234: Friendship Failures..

Idol money lies in your current account picking crumbs out of its belly button wondering, should I eat them? But when you start investing with Monzo, your money's always busy. It turns on regular investments, invests your spare change and tops up your stocks and shares ICER. It even helps you make sense of risk and return. Monzo, the bank that gets your money moving. You could get back less than you invest. Monzo current account required UK residents 18 plus T's and C's apply. Are you ready? I'm ready, Maris. I'm not ready. I don't know why. I'm ready. I feel like I'm more nervous than you. Maybe I should be nervous, but I found out about this an hour ago. Yeah, I loved what you said. You were like, I don't have time to be nervous. Because I'm just here. I need to embrace that more. Helping out a friend, you know. See, you are friendship goals. Not a friendship failure, like the stories we have today. I'm an OG. An OG. Let me give you the spiel, guys. Hi, my name is Morgan. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. You're not going to know the girl next to me. She's never been on an episode, so let's give them the breakdown. This is Miss Sarah Nelson. Sarah and I have been friends since, for sure, freshman year of high school. Yeah, decades. It's been... Is that decades? Don't scare me. That's disgusting. Just say we were partying in cornfields when we were very young. The Jersey Party? Jersey Party. That was like a rock pit. Eggs. No. Yeah, and our moms were picking us up and were hiding cars. It was bad. We dated a set of twins. We each dated one of the twins. That's like what really bonded us over that shared trauma. We've been roommates. We have. Yeah. Oh my God. Our moms are like dropping us off at each other's houses. That was so cute. We go way back. Give everyone your elevator pitch. What is your vibe? Who is Sarah? Who's Sarah? Who is Sarah? Just moved to New York. I am actually roommates with one of our old roommates. Yeah. Me, Alejandra, Lauren, and Morgan were best friends in college. I'm actually trying to find myself again. So let me know in the comments, please. Where should Sarah go to find herself? Give me my next chapter. You know, originally from Duluth, has lived in the cities in Minneapolis, lived in the UK for a while. Yeah, both in Sweden. I forgot about Sweden. It's so fine. And now New York for the past nine months, finding herself. Yeah. Moving through new relationships. Yeah. Giving every country a little treat. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I don't know about that. Giving every country a treat? Every country a treat. Everyone gets on. Giving everyone a show? I don't know about that. I'm sure I hope not. Oh my God. Okay. I'm scared for what we're going to encounter today. A lot of them I haven't read. Okay. I'm going off titles because I was like, my original guest canceled on me. And so Sarah saved the day truly. I flew to New York for work and I was like, I can't come here and not record an episode now. So I think it's going to be really good. We tried to think of the opposite of the word goal. And there's not like a really, there's not really a word that exists for that. So it's kind of like the opposite of friendship goals. So maybe we'll call it friendship failures or fraudulent friends or are they being a good friend? That was kind of a good one. Fraud? I like the word fraud. White collar crime is something that really fascinates me. That's a good one too. Well, you're crushing it. We turn on the camera, you start crushing it. We had no idea what to say before this. And also you guys, this is like one of the first times you've seen my legs so clearly. What is this? And look at my little shoes. I'm actually wearing like shoes today. But okay. Oregon speed are like this small. There's so tiny. I'm like, why is the rest of me so big? No, you're itty-bitty. We call you phone size. I did get told that a lot in high school. Yeah, I know. Which is such an inappropriate time to be told that. I was there. Okay. Are you ready? Yes. Okay. Before we get into this week's stories, this episode of Two Outtakes is presented by State Farm. There's nothing better than having friends who support you and your passions. If it weren't for my friends, this podcast would probably not exist. And like those friends, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. There's so many different coverage options out there. So it's nice having the help to find the right one for you. Go online at statefarm.com or use the award-winning app to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Trying to feel if I should ease you into it or just bam. No, you know. Bam. Easily in anything. Okay. So this first one is coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit. We've got our own page these days. It's titled, I Just Found Out That My Best Friend Has Been Telling All Of Our Friends That My Boyfriend Tried To Cheat On Me, Dot, Dot, Dot With Her. Throwaway because some of my friends follow my main and are also listeners of Two Hot Takes. Stir in the pot. Ellen, 22 female and I, 21 female, met through an internship three years ago and instantly became best friends. About a year ago, I started crushing on George, 24 male, who interns at the same company but in a different department. Ellen and another one of our coworkers set us up last fall and we really hit it off. We've fallen in love and we often talk about a future together. This is where things get messy. From early in our relationship, pretty much as soon as we went from dating to being official, Ellen has been colder to me. She's never made it a secret that she doesn't particularly like George, though she's never said anything direct about it. The only issue she ever raised was when we first got together and he got really sick. I was studying for the MCAT at the time and I was only about a month out from my main test day when he had a pretty bad flare up of a chronic illness. Because he knew that Ellen and I were so close, he called her to ask her if she thought he should tell me he was sick or if it would be better to keep it from me so he didn't take away from my studies. Ellen didn't like this at all. She told me she thought it was incredibly inappropriate that he tried to contact her like that and he shouldn't have called her about something so personal. I thought her reaction was a little over the top but I talked to George about it and he apologized to her and never called her again but she didn't let it go. A few weeks later at a party, she made a comment about how I was always choosing George over my friends. My roommate was going to be out of town the next week so she said she should say her goodbyes since I would probably just spend the whole week at home with George. She tried to play it off as a joke but I was really surprised that she felt that way. I never wanted to be the kind of girl who turns her back on her friends when she gets into a relationship and I had been trying really hard to balance my time with my boyfriend and with my friends but it seems she felt neglected so I started putting more effort into our friendship. Over the next few weeks I tried to make plans with her at least five or six times. Every time she came up with some excuse to not see me even once canceling at the last minute and citing a meeting she forgot about at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. I was hurt. I knew our friendship was dying and every time I tried to revive it she rejected me. Finally I decided the ball was in her court. If she wanted to be friends I was open to it but I was sick of being rejected and she would have to be the one to reach out to me. She never did. Meanwhile things were deteriorating at work. We'd been assigned to the same project for the year which required working very closely together. As our friendship fell apart she started ignoring me at work being rude and short and making my share of our tasks very difficult for me. I felt she was constantly breathing down my neck and waiting to catch me in a mistake. I figured she was gossiping about me behind my back but at this point I was so exhausted from dealing with her that I couldn't be bothered about it. She would say whatever she wanted to say and I would just be nice and patient with her and count down the days until our internship ended. Until today I had lunch with one of our other co-workers and my good friend K22Mail and he told me everything. Apparently Ellen has been telling all of our co-workers and friends that George has been trying to cheat on me with her. Telling her that he calls her in the middle of the night sends her inappropriate texts and when I hosted a party after I wrote the MCAT he spent the whole night eyeing her. I know that none of this is true. I love George and I know that he loves me and even as Kay was telling me all of this I knew that Ellen was lying. It seemed that Kay didn't believe it either. He was just telling me what he had heard but the thought that she's been going around accusing George of infidelity makes me sick. I went straight to George's house and told him everything. I told him I didn't think for even a second that it was true and that the real betrayal is how Ellen made all of this up and spread it around. I was crushed to know that not only did Ellen say all of this but she said it to all of my friends for months and not one of them came to me about it. George helped me to get past the hurt stage and now all I feel is rage. Tomorrow I'm going to call my supervisor and I ask if I can work from home until the end of my contract so that I never have to see Ellen's face again. I feel so betrayed and I just hate her so much right now. Am I overreacting? Should I be taking the high road and just keep working with Ellen as if I don't know? I feel betrayed by my other friends too because Kay thinks they all knew that she was saying and not one of them told me. Should I cut them off the same way I plan to cut off Ellen? This is huge noodle. This is drama and some of these friends potentially listen. I mean she has every right to feel uncomfortable but I feel like if there was any validity behind it they probably would have told her like hey I think your boyfriend might be trying to get with your friend or I've heard these rumors I feel like it probably is one of those situations. Yeah I feel even for Ellen the one that's making all of this up if this were me and you and your boyfriend reached out to me and was like trying to hang out or anything I would go to you first and foremost and be like hey Sarah why is your boyfriend reaching out to me? This is really weird. It feels like he's trying to hit on me. Oh no it's actually clear like he asked me if I wanted to come over. Yes. Like I would go to you first. And be like look at the messages look at him blowing me up he's calling me in the middle of the night this is there's evidence behind it. Yeah. Her word of mouth is it's just not it's not landing. Obviously that's why people didn't go to her and tell her hey we think this is what's actually going on. Yeah why do you think she's doing this? She's unwell. She's not okay probably I mean she's probably little attention seeking. Yeah. I would assume but it's giving jealous. She should oh for sure she should be going to her friend and being like here's the evidence or I mean just telling the guy to stop well then if he's still calling you block his number then. Exactly. Like if your boyfriend was doing that to me I would block his number and be like this is insane why is this happening it's not okay. I also think it's so strange how she freaked out when he texted her to be like hey you know do you think I should bother her with me being sick or do you think I should hold off and she's like that was so inappropriate. Justin texts my friends all the time. Yes all the time. Hey what should I get Morgan for this like help me arrange this surprise. That's so wonderful because you all have a relationship together when you're with someone your friends are also friends with them. It's so strange. Oh this girl she but she also has every right to feel uncomfortable and be like I don't even want to go through my internship I feel embarrassed but it's really this girl is the problem. Ellen's the problem she's making her feel uncomfortable and you need to listen to yourself sometimes when people are making you feel that way. Yeah really hope the supervisor approves her not having to go in and I think if you do then at that point it's like you don't have to be nice to her quit being nice to her quit going out of your way to be nice and patient she doesn't deserve it. Yeah be cordial you're working together you want to be professional you want a good recommendation but beyond that don't kiss her ass anymore. Yeah like fuck her. Yeah and when someone makes you feel that way you need to listen yourself. Absolutely. You need to be like okay I need to get rid of this girl. Yeah and clearly the relationship I mean is super solid between her and her boyfriend. Yeah and so like she immediately was like I know she's lying like come on I know she's lying. Yeah. So that's really good because the wrong person like someone who didn't trust their partner as much or wasn't as like I don't know like self-confident would have maybe believed this person and then broken up with a really good guy. But also if your significant other was doing that to me I'd be like Morgan look at how crazy this is your boyfriend's like calling me in the middle of the night like look yeah this is not okay you wouldn't just I wouldn't go tell everybody at work especially too. It doesn't make you look good. No like oh my friend's boyfriend or my friend's fiance is is talking to me all the time it that doesn't make you look good. No because you're also not shutting it down then. Yes you're not just walking if it makes you uncomfortable then do something about it and cut him off like that would be the normal thing to do. I know it's almost like she's trying to make herself look more appealing for some reason like he wants me. It's not working honey. It's not working. We've all seen one of those girls but yeah she needs to protect herself remove herself from the situation get all that internship yeah work from home this girl is not making her feel good about herself and sometimes that toxic person in your life can come in and make you feel that way you need to get rid of them. Absolutely. Top comment on this post go to HR if she's claiming George is harassing her and he's not that's a major issue. I'm assuming he still works there too. Someone responds though and goes I think George needs to be the one to go to HR because that is also like that doesn't make him look good could hurt him in a negative way career wise so. I'm not sure how they're getting the company involved they want to get the company involved let's not solve it between friends. No HR. Get the higher ups in. HR yeah. This post was from July 17th 2024 and we just got an update a year later. Let's go. Let's see how it ended. One year later I can't believe I'm still learning more about all the ways that Ellen tried to ruin my life. I'll start with the good news first. Our internship ended without much fanfare. I didn't as many comments suggested contact HR or confront Ellen. I did contact our direct supervisor and told him that our personal relationship had deteriorated and that it had caused some hostility on her part at work given specific examples of issues in the workplace without getting into the weeds of the personal pettiness that was going on. He was incredibly understanding and accommodating. I worked from home the rest of the summer received a glowing recommendation from him and got hired at our company in my top choice department fresh out of my internship while I finished my degree and applied for medical school. Let's go girl. I've been accepted to the top school in my country and George and I plan on getting married once I finished my studies. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Ellen moved abroad but stayed very well connected to the friend group that we had formed throughout our internship. After what happened last year I slowly began to distance myself from that group and as I did I realized that I had outgrown a lot of them anyways. Once I began to see the cracks in the friendships I used to surround myself with I couldn't unsee all the ways they could be unkind immature and toxic to themselves and to one another. I held on to the few people that I knew had my back and came out of the internship with a handful of good close friends rather than a big circle of people with shady tendencies. One good friend from the internship Alice 22 Female had been close with Ellen about a year ago and has since told me a lot of the things Ellen said behind my back partially corroborating Kay's story from last year and adding details to some of the craziest parts. Apparently to give herself more credibility Ellen had been telling people that she'd been in touch with my roommate and a friend of 11 years Anna. Ellen said that Anna also didn't like George and Anna had told her I spent way too much time with him was neglecting all my friends that he basically lives at our apartment and that I always had to do this when I get into a relationship. She also told people that Anna thinks George is faking his chronic illness and that I'd been using it as an excuse to blow my friends off. Once when George was at our apartment and had a flare up I'd had to cancel plans to stay with him afraid that he might need me to take him to the hospital. Ellen told everyone that Anna said he didn't seem sick and that I'd only canceled because I felt like staying home and hanging out with him. When Alice told me all of this I immediately confronted Anna and told her everything although Ellen and Anna had been in touch on and off over the past years I'd previously introduced them to one another. Anna assured me she'd said none of the things Ellen accused her of and even combed back through all of the messages to see if there's anything she'd said that might have implied anything like that. In going through Anna's messages with Ellen we noticed a pattern. It seemed like that anytime I told Ellen I wasn't available she texted Anna to ask if I was with George. This went back to almost the beginning of my relationship with him. I think Ellen wanted you and is pissed that you started dating George. That's a hot take. I think that's what's up here. I think Ellen actually really loved you which is weird that then she would introduce and help initiate George and Opie's relationship. But she's giving possessive vibes. Maybe it was like a work thing because they all worked together and she wanted to keep her in the work circle and introduce her to another guy. It's really strange. That's actually a really good point. I want to know everyone's hypotheses and what's her obsession with her friend? Why is it when she's with the guy why did this start all of a sudden when she got a boyfriend and started dating someone and you're spending way too much time with your boyfriend it's like why is that your concern? You should be happy. If it progresses to marriage you are going to spend that much time with them because you have to know. What happens when you get a person? Yeah. Where you both are going to not have the same amount of time for each other. You're happy for your friend. It's so weird. That's such a good point though. I know. I'm really curious. And she even drifted from this girl and she's still obsessing about what she's doing, who she's with, are you with George? It's like she drifted from you. We all drift from friends but this is another level. I can't imagine Lauren hanging out with her boyfriend and then texting other people to be like is she with her boyfriend? Where is she? She's spending way too much time with him. She's obsessed with him. Yeah. I mean. Bad friend. That's pretty bad. And there are people that definitely make that shift like friend-wise. There's people that get a boyfriend and you truly you don't see them at all anymore. Because usually you don't like it when it's toxic though and they've done bad things and they're actually texting other girls, texting their friends and everyone kind of finds out that that's true. And that's okay. We should protect our friends but this doesn't seem like that at all. No. I feel like OP is being a good reliable narrator. It doesn't seem like she was that type of girl. And even mentioned like I tried to ask her to hang out five or six times. She kept denying me. 10 a.m. meeting on a Sunday. Yeah. Right. She's so in love with her. Why is she turning her down so much? I don't know. I would like to know. Something's up. Coming out the other side of all of this, I've been trying really hard to reflect and learn from this situation. Was I a perfect friend to Ellen? Definitely not. I think there were certainly times at the beginning when I was first dating George and studying for the MCAT that I was distant with her. Maybe I should have tried harder to patch up our friendship in those early days by confronting her directly. Or maybe I should have been more in tune to how she was feeling and addressed it sooner. Despite everything, I do miss her a lot and wish things had turned out differently. But I don't think she was fair to me either. If I had withdrawn a little bit into my relationship in its early stages, she should have given me some grace and confronted me directly when she had a problem rather than going behind my back. She absolutely should not have tried to drag my name through the mud, made things difficult at work, or worst of all, tried to destroy George's and Anna's reputations and relationships. I recently heard that Ellen is moving back to the city and tried to get a job at the company where we interned. But she was rejected by every single department she applied to. Am I a bad person for feeling a little vindicated? Thanks to everyone for your comments last year. I really needed that support. But now I'm just looking for any lessons to be learned. Could I have done anything differently? No. What can I take away from this and try to be a better friend in the future? Wow. Obviously. Yeah, there's a lot of people that were rubbed the wrong way by this girl, though. You know what I mean? Can't get a job in any department? Every single person turns you down. Dang girl, even George. I'm not kidding. But clearly some toxic energy that people were picking up on. Yeah. You can tell who's a mean girl pretty quickly. Oh, 100%. Like who puts out that energy and is just not going to be friendly and nice and just stirs the pot and creates drama. We've all met them, but we also always end up drifting away from them. You're not attracted to energy like that. No, we had one in college. Oh, yeah. She tried to get me kicked off our spring break trip. Oh, yeah. Remember that girl? Yeah, I do. How is it insane? She's long gone, they'll see, and it kind of checks out. I know. That was drama. For what? Literally no reason. For what? That's how that kind of girl works, though. They'll create something, plant it in a friend group, and try to explode the whole thing. And we're like, we're not going to be here for it. Which oddly, if you look at the common denominator in my relationship, my friendship that blew up, I was dating a guy at the time that she had introduced me to. She didn't really like it, tried to make it seem like they were way closer than they actually were, and texted him behind my back on that spring break trip and told him, oh yeah, Morgan's cheating on you. Meanwhile, like, I'm in bed eating a hot pocket. We're literally sharing a hot dog in bed together. We had bunk beds at the holiday end. Oh yeah, we did. And you're like sitting there crying, and I'm like holding you, and I'm like, because then he started ignoring me. Yeah, because she, like, that's what that kind of girl does. What is up with that? Shockingly, we haven't talked to her in a decade. Honestly, yeah. And I feel way better about it. I think people like that do, like you kind of sew what you reap in that sense. Like if you're not going to be a good friend, a nice person, you're going to end up very closed off at the end of the day. And you have a big heart. I try. You have a big heart, and I was worried about you for a second. Well, I just, because I saw it, you know, I wasn't as close with her. So I saw it outside looking in, and I was like, this girl. We need to hurry and save Morgan. Eat a hot dog. Let's just go on the beach. It's so crazy. I like, I'm just so appreciative of like the good friends I've had, especially like friends like you. Like, I remember, I think it was my 21st birthday. Everyone else was like busy or unavailable. And like, you were just coming off of like dealing with a major health thing. And you still showed up like you brought a bunch of presents over. You went to like lunch with me and my dad, I think at Crave. I love Jerry. And just like, what's up Jerry? Really showed up. So it's like, have the people like that in your life. Look at this. Had a crisis today. Sarah shows up. Yeah, actually, I found out about this like an hour ago. I was running Aaron's in the city and she's like, I need you. And I was like, all right, let me brush my teeth. And here we are. Okay. And moving on to story number two, no less. Project Hail Mary is the first masterpiece of 2026. The world is counting on you. Critics are in agreement. It's utterly spellbinding. So I met an alien. Mesmerizing and profoundly moving. You are bravest human I have ever met. Project Hail Mary is joke. I only meet one human and is you in cinemas now. Coming from r slash am I overreacting? It's five hours old. Am I overreacting? 36 female found out my husband 36 male was texting his female friend throughout my labor and delivery. Saw our phone bill and husband was texting his female friend throughout my labor and delivery in the hospital, including at one am in the morning, later during pushing and five minutes after our child was born. I don't even know this friend. Female friend from childhood. Yes, they dated briefly, but I've never met her. They reconnected a few months ago and my husband won't let me meet her. Although he's adamant that the connection is only platonic. I'm still pissed that this woman took mental space from my husband that I feel belonged to me or baby and our family during one of the most important times in our life. More context. He has cheated on me before with someone else almost two years before he reconnected with this friend. We did therapy, rebuilding reconciliation. Yes, I'm uncomfortable with this friendship overall. Not that he has a female friend, but with the behaviors and attitudes that come with this friendship given our history. He's periodically trying to meet her one on one, and I am vocal in my displeasure over the idea. Yes, I've told him several times this whole thing feels off to me. No, he doesn't plan to change anything or seem to understand or care how much this hurts me and why. He says, quote, at least he's being honest and communicating with me about the above, but he keeps his phone locked and has no plans to introduce me to her. But there is nothing to worry about, he says. But texting with her while I'm in the hospital giving birth, really? Is there any chance that this is okay and I'm overreacting? Nope, not overreacting. I don't think so. Nope, no, no, not at all. I'm pissed. And you can't meet her either? And then the one on one thing that's not... Also, I was going to say earlier, why is she going through the phone bill? Now I know why. Now I know why. Now I know why you're good. Also, I forget that's a thing. You can literally see that. I have never ever really looked at detailed phone bills and who called, when, and where, and text and whatever. I think you have to request it. Is that a thing? Do you have to request it? Everything, mine's all online nowadays. You don't get a paper thing in the mail. But you probably can go look into it. I love how she was like, who is he texting when I was giving birth to my child. But that is nuts. That's like sad though. That's super sad. Super sad she has to do that. Yes. And it's gone to that point in their relationship. Poor thing. What do you do? I mean, honestly, you have to listen to how you feel. And if you're uncomfortable with a relationship that your husband has with someone else, you need to verbalize that and say, no, this is the boundaries that I have for me. Yeah. You need to respect that. I'm the number one female in your life. Therefore, you're not allowed to have this type of communication. And if you are going to do that, I need to meet this girl. That. You need to like sit this girl in front of you and like pick up on the vibes. You want to see them with each other, how they interact. I mean, right? Absolutely. If Justin had a friend that he wouldn't let me meet, I'd be so weirded out by that. Everyone's intended to have their own friends. You don't need to be friends as a couple all the time. But when I literally can't meet her, that would be weird, especially given all the history of him previously cheating and them dating. And why did they reconnect? What was the reason to reconnect? It's not like they have a lot in common. He's married now, baby. Why are they reconnecting? It's not like his childhood best friend that he's just always been in his life. And if it was, you would have met this girl. Exactly. I definitely think he's, it's fishy. I think he's cheating. Sweetheart, you're not overreacting. You're just not. And the fact that she questions that she is, like this is divorce worthy for a lot of people. This is, this is a boundary. I would say absolutely not any need to meet her. If she's so close with you, then she's going to be close with me. We're married. And if she doesn't want to be, I think that's also a red flag. Like if you're a guy out there and you've got girl friends and you have a girlfriend, a fiance, wife, whatever, they should also be interested in your partner. And vice versa. That goes for everyone. Like, otherwise it's weird. Yeah. Like 100%. I mean, my guy friends, every time they get a girlfriend, I'm like, I can't wait to meet her. Let's go to happy hour. You're like pumped for them because you're excited. Exactly. Everyone has some love, but you want to be able to be a part of that too. If they're such a big deal in your life. I know my, one of my really good guy friends from college, Ryan Altman just got engaged somewhat recently and like, I met her at Tanner's wedding. Another one of my guy friends. Yeah. And like getting to know their fiance's and wife and soon to be wife, like that has been so fun. It's like, you get another girlfriend. You get a built in girlfriend and you know she's going to be good because your guy friend already loves her. Yeah. So, and they're like excited to introduce you to that. That should be a thing. This is super weird. I think I would be really documenting things and consulting with a lawyer, getting your ducks in a row as sad as that is, because it's like you literally just had a baby. Create a strong boundary. Come up with that and stick to it and say, you need to do X, Y, and Z in order for me to be okay with this. If you don't do that, then sorry, I'm not comfortable in my relationship anymore. The second you're starting to go through your phone bill and look at who your husband's texting when you're going to deliver your baby. I mean, you're in a spot where you're not very secure, but that's not your fault. Really. I mean, he cheated on you already. Yeah. I think hard, hard boundary of I'm meeting her or we really don't have a future. Like that's where I would be at. So this was five hours ago. Five hours old. Top comment. I wouldn't be concerned about the texting, but about the fact that he doesn't want you to meet her. That sends alarm bells ringing. I'm all for individual friendships, but you at least meet occasionally for a meal or something if they regularly hang out. OP, a writer does respond. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to see if there's any other comments from OP. Yeah. I feel bad for her though. And you're going through a lot. You just have a baby, your hormones are everywhere, your emotions are everywhere, and then you think your husband's being sketchy. Like that's kind of the worst case scenario. I'm not really seeing anything else that's like something to write home about. The hot takes community hasn't seen it yet. Five hours old. They're not there yet. OP is a part of the four year club has been on Reddit for four years. A lot of people are like, Hey, what's up with your other posts? Apparently, there's some other kinky posts that OP has throughout their history. OP did also share this post to r slash ask men advice to get guys takes and be like, Hey, like what's up with this? A lot of guys are like the fact you're not allowed to meet her is very suspicious. Next one, if I had a platonic friendship with a woman, I'd be thrilled for her to meet my wife. So it's off. It is off. Next one goes, it's not okay. The fact he has prayer history of cheating only makes it more suspicious. Add in the fact you're not allowed to meet her. Oof. Oof is right. Poor thing. I know. Honestly, I feel for you, girl. We've all been there. We certainly have been there. So we're feeling issues. Have a kid, you know, we're here for you, girl. You know, I found out something. It was so wild. I don't remember what it was, but like the twins that we dated, he was to not mean he would have the girl climbing through the window. So like his mom, that was mine. Was that your twin? Okay. I'm like, why is this ringing a bell? There was like leaves on the window sill. That's what you found out. Yes. There's leaves on the window sill. And when you asked me, or like, did you see anyone? I was like, no. Keep in mind these twins like used to share a bedroom and we would sleep all in a bedroom together. Like we were roommates before we were roommates. It was stop. It was honestly the weirdest situation. Especially when they went to college. Oh, God, a worse and still had the twin beds in a dorm. Why did we date them for so long? We were not okay. No, we've all been there. We've all been there. Take our advice and get out earlier than later. I think I got out first, then you stayed in and I was like, no, I think I got out first. Because then he started dating that other girl in like Ashland, Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. And I drove up and I took back the TV I bought him. Oh, that was so funny. I like through the I threw the phone I bought him at the brick wall. That was funny. She drove to Ashland, Wisconsin, showed up, took all of her shit. It was so funny. And I'm like sitting there and I'm like, I think I told you about her too. I know because I started to get really weird. And then I like was driving there for a weekend and he called me and he's like, don't come. He's like, I fucked up again. And I'm like, oh my God, here we go again. No, I just have to get like five restraining orders later online too. So it's really bad for us. Hey, it gets better. It does. You know what? That was like a decade and a half ago. We're doing way better now. We're thriving. I mean, you're doing better. I don't know if I am. You're finding yourself. So you're finding yourself. Yeah. Anyone is in New York and has a good hot single friend for Sarah, you know, just saying, just saying, putting it out, putting it out there. She's on the prowl. Okay, moving on to this next one. This is another one from r slash. Am I overreacting seven hours old this time titled Am I overreacting my 28 female boyfriend 35 male told me I need to maintain my body because he's a high value man. I recently moved into my boyfriend's apartment about two weeks ago. And since then I've been seeing a darker side of his personality. He has started telling me what clothes to wear, how I should style my hair. And he discourages me from going out on my own. He's also been pushing me to cut off some of my friends. Last night he told me that I should stop eating dinner all together because in his words, quote, I'm a high value man. So I can be picky with women. For context, he earns a decent salary, but he's far from being rich or a millionaire. Nothing about my weight or physique has changed since we met. I've always had an athletic build just about 15 pounds over the ideal BMI. And he constantly used to call me sexy and beautiful. The shift feels sudden and confusing. He invited me to move in rent free. I work and pay all of my own bills. So I don't depend on him financially. I've been with him for eight months. And this side of him didn't show up until I moved in. I feel conflicted and just need to hear other perspectives. Stop eating dinner. Stop eating. Actually, you should stop eating. Put the fork down. I like 30 chicken nuggets for dinner last night. That sounds incredible. I have not eaten much today. I've been like sleeping all day after a red eye to hear. So the only thing I've eaten is like a plantain bag of chips from Spotify here. I'd love a chicken nugget. That's an insecure man though. That's a him problem. She's not doing anything wrong. So insecure. Someone told me to put the fork down. I'll pick up too. I think I'd hurt. Yeah. Just a little poke with that fork. I'd start eating in bed actually. Ice cream. Yep. Crumble cookies. That shit everywhere. Ben and Jerry. Honestly, they'll do whatever you want. Like that's horrible. No man should ever make you feel that way. And any guy that's calling themselves a high value man. That's kind of. That's a huge ick. I'm a high value man. What is a high value man? What does that mean? What does that mean? Yeah. Have you ever heard like I've heard it before but like what does it mean? Like who would that be? Like I can't even think of one actually. Like maybe Massimo Kahné obviously. That's a good one. Is she dating Massimo Kahné? It doesn't seem like it because he's yeah he's how long happily married. He would never do that to her. Okay Google does not give me much. There's like 20 traits of a high value man from Love Quest Coaching which seems very I don't know it seems a little scammy. He commits to himself and others. He loves putting forth effort for a woman. He makes plans and follows through. He calls and doesn't rely solely on text. He's a great conversationalist. He dresses and grooms himself impeccably. He smiles a lot and is positive. He doesn't chase. He attracts. He understands a woman of value can choose. His car and home are tidy. He's fun. This one feels too positive for what? No yeah. He knows how to seduce a woman. But like that's what Google says. When you say that about yourself it's like he's he means something else. We're not sure what that means actually when you talk about yourself that way. Well it's starting to get like I don't know it's starting to get a little interesting like he locks down the next date before the current one ends. When having cocktails he gets her water. He shows the right amount of PDA. I don't know. That's just called like a green flag but you don't call yourself a green flag. Like someone else could maybe like compliment you and say oh you're a green flag Morgan. But that obviously stuck with her when he said that. Because it's such a catching phrase. It's almost like being like I'm an alpha. I'm not a beta. I'm so big I'm so strong. There is something here. What is a high value men's salary? The mark of a true high value man is the ability to generate a six figure income consistently for at least three years in a row. You cannot be a high value man without money. And there is a low value man. So I don't know this is a big big thing. I just feel like when you say it about yourself though it just gives you the I mean obviously he gave her the she went straight to Reddit and was like guys please please give me a little bit more. This was bad right. It's bad. Yeah it's bad. I also think it's really really concerning that this side of him didn't show until she moved in. Yeah it's progressing. And it's like once he kind of had her like really locked up then he's like okay I'm gonna I'm gonna let the mask slip a little bit. I'll start controlling you a little bit. We'll see what I can get away with. Yeah because he's he's like testing her. Yeah it's different when he like shows up harder the more intimate you are the you know longer you're dating things like that the more you fall in love with someone but it looks like he's just becoming more controlling and it's kind of a I think it's a little bit insecure to label yourself like that. I think so it seems like you're almost like compensating in a way. It's good to respect yourself and be like I have good qualities. I feel like I could show up for someone like this but then you just do it you don't have to tell them you're doing it. Very very true. You just are. You just do it. You don't need to state. Yeah it's like just reminds me of like you see people in the comments they're like I'm leaving and it's like this is not an airport. You don't need to announce your departure. Yeah and it's kind of that same thing. It's like if you are those things like demonstrate it like the proof is in the pudding actions speak louder than words. You saying you're a high value man. What does that mean? What does that mean? What? I don't know. It's not like a household term. It's not at all. It's a red flag term. It's a huge red flag. What's it say? I usually have a red flag. I should have brought it from LA. It's a lot of white. Yeah it's in here. I know this is not my set also you guys. We're I think we're on Amy Polars set today. Hey Amy. What's up girl. Hey you can come join me sometime too. Yeah. So top comment on this one. Not overreacting. Get out of there. He is a manipulator who is just masking his real intentions. The more you become dependent on him the more he will let the mask slip. He was love bombing you before. Now that you've moved in he feels he can start to be a bit more demanding. His next step in progress is isolating you from your friends. He would probably also eventually encourage you to become financially dependent as well. Like you only need to work part time since you don't have to pay rent so that you would be unable to leave. Feeling entitled to control what you eat and how you dress and who you see is an extremely bad sign. And I forgot about who you see. This person in the comments is definitely dated man like this. Oh very like hearing this story with some triggers and experience and is like oh my god my alarm bells are ringing for you. Yeah. And I kind of skipped over that line too. Like he's also pushing me to cut off some of my friends. Why. That's such an abuser tactic. Oh. Like they're a bad influence on you. Because then that person's like more isolated. Yes. It doesn't have anywhere to turn. And they're probably trying to cut off the best influence they have actually. Yeah. The person that would be like red flag. The person. Get out. Yes. Whoever's in these comments basically. Yeah. The person that literally like threatens them and their control and their image the most. Yeah. Oh honey. Oh this comment does go on to say you hear this kind of thing happening with some couples where one person drops the act and becomes more harsh and demanding after they get married to knowing that their partner will feel like they've invested too much or feel too much social pressure to do something about it. It is good that he let the mass slip too early while you are still financially independent. Oh yeah. And also anyone using that high value manosphere nonsense is also a red flag. And then he called it. You were on it Sarah. Yeah. Let's see if there's any comments from OP. Nothing yet. So true though. It's probably going to progress. At least she is financially stable. She has her own stuff. He's moving her in though. Oh. You can't. Yeah. You gotta move out. You gotta break up. We'll need an update. I mean I personally like hearing all the things like cutting off from friends control all these these red flags. I personally wouldn't give him another chance. But I'm curious if like I don't know is there a way to work through this is there a way to like set a boundary and be like hey I don't appreciate you telling me what I can and can't eat. That's a boundary for me. Like I don't see a way to work forward through this. I'm curious if anyone does. I mean it's how you feel right. If he's telling her that and that's how it makes her feel she needs to listen to herself. Does it make her feel good. That's not what a partner is supposed to be doing. No. And that's not how they're supposed to be showing up for you at all. No. Moving along. Moving along to this next one. But we've got no comments or updates from OP. I would really really like an update OP especially making sure you are safe and got out okay. Because again this one's only seven hours old. Yeah. Seven hours old. Okay. Up next. Okay. I'm going to give you a choice on this next one. Okay. Okay. Option one. Am I the asshole for wanting a divorce after my husband gaslit me into believing him flirting with a co-worker was okay because I was just hormonal or am I the asshole for going behind my wife's back and telling her pregnant sister that she's being cheated on. Second one. Second one. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I need to know more. Yeah. I've been married to my wife for three years. I'm 27 and she's 26. My sister-in-law is 30 and my piece of shit brother-in-law is 31. I've always had a close relationship with my sister-in-law. We are friends. Also had a decent connection between my brother-in-law. Not that close but we often talk and get along. My wife and her sister didn't get along as much as you would expect from siblings. It wasn't just normal sibling rivalry but constant fights and arguments. Anyways three weeks ago when I was having dinner with my friends I saw my brother-in-law with another woman. They were just eating. I didn't think much of it. I wanted to go and greet him but I kept talking to my friends. After a while I saw that he gave a light kiss to this woman. I was so shocked. I decided to not confront him and when I got back to my home I told my wife everything. I told her that her sister is getting cheated on and we need to tell her. My wife said we should talk to my brother-in-law instead of telling her sister and we should not break their marriage because her sister is pregnant. I was like what the fuck? So what if she's pregnant? Her husband is a cheat. I tried to convince my wife multiple times that we should tell her sister the truth. I told her that I know you guys don't get along but she's still your sister and this isn't right but she asked me to stay out of it. Not no. I tried my best to convince my wife but she either ignored me or said we shouldn't break their marriage. I had enough of her and yesterday I told her that I'm coming clean to my sister-in-law. She and I have a great bond and I can't and won't betray her. My wife said if I tell her the truth she will not talk to me. I replied I won't talk to you either if you don't want to do what's right. Today I told my sister-in-law the truth. I went to her place and told her everything. She was doubtful and she asked me to leave. After a few hours my sister-in-law called me and she was crying and said what I said was the truth and she shouldn't have doubted me and kicked me out. She said she's leaving him. I asked her where would you go? Do you have money? She said she does but not that much. I wired her a bit and said she should call me if she needs help and she thanked me and she said she will only use the money I sent if it's necessary otherwise she will return it. My brother-in-law called my wife and well my wife flashed on to me and said I ruined her family and her sister's life. I said I thought the moment we got married your family is mine and my family is yours. Anyways why the fuck are you defending that piece of shit so much? What about your sister? She didn't reply to me and she's not talking to me either. I tried to talk to her and convince her that it was the right thing to do but she wouldn't talk to me. So I said fine stay angry and if you want a divorce then go ahead. I think I have nuked my marriage. Do not know if I did what was truly right. Am I the asshole? Wow I mean loyalty obviously leads for this person which there's something in respect about that. It's a big deal to do obviously what this person did but in good ways and in bad. I mean it's just tough. I feel horrible for this person because obviously had big emotions behind us and like how would she feel if this person was cheating on her? Wouldn't she want someone to tell you? I mean I think she's just looking out for her sister because she's pregnant. I know but like at the same time I don't know like even with pregnancy like it was kind of giving the vibe to me that like even after the baby was here that she still like wasn't going to say anything because she's like I don't want to break up the marriage. Like we can't break up the marriage. We can't ruin her marriage and it's like what marriage? He doesn't care about the marriage. He's kissing other girls in public restaurants. That's sad and that's obviously progressed you would think. I mean you would think you start behind closed doors and then you go out in public but it was meant to be that he obviously saw him doing it. Very brazen actually when you think about it and the coincidence to like end up at that restaurant and like I didn't go up and say hi right away and good thing he didn't because they probably would have left. He never would have saw the kiss. I respect it though honestly I probably would do it. Tell? Yeah. I would too. I just don't think I can help myself and then also what family dynamic if you just feel like you're keeping secrets from each other all the time? There's no family bond there then. Like there's no family loyalty. Like your family's supposed to have your back. Yeah. And it's so interesting to me that like the wife kind of has the brother-in-law's back more. So fun. And like the brother-in-law called her and was like your husband blah blah blah. It's like why do you feel comfortable enough to call her? I'm like then here's where my head goes down the rabbit hole and I'm like they've hooked up. I'm like they've hooked up. I'm like they have to right? Like why is she defending him so hard? They're cheating too. She's hooked up with him. I'm spiraling. Family orgy. I'm spiraling. I mean I honestly. Do you say family orgy? Family orgy? Oh my gosh. I mean that's tough though. I just can't help myself. I feel any friend or anyone I've had that their significant other was cheating. I always tell them. I always. I can't hold back. I mean when marriage is involved, someone's pregnant, it's tough but I tell. I just I can't help it. I'm the same way. I like have a really big like justice like thing. Yes. It's like I just like really value justice. Yeah. And I think that's why like I get so upset with a lot of these stories where I'm just like the injustice of it all. Do the right thing. Well and I also realized something about myself with like True Crime podcast. Yeah. And having another podcast now like doing True Crime. Yeah. The reason I'm so interested in it is because I want to see justice get served. Yes. I didn't realize like what it was that drew me to True Crime but it's like it is that justice factor of it. Yes. Absolutely. So I get it. I mean we've had plenty of friends that I've had. I mean we've our boyfriends have cheated on us and not Justin. We got Justin. Justin's a good one. But we always told each other. I know. We always told each other and it's kind of like I just I mean and when it's a marriage, they really should know. She should especially pregnant because if he gets something like if he gets an STD and then is still sleeping with her while she's pregnant, that is not good for the baby. No. We talked about it on a past episode and like a bunch of nurses chimed in and like we're like oh my god the baby can get this, this and this and I'm like oh my god. That's such a good point. Like she needs to know. Yes. Because even more so because she's pregnant. I love how they just hop on the internet. They're like I feel like I knew it's my marriage. Like what does the internet think? I mean it's just so crazy. It's like don't you want to like ensure your sister's good? And I get like you fought with her. You haven't been as close but like to prioritize this brother-in-law and you're picking brother-in-law over your husband. And not even wanting to know more. If he came to me and said that I'd be like okay we need to do some investigating and figure out if this you know if it's serious or how far along you know if it's just like a one-time meet-up peck. I mean it doesn't justify it either way but I would do so much investigating. I'd have like a notebook on it and be like we need to know every detail and then we're gonna go to her. I'm so curious what the wife found because initially when she didn't believe him and like kicked him out and then called him back and was like you were right. I wonder what she found. It's a phone bill. Those phone bills. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Your wife's stance regarding cheating is worrisome. Also why did the piece of shit call your wife? A normal reaction would have been to confront you directly. Next comment down. I wonder if his wife knew about it and kept it a secret because her sister is pregnant and that's why her brother-in-law called her instead of OP. That's a good point. Other comment. Me thinks the wife is protesting too much. She either knows about it or is one of the side pieces. I'm clocking it y'all. Or is one of the side pieces. Why else act like this? Why are you gonna pick his side? And just like immediately shut it down too. Be like nope. No it's fine. Nope. Let him cheat. Can't say a word. Let him keep having sex with other people. That's not my sister. Break up the family because that means she's also breaking up with him too. Like oh yeah she wants to keep her person close maybe. Yeah I mean if that's what you're doing you probably would. Uh-huh. OP does respond to some of the comments. Someone goes sounds like your wife supports cheaters and that should be worrying to you. Not the asshole. OP goes I thought about it and I am concerned about it but I somewhat think she just wanted me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant and it will cause more stress. That's just what I think but the truth is if I hide it and support my wife I'm in the wrong. If I tell her the truth after she gives birth then I'm still in the wrong. Someone goes not the asshole. If I were you I would sleep with one eye open. Your wife has no moral standards. OP goes I truly have been thinking about this. That she just might be dot dot dot dot dot dot. Like 10 dots. But I love and trust my wife and I was thinking she wanted me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant and women knows how stressful pregnancy and after pregnancy is and she might have thought that she needs support from her husband. I don't know nothing makes sense to me anymore. There was nothing for me to suspect her of cheating on me. He's going there. He's going there. He's going there. I would too. Well we get an update. There once was a woman who lived in a shoe. A size two snug butt. What could she do? But that's not where her story ends. Thanks to a little help from her experience friends she got her score into much better shape and relocated to a box fresh new place with room to grow and a mortgage to suit. Now she lives in a spacious four bedroom cowboy boot. Better your experience credit score to help get mortgage ready. Experience. Better your score. Better your story. We get an update. It's been a few days since I told my wife's sister that her husband is a cheat just to clarify to all the weirdos. No I am not in love with my sister-in-law. I don't have any inappropriate relation or feelings for her. I respect her and she's my family. In any case yesterday I asked my wife why she is pissed and wanted me to not reveal the truth to her sister. I know you guys hate each other but you guys are siblings. My wife said it's not our place to interfere. I asked are you okay with your sister being cheated on. She said she isn't but it will and has ruined their marriage because of my stupidity. She's pregnant and the child needs his father and so does the wife. I was so shocked when she said this like what the fuck. I asked her if I were to cheat on you would you forgive me. She said yes. I also asked her if she ever cheats on me would she hide it from me. She also said yes to that. Wow. Wow so I mean that would tell me everything I need to know. I would be like you're kidding me. She probably has then basically. Yeah who just who says that. Who says that. Yeah I'm glad you yeah I'd hide it and that's your wife. You can't trust her at all. What is going on with this woman. I'm like did she get a concussion like what is yeah what is going on. Oh my gosh. Oh that's scary. It's really scary. She has she absolutely there's no doubt in my mind. Something's up. I was so shocked I asked her if she knows what she's saying. She said yes and she's confident just because you had sex with someone else doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer and break the family. I had no words to say. I told her that I also sent my sister in law money. She started screaming at me and said I shouldn't have helped her despite knowing she doesn't like her sister. I said if that's what she thinks then it's better if we just divorce. She got angry and screamed fine and started packing her bag. I tried my best to stop her from leaving. I told her that I love her and I just did what I felt was right. Nobody has to suffer a betrayal like this. She said it wasn't the right time. I asked her so when should we tell her the truth after she gives birth because it will worsen her ppd or years after she gives birth. She will still just blame us. She said we should have kept quiet and left it alone. I tried so hard to stop her but she didn't listen to me and left. I tried to contact her and her parents, her friends but they don't know where she is and instead started interrogating me and saying I am her husband and I should have taken care of her and I should know where she is. I even visited my brother-in-law to confirm my suspicions but I didn't see her or her belongings anywhere. Wow. Wow. So he had the same thought. That's insane. I mean I'm just shocked. Like what is going on with this family? He has good intuition obviously but like I'm just shocked that this is the first conversation he had with his wife that makes him realize wow she has different moral values than me. Like yeah I would just lie to you. I'd cheat on you not tell you. Not a big sense of integrity. Is that the first convo they had about this though? I mean I'm very curious. That is quite the red flag shall we say. That is quite the red flag. Oh my god. Oh. OP does end the update. Now I'm at my parents and my sister-in-law is in our home. Maybe I was being petty but I hate that my wife gave up on me and left without a second thought. I don't know whether she's cheating or cheated or she would truly cheat on me and her own blood sister with a family relative over feuds. One thing is for sure though I cannot trust my wife anymore. She hurt me. Yeah send yourself seriously. You cannot trust her. If my husband was like you know would you lie to me if you cheated on me? I'd probably say I would never cheat on you. I would never cheat on you. Not just yeah I would lie to you. That's the craziest thing to be like yeah and what about it? Yeah I would lie for sure I would. I feel like even people that cheat lie about cheating. Yes. Like you know what I mean? Like if a cheater was having that same conversation a normal cheater would be like no I'd never I'd no babe like I wouldn't cheat like yeah I've if something happened of course I'd tell you I would never lie to you like. I would never lie. They would just gaslight you and say no I would never cheat on you. I'm like yeah I would tell you as they're like cheating on your family. Not that I'm hoping for gaslight in here but I mean we're just going down a rabbit hole right now. But also I'm so surprised that she didn't given that she like clearly is so emotionally disconnected anyways. She's just saying whatever. Oh my god. Dang. This is crazy. This is some crazy family drama. I know it also sounds like their relationship is kind of rocky with how they're like communicating and like I want a divorce. Well fine you can have it and then it's like they're throwing divorce around. Yeah. She's storming out. It's like they're throwing up the word. Throwing up drama. Little drama. D word. So this is uh. This family was probably meant to break apart I don't know if this was the most secure family unit we've come across. This is crazy dysfunctional. We do get one last update. Let's hear it. Latest update came one month after the last update. So the original post was from November 3rd, 2023 and the last update we have. A lot of updates this episode. Wow guys. Do we like when you guys get a lot of updates or do you like getting more stories? Like would you rather have more? I'm like so invested. Same. I'm loving the updates. I love an update but like I know some people are like no get through more stories so I'm checking your pulse. Check your pulse. Tell me what you guys like in the comments. So the last update we have December 26th. Day after Christmas. I've made a couple posts prior to this one and I know nobody wants to go through all of that but I never thought celebrating Christmas with my sister-in-law would cause this much drama so I'll drop a too long didn't read. I found out that my brother-in-law was cheating on my sister-in-law my soon-to-be ex-wife's sister when I told my then wife she told me to stay quiet. I didn't I went ahead and I told my sister-in-law my wife's reasoning was that we shouldn't interfere in their marriage as it doesn't concern us. I was angry and she said she would defend cheating when I asked her if she would forgive me if I cheated she said she would because it's just sex. After a huge fight she left and disappeared for a week. When she came back I told her that I am filing and we are currently going through the divorce process. Where did she go for that week? Disappeared? What does that mean? Nobody knew where she went. Sketchy. Gone for a week. That's weird. For me and my soon-to-be ex and going through legal proceedings and we are going to get divorced 100% because I can't trust someone who defends cheaters especially someone who defends a cheater who cheats on her own sister. Yeah their sister relationship was fucked but still it's wrong for me and for my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law is going through divorce process as well and she's aggressively seeking child support in alimony. Okay good. So on Christmas I invited my sister-in-law to celebrate with me. I had already been supporting her financially and we got closer and became friends because we both were betrayed by our partners we would talk we would vent and get so angry so much at both of us. They're getting a little little too close. You're ordering financials? Like what does that mean? You're yeah that's kind of crossing an interesting line. I see why this is going. Family orgy I told you. You might have called it. I told you. My sister-in-law and I celebrated Christmas with children from both of our family like nephew and nieces and even their friends joined us for a while and we kind of went overboard and showered them with gifts. My soon-to-be ex got to know about it and she told everyone in my family and her family that it's us that we're cheating and now I'm trying to get married to her sister which is why I am divorcing her. This twisted motherfucker. Most of our families didn't believe her except some of hers and mine. They said I am a cheat and I shouldn't be celebrating with my sister-in-law because she's my ex-sister-in-law because I'm divorcing my wife and I should be spending time with my wife instead of divorcing her. She did not wrong me. I tried to tell them that her defending cheaters is so stupid and I and my ex-sister-in-law are friends and we celebrated with children and she herself is pregnant and I was just supporting her and she also supports me because we are going through so much but they kept saying that I should take my wife back and do good by her and spending time with my soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law is not good and we are and we're cheating. So am I the asshole for celebrating Christmas with her and children from our family? They didn't stay for a long time but after they left me and my sister-in-law did spend a long time together but it was just us drinking and talking about the future and what we should do about our partners. We just vent to each other. Wow that was a cheater. This is just fishy all around. It just stinks of trout. Just fishy. It's fishy. Oh this I'm I gotta give this one a noodle. Give it a beat. Yeah I mean it's all weird. Everything about it. I mean this is a very dramatic family. This should be like a lifetime movie. It should be. It's giving very traditional and conservative like maybe divorce isn't really a thing. Yeah. With how they're like make it right, take your wife back, fix it. It's that's what I'm envisioning. It's feeling really conservative. But didn't she leave for a week and disappear? I know. Is she the one? And what's the excuse for that? I don't know. Yes she never contacted me after she left and her family didn't know where she was. Like still like that was the last comment on one of the updates. That's really weird. Where was she? I would be like yeah I'm gonna leave like this is weird. That to me I'm like she was probably with her a fair partner at a resort for a week. For sure. She's at Sandals. Doesn't that sound nice? Yes. Sounds nice. I've never been to a Sandals. No but we should go. I'm down. We should go. I went to a breathless. We used to go to a panamocity beach together. We could run it back multiple times. We could run it back. Oh. Not even as much drama in panamocity beach? No way less. I don't know. I guess you know it's gonna be what it's gonna be. I do think it's it's it's nice of OP to be helping sister-in-law so much but I do think it's a little weird that he's supporting her financially. Yeah. Granted you know if she's eight months pregnant she probably can't go out and get a job. Maybe husband has cut her off. She was a stay-at-home wife soon to be stay-at-home mom and so she's trying to get child support in alimony but like legal stuff takes a while. This all happened very fast. Oh my god spiraling. Really fast. I mean she's still pregnant during this. Yeah. Exactly. Wow. I know. So the last update we have eight months old we've gotten nothing since then. Okay. So OP if you're out there I'd love an update. Baby has definitely been born by this point. Yeah. Like I had to have been. Yeah. Even if she was like right pregnant when the first story came out. Whose house is this kid staying at? Did they get together? Yeah. What happened to the wife? Is the wife with the old brother-in-law? It's the custody. Some couples do do swaps like that. Yeah I know. But if it's like your child and your niece it's like you're my child but you're also my niece and that's also your aunt but it's also your mom. We went to school with someone. I was like really good friends with them for a while and his parents did a swap like that. They like both boys played on the same hockey team and I don't know if this was a thing for like their team or if it's common but like when they would go to hockey tournaments like they would start swinging I guess. Was this in high school? Yeah. Do I know who they are? I think so. Oh can't even hear that. And their parents started swinging and like I think they ended up liking the swap so much that their parents like everyone got divorced and they recoupled and so in college both of them ended up at the same college playing for the same hockey team and like they were cordial but like you could tell it was like still like very weird. No that wouldn't be awkward at all. Yeah I know so some people do do this. That's juicy. Okay I think I have one last one for you. One last one to wrap up your time on two outtakes. You definitely have to come back though. Thanks. I think the internet shoves me off. Be nice. Get away. So embarrassing. They're growing up. Won't be long before the thought of a family holiday is just but with Hilton's stacations all over the UK we don't need to go far to feel close. And with connecting rooms confirmed when we book we'll have plenty of space to make the most of every moment. Everyone in the photo. When time away means time together it matters where you stay. Book now at hilton.com. Hilton for this day. Okay this last one coming from r slash wedding drama. I'm like teeing up. I'm teeing up. I've had some wedding dramas. It's been like very unexpected. From a culprit I did not think it was going to come from. My dad. Jerry. Yeah he called me a bradzilla even secretly on father knows. He would do that. So there's some tea if you want to go over there. Who might have been on Patreon father knows though. Yeah. Might have to give Jerry a call. You might have to. Your dad used to call me when I lived in Europe and just call me and say hi. He's just he loves you. I talked him on the phone for like now. I'm like what's up Jerry. How are you? He literally a lot of listeners that come to live shows will meet him and he'll give them his personal number. Yeah he'll call you too. And so like we've got listeners out there that are now like kind of friends with my dad and text him and catch up all the time. Like he's everyone's dad though. He really is. He really is. That's why we actually kind of started his own podcast. Yeah. Which you'll have to go on that with him too. Maybe. Well next time you come out to LA. Literally I haven't seen Jerry in a decade and he's still calling me. How are you sweetheart? Do you take yourself? That's bad. We. Yeah but I always answer. I know we need to get you out to LA. That's on the list. That's on the list. Okay r slash wedding drama four days old titled My Future Mother-in-Law secretly sent out her own wedding invitations with a different dress code and start time. Do you have any mother-in-law stuff? Actually no. She's good. She was actually a good job. Look at that. I know. You really yeah you do good in the mother-in-law department. Yeah I really loved her. She's actually great. Thank God. This is honestly the weirdest thing I've ever had to deal with and I still don't know how to process it. I'm getting married in October. My fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves but his parents generously offered to cover the rehearsal dinner and help with flowers. His mom has always had strong opinions but she's mostly polite until now. A few days ago one of his cousins messaged me on Instagram asking what she should actually wear to the wedding. I was confused because we included the dress code semi-formal on the official invites months ago. When I asked what she meant she sent me a photo of a different invitation with our names on it. Except the time was changed an hour earlier the venue details were shortened and the dress code said formal black tie. At first I thought it was a mistake or maybe some kind of outdated mock-up but nope. Turns out my future mother-in-law had taken it upon herself to create and send out her own version of our wedding invitation to her side of the family. As she later told us because she thought ours was too casual and would make her family feel underdressed. I confronted my fiance and he was just as shocked as I was. He had no idea she had done this. When we called her she didn't even try to deny it. She said she was just protecting the family's image and didn't think we'd mind since she kept the same date and names. I asked why she changed the time and she casually said well I thought your timeline was a bit rushed and some of our relatives like to arrive early. I was livid. Not only is this incredibly disrespectful but it's going to cause chaos on the day. People are going to show up dressed up for a completely different event and early. I explained as calmly as I could that this was not okay and she got defensive saying that I was overreacting and not being inclusive of her family's preferences. Now I don't know what to do. Do I send a second clarification invite to her side to fix this mess? Do I let it play out and deal with awkwardness on the day? My fiance is fully on my side and wants to have a serious talk with her but I'm nervous that any more confrontation is just going to make her double down and cause more drama. I never imagined something like this would happen. How do you even come back from something this passive aggressive? Is there a way to fix this without the whole thing turning into a total disaster? Any advice would be appreciated. I'm stressed and tired and this feels like a problem I shouldn't even have to be dealing with right now. To be honest if my mother-in-law would have done that I probably would have just been like okay I probably would have just been like sounds good I don't know I mean because it will cause drama if she's that assertive to go behind her back and create a new invitation all that stuff. I understand what she's saying though because a lot of it's word of mouth you'll send out an invitation and people will still ask you hey Morgan were we supposed to wear your wedding again? Cowaboots. Cowaboots I have mine but people will still ask and so it's confusing when there's an invitation that says one thing and everyone else is verbalizing something else. For sure. This is tough because it's like I don't think you should have to send out another invitation because then like what if mother-in-law sent out another invitation? Where does it stop? I feel like you should have your fiance just call everyone on that side. You have your RSVP list you know who's coming give them a call send them a text and be like hey it's been brought to my attention that my mom sent out an additional invite that is not what is happening please arrive at this time it is still semi-formal as our first invitation stated. I think it's kind of his circus to control given it's his mom and I feel like and you have to control it because it's so embarrassing if you show up overdressed somewhere or underdressed I mean it's yeah it's awkward. Semi-formal versus black tie formal is very different very different that's like full tux with a cummerbund you know that little cummerbund thing holds a little belly in. Yeah I mean that's true though it's very different it's so different and I also just think it could set a standard with the mom that's scary that's true actually though I mean you can use your boundaries a little bit. I think so I would be so awkward doing it like if my mother-in-law did this and was like actually you guys rehearsal dinner is here I need to show up wearing this like I know I would feel awkward trying to be like Chris Chris no what no Chris yeah but Chris has been great she's been so helpful with the wedding accepting all my packages I shipped to Minnesota so she's been great with all the help but I do get how it'd be awkward but you probably should say something because first it's the wedding yeah next it's a baby shower then it's you know whatever else a birthday party so true for the kid or your husband or whoever like she's gonna keep oh what's that big word meddling yeah she's gonna keep meddling. I mean yeah you have to set the standard right away and be like no this kind of we have to communicate about this if we're gonna be a family this has to go through all of us especially all of us are involved in my family feel underdressed like what you're not respecting their preferences and they're rushing so what did uncle Joe call you and say feel underdressed and rushed it's weird no this is a her thing it is I try to go look and see if OP has had any comments or anything of the sort I think OP got a little nervous that mother-in-law or someone might find it unless my reddit's just not working um they deleted the post yeah post is deleted and this is a real reddit account seemingly they have a verified email so like they actually verified their email which they gave fake accounts could do too but like a lot of people that make throwaways don't yeah but top comment your fiance should be handling this because it's his mother and his side he can send a mass text that says you may have gone to wedding invite I did not read this you guys just in it today he can send a mass text that says you got a second wedding invite from my mom which included in correct details regarding our big day the start time of the event is x the dress code is x please note that the venue will not be equipped for early arrivals can't wait to see you all next oh OP did respond to that comment absolutely that's exactly what we're planning cool I just wanted to make sure we're handling it tactfully so it doesn't turn into more drama he'll send out a clear message to everyone so there's no confusion and I think that should settle things without escalating the situation thanks for the suggestion I agree and you don't want to be like oh my mother-in-law and like make it this big deal and never do anything about it and then there's going to be drama anyway yeah because you're clearly venting about your mother-in-law up until your wedding day you gotta though like you gotta just like get after this and like someone gives her another idea also I would password protect anything and everything having to do with your wedding let your vendors know your future mother-in-law sounds a bit unhinged and also have a bridesmaid on standby with a glass of red wine ready to accidentally spill on mother-in-law's dress just in case she shows up in white or pisses you off the day of that girl's in a wedding party somewhere uh-huh yeah uh-huh she knows what to do the passwords thing is genius that's so true because I feel like I've had a story in the past where the mom or mother-in-law called the florist and tried to change everything tried to like cancel some stuff and change others like so they set up a password system yeah so if you have anyone that's a little it's smart though yeah that's it's just awkward sometimes if the mother-in-law and the family's paying for it or something they feel like they have to have control it gets a little messy yeah I think that's something too if you're getting married and this is something that like I feel like jess and I really did like we're basically paying for everything on our own just the two of us except his parents are gonna help contribute to the rehearsal dinner and the train and my mom has like bought so much stuff for the farm and like gosh I can only as has put in months worth of manual labor so like that helps me more than financial contributions anyways yeah so like everyone is helping but that's something we made very clear is like if you're helping we don't want any like strings attached like you can't hold it over our head and say well you need to do this because of so-and-so like no this is my wedding and I'm planning it yeah sorry it's hard though like I've had a little bit of drama here in there and I've had to like give invitations that I otherwise like wouldn't have wanted to yeah just to keep a little bit of peace but yeah hey I won't really interact with them anyways is my day am I bopping around oh you're gonna have a great time drink with friends I'll hold the glass of red wine to spill on literally anyone Sarah's got a job you heard of here folks heard of here someone shows up in white Sarah's got her job invite me to your wedding if you need something especially if it's here in New York yeah I mean I'll go anywhere with a glass of red trust me speaking of glass of red we should go get one we are right now we're gonna have probably five because we needed this a bottle yes let's go thank you guys for being here another episode this was magical I hope you enjoyed getting to know Sarah I'm sure she will be back on one of my other New York trips or actually we're just gonna get her to LA yeah let's do it come visit I got a guest room these days I got a guest room we're so grown up but that's all I got head over to patreon if you want more content there's three bonus episodes a month these days some really good trio apps with Lauren Justin and I and Michaela Justin and I really good so head over there but thank you guys for being here until next time bye