. I really enjoy it. And you're really not even, you don't even see the benefits until you've done it like two or three times. That's how they get you. That you go back on. You don't see the benefits so much you do it 800 times. The movie gets really good like 40 minutes in. That's how I feel with laser hair removal. They're like, don't worry, it'll be gone in 20 years. Actually laser hair removal saved my life. Because I had an ingrown hair problem. Yeah. Like your bikini line. Since I was little, because I was running and sweating everywhere. I was getting these like horrible. And I was exfoliating at eight. See, I didn't know what exfoliating was. I also was using Nair, which I think that started COVID at actually Chernobyl. Oh my God, I forgot. Chernobyl is from Nair. My mom and I had a Nair phase where we'd be like, Nair time and the room would smell like Chernobyl. This is so niche and so Italian. Did you ever bleach? No. Never? Like your butthole? No, like. No. No. Which I still don't understand what's going on. No, but you know what? I do have a couple of friends who have. I used to have a bleacher butthole hair or skin. I thought it was bleacher butthole hair. Definitely not. Then what? It's your skin. What? Who even knows what color their butthole's skin is? How do you even see that? The person that's back there. That's right. I've never once, and guys, I'm not trying to be pick me, but like I hear men talk a lot. Unfortunately, I'm in circles where men are, like men talk in front of me like I'm a boy. Never once they've been like, she's really hot, but then like, you know where I saw like was bleached. I think about that sometimes when like I don't shave. I'm like, he's not, he doesn't even know where he is. Please. I think he's fine. It's hard telling people they need to bleach their butthole. They click a lot of people do it. In my 20s, I had like two friends that like did it consistently. Oh, there's upkeep required? I believe so, because I think it fades. What were we talking about before that we got to this? How did we get here? Oh, because you don't really, it was like dark hair. You know when I dyed my hair blonde that one time? I could see a mustache. Because our hair is dark, it almost like all blends, but if you were blonde, you'd be like, oh, I have a mustache. Before a laser hair removal, I used to bleach my arms and my like hair on my face, like in high school. I love that for you. Who did it? Myself. You're actually an artist. No, Sally Hansen, I'd like mix it up every Friday night before I went to like the football game. I would be like bleaching. And my girlfriends in high school would always be like, oh my God, like the hair around your forehead is always like lighter than your real hair. And I would just be like, genetics. But really it was because I was bleaching like any facial hair, but I would never tell anyone that. Because no one was as Italian as I was. So I wouldn't say, they were like all blonde. I was friends with in high school, everyone was blonde hair, blue eyes and had the biggest boobs in the world. And then it was me. So they never. Literally Audrey Hepburn and a bunch of Marilyn Monroe's. Yes. I don't know how you survived that. Stephanie didn't. For speaking up about that. Thank you. Because my best friend, Stephanie is like Irish and German and God knows what. She does not have a single hair like on her body. When my mom went to Cornell, shout out to my smart mom. She was like one of the few Italians. Yeah. Yeah. I just like my mom has dark hair. Can I actually talk shit about my husband? I'm a waiter. So as you guys know, Des got his knee surgery. So to get his knee surgery, they shaved his leg. One of his legs. So it's been like a week and a half. And he looked at me and he's like, look at my leg. And I'm like, what? And he's like, look at it. I'm like, what do you want to show me? No hair. His hair hadn't grown back. Your kids are going to be really lucky. Well, let's hope that they take after him. And I'm sitting there and I have a five o'clock shadow. And I shaved earlier that morning. And I'm like, it's just crazy. My kids are like already hairy. That's how hairy I am. I'm already booking my daughter laser hair removal. My kids are going to come out as a hairball. And it's just a bunch of hair. Kiddy's going to birther. And it's just hair. My kids who come out with like full dark tops. It's going to be my child. It's so cute. My children's are going to come out with like full ringlets and like ask me where the leaving conditioner is. You're going to have a mustache. Did I talk about my derma plane incident with the TSA agent? You know, I think that one slips through the cracks. I'm not sure that we've heard that. As you guys know, not to brag. I mean, that is a weapon. I'm flying five times a week sometimes. I have it down there with science. I know exactly what to do to make everything smooth. So it's always the end of the tour that shit starts to go right. Like the universe stops protecting me. They're like, go home now. They're like, let it go. Your aura is too across the country. You're burnt. Yeah. What did they say? Cropped? No, your chops. So I'm in fucking where the fuck was I? Yeah, it doesn't matter. North Carolina, I think. And my luggage gets pulled to the VIP line, pulled to the side. Great way to put it. They need to take a second look. And immediately, I actually get furious. Like I get a little Karen in the head of like, I do this every week. Why is this now? Like what's different? And like, because they actually could you possibly found that the hundreds different. Yeah. Yeah. Like you guys have seen something. Anyway, so it's just like 35 year old guy and he's just doing his job. And he was like, do you have any liquids? And I'm like, no, I'm not fucking dumb. I don't I fly every day. Like I'm not. I mean, I didn't talk like that. But I was just like, no, I only have my ducking refreshers. And he's so he's like looking through everything. And obviously my bag is a fucking mess. So they open it up and you get exposed. And it's just bad. And I'm like, there's no way he's going to shut this. Like, you know how hard it was? Yeah. And I'm just sitting there like this. And he can't find anything. So I'm like, this is on you guys. Like what did you you're the one who got me here? You're asking me what the problem is when you said there's a problem. You tell me what the problem is. So finally he's looking through my makeup bag. And I was like, whatever. And he pulls out my German plane racer. And he's looking at it for like three minutes. No, this could be an entire show. So and I'm looking at him because I'm annoyed. So I'm not giving him anything. I'm just he's just looking at it. And finally he looks to me. He goes, what is this? And I go, sometimes I got this little goat hairs on the bottom. You said this? I said, someone's got little hairs. And it takes the hairs off my chin. And he looks at me and he's like. It's essentially a really thin razor. Yeah. So then he starts like trying to take it apart. And it's like a nice derma. It's like a heavy one. Like it's one of the things that I got like three years ago. Yeah. Probably doesn't work anymore. Do you have a derma playing your eyebrows? I'm scared. Yeah. I'm scared. I have like intrusive thoughts that I'd be like, what if I just. Yeah. Because I feel like it would be so like, why don't people do that more? Because is it. It's harder to control it. I think. But is it essentially shaving? I don't know. Whatever. So he he's looking at me. I'm looking at him. He like doesn't trust me or something. So he goes, hold on one sec. Gets his manager holding my weapon. Yeah. And he's basically up to, he's like, is this a gun? Like he's, he's talking to the lady. It was a full 15 minutes of him talking to this woman, deciding. So he comes back and I go, look, sir, I've been flying with this weapon for six months now. And it's never been a problem. Why is he getting flagged now? And he's like, well, technically it is a razor and you're not allowed to have razors. And he he takes it apart and you could pull. He goes, see this is, I'm like, well, you just broke it. And he's like, OK, well, do you want it without the razor? And I go, no, no, it's not. Now it's just. I want the plastic wand. I want the plastic wand. So I have enough micro plastics in me, sir. I'm not like taking this now for the rest of my journey. You've stolen the good part. So he's like, sorry, you can't have your full sword. And I was just like, OK, you win. It's crazy because I have a razor and my carry on all the time. It never gets. Yeah, I've never gone. So like it was this huge deal. And then I was at the point where I was like, do I just for women argue that like this is important to have in our bags? And that like also. And you know what? I do need a razor on me at all times because people are crazy. Also, speaking of not all men, I got into the Uber this morning and my Uber name says just P. Just the letter P. And I get in the Uber and he was like, oh, what's P for like Patricia. And I was like, oh, no, my name is Paige. But I put P because I don't want the person to know if I'm a girl or a boy like before I get out there. And he I did say get out there before I really get going. And he like started laughing and he was like, oh, yeah, that's actually really smart. You never know. So then I'm in the back of the Uber and I'm like, you don't ever know. Do we know right now though? Like are we both in like? You know, you never know. But do I know are we in agreement right now that we're not going to know we're going to know that you're going to take me to the destination. I'm going to get out and then you're going to leave. Like we're not going to do this on a Monday morning at 8 AM. But I was like, wow, a grown man whose job is to drive people around was like really smart idea because you never know. That's scary. It's so scary that yeah, the person he's like, yeah, no, these people are fucking nuts and they'll take people. He's like, no, easily. I could take you right now. You yeah. Do you remember when you get off at airports? Well, they're still there and people would just be like, hey, do you want to ride? Do you want to ride? I don't know how it happened, but I was at a young age and I couldn't get a taxi. And some guy was like, hey, and he just like seemed nice. And it was like a white van. And I remember thinking like this the last time I'm ever going to see my family and I didn't have my cell phone was dead or like one of the situations that I'm like, only I would find. My cell phone was dead. I was in a white van. I don't know direction. Should I just suffocate myself? Are you going to do it? You want me to just all start it? I mean, you literally gave it to them on a goddamn platter. He like slides the van door open. I was like, this is boring. This is too easy. I want a little bit of a fight or something. I was like taking a shower. He calls his body. He's like, she wants to come with us. So I don't. I don't know what to do. Actually, Nikki Glaser in her special this past weekend was like talking about how American women aren't getting sex traffic as much as like European women, which fine, whatever they are hotter. But every single day I'm like someone's trying to take me. Did she say in the bathroom stalls, the women's stalls? It's always like if you're being sex traffic towards like in the men's stalls. It's like, do you want to say? Do you want to blow jump? The weather is cloudy today. What does it say in their stalls? I don't know. We both are getting our nails done today. We are. What color are you doing? I'm going to do the same thing. But now I've roped myself into being your assistant when it comes to your toes, nails and toes. Now my guy texts me when I make an appointment. He goes, what about Hannah? I go, well, let me check. You know what? That made my day because someone's looking out for me. Someone cares about me because other people didn't believe in me. They were like, I see her nail journey and I don't want to be part of it. I've got you on a strict regimen. And I actually like waited for you. Like I was like, I visit longest I've ever gone. I've gone like six weeks. It's pretty crazy disgusting. Me and you both watched at least the beginning of the documentary. Should I marry a murderer? I keep falling asleep. I thought it was a I thought she was a I because she's so expressive. Yeah, I actually had to go back and in the beginning and I was like, did they do a warning? She should have her own podcast. She's really charismatic. There's also something about like a British documentary that I'm just like, it's it's Scottish. Oh, and the whole time they say Mel there, Mel there. And they couldn't mail there. Did I marry Melville? Yeah, I was on my phone for most of the Scottish people. It's an incredible accent. I can't. Yeah, I think you were having trouble understanding possibly. But if you don't, OK, it's incredible. This is incredible documentary because it's literally about how long will you stay with a guy if he's six four? She brings it up multiple times. She's like, but he's six four and he's six four and he's six four. And she literally is like, he took a I think I go OK, fast forward. You don't hear what happened, but she meets this guy in Tinder six four and she sold. Yeah. And he loves her. And then he's like, I have to tell you something. And it's funny when a guy says I have to tell you something. You you like your life flashes before you're here. You're like of all the horrible things like what could it be? See, I usually know. I'm like, I've been waiting. Yeah. Oh, you finally want to make money. You tell me. Mm hmm. You're kidding. And when was that? Yeah, we already do. They're group chat. No. OK. So this guy's like drinking and driving with his twin who's also six four, which I think adds the lore. Yeah, like maybe whatever, three some whatever. OK, so he kills an old man and hits him with the car, which like, look, oh, that's how he killed him. You didn't watch the experimenter at all. But it was literally two minutes in. The entire premise that Mary merger. You know, I couldn't understand. It was actually shown in a visual that he hit him with the car. I was on TikTok. It was a little bit. Kid, he was getting a crumper at the same time that me and you are getting our nails done. Kitty will also be getting her nails done. You got a groomer to come to your house. Yes. Well, she goes into like a little van. She gets extra. She's a lot to go to do a little. Yes, she's an animal. She's like, Mom, have you checked this guy's license? She goes down to her Louis Vuitton case and she's like, I don't think so. Never. Well, I want to get her like her nails trimmed, her paws trimmed. She got a glove. Get her hair washed for like the summer. Yeah. So like every like three months, 10 weeks, usually, I get rid of, I get her a little spa day. She loves it. Kitty loves getting brush. It's her hobby. When she walks back in the house, like she's like, stop looking. Yeah. She knows. So this guy hit an old man of this car, which look, drunk driving is beyond fucked up. Yeah. And he knew that, like, he's in trouble. So he kills him on accident. Also, when you're drunk driving, assume you're going to kill someone. Right. But like he drunk drove. Drunk driving is really, really annoys me because I'm like, it's one thing I just like, I just never have like, I've never been in the situation to drunk drive. Well, I never drank and I never drive. I can't drive. I can't drive. And growing up in the city, we had a lot less drunk driving incidents because one of us had licenses. So it's crazy how like in a suburb, how many kids get in trouble. But anyway, and they can't drive to beginning. Don't try to drive and stop smoking cigarettes. It's not cool. I don't care if I did it anyway. I'm ever with mom. Yeah. So they hit the guy and they realize he's still fucking alive. But instead of calling an ambulance, they like change their clothes and they bury him alive. I don't know if he was alive, but he had died by that point. But in like the 40 minutes that he was dying, he could have been saved. So she's like, oh, this is layers of diabolical. Yeah. But then she's like, he is six, four. And made me strong. He makes mistakes. But she decides she's going to tell the police. He confesses this to her. Yep. She calls the police and what are the police? So she finds out from him where the body is located. Like the police would have never found it. And she's drinking a Red Bull and she drops the Red Bull right where the place is. So she marks it like she's fucking full. She's also a woman instead of the week. And she's doing that for the cops for the cops. They're like farmers on like acres and acres. And he also like cuts up bodies and stuff like, oh, he's a hunter. Yes. OK. So which I thought this was going to get way more interesting and be like this is one of the many people he killed. He's not like a serial killer, which was kind of disappointing. But I'm the crazy thing is that the cops don't protect her. The cops. And she calls the cops. She's like, hey, this guy killed him. Yeah, they bring him in. OK. And they are like, we think that you killed this guy and he denies it. And then when he gets out, she doesn't know if the cops talked to him or not about her and he calls her and he's like, where are you? And she's like, I cannot be with him. But she has to pretend that she's not like hanging out with the murderer that she just tried to get to prison. But he's six four. So she's like, come on, baby. And he looks at her and he's he doesn't know. But then the cops go to check in on her because she was like, I'm going to like I could get killed right now. They and they know her name. So they go, Caroline. And then he and he's like receptive. He goes, how did they know your name? Oh, my God. Are these the dumbest cops in America? Do you not protect her at all? Like that's mostly what you get from the documentary is how like this woman put her life online and like it really ruined her life. Yeah. But then during COVID, she can't tell anyone her story because the cops told her she can't. So she's like losing her mind alone. He's out by the farm. I think something happened, but basically she's like, he's the only person I could like beat myself with. So she moves back in with him. Oh, my God. That's insane. I've stayed for some crazy ass things. OK, I am not one to talk, but he would, you know what? Oh, so this is what happens. He finds out she was the one who told and yeah, she thinks that he's going to kill her and he comes up there and he cries and he goes, I shouldn't have put you in that position. And like, I'm so sorry. And like you did what you had to do. So she's like, I'm in love with you again. Because she's like, he's honest. He understands me. He sees me and he took four. So she and they're cute together. So then you're like, who am I rooting for? Ultimately, I'll let you guys watch the end. But they don't come on. He gets like 12 years and he's still in jail. 12 years. I know it should have been more, but they weren't able to prove that the guy was alive when he first hit him. So it's more like a hit and run. Yeah. So she but she's she went. Her life was ruined from it just from meeting this tall guy on Tinder. So just like watch out in the streets. My God. And don't drunk drive. He loved Bomter, but like he was so nice. Yeah, and she probably just like was a different person out. Like they lie and change their personality. You know what it gives? It gives that friend that like is horrible to other people, but they've never been mean to you. Yeah, still hang out with them. Yeah, all these stories and people warn you and you're like, but they're literally nice to me. Yeah. And then when they fucking do something crazy, you're like, why didn't I listen? But you're like, because they were being nice to me. Yeah. And that's see the signs. But also when was this? What year was this? Like during COVID? Wow. So not that long ago. Also, oh, also, I forgot to tell you. She's a doctor. She's not a dummy. She's a full doctor. OK. And that's why the police also were like, she's not a vulnerable victim. She's smart. And it's like just because she's smart. Right. Because I mean, she's not vulnerable against. Right. Like he's still a six for alcohol. He elated her. Which like a six for alcoholic. We've all dabbled. If I had a goddamn. It's like. When an alcoholic has a crush on you, oh, he he chases your ass. Yeah, he can't see the voice. Mills you get. He thinks you have a twin. OK. But and her job, once I was dating this guy and he was an alcoholic and he would like try and convince me that he wasn't an alcoholic. And once I mean, like, one out or something, the way to know if you're an alcoholic is if you have to try to explain someone why you're not an alcoholic. Continue. He tried to tell me that someone roofied him. I was like, I was like, babe, it was you. He's like, no, I'm telling you, like they got it out for me. I'm like, no one slips something in your eight drinks that you had. That you made for yourself. But honestly, in the moment, I was like, oh, man, it's crazy. Who? I was lucky to be jealous. I'm like, why did my boyfriend get roofied and not me? It's. During college, I roofied. Like I was really scared about everyone getting roofied. Yeah, I got roofied twice in my adult life. Oh my God. And my most recent time I was probably 26, I think was was last time. It was like a Halloween party. I don't think someone intentionally tried to roofie me. I actually think which is a great situation because I'm like now in picturing the guy is probably like, I didn't want Paige to drink it. Who the fuck cares about me? I think it was intended for someone else because I grabbed the wrong drink. Your long fingers. But also I kind of like did it to myself. No, no, no, I didn't. But when you get roofied, it hits like a meat. Instantly, like I think I. And the only reason I knew is because it was my first drink. So there's a nail polish out there. That you can dip into drinks and it turns a different color if there's a roofie in it. That's nice. Yeah. And those girls made that like coupled like they made like a looks like a hair tie that you can like put over your drink. Also, there's a new camera that these girls invented that's in your beret. No, not beret. It's a hair clip. Upset. It's a hair clip. So if you wear a hair clip, it films so you can like get content, whatever. But also it can like protect you in a night out. That would be funny, though. I mean, not funny, but if you wake up, you're like, what I do last night? And then you just watch it with your friends. You're like, that was crazy. You see, in my head, I'm like, you get your boyfriend this new gift and you're like, wear this out every night. Because you're Russia. Yeah, because I'm crazy. But it's fun sometimes. It is, it is. I got the mango pineapple Duncan refresher. It's so refreshing for a Monday after drinking the night before. Oh, my gosh. This is your first time over a fresher. I got a berry assaib refresher and it's just like my new personality recently. I think it is my favorite flavor. You love that color purple. Well, I think it's my aura. Is that your world? No, it's pink. But like, yeah. Maybe it's maybe it's changed this on a Monday. No. Pink, you could be pink, purple and pink. I'll have to DM Mikaela and just be like, hated pages or a change. She's been acting kind of off lately. She's crimping her hair. I think they're crazy. Also, do I look tan? OK, no. Not like particular, like I did. Actually, I'm sunburned. Like laid out. I'm actually quite pink. Yeah, no, you're not tan. But it'll turn in like three days when we come back to do Friday's episode. I'll be there. Everyone look. Fuck love. Oh, also, we're going to LA this week. Oh, yeah. We're leaving Wednesday. Yes. For the Netflix is a joke. I have gotten a lot of messages being like, we can't wait for the Giggly Squad show. And I'm like, just so you guys know, it is an interview show. Yeah. For the first time ever, we're interviewing people live. Important people. Very important. We've we've written it out. We hope Netflix was like, hey, guys, what do you want to name your show? And we were like, hey, what show? They're like, when you interview Kate Hudson, Mindy Kaling and Breonna Son. This isn't an interview show. And Hannah goes, um, uh, how about just like Giggly Squad interviews, important people and they go, we love it. And I was like, Hollywood is a joke. Hollywood is a literal joke. They go perfect. Incredible. They're like, wow, that's so artsy. So I also love that they're like, these girls never interview people. Let's this will be perfect. So I've been talking to gigglers. I'm like, this isn't normal. Giggly Squad. Like we're not like throwing rocks at men. We have to like ask professional, important women. And the Mindi Kaling is going to be there. I mean, Mindi Kaling, Kate Hudson, also Brenda Song has been everywhere on my feed. She like really knows sports. Yes, you see, like yelling at everything. So, um, it'll be iconic. I don't know what I'm wearing yet. Me neither. I'm deciding today. No one wearing, but us in LA is a different animal. I know, but we're not saying that long, which probably good. Yeah, we could stay the weekend though. No, but we have cats. We do have cats. We have a family. We love you guys so much for giggling with us. Thank you, Duncan, for sponsoring the episode and we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Rural Britain, you've suffered too long. Your days of sluggish broadband are over. We're connecting rural homes to full fiber with thousands more joining every month. T minus five. The gigaverse is expanding before my very eyes. Gigaclear, faster broadband for rural Britain from only 19 pounds per month. We have lived off. T's and C's apply. 18 month contract. Prices may rise during contract. Check availability at gigaclear.com. Desk Divers, school runners, gym girlies. Breakfast is over. The long road to lunch begins. Your patience is thin. Your stomach empty. Get yourself a muller like boost bowl. 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