S2 EP 5 - ADHD Goes Back to School: Take on Me

Well, happy back to school everybody and it's a beautiful day to break some cognitive distortions. How's it going y'all? My name is Suzanne M. Swain, EDS, LMSW and I am a kid therapist and former middle school teacher and I'm here to talk to you guys today about back to school and my most requested topic which is ADHD. So we're going to talk about that today and I'm really excited to tell you how recently I got to not only meet Tupac Shakur but I also got definitive evidence that I may in fact be an alien. We'll get to that. So I'm hanging out here today with my buddy Steve. Hey Steve, what's going on bud? Steve recently got a haircut and looks a bit more like a schnauzer but I forgot to shave his feet so he has little puffball feet at the moment and I think he's secretly mad at me and he may in fact do something to my shoes. We'll see. But anyway y'all, it's back to school and last night I had the absolute privilege of being able to go to my schools that I'm working at right now and do our back to school nights and I got to see a lot of my kiddos and check in and they all got taller and they were doing stuff over the summer, new haircuts, new clothes. It's so fun to see the back to school nights and the kids were doing a scavenger hunt and things like that and I really like to see how the community came out and the public health department, Way2go y'all donated one of the schools toothbrushes and toothpaste and all kinds of great stuff. So keep on keeping on communities for your back to school nights and teachers. I see you, I hear you and I got a chance to talk to many educators last night, even one that is on her 42nd year of teaching. Check that. Go girl. And so I was really really proud to see that everybody's just working so hard to help provide an exciting, really really interesting ways to go back to school and doing it in creative ways like bubbles and snow cones and all kinds of stuff. They made it a real party so Way2go, Way2go my little town. Proud of y'all. So ADHD, yeah, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Also ADD which does not have the hyperactivity. So since I'm talking to kiddos and adults, I want to talk about some things that I've noticed about ADHD that I think maybe y'all don't get a chance to hear very often and that is the fact that I think ADHD is a secret sign of ultimate bravery. Hear me out. Okay. So I like to keep things to the positive and a lot of times I hear about the negatives of kiddos with ADHD and adults with ADHD as well. And you know, I don't think that's fair. You know, I like to say, well, yes, we all have challenges and struggles, but how can we utilize what we have to the benefit? And there's a thing called ACT. Okay. It's called acceptance and compassion therapy. And I do this with my kiddos a lot. And this is probably my core belief when it comes to therapy is that, you know, much like a superhero, things happen when you are young that cause a challenge or right now something is causing you a challenge, but it's how you look at the challenge and what you do about it that makes all the difference and whether it becomes a teachable moment, right? So kiddos with ADHD face struggles all the time. Like, you know, they get in trouble for being bouncy, they play with stuff, they fidget, you know, things that we all understand. And if you're an adult with ADHD, I, you know, I feel you because I understand that as an adult, that is a really difficult thing. I had a coworker and he, you know, struggles with ADHD and, you know, he forgets things and, you know, needs to write stuff down, but may forget to do that. And, you know, the poor guy, you know, it's like, come on. And people are like, why can't you do this? And it's like, we're all different. We all can handle things in different levels, but he found a way to make it work for him. So let's talk about ADHD to the positive. So let's try something totally different. ADHD is brave. ADHD is smart. ADHD is clever, clever little fox. Absolutely. Right, Steve? Yeah. People with ADHD are people who have innate brilliance to them because these are quick on their feet. Think about comedians. Think about the rates of ADHD in a comedian world. Yeah, probably pretty high. These are people that are on their toes. So, you know, career wise, the bravery here, these are your small business owners. When I see a kid with ADHD, I think, wow, you could probably own a small business someday. You know, all you got to do is get an accountant just to make sure the IRS doesn't get all over you. Those are the tax people, by the way. Good people, but yikes. So anyway, but these are kiddos and folks that have the gumption to be able to get up and be like, wait a minute, I'm going to do this because I feel I need to do it. They thrive on passionate ability. You know, when they believe something, they believe something wholeheartedly. And I love that. It's like an all in. So people with ADHD tend to be really awesome friends because they're fun, first of all, and clever. And can be very, very creative. So as a neurodivergent, you know, people with neurodivergence are creative folks. It's just that we have to keep our, our anxiety to a level of creativity and not going into that world of that anxiety spiral from inside out too. Right. So when you're starting a new school year and maybe you have ADHD and, you know, maybe you're medicated, maybe you're not, maybe you just suspect you might have ADHD. And, you know, you can always go in and there are very good places on the internet where you can look for like through psychology today and get more information about ADHD and things like that. But I can tell you that I've seen three different types of ADHD, just in my own practice of teaching, as well as being a therapist. So there's the traditional ADHD, which is, you know, people tend to, you know, forget things like they lose their keys, they tend to lose things, they get distracted easily, tend to fidget with something, they tend to be like gum chewers, they tend to be very active. I've been told that they feel like they have like a buzzing underneath their skin, which I have felt in my life and it's awful. So also that they tend to have disciplinary problems, like they get in trouble, they get yelled at a lot by, you know, an authority figure because they can't sit still and, you know, do things that some other kids can do very, very easily. So I'm a neurodivergent who can sit still for hours on end and that's no problem. Like I love sitting to watch a movie. So to me, that that seems really awful and hard. So but that's OK. So, you know, I understand that and that's the true ADHD. So then there's ADHD with anxiety and that is my biggest population of folks because we have ADHD, but we also have a lot of anxiety. So then we react with ADHD characteristics when we are trying to cope. Ah, is that you maybe? Because I see this probably half the time. Is that they work in tandem. So think about your anxiety and think about maybe if you have been diagnosed with ADHD or suspect that you might have that or your child might have that. Think about your anxiety and what you do when you get stressed out. Do you behave more like that? Get more scatterbrained, kind of like, you know, maybe messy, maybe the room's really messy, but you know where everything is, that type of stuff. So it could be that anxiety plays a role. So we'll go back to that in a second. And then there's just purity anxiety with ADHD characteristics. And it's kind of like the other one. But this one is more of an anxiety disorder. So sometimes anxiety disorders mimic ADHD. So this is so I'm going to propose something. And I've mentioned it briefly in other podcasts. But OK, so. Anxiety reactions, OK, fight, flight, fawn, freeze, right? And those mean so like if you feel threatened, you could fight, which a lot of kids with ADHD would easily do. These are my warrior kiddos. These are the paladin types. OK, so fight, flight means you take off and just run away. OK, fair. Good idea if you're, you know, something's attacking you. OK, fawn means that you you learn to kind of placate, which means like to kind of kiss up to whatever scares you. So maybe you act super, super nice just to make sure that you don't get scared by this person. So that could be like that. So fawn, not like the deer, but in this case, it's fawn like a kiss up to kind of and freeze where you just absolutely paralyzed and you can't move. I've been there a couple of times in my life and it is real. The feelings are real. You feel like you're made of stone. It's crazy. But I want to propose a new one. And this one, I'd like it to apply specifically to kids, but I think it applies to adults. So hear me out and see what you think. OK. Flitter, another, you know, F to add to it. Flitter, Flitter is something that I think kids, especially with ADHD, tend to do. And I do it as well as neurodivergent because it's anxiety talking. And what that is, is that you feel threatened. And then what you do is you become the person that starts to kind of fawn all over everybody. It's a mixture of different things. Like you fawn all over everybody like, hey, what's going on? Are you OK? Oh, you're OK. Oh, my gosh. And you kind of just like go everywhere. See how ADHD might kind of look like that too. So anyway, you just kind of go all over the place and are like, are you OK? Are you and you try to do everything? It also sometimes in women, I've noticed that they try to take control of a situation and be like, I'm going to do everything. And it's like, you can't, but you think you can. And so you have that bit of flittering where you're just like you're floating. I think of it like kind of like a little hummingbird and just flittering all over the place. Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Also, it's sort of like ping pong. So flitter, I think is a real thing. And that's something I see with folks with ADHD a lot. And the flittering is anxiety, but also maybe reactionary to the ADHD. But the two play in tandem. So but the good parts. Brave, you know, people with ADHD, super, super, super brave. These are folks that take initiative. These are people that are go getters. These are people that will change the world. OK, because in neurodivergent and divergent land, these are my folks that change things. These are people that are in politics. These are people that are lawyers. You know, I've seen so many kiddos with ADHD become really successful lawyers and small business owners because they can take control of themselves and have to sometimes work more independently, which is OK. You know, I'm a bit of a lone wolf. I work better on my own sometimes. So I get it, you know, but that's all in self-awareness. So these are folks also with immense creativity and cleverness. So really sharp wit. OK, nice thing about being neurodivergent is you are super smart. You just got to believe in yourself. So sometimes believing in yourself is the hardest part of it all really, isn't it? So when you go back to school, you know, there are some things you can do to help yourself to cope with having ADHD and being cool with it. Because come on, you're brave. You're the one training dragons. You know, that's you. You're the brave one. So here's what you can do. Organizations sometimes can be a problem, right? So let's set yourself up for success. Get yourself one of those plastic, accordion kind of folders with little tabs. And on the first day of school or as soon as you can label each one with the subjects that you have, like math, science, English, you know, foreign language, whatever it is that you do, STEM or RTI. But get an accordion, like a plastic one with a little kind of like a hair tie elastic that can close the accordion notebook. So those where if you get work back or need to take stuff to school, you can put it in there. And I always recommend the first tab be homework. So that sits right in the front. OK, there's that. The other thing that I like to do is with composition books, those black and white ones where you, you know, color with markers and then wipe it off. Yeah, by the way, do that. It's awesome. Just have plenty of paper towels. But in my composition books or spirals for my kiddos, I always have them take the first page and make a table of contents. And so on the first day, we write like number one. And then I put the date and they learn to write the date. And then they write what we were learning about. So maybe it'd been like nouns and then I'll have them put a dash and then something specific about it, like nouns in the city, things like that. And then they get to put page numbers on all of the pages in their spiral or their composition books. So at the bottom right hand corner, you have them start numbering, so they do page one, page two, page, so on and so forth. And you can do just front, you can do front and back, whatever you want to do. But that helps to keep people organized. Also have a dedicated lunch box. Very important adults to, you know, have like your one go to. I also bento boxes sometimes work really well for kiddos with ADHD because it separates their food out. And sometimes some kids said it like slows them down when they eat. And at lunchtime, I mean, you deserve to be able to downshift. So also sometimes sleep can be affected. So I think it's important to keep screens away from, well, anyone for about an hour before you go to bed. So there's that. Now, the other things, highlighters. So color coding stuff, you know, make English be one color like red and math be blue. OK, you can also change the name of your classes. So instead of math, call it puzzling. Instead of reading, you could call it adventure time, so on and so forth. So think of some creative names to call their subjects in school, which makes it sound more fun. So try to think an element of fun. Everything must have an element of fun, right? Mary Poppins, absolutely. Last thing I want to mention real quick is about women with ADHD. So my ladies, ladies. All right, y'all. So to my ladies, folks, we are the most underrepresented neurodivergent group. And we, you know, it's always been to where men get studied more than women. We all know we notice we notice. So I just want to mention to you a few things about women who have ADHD or sometimes you might say neurodivergence in ADHD, but also with anxiety. So anyway, ladies. I understand the house may be messy. I understand that you're holding on by a thread sometimes and you're just trying to fake it till you make it. One of the biggest things about ADHD in women is that they do masking, which is something that folks with autism also do quite a bit, especially women, where we're brought up to be communicators and to be able to handle ourselves in a social situation. Well, a lot of times we learn to fake it and we watch other people's mannerisms. We listen to the way they talk. We, you know, kind of see their body language and we mimic it. OK, it's like being a mirror. And so you learn to kind of react the way they're reacting. I am really, really hyper aware, hypercognizant, as they call it, of people's nonverbal cues like body language and tone of voice and all kinds of interesting things, facial expression. I can tell if someone's lying kind of by their body language because 80 percent of communication is nonverbal. So women with ADHD usually become very good at this. Also, comedians are like ADHD all the way, but we love them. Think about Robin Williams. He would be labeled as ADHD, but we do throw around that diagnosis a bit like candy. So we just want to be sure. And that's where you talk to your primary care physician and your medical personnel and go get evaluated. You know, if you think that that may be you, you know, go get seen, go get a checked out and see what you can do to help. A lot of people love green tea, by the way. I have really enjoyed the benefits of green tea lately. I've been working on that, especially with my alien encounter, which I'll get to in a second. And yeah, it has LC-inning in it, which can be a calming agent. It helps you sleep. It makes you feel more, you know, just kind of balanced. And green tea is great antioxidants and things like that. But, you know, women who suffer with ADHD tend to have to deal with disorganization and sort of hide it. They tend to overcompensate in a lot of ways where they like over volunteer themselves into things that maybe they don't really have time for because they're being nice and so, you know, it's a thing. It's OK, you know, but now to say, what are my strengths? Well, the strength is, is that you're creative, you're smart. You can do a lot of things at once. You're an awesome multitasker, but you just need less tasks to do. Right? So, you know, give yourself a break. You know, y'all are pretty hard on yourselves. So kiddos, if you have ADHD and you're getting ready to go back to school, well, set yourself up for success, right? You know, use it to your advantage. Be the superhero. And a lot of times childhood things that happen that maybe aren't so good. Well, that's like a superhero. Superheroes start off with a little bit of childhood trauma. It's what we do with it. So we do this ACT therapy, right? Where it's acceptance, compassion therapy, where we accept the things that happen and understand that through bad stuff, we can learn. It's only through the bad stuff that we learn anything. Like if you skin your knee, you learn, well, I probably need to ride my bike a little bit better and not hit that rock or whatever. You know, the kid touching the stove, don't do that thing. You know, you learn really quickly what to do and what not to do. Sometimes way faster than if you win the championship. If you lose, you sometimes learn more. So acceptance is saying something really bad happened. You know, it could be anything. It could be loss of a pet or parent. It could be anxiety. It could be, you know, all kinds of reasons. But we accept the fact that it is something and it's something real and valid. And what can we possibly learn from it? So compassion is saying, hey, it's cool. Like I get you. You've been through a lot. You're a warrior. I understand. And let's talk about it. And but understand there's a positive that you get to learn a lesson that other people don't learn. And that's what makes you unique. And that's going to give you the cutting edge above somebody else when it comes to jobs some day is that you're a survivor. You've been through a lot. And chances are if you had ADHD, getting in trouble in school may have been a thing. I'm sorry for that. Sometimes it's just hard to keep a classroom together. And when you got to I had a kid once, I kid you not. This child blesses heart. He was sitting in his desk and it's like a desk that's all one piece. And he literally just like jumped in his desk like bang, bang, bang, bang. And I'm like, whoa, I just let him do it. I was like, wow, dude, you must be strong. And the kids were like, I was like, no, that's that's a talent. Maybe not appropriate for the middle of our test. But, you know, but giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to switch it to the positive and make it funny, you know, and not picking on people funny, but just be like, whoa, you know, and just try to see things from a different perspective, what's the positive of ADHD? That's one meeting I love to go to. So compassion is just having empathy, you know, sadness from inside out, having that empathy to understand that sometimes we get really overwhelmed. And then we react with some of this fluttering, you know, jumping around, you know, bouncing, playing with stuff. You know, gum can be very helpful for folks with ADHD. But as, you know, someone who has picked gum off the bottom of desks, you know, in school, you just have to learn to use a trash can. Like it's a thing. OK. So and then acceptance, compassion, therapy is that you work through that and understand that, you know, these things aren't your fault. It's just something that you deal with. But think of the positive aspects of what you get out of it. Right. And ladies, you know, you don't always have to use your words. And you can take time to just regulate and calm down and just say, OK, I need a minute. It's too much peopling. Hang on a minute. And I go sit in my car sometimes. Like I get over peopled last night. I was peopled like crazy. And and instantly I was going to tell you about the little alien thing. Recently, I got a chance to go to my 30th high school reunion at a school for the arts. It was a magnet school from middle school through high school. I've talked about it quite a bit. Wow. Imagine like 500 people who probably were called ADHD their whole lives. But yet they are some of the most creative, brilliant people and teachers, too. Way to go to that certain science teacher. Nice job singing, ma'am. Wow. Awesome. And but this reunion was filled with people who 30 years later are now adults who probably were labeled as all kinds of stuff. But now think of the cool things they're doing. Like one of them is like this international lawyer and one is, you know, one of the heads of a major university and one of them has been on Broadway and one. I got to meet to Poc Chacour, y'all. California love, right? It turns out one of my buddies from school in my English class, what's up, Josh? Is a to Poc Chacour impersonator and has been all over the world doing all kinds of neat videos and things, and he is like the premier to Poc impersonators. So he performed in full costume and everything like that at the reunion. He did a great job. But he was one of those that, you know, I think a lot of people would agree that he may have been labeled as such. And I think he may agree as well. But as it turns out, it's just brilliance. It's just giftedness. It's being gifted. And that's just the brain working a little bit faster than some. So people that don't understand that may misrepresent that. So, you know, maybe it's just genius. Like Walt Disney type of thing. So yeah, I got to meet to Poc, so to speak, which is neat, because he passed away many years ago. And, you know, keep on keeping on, Josh, you know, you found your niche in the world and are doing really well with it. So all you art school folks, you know, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. But all I can say is that I was very blessed to have the experience of going to a place like that. And kiddos, I would love some day to have middle schools for the arts where you can explore all these types of things and where being a little bit of a genius can be just truly appreciated. So anyway, y'all, I'm sorry that I haven't been around a little bit. I recently had some knee surgery. Turns out that I have a little part of my knee called the meniscus. We all do. But apparently I'm an alien because I have what's called a saucer-fied meniscus, which looks like a flying saucer, apparently. And I guess it's something like one to two percent of the whole population. It's like that. So I really must be an alien because I have a flying or I had a flying saucer in my knee. So now I am a cyborg with super awesome knee that is way better than it used to be and fixed up like that. So I may now be part robot. Awesome. Anyway, y'all, keep on keeping on. And I hope that this helped to shed a little light on the idea that ADHD is actually a superpower. It truly is. So go out there, do something interesting, change the world and enjoy back to school week, get back to school, get excited, but get that routine. Maybe on the bulletin board at the house, get some chores together. Sorry, y'all, and get all your homework together, things like that. But start up for success. Start up with some organization and go get some new office supplies, if that's what something you can do. And if you can't afford them, contact your local school or organization, like a church or something of that nature or synagogue, what have you, and see if they can help you out. There are many local resources to help you with school supplies. So families, you don't have to stress. We'll try to help you in any way possible. We always do. We're teachers. That's what we do. Forget about it. All right, y'all, stay clever little foxes and good luck. Welcome back to school and I will see you very soon. Take it easy.