David Gborie Loves a Party

This is a Head Gum Podcast. I was so scared, David. I was literally on my grandma's computer on Myspace in Iowa. Everyone's outside playing and I would sneak in and I had a fake Myspace. I had a secret Myspace account. You had a secret gay Myspace? Yes, yes. And I'd be like, I'm 13, I live in Missouri, I'm gay, what do I do? That's literally the biggest fear. True, it truly is. Like when Myspace popped, everybody was like, What if my son has a secret gay Myspace? David, what the hell is going on, brother? I can't, you know. You are looking good. Thank you. You're looking handsome, I said when I walked in. I really like that. You look good. I really appreciate that. You just moved back to LA? I'm in it, I got a crop shirt. You're engaged? I'm engaged. Which is crazy. I got an old Navy shirt, I'm engaged. Shit's up. It's, man, we can't lose right now. Shit's up, dude. I'm gonna fucking get in the market. Big guys are winning right now. Come on, dawg, did you know we could go to old Navy like that? Yes. Well, you can't actually go. You have to order from the website. No, yeah. That would be disgusting. No, they don't carry our size in the stores, because there's no room for us to all be in there. Yeah. You have to order from the website. And then go, and then, but. They'll send it to you. That's, I was getting screwed on DXL for most of my career. DXL has provided to me, they've held me down in times when I needed them. I can't go too hard on DXL. But, brother, let's be really honest. I know, it's tough. They're long, and their golf shirts, all of them. As many, when have you used a DXL point in your fucking life? I don't use the points. That's bullshit. That's crazy. Because it's full price polo. It's double price polo, maybe. They're expensive. Yeah, man. It was the first time I knew I was doing well in my life, when I could just go to DXL.com and ball out. I'm just gonna fire off a shirt right now. Yeah, but balling out was like two hoodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, old Navy, they got me right. I'm cropping. Old Navy's, you're looking good. Old Navy's doing you right. Also, I'll tell you Target. Target, yeah. Target will low key have some good men stuff. My wife, Pleaser, is from Target. Yeah, thank you. I do that now. Thank you. You change up on that. I change it up. Yeah. That's really beautiful of you. Thank you. Well, I wasn't a big wife Pleaser guy back in the day. No. There was a time when I was like a preteen, and my body was really weird, that all the kids with cool bodies were just wife Pleasers. Cool bodies. You remember like cool body teen boys, how confident they were? Yeah. You remember that? You remember that? I know you remember that. Oh, I saw that. I wanted to kill them. Yeah. I wanted to kill those little boys. They're running around. They got the cool bodies. Bro, you got delts? Crazy. I eat gummy snacks. My mom gave me gummy snacks this morning, and you have muscles on the side of your pecks. Yeah, you've got those little like slopes on your shoulders that are new muscles. Already. I don't even know about. We weren't even working those then. That was just God gave it to you. You had that from God. Yeah, man. Those kids had to have peaked, right? That's that God. I have to believe it. I need to believe it. I need to believe it. I need to believe it. Because imagine, I want you to imagine you're going through that and then imagine you're gay. That's hard. So not only do you want to be that guy, but you low key also need to sleep with him. Crazy. That's because like so many guys, I remember there were these two brothers in one of my junior high schools, Dovon and Jovan. Of course. But they weren't twins, but somehow they were both in junior high school. I think it was like a held back situation. Yeah. But they both somehow looked like DMX. Yeah. And it was just like, how are you this cool? Yeah. And they were like, because if I remember right, you weren't supposed to just wear tank tops to school. No. No, if I'm remembering correctly, and I think I am. Yeah. And I remember one time Jovan had two tank tops on. No. Different color, a black and a white. No. And I was like, this is fucked. It's fucking crazy. Everybody's about to get pregnant in here. He's innovating in the space. You have to come get Jovan. Get school cop. Don't let this happen. Go on school cop on Jovan. I was like, what's the issue? You're like, look at him. Look at him. He's wearing two tank tops. He looks cool as hell. Come on. He's going to sleep with these girls, dude. This is fucked. I'm wearing three, but that's just to keep it in. Yeah. This is compression. Yeah. This is hosiery. These are control top wife pleasers I got on over here. I'm just trying to keep my shit tight. Yeah, man. I'm just just trying not to spill out. Jovan's showcasing. I'm hiding. There's a difference. Exactly. That is so fucking funny, dude. It was a good time, though. It was a good time. Look at you now, handsome. Look at me now. Beyonce. Crop shirt. Living in LA again. I could do anything now. How's it feel? It's good. I've had all the LA experiences in one week, so I'm kind of worn out a little bit. I went, I did a show on Saturday night, and then my friend was like, hey, do you want to come to this low rider party? That's sick. It sounded really cool, right? Yeah. I was like, yeah, of course. Me and Jamel Johnson, we go. Love Jamel. So funny. He's the best guy. We go, and then we pull up, and the block is shut down, and there's riot cops on either side of the block. I'm like, this can't be right. I call my friend, and he's like, no, yeah, we're just in front of the tattoo parlor. Pull up. So we're walking up, and the ghetto bird is circling, and it's shining on this one part of the block, and they're actively over the thing. Everybody go back to your cars, you will be arrested. What? I called my friend, I was like, Joey Glasses, this can't be correct. He's like, no, we're partying, it's cool. So we go up on him, and they are just partying, and they're playing cool music. Cool, cool music. I think they were playing, you know, Girlfriend by Pebbles. No. Girlfriend, how could you let him treat you so bad? They were playing that, right? But I love it. It's so good. The neighborhood is this in. This is Echo Park. Thank you. This is right in Echo Park, right across from the Lassons. It was like Main Street Echo Park, and they were going up, and then they were like, and were smoking a joint, and I was dancing, because I'm not gonna dance to Pebbles. But I was like, and then the cops are like, actively like, get out of here. And I was like, this is maybe too cool for me. Yeah, too cool to have the cops shining the helicopter light on you saying you'll get arrested and being like, we're partying. I'm too old, I did one song, I smoked one joint, and then I was like, I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of here. Yeah, I ain't got it like that anymore. But that wouldn't happen in Denver. That's really crazy. I went to a lowrider party once on a bridge. Yeah, see. And it was awesome. Man, it's like a community that I appreciate. I don't want to be a part of it necessarily, but man, it's cool. I want to be the white guy that they will hang around for a little bit though. But here's the thing is, don't you want to be that for every group? Yes. Like, it would be the same. Yes. It's probably the same thing for a group of Filipinos who say the N-word, or like, you know what I mean? Like it's just cool to be the one white guy, I think, in any group, or the one not that in any group. Yeah, to be the odd man out, but everyone's cool with you. Except black guy in white group, because they give that too easy. They too give that way too easy. Nobody. Like, you're like, I'll take it, but it's not like. Yeah. You're at UCB like, what's up, Rick? I have long said, the only thing scarier than a white person with no black friends is a white person with one black friend. Yeah, because they're empowered. They move like they're bulletproof. Yeah, and it's also like, now you're using this one person as like your thing for the whole culture. It's like. Yeah, it's crazy. He's over here with you. He brought you, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I would like to be the one white guy who's accepted anywhere. Of course that'd be cool for me. Yeah, that's a good. They're like, you're okay white guy. You have a face, though, that feel. I can't wait. Relax. I can't, hey, everyone relax. Hold on. Relax. Let him say it. I know it is white. It doesn't feel that white. You're, let me tell you something. You know what I'm saying? There have been some casting controversies. Really? People are trying to put me in another box. People are trying to put me in another box. That's awesome. You're like, people think I'm all kinds of things. You're like the new Rob Schneider. Yeah, I've been saying that politically, et cetera. People are trying to put me, people are like, people think I'm Mexican. People think I'm Filipino. People thought it was a Pacific Islander that we got that one time. People really want to put me in another race box. How far would you be willing to stray? It's my question. Well, you know what's really funny? When I first started working with my managers, I think it was them that they sent me a thing that was like, it was for a character called, I don't know, he had a very Mexican name. And they're like, we want you to audition for this. And I got really, I was upset because I was like, oh no, I'm working with these people that think I should be going out for all white guy roles. They knew I was white, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I sent this. That's why they signed you. Right, exactly. But they also knew you could play. You're white, but let's have some fun. They're at the WME morning meeting. Like, honestly, we put this guy in anyway. Whatever you need. We plug him in. Yeah. It's Mr. Plug and Play. That's your Mr. Worldwide? Come on. It's Mr. Plug and Play on the beat. Oh, that's exciting. But I sent an email, I started an email being like, hey, I'm so excited to be working with you guys. I just want to let you know, like, I think that's unacceptable. I would not, like, on my heroic white guy shit. Yeah, yeah. And they were like, yeah, they're changing the character because they cast the other, there's two characters, the other one's going to be Mexican now. We know what we're doing. And I was like, okay, cool, I'll get that tape in. That's so, yeah, yeah, by 3 p.m. I was like, sweet, his name's Derek now, we're all gone. Okay, love that. You do got to tell him though, because I've had that conversation where it's like, listen, if it says like, Bouncer, Jovial. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Not Jovial. Fat and black as he is happy. These types of character breakdowns, I ain't going man. I'm not doing it. I've really only ever been like a teacher, like a lawyer and shit on TV. Really? Yeah. I would love to see you in a, I would love to see you like, series regular, series lead as a teacher on TV. I'd love to tune in every week to see you teaching the kids. That would be fun, like my own Steve Harvey show. Dude? Get in the fucking lab. What are we talking about? Can you be my coach? Will you be my coach? Because that's like, you have to have the teacher who came back from being successful and then his coach best friend who's been there for a while. Yes. Like we used to play football in junior high school. Yes. Yeah, that'd be fun. And I know the ways that things work. Yeah, you're teaching me. And when you get hot headed I go not with the principal. Yeah, because me and the principal used to have a thing. Yeah. Maybe this is just the Steve Harvey show. This is the Steve Harvey show. Should we reboot the Steve Harvey show? Should we just reboot the Steve Harvey show? Should we just reboot the Steve Harvey show? I think that's where we lay. No, we'll do the Steve Harvey show. Yeah, your center comes Steve. Yeah. Let's go, dude. That's why I moved back. Like what do we do? This is LA, baby. Yeah, dreams come true here. Someone open final draft right now. Come on. Let's cook and walk and walk. I have a Celtics account that's long been dormant. That's not Celtics. Yeah, that's how long it is. No, come on, brother. I got like two movies sitting there. Just sitting on ice. We've got to get them out of Celtics. I don't know how. No, come on. Come on, get them out of Celtics. I don't want to live like this. Save them from Celtics, dude. Let's get you an FD final draft. You ever been in there? You ever played around in there? No, man. You know, I'm really lucky that like every riding gig I've ever had, there's really strong riders assistants. So I'm kind of an idea, man. Yeah, I see this. And then I'll clean up the dialogue. I see this. Everything else, your structure, that's not over here. We've got the riders assistants. I don't, yeah. Insighting incident. Yeah, hey, third act break. Come on, brother. It's not my business. Brother, I want the jokes. Yeah, you want to be funny? Yeah, give me a call. That's the one thing I got. Give me a call. I can help. Yeah, and I'm a mid-range dancer. Yeah, we need to go dancing. We should go dancing. We should go swimming. We should go dancing and swimming. What are we doing? If my flight wasn't out of here today, tomorrow we'd be going swimming in the morning and dancing at night. I mean that. Next time you come here, let me know early and we'll hook up. I got to get squeezed in. Yeah. Well, you know, I got the dog. She takes up a lot of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd just like, I got to pretend like I'm busy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the dog and etc. Hairless cat, you got to wash her twice a week. Yeah, those things scare the hell out of me. They do, but it's like cool. She's cool. Yeah. She's scary looking, but she's cool. You have a hairless cat for real. Yeah, her name's Grandma. You want to see? Yeah. No, I think that you, and I know this is like, it sounds like somebody with an ugly kid. I think you will like mine. Okay. I do think that. I'm going to take a peek, but I'm real scared about it. It's not as bad. It is. See now I can't. Okay. Okay. Look at that. Come on. That's like an Angeti's pose. Damn. That's sucked. That's sucked in a way that I shouldn't even take it my phone out. Dude, I'm so sorry. God damn it, Caleb. Like you got to pretend a little bit. Dude, I'm sorry man. It's like you got to meet me halfway. There's a cute face. That's started face forward. I don't like the way their skin hangs to their body. I'm sorry. It's a she. She's a she. Sorry. Give me my phone. Give me my phone with my daughter. I'm so sorry, dude. Can you show me a face forward one maybe? Yeah, let me find. Now, but now it's like I'm trying to convince you. That made my, that did make my stomach hurt a little bit. Here she is when she got a little curn. Her face is. Her little curn. Yeah, her face is beautiful. Come on. This is, I'm not doing this. I'm sorry man. This sucks. No, but I know she's in a loving home. I bet she has a beautiful personality. She's a beautiful soul. Yeah, but the issue is the way that the skin when it has no fur on it, the way it clings to the body. It is weird. I grew into it because I wasn't into it at first. Really? I just didn't. I was, I was like, we had just moved into a new spot and my girlfriend was like, what if I get a hairless cat? And I was on the road and I was on the road like every week for the next eight, nine weeks and I was like, bitch, whatever you got to do. Whatever you need. Whatever you're going through right now, I support it. And I guess I'll deal with the hairless cat and then it grew on me. That's crazy. Yeah, you know. Why hairless? Why couldn't we go normal style? She's just weird, man. I guess she had already always dreamed of a hairless cat. Yeah. I was talking to another guy recently and he was like, hey, in Atlanta, that's a sign of wealth and it was like the best compliment I've gotten. That's beautiful. Or no, he said, I'm from Atlanta. That's a sign of wealth. Even better. Yeah. Because that is different. Yeah. These could be non sequiturs. Because you know, people from Atlanta always let you know. He was just saying that and then also congratulating me. I'm from Atlanta. That's a sign of wealth. Yeah, it's a different thought almost. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Interesting. So I've been having a good time. What all are you voicing right now? Because I feel like I hear your voice on the radio and TV. Just Comedy Central. Both my cartoons got canceled. So just the Comedy Central stuff. But are you doing their commercials? Oh, yeah. I do all the... Tune into Comedy Central. I do all the stuff I know for the TV and Paramount. It's a real joy to me when your voice comes into my ears. I'm glad. It's awesome for me. It's like a job nobody knows I have. I do it from home. I've done it for like five years. Hopefully five more. Yeah. I just every time I go, that's David. I love that. Isn't that fun? It makes me so happy. Yeah. I watch, I listen to your podcast so I see you. Whoa. Yeah. What's your favorite episode recently? Laura Peek is my favorite episode of all time. Isn't she incredible? I like when you had your mom back. I really like... Who else do I like a lot? No, Peek is the best one. Peek is Peek? Liam Roames? Liam Roames? That was really good. She's so funny, dude. It's fucked up. It's crazy. I like that she's funny and she's like old school where she's like, I still smoke cigarettes, so what? And I'm like, hell yeah. She is like a... She is a comic. Like she really is like... She'll show up, shake everyone's hand, step out for a cigarette, get on stage, murder, come back and be like, so what are we doing? I'm just like, you are a fucking comedian, dude. Yeah, I miss that. I love that. I miss that energy. Because I had to like... I went to Denver. I had to kind of get away from comedians for a while. To like be a person and figure some shit out. Now I'm back in it. But like I had like four years kind of off from being around that energy for the most part. What happened? Why did you think you needed to get away? You know, pandemic happened and I was like, I really thought I was running and gunning before pandemic and then everything stopped. And I was like, oh, you're exhausted and you kind of hate yourself. And just hate the... This version of yourself. Yeah, this like weird LA trying to get it together. And pandemic had started right when I got that Comedy Central job. And I was like, you know, I'm like, they were like, fat people are gonna die first. LA has the most cases in the country. I was like, let me just go home for a minute and figure it out. And then it turned into four years where I was like... I love entertainment. It's given me a life. But I think that I was in a position to kind of dial it back for a while and be able to just get back to me for a little bit and like get focused just on me and life and shit like that. So now I'm back. Now you're back. Yeah. What's interesting? I'm about to stop texting everybody. Yeah. It's all lunch dates from here on in. Baby. Good luck getting a hold of me. Come on. LA David's back on the scene. Yeah, I got the cat. I got the cat. I got the cat. So that's like 10 or 12 hours of the day. Yeah, right there. Right there just bang those out. I make its food, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the kitchen like sheffing from the cat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. She's gluten free. Is she? No. No, no, no. I have a hairless cat. I'm still an African person. Like you can't... Yeah. There's like in your head you're like, this is a cat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, hell yeah. Rock on. Yeah. We're not giving it special diets. No, no, no, no, no. No, interesting. I don't think she's even insured. The cat. Yeah. Probably not. Damn. Probably not. Does Sag do that? Sag what? I gotta get on that? To get your insurance? Yeah. I'd love you to have insurance. I have Sag. I'm saying to Sag. Can the cat get on your Sag insurance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, it's funny. I was reading something recently about, I'm not a pet owner. I would love to have a dog. You seem like a classic dog, man. David, I'd love to have a dog. Like a golden retriever. I'd love to have a dog. I wish. And you have the house in Missouri. I do. Do you have, are you there full time? No, I hardly ever get to go there. Do you have like a caretaker at the home, though? There's always people there. Yeah. So like you could keep a dog there. I could, I've thought about getting a small dog and taking it around with me and he travels with me and he's my dog. That's like a level, that's a commitment. That's a new lifestyle. But David, I want kids. Yeah, okay. Maybe it'd be good to like do the small dog now. There's a couple of issues. Of course my schedule is crazy and I like to change it on a dime. That's one thing. You don't like to fuck in front of animals. I know that. I don't like to fuck in front of animals. That's a huge problem. It's, you do have to like, you just have to let that. Yeah. You just, it's just going to happen. It's not the audience you want. No. And it's not even in, you know the hard part about having sex in front of animals is like, you imagine if you're going to have sex and someone else is going to be present, they're going to be engaged in some way. Yeah, they're at least jerking off. Yeah. But the dog is just in there. Doing what she was doing before you were having sex. You know what I mean? So it's like not even, you're not, so you feel like you're not even put, like excuse me, I'm not, you're not even going to watch. You're not going to look. This isn't crazy to you. This isn't, you don't do anything. You sit in this house all fucking day. I'm putting on a show over here. I'm doing my best. I'm putting in work. You are going to turn to the wall and lick yourself. Right. Crazy. I pay rent. I'd like you to at least be interested. Yeah, it's like you have nothing going on all day. I'm over here fucking. I'm fucking. Yeah, dude. I'm putting it down. I'm laying it down. Come on. I'm locked in over here. Yeah. And you just could give a shit less. Yeah, that's crazy. It's like we're watching the Sopranos. That, well, I wish. I just finished my second rewatch. Did you? Yeah. I love that show. It gets harder and harder every time to watch the part where they like beat a gay guy to death with a pipe. Yeah. That part you go, whoa. I mean, also when Ralph beats the shit out of that girl outside the Bing. Crazy. There's like, and I was watching it and my girl is not into it at all. And at one point she's like, every time I like tap in, they're doing something crazy to women. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's like Tony's cut. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big part of the show. You're like, no, Tony's complicated. She's like, he's hitting people. Yeah. It's like it's tough. They just hit that woman and you're like, okay. It makes me feel better to know that your girlfriend doesn't really like Sopranos because she doesn't really like my comedy. Come on. Don't we talk, we were talking about this in a car. That's not, that's not, that's not. Right. That we, we should air it out. Yeah. Let's air it out. She doesn't love comedy. She didn't like my show. She did like your show. Caleb, she did like your show. You put her in a terribly uncomfortable position. I don't know what she was going to do. She's not a liar. What did I even do? I don't remember. We, I had told, I said that her little sisters love you. Yeah. And you said not, not her. Yeah. Yeah. And then you were like, was this on stage? Yeah. And you were like, Alana, if you're here right now, can you tell me, do you like my comedy? Yes or no. And then she said something along the line. She didn't like, she was like, I, no, I'm not really into it. Yeah. And then you were like, oh, so you hate me. It was, it was nuts. It was so crazy. Alana. She's a real one though. That's why I'm over there. You know, she's a liar. I've never had more respect for somebody in my life. She, now I'm remembering, in a theater of a couple thousand people. Full. She, she said out loud in the room, I'm not really fucking with you. Yeah. It was, yeah. That's hilarious. She just doesn't like comedy in a way that I appreciate, because I made a joke the other day about it. When you die early, you know you're going to have to like, become a comedian. Oh yeah. And she was like, that's literally my worst fear is you being dead and me doing stand-up comedy. The two, the two things that cannot happen to me. Yeah. Yeah. Are you dying and me doing stand-up comedy? I was like, we should, we should just call it right now. Let's get married today. That's so funny. Yeah. What are you guys going to do? Wedding ones. Have you talked about it yet? We have. We got a venue. Where? Down, I don't want, can I say it? No worries. Yeah. But it's cool. Nice. Very old school. Nice. I'm excited to get married. I didn't think I would ever do that. You didn't think you'd ever be excited about a wedding or have a wedding? I think I never thought about the specifics. I always figured I could find myself with some semblance of a family. But the steps to get there I never was romanticizing. So now it's like, oh, we got to find a caterer and stuff. That's kind of, it feels like the beginning of the rom-com. Yeah. So that's good. That's really cute. Yeah, I like it. Are you guys going to do big or small? What's the, what's the, pretty small? Yeah. I think like 130 people or something like that would be nice. So like middle, but we don't want to go too huge. Yeah. Yeah. This is to me, I don't like weddings. I famously don't like them. Really? And yeah, please, I love you to death. Please don't invite me to yours. I won't. Thank you. And that's nice. We need, we have a salary cap. So that's awesome. That's, yeah, we can't have that many people in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you were on the list before. Yeah. Nice. And what changed? Well, all right. No, I shouldn't have done that. You weren't on the list before. Okay. And it's not because, it's just because we've only done the family list. Nice. We haven't done any friends yet. Nice. Okay, cool. Yeah. No, I don't like them. And I, the scariest part to me is making the invite list. Really? Yeah. Cause I'm like, how do you do this, man? Who gets to come? Cause you can't have, I know so many people that I love. I would get stressed out that I'd be like, I'm not inviting. It's, it's been tough too because I have a lot of friends admittedly who are real freak shows. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then I have to like suggest people to her and then she says the one memory she has of them. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's bringing up topics. Yeah. I'm like, oh, what about Jansa Cawkin? She's like the guy who wanted to bring a Falcon to the park. And I'm like, okay. That's not, that's not super. That's not his character. Yeah. That's not his character. Yeah. You could say one thing I've done and now I'm not a good guy. You can talk about one exotic animal I wanted to bring to a park and now I'm an asshole. You know what I mean? Yeah. But, uh, you know, we're getting there. We're figuring it out. Hell yeah. Yeah. I love that. Do you know, uh, do you know what your first dance is going to be? That's also complicated. Okay. Because I'm sort of of the mind that no one's canceled for a first dance. Yeah. I just not feel that way. What do you mean? She is, I just, what do you want to do that she's worried about getting canceled for? No, the musicians. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't want to get too into it. Yeah. I did. I had suggested some stuff and she's like, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cancellations off the table when we're talking about first dance. That's what I thought. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to be angry. Yeah. But yeah. So you're not going to tell us who you really want that she's kind of on the fence about? Let's just say it wasn't the original version of Ignition. I want that for you, dude. Me too, Caleb. Yeah. I don't think it's, come on. Yeah. I'm saying, yeah. You deserve this. You work hard. You know what sucks is she's not going to watch this. So it's still going to be, well, don't I know it? We have, you know what? Shout out to her little sisters though. You know what's funny? Yeah. They'll watch this. She has a, we have a note that we're updating for the wedding playlist. Yeah. And I did put Ignition and then I put just for the fellas and she hates it. Yeah. She's not into that. Yeah. No, not at all. That is so funny. You go, ladies, leave the dance floor. This one's just for the boys. And my argument is that, okay, maybe not first dance, but I think two or three. Two hours into the reception, everybody's drunk. I think you turn just that one on. Yeah. And it still goes crazy. I think you're good. Once you're into the reception, I agree. It can't be, it can't be the first song. No, no, I was throwing people off. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think a couple hours into the reception, you can give it pretty much anything. I think so, man. I think everybody's mingling. The drunk people are drunk. The high people are high. There's no kids. The boring people have gone home. And put, yeah, exactly. They already said they're goodbyes. The old people are done. Yeah. Or the old people who are with the shits. Yeah. I think I'll get it in there. Yeah. I think you will too. Yeah. And this is what the day's about. Or Kelly? Yeah. That's what the day should be about. That's what the point is. It's like, that's why we gathered here today. Yeah. That's why I'm wearing a mask. Yeah. That would be a fun. You strike me as a fun first dance kind of guy. I think so. I'm, I was, me and a while ago, I was just talking about this. It's so funny. I'm good in a party. I was really raised on like house parties. Yeah. With like mad foreigners. Yeah. So like I'm, I was a party baby. Yeah. I grew into a party teen and I'm now a party man. What do you mean by mad foreigners? So it's so weird, man. My mom came here right and she had me right after she got here, but she's like a kid. She's like 19. Yeah. So she went to college. So she went to college when I was like two or three. So from like those 43 to seven, I guess. I just lived on campus and like when my mom first started college, she was at ESL. So it was like, like my second birthday party, I think is just like me, my tiny African mom, because my mom's like 411. And then just like the 25 Korean girls who were in her ESL class. But then she just, she just met all these African people and shit like that. And they would just, my whole life growing up, they would just always have crazy like house parties. So like just dancing and food and then like her and her friends, they all kind of continued that growing up. So there was, I just, yeah, it was just always somebody was having a barbecue or a house party and there was always like dancing and all that shit. I bet the food at the Korean African house party was, food was going up. So sick. Food was going up. There was, it was, my mom was reminding me this the other day, there were times where we'd be, because we lived in apartments always. So there would be times where we'd be partying. I say we like, I was in the kids room, but I was sneaking out. Yeah, for sure. I was sneaking out, you know what I mean? I hear waterfalls, my jam comes on. I go out there, everybody, it's cute when he's doing the bump. But my mom would leave the door open and like people from the neighborhood would like come into our parties. Like it was really. It sounds heavenly. Yeah. I mean, we were very poor, but that part was good. That part, well, here's the thing. I also grew up very poor and that part sucked. But when everyone was just having a good time, you kind of forgot you were poor for a second. Yeah, for a lot. Just chilling. Yeah. For a lot, I think I've like dramatized it now as I got older, that it was more of a burden on me maybe than it was. Really? I think a little bit. I think I was mostly kind of trying to have a good time. Yeah. I think as a little, little kid, I feel maybe same. Like as a little, little kid, I didn't really know anything other than just like, yeah, we went to the lake a lot. Right. And like lake parties were like, that was crazy. Oh yeah. Everyone's going crazy. The adults are having a good time. I know that was like their only day off for the year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know how important it was. I didn't know why they were going so hard. Yeah. Like the burgers had to be right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there's like a fight. Yeah. Yeah. People were being weird. They've had too much to drink for sure. Yeah. If it's the one day they get off this year or whatever. Yeah. But yeah. Then when I got a little older and I couldn't wear name, brand clothes, that's when shit started to feel tight. That's exactly when it happened. It was like, I think puberty when you start to feel that real difference is clothing is what it's. Yeah. It's clothing for sure. It's the three wife pleasers. Three wife pleasers. When Dovon and Jovon got two on. Dovon and Jovon got two on. Dovon and Jovon is so awesome. It was crazy. It was really, it was really nuts. That's really fun. Do you know where they are now? No. No idea. No. I don't even want to look them up. I hope that they reach out because of this. I bet they're listeners. Dovon and Jovon, if you're out there. I love you. They are not. No. Come on. I don't think they're podcasted. Dovon and Jovon. They're a button podcast. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Damn. You don't think I got reach? I don't. You don't think I'm here? Not to where they're at. Not to where they're at. I think some people from my past will see this. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think some guys. Guys, if you're from David's past, please reach out. No. Don't. No, actually. It's okay. Everybody from David's past. It's okay. I don't answer DMs. Yeah. I've had a couple moments in the last couple years of like. You know, it's like, it's funny the things I think that are big happening in my career. No one from the past reaches out. No. They don't think the same things are cool that I do. And then the things they think are cool are things I don't really care about, but that's when I get to reach out from the random stranger from the past. Yeah. The like girl you had one class in college with. It's like, I always knew. It's like, okay, we barely spoke, you know. Yeah. That is so odd. It is so odd. You know what I've gotten is some people reaching out in like an odd like. There's this one guy who quite frankly, we really just used to do drugs together. Like that's really what the relationship was and he'd reach out, but it was always so like, you probably don't even remember me. And I'm like, all right, man, well, I'm not going to answer to that. And then it's like six of them. Yeah. Like, oh, I bet you forgot your days at dirty tricks. And I'm like, hey man, what the fuck? It's like antagonistic kind of insecure. Yeah. Yeah. You probably don't even remember me at all, huh? Yeah. It's like, I do, but I don't want to talk. Well, it was that guy particularly it was like, did you ever have a friend that you used to get fucked up with a lot and then you tried to hang out sober one time? And you're like, oh, I don't even know. That wasn't part of my journey. Okay. I wasn't getting fucked up like that. That's good. That's probably good. But I can totally see what occurred there. Yeah. Where it was like one time in the daytime. Yeah. And you're like, oh, we don't have any. We don't really have anything. I think I had a lot of friends that had like this happen to them in mass that they were like, my whole friend group is based on partying. Yeah. And then they wake up one day when they're like 26 and they're like, I don't like or know any of these people. Yeah. It's like a lot of people you realize you've never seen in the daytime. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or sober or anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, these are just like, I think we're all we're less like, we're not connecting. We're kind of just bumping into each other at the nighttime. Yeah. Yeah. But where were you? Where were you when? Where were you in your early twenties? San Francisco. San Francisco. I was so I was in a shit town in Colorado and I got the fuck up out of there and then I made my way to San Francisco at 20, 22. And I started doing comedy and then I was like, I think I left to come here when I was like 27, 28. Yeah. I knew that you had done comedy in San Francisco before you came here. I was I was heavy in San Francisco. I really loved it. I didn't know you were out there for that long. Yeah. Years, years. The fixture of the scene. Oh yeah. I was Mr. I man. I loved it so much. I like when I was in San Francisco, because it was the first time I moved around a lot as a kid. So San Francisco was the first time I felt like an active participant in my community in a real way. And I just like really like I threw shows for my neighbor. Like I wanted to be popping in the inner Richmond. Yeah. That was like what I was like, I wanted everybody on Clement Street to know who I was. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it was like, yeah, it was an amazing time. A bunch of fun friends were there. Amy Miller was there. One of the most confounding things to me about Amy is that she's not Midwestern. Yeah. She's not Midwestern because she gives crazy Midwestern energy. You know what it is? It's a branch of California a lot of people don't know about. I know. I know. I really had to tap in on that because I met her. She's the kind of person she would live next to sex workers and be like, hey girls. Yeah. You know what I'm like, you're giving Omaha in such a crazy way? Yeah. No, but not Omaha at all. El Sabrani. Yeah, exactly. El Sabrani. Which is not even Oakland. It's like the out. Different thing. Yeah, it's past Oakland. Actually different thing. Yeah, I did have to find out that there was a version of California that gives Midwestern. Which is nice because it's almost like it can't all be paradise. Yeah. You know what I mean? I do. It's like, or have you ever been north of San Francisco? I've been up there, but I'm not hanging around. It's hairy up there. It's weird to feel things that, by being around California, I've been around the whole state in the last couple years. It's weird to feel the culture and the politics of home, but to be around palm trees and mountains. It's very uncanny valley to me. It pisses me off because, quite frankly, because it's like, like in Colorado, I lived in a little shit town for a long time, or just a little small town. Yeah. Kind of shit. But like, those people, it's brown all the time, the weather sucks, you're on the high plains, you're not even in the mountains. I understand your hatred of California, your hatred of other people. It sucks over here. Yeah. But you go down to Orange County and you're like, what the fuck are you mad about? What are you complaining about? You overhear you're like that? Yeah. You should love everybody. Nobody's coming for this. Yeah. OC? Yeah. Like, you're good. You're chilling. Yeah, it seems odd to me. I don't know how anybody could be a Republican by the beach. That's a beautiful sentiment, David. It's how I feel. That's a beautiful sentiment. It's how I feel. Do you think that you, what do you, do you have any Republican opinions feelings? What do you got going on over there? Anything Republican going on for you? No. I don't think so, right? No, no. I don't, I guess I don't hate hunting and fishing. You going fishing? I like fishing. I'm not hunting. I said to sound cool, but fishing. Yeah. Hunting is just too much more involved, I feel. It's also, it's yeah, it's a bigger time commitment. You got to have the guns. Fishing, especially in Denver, me and my friends would go fishing a lot. Really? Yeah. I haven't been fishing in a while. Man, we should go fishing. We really should. I wish you were, I wish, now I wish I was in Denver because I got spots. Damn. You know what I mean? I bet we'll end up in Denver at the same time eventually. Yeah, it'll happen soon. Life is long. Yeah. We need to do that. Yeah. I'd love to go fishing. I haven't been in forever. Really? I do like fishing. I did when I was a kid, I would go. It's like, it's just a reason to be outside, man. That's the thing. Fishing with like-minded adults because the issue with fishing and hunting growing up for me is that I'm a talker and the men in my family were not enjoying that. Right. They were very much like, shut the fuck up. Like you're just in the blind just talking about stuff? Oh, I'm truly just in the blind, like kicking my feet up, being like, at school there's this kid. You know, I'm like, enjoying my uncle's like, yeah, man, you're going to scare the deer away, you're going to scare the fish away. I was always scaring something by talking. Yeah, I mean, I mean, but that goes into life. You know, I'm glad I'm not that kind of man. Yeah. Like I feel like I have enough masculine traits, but I was very much raised by women. So I'm not like the kind of like, if I'm alone with my friend, we're talking. Yeah. We're gabbing it up. We're chitin'. We're chitin', we're chattin'. All that kiki and chatty cat, whatever you want to call it. I'm not like that quiet. I'm quiet by myself. I don't need to be quiet with my friends. I love my friends. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to be quiet with anybody. If I'm in a hunting mind with a person, we're chatting. Yeah, because what else do we do? I'm stuck in here with you. Yeah. I want to be quiet with you. I'm covered in deer piss. I want to at least talk about how I feel about it. I'm fucking drenched in deer piss. Yeah. He's like, yeah, you didn't have to do that. Yeah. But I wanted to. But I wanted to, man, because I love you. Yeah. You got any kids in your life? Children. My sister just had a baby. Oh, yeah? Yeah. When? Four months ago? Wow. Yeah. Fresh baby. Yeah, little baby. Other than that, I don't really have any children in my life, which sucks because I really like children, but it's like I'm at a point where if I want to interact with someone, I got to grow my own. Yeah. You can't just be out here. Yeah. Who just had a really funny joke about that? Ahamad. Yeah. Ahamad just had a great joke about that. I don't remember the specifics of it, but he was just basically like, yeah, I can't. I can't just be like playful with kids the way I want to in public. It's not a good look. I had a bit about that on my Comedy Central. Did you? Yeah. I feel it all the time. Yeah, and it's like, because it's like, I very much remember being a kid and like strangers taking the liking to you, like in the grocery or some store or something. Yeah. And we're always really enjoying those interactions. Yeah. You know, or just like an old lady winks at you or something, just shit like that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Did that sound crazy? No, but no, but it was, I feel that. I'm with you, yeah. Because I've always been, I was on the street a lot as a kid by myself, and I've just always been the type of person that people would come up to. Yeah. Like I've just always had that. And sometimes it'd be weird. I remember being a little kid and like, dude's trying to sell me cologne out of backpacks, and that wasn't... Yeah, that's different. That was an ideal, but like a lot of just strangers talking to me, and I always really liked that. I always thought, or like, you know, you'd be running around the store and somebody would like laugh at that, just like interacting with kids, but you really, you probably shouldn't be doing that. It's hard because I love kids and I do want to like, when they're like, you know, I want to talk to them because I think they're so interesting. Me too. And I'm like, I love that you're in here being silly. Me too. But then you look at the parents and sometimes the parents aren't like, the parent needs to give you a cue that you can be silly with the kid. Right. Right, right, right. There needs to be some type of a... I remember when I first moved to San Francisco, there was like this elaborate bandana system to tell people how you like to have sex. Yes. Yeah. You remember that? We learned about this recently on the pod. Oh, really? We had a gay historian on the pod. It was crazy. I remember, because I remember it was like, it was the first, my first like, wow, I'm not in Colorado anymore. You know what I mean? I was at an open mic and this guy has like an orange bandana out of his left pocket and some girls like, that means he's down for anything. And I was like, what? Because at the time too, I was like, I've always been open, but I just wasn't like liberal in the way that I wasn't around a lot, especially like gay people. I just wasn't around. I remember her saying he's down for anything. I was like, this guy's probably kissing dudes. To say the least. He's actually probably graduated from kissing dudes. He hasn't done that in a while. I was like down for anything. I was like, kiss a boy. That's so fucking funny, dude. I was a rude when I got to San Francisco for sure. You were an adult, an oaf, just kind of going around being like, who wants to teach me about gay? Well, because it was like, I had seen a lot of life, but like bad stuff. So I'd seen a lot of violence and crime and shit like that, but I hadn't just seen like really open sexually people. You know what I mean? I was always curious about it because it always seemed like it was a good time. Yeah. You know what I mean? It does seem like it's a good time. That's partially why I ended up over there. Yeah, they seem like they're having a good time. You know, those people are having fun, yeah. Were you, I feel like I know some of your story from watching the podcast, but you weren't, besides having sex with high school boys, you weren't like gay community in Missouri, right? No, I had some, I was, yeah, hooking up with like peers and some guys a little bit older when I was in, when I was a teenager, but I maybe a little bit like I would talk to, when I was in middle school, I got in gay chat rooms, not sexually, but I was in gay chat rooms just for friends. No, truly. To talk to gay people. That's so beautiful. People don't talk about, everybody talks about the predatory nature of the chat rooms. Nobody ever talks about just like, I was in there. I was so scared, David. I was like literally on my grandma's computer on Myspace in Iowa, like everyone's outside playing and I would sneak in and I had a fake Myspace, I had like a secret Myspace account. You had a secret gay Myspace? Yes, yes. And I'd be like, I'd be like, I am 13, I live in Missouri, I'm gay, what do I do? That's literally the biggest fear. To truly. Like when Myspace popped, everybody was like, what if my son has a secret gay Myspace? That's so funny. Meanwhile, I'm truly just on there to be like, someone tell me what to watch. That's, someone give me a movie. I got so scared, I remember one older gay guy meshed me back and he was like, honey, when you feel stressed out, have some chamomile tea and just remember you're going to get older someday. And I got so scared by the kindness of that that it felt intimate and I deleted my account and didn't get back on for a while. I was so scared. I have a few questions about your account. Did you do your own coding for wallpaper? No, no, no design. No, no, you didn't have like a song playing. No, no name. No, it was like, whatever the least you could do was. Oh, you poor babe. Because did you have any gay people in your life at all? No. That's tough. I was like looking, you know, but I did know inherently that like, I knew my aunt Ashley, I knew my mom would be like, wouldn't care. You could just feel that they were, I mean, maybe my aunt Ashley was openly saying politically progressive stuff, but my mom's always been like a, anytime someone would say something hateful around her about any type of person, she'd be like, whatever, let's have a beer. Yeah, that's awesome. She was never down with that shit. That's awesome. So I always knew she would be cool. That's how my mom was too. Well, also my mom was like, she went out clubbing a lot. So from an early age, I knew go to gay bars if you don't want to get hit on by men. Yeah. As a woman. Whoa. My mom was doing that in like the mid 90s. Queen. Yeah, her and her friends are good. Because she's like, she always had a lot of friends, but it's mostly like she has like a core group of women that kind of, they're still friends to this day, shout out to my aunties, but they would all go out a lot. And my mom likes to dance. So like, yeah, they were going to gay bars in Seattle. Which is weird. Cause then as an adult, sometimes I'll go out to a bar and then I'll remember my mom having talked about that bar when I was a kid. Whoa. Like the rebar or some shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Which is weird. That's really weird. Yeah, it's strange. That's very interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was hopping on there. I was hopping on my space to chit chat with, with gay people. But I had a lot of the same things you probably have when you moved to San Francisco when I was like going up to Kansas City in high school to go to like movie theaters and see gay movies and stuff. Yeah. I would see gay people and like I would try and like I would try to strike up a conversation with them, you know, just to hear. But I was so like, I would see a gay guy is holding hands in Kansas City and I'd be like, oh my God, they're just doing that out in the open. You know what's crazy? Cause that integration into your community is so odd. I had that in San Francisco, but with black people because I was in a small town for like four years where there were no anybody. Black people, there was like a few Mexicans, but they only spoke Spanish. So it was like very isolating in San Francisco. It was the same thing. Just going to black movies like, hey, guys, me as well. Any questions? Yeah, I got this green bandana. Yeah. I talked to any race. I'll talk to you anyway. I don't mind. Yeah. Send a Pacific Islander over. I don't get to bring him over. No worries. I don't care at all. That's so funny. That's so funny. I, you know, the weird thing about moving to San Francisco was like, there was so much open stuff sexually and I found out really quickly that I'm just a boring straight and I always felt like, damn, it, it, cause you're like, I'm in the playground. Yeah. How did I end? I, there would be times where I'd be like, how did I end up in San Francisco not gay at 23? Yeah. This is fucked. But that's how you know you really mean it. Yeah. With the straight stuff. Yeah. That is, that is it. I really believe that you're straight. Yeah. And that's a hard pill for me to swallow about anybody that I like. But I believe you. I get, no, I, because you had the, you were right there. It was, if it was going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember, I'd be at like, we used to tell jokes at this place, the stud. Yeah. This little gay bar on Folsom and it would be like right after the open mic was this party called bear wars. Yo, yeah. And so it would be like the open mic. You had a tough time getting out of there. Brother. Yeah. And it was the most, it was the first, because I was like, I was like 23, 24. It was the first time anyone had paid me any attention in the way of like buying me drinks and shit. Oh yeah. Began some guy like you. And even that didn't do it. So I just ain't got it, man. Yeah. It's not for you. Yeah. You know. Not everything's for everybody. No. And I appreciate the culture. Yeah. I, I, one of my favorite things is how much my, my like married straight guy friends take an interest in my life. I see. That's beautiful. They're very, they're very jealous and interested. They're like, oh, you guys just, you just call up a blowjob on command. That's crazy. I think sometimes men, this is, sounds terrible. I think sometimes men straight, super straight men look at gay men and they view it as like the idea of a life unencumbered by women. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you don't have to. Yeah. And I think that's what they're so excited about. Sometimes I will say. You and your boys just kiss. You guys just hang out and then you're fucking them? Yeah. What? What? Not my boys, but so many straight guys don't genuinely just don't like women. That's what I mean. That's totally what it is. It's just like, oh, I gotta go fuck my girlfriend. Yeah. It's one of the more alarming things about growing up. Yeah. Just finding out like, cause like, I knew about men from my mom and her friends growing up and then high school, I was playing football and shit. And then I got, I was doing construction for a while and shit. So like finding out that like there's a lot of dudes who just like, and they operate, I'm not saying they're like violent, terrible. They operate in society. They have women in their lives, but they just don't like women. And you're like, oh, I didn't know. That sucks. It's a real, they have no interest in it. It's a real weird. Like I honestly had a big, honestly, other people that way too. My girl does not care for men at all. Queen. She likes me. She's real. Other than that, she's not really. She's real. She puts shit on sometimes. Like just any man dominated thing. Like last night I was making dinner and I put on the, the master. Yeah. And like 30 minutes in, I was like, what are you saying? She's like, oh, I'm not watching. All right. Yeah. It's funny. So men and women in many ways, so incompatible and still really trying it. You know, what else are we going to do? Well, yeah, if you can, yeah. But what am I going to do? I don't like you. You're in it. Yeah, I know. What do you think? Oh, wait, what was I going to say? It was about, about, about, oh, well, I've obviously reckoned with men not liking women for a long time because I grew up in the place I grew up in. Right. But really truly when Taylor Swift started going to a bunch of chiefs games because she's dating Travis. Was that huge for you? Well, the reaction to it, I really like reengaged with how much men don't like women because all these men, to me as a gay guy who loves football, I have one of the biggest struggles in my life. One of the many. One of, by the way. I've been in the same place everywhere. Yeah. But I truly have such a, one of the biggest struggles in my life is trying to get the women in my life to care about it at all. Yeah. Like so many of the women in my life don't care about football. Then some do. But when Taylor came around, I was so excited because I was like, oh, the girls I love are now suddenly interested in football. This is going to be so good for me to bridge my interests. And all these straight men were like, get that dumb bitch off the screen. Yeah. And I was like, you don't want to bond with your daughters over the thing you love, you idiot. No, they come here to specifically not do that. I just was like, wow, I forgot. They're like, that's why I'm over here. I was like, whoa, that's crazy. They're like, oh yeah, that's the point. I'm like, what? That's the whole thing. I, man, I wish I still loved football so much. You could come be a fan of my team if you want. No, I can't. I'm a Broncos fan. Don't worry. Well, then get back into them. And I think they'll probably figure something out soon enough. Do you think that? Who do they got, Bo-nics? Is he still there? This sucks. This sucks right now. I do hate the Chiefs just miserably. Totally. And there were a lot of eras that I had to sit out, even though you guys had cool shit going on. Yeah. Dante Hall, that whole situation. I know, man. So cool. Tough not to be a fan. Tony Gonzalez when I was a kid. All-time greatest. Yeah, but oh yeah. You don't think he's the greatest tight end of all time? Shannon Sharp is the greatest tight end of all time. Tony Gonzalez is way better than Shannon Sharp, I feel. Numbers-wise, I don't think so. Isn't he statistically as well? How many yards does Tony Gonzalez have all time? Is Tony Gonzalez the all-time? We're going to figure this out. We're going to get to the bottom of this right now. He's so hot, too. Tony Gonzalez? It's fucked. He's not my type, but I find him a beautiful person. You don't think Tony Gonzalez is hot? I think he's attractive, but I don't go up for that. You're from Kansas City. I don't go up. I'm not like, oh my god, Tony Gonzalez. He looks like he's on a telenovela. Yeah. What do we got, Chance? He is the NFL record holder for career receiving yards for a tight end and career receptions for a tight end. Who's number two? Shannon Sharp? What's he benched right now? Number two? Hahaha. Because Shannon's putting up 405. Number two might be, is Gronkowski somewhere up there? You know who I liked a lot was Todd Heap. You don't know who that is? You used to put a tight end for the Ravens. Yeah. Yeah, he's a good guy. That was back when I still, as I get older, I just football less and less. And it was like, I cared about it. You never going to come back, you think? I don't know, man. Not in the way comedy really sucked all the sports out of my life. Like I used to, like I lived and died by the Broncos. I lived and died by the Nuggets. That was like my shit. I cared so much. In high school, I used to watch college football. I loved Christmas break when I could watch all the bowl games and shit. And I think the further I got away from playing. So two chiefs in the top three, Tony Gonzalez and Travis. Oh, god, Jim. Jim Sharp is number five. And it's a big golf between him and number four, by the way. Jim Sharp is number five with 9,960 receiving yards. Antonio Gates is number four with 11,800. God, Gates was a cool piece of work, though. It's a big golf there. Yeah. I'm sorry, dude. I'm so sorry. I think that I was just in Colorado and it's caught up in the wave, you know? Totally. It's just like the same way Terrell Davis is going to be the best running back to me. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, this all makes sense to me. Hey, it's no worries. I'm surprised Jamel's not getting you into basketball at all. You guys aren't. I'm into basketball. I'm into basketball pretty well because the nuggets are fun. And but I'm not like I want to know NBA. NBA games have ever been to nuggets game. Really not the day that we not not that day. No, not that day. Couldn't get it together for that day. I was really glad when you said you didn't want to go because I was like, I don't want to see. I'm like, yeah, because we ran into that delightful man. We ran into like this cool David and I went out to lunch in Denver and there was a guy sitting alone at a picnic table, real tall, older black guy handsome dude. Yeah. And we were like, could we, do you mind if we sit over here and he goes, go ahead guys. We start chatting him up. He was a he was a fun talker. Awesome. Awesome man. Terrell Bailey. Go in it. Yeah. And then we find out he was like a player for was it the jazz? The jazz and he's an analyst now and he was in town for the game that night. Yeah, he was cool. He was awesome. No, it's just Instagram. His fits are crazy. Yeah, he was he was a hot old dude. He's slick. I really liked that guy. He was cool. Thur, what was his name? Thurl Bailey. Thurl Bailey. He was cool as hell. His name was Thurl. Yeah. And he was pulling it off. Oh, he was sick. Cause like Thurl could suck, I think. It's funny cause we walked up and we saw him sitting there and I think I said, it was like, I don't know. It's like Kareem. He's like, yeah, yeah. We were talking about Kareem and Veronica Marsh in the car. We were talking about that. Yeah. And then we pulled up and cause we pulled up and I was like, that's like Kareem vibe. It was like Kareem. Yeah. Yeah.���������������������� Do charming little things just happen to me or am I seeking out charming little things because I really think I am? I think everybody You think everyone's seeking charming little things not everyone, but I think the people who do what we do Yeah, we need to talk about we need experiences We're always looking for fun little anecdotes. I feel like you're finding them right yeah, sometimes happening to you I I Have had so much periods of chaos in my life. I'm pretty glad for it to be mad slow Yeah, I like to be in the house. Yeah, I mean yeah, I like to get I like to smoke one joint They asked a one pebble song in a riot and then I want to go To the girls yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah all my animals are women. That's really beautiful That's kind of how your life is set up. Yeah, I like it. I'm doing good. I think yeah I I do I do you saying something about when you were a kid that people would like to talk to you like strangers I'd like to yeah, I don't know if you still have this but strangers Will say anything to me. Yeah, like strangers come up to me. Yeah, I've seen it. It's crazy like any I'll be doing I'm not I won't even be particularly acting friendly in a moment Like I'm like a downbeat on tour like how lugging bags or something and someone out of nowhere I'll just be like nice weather. I'm like what like they like will come over brother. I'm in Century City Mall last night Me no longer just sitting there eating food and some old crazy looking man Like his his hair was like it was it was like it was when like when blown. Yeah, like it was like Yeah, like Doc Brown. Yeah, and also died very blonde. Yeah, and he was just like hey you got good vibes I'm 70 years old. You know what the key is to a great marriage just talking to me Yeah, and that's the kind of thing happens to me a lot But you do have great vibes, so I understand why he did that, but I wasn't doing anything You don't have to you have an emin you have an emanating good radiance about your soul I was drinking Chick-fil-A. I but it's there. I just the other night saw a woman fall down Strong open so when I was walking with my boyfriend I saw a woman fall down in New York City and I left him over there And I ran to help her and I said I said hey, how are you? I'm so sorry. I saw that are you okay? She felt she tumbled hard. Yeah, and immediately she looked at when I locked eyes with her I said this woman has an incredible soul. She's like a beautiful human being like I could feel it just immediately Just from looking in her eyes I love that and I'm stead serious and then we had a beautiful connection We talked for a minute and the rest of night I was being a little weird to my boyfriend because I couldn't stop talking about where I can bed and I'm like man I missed that woman. Okay, two things you have that similar when we were driving home from the mall I was like, I don't know how to explain it. I think that was divine. Yes. I'm telling you Cuz he was the guy was also like he was like, you know one rule I have don't be tight spend it and I've been like I've been like weirdly tight Just like I think the idea of getting married all of a sudden put money in perspective in a way where it was like Money was only a thing that I needed for next week or whatever Yeah, I have to build a life so I've been like nervous about it and then he said that and I was like, you know what? You're right, brother second of all boyfriend. How's that going? It's good. Yeah. Yeah, you want to show me a picture Maybe I'll react better than you did to my cat Well, you have to because he might watch this Yes, she might watch this your cats gonna tune in the biggest a lot of would never allow that I Gotta find a picture of do you want to see us together? You just want to see yeah I want to see I want to see together. I want to see the light This is us Well wait, I want to just show you this is gonna be cool. He's beautiful God damn Whoa, he could play he could play anything. He's beautiful, but he's really mean to me So I was looking for he treats me bad Yeah, he's not asked these two. He treats me bad. He's toxic. No, no, he's a total He's a total sweetheart. He's like the nicest guy I've ever dated. He's got like he's got like the type of tattoos that mean He's well traveled You know Yeah, like not in a asshole way though in a cool way. Oh my god, he's reading a book on the beach Yeah, brother. I'll tell you that book never gets read when I go to the beach Bring it every time though. Yeah, it's going good. We like that guy. Good. Good. Good. He looked you guys cohabitate or like No, no different cities. We know we he we live both in Brooklyn Okay, but I it's funny because I'm gone all the time and he travels quite a bit for work and like for friend stuff Like he's always at some birthday party in some other state country. I assume or country as the case may be He's traveling and it's yeah, it's funny trying to make it all work, you know, yeah, but that's great. Yes. Thanks for you It's nice. Thanks, dude. You seem like you seem like you would be I Would imagine if you're just fucking you could be a bit of a fuckboy, but I bet as a partner you're amazing Wow, you clocked my Chance and Virginia are shaking their heads violently Violently over that well cuz that's I mean, I think it's I have the same thing. Yeah, it's just like you got so much charm That like if it's not if it's just oozing out then you're not really paying attention to who's getting it and who's not Yeah, like like I'm yeah, sometimes it's hard to focus that I had a lot of fun fucking around that was an era for sure Yeah, but I'm yeah, I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying being in a relationship. It's nice. That's good. Good for you Yeah, I'll talk about it very much. I really do want to keep I Want to keep some things like private, you know, yeah, I feel like my life is so not private I share everything. Yeah, I've been really slow to talk about romance multiple times throughout my career same Yeah, same even I just talked about cuz we're engaged now. So it's like I feel like it comes up a lot more Yeah, but before that not too much because it's also like they want you everybody wants everything to be for sale now It's like I ain't going. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I don't want it to be like My thing is my thing. I don't want her to have to be in a group. You know what I mean, right? I don't want to have to her to have to feel like she's a character in this weird show that I'm building. Yeah Yeah, yeah, because we all think that way as entertainers Yeah, and it's like yeah, you gotta let her ship you her ship or his ship. I Distinctly to have not I've not talked about him on stage. I've not talked about him much on here and I well that's coming that I know It's unavoidable because it's your life. Yeah, I avoided it for a really long time. Yeah, and then but after a while You're just like it's too big of a part to not We know our kids, you know, so That's yeah, that's tough though because it's like Dating is weird anymore. Well, you lose this whole big chunk of when you're not dating I got really I had to really process that one of my big fears of being in a relationship I have many because I have commitment issues which is several people's fault my mom's dad and then mine But you're also so charming. I feel like are you're so I feel like when sometimes when people are so outgoing the idea of committing feels like I Feel like if you're very successful socially the idea of committing to one thing seems like what am I leaving on the tape? Yeah, what's scary? Yeah, I also liked I like dating. I think it's fun to like Yeah, I like the rush of like meeting someone new and having a good time and getting to know them and get you know But one of my big one of my big fears that is so Sun so irrational and crazy is about getting in a relationship It's like oh I'm gonna lose all my dating material All those like fun experiences. I was having that we're building, you know, dude man. That shit is so real I Like I tell him on all the time. I'm like man Just don't let me end up being a dad Like It's gonna happen at some point. I'm gonna have to talk about it But I don't want to I've seen that take out a lot of people. I thought were great. Yeah, and then all the kids say the Darnest things. Yeah, all of a sudden now you're just talking about that and then the whole brand is that and it's like you used to talk about Coke yeah, and that was cool. We're missing him. Yeah, I missed the coke talk a little bit. Yeah, you know Yeah, I think that'll be a really intentional like when you have kids or when I have kids like because we feel that way I think a really intentional thing will be like making sure I already feel right now just because I've been working so much and filming things that like I'm like trying am I going like go how please go have an experience Yeah, I want to be more intentional about like going and doing shit that's out of my comfort zone So that I'm living a fucking life for me But also for so I have something to talk about well and you know what I found is like I was like for a long time I was really committed to that in the way of doing crazy shit. Yeah, you know what I mean destructive stuff Yeah, yeah, or not even destructive just not wild You know what I mean? Yeah, like so I could get on stage because I wasn't living a real life My shit had to be hyped. Yeah, cuz I couldn't get on stage and be like oh depression is tough to battle with so I'd be like You ever do mushrooms under the Golden Gate Bridge? Like I had to really like go out there Yeah, and that was like the way I was living intentionally because I wasn't maybe doing the normal stuff But now it's like my tweeters are blown bro. Yeah, I've done too much exciting stuff. Let me keep me in the house You like I'm at home. Yeah, I'm like I'm having fun with you. I'm really excited cuz after this I'm gonna go watch Francis T. Afo play tennis with Jamel and that's like hell. Yeah my day We got to go to San Pedro and pick up some bar stools David what's so true to you? Oh man, I'm not ready If you don't spend the time getting to know yourself life is gonna prove it to you in a hard way oh I think that's really true. I think that I spent a lot of time Maybe putting qualities that I thought I wanted myself to have and things Like priorities that I thought I wanted to have on myself And then it I wasn't that guy and then you just keep bumping up to a difficult wall But then you know you just take the time to really sit and be like what do I want? What do I think it makes everything so much easier man? Yeah, that's really really good advice. Thank you really interesting David I well, you know, I think you're brilliant. Yeah, I love you I just love talking to you. This is so good and guess what you're not even done yet cuz I got a segment for you Oh, is this the money thing baby? Baby, let's go. I feel like I played along with some of these I feel if you're ready I feel okay cuz I what do I got to get 10 you had to get 10 out of 15 I'm gonna read you 15 statements You tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false you get 10 or more correct We're gonna give you 50 us dollars cash cash. Oh Wire oh Is that changing for you? I am not on money gram anymore for personal reasons. Okay, well, we'll find a way We'll get it. We'll get it to you. Okay chance cutter. You ready? You ready I'm ready. All right fortnight was fortnight was released in 2017 true true A b negative is the rarest blood type true true the Colorado Rockies have won two World Series championships false false They've won non zero women first competed in the Olympics in 1964 True false 1900 William Henry Harrison was only president for 31 days true true radio heads from Australia false false England pikes peak had a ski resort up until 1984 False true it takes sunlight eight minutes and 20 seconds to travel from the Sun to the earth false true Wesley Snipes has played blade in three movies True full false for or fuck We only got one more. We have never found dinosaur fossils in Antarctica False false we have Nintendo was founded in 1889 true true Lady Gaga owns a fifty thousand dollar ghost radar Use go straighter radar incentives. I need to see a ghost. Does anyone have my ghost radar? True true caramel never expires true false Stone Cold Steve Austin was born in California true false Texas Al's alzermammals true false birds you blew it at the end dude You know what you crumbled you know what happened is I lost the pikes peak the Colorado thing and then I just I just I just fell apart man. I didn't keep my eye on the ball You know what I mean we train for these type of situations These are the moments where we have to be great. Mm-hmm, and you have to love it. Yeah, and it's on me Yeah, I'm gonna go home I'm not gonna blame the coaching staff. I think they did a great job getting me prepared and You know at the end of the day. I just love this team man Yeah, yeah, and it's a pleasure to play on the big stage. Yeah any regrets anything you do different or probably those last four questions That shit probably would have gone a little differently David we love you dude. Thanks for coming on. This is so fun Thanks for doing it. You're welcome here anytime. Thank you. Yeah back on mine. I'm dying to you know what one not the black one Sean and I yeah, but come on man brother. We just can't we Don't you guys have will Farrell on he's like the whitest guy there is yeah, he owns the network. Well come on man What I'm pissed now White guys will Farrell gets to come on will Farrell He's fucking L Caleb. You're amazing. It's will Farrell. He's elf you gotta bend the knee to will Farrell Why do you think you can be his elf? And I don't get to come on that's true. I think that is You said it and I wanted to push back, but no I think that is why you see you can be his elf is Yeah, that movie. It was funny. Yeah, I think that black people probably fuck with Elf tough I would I don't know, but I just think I should get to come on the show I want you to at least talk to I'll talk to Langston talk to Langston I'm a big Langston fan as well. Are you gonna do a show trade? Is that what this is you are Langston to come on here? Yeah, I think you come on here. I Like Langston. He's more than welcome on the show Langston come on the show You heard it. Oh, no. Yeah cool guy jokes. It is seven on Instagram. Yes, sir Oh, I have a special that I self-produced but then 800 pound gorilla licensed it So September 29th, it's going to be on YouTube. It's called birth of a nation with a G. It's very funny I didn't get any press because I released it privately didn't know about that. Yeah, but now go watch it run it up I'd really like you and my mama told me podcast all fantasy everything. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Really really really go watch David special. Please do that fucking rocks. You're one of the funniest stand-ups. I know Oh, thank you. So I can't wait to you kill man. Thanks, dude. I love you. Thanks for doing it That was a hit gun podcast