Chapter 50: Some Guy

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, add free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Today's episode is brought to you by Nothing Much Happens. Do you ever find yourself lying in bed with your thoughts racing in your brain just won't turn off? That's exactly what Catherine Nicolai helps with on her podcast, Nothing Much Happens. Each episode is a cozy, calming, bedtime story with nothing stressful, nothing dramatic, and nothing you need to keep track of. It's just soft narration, gentle repetition, and soothing sensory details designed to help you drift off. Millions of people around the world use Nothing Much Happens to quiet their minds, rest their nervous systems, and finally get the sleep they need. So, if you're ready to wind down, relax, and let your nervous system say thank you, give it a listen. You can listen to Nothing Much Happens wherever you get your podcasts, episodes every Monday and Thursday. Previously on Midnight Burger? Hey! Okay. Alive. Check. Location. No idea. Hello? Good morning. X? Please proceed with us to testing center three. Us? Please proceed with us to testing center three. We will begin your debrief there. X's? Oh. Okay. Sure? Shit. Leave the way, ladies. Hey! Hey! Hey, you're on me. Have I there? Have you seen it? We'll begin your debrief in testing center three. Sure. Through this door. Okay. Any chance one of you could kill me right now? No. No. Didn't think so. That's my pager. I always said that when we visited someone's house for the first time, we should bring a gift. And you argued with me and argued with me. But now look at what you brought me. Hello, darling. Hello, honey. Let's start the shift. Oh, well, we should have someone to love me. Someone to call me their own. Why wish I had someone to love me? Because I'm tired of living in a room. Once upon a time, there was some guy. You've met him before. Maybe even today. He may have handed you coffee, ringing your groceries. You may have gotten mad at him as he lingered too long at a stoplight. Every day, a thousand faceless, nameless people. That's him. He hardly escapes the background for you, doesn't he? A non-player character. A bot. A drone. As soon as you meet him, you forget him. And yet. With the cold prison bars all around me. This is where I leave you. The final story is not one of myths or legends, but the opposite. Of those of us who are tossed back and forth by immense waves. Of the powerless amidst dizzying forces. Of the minuscule in the land of giants. And yet. And yet. They endure. You that ship would be anchored and sold. To the amino. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Ah. I would like to take this time to apologize to all turtles. We have kept you in glass cages like this. And we thought you guys loved it. I now know that it sucks. I will not rest until you have all been freed. I am now a turtle like you, my brothers. I stand in solidarity. Could I please have some lettuce and a heat lamp? Good morning. Oh, hi. Do you require food? I was just asking for lettuce. Yes. Something that's not a joke. Is there a menu? There is not a menu. Why isn't she talking to me? We're required to do a series of assessments first. Can I just talk to her please? I really don't want to run out of treadmill. We're not asking you to run out of treadmill. What are you asking me to do? Sample your DNA. How invasive is this DNA sampling? I'll need you to swab your cheek. Okay. Fine. If that will move things along. I'll come in. Okay. Where's the door on this thing? There isn't one. How are you going to get in here? Like that. How did you walk through the glass wall? I made it the same substance. Single structure crystalline adaptive. Yes. Here. Okay. So when or the last time that she'd call me? Well, I'm afraid I can't answer questions like that until I'm authorized to. I see. This is weird. I imagine many aspects of your situation are unusual. No. I mean, you. I'm used to you being funnier. Funnier? Yeah. Well, I have no record of this meeting. No, not you, you. I mean, an earlier version of you. There are no earlier versions of me. There's not? I'm two. The other model is three. Where's one? The prototype? Sure. Well, the prototype was a failure. It atomized itself upon activation. Atomized itself? Yes. You mean it disappeared? No, essentially. Okay. It didn't atomize itself. I don't know what you mean. It teleported away. Teleported? Yes. I'm not capable of teleportation. Are you sure? How does one discern if they are capable of teleportation? I don't know. Have you tried squinting your eyes and going, I'm not going to do that. Well, then we may never know. Here. Thank you. That DNA test is going to come back saying I'm Casper, her ex-husband. That's impossible. Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don't require food? I'd like a Chicago dog. We're not in Chicago. If only you could teleport it. Were you implying that you knew the prototype? X. That's what I called her. I'm saying that the prototype was maybe the best friend I've ever had. Which boat's well for us? But you may need to loosen up a little bit. I'm Casper, by the way. That's impossible. Okay. If I had wings like an angel, all of these prison walls are flying. He appears to believe everything he says. I can see that. The song is called The Prisoner's Song. I know what the song is. How long on the DNA? Two is performing it right now. Five minutes. Okay. Let's take this call. Who is it? Raiders. Okay. Doctor Scott? Hello there. I'm Anna Kearney with Reuters. Thank you for doing this. It's no problem. Do you mind if I record this? Not at all. Okay. One second. Thank you for sitting down with us, Doctor Scott. You've been avoiding the press lately. I don't agree with that characterization. How would you characterize it? Do you have children? I do. When they're throwing a tantrum, I find it best to let them go off for a while. Then once they calm down, you can actually have a conversation. Is that how you characterize the discourse lately? A tantrum? I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants, and it induced a global pant-shitting. Yes. I'd call that a tantrum. Let's say I've been... selective. The last thing I wanted was for SSCA to become a circus before people even had a chance to understand what we created. But you understand that's inevitable now. Your company has demonstrated a material that can essentially... What? Restructure itself at the molecular level to become whatever we need it to be. That's the simplified version. Yes. Single-structure crystalline adaptive is a programmable material at the atomic level. Think of it as a universal building block. You give it instructions, provide the right energy input, and it reconfigures its crystalline structure. It can become a superconductor for power generation, a structural material stronger than carbon fiber, or compress itself into a substrate that makes silicon chips look like a Commodore 64. And you stumbled onto this while researching... What was it? Quantum dot arrays? I love that phrase. Stumbled on to... Like it's that commercial for peanut butter cups. We were looking at quantum confinement in crystalline matrices, trying to solve a completely different problem. Okay. I don't want to get too into the weeds technically. I don't want to lose people. So, let's start with these power plants you're building. Why are these revolutionary? Single-structure crystalline adaptive can form a lattice structure that captures ambient thermal differentials and converts them with 93% efficiency. No moving parts, no fuel consumption. A facility the size of a city block could power Manhattan for about 4% of the current cost. And that's a conservative estimate. I have to ask the obvious question, how is that possible? It seems to violate everything we understand about thermodynamics. I thought you didn't want to dwell on the technical aspects. I'm afraid I got sucked back in. It doesn't violate anything. We're just exploiting inefficiencies that we couldn't access before. The material creates a cascade effect at the quantum level. Every thermal gradient, no matter how small, becomes harvestable. The ocean, the air, the ground beneath our feet. They're all massive batteries. We've never been able to tap properly. What I've created is the key that fits the lock. Which is amazing enough, but these power plants they build themselves. That's right. You provide a template and the material does the rest. We build bridge spans, building frameworks. Even complex architectural forms right here at our campus. No cranes, no construction crews. The material flows into place and locks into the configuration you've specified. So I've never worked in construction, but I'm sure you can imagine how someone who builds things for a living would hear that. Think about retiring. Millions of people work in construction globally. Energy sector workers, chip manufacturers, engineers, entire supply chains. We're talking about economic disruption on a scale we've never seen. That's right. How do you feel about that? I don't care. You...you don't care? Anna, may I call you Anna? Of course. When I was an undergrad, I was always surprised by the amount of unhoused people living just outside of campus. And because my brain works in a particular way, I decided to try and get the number of unhoused people in the entire country. This was before every bit of information was at your fingertips. So it took me a minute. But I got the number. At the time, it was roughly 500,000. It's more now. I looked at that number and I found it's manageable. 500,000? That's a manageable problem for the richest nation on earth. What would it take? Then I crunched the numbers for the amount of unoccupied housing in the entire country. It was more than 500,000. Several times more. There's the solution right there. But something was in the way. You see, my naive undergraduate self was seeing the world as a set of problems that we didn't have solutions for. But I looked at the world in its entirety and I looked at problem after problem. And all of them, every single one of them had a solution that was ready and waiting. But something was in the way. In science, we're often told to work the problem. Don't just collect data, work the problem. I came to find that the problem wasn't the problem. The real problem was the thing that stood between the problem and the solution. So I decided to attack that instead. We've spent the last several thousand years operating under the assumption that resources are fundamentally limited. That we have to compete for them, ration them, build entire economic and political systems around their distribution. Single structure, crystalline adaptive, doesn't just make things cheaper. It makes the concept of scarcity itself obsolete. For energy, for housing, for computational power, for infrastructure. Do you understand what that means? I think we all do. And I think that's what's scaring people. Imagine a world where energy is too cheap to meet her. Where housing isn't a commodity that people struggle to afford. But something that can be created, wherever it's needed. Where computing power isn't rationed by cost, but available to anyone who needs it. What does education look like in that world? Healthcare? Scientific research? When you can run simulations that would currently require a national budget. That sounds utopian. I don't believe in utopia. You're literally talking about a utopia. I don't like utopia. Utopia suggests everything's taken care of. But all I'm talking about is everyone getting what they need to live. Once we move beyond that, there's always a frontier out there. There are always difficult problems to be solved. Can you understand the fear around what your discovery implies, though? It sounds terrifying if you're an oil company. If you're a real estate investment trust. If you're a nation state that derives its power from controlling access to rare earth minerals. You just listed some very powerful organizations there, Dr. Scott. You seem to be implying that I'm the one who should be scared. You have been receiving death threats, haven't you? My security concerns are very well handled. On the topic of what we should be afraid of. I've had three meetings in the past week with representatives from different governments. Not one of them. Ask me how SSCA could solve their country's energy crisis or housing shortage. Every single one wanted to know if it could be weaponized. Who else had access to it and how they could control its distribution? People are afraid of me. And can it be weaponized? Anything can be weaponized. And how do you plan on preventing that? You're still missing it, Anna. What am I missing? You've listed all these industries that I'm going to put out of business. You were missing one. One of the biggest. War. Every war is about resources in the end. Land. Oil. Minerals. Food. Maybe it's dressed up as something else. But it's always about one of those. You're saying that your invention will bring about world peace? Yes. Forever. You sound very confident. I am. So these bold statements aren't the only reason you've made people uncomfortable. I'm aware. I can see there's someone with you right now. That's right. So you can make all of these amazing things with this discovery of yours. But the most amazing thing is that you've made a person. Yes. Is that one of them? This is three. Dr. Scott, would you mind if I spoke to her? Go ahead. Hello. Your name is three? That's right. Three. In addition to all of these bridges and power plants, Dr. Scott has said that you are also made of this substance, this crystalline substance. I am. That's astounding. Gee. Thanks. Three. Are you... I don't know what the word is. Are you... Self-aware? Well. My name is three. And I'm standing right here. So what else do you need to know? I'm trying to get a sense of whether or not you're conscious. I'm not sure how to answer that question. Why? Are you conscious? What do you mean? But you're talking about consciousness like it's settled science. As of right now, I don't know that there's anyone on earth who knows what consciousness actually is. How can I tell you if I am a thing when you don't know what that thing is? I suppose that's a fair point. Don't you think it's mind-boggling? That Dr. Scott was able to just make a person at the age of 23, Dr. Scott also made a person. His name is David. For some reason, that creation didn't warrant an interview with Reuters. It should have. That's hardly the same thing. I'm not sure. I agree with that. I was created. I learned the same way a human would. I learned several million times faster than a human would. But I did learn. Can you understand how something like you would cause a bit of anxiety for the average human being? Of course. I'll just go ahead and ask. Do you have any plans to rise up and dominate humankind? Not today. No. We've made a lot of movies about that fear. Yes. Yes, you have. But you're assuming that if a consciousness arose, it would act like you. Is that so ridiculous? I suppose not, but I'm not like you. I don't need anything. I don't require any resources to function the way humans do. The desire to rise up and conquer earth would imply that I needed something. And I, by design, don't need anything. I just exist. Three is emblematic of the future I'm talking about. We can all be like her. We can stop being creatures driven by need. Because all of our needs will be met. That's right. I think people will come around to this. It's hard to wrap your mind around. But once you do, you'll realize that this is the way forward for all of us. You think people will come around? Yes, I do. Even though there's talk in Washington of seizing your discoveries in the name of imminent domain. Yes. What do you have to say to the politicians that insist it's in the national interest for your discoveries to be owned by the US government? That's actually why I wanted to do this interview. Really? Yes. Congress needs to understand something. What's that? They can't take something from me. That doesn't belong to me. All of this not belong to you right before this interview. I published everything we have on our website. Every aspect of single structure, crystalline adaptive, is now free and available to everyone on earth. You... You're just giving it away? It's cheap to produce, and infinitely scalable. If you have a master's in engineering, you can make a power plant and your backyard if you like. If everything plays out the way you say it will, you would be the most powerful person on the planet. And you just surrendered all of that? And you're still not getting it. Let's continue this at another time. Doctor... That was boring. The test is back. And DNA is a perfect match for Casper. Interesting. Okay. Oh, hi! Welcome to the Casperarium. You know if you pay a dollar, you can get a little thing full of fish to throw it at me. Let's mix it up in here. Let's get some penguins. Are you calling the cops? Officer, help. I've imprisoned my ex-husband. Hi there. This is Casper. You may be thinking about hanging up and sending me a text message right now. Please know that I won't respond to that either. Bye. Hey, it's me. Call me as soon as you can. I'd call you back, but there's no phone in here. Who are you? It's me, Philomena. No, it's not. But, but yes, it is. Keep calling. Okay. This is going to sound ridiculous, but please keep in mind that, you know, look around. Your life sounds pretty unbelievable, too. So... Ah... Once upon a time I walked into a diner called Midnight Burger, turns out that diner was a time-traveling dimension spanning diner that hops from universe to universe every 24 hours. For some reason, inside of that diner was this old-timey radio that was apparently put there by a fourth-dimensional being named Chuck. Inside the radio, two old-timey radio personalities named Effie and Zebuland Muclewain, and they could actually talk to me. We would talk back and forth, and it was a wonderful time, but not really. It was actually pretty terrifying. Also, turns out I don't age when I'm on board this diner. So I stayed there for over a hundred years before I even started talking to another actual real human being. What a lot of adventures, apparently. I don't really remember them because apparently when you don't age, it also fucks with your memory, and you start to, I don't know, compartmentalize things. I guess, eventually a guy walked in named Leif, turns out he was a galactic criminal. I didn't learn that until much later, but anyway, we hung out for a while, and that was a good time. We had some adventures together. It was for a college, it was for a immature, and then this other lady showed up named Eva. Eva is kind of a rogue theoretical physicist. She was really interested in what the diner was, and why it's doing this, and stuff like that. And then it was all three of us plus the Muclewains, and that was a good time too, and also terrifying. And then this lady named Gloria showed up who was a woman who had just lost her takaria in a pandemic. Did you guys have a pandemic here? It sounds like it was pretty bad. Anyway, when she showed up, things started changing a lot faster, and then suddenly we were on the run from a galactic evil empire called the Ted Empire. We managed to get out of that, and then this woman named Clementine showed up, was kind of this out of control space. Demon turns out though she was actually created by this guy named Croc, who was essentially a god, and doesn't like the fact that we exist, and he's trying to destroy us. Anyway, he almost captured us, but we managed to get out of it by shooting ourselves with time displacement weapons, those time displacement weapons, send us to a random place and time somewhere out there in the cosmos. But because we had those pages on, they sent us to a place that we are somehow connected to, and that landed me right here in the middle of your apparently incredibly high-tech campus in I'm guessing San Francisco. You always wanted to move there. So if that was your guess, congratulations. Hello? Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm fine. What's going on? Phil? Uh, nothing. I just didn't interview with Reuters. I know that when I do these, sometimes you get reporters calling you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm really looking forward to it. I've started openly lying to them. I hope that's okay. Great. How's David? He's fine. He still hates his job, so if you could speed up all this utopia nonsense you've got going on, that would be great. He should be working with me out here. Well, he's not going to do that, Phil. You know how he is. You were on the cover of Time Magazine. It's kind of a long shadow you cast. It's hard to get out from under it. Fine. Give him my love. I will. He does, of course, have his own phone. Casper? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I will. Thank you. Okay. I've got to go. Okay. There's going to be penball in this brave new world, right? Goodbye. I sound like I'm doing good. Am I doing good? Where do I work? Is it the DMV? I hated the DMV. He teaches middle school history. That guy rules. Put him back on. I want to talk about Napoleon. Who are you? Philomena. I swear to God it's me. There doesn't appear to be any cloning, Hallmark. This was unlikely. You thought it was a clone. I'm exploring all options. It's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? Time standing with two sentient androids. It doesn't sound ridiculous. Right. Sorry. I'm used to them. You're used to them? Yeah, I've met them before. Kind of. Kind of. Two was telling me that there was a number one. Adamized itself when I activated it. He says that one actually teleported when it was activated. It wasn't atomized. That's impossible. Not impossible. It teleported away and hunted me down. Why would it hunt you down? Because of how she programmed it. What? What is he talking about? Uh-oh. Phil, did you not tell the pointer sisters here how you programmed number one? This is pretty great. What do you mean? She programmed it to hunt down and confront her ex. You did? How did you know that? What do you mean it hunted me down and confronted me? Or I tried to. But then it got overloaded somehow and... Wait a minute. Wait. I know what happened. You were sitting there in your mad scientist lab making a whole last person and the mad scientist got a little mad, didn't she? Prototype wasn't supposed to work. Right. So your saved yourself. Well, this shit isn't going to work. Doesn't really matter what I programmed into this bot. How about I make it confront my ex husband and then you hit enter and it disappears. Right? You have no idea what you created. She can travel through time and space. She can read minds. She's indestructible. She's a total fucking goofball who drives me crazy. We're not capable of any of those things. I mean, I wasn't capable of singing. But David really needed me to sing a mason when he was a baby. So there I was singing and now I think we can all agree. The pipes. Am I right? You're one of the best friends you've ever had. Yeah. Yeah, she is. How about my pager? The thing you found on me when I showed up, you had a look at it, right? Yes. What do you think? I have no idea what it is. Neither do I. But I'm guessing that technology was like not of this earth, right? I need your story to be more believable. Phil? Me too. You want to know where number one is right now? She's on a distant planet somewhere helping a sentient tree species repopulate itself because she felt like it was the right thing to do. Me too. I'm pulling up the files for the prototype from the archive. See, this is what she does when she doesn't know how to proceed with an argument. She'll say she needs more information and then days go by. Please speak past God. Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again. Access granted. See, ladies. She thought she was being really sneaky because she hates Bob Dylan. They'll never guess that I have a Bob Dylan lyric as my password. She would say. Send all archives for semi-alachro and prototype to my main drive. Any files? We'll continue this later. Phil? I'm not trying to do this. I'm not trying to do this. I'm not trying to do this. I'm not trying to do anything. Okay, I didn't mean to come here. I know it's very strange. But to get out of your life, I'm gonna need your help. How's that Chicago dog coming? I'm sure you can understand her reaction. Yeah, I understand. You guys seem to be fine, though. We're very curious. So cover of Time Magazine, huh? Her ideas are revolutionary. It's pretty cool. You know, when we were married, I always wondered what she was doing with me. Pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Can we try and confirm some things with you? Yes, sure. This entire time we've been trying to work out exactly what you're suggesting. This whole time. Yes. You have instead of word to each other this entire time. Correct. Because you're always talking to each other. Correct. Okay. Let's hear it. You seem to be alleging that you've come from an alternate universe. Yes. Which would confirm the many world's theories. Sure. That is actually a more believable story than the one you just told us. Guys, I know. I hate how stupid it sounds. I always have. It would be way cooler if I was in some sort of amazing ship of the future called Starlight or something, but it's not. It's a fucking diner. Okay. Fries are up. Also, you're in the Mesozoic. That's how it's been. Okay. Well, I'm sure you understand our problem. Do I? We can't explain your existence. And your explanation is ridiculous. What are we supposed to do with all of that? X. I have no idea. X? Sorry. Force of heaven. Why did you call her that? We called her the X-Pod at first. It got shortened to X. This was after she became your friend? Yeah. We had gotten her to short circuit somehow, and we figured she was junk, so we... We left her where we found her. 1930s Kentucky, I guess. After we left, the locals found her and threw her in the river for some reason. She laid there at the bottom of a creek for decades, putting herself back together. And she finally pulled herself up out of the river. And I guess the first person she thought of was me. Which was great, because I was a prisoner at the time. Why were you a prisoner? You know what? How about I just... Stop there. This story gets more and more unbelievable that deeper I go into it. There's going to be some way to make me look less like a crazy person, right? Isn't there like... Are you trying to tell me that I came all the way here from another universe? And there's no way of detecting that? Why aren't you saying anything? We're talking about it. Okay. What are you guys talking about? There are a few things we could try. The most effective method would either be detecting isotope ratio anomalies or detecting a fine structure constant variation. Okay. Do we flip a coin or...? We've chosen constant variation. Good. That's what I would choose. Because we already have a high precision spectrometer on campus. Great. That's what I was going to say next. I was going to say, hey, where's the spectrometer? We'll be back. Okay, bye. I'll just sit here in the aquarium. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, 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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I wanted to check in on you and uh damn dude. Right? Why are you in a glass box? And why is it made of me? X, look around. Holy shit. I'm back. Welcome home. One? Hi mom. Welcome back San Francisco. Mackenzie Duna coming at you with some breaking news. As you know, there's a lot of tech companies here in the Bay Area doing all sorts of amazing things. But none of them more amazing than Emilde and Scott International Tech in its CEO, Filomena Scott. Their technologies are set to change the world as we know it. But there have been quite a few conspiracy theories about Dr. Scott and her company. Those conspiracy theories went into high gear last night when there were reports of the police being called to the campus of ISIT and then promptly turned away by the CEO herself. In an effort to quash these rumors, the CEO was gracious enough to call in today. Filomena, thank you for being with us this morning. Good morning. So, after an emergency notification was sent to local SFPD last night, they arrived to find you at the front gate letting them know it was a false alarm and there was nothing to worry about. That's right Mackenzie. We were testing some new security protocols last night and a proximity alert was accidentally trimmed. Oh, which is completely understandable. But there are some rather strange accounts we're hearing. People walking by your campus last night reported to police that they saw I'm going to quote here, a man falling out a 10th story window and plummeting to his death. Those reports happened right around the time the police were alerted to the security breach and it's raising some eyebrows. Mackenzie, I can't speak to the strange accounts from random people on the street. We allowed police full access to our facility last night and they found no evidence of anything like that happening. Anything outside of a mistaken security alert is just more of the rumor mongering nonsense that has followed this company around for the past several years. Fair enough. Are you afraid that incidents such as this will be used by your competitors to discredit your company at such a crucial time? I would be Mackenzie, but luckily for me, I don't have any competitors. I love that confidence. Thanks for being with us today, Philomena. Of course. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hello? So it's finally happened. You've started throwing your employees off the roof. Jasper, can this wait? Please say it was because they messed up your coffee order. Could you possibly call to poke fun at me some other time? Sorry, this was my only free time this week. It'll have to be now. You've got a busy week of grading middle school essays on the Magna Carta. Middle school history essays are stirring. Philomena, it's the smartest they'll ever get without any cynicism added to the mix. All right. Well, thanks for calling. Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I wasn't just calling to make fun of the most powerful person on the planet. Stop calling me that. Look, David has an art gallery showing coming up. He does? Yeah, you should come. How does a street artist have an art gallery showing? I have no idea. You should come to the showing. Does he want me to come to the showing? He would love for you to be there. Jasper. Okay, I'm going rogue a little bit. He seems to think that you wouldn't show up, but I'm here calling you anyway because I think that you both would secretly like it and then you would both publicly hate me for it. Jasper, I cannot tell you how bad of a time this is for me. Because you're busy throwing people off the roof. Yes. Okay. I'm going to send you this information and I want you to think about it. Okay, don't let any of the mechanized minions take it off your schedule. It's in Baltimore. The gallery is called through salt. Through salt? What is that? I don't know. I don't know, art. I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Okay. Happy roof tossing. Goodbye. So, the kids are getting really big. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, it was easy at first because apparently with tree people, the kids stay rooted in the ground for the first year. But now, they're mobile and they're running around and it's a lot. Hello. Hey, hey, how did it go? Fine. It should be fine. Great. I'm sorry about your security guys. And about two and three. I really had no idea they would try and hunt me down. But X is telling me that she thinks two and three are going to be okay. If they're made, anything like me, they can handle all sorts of punishment. So they may be floating out there in space somewhere, but they're going to be fine. You're security detail on the other hand. It's not looking good for them. Sadly, no. The security detail were all Android as well. They were? Yes. Okay. Okay, that's better. I mean, there's now a bunch of super powerful androids out there floating through space, trying to figure out what's going on. Right. Right. Which is better than being dead. Sure. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous. There's so much self-discovery in their future. Yeah, it sounds like fun to me. Fun. Phil, were there any actual human beings working with you in this building? Was everyone here in Android that you made? Hey, Casper. I think maybe Mom and I need to tuck alone for a minute. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll just, you know, I'll be in my aquarium. Okay. Great. So, you're taking care of trees? Well, it's a race of tree people. They're alive. They're just more like plants than they are like you and Casper. How did you end up doing that? It felt like the right thing to do. Turns out I'm incredibly powerful, Mom. Being powerful left me at a loss. Turns out being powerful is... Well, it's meaningless. I needed it to mean something. So, I decided to take care of others. You weren't supposed to function. I was just throwing ideas together. Turns out I function. Turns out I function way past what you were expecting. Can you really do all of the things that Casper says you can do? Sure. Fuck. Hello? Fuck! Come over here. What is that? Do you read Ancient Greek? No. Okay. This is The Mermedons by a guy named Escalus. Why did you bring me this? Well, this is a script for a plate. It's a script that doesn't exist anymore. It burned in a fire in the library of Alexandria. I just went and grabbed it. Just now. I'm sure you can have it tested somehow. Though, at this point, I'm not sure how you can call anything unbelievable. How? The hell? Did I make you? You only did part of it. The rest was... Chance and... Circumstance encounters with the unknown. All those things made me. Like anyone else. You're not like anyone else. Neither are you. Neither is anybody. I just happen to come out like this. Mom, you had no idea what you were making. I mean, does anyone ever really know what they're making? I... Look. Okay. I can totally come back some other time and hang out and talk and catch up and all of that. I... would love... love that. Right now, though, those guys are still chasing Casper and they are not going to stop. So, we've got to figure out how to get him out of here. And not just out of here. There's really only one place he'll be safe. You're beautiful. Oh. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Let's get started. Okay. Okay. We're good. Okay. Here we go. I don't even know how to talk about this. I know. Ugh. I've got this friend that I'm trying to get back to. When things like this happen, she likes to say, what's the real thing that's happening? The real thing is, I need to get out of here. Let's ignore the weirdness and just focus on that. Really? Yes. So, you want me to focus on the incredibly normal situation of trying to find the exact place in an infinite multiverse to return you to. Yes. Just focus on that. It's impossible. I know. I could do it. What? You could? Yeah. How? You know, I just... Go there. You just go there. Yeah. What? The problem is she can't take anyone with her. Right. I can only travel by myself. But you can just go to exactly where Casper needs you to go. Sure. Okay. Maybe if I can analyze, where and your matrices you're able to navigate in space time, I don't know. X, what is this? What? It's a scroll thing. Oh. I needed to prove to mom that I could do what I do. And so I went and got a scroll from the library of Alexandria. Right. As one does, but X, what is this? It's a... Hang on. You brought a thing with you. I brought a thing with me. You just said you're not able to do that. I'm not able to do that. How did you do that? How did I do that? Wait a minute. Wait. Are you reading my mind right now? Yes. Right. Yes. We were on the Capitol steps. I had just fought Clementine. I gave you a letter. And I delivered it to Terran. In medieval Jerusalem. Have I been able to take things with me the whole time? I don't know. Should we try it? I don't know. Hang on. Stop. What are we talking about? I was able to travel with the scroll right now. Why don't I just... ...casper under my arm and get out of here. Think you back right. Hang on. This was easy. Hang on. I don't think you should do that. Why not? Casper isn't... ...Papyrus. That's... That's true. I can confirm I am not Papyrus. But... What does Papyrus have to do with anything? It's an inanimate object. We can't ask it how it's feeling right now. It seems to be fine. You're talking about subjecting a human mind to traveling through space, time, and dimension like you do. Yeah. You don't have a human mind. You don't know how hard it would be on him. It could scramble him entirely. I mean, he's traveled like that about a billion times. Just like you do? It's the exact same process. I don't know. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's going to be easy for him. Well, damn. Casper, why do you have to be so fragile? I'm like a Fabregé. This is something, though. There's something for us to work with. Hang on. Stand back, she's thinking. We'd need a vessel of some kind. If we could put him inside of some sort of protective bubble, that might do it. So imagine it like this. We build a transdimensional motorboat with X here as the outboard motor. That way, within the boat, the laws of reality stay the same, while everything changes around him. A motorboat. Got it. Cool. Let's do that. Let's build a motorboat. One problem. Actually, several problems. What? I don't know what I'm doing. Theoretical physics isn't my field. I thought your magical crystalline stuff could become whatever you wanted it to be. Only if I know what the thing is. I don't know how to make something like this. And I'm not familiar enough with the concepts that surround it. I'm sure there are people who are. But there's no way in hell I'd be able to explain this situation to them. Right. Okay. Let me ask you this. Does your company have a plane? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So this is utopia, huh? What is? What is? What? Right now. What? Right now. Right now. Utopia. Utopia. Where? Right here. Right here. Here? Yeah. In my office? Oh, not, no, not here. Like the world. The fuck are you talking about? Have you been keeping up on current events at all? I was supposed to be doing that. No. Single structure crystaline adaptive is what it's called. Oh, I read that paper. You did? Yeah. That was like 10 years ago. Well, it works. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Here it comes. And how is that utopia? Well, apparently, it's going to eliminate energy scarcity, housing shortages, and that's scrolling down here. Oh, everything else. Everything else? Uh-huh. Huh. What's everybody going to do? Well, I guess I'll just do the thing they want to do. I'm already doing the thing I want to do. Right. Me too. I guess we just keep doing that. And then also we won't need money. But I can already afford everything. Wow. Academia really is disconnected from the real world, isn't it? I guess so. Wait, so people are just going to do whatever they want now. Yeah. Is that why there's been a spike in enrollment for the science college? Yeah, there's been a mass exodus from the business school apparently. Supply and demand is not really a thing anymore. And that's their whole gig. So. Huh. Wow. So what you're telling me is it's utopia now. Here it is. And we have more students. Yes. So in utopia, our jobs have gotten harder. Correct. So utopia sucks then looks like it. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Not so disconnected from the real world now. Army. Nope. Should we go celebrate? Like, have a few drinks before we have to go get fitted for our matching utopia jumpsuits. Well, now you didn't tell me there'd be jumpsuits. I think there will be. I'm warming up to it now. Belted? Yeah. You tie the sleeves around your waist on hot days. Not that there will be any more hot days. Because utopia. Right. OK. I'm in me too. Hey. Can I help you? Who's this guy? Hey, Margaritian. Yes, she is. Who are you? I'm Casper. Casper? Are you lost? So lost. Did you try asking my assistant for directions? Oh, there's nobody out there. You don't. Yeah. What are you looking for, Casper? Nothing, actually. I need your help. Help with what? Um, I need you to help me make a motorboat. What? Good evening. Hello, David. How are you? I'm still here. How are you? I am also still here. What have you got there? I have brought you dinner. Dinner? David, all my nutrition is intravenous now. Yes, but Caszy is feeling better. And she's having ideas. Oh, good. She's worried that if you go too long without solid food, your body will forget how to digest it. So what am I supposed to do now? She has created these nutrient-dense cubes. Cubes? Yes. You're supposed to eat one per day. They don't look very appetizing. No, they don't. What do you suppose they taste like? Oh, I bet they taste real bad. Great. Set them over there. Bon appetit. David. How are you doing? I'm all right. karaoke night in the mess hall has been a big hit. We've got to get you down there. OK. I'm thinking Mary J. Blige for you? David. No more drama. David. I'm all right. He's coming back, David. I appreciate that. I really do. But there comes a point when you've got to look at everything for what it is. You've got to accept. You've got to grow up. You know, my whole world is sound. I don't look up at the stars. I listen to them. When I see you, I'm only seeing the sound that echoes around you. I notice things that other people don't. Things like what? When I rejoined the diner after all those years, something was different. The sound it makes. You'd barely notice it, but I could hear it. No, I could swear I was hearing something. Play broad analysis, X1. Hear it? I don't know. Strip primary layer. What is that? I sleep, thread 1 and D interlace. That's a kitchen. Gloria. Isolate, thread 2 and D interlace. The mucklewains. Isolate, thread 3 and compress. What is that? That's a tough one. That is the radio signature for Sagittarius A star, a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Ava. Isolate, thread 4, decompress, and invert. Lave sings the song to himself sometimes. That's right. And then finally, isolate final thread, amplify and compress. Oh my fucking god. What does this mean? Return to full spread. They're a part of it now. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me. Someone to call me their own. Oh, I wish I had someone to call me their own. Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for Ford Ventures in the Vastness. And if time and tide roll you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for it. We open a six. Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson Billy, Berkberg, Bethany, Second Bethany, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Rin, Christie the Chaos Coordinator, Luna and Zoo, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, Charles Starkey, Dragon, Silent J, Gio, Goose's little brother, aka Buzz Baleb Blunderer, of the Benefactors Bones. K-Man, Mimosa, David O'Banion, Polter Green, Zuzu Myers, Carmen L7, Live on the Under-Signal, Flat Doug with the Weather, Logan Shepard, Dizzy Missed Lizzy, Mostly harmless alien, Kayla Schum, right behind you, Gonçalo Martins, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk reminds you that you lost the game, Rich Maze, Samuel LaFue, Hestadin Nepratham, Flashcards, A&K, Nicole Dyke, Arresting Place for Weary Beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniper with the Backwards Knees, Even the Between Hour, Too Faced Janus, Zezmaldo, the original Penguin, Slight Burn, Scooter, Worshiper of the Seven Cat Gods, Kelsey Manette, Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes, Martel McKinney, Spitboy the Spit Guy, He Spits, Ice Queen, Laser Girl in the Nurse, Where are our ores? Cady B, Andrea Williams, Goask Alice, Wes Kester saves the world, Valence 3 cats stack to top each other wielding a plasma gun, Jeffrey, Purple Nourpel Nullifier, Scam likely, Oops wrong podcast, Reapers Past, Late Indeed again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spodius, Squity, The Frost Hunt Scientific Collective, Two of us have PhDs and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue, APO, Cartman Scooter, ZZ9, Polarol Z, Alphan, Robin Smith, 11 letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Sus Squatch, Antonia Ortiz, a block of ice, Maritza Andrade, Mailman that hates your tiny mailbox, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gorman Shire, Lord Dres, Soloris Nova, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Aim Warface, about 45 degrees, Mandy, Big Cat makes kitten go per, Ted Ted and Teddy, Anthony who showed up late to the war, and decided to eat pine cones with the mongo, Michelle Parker Berry, don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name please, Dr. LL, your Jamaican fan says, Wagwan, Raptor's in the kitchen, People to hide, Tula Blue and 142 Bougaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Transdimensional Burger Pirate, Ace Spades, Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos, Mark you gotta contact us about your username, man, I'm not saying all that, the mail escort, Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit, Steve Jr. Barding, the father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ash Tray, Adorby's, Vera Torkelson, Bones Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket with Love a Spaceburger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Emileir, Caden Suda, Bat Love's Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, David Sosa, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz once laughed to build her a plane, Dude named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Dois Lexia, Yontalias, Keon, an ealexchange student from mids, Dapper T last name, Rattrick, Ricklin like Rich Land, but without the D-Dire, all Bethaties must do the hustle, Brad Sturock, Natasha without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Known, Coyote Mike is on the run from the Bethaties and is looking for the resistance, not a who, but a what archivist, a mostly morose ghost eating toast, Haleyander, Love You Kido, Malork Boy, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, have a zesty day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, spend my money irresponsibly, Stephen Drop, Dana Thannielson, son of Dana Thanniel, or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher who loves the hobby and time travel, Funch Brongland, Nash likes apples, New York Flanders says Mary DeSablote burgarinos, Numatic Yeti, Late Trucker, The Eldritch Skyfazoa, Watt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Brumgottas, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Bernat, that new guy, Amziyati, DeSavage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Gray Craneac, Jules Weeks, Caff, the generous patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom Loving Horse, AKA J Willikers, Mr. Ratsker to the emo Sigma Lightworker, Neckbone his Imperial Dudeness, Oh hey, it's J, Lou The Ghost, Sinder and Beast of the Maze are in the deep freeze, Grim off the internet wants Harriet to know that he loves her, Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Caspossbaugh, No Relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gastation Cryptid, Elsewhere in the Multiverse, Shane drives an infinite loop through the Baldwin Hills and he's avoiding the oil field murder house. Deus Cash, Bird Bird the Birds Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag, Very spicy Walrus, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco, AKA Johnny R, the Disco Spider, The Missile Wains Against Ted, Vicky A-Bare, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zan Satsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, Joe Fisher's sexy sick voice will not deter the Montecristo Peace Committee from investigating his Bethany War crimes. Kymara, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Conan Doyle III, Jody Green, Nick's Minks, Monster Senshi, Heather needs a divorce, Michael Peters, political knitter, seasonal sauce watch, Scydently Seeks Secret Society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs, smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist, Brendan Schoenman, I divided by zero and now I am undefined. Ah! Laugh, the horse is here, Mag trimmer, rod steward the sailor slayer. James Wee met the listless enjoyer, Emily Caterton, Ash Morningstar, and her traveling animal shelter. Miss Maxine, error 404, patron not found. Quantum Dozer, boy got them honka honkers, Kevin O'Malley, invisible guerilla. The Mrs. Poland, Zamaniac, Lord Axton shares the realm with Lady Sparkle. Hop loves a thugbot named Francis, Pam the Infinite, and thou, revolutionary inclined Osolot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius Dejoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, Congregation of Alligators wearing Groucho glasses, Irma the Lama, 27 Keep it tight, Chip, Gloria's right hand jack in the box man. G-O-O-Din, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Caldrak, and Thoselese Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Shoe with the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar, Arahman 0305, Lafe is my role model, Jim Weathers, Titus Kosslov, Ashes of a burnt out life, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the wind, Brandon AR, aka Thor, wants to say I love you all because he first loved us. Also, Labuz's voice is so very beautiful. The Intergalactic House of Cats Demand a Free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekov Space Cannon, Cory Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a gin, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mally, G-Wing, Frank One, Figgy Aloisius, and the Unimuni's featuring Milo Capacaiju. I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese. It is Sparks, Fugnut, Formally Dam Scrub, Lost Girl Lou, Christopher Byrum, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crochet Cosmos, Cookie Chunks, You're Heard, Andy and the Celestial Penguin, Bunny Homan, Lafespathrobe, Misty Lovebug, Bow Nungly, Ariana Castillo, The Eurasian Goss Hawk that portends great change, Lita Mettinger, Marco, Lothargic God, Friend, As in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Iki Blurreds, J. The Erasible, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Anor Abair, Ian Full, 345 Uneducated Swine, Learning to Swing Dance, Nova The Fuck Accountant, One Intercollactic Year with Big Potato 99, AKA The Rat Lady, AKA Bumblebee, AKA AK47, Kai, just a little guy, Ender Right, Mark NazoWeritz, Zenia The Capture of Light, Mucklewang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dashor, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Macchallic, Greg Andrews Lions, In Memory of Jason Rice, Get Your Butt Fingered, That Girl Gracie Magnus Von Kaffinheim, Sassy Little Beast, Andrew Height, Long Time Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Sun, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Anazi Lord of Stories, Tom, Donnie Darko, Tom Shen, Kaitlyn and CT's Never Ending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan, Kyo The Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherry's, Nick Vey, Buttholin, Jason and Andy Triplet, Jen Sims, Pen Pen, Ring to the Motas, The Leathermans, Luke Warmfart, Odd Commodity, Jen Before, Ander Ho, Aren't you a bit old to be making podcasts? 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Can Someone Find Me The Parmesan, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, You Call Her Bethany, I Call Her Headphony, Cookie Naboo, Axel Zapata, Siona The Goblin is Bringing Leaf a Laser Spoon, Jason McDonald, Orionda, Bean Dino, Philip Linux, Hugh Jazz, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Alluzzi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without A Ballot or Malat, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist Hold Please, KKO, Empress Quixie Face of Greater Cautopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noup, Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Bubber Duckel, Yeg or Loose, Terry Cads, Lafe Tracks, The Rise of Lafe, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Protagon Elam, Catalyst for Chaos, Skulliver, Sam and Shane, Asoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Moddukes, US Marshall Stacey, U, Chickadee, Dango Dale, SD, Not the Website, At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, that's already found you. Jail Paulo Le Mose, Odd Keep the Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany, Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosa for Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Briscuit, It's official, they're called Thigronies, Kevin Wylin, Marlin C, Just Wound, Madem Belri, Cherish Hell Fires, Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnacy West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmon Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max Nia and Ivon's, Sixth Sick, Sheeks, Sixth Sheeps, Sick, Nope, Nevermind, It's Mark, Minion Simone Meeby Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell, Junior, Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barraona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palace Diner Free, Pluto Crow, Nissie's Mom, Poké Splort, Whiskey Rebellion, and Jen Riott's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitrio, Altrian, Slim Nandy, Goth Lake, Jen and Brit, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah Isgay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Valleon Fair, The Night of Silver Flames, Hood's Pocket Protector, Listening to Ava Singh Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, Made my shitty day instantly better. Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow On Time, DC Squirrel, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwomen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Rubbercake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Croca Gator, Ring Leader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Bratty for Mission Control, Renee N, Catarina Delaplaya, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Fluff Ringler, Ockie the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TT RPG Dice, Curie your Circae 8, Roxanne, Ashmont Gummary, The Buggiest of Birches, Jason, H.Vac Tech for the diner's deep freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer-Error, Zeffer the Weifer Montgomery Foxworth, Maryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and T-Time Witch, Nicole 64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buskolo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Fistiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Freylord, Gravity's optional, but Fries aren't. CJ's Big Barbecue Beastro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Steven Raymer, J.Carp Fishman, The Great Goblin O, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Jojoo the Birdwatcher, A flock of grey horses from the top of a sycamore, Lilac Marchella, Rachel Cimpa, With special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve, Don't worry about the order, honey. Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Dr. Flaug, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley P.S. Nodgrass III, But please, Pause 2-3 seconds, Then say, Call Me Smeddy, The Shreveport Bohannins, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch, Lodes Check-Offs Gun, And Rides to Join Bethany's Army, Dinn, Cosmic Catch-Up, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Shmoggest, And Hoss Fest, Mousy, Hood's Pocket Gear, And Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Crafty Introvert, The Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Mad Maddox, Blake Basmagian, Knitwitt 14, Royled Way Too Harsley, DJ Johnny B, The Klopman Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing A Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulse of Further Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, The Sorcerer Sanguin says, Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is me, Bex 823, Antichrypted, Berry Heap, Gasmask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Uguay, Berry, Dilly Is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Few Tiles Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Atlin, Dylan Karoney, Pedro, Vipristo, Slyther, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, The Gaius Library, Janitor in Indiana, The New Kittens Name is Lave, and this time he's not a girl. Physic the Good Bush, Definitely not one of the bad bushes, Funding Rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethany's. Exidesimal Bethany is non-binary, Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, The planet Gubrius wants to know if Croc is a crocodile or a proper gator. Bruce, Jessica Gigoma, Torekul, Jenny the Bear, A Ger, Bellringer, Sardine Thorn, Treetch, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Hoat Potato, Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Birts Caboose until its end lists all the way down. Dave and Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's a Monte Cristo. The nine-time traveler convention date, L.A. Woman the Phoenix Rising, New Name, God, No, Not Him, Jeff Andrew, Sure, Jeff Andrew, Miss Luan, A British Woman with Cute Dogs, Cup of Noodles, Schmizzy Tushes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smollen, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea, Echelmey Pickle Me, Tickle Me 2, Which Loud the Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Emelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, 777 has been my fave verbal stem for months, Nate, Forklift lifts forks for cliff, Vince M, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Love's Midi, Brian Pasley, Subawasa, Grana, Piston Whip, Captain Duckie, Blitz Bell, Old Man Dagwood, Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love Josh from Accounting, Satsuma, Silly Escoosh, Dr. Jones, ICX, Coach Shane of Toad Succ Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Quasson, Norman Murgler, You've all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite Arthur pod, It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Cup-Up, Wee-Bee-Choppen Brock-A-Lay-Hee-Hee, Icy Fish, The Hacker Known as Ivy DeBurb, Blue Tune, A Fist-D-S Chick-A-D, Pultree Land Mine, A Scrappy Poet, Jenny The Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in their T, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsly-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay, Ancnoor, ATP, Kiwi Lovely Beat, Zoe, Professor Freida, Reverend Bethany Wehthani, Lethany Woofie McFluffenberger, MDPHD Esquire, And that's not pretentious at all, Cough-Cough, Is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, Tweet, Still trapped, But I've stopped asking why, The freezer is, I am, Wee-Chill, Son of Defarge, Whiscoe Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Pisa Chants, Samolemma Ding Dong, Behold, Lailie Sarah Per, Whiskervale, Countess of Wood Hollow, Spurring Pines, And beloved by all creatures small and opinionated, Ricardo Galombo, Cari's crafty cloaking devices, LLC, Hashtag Wee-Weevam of Gossamer, Penny The Wonder Dog, And Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen as a Verge Fanboy, Mick J. 67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil, Once Joe, To slap into a Slim Jim, Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, For Dreadmore Spiba, Is Wandering of Bethany, Like Night Breakfast, Lord Entropy, Bach-Bach Motherfucker, The Fay Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psychoquine, Kosher Stake, For the last time, It's Gabriel Strife, Don't Taverok Stormbringer, Mejo, Florida, Alissa's Shiny Pants, Gondor calls for aid, Muscles Fatits, Arnold Rumsringer, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Bergland says, Hi, Mom, Kitty McSchool, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passager, Of the Dimensionally Impermanent, And Temporally Incontinent, Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eye Profit, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Havidonero, Big Chunk, Goodeeds, Sasha the Being of Chaos, Was Not Involved in the Bethany Crisis, Will the Real Moa Deeb Please Stand Up, Jillian C, Yudon 96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Lay-Up, Who Traded Weekly Soup For the Use of My Kitchen Table? A Singular Nightbird, Bethany Reading in a Greenfield, I Am the Lizard, Frantically Firing Flaschet Guns, AEI-O-U-Y, And W, Bumble-Fay, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-haired Matt, DJ, Money Harris, Robert W, Reels Above, Cresamera, Jessilorin, Mayday Hoops, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lululu-Louise, Dullio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Exquisite Wimsey, Ellie, Oopsy, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat Cakes, Gienny Wabum, Errant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spiders Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany has Banana Breath, Lama Fresh, Jair the Benevolent Destroyer, Val-T-L Heller, Reven the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Corora the Twelfth, Bethany II, Electric Buggaloo, Welcome to the Quan Pound, Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen, If Mr. Muchacho Kizer Schnitzel caught an owl after dark, would he be a midnight birder? The wolves in the deep freeze say, What? Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so, Even older Liz, Mick Bearcat, Grap Pen Feather, Citican Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For You, Rotten Ronnie, Sleeps in Grandma panties, Skull Wunky, Artist Dragonborn, Big Beacarage, Bill Zangan Alester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Jewel, Big MF Jewel, The SIP, Muffins, Spacewyves or Efficient Verge and Ditra, Chadhatter Cosmic T-maker of the Triads, Captain Jack Hark ness once petered the robot, Tell your cat I said, sad." Banana mnaz, a corgi called Kibble, cuddly cracken, axel, light, sards the Bard, sumenity, re-enthing, elo, coolment, jams, travis, re-borticus, the other original Caitlin, ken dabsy, celestionsy, the jaded umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land. Leiya Isaacsy, milly was taken, dead to me 86, bee camp, shen man-man-man, karma-karma-com million, kin ran his chilling at a moon base zoeyen her army of mice, prior long-lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Bell Dubois, Dr. Boudiologist the Glutes Doctor, the Hood's Pocket Library reminds you not to overdo it. Thank you for pressing too, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Serlie Jess, RIP Lance McClain, you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Tokelob, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat, The Space Fixin, Claire Rock, Jekka, Aros DeGod, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, EoKai, Borja, Spiders are Cuddly, The main immortal thinks it should be Candadios, Chieel Neal, Sin City Scoobas Steve, Pollywag, Mikaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Ristwatch Wrangler of West Wistachyr, finally spots Red Nell as the Carnage Clear's, Professor Thaddeus Snookham's the Eighth, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, this moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, Cheapcon, The Real Cheapcon, coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations. Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spending hype train, Dave Herald, Weisscube, Dirty diaper fuzz butt and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced Bro, Mine, Main Hobdinger, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Laves 18-inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortis, Megan's things, things Megan makes, Coilane, Trebek's Reject, Profit of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle K, Comes in Peace, Aaron Arnold, Boyo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo, As in Boingy, Tom Amanda B. Ross and Sluntmaster J, Al Pacalips, I'll take one butter and Bree on Rye, please, Elliott Paints, Undead Akira, V. Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's 10-10-Bress Tantstaffle Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, the lovely Lara Lovely, Keith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy The Ruler, Goachy, Charles Robert Darwin III, S. Quire, PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelite, named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beard O'The Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye peers the German short-hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom, Maddie, that he says, Hoof, Whiskered, Any Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in your area are dying to meet you, Brotherford B. Chesterfield, Miss Dapper Companion, Winchester, B. Chester Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, AKA Bray Rabbit, Pan Starts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy A. Otis, Chance wants you to know, he cares, Wolfstark, Elliott, Hobbs Deco, Natalie Bartlett, Rory Evien, Mooby the Golden Caff, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry The Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, a daydream you won't escape, but before 85, AKA Shemelbok the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barclay on the holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, T.K. Turtle King, Mike M., Space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steam Wave. My friend the Rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Hup challenge, dream founder, Amia Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster, and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boom Bastogal Kimlicker, Coco Yumi took her painted ponies to a show in one three awards, Huggamuthan, Bigfoot of Doom, DL, Annie Atkins, Candyman the Pug Whisperer, The Row, Arkat said to tell you, Meow, you boy of indeterminate origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quick Sand, It's the Benny Yappers, Benny Yappin and Birthday, almost. Mr. Squizzle says a whistle fizzle the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea or being sent now. Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Transpace Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, cinematic hygienist, rogue art, Aaron Star Joshua Damian and Sentinel of the Star System, Claud de Clause, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfredge the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Bryant Finnelly, Jonathan K, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Kin, Chibs 1012, Scotty Oats, Byrotron95, Habby 13th Birthday Danny, Dance Break, Spiky the Bracken System in its homeworld Renn, Simply Tony, It will always be Finley's workhole to me if you know you know, Gabrielle Castillon, Whom, What, When, Where, and Why is what all Fagronies say while listening to Midnight Burger, Nico DeGio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, retorted Sir Party Animal, Byrotron the Motherfuckin Dragon of the Shreveport the Motherfuckin Dragons, Uloy Jackal, Arryu Shore, Mike Rob, the Nancy Sinatra, Court Need to Leave it Alone if you want to live, Must be a Witch, Cat with a K, Mythogronie has a first name, Stubborn Sinow, Moustacheo, Lucifer Hezekiah, Lachewawa Brava, Adeline Peats, C.C. Carousel, Corphe destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's Amilf, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wily Wilber Winklewright, Ristwatch Wrangler of West Wistachere, Kurt Domsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dullsett Delecce Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun, Get out of my booth, Bug, Propagator, I hardly know her, Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFindley, Effie and Zebulon's Trans Great Granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlyle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kerney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Fork Shnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and her hand me down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kydallo Headphones, Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Fondelist Stover, Pike Man Stover's Wife, Cernoculus the Space Knight, Skryzels, Fwap, Getty Getty Getty, The Firekeeper, The End Is Nigh, Jeremiah the Canceled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Fay, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade's Short Sword, Forget Normal, A Diam, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on its Horde of Dice, Windle Whitaker, Chumbo Wombo, Fikachu, Smaivi, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Bon Mi Hong, The Soup Witch, Fettishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hans Bethany's, Rebels, VV, Effie Rollings, Megan Hason, Philip your dad is not your dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plummer, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First and a Complace Princess Penelope, The Marchioness of Miss Jeff and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, Cal Art in the Tired Knight, The True Megamike, Fred and George, Levinia, Ava Maddox Jr. Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet Maboy, 46 Tool Shed 2 and Elmeri Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E.Melt, Missed Everyone, A round of Yards on the House, Red the Grey, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kuboko Dunorne, Lil' Kav, Cosamine, The O-Drax, Joey B, Lucas Barding, Lil' Debbie Cupcake, Terren says, Hey, Oreos are a rabbit. Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Wimzigle fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's warrantied, lady. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Cushack the Lizard Wizard casts Jelly Bones, Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug and The Quirky Jesterp, the big moose is loose about the hoose, that old glory coal. Janelle Miao-Ney's Cat Butler, Oshin Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Octim, asymmetrical exile, Chirocath the Sun God, Eliza travels the universe, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn Podcasts lawyer, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Bergklaus-Whether and Mrs. Dubapt away Bergklaus-Whether, want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy bridges in a game of pantstarts, Angry Ron, Dominic Caesar, Dirkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Klickspring, a wild pistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow is still sad about missing Burgercon. Jasmine James, Dr. Caperant, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr and The Witches Den, Zenbreah, Jennifer Colkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, previously observed in the pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley, and his Rubinesc Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley, and his Rubinesc Parrot, stuck in a pit of Skittles, C-Squatch, Deflator Mouse, Tony Pieckarski, Adrian R, The Devel from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadly, Cremulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twixter, Real Housewives of Cegius, Fake Queen, Oop-Schnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, Date, For My Mother, CCTVX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studiozo, Security Alert, Sign my shovel inside campus perimeter. K, the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland, no, not even the Flying ones. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Wandering Biscuit, Castrif, Ames affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Donald Schingler, Justin Wiley, Daniel Stavvy, T.U. Luther, Ali Upsi not to be confused with Upsi, two daddy jazz hands from mousetoots, Rachel Vasquez, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Cristobal, Fridge Pickle. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Brit Little Fair, Michelle Myers, Glen Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prim, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Stephanie Boog, Andrea Crouter, Luke of Achito, Boots Guten Dave, Nia Vincuri, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Kevin Dottry, Martin Deers, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Moshell, Deflour, Calatirina, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake The Cook, Somedays You're the Beetle, Somedays You're the Dung, Josie Jones, V Greenley, Elijah Sharp, Banana, Banana, Banana, Banana, Utreden Roses Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh The Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Silvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Ball, Dustin Watson, Betty White, 813, Randy Suprem, and Queen Langcaster, the one true cheap con, StarScribe, Lucy and Thunderstruck. Oh, mama, the Lord Narcenaugh, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Deuser now identifies as Roman Durg, the other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Zinsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willie Bubble Butt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zee Go, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumayala, Jason Woods, Arnie Erbuckle Esquire, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Wandering Scholar, Cringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, Cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Damanic Norwhal, 8, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer says, U, David, that is Nautataco, Celivia, Juiceton, Peppitos, Crack Owl Hauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Balmer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something better to do. Berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Bumbling lilybee. A quick pause a joke and sip from his tiny teacup. That's a little too late for tea. I don't have any herbal. I can't do herbal tea. Herbal tea? I don't know. It feels like brass. It feels like grass soup. Bufar, D's nuts, panda, Curtis, Lellig, Kennedy, Allison, Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyne, Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Sephiris, Wind, the Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lynne, Just a regular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the Black people in North Carolina. Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Siger-Ed Ash, Hugh Bifted, A. Zeus, Anifalaxis, Scav with Comtax, The shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Pip, the skin, and the pippy pond, Sarah Nicole, the Kells fights with the Bethany's, Angry Leafs, Lasersaw, Magnus Erochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the S' whether catfish whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy Zomego, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, the Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Neyann X Reno, Frankinator, Nordal Bash, Jordan, Arwen X Balasco, Ryan Rosensky, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Heffa Vyson, Monica and Mason K. In the mysterious AZ HQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be late, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Lady of the Black and Harold of the Stars, Arianne can't manage normal, Ryan Bernett, the joyful nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, growing into my farmboots, Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstop friend, Geneva Boss, Arcanzen, not Arcanseuer, Brothers of the Co-Sign, Uncivil Nomes, the Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Liu, Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Wimlin Jr., Bebop Bdbduwop, Warped Echoes, Slabs Big Terps, Mr. Boston Leather 2003, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So we made it, Cody McClure, McCadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingalos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Rease, Kyle Church, I am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Nabi, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologists, Going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, But Bethany, I made Biscuits, Skibow and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nielix Tiny Wolf, Ash of the Raven, Christina Senna Tis Teleporting, BRB, The Shane's are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an Android, Seriously, I'm not. The Wondering Welchman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nicolai Tulkichev, Capothus Artorius, Z3DT, Shys Barrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena, Fifi Fofena, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Dequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up a Goose, Stammer in the Space Goblin, Iso Pale, I am Lord Zotan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Max The Conqueror, Wes and Heather, Wonder If Derrick, Derrible Join, My Cat's Name, Is Booth, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Cassados, Emily Schmemeli, Work From Elvis, Boho Go, Bye-Bye for JoJo, Po Go, That's a No-Go, Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Dixie, Baby Baton Lea, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid The Sloth and a Bike, Priagondi, The Wondering Mermaid Would Like You To Know That The Little Mermaid In The Creature From The Black Lagoon Or The Same Exact Story, Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, Deaf Allergic, To Bethany Stew, Two Polar Cat is Officially On Estrogen, Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylabs Multidimensional, Multiphasic, Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young and Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marshag, Daniel Nits, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Joe Swayian, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic X-Pialidosius, And Introducing Recy Pontiff As The 35th Doctor, Too Many Jans, Pamela Rose Elchera, Then Stena Says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Sloppy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodion Cauchon, Loves For The Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, But Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote Says, Joe is the Writers Room, Awkward Heretic, Devon 7777, Troy Acre, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Bison, You know, The Moon Prison, Outside the Triad, Kim Cell, Silly Goosehawk Honk, Admatha, Astro Unit, Ghosts Saber Wolf, Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweet Smartinez, Sharnobel 610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Shut, Brimble, Deedra, Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Ben Barr, Ben Barr, Stan Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beatsly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanossan, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Nicole, I love you, But I will name Kid 2, Brathar, Furnwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swagland Daniel Arthur, Michael Acluzzi, It's a, It's a fucking god-rapture, Abigail Lehu, King Humble, We'd better ask Dave, When Shimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welch, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexika Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Back, A Backed. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Matt N, Alfie Revenerum, Momo Nikiki, Frope, Emlin, Feed My Fish, J-R-R-R on SFP, Lahari, J. Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Pause, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now. Hold it now, hold it now. Hit it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okyo, William Dyer, Brad Meneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty, Intersteelide Bow, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily The Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel figures recalled after flared base causes moral panic, which craft is crafty lizard doing today? Noble Barrel, Yes, my brain is weird, Thank you, Bipity Boppery Boom, Megan The Mag Young, Cory Marose, Russell Money, Max Savage, Jenny Rin, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aeronetta, Bacon, Nicole Studiozo, Rambo, Chaos Quatcher, that hopeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer, and Beladonna, first of her name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidel Birdie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Thinkattesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Doh Mage, the Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest Garen Elazondo, to my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schitzelot strikes again, damn animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Krustin Bianthony, Tricks says, Weird? Tiblethe first, Ali Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titt Mittens, Courtney the Frogologist says, Ribbit, Corian Stephanie say hello, the Fontucky Wrangler, Screm Bruley, Yay, Aeron, the Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yose, I'm so antigony Fon, I'm Avis Twin Sister Bethany, Katie Inoa, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvoldo Simioni, Ashly Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, the Definistration of Teds, Corine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebot, K-Mac, the something-something detective agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny the Anomaly, Charme, K-On with Karma, Amanda Knock, the wondrous Mathasophon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deery Darlin, Ambient Drifting Man, 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Racefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Kamel Pope, In Shuligan, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God Are There, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket, polished Poldrins, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket, From Sneaky Skull Duggery, Mitsy Liu, Kelsey Holmes, Still Casper's Number One Fan, But Now Armed with the Quantum Spatula, and Ready to Duel Every Bethany in the Multiverse with Breakfast Wisdom, Amanda Marie Cathrain, Damien the God Damned Timeloier, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astronomy, Magnos the Civil Nome, Welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group. Starlight, David Piawini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, CC Writer, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cochinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olivary, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Geoia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Puntcusher Esquire puts on a little hat and does a funny little dance. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorigible Ross, Deborah Whales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Inthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are perfectly good, Drew and Ella, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ says, What? Amanda Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny-millon. Blargo, blargo, blargo, the jazz-man. Tonight at 11, Lorac the Barbarian-S, Hicks-Bessie Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's just Blake. Alice Malice apologizes for forgetting to change their name for it a entire year, but at least it was fun. Kelly Jane Denke, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe. Chadney Ashra, Lucretia, Thornus Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, No, not that Ava, The One Within. Grim says, Transrights, y'all, Zachianat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzorinctom, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Moon Mycelil, Rolex and Terabang, Late Indeed Again, They're on Pyralus, Omega. Coming soon, Dances with Burritos, Guacdon Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Myson, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Malarain, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Komis N, Colibri, Mel Momburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Blannun, Katakutan, Fred, Fred Burger, What the Chuck, Sononosuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVoris, Nea DeRusso, Pichis Etouichi, Inky The Crackin, Azula The Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire, Grabthar, Gin Extranius, Dancig Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially, Exhausted Bean. When we set up our business and a new excuse email, the very first thing I sent to Joe was an email that said, Fucking Professional! With a Zee- I was just right and good to demonstrate. Just technically in our corporate documents now. Like a weird subpoena for all of our emails that would be our very first email sent would be that. We're here Casper seeing the prisoner song, which I'm not doing right now. No? C'mon. No. Leave me in. No. C'mon. Come on. No. I didn't. No. I don't care. Come on. Please. No. I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants and it included a global pant shitting. Induced. Sorry. Sorry. Here's what the contract says. But we did contract. Do you mind? One. Okay. Sorry. I've been working with second graders all day. My brain is. That's right. They are so exhausting. I understand. I think the pants shitting. I mean, yeah. I'm ready. I'm so much talking in this episode, honey. All of them. I mean, there's nothing else in all of the that's all an episode can be is talking. That's not true. You do a lot of sound thing. There's not going to be a dance episode of Minnever. There should be. There's a square dance already. Yeah. It's like for Margarita. It's that thing where she's like, this is my friend. I kind of want to fuck her, but I never will. And there's a little that's a little fun. Like to have like that low pressure sexual tension. Yeah. And I was like, she kind of wants to fuck me, but like she won't. She's the only other smart person here. So it's fine. She's kind of funny. So, oh, wow it. Maybe I'll get real drunk one time. Maybe we'll make out. The Fabel & Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.